House of Wolves (2016) - full transcript

Set in old rural district, Charlie pretends to be an ALS patient so he can gain sympathy from others. He runs a charity organisation where he secretly carries out all sorts of nasty business. The village chief Fung Yan-bing is a dishonest man who likes to test others with money and take advantage of them. Along comes a beautiful woman named Yu Zan, a materialistic lady who loves money more than anything. However, the woman is carrying the baby of her ex-boyfriend who is a well-known tycoon's heir. The arrival of the baby will soon change the mentalities and nature of the three problematic human beings. - stop by if you're interested in the nutritional composition of food
Charlie, which one?

Give me five of the best dog food.

This one, okay.

Let me help you.

Thank you so much, you are so kind.

It's nothing compared to you.

Always buying food for strayed dogs.

Morning Charlie.

Wow, you are growing up so quickly.

Morning Charlie.

The usual?

Rice dumplings with
tea, I'll pick them up.

It's ready okay... how much?

Let... me pay.

It's alright...
Come on... No, no.

It's my treat, it's alright!

No, no.

Take it, take it.

Hello puppy, don't you have a home?

Why don't you come home with me?

Dodo, dodo.

Dodo, dodo.

Have you seen my puppy?

Puppy? Nah.

What does your puppy look like?

Brown, he's very small
and answers to Dodo.




Is this what your dog sounds like, oh...


Then I've heard it.

It went way over there, go look for it.

Okay, thank you

Charlie, why are you bandaging its feet?

This way it looks more helpless

people will be more sympathetic

which means they'll donate more money.

Remember, it's 1 to 99
1 part real dog food

to 99 parts mud and dirt.

Alright, got it.

So the dogs will have diarrhoea.

Then their owners will
have to buy medicines from us.

Why don't you just shout?

Tell the newspaper to
come and interview me.

If I do snitch...

I'd tell them about your fake spasm
and charity scam.

That dog...

I'm sorry, sorry
I'm kidding

I don't think anyone could have thought

to set up a dog shelter,

fake spasm to gain sympathy

I really do look up to you, Charlie.

My life depends on you.

You'll always be my master.

Don't leave me behind.

Just work hard.

It's time, the Ladies
Charity Group should be arriving

- okay...
- Let's get ready

okay, work hard.

Excuse me.

You can't smoke on public transports.

What you called
this a cigarette.

These e-cig is all the craze right now.

Sir, you are also taking up two seats.

And what's it to you?

I've bought two tickets

of course I get two seats.

Paying twice doesn't
mean you get two seats.

Who do you think you are?

Are you a cop,
why don't you call backup?

Slow down.

Shoot from here, do it properly.

Get my profile shot,
upload to Facebook for likes.

It's easy when you look as good as me.

Everyone here is a witness

I'll call the cops when we're ashore.


Why don't you guys tell him who I am?

Village Chief.

Do the smart thing, squat down

put your hands over your head

or you can swim with the fishes

all the way back ashore.

What a useless pussy.

Fruit Tart.

Keep it clean.

Yes, village chief.

Chief, can we have the ball back.

What is this, crying with real tears?

Give him twenty. Stop crying.

Why are you staring at
me with such contempt?

Give him another twenty.
Say I'm David Beckham.

You're David Beckham.

Give him another. Say I'm good looking

I need forty to say that.

That is brave, you'll go far.

Give everyone forty.
Come here and say it together.

Me too.


The chief is good looking.

Take a look, doesn't he look like a mop?

When I first saw him I thought...

he was a mop bitten by mice.

Then I looked closer.

He was a dog.

And my conscience was calling me.

Save him, if you don't, he will die.

So I saved him.

Now he's a very cute dog called Dodo.

He's beautiful.

He's so cute.

Very cute.

Look at how cute he is

but the funds are running low here.

It's a shame I'm disabled

if not I can work even harder

to help even more animals

giving a home to every strayed dog.

No need to clap
that helps nothing

just donate money.


I've got cash, let me...

Charlie, all three of them are so rich.

You can retire if you
get together with anyone of them.

This is more difficult than you think.

If you want to be a kept man

you can't be too
picky or choosey

but just think

what if they ask you for a French kiss

what would you do?

I'll do it

I'll work very hard to be a kept man


please send two bags
of dog food to my home.

Here's your chance

see how hard can you work okay.

Hey, what if it's me
who do the delivery?


I want two bags, too.

You want two?

I want three.


The later the better

I'll take a bath and wait.

No, no I'll cook
something up for you.

You're so bad.

Let's see what else are inside.

You've got something to eat

okay... take your pick

the more the merrier.


Humanity is overrated Charlie.


Wow, you are absolutely stunning today

I look stunning everyday.

You must be turning many
heads being so sparkly

I have to visit my family
in Canada for a few months.

So please take care of Udon for me

okay, no problem

I'll treat her as my own
child, she's a good girl

Charlie, here's a little something

for Udon's food and stay.

Do you have to insist?

Just take it.

Alright, thank you.

So where are you going
with your husband?

I've divorced him

I caught him cheating with a boy toy

I have to give him half of everything.

The judge is an ass.

But as a single lady,

you can go wherever you want

be with whoever you want.

I can bring some dog food over

drink a little wine,
play with the dog, tonight?

Alright, but it's a
shame you are like this.

If not, you do seem rather nice.

People like me can be better so easily.

Maybe a typhoon, a storm

thunder and lightning,
striking down on me

will make me better.

Let's talk about that some other time

I still have to pack,
I better get going.

If a miracle does happen when I get back

then we can give it a shot.

Alright, we'll give it a
shot if miracle happens

okay, I have to go.

Have a safe flight.

Bye-bye Charlie, Bye-bye Udon.

Have fun

I'll treat her like my own daughter.

Dog trainer Bill.

We have a Samoyed.

It's a girl, still a virgin.

How's 4000 dollars for the whole night?


I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Looks like she needs another hour

let's try those 3D glasses.

That's so 3D.

Don't get too close.

I'm coming.

Step mothers are born evil.

How long have you been here?

That's not the point.

Seeing how you were enjoying yourself

I didn't want to get in the way

but you kept using my lotion

which cost me thousands of dollars.

Take it back, okay.

But then it got me thinking

you shouldn't just play with yourself

I mean it's good

you don't need a date, it's simpler.

It's good to practice,
but it's better to have a partner.

Why don't you find yourself a wife?

Then you can do it for real.

How do I find the time to meet her

I'm developing a career,
working on important things.

I know. Since you
became the village chief

you've been binge
watching American dramas

learning to be bad.

The world has changed.

Bad guys are now the lead

while the good guys suck.

Sucks or not

I just want someone to take care of you.

Hey, I've set you up with
a wonderful girl today.


Of course.


The barramundi are really fresh today

I've brought you
two for sashimi.

Who does sashimi with barramundis

you trying to kill us?

Are you crazy?

No woman is ever good enough for you.

What kind of woman are you looking for?

The sorts I see in American dramas.

Someone who is pretty
can conspire with me.

No woman like that exists.

Of course there is.

How did you hurt your leg?

Does it hurt?

What's your name?

His name is Dodo.

This breed of dog is
very self conscious.

If his leg doesn't heal properly

then he shouldn't be
placed with other dogs

because he will feel humiliated.

I know how he feels,
being disable myself.

Hello, my name is Charlie.

What's yours?

Call me Jane.

Can you tell me where
can I find this address?

Just carry on down that way.

You dress so properly, what do you do?


Oh, air stewardess.

Lots of them live around here.

No, I'm a novelist.

I write too, sometimes screenplays.

Have you seen “One
Nite in LAN Kwai Fong”?


I haven't either,
just shows our taste is the same.

Come on, Udon.

Look at that.

We even have doggie pron

Charlie is so demented.

Maybe I can come around some time.

It's okay, I live on my
own, it will be awkward.

Why would that be awkward,
you've got a boyfriend?

Husband? No man in your life?

It's late, I better get going
and stop bothering you, bye.

It's alright,
I open the dog shelter here.

Thank you.

Do you need to rent a
dog to guard your home?

What's up Charlie? Who's she?

Sugar mama.

How do you know?

Look at her bag.

It costs over 100K.

Wow! You should go for it!

Hey, have the dogs finished?

Not yet.

Then why are you out here?

I'll go back to work.

Hey beautiful, what do you want?

I want some pears, are they sweet?

Of course, let me help you.

Fruit Tart.

Are you trying to sell
rotten fruits to tourist?

Of course not, Chief.

No! Then what's this?

- You.
- Go fix this.

When you buy fruits

it's important to try them first.

Oh, I'm sorry.

It's okay.

Hey, your Chief is chatting up a girl.

Just look at him

I've never seen you
around, you just moved in?

I live nearby, you are the Chief?

Yes, I'm the Chief of
the village I'm Bing.

I'm Jane.

Kumquats are good, let's buy some.

What a slut.

It's my treat enjoy.

So many?

You're welcome.

Binging! Bingbing! Bingbing!

That girl is calling for you.

Ignore her, she's crazy,
she does this everyday.

What else do you need,
I can come with you

I need a fish.

Oh, I can't go there

I suddenly want to have hotpot

I have to go now, see you.

Thank you, Chief.

They're very fresh.

Excuse me.


How much is the white
one in the middle?

It's not for sale, it's for my dinner.

How about the black one by your feet?

- 200.
- 200?

Doesn't that say 50?

50 is for villagers

200 is for sluts like you.

You think it's too much?

Then just leave!

Alright, I'll go.


Got too excited
needs to take a dump.

Excuse me...

Look which way the wind is blowing

I'm sorry, sorry.

It's bursting.

Coming out.

It's Ying! Let's go!

Look, hot chick.

Why is she sneaking
around, let's take a peek.

Someone's in here!

How dare you bully me.

Hey! What's happening?

Who is this? Hey!

Open the door, stop messing around!

Who's the slut?

Revenge while the
enemy is taking a dump.

That is so badass.

My queen!

I bet it's diarrhoea, this is payback.

Who's the wanker?

- Who is it?
- Ying is full of shit, let's go.


I'm sorry.

Miss Yu, because yours
is a supplementary credit card

and have signed over...

the authorization of
your personal accounts.

The main card holder has
frozen all your assets

you have no access to
your account or credit cards.

Your card is out of money, just get off.

Can I pay in cash?

Take a look the cash
box is locked up.

My boss thinks I've
been stealing from him

so you can only use the card.

But I always take this route

I'll pay you back next time.

Why don't you take me
out on a date next time

and you get off now!

Please help me out this once?

I'm telling you to get off!

Oh my...
the teardrops are so big.

You can win the Oscars!


Hey, Man, it's you.

You don't have to shout at the ladies.

Everyone talks like this in our village.

Don't put me down to your level

I'll pay double for her ride

apologize to her.

It's not how many times you pay.

Three more times, apologize.

Don't you see, us men...

What card is this

how could you keep paying?

Let me tell you.

This is the limited
edition black Centapus card.

Centapus released it
under the radar on my birthday.

Luckily I've bought it

not only do I get a 1% discount.

There is also a special function

where I can pay as many times as I want

until I stop tabbing.

Chief, please stop you win

I'll get fired if the machine breaks.

Miss, I'm sorry

you should have told
me you're his friend.

Thank you, Chief.

Just call me Bing.

Looks like you have some money trouble

take it.

I admire you so much

we might seems like strangers now

but after getting to know each other

I can guarantee I couldn't
get rid of you even if I try.

Thank you, Bing.

Let's have dinner once

my money comes through.

No, my treat

let me cook something up for you.

Oh, have you been to Disneyland?



What about Ocean Park?

Been there too.


I think you two should get a room now

I'm cool with that, what about you?

I want to go home.

Alright, go home!

Then it's a date

I have to go home to change...

for a very important meeting.

In 1972,
the Cross Harbour Tunnel opened.

In 1979, the underground began service.

And in 1999

the Airport Express was
going to and from the airport.

What are you saying, Chief?

I'm saying I have
planned for this village

to have optic fiber
ultra speed internet!

Wouldn't the whole
village get radiation?

Yeah. I like the slow
internet speed here.

Since not every villagers
own a smartphone

we're proud that we don't have phubbers

people are more
connected with each other

I hate those contracts
that tie you down for 2 years.

And no one ever answers

the cancellation hotlines.

I understand your worries...

but just think

with ultra fast internet

all your wives can download...

Korean TV dramas much quicker

so they have less time
to care about you.

And when it's match day in EPL

we can have gatherings.

Watching the games together.

Our bond will be even tighter.

As to your contract worries...

don't worry

I have managed to negotiate
12 months contract

and rebates on the
3rd, 6th and 9th month

with EPL souvenirs for everyone.

If there are no further objections

I've already made a
deal with the provider

they will start laying
the cables right away.

It'll go from the front
to the back of the village

and will definitely affect your lives.

Wouldn't that mean
cutting down the Wishing Tree?

That's even better.

With the tree down,

we'll have much more parking space.

Yeah, I have to park so far away

it takes me 20 minutes
to walk into the village

I might as well take a taxi

I'm sorry, I still have to object.

The Wishing Tree is a
symbol of our village

I feel responsible to
uphold this spirit.

What are you thinking?

My wish is hanging up there.

You're so selfish.

What wish is it?

Lynn and I have split up for so long

I just wish we could get back together.

Back together.

How about 600 dollars for your wish.

But I really love her...


She's not only the person I love

but we are also best friends

1000 dollars,
that's all I'm willing to pay.

It's not a bad price.

How can money pay for love?

800 If Lynn... Lynn finds out

how can I look her in the eyes?

- 500
- I thought you are going down by 200

why did you just
jumped down by 300100

I thought we agreed on 1000!

But then you can't be back together.

To be honest Lynn cheated on me

I don't even know why I want her back

I can get an escort for 1000.

As I said everything
has a price.

If the price is right

there's nothing money can't buy.

Well said, well said!

Heaven and earth moves...

so Puppy will live on.

FiFi's Dog Amy.

No, I'm Amy my dog is Fifi.

She's called Amy her Dog GiGi...

been a bad dog.

Getting hit by a truck...
on a highway.

That girl is so pretty.

Break open the gate of hell.

Go to heaven Fifi.

Nice one.

Done your dog GiGi is in hell.

No, I mean she is out of
hell, it's done.

My condolences.

These papier-maché dog, cock and house

has to go home with you for 49days.

Don't worry.

GiGi will become a
dolphin in the next life.

Then you two can be a couple

the one after that.

Make sure she pays in full.

- Okay.
- Thank you, Charlie.

Don't be too upset.

It's all itemised,
my calculator is that way.

Don't move Charlie.

Get behind me.

Be careful.

Hold on tight,

we use our force to defeat it.


you are not holding tight enough, okay?

Tighter still!

Okay... I need to go home.

Wait my morn taught me

after fighting off a snake

you need to stand still for 3 minutes

so the snake won't come back.



You're awake.

Am I okay?

Easy, the poison has been sucked out.

Sucked out?

No wonder I'm all relaxed

thank you.

It's a shame I fainted
and didn't feel a thing

because I still feel
a little poison in me.

Please, suck it clean for me.


Hey, there is still
a little poison left.

Give me a 5 minute cigarette break

I'll come back to suck it
clean, alright?

Don't move!

Charlie, I'm sorry.

It's my fault that you
were bitten by a snake.

Let me buy you dinner.

Cool, why don't I bring something along.

My farmer's salad is the best.

Chief Charlie.

You are all dressed up, got a date?

Look at you with all
the buttons done up.

You must be going on a date,

where are you at?

I think I want it, she wants it

both of us want it.

Me too, this is the best time.

Trying to guess each other out.

Trying to guess how
the other person feels

Charlie you know
your Mexican liquor.

Half Glass Smashed.

Easy on taste bud,
goes straight to the head.

Friendly after one glass.

Giddy after two.

Frisky after three...

and seal the deal after four.

Looks like it's a night of sins.

Night of sins is good, hope it happens.

More the sins, more the fun.

Hey, have fun tonight.

Let's share our
match report later

I will need at least until tomorrow.

Can't meet you tonight
I'm going this way.

What? This way?

This way.

I'm this way too.


You two know each other?


That's great, come in.


Be careful.

Why have you two brought so many things?

I made this salad specially for you.

Every leaf was picked from the tree

so it's fresh.

It looks really good, thank you.

And the liquor.

Look how fresh my fish is

I personally caught it
from the tank this morning

I'll fillet the fish then fry it.


The fish is so fresh,
how do you want it cook?

I can pan fry it,
deep fry it, or roast it.

Isn't it better to steam fresh fish?

Tomato, tomato

it's more romantic to cook for two,
European style.

How would I know a third
wheel will be here.

Miss Jane asked me to
dinner I didn't know

some ass like you would be here

I just thought more the
merrier, right?

He's here now, what can I do.

How about I teach you
how to fry fish fillets.

Come on, come...

Miss Jane Charlie.

Miss Jane Charlie,
are you alright?

- You need water?
- It's okay,

I just want to ask,
which of these did you write?

None of them

I haven't published anything yet.

Oh, you are so pretty.

Lots of people will help
you when you're ready.

Looks like you love reading Yi Shu

I'm a fan of hers.

Me too,

I especially love "The Story of Rose".

What a coincidence, blah blah blah.

Let you have a fish
fillet a la armpit.

I remember the film they made

with Maggie Cheung playing Rose.

It was shocking

wearing that tiny tank
top without a bra.

Roller-skating, bouncing around.

Yeah, Rose bouncing around


This is yours.

Thank you.

A special one for you.

Didn't you said you can cook?

Fried fish fillets need herbs.

Where're the herbs? Herbs?

I forgot, I'll get them now, right now.

Miss Jane, can you pass me his plate

ls there a problem?

Of course, he is a problem in himself.

So there is definitely
a problem with my plate.

If you can think of it,
then so could he, right?

Then, why don't I swap with you.

Would you do that to me?

Of course not, I care too much.

Hey, why aren't you eating?

It's too hot, start without me.

Fish needs to be eaten when hot,
if not it will get fishy.

You start.

What are you doing?

I'm praying, bon appetite

I'll wait for you.

It's alright,
it'll take some time, I insist

I'm going nowhere, I can wait

I'm praying, please be
quiet, just start!

Shut it

let's drink, house rule, 3 shots first.

Then let's get Miss Jane drunk

I mean, thank for inviting us to dinner.

Are we not friends, start drinking.

One is friendly.

I thought it meant to
be easy on the taste bud.

But it does go straight to the head,
feeling dizzy...

My second glass.

Two is giddy.

I'm so happy.

So happy...

The third.


So... frisky.

I feel so hot.

How are you so normal after three?

Look so elegant yet arrogant.

You guys drank liquor
I just drank tea.

That is very strong.

Of course


I'll shower first, wait for me.

Mom, there's soup in the kitchen

heat it up yourself

I'm going to masturbate.

I promise you once only.

Mom is the best

without mom a kid is just a bum...

True or false.

How do I be myself


Yes, yes...

Bing, Bing.



Miss Jane.


Hey, Jane.




Hey, asshole, what are you doing here?

What am I doing here?

I was about to ask you the same thing.



Janey and I sealed the deal last night.

You called that sealing the deal

then what do you call this?

You try to scare me?

Look at mine, it goes all the way round.

Then go down here

do you need to see where it ends?

Don't be shy, let me show you, come on.

Alright, let me take a look.

- What're you doing?
- Why are you blocking me?

Stop pushing me I'll
do whatever I like.

Tiger is taking his chance

and climbs onto Champ.

This position is perfect for
a double attack on the head.

If he gets this right

he can disorientate his opponent
to gain the upper hand

I'm sure Champ has other ideas.

Under the current circumstances

he can flip Tiger over using his hip.

And that is exactly what Champ has done.

Locking Tiger with a thigh lock.

This is an evil move

which can suffocate Tiger.

And with suffocation comes death.

To break this lock.

Tiger needs to get his
arm between his legs

then flip Champ over

and sit on his face

to reverse lock his
knee caps while at it.

This is an excellent move,
but there are weaknesses with this lock.

Because Champ is doing it right now

the finger drill.

Can be quite high.

We are right into the
heart of the match.

The neck is the weakest
part of the human body.

And if it is locked
then that'd be the end.

That's why you need to
keep the heads close

to stop the opponent
in gaining an advantage.

That's awkwardly close...

No, stop, no.

Like basketball,
MMA also has garbage time.

Like right now, they have both
locked each other's thumb.

A lock like this may
waste an awful lot of time.

The world record is 20
hours, what a bored.

Hey... why don't we just call it quit.

Quit, quit what?

We'll let go on the count of three.

One, two.

Doctor okay,
let see him over there.

I'm pregnant.

The doctor can prove it.

Yes, I can confirm that
Jane here is pregnant.

- Doctor Kuo.
- Please sit.

I don't trust Chinese medicine.

How could you not?

I dress like this but
I actually practice western medicine.

Graduated from Hong Kong University.

Doctor Sun Yat-sen was my schoolmate.


No offence...

but do we know the father of the child?

Yeah, have we met him?

The father could be you.

Or could be you.

After I have the baby

we'll get a DNA test

then we'll know who the father is.

Ridiculous I'm the
Chief of the village.

We'll do the test now

if it's mine, I'll take care of you.

If it's his, then I'm done.

Come on, quick.

Are you two nuts?

She's pregnant,
her hormones are going crazy

all you two think about
is whose baby this is

you call yourself a man?

Yeah, you're not a man

irresponsible, no tests.

Even if it is his

I'll take care of everything.

Don't listen to him,
that wasn't what I mean.

Just use my black Centapus card.

Buy whatever food you want...

and buy games if you're bored.

Yeah, use his card for
everything that needs money.

But money can't buy you love and care.

If you couldn't sleep...

Call me.

I'm a responsible man.

If my card stops
working pawn my watch

I'm a responsible man too.

If you call him at night, call me too.

Oh, Udon, I'm sorry

I didn't stop it in time

now you're pregnant, but it's alright

just keep eating,

and when you give us a few puppies

Charlie and I will be rich.

Passport, my passport.

Passport, my passport, passport...

Hey... Charlie, what's wrong?

Do you have 100K that I can borrow?

I don't have that much,
Charlie, just calm down.

How old are you,

don't you have any savings?

I'm sorry, but you need to calm down.

What has happened, tell me?

Calm down.

Jane is pregnant.

The baby might be mine
but could be Bing's.

I can't deal with this

I can't, help me find my passport.

- Passport.
- Calm down.

Just calm down.

Look yourself in the mirror

Jane being pregnant is not a big deal.

But I'm not ready to be a father.

Then will yourself into being ready.

What is your dream?

Be a kept man.

Now you've got the girl,
you are halfway there.

Be a kept man...

and being a father are
two different things.

Who cares, what's important

is the baby will be born
in a few months time.

If the baby proves to be yours.

Then you will complete your dream.

What if the baby is Bing's?

Get a breakup fee from her.

You'll be rich if it's yours

you still get money if it's not.

You're in a win-win situation.

How can you be so calm

and so spot on with your analysis.

What are you on?

I learned from the best

but why did you hit me?

Yeah, why did I hit you?


Because you got Udon knocked up

I heard everything.

It's not me it's this
pure bred Samoyed.

The puppies will fetch
us hundreds of thousands.

Why did you hit me again?

I've taught you so well.

Smart. Well done.

Well done.


Thank you, Charlie.

Why are you buying..-

so much adaptogens, something's wrong?

Have you played with yourself too much?

What is it, you miss your dad?

He's long gone, I don't miss him anymore

I'm going to be a dad.

Be a dad?

Wow, that means I'm a grandma.

Hey, you've got a girlfriend?

I get it, I'm hip and cool

one night stand is alright.

People today have a baby

then get together all the time.

What the hell,
I'm going to have a grandchild

I'm going to karaoke to celebrate.

Mom, don't celebrate yet.

There is a technical hitch.

There is a 50% chance
the baby's not mine.

Your life is so messed up,
who the hell is this girl?

That's why I'm talking to you

why are you shouting!

Calm down...
so do you like the girl?

I do quite a bit.

The next question is harder.

If the baby is yours,
I'm sure you'll be responsible.

If it's not, then you don't have to.

But what if it's not yours

and the other guy doesn't
take responsibility

will you still like this girl?

This question is not just harder

it's damn difficult.

Well, then you better sleep on it.

Morning, mom.

You didn't sleep last night

I thought about it the whole night.


The answer is irrelevant right now

but as a man

I should take care of
the pregnant woman first, right?

I know it's right.

Thank you, mom.

My boy is finally becoming a man.

Thanks the Lord,

I'm telling his birth parents in prayer.

Hey, did you book a cab?

Yes, I need to go to Central

500 dollars surcharge.

That's too much, no, thank you.

It's 500 either way.


500 dollars.


500 dollars.


Why are you bullying a woman?

Who are you?

My favourite lo Mai gai...

was sold out for breakfast.

I'm already pissed off

so don't push me, hold it.

Then I guess I must
have bought the last one.

And I ate half of it.


Why don't you finish it first?

You must be angry.

If you hurt people like me,

it's a worse offence, hey...

Running off? Run...

I didn't know someone can be
more of a scoundrel than me.

Foshan... Hi, Invisible Kick.


Ouch, it hurts,
is something wrong with my nose?

Hey, can you hear that wheezing sound?

It's just a graze,
it's fine, take it easy.

Look this way.

No, I've never seen Charlie laugh, ever.

Look how much he's laughing.


Be a good boy now, okay...

Janey, I thought about it.

I want to take care of you,
it'd be best if you move in with me.

Piss off.

I should move in and take care of her

I think you should take care of
your crooked nose first.

My nose is crooked?

Stop it!

I like living on my own

I'll call if I need anything.

No, my nose is crooked.

Bing, do you like me?




Louder still.

Shite! That really hurts!

Stop... take a picture.

No... it hurts.

Still wheezing?

No, the wheezing noise is gone.

Thank you, Janey.

You're welcome.

What are you trying?

- Charlie.
- You heard her.

When the driver was chasing after you

your hand and foot became normal

and ran so quickly, explain yourself.

Really, I... I didn't notice it.

Gosh how did this happen.

It must be a miracle

it must be my devotion to having
a meal with every prayer.

The Lord has healed me.

Hallelujah, Hallelujah.

I'm healed.

Bull if you don't
tell us everything,

I'll call the cops.

Explain yourself okay.

Actually it's Monkey
King who healed me.

You asshole.

Give him one last chance.

Let go of her

I'll tell you, just no more touching.

It's my dream to be a
pilot when I was a kid.

It's for you.

Thank you.

I had a bout of fever as a child

which caused the paralysis of my finger.

God gave me this

and I cannot be a pilot.

So I decided to befriend
the spasm use it

to gain every advantage possible

take sympathy from people who care.

Do you feel anything?

Not a thing, what do you think?

I'm sorry my hormones
are everywhere

I can't control myself


I feel for you.

You've been lying for so long.

I'm sure it's difficult for you.

It comes with the lies,
I'm used to it now.

But people in this
village are very simple.

Can't let them know about this

if they find out,

they'd just give up on life, alright?

How would you know what they think

I'm the Chief here.


Can you help Charlie?

I can, but you two have to do as I say.


Villagers, after searching everywhere

I've paid a lot for...

qigong and acupuncture expert.

She is better known as Maggie.

Master Janey.

Master has her own qigong
and acupuncture technique...

to heal Charlie.

It's fake anyway,
we don't need the needles.

Say she knows magic, abracadabra

I stand up, villagers clap.

Rubbish you think
this is Sailor Moon?

That won't be convincing

Charlie doesn't feel confident

let's give him a boost.

Let's start.

Acupuncture shouldn't bleed

does she know what she's doing?

Master said if it hurts
then it is blocked.

Charlie's bleeding out bad blood

once it stops, he's healed.

Charlie's foot look the worst.

A needle must be apply
to the yongquan point.

Not bottom of foot I'm
better, look.

You've lied to them for so long.

Do this to make up.

Yongquan point...
Don't go nuts with them

do you think I won't
hit a pregnant woman.

It'll be over quickly.

Needle in his foot.

I'm healed definitely.


Charlie, I'm so happy for you.

Here's a rice dumpling.

It's alright,

you don't have to pity me
anymore, I'm healed.

You can give your sympathy
to those who need it

I like you whether you are sick or not

I'm not pitying You.

What's important is that you're kind...

and take care of those strayed dogs.

Take it...

Take it...

Thank you.


her water pipes has been blocked
for some time now.

Why don't you help unblock
it, a little workout?


But it's been block for so long

why don't I get you a new one.

Even better.

Let's go.


You are healed,
don't need to hobble anymore.

Yeah. I'm sorry everyone

I've hobbled for most of my life.

It's difficult to change right away

but I'll change definitely.

Thank you

okay, let's change that pipe

let's get some new pipes.

Relax, breath in


Push harder.

Come on.

Breath in.

Are you nervous?

No, I need to piss

but I don't know where the toilet is.

Isn't it over there?

Thank you.

They're out.


Come on.

Don't you need to go?

Let's do it inside.

- Look... there are three.
- They're so cute.

Look at that one.

- It's like this.
- So tiny?


Are you...
Sit down, take a seat.

Are you alright?

Are you alright?

I think the baby is kicking me.


It sounds fun, can I touch.

Is he kicking?

Yes he's kicking.

He's kicking.

Call me papa.

Who's the papa'?

Papa's over here, papa's over here.

That's a big kick.

Hey Bill, she gave birth

let's share half the profit.

Can you not sell these puppies?

The mommy will be upset.

But they are all black

she must have been with

that dog from the village, Lucky.

Love in the animal world

is something we can't control.

Next time, I'm sorry.

Don't worry about it.

What is this, Charlie?

Bill told me they now
worth around 80K each.

We've got over 200K here

have you gone nuts over her?

Are you for real or joking,
Watch your attitude!

Do you know where you are?
Show some respect.

Look at you you're
too broken to function

and all for this woman

you've gone backward.

Do you know what you're saying?

The ladies from the Charity Group

all want to be with me

I don't know which
one of them to choose.

I don't want to waste anything.

So I'll have all three of them.

You can hold onto your precious puppies.

You're no longer my boss.

Have you forgotten I'm
not really paralyzed.

Don't want to waste anything?

You little shite.

How dare you 3 times us.


Couldn't tell you would cheat at all.

Serve you right

Charlie, save me.

What? Don't stop on my account.

Bastard... Thank you.

Why are we so happy watching someone
being beaten up?

Maybe we are bad people.

Hold him.

Merry Christmas...

See if you like it?

Merry Christmas...

This is for you.



Thank you.

Merry Christmas.

Thank you.

Come on... Good luck.

A gold coin for you, happy new year.

Thank you.

Are you alright?

The baby is saying Happy New Year.

After the signing of contracts

the optic fibre ultra speed
internet project will begin.

Alright, done...

Congratulations... Thank you.

What're you doing, making a wish?
What is it?

It won't come true if I tell you!

But it's a wish that has
you, me, Charlie

and my baby in it.

You... you're making the wish now?

You can't cut it.

Chief, come back down first.

Chill out.

The contract says

we have to cut down the tree.

Really, it says that,
let me take a look.

Look it's written here.

Are throwing a tantrum?


That's alright, congratulations again

I'll just go, excuse me... bye-bye.

Bye-bye. Go faster

I'll call my lawyer.


Why are you laughing?

I find it funny every time

you pretend to be a bad guy.

Pretend? I really am a bad guy.

I think you are kind hearted.


if you try to underplay
my image as Chief

I will hit you.

We breath in from the bottom to the top

then we can scream...

Breath out like this,
it feels like you are pushing

it would help in delivery.

Daddy and mommy can scream together

cheer them on breath in.

I'm sorry...
need to take a dump.

Shi Hu is coming...
let's get inside.

It's really coming.

It's going to be here
soon, come on, run.

Hurry, "Shi Hu" is here.

Be careful, come on.

Run, it's here.

It's really coming down.

It's alright, it'll stop soon

these sort of rain happens all the time.

What is "Shi Hu"?

It's local dialect for

a squally thunderstorms.

They come and go,
with the weather better than before.

Life is like "Shi Hu".

Stay strong and it'll pass.


It's stopped.

A double rainbow.

I'm so happy.

You're impressed by double rainbow?

I've seen a quadruple one.

It's been a long time
since I felt like this.

Happiness can be so simple

simple pleasure.


I think she said simple pleasure

pleasuring yourself of course
is a simple pleasure.

Then it depends
on how you do it.

If you do it the wrong way, it can hurt.

No I said simple pleasure.

No, say it after
me single pleasure.

Single pleasure.


Pleasuring yourself...

Simple pleasure...

Kicking your balls... Excellent.


I was onto you

so why did you sneak in here?

What're you taking a peek at?

No I was changing
the sheets for her

and found this under the mattress.

I'm not the baby's father.

That's predictable.

Then you no longer have to fight

with me over the baby.

It's better you know now.

You can be the godfather, okay?

You don't have to be smug.

Prenatal agreement,
why does she need this?

Why didn't you say something?

Why did you let me trash talk?

Find her, ask her.

It's useless asking her, she'll deny it.

Or she'll just try to brush us off.

Pretend I'm Jane, you ask me.

What does this mean?

Don't blame me I
didn't want to do this

I'm... I just did it for the baby.

How dare you mention the baby.

You can't hit a pregnant woman

so it's useless asking.

I'm so piss, very piss

I've never been a good guy

the first time I try to be, I get con.

No. I have to throw something

something expensive.

Calm down I see it like this.

That baby's father must be
looking for this bitch

as Jesus said.

Riches come with
risks Buddha said that

Buddha said riches come with risk.

We will feel better...

once we get a million
or two for snitching on her.

What can I do for the two of you?

That's easy what
can you do for us?

Master Steve is asking
what can he do for you two.

You help us out then
we'll help you out.

As a sign of my sincerity,
fill in any amount you want.

How much should we write?


he's giving us a free rein
here, let's go for it

1 million.

1 million?

Is that too much?

We should write 10 million

if not Steve might think
we look down on him.

Don't be so greedy

he can easily pay 100K to take us out.

How much should we write?

6 million.

It's over half of 10 million
but it's not too much

6 million.

- Write my name.
- Are you nuts?

- Then I'll transfer it to you.
- Your name?

Look here.

We use the same bank.

Put my name down...

Then mine would be the same.

Trust me, put my name down
and I'll transfer to you.

How old are you two

why fight over a few millions.

A cheque for each of you

3 million each,
then you don't have to fight.

That would work

just want to ask,

the cheque wouldn't
bounced, right?

If you go to Sothebby
with a bounced cheque

by Master Steve,

it would sell for at least 100 million.

It's such a great day

let's open some wine to celebrate.


These two are bottles
of 1945 Mouton Whatever.

They cost about 400K to 500K per bottle

every one drank, one less around.

How many zeros are there, 1, 2, 3.

Every one drank, one less around.

Come on, thank you.

Try it.

Hey... come on

it's a celebration,
down the whole bottle.

That's right, it's 500K per bottle.

Then we'll go for it, come on.

Come on.

Why aren't you drinking?

What is this?
Why does it taste so disgusting?

These were empty bottles.

I filled it with the...

cheap boxed wine from the supermarket.

To be honest,
I don't have to pay you a penny.

I could just follow the
two of you to find Jane.

So if you want the cheque

then down the whole
bottle 3 million each

I'll keep my word.

Paying 6 million to see
Jane's disappointed face

is such a bargain.

I don't like to push
people, you can just leave.

Come on.

Everyone has a price.

You two are only worthy

of these cheap boxed wine.

I didn't know boxed
wine can taste so good.

Here, cheers.

You two are home.



Honey I've finally found you.

Do you know how hard have I tried?

I kept worrying about
when will you two find out.

Obviously, you have

and you brought him here.

Hey, Let's play 15, 20.




Why don't you just come with me

I won't go back with you

I've decided,
this child will take my surname

I will raise him without

a single cent from your family.

It's different now

my old man got so angry
at me and died last month.


No one can separate us now.


I know I was useless and weak

I feel so guilty.

But I promise, I'll change.

I want you

and our baby to start a loving family.

Will you really be good to the baby?

I swear I will.

If I'm not good to you or the baby

I'd go to jail

and get gang rape by big strong men.

So will you come home with me?

Let's go.

Help missus pack her bags.

It's alright,
I don't need the things here.

Right, we can buy new things.

Be careful.




Don't forget you promised
to take good care of Dodo



Bing Open...

the wishing tree works.

My wish has come true.

- Let's go.
- It's my turn?

Yeah, it's yours - 5
- Move your asses.

Yeah, go back and be a sugar mama.

Enjoy your own fireworks shows

and lasers show every night.

We've done a good thing.

Of cause.

Catch up some other time.

Yeah, I'm going this way

I'm going that way.

"Every time,
I hide that loving feeling away."

"So I can admire you
alone in my dreams."

"I stole a look at
you from a restaurant"

"I felt lucky even
though I was far away."

Little girl.


I've found your Dodo, you happy?


"Annoying or perfect,
I dream because of you."

"Whether it's sunny, cloudy or raining."

"Wherever I am, I'll wait for you"

"I feel lucky,
if you let me stick around."

What are you doing, making wish again?

Chief, I really miss my wife Lynn.

Come on she cheats
on you all the time.

But still I really want her by my side.


Since I took that 1000 dollars from you

I've felt like a sold out

I don't feel like myself anymore.

Let's give you back that money.

It's okay, I don't want it.

Look at me, returning that money

has set me free.



What's happening to you?

As you say, I don't feel myself

so I look like a sold out.

That's amazing!

Lynn? You'll come home tonight!

This tree works...

I'll wait for you with my trousers down.

Even though Charlie and
Bing are not the father

I wish they can be
the baby's godfathers.

Wish they are both safe and healthy

and won't meet another
bad woman like me.

What's up, Bing?

You can't sleep?

Looks like you can't sleep either!

That's why I want to talk

okay, where?

Somewhere quiet

10, 15, 15, 20.

Why are you so picky tonight?


I normally pick the not so pretty ones

from the 1st round

I've always wanted to
be a bad guy now I am

and gotten millions for it.

I actually feel worse

I've conned people my whole life

Jane is the first person
to have conned me.

I actually miss her.

Do you think she misses us?

Will she blame us?

She's on her own.

Don't think about it, cry it out.

What a nutcase

what kind of man chooses to cry here.

People come here to be happy

crying just spoils the fun.

I'm not talking about you two

I'm talking about the
four eyes next door

I already found him the best two models.

But he just keeps on crying

way worse than you two.

What the... if he's crying with models

won't we need to hang ourselves?

No, I'm not talking about you girls...

Yeah, you girls are not worth it.

What sort of man is he?

Crying next to two models

he gives us man a bad name.

Yeah let me pull his dingy out

and use it as a fishing bait.

My boss is an animal.

That's the crying guy.

Hey, isn't that Steve's assistant?

Why don't you keep crying

and we'll go out for some food.

Don't you dare, I'll chop your legs off.

Watch me cry.

My boss is an animal...

Hey, shouldn't you two ask me

why I think my boss is an animal?

Oh, so why is your boss an animal?

Since you asked, let me tell you.

Do you know why I want
to get my son back?

It's your own blood
your next of kin.

Of course you care.

Do I look like I want a son?

I waited so long for my father to die.

Why would I want to split
my fortune with a son?

You must be kidding.

You know how my sperm count is low

because I've had so much sex.

But somehow I still
managed to knock up Honey.

So this baby has a high
experimental value.

That's why I've agreed with

a fertility drug manufacturer in Africa

to send the baby there

for experiment once it is born.

They'll even name the drug after me

with a 30% share of profit.

What will happen to the baby?

Come on,

who cares about the lab rat?

Steve's house will be well guarded

by bodyguards and butler

I think I better stay.

It's alright
I've got some sleeping smoke in here.

It can take out an
elephant for a few days.

Is it ready?

Let's take a look.

Is it ready?

Let's take a look.


Is it ready?

Have to take a look.

Are you two here for Master Steve?

He just went out.

Hey, why did you two faint outside?

I'm anaemic and in menopause.

Oh, that's serious

I better call you an ambulance.


We just need to find ourselves
a drink in the toilet

where is it?

Okay, toilet is upstairs.


How did you two get in here?

We'll talk about that later.

You and your baby are in grave danger.

Come with us now I'll pack

I know everything,
I'll deal with you two later.

- What, you...
- Let's go. Hey, wait...

The butler wouldn't let
us take her with us.

There's no other way.

Beat him up

you use this candle to whack him

- I'll protect Jane.
- No...

he's too old, I couldn't do it.

Let me protect Jane, and you do it.

He's so old, I'm afraid I'd kill him.

Oh, I'll do it.


I told you the smoke works.

- Yeah.
- The sleeping smoke, cover your nose...


What's happening?

I think I'm in labour.

In labour?

Take her to the hospital.

We can't go to the hospital

Steve will easily find her.

We won't be able to fight off
rich people like him.

Go back to the village hall

call my mom to get
the doctor move.

They are here.

Hurry up.

Come on, get her inside.

Be careful.

You two stand guard here.

Be careful.


Mind the steps.

Are you okay? Hold on...
You'll be fine...

Sit over here...
How're you feeling?

It hurts like hell.

What's up, doctor?

Doctor's okay

I'm asking you how's the delivery going?

Can you ask someone else to do it?

I'm shy and have never
delivered a baby before.

Why don't we call an ambulance?

We wouldn't be here,
if we could take her to a hospital.

You'll be fine.

What should we do, if you can't do it,

do I have to?

Shut up!

I'll do it.

Morn? You've never even had a child

stop messing around.

I'm not. I never had a child.

But I watched babies delivery on.

Discovery Channel out of curiosity.

The ones you watched
are about rattlesnakes.

Snakes are from eggs, we are mammals

can you really do this?

Then you two do it I'm sorry

it's all yours, thank you.

A posh car is coming into the village.

Could it be Steve?

Don't let him take
my baby okay...

We'll deal with Steve,
take your time, relax.

Leave it to me, it'll be fine.

Let's get some protection on

oh, I mean gloves.

You put them on.

Hey, Steve, what made you come out here?

Yeah, it's so late.

Where's my honey?

Baby cannot wait much longer

you have to push, or he will suffocate.

Try to push again.

It'd be dangerous.

My butler said you two took her.

If you hand her over

I can pretend none of this happened.

But he's 80 years old,
maybe he got it wrong.

Wow, his butler is 80?

That's not right

- you should let him retire
or he might sue you - Yeah.

Wipe the sweat okay...

Not mine.

It's not sweating.


- Oh, her.
- I can't do this.

Since you are all here

why don't I take you guys for a hotpot.

What's their specialty?

Omasum, very crunchy

but can't be boiled for too long.

Alright, I'll deal with that.

All of you, come on.

Hey, let's shuffle.

Do you two think I'm stupid?

This hurts so much.

When you feel like taking a dump.

You just push the baby out, okay?



Push some more... I can't.

Push harder,
like when you're constipated.

Mom, how's Jane doing?

She's not doing well

she doesn't know how to push

Jane, do you remember

the yoga classes taught
you how to breath?

Breath in deeply then
push while screaming.

We'll do it together.

Breath in.


It's working.

Breath in and push.

Did I not feed you?

Push harder!

Honey, I'm here.

Ignore him, focus.

Push, Jane.

Let go.

Ignore him...


Breath in and push.

Let go, or I'll kick your ass.

Harder... okay.

Not you asshole!

The baby's here.

Mom, is the baby a boy or girl.

He's a boy.

He's a boy, Charlie.

I have my own son.

Does he look like me, Bing's Mom?

Why would he look like you?

Save your breath, losers.

Obviously, it'll look like me.

Why are you standing
here, take the baby.

Why don't we let him go.

Then who will let me off?

You take care of them.

100K to the one who gets the baby.

She's just a housewife, go!


Everyone freeze.

You guys are finally here.

If you came in any later

they would have had a
taste of my Tai Chi.

It's alright Bing's morn.

Arrest these two.


Come here... are you alright?


Help me please.

You two are just constable,
get out of my way.

Do you know who I am?

The Star of Charities, Steve.


I want to report a crime.

This Star of Charities beat me up

a disabled person.

Get lost,
stop pretending I have a card

okay... I believe you.

You look so paralyze,
put away your card.

Thank you.

Please help us here.

You are the Star of Charities, right?

We've had a tip-off,
you are stealing a baby.


My lawyer can be a witness.

We have a verbal agreement

the baby will be mine once it is born.

As far as I can see

the baby has just been born.

The umbilical cord
is still attached to the mother

I will believe this

more than any verbal agreement you had.

Are you mute, say something.

Hey, I play the bad guy every time

I've had enough.

This guy has done a lot of bad things

I have loads of evidence, arrest him.

Are you trying to hit someone
in front of police officers?


You could be in jail for some time.

Law can't punish rich people like me

I know that law can't punish
rich people like you.

That's why I'll arrange for you

to stay in the same
cell as sex offenders.

When you get out

your chrysanthemum will
be like a sunflower.

You can't scare me.

Do you know many of
my relatives are judges

plus... Shut up, rich boy.

Just walk, big mouth.

Oh, I... I can't breath

I need an ambulance, an ambulance.

Watch it.

Abuse of police power

I need all of you to leave a statement

but the baby has just been born.


Then we can do it later

after the baby has
graduated from university.

Thank you, sir.

Baby, baby.

Godson, godson.


Where's Jane?

Where's Jane?

Who's that mug?

Does he have haemorrhoids?

Is he playing me with paralysis?

Look at him.

He walks exactly like you.

Where's that cucumber on your head?

I gave it to Louis Koo.

Is he on yet?

Louis Koo is playing him?

Louis Koo.

His English name is Lewis Koo.


Why not.

Cut, this shot's okay I'm sorry

but the hair fell off,
don't we need another take?

Audience can't see these things.

Camera over there.

Filmmaking in H.K. is so casual,

anyone can be a director.


Janey, congratulations.

Your best selling novel
being made into a film

I just finished reading.

Do you like it?

It's boring as hell.

You just wrote about your pregnancy.

It's basically a diary.

Without Charlie or me in it

how could you have sold 900K of them?

You'd be in deep shit.

I'm joking just give
us a share of profit.

Yu Bo is here.



Say godfather, say godfather.

Ignore him, he's just a random guy

I'm the godfather



Hello, Udon...

Pretty, right? Gigi...
She really likes me.

Just treat her right.

But I do miss the old Charlie.

The old you gave a different vibe.

If you want to

I can show you my method acting tonight.

Chow Yun-fat.

Who's that?

Leon Lai.

With courage, be a man,
give everything you've got.

Do all four at once.


I think Jackie will be enough.

Just look at him

he just changed his heart so quickly.


Your deary is here I know

she's not.

I mistakenly drank half
a bottle of Half Glass Smashed.

Come on, I bought that wine

stop telling everyone.

Of course I won't,
you think I'm proud of it.

I'm so happy to have
friends like you guys.

Right, baby?

Miss Jane,
the actress playing you is here.


Hello, Miss Yu.

Thank you for being in my movie

I love your story, I'll do my best.

Thank you.

You're so selfish,
getting Chrissie to play you.

Your breast are not nearly as big.

Stop talking trash

I didn't, it was my inner monologue

did I say it out loud.

Hello, I'm Charlie

I'm the writer's best
and closest friend.

My relationship with
her is so complicated

why don't we find a dark corner

and let us get to
know each other okay?

I'm fine.

It'll be alright.

Why don't we take a photo, come on mom.

Come here... Photo time.

Help us take the picture, go on.

Jane, you too.

Take a picture, all or us.

Group photo.

Mom, hot chicks.

Big stars.

Come on...

Get out of the way.

Ready, 1, 2, 3,Yeah.

One more, 1, 2, 3,Yeah.

Can you turn the camera this way?

It's pictures of us

1, 2, 3,Yeah.

Hey, is the takeaway ready yet?


Wonton clay pot rice. Right.

Then a preserved egg,
pork congee on dry noodles.

Wait... you want anything?

BBQ pork and chicken rice

I want a hairy chicken.

You tell them.

The chicken needs to be hairy

I won't eat it unless it's hairy.

Want dessert?

Curry Glutinous Rice Fish Ball.

I want a black pudding
shaved ice with chive.

Yes, hurry up, thank you.


You're paying.

Me? Are you crazy?

Who eats hairy chicken?

Hairy chicken, you're crazy.

Hairy chicken tastes better.

Hairy chicken taste so much better.
You should try