Hula-La-La (1951) - full transcript

[♪]

[TUNE PLAYING ON PIANO]

Wait a minute,
wait a minute. Hold it.

Hold it!

[KNUCKLES CRACK]

Ow.

Hold it when I tell ya.

I was carried away.

Well, pay attention
or you will be carried away.

Hey, Red Shoes?

Yeah?



These girls have
their rondelles

mixed up with their pirouettes.

And they got their fortissimos
tangled up with the allegrettos.

Yeah, I know, but what's wrong
with their dancing?

Not around the feet.

Okay, go ahead, show them.

What are they paying ya for?

Hit it, egghead.

Oh, how do you like that?

What's the matter?

I'm dancing from
a trombone part.

Put back the music.

Miss Lucille?

We'll have to do
a lot more--
Ahem.



Oh, how do you do, Mr. Baines?
Glad to see you.

Likewise, Mr. Baines.
Hiya, boss.

Men, B.O. Pictures
is in trouble.

BOTH:
No.

You'll have to help me out.

Glad to, boss.

Tell them, Lafayne.
Yes, sir.

Gentlemen, about six months ago
Mr. Baines had a brilliant idea.

[SCOFFS]

He decided to make a picture
in the South Pacific.

He bought a South Sea island.

Can't you just see it?
Moonlight on the warm sea,

waving palms, natives dancing
their native dances.

Wonderful.
Great.

But the natives on our island
don't know how to dance.

BOTH: No.
Never heard of it.

Gentlemen, you'll have
to go to Arabonga

to teach those natives
to dance.

You leave immediately
for the South Seas.

B.O. Pictures is depending
on you boys.

I don't want you to
fall down on the job.

Right, boss.

[GRUNTS]

SHEMP:
All right. Get the chair up.

All right.
I know how to handle it.

Up right, up right.
That's it.
Up!

All right.
There you are.

[♪]

Creepers, spiders, insects.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.
How much hotter can it get?

Moe, are you sure this is
the way to the village?

That's what the boss said.

Yeah, he said
something else too:

All the natives around here
are headhunters.

Ahh.

What do you mean, "ahh"?
I want to keep my head.

I've had it ever since
I was a little kid.

Me too.

Now get this straight,

there's probably no natives
for miles around,

and if there were
they're as tame as kittens.

[MUTTERS]

K-k-k-kitty.

What's all this kitty
stuff here? Cut it out.

M-M-Moe!

Hey. Hey, opera singer.

This is no time for singing.

How do you like this--?

[YELPING]

I'm only a dancer,
honest.

We were looking for butterflies.
Show him, show him.

[MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]

Bow down to the king.

Now just a minute, fella.
You--

Hey, that's no way
to treat visitors.

Yeah, where's your
Southern hospitality?

[SINGING INDISTINCTLY]

Gentlemen, you're be made
very comfortable here.

Allow me to introduce
myself,

I am Varunu, witch doctor
of this tribe.

What's cooking, doc?

Shut up.
Don't give him any ideas.

Moe, what do you know,
the doc talks English

almost as good as me.

Cheerio.
How are you, old lad?

Fine and dandy.
Tell you what?

Ah, shut up.

You were saying?

You will eat the finest foods,

drink the choicest wines,

and be served by
the fairest maiden.

Oh, boy, we hit
the jackpot.

Just a minute, what's all
this going to cost us?

Let me worry about that.

Show these gentlemen
to their hut.

Oh, thank you.
Thank you.

Thank you, doc.
Thank you.

Guard them well. If you fail

your head will hang
in my collection.

How do you like that?
Four arms.

Say, that'd come in mighty handy
in case of mosquitoes.

You could slap with one,
scratch with another,

play gin rummy
with the other two.

Or scratch with one
and slap with two.

I think I'll slap with two.

Cut it out, will ya?

Good day, gentlemen.

I trust you're
quite comfortable.

Everything's okay.

Doc, this is such
a nice, quiet place.

What do you do
for excitement around here?

We have our hobbies.
In your country

men collect paintings,
rare coins and postage stamps,

I collect heads.

I'd get a big kick
seeing you paste heads

in an album, doc.

Oh, we don't do that,
no.

No, we hang them.

[YELPS]

Look at the size of them.

They were once as large
as your own.

You know, we have
the most ingenious method

of shrinking heads.

We remove the skulls
and fill them

with hot sand and smoke them,
to preserve and shrink them.

Very interesting.
Where do you get these heads?

My warriors find them
in the jungle.

Oh, sort of finder's keepers?

Yeah, tails, you win,
heads, they lose.

Very good.
Very good.

Well, I'll see
you gentlemen later.

Oh, doc?
Yes?

I noticed there are vacancies
on that shelf there,

whose noggins are you planning
on putting in there?

Yours.
Oh, that should be very-- Ah!

Moe, I don't want to be
in his collection.

Yeah, hanging all day
like a smoked goose liver.

I-I'd have
a terrible headache.

Well, we got to figure
a way out of this thing.

Well... Oh, the doc was right.

Yes. Sit thee down.

Sit back down, ladies,
5:00 tea.

[CHUCKLES]

Why don't you smile?

Oh, I just got some
bad news about my head.

And to think, I only got
a haircut this morning too.

[GIGGLING]

Pretty, very pretty.

You skin shines
like a lovely pearl.
Oh.

This one's prettier.

Such beautiful hair.

Poo, any man can have hair
on his head.

This one has lovely skin.

I like a man
with hair on his head.

What's that on your neck?

[YELLS IN NATIVE LANGUAGE]

Say, you're the king's daughter?

What did you chase
the other girls out for?

That one babe
almost fell for me.

Yeah, so did mine.

She wanted your head
for her collection.

So did Kawana.

Nah,
she said I had lovely skin.

Shh.
I've come to help you.

Well, it's about time
somebody did.

The witch doctor
is a bad man.

You can say that again.

The witch doctor
is a bad man.

He wants to marry me.

My father has consented.
Ahh.

But I don't want to marry
Varunu, I want to marry Kowala.

Then why don't you run away
with this Coca-Cola guy?

Elope, scram, vamoose,
beat it?

No, Varunu holds him prisoner.

He plans to cut off
his head tomorrow.

When he cuts off yours.

[YELPS]

You help me and I'll help you.
ALL: Yes.

You save Kowala,
I will show you how.

ALL:
Yes, yes.

The walls are thin.
Cut your way out.

When it's dark,
come to my hut.

ALL:
Yes, yes, yes.

Larry, you stand
guard over there.

Shemp, you're over there.

And find yourself
a weapon.
Okay.

[GRENADE RATTLES]

I don't suppose
anybody followed us.

What do we do now?
Well, we--

What's that you got there?

A rock with a ring in it.
See?

Oh, it's broke.

Get rid of that
before you lose your hand.

Ahh--
Get rid of it,
get rid of it!

Hey, that stuff will
come in handy later.

Where'd you get it?

In the box in front
of the thing

with all the arms
around it, you know?

Say, I bet the natives
think they're magic.

So they give them to old
four-arms to take care of.

You know, for an imbecile
you got some brains.

Thanks,
are they showing?

Not now.

Come on, come on.

All right.

Hey,
there's the girls' hut now.

Yeah, they got guards
in the front.

So we'll go around the back.

All right. Come on, imbe.

The windows are boarded,
what do we do now?

Oh, that's a cinch.

[GRUNTS]

Go on in there.
Moe, I don't want to do this.

I said, go on.

[GROANS]

[SCREAMS]

Don't ever do that.

Shh. The guards are outside.

Yeah, I know,
but don't ever--

[VARUNU SPEAKING
IN NATIVE LANGUAGE]

My dear, all this excitement
isn't good for you.

You look frightened.

I am frightened.

The strangers have escaped,
haven't they?

Yes, but we'll catch them.

Their heads will still hang
in my collection.

I should say,
our collection, my dear,

because, you see,
when you and I are married

what is mine is yours,
what is yours will be mine.

There will be much wealth.

I will rule this island
with a strong hand.

LUANA:
Wealth? Oh, Varunu,

enough for pearls and cloth
for five new dresses?

Ten new dresses?

A machine that talks
and makes music?

VARUNU:
A phonograph, yes. I'll get you
anything. Anything you want.

Cloth or ten new dresses,
20. Ha. Fifty.

Fifty dresses,
100 dresses.

You're acting very strongly,
my dear.

I feel very strange.

Are you sure you're all right?

LUANA:
I've never felt this way before.

But you must
be careful.

You must not
overexert yourself.

I-I can't stop.

I-I wonder what--
There's no--

LUANA:
The thought of all these things
makes me so happy,

I-I can't help bouncing for joy.

[SCREAMS]

Guard! Guard!

Come on, let's get out of here.

VARUNU:
You, get him. You, outside,
get the others.

Wait a minute, I'm a dancing
instructor. I didn't do nothing.

Go on. Take them over
to the village.

Hurry up.

I'll get the box, you keep
a sharp lookout outside.

And if you see anybody,
don't forget to whistle.

Right.

Hm.

Oh.

[YELPS]

What was that? Oh!

Hm.

[HONKS]

[YELPING]

Why you, back-biter--

[GROANS]

[SNAPPING]

[GRUNTING]

Psst, psst, psst.

Oh, thank you.

[YELPING]

Larry! Larry!

What do you want?

Nothing. Get that box.

What's the matter,
you weak?

No, get the box.

Wait a minute,
take off your hat.

Why?

Lady.
Oh, pardon me, ma'am.

What do we do now?
Well, you just--

[YELPING]

Moe, I'm surrounded.
Help, Moe.

Come on.

All right, wise guy,
what happens now?

We hide out till daylight
then we use their stuff, see?

Come on.

Pardon me, madam.

[YELPS]

[BOING]

You see their point?

No, but I feel it.

Now, take it easy, boys.

[NATIVE DRUMS BEATING]

What's the matter, kid,
you nervous?

Just a pinky, look.

[HAIR PLUCKS]
[YELPS]

Now I'm nervous all over, Moe.

It'll all be over
very soon, my dear.

You, the beautiful one.

Oh, let go, will ya?

Wait a minute.

Now just a minute, doc.

You gonna do
the chopping yourself?

Certainly.

Ha!
What do you mean, "ha"?

With those skinny arms
you couldn't chop

your way through
a paper bag.

I am the best axe man
on the island.

Baloney. You'll probably
wind up cutting

this handsome specimen
right through there.

And the laugh will be on you.

Yeah. Ha-ha-ha.

Why, you impertinent swine.

Ah, flattery will
get you nowhere.

Now, before you do
any chopping on my pal here,

you got to show me.

Here, I bet you can't chop
your way through

this little, flimsy box.

Ha. Watch me.

I will.

[EXPLOSION]

Ah, nothing like
a little dynamite

to change
a guy's attitude, eh?

Come on, beetle puss,
fetch me something to eat.

Beat it. Beat it.

How do you say "beat it"
in your native tongue?

Ujngow.

Ujngow.
And make it snappy.

Go on. Ujngow.

Go on.

My father wants to know,
where did Varunu go?

You tell him something
unexpected came up,

so he went to pieces.

All right, all right, all right,
you got plenty of time for that.

We got to get this
first lesson over.

Music, maestro.

[DRUMS BEAT]

[♪]