How to Make Out (2020) - full transcript
Arthur, 15, falls in love with Ouassima, who doesn't even look at him. While he has never been in love, she is dating Matt, the handsome kid from college. To get closer to her, Arthur gathers a group of single losers and offers to give them lessons in fishing, at 10 euros per lesson. In the changing rooms of the swimming pool, a long, intimate and collective learning process begins on "girls and love: instructions for use".
Arthur—
- What?
- Insults session.
- Oh no!
- Come on, please, Kikou.
- Okay, if you hadn't pushed me into the pool
when I was five to teach me about survival,
I'd be a swimming king today.
So fuck off!
- I didn't want you turning out a wimp, that's normal.
- But you're the one freaked by life.
- You're really ungrateful.
Like your arsehole Dad.
- Ah, well you might have bothered
to try to keep my father.
- Well guess what, you can give
your opinion about couples—
once you make out with a girl, you poor kid.
- And—two kids, from two different fathers—
You must have some heavy advice to offer.
- Really? You can offer your advice
when you learn to swim, ducky. Okay?
Congratulations Kikou. You were great!
It really does us good to us to talk to each other
without filters, like that. It's—
You know, they were right on TV.
Communication is the only real thing.
When I see all these mothers struggling
with their teenagers, I say to myself,
frankly, it's not so complicated.
We just have to listen—
Do you want me to drop you off?
- No, I'll take the bus.
Long as you're happy, it's fine with me. Bye José.
- See you tonight, Arthur.
- Don't forget, Year 9 is important.
You have to work.
Because next is high school and then—
It's not easy any longer.
I've told you thirty times, Arthur, please.
- Bye Mum.
All right?
- Hi man.
- Hey mate.
Hey, what's that moustache doing there?
- Oh, you noticed.
It's for the ladies, they like it
on the ticklish side, you see.
I saw that in Mum's Grazia magazine.
- Seriously, you can only see your tache up close.
Looks like it's a moustache tadpole
about to mutate into another animal.
Like—an octopus!
- Nothing scares me.
This year I'm going for everything. It's insane.
Tacheman is in the starting blocks.
- Did you see how I muscled up my arms?
- Yeah, and—you've never made out with Yaëlle.
- Of course I made out with her.
- No man, she kissed you on truth or dare.
Anyway, that was a game, no tongues—doesn't count.
- Sorry, but when I touched her breasts
through her sweater—That was real.
- She calls you Handsy.
She flirted with you 24 hours.
From Saturday evening to Monday morning.
You didn't see her on Sundays or working days.
Dude, you never made out with a real girl.
You're screwed, bro, accept it.
The essential is invisible to the eyes,
you can only see well with the heart.
HOW TO MAKE OUT?
Hello!
I'm so happy to see you girls, I really missed you!
- Hi Yaëlle.
- Hi.
I've got something very important to tell you.
This year, my party's gona be deadly.
- But your parties are always deadly.
- No, that's the theme: Death.
Isn't that great? Like, I don't know, the costumes,
the food, the decor, everything.
It's gona be crazy.
Plus my parents are going on a trip.
So we have the whole house to ourselves.
This is going to be the furiousest party ever!
Handsy!
Handsy! Handsy! Handsy!
Hey, your new hairstyle suits you so well.
- What do you want?
- Well—nothing. How were the holidays?
- Are you kidding me? You touched my boobs
and now you're asking about my holidays?
Seriously, get yourself a life.
You're looking for sympathy about your bump, too.
- Oh yeah, it hurts so much.
Apart from that, would it be possible for
Guigui and me to come to your December party?
- My Death party!
Please use the right word.
Plus I only invite cool people.
You, you're useless, you're clingy and you're
stupid. You're not invited and you never will be.
- Well, since we were dating,
I thought it'd be a nice gesture.
- No, I don't think so. We weren't dating.
You raped me by touching my breasts.
It's not the same.
Anyway, ass is all you've thought
about since Year 2.
If you haven't dated, you're not invited.
That's it. That's the rule.
Go on, get back to jerking off, you big pervert,
otherwise I'll file a complaint. #metoo.
- Well, good morning, everyone
and welcome to Year 2B.
You have reached the end of
the second cycle of your education.
My name is Madame Viel.
I'm your French teacher and
also your form teacher, all right?
Your form teacher is the one you can come to
with any problems related to your schooling.
Work problems, relationships with a teacher
that can be more or less difficult.
That can happen.
And I'm also here to listen to all
kinds of family issues you might have.
I listen to them if they get in the way of—
- Fuck it!
your education and your syllabus.
Check out my new dance.
- Frankly, you're too jerky.
- You're so gona cry when I'm a star.
They'll interview you on the evening news.
Yes, is it true you thought he was too jerky?
You'll look like a real dick.
- But I've got a built-in star radar.
You don't activate it.
- You've a bullshit radar.
Dancing is in my DNA, man.
Hey man, are you looking at me?
Man!
They'll take you straight to the asylum
if you don't change your mind.
- She's seriously chaotic. I want her.
- You realize we've known her
since Year 5 and you've never noticed her?
- She's changed. Everything changed this summer.
She's the same without being the same.
And now—what a bomb!
- You're really a sicko!
Her father, look, he's a charity case.
- Hello everyone.
Our colleague, Daniel, who you can also call Danny,
offers individual or group swimming lessons,
as well as aquagym lessons.
- In the Pool Happy Family, I'd like the daughter.
- Happy swimming everyone.
How are you, big boy?
So, have you thought about swimming lessons?
- It's not my element. I've thought about it.
- Water is life, right?
- Yeah.
- In your mother's womb, you were floating,
you were swimming already.
You didn't ask any questions.
That's instinct, you see.
And then I promised Paola—
I promised your mother I'd teach you to swim.
Swimming, if you like, is—
it's confronting the unknown, you know?
Fears are just there to be overcome, to be—
You have to work on your Force.
You have to work on your Jedi side.
- What's that? Jedi?
- Star Wars. You don't know Star Wars?
The film. You know?
- No.
- R2D2, right?
Yoda?
You really don't know?
It's philosophy, man.
Everything's in there.
The good, the bad—
communication, conflict, love.
It should be reimbursed by Health Care.
- Oh yeah—there's love ...
The lift's broken again. My legs are worn out.
- Here, this is for you.
- What's that?
Oh no, it's the electricity bill.
I'm not opening that.
Oh this little cap's lovely.
Your swimming teacher is really, really adorable.
- Lifeguard, Mum. You say lifeguard.
And he's not my teacher. I'm not learning.
- That's a shame, Kikou. You'll regret it later.
You know, your life will be over
before you can take a breath.
What's up with you?
What are you looking at?
You're waiting for your mum, are you?
- You don't understand, Mum, she's just a baby.
Why don't you have anyone in your life?
Wow, what questions. That's enough!
What's wrong with you? I don't know why
I don't have anyone in my life. It's complicated.
Because I'm afraid of
losing something if I fall in love. I—
And I'm tired too, you know.
We hurt more easily as we get older.
We becone fragile, and so we try to avoid it.
What about you, smartass,
why don't you have a girlfriend?
There's never any peace here!
Will you stop your bloody music, please!
***
Knock knock knock?
- What?
- What are you doing?
- Watching a movie from last century—Star Wars.
- Can I watch it with you?
- No.
- Someone's out there, you know, who'll
love you some day. You just have to be patient.
- My life isn't passing too quickly.
It's passing too slowly.
Seriously, they're all in love with her.
What has this guy got that we don't?
- Well, everything. Two repeats,
muscles, a surfboard, wheels—
girls, a badass look—
A sex life, somehow—
- Don't be sucked into negativity.
He thinks he's God's gift, but he didn't repeat
two years because he's Steve Jobs kid.
Arthur! Breathe, man!
Arthur!
One! Two!
One! Two!
Spinning, spinning, spinning.
One. Two! One. Two! One. Two!
And relax.
And relax. Relax.
Relax the shoulders.
There, ready.
- Hi, you all right?
Come on, it's important.
I've got an offer you can't refuse.
Let's go and talk over by the chairs.
- Do you want to hose me down, Nemo?
Or to touch my boobs, Handsy?
I told you, not even in his dreams
will I invite him to my death party.
I need to boost myself up a bit before high school.
- Come on, I'll give you anything you want.
- Anything I want?
- Right—
I'd like to know if you'd be willing to
teach me and some friends—how to—
make out with girls!
- What?
- I mean, well, you're really cute
and you're pretty skilful with emotions—
I thought you'd be in the best position—
since me and my friends, we're kind of
at a low level of understanding in general—
and in particular about women.
At least—especially my friends.
It'd be so cool if you could help us.
- So how much you gona pay me?
- It's non-profit.
- Hang on a minute, you think
I'm the Dalai Lama or what?
You're just using me to
help losers for free, right?
Let me explain.
Matt and I are going to see Kanye West's
concert in New York, okay?
I need money for the plane tickets.
So I'll be charging ten euros
per person per lesson.
Otherwise no way.
- Okay, but five euros is my best price.
Kanye West's old, he's not worth more.
- No, ten.
Find plenty of losers.
I don't get out of bed for less than 40 quid.
- Okay.
But at that price, you'll teach us how—
to make out with a girl—
and how to keep her.
- Yes, don't worry, you'll be free, Willy.
Your swimsuit.
You told me I could ask you anything I want.
I want your swimsuit.
- Don't be selfish, I'll give you my cap if you want.
- Okay, so in fact you're not a man of your word,
you're not even a man. Go and find someone else.
Want some help showing off your arse in my pool?
- Arthur Vidal, your daughter's classmate.
Nine B.
- And you cavort around naked on school property?
The new fashion in nine B, is that it?
Evacuate the area, kid, your outfit doesn't conform!
Hey, I've already figured out my whole costume.
It's so audacious.
- Well the fact is, to be invited, I have to get a date.
I have to go from zero to hero.
For that we need Ouassima.
Come on, help me recruit.
Him over there.
- He's ugly, too small,
out of shape, seriously scary.
He's the type to hang around behind a car
with a rope when he's angry.
I confirm, he never dated.
- Please don't discriminate.
He may have suffered a lot as a child.
Come on, let's ask him.
- I'm only doing this for the party.
- All right?
- IYA.
- We've got a crazy offer for you.
Like a deal. That grab you?
- IYA.
- I don't understand Arabic, man.
In Your Ass.
- Ah okay.
I wanted to help you make out with girls.
That's not IYA, it's for real.
Don't we look a bit stupid?
- No, in fact we're on the threshold
of our intimate evolution.
- We're savages!
- Well? Shall we go, studs?
- Wow! You have to get a move on
if you want to make out.
♪ With my lessons you'll make out ♪
Right. Making out is like football.
You have to stand out.
So we'll see how you stand out.
By asserting ourselves?
- Hold on please, don't anticipate.
I want each of you to tell me,
one at a time, what's original about you.
So, come on, we're hot. Who's gona start?
No, too much of an arse-kisser. Guillaume?
- I'd like to point out that I'm here mainly
so I can be invited to Yaëlle's party.
And I don't need help with dating since
I'm not necessarily part of the group.
But to stand out, I have my love of dancing.
- Right, bro, you'll be able to use that.
Okay, no, stop.
That's a bit complicated for the party.
Let's move on. Next.
- I can put forward my honesty as an asset.
Since I get told a lot I lead an honest life.
- Oh come on, less of the bullshit.
- Forget it, nobody cares about honesty.
It's like your plastic shoes.
They're useless.
- You think so?
- Oh yes.
- Then I have to have a think.
Can I speak again at the end?
- Yes. Samir?
- Me? I'm crazy.
At home, they call me the jackal,
because I'm tough.
Does that stand out with girls?
And I'm a threat.
- Yeah, not something we're crazy about.
Tough only works if you're gentle too.
You need to find the right balance there.
Arthur?
- I don't know. I don't have anything special.
Wait though, yeah—I'm a leader, that's it.
I'm the boss of everything.
Who organized the raffle in Year 7?
Who collected the money for Taba's leaving gift?
And who was almost class rep last year?
So who's the boss?
- It's amazing how you humiliate yourself.
On a level of sexiness, you're dead.
You don't have the profile of a winner, man.
- yes I do, I'm in a win-win situation.
- What's happening?
Yeah, it's okay, coast is clear.
I've got it!
I rock at school.
I'm first in maths. In French I'm one of the best—
- No, that's useless.
For cheating on you, okay, that would do it.
But for dating, it's dead.
- Allow me to contradict you.
I'm sorry, but getting good grades
makes me a man with ambition.
Who will be wealthy and who gives
himself the means to access—
- Oh you piss me off!
You have to get your fingers out!
I'm going to ask you just one question.
Are you with me, yeah or shit?
- Yeah!
- I can't hear you.
- Yeah!
- Good, I prefer that. Highlight how you stand out.
Next time, we're going to
do something about your faces.
Because you're like riddled with spots.
- Yeah!
- You've really fucking pissed me off!
- IYA, who does she think she is?
It's clear—
- And what's she got against my shoes?
My shoes are very good.
- Yeah, but you pissed her off too!
It's time.
- I'm ready.
- Good. That's good!
Here you go. Float, float.
Float.
The fear's in your head.
The idea of fear is eating you up, okay?
Come on Arthur, lift your head.
Lift your head or you'll drown.
Here, lift up your head.
Good, that's great.
The Force is with you.
Come on, stretch your legs.
Be a frog. That's good! Stretch your legs.
You swim horizontally, not vertically.
Don't do the drowning breaststroke. Come on!
Arthur! Surface!
Never fight for a lost cause
Arthur?
- The joy of education when in many countries,
young people don't have that opportunity.
Beautiful, Arthur.
The joy of having a son like you.
- Thanks Mum.
- You're welcome. I really think that.
The joy of learning to swim.
I'm so glad you're enjoying that.
You know, Mr Poupinel is an excellent teacher.
It's so brave of you to—
to overcome your fear like that.
- We say lifeguard, Mum.
- The joy of having a mother who loves me as I am.
The joy of having a son
who trusts me and who's trustworthy.
There you are!
That was intense tonight.
I love this happiness box. I think it's
a really great idea, you know, because—
it's very important in life to be positive.
To—to see the glass half full. You see?
- Why did Dad leave, the night of the fireworks?
- Oh no, Arthur, please.
It's been a good evening up 'til now.
You're not going to start again with that?
He left because—
because he left.
I'm going to make bolognese and then
we're going to have a good evening, aren't we?
Before that, I'm having a cigarette.
Smoking kills, Arthur. It says so
on the pack, it says so everywhere.
That's why after dinner I'll go to
the pharmacy to buy some patches.
Hey—
Arthur—
What do you want for your birthday?
- For my birthday—
I want a normal life.
And answers.
- Is that supposed to be a dog?
- It's a dog—
- But it won't do at all.
- Please!
- No.
- I'll take care of it, okay?
- You?
- A little dog like that, with a cheeky little face.
All nice, like this, super smart, super funny.
You see? Lots of cuddles. No?
- No room!
- No room?
You don't have room for me, you don't
have room for a dog—well, I mean—
You think I suck at imitation.
Frankly, you're quite unpleasant today!
- I already have two children.
- Yeah.
- Why should I make my life more difficult
with a dog as well. You've got no idea.
An animal's a responsibility.
I'd have to take it out, feed it.
I'd have to take care of it.
- Of a lover too, so enough of the clichés.
I mean, Arthur would be only too happy to have a dog.
In addition, animals humanize teenagers.
It's proven.
Experts say so.
Must you have everything under control all the time?
No, but—
Seriously. You're always like this.
No but—
Well—
- I love you.
Even with me it seems like it's too much for you.
Frankly, I don't really know why I'm still here.
Plus you have a hair on your tongue.
- Do I?
- Yeah hold still.
- Is it gone?
- I got it, see?
There, it won't bother you any more.
No need for a hairdresser.
If you get another one, just call me, I'll sort it.
- Okay.
Oh yeah, wait a sec.
I got this for you at the pool.
Like that—like that, you won't catch a cold.
- It's so cute.
You're my hero.
- Off you go, because—well,
an hour and a half at the pharmacy—
Arthur's a teenager, but he's not stupid.
Bye. Who's the more foolish?
The fool, or the fool who follows him?
Obi-Wan, episode four.
- Ah, so it wasn't a real question?
It was worth it, you'll see.
Go on, quick!
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
What's that?
- It's good, everyone's got one!
- Bullshit to everyone's got one.
And if everyone jumps off a cliff,
will you jump off a cliff too?
- And besides, I banned you from my room.
- Are you feeling all right?
I do the banning in this house, okay?
Pull yourself together, Ouassima.
You're doing God knows what
between your singing delusions
and those fabricless swimsuits there.
This is not at all in line with what I expect of you.
Take this swimsuit off and give it to me right now.
- But it's too hot for the one-piece.
- So go to the kitchen, put your head in the fridge,
swallow some ice cubes. It'll do you good.
- Because of you, I'm going to look like a kid.
- But that's what you are, a kid.
I won't let you get like
these Arabs cavorting around—
stealing our family allowances.
Or worse, selling their drugs.
I want you to behave like a French woman.
Take that off right now and give it to me!
- Do you know what they say about you?
That you're just a fascist.
We're Arab. You can't even accept
where we come from.
And you're not even teaching me Arabic.
That's a damn disgrace!
- We're of arabic descent.
We've been French for three generations.
My identity card is French.
And I'm not a profiteer.
I love my country.
I speak French.
And be polite, please.
If your mother was here, she'd be mortified.
Right. The first thing a girl sees is your face.
It's like with apartments,
it takes you three seconds to decide.
May I introduce you to Jen, my BFF,
who's going to help me change your look,
since it's gona take a lot of work.
Well, what do you care about most,
physically speaking?
- My aquiline nose?
- Galley slave!
How about your arse or your shit shoes?
- I say arse all the time too.
Amazing what we have in common.
Don't you think so, babe?
But that's not the point of the exercise?
- Your nose is not a look, it's a feature.
And we're going to put sunglasses on you,
so we'll see less of it.
It'll strengthen your elusive side a little.
Right, Guigui, stand up? Give us a twirl.
This guy thinks he's a little Opéra dance rat.
- I like dancing and I'm proud of it.
My look is my moustache.
That's all I have to say.
- See the delusion?
- The moustache is really in.
- No, well okay, we'll see if
we can do something with it.
Even though it's been around since
before Jesus Christ. You know that?
- It's called vintage.
- She's vintage too.
- Get out of here!
- Did you see how ignorant she is?
- Me—you know what? I am my rage!
- In my head I see you as
a rapper from the 93, full of rage.
Right in your face.
- Baby, baby, baby.
Baby, don't you mess with me—
I'm gona smash it all,
so we can have a ball!
- Yeah okay, man, forget it.
There's no flow there.
You'd need necklaces to shine.
- I thought maybe an eyebrow piercing.
- Your losers come from very far away.
- No, it's bad. You need a skateboard.
Yeah, a skateboard.
So you can glide along and not be so uptight.
- Yeah, like Matt. He's so cute with his wheels.
- A bit less about Matt, please.
And you, Guigui, do something
about your hair because—
And don't be afraid to express your personality.
Not on the surface, but deep down.
Okay?
- Come on, let's take a shower.
- Thanks for the advice. You're strong.
Is there a chance I could have your number?
- Yeah, but don't message me with your life story.
I'm not that keen on mobiles.
- What's going on in my pool?
You're attacking old ladies, are you?
- Not at all, sir.
We're setting up a fund for migrants.
So we're raising money for char—.
- I don't want to see you acting
the big man in the girls' locker room!
This is my place, and it works
according to my principles.
- Yes sir, thank you sir!
- Go and piss about somewhere else!
In another pool!
- This is it! I've got it!
- This is it, you've got—
what you want to do for work?
- To be myself.
A skateboard. I want a skateboard for Christmas.
- Really? But Christmas is a while away.
There's your birthday first.
Wait, I don't get it.
You don't want to take the bus with Guigui?
- Oh no. Mum! I'm changing!
My whole life is changing.
I'm becoming an adult.
- Okay, well, we'll ask Santa Claus
for a skateboard then.
I hope he can find one that's not too expensive.
- Mum, I want to tell you my list for Santa Claus too.
You're the one writing it.
- Ok, I'm listening.
- A mini castle.
A tyrannosaurus that'll crush the city.
- Yeah.
A Dad.
A yellow watering can.
I'll leave carrots under the tree
for your reindeers to eat.
Signed José Vidal who lives on floor 23.
- You know he won't be able to give you
everything on your list, my little scribbler.
But I promise I'll send it to him.
- Well, it's pretty clear you won't
be getting a Dad.
- That comment was really grown-up.
Impressive.
And very nice too.
I miss your hair. When can I see you?
Danny, your personal hairdresser.
- In fact I'm going to need the skateboard first.
I immediately understood
these glasses were made for me.
Yeah really, I got them—
- Hey guys, I had an idea at the weekend.
Wow, you guys are so beautiful!
Well done!
Anyway, this weekend I had an idea
that'll blow your minds.
You're going to have homework.
Tell me in a video what love means to you.
Basically what it is you're looking for in love.
- Hold on, that covers several topics.
It's not set in stone.
- No, no, there's one topic:
"What is love?" with a question mark.
- That's hard, you're giving us extra work.
And we pay you for it.
- We obviously don't want philosophy lessons.
Keep it up, you're pissing me off.
- I think that's interesting.
It'll give some meaning to what we do.
- There you are! Thanks.
As Victor Hugo said:
There's nothing more sacred
than a woman's caprice.
That means you'll do this because I'm the woman.
Guys, you need to show presence
of mind when you want a girl.
And besides, I don't see you doing much dating.
You need to get to it at some point, eh!
- She's really annoying, that girl.
- Damn!
- Screw Victor Hugo!
- I kinda like him.
- What hand is it in?
Pay attention! Are you sure?
No—
Blow on it.
Look! There it is!
You made it appear.
You understand? It was you who made it appear.
- I didn't know you were so good with kids.
It's amazing.
Why didn't you have any?
- Do you want to live with me?
- What? What are you talking about?
- Okay, fair enough, I understand.
- No no.
- Yeah but it really bothers me
when you toy with me like that.
And, you know, if I haven't had children
it's because—life goes by too quickly.
Right, listen.
Smoking is harmful to kids and to dogs.
You have to bear that in mind.
Sometimes it's important to listen.
- I don't know—I'm not going to
live with you just to please you.
For me—
Love is—
It's—
It's a mess!
To a girl I love very very much.
I targeted you to rob you.
I spied on you to shoot you.
I pissed you off to catch you.
I tied you up to keep you.
That's my way to love you.
To a girl whose name is Jen.
Don't piss her off.
With your nick Jackal IYA.
Hey, hey, in your face, in your face.
- Well Samir, thank you for having done the exercise.
It's—it's moving.
- If I may ask, did you show that to Jen?
- Are you crazy?
- You have to be proactive.
- I don't care, I have my pride.
- Hey, leave him alone!
At least he had the balls to produce something.
I'm still waiting for the rest of you.
I can't—
always be behind you and never beside you.
- I don't want to break up with you.
Not at all.
- But mostly, you don't want us to be together.
- Give me a little time.
- You know, when porcelain gets broken—
it's impossible to put back together.
Everything stops suddenly.
It's over, Paola.
I can't take any more.
I don't like what I'm becoming.
If you're not with me, you're against me.
It's not even me saying it, it's Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Episode three, for your information.
There are two ways to approach a girl.
Verbal or non-verbal.
Non-verbal is the technique of eye-contact.
It means looking at the girl so that,
in return, she looks at you.
But be careful, guys. Above all, don't smile.
The girl smiles, not the guy.
You guys look stupid when you smile.
I can't do anything about that.
So, come on, Guigui, stand up
and make eye contact with me.
Seriously, you look like a clown here.
You're too brutal, man.
- No, you're putting me off by staring at me.
You look like you're gona slap me.
Can I go with someone else?
- First of all, stop dancing when you see a girl.
You're not in a musical.
So go on, try with Jen.
- No, Arthur, come on, it's easier with a friend.
- You're a menace, changing the exercise.
Well there you go, that's good!
There was sincerity, very cool.
Guigui, you have a magnificent gaze.
- My turn!
What? Why are you laughing?
- Never mind.
Okay, Arthur, your turn. Come on, up you get.
Look at me. Oh, Arthur.
- I am looking at you.
- You're looking at me but you're not seeing me.
It's okay, let it go.
Aub, go ahead, your turn again.
Fine, you don't have the eye-contact method,
you're going to do the verbal method.
So go ahead, give me a nice sentence
to seduce me. Just go.
- Okay.
I really like the person you are.
- But man, you don't know me.
- Leave it to me, I'm the boss.
- Okay.
- You know I could kill someone for you?
- Me too.
Rob a grocery store or a car for you.
- With a balaclava and a gun? Cool. Go ahead.
- You're handsome.
- Really?
- I'm a jackal, I could tattoo a target on your arse.
- Wicked, whenever you want!
- You're pissed off, you're great.
- Please? Let's stay focused here.
Okay? Thanks.
And you, the other one, on your feet!
- Would you rather have foam arms or a duck's mouth?
- A duck's mouth?
- Great, so I could take your hand.
- Except that for kissing, it's less practical.
- No, that's cute, Arthur, you have to apply it now.
You have to try something out there, guys.
And don't forget the videos.
I'll be right behind you to the end.
Do you know that
the essential is invisible to the eyes?
- Your glasses are awful.
- Do you know that
you can't learn life from books?
- Do you know that
you're really annoying?
- Do you know that
you're really lucky to have met me?
Do you know that
I like you like no one I've ever met?
- Do you know that
my name is Morgane?
- Because he has a nice mouth, he speaks too well.
- He has no body, it's just the look.
He had eye-contact.
I think I'm going to do a practice with Ouassima.
- Seriously, can you construct a sentence
without the word "Ouassima"?
- No, he can't.
I can't believe how jealous you are. C'mon guys,
you have to make out with some girls too.
- But she's not your girl, she's Matt's.
- Yeah, that's going to change!
- Hey, IYA, and deep.
Okay girls, you're up next. Go and warm up.
What do you want? Move!
I don't like being alone with others.
- Yeah, that's sport, you know.
I'm a real drag.
- Yeah me too.
I don't like when people stare at me
during exercises. I can't deal with it.
- You can't escape it, you're too lovely.
We only see you, even when you're not here.
- Is that right?
You've discovered how to stand out.
You just have to chat.
- Shall we do something together after class?
- We'll see.
- You're too much of a mystery.
And that has an effect on me.
It disturbs me.
You disturb me.
You're chaotic.
- You here, baby? What're you doing?
- Yeah I'm coming.
- Come on. I scored a 3-pointer
and then I did my victory dance.
- Excellent.
- You'd better stay away from my girl.
I'm playing.
- Are you trying to get Handsy?
- Of course not, did you see his face?
- Get outta here, you're red as a rooster.
Sure you like him.
But Handsy has been after me since Year 2.
You can't date him. He's obsessed with me.
- Either way, life's well organized.
I'm with Matt.
If you want, you can date him yourse—
- Rather die.
- I confess.
Well then, the ideal man must be:
a: romantic as his flowers;
b: solid as his promises;
c: faithful as his dog;
or d: sexy as his sixpack.
- Sexy as his sixpack?
- Well yeah! We agree
Hi beautiful.
- Hey! Hi Arthur.
- What are you doing?
Paragliding.
What's it look like, I'm shopping.
Not for me, it's for a friend.
As she's too shy, you see, I'm buying them for her.
And in pharmacies, it's worse, she has to ask.
- Uptight. I have to buy them too, for my mother.
The yellow ones with an applicator.
Biodegradable, super quality,
really good for the planet.
- Okay, and otherwise, what's up?
- My mother's geting on my nerves.
She's in la-la land.
- Oh yeah? Well mine's not in la-la land, she's dead.
- True.
- Oh, sorry, I didn't know. That's really sad.
- Lung cancer, four years ago.
- Life's a bitch.
My father left on July 14th.
I'd rather him being dead
than being alive and not caring.
Hey, by the way, why do you do rap?
There's so much anger.
- No, I don't do rap, I write my own songs.
And I accompany myself with a ukulele.
- Oh yeah? Could you show me?
- No, I won't show you, no.
Well—okay—
If you want to, Friday 30th, 9pm, I'll play a little.
So if you—
- The 30th, that's not very good for me, but—
Okay! But isn't that going to piss Matt off?
I mean our—connection,
and everything, me coming over?
- No, don't worry, he won't know.
- Are you two all right?
- Oh yeah, I'm crazy about him.
- Great.
Seeing you has made me very happy.
Come with me.
- What are you doing?
- Pink, orange or blue?
Come on, pink, orange or blue?
- Well, blue.
Leclerc and Arthur are pleased to offer you
this magnificent blue shower flower.
With a Leclerc coupon of one euro twenty.
Even better than a real flower, it won't rot,
no need for a vase, nor water.
So it hangs, like that, like a sausage on a string.
Or a suicide with a rope.
- Okay thanks.
It's weird but you're nice. Thank you.
♪ This is the start of the lesson. ♪
- Let's get started.
I observed that you're too stressed.
When you talk with girls, you have to be relaxed.
Otherwise it looks like you're hungry.
And that's when I said to myself,
you look hungry because you are hungry.
You've never kissed, so it sucks.
- Yes, I kissed Yaëlle.
- No, stop lying, you didn't even
stick your tongue in, she told me.
Today, we're going to do hands-on practice.
We're going to make out.
I'll sacrifice myself so that my lessons pay off.
- Wow! Hold on! Wasn't the deal just theory?
- Oh, that's great.
I practised on a dummy at first aid training.
To react in the event of an attack.
- You pestered me for action.
Now you're going to get it.
We're going to make out together
but it won't count. It stays between us.
But if I find out you've told even one person—
I'll spread such shit about you you'll have
to move to another town to survive.
- That goes for me too.
I'm happy if it doesn't count.
Females are very possessive about males.
And I want to take this opportunity to announce
officially that I'm in a couple with Morgane.
That's right, me, Aubin. I'm dating her.
All we need now is to fan the flames.
- That's no use if you can't speak about it.
- Would you rather be left behind by Aub?
So, for dating, there's the rule of the two Ds.
Destress and Determ.
Come here, Samir.
- What is Determ?
- Determ, to be determined. Do you live in a cave?
- I thought it was for detergent.
- Okay, a little too much determ there,
I thought you were going to bite me.
- That one counts.
- Does that mean we're a couple?
- No.
- Women are so fickle.
- Shut up!
- What about us? Can't we have a kiss?
- You little slag!
You're not even of legal age.
- I'm eleven and a half. Up yours!
- Up yours!
- Aubin.
Why do you always turn
your tongue in the same direction?
Did your first aid training teach you that?
- No, it was my cousin.
He told me girls go clockwise
and guys go counterclockwise.
Actually Morgane doesn't care.
- Be cool. Tongues have to dance.
- We lost him.
- All right, come on.
- I'm embarrassed,
can't we do this somewhere else?
- No, it's okay, it's just between us.
Don't be a drama queen.
- Okay, it's fine, no one died.
We'll do it another day.
Arthur.
The Seagull would like to remind you
that for reasons of hygiene,
Swimming caps are compulsory
in our swimming pool.
Thank you for your understanding,
and happy swimming to you all.
Oh guys! Smell the burn! They're so hot!
- Did you see that?
- And then—
- That's good!
Okay Arthur, you have both Ds.
- Where do you think you are!
Ouassima, what are you doing?
Shut up, I don't want to hear it.
Your guitar, you can forget it.
You have no decency. No self-respect.
And you?
What are you doing with my daughter?
Get out of here! Out!
Hey! You'll have nothing to do
with Ouassima in my pool!
Understand?
Get out!
Disappear!
You're not living your youth.
You're losing it, Ouassima.
- There's nothing to say, son.
You're a dancing genius and an academic genius.
Me too, I congratulate you as a mother.
Bravo.
- It's not great but it's
the prospect of high school too.
I'm stressed.
- Arthur, are you having a laugh?
You're average in two subjects.
At this rate, you're going to burn out at school.
Okay, the 30th, your birthday presents,
your fifteenth birthday—forget it.
From now on, you're gona work.
Looks like it's graded out of ten.
French 8.
History-geography 9.
Mathematics 7. Seriously?
And the icing on the cake, 5 in sport.
Well you've outdone yourself, my little girl.
Are you interested in what I'm telling you?
- Yes, yes, I'm interested.
I'm sorry about my grades.
I'll work, I swear.
Sit down at your desk right now!
And I'll stand right behind you to check.
I'll go to my national meeting another night.
I don't want you to waste your life.
Even if you hate me!
I don't give a fuck if you hate me, is that clear?
And your music? Your music is finished!
- No! No!
- Finished! Finished! Finished!
You may be stubborn, but I'm
even more stubborn than you.
- Dad!
- There is no Dad!
Matt: "I want you, baby.
Day after tomorrow at the stadium? Matt 4ever".
I want you too. Okay for the stadium!
Yeah, sorry, I'm late.
I had to wait for my father to fall asleep.
- You don't have your ukulele?
- No, my father was pissed off.
So he broke it.
But I don't care.
I'll sing a cappella.
- Shit!
It's your turn.
Wait, don't move.
Hey, it's okay, I'm here.
I'd like to ask if you can do something for me.
But it's a bit awkward.
In fact, it's very awkward.
- Go on.
- Matt wants us to do it and I'm a virgin.
I'm going to look like an idiot.
So I thought maybe we could do it.
Together, for practice.
Since that's kind of the point of the lessons.
You—would you be okay with that?
- Woah—well—
No.
I don't want to do it.
I just want to date, I don't want to have sex.
I'm not ready for that.
- Yes, you're right, it's very awkward.
- Hey, kissing's one thing, but—sex?
I've never done it.
I'm just not ready.
You're putting me under a lot of pressure.
- I like you a lot.
But hey, if you're too stressed to be intimate—
If you're not relaxed, I won't be relaxed.
It's all right, let it go.
- Destress—
You're funny.
I can manage determ, but destressed—
Just kissing, even doing stuff with hands,
I can do that, but more—we'll see.
It's intense too.
- Listen, I trust you.
Plus you're gentle.
With the lessons, I'm in solidarity with you.
But hey, it doesn't matter, I'll ask Samir.
- What? Are you crazy? I didn't say no!
I'm just—getting used to the idea.
You get paid for lessons too.
- Go on then, how much d'you want?
- I'm not a slag! Calm down, it's okay.
- We'll do it on a non-profit basis.
- You mean that?
You rock!
We'll meet tomorrow at the swimming pool—10pm?
My father has a national meeting.
So I could steal the keys from him.
- Tomorrow? So soon?
I don't even have time to—well—
Wouldn't you prefer the day after tomorrow?
Let's go then. You win.
Tomorrow then.
- Cool, thank you.
I'm glad it's with you.
So—right, I have to go, okay?
My father—see you tomorrow?
- Yeah, 10 is fine.
And—
You sing really well.
It's a great present for my 15th birthday.
- It's your birthday?
Why didn't you tell me?
I don't like getting old, it makes me sad.
- Happy birthday.
Where have you been?
I waited and waited for you.
- With Guigui, for a music presentation.
- Really?
You must have worked very late.
I was worried.
Anyway, I'm not yelling at you, but you're lucky
it's your birthday and I'm a really nice mother.
Are you all right?
- Yeah yeah.
- I know we said no presents but—
I still got you a little something.
Since you've already got
your skateboard, this is for you.
LIFE IS A CELEBRATION.
If you don't like it, you can change it.
Happy birthday, Kikou.
This is a guy who discovers dinosaurs.
And this is you.
- Thank you.
♪ Happy birthday. ♪
- ♪ Happy birthday, Arthur. ♪
♪ Happy birthday. ♪
- ♪ Happy birthday, Arthur. ♪
Are you keeping your clothes on?
- Who cares?
Kiss me.
Thanks for tonight, Nemo.
You're my friend.
My best friend.
2 in the morning! On a school night! Just great.
Are you taking the piss, Arthur?
We said 11 at the latest.
Insults session right now!
- Get off my back, will you?.
- Right now, I said!
You've no respect for anything.
You only think about yourself.
You're just a selfish little prick!
- All you're interested in is you,
your money and José.
You don't give a fuck about my problems.
- You're too spoiled, you poor kid!
You piss about at school. You keep asking for
money. I don't recognize you. What's going on?
- Where's my father?
- Your father doesn't give a fuck about you.
He abandoned you.
Your insults sessions make me sick,
nothing real ever comes from them.
It's only for you that life is a celebration.
I'm in love.
And my girlfriend doesn't like me.
Can you understand that?
She's not even my girlfriend, okay?
So I don't give a fuck about
your mother-son moments.
I saw her completely naked and everything.
I can hardly believe it's true.
I was surprisingly at ease,
as if I'd been having sex all my life.
I feel like I'm in a dream.
Wow, the most beautiful day in the world.
- Well—not exactly.
She wanted to practise on me
before having sex with Matt, so—
oh, I don't know.
A bit weird, isn't it?
Even so, I think I was good.
Ouassima is too much the woman of my life.
I'm ready, I'm hot for fusion—
- Arthur!
I'm sick of listening to you.
All you talk about is yourself. Can't you see that?
I'm in love with you.
So I don't give a fuck about your girl stories.
- You're kidding, aren't you?
I gotta admit, I believed you. What a bombshell!
Hey man?
Guigui?
Guillaume?
So basically you're letting us down?
Just when I'm at the zenith of my love for Morgane?
How do I hold on to her?
I don't know, by appreciating her,
by declaring your feelings for her.
- Listen to me, you're not stopping
until we've all made out.
Who do you think you are?
- I do what I want.
- Think about it, even Guigui
doesn't want to come any more.
- That's irrelevant.
We just got mixed up in a load of bullshit.
- What the hell is this? Everybody's leaving?
We're not fucking ready!
- No, but I don't have the time now.
My father's too pissed off.
I can't go on any longer.
- It's the least you can do!
I don't want to lose Morgane because you're quitting.
- You need the money, don't you?
- Oh dear, guys, you're scaring me now.
You gona hit me next?
Right, I'l give you an express lesson, new formula.
For dating, you have to text.
When texting, always send a question
to the girl first, so she has to answer.
Otherwise it's like climbing:
there's nothing to hold on to, so you fall.
If she doesn't respond right away that's
a strategy to make her more desirable, okay?
If she sends you a heart, kiss, smileys,
blushing smileys or LOL or ROFL—
It's in the bag!
Always keep on asking her questions.
Always be interested in her.
If she tells you her problems,
tell her you understand.
Doesn't matter if you do or not.
- So basically you lie.
- Yeah, she'll never ask if you really understand.
- That's interesting, I read a book
once about manipulation.
And one thing it said was:
pretend in order to get.
- And always put a big hug,
not peck, or kiss, or smooches.
That's just not romantic.
And always say Have a good night,
a great night or a wonderful night—
to show your concern for her well-being.
Alright guys, I'm off, I'm busy today...
- Have a good night.
- No, when you text, Samir.
It's 2pm. We're talking text.
- Where you going? That lesson sucked.
- I've got stuff to do.
- You doing it for nothing or are you getting paid?
- You know we're all made of electricity,
which is why we talk about love at first sight?
I think it could also work with a lightning smiley—
- Shut it!
You're beautiful.
Coming?
Tell me what you like.
Go on, tell me.
What?
What's the matter?
- I can't, I'm sorry.
I can't.
- What are you doing to me?
Ouassima!
Is an adult happier?
Is an adult happier?
Well, that's not really the point
of the happiness box.
- Yes, I wrote the word "happier".
- But Arthur—what's wrong with you?
Are you having problems at school? Are you
being bullied? You would tell me, wouldn't you?
- You're not giving me an answer.
When an adult doesn't answer, it always means No.
- Happier. You're funny.
I don't know—
yeah, sometimes we're very happy
then other times a bit less.
But—
Is it worth it?
- You're scaring me, Kikou.
You're not thinking about suicide?
- Growing up.
is it worth it?
- Well of course it's worth it.
That's daft.
Look at me. If I hadn't grown up—
I'd never have had you.
I'd never have had José either.
I wouldn't know what it's like—to have you,
with your two little faces—
that I love more than myself.
It's crazy. But then, I'd have
missed out on unrequited love too.
- I haven't missed out on it.
- Oh, and speaking about love, I wanted to show you—
That! You recognise it?
- No!
- Oh stop it, UptightMan 3000!
You have to learn, it's normal.
So the opening isn't very complicated.
It's like a tea bag, see?
Just hold it like that, and tear it open.
Then afterwards, I can't lie to you,
unrolling is where it becomes—
- Mum, seriously, are you deliberately
trying to embarrass me?
I do have biology classes.
I know, it's fine.
One, two, one, two, turn.
Are you trying to turn Ouassima against me?
- No.
- What did you do to her, Handsy?
- I respected her.
- Oh yeah? And how did you respect her?
- By making love to her, very gently.
- Hey, you should be talking. I read a book on
non-violent communication, it's very effective.
- You! Leave my girlfriend alone!
Leave her alone, okay?
- Thanks bro. I'm sorry.
You'll always be my best friend, no question.
It just took me by surprise.
- You're a real bastard, Kikou.
- Hey—have you really made out with Ouassima?
I mean, seriously?
With smileys and all?
- No.
I'd have liked to, but no.
- Can I remind you that in two weeks, not only
will you have to set your alarms to be on time,
but you'll also have to remember
to bring your pens, et cetera.
It's a double whammy.
Come on, cheer up
You know perfectly well there'll be exams
before the end of the year.
You know what?
It's a shame. I think we really
missed each other, you and me.
I admit, I'm boring sometimes but—
But us two, we've been close since like, forever.
Then—I dunno—you changed.
You're sexy.
So I've been thinking, Arthur.
And I'm okay with you touching them.
Go on, you can touch them
under my sweater, right on my skin.
- Pull the sweater down, pull it down.
It's nice but—
- You think they're too small, right?
You can't do this to me.
You've loved me since Year 2.
You've only known Ouassima since Year 6.
I'm your first.
And just because I have small breasts doesn't mean
I don't have the right to be loved.
Personality matters too.
Come on. Please. I love you.
I'll invite you to my party.
I swear to you, I'll invite all of you.
Come on, it's going to be a blast! Please!
Arthur: "How are you?"
Arthur: "You're always desirable, so can you answer me quickly?"
You're really disgusting to have said that to Yaëlle.
She hates me now.
- I swear, I didn't say anything.
Are you giving us a lesson tomorrow?
- What for? I don't want to any more.
I get it wrong myself, same as everyone.
- I think you're strong.
You give us confidence.
We need you.
Then—
there's the Kanye West concert, yeah?
- Yeah, there's the Kanye West concert.
And I have to buy myself a ukulele too.
All right, this is the last time.
Tomorrow, 6pm. Here.
My father's at his political meeting.
I don't like you having sex with Matt.
- You agreed.
So you're not a man of your word.
You're not even a man.
- A man can be wrong and change his mind.
It's not a matter of words!
- Okay, if I'm talking bullshit, I'll see you later!
- So you don't understand French?
I told you I don't want to see you near my daughter.
This is your last chance, hear me?
Next time I'll do more damage.
Is there a problem here?
- Yes there's a problem.
With this kid. He's looking for trouble.
- Arthur?
- Yes.
- You surprise me, he's a great little guy.
- You think so? Well I'm an air hostess.
Come on, Danny, he's a thug.
Open your eyes! He's trash.
He's smuggling things into my pool.
He jumped my daughter a while ago.
I saw banknotes lying around everywhere.
He smokes hash and sells it.
Whenever I see hin around, I keep a close eye on him.
His eyes are red all the time.
- That's chlorine.
I know his mother well, she's very nice.
And anyway he's 15. If he's crying all the time
you expect him to have red eyes.
- He's a very bad person. I can smell it.
Do you remember that Moroccan last month?
And what by all accounts, was under his bathing cap?
Strips of hash. And he had red eyes too.
I'd send them all back home.
- Arthur is French.
Where do you want to send him back to?
- As far as possible from my daughter.
One-way!
Jail or charter, I don't care.
Look, if you put all the kids that flirt
on to a charter, there'll never be enough planes.
- Maybe so, but at least France
would regain some of her elegance.
You! Nothing on your head!
You have to wear a bathing cap!
There are signs absolutely everywhere.
Otherwise, you need to go to the optician!
- You have a dog?
You're right, dogs are too cute.
Sorry.
- Never apologise for who you are.
- I'd like my hairdresser back.
I'm not doing well.
My hair is not okay at all.
And—and what if I really try to fix all my bullshit?
I bought this, look, it sticks everything.
Afterwards, nothing moves, it says so there.
I won't move again, I promise you.
Could I take the dog home? What's its name?
Its name is Darth Vader but honestly—
The dog isn't the problem.
I believe that love means being honest.
And I would like to be myself
with you, and with everyone.
To perhaps be loved now, or even
a long time from now, I'm in no hurry.
The fact is—I'm gay. Yeah—I—
I'm gay.
It's a funny thing to say but—
I mean, it's tough for me to try to date girls
when what I really want is to date boys.
I feel like some kind of traitor, like I'm out of place.
Out of place, I'm out of place always and everywhere.
Whether I'm with family,
when—when I dance, or even at school.
But there it is:
Love, above all, is accepting yourself.
And well—
I wanted to thank you for
all the time I got to spend with you.
And even if I didn't date, I made friends,
and for me that's a genuine kind of love.
- Thank you Guigui.
Thanks for doing the exercise.
- Hang on, are you really a fag
or are you just going through a phase?
- I'm really a fag.
- Oh yeah, all right.
I knew a girl who was a dyke for a month.
Just to be cool.
Anyway, mate? For a fag you've got balls.
- You don't want to do a last little express
lesson on how to manage your girlfriend?
Because now I'm not quite so sure with Morgane.
I've clearly offended her.
By saying we should optimise
our spectrum of communication.
- So you thought you were managing
but you're not managing?
You have to let her be free.
And not piss her off with bullshit like
Where are you? What are you doing?
Trust her, respect her. Give her oxygen.
Could you be more specific about the free thing?
Because I don't really get what you're saying.
- Let her live as she wants.
Even if you disagree or don't understand.
Respect who she is.
Have a relationship of equals
where you're not better than her.
And also, a girlfriend can't be managed.
She's not a bank.
Learn to speak properly too.
- So clearly I have to optimise my communication
spectrum so Morgane can optimise hers.
Yeah, I can understand that.
In fact, to manage a girlfriend,
you have to question yourself constantly.
- And to manage a boyfriend?
- Same thing. We don't talk about managing.
Who cares, boy, girl.
We're all just people.
I fed you a lot of bullshit before.
You guys are bigger than me.
Your emotions are powerful.
A girl, a boy—no one'll mock you
if you really let them show.
Pretending doesn't do any good.
- Yeah, you'd know all about that.
- What's your problem?
- What do you think?
- The jackal feels the tension.
- It's okay Arthur, calm down.
- I'm not going to calm down.
Sit down, I've heard enough from you.
Sit on the bench and try
to put yourself in our place.
- Come on, let me go.
- Arthur, relax. You're tight as a drum.
- You dish out advice, then go and
do the opposite with others.
You say we have to listen.
But what are you listening to?
How sincere are you?
You have sex with me and now you despise me?
- Shut the fuck up! We agreed!
- Agree for what?
So you could use me?
You just can't see it, Ouassima.
Don't you understand that I love you?
No, you're here, you can fuck a guy a day.
But where are we, you and me?
You give lessons but you behave like a little girl.
Oh yeah, he made out with her for real.
Bastard! I haven't slept with Matt, you dickhead.
Because he's a dickhead too!
Great—happy? You think I belong to you?
- Yes that's it—you know what,
right from the start you've been acting a part.
Your character is that of a slut.
- You bastard!
- Matt!
Matt stop!
- Motherfucker!
Hey! Calm down there!
I won't hold back.
- Let me go, damn!
- The jackal—
- I'm going to kill you!
- Come here you!
Allo yes, yes allo yes, it's about some lowlifes.
The Seagull swimming pool.
An outbreak of violence.
There must be a drug deal going down
because there's money on the floor.
You stay here. Here!
Thank you, yes, I'm waiting for you.
Yes, I've got them under control.
They're not leaving.
Go on guys, run!
- Watch out! Watch out!
Calm down here!
Come on sit down
You sit down! You sit down!
If I can sum up, you each paid ten euros—
for her to teach you—
how to make out. Is that it?
Yeah, she bargained a lot too.
- Wait, just two seconds, excuse me.
Arthur, is this a joke?
You went to a good-time girl?
- No, she was always pulling a face.
- For flirting lessons?
You must be seriously good.
Your lesson seems to have worked.
Well, not enough to get me to New York.
And it's not flirting lessons,
it's the behavioral psychology of love.
- Love? At fifteen?
Well it's better to hear that than to be deaf.
- Did you at least protect yourself?
- Not well enough, considering my injuries.
- Just out of curiosity,
did you make out thanks to the lessons?
- No, I've matured.
So the girl scammed you. She's smart.
- No, it's just that I'm gay and I'm in
a platonic relationship with my best friend.
- As long as all this stays legal,
there's no difficulty.
as long as it's legal, there's no harm.
- You're going to work to pay me back.
Throughoutl your holidays.
- Can I keep on with swimming?
- We'll see.
You know, it was your dad who pushed you
into the pool when you were little.
It wasn't me.
He met a Cuban girl on July 14.
Then he ran off with her.
It's not a national holiday there.
He disappeared and so nothing got fixed.
I'm sorry he let you down, Arthur.
Loving my sons—I know how to do that.
But choosing the right father—
- Then why did you make me believe
it was you who pushed me?
- Because it's easier to hate the parent
who stayed than the one who left.
- Shall we improvise a little happiness box?
- No.
We're going to stop the happiness boxes,
the insults sessions.
You've been doing it
just to please me for too long.
I didn't let myself hear anything about Ouassima.
You were right. I don't listen enough.
I was deaf.
There. That's how it is: parents can be deaf.
So let's change things!
We'll talk better.
Without obligation, if that's possible.
- You have to move on, Ouassima.
Otherwise you'll fail like your classmates.
You won't get a job.
You won't have a nice life.
You have to feel the desire.
Nobody else will feel the desire for you.
You must have rage.
You're not going to find rage in boys.
It's inside you.
- And did you have that rage with Mum?
- No. No.
I've had rage since she left.
- You know, going to your meetings
won't make you feel better.
They won't make Mum come back
so you can start your life again.
You're putting your anger
in the wrong place, Dad.
- You're going to pay back these boys one by one.
You're going to accept
your responsibilities, little girl.
- But I need the money to buy a ukulele.
- Yeah, but life isn't an amusement park.
Eat.
You're ready, big boy.
- Ready for what?
- To get your swimming certificate.
25 metres backstroke.
- Seriously?
Yeah.
- May the Force be with me then.
Yes.
I asked my daughter not to see your son again.
I've already told your son.
But since he's already slept with her,
it seems my request didn't have much of an impact.
- Do you really believe we can forbid them
to see each other? That's ridiculous.
And my son did protect himself, you know.
- Great, do we give him a medal for that?
- No, but maybe we're infantilizing them too much.
We still see them as little babies,
but they've grown up.
So maybe we need to loosen up a bit.
I think they really are in love.
Arthur really loves Ouassima.
Well, good for him.
But I don't want to encourage a so-called
serious romantic relationship at 15.
It's nonsense.
Ouassima has her whole life to do that.
I know.
I know. I don't know what they have in mind,
what they're thinking.
Seriously, don't you ever ask yourself that?
- All the time.
All the time.
I think it's a problem of hormones,
or maybe too much emotion.
What they need is to be supervised.
They need supervision to feel reassured.
- But mine refuses my supervision.
- Mine wants to be a singer.
Yeah, you can imagine the mess
in my house right now.
- Mine tells me he wants to become himself.
I don't think that's a bad thing, actually.
- Well I—
Danny?
We're having a parent meeting here.
Can we meet after?
- Yeah—well, it's not you I came to see.
All right. I wanted to tell you—
I agree to—
to try life with the glue.
That's a yes.
Well, I'd have to be crazy to go my own way now.
Just because you had me hanging on like a dick.
Well I—-
Monsieur, may I in fact introduce you my boyfriend.
And Arthur's stepfather, by the way.
And our dog, Darth Vader.
- You two as well?
Okay, so isn't there anyone here
not interested in love?
- No, Fahim, there's no such thing.
I mean apart from the dead of course.
How are you doing, bro?
- I don't know how to get her to talk to me again.
For me, love is having an appetite for life.
It makes me want everything.
It makes me hungry.
Since I met Morgane,
I eat ten times more than before.
Now I eat everything.
Danny, could I ask you a favour?
- Yes of course.
- Give me the pool keys for the night.
- Good grief, what have you dreamt up now?
Wasn't the police station enough for you?
No!
It's no!
If anyone drowns, it's my responsibility, so—
- It's not dangerous, it's for a girl.
I care a lot about her. And this is my last chance to—
Nobody's gona drown.
- Fine.
If it's for a girl, I don't have a leg to stand on.
Here.
But two conditions, Arthur.
You don't tell your mother. Not a word.
And you call me tu.
- Okay.
If it hadn't been for his mates,
I'm sure he'd have approached me.
Wait there you know, you didn't miss anything. If you had seen how seductive he was on the boat.
Yaëlle: "So excited to see you at my party. Yaëlle"
Believe me, that's not my style at all.
I prefer guys who are more discreet.
- Yes?
Still, we shouldn't have let him
slip away with his buddies.
Well, he helped us carry your bag.
- Can I ask you a question?
- Yeah.
- Did you lie to me because
I supervised you too much?
- Yeah.
Maybe that's what trying to be
both father and mother is about.
You have the faults of both.
- Yeah but—
For example, you saw
I had a meeting today but I didn't go.
Because I thought about what you told me.
And I'm not hard.
It's just that I want the best for you.
It's not the same.
- But trust me a little to know what's best for me.
- Yeah.
But it's not easy.
It's not so long since you were
this high and now you're—
Raising a daughter is more complicated
than facing ten revolutions.
It took me a while to figure out
what I wanted to tell you.
This is the most complicated exercise of my life.
Now I'm sure that love—is knowing you.
It's being with you,
doing everything, and nothing.
And it's also being without you,
thinking about you all the time.
It's when someone takes up all your space.
When it makes you vulnerable
and at the same time it gives you strength.
It's full of contradictory stuff that's
easy-to-understand and seriously complicated.
Since I've known you—
me—
I'm ready.
It's not easy, but I'm ready to move ahead.
I would like to ask your forgiveness.
I'm sorry, Ouassima.
That's why the ukulele's over there.
It's for you.
With my 80% water and 20% electricity, me—
I love you like crazy.
All right, well, I'm not going to say any more.
Otherwise I'll be seen as a fascist.
But the kid's starting to piss me off.
Even if it's life, as you say.
- Don't worry, we'll clear everything away, Dad.
Can I keep the ukulele?
Hasra.
That means stubborn in Arabic.
- The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
All right, go and put the floats away.
Arthur!
- You trying to be like Usain Bolt?
You're going to have a stroke.
- I wanted to wish you good luck with your job.
- You've already had the stroke, Mum.
I started a week ago.
- Actually, I wanted to tell you that I—
I'm dating your lifeguard.
Are you okay, Arthur?
Damn, I'm sorry, that was very abrupt, I know, but—
I didn't know how to tell you. I—
- Are you serious?
It's crazy how you just throw that at me.
Did you at least protect yourself?
- Yes.
But above all, I want to start my life over
with him. And with you, and with José.
- Your mum has an affair with your teacher.
Mum, I don't know what to say here.
He's not your teacher, he's your lifeguard.
Arthur, wait!
Do you hate me?
- Mum, seriously, you're talking nonsense.
Grow up.
You're far too hormonal.
I'm kidding.
Do you really think I didn't realise?
Between the bathing caps and the pharmacy,
you really took me for an idiot.
Live your life, Mum, have fun.
We're fine with José.
English subtitles by
jeremys and Marseille
TNT 2023