How to Please a Woman (2022) - full transcript

Loneliness

Blast it. Who's got the vinegar?

Yep. Well, I need something.

It's really stinging.
You should wee on it.

I don't think I
could manage the angle.

I could. No,
thanks. It's fine.

Oh, go on, give us a shot. I
don't want you to wee on me.

So, what do you want
for your birthday?

To not be having
another birthday.

All right, gotta go. I've
got to be at work by eight.

Oh, I thought you had the day
off today. Yeah, that turned into



a half day off.
Happy birthday me!

Mm. Bye. Bye.

Do you think she
suspects anything?

Happy
birthday, Mum. Thanks.

So you're old enough
to retire now, right?

Ha-ha, Chloe.

There's no way they can cope without
me. I can't even get a full day off.

And is Dad spoiling you?

Oh, he will, don't you worry. Oh,
it's just started snowing here.

London is so amazing.
I can't believe I had

to grow up in
Australia. Thanks, Dad.

Oh, Mum, hey, sorry, I've got to
go. Oh. But have a great birthday.

Already? Oh. Love you.

Bye, Dad. Bye, honey.



She seems happy. I hope that doesn't mean
she's gonna stay. Of course she's happy.

She's having a great time
ignoring her studies.

Just stop that, please.

I love this stuff! Oh.

Lack of food waste,
high nutrition profile

and portion control.

It's so good you're doing it.

Wanna open that?

Go on, spoil yourself.
Happy birthday.

Lovely. Now, can we go?

I've got court first thing.

Sorry.

Hey, I hope you don't mind, but
I've just very quickly separated out

the ones that don't qualify
for business recovery.

Dina!

Thanks.

I'm under the pump
on that, um...

removers there.
"Pleased To Move You."

We need to file for
insolvency like yesterday.

Got it.

Where's the rest of it?
Er, left it on-site.

So could you...

I'm really busy right now. I was
due to finish at lunch time today,

and I do have a client
report to finalise.

It will only take you a minute.

Gina? Thanks.

I - that's - yeah.

Hello?

Hello?

Whoa! Hey, hey, Ben! Sorry.

Ben, watch where you're going.
Did you get your driver's licence

on the dark net?

You're really gonna have to
learn how to reverse in here.

I don't like reversing. It's
easy. It's like going forwards,

except backwards.
Can't even do that.

We've been waiting for
someone to show up.

I just came to get a file
that my colleague left behind.

Tea? Biscuit?

Oh, er, well, no. I'm
actually on a bit of a -

well, it's a diet box.

He makes his own ginger snaps.
Kinda chewy in the middle,

but just the right amount
of bite in the bite.

If you don't mind, I'll
just collect the paperwork.

You have no idea what
you're missing out on.

I don't know what file
you're talking about.

Well, I can see it. It's
just - Oh, you're the one

that's gonna shut us down.

Oh, no. I just do the organising

and the things that
other people forget to do

like bringing such paperwork
back to the office.

You know, if you file
that today, we're all out.

Boys are owed money.
Will see none of it.

I'm really not the person
who makes those decision.

I just need the paperwork.
Well, you can't have it.

If you don't let me
have the paperwork,

I can't tell if
we're able to help.

What, you can help us?

I love a good spreadsheet.

Well...

you won't like this one.

I wonder what she means
by loving a spreadsheet.

Gina.

I think you must
have the wrong Gina.

Er, Gina Henderson?

Yes. Um...

Happy birthday.

Er, stop that.

Now, please.

Please.

Don't you like it?

Oh, no, you're
very good. Just...

Please.

Are you sure you
want me to stop?

I-I'm sorry. Um...

I don't think you understand.
I'm your birthday present.

Well, could you put
that back on, please?

And re-buckle your belt.

Well, you've got
me for two hours.

Two hours?

How long does it take
you to get undressed?

Well, I undress the way
you want me to undress.

And then I'll do anything
that you want me to do.

Anything.

I'm very open-minded.

Anything?

Totally.

Really?

Completely.

Do you think you
could clean my house?

What? Well, you said...

anything.

Yeah, not that. You said
you'd do whatever I wanted.

No way, man. This is a
prepaid service, right?

So I think that's a
contract in sales terms.

Come on. Are you sure
you wouldn't just...

rather I just take my
clothes off? I'm married.

It doesn't stop most people.

Could you start by
doing the floor?

Pony

You're enjoying this.

I'm not.

It's not illegal
to look, you know?

Here, let me show you. You
can't just rub away at it

and hope for the
best. You have to...

be gentle. Yeah.

So-so go in circles.

Not so fast. Slowly.

Start gently.

Circles.

That's your two hours.

Yep. Thanks.

Um, it was, er, so
not my pleasure.

Happy birthday. Oh, yep.

I'll, um... I'll let myself out.

Yeah.

They want me to
be equity partner.

Why didn't you say?

I'm telling you now.

Didn't wanna jinx
it. That's fantastic.

You've worked so hard.
You'll be perfect.

I've never slept with a
senior partner before.

Honey...

I've got a bit of a headache.

Can you get the light?

Good night.

So...

was he gorgeous?

Thank you very much,
everyone, for the sex worker

you sent to my home address.

Come on, you sly dog.

No, no, I-I paid for
the premium version.

They said if you get that, you
can have anything you want. I...

Oh, my God.

So, what did you ask for?

I asked him to clean my house.

What?

What was I supposed to do?

Thank you for thinking of me,
but if I want that I'll find it

in my own marriage.

Farley was fantastic for
that, I'll have you know.

Farley was over a year ago. Some
things happen in their own time.

Yeah, no, I mean, she's right, guys.
It's not like any of us singles

are getting any. Apart from
you, of course, Hayley.

It does. It sounds
amazing, actually,

having a man clean your house.

Did he have a six-pack?

Oh, please tell me he at least
took his shirt off. Did he?

It was a four-pack.

Oh, yes! Yes, Gina!

Whoo!

Brett, I was looking at
those removals figures

and I think we're
missing a bit of, um...

It's just fatty tissue.

Sorry. So, um, I thought...

Oh. You know you haven't remembered
my birthday for five years.

There was a restructure.

My hands were tied.

I'm sorry.

You'll get picked
up straight away.

There will be some
sort of package.

Who else did you let go?

Just yourself at present.

Here's your copies. Now I'm
almost done reconfiguring

the report system, and you need
to get a social strategist.

Can I get you something, Gina?

Yeah, you can take your double
D cups and you can piss off

back to your own department.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Do you think she's OK?

OK. I've got you a
little cheer up present.

Oh... Now, it is a
remote-controlled

internal vibrator.

So you wear it
inside. Oh, I...

No. It's movement controlled,
Bluetooth enabled.

It's amazing. I... No, no, no.

I've got one. It was a
buy one, get one free

so this is for you.

Well, that-that is so lovely
of you to think of me.

No, I didn't think of you. I was
gonna give it to one of the others,

but clearly it has to
be you. Why? Why me?

Because you're gonna be stuck
at home by yourself all day,

so got to have
something to do. OK.

Uh, hi. I think I
left the speaker.

The bastards wanna charge me
200 bucks for what's like a...

50-dollar speaker, so...

Do you mind if
I...? No, come in.

Thanks.

Nah. I was a shit stripper.

Didn't even make it past my trial
week. I thought you were great.

You don't recognise me, do
you? From the moving company.

You're from 'Please
To Move You'?

Well, no, not anymore.
No. Now we're folding.

So that's two jobs
I've lost in one week.

But I read the file.
That's not necessary.

There are things you can
do to turn that around.

Well, tell that to the dickheads
who decided we're not worth saving.

Oh, sorry.

Ah!

Ah.

200 bucks right
there - that's...

What I could - I mean,
have you thought about

doing other work? Yeah.

Cleaning? Cleaning?

No, I can't.

Ah, so you'll take your
clothes off for strangers,

but God forbid if you have
to clean a woman's house.

I've just got to get back and help
fix the truck so they can sell it.

Ah. Yeah, I'm not the only one out of
work. You know, there's four of us.

Ah. But thanks.

House cleaners? I've never
cleaned a house before.

It's gross. Possibly
shirtless cleaning.

If-if that's what
the clients want.

Uh, I don't think that's gonna
work out so well for all of us.

What about the removals?
Oh, we'll do them.

Just if you don't get
enough removals bookings,

you'll have to clean.

And what about the
shirt business?

Optional extra, billable.

Tom, what do you have to say about
your experience as a stripper?

Mate, you stripped?

Yeah, I only did it
for a little bit.

Did you feel
exploited? I loved it.

You must
have been pretty shit.

Fuck off, I was all
right.

How do you know about
him being a stripper?

Oh, er, my friends

booked him as a surprise...

surprise, uh, present.

I just think there are a lot of women
who really like the thought of a man

cleaning their house,
shirtless on request.

And I think they'll pay for it.

Is that all right with everyone?

Gina.

I would like to make an
offer on the removals company

'Pleased To Move You'.
We closed them down.

We do offer counselling,
you know that.

You didn't close them. I did.

Only, um, I didn't.

I decided they qualify
for business recovery.

Gina, that place is history.

And you can smell it on them
and the manager's like... 50.

I can't give you a company. Yes,
you can if it's not worth anything.

Hm, it's not that
it's worth nothing.

The company has assets - you know,
client base, corporate knowledge.

Truck, if I recall. But I
don't have any money yet.

Not on my own.

The creditors need 10% of assets

so if you can find a way
to come up with that,

it could be yours.

Could I pay in instalments?

I'd need a commission.

Gina, that is so brave.

True god.

You frickin' nailed it.
Where'd you find your cleaners?

Actually it's the, uh, stripper

you got me for my birthday.

The one with the
four-pack? The very same.

Hm. You still here?

Brett let me go.

There was a
restructure. He had to.

Were you the only one? Yep.

That's not a restructure.

That's age discrimination. That's
a problem. We can pursue that.

I wouldn't worry about it. I'm
setting up a different business.

What kind of business?

Removals. Removals?

Gina, do you know
what you're getting into?

It's fine. We already have the -

Is this some kind of scheme? Cos you
know this pyramid selling business -

some of them are just a
scam. It's perfectly fine.

I'm just helping them
diversify their service base.

Into what? What? What?

Listen, it's the first
day and I'm-I'm-I'm late.

Yeah, just gotta, mm, run.

You remember how to
clean with a microfibre?

S shape. What's a
microfibre again?

OK, just ask her how she'd
like her house cleaned.

I'm sure she'll tell you.

Can I ask you, what did you
like when I was cleaning?

Cos I didn't know what
I was doing, so...

any pointers would
be great. Uh...

Well, you were good at
the skirting boards.

No, no, like...

what did you like? Oh!

Er, do you remember what
you did with your shirt?

I took it off. Yeah. And?

You put it in your back pocket.

Yeah, you could maybe
try that again. Oh.

Um, and, you know,
leave it there.

Yeah, no problem.

Should I do the introductions
for you? No, no, no, I've got it,

I've got it. Yeah, I'm just
gonna stay here. All right.

All right. OK.

Elbow grease. Yeah.

I've come to clean
your house. Good.

Great.

Um, do you wanna start in here?

Sorry.

You're gonna have to tell
me how to do some of this.

Oh.

Oh.

So, uh, where next?

Kitchen. Yeah.

Just...

Thomas? Yeah. Sorry,
can I call you Tom?

Yeah. Tom, would you mind
taking your boots off, please?

Yes. Sorry.

Whoo.

That is not
happening ever again.

Sure thing, boss.

Tom. I got a promotion.

I have a boyfriend.
I brought ice cream.

I'm off dairy, Tom.

Oh. Um, are you off...

Chocolate Obsession?

Damn you.

So, um... is
everything going OK?

With the - with the
baby? Is it going OK?

He is fine. Kicking
like a bastard.

He? Yeah.

Bye, Tom. Yeah.

Bye.

He.

Hello?

Hi, I was wondering if
I could make a booking

for one of those house
cleaners, please?

Yes. Yes. I'm sorry,
it's so noisy in here.

When would you like?

Sometime on Thursday. OK.

Sorry, can - I - can
you say that again?

Um, hi.

Oh. Excuse me.

Are you the one
with the service?

Yes, I am. Can you just
give me a couple of minutes?

I'm just taking a booking. I
must have this house cleaner.

Oh. I've heard it's very good.

I hear he leaves no
surface untouched,

gets into every crevice.

So I was wondering if you had
any availability on Thursday.

Excuse me. No,
I'll take Thursday.

You did so good!

You know it's just
for cleaning, right?

I want what she had. Yeah, sorry,
but cleaning is just a cover.

That was a mistake. That-That
is not gonna happen again.

Would anyone like to book
a straight-up cleaning job?

Wanna get drunk? I have vodka.

No.

You'll get another job.
It won't be that hard.

Don't lie to me.

OK, because you're over 50
it's gonna be very hard.

I know.

Oh, I'm not gonna do it.

Why not?

I couldn't ask those men to do that.
Actually, I think he was the one

who offered. I just couldn't.

Oh, God.

You're so... British.

What does that mean?
This is a very good idea.

You're being so uptight.

Sorry.

Shh-shh.

Does anyone still want
to make a booking?

Well, for cleaning or for sex?

Both.

Obviously you don't have
to if you don't want to.

And, um, I have prepared
a whole redundancy package

for each of you.

That perhaps is
the other option.

And if we want to?

Well, then, you
just go right ahead.

And you just ask your client if she'd
prefer to have her house cleaned

before or after.

Oh.

Don't look at me.

Well, then you could
just do the housework.

Business as usual.

Well, uh, so...

right, so, um...

quality control. Um,
obviously the cleaning

must be effective, and there
must be a minimum of one orgasm.

You've
thought of everything.

Do we count our own?

If we count hers and mine,

that's two, right?
That's a multiple?

Yours is irrelevant.

Is she serious?
I think she is.

I'm down for it. It will
be like career enhancement.

Dude, you can't hold down
a job to save your life.

You can't even keep
a driver's license.

It wasn't my fault.
It's never your fault.

What if you don't
like her? Your client?

Gina was pretty clear. If you don't
like anything about the session,

you can leave it. Or what
if she doesn't like us?

When I did my stripping
week, that was the worst bit.

You can be like really
well-built. If you're a stripper,

you can't just be a bit
hot. You have to be smoking.

If we're gonna
sleep with people,

we'll have to be sex gods.

Sounds good.

I'm in.

Are you kidding? I'm in.

Steve?

I'll be your IT department,
at least to get you started.

I found this site. Oh.

Jesus. Is that
shit even legal?

Yeah, that stripper joint
I worked for did that,

but they had some kind
of a special licence.

Apparently took them ages
to get it. Yeah, I've heard,

but we need to get started. So
if we did a website like this,

could we make the site owner
anonymous? Yeah, but you still need

search engine optimisation
with the right search words.

So, housecleaning.

Sex.

Pleasure.

You should be jotting this down.

Escorts who love your home.

Um, integrity, safety.

Discretion. Rock-solid.

Best ever root
you'll get all year.

I thought we were all going
round. Yeah, integrity's good.

Hi. Hi.

Come in. Thank you.

Right on time.

Foto Viva.

Tom?

Would you like to dance?

Yeah. Sure thing.

Just stop that. It's fine.

Ah.

Um, so I've been thinking.

And...

You see, I'm just
not exactly sure

that I can reliably
say that I know

how to please... a woman.

Well...

if you can say that...

..you're a better man than most.

Good.

What, Anthony? So-So he's big.

A jackhammer?

Oh. Oh, I am...

very sorry.

Yes, of course, I
completely understand.

Can we make it up to you in
some way?

Very sorry once again. Back
to cleaning and removals, bro.

On my hot mother, I
swear.

Pleased to Move You.

Really? Oh, that's just basic.

What else did he miss? Dude.

Oh, he'll be back.

I understand. No charge.

Come on, fellas. Don't feel
bad. We all make mistakes.

Let's look at the
positives here.

At least you're
both in the shit.

I mean, it's not like
you're gonna sack them.

One of my members of staff is...

How shall I put
this? He's, um...

very... well...

Endowed?

Oh, God. God's gift.

Yeah, he needs help from
someone who knows more than him.

Someone very...

very experienced.

Guys.

Just be cool.

Just be cool.

Could you teach him
to clean everything?

Nothing sexy.
Just-just cleaning.

Everything. Thoroughly.

Uh, because I am chairing
a board meeting at three.

Oh, yeah. He will
so be done by then.

It's just your place - it's
the perfect training ground.

Mm. OK.

Keep your clothes on.

Are you sure it will
be good? The cleaning?

The sex.

Of course.

What if he doesn't like me?

Why do you think
he would like you?

It's been a little
while since I've, um...

Ah.

Now like quite a few years.

That happens.

Quite a few.

Can we just stop? Stop. OK.

Did you learn everything
you know from watching porn?

Porn is the exact opposite of what
good sex feels like for women.

Has no one ever
told you that? No.

Oh, God. Um...

Uh, you just tell me
what I'm doing wrong

and I will listen.

You don't just listen
with your ears.

You listen with your body.

Now, every woman's
body is different.

So even if I teach
you a technique,

you still have to
listen each time. Mm.

What do you have to
do every single time?

Have to, um, listen

to your body with my body.

So I'm pretty
successful at work,

in pretty much
everything in life,

except one thing.
Let me guess.

Yeah, well, let's just say that

not all of my sexual experiences

have been enjoyable.

You don't have to do this
if you don't want to.

No, I've thought about it a lot.

I don't want a relationship
and I don't like the idea

of an online hook-up,
and I've realised that

I don't wanna give up on sex
forever, so...

Well, you can take it gently.
You could, like, start with...

..a foot rub, and then
move onto a little massage,

and then just see if you
want to take it any further.

Can we do that? Sure.

Glass of wine? W-What
do you like to drink?

Gin. I might have
to slam a few first

to forget myself to get started.

You know, I think you are
here to remember yourself.

Yeah. Thanks.

You know what?

Yeah, I'll just do it.

Oh.

Not very good at letting other
people do things for you, are you?

Er, we need a different cloth.

Yep, I'll get it.
No, no, it's fine.

What does your husband do?

Er, did you mean to
ask what do I do?

I'm a corporate lawyer.

He is a surgeon.

Good with his hands?

He used to be.

I'm sorry. I didn't
realise he's not around.

Oh, no, no, no. He is around.
It's just that we don't...

Oh. ..you know, kind of...

Um, you can start on the bath.

Yeah. Yeah.

It's OK. The same
with my girlfriend,

or my ex. We stopped, as well.

Was that just because
it wasn't very good?

Oh, no, no, it was great.
But it was always up to me.

I always had to initiate.
The thing is, um...

Well, we are having a baby.

Congratulations. Yeah.

Well, she's having
a baby without me.

Little man. Oh.

Yeah.

Yeah, I wish she'd let me
be the dad. I am the dad.

I just really wanna be the dad.

I think I have to grow up a bit.

I need to get my shit together.

I'm sure you will.

You'll get there. Yeah.

If I am paying for it, I
don't want ordinary orgasm.

I can sort one of
those out for myself.

And I don't one of those naughty
ones that sneak up on you

and then fizzle out.

I want orgasm with
lots of edging.

Eased towards it...

then back off.

Ease up to it again...

..then back off. You know.

A big...

delicious lead up, and then...

..total annihilation.

OK.

And anything else?

Snow angel. My all-time
go to favourite.

That can't be
comfortable. I don't know.

Looks all right for her.

Bloke's got quite a hard job,
though. She is upside down.

No, she's just lying back. He's
the one doing all the holding.

No, no, that is
definitely upside down.

She can't even move.

Stop looking. I was
just going to do the...

license...
..application.

Women are quite tricky
to please.

They all seem to say
completely different things.

It's very inconsistent.

You're terrible for you.

I'm really not sure
I'm cut out for this.

Close your eyes.

That's silly.
No, no, trust me.

Just close your eyes

and imagine you're a woman
about to contact this business.

Come on, come on. All right.

You heard about the company...
Mm-hm... and you're intrigued.

Why are you so interested?

I, uh...

I don't know why. I
just am. Can't help it.

I don't even want to be.

So what do you do about
it? I look it up...

..secretly. And?

I need to know I'm
talking to a woman.

I don't want to speak to
a man about this. Good.

So you call up, you get a woman

and she asks you what you want.

What you really want.

Maybe she just
wants to be touched.

Feel this.

What does it tell you?

You're trying to
teach me something.

That's
what my words are saying.

Feel my hand.

What's it telling you?

It's warm.

Go on. It's like...

It's like you're
inviting me some.

Pleased to see me.

Good.

Good.

Now we can start.

So, what did you mean by,

you know, it was
always up to you?

Oh, yeah.

Well, even before we broke
up we'd stopped having sex.

I really love it when
a woman initiates,

and she never would.

It's so hot when a woman
asks me for something.

Could you get that dark
blue cloth, please?

OK, sure.

So...

..what would you like
to do for dinner?

I would like you to take me out.

Mm. And after that...

..I'd like to skip dessert.

I think that we should
come straight home...

and have a nude swim.

And then...

..I would like to lie down on
one of the sun lounges and...

I would like you
to go down on me.

And if you like...

..I could return the favour.

Could we skip dinner?

Yeah, nah.

I wanna be taken out first.

Gina?

Gina?

What's the occasion?

I'll make us some pasta.

You said I never helped
with the housework.

Tom, no. Well,
I can do it now.

Top to bottom. Let me
show you. No, it's OK.

You must be Tom. I'm Gary.

How's the little man?

Growing.

Um... Nice to meet you, mate.

We're fine.

Don't worry. I'll call you.

See ya. Bye, Tom.

Dorian

Hi. Wait. Wait.

Wait. I-I know how to clean
your place properly now.

From top to bottom. And if you
don't let me in and let me do it,

I might lose my job.

Please, please, please.

Please let me come in and clean.

I couldn't quite hear that last
bit. Could you just repeat that?

(CHUCKLES

Please, please, please let me
come in and clean your house.

Thank you.

Are they? I had actually
forgotten...

..how good my body can
feel. Hang on, Sandra.

I'm pleased for you

because this business...
Pleased To Move You.

Could you please hold?

Sometimes you just need several
great Chads to get your mojo back.

I can't remember ever
feeling this good.

Hello. This is Steve.

I don't usually answer
these phones. Um...

so please be gentle with me.

It's just unbelievable. Mm.

Gina, I cannot recommend
it highly enough.

I just... I feel so alive.

Are you there?

Um, yeah, we can do that.

Would you mind if I called you
back? No, no, it's OK, it's OK.

I'll, uh, just check
the, uh, the bookings.

Um, yeah, just tell you me a
little bit more about yourself.

Lovely spot.

Look, I-I don't think I
should be doing the phones.

Did she make a booking?

Yep.

Who did you match her up with?

Actually it was me.

Well, I tried to talk her into
someone else, but she wanted

someone her own age and she liked
the sound of my voice, so...

You're married.

Ah, yeah, um... about that.

It's, um... it's real.

I...

I just kept thinking
she'd come back, so...

so I waited.

Are you still waiting?

No.

But you're still wearing
the ring.

Yeah, well, look, imagine this.

You're moving furniture one moment,
trying to get some money together

and get on with your life,
and the next moment...

the entire team has been
converted into sexy cleaners.

You should have said. I
was saving you from trying

to wheel me out along
with the rest of them.

I mean, no one wants this
scrubbing their kitchen bench.

It sounds like somebody does.
She'll regret it when she sees me.

Aw, don't be silly.

I'm sure the pair of you will
have a terrific time of it.

Hi. Hello.

Do you only employ men

as your, um...

Sex professionals - that's
what we call them. Right.

I don't - I don't
have any women.

Oh, that's OK. I
just thought I'd ask.

I don't know.

Since the kids are gone, there's
a bit more time to take notice

of what's going on with
me. And especially after

some of the bookings, I am
feeling all kinds of things

for all kinds of people.

You sound like a
young person.

But if I'm gonna try being with
a woman for the first time,

I'd prefer it to be with someone
who knows what she's doing,

who can forgive me if-if I'm wrong
and I want to stop halfway through.

I'm being ridiculous,
aren't I? No, you're not.

Can you leave it
with me? Thank you.

Ah.

Would you mind not
mentioning this to Brett?

Yes, as long as that's mutual.

Uh...

I suppose I'm
here for a booking.

You don't need us. I've seen what
happens when you walk into a room.

I...

I don't like my
breasts to be touched.

I've got really
insensitive nipples

so when they get
a lot of attention

I feel nothing.

Well, left out, really.

So you want to pay for
someone who will...

..ignore your breasts. Yes.

Not all of my sexual experiences

have been satisfying.

And I'll pay for some that are,

if it means good sex.

People underestimate me.

And they don't know that
I reconfigured the entire

apex programme to
integrate both platforms.

That day the only
thing anyone said

was about what I looked
like, including you.

I'm sorry about
that. It's fine.

I mean - No, it's really not.

I'm used to it. It
happens every day.

But it's the shit sex
that's wearing thin.

You have a lifetime of sex ahead
of you and it should be good.

You're gonna have to learn
to ask for what you want.

It's never too late to start.

I just want a decent root.

Yep.

I know. I was terrible, but
I can do so much better.

Good for you.

I've been working on some
moves. Please let me show you.

Please.

So what was that Incredible
Hulk thing you did

with your clothes again?
Light years beyond that.

Can you, for five
minutes straight,

move your mouth and your
tongue in the exact same way?

Yes.

Yes, yes, I can, I can.

God damn.

Anthony.

He ironed everything.

Everything.

I didn't know we
offered ironing.

I asked and away he went.

Oh.

So did he take care
of anything else?

Mm-hm.

I should have done
this years ago.

Ah.

Mm.

Hi.

Hi.

Where is everybody? They
stopped for sausage rolls.

Couldn't bear it. Croissant?

No, thank you. Home-made.

Thanks.

Well, if you change your mind.

I need to ask you something.

What's this?

Hm, I don't know.

Weird. Mm.

So, I wanna talk to
you about something.

Go ahead. I've been thinking.

I get a lot of thinking done
about two in the morning.

I think a lot more about this
job than my... my old one.

It's about the business model.

I don't think it's sustainable.

If you really think about it.

Oh.

Keep going, if you don't mind.

It's, uh...

It's a high-end...

..one-off model.

You can't just...

replicate the transactions.

Yeah, I know.

Should I go a
bit faster? Yeah.

Oh, no, no,
that's too fast.

That's too fast. Oh,
OK. Cool, I'll just...

OK.

Fine. Yeah.

Just cruise.

Slower.

Really cruising.

Oh.

Oh!

One is never enough.

Good As Gold

Whoa. That's gorgeous.

What's going on? Nothing.

You got laid. Finally.

It's none of your business.

Sorry, your business
is always my business.

Did you forget your moisturiser?

Mm, yeah. Use my coconut oil.

Thanks.

You know, that is an
excellent lubricant.

It goes on easy, smells amazing,

tastes amazing, lasts forever

and it is a healthy fat, so you
can just pop it in your stir-fry.

Thank you, Sandra.

I don't usually... Me
neither. ..use that, and...

actually that was my first time. It
was the first time for both of us.

Was it horrible? No. Good.

I can live with that, as
long as it wasn't horrible.

OK, I got your rose petals,

your 85% chocolate,
your champagne,

strawberries, massage
oil, condoms -

so many condoms - and lubricant.

Apparently silicone
is the way to go.

How about organic coconut oil?

Oh, OK.

Oh,
that'll be a booking for me.

In your dreams, bro.

It's not loading.

Yeah, the whole system is not
coping. We need an upgrade.

We can't afford it. If I can't make the payments,
they take the company off me. Gina, the door.

I'm looking for Gina Henderson.

Yeah, that-that's me.

Can I help you?

You're in charge here?

I am.

Well, looks like I found
exactly who I'm looking for.

Not
many places take on guys.

I wondered if you might
like to increase the team.

Oh, no. No, mate,
we're-we're full.

Yeah, you should just piss off

some place else.

Yeah. Yeah.

Sorry, what was your name?

It's Mike. Hi, Mike.

I'm Gina. I know.

Guys, there is no
need to be rude.

Just basic politeness.

He was basic. He
was quite rude.

He threw his top off in front
of us. A little bit desperate.

What? He looked all - Manners.
You can file that, please,

under M.

M for Mike. Not-not good.

Hey.

How's things? Great.

I think I'm jealous.

Of? You're
astonishing sex life.

Yeah, well, you should
try the morning afters.

I'm perfectly clear
with them every time -

"This is a one-off."

What happens when you don't
want it to be a one-off?

It's too risky.

Can I ask you to do
something for me?

Will be as much fun as last
time? That's up to you.

I think I could
start to like this.

OK.

Hi! Hi.

I've come to clean your house.

I didn't know you clean houses.

Oh.

Are you gonna let me in
or...? Sorry.

Cute dog. Yeah. Leo.

Hey, good boy.

Um, it's ten in the morning.

Oh. Egg cups?

Lemon.

And salt.

It's your turn.

Women. Women.

Mm.

Uh-uh. I've already done there.

You need to find somewhere new.

Mm!

Shall we go again?

Yeah.

Just a little.

Uh-huh, yeah. No,
I have the number.

I'm just trying to find it.

Is there somewhere
you want this?

No, look, I-I am very sorry, OK.

I will personally
follow up for you, OK?

I'll just count it out.
My assistant's very busy.

He may have missed something.

Two. Uh, yeah. No,
I'll hold, yeah.

Three. Four.

Five.

Get it,
girl.

Yeah, no, no, I'm still here.

Hey, Gina! I just thought I'd
let you know that I am now

the official owner
of this company.

Yes! Final payment complete.

Hooray!

Hey!

Hoorah!

Hayley told me so I'm showed up.

Yeah, and then she got
everyone drunk on the way here.

It wasn't hard.

Congratulations. Oh! Oh,
let me please take this off.

Madam.

I couldn't do it - the booking.

I know.

I checked.

You checked.

You should have said if you didn't
want to do. No, I did want to...

until I got to the
car park and I just -

then I just drove straight home
and ate two litres of ice cream

in the dark. I'm
sorry. I'm so sorry.

I'm not.

Whoo!

Hey, Gina, get over here!

And what's going
on with you two?

I'm risking it.

I really like her.

Mm! Mm!

Geronimo!

Are you hung over?

Yes, I am.

Do you know it's been
years since we've had sex?

Don't be so dramatic.

It's been a couple of
years now, I think.

G, it has not been two
years. Yeah, there was Bali.

And when we came home from Bali.

And then?

Is there something
you want to tell me?

No. If I so much
as look at you,

you are so repelled you
go running from the room.

Running to whoever it is who is
so much more attractive than me.

That's not true. I'm not seeing
anyone else and I never have.

So you expect me to believe
that you are perfectly happy

just not having sex
with anyone, ever?

Well, no. No, I'm not - OK,
I'm not perfectly happy.

I just...

I just seem to have lost...

Lost what?

Oh. I'm tired.

You're always tired.

Are you sick? No, I'm
not sick. I got checked.

What for? I'm fine.

Everything is fine. We
have your prescription.

Gina.

I just don't feel like it.

You sure?

Yeah.

I'm sure.

Er, hi there. I'm Tom from
Ple-Pleased To Move You,

and I'm looking
forward to making sure

you get everything you need -
you need - you need - you need...

Oh, for fuck sake. Now
it's totally fried.

What do you mean
"fried"? I don't know.

It's thoroughly shitting
itself. I just don't know why

it's still happening. And the
booking system is down. I'll fix it.

No, you don't you touch
it. You will fuck it.

OK, we'll just turn it off
and turn it back on again.

Hi. It's Gina.

I need your brains.

Should she be allowed in there?

Alice is smarter than all of us put
together. If anyone can sort this,

she can. You guys
need to upgrade.

I don't know who set this up,
but I can sort it out for you.

Well, um...

a little room.
Yeah. Come on, guys.

Just take it easy. She
knows what she's doing.

Sorry. Yeah, no, I'll...
I'll be back here.

Looking for something
special? Yeah.

It's or my wife. Ah.

In the shit, are ya?
You could say that.

Good investment, then.

You know you should do?

Clean the house. Gets you in
the good books every time.

Thanks. I'm good.

Well, not heaps...

You are good to go.

Whoo-hoo! Nice.

Are we missing anything? Um...

Oh, yeah. It looks like you had two
movers booked for half an hour ago.

Do you wanna lift?
Oh, yeah. Thanks.

Cool.

I'll do the boxes, then, eh?

It's still important.

What's this?

Are you gonna tell
me what's in it?

I really think it's for the
best. Please don't do this.

I really shouldn't - Please don't be like
that. That is completely unnecessary.

Is it because I, you know, um...

Before with the... croissants?

No.

No, that was a career highlight.

But I think it's time I did
my own thing for a while.

You're all set up now.

It's been the greatest pleasure.

Au revoir.

Gina!

Steve?

Gina!

Pleased To Move You.
You've got Benjamin.

Phone. I hope you clean faster
than you pick up the phone, mate.

I need to make a
booking for today.

Cool. So, can I just clarify,

is it for yourself?

No, well, it's for my wife.

OK. But will you be there?

Yeah, only if you come now.
I want it to be a surprise.

A surprise?

For your wife and you?

I mean, that's cool
and everything, man.

Um, I just - can I ask
how you heard about us?

Listen, mate, I'm just trying to
work out how to please my wife.

It's not that easy. So either you
come now or I'm gonna do it myself.

Um, I mean, I'm the
only one free, but -

Can we just get on with this?

Yep.

Oh, do you want
me to get started?

Yeah. I'm getting a beer.

Uh... you wife...

Um... are you sure?

Yes, mate. Go for it.

OK.

Oh, are
you good with music?

Whatever.

Sex Bomb

Mm. Mm.

What the fuck are you doing?
I'm removing my trousers.

Ben? Gina.

Oh.

What, do you know this guy?

Pull your pants up. Oh, don't
get all private now, mate.

Ben, what are you doing
here? I got a booking.

Do you know something about
this? Dude, she owns the company.

Ben, this is Adrian, my husband.

He doesn't know.

Do you think I should go?

Mm. Mm.

OK, uh, excuse, um...

This is the...

removal thing?

I employ men

to pleasure women and
to clean their houses.

Some women just
take the house clean

for the sheer the pleasure
of watching men do the jobs

they spend a lifetime hating.

Does anyone know about this?

Just the clients.

We're very private.

Un-fucking-believable.

Oh, how did you get
my home address?

Don't turn up at my house.
Email me your resume, new photos

and your penis size, and do
not overestimate, please.

We don't care as much as you
think. She wants my penis size.

Gina Henderson?

Would you accompany me back
to the station to answer

some questions, please?

Shit.

The legal representative
for Gina Henderson.

Can you describe to me the
exact nature of the business,

Please To Move You? Until we know
if any charges are being pressed,

my client will not be answering
any of your questions.

Well, that may be the case, but
for operating without a licence

you will be fined under section
23 of the Prostitution Act.

Look, this whole thing
is just a big mistake.

The business known as
Pleased To Move You

will cease operations immediately.
As I said, my client will not be

answering any of your questions.
We do removals, clearances,

domestic cleaning and,
uh, sexual services.

If the client wants, uh.

The cleaning acts as a cover?

No. No, we do the cleaning.

I train them myself. We polish
sinks, we clean toilets,

scrub the grout on your tiles.

Yeah, we clean our houses and,
you know, and... give orgasms.

You know, just not
necessarily in that order.

You admit to running a
business that charges for sex.

And cleaning. Don't
forget the cleaning.

Why do men always
forget the cleaning?

Hm. My client is under
extreme duress right now.

You were operating an
enterprise where women engage

in sexual misconduct

under the guise of
hiring domestic services.

That is pure conjecture.

It is not misconduct.

We are fulfilling a
need for all those women

who feel sexually invisible,

whose husbands never learned

how to take a hit for the team.

We're there for those who
like to climax more than once,

and for those who are
sick of doing it alone.

But mostly we are here because,
contrary to appearances,

we haven't given up on sex,

and we're sick of cleaning the
house. ALL: Yes!

Did you feel forced at any time?

Were you ever harmed or...?

I don't think so,
checking in, but, um...

that'll be a no. Oh.

It says here your job is to...

"give orgasms."

It's not actually
illegal. We checked.

We applied for a licence
and everything. Mm. Mm.

And we do cleaning.

You've just admitted to
operating without a licence

in what is a highly
regulated industry.

The fine will be in the tens
of thousands of dollars.

I don't want you to pay it.
Well, I'm gonna have to.

It's not like you've got a job.

We are just gonna go home,

and I will sort everything out.

Don't want that.

Now's not the time, Gina.

I'm not going back. There's
no need to be hysterical.

I am not. But you are.

This is hysterical behaviour.
Adrian, would you just fuck off?

All right, I will.

I will fuck off. Fuck
off home without you.

I'm not gonna come back to find
out if you've changed your mind.

And you can pay the fine by
yourself - you do realise that.

Absolutely.

Do you know how good it
is to sleep with someone

who's more interested in you
than in how they look naked?

This has been like the
best gap year ever.

Yes. Do you have any
questions for me?

No? OK.

Uh, is Gina Henderson
here, please?

Er, yeah.

She is...

She's being officially questioned.
For what? Having a good time?

Look, this is a unique service

that women are allowed
to subscribe to.

It's better than cocaine. It's
about the same price, though.

Sandra. Sorry.

Here you go, ma'am.

Oh, Gina, shit.

Oh, darl. Oh.

So what are you gonna do?

Hey, Mum, it's me - again.

Uh, I spoke to Dad. He's
getting used to things.

I know it's been a
couple of months,

but I think he's still angry.

Anyway, Mum...

I think you're unbelievable.

Tell me if you hear anything.

Good luck. I hope
you get it. Bye!

There's still nothing.
It'll be here.

I hope. Don't worry about the
licence. We need your statement.

It's coming.

Look who's here. Sorry
I'm late, everyone.

Aww. Oh, Tom! You did it!

Aw. Aw!

Huxley, meet everybody.
Everybody, this is Huxley.

Aw. He's gorgeous.

It's dad day. Dad
half day, actually.

We'll move to full days
when he's a bit older.

I get a lot of access time
so I figured we could do

'bring your kids to work day'.
Cool! If he can bring his baby,

can I bring my dog, please? Oh,
not quite the same thing, bro.

Um, well, you probably shouldn't
keep them waiting any longer.

Let's do it.

Mate, that's my go to move.

Ooh. It's here.

Ooh. Can I check? Yeah!

Everybody, members of the board,

I hereby declare

that we are a fully
licensed operation!

Whoo!

Let's go! Par-tay!

Yeah!

I am guilty of looking
up your address

on company records.

Just say the word and I will go
away and I will not come back.

I will leave you
alone, I promise.

Just... say the word.

Shit.

Sorry, marmalade. Burnt it.

Oh, no, it's OK. I'm gonna go.

It's been wonderful to see you
again. Thank you for the visit.

Gina, Gina, that...

that wasn't a visit.

A visit is when you come
in and you eat a pastry,

and then you think about
whether you're in the mood

for a glass of Pinot
and then we can...

..we can work out whether you wanna
have two pastries or...

..three.

Te Busco

Forget about the pastry. I'll
just drag you to the bedroom.

Mm, bedroom, that
sounds very far away

Ah.

Ah.

Mm.

Thank you. Thanks.
Thanks very much.

Just a minute.

Well, look at what
you've gone and done.

Baked with my own fair hand.

Croissant? Yes.

They're marmalade flavour.

People seem to like it.

Anything else?

All of it.

"When was the last time you let
yourself ask for what you wanted

in the bedroom?"

Incredible. Mm. Oh.

"We offer a service

that encourages women

to freely express what they want

without judgement.

We provide safe experiences

so women can begin to
close the pleasure gap.

This is a sexual
wellness company

about learning how to
practice your pleasure.

And we'd love to help with the
house while we sort your orgasm."

"Because your pleasure
is worth asking for."

Mm.

Shall we take a look? Go on.

Refresh it. Yep.

Oh! Oh, my word.

Oh, that's crazy!

Oh. Wow.

"Please unblock my drains."

Good As Gold

Light It Up