Humanoids from Atlantis (1992) - full transcript

[pages flipping]

[Desert wind blows]

[Music stinger]

[Honks horn]

Come on, Julie!

It's party time!

Ken Adams,
I can't believe you!

How many times have
I told you: not here!

C'mon, Julie...
I wasn't gonna do anything!

I just wanted to--
you know, cop a feel?

That's so like you, Ken.



Typical man!

Come on, Julie.

You're such a child sometimes.

I'm a child?

Listen to you...
Mister "I Can't Get A Real Job

'Cause I'm Waiting To Be
A Big-Time Filmmaker..."

Low blow, Jules.

What's wrong with wanting to
create the ultimate in today's
entertainment?

Nothing's wrong with it...

but why are you wasting your
time trying to find work here

when you can be on the
next bus to Los Angeles?

Jules, we've been
through this before.

If I leave now instead of
waiting until we graduate,

my mom's gonna disown me!



I just gotta make it a few
more weeks, that's all...

and then you and I can get
married and get on with the
hanky-panky, eh?

Is that all you ever
think about?

No, I think about movies too.

Like the one I'm trying
to get off the city?

Now that one could put
me on the map!

Huh?

I thought it was just a
stupid video documentary

on the history of Lake Tempe?!

This could be my big
opportunity, Julie!

Besides, lots of filmmakers
started out this way!

Name one!

Fine...George Romero
started this way,

by doing commercials and
junk in Pittsburgh!

George Romero?

The guy that did the
"Night of the Living Dead"
garbage?

Yeah, now there's a
real art form...

having dead people eat the
flesh of the living and filming
it!

Julie, Romero is a
filmmaking genius!

He's my idea of a guy that's
definately "made it"!

Besides, he just doesn't
do horror films...

didn't you see the movie
"Knightriders"?

Is that that stupid thing about
the guys on motorcycles...

the one that's like

two hours long?

That is a great piece of cinema!

Why, what would you
like to see me do?

Well, how about a movie
like that one

where the parents
forget the kid at home

and don't realize it until
they've left for their vacation?

That kid was so cute!!

[Gags]

You think my movies aren't
lodged in reality?

That movie sucked sheep-shit
through a Crazy Straw!

You didn't see it, remember?

You insisted we go
see that lame movie

about the burned scientist
in the bandages!

Okay, okay, so that wasn't the
greatest, but at least it was
entertaining!

Snap into reality, Jules!

Me?

Look at you: the hot-shot
wanna-be filmmaker with your
beater car

that cost less than that car
phone you just had to buy?!

Hey, this thing puts me
in touch with the world!

[Phone rings]

See?

Good evening, Adams Productions!

Hi ma.

It's my mother again!

What's that, ma?

No shit?

I know, I know...

"There's no place for that
language in this family."

Mom...tell me
what the guy said.

They want me to
shoot the documentary?

That's awesome!

Yeah, okay.

[Laughs]

Okay...um,
I'll stop by a little later

and pick up all
the information, then.

Okay, you take care.

Bye-bye.

I'm hired!

I have a meeting down by
the lake tomorrow morning!

Congratulations,
Cecil B. DeMille.

Now where were we, baby?

[Laughing]

This is the journal of
Doctor Fredericka O. Ray

for Friday, March 13th.

Today I made
an amazing discovery.

It appears that I have found the
body of a humanoid creature

that has washed ashore
on Lake Erie.

Apparently the creature -- which
closely resembles a human --

made its way from the ocean
to the Great Lakes.

I believe that the creature may
have originated from the city of
Atlantis,

although this could be seen as
an early and unproven hunch.

The creature doesn't
appear to be alive,

so this evening I shall
attempt an autopsy.

I believe that if I can retrieve
some samples from the creature's
innards,

I can track the
samples backwards

and discover where the
great city of Atlantis

might once have existed.

I had a great time tonight,
Ken...

even despite our argument.

Hey...all good couples
I know have arguments...

that's what makes
making up half the fun!

Well, I better get inside.

My dad's gonna give me the whole
drill sergeant routine anyway...

might as well face it
now than later!

Hey, why don't you come
with me tomorrow morning?

You'll get to meet the Mayor and
see what this whole deal is
about!

Okay, I think I'd like that.

Pick me up on your way
there...I'll be ready!

See you tomorrow morning!

Bye, Julie...
I love you!

I love you too,
Ken Adams!

The creature...
it's gone!

It's gone..the find of the
century and it's escaped!

God help us if
it gets hungry!

[Zombie movie plays on TV]

Hello?

Uh, yeah,
this is Ken Adams.

Oh, hi...
how you doin'?

We still on for
tomorrow then?

Oh, the Mayor
can't make it?

I see...um...

Oh, okay, he'll...

He's gonna have somebody
bring it over tomorrow then.

Um...how about
ten o'clock?

Ten o'clock tomorrow
morning, my place?

Okay, okay...um...

Oh, and make sure he brings
the deposit check, too!

Okay, yeah.

Okay, um...I'll see
you at ten, then!

Okay, you take care.

Bye-bye.

This is impossible!

I'll never get
the humanoid back!

I've worked so hard and had
success on the tip of my fingers

only to escape.

Hmm...it's an
aquatic creature.

Although I didn't have
much time to study it,

I can only imagine it can
have a limited existence
out of the water.

It's going to head for
water, I do suspect.

It's too far back
to Lake Erie,

so that only leaves
two possibilities:

the city reservoir
or Lake Tempe.

I'll go to the reservoir first.

It's closer.

God help me if that
thing kills anyone!

[Coughing]

Man, this is
some good shit!

Be careful how much of that
stuff you take in, dude.

Once I sparked up this
big cocksuckin' joint...

and man, I saw Elvis!

No shit man?

Hey, would I
shit you, dude?

No way, man!

Hey man...put
that shit away, man!

I just saw the Creature
from the Blue Lagoon, man!

I ain't never seen no
shit like that before, man!

Yeah, right.

First you saw Elvis

and now you're seein' the
asanine Gill Man, bud!

I'll tell you what your
problem is, man...

you been droppin'
too much acid!

Shit, man...
it's back!

[Monster growls]

[Screaming in unison]

Man, I'm layin' off
this monster weed, man!

Well, the reservoir was a
nice waste of my time.

That thing must be in the lake!

No, not necessarily.

Just because my depthometer
didn't show any movement

in the reservoir doesn't
mean it's not there.

This humanoid is
the ultimate fish.

It's lean,
mean and fast.

Probably too fast for my
equipment to gauge accurately.

I know...I'll go
back to the lab.

I think I may have an idea
as to how I can lure the
humanoid back to me.

What's wrong, Ken?

Oh, nothing.

I just had the weirdest
dream again last night.

You wanna tell me about it?

No, you'll think it's silly.

Try me!

Let's just say it's a "dog
eat Ken" world out there

and leave it at that.

[Knock on door]

There's the check!

Money, money, money!

Hey, how ya doin'?

Ken Adams I presume?

Yeah, that's me.

Yeah, I'm with the
Mayor's department...

I'm here to drop
off your check.

Thank you...

Well, you take care!

I'll give you something that

even Ellen Cabot
couldn't give you!

You take care, buddy!

Be careful!

Oh, check this out, baby!

Now I'll be able to take you to
all those nice places...oh, man.

Oh...I can even get that copy of
"Ghoul School" that I wanted!

C'mon, let's go make our
fellow Tempe-ans proud!

Well, wait a minute...

What, what?

Let's record a moment of our
own for the history books!

Julie, it's just a check!

I know, but it's your
first check for one of
your own productions!

That makes you a real
professional now!

So, I see...

so all those freebie
weddings that I did

were just for
practice, right?

Oh, c'mon,
say "Cheese"!

How about I say
"Money" instead?

C'mon...

Cheese!

[Cheesy music montage]

Action!

Oh, man...what a day!

Yeah, I didn't know there
was so much work involved
in just filming a lake!

Well, most people probably
wouldn't have done so much
coverage.

I just wanted to make
sure I had enough.

Besides, they're payin' me
some great cash for this, eh?!

Oh, you're a hell of
a guy, Ken Adams.

Hey...

that's Mister Adams to you!

[Laughs]

What's that?

What's what?

That!!

Damn, that thing looks like
something out of a bad B-movie!

What's it doing?

I dunno, but I've
gotta get it on tape!

Get your camera...
take a picture of it!

I can't...
I'm out of film!

You mean to tell me you
shot all those stupid
pictures of me working

but you don't have any left over
to shoot some sea creature?

Um...sorry.

Good thing I
have this, then.

What's wrong?

The damn thing
just disappeared!

Figures!

Dammit!

Just wait...maybe
it will come back!

Yeah, in what lifetime?

There!

What the hell?

It's like the damn thing
knows what I'm doing!

Just keep rolling...

maybe it will show up again!

Man, this sucks rocks!

Just keep rolling,
it'll come back!

Yeah, on a cold day
in Tempeville!

It is kinda chilly today...

Shaddap...

It's back!

Keep rolling!

Why is it just sitting there?

What would you prefer...
it come after us?

Ha-ha.

Oh shit...I think you
just pissed it off!

Oh shit...let's get

the hell outta here!

Shit!

Here, take it!

What am I gonna
do with this!

Videotape that thing!

Jesus!

I don't want to videotape it!

Shit!!

Shit!

Fucking keys...

[Monster growls]

[Car engine starts]

No, Chester, no.

Not much going
on in town.

Naw, not since we killed all the
vampires and renamed the town.

No, I don't suspect I'll see
anything like that again.

Yep...that was a once-in-
a-lifetime experience.

Sheriff!

What in blazes has
gotten into you kids?

There's some creature
down by the lake...

...and we've got it on tape!

Yeah, Chester...

I'm gonna have
to let you go.

Uh-huh.

But sit tight...

I may have some kinda nonsense
headed in your direction.

Bye-bye.

Well, kids...
what's the story?

My name's Ken
Adams, sir...

I'm the filmmaker
the city hired

to shoot the documentary
on the lake...

Oh yeah...little Kenny Adams
from Martin Street.

How's your mom?

Fine, sir...but listen.

This thing came out of the
lake and attacked us!

What kinda creature
we talkin' about, son?

A big ugly son-of-a-bitch with a
big scaly head and claws and...

Woah, woah...that's
not much to go on.

Look, I've got it
here, all on tape.

Where's your VCR?

Looks like one of them Betas.

I've got VHS.

Say, what happened to
your camera?

I knocked the monster
out with it.

Oh.

Look...if you just
come with me,

I can show you what
this is all about...

Look...I don't have
time to go around

chasin' a monster I can't see.

No...we knocked it out,
it's still down on the beach!

I'll have one of my
men check it out.

We'll get back to you if
we have any questions.

Don't worry Ken,
I'll remember you.

Fine!

He's under a lot of
stress right now.

I understand.

You kids have a good day.

Here...

No, you keep it.

You broke the damn
thing to begin with!

I didn't mean to...

that thing was going to kill
you, I had to do something!

Y'know, that's a really
lame excuse, okay?

Now I gotta go shoot all
that crap over again...

not to mention looking
like a jerk in front
of Sheriff Blake!

Fine...act like a child!

You're such a jerk!

Julie...Julie,
come back!

Dammit!!

"I'm sorry mom, I'm sorry!"

"You better be sorry..."

"Tomorrow night is
Halloween, Jeffrey."

"What our kind once celebrated
with great ritual..."

"...praising the dark god
who blew the breath of life into
our dead bodies."

[Movie plays in background]

"...not suspecting a kindly lady
and her son, with their smiles
and their decorations..."

[Phone rings]

Hello.

Hi, Julie.

Eh...I'm sorry, too.

I mean, this whole
thing's just stupid.

Yeah, I love you, too.

Listen, um...what?

There is a good
part on it?

You fixed it?

That's awesome!

Listen, um...what was that guy
Blake was talking about.

Ray?

Doctor Ray?

OK, listen...um...

Grab the tape,
come on over.

We'll check this out.

Okay.

Yeah, I love you too.

Bye.

[Knocks on door]

Hi...Doctor Ray?

Oh, you must be Ken Adams.

Uh...this is my
girlfriend Julie...

I called you earlier?

Oh, hi Julie.

Why don't you
guys come on in.

Okay, thanks.

Here, let's go
into the kitchen.

I really appreciate
you seeing us like this.

What seems to
be the problem?

Well, Julie and I are
filming the documentary
on the city's lake...

and while we were down there,
we ran into this creature
of some sort.

Creature?

Yeah, it nearly killed us!

That "creature" as you call it
is the find of the century

and if we don't find it
within twenty-four hours
it's going to die!

How do you figure?

The humanoid is the last
survivor of the great
city of Atlantis.

and it can't survive
without salt water.

It's already been loose for
at least twenty-four hours!

What do I care?

That thing almost killed
Julie and I today!

No, I doubt that it
would have killed you...

You see, that's what
I thought at first.

But then I received some test
results this morning and it
disproves that theory.

Come again?

The creature is not
a meat-eater.

It won't attack a human
unless it's attacked first.

See, it's very defensive
of its own turf,

much like other animals,
but, you see...

it's highly intelligent.

The humanoid needs to take in a
certain amount of salt water

but it can only survive on
one rare chemical.

How rare?

This chemical can only be found
in one product known to man:

toxic waste!

Get outta here,
you're puttin' me on!

No I'm not.

I thought the humanoid may
have gone to the reservoir
first,

so I did check there.

I did find traces of
footprints, but you see,

the water was
just too clean...

it couldn't find
anything to eat,

so I believe it may have
gone to Lake Tempe.

Well it attacked us today!

How do you explain
that one, doc?

Yeah, what were you doing
while you were attacked?

You had mentioned
something about a video?

Yeah, we were trying
to videotape it,

but the damn thing
kept screwing with us.

Finally it just attacked!

It's just as I thought.

You see, Ken, this
humanoid is very intelligent.

I believe it was just
playing a game with you.

And it just wanted to see
how far it could take you.

I gotta tell you, doc...

this sounds like a bad
B-movie to me!

Well like it or not,
that creature is fairly
harmless

and we have to capture
it again before it dies.

It's the find of the century!

Okay.

What can we do to help?

Well, follow me.

I want to show you
something in my lab.

Okay.

Okay, this is where the humanoid
was, but it has escaped

and we have to get it as soon
as possible before it dies.

Okay, um...

I think the best idea is to go
back to the lake, though.

That's where
we saw it last.

Okay, that's fine but I'm
going to need the video.

The video?

The video of the creature.
I'm going to need it.

For what?
What do you need it for?

Well, you see, I'm up for the
Nobel Peace Prize this year.

Why is it that we don't
get a part of this?

Well see, it's my discovery
because I did see the creature
first,

so if anyone sees
that you filmed it

and give you the credit that
means I'm out for the prize!

I think we should
give her the tape.

She does deserve
a Nobel Prize.

Um...can we please excuse
ourselves for just a minute?

Okay, please, please...

we don't have much time.

No problem, no problem.

C'mere, dummy.

C'mere...dummy.

Listen...do you have any idea

how much money we
are talking about here?

Why?

She deserves it,

we don't.

Did we not film it?

Yes we filmed it, but...

she discovered
it...she...

Did you see it by the lake?

Yes I saw it by the lake,

that's not going
to help us.

Then why...
what?

What is your
problem now?

I am telling you that--

It's back!

[Grunting]

[Fighting]

Don't hurt it!

Don't bruise the monster!

My Nobel Prize is shot!

Bitch!

You're a bad,
bad monster!

Ken, let's just leave!

Hit it!

Don't hit it!

Hit the fucker!

Don't!

It's the last survivor!

Son of a bitch...

Don't hurt him!

Oh no!

Come on, Ken!

My Nobel Peace
Prize shot...again!

Oh...are you
all right?

I hope you're okay...
I wish you could talk!

You've gotta get them...get
them, look what they did to you!

Get them!

[Monster growls]

Go!

C'mon, c'mon!

This way!

Just run!

Woah, woah!

Shit!

Now what?

I don't know...

Run!!

Go!

Let's go in
the house!

The house?!

Yes the house!!

Come on, come
on...up here!

[Monster growls]

Let's get them!

Finish them off!

Ken...

Look at this...

Hon...I'm a little
tied up right now!

it shows here that Doctor Ray
was actually a Queen of
Atlantis...

she brought him with her just
to take over our world
or something!

Not if I can help it.

Look, here's a map.

She has everything drawn out
where she used to live.

And all these other people
that she killed who
were against her.

So you found
the book, huh,

and now you know all the
deep dark secrets of the
city of Atlantis.

Everything would
have been great

and I could have gotten the
Nobel Prize until you kids
interfered.

Now we'll have to
wait until the sequel!

Oh, great...now we've gotta
sit through the sequel?

Listen to me,
green guy.

I'm tellin' ya...
this is wrong!

She's evil...can't
you see that?

Come with us...

we'll take care of you!

No, no, I'm serious...
come with us!

She's evil...
you know it!

You know
this is wrong!

Don't believe him...he'll do
anything to be a big director.

I'm your Queen!

I'm the reason
why you're alive!!

No!

Hell with it...no more
Mister Nice Guy, Fish-Boy!

[Fighting]

Wait!

Stop, sorry...

That is it,
I'm sick of this!

What is this?

Y'know?

I'm sorry.

Oh...
you're sorry.

You're sorry!

You're not the
one that got hit!

Okay, okay...
let's cut.

What's...what's
the matter, Arvin?

What's the matter?

Look at me!

Look at me!

What?

We're makin' a movie here,
what are you doing?

I look like The Creature From
The Black Lagoon in drag!

No, you look like
an alien choir boy.

Anybody can
play your part!

I'll just call SAG...

Hey, man...I'm union!

I'm union!

Oh, buddy...you're gonna
have hell, mister!!

It's okay, pal.

No, no...

I turned down a part in
"Chickboxer 2" for this!

No, I know...but....

Makeup! Makeup!

It's gonna
be a classic!

We can do great
things with this!

Cigarette!

Now!!

I'm sorry...I'm sorry...

Can you believe this?

Can you believe this?
This is bloody ridiculous!!

This is such a low-budget
film...they forgot the blood!

I came all the way from
Deutchland for this?

That's enough, go, go!

[mumbles something
incoherent in German]

Bloody directors.

Ken?

Down here!

What are you
doing, hon?

The screening's
in twenty minutes!

Aw, I just wanted
to finish this up.

I want it to
be perfect!

Now what
are you doing?

Well it needs a
title, doesn't it?

This I've got to see.

Now I've seen it all!

What?

It needed
a title, right?

Since I'm the director,
that's the title I gave it!

Okay, director...

let's get our butts
to the screening

before they think you've
bailed out on them!

[End title music plays]