How to Be a Player (1997) - full transcript

Dray is a young playboy whose only objective in life seems to be to have sex with as many girls as he can without getting caught by his girlfriend Lisa. Dray's sister Jenny and her friend Katrina plan to show him that the way he lives is wrong and organize a party in Malibu, inviting all of his girlfriends.

[ Woman Moaning ]

[ Moaning Continues ]

[ Man, Deep Voice ]
Baby, take it all off.

[ Woman ]

[ Man, Deep Voice ]
I want you the way
you came into the world.

[ Woman Moans, Laughing ]

[ Man Moans ]

I don't wanna
feel no clothes.

[ Both Moaning ]

- I don't want to see
no panties.
- You okay, baby?

[ Snoring ]

And take off
that brassiere, my dear.

Ow. Ow!

Everybody's gone.


I'm taking the receiver
off the phone.

Ooh! Oh!

Because, baby,you and me--
[ Chuckles ]

[ Shouting ]

this night,
we're gonna get it on...

to "Love Serenade."

[ Women ]
* Love serenade

* Yeah, yeah

[ Moaning, Indistinct ]

You know I get
into these moods and--

- Well, you know how it is.
- Whip me, baby.
Whip me, baby.

And I'm very glad to know
that you feel the same way too.

[ Woman Shrieking ]

- Baby, we're gonna lay here
and we're gonna make love.
- [ Woman, Indistinct ]

- What the hell's
goin' on in here?
- Lisa?

Son of a bitch!

[ Ringing ]

[ Gasps ]


Getting caught
is a bitch.

So I've been told.

* [ Funk ]

[ Man ]
* Get up
[ Man #2 ] * Get on up

* Get up
* Get on up

* Get up
* Get on up

* Get up
* Get on up

* You said
You said you got the *

* You said the feeling

* You got to get

* You give me fever *

* And a cold sweat

* The way I like it
[ Whirring ]

* Is the way it is

* I've got mine *

* Don't worry 'bout his

* Get up
* Get on up

* Stay on the scene
* Get on up

* Like a sex machine
* Get on up

* Get up
* Get on up

* Get up
* Get on up

Bobby! Should I take 'em
to the bridge?
[ Bobby ] Go ahead.

Take 'em on to the bridge.

Take 'em to the bridge.

Can I take 'em to the bridge?

Take 'em to the bridge!
Go ahead!

Hit me now!

Come on now.

* Stay on the scene

* Like a sex machine

* The way I like it

* Is the way it is

* I got mine
Dig it *

* He's got his

* Stay on the scene

* Like a lovin' machine

* Stay on the scene

* Like a lovin' machine

* Stay on the scene

I wanna count it off
one more time now.

Go ahead.
Do you wanna hit it like
it did on the top, fellas?

Hit it like you did on the top?

Hit it now!

* Get on up
* Get on up

* Get up
* Get on up

* Get up
* Get on up

* Get on up
* Get on up

* Stay on the scene
* Get on up

* Like a lovin' machine
* Get on up

* Get up
* Get on up

* Taste
* Get on up

* Of piano
* Get on up

* Taste
* Get on up

* Of piano
* Get on up

* [ Fades ]

- [ Beeps ]
- [ Woman ]
Ah, Dray.

[ Jamaican Accent ]
I love you so much, man,

because you're just so--

So-- Mmm.
[ Beeps ]

[ Woman #2 Laughs ]
Oh, Dray!

It's your sense of humor.

You're so funny,
and you're witty.

You always just know
how to make me laugh.

[ Beeps ]

[ Woman #3 ]
You're so thoughtful, Dray.

I mean, Buster
never asks me
how my day was,

or how I feel,

[ Beeps ]

[ Woman #4 ]
Ooh, why do I love you?

Mmm, Dray.
Where should I begin?

[ Doorbell Rings ]
I'll be right there!

[ Rewinding ]

[ Chuckles ]

Hey. Come here.
Mwah. Good morning.

Ooh, Dray,
this is nasty.

How's my baby doing?

I'm fine.
[ Chuckles ]

Mmm. All right.
Slow down, cowboy.

Gotta go to work
this morning. Sorry!

[ Chuckles ]

Whoa. Whoo!
[ Laughing ]

Not this morning.
Oh, what?

I gotta get out of here.
What is it?
Gimme that-- Ah!

I don't have time for this.
Not this morning.

Don't put that
dirty sock on me.

Chuckles ]

Fearless warrior.
There's no task
too great for him.


No task?

Well, good.

Then take your Mandingo butt
out of here...

so I can clean, okay?

Now, that's your task.

Okay. All right.

All right.



[ Chuckles ]

Oh, Dray-Dray.


You've got seven messages
on your machine, baby.

Yeah? So?

So, how come you haven't
checked them yet?

Because it's probably
messages from my crew.

You know,
Spootie and Kilo been
bugging me all day...

about goin'
to my mom's barbecue.

Okay. Well, they ain't about
nothin', so I'm sure you won't
mind if I check them, right?

Real quick--
Do I ever come over
to your place though--

Do-- Do I?
Do I come over your place
and go through your stuff,

knock your Mary Kay
all over, what?

No, Dray, because you know
I have nothing to hide.

Don't go there.
We are talking about
your machine.

[ Sighs ]
Okay. I'll play it for you.

I'll play it for you,

I will play it
for you.
Okay, wait.

You don't have to
play it, okay?

You sure?
'Cause, baby, listen.

I will play this thing for you.
I will play the remix.

No, Dray, we're gonna leave
it there. Because you know what?
I trust you.

I'll play this for you.

You don't have to play it,
Dray, okay? I'm sorry.

Tsk. Come here.

[ Sighs ]
I love you.

I love you more.

[ Both Chuckling ]

I'm going downstairs
right now.

Get the mail,
and I'll be right back.

You do that.
You go downstairs.
Okay? All right.

You go downstairs.

[ Elevator Bell Dings ]
Hey, Tony!

I still see you're readin'
that Fish & Rod, huh?

No, this is just a front.

I'm "fronting,"
as you people say.

Here. Take a look at that.
Ooh. Damn!

Boy, oh, boy.
Look at that.

See, most guys don't have
that much hair on their heads.

Boy, she must trim that
with a weed whacker.

And look.
See? You can see
her whole, um-- um-- uh--

Don't-- Oh, don't tell me.
Don't tell me.

Uh, vagina.

Damn, it's been a long time.

I've got to know.

And all I've got to do
is push that button.
I'm pushing that button.

Hi, Dray, it's Mama.
How are you and sweet
little Lisa doin'?

Oh, my God! His mother!
Give your mama a call,okay?

[ Beeps ]
Dray, this is Grandmama.

[ Gasps ]
His grandmother! Oh, no!
Anybody but his grandmother!

[ Beeps ]
[ Man ] Yo, Dray.
This is Spootie.

- You ever thought about--
- Spootie, Booty--
whatever your name is.

Hey, wait a second.
What, are you
out of your mind?

You know she's probably
up there in your room,
searching through your dresser,

lookin' through
your clothes.

Well, at least she's listening
to the answering machine.

See, even themost
trustworthy girl...

will check
that answering machine.

So just change the tape.

- Ahhh!
- Ahhh. Yeah.

Meanwhile, I like that one
you came back with last night.

[ Chuckles ]
Who, Sherri?

Oh, boy, I'd like to start
sloppin' and boppin'...

on that great big juicy ass.

Just diggin'
my fingernails into it.

Just squeezing
the life out of it.

I don't know
how you find them.

Oh, man. Whew.

[ Sighs ]
Do I smell breakfast?

You sure do.

Come on down here
and sit and eat.

Oh, boy.
All nice and hot.

My favorite--
pancakes and eggs.

Oh, come on, Dray.
What did I tell you?

Sit down here and eat
before it gets cold, okay?

[ Exhales ]

[ Phone Ringing ]

I'll get it.

[ Ringing Continues ]

All right.
I trust you.

[ Rings ]

[ Woman ] Hi, baby.

Just can't stop
thinking about you.

Did you get my message?

Sure I did.

You were
really wonderful.

You know I'm ready
for some more.

When can I see you?

Sooner than you think.

I love you.

[ Exhales ]
I love you too, baby.

Who was on the phone?

Oh, Sherri,
this big-booty girl
I was bonin' last night.

- Doo, doo, doo, doo.
- Yeah, Dray.
You play too much.

[ Doorbell Rings ]

Hi, Lisa.
Hi, Jenny.

- What's up, Jenny?
- Hey, Dray!

Oh, Lisa! You made
pancakes, girl?

D, Mommy said
she need her big black pot
for the barbecue today.

You need to learn
how to return things.

Girl, I don't know why
you're sweatin' over
that stove over D.

[ Laughs ]
He ain't nothin' but
a roach-ass ghetto pimp.

- Where the pancakes at?
- The butter is over there.

- They're in the oven, girl.
- Thank you, Lisa.

Okay. Come and give me a kiss
before I have to go to work.

[ Chuckles ]
Oh, yeah. You wanna put
that over there for me?

Thank you. Come here,
come here, come here.

What time are you
gettin' off?

Ooh, we have
inventory tonight,
so probably about 11:00.

I know.

Tell Mandingo
I'll see him later, okay?

Tell him yourself.
No, Dray.

Talk to him.
Just talk to him.

He's gonna
page you later.
He'll have to page me. Bye.


Homegirl can cook,
but she's stupid as
hell for cookin' for you.

Why are you always
up in my business,

just tryin' to
mess up my program?


Program? You ain't
got no program.

D, you a pimp.

Girl, you don't even know
what a pimp is.

A pimp is someone
who solicits clients
for prostitutes...

for the interest of money.

Yo, I'm just checkin'
to get my groove on.

Nigga, you ain't all that.
You're not!

[ Doorbell Rings ]

Oh. That's my friend Katrina.
I told Tony to let her up.

[ Doorbell Rings ]

I told you, don't be bringin'
none of your "I wish I got a
better weave" girlfriends here.

I hope this one is
at least housebroken.

Well, hello there.


You must be Dray.


Ignore him.
Come on in, girl.


[ Chuckles ]
So, you have
a really nice place.

It's just
some cheap shit.

Katrina, can I interest you
in a beverage
of your choice?

Excuse me.

Why are you talkin' proper
all of a sudden like
some English teacher?

She don't want nothin'
you got to offer her.

I'm fine, thank you.

So, Dray,
I've heard a lot
about you too.


- Yeah. I told her
everything about you.
- What?

How you're a pimp
and a player...

and you got all these hos
chasing your ass.

Don't listen
to my sister.

It's all lies.
[ Mock Laugh ]
Come on, Katrina.

Get out of here.

Sister's girlfriends
are a player's dream.

First of all, they know
everything about you already,

and they wanna know firsthand
if it's all true.


Is it true?

Is what true?

Well, Jenny says
you're a pimp.

Yup! Pimpin' and whorin'
like there's no tomorrow.

[ Sighs ]
No. I'm just a man that
lives in the moment.

Moment to moment.
I trust my instincts.

[ Phone Rings ]

- Yeah.
- Yeah. Spoolie
and Kilo are here.

I said Spoolie.

Uh, no, no--
[ Whispers ]
He's charming.

Don't talk to him.
Girl, he will eat your--
I'll be right there.

No, he won't.
[ Grunts ]

By the way, Katrina,

a friend of mine is having
this real nice pool party.


Oh, Maxwell of Malibu?

Tsk. She too busy.

I was talking
to Katrina.

Jenny has the address.
She's too busy.

Oh, well, we do have
a lot of work to do.

Thanks anyway.

Do think about it.
[ Kisses ]


[ Mouthing Words ]

[ Whispers ]
Gots to go!

She got hella ass, kid!
Look at that. Mmm!

What's a hella ass?
[ Chuckles ]

Lot of ass.
Lot of booty. Lot of booty.
Oh, I see.

No. No, Dray!
Boop, boop.

[ Falsetto ]
* Your girl wants to
give me some ass *

No, she don't! She don't.

See, a woman like Katrina
will read, write...

and erase your ass.

Your girl
is sweatin' me, okay?

She's sweatin' you
'cause you need some A.C.
up in this motherfucker.

[ Dray ]
Yo, why all my women
gotta be stupid?

See, a guy like you
can't handle a real woman
like me and Katrina.

You see, we too smart
for all that player shit.

Oh, like you was too smart
for Michael Jones,

who dropped you
like a bad habit.

Why you have to throw him
up in my face like that?

Girl, I always
throw his name
up in your face.

Who was the one--
"Stay away from him"?

You didn't listen to me,
did you?

Don't you know
that me and Mike is, like--
We live by the same laws.

See, we don't take
no prisoners.

And you ain't no exception.

Now you're
just a statistic.

Oh! So now
I'm a statistic?

Yeah. And I'm gonna
have a ball...

makin' your girl Katrina
a statistic too.

I told you
she don't want your ass!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Didn't we already
go through this?

Listen. Aren't you supposed
to get Mommy's pot?

If that's
really why you came,
you can leave.

And also,
I don't need no statistics
all up in my business.

Oh, it's on now.
Dray, I'm your sister!

I remember when you
was sucking your thumb,
pissin' in a pot!

That's why the pot
over here now!

Jenny, we have a guest.

It was a pleasure
meeting you.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Dray ]
Don't forget
about that party.

Oh. So now you can't hear
nothin' I'm sayin', huh?

Well, remember this, Brother.
Payback is a bitch.

Jenny, enjoy your day.
It was a pleasure.
[ Sighs ]

[ Angry Grunt ]
[ Door Closes ]

He is such a ho!
I can't stand his ass!

Do you know
what he had the nerve
enough to call me?

That's what
I'm talkin' about.
Let's get to work.

Now, this, my brother--
this is an onion booty.

Oh, I get it!
'Cause booty is an ass,

and onion
makes you cry.

So it's onion booty.
It makes a grown man cry.

Yeah. Yeah!

[ Mock Crying ]

What, he's crying
'cause he saw an ass?

- Nah. He crying
'cause he a virgin.
- Oh.

[ Laughs ]
Yeah, very funny,
Thicky Ricardo.

Hey, that's enough.
Little short-ass
fire hydrant, man.

Hey, hey. That's it.
Why are you here
so early anyway?

Man, you know how them
buses be runnin' slow
on holidays.

We had to get
an early start.

And I ain't tryin' to miss
your mama cooking, man.
Not today anyway.

I woke up with it
on my mind.
Does he ever miss it?

Anyway-- Hey, Tony,
what can we get
for you, man?

Oh, let's see.
What do they have there?

[ Inhales Through Teeth,
Exhales Loudly ]

Got some candy yams,
potato salad.

Some chicken.
I can't wait! Mmm!

Hmm. Could you rub him
a little more...

'cause I'm starting
to get excited by it.

This guy's a freak!
I'm out of here.

We gotta get out of here.
Come on, man.
No! Come back!

Come back.
The hell with these women!

Bring that fat,
bald guy back here!

I want to caress
his sweaty, black, bald head!

Yo, man, Tony turned on
that bullshit, man, for real!

Man. Whoa!
Forget it.

Yes! Come on to papa!

Dray, Dray!

I haven't heard
from you in months.
Smell the sweat.

I bet you could use
a good workout.

And you know I love
pumpin' that iron with you.

Did I introduce you
to my friend Kilo?

- Oh, hey.
What's up, sexy?
- Your weight.

[ Laughing ]
I love a woman
that can make me laugh!

[ Mouths Words ]

Yo, kid.

I think
I could hit that.
[ Laughing ]

Believe me,
you don't wanna
go there.

Yo, man. Who that?

Man, that's Barbara.
She lives upstairs
on the top floor.

Aerobics instructor.

Sexy and limber.
Very limber.

Yo, kid.

I'm-a go upstairs
and see how limber
that bitch really is.

You understand me?
Nah, nah, nah.
Hold on. Hold on.

Cardinal rule number one:

- Never, ever mess with
a girl in your building.
- [ Air Hissing ]

You'll live to regret it.
Trust me. I know.

[ Together ]
But we don't live here!

Come on, man.
You know?

I'll fuck anybody
in these apartments.

Now I'm gonna have to
jack his shit up.

Fine. Look, you want
to put his ass in check?

Jenny, you know
I got your back.

But let's not
get sidetracked.

Let's work on our
presentation first.

Then we'll work on
your brother. Cool ?

[ Man: R & B ]
* You give me honesty

* And that's hard to find

Call David real quick, man.

Let's see what's up
with this brother.

[ Rings ]
[ Knocking ]

Damn. Ow, man.
Damn! Damn!

[ Pounding On Door ]
Ah, the phone.
Ah, the phone! The phone.

[ Woman ] David, if you
don't open up this door,
I'll kick this shit in!

[ Muttering ]
Think I won't?

[ Ringing Continues ]
Stop it! Hey! Stop making all
that noise out there, Nadine.

You're about to disturb
my neighbors now. We can't
talk right now, a'ight?

I don't care
about your neighbors!
Okay, open up the door!

David! David?
[ Woman ]

David, do you hear me?

What's going on out here?
Do you want me to answer
the phone?

I got this, okay?
You sure?

[ Pounding On Door ]

You sure?
I got this. I got this.

Okay, we gonna go upstairs?
Right up there.

Can we do it with the hat?
I'll bring the hat.

All right.
[ Mumbling ]

David, I know you ain't
got no hussy up in there!

- You just an ignorant ass.
I swear to God, you ignorant.
- What did you just say?

I know you didn't
call me ignorant. I know--
[ Phone Ringing Continues ]

Boy, you better open--
[ Panting ]

Now, girl, didn't I tell you
never to come over here
unless you call first?

Well, obviously you're
not answering your phone
today, are you?

And why do you got
the chain on the door like
you don't even know me? Huh?

Nadine, this is not
a good time for us to talk.
Oh, no, we gonna talk.

We gonna talk today.
I need to-- Let me--
Come on, baby. Come on!

Get your--

- [ Whimpering ]
- [ Shouting ]

Aw, now, look what you done
did to my door!

I can tell something's
been going on in here.
I can smell it.

Oh, who's she?

Oh, who's she?

[ Muttering ]

I'm his woman.

Who are you, tramp?

[ Phone Ringing ]
Tramp? David!

Hey, let me
answer this phone.
Don't even think...

about picking up
that phone.

Something's wrong.

What's the matter, man?

David's answering machine
ain't even picking up. Mmm.

[ Gasps ]

Oh, shit.
[ Mumbles ]
I know...

that this bitch does not
have on the shirt--

- No, no. That's not your--
- that I bought
your trifling ass...

with my hard-earned money!

- Huh? Huh?
- No, the blue one.
I said the blue one.

- No, no.
- Oh, you done opened up a whole
can of ass-whuppin' now.

What's up, MissVanity?
Miss Vanity!

[ All Shouting ]
Hold on, hold on!

We gotta see
what's up with this fool.
I hope he ain't dead.

[ Spootie ]
I don't even think
he in the house.

If he ain't here,
all that waitin' around--
fuck that bullshit.

You are such a liar!

Ah! Goddamn!
Oh, no, no,
no, no, tramp.

Do not be hittin'
my man, okay?

Miss Thing,
this is my man, okay?

You all right, baby?
Oh, toosh, toosh.
Baby-- Come on, sweetie.

You okay?
[ Groans ]


[ Nadine Shouting ]

[ Nadine ]
You got this bitch
wearin' my shirt!

I don't know why
I messed with you
in the first place!

All she was doing was
sellin' me some skin-darkening
products, baby.

- He ain't never use
none of that shit on me!
- Baby, please don't go.

No! Get off of me!
I'm through with you.
Don't go, Nadine.

Don't do me like this, baby.
[ Nadine Shouting ]
Yeah, yeah. I know.

Hey! Well, then go on then!

Don't tell me--
You ain't nothing
but a squirrel.

Fuck you!
It's my world.
You trying to get a nut.

Hey, it's drama.
You know, women
love that shit.


- What the hell?
- Yo, kid!

What the fuck
happened in here?
Oh, that ho got out of line,

so I had to, you know,
kick her ass out,

let her know who's
running things up in here.

Running things, huh?

From the look of it, look like
she ran her foot in your little
whipped cream ass.

[ Laughing ]

Look, Spootie, man,
just chill, man. Come on.
Give him a break.

No, man. I'm sayin', look how
he's dressed. He's butt-naked
in some cowboy boots.

See, now, what Nadine need
is a real cowboy behind her,

hittin' that ass.

[ Shouting ]

[ Both Laughing ]

D, what you doin'?

I'm about to whup
his ass!

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa!
Yo, yo, yo, man!

Yo, give me five!
Give me five!
Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey.
He wasplayin'.
He was playin'.

Now, he was playin'.
He was playin'.

I'm about
to whup his ass!
No! Whoa!

Whoa! Whoa!
Hey, hey, hey.

[ Kilo Shouts ]
Come on, man. Relax.
Relax. See?

See, what you need to be doin'
is talkin' about this.
What is this?

Oh, no. Oh, here.
That was Nadine
accidentally walkin' in--

She just happened to--
Just messin' around--
Put her foot in your ass.

Hey, brah, brah.
Nigga, please. You crazy?

I admit, she tried to slap me,
but I grabbed her hand
like you told me.

I said, "Hey, you ain't
slapping me no more.

It's the last time
you slappin' up in here.
A'ight? Your ass is dismissed.

I will deal with your ass
when I'm ready to deal
with your ignorant ass."

That's enough, man.
Come on. We had enough.
All right?

Why can't you just
keep it real with us?
We're your boys!

You know what I'm sayin'?

Come on, man.
Why can't you tell us
what really happened, man?

"I was over here tryin'
to get some ass.
She came in.

She started buggin',
and she slapped me.

I love her, man."
[ Kilo Cackling ]

You know, you sound
just like that fool kid.
[ Laughing ]


I'm sorry, man.
I'm serious.
I'm sorry.

My bad.
Man, my bad, D.
I'm serious.

Come on. Get up, man.
Get up, man. Come on!

Man, get up!
[ Whimpers ]

Shake it, cowboy.

[ Kilo Laughing ]
It don't-- It don't fit.

Man! You know what
your first mistake was, man?

Why did you even
bring her here?

[ Kilo, Spootie Laughing ]

Come on.
What's up with that?
Your second mistake--

Why did you
let Nadine in?

Look at the door!
Does the door look
like I let Nadine in?

- [ Kilo Giggling ]
- Look like she knocked
that bitch off the hinge.

Yo, you know what, man?

We all need some air.
Come on. Let's get out of here!

Come on, y'all.
That's what
I'm talkin' about.

So what's his type?

All of his women
are different--
like night and day.

You see, if I could
just find pictures
of him with them,

then I could send them
to all of them.

They could see
what type of a ho
he really is.

That's what I'll do.

Hey, we can also
project them on the overhead
during our presentation.

Ooh, good idea.


How many women
do you think he has?

Not women!

Chicken heads!
Hood rats! Hos!

Come on, Jenny.

Not all men are dogs
and niggas.

And we're not all
bitches and hos.

[ Sighs ]
You know, Katrina.

I don't know.

I don't know
what type of men
you've been around,

but, you see,
my brother is a dog.

All of his friends
are dogs,

and Michael Jones
is the dog of all dogs!

Oh. So that's what this
is all about.

Look. I'm just pissed off
right now, okay?

I'm tired of brothers
dropping sisters
like a bad habit.

And then to make it
even worse,

they told me how much
of a cold freak
he was in bed.

Like with the ice
and handcuffs
and hot lotion...

and nipple-pinchers
and feathers...

and fried zucchini
and baby diapers!

[ Shuddering ]
Like I wanna know
all of that!

I do.


please don't
become a statistic.

Oh! No, no.
[ Laughing ]

No, not
in this lifetime.

I just want to know
more about him for our
case study research.

Man, but I was raised
by nothin' but women,

and I still can't
figure them out!

[ Laughing ]

That's 'cause
you ain't tried, D.

Like my sister, right?

For example, she thinks
she's so slick.

You know the real reason
she came by my place today?

'Cause her and her girlfriend
are using me as a case study
for her anthropology class.

Like right now,
they're still at my place.

Right now,
all up in my business.

I'm gonna check his drawers.

Girl, he don't wear drawers.
He nasty like that.


[ Moaning ]


You ain't hear me
calling you, girl?

You're supposed to help me
look for the pictures!

Thanks to Jenny,
Katrina's a done dish.

The booty is just
marinatin' for me!
[ Laughing ]

She done told her
everything about me
already, you know?

Right now she just thinking
she wanna find out
for herself.

So you think
you're all that.

Okay. Check this out.

[ Beeping ]
They ain't gonna be home.

[ Phone Ringing ]

Jenny, I know you're not
gonna answer his phone,
are you?

The hell I ain't.
Watch this, girl.

[ Beeps ]
Stop, baby, stop.

Ah. What you doin'
answering my phone?


Look at you!
You ain't got nothin'
to say, right?

Caught red-handed,
mouth wide open.

I knocked over the phone
by accident!

Tsk. Look, don't start
lyin' 'cause you got
caught doing dirt.

I ain't even tryin'
to hear that.

But, uh, how's that
research on me goin'?

How'd you know we was
doin' research on--

I know you, Jenny.

But most of all,
I know women.

[ Chuckling ]

Yeah. Well, don't
flatter yourself
that much, Mr. Man,

'cause you're a beast
about to get busted.

Look, how many times
I gotta tell you,
players never get busted?

I am so sick of brothers
thinking that they are players.

Oh, like Michael Jones?
[ Both Laughing ]

You got me
on speakerphone...

so your loud, dysfunctional,
stupid-ass friends can hear me?

Who the hell
do you think you are?

[ Clattering ]

[ Beeping ]

[ Rings ]

Hello, Jenny?
I just wanted to say
I'm sorry.

Oh, yeah, you sorry,
all right.

You sorry motherfucker!


Now he's all sorry.

Shit. He done stepped
on my last nerve.
That's it.

Calling here
with that bullshit.

Putting me on display
in front of his old,
stupid-ass friends.

I got a display
for his ass.

We're going
to Maxwell's party.

Yeah. So all his girls
can meet in the flesh.

At the party.

Oh, shit!
Create a hostile

[ Together ]
And a player will repent
and reform!

[ Laughs ]
Oh, yeah, baby.
So come on.

Help me find
that phone book.

'Cause it's high time
that Robin meets Sherri,

Sherri meets C.C....

and C.C. meet
that trifling ass

[ Loud Burp ]
[ Kilo ]
What was that?

[ Spootie ] That's your stomach.
I need y'all to chill
for a minute, right?

I'll be right back.
Hold up, man. Hold up.
Hold up.

I thought we was
going with you. What's up?

Spootie, this is not
that type of party, man.

Besides, won't take me too long
'cause she's married.

[ Sighs ]

Wait a minute.
Hold on, man. Don't knock it
till you try it, D.

A married woman
is a player's dream.

They can't demand
a lot of your time.

Very understanding.

Most importantly,

Who does he think he is,
Dray Don Juan?

That's the shit
I'm talkin' about
right there.


See? That's why I ain't never
gon' get fuckin' married.

Man, you lucky
if you get laid.

[ Mocking Kilo's Laugh ]

What do we have here?
I made us some tea.


Oh, goodness.

[ Sighs ]
What's wrong, sweetheart?

I can't
take him anymore.

[ Exhales ]

No. Leave that alone.
You know what you need?

A massage. Come here.
Turn around. Ah.

[ Spootie, Kilo,
David Chattering ]

[ Dray ]
Let me take care of you.



You're so tense.

Oh, hell.
He cares more about those
damn plants than he does me.

With all these plants
in here,

he still can't recognize
a beautiful flower
when he sees one.

What a fool.
[ Laughs ]
You're so adorable.

* [ Car Stereo: Rap ]

* Quick to get hot
if I catch you
on the wrong block *

[ Chattering ]

This is where they
go to the bridge.
Go to bridge, go to bridge!

* [ Continues ]

Cut your fucking music down
in front of my house, man.

My lovely wife's
trying to get some rest.

People live on this block,
you beige motherfucker.

Fuck you, motherfucker.
Fuck yourself, man.

Hate you young son bitches.
You don't do shit.
You don't vote.

Fuckin' rabbits.
All you do is eat,
shit and fuck.

That's all right.
Your mama's a man.

I'll bust your motherfucking--
Give me that bag.

[ All Shouting ]

Hate you motherfuckers.

Hate them son bitches.

[ Grunts ]

[ Whispers ]

Why are you here?

What you think
I'm doing here?
I live here.

I know you live here,
but you're home early.

Look here. Look here, baby.
There's a bunch
of smokes outside...

playin' their damn music
so loud,

they're gonna bring
our property value down.

Oh, they're just kids.
What you dressed
like this for?

What you wearin' that for?
I was gonna take a nap.

And you're just in time.

Yeah, I know that's right.
[ Chuckling ]

You know,
it stinks in here.
[ Gasps ]

What's that smell?
What smell?

That smell like "boodussy"--
booty, dick and pussy.

I'm telling you,
it's all up in here.

You're so funny.
Funny nothing.
It stink in here.

No, it doesn't.
You been taking care
of my babies, my plants?

Yes, I have.
They look kind of dry,

They're not dry,
They look dry to me.

I know how you feel
about your plants.
Sure, baby.

Ooh! My baby plants.
Oh! Is that a bug?

A bug? Where? Where?
Ain't no bug on my plant.

Oh, I thought it was a bug.
Better not be
no bug on my baby!

Oh, it's not a bug.
Baby, it stink in here.

It's startin' to
fuck with my heart.
Oh, honey, it's your asthma.

- [ Coughing ]
- Come-- Come--
Come have some tea.

Have some tea.
Put this down.
I don't want no damn tea.

Oh, yes, you do.
I don't want no tea, baby.
I don't want-- [ Coughing ]

Just have a little tea
for Mama.
I don't want no tea.

Honey, come on.
Have a little tea.

[ Buster ]
Ain't no tea in there, but I'll
take some of this, baby.

Who needs tea?
Oh, baby.

[ David ]
We're back, Michael Blackson!

You fake-ass Christopher Darden
looking motherfucker.

[ Moans ]
Baby, girl, you got
my oven on again.

I knew we were
gonna make love again
after four years.

I'm gonna drink my ginseng.
Gonna get my Stay Hard.
I'll be right back.

Oh, boy. M-My psychic told me
I was gonna do it again!

- Oh!
- Dray!


[ Mock East Indian Accent ]

Don't worry
about the drain.

The drain is fine.
Who in the fuck is this?

Who in the fuck am I?
I am a maid.
Who the fuck are you?

Let me tell you,

I had to get all the rust
out of your pipe.

Had to bang and bang
and bang and bang it until
all the rust is gone.

There ain't nothin' wrong
with my pipe, man!

That is not
what your wife said.

Your wife said there's
tremendous clogging
in your piping.

Baby, why didn't you tell
me something was wrong
with the pipe, huh?

Yes, sir?

- How much do I owe you?
- Oh, don't worry about it.
I've been paid already.


You got a card or somethin'?
Maybe I can help you out.

One of the neighbors
or somethin'.
Sure, sir.

Look here, baby.

Anything you need in this house,
I don't want you to be ashamed
to tell me.

I don't want nothin' to
go wrong here. You're my love.
You understand that?

Anything you need.

Sir? You got--

[ Door Closes ]

- [ Coughing, Wheezing ]
- [ Car Tires Squealing ]

I'm gonna kill you.
I'm gonna kill you.
I'm gonna kill you.

We've tried pimp,
mack, daddy, divas,

honeys, hos, bitches.

Wait, wait, wait.
Wait. Wait. Wait a minute.
[ Sighs ]

What do these women
really mean to him?

Oh, girl!

All these women mean
to him is pus--


[ Gasps, Laughs ]


"Amber, C.C."--

Start writing.


I thought the girl's name
was Ashenkashay.

[ Kilo ]
Oh, man, this house
is just like you-- phat!

Whoo! We don't see no shit
like this in New York, kid.

[ Spootie ]
And her lawn is cut.

[ Giggles ]
Is it!
Like a haircut.

This is sweet.

Look, fellas,
on the real,

do not blast that music
in this neighborhood,
all right?

A'ight. A'ight.
Like we don't know that.

You go handle
your business.

Yeah, you're right.
It's showtime.
I gotta go perform.

Yo. What the fuck
you mean, "go perform"?

Look, man.
See, this is my girl Amber.

She's, like,
the actress-dancer type.

We sort of act out
certain scenes.

She's really into
that, like, role-playing.

[ Together ]

[ Kilo ]
Role-playing? Man,
I hope she ain't married.

[ David ]
Role-playing. Whoo! Sisters
is making some money out here.

Look at that.
Livin' large up in
this neighborhood.

He got him
a fine sis-- sis--

Oh! Oh!

Hell, nah!
Look at--

Man, that
girl is persuasion!

You mean Caucasian.
You is an ignorant ass!
You know that?

I knew that nigga
had jungle fever in him.

Oh, shit, man.
Open the door.
Where you think you goin'?

It's showtime, buddy.

So what's up, man?
You down?

I'm a'ight.
Nah, you just go ahead.
Y'all have y'all fun.

Y'all go ahead.
Take y'all time.

Brah, you still
like women, don't you?

You startin'
to scare me.
You talkin' that trash.

Mmm. Hey, Dray.

I'm really sorry
you're not feeling well,

but it is time
for your physical.

Oh, shit!
Can you see over there?

Oh, I see somethin'
that look like an ass.

You can't see?
Shit. Damn.
Oh, that's a plant.


Damn. You don't see shit?

Come here. Let me stand
on your stomach.

How's Mandingo?

Oh. Oh, Lord.
It's showtime.

Hey, Nadine,
please don't hang up
on me ag--

Damn it.
Whoo! Come over here.

Okay, Nadine.
That's cool. I got you.

Can see over here.
Just lift me up.

[ Chuckles ]
Lift you up?
[ Screaming Laugh ]

Me and what fuckin' army?

You better bounce your big ass
on that ground and hope you
make it over that gate.

How we gonna see?

[ Dray ]
Oh, I really need
some head, nurse.

Just be patient.

Get it, get it.
Get the can.


Look, baby, I was--
Come on, come on,
come on!

You can't call me "baby," okay?
See, you've got to
earn this shit.

As far as I'm concerned,
your tired ass is dismissed.

[ Beeps ]

I ain't callin' her back.
Fuck that.

Nigga got pride.

[ Howls ]

Just-- Just give me your hand.
Give me a boost.
Give me a boost.

Hold up.
Let me exercise first.
I don't wanna-- Ah!

Don't wanna hurt my back.
You know what I'm sayin'?

- I ain't mad at you. Come on.
- Hold up, baby. Hold up.
[ Karate Yell ]

Come on, man!
He'll be finished, man!
A'ight. Come on.

Just hold
the fucking can.

Hold up now.
You got it?
Don't fall now, baby.

Hold the goddamn--
Hold up now.

You in there?
What they doin', huh?
Oh, man!

[ Kilo Giggling ]
Look at my boy!

What they doin'?
Damn. Acting. Whoo!

Mmm, my temperature
is rising.
[ Kilo ] Damn!

[ Screams ]
What they doin'?
My nigga!

What they doin'?
What they doin'?

[ Kilo ]
Man! Tearin' it up!
What's the player doin'?


- [ Farting ]
- [ Groans ]


Yo! Yo!
[ Grunts ]

Why you let it go?

Why you let it go?
[ Groans ]

* [ Funk ]
[ Giggles ]
The game is on!

[ Laughing ]

Phone's ringin'.

* Got-- Got to pay back

Hello? C.C.?
* Revenge

Hi, this is
Jennifer Jackson,
Dray's sister.

I'm inviting a few people
over to Malibu tonight
for a pool party...

at his friend
Maxwell's house,

and I thought
I'd surprise my brother
by inviting you.

Yo, I know that wasn't
y'all in the window
at Amber's house, right?

I can't believe y'all
perverted asses was watchin'.

You mean to tell me
you wouldn't watch?
Hell, yeah, I'd watch.

But not with no white girl.
I am not slappin' skin
with no white girl.

I don't care what kind
of role-playin' you're doing
and all this other stuff.

[ Groans ]
Yo, kid, that's where
you wrong at, man.

'Cause at the end of the day,
when the lights go out,
it's all the same thing, baby.

That's what I'm sayin'!

Oh, well, I'll see you
at the party
later on tonight.

Okay, Amber.
[ Giggles ]

Sorry I woke you.


[ Exclaiming, Laughing ]
What? What? What?

The grits gonna
hit the fan, girl!

I think Amber is white.

[ Both Laughing ]

Yo, man,
where we goin', man?

I got one more
stop to make,

and y'all two nosy
motherfuckers gonna
sit in the car, a'ight?

Sit in the car.
You too, Beige.

Oh, hell no, Dray, man!

How the hell are we supposed
to learn how to mack
if we stuck in this damn car?

What the fuck?
You makin' a videotape?

He got a point.

Look, y'all need
to chill out now.
Understand this, a'ight?

D, I need a favor.

This girl's a little greedy,
so all I need is 30 minutes.

* [ Man Rapping ]

[ Siren Wailing In Distance ]

Where the hell she live,
in jail?

[ Dray Chuckles ]

Now, D, don't forget.
All right?

Yeah. Don't forget,
you got 28 minutes now.
All right.

What time is it?


[ Rapping ]
* Duck down, 'cause my crew from
the South Side is bussin' *

* Shit is on,
no question *

* Young heads,
put away them
hair triggers *

[ Moaning ]

[ Shouting ]

[ Phone Ringing ]
[ Moaning ]

[ Ringing ]

[ Whines ]

Yeah? This is Sherri!

I think she's trying
to kill me!

Excuse me. Did I catch you
at a bad time?

[ Moans ]
Woman to woman?
Hell yeah.

Who is this?
Ooh! Yeah!

That's it, baby.
Girl, I think she gettin'
her freak on right now.

With Dray?
[ Grunting, Groaning ]

Look, this is Jenny Jackson,
Dray's sister.

[ Moaning ]
And if he is
there, don't say nothin'.

I got ya.
I got ya.

Great. Okay.

You know we're gonna get
together at Maxwell's house,
his friend in Malibu.

And remember,
it's a surprise.

[ Moaning ]
I'd love to come.

Will you hurry up!



He better get it while he can,
'cause somebody at the party
gon' cut that shit off!

[ Laughing ]
Well, I hope not.


I wanna try something
a little different.

[ Vibrating ]
Turn over.

Oh, my God!

* [ Rapping Continues ]

What time is it, man?
What time is it?

It's 4:15-- 4:20.

[ Sighs ]
* We got freaks
around dancin' *

* Niggas romancin' *

* Married women
'round players
takin' chances *

That's it. That's it.

* I'm not tryin' to mess ya
Not a dope pusher *

All right, Heavy D-E-F-G--

[ Laughing ]
How many left?

That's all of 'em.

That's Amber, Robin,
Barbara, C.C., Shante,
Sherri. That's all of 'em.

All that's left
to do now is to party!

Hey! Par--
What about
your mom's barbecue?

[ Gasps ]

I almost forgot.

My mama's pot!
Come on, girl.
She gon' kill me.


[ Knocking ]

Who is it?


Yeah, David.
Um, Dray's cousin.


Dray? David.
Your cousin.

Hell yeah!
Oh, he's cool.

[ Chuckles ]


Oh, sh--
They don't bite.

[ Chucking Nervously ]

[ Chuckling ]

[ Both Chuckling ]


[ Growls ]

Hey, hey, hey!


[ Both Chuckling ]

That's right.

[ Whispering ]
All of that.

Yo, man, what's wrong?
Family emergency!

Oh, yeah. Your sister.

I already know
all about it.

My sister?

[ Chuckling ]
Your sister.

My sister.
Oh, your sister.

Yeah, baby.
I gotta go.


- You know I was about to
wear that ass out.
- Oh, stay! Stay!

No, no, no.
My sister, girl.
My sister.

Your sister.Okay.

What is--
David, man.
Come on, man.

What you doing?
Man, get off that ch--
Come on, man.

Come on, man.
This is not you.

Okay, okay.
One second, one second.

Did you use the chair?

I didn't use
no damn chair.

* [ Hip-hop ]

baby.He re you go.

the hot sauce?

Hey, Mama.
where you been?

I went to Dray's house
to get the black pot.
What took you so long?

- Excuse me. Can I have
some hot sauce, please?
- Hot sauce, please!

Excuse me! Hot sauce!
Can I have some hot sauce?

U-U-Uh-- Baby, please,
go get these children
some hot sauce.

Yo, please!
Sauce! Hot sauce!
Excuse me!

Please! Hot sauce!
Oh, Katrina.
Hi, baby.

Come on.
I'm gon' put you to work.


[ Chattering ]
Uh-- Pick up.

Come on, baby.
Please pick up.

Look, I know I messed up.
I know I messed up bad.

But, hey, you know
you're the only one for me.

Cardinal rule
number two:

Never beg on no
answering machine.

She's gon' play it
for her girlfriends.
You'll be branded forever.

Just like this fool.

Just let me know
what I can do to make it up.
Just give me one more chance.

[ Coughing ]
[ Clearing Throat ]

Ah, hello!
Uh, a'ight.

All right, cool.

Word. A'ight, um--
[ Line: Machine Beeps ]

I'll talk to you later.
Out. Peace.
[ Beeps ]

[ Laughing ]

Yo, D,
you's trippin'.

Nadine got you
buggin' the fuck out.

Hell out!
You think
this is Nadine?

I done told ya,
I'm through with that headache.

This is my new girl.
This is, uh, um--
[ Clears Throat ]

This is Maria.

Maria, huh?
A.K.A. Nadine?

[ Both Chuckling ]

I swear it was Maria.
Man, get out
the car.

Come on.
Let's go eat, man.

* [ R & B ]

Man, let's
go get it!
Smells good!

[ Laughing ]

Lord, look what the
wind done blew in!

You better get over here
and give your mama
some sugar, boy.

Love you, Mama.

I love you too, baby.
[ Laughing ]

* [ Singing, Incoherent ]

Hey, hey, hey!

That what I'm talkin' about.

Here, here.
Get what you want.
[ Laughing ]

Damn! Damn!

* [ Singing Continues ]

Whoa, whoa!

You ain't paid
that damn much!

Get your fat ass
out the way!

Uh, let me get, uh--
Give me a piece of chicken.
No, no, no! Not that!

Not that.
Take that.

Hey, m-- Hey, hey!
I said the chicken,
not the coal.

Get the fuck outta here.

My name is Spootie.

[ Moaning ]

[ Jenny ]
Stop slobberin' on her!
What's wrong with you?

Louisiana gumbo?


D, get out of my pot
and fix yourself a plate.

Now, where's that
sweet girl of yours?

Which one?
What do you mean,
which one?

What you mean?
Go find David, man.

Lisa, Mama.

[ Chuckles ]
Lisa workin' today.

She told me to tell you she's
so sorry she couldn't make it.

Hey! Ha-ha!

Watch out there now!

Somebody pull my pants down
and spank my ass!
[ Laughs ]

Somebody should've
spanked his ass
for makin' this burnt chicken.

Why use a straw, Kilo?
Why not lap it up like a dog?
Go ahead!

Come on!
Go ahead!
Shut up!

* [ Continues ]

Why are you
looking at me?

I'm just wonderin'.

What kind of dog
are you,

a poodle...
or a Chihuahua?

[ Laughing ]


I'm wonderin'
where should I
send your ass,

to Jenny Jones
or Jenny Craig?

[ Laughing ]

You got that off!

have you met Katrina?

[ Spits ]
this is David.

- He's so nice.
- How you doin'?

[ Jenny ]
And she's single.

[ David ]
Is your chicken
fucked up too?

Yo, yo, yo, yo!

What part of the
family is that, kid?

Yo, that's Peaches.

If Peaches is here,
Uncle Fred is in the house.

Now, Uncle Fred,
that's the mack
of this family.

The original player,
my brother.

Now, that man
done taught me
everything I know.

So if y'all wanna get y'all
flow on, we need to go talk
to Uncle Fred, baby. Let's go.

I'm goin'.

[ David ]
Look out here.

That's his problem.
Now he think he Uncle Fred.

That shit's so played out,
Uncle Fred don't even know
what he doin' no more.

Damn! Do you have
any more hot sauce?


I can never
beat you, Fred.

you just keep tryin'.

You gon' do it
one of these years.

Uncle Fred! Oh!


What's up, Uncle Fred?
Hey, Baby D.
How you doin' man?

You remember Peaches,

[ Peaches ]
Hey, Dray.
How could I forget?

Peaches, baby, uh--
[ Speaking French ]

Okay? Qu'il repr├ęsente,
baby doll. Qu'il repr├ęsente.


She thinks that I told her
to freshen up my drink.

I was really giving her
the flag salute.

[ All Laughing ]

Now, that's cold!
That's cold!

[ Fred ] Hey, buddy boy,
you gotta be careful
over that suckin' on that bone.

A hundred years from now
they'll be checking your D.N.A.
with that bone...

and swear you and that chicken
were into some kind of
freaky sex thing.

[ Laughing ]

- Got that off.
- Man, you like
a pimped-out Yoda.

So, Baby D, how are your
holiday rounds goin'?

Like clockwork.
Lickin' and still tickin'.

Oh, that's great.
I'm just sorry that your
daddy's not still livin'.

He would be really proud of you
and that work that you're doing
over at Def Jam.

- I miss him.
- Mmm.

[ Laughing ]

I'll be damned!

If it ain't
the Double Scoop Twins!
[ Laughs ]

The "before"
and "before" shot.

[ Laughing ]
Thick and Thicker!

What you two fat fuckers
sitting around, waitin' on?

I knew you two fat,
swolled-up welfare

wouldn't miss a meal.

You little
two fat bastards!
[ Chuckles ]

Oh, look at 'em,
lookin' like two big M&M's
sittin' over there.

Sittin' over there tryin'
to out-eat one another.

Man, to heck with you,
you old drunk.
You don't know nothin'!

You know, if I had
the side of a mountain,
I would kick your fat ass.

You old bastard!

[ Laughs ]
[ Groans ]

My arm!

I guess you falled
and then can't get up, huh?
Drunk punk.

What happened to the sun?

But anyway, Uncle Fred,
I been wonderin', man.

I wanted to ask you somethin'.

How can I get a woman
that ain't gonna dis me...

as soon as some Will Smith
Dumbo-eared nigga come along?

You know what I mean?

The most valuable tool
you have is your mouth.

If your rap is strong,
you can't go wrong.

Yeah, but what if
your rap is strong
and that shit still go wrong?

[ Laughing ]
But that's not possible.

Not if you're marinating
that fish right.

[ Chuckling ]
Yo, man, your uncle
got some words!

I mean, a woman's shit
is tight from birth, man.

'Cause, you see,
a woman...

who is a player herself...

wants to be played,

has to be played,

needs to be played...

in order for
the continuation
of this man-woman thing.

- [ Boys Murmuring ]
- Man, that's some deep shit.

It is deep.
It's a deep,
deep game, man.

I mean, it's eternal.

You know, like
the smell of chitlins.

[ All Laughing ]

Go get me that plate
over there, the one
with the tinfoil on it.

Thanks, baby.

[ Cackles ]
The food was great,

Ms. Jackson,
if you're nasty!

[ Laughing ]
Boy, you a mess.
I'm glad you

Tell your mama I said hi.
All right.
You take it easy.

All right, sweetheart.
Ms. Jackson,
the food was delicious.

Especially that chicken.
Thank you so much,honey.

Next time you come,
bring Nadine.

[ Chuckles Weakly ]

[ Chuckling ]

[ Burps ]
[ Gasps ]

Excuse me.
Boy, you ate so damn much food
you can't even say good-bye.

No, I'm gon' say good-bye.
Thanks, Ms. Jackson.
[ Laughing ]

The food was delicious.
Well, you always welcome
at my house, Kilo.

I'll be back.
Okay, sweetheart.
Bye-bye, baby.


Oh, boy.
That gumbo was so good.

I'm glad you liked it.
I made it just for you.

[ Kisses ]

Thanks, baby. Don't forget
to give Tony his plate.
Thank you. Mama, I gotta go.

Mama, he's not gonna
help us clean up?

I gotta go scout some talent
for the company tonight.
I'm running late now.

Go on and make
that money then, baby.

- Me and your sister'll
clean up.
- Okay.

Okay, baby.

tell your girl Katrina
I said--

"What's up?"

[ Woman ] Get me some more
of that potato salad.
Put some greens on there too.

Baby, go over there
and fix Miss Jenkins
a plate to go. Go on.

Go on!
[ Groans ]

That's my baby.

How you doin', honey?

Yo, this has been
one of the best days
of my life.

Man, it ain't
even over yet!

What we 'bout
to do now, baby?

Y'all 'bout to go to
the bus stop, kid.

Look, come on, man.
You gotta go home
and get dressed anyway.

We all goin'
to the party.

You can't drop us off
though, kid?

No. And I gotta
make a phone call.

Y-Yeah, yeah.
Me too.

Let's get
some doughnuts, man.

Doughnuts? Huh!
All you think about is food.

Yo, who you
talkin' to, man?
My mother, a'ight?

My mother.

[ Whispering, Inaudible ]

Come on, man!

Watch it, man!

Small fucker.

You too, bladder.

Yo, what he just
call me?

Yo, ain't that
that black motherfucker
that got into it with Dray?

You know,
it damn sure is!
No, hold up. No.

Dray told us
to get on the bus.
We gon' be late.

Give me some space, a'ight?
Give me some space. Geez.

Oh, shit.




[ Coughing ]
I'll kill 'em!

I don't believe it.

[ Laughing ]
[ Dray Shouts ]

[ Shouting, Chattering ]

Go, go, go, go,

[ David Laughing
[ Engine Starts ]

Don't fuck with--

[ Tires Screeching ]
Son of a bitch!

[ David Laughing ]


Oh, shit, there's goes
Father Time!

Fuck you, you bitch!

[ Laughing ]
Man, what thefuck
is wrong with you?

I'll show you,
goddamn motherfuckers!

This motherfucker got
a gun, man! Run! [ Yelling ]
Give me a few minutes!

[ Suppressed Coughing ]

[ Laughing ]

Fuck that old cock-eyed,
black-ass motherfucker!

Did you see his face though?
He's, like, "I'm gon' kill you!"

"I'm gon' kill you!"
[ Coughing ]

[ Coughs ]

Yo, it's good
to see you feeling better.

I am too. Forget Nadine.
I'm gon' find me somebody
at the party.

I know light-skinned brothers
ain't in no more.
But fuck it. We comin' back.

Whoa, hold up.
What year was y'all in though?
Come on! '86!

'87, '88, '89.

You remember that.

Hey, D, I'm tellin' you,
I'm gonna throw on
some new clothes,

freshen up real quick,
get ready for this party.

Yeah, that sound good.
But what about me?
What about you?

I can't be wearin' this.
I had it on all day.
You don't have no clothes?

No. Remember what happened
back in my crib?

[ Sighs ]
Oh, man.

Here, man. Here's a towel.
Take a quick little shower.

[ Sighs ]
Come on.

All right, you can use my--
my clothes in my closet, man.

Good lookin' out.
Yo, this time...

you gotta return
my stuff, man.

What you mean? I ain't got
none of your stuff.

What about the blue shirt
I let you hold?
What blue shirt?

This blue shirt.
[ Chuckling ]

Well, I'm still
holdin' it.

[ Sniffs ]
You can have it
if you want to.

No, man, I'm all right.
Just go ahead.
Hurry up, man. Come on.

"Players never get caught."

[ Snickers ]

Callin' me a statistic.

[ Jenny ]
We too smart
for all that player shit.

[ Dray ]
Oh, like you was too smart
for Michael Jones,

who dropped you
like a bad habit.

Me and Mike is like--
We live by the same laws.


See, we don't take
no prisoners, and you
ain't no exception.

You just a statistic.

[ Jenny ]
It's called
negative reinforcement.

Yes, given
a hostile environment,

a player will repent
and reform,

and that is the hypothesis
of our report.

I think black...

will be more appropriate...

for the burial
of a player.

[ Dray ]
Yo, D!

Let's roll, man!
Come on!

* [ R & B ]
[ D.J. ]
Hey, what's up, y'all?

This is Jesse Collins.
We wanna give a phat shout-out
to my man Maxwell...

puttin' down
a phat-ass party tonight.

We gon' be rollin' this
all night long!

Come on, let's do this!
Let's do this!

I'm 'bout to show you
how I marinate a fish.
Is that right?

Is that right?

* [ R & B Continues ]
[ Moaning, Grunting ]

Come on.
I likes this!
I likes this.

What's up?
What's up?

What's up, Kilo?

Where's Spootie?
The hell with Spootie,

Come on. He over there
trippin', man.

Yo, dog!
Yo, dog!

I think my baby mama
is off up in
this motherfucker.

y'all need to just chill.

You need a little patience.
It separates the boys from the--

Yes, indeedy!

I'm 'bout to
marinate that fish
up in here.

Brah, brah,
let me get through here.

Excuse me, brah.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
I appreciate that.

[ Inhales ]

You ready to handle what's about
to happen to your little ass,
you little freaky thing?

[ Chuckling ]

H-H-Hey, baby,
come on, now!

You can't give a brother
no love? Can't get a little
groove on up in here?

[ Laughing ]

He ain't shit!

Damn, you fine.
I ain't gon' lie about that.

But you ain't gotta
do me like that, a'ight?

I know light-skinned brothers
ain't in right now,
but we comin' back.

* [ Continues ]
[ Grunting ]


Damn... fine.

[ Sighs ]
Spootie, chess is like
a game of strategy.

Before you get to the strategy,
you gotta size up
your competition.

Check my man out
right here in the green.
What you lookin' at?

Oh, snap!

It's Arsenio Hallway.

[ Laughs ]
He trippin'.

And why do you think
Mr. Jheri Curl right here...

is sittin'
all by hisself?

Because he couldn't
afford the activator
and the girl?

[ Beeping ]

[ Beeper Beeping ]
Look at that.

Now, ain't no real player
supposed to have no pager.

Why would you want your woman
havin' all that access to you?

But your
woman should definitely
have a pager.

So you can have access
to her at all times?

[ Both ]

I'm gon' catch up
with you later, buddy.

Just request any record.
Come on up here and we gon'
put it on for you. A'ight?

Would you like to dance?



Come on! Come on!
Let's go dance!
[ Giggles ]

Let's go dance!

Excuse me.
Move out my way.
Excuse me.

[ Hooting ]

Yeah! Ooh! Mm-hmm!

Yeah! Mm-hmm!

Oooh! Yeah!

Girl, you got

What's your name?



Ain't this party
a bitch!

* [ Continues ]
Oh, come on.
She goin' into the robot?


Yo, partner.
What's up?

Man, whatever you did,
it's workin', kid.

That girl over there been
peepin' you the whole time.

I mean, hard!

I mean, I been blowin'
and everything.
It don't change nothin'.

You need to go check out
and see who's checkin' you out.
Get your play on.

You know
what I'm sayin'?
That's right, that's right.

* [ Continues ]

[ Gasping, Gagging ]
What's wrong?

I think
I'm seasick...

from all
them damn waves.

[ Giggling ]

Let's find Dray.

Mm-hmm. Yeah!
[ Laughing ]

[ Gasps ]
Oh! Jenny!

There's Dray.

You think he's seen
any of his girls yet?

No. He's too busy
lookin' for some more
chicken heads.

- Who's that?
Did he come with her?
- No.

You see,
that's his whole game.

His strategy.

Find the nerdiest girl
in the room and treat her ass
like she's Halle Berry.

And then all the
other girls think he's gon'
treat them the same way.

See what I'm sayin'?
I feel you.

[ Blabbering ]

Hoo, girl.
You look like
you could use a drink.

What can I get you?
A-A beer.

I'll be right back.

Sex at last!

[ Chattering, Laughing ]
That's right.

I got a new mouthpiece.

The work is done.

Oh, my gosh.
I mean, I almost died
when he kissed my hand!

I mean, it's like,
he is straight sexy!

[ Laughing ]
I mean, sex... y!

[ Whispering ]

Well, how you doin'?

* [ Continues ]

You want to dance?

That's a great idea.
Here you go,

[ Sighs ]
I'll be back, sexy.

[ Nikki ]
It started back in the '70s
when I was born.

I mean, I really was
a pretty baby, really.

And, I don't know,
the acne and everything

Here's your beer.

Thank you.

No, thank you.

Oh, hey, hey.

You gon'
save a dance for me?



We gonna
slow it down again,

especially for Baby
in the pink over there.

We gon' slow it down
for y'all right now.
* [ R & B Ballad ]



I need a shot!

Oh, no.
He did not!

Girl, what I tell you?


It's on.

See that shit?
Works every time.

You gotta give it
to him though.

The brother is smooth.

* [ Continues ]
Hit me again!

Thank you so much.

* [ Hip-hop, Upbeat ]

I don't need no woman--

'Cept that one right there.

Check you out.
Check the breath!

Hey! Aah!

* [ Continues ]

You think that's Amber?

Hell yeah.

From that fake snake outfit
she got on to those
fake-ass streaks in her hair...

and them fake--

Okay, let's go find
the other girls.

Mm-mm-m mm.
I know you ain't
lookin' over there.

Don't you know
I will cut you?



Go ahead, baby.
Give me a dance.
Yeah, right.

Ain't you lookin' fine.

* [ Ballad Continues ]
Oh, yeah.

You know what? I'm gettin'
a little tired.

But we could hook up
later though.

Don't forget.

Baby, I won't.

Romeo, I think you have
one too many girls.

I could never have
too many girls,
my brother.

Okay, then I think
that married woman
you were boning earlier...

is up in here.
[ Giggles ]

[ Laughs ]
Are you serious?

Yeah, I am.
[ Amber ]
Hey, Dray!

Look around.
Oh, shit!

Excuse me.


Oh, wow.

That is Robin.

happy holidays.

No, I ain't even
goin' out like that.

Ain't nothin'
but a chess game.

Hey, handsome.
You owe me a dance.

I do owe you a dance,
don't I, sweetheart?

Well, look at what
we have here.


Don't even trip!
I'm his sister!

She's adopted.

Hey, Dray!

Hi, man!
Now start trippin'!

How are you?

[ Gasps ]
There's a bad vibe here.
You feel that negative energy?

[ Electricity Crackles ]
Oh, man!

Yeah, man.
I need to meet you
in the back room.

In two minutes.

Peace, man.

She been like that
since the eighth grade.

Don't even trip.
So sad.

But anyway, I do owe
youa dance, don't I?

If you give me
a moment to talk
to my sister--

She's adopted.
All right?
Aw. Okay.

I'll meet you
right on the dance floor.

* [ Continues ]

[ Sighs ]
Oh, boy.

Excuse me, ladies.
Excuse me. Excuse me.

Excuse me. Excuse me.



What are you doing here?

[ Jamaican Accent ]
What you tink, man?
What do I tink?

I tink
you need a drink.
Yeah, man, that--

What you doin', man?

Sit down. Don't worry.
I'll get your drink for you.

Please rest.
I'll be right back.

Don't move, sweet.

[ Mutters ]
Oh, my God.

Oh, yo, D!
D, D, D, get up!
Get up, get up!

Listen, man,
we got problems.

[ Coughing ]

Yo, man, there's about
to be some major drama
up in this party.

Look, something is up, man.

I can't believe this.
Every woman I know
is in this party.

Oh, shit!

Hey, man.
What's happenin', baby?


Peace, patchouli
and free love,
my brother,

but I need Dray.

Ooh, baby.

Where is Dray?

You know, uh--
Dray might be, uh--
Let me get a hit.

Dray might be, um--
I think he's down that--
that hallway there.

That hallway
right there. Cool.

Yo, man, this ain't
no coincidence, man.

I'm telling you,
somebody's settin' me up.

[ Dray ]

How you doin'?


[ D.J. ]
This is for the true players
in the house.

You know who you are.

[ David ]

Oh, shit!
You straight, bro?

Subject an animal
to a hostile environment,
and he will reform.

[ Jenny ]
Yeah, he's about to break
like a cookie.

[ Screaming ]

This is the last dance.

[ Shrieking ]

[ Nikki ]
Dray! Dray!

Aah! Aah!
Don't be shy, Dray!

I'm not!

Cool. Cool. Cool.

How are you?

[ Kisses ]

Oh, darlin',
you gotta hold on.
I have to pee-pee.

Oh, yeah, I have to pee-pee.
Hold on. Stand there. Okay?

I'll be right back.

[ Groaning ]

Window! Yes!
I could go out
the win--


are you okay?

No problem!

I'm rollin' a fat one.

[ Shante ]
Yeah, man, I hear that.

There's too many women here.
How am I gon' get out of this?

I can't believe it--

What are you doin' in here?

Somebody isn't into
surprise parties.

Don't worry, baby.

I'm gonna take care
of you.
What? Take care of me?

No, I'm gon'
take care of you!

Take care of me?
Oh, please,
take care of me--

I need a rubber.
A rubber?

Can you wait for me?
I'll be right back.
Stay right here.

[ Whimpering ]

* [ R & B Ballad ]

Oh, whoa!

Oh, man!

Do your thing, girl.
It's good to you?
[ Laughs ]

[ Laughing ]

[ Engine Stops ]

[ Chattering, Laughing ]

* [ Hip-hop, Upbeat ]

Daddy, I've been looking
all over for you!
Amber! How you doin'?

[ Laughing ]
Come here. Come here.

You're so crazy.
What are you doing here?

Do you like
my outfit?

You look great.
Oh, thank you.

You look so nice.


[ Giggles ]
Kick his damn ass.

Whoo! Amber,
you need to go home.
Let's go dance.

No, you need
to get your ass home.
I need to go home?

Yes-- No, we--
we should go home.

We should go home
and get into some

Oh, role-playing!
Cops and robbers?

Cops and robbers?
You got your pistol?
Yes, I got a pistol.

Full fire,
waiting for you.
Go home. Please hurry.



Oh, shit.
Hey, excuse me. Damn.

* Baby

* What's your phone number?

* [ Continues ]

[ Raspy Voice ]
Oh, hey! How you doin'?
How you doin', sweetheart?

I lost my voice.

Listen, um, I need
a favor from you.

I really wanna leave here
with you tonight, but,
um, I don't have my keys.

My sister
got my keys-- Robin.
I'll help find 'em for you.

She's right overthere.
Could you just call her
for me?

Sure. Robin!

Robin! Robin!

[ Gasps ] Busted!

Sure damn have been, Robin!
[ Screaming ]

Robin! Help!

Where did he go?
I'm looking formy friend Dray.

Have you seen--
Whoa! Excuse me.

I got nothin'
but love for you.
Why you gotta--

[ Coughing ]
That's the shit
right there.

Hey, mama!
Don't be knockin' my shit
out my hands!

Hey, yo,
you better quit trippin'.
I didn't touch you!

Get the fuck
out the way!
[ Woman Screams ]

Okay, okay, okay.

I got it.

[ Coughing ]
I gotta get
my doggone medicine.

[ Inhales ]

[ Tires Squeal ]


Aw, yeah! Yeah!

What's up,

[ Groaning ]

[ Buster ]
You don't need pipes!

Pipes! Pipes!

I've been waiting two months--
too long-- for this stuff!
He is mine tonight!

[ Thud ]

Dray! Baby!
Baby, are you all right?
[ Groaning ] Yes.

[ Coughing ]

What I want you to do--
I want you
to go home real quick.

Just go home and wait for me.
I gotta take care of some stuff
here at this party. Okay?

And you know what?
What, baby?

We gotta start
working out together again.


[ Both Moaning ]

Okay? You gotta hurry up.
You gotta hurry up.

I really love you.
Okay. Okay.


A'ight, what's up?
It's Jesse here
doin' the thing! Whoo!

Ladies in here
lookin' good!

Fellas, I'm gonna
hook y'all up in a minute,
play that slow song.

Better lock down
that special one.

* [ Hip-hop, Slow Jam ]

[ Beeper Beeping ]

[ Exclaiming ]

Oh, Dray!

Excuse me.

[ Beeping ]

Yeah, man! Cool!

Dray! Yeah!

[ Beeping ]

Ah, Dray!

* [ Continues,
Man Rapping ]
Mmm! Dray!

Where you goin'?
Where the hell y'all goin'?

[ Beeper Beeping ]


Dumb heifer!

[ Beeper Beeping ]

I'm coming to you, Dray!

Sherri, C.C., Shante.

That's everybody.

You wanna dance?

Oh, u-uh, um--
You know, um--
No, thank you.

Oh. Maybe later.

I-I'm sorry.

If I'd known
you were gonna be here,
I would have stayed at home.

Hey, Nadine,

Could you just
hear me out? Look--

I know what happened
today was wrong.

But, baby,
I am sorry. I--

I don't know what
I was thinking about.
It was a stupid thing to do.

you got that right.

Nadine, I thought
I wanted to be
something that I'm not...

and something I realize
I never want to be.


I want us...

to have what my
parents have--

that forever shit,
just me and you.

[ Sighs ]

[ Chuckles ]

But you're still sick.

Have you ever thought

me boning you...

[ Gasps ]

in your ass,
in the rain?

[ Chuckles ]
You don't like
the rain, huh?

[ Moaning, Exclaiming ]

Yeah, it's my birthday!
Yeah! [ Grunting ]

[ Chuckling ]

[ Gasps ]

There's my girls
right here.

[ Laughs ]

Whoo. I must admit,
that was a pretty
interesting experiment.


But you know what?
Your premise was wrong.

Let me ask you girls
a question.

If giraffes once had
short necks like horses,

why do they have
long necks now?

Because thousands
of years ago...

giraffes grew long necks
in order to reach the foliage
in the higher trees.

Foliage being their only
food source, they adap--

to their environment.


Certain animals

Others adapt.

Like, if you put a player
in a hostile environment...

like this was,

he won't reform.

He'll rise to the occasion
and prove his game,

thus adapt.

It's called survival
of the fittest.

Good night.

* [ Continues ]

You gonna be okay?

You know what?
[ Sighs ]

It never was
about my brother.

[ Sighs ]


I been watching you
all evening.

How 'bout I buy you
a cup of coffee?

[ Sighs ]

I'll take that as a yes.


[ Woman ]
* It's a man's

* World *

A bucket of ice.

* [ Continues ]
Now, some of you
may be wonderin',

what's up with the ice?

But if you don't know,

you better ask somebody.

[ Door Buzzer Buzzes ]

She's early.

* A woman or a girl

- Yeah?
- Oh, yeah.

She's back.
You are one lucky guy.

Tony, what are you
doing here?

It's awful.
I can't keep my eyes open.

But luckily the hooker
I'm gonna get tomorrow
makes it all worth it.

[ Chuckles ]
I hear that.

I'll see you later.

Women love
being served.
[ Doorbell Rings ]

* Man made
the electric light *

* [ Continues ]

I'll see you tomorrow.

Good night.

I'm gonna go get changed
and I gotta go see my man.
Thank you.

Good night.

See ya.

* [ Continues ]
Here are...

the numbers
of your ladies.

[ Chuckles ]

It won't happen again.

Aw, it's no big deal.

Forget about it.

I'm sorry. Am I--
Are you expecting company?

Yeah. Lisa should
be here at 11:00.

* Man makes 'em happy

* 'Cause man
makes them toys *

Oh, well, um,

guess I'd better
get out of here
before she comes...

and thinks something's
going on between us.

Yeah, I think so.

* [ Continues ]


* You know the man
makes money *

* To buy
from another man *

* [ Vocalizing ]

* But it don't mean nothin'

Oh, let me get that for you.

* Without a woman or a girl

* Yeah

* [ R & B Instrumental ]

* La-la, la-la-la

* Cha-la

* Cha-la

* Give

* Give me your love

* Ahh-ah

* Give me what I want


[ Heart Beating ]

* I

* I want you

* Need you

* Whoa-whoa,
whoa-whoa-whoa *

* Give

* [ Off ]

[ Heart Beating Continues ]



[ Sighs ]

You're early.
Oh, wow.

Yeah? Wow.
Did I ruin your surprise?

You're so sweet.

[ Both Moaning ]

You are so sweet.
I tell you what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna go change
into something
more comfortable...

and I'll be right back.


Go on wit' your bad self.

[ Dray's Voice ]
I said it before
and I'll say it again.

A player never gets busted.

And Katrina,
she got what she wanted.

I guess I'm gon'
change one day.

Settle down with Lisa.

Have me some kids!
Be normal.

But today...

[ Scoffs ]
just ain't the day!


[ Echoing ]

[ Lisa ]
Son of a bitch!

Oh, shit.

* [ Funk ]

[ Man ]
* Dru Hill

* Foxy *

* In the na-na-na-na

* Look at her

[ Woman Rapping ]
* Playa haters every minute
wanna stop the dough *

* And every other minute
wanna rock the floor *

* And every third minute
curve with a swerve in it *

* Come quick
like a virgin in it *

* So far came through this shit
with no bra *

* Sheer shirt, shakin' my na-na
This here hurts *

* Got 'em strung
Let 'em know
I'm like an Icee *

* For the best effect
you got to use your tongue *

* Find my G-spot
Get me hot, I'm ill *

* Foxy's chocolate, baby
Got milk? *

* Young cats
screamin' they want that *

* I tell 'em raise they hands
if they sure
they not immature *

* Work, niggas, like you one
of them live niggas *

* Fly niggas
Known to handle a pie, nigga *

* Chick in an off-white
pearl six on the cellular *

* Gettin' 'em open like Girl 6
It's on *

[ Men ]
* She's a bad mamma jamma

* Just as Foxy as can be

* Hey

* She's a bad mamma jamma

* Just as Foxy
as she can be *

[ Woman ] * Playa haters,
they every minute
wanna see your clothes *

* And every other minute
wanna know what you drove *

* And every third minute wanna
know if the fur's rented *

* That's why
I got no time for hos *

* It's the brown fox
Surround blocks, say I'm not *

* See me dressed in B.B.S.
round rocks *

* See me just play the low pro

* Got these rap chicks
in a choke hold, bee-atch *

* Basically wastin' your time
hatin' me *

* I'm like 1.5
'Bout to make it 3 *

* My name will forever ring

* Got 'em screamin',
"Damn, Fox" Throwin' ev'thing *

* Hell, yeah
For the paper
rip a hot track *

* Only for
the right paper, shortie
Got that? *

* Still in here, I'll be down
when you goin' broke *

* Ill na-na master tracks
like Tone and Poke
It's on *

[ Men ]
* She's a bad mamma jamma

* Hey, yeah, yeah

* Just as Foxy as can be

* She like to get down
To get down, to get hers *

* She's a bad mamma jamma

* She the reason
why my name is Woody *

* Just as Foxy as can be

* Ohh-oh-ohh-oh-ohh

[ Woman ]
* Playa haters every minute
wanna shit on wax *

* Then every other minute
talk behind your back *

* And every third minute
hop in your car
with herb in it *

* And I ain't got time
for that *

* I fakes no jacks
I got chips to gain *

* I'm like Bo Jack, baby
I'm hip to the game *

* I know it well
Rock Prada over Chanel *

* The H-class ho
with the H-Findel *

* Rhyme deep in footwear,
via Spiga *

* Like Aaliyah
One in a million *

* There's a scene
in this rap shit
comin' in illin' *

* Like I did
Laid the groundwork
for five hits *

* 'Member when I told y'all
first week out *

* Shipped a half a mil
Niggas freaked out *

* Love thyself
Put no one above thee *

* 'Cause ain't nobody
gon' fuck me like me
It's on *

[ Men ]
* She's a bad mamma jamma

* And you know

* Just as Foxy as can be

* She is Foxy as can be

* She's a bad mamma jamma

* Whoa-ohh-oh

* Just as Foxy as can be

* Hey
* She's foxy

* She's a bad mamma jamma

* She's so fly

* Just as Foxy as can be

* Don't hold back, mama

* She's a bad mamma jamma

* Got it goin' on

* Just as Foxy as can be

* Dru Hill,
help me sing it now *

* [ Men Vocalizing ]

* Sing it again

* [ Vocalizing Continues ]
* Oh, yeah-eah-eah

* Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah-eah *

[ Woman ]
* Every minute
wanna shit on wax *

* Then every other minute
talk behind your back *

* And every third minute
hop in your car
with herb in it *

* And I ain't got time
for that *

* I fakes no jacks
I got chips to gain *

* I'm like Bo Jack, baby
I'm hip to the game *

* I know it well
Rock Prada over Chanel *

* The H-class ho
with the H-Findel *

* Rhyme deep in footwear,
via Spiga *

* Like Aaliyah
One in a million *

* There's a scene
in this rap shit
comin' in illin' *

* Like I did
Laid the groundwork
for five hits *

* 'Member when I told y'all
first week out *

* Shipped a half a mil
Niggas freaked out *

* Love thyself
Put no one above thee *

* 'Cause ain't nobody
gon' fuck me like me
It's on *

[ Men ]
* She's a bad mamma jamma

* And you know

* Just as Foxy as can be

* She is Foxy as can be

* She's a bad mamma jamma

* Whoa-ohh-oh