How the West Was Fun (1994) - full transcript

Twins Suzy and Jessica visit granny Natty's dude ranch in the Wild West. The ranch has too few paying visitors and granny may have to sell the ranch to evil developer Bart unless "somebody" can help her. The twins also find the diary of their deceased mother

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The time has come.

Time to find out what
you're really made of,

'cause this town
ain't big enough

for the 3 of US.

So draw.

Draw...unless
you're yeller.

We're not yeller.

Then draw.

We never
draw first.

You draw first.



No, you draw first.

No, you.
No, you.

No, you.
Both: You!

You.
No, you.

You!
You.

You!
You.

You!
You!

Both: You!

[Rings]

All right,
up and at 'em, ladies.

Rise and shine.

I gotta see
the dragon lady.

Did you have
a weird dream?

About the wild west?



Yeah, we were
in a showdown.

A shoot out.

Son of a gun.

You know, maybe we
shouldn't eat cheese

right before
we go to bed.

Woman: Why did you
approve this claim?

Uh, the woman is blind.

That's why.

A burglar stole
everything she had,

including her guide dog.

It's a straightforward
claim.

She did not install

the approved
deadbolt locks.

That invalidates
her insurance policy.

I've canceled her claim.

The woman is blind.

She lost her dog.

That's her problem.

Our problem is making
sure we don't pay out

more than we need to.

Get that
through your head!

Did you hear that?

She's stiffing
a blind woman.

She lost her--

oh.

Thank you
for your support.

Humanitarians
one and all.

Father: Ok, we're home.

Here,
I'll get that, wait.

Thanks, sweetie.

Milk, milk, milk.

Son of a gun,
I forgot the milk.

Hey, this is strange.

There's a letter here
addressed to your mom.

What is it?

Um...

The letter says
that the dude ranch

where your mom used
to stay as a kid

is in trouble

and asking US
to come right away.

Really?

Yeah. "Do not call.

Just come before
it's too late."

Huh.

Yeah, it's addressed
to your mother.

That's funny, I wrote--

I wrote natty about Sara.

Who wrote
that letter?

That's
the strange part.

It's not signed.

Well, "before
it's too late"?

That sounds serious.

She loved the place
and her godmother natty.

And she had
her own horse,

and he was called
lightning.

That's right.

It sounds like
natty needs help.

We better go
right away.

Well, guys, we just
can't go like that.

Why not? We have
spring break.

And you have lots
of vacation time.

And you never take it.

That's true.
And it would be great

if you 2 could
finally meet natty.

And maybe we could
be some help.

But guys, the dragon lady,

she won't let me go.

If the dragon lady
gives you time off work,

could we go?

Sure.

But believe me,
that won't happen.

Look, I gotta go downstairs
and get some milk.

You guys get started
on your homework.

What do you think?

We have to go.

Yeah, but how?

Let's call
the dragon lady.

Maybe if we
explain it to her,

she'll understand.

Great idea.

Get dad's
business card.

[Dialing]

[Telephone rings]

Man: Fairgate insurance.

May I speak to
the dragon la--

shh!

Mrs. Plaskett, please?

Man: Sorry, she's busy.

Oh, well, could you
give her a message?

Man: Yes.

Tell her
that Mr. Martin needs

to take his vacation
starting tomorrow.

[Man laughs]

Thank you. Bye.

I don't know
who that was,

but he was laughing.

Let's start packing.

[Telephone rings]

[Rings]

[Answering machine beeps]

Stephen, this is
Mrs. Plaskett.

I understand you want
to take your vacation

starting tomorrow.

Go ahead.

In fact, make that
a permanent vacation.

You're fired.

Uh-oh.

Hey.

Everything ok?

Well, we sort of
called Mrs. Plaskett

and left her
a message.

No. You didn't.

You did?

It was about
your vacation.

What?

Yeah, and
she called back.

What?

[Tape rewinds]

Stephen, this is
Mrs. Plaskett.

I understand you want
to take your vacation

starting tomorrow.
Go ahead.

See? It's ok with her.

That's terrific.

Girls, that's fantastic.

You girls are terrific,
really.

What's going to happen
when he finds out?

Why depress
yourself?

It's too late now.

We have to go
to the ranch.

♪ If you're born to ride ♪

♪ but you're stuck
in the city ♪

♪ your name is Kathy ♪

♪ but you'd rather be
kitty ♪

♪ you got what it takes ♪

♪ to be a country girl ♪

♪ instead of feelin' blue ♪

♪ here's what
you should do ♪

♪ you got to pack up
and run, girl ♪

♪ shine up your boots ♪

♪ holster the phone ♪

♪ put some country music
on the radio ♪

♪ now you're ready to go ♪

♪ take your autographed
picture of Emmy Lou ♪

♪ and the broken "e" string
she gave to you ♪

♪ let out
a yodel-odel-a-hee-Dee ♪

♪ you're a cowgirl wannabe ♪

♪ oh, yeah ♪

♪ put some country music
on the radio ♪

♪ now you're ready to go ♪

♪ take your autographed
picture of Emmy Lou ♪

♪ and the broken "e" string
she gave to you... ♪

Stephen:
Well, here we are. Rafter 6.

Susie: Wow, look at
this place.

Jessica: What's
that smell?

I think
it's fresh air.

What a concept.

Look!

What is she doing,
daddy?

She's a trick rider.

Wow.

Wow, look
at her go.

All right!

Ha ha! Whoo!

Terrific.

I was concentrating.

I didn't see anybody
was watching.

That was great the way
you galloped upside down.

You know, if you
wore your seatbelt,

that probably
wouldn't happen.

Daddy.

Who are you?

We're, um, uh,
just visiting.

I'm Stephen.

I'm Jessica.

I'm susie.

Are you
with the rodeo?

Yeah. I practice here.

I'm Laura forester.

Can we pet
your horse?

Sure. His name's Hercules.

Oh, see?

We already have
something in common.

My father's name
was Hercules.

Daddy.

Well, it was
his nickname.

Play with the horse.

Well, you're just
a real city slicker,

aren't you?

Yeah, I saw
Maverick twice.

I guess that's not enough
to call me a real cowboy.

You're off to
a good start.

You're standing
in horse manure.

I, uh--

I thought it was kind of
an authentic thing to do.

I'm glad you got here
in time.

Time? Time for what?

Dinner.

First I'll show you
your cabin.

Stephen: Thanks.

Excuse me,
are you an Indian?

You're supposed to
say native American.

Yes, I am.

Is your name
sleeping owl

or running elk

or something
like that?

Is your name
susie or Jessica

or something like that?

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

They call me
George tailfeathers.

George, I can't get
over this place.

This is really
the west.

It's so...

Western.

Oh, I used to love
to go to western movies

when I was a kid.

We'd play cowboys
and indi--

uh, cowboys and Germans.

So, George...

When can we
see natty?

You'll see her at dinner,
and her son Bart.

We didn't know
about him.

Many don't.

Hyah!

[Brays]

Dad, what's
the red fat thing

in the kitchen?

Um, that is
a wood burning stove.

It was used by
the pioneers.

I guess that was before
they had microwaves.

Daddy, I've just
noticed something.

No TV?

Guys, um, people knew how
to amuse themselves

long before there was TV.

You're kidding.

You know what
they did?

Watched videos.

No, they talked
to each other.

This could be
a long vacation.

Natty?

I think there's
some people here

you wanted to see.

Oh, my.

It is just like seeing
little Sara again,

only double.

Oh.

Mmm...

But here I am
hugging you,

and you don't even
know who I am.

Sure we do.
You're natty,

I'm susie,
this is Jessica,

and that's
our dad.

Stephen.

And this is
my boy Bart.

Where's your mom?

Oh, natty.

Um...

I--i wrote you
when it happened. Um...

Sara died 3 years ago.

Oh, no.

You obviously
never got my letter.

Oh, you know
the mail these days,

especially rural.

It's very unreliable.

Oh, you poor
young 'uns.

I can't believe
she's gone.

I wanted Sara
and her family

to see it before--

I'm so sorry.

But I'm really
glad you're here.

Bart, isn't it
wonderful?

Yeah, yeah,
it's fabulous.

If this is
a dude ranch,

where are all
the dudes?

Oh, honey,
there was a time

when this place

was full
of paying guests.

We had hay rides
and barbecues,

and we even had
a rodeo every year.

But we haven't had
one in a long time.

Bart:
Well, you know,

nobody
comes anymore.

They all want to go
to these theme parks

and fantasy rides.

That's why we're
selling the place.

You're
selling it?

Mm-hmm. Oh, this place
is deep in debt

and back taxes, too.

So, I was lucky enough
to find a buyer.

But if we don't sign
the place over to him

in 10 days, he's gonna
back out of the deal.

Who's buying
the ranch?

A very wealthy person.

What's his name?

Aren't they cute?

Mama, why don't you sign
the deed right now,

and that way you can visit

with these delightful
urchins all you want.

Not now.

Not the first night
that Sara's girls arrived.

We've got
too much to talk about.

Well, it was
just a thought.

Daddy?

Huh?

Are you still
glad we came?

Uh-huh.

Your mom would've
been glad, too.

Whew.

I knew they had
nature out west,

but I never knew
they had so much of it.

[Whinny]

Be careful.

Don't worry.
It's just an old horse.

25 years old.

25!

We call him
lightning.

Lightning.
Lightning.

[Whinny]

Where's he going?

Never can tell.

But I think he wants you
to follow him.

[Whinny]

[Whinny]

Where are we going?

I can't tell.
Come on.

It's too far.
I'll ruin my dress.

I told you
to wear jeans.

It's not my look.

Just come on.

Lightning, wait up!

[Whinny]

[Whinny]

What's that?

"Sara's lair."

Let's go in.

We'd better not.

George: I thought
you might like it.

This was your mother's
secret place.

You knew her?

Very well.

Go inside.

Come with US, George.

Where'd he go?

Strange.
Strange.

Mommy played here
when she was our age.

Look.

I wonder what's in those.

There you go...
Uh...Unh...

Down. Come on.

Here.

Half of an owl.

Half of a bear.

"Read this and die."

Mommy's diary.

Should we read it?

She meant grownups
shouldn't read it.

"This is my third summer
on the ranch

"with natty and lakey,

and Bart,
who is still a fink."

What's a fink?

I don't know,
but it sounds right.

"He spends most of his time
in the cellar workshop."

"I got in through the secret
of the bear's mouth."

Bear's mouth!
Bear's mouth!

"I'm trying
to like Bart

"because natty
loves him so much,

"but it's hard to
like Bart gifooley.

"Yesterday
I saw Bart in the woods

"setting a fire
to some bushes.

He got lost in the smoke,
but I got him out."

"I can't tell natty
he did it

because it would
break her heart."

"Natty and I
still plan one day

"to find
the lost gold mine,

"but nearly losing the ranch
had made me think

"about why
it's so special.

"Here the sky is wide open
and the birds fly free.

"The animals here
are trusting and gentle.

"They seem
to know who you are

"and want to be
your friend.

"The water in the river
is so clean and fresh

"you can see the pebbles
on the bottom

"sparkling like diamonds
when the sunlight hits them.

"And the horses
are like magic spirits.

"They run and play,
and when I watch them,

"I'm so happy
to be alive.

"It must always be kept
this way for natty,

and everyone
who loves the world."

That'd be terrible,
losing the ranch.

Oh, no!

Another fire!

I wonder if
it's Bart again.

What are you
burning?

I was just getting rid
of some things

before the sale.

That's mostly paper.
Couldn't you recycle it?

Ha! Why don't you kids
go someplace and play, huh?

Fire is very dangerous.

You could fall in.

Oh, no! A burning
piece of paper

got carried away
by the wind!

Where? Where?

Over there.

It looks like
it landed on the roof.

Hurry!

Oh, no. And I canceled
the insurance.

"Dear Mr. Gifooley:
We are sorry to hear

"that the ranch
is closing.

"We wanted to bring

"our whole family
back this time.

Yours truly,
Rose fermez."

"Dear
Mr. Gifooley:

"Sorry that you
have canceled

our
reservations."

Oh, I don't need this.

I don't need this at all!

Well, what's
the date on yours?

Almost a year ago.
Yours?

6 months ago.

Bart said nobody wanted
to come anymore.

But really he's been
turning them away.

That's why he's
selling the ranch.

[Panting]
Ok! What do you have?

Nothing.

Give it to me!
Give me...

Oh, you little creeps!

Oh...come on, come on...
Come to papa. Come to papa.

Come on. Come to papa.

Oh...come on.

Hey! Here...Here...

Drop down.

Drop down, drop down.

Man...

Oh. Yes! Yes! Yes!

Yes--oh!

Yeah! Yes! Yes!

Got you!

Out of my way.

[Panting]

Ow!

Mm-hmm...

Aah! Whoa! Whoa!

Uh...

Oh...

What should we do
with this letter?

We have to show
this to natty.

I don't think so.

You tell your dad

you want to go back
to the city right...

Now.

We can't.

Oh, yeah? Why not?

He got fire--
don't!

Heh heh heh heh!

Let me tell you
something.

This ranch ain't big enough
for the 3 of US.

The dream!
The dream!

What?

We're staying.

And we're gonna help
save the ranch.

Then this is war.

Time for
your riding lessons.

Yeah!
Yes!

Bart: Hey,
you stick around...

Hey, I'll give you
a little lesson, too.

Take a bath.

George: Ok, now you're
starting to look good.

Now, keep your heels down.

And keep your hand
in front of the horn.

That's right,
that's right.

But lift it up a bit,
lift it up a bit.

That's good. Yeah.

Now, remember,

we're not ready
for any runaways yet, ok?

[Chuckles]

I think that horse
likes you.

Remember what I said:

Heels down.

Be part of the horse.

You're not driving,

you're riding!

George, we have to tell
natty about Bart...

And the letter.

Ah, natty is smart,

except for one thing:

Bart.

She's convinced he's just
as kind and decent

as she is.

You mean even if we told
her that Bart's a fink,

she wouldn't believe US?

You have to have evidence.

[Clanging]

Lunch time!

Come and get it!

I'm so glad
there's some life

around this place
again.

I feel like
kicking up my heels.

Well, just be careful
you don't kick the bucket.

Oh, Bart...

I think
you look great.

You know, mama,

these little nippers have
quite a good imagination.

They haven't been...

Telling you any stories,
have they?

No.

Good.

You girls are very bright.

Well, they
certainly are.

I'm glad
that you three

are getting
along so well.

Natty,
could you tell US

how you started
the ranch?

Well, it was a dream

for my late husband
and me.

Did you have
a lot of money?

We didn't have
2 dimes

to rub together,

but we got a loan

and then
we worked hard,

and before
we knew it,

the place was
attracting guests.

We had
presidents here,

and kings,
and a whole lot

of really nice
ordinary folks.

Wow!

Maybe you could
get another loan

and start over again...

And get this place
back on its feet.

That's a good idea.

A good idea!

A good idea?

Mama, these are kids
you're talking to.

They're in kindergarten.

We are not.
We're in second grade.

In the advanced
reading group.

Oh, I'm really impressed.

Mama...

Hey, I've done
everything I can

to bring this thing
back on its feet.

Come on, girls,
we've got to do

an inventory on
the things we need.

You know
the old saying.

Rome was built
in a day.

Now, we've got
to get a loan,

mama...

And we've got to
get the word out.

Mama...

We have one
thing to do...

The expression is "Rome
wasn't built in a day."

Your dad's
a businessman.

Do you think
he'll help?

Twins:
We're sure he will!

This is madness!

Or senility.

More beans?

Assassin!

Where's dad?

With Laura.

Doing what?

Learning to ride.

He's probably
galloping by now.

I hope he's not
going too fast.

Are you two gonna spend
all your time jawing,

or are you gonna
help an old lady

shovel out
the stables?

What are we shoveling?

Horse manure.

Huh?

Horse poo-poo.

I prefer horse manure.

You have to shovel it?

Wow! Now, this
isn't just food.

This is grub.

Well,
this is the west,

where the men
are men,

and so
are the women.

Not from where
I'm sitting.

You move fast,
don't you?

No. No, I don't.

I talk fast,
and I move slow.

In fact,

since Sara died,

I haven't done
much moving at all

in the romance department.

You still miss her?

Yeah.

I mean, she would've wanted me
to get on with my life.

Are you?

Um...yeah.

Ah, I haven't really
accomplished anything.

You've done
a great job raising

those little girls.
They're sweethearts.

Thanks.

But actually,
they've been raising me.

I kept thinking
that one day

I'd wake up and
feel all grown up...

But it never happened.

When did you start
feeling grown up?

Stephen, you're
talking to a woman

who spends her life
traveling with a rodeo

doing trick riding.

Truth is, I haven't
grew up either.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

Well, I mean you--
you must've had...

Lots of men
in your life.

Well, a--a few.

A few.

You're a funny man.

Thanks.

You do mean intentionally,
don't you?

Funny.

But insecure.

I am?

Yes...

Well, penny earned...

Well...

Natty: I don't know.

It's probably one
of Sara's secrets.

Did you and mom ever find
a gold mine on the ranch?

Oh. Ha ha.

One summer,
we looked and looked,

but we didn't find it.

I did find
some wonderful artifacts

for my museum,
though.

Have you been there yet?

No,
but we're going.

Natty, did you and mom

ever save the ranch
from fire one day?

She told you
about that?

I hope we can help
you save the ranch.

You two are
just like her.

If we're gonna
save the ranch,

it's gonna take
a lot of hard work.

Because I'm not the miracle
worker I used to be.

Natty, we have to tell you
something about Bart.

Oh, don't mind him.
He's not used to kids.

It's not that.

I reckon nearly getting
killed in that fire

really upset him.

Ever since then,
he's been, well, moody.

Moody?
Moody?

Girls,
even if your family

doesn't turn out
just the way you hope,

you gotta stick by them.

Deep down,
Bart is a good soul.

Yes, hello,
Mrs., uh, plaskett.

Yeah, this
is Bart gifooley.

Yeah, what can I
do for you, Bart?

Well, I need to
ask you a question

about an employee that
used to work there--

Mr. Stephen Martin.

Fire him
if you hired him,

and if he's looking
for work, don't.

Well, thank you
very much.

You have been, uh,
more than helpful.

So, that's what
we think we should do.

Girls, I think
it's a terrific idea,

but it's a long drive
back to Philly.

Dad, it's what mom
would want US to do.

Yeah. Uh, why don't
we sit down?

Look...

We have to leave
before the 9 days are up.

I have to get
back to my job.

Bart:
What job is this?

Oh, I'm sorry. Did you
want to tell him?

Tell me what?

Dad, we didn't
tell you--

your boss--
Mrs. Plaskett--

she fired you.

What? When?

When you didn't
play all

of her phone
message.

You--you
didn't do that?

Ha ha ha ha. Kids do
the darndest things.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Uh, natty, I think
we're gonna be available

a little longer.

You two and I are gonna
have a long, long talk.

You know, um, I hate
to rain on this parade,

but the banks, they don't
look too kindly on the...

Unemployed.

Natty: Tell you what,
you're my new manager.

I'm your new manager?

Mom, have you
lost your marbles?

Hush. Ok, then,

you're my new
marketing director.

Natty, I appreciate it,
but it's--

mom, this
is ridiculous.

Now, just sign this
before it's too late.

Hey, it's not ridiculous.

Uh...um...

We can make up a flier,

and fax it
to the personnel officers

of the top...
500 corporations.

Ha ha ha ha.

Yes!
Yes!

Maybe somebody will want
to send US a business group.

And maybe you
and Laura could help

with the loan
application, too.

Yeah, maybe
the little duplicates

could cosign for you.

Not a bad idea.

Look, we have a week
before the tax man comes

and you end up
in the poorhouse.

Sounds like you don't want
to save the ranch, Bart.

I don't think
he does.

Me, neither.

Rrr.

[Barking]

Stephen:
I'd work for nothing,

and I'd invest
our nest egg

in buying equipment
for the ranch.

George and Laura will give
riding lessons for free.

You thought this
all through very well.

I need to take this
up with my boss,

but I'm going
to recommend

that we approve
the loan.

He usually takes
my recommendations.

That sounds great.

Thanks, Mr. Sutton.

How long will it take before
we get formal approval?

Oh, unfortunately,

Mr. Bellamy is,
uh, out of town,

so it'll take
about a week.

We don't have much time.

Do you think
it would be safe

to start spending
my own money to get started?

Strike while
the iron is hot.

Yes!
Yes!

Stephen: We got all
the supplies, natty.

Now what am I gonna do
with them?

Wait a second,
a fax is coming in.

Listen to this.

"Received your fax.
Sudden change in plan

"means we require
dude ranch, weekend,

"for 25 executives.

"No need to confirm.

"We will arrive
at 10 A.M.

"On Saturday next.

"Signed, e.J. Peabody,
personnel manager

of international
general industries."

Yahoo!

Oh.

25 execs,
that's fantastic.

What do I do?
What do we do?

Stephen.

Is he always
this nervous?

Dad, chill.

Chill, chill,
chill, chill.

[Telephone rings]

Hello. Rafter 6
guest ranch.

How may I direct
your call?

Yeah, this is Sammy
at the hardware store.

Oh, hey, Sammy.
How you doing?

Well, listen,
I phoned the bank

and they wouldn't
approve your loan.

What?

They said no way.

W-W-What?

[Tires screeching]

Excuse me.

No! No, you can't!
Wait, you--no!

Excuse me.

I have spent all my money
on supplies.

I have run up
a huge bill of credit

for more stuff.

Suddenly, the guy at
the hardware store tells me

that he called here
for a credit check

and there's no loan.

I meant to call you.
I faxed your application

to my boss
and he turned it down.

Why?

He felt your business
plan was unrealistic.

Oh, the heck it is!

We already have
25 guests lined up.

You do? Already?

Yes. Look at the fax.

Just think if they like it
and recommend it--

lurlene, would you
get a Mr. Peabody

of international energy
industries general

on the phone for me?

I'm not saying
we're wrong,

but, uh,
if this is true,

I'd be impressed.

Look, Mr. Sutton...

We need this loan.

I have 2 dozen
horses coming,

saddles, rafts,
and food.

I--i have spent every
penny of my own money.

Natty is counting on this,
so are my girls.

Frankly, so am I.

[Intercom buzzes]

Yes, lurlene?

Lurlene: No go.

Say what?

Well, there's
no Mr. Peabody.

There's no Mr. Peabody

at international energy
industries general,

and nobody knows
anything about this.

But that's impossible.

Thank you, lurlene.

I think your little
scheme just backfired.

Good day.

It wasn't a trick.
Mr. Sutton--

good day.

Mr. Peabody,
I presume.

General peabody.
Ha ha ha ha ha.

Boy, is natty's museum
a cool place.

All kinds of animals
and Indian stuff.

Do you think dad
really likes Laura?

Head over heels.

Look at
the blackfoot dancer.

Ooh, a real teepee.

Jessica, Jessica!

What's wrong?

Remember mom's diary?

Bear!
Bear!

Ow!

What? What?

There's a button,
I think.

It's a switch.

[Bear growls]

Aah!
Aah!

It's a staircase,

or this bear has
a really big mouth.

It's Bart's workshop.

It would be naughty to.

It would be wrong.

Both: Let's go for it.

[Toy laughing]

[Whistle toots]

Wow!
This is awesome!

So is a snake
before it bites.

Yeah, you're right.

I'd rather see
horses run free,

on real grass.

It's cute,
but phony.

[Bear growls]

Somebody's coming!

Hello, my baby.

Have you been
a good little masterpiece

while daddy's
been away, hmm?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Oh, boy.

When this baby
gets built...

The world
is going to forget

about every
other theme park.

Ha ha ha ha.

Every kid on earth

is gonna wanna come to...

Gifooley land.

♪ Gifooley land ♪

Ow! Ow--

"why?" you may ask.

Well, it's because
you, Bart, are a visionary.

You can read it
in your palms.

You can feel it
in your blood.

[Train whistle
toots]

And with money
from mcrugger enterprises,

I can pave over
this whole stupid ranch

in about 2 weeks time.

And then, a year later,

gifooley land

will be the greatest
theme and ride park

in the universe.

Natty: Bart,
are you down there?

What? Oh, yes, mama.

It's ok, it's clear.

That's it.
No hope.

But, dad,
don't you see?

Bart must have sent
that fax to fool US.

Yes, mother?

Jessica, I know
you're disappointed,

but there's nothing
to be gained

by trying
to blame Bart.

That's right.

Boy,
the very idea

of trying
to turn a mother

against
her only son--

here you go, mama,
sign right here.

Natty, please don't.

Uh, please, do.

I don't know whatever
gave me the idea

that I could get
this ranch going again.

Give me the deed.

Don't, natty.

Come with US first.

Come with US,
please?

Well, where?

Where are you
taking me?

Mama.

We're wasting time.

Is that what you've
been building?

A man's got
to have a hobby.

Well, I reckon
I owe Bart

an apology
for doubting him.

You owe him one,
too.

Yeah, I reckon you do.

We're sorry.
We're sorry.

It's all right.

Nothing's forgiven.

Mama, why don't you go
back up to your room?

I think there's something
you wanted to do,

like sign the deed.

I guess it's time.

Let's get it
over with.

I heard you sneaking
around in here,

you little creeps,
and you know,

your mother used
to sneak around

in here, too.

I'm not as dumb
as I look.

You couldn't be.

Hey, if I'm so dumb,
how come I won?

Hmm. Heh heh.

What are you
gonna do now?

Find another job.

Move far enough away
that I don't have

to watch Bart
spoil the land.

It's not fair.

Yeah, right.

You know, before
the white man came

to this country,
the Indians didn't

have any concept
of owning land.

You just lived
off the land.

You hunted,

you fished,
you grew crops,

and then you thanked
the land

for what
it gave you.

The land's
for everybody,

people
and animals, too.

The land's
a living thing.

No one can own
a living thing.

I wish Indians
still ran things.

You and me.

What would you do
with the land?

Start a casino.

Huh?
Huh?

Just kidding.
Just kidding.

We can't let Bart
ruin the land.

What are we
going to do?

Natty will sign
any minute.

Where could Bart
have that model

of gifooley land?

He said he was
going to relax.

Hot tub!

Is that
where he goes?

Into the hot tub.

Sometimes
he stays there

till he's wrinkled
as a prune.

Not a pretty sight.

Ahh, ladies
and gentlemen,

the founder
of gifooley land...

Mr. Bart gifooley!

Thank you! Thank you!

Ooh, these bucking broncos
aren't going to work.

I hear the voice
of a female fan.

Oh, hello.
What's on your mind?

[High-pitched voice]
Oh, Bart, you're such a genius.

I just love you.

[Normal voice] I know.
So many women feel that way.

It's the mind and the body.
Wouldn't you be

more comfortable here
in the jacuzzi with me?

Ready?
Ready.

I'll blind my eyes.

1, 2, 3--
I'm peeking--

4--

hey! Hey!
What are you doing?!

Hey, you get your paws
off my model!

Hey, you kids!

Come on, hurry!
He's coming!

Come back
with that!

Dang it!

That is private property,
young ladies.

You put it down
this instant!

What is that?

A model.
Just like we told you.

Gifooley land?

He's going to
pave over the land

and build
this stupid thing.

But you're not going
to let that happen,

are you, natty?

Too late.

It's too late.
She signed.

She signed!

You mean
it's true?

Yes, mama.

Mama, right now,

this ranch

is a hundred acres
of nothing.

But with money from
mcrugger enterprises,

we can pave it over,
and transform this place

into the most fantastic
western theme park

you've ever seen.
Why, we'll have rides

and games and videos
and neon.

And it'll all bear
my name, mama.

I have a dream.

But what about
the ranch,

the trees and flowers
and the animals?

I hate the trees

and the flowers
and the animals.

I always have.

Mama, that
was you and Sara,

that was you
and dad,

that was you
and George,

that was you
and the ranch.

You never had
enough time for me.

Is that why you tried
to burn down the ranch?

Yes--

how'd you know
about that?

I thought I knew you.

You know diddly.

You're going to the
old folks home, mama.

George, you're fired.

The 3 of you,

I want you off
my property by morning,

and as for that--
that horse

that you're
so crazy about--

what is his name:
Lightning?

Natty: Bart--

he's going to--
I'm sorry, mama,

he's going to
the glue factory.

All these years,

I didn't see the truth
because I didn't want to.

You're just plain rotten.

Well, you heard it.

Verbal abuse.

Maybe you'd prefer
a little physical abuse?

No, no! No!
I am nonviolent.

Stephen, let him go.
He's not worth it.

Hit it, cookie!

Hit what?

Cookie, can't you
do anything right?

Bart: That's better!

Yes!

What do you think
you're doing?

Give me that!
You are tampering

with private property,
young lady.

You could be
severely punished!

It might be worth it.

How's natty?

Is there any way
we could stop gifooley land

from happening?

Bart has Leo mcrugger
backing him.

We don't
stand a chance.

And even if we did,

there's still
the back taxes to pay.

Who's Leo mcrugger?

A real tough
businessman in Denver.

He'd sell his
grandmother for a buck.

His grandmother?

It's a figure of speech.

Let's just say
he's a lot like Bart.

Let Bart think what
he wants about the deed.

We still have work to do.

Now, the only person
who can help US now

is Leo mcrugger.
How far is Denver?

I don't know,

but a girl's got to do
what a girl's got to do.

Don't fall asleep
at the reins.

Woman: Look at that!

Man:
Check it out!

Is there a parade?

Hey, Rick,
look at that.

Woman: Where on earth
are their parents?

Look at those two.
They're so adorable.

Man: Ha ha. Hey, kids,
where you headed?

You see seventh street?

Do you know how to
get to seventh street?

It's right
over there, silly.

[Train whistle blows]

Let's park out in front.

Hey, look
at the kids.

Uh, excuse me?

Can I help you?
Girls?

We're here
to see Mr. Mcrugger.

Both: Who is
the responsible adult?

Both: We give up, who?

Mr. Mcrugger is having
a breakfast meeting

with his executive board.

Is he expecting you?

Not exactly,
but it's urgent.

He's too busy...
Too see you.

We'll...
Wait.

Man: Coffee
for the meeting.

Thanks, Arnold.

Go right in.

Do you girls--

Phil, stay with me on this.
It isn't calculus.

We're gonna have
a p.R. Crisis

if the media got
ahold of that story,

and see that they don't
or you're out of here.

Yes, sir.

What's next on
the agenda?

Gifooley land.

Who said that?

We did.

Who are you?

We're the committee
to save rafter 6.

How come you want to
build gifooley land?

Ha ha ha ha ha.
How come? Ha ha ha.

Because it's going
to make me a lot of money,

that's how come.

It's for kids.
You're kids.

You'll love it.

No, we won't.
You won't?

It'll be plastic.
And fake.

Yeah?

There'll be robot animals

instead of real animals.

Yeah?

And there'll be cement
instead of dirt.

And everybody will
be smiling all the time

and wearing
fake cowboy outfits.

So, the point?

The west isn't cement
and neon.

It's where
the sky's wide open

and the birds fly free.

And the animals are
trusting and gentle.

And the water's
so clean and fresh,

you could see the pebbles
sparkling like diamonds.

And it's horse manure,

and even that's ok
because it's real.

The point is that a theme
park in a good location

can make US a mint.

And what's all this
got to do with you two?

I'm buying the ranch
from what's-his-name?

Woman:
Bart gifooley.

Bart "the fink" gifooley.

Have I met him?

No, sir.
We spared you that.

We heard that you
and he are alike.

You'd both sell
your grandmothers--

for a buck.

Woman: What?

[Giggling]

[Everyone laughing]

[Laughter stops]

My god...

You're not
scared of me.

That's refreshing.

We're friends
of Bart's mom natty,

and she owns
the dude ranch.

And she made money without
paving over anything.

We'd like to invite
you and your friends

to the ranch
this weekend,

and experience...
How the west was fun.

Oh, i'm
a very busy man.

That's too bad.

We overheard that you're
having p. R. Trouble.

If we took this story
to the media...

Tough businessman
turns down plea

from 2 cute little girls.

Roger!

Uh, well, if we
could make a profit

without investing
the millions

it would take
to build gifooley land,

it might--
might be viable.

How much is this weekend
going to cost me?

It's free.

Free? Done.

Folks, we're going
to a dude ranch

for the weekend.

Yes!
Yes!

But if you two
don't prove your case,

it's gifooley land.

And I don't want
any further trouble

from you. Deal? Hmm?

Deal.
Deal.

Well, good.

Now, how did
you get here?

The horse
we rode in on.

Well, take the train,
or you won't get home.

I'm gonna
call the sheriff.

They're probably
out riding somewhere

for the last time.

I mean,
before they leave.

They just don't go off.
They know better than that.

I bet they're
perfectly fine.

I wouldn't be surprised
if they're

looking for some job
for you around here.

I could go for that.

Oh, well,
you're not cut out

to be
a cowpoke anyway.

Hey, I can round up doggies
with the best of 'em.

You don't even know
what a doggie is.

Ah, if you want to get
all hung up on details...

Ha ha ha ha.

I guess you
moving to the city

would be out
of the question?

What question?

[Horse whinnies]

Oh, there they are.

I called you all in
to give you some good news.

Mr. Gifooley here
has a plan

to bring a wonderful tourist
attraction to our area.

All the business
will go through our bank.

Great!
All right!

Girls, that's great,

although you shouldn't
have gone off

by yourselves
that way.

It's too late.

Natty already
signed the deed.

Yeah. There's
nothing we can do.

Actually...

[Whimpers]

Laura: That's
the original deed.

Yep, someday, you will be
able to tell your children

that you were there
at the official start

of gifooley land,

the day that I finally
got control of the ranch,

as attested to
in this deed of sale,

an historic document.

What?

Ha ha ha ha.

Stephen:
But how? When?

When he was putting
the flag back up.

I made the switch.

Great! Oh, yeah!

Ha ha ha!

Laura:
Good work, girls.

But I still don't
have enough money

for the rest
of the supplies we need.

If I had any,
I'd put it in,

but I'm tapped.

Laura: I do.

Well, not money, really,
but I have something

I can put up
for collateral.

What?
Hercules.

Oh, no. No, no.

Not only do you
love that horse,

he's your way
of making a living.

I can't ask you
to risk losing him.

You didn't ask,
I offered.

Besides,

if Mr. Mcrugger

breaks his deal
with Bart

and goes in
with natty,

then everything
works out.

And, after all,

we're all in
this together.

Thanks, Laura.

But dad, susie, and me,
we'll figure out something.

We're a team.

You don't want me
on the team?

Stephen: Uh-huh.

I think I know what
this is all about.

The girls
are still very attached

to the memory of Sara.

Girls, Laura and I
are just friends.

You're always laughing
and teasing each other.

We've seen movies.
We know where that leads.

Ok, I won't
do it for you

or for Stephen.

I'll do it
to save the ranch.

I don't want
to see it spoiled.

After this weekend,

I'll be joining
the rodeo again.

Stephen: Laura...

We didn't mean
to hurt her feelings.

Maybe not...

But you did.

Giddyap!

All right, where is it?

Lose something,
Bart?

You know what
I'm talking about.

I want the deed
that natty signed.

I don't remember
signing any deed.

You were all here.
Did I sign?

All: No.

Bart, I want you
off my land

and out of my sight
right now.

If you come back,

I'm going to do what
I should have done

35 years ago.

I'm going to turn
you over my knee

and give you
a good spanking.

Hah. Like you're
big enough.

I am.

Look, I got no problem
with you.

Mom, you know
that rest home?

I put you down
for the deluxe suite.

Well, you can just
forget it.

You're not only not getting
cable, you're getting no TV.

And I will be back.

Drive careful, bartie.

[Everyone cheering]

Let's get to work.

Crazy paleface.

Laura,
we wanted to--

you know, girls,

I'm not the settling down
type, anyway.

And certainly not
with a city slicker

like your dad.

So...come on.
Let's get to work.

Yeah!

Welcome!
Welcome!

Both: Hi, Mr. Mcrugger.

Hi, kids.

Hi.

Welcome to rafter 6.

Uh-huh.

Or gifooley land,

depending on how
this goes.

Sir, this will be
a weekend that you

and your colleagues
will never forget.

I'm sure we will.

I'm going to make sure
it's a weekend

that greenhorn
and his friends

will never forget.

What should I cook?

Oh...

Ha ha!

Who knows how to ride?

All: Not me.

No problem.
George and Laura

are excellent teachers.
If you all follow me,

you can each pick a horse.

Where are the horses?

Oh, they're right over--

where are the horses?

They were there
a half an hour ago.

Well?

I'll be with you
in a second.

Keep them busy
for a minute.

Hi, girls.

So, Mr. Mcrugger,

how did you
get started?

Yeah, how did
you get to be

so successful?

Oh, I'm a self-made man.

Is that right?

When I was
just your age,

I read treasure island,
and I decided

I was going to find
that treasure.

No kidding?

Of course,
that was just a fantasy.

Then when I got older,

I decided if I couldn't
find my fortune,

I was going to make it
in business.

Yeah. Heh heh.

I started following
the stock market

when I was only
14 years old.

Bart must have
driven them off.

It's gonna take hours
to round them up.

What are we gonna do?

They could ride Hercules,
one at a time.

They're not anywhere.

George, what are we
gonna do?

You stall them.
I'll go see my friends,

see if they got
any horses they can spare.

I'm gonna need a hand.

I'll come with you.

Stall them.

Ok, now, we've covered
the names of the parts

of the horse--
the head, the neck,

the back,
and the buttocks.

And the parts
of the cowperson--

the head, the neck,
the back...

And the buttocks.

Uh, now, uh,
let's look at

some of the rules
of the road--uh, t-trail.

If 2 riders
come to an intersection

at the same time,

which rider
has the right-of-way?

Oh, come on, now, I want
to see a show of hands.

The one on the right?

Ah, yes.
That's very good, Leona.

Now, what's the fastest
you can go

when riding through
a school zone?

Hold the phone, bucko!

I didn't come up here
to sit on a barrel

in a stupid classroom.

I want to get outside.
I want some action!

That's right!

We're done with the theory,
and it's time for practice.

Well, that's
more like it!

Just pick out
any horse you like.

No.

Oh, let me have it.
Is this one mine?

Stephen, wait.

Are you kidding? They're
ready to mutiny. Mount up!

Stephen, there's something
wrong with these horses.

What?

They're wild mustangs.

Oh...aah! Aah!

Hey! Hey, whoa!
Hey! No! No! Whoa!

Those horses
aren't quite broken in.

No kidding! I ain't
going riding with you!

Ok, folks.

Where'd those horses
come from?

Bart.

[Neigh]

Well! Heh.

Was that fun, or what?

[Air escaping]

We have
a wonderful river

running through
the ranch,

and this afternoon
you're going

to get a chance
to ride down it.

Rafting doesn't sound
very exciting.

You can make it
a contest, Mr. Mcrugger.

We have 2 rafts.

That's more like it!

Who wants to be
on my team?

We do!
We all do!

Me!
Me!

How did you know
mcrugger would like

to make it a contest?

He's a control freak.

First raft
to the bend in the river

is champion of the universe!

See what I mean?

Natty: Now, remember,
don't stand up,

keep a grip on your paddles.

On your Mark...

Get set...

Go!

Mcrugger:
Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!

Keep the rhythm!

[All shouting at once]

Roger, stroke!
Stroke! Stroke!

Mcrugger:
The raft is sinking!

[All shouting and screaming]

Sometimes I don't like
being a kid.

We have no power.

Native Americans
find their power

on a vision quest.

What's that?

After careful preparation
and thought,

you go into nature

and wait until a spirit
reveals itself to you.

It could be an animal
or some other form of nature.

It will give you

special spirit strength
and understanding.

And power.

Do spirits come
to the city?

They find people
in all kinds of ways.

[Voice chanting]

I--i know.
I shouldn't be here,

but i--i really missed
your home cooking.

You did?
Yes, I did.

In fact, I'm going
to get a couple slices

of this great bread
that you bake.

I didn't bake it.
I bought it.

I know. And nobody
buys bread like you do.

How about some chicken
to go with it?

You know, actually,

I'm on a diet.

Look, I'm terribly
sorry about the rafts

and you getting all wet.

But, how about
those teepees, huh?

And though
they're not part of

the weekender special

and are usually reserved
for long-staying guests,

in this instance,

we want you to know
the magic

of real western living.
Now, won't that be fun?

Sleeping on
the ground's fun?

Hallowed ground,
Mr. Mcrugger.

Hallowed ground.

And we want you
to work up a big appetite.

Let me take
a wild guess.

Dinner?

[Coughing]

Oww!

Look, Mr. Mcrugger,

I am really sorry
about all the mishaps.

I feel like
I let everyone down.

Now, I know if I had
one more chance, I'm sure--

don't talk!

Just serve the beans.

Well, here we are
around the campfire.

Uh, does anybody know
any good songs?

I don't want to sing.

I don't want to be here.

I want to go home.

So do I.
So do I.

Hey. Are you gonna let
a couple of little setbacks

break your spirit?

It's not my spirit
that's broken.

It's my Fanny.
A few little setbacks.

If anything else
goes wrong,

we'll have to call in
the marines.

With this kind of performance,

this place will never be
a dude ranch.

Maybe a maximum security
prison.

But it's Bart gifooley

who made everything
go wrong.

I don't want to hear
excuses, people.

When my Van gets here in
the morning, we're leaving.

[Chuckles]

♪ Won't you hold my hand ♪

♪ at the end of the day? ♪

♪ The stars
will all come out ♪

♪ as the light fades away ♪

♪ and we'll sit
by the fire ♪

♪ and we'll sing
and we'll play ♪

♪ won't you hold my hand ♪

♪ at the end of the day? ♪

♪ There's nothin' better ♪

♪ than singin' a song ♪

♪ all your compadres
singin' along ♪

♪ watchin' the moon ♪

♪ risin' up in the sky ♪

♪ with the heavens above ♪

♪ and your friends
by your side ♪

♪ won't you hold my hand ♪

♪ at the end of the day? ♪

♪ The stars
will all come out ♪

♪ as the night fades away ♪

♪ we'll sit by the fire ♪

♪ and we'll sing
and we'll play ♪

♪ won't you hold my hand ♪

♪ at the end of the day? ♪

♪ At the end of the day ♪

♪ at the end of the day ♪

[Coyotes howling]

[Cacophony of voices
and animal sounds]

[Snarling]

George: A spirit,

an animal's
special strength,

a part of nature.

Vision quest.

The old way

you can discover your power
in your dreams.

[Voice chanting]

[Wings flapping]

Was that all a dream?

I'm not sure.

Do you feel any different?

You mean, like,
more powerful?

Yeah!

[Makes
air rushing sound]

[Makes same sound]

If we found the power,

we must be able
to think of something.

Yeah! Even if mom
never found a treasure,

the ranch is the treasure.

I got it.

We have an idea,
and if it works,

we might be able
to save the ranch.

But we're worried

that Bart will get
in the way again.

We think we have to
do something about Bart.

He's long overdue.

Well...

I won't stop you.

But please
don't hurt him...

Bad.

Could you track him
and find him?

Can a frog catch a fly?

Then let's go!

We need
to take care of him

before
the others wake up.

Hey, wait!

You going to go tracking
in your long Johns?

No!
No!

What is it?

24-inch radials.

Weather resistant.

We're getting close.

I hear something.

It's him.

How do you know?

Air conditioner.

[Air conditioner hums]

Go gather some branches.

Hey, Bart!

We're calling you out,
Bart gifooley!

You've been messin'
with the wrong people,

gifooley!

Oh, yeah? Well,

what are you gonna do
about it, small fry?

You're nothin'
but a bunch of losers.

Come out and say that
to our faces!

I'd have to stand
in a hole to do that.

You scared to face US?

That'll be the day.

Look, I said it once,
and I'll say it--

aah!

What in the name of Pete?!
What's going on here?

George, get over here!

I order you
to cut me down immediately.

I seem to remember
getting fired.

Excuse US. We
have work to do.

We'll cut you down
when we're done.

Well, what am I supposed
to do in the meantime?

I guess you'll just
have to hang around.

[Laughing]

Aah!

Just got to load
these, uh...

It's too bad you're leaving
before the best part.

Ha ha ha!

What, exactly,
did you have in mind?

Throwing US off
the top of a cliff?

No. But it's ok.

Please, miss
all the fun.

We were just gonna
take these clues

and locate
the hidden treasure.

Treasure? What are you
talking about?

Please, don't even ask,
Mr. Mcrugger.

It's an old
native American legend.

The lost gifooley
gold mine.

But never mind.

What does the legend say?

Somewhere on this ranch
is a lost gold mine.

This has the clues.

Clues?

Yep. Uh, do these cases
go in, too?

No, wait, wait, wait.

W-Wait--wait a minute.

So what was the plan?

We were gonna give you
the clues.

And then we were
going to ask you

to help US look
for the treasure.

With the help of a real
native American guide.

Proud to be
your guide.

Mr. Mcrugger, please,

haven't we already been
subjected to enough torture

and humiliation?

We were gonna split the gold

with whoever
helps US find it.

On the other hand...

What's one more day?

All right,
we're staying.

Yeah!
Yes!

I haven't
changed my mind.

At least if we can
find some gold,

it'll compensate

for the time
I've wasted here.

What about the horses?

I'll round up
all the good ones.

Promise?

Scout's honor.

Yee-yeah!

Let's ride!

Yee-hah!

Hyah!

[Clicks tongue]

Come on!

Giddyap, now!

Stephen: How did you
manage this?

Dad, in business
you have to have u.S.P.

You mean e.S.P.

No. U.S.P.

A unique selling
proposition.

Something that will appeal
to the customer.

That's the search
for the gold mine.

Uh-huh. And just how long
did you guys spend

talking to Mr. Mcrugger
yesterday?

A long time.

And when we get back,

we'd like to take a look
at your business plans.

And maybe we'll have
an idea or two.

Cookie! Cookie!

Get away from me!

You know,
this is all your fault.

You and those brats.
You're glue, you know.

Cookie!

Ok, nice horsie.

Go get cookie.

Good horsie.

Go get cookie,
you moron!

The next clue's
a split stone.

Well, come on,
let's hit it! Ha ha!

Hey! That looks like
a split stone.

No, it doesn't.

It looks like
a man riding a bicycle.

There! It's a split stone!

Yahoo! Ha ha!

Cookie!

Cookie!

There!

A tunnel through
a split in a stone!

But which way
do we go?

Can we split up?

No, stay together.

Work our way through.

You guys go ahead.

I'll lead
the horses around.

I'll help you.

We'd like you to come
if you want to, Laura.

It'd be nice
if you were with US.

I'll be here.

Cookie!

Cookie!

Cookie!

Cut me down.

Down the middle?

No. Just cut me down.

Oh. Ok.

You are a moron.

No, really,
cut me down!

Oh, ok.

You are an ugly moron.

Cookie!

Right behind you, girls.

We're right behind you,
chief.

Yeah,
we're right here.

We're with you.

Ohh!

Oh, wow!

We didn't find anything.

Don't worry, we'll find it.
Let's keep riding.

Ok, cookie, let's
head 'em off at the pass.

Hey, cookie, come on.

[Muttering]

Start rowing,
you idiot!

Push!

The other side, cookie!

Have you ever been
outdoors in your life?

Now, come on,
downriver.

Row! Row! Row!

Put your weight into it.

That's it--the 3 old men!

Right!

Stephen:
The 3 old men.

Ha ha!

Yahoo!

Ha ha ha!

Mcrugger:
I'll look over here!

We'll look over here.

You girls be careful.
Don't get lost.

Look!

Look. The owl.

The bear.

Look.

I can't see.

Close your eyes
for a minute,

then open them again.

Gold!
Gold!

Mcrugger:
Hey, kids!

You find anything?

It's over here!
We found it!

Yah-ha ha ha ha!

Whoo-hoo!

Gold!

Girls,
where are you?

Wait for dad!

Oh, quit complaining,
cookie.

I'm navigating,

which is much harder
than what you're doing.

Now, put some muscle
into it.

Over here!
We found it!

Where? Where is it?

It's right here.

What did they find?

Yeah. What is it?

Wow.

This is better than
treasure island.

Look at it.

It's gold.

It's Aladdin's cave.

Look at it shine.

I've never seen
anything like it.

I have.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

[Natty continues laughing]

Why is natty
laughing like that?

It's the gold.
It makes people go nuts.

Remember treasure
of the Sierra madre?

I'm sorry, girls.

This is gold, all right.

Fool's gold.

What do you mean?

It's iron pyrite.

It looks like gold,
but it isn't.

Is it worth a lot,
anyway?

It's not worth
a darn thing.

[Laughing]

[Everyone laughing]

Well, if you'd gone back
at the lodge like I told you,

you wouldn't have
this problem.

Whoa!

Up you go.

[Laughing]

All this searching,

and what we found
was worthless?

Natty: Heck, no.

What we had today
was a great day.

When you get
as old as I am,

you'll learn that it's not
what you find that matters,

it's the fun you have
looking for it.

That's the truth,
miss natty.

All day today,
I didn't feel like

a middle-aged
businessman.

I felt like
a 10-year-old boy

hunting for treasure.

It's the most fun I've
had in a long time.

It was pretty exciting.

Not bad.

I even found
one of the clues,

sort of.

[Chuckles]

Oh, Stephen,
to heck with gifooley land.

I'm going to recommend
this experience

to all my business friends.

You will?

They're all middle-aged
children at heart.

You could run this gold
mine hunt every weekend.

What do you say, natty?

I'd be proud to!

I'll give you the money
to pay off the loan

and spruce up the ranch.

All I ask
is 50% of the profits.

Since daddy's
the senior partner,

how about 25%
of the profits?

Done.

In fact,
make it 10%.

How about 5?

[Mcrugger laughs]

Oh, this isn't
about money anymore.

It's about enjoying life.

Something I haven't done
for a long time.

I hope this works.

Bart: Yes!

Ok, cookie,
here they come.

Jessica, follow me.

Heh heh heh.

Stephen: Hey,
stay away from the river.

You!

You're out of luck, Bart,

'cause our friend here's

gonna help pay
the back taxes

and make this ranch
a dude ranch again.

You little cretin,
what are you gonna do,

take on me
and Leo mcrugger?

I am Leo mcrugger.

My god.

You know, sir,

you did look familiar
to me.

I'm remembering,
what was it,

man of the year of
business function yearly.

Congratulations on that.

Now, you've lost weight.
Am I right?

Maybe it's my glasses.

I'm calling the sheriff
and having you arrested.

For what?

Vandalism. Fraud.

And tampering
with the u.S. Mail.

Mama, don't let them
do this to me.

It's too late, Bart.

You brought this
on yourself.

Well, you'll never catch me.

Hey! A bonus! You get
to catch a bad guy!

Girls, no!
Don't! Don't!

A trapped rat
is dangerous!

Weasels always
get in your face!

You're right, George.

And these two
are my ticket out of here.

Whoa!
Whoa!

Daddy!
Daddy!

Put 'em down!
Daddy!

Girls!

Stay back,

or I'll feed 'em
to the fishes.

Please don't!

Daddy!

Oh, my lord,
what have I done?

Daddy!
Daddy!

Ohh-ohh-ohh!

Help!

Daddy, what should we do?

Put on
a life jacket!

And helmets!

Say hello to
the bottom feeders.

Daddy, help US!

Daddy! Daddy!

Hang on!

Ha ha!

Daddy, help!

Come on.

There's a trail
along the river.

Now we separate the men
from the little girls.

Daddy!

You know, girls,
no one under the age of 12

has ever made it
down this river.

This is known as
the widow-maker, girls.

Hang on.

Because here's how
it got its name.

[Screaming]

I'll teach you to mess
with Bart gifooley, ladies.

Pick up the oar and row.

Take that!

Wh-what are you doing?
What is this?

Whoa!

Fine. Want to know
what it's like

to be up the creek
without a paddle?

Now you do!

Help!
Help!

Ladies, when gifooley land
is built,

this is a $20 ticket.

And no refund
if you don't live!

Whoa!

Daddy!
Daddy!

Help US!
Help US!

George!

Wait a minute.
This is the wrong stream.

We're headed for the dam!

Daddy, help!

Help, daddy!

Daddy!
Daddy!

This way.
Follow me.

Hyah!

Come on! Come on!

Daddy!

Help!

Help, daddy!

There they are.

Laura: They're headed
for the falls!

Natty: How do we
stop them?

Are you happy now,
Bart?

Shut up!

The water's
getting rougher!

Stephen: Just hold on!
We're coming!

And you shut up!

Look, there they are!

Daddy!

Help!

Hang on!

Stephen: We'll meet you
at the bridge!

Both: Hasta la vista, Bart!

Hey!

Girls!

Hold on! I'm coming!

Grab my hand!

Daddy! I'm slipping!

George, help!

Uhh! Uhh! Uhh!

That was fun, daddy.

Are you all right?

Well, this is just great.

Now, what about me?

I mean, one mistake
doesn't make me a--

a ba-a-a-a...

Aah-aah--

aah!

Ooh!

Ohh!

Sorry!

[Country western music
playing]

This is great.

I wonder
how Bart's doing.

[Music ends]

Thanks, Sonny Jim.

Ladies and gentlemen...

And Bart.

[Laughter]

This dude ranch
is going to go on

for a good long time.

And it's because
2 little ladies here

who saved
the best of the west.

Good people.

Good music.

Good times.

Party on, dudes!

[Cheering]

♪ If you're born to ride ♪

♪ but you're stuck
in the city ♪

♪ your name is Kathy ♪

♪ but you'd rather
be kitty ♪

♪ you got what it takes ♪

♪ to be a country girl ♪

♪ instead of feelin' blue ♪

♪ here's what
you should do ♪

♪ you got to pack up
and run, girl ♪

♪ shine up your boots ♪

♪ holster the phone ♪

♪ put some country music
on the radio ♪

♪ now you're ready to go ♪

♪ take your autographed
picture of Emmy Lou ♪

♪ and the broken "e" string
she gave to you ♪

♪ then I'll, hey,
yodel-odel-ah-he-Dee ♪

♪ you're a cowgirl wannabe ♪

♪ oh, yeah ♪

♪ put some country music
on the radio ♪

♪ now you're ready to go ♪

♪ take your autographed
picture of Emmy Lou ♪

♪ and the broken "e" string
she gave to you ♪

♪ then I'll, hey,
yodel-odel-ah-he-Dee ♪

♪ cowgirls you and me ♪

[Reading alternately] This diary
belongs to susie Martin.

Jessica Martin, age 8.

This is our first summer
on the ranch,

and we are very happy.

This is the most
wonderful place on earth.

So much has happened
to US already.

We saved the ranch
from Bart gifooley,

we found lightning,

and George became
our friend,

and we have
come to love natty.

Through our mother's diary,

we got to know her better,

and we will always
remember her.

And now there's
one more wonderful person

in our lives,
named Laura.

Together: We're all a team,

and tomorrow looks like
a wonderful day.

I love the west.

Uh-huh.
The west is sure fun.

Captioning made possible by
Warner Bros.