House Arrest (2019) - full transcript

A NETFLIX ORIGINAL FILM

INDIA STORIES
STORIES THAT HUMANISE LIFE

Hello, Delhi!

It's eight o'clock on Monday
and we're all off to work.

The traffic is terrible.

But of course, darling,
this is NCR's Delhi.

If you're stuck in your car making lists

of the battles you're fighting this week

with your rivals, colleagues and clients,

there must be a little thought,

in some corner of your mind,



wondering why Sunday ended at all.

Man, why did I leave the house at all?

I could be curled up in bed,
doing nothing.

After all, there's no place like home.

What are you waiting for? Get started.

Day 279.

Thank you.

Eight o'clock tomorrow.

-Hey, handsome.
-JD.

Guess where I am.

You got some girl wasted last night

and took her home.

Firstly, she invited me to her house.

Secondly, she wasn't drunk.



What do you think I am?

Where do I start?

I don't need to force girls
to sleep with me, got it?

You know
you're headed for trouble, don't you?

I will see all your scandals
in the media one day.

Screenshots, photos...

What will you see, bro?
You're a traitor to millennials.

You never reply to my messages.

Your dumbass rule...

"Take all bloody phone calls."

Get out of the 1800s, move on.

The day I break my rules,

you will be the first one
whose calls I will reject.

Until then, listen to me.

An amazing idea came to me last night

and it's still stuck in my head.

-You and I, partners. Okay?
-No.

Dude...

-No.
-Love of my life, get serious.

How long
will this crazy house arrest last?

You've been locked inside the house
for six months now.

Come on. Get out today.

Let's meet for lunch.

I'll explain the idea.

-No.
-Bro, dude, this is not...

This is not normal, okay?

You have a mental problem.

I agree what happened was not--

JD! JD. I don't want to leave the house.

That's it. We've been over this.

The Karan I knew from class four
was a happy super-achiever

who could not be...

made to go home.

And now you've locked yourself up
at home for six months,

-rotting away like an idiot.
-Don't you get tired of talking?

Guys usually sleep
after having sex. Sleep.

Bye. Deepa...

Karan, baby, I know you are in there.
Open up.

Come on.

-Pinky, hi.
-Hi, darling!

-Listen, Karan. You're my friend, right?
-Yes, sure.

Exactly. That's what I told Daddy.

"Dad, don't worry, dude.
Karan upstairs... he's really sweet.

Forget him trying to touch me,

he doesn't even look at me like that.

Yes, maybe he's gay." You know, it's not
easy to guess these days, right?

You told your father that?

Yeah. And you know what Daddy said?

Daddy said, "Listen, dear Pinky."

He calls me "dear."

So sweet, no?

Yes, very.

So Daddy said, "Dear Pinky,
I know, these boys are all the same -

you ask them for help,
and they want something in return."

So, I said, "Oh, God, Daddy, please...
It's not like that, okay?"

I didn't tell Daddy
that girls also want the same thing.

So, what's the problem, right?

Good, you didn't tell him, but--

I also told him, "Listen, Daddy,

don't talk too much
while sitting in Dubai, okay?

You don't know Karan.

He is really, really sweet
and he will understand."

What will he understand?

Okay, listen, darling.

Remember I told you
that Dad is a big businessman?

Don. He is actually a very big don.

Oh, I told you.

But he is a big sweetheart.

-He's damn sweet.
-Very good for him, but...

What do you want, Pinky?

There's a package.
I will leave it at your house, okay?

You're always at home.

You never step out
and neither does anyone come here.

So... Sit.

Package?

Yeah. I have to attend a wedding today,

so my cousins will come home to get ready.

So I can't keep it at home.

If anyone sees,
it will spoil the surprise.

So, you keep it, okay? Thank you.

No...

I don't know, Pinky.

I'm prepared to give you anything. Money?

-No.
-Okay.

-No... What are you doing?
-Sex?

-No, no.
-I'm very good. It's your lucky day.

-It's not my day.
-Rambo!

I didn't introduce you to Rambo.

He's my bodyguard.

Dad has asked him
not to leave me alone with any guy,

so, Rambo will be here.

Rambo baby, face that way, please. Turn.

Perfect.

-Let's go.
-What are you doing?

I will keep the package.

I'll keep it.

Please...

Are you turning me down?

No.

I don't know Rambo well enough.

You're so weird, baby.

You are not normal. You know that, right?

Anyway, thank you so much. Bye, okay?

Rambo. Baby, come, let's go.

I can draw eyes on you.

I am not normal.

And if I am normal...

He's the abnormal one.

Hey, handsome.

What's up?

I'm wondering why I ever thought
I could find peace at home.

Yeah, so listen...

-No.
-Because I'm going to enrich your life.

There's a journalist...

A mutual friend was telling her about you,

that you don't step out of the house.

When he said that you haven't stepped out
in six months, she was amazed.

Of course, I did add
that you're a bit psycho,

that you talk to yourself
and dance around naked.

Thanks, JD.

Now, she is really interested
in meeting you.

She was chatting away...

about this being a new trend -

urban isolation.

Your favorite theme - solitude.

There's a name for it in Japan...

The "Hakuna Matata" type.

-No.
-Fuck!

JD.

She really wants to meet you.

And because I'm your best friend,
what did I do?

-JD, you didn't give her my number...
-Your address, too. Meet her, man.

You won't let me in - that's fine.

-But meet this girl.
-No.

-No...
-Her name is Saira.

-JD.
-She'll call you.

-I don't want to meet her.
-Shut up.

Why is delivering a beautiful girl
to your home a problem?

Because I'm not interested. Say no, buddy.

Boss, I shouldn't be telling you this,

but if she doesn't get this story,
she'll lose her job.

-I don't care.
-Her blood is on your hands.

I don't... I don't want to. Bye.

You motherfucker...

Hello, sir. Your supplies...

Shall I cook for you?

No, I'll cook myself.

-Mashed eggplant maybe?
-No, I've got eggs and bread.

Sir, shall I clean the house?

No, that's not necessary.

-Thank you.
-Okay, sir.

Hi, is that Karan?

That depends...

Hi, this is Saira.
I got your number from JD.

-Jamshed Daneja?
-Oh...

Boss, let me make one thing very clear.

I'm not a hermit or a samurai.

No. Of course.

Well, I heard you watched
your car get stolen,

yet you didn't step out of the house.

I called the police, okay? I'm not crazy.

That's not what I'm implying.

I'm actually researching
the Japanese concept, Hikikomori,

to see if it's happening in India.

"Hikiki" what?

Hikikomori.

Millions of Japanese people -
usually boys, usually young -

shut themselves up in their rooms.

You know, just shut-ins,
rejecting society.

They are busy with their gadgets,
you know, just online.

Zero physical social contact.

You've been doing something similar
for six months, right?

So, let's meet.

Yes... No. Look, I don't want
to be in the papers or on TV, please.

No, relax.
I don't work in TV or for a newspaper.

If I cause you any trouble,
then I'll leave.

But what you do is really interesting.

-Madam, it's not interesting--
-Tomorrow?

Tomorrow? Please don't say no.

Look, I don't usually allow anyone in.

Okay, that's very sweet of you.

Thanks. Great. So, Tuesday morning, then.
Eleven o'clock.

Is tomorrow Tuesday?

Yes.

I have your address.
I'll see you, Karan. Bye.

Hello?

Okay. Thanks a lot, baby.

-What... What is this?
-The package.

You told me you would keep it.

But...

A package, yes, but what is this?

This is a fridge.

I can't have this
in my living room all day.

Rambo.

Stupid Rambo. Go put it inside.

Come, I'll show you.

No. Inside... No. Inside?

Hello?

Hey... hey, bro.

Hey! Ram, bro...

Hello... hey!

Yes, let's put it here.

Gurmeet Kaur.

This is a package. I'm not Gurmeet Kaur.

Could be your wife.

-No.
-Sir, who are you?

Whoever, but not Gurmeet Kaur!

Where is she? When will she come?

I don't know.

Sir, do this -
take the package and sign, please.

Rambo, I told you to fix the lock.
Put him inside.

Hurry up.

Sign, please. You must, sir.

-No.
-Sir...

What... What is this?

What is this? What's in there?

It's a bag, baby.

Body.

Body.

Okay, fine.
At least it's a package, right?

-He was trying to kidnap me.
-So, you gift-wrapped him?

No... You can't keep him here, bro. Bro.

Actually, you know what?

Daddy's enemies - "businessmen" -

are always trying to kill me or kidnap me.

That's why I have Rambo.

-But...
-He broke into my room today.

But Rambo was sleeping there.

You see, I have a king-sized bed.

So, Rambo sleeps in my room,
and I sleep in his room.

So, he hit poor Rambo on the head.

And Rambo didn't like that.

Yeah. So... Very good.

But you can't keep this here. Please.

Baby, I have to go to a wedding
and I have shopping to do.

My cousins are coming.
Remember? I told you.

Where can I keep it?

Anywhere else, but not here.

Rambo, put him down.

Pinky, I live here.

I can't spend all day with a corpse.

This is why I offered you sex, right?

Rambo, you turn around. And you come here.

Wait... Wait a minute.
I can't do this. Please.

It's okay, baby.

No problem.

I offered, you refused.

It's okay.

Rambo will pick it up
in the evening, okay?

Bye, baby.

Oh, yeah. One more thing...

You must keep this package safe.

Because I love you, and all,

but if something goes wrong
with the package...

You know Rambo, right?

He just kills people.

Understood, no? Bye.

Baby, come. Let's go.

Hey, Karan. Saira again.

Hey!

Hi, listen. What are you up to now?

Nothing.

Okay, so, what are your plans for the day?

Are people coming over?
Do people visit? No, right?

No. Nothing is going on here.

-Generally, I don't meet people.
-Okay, great.

So, if you don't mind, can we meet now?

Because my meeting got shifted.
So, I'm free, too.

Fantastic. I'm right around the corner.

What? No, no!

Relax, Karan. It's going to be painless.

I'll see you. Bye.

No, no... Hello?

Is he alive?

Madam...

please sign in.

It's compulsory.

Sorry.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hi.

Hi.

-Saira.
-Karan.

I hope it wasn't difficult
to find the house.

No, I followed the map.

-Coffee?
-Sure.

Come.

Sit.

Sit.

Wow.

This is a really nice house.

Dude, Hikikomori dens should be like this.

-I'll get coffee.
-Sure.

AVOID: REACHED?

Saira, coffee.

Thank you.

So, I'll start with the obvious question.

When did you decide
to stay indoors, and why?

I guess I needed a break.

I was a banker.

So, the bank was the problem?

Promotions, responsibilities, ambitions...

I spent my whole life...

and all my time trying to plan this house.

I didn't actually spend any time in it.

Normally, people call that success.

Some people figure it out early
and others, late.

Everyone...

thinks...

"I'll earn this much and retire."

But that target keeps increasing.

You attend meeting after meeting,
make Excel spreadsheets, analyze them...

You look up and six years are gone.

And just to be clear,
you never leave the house?

Like, not even to get cigarettes.

I don't smoke.

Cash? I mean, you need money.

Yes. The watchman gets it.

Trusting...

Okay, I can't think of anything else.
What if there's a fire?

Obviously...

A friend's emergency?

Of course. But it's better
if you don't curse my future.

Sure.

What about elections?

You don't seem the voting type, though.

The next election is far away.

I'll vote next time.

Look, I'm okay staying in.

I trade stocks and do Skype consulting.
It's no big deal.

So...

Can I see your home?

For the story, of course.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Great.

How is...

It's really pretty.

Thank you.

I got it from Burma.

And... mathematical stuff...

That's my room. And...

Bedroom.

Nice.

-This is a really nice place, Karan.
-Thank you.

Much cleaner than mine.

-Shall we go?
-Okay.

Did a short man enter the building?
He's short.

Height is not noted in the register.

Was he in there? Let's check.

Sign in first.

Let's go.

Thank you.

Your bot cleans the house all by itself?

With no help?

Robert is a smart maid.

KHALEESI: AK PUSHED TO FRI

Oh, damn.

My next meeting has been canceled.

Come on.

Let's continue the interview outside,
over lunch.

Come on.

You'll have to step out someday.

And I'm slightly hungry.

Nice try.

But I would freeze at the door.

I'm fine at home.

Like I said, no big deal.

If it's no big deal, then let's go.

If you don't like it,
stay in for another six months. Okay?

No.

Why?

It would ruin your story.

-Nicely done.
-Thanks.

You know, the worst part
is that I totally get it.

The office, this city, the pollution...

the men...

You know, honestly,

I've always dreamt of taking a year off

to do nothing.

Rather, do nothing.

Just cut myself off from everything
and everyone.

Just be by myself.

If you don't meet people,
there's no stress,

no confusion, no miscommunication,

no scope for cheating...

You should do it.

Sure.

If I could afford it, I would.

You know, when I heard about you,

I decided I'd meet you
and uncover all your secrets,

so I could try it myself.

But your secret is clear.

You're loaded, boss.

You have everything.
You can do whatever you like.

So, you figured it out?

The interview is over?

Did it even start?

You distracted me by listening
to my Hikikomori story.

Don't do that. I get to ask the questions.

Fine, noted.

You ask the questions and...

I can serve you lunch.

You're hungry. You can eat here.

You'll also see what I can cook at home...

what I've learnt.

You know, stuff like that.

If something happens to this package...
You know Rambo, right?

Can I help?

No. Why? No.

No, I'm good.

Okay.

Thank you. Will you excuse me?

Robert...

don't you cook?

Pinky, pick up, pick up. Pinky.

Fuck!

-I'll just...
-Oh, sorry.

Salary?

Oh, yes. Salary.

-Did you wash the car?
-Yes.

-Did you start the engine?
-Yes.

Here, 800 rupees. The car is fine, right?

Yes, sir. Sir, here...

Your keys.

I got a new job as a driver.
I start tomorrow.

You drive?

I learned with your car, sir.

That Mukesh...
Mukesh is the new watchman.

He'll come from tomorrow to wash the car.

Don't give him your ATM card yet, sir.

He's new.

Yes.

-All the best.
-Thank you, sir.

-Go.
-I'll go now, sir.

So, you're okay with all this?

Yes, why?

He's a nice guy.

He's progressing.

He is much better than the last guy was.

By last guy you mean
the one who stole your car?

Which means one guy got a car
and the other a career.

No, one minute.

I'm not running a charity here
or a driving school.

Amazing.

You know, I lived in Japan for a year,

teaching English.

When I got back from Japan,

it was my first weekend in Delhi,

I was watching a movie on my laptop,

and a man was on the roof
of the next building.

He must have been in his forties,
wearing a vest and yellow shorts.

He randomly picks up a pole.

On the other end of the pole...

he had hung a pair of panties.

-Panties?
-Pink panties.

So, he picks up the pole

and starts wildly swinging it in the wind,
this way and that,

with the pink panties.

And suddenly, the sky turns dark.

He was summoning the rain.

No.

The sky darkens because of pigeons.

-Pigeons?
-Pigeons.

They come from everywhere.

They cover the roof.
Pigeons, pigeons everywhere...

Okay. Then?

Nothing. He kept feeding them.

End of story.

I'd like to meet Captain Panties.

For that you have to get out.

Who is Watchman Tiwari here?

It's me, sir.

Did you file a complaint?

Yes.

Two men came here

and just beat me up.

Then?

Sir, they went in and then they left.

-Why did you let them go?
-They were goons, sir.

-Let's go check.
-Sign in, sir.

Well, it looks good.

Try it and then tell me.

God, Karan, it's so good.

Staying home turned you
into MasterChef Delhi?

Thank you.

Other domestic skills,

are they just as good?

I mean, you clean the place.

Plumbing?

No. Tried. Failed.

Oh dear,
you were almost the perfect husband.

Okay, alone is best.

But I have a plumber
who would make the perfect husband.

Hardworking, works day and night...

What's in it for me
if he works day and night?

He might want to fix some drain
even on the wedding night.

"Back in five!" But he never returns.

But when he returns,
he'll give first-class service.

We'll find a groom later.

What does your family think
about all of this?

They're looking for ways
to get me out of the house.

My mom, dad, friends...

So, for how long, then?

I don't know. As long as I can.

I like this life.

This story just keeps getting better.

You know, my girlfriends keep asking me,
"Where are all the good guys?"

Maybe they're at home...

not stepping out.

But you know, all said and done...

don't you get bored at home?

Bored? No.

You get to learn really strange things
when you're by yourself.

-Alone.
-Really? Like what?

Hikikomori, right?
Zero physical and social contact.

Rejecting society.

Come, I'll show you. Come.

So...

Come.

Do you see that?

Monkeys attack that house every day.

Two brothers live in this apartment.

They fight over the same apartment
and they've hired the same goon.

And...

right there is our nudist uncle.

And over there, the Chinese spy.

How do you know he's a spy?

How do you know the spy is a "he"?

Madam scans the whole neighborhood
with her telescope.

Spy.

But my personal favorite...

our very own, happily-married uncle,

who waits for his wife to leave for work

and his kids, for school,

so that his boyfriend can come over.

The signal...

is given on this balcony -

a yellow towel...

with the message, "It's hot."

Superb.

But how do you know
that he's his boyfriend?

Because I've seen them
have physical and social contact.

Dating apps? Tinder?
I'm asking for the story.

No, of course. I downloaded Tinder.
Swiped, swiped, deleted.

How come?

When the question,
"Should we meet?" arose,

inviting a girl home seemed weird.

And I don't go out.

Alone is good.

Yeah, that can be really creepy.

I'm off Tinder too.

My ex-boyfriend downloaded Tinder
on my phone and matched me with every guy.

His idea of a joke.

Actually, I can't handle dating.

If you introduce two strangers like that,
how can you expect any honesty?

Yeah.

I completely agree.

I used to believe that people are honest,

but then I came to my senses.

Alone is best.

Seriously, Karan.

You're not alone. You're lucky.

You have so many friends
and your family cares about you.

They want to see you happy.

If I decide to stay at home,
cut myself off from society,

weeks would pass by,
and no one would notice.

I would notice.

Where did you go?

Sorry. What were you saying?

I was saying that I'm a stranger
with whom you must be honest.

Or I couldn't write this story.

Right, right.

Excuse me.

One second.

Pinky.

Karan, baby. Where are you?

Oh, wait. Where could you be?

Pinky! Pinky, this corpse is alive.

He's making sounds
and his eyes are rolling.

What are you saying, baby?

Stupid Rambo.

What will you do now, baby?

What can I do? I'm dying from stress.

Okay, baby, do this.

You have a knife at home, no?
A big kitchen knife?

Yes.

Okay, so, exactly one hand's length
below his left shoulder,

baby, stick the knife in there, okay?

No. No!

No, no, I understand.

The knife might get stuck in his ribs.

You know what, baby?
Just slit his throat. It's safest.

Spread a plastic sheet
or something on the ground, okay?

Hey, are you crazy?

I'm getting this suitcase out.
I can't deal with this.

Don't be stupid, Karan, baby.

Anyway, you can't.
The police have arrived, so...

Police?

Oh, yes.

If the suitcase with the living guy in it
falls into the wrong hands,

baby, it will be a mess.

You know, he'll spill the beans.

So, he's safest in your house.

So, you keep him safe. Okay, baby?
I've got to go now. Bye.

-No, Pinky.
-Rambo, move it away.

No, I'm not safe. I'm...

I'm not safe.

The police can't come here.

KHALEESI: YOUR LAPTOP IS IN OFFICE.
WHERE ARE YOU?

IT'S HOT

Hey, what's wrong? All good?

All good.

I've taken up a lot of your time.

I should leave.

I couldn't become your Hikikomori, right?

I should have been weirder.

I should go.

Thank you, Karan.

Good luck with everything.

Yeah.

-Bye.
-Bye.

Bye.

-Handsome.
-What?

Bro,

answer my texts once in a while.

-What is it, JD?
-One minute.

Why are you talking to me
when there is a hot girl with you?

JD, she was here for work, she left.

If you thought it was a date,
you're an asshole.

You've already got rid of her?

No problem.

I'll adjust.

What are you saying?

You know...

You have always been useful to me,

since school, when I used to copy
your math paper and pass.

So?

Women... Women, Karan, when they meet
a sensible, straightforward man,

they start imagining their lives with him.

Steady, reliable and absolutely dull.

Hey, just--

And then they want
a little excitement, so they call JD.

And JD gets what JD wants.

In fact, I'll call her right now.

JD, shut up, or else I'll slap you.

Oh, why?

-You like her, or what?
-Listen, JD, listen to me.

She's a nice person.

So am I.

You just leave her alone.

Okay? Hello...

Are you...

...at Christmas slowly reveals the...

-Karan?
-Hey.

Hey!

Is everything okay?

Would you like to come back?

Sorry, what?

Would you like... Hello?

-Hello?
-Hello?

Yeah, I can hear you. What?

Yeah, I...

I thought, if you want to return...
Do come back.

Hello?

Yeah.

Actually, Karan, I have to submit
two articles at the office urgently.

So, I have to rush.

And the interview is over.

Yeah. Well...

I'm glad you came.

Come again some time.

Hello?

No, see you... Hello?

-Hello?
-Hello...

Shucks. Perfect!

Hello?

"Come again some time."
Are you crazy, or what?

Can I help you, sir?

Have you seen two goons?

No.

Let's go.

I didn't see anything.

I wasn't here.

I wasn't even here.

Hi.

Hi.

I don't mean to be a pile-on,

but I left my laptop at the office.

And I just found out that there's
no electricity there until the evening.

So, I have to submit
those urgent articles.

The result of going out...

is overrated.

I could have worked on my phone also,
but the battery is low.

And I'm assuming the network was down
because I messaged you.

So, I...

-Should I read them?
-No.

Welcome back.

I'm assuming that you have a laptop.

Yeah. And Wi-Fi, too. Super strong.

You can work from here.
The computer is inside.

You can relax.

Listen, Karan.

I don't normally
conduct interviews like this.

But the interview is over, right?

Come.

Yeah.

Why did you return from Japan?

My visa expired, buddy.

1 NEW MESSAGE

AVOID: WHERE R U?

Even if you turn your phone off,

the world finds a way to intrude.

I'll be right back.

Sir, Tasty Palace.

-Hello, Tasty Palace.
-Your food.

It's not mine.

It's not yours?

Does this happen a lot?

-He’ll ask if this is the second floor.
-Is this the second floor, sir?

And now the climax -
"It could be downstairs."

It could be downstairs.

God! You are really calm.

I would have yelled.

Five years ago, I would have yelled.

But it's really nothing. No big deal.

Nice.

So, by staying at home,
you have become calm and kind.

No.

It's just to impress you.

Any other observations?

Oh, many observations.

But before that, I need to work.
And I need to use your bathroom.

Yes, sure. Yes. In here.

You can go... I'll show you.

Thanks.

What's going on here, Karan?

What's going on here?

Who else is here?

I'm sure you have a girlfriend
who has gone out,

and you're all playing a prank on me.

No.

Why... What happened?

That.

That right there
is not a single man's toilet.

I mean, your house is extra clean.
Okay. I get it.

But that bathroom...

Listen, you're not
some psycho murderer, right?

No--

This whole time

you thought I was normal.

So, now...

Do you always suspect
that your interview subjects

are about to murder you?

Actually, sometimes.

Next time you come,
I'll keep the bathroom filthy.

Psycho murderer, it seems...

Do you meet many creepy people?

I met a creepy director yesterday.

He just assumed
I was going to sleep with him,

just because he was famous at one point.

The same day. Can you imagine?

Like, I was going to meet him
and fall for him, or something...

-Unbelievable.
-At least, he wasn't a murderer.

Who knows?

Maybe he had a couple of dead bodies
stashed away in a cupboard.

Sorry to disappoint you.

That's all right.

Okay, I should actually do some work now.

Yes, I'll make some coffee.

Genius.

Sorry.

Handsome.

Hi, JD. I'm busy.

Why? Did Saira come back?

Wow.

She did?

She's here to work. I'll call you later.

She came back?

Yes. Let it go. Okay, bye.

-Give Saira the phone.
-Why?

-I want to talk to her.
-What?

She's my friend's friend, right?

What's up, JD?

-Give her the phone.
-Later.

Give her the phone, dude.

Bro.

Hey, give it to her.

Give it to her.

Saira?

-Fine.
-Saira?

He is insisting.

JD.

Who? Your friend JD?

Hello?

Why is your phone off?

Hi, JD.

I've been calling you for eons.

How are you, JD?

You know bloody well how I am.

What are you two doing?

Why did you go back?

JD, actually, I'm a bit busy right now.
I have a deadline.

Is he near you?

Is he looking at you?

Okay, JD. Nice chat.

Nice chat? Really?

Like that?

Switch your phone on right now

and tell him we have to speak in private.

No. Not now.

Is he bothering you?

Hang up.

Hang up. I even do the same.

It works.

-Is everything okay?
-Yeah, carry on.

JD, you are a complete bastard.

And she is back.
So, you can speak now? Witch.

You said you wouldn't harass me.

Harass? Is that how you speak to me now?

-First, screw you.
-Okay.

Second, I have a genuine story here.

Oh, man.

And you asked me to meet Karan.

I wondered whether you two
would get along.

Calm down, dude.

Then I remembered what you looked like
when we used to...

No.

I don't want to talk to you.
Why am I talking to you?

Now I'm nervous
that you'll leave me for Karan...

Bro. Oh, dude!

Oh, Karan.

Leave you?

I've already left you, JD!

You said you were having
the best sex of your life,

and now you're ruining it?

Brother, do what you want,

but do it quietly - I have a guest.

You were cheating on me, you sleazebag.

Babes, we weren't exclusive.

How many women have you cheated on, JD?

You're a manipulative, lying prick.
That's what you are.

Is Karan a really good guy?

Very much. And I have no idea
how the two of you are friends.

We are friends. Okay?

And Karan is no angel. Trust me.

Trust?

JD, you don't even know
what that word means.

So, don't say, "Trust me."

Every man...

Every man hides something, okay?

I have no idea why we're discussing this
at this point in time.

But I want you to know, that unlike you,

I don't start immediately thinking
about having sex with someone

the moment I meet them.

You and Karan are the same,
made for each other.

If you had been born in the 40s,
you both would make a perfect...

-Bye, JD.
-Okay... Listen.

If you're attracted to Karan,

there's no reason to tell him

the two of us were lovers, okay?

He won't be able to handle it.

Why?

Because you two are best friends?

Yes... bum-chums.

But you know a lot about sleeping
with people's best friends, don't you, JD?

It was just one time.

Hey!

Were you and JD arguing?

You know him?

Well, he and my friend once...

Ah...

Typical JD.

You two seem very unlikely friends.

I've known him since school.

Yes, he has big problems.

But deep down, he's a nice guy.

If you say so.

Thank you.

What was that noise

that you heard
and then you suddenly ran off.

There's this senior citizen next door.

When he clears his throat,
it's like the apocalypse.

These Hikikomoris have got it wrong.

Spending your life
in front of a digital screen...

But that's your life, Karan.

No, I don't stay indoors for the internet.

I just wanted one day...

where no one would disturb me.

It's been nine months.

It's been nine months?

I thought it had been six months.

It will be nine months tomorrow.

Nice. 279 days.

What? 279 days?

Is that why you learned to talk to plants?

I learned to listen.

They listen.

Everyone is so caught up in speaking

that no one listens.

This is why Japanese people...

create Zen gardens.

Sir...

please explain Japan to me.

What is it now?

Her phone is off.
Are you sleeping with her?

Are you on drugs again, JD?

Bro... you're a loser.

Sit at home and sulk
if you want to, all your life.

But I want the girl. I'll get her.

Seriously, JD?

Bro, pass the phone.

I'll steal her in front you.

You must be used to this by now.

What happened?

He's lost it. Forget him.

What was he saying?

CALL FROM JD

I'm not taking it.

Don't, no...

JD, what are you doing?

Oh, it's you.

Listen, get out of there.
Enough is enough.

What?

Look, Saira. I'm doing this for you.

Okay? I want you. Get out of there.

You know what?
You, me and your friend Mala...

We should get together.

The two of you look so hot together.

Her name is Maya.

JD, don't ever call me again.

Unbelievable.

What did he say?

I don't remember.

Cool. Me neither.

Man...

You seem completely normal.

Why don't you go out?

Come on.

It's been nine months, Karan.

No, thanks.

No, really.

Come on.

See, the world's a lovely place.

It's not that lovely.

True.

But step outside.

Today is a good day for staying in.

You're here, good conversation...

Some other day, not today.

So what now?

Is your work finished?

There's a lot left.

Pick up.

Pinky, pick up.

Please, pick up. Please, bloody...

Of course...

Karan, baby.

Pinky.

Where are you?

At the wedding. Where else?

When is Rambo coming?

Baby, Rambo can't leave me alone here.

There are so many cute boys here.
It will take some more time. Okay?

Oh, hang on, baby.

No, no...

-Baby, you're still there?
-I can't take this anymore.

I'm dumping the suitcase.

Come on, baby. Rambo will get upset.

I have a guest.

Do other people come to your house?

When will he leave?

I don't know when she'll leave.

She? It's a girl?

Karan, baby, you rejected me
and now you're with some loose woman?

-No, no.
-Anyway, not to worry.

Rambo will pick it up.

I'll scold you later.
My song is ending. Bye.

No, don't...

Hello?

Pinky?

You listen...

SLEEPING PILLS

MY PICTURES

Hey.

Thank you, chef.

You're welcome.

SLEEPING PILLS

Bro.

You scream, you die. Okay?

Hungry?

Don't scream.

Please, please.

Drink.

Relax.

ARE YOU NORMAL OR NUTS?

EXPERTS SAY YOU MIGHT NOT
BE AS LOONY AS YOU THINK.

I was helpless, bro. Sorry.

If I let you go, they will kill me.
I can't do any more.

That's it?

You should sleep now.

Open your mouth.

Open.

Relax.

Go to sleep.

FINISH LAST OF US VIDEO GAME

I've finished my work.

Why have you randomly written names
of video games on your planner?

That...

Put the murder weapon down, please.

Sorry.

I have old motion sensor games.
No one plays them.

Wow, I grew up playing
motion sensor games. I love them!

Of course you do.

Come on, then!

I will beat you on your home ground.

I thought your Hikikomori lair
would be exciting.

You know, messy, full of secrets...

What sort of hidden fortress is this?

Well...

Next time, I'll make this messy too.

By the way, that suitcase is so you.

Oh, that belongs to my neighbor.

He left it here for the day.

-Come. Shall we?
-Yeah, let's do this.

Nice.

It's been a long time since
I last spent so much time with anyone.

Wow.

So what now?

Do you feel like kicking me out?

No, on the contrary...

I'm actually enjoying it.

Sure?

Yes.

You're losing. Try harder.

And I thought I was the competitive one.

But I...

just won.

Are we done?

I saw a tennis game.

Tennis?

Yeah.

VIRTUAL TENNIS 4

This is amazing.

I miss this.

I think you miss losing.

-Play.
-Shut up.

Show off.

Focus...

or you'll lose.

This is the best.

Play when you want.

Alone or with someone.

You control the players and...

nobody

can

lie.

Yes!

Good game.

What's next?

Okay, my turn.

Favorite movie?

Sholay.

Sholay is, like, mid-70s.

Favorite romantic comedy?

-Sholay.
-What?

It is. Sholay is every kind of film.

The last olive...

This is Basanti.

Basanti, go to Veeru. You are Veeru.

Basanti won't last long with me.

She'll be exhausted
listening to me complain

about how much I hate my office.

My life doesn't even have an office.

Take it.

Forget the office.
I'm trapped in this city.

I'm physically trapped in this apartment.

Are we playing
"the biggest loser gets the olive"?

Because I got run over by a cow once.

Cow? Don't even try it.

My life is a lot more
messed up than yours,

and I don't even know how to fix it.

So, this olive...

is mine.

Wait.

My ex-boyfriend cheated on me
with my best friend,

and I don't think
I'll ever trust anyone again.

I'm sorry.

My wife eloped with my boss.

We got married and I worked like mad...

because I really wanted...

a perfect life for us.

So, I worked hard, day and night.

I even did my boss' work.

I later found out that my boss had been
at my house all along, doing my job.

I lost my wife and my job.

I was too ashamed to step out.

Then it was nicer indoors.

Now, I'm used to it.

For years, she kept telling me,

"Karan, come home.

Karan, come home."

And Karan came home.

But now he can't leave home.

Hello, sir, Tasty Palace.

Hi, Tasty Palace.

Here is your food.

It's not mine.

Is this not your food?

Is this the third floor?

This is the best floor.

What is this?

I should leave.

I don't think I can do this, Karan.

I don't know what got into me.

No, I...

I liked it.

I've made big mistakes, Karan.

Me too.

But I don't think today was a mistake.

I like you.

Then when you leave,

you must call me, please.

Yes.

Look...

I really like you, too.

But...

I wasn't mentally prepared
for any of this.

Something happens now and then later...

-You know what I mean.
-I know.

You're right.

It would be stupid.

Yeah, we shouldn't be stupid.

Yeah.

Okay.

Take care.

Bye.

Hello?

JD?

Now, you listen.

We've known each other
for 20 years, right?

You've never been as much of an asshole
as you have been today.

So, I thought,

if you were serious about all of this...

you would come home and talk to me.

That was your plan, right?

-What?
-To deliberately goad me about Saira, no?

Is this your attempt at matchmaking?

Bro, what are you talking about?

Look, I'm busy. I'm at a party.

No, you're not busy. You're just wrong.

Balls to your good or bad intentions.
I don't care.

Straight talk from Karan? Wow.

Did you just have sex?

No, I didn't. And it doesn't matter.

What matters
is that you stop manipulating people.

You're serious?

Yes.

Also, you introduced me to Saira...

Thank you.

Creepy bastard.

I'm losing you, bro.

Let's get stupid?

Yes, please.

Do you realize
that since you've been inside,

bra technology has changed?

What? Impossible.

Do designers need your permission?

I would have found out on the internet.

Very good.

My hair.

Sorry. It's been a while.

You remember the basics, right?

Yeah, the basics, yes.

If you want to Google it, you can check.

I'll wait.

Okay...

you remember everything.

You're very kind.

I'm easy to please.

I think you're very beautiful.

Was it good for you?

I'll have to think about it.

Let's try a few more times

and decide in the morning.

Really?

Yes.

Are you awake?

Are you okay?

I'm not sure.

I don't usually wake up like this.

Me neither.

How did this happen?

I think it somehow started with Sholay.

I'll have to be careful...

or people will talk about Sholay
and take advantage of me.

How many men were there?

Chief, two.

-There were two, Chief. Two.
-Idiot.

Crazy. Haven't you ever seen any before?

Can I ask you something?

Yes, ask me.

I can trust you, right?

Shit!

Should I have said no?

I have to go to work.

-No, don't go.
-Yes.

Okay, shut your eyes.

I haven't shaved my legs

and my underwear is boring, too.

Listen to me.

Stay here.

Then I won't have to see your work undies.

It works out for both of us.

That's very tempting, but I have to go.

Stay.

I can't.

-Stay.
-I can't.

Stay.

I'm leaving, but...

I'll be back.

-What?
-What?

I...

I was thinking...

Will you come back?

Or shouldn't I have asked that?

I am coming back.

Sorry.

I'll get over it.

What the hell?

What's going on?

I can explain.

He was here, all this while?

-While we...
-Yes. Actually, he was sleeping.

All day? He was here?

Who are you, Karan?

No... He is from downstairs, not here.

I don't know.

Someone was supposed to pick him up.

This is sick.

The girl downstairs...

Her father... gangster.

Rambo would kill me.

-I mean...
-What?

She left him here.
I didn't know what to do.

I don't know how to explain.

Don't even bother.

Freak. Idiot.

Is this a game that you and JD play?

JD?

You pass girls on to each other,

make up weird stories to trick them...

Is that what you do?

You...

and JD?

Both of you...

Both of you are players.

He cheats and then you take a turn.

And I trusted you.

I...

didn't know anything about you and JD.

And if trust is so important
then why didn't you tell me.

JD and I were a thing. Not anymore.

He told me about you and said
you were the world's biggest idiot.

But it turns out,
there's no bigger idiot than me.

Really, Saira...

there was no plan.

What does it matter?

Look at your face.

Such innocence.

I'm done.

Sa--

Just stop it, man.

Baby, who is this?

-She was outside, crying.
-She's my friend. Let her go.

Oh, friend?

Let her go. Put her down.

-Rambo.
-Please.

Rambo, go.

Stop!

First, tell her that I'm not in your gang.

You got him in here by force

and you told me you'd kill me
if I let him go.

Tell her.

We totally forced him.

No one comes here anyway.

-Karan.
-No.

I didn't want any of this.

Did I invite any of you here? No.

I didn't want anyone to come here.
You all showed up.

Now, I want all of you...

to go.

Please leave.

-Karan, I'll stay and help you--
-No, please.

I'm fine. So...

Oh, sweetie...

don't tell the police, okay?

Full drama only.

Pinky,

you too.

Leave. Now.

Like that?

Yes.

A little sex
and the mouse turns into a tiger.

Rambo!

Baby,

no one talks to Pinky like that.

It's just not allowed.

Rules are rules. Rambo, go!

Rambo,

go means kill him.

What happened?

Love.

Smart Rambo.

Thank you.

One minute.

Rambo.

Where is everyone?

Make up your mind, Karan, baby.

First, you tell everyone to leave

and then you ask where they went.

You won't kill him, right?

Whatever I do,
it won't be in your precious house.

Anyway, I won't kill him.

He gave me all the information

and he works for me now.

Rambo took him downstairs.

And, baby, we have to be ruthless
in our business,

or we appear weak.

So, I can't say sorry.

It's okay.

We're still... friends.

Okay, I have to ask you...

Do you like that girl a lot?

I do.

Are you going to go after her?

She's gone.

Baby, does she have a car?

Love.

I'm sorry.

Me too.

Come back?

My place?

THE END

TRANSLATED BY: NEENA KISS

Hello, sir. Shall I cook food for you?

Pinky, dear...

Shit!

No...

This is wrong.

I was joking.