How Ivanushka the Fool Travelled in Search of Wonder (1977) - full transcript
LENFILM
HOW IVANUSHKA THE FOOL
WENT AFTER THE MIRACLE
One fool was walking in the wood
And saw a hedgehog under his foot.
Ivan the Fool bent over to say
Let me hold you in my hand
To go to my home for long
To hear my new friendly song.
A hedgehog got angry at once
As fools don't get any chance.
Ivan the Fool then explains
He is not a fool for being insane
But a fool for a very simple reason
for committing no treason,
for never saving up fully,
for loving all animals truly
for always telling hedgehogs
what should be said to dogs
- Hey, let me help you!
- Oh no-o-o, you won't!
- Funny you are,
let me help you.
- Don't! I'll kill you!
- What?
- I'll... Hey!
- What are you?..
- Hey, stop this!
You can cut a person to
death with such a knife.
Hey, man, you forgot a sack!
- Won't fool me - I'd better choose life!
- So, what is this?
- A mug it is, but what about a bottom?
There is no bottom!
It must be for drunk guests, then,
jocular dishes!
So, "To Mister Mark the Rich
from grateful servants".
Well.
But you know he's
a damned burglar .
Should I catch him I'd burn him alive!
- Should I, should I, I'd strip him naked
and tie him up and to a cold cellar
And then I'd show a frozen devil
for everyone to learn.
- Should I, should I...
- I'd hook him up and to the smokehouse!
- And I'd...
And what do you think
I would do him?
- You, Mark Petrovich, would impale him,
I think just so.
- Wrong!
- I would...
- You would...
- I would, I would....
I would add him a thousand more
to what he's got for a lesson!
And would fire you all for heedlessness!
Understand it?
Now then, tomorrow I want
grates on all windows!
- Hey, where am I? Perhaps the wrong way...
This is some dungeon prison,
What?
- Hey, lad!
Who are you looking?
- Oh...
- Why did they send such a
beautiful girl to prison?
- Prison?! How do you think why?
- I think you were just
defamed by evil folks!
- Hey, hold on, hold on, you funny,
don't you ruin my prison.
Hold on, why do you think
I am innocent? - I see!
- I can be the most terrible criminal!
I may have knifed my husband,
a hateful old man!
Here we are...
Still run!
- I'll run, and they catch you -
and will jail you condemn to servitude!
- So what?
- What so what?
- I am ready.... I am ready to die for you!
- And are you ready to marry me?
What?
- Ready.
- Marry a fugitive?
- Yep.
- Without reproaching for
crimes committed?
- Without.
- Well. well.
So you are.
What is your name?
- My name is Ivan
also known as the Full...
- The Fool?
- It's not what you...
- No, that's a right name!
- Well.
Bye then. - Bye.
- Hey, do they... do they feed you badly?
- You guess!
- Here you are.
Little alms,
for have nothing more.
- Thank you very much indeed.
- Not at all.
- Hey, do you happen to know
where Mark the Rich lives?
- Hey, hey, gal!
- Ivan! - What?
- I've fooled you, Ivan,
it's not a prison at all,
it's... it's his own house, he lives here.
- What? Why are grates here?
Grates are to prevent robbers.
- And who are you?
- Me?
I'm Mark the Rich's daughter,
I live here in this house with Papa.
- Wait, wait...
- What?
- Nothing! Give me back my nickel!
- I won't!
- How can you?
- I can! I won't give back!
- But I...
- For you are a liar!
- I have never ever lied to anyone!
- You lied to me?
- When?
- Just now.
You proposed to me.
Here...
- And you...
And you said you'd knifed your husband!
- So here we go! So when I am
just my father's daughter,
you won't even know my name?
- But I...
- Ivan, Ivan, but my name is so pretty.
Anastasia Markovna I am.
One who loves me he calls me Nastya,
and who loves very much - dear Nastya...
- So now we know each other,
Hi, Anastasia Markovna,
- Hi.
- So we got acquainted.
So now we can say goodbye.
Goodbye, dear Nastya!
- Ivan, Ivan, come back,
you've left your sack!
- Return it to your father!
- Ivan, it is so heavy, what is in it?
- There is gold there!
How are you?
I am all right, but are you?
Have no sleep, no food and no drink since
the day you got your gold back.
- Right you are, since that damned day!
- Mark Petrovich, go to bed, go sleep.
- I just can't get right
the story in full
about Ivan the Fool
who came on foot
with heavy goods
Being no robber at all
for returning gold.
And dogs let him enter.
I don't know if I am sick
or it's some magic nickel
that I don't want to perish
with my eye's apple cherish.
Or is it really fool of mine
To sell my heart for half a dime?
Anastasia Markovna, Anastasia Markovna,
but who told you not a couple you are?
It makes a couple for a fool lad
and you...
Foolish gal.
- Come inside for nobody to hear.
- Nobody will, Mark, nobody.
- Listen, my old woman, I had a
prophetic dream this very night
with a warning. - What a warning, then,
my old fellow?
- The warning that it is not a coincidence
for a man to give me back my gold.
- I don't get it.
- Get us this way
by charming our dear
Nastya with false honesty
and get all our riches through her
to ruin me utterly with only rags to wear
I saw this prophet looking just like me
and having the same name, Mark Petrovich,
Mark Petrovich!
So what did this prophet
give you some advice?
He advised!
To decide on my own!
- So what have you decided, chap?
- I've decided for you to help,
my old woman, look here.
You nursed dear Nastya and
you are like friends,
so you have to get rid of this savage.
- This is. Ivan, from his gracefulness
Mark the Rich.
Please toast him!
- What... almost forgot the main thing,
this is a financial reward for you.
- No. - Yes, yes, a hundred! Count!
Count, count, there is light over there
near the window, money loves to be counted.
- Hmm, count it, count...
- Let us drink to health of Mark the Rich
and absolute happiness of dear Nastya.
- To absolute happiness.
Ivan, Iva, Ivan, hey!
- What's up?
I've searched for you all over the village!
Oh, it's Nastya's handwriting!
"Dear Sir Ivan the Full"...
- She calls you like that?
"I shall keep your alms
in remembrance of your kindness,
my dear Ivan".
- Hmm, you dear. - She's joking.
- But I have to warn you, my dear Ivan,
that an old woman will come to you
with an intention to poison you."
- Hey, what are you doing?
- Hey, what are you doing?
- Nothing, Ivan, nothing!
- Give the letter back!
- Got it, got it.
- Give it back!
- She's a mean scoundrel
wants to destroy me, damned witch!
- Who are you calling names?
- Oh, nobody, Ivan!
Don't shake me, don't get
my last breath out of me!
- So, "She'll treat you to
sweet vines,
but you'd better drink none."
- She's lying in a written form, Ivan!
- Shut up!
You mob! You are lying!
Nastya is just kidding
she's making a fool of me
trying to scare me
But I will drink a shot and even more.
Let us drink, granny, shall we?
- Hold on, Ivan, hold on.
What?
I... I just got confused
at all with all this.
What mug have I treated you to first?
- I don't remember, granny,
- Here we are, let you drink from this one
and me vice versa.
- I can do that! So, cheers!
- Hold on, let us do next: let you sit here
instead of me on the chair
and let me sit there. - You're pulling
the wool, Granny, I see it clearly.
- You said she was just kidding?
- Kidding. just kidding.
- So why not drink?
- To health of my dear Nastya!
Now why don't you drink, granny?
- Let me catch my breath!
- Don't pool the wool, granny!
If you don't drink it yourself
I'll pour it into you myself!
- But I can't drink it!
- Why not?
- I'll see lightings and
will feel thunders then!
- No, granny, you won't fool me! - Ivan!
- Stop!
- Ivan!
- Stop, granny!
- I can't drink it!
- I just can't drink it, Ivan!
Go away!
- Oh.
- Hey no, granny, you'll drink it any way!
- And I will!
If I am lucky to survive.
One more, please.
They call an old woman
just their granny!
But when I was young,
they'd call me lady!
I am a poor little thing with no honour
Though I am lady of the manor!
- What; sup with you, granny?
- Don't you pity me, Ivan,
for I am not granny but a monster
and a real viper inside.
I would do evil any way!
And there's only truth in Nastya's
every word of her letter.
- Hey granny, you'd better
have a bite of snack!
- Don't you teach me!
I knew what I was drinking,
and you escaped by chance.
So listen to me while I am drunk.
Someone has a strong belief
that you are planning to marry his daughter
and capture all his riches.
- Is he mad?
- Listen to me, no that you have money,
buy a horse and a cart and
go away from here right now!
- Well, I will.
But not for being frightened,
and as for my dear Nastya...
tell her she imagined all of it
and let her not be angry with her dad.
Tell her just like this.
- Don't you teach me to lie.
I have troubles with saying truth,
but will never stop telling lies.
- Well, thanks, granny.
Forgive me for my foolishness.
- For what? - I was a fool!
I almost had you dispatched to heaven.
The devil you dispatch!
You are not a fool at all,
Ivan, but I don't know what.
Some fairy tale!
For years so fast coming by
With hair grey and mouth dry!
- Well? - Done.
- Was he suspicious? - Not at all.
Such a full he is for drinking all
saying thanks and regards
to Mark the Rich from him
and his warmest wishes
to Anastasia Markovna.
Having said and drunk
He died.
- No!
- A bird?
- That's not a bird.
- My daughter!
- Little Nastya!
- Omnia meum?
- Mecum porto.
- Sine qua non.
- Modus vivendi!
- Stop this, please.
- Gaudeamus igituris!
- My dear daughter!
You scared us all so much, my dear Nastya,
Lying like a corpse looking upwards.
My heart sank when I saw you.
- Why did heart sink?
- How can you ask that?
I am your father still.
- I know,
- What do you know?
- I know that you are my father still.
- What's wrong with her?
-- Oh, don't panic!
The thing is as it happens
from time to time
that she lost consciousness and feelings
- Well? - So, she regained consciousness,
but still no feelings.
- I don't get it completely.
- Don't be worried too much,
as they says that people without feelings
feel very well.
- It's cold comfort!
They say, they say...
She is my only child!
Please, don't talk too loud, Papa.
- You see!
I will do my best to pay
for any remedy for her!
- Unfortunately, our science cannot help.
She ca be cured only by wonder!
- Only wonder...
- Ivan!
O Lord,
it's you – we are at loss!
Ivan. Nastya needs your help!
Go now!
Ivan, ride it hard!
Ride it hard, for Christ's sakes!
Come to rescue!
- Go here, here, wait here,
- Guess, Anastasia Markovna,
who's come to you.
- I don't know, I want to sleep.
- Nastya, my dear baby,
your guest is a wonderful one.
He's returned from heaven to you!
- I don't want to heaven. - Nastya!
Nastya, my dear baby,
he'll cure you as if by wonder!
Guess who, Anastasia Markovna.
- I see.
- Don't stand like a mummy, come to her.
Hold her hand.
- You saved me, Nastya.
I am alive.
- I want to sleep.
My bed...
- I hoped so much, I thought...
I guess the healer was right and
only wonder can help her now.
But where is it?
Who will find it?
- And me? Granny, I will!
I will go to the end of the earth or
even the bottom of the ocean!
- Hold on, Ivan, don't go
to the bottom of the ocean,
But go into our Greek forest
to my distant relative to Baba Yaga.
She'll make no wonders herself,
but she can advise on
some suitable magician.
- Is there anyone?
- Who are you searching for?
- Excuse me, are you Baba Yaga?
- Yes, I am, I am.
Good Lord, my brave young man,
so strange of you to be really searching
for Baba Yaga herself.
- Really searching for!
- My Goodness, here I am,
haven’t heard a living person in a century
living in the forest like a rotten stump
an old woman nobody needs and cares of.
So how can I help you, my dear fellow?
- Granny, I... - Hold on, hold on, my son,
I am glad to see you, I am terribly glad,
but you have to call me properly.
- And how do I do that properly?
- It says that you have to say,
"An old hog, hasn't treated to anything
but asking for news, treat!"
- Emmm... an old hog....
- Emmm... an old hog....
that's not like it should be!
You have to sat it loud and ferociously!
"You, an old hog, you treat!"
- You, an old hog!
You treat!
- Now much better!
A real pleasure to listen to
in comparison with first try. So what?
What do you want me to help you with,
young man?
- Granny, I need a magician
or just a mighty sorcerer
who is able to make wonders!
- You are late, my fine young fellow,
a magician, you say?
There is hardly any decent mermaid now!
Goblins are extinct.
- Where do I find then?
Can you advise me on that?
- Still need it? - Very much!
- Well, then you, Ivan, have to
go over the hills and far way
for a big tower there
with a great wizard and magician
named Lukomor. - Lukomor you say.
But, Granny, who'll show the way?
Who-who? You know who, the Mouse!
- Here! - Oh!
- Hold it.
- Thanks, granny.
She's got a guiding tail.
A guiding tail?
Just ride your horse
to the side it points.
- Oh, thanks, granny, but I have nothing
to pay you back.
Though I can compose an honourable song
about you!
- But nobody composes honourable songs
about Baba Yaga!
- And I will, hold it, please!
- Well, let you.
- Here you are.
With great information lack
Babblers just lie like these
That she has a bony leg
And many-many iron teeth.
That she has a bony leg
And many-many iron teeth.
- They are lying, my friend!
- You see, nothing!
- Continue.
That she flies every night
In a wooden mortar in bloom
Sweeps every trace she might
Sweeps with her broom.
Just imagine, just imagine,
Covers with her broom,
Just imagine, just imagine,
Covers with her broom.
- It's only in fairy tales, Ivan!
- Who are they?
- Those are kikimoras, Ivan,
last kikimoras,
not yet married kikimoras I mean,
Wait a little.
Get out now!
Sing, Ivan, sing, my fellow.
Despite great lying mass
No matter how you test
Creature's friendliness
Baba Yaga is the best
In all the world you bet
Baba Yaga is the best!
Oh, Ivan, oh.
- Bye, granny.
- Ivan!
- What?
- Help yourself before you go
for sound sleep and more strength for you.
- So where do I go now?
- What do you mean where? At the first
crossroads look at the Mouse's tail.
- Thanks, granny.
- Bye.
- Ivan, Ivan!
- What?
- Please, call me one
more time before we part,
call me a hog, will you?
- An old hog you are....
- Oh, such a fine lad he is, oh.
- Fedor Ivanych, let us walk away a man's
horse while he's sleeping, shall we?
- We can, why not do it?
We will walk a horse away definitely,
but we will do it in a way
nobody will believe in.
Vasiliy, you will never be
a real horse thief
you lack imagination, you lack it.
Walk a horse into the
forest and tie it there.
Then hide in bushes and
look what'll happen.
- What'll happen?- You'll
see and you'll love it.
- Good Lord!
- Who are you?
- Your forner horse.
- What the nonsense?
- No nonsense!
- Where's my horse?
- You see, nowhere.
I was turned into a horse
and now back gain.
Back again into what?
- Into... myself!
- Stop your lies!
- Don't get angry, master.
Can you understand true love?
- I can!
- For this desperate unthinkable love I...
But you will not understand me!
- Please, tell about it!
- Keep silent, master, please.
I had my darling one,
my sole love.
- Yes.
- And once upon a time
some widowed sorcerer
proposed to her.
- A sorcerer indeed?
- Don't interrupt me, listen.
She gave him brush-off.
- Well.
"I can't accept your proposal in any way
since my heart belongs to Fedor Ivanych".
That's my name, by the way.
- The sorcerer came to me.
- And?
- "Will you give up for a
thousand, Fedor Ivanych?"
- Give up? No way!
- Give up my proposal!
- And you? - I said, don't you buy love
since it's not sold".
- What's up?
- Sorry, master, a habit.
- And what next?
- What next?
The sorcerer saw that my
faithfulness is unshakeable
and turned me into a horse for three years.
These three years have run put today.
So here you are that I and you horse
are one and the same person.
- So many torments for you!
- Well, not my fault!
Love!'
- Listen.
- What?
- Where can I find the sorcerer?
- But... why do you need to do it?
Trust but verify?
- Not at all, Fedor Ivanych...
I just need to see him very much, as
my dear Nastya needs him.
Where can I find him?
- You can't.
- But Fedor Ivanych!
- I can't tell for if he
learns that I've told
his secret he will turn
me back into a horse
forever. And horses hardly
live more than 30 years,
- But Fedya, Fedya...
- I can't!
- Fedya, just whisper it -
and nobody will know it!
- You... You win!
Give your ear.
- Here you are.
- Fictional District.
- Fictional District.
- Unnamed County.
- Unnamed County.
- Unknown Village.
- Unknown Village.
- Mr Nobody Knows Who.
Got it?
- Yes, thanks, Fedya, thanks.
Fedya, you know what - go back home
for your bride has been waiting for you
in torments for all this time.
Go Fedya, go.
Hey you?
- What?
- You now have to organize a wedding
so you'll need a wedding ring, won't you?
- Well, yes.
- Don't be offended, but
you've got no money, haven't you?
- None, - Well, but I had some, a hundred.
But I spent the to buy a cart
and you as well - as a horse.
It's all that's left - take it, please.
- What is your name, lad?
- Ivan.
- Ivan?
Bye then, Ivan.
- Bye, Fedya.
- It makes a cat laugh, Fedor Ivanych,
I almost split my sides with laughter.
Inanimate person you are, Vasiliy.
Where's the horse?
- Here she is.
- Untie her.
Go to your master.
Run to your master now!
- Hey!
- Hey...
- Fedya!
- Fedya...
- Hey!
- Hey...
- Fedya, I forgot the county!
- Fedya!
Oh, what a pity, what a pity.
Fedya, what's up with you?
You must have second sight
for the sorcerer turned
you back into a horse.
It's all my fault.
Don't, don't you, don't be
angry, it's all my fault,
I must have not questioned
you about it, Fedya.
But you know what, you know,
we are together and will
not go to that sorcerer!
Why not? Why not? We'll go to
Lukomor the magician, you see
he will help you
for it's not hard for him to turn a human
back into a human.
Fedya, do you agree, Fedya?
Let us go, Fedya, shall we?
What's up, Fedya, go.
Hold on, Fedya, hold on, Fedya! Wait a bit.
Don't drink it for it may be poisoned.
Sound reasonable for you?
Wait, Fedor Ivanych, just wait a little.
Here you are.
Fedya, where have we come to now?
Let us ask first.
You see, the Mouse points left.
Where have you brought us, my little Mouse?
We've gone through all the forest now.
Hi, my fellow, come to me now
here you are, here you are now.
My poor....
Well, they are gone.
You are so scared,
Run, poor little animal, run.
- Your curly honour!
- Ha, please ask this foreign
man how can I help him.
- Not curly honour, but His Majesty!
Got it, you illiterate pig?
- Your Majesty!
Why are your generals so impetuous?
I address you directly!
How can they call a king's companion a pig?
- And how can I help you, my companion?
- Your Majesty, I'd like to
swim to the other side to you
to Kingdom of Far Away. - Please proceed.
But you have to do it
with my royal condition to be
dry from soup to nuts for you
to enter our Kingdom of Far Away
and get a golden purse as a present.
But if not dry from soup to nuts
you're toast then.
- All clear?
- All clear!
The king gave a puzzle to solve
How to dry from soup to nuts
After swimming that I'd involve
How to dry from soup to nuts
Though it takes plenty of guts,
I will prepare soup with nuts
To eat and dry it then to nuts
And in this way I'll show guts
You'd better keep your tails up
As a man of wisdom shows up
Let him wear torn out shoes
And be covered in patches
In no case shall you faint
But I am so smart
In no case shall you faint
But I am so smart
In no case shall you faint
I'm smart as paint!
- Your Royal Majesty!
Your Royal Majesty! Your Royal Majesty!
They are swimming!
- Who is swimming?
- The horse and a foreign man holding a pot
in his mouth.
- Interesting!
- There!
- You are safe now, my little one.
- Who are you talking to there?
- With Mouse, your Majesty.
She's so young, can catch a cold easily.
- That's disgusting! Hide it!
Hide it.
- Bare your head!
- Don't.
- Don't?
- I dare say, let him stay.
I don't like bowing and
scraping before my person.
So you say you managed
to satisfy my condition?
- Just so, your Majesty, I've managed.
- What've you got there?
- Treat yourself, please.
So?
- Tasty.
- Really?
A golden purse now, please,
your Majesty, now.
- What purse?
- You owe me.
- What?
- As we agreed
should I dry from soup to nuts.
- And have you?
- Dried from soup to nuts, your Majesty.
- Let me feel!
- You're welcome!
- Let me, my dear, let me, my dear.
- Dear ladies and gentlemen,
please feel free to feel!
What are you?...
- Leave me, go away, away!
Almost ripped me off.
- He's soaked to the skin!
- Well, your Majesty, I'm really as wet
as a drowned rat!
It is very misfortunate of you, my company,
isn't it?
Now I just have to execute you.
I can't break my own royal word, can't I?
- You can't break it, your
Majesty, right you are,
but you have to give me the purse.
- Hey, my dear, that's no
laughing matter anymore
especially when speaking with King himself!
But I am your good company...
Hey you, hey!
- What are you looking at?
Your monarch is made fool
of, and you just gape?
Catch him! Tie up to a tree!
And cut him up!
- Now altogether everybody!
- Here!
- What are...
- One!
- Two!
- Thr...
- And stop it!
You can really kill me then
without ever solving my puzzle.
- What puzzle?
- What puzzle? - Yes.
- A simple one, your Majesty.
- Well?
- You can think it over
with all your population
how can one be wet but
dry from soup to nuts?
- Wet...
- Wet-but-dry...
- Don't give up easily, your Majesty,
I'll hint you a bit and
you'll solve it immediately.
What did I hold when
showed up from the river?
- A pot...
- And what was in there?
- Well, well?
- Soup... with nuts.
- So how have one eaten and dried it?
- Well, how?
- How?
How?
- How have I eaten and dried it?
- Your Majesty, the saying goes like that:
dry from soup to nuts!
- Right you are, well done!
- So how and what I made dry, your Majesty?
- Dry from... - Dry from...
- Well, well? - Soup to nuts!
Made it dry from soup to nuts!
Ladies and gentlemen, have you got it,
ladies and gentlemen, you see the point?
What is your name, my company?
- Ivan the Fool.
- Hoity-toity!
Ask whatever you want, Ivan the Fool,
give command, my companion/
- Well, your Majesty, I
surely can give command.
My command: in the name the King
untie the companion of His
Majesty from the tree!
Treat his horse Fedya
with exquisite barley!
And provide them both with entry permit
to Kingdom of Far Away
attention Lukomor the magician!
Luka, please tell me, Luka,
are there any ready-made wonders left?
- Yes, there are. You know they are...
Magic hats.
- Bring them here.
- Something else?
- Something...
Magic tablecloths. - Bring them!
Stop it, Lukomor, son of Lukomor, stop it!
Only the most barbarian barbarians
do such things, only they!
What do you burn?
You only burn your magic labour!
You burn away your whole life!
- Right you are, Luka, my whole life.
'Cause my whole life,
my very-very long life nobodey cares of
was burnt...
- Stop it, Lukomor, son of Lukomor,stop!
You are the magician, aren't you?
What are you doing? It's your calling...
You are a shameless old
man, that's who you are...
Crying out loud without
trying to talk about.
Well, what's happened, what?
- I shall tell you, Luka, the whole thing.
I am at a loss.
I got disappointed in humans, Luka.
- What humans?
- All of them!
The whole mankind.
- How on earth have you
made such a decision?
You don't even meet humans.
You've spent all your life in this fortress
alone!
- Exactly!
- You can't even imagine, all my youth,
more than three hundred years,
I comprehended incomprehensible
and only after being more
than three hundred years
I started making wonders.
You can't imagines what I have done!
But people started using magic hats
to secure robberies.
All the magic tablecloths were snapped
by lazy gluttons.
And magic purses are hidden in
bottomless pockets of greedy riches.
Here's what I've done during my very
long and silly life nobody cares of.
Enough... Luka,
make me the bed
and I will lie down with closed eyes
and go away. - Where will you go away?
With your eyes closed sure you will.
Don't be childish, honest to God!
- Luka, you'd better know that magicians
die when they seize being magicians.
- Want to see a magician?
- Exactly him.
- You can't! - Why not?
- You can't! - Why not?
- 'Cause he's no longer a magician!
- Why not?
- 'Cause he's stopped his
activities this morning,
- Has he lost his senses or what?!
- No, not at all!
He has come to his senses.
This morning he figured out clearly
that people shouldn’t be
allowed near wonders.
- Why not?
- Because!
There are much more people on earth
than conscience allocated
for you all, got it?
- Hey you, old man, you are
talking nonsense - Go away!
- Want me go away?
- Go away!
- So you want me go away?
Go away!
- So you want me go away?
I am stern!
- Stern you say?
- Where are you put...
Stern you are not!..
- Help me!
- Help me!
- I see, I should have already died and
by mistake sent to horse hell.
Oh...
Hey, old man, this is not a horse,
this is a turned man named Fedya.
- Turned man, bewitched?
- Yes, he is!
Turn him back, please!
You can't do it easily, it's like
a trifle for you, please. - Stop.
Who told you the horse is bewitched?
- It told me, I mean he told me himself.
- Who are you? - Me? Ivan the Fool.
- I see.
Here, here, so, so, I see.
I see.
- Wait, Fedya, wait.
- But your horse, Ivan
the Fool, is a real one!
A true horse, a common horse.
Yes.
- I think you are lying.
You are lying about it!
It's Fedya, he told me all
about unthinkable love
and about the sorcerer
who turned him into a horse and then back
and then back again into a horse.
Please, help me, turn him back, please!
It's such a trifle for you.
Please, I beg you, please, turn him back...
- Sit down now.
Si you mean you never sat
on it all the way to me
just holding it?
- How could I?
I took it for a man,
- For a man...
Here you go, and that man
took you for a fool?
Went your horse away and
then made fool of you.
It's all clear.
But why did he send your horse back?
Why? Why do you think he did it?
- What do I think? I just think it was...
... conscience.
- Thief with conscience?!
- Why not? A thief, he's also a human.
I am at a loss, Lukomor, such a loss.
Dear Nastya - my good
acquaintance - fainted
and lost her feelings -
got back consciousness
but strangely not feelings.
Acting... like some doll.
Doctors gave up.
Lukomor, please...
- Don't... Get up, Ivan,
get up, I'll help you.
I will give you my inmost wonder, I will!
Don't cry!
Smell!
- Hey, Luka!
- He's in the tank!
- In the tank?
- Help me!...
- Hey you, old man!
- So what, have Lukomor the
magician driven you away?
Here you are, it serves you right!
Don't touch poor old man!
You put me into a tank!
Like beef! Ignoramus!
Let off!
- I've found it!
Here you are, Ivan.
A magic slate comb.
Chalk is magic as well, write your wishes
and they will come true instantly.
But don't wish in excess, it
is the last piece of chalk.
- Now I wish I'd be near
my dear Nastya right now.
- Dear Nastya? Well, I'll
help you with that as well.
- Please, don't be angry with me, do you?
- Agreed!
- Here you are with horse wonder
speed horseshoes, stop!
- Thank you, mister magician, thank you.
Thank you.
Hey!
Granny!
- Is this you, Ivan?
-Me!
- And the wonder?
- I have the wonder, too, granny!
A great one!
Let me show it to you.
- Mark Petrovich, here's
a wonder-making magician
to heal Anastasia Markovna
as you asked, he's...
- A Russian fakir
and disciple of Tibetan Chaldees
Ali Baba Eustugnees.
- Hello.
- Yogins and fakirs in their countries
do a devil of acts by
cutting themselves with axe
and after that perfectly normally
raise from the dead.
And telepathists telepathize
at great distances
what one needs and what one needs not.
but I have surpassed all of it and many of
many-many others!
Ein, zwei, drei!
Closer thought, closer
though, closer though!
And now!
Ein!
Zwei!
Drei!
Seven-eight!
My services are not expensive
but paid upfront!
Here, mister magician,
as you can see it
no feelings at all.
- Attention!
Calm down!
Look into eyes, woman!
Don't blink!
Closer thought!
Seven-eight, seven-eight.
And now, and now you start
regaining some feelings.
- Some feelings you say?
- Draw the following,
let... - Let...
- ...dear Nastya...
- ...d-e-a-r N-a-s-t-y-a...
- regain feelings...
- r-e-g-a-i-n f-e-e-l-i-n-g-s...
at least one.
a-t l-e-a-s-t o-n-e.
- Ein, zwei, drei!
- Get out! Get out!
- What the...
- I hate you!
- Your staidness...
- I hate you all!
- Dear Nastya, please!
- And your Turkish turban!
- Get out! - You villain!
- Get out!
- She's regained feelings! - I hate you!
- She's regained feelings, your staidness!
- I hate you!
Your staidness, she's regained feelings!
- Shout at him!
- Get angry, please!
- You've got mad!
- Get out, don't ever come near me,
don't ever come near me, got it right?
- Your staidness!
- My services are not expensive!
- Rage, woman, rage!
- I hate you too, father!
- Why, my dear daughter?
I am your close relative!
- Get out all! Get out!
- Holy Passion, this will not do, how can
I live with such a woman, for God's sake?
What have you done, mister magician?
Made wonders not properly to run away?
She was safe before you came.
This is not a real job, some fake!
- Well, a small mistake happened, your
staidness! You know magic affairs,
it's never the same twice.
- I don't know and don't want to!
But if you make wonder right -
I will give her in marriage to you!
With half my income!
- Your staidness!
- But if not...
- I will!
Ein, zwei, drei, I'll
make seven-eight now!
What?
- Seven-eight, but God knows
how it will go, we'll see,
we'll see now.
- Don't even ask.
She's all in rage like Army general!
Says hates us all.
Ivan, we shall draw other new wishes now!
- Let her hate...
- ... transform into love! Draw!
- t-r-a-n-s-f-o-r-m i-n-t-o l-o-v-e...
- Ein!
Zwei!
Three!
Ein, zwei, three!
- Oh, my dear...
My dear!
My honey... - Who?
- My honey, you are my honey.
My dear beloved magician,
my beloved...
- Anastasia Markovna,
it's very smart of you
to choose me as your partner.
You'll never regret this decision.
I was in love with you, dear Nastya,
from the first - ein, zwei, drei - sight.
- My handsome unspeakable one.
Mu dear one... - Me, right?..
What the...
My beautiful one!
My beautiful one,
handsome one,
- Ivan!
- What?
- We drew it wrong again!
Your Nastya fell in love with some rogue!
She will marry him in few minutes!
- Who's he?
- A rogue with a turban!
Her father will now bring an icon
to give his blessing for her to torment
herself the whole life.
Draw!
- Hold on, granny, let me!
- It's so smart of you, Anastasia Markovna,
I dare say!
I will never praise you, of course,
try as you might, but you will never
find another one just like me.
You know who I am?
- Let a bad person be a good one!
- I am worthless.
a shameless person,
a trickster and rogue.
Please forgive me, young lady.
- Ivan, please hold on!
Hold on!
Stop!
Ivan, Ivan!
Eustugnees has sent me
to run and find you, Ivan the Fool
for he says he doesn't deserve my love.
- And you ran?
- Yes!
I ran to find.
- Do you love him?
- Yes, I do.
So go to him now,
but give me my nickel back.
- No, Ivan, I won't give it back to you?
- How come?
- Here I come!
I paid too much for it,
I dare say that I offered my heart for it
to some fool.
Who do you think?
HOW IVANUSHKA THE FOOL
WENT AFTER THE MIRACLE
One fool was walking in the wood
And saw a hedgehog under his foot.
Ivan the Fool bent over to say
Let me hold you in my hand
To go to my home for long
To hear my new friendly song.
A hedgehog got angry at once
As fools don't get any chance.
Ivan the Fool then explains
He is not a fool for being insane
But a fool for a very simple reason
for committing no treason,
for never saving up fully,
for loving all animals truly
for always telling hedgehogs
what should be said to dogs
- Hey, let me help you!
- Oh no-o-o, you won't!
- Funny you are,
let me help you.
- Don't! I'll kill you!
- What?
- I'll... Hey!
- What are you?..
- Hey, stop this!
You can cut a person to
death with such a knife.
Hey, man, you forgot a sack!
- Won't fool me - I'd better choose life!
- So, what is this?
- A mug it is, but what about a bottom?
There is no bottom!
It must be for drunk guests, then,
jocular dishes!
So, "To Mister Mark the Rich
from grateful servants".
Well.
But you know he's
a damned burglar .
Should I catch him I'd burn him alive!
- Should I, should I, I'd strip him naked
and tie him up and to a cold cellar
And then I'd show a frozen devil
for everyone to learn.
- Should I, should I...
- I'd hook him up and to the smokehouse!
- And I'd...
And what do you think
I would do him?
- You, Mark Petrovich, would impale him,
I think just so.
- Wrong!
- I would...
- You would...
- I would, I would....
I would add him a thousand more
to what he's got for a lesson!
And would fire you all for heedlessness!
Understand it?
Now then, tomorrow I want
grates on all windows!
- Hey, where am I? Perhaps the wrong way...
This is some dungeon prison,
What?
- Hey, lad!
Who are you looking?
- Oh...
- Why did they send such a
beautiful girl to prison?
- Prison?! How do you think why?
- I think you were just
defamed by evil folks!
- Hey, hold on, hold on, you funny,
don't you ruin my prison.
Hold on, why do you think
I am innocent? - I see!
- I can be the most terrible criminal!
I may have knifed my husband,
a hateful old man!
Here we are...
Still run!
- I'll run, and they catch you -
and will jail you condemn to servitude!
- So what?
- What so what?
- I am ready.... I am ready to die for you!
- And are you ready to marry me?
What?
- Ready.
- Marry a fugitive?
- Yep.
- Without reproaching for
crimes committed?
- Without.
- Well. well.
So you are.
What is your name?
- My name is Ivan
also known as the Full...
- The Fool?
- It's not what you...
- No, that's a right name!
- Well.
Bye then. - Bye.
- Hey, do they... do they feed you badly?
- You guess!
- Here you are.
Little alms,
for have nothing more.
- Thank you very much indeed.
- Not at all.
- Hey, do you happen to know
where Mark the Rich lives?
- Hey, hey, gal!
- Ivan! - What?
- I've fooled you, Ivan,
it's not a prison at all,
it's... it's his own house, he lives here.
- What? Why are grates here?
Grates are to prevent robbers.
- And who are you?
- Me?
I'm Mark the Rich's daughter,
I live here in this house with Papa.
- Wait, wait...
- What?
- Nothing! Give me back my nickel!
- I won't!
- How can you?
- I can! I won't give back!
- But I...
- For you are a liar!
- I have never ever lied to anyone!
- You lied to me?
- When?
- Just now.
You proposed to me.
Here...
- And you...
And you said you'd knifed your husband!
- So here we go! So when I am
just my father's daughter,
you won't even know my name?
- But I...
- Ivan, Ivan, but my name is so pretty.
Anastasia Markovna I am.
One who loves me he calls me Nastya,
and who loves very much - dear Nastya...
- So now we know each other,
Hi, Anastasia Markovna,
- Hi.
- So we got acquainted.
So now we can say goodbye.
Goodbye, dear Nastya!
- Ivan, Ivan, come back,
you've left your sack!
- Return it to your father!
- Ivan, it is so heavy, what is in it?
- There is gold there!
How are you?
I am all right, but are you?
Have no sleep, no food and no drink since
the day you got your gold back.
- Right you are, since that damned day!
- Mark Petrovich, go to bed, go sleep.
- I just can't get right
the story in full
about Ivan the Fool
who came on foot
with heavy goods
Being no robber at all
for returning gold.
And dogs let him enter.
I don't know if I am sick
or it's some magic nickel
that I don't want to perish
with my eye's apple cherish.
Or is it really fool of mine
To sell my heart for half a dime?
Anastasia Markovna, Anastasia Markovna,
but who told you not a couple you are?
It makes a couple for a fool lad
and you...
Foolish gal.
- Come inside for nobody to hear.
- Nobody will, Mark, nobody.
- Listen, my old woman, I had a
prophetic dream this very night
with a warning. - What a warning, then,
my old fellow?
- The warning that it is not a coincidence
for a man to give me back my gold.
- I don't get it.
- Get us this way
by charming our dear
Nastya with false honesty
and get all our riches through her
to ruin me utterly with only rags to wear
I saw this prophet looking just like me
and having the same name, Mark Petrovich,
Mark Petrovich!
So what did this prophet
give you some advice?
He advised!
To decide on my own!
- So what have you decided, chap?
- I've decided for you to help,
my old woman, look here.
You nursed dear Nastya and
you are like friends,
so you have to get rid of this savage.
- This is. Ivan, from his gracefulness
Mark the Rich.
Please toast him!
- What... almost forgot the main thing,
this is a financial reward for you.
- No. - Yes, yes, a hundred! Count!
Count, count, there is light over there
near the window, money loves to be counted.
- Hmm, count it, count...
- Let us drink to health of Mark the Rich
and absolute happiness of dear Nastya.
- To absolute happiness.
Ivan, Iva, Ivan, hey!
- What's up?
I've searched for you all over the village!
Oh, it's Nastya's handwriting!
"Dear Sir Ivan the Full"...
- She calls you like that?
"I shall keep your alms
in remembrance of your kindness,
my dear Ivan".
- Hmm, you dear. - She's joking.
- But I have to warn you, my dear Ivan,
that an old woman will come to you
with an intention to poison you."
- Hey, what are you doing?
- Hey, what are you doing?
- Nothing, Ivan, nothing!
- Give the letter back!
- Got it, got it.
- Give it back!
- She's a mean scoundrel
wants to destroy me, damned witch!
- Who are you calling names?
- Oh, nobody, Ivan!
Don't shake me, don't get
my last breath out of me!
- So, "She'll treat you to
sweet vines,
but you'd better drink none."
- She's lying in a written form, Ivan!
- Shut up!
You mob! You are lying!
Nastya is just kidding
she's making a fool of me
trying to scare me
But I will drink a shot and even more.
Let us drink, granny, shall we?
- Hold on, Ivan, hold on.
What?
I... I just got confused
at all with all this.
What mug have I treated you to first?
- I don't remember, granny,
- Here we are, let you drink from this one
and me vice versa.
- I can do that! So, cheers!
- Hold on, let us do next: let you sit here
instead of me on the chair
and let me sit there. - You're pulling
the wool, Granny, I see it clearly.
- You said she was just kidding?
- Kidding. just kidding.
- So why not drink?
- To health of my dear Nastya!
Now why don't you drink, granny?
- Let me catch my breath!
- Don't pool the wool, granny!
If you don't drink it yourself
I'll pour it into you myself!
- But I can't drink it!
- Why not?
- I'll see lightings and
will feel thunders then!
- No, granny, you won't fool me! - Ivan!
- Stop!
- Ivan!
- Stop, granny!
- I can't drink it!
- I just can't drink it, Ivan!
Go away!
- Oh.
- Hey no, granny, you'll drink it any way!
- And I will!
If I am lucky to survive.
One more, please.
They call an old woman
just their granny!
But when I was young,
they'd call me lady!
I am a poor little thing with no honour
Though I am lady of the manor!
- What; sup with you, granny?
- Don't you pity me, Ivan,
for I am not granny but a monster
and a real viper inside.
I would do evil any way!
And there's only truth in Nastya's
every word of her letter.
- Hey granny, you'd better
have a bite of snack!
- Don't you teach me!
I knew what I was drinking,
and you escaped by chance.
So listen to me while I am drunk.
Someone has a strong belief
that you are planning to marry his daughter
and capture all his riches.
- Is he mad?
- Listen to me, no that you have money,
buy a horse and a cart and
go away from here right now!
- Well, I will.
But not for being frightened,
and as for my dear Nastya...
tell her she imagined all of it
and let her not be angry with her dad.
Tell her just like this.
- Don't you teach me to lie.
I have troubles with saying truth,
but will never stop telling lies.
- Well, thanks, granny.
Forgive me for my foolishness.
- For what? - I was a fool!
I almost had you dispatched to heaven.
The devil you dispatch!
You are not a fool at all,
Ivan, but I don't know what.
Some fairy tale!
For years so fast coming by
With hair grey and mouth dry!
- Well? - Done.
- Was he suspicious? - Not at all.
Such a full he is for drinking all
saying thanks and regards
to Mark the Rich from him
and his warmest wishes
to Anastasia Markovna.
Having said and drunk
He died.
- No!
- A bird?
- That's not a bird.
- My daughter!
- Little Nastya!
- Omnia meum?
- Mecum porto.
- Sine qua non.
- Modus vivendi!
- Stop this, please.
- Gaudeamus igituris!
- My dear daughter!
You scared us all so much, my dear Nastya,
Lying like a corpse looking upwards.
My heart sank when I saw you.
- Why did heart sink?
- How can you ask that?
I am your father still.
- I know,
- What do you know?
- I know that you are my father still.
- What's wrong with her?
-- Oh, don't panic!
The thing is as it happens
from time to time
that she lost consciousness and feelings
- Well? - So, she regained consciousness,
but still no feelings.
- I don't get it completely.
- Don't be worried too much,
as they says that people without feelings
feel very well.
- It's cold comfort!
They say, they say...
She is my only child!
Please, don't talk too loud, Papa.
- You see!
I will do my best to pay
for any remedy for her!
- Unfortunately, our science cannot help.
She ca be cured only by wonder!
- Only wonder...
- Ivan!
O Lord,
it's you – we are at loss!
Ivan. Nastya needs your help!
Go now!
Ivan, ride it hard!
Ride it hard, for Christ's sakes!
Come to rescue!
- Go here, here, wait here,
- Guess, Anastasia Markovna,
who's come to you.
- I don't know, I want to sleep.
- Nastya, my dear baby,
your guest is a wonderful one.
He's returned from heaven to you!
- I don't want to heaven. - Nastya!
Nastya, my dear baby,
he'll cure you as if by wonder!
Guess who, Anastasia Markovna.
- I see.
- Don't stand like a mummy, come to her.
Hold her hand.
- You saved me, Nastya.
I am alive.
- I want to sleep.
My bed...
- I hoped so much, I thought...
I guess the healer was right and
only wonder can help her now.
But where is it?
Who will find it?
- And me? Granny, I will!
I will go to the end of the earth or
even the bottom of the ocean!
- Hold on, Ivan, don't go
to the bottom of the ocean,
But go into our Greek forest
to my distant relative to Baba Yaga.
She'll make no wonders herself,
but she can advise on
some suitable magician.
- Is there anyone?
- Who are you searching for?
- Excuse me, are you Baba Yaga?
- Yes, I am, I am.
Good Lord, my brave young man,
so strange of you to be really searching
for Baba Yaga herself.
- Really searching for!
- My Goodness, here I am,
haven’t heard a living person in a century
living in the forest like a rotten stump
an old woman nobody needs and cares of.
So how can I help you, my dear fellow?
- Granny, I... - Hold on, hold on, my son,
I am glad to see you, I am terribly glad,
but you have to call me properly.
- And how do I do that properly?
- It says that you have to say,
"An old hog, hasn't treated to anything
but asking for news, treat!"
- Emmm... an old hog....
- Emmm... an old hog....
that's not like it should be!
You have to sat it loud and ferociously!
"You, an old hog, you treat!"
- You, an old hog!
You treat!
- Now much better!
A real pleasure to listen to
in comparison with first try. So what?
What do you want me to help you with,
young man?
- Granny, I need a magician
or just a mighty sorcerer
who is able to make wonders!
- You are late, my fine young fellow,
a magician, you say?
There is hardly any decent mermaid now!
Goblins are extinct.
- Where do I find then?
Can you advise me on that?
- Still need it? - Very much!
- Well, then you, Ivan, have to
go over the hills and far way
for a big tower there
with a great wizard and magician
named Lukomor. - Lukomor you say.
But, Granny, who'll show the way?
Who-who? You know who, the Mouse!
- Here! - Oh!
- Hold it.
- Thanks, granny.
She's got a guiding tail.
A guiding tail?
Just ride your horse
to the side it points.
- Oh, thanks, granny, but I have nothing
to pay you back.
Though I can compose an honourable song
about you!
- But nobody composes honourable songs
about Baba Yaga!
- And I will, hold it, please!
- Well, let you.
- Here you are.
With great information lack
Babblers just lie like these
That she has a bony leg
And many-many iron teeth.
That she has a bony leg
And many-many iron teeth.
- They are lying, my friend!
- You see, nothing!
- Continue.
That she flies every night
In a wooden mortar in bloom
Sweeps every trace she might
Sweeps with her broom.
Just imagine, just imagine,
Covers with her broom,
Just imagine, just imagine,
Covers with her broom.
- It's only in fairy tales, Ivan!
- Who are they?
- Those are kikimoras, Ivan,
last kikimoras,
not yet married kikimoras I mean,
Wait a little.
Get out now!
Sing, Ivan, sing, my fellow.
Despite great lying mass
No matter how you test
Creature's friendliness
Baba Yaga is the best
In all the world you bet
Baba Yaga is the best!
Oh, Ivan, oh.
- Bye, granny.
- Ivan!
- What?
- Help yourself before you go
for sound sleep and more strength for you.
- So where do I go now?
- What do you mean where? At the first
crossroads look at the Mouse's tail.
- Thanks, granny.
- Bye.
- Ivan, Ivan!
- What?
- Please, call me one
more time before we part,
call me a hog, will you?
- An old hog you are....
- Oh, such a fine lad he is, oh.
- Fedor Ivanych, let us walk away a man's
horse while he's sleeping, shall we?
- We can, why not do it?
We will walk a horse away definitely,
but we will do it in a way
nobody will believe in.
Vasiliy, you will never be
a real horse thief
you lack imagination, you lack it.
Walk a horse into the
forest and tie it there.
Then hide in bushes and
look what'll happen.
- What'll happen?- You'll
see and you'll love it.
- Good Lord!
- Who are you?
- Your forner horse.
- What the nonsense?
- No nonsense!
- Where's my horse?
- You see, nowhere.
I was turned into a horse
and now back gain.
Back again into what?
- Into... myself!
- Stop your lies!
- Don't get angry, master.
Can you understand true love?
- I can!
- For this desperate unthinkable love I...
But you will not understand me!
- Please, tell about it!
- Keep silent, master, please.
I had my darling one,
my sole love.
- Yes.
- And once upon a time
some widowed sorcerer
proposed to her.
- A sorcerer indeed?
- Don't interrupt me, listen.
She gave him brush-off.
- Well.
"I can't accept your proposal in any way
since my heart belongs to Fedor Ivanych".
That's my name, by the way.
- The sorcerer came to me.
- And?
- "Will you give up for a
thousand, Fedor Ivanych?"
- Give up? No way!
- Give up my proposal!
- And you? - I said, don't you buy love
since it's not sold".
- What's up?
- Sorry, master, a habit.
- And what next?
- What next?
The sorcerer saw that my
faithfulness is unshakeable
and turned me into a horse for three years.
These three years have run put today.
So here you are that I and you horse
are one and the same person.
- So many torments for you!
- Well, not my fault!
Love!'
- Listen.
- What?
- Where can I find the sorcerer?
- But... why do you need to do it?
Trust but verify?
- Not at all, Fedor Ivanych...
I just need to see him very much, as
my dear Nastya needs him.
Where can I find him?
- You can't.
- But Fedor Ivanych!
- I can't tell for if he
learns that I've told
his secret he will turn
me back into a horse
forever. And horses hardly
live more than 30 years,
- But Fedya, Fedya...
- I can't!
- Fedya, just whisper it -
and nobody will know it!
- You... You win!
Give your ear.
- Here you are.
- Fictional District.
- Fictional District.
- Unnamed County.
- Unnamed County.
- Unknown Village.
- Unknown Village.
- Mr Nobody Knows Who.
Got it?
- Yes, thanks, Fedya, thanks.
Fedya, you know what - go back home
for your bride has been waiting for you
in torments for all this time.
Go Fedya, go.
Hey you?
- What?
- You now have to organize a wedding
so you'll need a wedding ring, won't you?
- Well, yes.
- Don't be offended, but
you've got no money, haven't you?
- None, - Well, but I had some, a hundred.
But I spent the to buy a cart
and you as well - as a horse.
It's all that's left - take it, please.
- What is your name, lad?
- Ivan.
- Ivan?
Bye then, Ivan.
- Bye, Fedya.
- It makes a cat laugh, Fedor Ivanych,
I almost split my sides with laughter.
Inanimate person you are, Vasiliy.
Where's the horse?
- Here she is.
- Untie her.
Go to your master.
Run to your master now!
- Hey!
- Hey...
- Fedya!
- Fedya...
- Hey!
- Hey...
- Fedya, I forgot the county!
- Fedya!
Oh, what a pity, what a pity.
Fedya, what's up with you?
You must have second sight
for the sorcerer turned
you back into a horse.
It's all my fault.
Don't, don't you, don't be
angry, it's all my fault,
I must have not questioned
you about it, Fedya.
But you know what, you know,
we are together and will
not go to that sorcerer!
Why not? Why not? We'll go to
Lukomor the magician, you see
he will help you
for it's not hard for him to turn a human
back into a human.
Fedya, do you agree, Fedya?
Let us go, Fedya, shall we?
What's up, Fedya, go.
Hold on, Fedya, hold on, Fedya! Wait a bit.
Don't drink it for it may be poisoned.
Sound reasonable for you?
Wait, Fedor Ivanych, just wait a little.
Here you are.
Fedya, where have we come to now?
Let us ask first.
You see, the Mouse points left.
Where have you brought us, my little Mouse?
We've gone through all the forest now.
Hi, my fellow, come to me now
here you are, here you are now.
My poor....
Well, they are gone.
You are so scared,
Run, poor little animal, run.
- Your curly honour!
- Ha, please ask this foreign
man how can I help him.
- Not curly honour, but His Majesty!
Got it, you illiterate pig?
- Your Majesty!
Why are your generals so impetuous?
I address you directly!
How can they call a king's companion a pig?
- And how can I help you, my companion?
- Your Majesty, I'd like to
swim to the other side to you
to Kingdom of Far Away. - Please proceed.
But you have to do it
with my royal condition to be
dry from soup to nuts for you
to enter our Kingdom of Far Away
and get a golden purse as a present.
But if not dry from soup to nuts
you're toast then.
- All clear?
- All clear!
The king gave a puzzle to solve
How to dry from soup to nuts
After swimming that I'd involve
How to dry from soup to nuts
Though it takes plenty of guts,
I will prepare soup with nuts
To eat and dry it then to nuts
And in this way I'll show guts
You'd better keep your tails up
As a man of wisdom shows up
Let him wear torn out shoes
And be covered in patches
In no case shall you faint
But I am so smart
In no case shall you faint
But I am so smart
In no case shall you faint
I'm smart as paint!
- Your Royal Majesty!
Your Royal Majesty! Your Royal Majesty!
They are swimming!
- Who is swimming?
- The horse and a foreign man holding a pot
in his mouth.
- Interesting!
- There!
- You are safe now, my little one.
- Who are you talking to there?
- With Mouse, your Majesty.
She's so young, can catch a cold easily.
- That's disgusting! Hide it!
Hide it.
- Bare your head!
- Don't.
- Don't?
- I dare say, let him stay.
I don't like bowing and
scraping before my person.
So you say you managed
to satisfy my condition?
- Just so, your Majesty, I've managed.
- What've you got there?
- Treat yourself, please.
So?
- Tasty.
- Really?
A golden purse now, please,
your Majesty, now.
- What purse?
- You owe me.
- What?
- As we agreed
should I dry from soup to nuts.
- And have you?
- Dried from soup to nuts, your Majesty.
- Let me feel!
- You're welcome!
- Let me, my dear, let me, my dear.
- Dear ladies and gentlemen,
please feel free to feel!
What are you?...
- Leave me, go away, away!
Almost ripped me off.
- He's soaked to the skin!
- Well, your Majesty, I'm really as wet
as a drowned rat!
It is very misfortunate of you, my company,
isn't it?
Now I just have to execute you.
I can't break my own royal word, can't I?
- You can't break it, your
Majesty, right you are,
but you have to give me the purse.
- Hey, my dear, that's no
laughing matter anymore
especially when speaking with King himself!
But I am your good company...
Hey you, hey!
- What are you looking at?
Your monarch is made fool
of, and you just gape?
Catch him! Tie up to a tree!
And cut him up!
- Now altogether everybody!
- Here!
- What are...
- One!
- Two!
- Thr...
- And stop it!
You can really kill me then
without ever solving my puzzle.
- What puzzle?
- What puzzle? - Yes.
- A simple one, your Majesty.
- Well?
- You can think it over
with all your population
how can one be wet but
dry from soup to nuts?
- Wet...
- Wet-but-dry...
- Don't give up easily, your Majesty,
I'll hint you a bit and
you'll solve it immediately.
What did I hold when
showed up from the river?
- A pot...
- And what was in there?
- Well, well?
- Soup... with nuts.
- So how have one eaten and dried it?
- Well, how?
- How?
How?
- How have I eaten and dried it?
- Your Majesty, the saying goes like that:
dry from soup to nuts!
- Right you are, well done!
- So how and what I made dry, your Majesty?
- Dry from... - Dry from...
- Well, well? - Soup to nuts!
Made it dry from soup to nuts!
Ladies and gentlemen, have you got it,
ladies and gentlemen, you see the point?
What is your name, my company?
- Ivan the Fool.
- Hoity-toity!
Ask whatever you want, Ivan the Fool,
give command, my companion/
- Well, your Majesty, I
surely can give command.
My command: in the name the King
untie the companion of His
Majesty from the tree!
Treat his horse Fedya
with exquisite barley!
And provide them both with entry permit
to Kingdom of Far Away
attention Lukomor the magician!
Luka, please tell me, Luka,
are there any ready-made wonders left?
- Yes, there are. You know they are...
Magic hats.
- Bring them here.
- Something else?
- Something...
Magic tablecloths. - Bring them!
Stop it, Lukomor, son of Lukomor, stop it!
Only the most barbarian barbarians
do such things, only they!
What do you burn?
You only burn your magic labour!
You burn away your whole life!
- Right you are, Luka, my whole life.
'Cause my whole life,
my very-very long life nobodey cares of
was burnt...
- Stop it, Lukomor, son of Lukomor,stop!
You are the magician, aren't you?
What are you doing? It's your calling...
You are a shameless old
man, that's who you are...
Crying out loud without
trying to talk about.
Well, what's happened, what?
- I shall tell you, Luka, the whole thing.
I am at a loss.
I got disappointed in humans, Luka.
- What humans?
- All of them!
The whole mankind.
- How on earth have you
made such a decision?
You don't even meet humans.
You've spent all your life in this fortress
alone!
- Exactly!
- You can't even imagine, all my youth,
more than three hundred years,
I comprehended incomprehensible
and only after being more
than three hundred years
I started making wonders.
You can't imagines what I have done!
But people started using magic hats
to secure robberies.
All the magic tablecloths were snapped
by lazy gluttons.
And magic purses are hidden in
bottomless pockets of greedy riches.
Here's what I've done during my very
long and silly life nobody cares of.
Enough... Luka,
make me the bed
and I will lie down with closed eyes
and go away. - Where will you go away?
With your eyes closed sure you will.
Don't be childish, honest to God!
- Luka, you'd better know that magicians
die when they seize being magicians.
- Want to see a magician?
- Exactly him.
- You can't! - Why not?
- You can't! - Why not?
- 'Cause he's no longer a magician!
- Why not?
- 'Cause he's stopped his
activities this morning,
- Has he lost his senses or what?!
- No, not at all!
He has come to his senses.
This morning he figured out clearly
that people shouldn’t be
allowed near wonders.
- Why not?
- Because!
There are much more people on earth
than conscience allocated
for you all, got it?
- Hey you, old man, you are
talking nonsense - Go away!
- Want me go away?
- Go away!
- So you want me go away?
Go away!
- So you want me go away?
I am stern!
- Stern you say?
- Where are you put...
Stern you are not!..
- Help me!
- Help me!
- I see, I should have already died and
by mistake sent to horse hell.
Oh...
Hey, old man, this is not a horse,
this is a turned man named Fedya.
- Turned man, bewitched?
- Yes, he is!
Turn him back, please!
You can't do it easily, it's like
a trifle for you, please. - Stop.
Who told you the horse is bewitched?
- It told me, I mean he told me himself.
- Who are you? - Me? Ivan the Fool.
- I see.
Here, here, so, so, I see.
I see.
- Wait, Fedya, wait.
- But your horse, Ivan
the Fool, is a real one!
A true horse, a common horse.
Yes.
- I think you are lying.
You are lying about it!
It's Fedya, he told me all
about unthinkable love
and about the sorcerer
who turned him into a horse and then back
and then back again into a horse.
Please, help me, turn him back, please!
It's such a trifle for you.
Please, I beg you, please, turn him back...
- Sit down now.
Si you mean you never sat
on it all the way to me
just holding it?
- How could I?
I took it for a man,
- For a man...
Here you go, and that man
took you for a fool?
Went your horse away and
then made fool of you.
It's all clear.
But why did he send your horse back?
Why? Why do you think he did it?
- What do I think? I just think it was...
... conscience.
- Thief with conscience?!
- Why not? A thief, he's also a human.
I am at a loss, Lukomor, such a loss.
Dear Nastya - my good
acquaintance - fainted
and lost her feelings -
got back consciousness
but strangely not feelings.
Acting... like some doll.
Doctors gave up.
Lukomor, please...
- Don't... Get up, Ivan,
get up, I'll help you.
I will give you my inmost wonder, I will!
Don't cry!
Smell!
- Hey, Luka!
- He's in the tank!
- In the tank?
- Help me!...
- Hey you, old man!
- So what, have Lukomor the
magician driven you away?
Here you are, it serves you right!
Don't touch poor old man!
You put me into a tank!
Like beef! Ignoramus!
Let off!
- I've found it!
Here you are, Ivan.
A magic slate comb.
Chalk is magic as well, write your wishes
and they will come true instantly.
But don't wish in excess, it
is the last piece of chalk.
- Now I wish I'd be near
my dear Nastya right now.
- Dear Nastya? Well, I'll
help you with that as well.
- Please, don't be angry with me, do you?
- Agreed!
- Here you are with horse wonder
speed horseshoes, stop!
- Thank you, mister magician, thank you.
Thank you.
Hey!
Granny!
- Is this you, Ivan?
-Me!
- And the wonder?
- I have the wonder, too, granny!
A great one!
Let me show it to you.
- Mark Petrovich, here's
a wonder-making magician
to heal Anastasia Markovna
as you asked, he's...
- A Russian fakir
and disciple of Tibetan Chaldees
Ali Baba Eustugnees.
- Hello.
- Yogins and fakirs in their countries
do a devil of acts by
cutting themselves with axe
and after that perfectly normally
raise from the dead.
And telepathists telepathize
at great distances
what one needs and what one needs not.
but I have surpassed all of it and many of
many-many others!
Ein, zwei, drei!
Closer thought, closer
though, closer though!
And now!
Ein!
Zwei!
Drei!
Seven-eight!
My services are not expensive
but paid upfront!
Here, mister magician,
as you can see it
no feelings at all.
- Attention!
Calm down!
Look into eyes, woman!
Don't blink!
Closer thought!
Seven-eight, seven-eight.
And now, and now you start
regaining some feelings.
- Some feelings you say?
- Draw the following,
let... - Let...
- ...dear Nastya...
- ...d-e-a-r N-a-s-t-y-a...
- regain feelings...
- r-e-g-a-i-n f-e-e-l-i-n-g-s...
at least one.
a-t l-e-a-s-t o-n-e.
- Ein, zwei, drei!
- Get out! Get out!
- What the...
- I hate you!
- Your staidness...
- I hate you all!
- Dear Nastya, please!
- And your Turkish turban!
- Get out! - You villain!
- Get out!
- She's regained feelings! - I hate you!
- She's regained feelings, your staidness!
- I hate you!
Your staidness, she's regained feelings!
- Shout at him!
- Get angry, please!
- You've got mad!
- Get out, don't ever come near me,
don't ever come near me, got it right?
- Your staidness!
- My services are not expensive!
- Rage, woman, rage!
- I hate you too, father!
- Why, my dear daughter?
I am your close relative!
- Get out all! Get out!
- Holy Passion, this will not do, how can
I live with such a woman, for God's sake?
What have you done, mister magician?
Made wonders not properly to run away?
She was safe before you came.
This is not a real job, some fake!
- Well, a small mistake happened, your
staidness! You know magic affairs,
it's never the same twice.
- I don't know and don't want to!
But if you make wonder right -
I will give her in marriage to you!
With half my income!
- Your staidness!
- But if not...
- I will!
Ein, zwei, drei, I'll
make seven-eight now!
What?
- Seven-eight, but God knows
how it will go, we'll see,
we'll see now.
- Don't even ask.
She's all in rage like Army general!
Says hates us all.
Ivan, we shall draw other new wishes now!
- Let her hate...
- ... transform into love! Draw!
- t-r-a-n-s-f-o-r-m i-n-t-o l-o-v-e...
- Ein!
Zwei!
Three!
Ein, zwei, three!
- Oh, my dear...
My dear!
My honey... - Who?
- My honey, you are my honey.
My dear beloved magician,
my beloved...
- Anastasia Markovna,
it's very smart of you
to choose me as your partner.
You'll never regret this decision.
I was in love with you, dear Nastya,
from the first - ein, zwei, drei - sight.
- My handsome unspeakable one.
Mu dear one... - Me, right?..
What the...
My beautiful one!
My beautiful one,
handsome one,
- Ivan!
- What?
- We drew it wrong again!
Your Nastya fell in love with some rogue!
She will marry him in few minutes!
- Who's he?
- A rogue with a turban!
Her father will now bring an icon
to give his blessing for her to torment
herself the whole life.
Draw!
- Hold on, granny, let me!
- It's so smart of you, Anastasia Markovna,
I dare say!
I will never praise you, of course,
try as you might, but you will never
find another one just like me.
You know who I am?
- Let a bad person be a good one!
- I am worthless.
a shameless person,
a trickster and rogue.
Please forgive me, young lady.
- Ivan, please hold on!
Hold on!
Stop!
Ivan, Ivan!
Eustugnees has sent me
to run and find you, Ivan the Fool
for he says he doesn't deserve my love.
- And you ran?
- Yes!
I ran to find.
- Do you love him?
- Yes, I do.
So go to him now,
but give me my nickel back.
- No, Ivan, I won't give it back to you?
- How come?
- Here I come!
I paid too much for it,
I dare say that I offered my heart for it
to some fool.
Who do you think?