How to Please a Woman (2022) Movie Script

Loneliness

Blast it. Who's got the vinegar?

Yep. Well, I need something.

It's really stinging.

You should wee on it.

I don't think I

could manage the angle.

I could. No,

thanks. It's fine.

Oh, go on, give us a shot. I

don't want you to wee on me.

So, what do you want

for your birthday?

To not be having

another birthday.

All right, gotta go. I've

got to be at work by eight.

Oh, I thought you had the day

off today. Yeah, that turned into

a half day off.

Happy birthday me!

Mm. Bye. Bye.

Do you think she

suspects anything?

Happy

birthday, Mum. Thanks.

So you're old enough

to retire now, right?

Ha-ha, Chloe.

There's no way they can cope without

me. I can't even get a full day off.

And is Dad spoiling you?

Oh, he will, don't you worry. Oh,

it's just started snowing here.

London is so amazing.

I can't believe I had

to grow up in

Australia. Thanks, Dad.

Oh, Mum, hey, sorry, I've got to

go. Oh. But have a great birthday.

Already? Oh. Love you.

Bye, Dad. Bye, honey.

She seems happy. I hope that doesn't mean

she's gonna stay. Of course she's happy.

She's having a great time

ignoring her studies.

Just stop that, please.

I love this stuff! Oh.

Lack of food waste,

high nutrition profile

and portion control.

It's so good you're doing it.

Wanna open that?

Go on, spoil yourself.

Happy birthday.

Lovely. Now, can we go?

I've got court first thing.

Sorry.

Hey, I hope you don't mind, but

I've just very quickly separated out

the ones that don't qualify

for business recovery.

Dina!

Thanks.

I'm under the pump

on that, um...

removers there.

"Pleased To Move You."

We need to file for

insolvency like yesterday.

Got it.

Where's the rest of it?

Er, left it on-site.

So could you...

I'm really busy right now. I was

due to finish at lunch time today,

and I do have a client

report to finalise.

It will only take you a minute.

Gina? Thanks.

I - that's - yeah.

Hello?

Whoa! Hey, hey, Ben! Sorry.

Ben, watch where you're going.

Did you get your driver's licence

on the dark net?

You're really gonna have to

learn how to reverse in here.

I don't like reversing. It's

easy. It's like going forwards,

except backwards.

Can't even do that.

We've been waiting for

someone to show up.

I just came to get a file

that my colleague left behind.

Tea? Biscuit?

Oh, er, well, no. I'm

actually on a bit of a -

well, it's a diet box.

He makes his own ginger snaps.

Kinda chewy in the middle,

but just the right amount

of bite in the bite.

If you don't mind, I'll

just collect the paperwork.

You have no idea what

you're missing out on.

I don't know what file

you're talking about.

Well, I can see it. It's

just - Oh, you're the one

that's gonna shut us down.

Oh, no. I just do the organising

and the things that

other people forget to do

like bringing such paperwork

back to the office.

You know, if you file

that today, we're all out.

Boys are owed money.

Will see none of it.

I'm really not the person

who makes those decision.

I just need the paperwork.

Well, you can't have it.

If you don't let me

have the paperwork,

I can't tell if

we're able to help.

What, you can help us?

I love a good spreadsheet.

Well...

you won't like this one.

I wonder what she means

by loving a spreadsheet.

Gina.

I think you must

have the wrong Gina.

Er, Gina Henderson?

Yes. Um...

Happy birthday.

Er, stop that.

Now, please.

Please.

Don't you like it?

Oh, no, you're

very good. Just...

Please.

Are you sure you

want me to stop?

I-I'm sorry. Um...

I don't think you understand.

I'm your birthday present.

Well, could you put

that back on, please?

And re-buckle your belt.

Well, you've got

me for two hours.

Two hours?

How long does it take

you to get undressed?

Well, I undress the way

you want me to undress.

And then I'll do anything

that you want me to do.

Anything.

I'm very open-minded.

Anything?

Totally.

Really?

Completely.

Do you think you

could clean my house?

What? Well, you said...

anything.

Yeah, not that. You said

you'd do whatever I wanted.

No way, man. This is a

prepaid service, right?

So I think that's a

contract in sales terms.

Come on. Are you sure

you wouldn't just...

rather I just take my

clothes off? I'm married.

It doesn't stop most people.

Could you start by

doing the floor?

Pony

You're enjoying this.

I'm not.

It's not illegal

to look, you know?

Here, let me show you. You

can't just rub away at it

and hope for the

best. You have to...

be gentle. Yeah.

So-so go in circles.

Not so fast. Slowly.

Start gently.

Circles.

That's your two hours.

Yep. Thanks.

Um, it was, er, so

not my pleasure.

Happy birthday. Oh, yep.

I'll, um... I'll let myself out.

Yeah.

They want me to

be equity partner.

Why didn't you say?

I'm telling you now.

Didn't wanna jinx

it. That's fantastic.

You've worked so hard.

You'll be perfect.

I've never slept with a

senior partner before.

Honey...

I've got a bit of a headache.

Can you get the light?

Good night.

So...

was he gorgeous?

Thank you very much,

everyone, for the sex worker

you sent to my home address.

Come on, you sly dog.

No, no, I-I paid for

the premium version.

They said if you get that, you

can have anything you want. I...

Oh, my God.

So, what did you ask for?

I asked him to clean my house.

What?

What was I supposed to do?

Thank you for thinking of me,

but if I want that I'll find it

in my own marriage.

Farley was fantastic for

that, I'll have you know.

Farley was over a year ago. Some

things happen in their own time.

Yeah, no, I mean, she's right, guys.

It's not like any of us singles

are getting any. Apart from

you, of course, Hayley.

It does. It sounds

amazing, actually,

having a man clean your house.

Did he have a six-pack?

Oh, please tell me he at least

took his shirt off. Did he?

It was a four-pack.

Oh, yes! Yes, Gina!

Whoo!

Brett, I was looking at

those removals figures

and I think we're

missing a bit of, um...

It's just fatty tissue.

Sorry. So, um, I thought...

Oh. You know you haven't remembered

my birthday for five years.

There was a restructure.

My hands were tied.

I'm sorry.

You'll get picked

up straight away.

There will be some

sort of package.

Who else did you let go?

Just yourself at present.

Here's your copies. Now I'm

almost done reconfiguring

the report system, and you need

to get a social strategist.

Can I get you something, Gina?

Yeah, you can take your double

D cups and you can piss off

back to your own department.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Do you think she's OK?

OK. I've got you a

little cheer up present.

Oh... Now, it is a

remote-controlled

internal vibrator.

So you wear it

inside. Oh, I...

No. It's movement controlled,

Bluetooth enabled.

It's amazing. I... No, no, no.

I've got one. It was a

buy one, get one free

so this is for you.

Well, that-that is so lovely

of you to think of me.

No, I didn't think of you. I was

gonna give it to one of the others,

but clearly it has to

be you. Why? Why me?

Because you're gonna be stuck

at home by yourself all day,

so got to have

something to do. OK.

Uh, hi. I think I

left the speaker.

The bastards wanna charge me

200 bucks for what's like a...

50-dollar speaker, so...

Do you mind if

I...? No, come in.

Thanks.

Nah. I was a shit stripper.

Didn't even make it past my trial

week. I thought you were great.

You don't recognise me, do

you? From the moving company.

You're from 'Please

To Move You'?

Well, no, not anymore.

No. Now we're folding.

So that's two jobs

I've lost in one week.

But I read the file.

That's not necessary.

There are things you can

do to turn that around.

Well, tell that to the dickheads

who decided we're not worth saving.

Oh, sorry.

Ah!

Ah.

200 bucks right

there - that's...

What I could - I mean,

have you thought about

doing other work? Yeah.

Cleaning? Cleaning?

No, I can't.

Ah, so you'll take your

clothes off for strangers,

but God forbid if you have

to clean a woman's house.

I've just got to get back and help

fix the truck so they can sell it.

Ah. Yeah, I'm not the only one out of

work. You know, there's four of us.

Ah. But thanks.

House cleaners? I've never

cleaned a house before.

It's gross. Possibly

shirtless cleaning.

If-if that's what

the clients want.

Uh, I don't think that's gonna

work out so well for all of us.

What about the removals?

Oh, we'll do them.

Just if you don't get

enough removals bookings,

you'll have to clean.

And what about the

shirt business?

Optional extra, billable.

Tom, what do you have to say about

your experience as a stripper?

Mate, you stripped?

Yeah, I only did it

for a little bit.

Did you feel

exploited? I loved it.

You must

have been pretty shit.

Fuck off, I was all

right.

How do you know about

him being a stripper?

Oh, er, my friends

booked him as a surprise...

surprise, uh, present.

I just think there are a lot of women

who really like the thought of a man

cleaning their house,

shirtless on request.

And I think they'll pay for it.

Is that all right with everyone?

Gina.

I would like to make an

offer on the removals company

'Pleased To Move You'.

We closed them down.

We do offer counselling,

you know that.

You didn't close them. I did.

Only, um, I didn't.

I decided they qualify

for business recovery.

Gina, that place is history.

And you can smell it on them

and the manager's like... 50.

I can't give you a company. Yes,

you can if it's not worth anything.

Hm, it's not that

it's worth nothing.

The company has assets - you know,

client base, corporate knowledge.

Truck, if I recall. But I

don't have any money yet.

Not on my own.

The creditors need 10% of assets

so if you can find a way

to come up with that,

it could be yours.

Could I pay in instalments?

I'd need a commission.

Gina, that is so brave.

True god.

You frickin' nailed it.

Where'd you find your cleaners?

Actually it's the, uh, stripper

you got me for my birthday.

The one with the

four-pack? The very same.

Hm. You still here?

Brett let me go.

There was a

restructure. He had to.

Were you the only one? Yep.

That's not a restructure.

That's age discrimination. That's

a problem. We can pursue that.

I wouldn't worry about it. I'm

setting up a different business.

What kind of business?

Removals. Removals?

Gina, do you know

what you're getting into?

It's fine. We already have the -

Is this some kind of scheme? Cos you

know this pyramid selling business -

some of them are just a

scam. It's perfectly fine.

I'm just helping them

diversify their service base.

Into what? What? What?

Listen, it's the first

day and I'm-I'm-I'm late.

Yeah, just gotta, mm, run.

You remember how to

clean with a microfibre?

S shape. What's a

microfibre again?

OK, just ask her how she'd

like her house cleaned.

I'm sure she'll tell you.

Can I ask you, what did you

like when I was cleaning?

Cos I didn't know what

I was doing, so...

any pointers would

be great. Uh...

Well, you were good at

the skirting boards.

No, no, like...

what did you like? Oh!

Er, do you remember what

you did with your shirt?

I took it off. Yeah. And?

You put it in your back pocket.

Yeah, you could maybe

try that again. Oh.

Um, and, you know,

leave it there.

Yeah, no problem.

Should I do the introductions

for you? No, no, no, I've got it,

I've got it. Yeah, I'm just

gonna stay here. All right.

All right. OK.

Elbow grease. Yeah.

I've come to clean

your house. Good.

Great.

Um, do you wanna start in here?

Sorry.

You're gonna have to tell

me how to do some of this.

Oh.

So, uh, where next?

Kitchen. Yeah.

Just...

Thomas? Yeah. Sorry,

can I call you Tom?

Yeah. Tom, would you mind

taking your boots off, please?

Yes. Sorry.

Whoo.

That is not

happening ever again.

Sure thing, boss.

Tom. I got a promotion.

I have a boyfriend.

I brought ice cream.

I'm off dairy, Tom.

Oh. Um, are you off...

Chocolate Obsession?

Damn you.

So, um... is

everything going OK?

With the - with the

baby? Is it going OK?

He is fine. Kicking

like a bastard.

He? Yeah.

Bye, Tom. Yeah.

Bye.

He.

Hello?

Hi, I was wondering if

I could make a booking

for one of those house

cleaners, please?

Yes. Yes. I'm sorry,

it's so noisy in here.

When would you like?

Sometime on Thursday. OK.

Sorry, can - I - can

you say that again?

Um, hi.

Oh. Excuse me.

Are you the one

with the service?

Yes, I am. Can you just

give me a couple of minutes?

I'm just taking a booking. I

must have this house cleaner.

Oh. I've heard it's very good.

I hear he leaves no

surface untouched,

gets into every crevice.

So I was wondering if you had

any availability on Thursday.

Excuse me. No,

I'll take Thursday.

You did so good!

You know it's just

for cleaning, right?

I want what she had. Yeah, sorry,

but cleaning is just a cover.

That was a mistake. That-That

is not gonna happen again.

Would anyone like to book

a straight-up cleaning job?

Wanna get drunk? I have vodka.

No.

You'll get another job.

It won't be that hard.

Don't lie to me.

OK, because you're over 50

it's gonna be very hard.

I know.

Oh, I'm not gonna do it.

Why not?

I couldn't ask those men to do that.

Actually, I think he was the one

who offered. I just couldn't.

Oh, God.

You're so... British.

What does that mean?

This is a very good idea.

You're being so uptight.

Sorry.

Shh-shh.

Does anyone still want

to make a booking?

Well, for cleaning or for sex?

Both.

Obviously you don't have

to if you don't want to.

And, um, I have prepared

a whole redundancy package

for each of you.

That perhaps is

the other option.

And if we want to?

Well, then, you

just go right ahead.

And you just ask your client if she'd

prefer to have her house cleaned

before or after.

Oh.

Don't look at me.

Well, then you could

just do the housework.

Business as usual.

Well, uh, so...

right, so, um...

quality control. Um,

obviously the cleaning

must be effective, and there

must be a minimum of one orgasm.

You've

thought of everything.

Do we count our own?

If we count hers and mine,

that's two, right?

That's a multiple?

Yours is irrelevant.

Is she serious?

I think she is.

I'm down for it. It will

be like career enhancement.

Dude, you can't hold down

a job to save your life.

You can't even keep

a driver's license.

It wasn't my fault.

It's never your fault.

What if you don't

like her? Your client?

Gina was pretty clear. If you don't

like anything about the session,

you can leave it. Or what

if she doesn't like us?

When I did my stripping

week, that was the worst bit.

You can be like really

well-built. If you're a stripper,

you can't just be a bit

hot. You have to be smoking.

If we're gonna

sleep with people,

we'll have to be sex gods.

Sounds good.

I'm in.

Are you kidding? I'm in.

Steve?

I'll be your IT department,

at least to get you started.

I found this site. Oh.

Jesus. Is that

shit even legal?

Yeah, that stripper joint

I worked for did that,

but they had some kind

of a special licence.

Apparently took them ages

to get it. Yeah, I've heard,

but we need to get started. So

if we did a website like this,

could we make the site owner

anonymous? Yeah, but you still need

search engine optimisation

with the right search words.

So, housecleaning.

Sex.

Pleasure.

You should be jotting this down.

Escorts who love your home.

Um, integrity, safety.

Discretion. Rock-solid.

Best ever root

you'll get all year.

I thought we were all going

round. Yeah, integrity's good.

Hi. Hi.

Come in. Thank you.

Right on time.

Foto Viva.

Tom?

Would you like to dance?

Yeah. Sure thing.

Just stop that. It's fine.

Ah.

Um, so I've been thinking.

And...

You see, I'm just

not exactly sure

that I can reliably

say that I know

how to please... a woman.

Well...

if you can say that...

..you're a better man than most.

Good.

What, Anthony? So-So he's big.

A jackhammer?

Oh. Oh, I am...

very sorry.

Yes, of course, I

completely understand.

Can we make it up to you in

some way?

Very sorry once again. Back

to cleaning and removals, bro.

On my hot mother, I

swear.

Pleased to Move You.

Really? Oh, that's just basic.

What else did he miss? Dude.

Oh, he'll be back.

I understand. No charge.

Come on, fellas. Don't feel

bad. We all make mistakes.

Let's look at the

positives here.

At least you're

both in the shit.

I mean, it's not like

you're gonna sack them.

One of my members of staff is...

How shall I put

this? He's, um...

very... well...

Endowed?

Oh, God. God's gift.

Yeah, he needs help from

someone who knows more than him.

Someone very...

very experienced.

Guys.

Just be cool.

Could you teach him

to clean everything?

Nothing sexy.

Just-just cleaning.

Everything. Thoroughly.

Uh, because I am chairing

a board meeting at three.

Oh, yeah. He will

so be done by then.

It's just your place - it's

the perfect training ground.

Mm. OK.

Keep your clothes on.

Are you sure it will

be good? The cleaning?

The sex.

Of course.

What if he doesn't like me?

Why do you think

he would like you?

It's been a little

while since I've, um...

Ah.

Now like quite a few years.

That happens.

Quite a few.

Can we just stop? Stop. OK.

Did you learn everything

you know from watching porn?

Porn is the exact opposite of what

good sex feels like for women.

Has no one ever

told you that? No.

Oh, God. Um...

Uh, you just tell me

what I'm doing wrong

and I will listen.

You don't just listen

with your ears.

You listen with your body.

Now, every woman's

body is different.

So even if I teach

you a technique,

you still have to

listen each time. Mm.

What do you have to

do every single time?

Have to, um, listen

to your body with my body.

So I'm pretty

successful at work,

in pretty much

everything in life,

except one thing.

Let me guess.

Yeah, well, let's just say that

not all of my sexual experiences

have been enjoyable.

You don't have to do this

if you don't want to.

No, I've thought about it a lot.

I don't want a relationship

and I don't like the idea

of an online hook-up,

and I've realised that

I don't wanna give up on sex

forever, so...

Well, you can take it gently.

You could, like, start with...

..a foot rub, and then

move onto a little massage,

and then just see if you

want to take it any further.

Can we do that? Sure.

Glass of wine? W-What

do you like to drink?

Gin. I might have

to slam a few first

to forget myself to get started.

You know, I think you are

here to remember yourself.

Yeah. Thanks.

You know what?

Yeah, I'll just do it.

Oh.

Not very good at letting other

people do things for you, are you?

Er, we need a different cloth.

Yep, I'll get it.

No, no, it's fine.

What does your husband do?

Er, did you mean to

ask what do I do?

I'm a corporate lawyer.

He is a surgeon.

Good with his hands?

He used to be.

I'm sorry. I didn't

realise he's not around.

Oh, no, no, no. He is around.

It's just that we don't...

Oh. ..you know, kind of...

Um, you can start on the bath.

Yeah. Yeah.

It's OK. The same

with my girlfriend,

or my ex. We stopped, as well.

Was that just because

it wasn't very good?

Oh, no, no, it was great.

But it was always up to me.

I always had to initiate.

The thing is, um...

Well, we are having a baby.

Congratulations. Yeah.

Well, she's having

a baby without me.

Little man. Oh.

Yeah.

Yeah, I wish she'd let me

be the dad. I am the dad.

I just really wanna be the dad.

I think I have to grow up a bit.

I need to get my shit together.

I'm sure you will.

You'll get there. Yeah.

If I am paying for it, I

don't want ordinary orgasm.

I can sort one of

those out for myself.

And I don't one of those naughty

ones that sneak up on you

and then fizzle out.

I want orgasm with

lots of edging.

Eased towards it...

then back off.

Ease up to it again...

..then back off. You know.

A big...

delicious lead up, and then...

..total annihilation.

OK.

And anything else?

Snow angel. My all-time

go to favourite.

That can't be

comfortable. I don't know.

Looks all right for her.

Bloke's got quite a hard job,

though. She is upside down.

No, she's just lying back. He's

the one doing all the holding.

No, no, that is

definitely upside down.

She can't even move.

Stop looking. I was

just going to do the...

license...

..application.

Women are quite tricky

to please.

They all seem to say

completely different things.

It's very inconsistent.

You're terrible for you.

I'm really not sure

I'm cut out for this.

Close your eyes.

That's silly.

No, no, trust me.

Just close your eyes

and imagine you're a woman

about to contact this business.

Come on, come on. All right.

You heard about the company...

Mm-hm... and you're intrigued.

Why are you so interested?

I, uh...

I don't know why. I

just am. Can't help it.

I don't even want to be.

So what do you do about

it? I look it up...

..secretly. And?

I need to know I'm

talking to a woman.

I don't want to speak to

a man about this. Good.

So you call up, you get a woman

and she asks you what you want.

What you really want.

Maybe she just

wants to be touched.

Feel this.

What does it tell you?

You're trying to

teach me something.

That's

what my words are saying.

Feel my hand.

What's it telling you?

It's warm.

Go on. It's like...

It's like you're

inviting me some.

Pleased to see me.

Good.

Now we can start.

So, what did you mean by,

you know, it was

always up to you?

Oh, yeah.

Well, even before we broke

up we'd stopped having sex.

I really love it when

a woman initiates,

and she never would.

It's so hot when a woman

asks me for something.

Could you get that dark

blue cloth, please?

OK, sure.

So...

..what would you like

to do for dinner?

I would like you to take me out.

Mm. And after that...

..I'd like to skip dessert.

I think that we should

come straight home...

and have a nude swim.

And then...

..I would like to lie down on

one of the sun lounges and...

I would like you

to go down on me.

And if you like...

..I could return the favour.

Could we skip dinner?

Yeah, nah.

I wanna be taken out first.

Gina?

What's the occasion?

I'll make us some pasta.

You said I never helped

with the housework.

Tom, no. Well,

I can do it now.

Top to bottom. Let me

show you. No, it's OK.

You must be Tom. I'm Gary.

How's the little man?

Growing.

Um... Nice to meet you, mate.

We're fine.

Don't worry. I'll call you.

See ya. Bye, Tom.

Dorian

Hi. Wait. Wait.

Wait. I-I know how to clean

your place properly now.

From top to bottom. And if you

don't let me in and let me do it,

I might lose my job.

Please, please, please.

Please let me come in and clean.

I couldn't quite hear that last

bit. Could you just repeat that?

(CHUCKLES

Please, please, please let me

come in and clean your house.

Thank you.

Are they? I had actually

forgotten...

..how good my body can

feel. Hang on, Sandra.

I'm pleased for you

because this business...

Pleased To Move You.

Could you please hold?

Sometimes you just need several

great Chads to get your mojo back.

I can't remember ever

feeling this good.

Hello. This is Steve.

I don't usually answer

these phones. Um...

so please be gentle with me.

It's just unbelievable. Mm.

Gina, I cannot recommend

it highly enough.

I just... I feel so alive.

Are you there?

Um, yeah, we can do that.

Would you mind if I called you

back? No, no, it's OK, it's OK.

I'll, uh, just check

the, uh, the bookings.

Um, yeah, just tell you me a

little bit more about yourself.

Lovely spot.

Look, I-I don't think I

should be doing the phones.

Did she make a booking?

Yep.

Who did you match her up with?

Actually it was me.

Well, I tried to talk her into

someone else, but she wanted

someone her own age and she liked

the sound of my voice, so...

You're married.

Ah, yeah, um... about that.

It's, um... it's real.

I...

I just kept thinking

she'd come back, so...

so I waited.

Are you still waiting?

No.

But you're still wearing

the ring.

Yeah, well, look, imagine this.

You're moving furniture one moment,

trying to get some money together

and get on with your life,

and the next moment...

the entire team has been

converted into sexy cleaners.

You should have said. I

was saving you from trying

to wheel me out along

with the rest of them.

I mean, no one wants this

scrubbing their kitchen bench.

It sounds like somebody does.

She'll regret it when she sees me.

Aw, don't be silly.

I'm sure the pair of you will

have a terrific time of it.

Hi. Hello.

Do you only employ men

as your, um...

Sex professionals - that's

what we call them. Right.

I don't - I don't

have any women.

Oh, that's OK. I

just thought I'd ask.

I don't know.

Since the kids are gone, there's

a bit more time to take notice

of what's going on with

me. And especially after

some of the bookings, I am

feeling all kinds of things

for all kinds of people.

You sound like a

young person.

But if I'm gonna try being with

a woman for the first time,

I'd prefer it to be with someone

who knows what she's doing,

who can forgive me if-if I'm wrong

and I want to stop halfway through.

I'm being ridiculous,

aren't I? No, you're not.

Can you leave it

with me? Thank you.

Ah.

Would you mind not

mentioning this to Brett?

Yes, as long as that's mutual.

Uh...

I suppose I'm

here for a booking.

You don't need us. I've seen what

happens when you walk into a room.

I...

I don't like my

breasts to be touched.

I've got really

insensitive nipples

so when they get

a lot of attention

I feel nothing.

Well, left out, really.

So you want to pay for

someone who will...

..ignore your breasts. Yes.

Not all of my sexual experiences

have been satisfying.

And I'll pay for some that are,

if it means good sex.

People underestimate me.

And they don't know that

I reconfigured the entire

apex programme to

integrate both platforms.

That day the only

thing anyone said

was about what I looked

like, including you.

I'm sorry about

that. It's fine.

I mean - No, it's really not.

I'm used to it. It

happens every day.

But it's the shit sex

that's wearing thin.

You have a lifetime of sex ahead

of you and it should be good.

You're gonna have to learn

to ask for what you want.

It's never too late to start.

I just want a decent root.

Yep.

I know. I was terrible, but

I can do so much better.

Good for you.

I've been working on some

moves. Please let me show you.

Please.

So what was that Incredible

Hulk thing you did

with your clothes again?

Light years beyond that.

Can you, for five

minutes straight,

move your mouth and your

tongue in the exact same way?

Yes.

Yes, yes, I can, I can.

God damn.

Anthony.

He ironed everything.

Everything.

I didn't know we

offered ironing.

I asked and away he went.

Oh.

So did he take care

of anything else?

Mm-hm.

I should have done

this years ago.

Ah.

Mm.

Hi.

Where is everybody? They

stopped for sausage rolls.

Couldn't bear it. Croissant?

No, thank you. Home-made.

Thanks.

Well, if you change your mind.

I need to ask you something.

What's this?

Hm, I don't know.

Weird. Mm.

So, I wanna talk to

you about something.

Go ahead. I've been thinking.

I get a lot of thinking done

about two in the morning.

I think a lot more about this

job than my... my old one.

It's about the business model.

I don't think it's sustainable.

If you really think about it.

Oh.

Keep going, if you don't mind.

It's, uh...

It's a high-end...

..one-off model.

You can't just...

replicate the transactions.

Yeah, I know.

Should I go a

bit faster? Yeah.

Oh, no, no,

that's too fast.

That's too fast. Oh,

OK. Cool, I'll just...

OK.

Fine. Yeah.

Just cruise.

Slower.

Really cruising.

Oh.

Oh!

One is never enough.

Good As Gold

Whoa. That's gorgeous.

What's going on? Nothing.

You got laid. Finally.

It's none of your business.

Sorry, your business

is always my business.

Did you forget your moisturiser?

Mm, yeah. Use my coconut oil.

Thanks.

You know, that is an

excellent lubricant.

It goes on easy, smells amazing,

tastes amazing, lasts forever

and it is a healthy fat, so you

can just pop it in your stir-fry.

Thank you, Sandra.

I don't usually... Me

neither. ..use that, and...

actually that was my first time. It

was the first time for both of us.

Was it horrible? No. Good.

I can live with that, as

long as it wasn't horrible.

OK, I got your rose petals,

your 85% chocolate,

your champagne,

strawberries, massage

oil, condoms -

so many condoms - and lubricant.

Apparently silicone

is the way to go.

How about organic coconut oil?

Oh, OK.

Oh,

that'll be a booking for me.

In your dreams, bro.

It's not loading.

Yeah, the whole system is not

coping. We need an upgrade.

We can't afford it. If I can't make the payments,

they take the company off me. Gina, the door.

I'm looking for Gina Henderson.

Yeah, that-that's me.

Can I help you?

You're in charge here?

I am.

Well, looks like I found

exactly who I'm looking for.

Not

many places take on guys.

I wondered if you might

like to increase the team.

Oh, no. No, mate,

we're-we're full.

Yeah, you should just piss off

some place else.

Yeah. Yeah.

Sorry, what was your name?

It's Mike. Hi, Mike.

I'm Gina. I know.

Guys, there is no

need to be rude.

Just basic politeness.

He was basic. He

was quite rude.

He threw his top off in front

of us. A little bit desperate.

What? He looked all - Manners.

You can file that, please,

under M.

M for Mike. Not-not good.

Hey.

How's things? Great.

I think I'm jealous.

Of? You're

astonishing sex life.

Yeah, well, you should

try the morning afters.

I'm perfectly clear

with them every time -

"This is a one-off."

What happens when you don't

want it to be a one-off?

It's too risky.

Can I ask you to do

something for me?

Will be as much fun as last

time? That's up to you.

I think I could

start to like this.

OK.

Hi! Hi.

I've come to clean your house.

I didn't know you clean houses.

Oh.

Are you gonna let me in

or...? Sorry.

Cute dog. Yeah. Leo.

Hey, good boy.

Um, it's ten in the morning.

Oh. Egg cups?

Lemon.

And salt.

It's your turn.

Women. Women.

Mm.

Uh-uh. I've already done there.

You need to find somewhere new.

Mm!

Shall we go again?

Yeah.

Just a little.

Uh-huh, yeah. No,

I have the number.

I'm just trying to find it.

Is there somewhere

you want this?

No, look, I-I am very sorry, OK.

I will personally

follow up for you, OK?

I'll just count it out.

My assistant's very busy.

He may have missed something.

Two. Uh, yeah. No,

I'll hold, yeah.

Three. Four.

Five.

Get it,

girl.

Yeah, no, no, I'm still here.

Hey, Gina! I just thought I'd

let you know that I am now

the official owner

of this company.

Yes! Final payment complete.

Hooray!

Hey!

Hoorah!

Hayley told me so I'm showed up.

Yeah, and then she got

everyone drunk on the way here.

It wasn't hard.

Congratulations. Oh! Oh,

let me please take this off.

Madam.

I couldn't do it - the booking.

I know.

I checked.

You checked.

You should have said if you didn't

want to do. No, I did want to...

until I got to the

car park and I just -

then I just drove straight home

and ate two litres of ice cream

in the dark. I'm

sorry. I'm so sorry.

I'm not.

Whoo!

Hey, Gina, get over here!

And what's going

on with you two?

I'm risking it.

I really like her.

Mm! Mm!

Geronimo!

Are you hung over?

Yes, I am.

Do you know it's been

years since we've had sex?

Don't be so dramatic.

It's been a couple of

years now, I think.

G, it has not been two

years. Yeah, there was Bali.

And when we came home from Bali.

And then?

Is there something

you want to tell me?

No. If I so much

as look at you,

you are so repelled you

go running from the room.

Running to whoever it is who is

so much more attractive than me.

That's not true. I'm not seeing

anyone else and I never have.

So you expect me to believe

that you are perfectly happy

just not having sex

with anyone, ever?

Well, no. No, I'm not - OK,

I'm not perfectly happy.

I just...

I just seem to have lost...

Lost what?

Oh. I'm tired.

You're always tired.

Are you sick? No, I'm

not sick. I got checked.

What for? I'm fine.

Everything is fine. We

have your prescription.

Gina.

I just don't feel like it.

You sure?

Yeah.

I'm sure.

Er, hi there. I'm Tom from

Ple-Pleased To Move You,

and I'm looking

forward to making sure

you get everything you need -

you need - you need - you need...

Oh, for fuck sake. Now

it's totally fried.

What do you mean

"fried"? I don't know.

It's thoroughly shitting

itself. I just don't know why

it's still happening. And the

booking system is down. I'll fix it.

No, you don't you touch

it. You will fuck it.

OK, we'll just turn it off

and turn it back on again.

Hi. It's Gina.

I need your brains.

Should she be allowed in there?

Alice is smarter than all of us put

together. If anyone can sort this,

she can. You guys

need to upgrade.

I don't know who set this up,

but I can sort it out for you.

Well, um...

a little room.

Yeah. Come on, guys.

Just take it easy. She

knows what she's doing.

Sorry. Yeah, no, I'll...

I'll be back here.

Looking for something

special? Yeah.

It's or my wife. Ah.

In the shit, are ya?

You could say that.

Good investment, then.

You know you should do?

Clean the house. Gets you in

the good books every time.

Thanks. I'm good.

Well, not heaps...

You are good to go.

Whoo-hoo! Nice.

Are we missing anything? Um...

Oh, yeah. It looks like you had two

movers booked for half an hour ago.

Do you wanna lift?

Oh, yeah. Thanks.

Cool.

I'll do the boxes, then, eh?

It's still important.

What's this?

Are you gonna tell

me what's in it?

I really think it's for the

best. Please don't do this.

I really shouldn't - Please don't be like

that. That is completely unnecessary.

Is it because I, you know, um...

Before with the... croissants?

No.

No, that was a career highlight.

But I think it's time I did

my own thing for a while.

You're all set up now.

It's been the greatest pleasure.

Au revoir.

Gina!

Steve?

Gina!

Pleased To Move You.

You've got Benjamin.

Phone. I hope you clean faster

than you pick up the phone, mate.

I need to make a

booking for today.

Cool. So, can I just clarify,

is it for yourself?

No, well, it's for my wife.

OK. But will you be there?

Yeah, only if you come now.

I want it to be a surprise.

A surprise?

For your wife and you?

I mean, that's cool

and everything, man.

Um, I just - can I ask

how you heard about us?

Listen, mate, I'm just trying to

work out how to please my wife.

It's not that easy. So either you

come now or I'm gonna do it myself.

Um, I mean, I'm the

only one free, but -

Can we just get on with this?

Yep.

Oh, do you want

me to get started?

Yeah. I'm getting a beer.

Uh... you wife...

Um... are you sure?

Yes, mate. Go for it.

OK.

Oh, are

you good with music?

Whatever.

Sex Bomb

Mm. Mm.

What the fuck are you doing?

I'm removing my trousers.

Ben? Gina.

Oh.

What, do you know this guy?

Pull your pants up. Oh, don't

get all private now, mate.

Ben, what are you doing

here? I got a booking.

Do you know something about

this? Dude, she owns the company.

Ben, this is Adrian, my husband.

He doesn't know.

Do you think I should go?

Mm. Mm.

OK, uh, excuse, um...

This is the...

removal thing?

I employ men

to pleasure women and

to clean their houses.

Some women just

take the house clean

for the sheer the pleasure

of watching men do the jobs

they spend a lifetime hating.

Does anyone know about this?

Just the clients.

We're very private.

Un-fucking-believable.

Oh, how did you get

my home address?

Don't turn up at my house.

Email me your resume, new photos

and your penis size, and do

not overestimate, please.

We don't care as much as you

think. She wants my penis size.

Gina Henderson?

Would you accompany me back

to the station to answer

some questions, please?

Shit.

The legal representative

for Gina Henderson.

Can you describe to me the

exact nature of the business,

Please To Move You? Until we know

if any charges are being pressed,

my client will not be answering

any of your questions.

Well, that may be the case, but

for operating without a licence

you will be fined under section

23 of the Prostitution Act.

Look, this whole thing

is just a big mistake.

The business known as

Pleased To Move You

will cease operations immediately.

As I said, my client will not be

answering any of your questions.

We do removals, clearances,

domestic cleaning and,

uh, sexual services.

If the client wants, uh.

The cleaning acts as a cover?

No. No, we do the cleaning.

I train them myself. We polish

sinks, we clean toilets,

scrub the grout on your tiles.

Yeah, we clean our houses and,

you know, and... give orgasms.

You know, just not

necessarily in that order.

You admit to running a

business that charges for sex.

And cleaning. Don't

forget the cleaning.

Why do men always

forget the cleaning?

Hm. My client is under

extreme duress right now.

You were operating an

enterprise where women engage

in sexual misconduct

under the guise of

hiring domestic services.

That is pure conjecture.

It is not misconduct.

We are fulfilling a

need for all those women

who feel sexually invisible,

whose husbands never learned

how to take a hit for the team.

We're there for those who

like to climax more than once,

and for those who are

sick of doing it alone.

But mostly we are here because,

contrary to appearances,

we haven't given up on sex,

and we're sick of cleaning the

house. ALL: Yes!

Did you feel forced at any time?

Were you ever harmed or...?

I don't think so,

checking in, but, um...

that'll be a no. Oh.

It says here your job is to...

"give orgasms."

It's not actually

illegal. We checked.

We applied for a licence

and everything. Mm. Mm.

And we do cleaning.

You've just admitted to

operating without a licence

in what is a highly

regulated industry.

The fine will be in the tens

of thousands of dollars.

I don't want you to pay it.

Well, I'm gonna have to.

It's not like you've got a job.

We are just gonna go home,

and I will sort everything out.

Don't want that.

Now's not the time, Gina.

I'm not going back. There's

no need to be hysterical.

I am not. But you are.

This is hysterical behaviour.

Adrian, would you just fuck off?

All right, I will.

I will fuck off. Fuck

off home without you.

I'm not gonna come back to find

out if you've changed your mind.

And you can pay the fine by

yourself - you do realise that.

Absolutely.

Do you know how good it

is to sleep with someone

who's more interested in you

than in how they look naked?

This has been like the

best gap year ever.

Yes. Do you have any

questions for me?

No? OK.

Uh, is Gina Henderson

here, please?

Er, yeah.

She is...

She's being officially questioned.

For what? Having a good time?

Look, this is a unique service

that women are allowed

to subscribe to.

It's better than cocaine. It's

about the same price, though.

Sandra. Sorry.

Here you go, ma'am.

Oh, Gina, shit.

Oh, darl. Oh.

So what are you gonna do?

Hey, Mum, it's me - again.

Uh, I spoke to Dad. He's

getting used to things.

I know it's been a

couple of months,

but I think he's still angry.

Anyway, Mum...

I think you're unbelievable.

Tell me if you hear anything.

Good luck. I hope

you get it. Bye!

There's still nothing.

It'll be here.

I hope. Don't worry about the

licence. We need your statement.

It's coming.

Look who's here. Sorry

I'm late, everyone.

Aww. Oh, Tom! You did it!

Aw. Aw!

Huxley, meet everybody.

Everybody, this is Huxley.

Aw. He's gorgeous.

It's dad day. Dad

half day, actually.

We'll move to full days

when he's a bit older.

I get a lot of access time

so I figured we could do

'bring your kids to work day'.

Cool! If he can bring his baby,

can I bring my dog, please? Oh,

not quite the same thing, bro.

Um, well, you probably shouldn't

keep them waiting any longer.

Let's do it.

Mate, that's my go to move.

Ooh. It's here.

Ooh. Can I check? Yeah!

Everybody, members of the board,

I hereby declare

that we are a fully

licensed operation!

Whoo!

Let's go! Par-tay!

Yeah!

I am guilty of looking

up your address

on company records.

Just say the word and I will go

away and I will not come back.

I will leave you

alone, I promise.

Just... say the word.

Shit.

Sorry, marmalade. Burnt it.

Oh, no, it's OK. I'm gonna go.

It's been wonderful to see you

again. Thank you for the visit.

Gina, Gina, that...

that wasn't a visit.

A visit is when you come

in and you eat a pastry,

and then you think about

whether you're in the mood

for a glass of Pinot

and then we can...

..we can work out whether you wanna

have two pastries or...

..three.

Te Busco

Forget about the pastry. I'll

just drag you to the bedroom.

Mm, bedroom, that

sounds very far away

Ah.

Mm.

Thank you. Thanks.

Thanks very much.

Just a minute.

Well, look at what

you've gone and done.

Baked with my own fair hand.

Croissant? Yes.

They're marmalade flavour.

People seem to like it.

Anything else?

All of it.

"When was the last time you let

yourself ask for what you wanted

in the bedroom?"

Incredible. Mm. Oh.

"We offer a service

that encourages women

to freely express what they want

without judgement.

We provide safe experiences

so women can begin to

close the pleasure gap.

This is a sexual

wellness company

about learning how to

practice your pleasure.

And we'd love to help with the

house while we sort your orgasm."

"Because your pleasure

is worth asking for."

Mm.

Shall we take a look? Go on.

Refresh it. Yep.

Oh! Oh, my word.

Oh, that's crazy!

Oh. Wow.

"Please unblock my drains."

Good As Gold

Light It Up

How to Please a Woman (2022) - full transcript