How Heavy This Hammer (2015) - full transcript

Erwin (Erwin van Cotthem), a family man who spends most of his time playing computer games, makes a drastic shift in his life when he suddenly decides to leave his wife, yet finds himself in the same rut as before.

(opera music)

[Woman] Irwin?


Can you come and help me please?


Thank you.

He was such a brat all day.

I could kill him.

Your genius son
has locked himself

in the car with the car keys.

He is on my last nerve.

How are you, man?

Doing great, yeah?

What's the matter with you?

(car honks)

[Irwin] Oh yeah, good boy.

Get out of there.

Hey, open the door.

You're in so much trouble.

- Open the door.
- [Boy] No.

- Now!
- [Boy] No!

- Now!
- [Boy] No!

[Woman] I'm telling you.

What's gotten into him?

I don't know, he's
been like this all day.

Open the door, now,
unlock the car, open it.

Finally, what's the
matter with you.

Think it's funny?

Go apologize to your mom now.

- [Woman] What the hell?
- Yeah.

Just keep him away
from me, please.

Don't worry.

Andrew, where are you?

(opera music)

[Woman] Irwin?

You can start without me.

[Woman] What?

You can start without me.

[Woman] Well, the
soup is getting cold

and I'd like you
to come in here.

Please have dinner
with me and your sons.

I'll be there in five.

[Woman] No, you
need to come now.

Stop playing that game.

I'm in a middle of a battle.

[Woman] Eat, come on.

Irwin, please come and
have dinner with us now.

[Irwin] Come on.

Now you, come here.

Come here, there you go.

What, it's in your eyes?


Alright, come here.

There you go.

- Look, dirty sock.
- [Boy] Cool.

- Another dirty sock.
- [Boy] Cool.

- More dirty socks.
- [Boy] Cool.

Yeah, come on,
start doing laundry.

There's a lot of fun here.

Yeah, you're doing
good, scrub it.

Come on, scrub it like this.

Like that, scrub it, yeah.

(TV blares)

[Man] Set.

[Man] Hold that,
hold that, okay?

[Man] Ten, right!

[Man] Not now, I want now.

[Man] Hike hike, whoa whoa whoa.

[Man] Come on, mate.

[Man] A little more.

[Man] Stack it.

[Man] Give me it.

[Man] It was out,
it was out, he fell.

[Man] Come in here,
kick come it here.

[Man] Get him, he's tackler.

[Man] Help me, help me,
help me, give him the ball.

(whistle blows)

[Man] Hey buddy, how you doing?

You okay?

Tired, man, tired.

You okay, you alright?

Yeah, I'm gonna shower.

Vote for the guys have a
cup of brew at the clubhouse.

Promised to be home for dinner.

Oh come on, man.

(soothing music)

(sings in foreign language)

- Hi, guys.
- [Boys] Hey.

- How are you?
- Good.

- Hey, man, how are you?
- Good.

Sorry I didn't think
you'd be home right now.

Well, you know with the guys.

Feels good.

I'll get you something to eat.

How was the game?

- Oh good, we won.
- [Woman] Oh good.

I have tries in three.

I scored one try.

What happened to your knee?

[Irwin] I play rugby.

- Does this hurt?
- [Irwin] No.

- [Boy] How about this?
- No.

How about this?

[Woman] Did you see
Julie at the game?


[Woman] Did you see
Julie at the game?

(TV blares)

(toilet flushes)

[Woman] Turn off the light.

Get off me.

It's the middle of the
night, go to sleep.

Turn off the light.

(opera music)

He's not asleep.

He's still sleeping.

[Woman] Oh yeah?

Dad, wake up, we're
late for school.

Here, go get your stuff please.

Irwin, get up, morning.

Here, coffee.


Did you get any
sleep last night?

Well, probably
sleeping on the couch

is not the best
idea for your back.

Maybe you should go
upstairs, have a hot shower,

make yourself feel better.


Hi Gort, good morning,
this is Irwin.

I just got your post
here in the office.

Yeah, we have to set a date
and time to get it to you

because you have to
sign a delivery receipt

or you can pick it up here,
I'm in my office the whole day.

Just let me know, okay, have
a nice day, Irwin, bye bye.

[Computer] Vikings,
enemy spotted.

Come on, on the bed,
come on, come on, man.

Alfie, come on, come on
Alfie, come here, yeah.

(dog whimpers)

- Hey Andrew.
- [Andrew] Hey.

Where's your backpack?

Right there.

Come on, man, stop
kicking your ball.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just
have to get his backpack.

What's in here?

Your shoes are there,
where are your boots?

Your mom told me they were here.

[Andrew] I didn't
bring them, dad.

No, but your mom
told me they were here.

So, where are they,
where's your cubby?

Check your cubby.

Sorry, excuse me.

Not in here, not in here.

Come on, check there.

Do you know where his boots are?

- I don't know.
- [Irwin] No?

Do you know where he
could find his boots.

In the lost and found.

Lost and found, okay.

I'm sorry, I'm trying
to find his boots,

but they're not in his cubby.

Okay, I'll come help
you in just one moment.

Okay, so we should
check a cubby again?

[Woman] Yeah, that'd be great.

No, they're not there.

Okay, back to the teacher.

Sorry Miss, can't
find his boots.


[Irwin] Could you
give me a hand please?

Yeah, yeah of
course, no problem.

So you can't find
your boots, Andrew?

[Andrew] No.

What do they look like?

[Irwin] That's the
third time we come here,

so they're not there.


Is there any place they can
be if they're not in there?

[Teacher] Where,
you wore them today?

- [Andrew] Yesterday.
- Yesterday?

Yeah, I forgot them.

Okay, well why don't we
check the lost and found.

Yeah well, I don't
want to deal with this.

Let his mom deal with this okay,
I don't have time for this.

Okay, alright, I'm sorry.

[Irwin] One medium
popcorn, please.

What are you going to get?

- [Boy] M&Ms.
- [Boy] Wine gums.


[Boy] M&Ms.

[Woman] I think
we should get one.

Let them have one each.

Okay, one M&M and
one wine gums please.

[Cashier] Wine
gums, there you go.

It's going to be
13.50 altogether.

There you go.

[Cashier] Thank you very much.

(upbeat music)


Irwin, he falls asleep.

Hey guys, what's up?

I'm getting pinched on the side.

Look at, I'm getting
beat up, man.

The ref can't see,
he's on the other side.

Maybe we should
go talk to the ref?

No, no, no, no, no,
don't go talk to the ref.

I'll sort it out, okay,
I'll teach him a lesson.

Barry, you're going to
take my position, okay?

[Man] Crouch, bind, set!

[Man] Ready,
ready, ready, ready?

(men shout)

(whistle blows)

[Man] Come on, boys.

Somebody is going
to get hurt here.

What the fuck was that?

Guys, can you put the bags down

and go get the stuff
in the car, please?

I found Andrew's boots.

[Irwin] Oh yeah,
where were they?

In lost and found.

This woman was so
difficult to deal with.

She didn't even want to
go check lost and found.

- [Woman] Cindy?
- Yeah.

Well, I think she
was a little concerned

that you got so upset.

I wasn't upset.

Anyway, I don't want to talk
about it, it's ridiculous.

[Woman] Okay.

Mess him up, mess
him up, mess him up.

Get out, yes!

Give it.

Okay guys, come on.

(dogs bark)

Go on.

Come on, Alfie, come on here.

There you go, there you go, boy.

[Woman] Lie down
on the ground again.

[Irwin] There you go.

[Woman] Okay, relax.

Good run, yeah.

Good boy.

You know I was thinking,
one of the ladies

was mentioning about getting
a electric collar for the dog.

That's supposed to
help control him

and his banging into
other dogs and stopping

and all that kind of
stuff, but I think

it's kind of mean
doing that to the dog,

but if it doesn't really
hurt them, it might help.

Yeah, you should try it.

[Woman] You glad you came.

[Irwin] Yeah, yeah,
I'm just a little tired.

Yeah, maybe you
should go to the doctor.

[Irwin] Oh, come on,
there's nothing wrong with me.

[Woman] Sometimes
when I come home,

you're asleep on the
couch, other times,

you're asleep in front
of the television.

I'm okay, I'm okay, I don't want

to talk about it anymore, okay?

[Woman] I don't know,
I'm just concerned.

Come on, boy, come on, boy, hey.

[Woman] Like, if you're...

Can we stop it, please?

How many races are
still left today?

Like three maybe, it's
probably like an hour.

Why, you bored?

[Irwin] No, no, no, no, not
at all, just want to know.

[Woman] Well, if
there's anything you want

to talk to me about or
tell me or if I upset you

in anyway, you just
have to let me know.

Kate, we're fine,
I'm fine, all is fine.

[Kate] Okay.

I think I will get
that collar though.

Yeah, it's a good
idea, I should do that.

Hey guys, come on,
hurry up, let's battle!

Ready for destruction?

Ready for war, bring down
your laptop and let's battle.

Come on, guys.

Bring down you
laptop now, come on.

- You bring your laptop?
- Yeah.

Okay, let's make some space.

Put the laptop here.

Now, we got to
turn this your way

and I'm going to
turn this my way

and the one who wins chooses
the movie this evening, okay?

[Boy] But you always lose.

- [Boy] I know.
- Not this time.

Not this time.

Are you letting me win?

[Boys] No.

How do you know how to do that?

I think I was a viking
in a previous life.

It's just natural.

[Boy] It's not natural.

Thanks guys, I love you too.

Yeah, tonight is my night,
I'll choose a movie tonight.

I won, I won, yeah.


[Boy] Really?

[Kate] Irwin, please get up.

[Andrew] Send him upstairs.

[Kate] I'm trying, baby.

[Andrew] Send him upstairs.

Yeah come on baby, get up.

Irwin, honey.

(Irwin snores)

Dad, wake up, dad, wake up.

Honey, come and
watch the movie now.

[Andrew] Dad, dad.

What's the matter with you, man?

Irwin, just go upstairs.

You look really uncomfortable.

I think you should
just go to bed, okay?

Why can't you
leave me alone, man?

I'm just taking a nap.

Why don't you watch your movie?

[Andrew] Why don't
you watch it with us?

I'm trying to watch it with you.

What's the matter with you, man?

Come on, you don't do that.

This is fucking
ridiculous, you know this?


[Irwin] Fucking ridiculous.

Irwin, stop talking
to him like that!

We were just trying to help you.

[Irwin] I don't have
to take this okay?

Fucking ridiculous.

I'll be fine.

[Narrator] The spears are ready.

[Andrew] Dad.

[Narrator] The spears are ready.

[Andrew] I didn't
mean to hurt you.

I just wanted to wake you up,
so we can watch the new movie.


[Narrator] The spears are ready.

[Andrew] Dad,
are you going to...

Just go.

[Narrator] The spears are ready.

What's the matter with you?

Why'd you get so upset?

Irwin, we were just
trying to watch a movie.

Why is it okay for you
to talk to me like this?

I'm not talking to
you like anything.

I don't know what's
the matter with you.

You're just walking
around here like a zombie,

you're swearing at the kids.

I'm an old man, I get
tired, so I can have a nap.

[Kate] Well Irwin,
I get tired too, okay?

There was no reason
for you to act

like that or swear at Andrew.

[Irwin] Leave me in peace, okay?

(opera music)

[Man] If you just
need a place to crash,

Irwin, just crash on my couch.

No, no, no, I don't want
to be a burden for anyone.

Just need a place of my own.

I don't know how
long I'll be here.

Maybe a few nights, maybe
a little bit longer.

But by the time I
leave, I guarantee you

you can rent it out again.

[Man] Right on, because I
can't rent it the way it is.

[Irwin] When do you do
your pulled pork again?

Pulled pork's Wednesdays.

[Irwin] What day are we today?

It's Friday, it's
fish and chips.

Okay, bring it on, man,
bring it on, but first.

[Bartender] You want a beer?

- A beer, please.
- [Bartender] Right on.

[Irwin] Thanks mate.

- [Bartender] Cheers.
- [Irwin] Cheers.

It's pretty high up here, huh?

- [Boys] Yeah.
- Yeah, look there.

Always be very careful, okay?

Never come too
close by the edge.


You see all those
people, how tiny they are?

[Boys] Yeah.

Yeah, it's pretty
cool here, huh?

[Boy] Yeah.

Come on guys, a little
bit more enthusiasm.


Yeah, look at the view guys.

You can see
everything from here.

See there, Coffee
Time, Ali Baba's, see?

It's amazing, huh?

[Boys] Yeah.

[Irwin] Okay, what's
on that sign here?

Bloor Street West.

[Irwin] And what's over there?

Lansdowne Avenue.

Yeah, you can even
see the Sienne Tower

from here, you know that?

There it is, you can not see
that from our house, huh?

- [Boy] Nope.
- No.

[Boy] That would be
cool to go to at night.

First we have to
settle down here

and then, I'll take
you there, okay?

- Okay.
- [Irwin] Good.

Come on, speed it up.

Hurry up, we don't want
to be here all day.

Do it the other way around.

What's happening?

It's the only
second, oh come on,

you can do faster than that.

Yeah, hold it down.

Can I do something
else, except for cleaning?

[Irwin] What'd you have in mind?

I don't know, no cleaning.

Well yeah, we're going to
make this apartment nice, no?

[Boy] It is nice already.

Or maybe I can teach
you some other things.

Maybe some electrical stuff?

[Boy] At least
it's not cleaning.

You're in for that?

- [Boy] Okay.
- [Boy] Sure.

Okay, let's go to
living room then.

Thank you, okay, you're
going to measure?

You press on here, okay?

And you just touch this wire.

See, there's no power.

I'm going to do this
one and you're going

to do the other one, yeah?


Nice like that, okay,
and you do the black one.

I'll hold on, no worry, you
can use both hands if you want.

Okay, yeah man,
you're doing well.

You're doing a great job,
press them and then, push it.

Push the holes on
there, til you feel

that it's really tight.

Okay man, let's
put it up now, huh?

There you go, Andrew, can you
switch on the light please?

There we go, hey,
high five, we did it.

Great job and then,
there was light.

♪ Rah rah rah rah

♪ Rah rah rah rah

♪ Travel down in kind

♪ Thank the Lord I match her

♪ Land of rather wayward ways
would be a rugby match sir

♪ Why sir

♪ Cuz I get laid, you get
laid, we all get laid together

♪ Be alright in the
middle of the night

♪ Getting laid together

♪ Rah rah rah rah

♪ Rah rah rah rah

♪ If I were the marrying kind

♪ Oh thanks the
Lord, I'm not sir

♪ Kind of rather I would
be a rugby prop sir

♪ Why sir

♪ Cuz I support a hooker

♪ You support a hooker

♪ We all support
a hooker together

♪ It'll be alright in
the middle of the night

♪ Supporting a hooker together

[Man] Beach whale.

There she blows,
there she blows away.

It's a runway show.

[Man] Call a coast
guard, call a coast guard.

Hey, I can tell
what region you are

♪ Hey, I support a hooker,
you support a hooker,

♪ We all support
a hooker together.

♪ It'll be alright in
the middle of the night

♪ Supporting a hooker together

♪ Rah rah rah rah

♪ Rah rah rah rah


[Man] You don't
expect me to change

in that coin side do you?

[Man] What can I help you find?

Yeah, I'm good, thank you.

[Man] Well, let me know.


What type of tile are
you trying to clean?

Ceramic, slate?


Oh boy, the expensive stuff.

What'd you do, you grouted it?

Put a haze on her,
okay, you're looking

at all acidic based
cleaners here.

This works for me.

You worked with marble before.

So you leave on acid
cleaner on marble.

Listen, I appreciate your help,

but I'll call you
when I need you, okay?

[Man] Good enough.

Find everything you need?

Okay, $14,95, there
you go and five cents.

Come on, guys, catch the ball.

- [Boy] I give up.
- You give up?

That easy?

Come here, there you go.

See, you have to protect it,

come on again,
protect it, protect.

Yeah, protect, get the ball.

Andrew, protection, get
the ball, yeah good.

Fight for your ball,
come on, revert, revert.

Rip the ball, come
on, protect the ball.

Protect, protect.

I am protecting.

Protect the ball, yeah protect.

That's it, good, good job.

Go, go, go, there you go.

What's the matter, come
on, take the ball and go.

Take the ball, come one,
run, come on, man, run.

Come on, yeah, bump into me.

Come on, Andrew, come
on, go for it, go for it.

Come on, Seth, get up.

What's the matter, man?

What's up?

You bumped me too hard.

[Irwin] Come on, get up.

I can't breathe.

Come on, get up, you'll
feel better, come on.

Seth, where you going?

Seth, come back.

You guys hungry?

- [Andrew] Yeah.
- No.

[Irwin] Want to go to Tim's?

- [Andrew] Yeah.
- No.

Hi there, medium
coffee with one cream.

Two small hot chocolates
and twenty Timbits.

But I don't want sour cream.

You said you were not hungry.

Anyway, I have Timbits for you.

Okay, thank you, yes please.

[Cashier] One cream,
two hot chocolates.

Yup, here, that's a
hot chocolate for you.

[Andrew] Thank you.

And that's a hot
chocolate for you.

Here you are, okay,
thanks so much.

Have a good one, bye bye.

And here are your Timbits.

You still angry with me?

- Yeah.
- Why?

Come on, man,
we're just playing.

Now I know why you don't
drink your hot chocolate.

Coffee tastes like piss.

Want to try it?

- [Seth] Yeah.
- Come on.

Just put like this
down, okay down,

yeah and then, you squeeze.

Come on, Andrew,
come with us, man.

Hold it down like that,
yeah and then, squeeze.

[Andrew] Oh.

[Irwin] Like that
yeah, okay, press.

That's it.

Hey, there you go.

Altogether, piss.

Come on, I don't hear you.

(boys hiss)

Yeah, good job.

(sings in foreign language)

Well, you know Scott?

- [Man] Yeah, I know Scott.
- [Woman] Yeah.

Well, I'm living now,
above the restaurant.

- [Man] Really?
- [Irwin] Yup.

[Woman] So Irwin, what happened?

You just like two
months, just disappeared

and then, Greg's been trying
to get in touch with you.

You just didn't respond to
his emails or his texts.

[Greg] Yeah, you've
been a little AWOL.

[Woman] What's going on here?

I just moved out.

It's not like I'm walking
away from the marriage.

It's just taking some
time off, that's all.

What do you want to
do, what are your plans?

[Irwin] Just enjoy now, enjoy
and take care of the boys.

Give them some good time,
when they come with me.

Irwin, you should have
come to us before, okay?

You're just letting things
slide, you move into this dive

of a place, you're
wasting your time.

You should be getting a
nice place, where the boys.

It's a nice place, I'm
living there for free,

I can go down and Scott is
even teaching me to cook, so.

- [Greg] Really?
- Yeah.

[Greg] You,
learning how to cook.

Yeah, me learning to cook.

Now, how's that working out.

[Irwin] It's my
new passion, man.

And that's working out for you.

[Irwin] And that's
working out for me.

[Woman] It's not a place
to bring up the boys.

A, you don't have
anything arranged

with the kids, it's not good.

We'll see about that.

You don't agree with me?

We're not there yet,
so we'll see about that.

[Greg] You have to think
about it, it's important.

You do, but I want
to hear you promise us

that you're going to
see the lawyer, okay?

- [Irwin] Cheers.
- [Greg] Cheers.

[Woman] Are you going
to see the lawyer?

Maybe, I don't know.

[Woman] Come on.

[Greg] Yeah, you
should Irwin, come on.

(dogs bark)

[Irwin] Sit, sit, no?

Here's treat, come here, treat.

Yeah, Koma's not
really treat receptive.

- No?
- Unfortunately, no.

You can try, but she's got
her own thing going on.

Yeah, we got a
few more down here

that might be a little
more interested.

Who's that little one there?

Oh, this is Charlie.

[Irwin] Oh, Charlie.

[Woman] Yeah,
Charlie's a bit littler

than what we usually get,
but we're happy to have her.

Just perfect for my apartment.

[Woman] Would you
like to meet Charlie?

Yeah sure if I can.

Sure, okay, give
me a second here.

He's cute.

[Woman] He's beautiful, eh?

Come here, Charlie.

So, she's a girl.

[Woman] She's a
girl, that's right.

[Irwin] How old is she?

We think she's
about eight years old.

Eight years old.

Come on, girl, come
on, let me take you.

Yeah, you're a good girl.

You're a good girl, yes.

And what does she eat?

[Woman] She eats
about a cup of dry food

a day, split between two meals.


[Woman] One in the morning
and one in the evening.

She gonna come home with me?

You like me, yeah?

Want to dance, dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance, yeah.

All night long.

(opera music)

Hey Scotty, more fries.

Why don't you have a carrot
or a vegetable or something?

When I'm a rabbit.

Your cholesterol
must be a thousand.

[Irwin] I get enough
exercise upstairs.

Yeah, how's it going?

[Irwin] It's going well.

You need anything at all?

[Irwin] If I need anything
else, fries and beer.

I am a real estate agent,
but I'm also an actress

and I also run a B and B.

Don't you look like an actress?

Do I?

Do you know what's
funny about that?

Because on our profile
it doesn't say the
real names, right?

No, no.

My name is Liz Taylor.

Wow, lucky me, cheers on that.

I don't know, she was a
drinker, I'll keep up with her.

Oh my gosh, so tell me
something about you.

[Irwin] For me, a
favorite thing is rugby.

- Really?
- Yup.

[Liz] That's fun,
well it keeps you fit.

So, the tackling, the
diving, the mud, crums.

Active and you're a big
guy, you must crush people

on that, I would
love to see a match.

I have a feeling that in a
former life, I was a viking.

Well, you're big enough.

Do you have, are you horny?

Sorry, sorry,
premature, I like that.

Yeah, and then, the
raping and the pillaging.

[Liz] Oh geez, how
many have you had?

Raping and pillaging.

It's my second one.

I think I like you.

Wait a minute,
I'll drink to that.

If you're going to
go on a first date,

this is the kind of first
date I want to go on.

That's what you
want, what do you want?

Here we are.

[Liz] That is so much fun.

Yeah, for sure,
we're going put the.

Wishful thinking, oh man.

[Irwin] That was nice.

Honestly, that was so much fun.


Oh, you're awesome.

What a day!

[Irwin] You can say that.

We should take more
afternoons off and drink beer.

No touchy.

I like you and you like me.

Slow down, champion.

[Irwin] What?

I do like you, but don't
touch me, please don't.


[Liz] What is
this, what is this?

What do you mean, what is this?

Can you just hug
me or something.

I don't want to be terrible.

Oh my God, you know what,
uh no, a hug, you know.

I'm not comfortable
with that yet.

You got to stop it.

No, oh my God, get
off me, I'm serious.

Oh my God, what the
hell is wrong with you?

[Irwin] What's wrong with you?

Nothing, we had a nice lunch
and had fun, but oh my God.

I don't get it.

[Liz] You don't get what?

Common sense that we
shouldn't be driving

after drinking so much.

What, you thought it
was about getting laid?

Well, we had a
connection for sure

and you said, yes, you
want to come to a hotel,

so what did you expect?

Yeah, you know
what I am leaving.

Thank you very much
for a lovely day.

[Irwin] You're welcome.


Here she is, her name is Charlie

and she's half
Spanish, half German.

[Boy] Where did you get her?

She's a rescue
dog, SPCA, the pound.

[Boy] I want her.

Okay now, yeah, it's
okay, you're a good girl.

She's a chiweenie.

- [Boy] A what?
- [Irwin] A chiweenie.

[Andrew] Cool.

- [Boys] Hola.
- [Irwin] Hola, Charlie.

- Hola.
- [Seth] Hola.

- [Irwin] Como estas?
- [Seth] What?

[Irwin] Can dance.

Hey baby, yeah,
can you feed her?

[Seth] Yeah, yeah.

[Irwin] Yeah,
I'll get something.

[Andrew] Come on,
Charlie, eat your food.

[Irwin] You want it,
Charlie, you want it?

- [Andrew] It's good.
- [Irwin] You want food?

[Andrew] Yummy, yummy.

[Irwin] No, she's not hungry.

- [Man] Everything okay?
- [Boy] Yeah.

- This your dad?
- [Boy] Yeah.

- Is he asleep?
- [Boy] Yeah.

[Man] Does he always
sleep like this?

- Yeah.
- [Man] He does?

Oh interesting, alright, okay.

Come on, work with me.

There one, the
other one in here.

Very good and now, you're
coat, little missy.

Come on, come here.

Come on, girl, come
on, come on, Charlie.

Come on, you're a
good doggy, yeah.

You're a good girl.

Hi there.

[Man] Hi.

[Woman] What's your dog's name?

[Irwin] Charlie.

Charlie, hi Charlie,
he's pretty cute.

- [Irwin] Yeah.
- Hello Charlie.

Oh, she's very sweet.

[Irwin] Oh yes,
she's a rescue dog.

Oh rescue, nice.

[Irwin] I got her last week.

Oh, just last week.

- [Irwin] Yeah, yeah.
- [Woman] Oh, nice.

[Woman] Oh, that's
good, that's good.

Are you taking care of him?

Yeah, my little chiweenie,
my little chiweenie.

[Woman] Chiweenie.

Yeah You're going to walk now.

[Woman] Oh, who's that Bella?

[Irwin] Oh, look at that.

[Woman] Oh, she seems to be
getting along with other dogs.

Yeah, she's pretty comfortable.

Okay well, let's
continue our walk.

- [Woman] Take care.
- [Irwin] Okay, take care.

- [Woman] Bye Charlie.
- [Irwin] Bye.

[Woman] Bye, see you
again, bye Charlie.

Say by the way, I
didn't catch your names.

- [Woman] Oh, Suzanne.
- Irwin.

- Nice meeting you.
- Nice meeting you too.

Hi Irwin, I'm Kelly.

[Irwin] Hi Kelly,
nice to meet you.

Hi, very nice to meet you.

Well, maybe I'll see
you around, take care bye.

[Kelly] Bye bye, bye Charlie.

- Hey man.
- [Man] Hey, what's up?

- Nice dog you have.
- [Man] Thanks.

- [Irwin] He's a puppy?
- 12 months old.

- What about you?
- [Irwin] This is Charlie.

- Charlie?
- [Irwin] Chihuahua.

- Nice.
- [Irwin] She's a rescue dog.

Rescue dog, eh?

She looks like a puppy,
but she's about six years.

- [Man] Six?
- Yeah, yeah.

[Man] Wow, she does
look like a puppy.

I only got her one week.

- [Man] Oh really?
- Yeah.

Say, would you mind taking
a picture of me and her?

- [Man] Yeah sure.
- Sure?

[Man] Yeah.

Okay, there's the camera.

Come on, big smile.

[Man] You ready?

- There you go.
- [Irwin] Okay, man.

- Thank you so much.
- [Man] Hey, no problem.

- See you around.
- [Man] Yeah, for sure.

Take care, bye.

Oh no.

Okay and stay.

(glass breaks)

- [Boy] Where's mom?
- [Boy] Yeah.

She called me, she was
going to be a bit late.

[Boy] Okay.

[Irwin] Come on.

Come on, take off your jackets.

You want a snack?

[Boys] Yeah.

Granola bar?

- Yeah sure.
- [Seth] Yeah.

You know where they are?

[Boy] No.

Where are they?

[Boys] We don't know.

I can't find them, I don't
know where your mom puts them.

- You want a banana?
- [Boys] No.

[Boy] Something like spaghetti.

[Boy] Spaghetti, how
did you think of that?

You know how to cook spaghetti?

[Boy] I think.

[Irwin] Okay guys, read
the instructions first, okay?

Oh, it's upside down.

[Boys] Bring the
water to a rolling boil

and add 15 milliliters of salt.

[Irwin] Okay,
look for a big pot.

Would it be in there maybe?


Right there, that's
big, is this big enough?

[Irwin] Yeah, that's big enough.

While that's filling,
what do we need?

[Irwin] Go in the fridge,
you can find the vegetables

in the fridge, while
the pot is filling.

- Peppers.
- [Irwin] Yeah, peppers.

Onion, that's it.

- What about carrots?
- [Irwin] Carrots, too.

Here, I'll get that.

[Irwin] Put it all
on the countertop.

It's done, it's done, it's done.

[Irwin] Little bit more.

Close the fridge, guys, come on.

I think just wait til
it gets up to there.

- Right on that one.
- [Irwin] Okay.

[Boy] More centered.

[Irwin] You don't light it?

[Boy] There, I
think that's good.

[Irwin] There you go.

You see this part?

If you're too close, it can burn

your hair or it
can burn your face.

Always stay back, now you do it.

- [Boy] No, I want to do it.
- [Boy] Fine.

How much do we turn it?

We need to turn it more.

- [Boy] Okay.
- [Irwin] There.

Put it in here.

- [Kate] Hey.
- [Boy] Hey.

[Boy] Hi mom.

[Kate] Hey guys.

- Hey Kate.
- [Kate] What you doing?

- [Irwin] We're cooking.
- [Boy] We're cooking.

That's awesome.

You guys helping
your dad make dinner.

- [Irwin] Yeah.
- [Boy] Yeah.


[Boy] We're making spaghetti.

How was your job?

[Kate] Oh, it was okay, very
long, tiring, sorry I'm late.

That's okay, no problem.

Yeah, so we started to cook
because they were hungry

and I said, well, what
do you want to cook

and they told me
spaghetti and then yeah,

I hope you don't mind, but
I went through your fridge

and got some vegetables.

I do not mind, when
people want to make dinner.

Have you taken the dogs out?

No, no, not yet.

Ben, Alfie, come on.

Go on, Ben, come on.

[Boy] Mom, how long
does it usually take?

It said seven to
nine minutes, right?

[Irwin] It doesn't
take too long, the onions

and the vegetables
doesn't take too long.

Okay Kate, food is on the fire,

water's almost boiling,
so think you can handle it

from here and I'm
going to go home.

Why don't you stay for dinner?

[Boy] Yeah.

[Irwin] Are you sure about that?

- [Boy] Yeah stay.
- Yeah.

I don't see why there should be

a problem with
staying for dinner.

- [Boy] Dad stay.
- [Irwin] Okay, thank you.

[Boy] Yay.

Yeah, I like cheese
with spaghetti.

[Kate] Did you guys have
a good day with your dad?

- [Boys] Yeah.
- [Kate] Good.

[Irwin] So how come
you're eating here now?

Not in the kitchen anymore.

[Kate] I don't know
we've just been sort of

eating in here, kind of
regularly, something different.

[Irwin] Andrew had something
interesting in school today.

Something about
persuasive writing.

[Seth] That was me.

[Irwin] Yeah, oh
that's Seth, sorry.

[Kate] What was that?

We had to write about
something that we wanted.

[Kate] What did you write about?

Getting a donkey.

- [Kate] You want a donkey.
- Yeah.

[Kate] You guys like cooking?

- [Andrew] Yeah.
- Well, that's good.

Cuz I'll let you
do it a lot more.

[Boy] Yes.

Okay guys, you
remember the song?

- [Seth] That song?
- [Irwin] Yeah.

- [Andrew] What song?
- [Seth] Oh no.

You know that line?

(speaks in foreign language)

[Irwin] You know what means?

I thought I could
do without you.

[Seth] I thought I
could do it without you.

[Irwin] Yeah.

[Seth] How about
the second part?

[Irwin] (speaks
in foreign language)

means a new beginning.

[Andrew] We can sing it.

[Irwin] You guys have
to go to bed, okay?

Eat up, y'all.

[Boy] Y'all.

Can you put your plates
in the sink, please?


[Kate] And go up stairs
and brush your teeth.

- Okay.
- [Kate] Thank you for dinner.

[Boy] Dad, can you
tuck is in to bed?

Don't forget to
brush your teeth.

[Boy] Yeah.

[Irwin] Well, I
really should be going.

- No, no, no, no, no.
- Please?

- Please?
- [Seth] Please?

If you promise to brush
your teeth right now,

I'll put you to bed, okay?

Thank you.

[Irwin] If that's okay with you.

[Kate] Yes, of course it is.

I think it was nice to sit down

and have a good meal
together, thank you.

- [Irwin] How's it going?
- [Seth] Good.

Brushing your teeth well?

Upside and down, yeah.

I want to show you something.

[Irwin] Why don't you finish
brushing your teeth first?

I can do both.

You should not do
that in your room.

- [Seth] Why?
- Okay, show me, show me.

- Come on.
- [Seth] It's over here.

You know that game
you couldn't beat?

I figured out how to beat it.

[Irwin] Give your toothbrush
to Andrew now, come on.

[Seth] Okay.

Go to the bathroom.

Just have to go follow
those guys and you'll win.


- Let me sit down.
- [Seth] Okay.

Go that way this time,
so they won't follow you.

What's that over there?

Over there, those guys
are trying to find you.

[Irwin] Wow, and
what's that over there?

Oh, there's nothing over there.

There are people that are
going to come out of this.

See they're coming out now.

You need to make sure
that they don't see you.

[Kate] How are you guys doing?

We're on the computer.

[Kate] Well, it's bedtime.

[Seth] But dad said it was okay.

Well, mom says,
it's time for bed

and Andrew, would
you please brush

your teeth in the
washroom, honey?

- [Andrew] Okay.
- Thank you.

Come on, buddy, come on.

[Seth] Okay.

- [Kate] Got your teddy?
- Yeah.


I'm tired too.

Go over there, see.

- [Kate] Andrew.
- Yeah.

[Kate] Come on, buddy,
it's time to go to bed.

Are you going to
sleep in your bed?

Just for one minute.


[Kate] What time is it?

Irwin, what are you doing here?

Help me put Andrew to bed.

Want me to give you
a hand with the plates?

No, it's okay, thanks.

[Irwin] Are you sure?

Yeah, thanks for making
dinner though, I appreciate it.

Oh, you're welcome.

Are you going to get a taxi?

Can I sleep on the couch?

Irwin, it's late, I'm
very tired, come on.


You're just ridiculous,
at this point.

Okay, just go home.

[Irwin] But this is my home.

It's not right now and
we'll figure that out

at a later date, but
I want you to go now.

Yeah, I regret all
the things I did to you.

I really do.

I'm going to call you
a taxi, I want you to go.

[Irwin] I know
I drove you crazy,

but I'm taking my life in
my hands, so I'm changing.

- Yeah?
- [Irwin] Yeah.

How's the doctor going?

[Irwin] It's good,
it's just a start.

- Are you going?
- Yeah.

She says that I should
start communicating

with you, as well.

You didn't go see
a doctor, Irwin,

come on, give me a break.

Yes I did, yes I did.

- There's no way.
- [Irwin] How do you know?

You did not.

Cuz you didn't, I know
you didn't, I know you.

I don't know what
to do with you.

I don't know how to help you.

I don't know what's
going on with you.

[Irwin] Here we go again.

It's not here we go again.

I've put up with
so much with you.

I've tried to help you so
many times and you don't.

[Irwin] I don't need this, okay?

I don't need it either.

[Irwin] We had a good
times this evening.

I don't need this,
this is ridiculous.

It is ridiculous.

I have to explain to the kids.

They ask me all the
time, where's dad,

what's wrong with dad?

You completely ignored
the kids, you ignored me.

Do you know how
that felt for me?

[Irwin] Stop talking
about the kids, okay?

Constantly having
to tell the kids.

They ask me, what's
wrong with dad?

[Irwin] The kids are
very happy with me.

They're very happy
when they're with me.

Just go Irwin, I've had it.

I'm going to bed, I don't
want to see you here tomorrow.

Kate, wait.

Don't come up here, go.

[Irwin] I want to talk to you.

- [Kate] I don't.
- [Irwin] Please.

[Kate] Go home.

(opera music)