Hotel Transylvania (2012) - full transcript

Peek-a-boo!

No, no, no, no, no.

I didn't mean to startle
you, my little baby.

Shh, Shh, shh.

A-bitty goo-bah!

I vant to kiss your tush.

I vant to kiss your tush!

Nice, but maybe a little
more square footage.

I want a lot of monsters here.

I'm gonna
get you, little Mavis.

I'm gonna get you! Oy.



What out there?

Oh, we never go out there.

Ever.

"And then the monsters ran away
and were forced into hiding."

"But Harry the Human found them and
jumped out from under their bed."

I'm scared!
"And burned their clothes

and bit their toes!"

"And took their candy!"

Don't take my candy.

Babyclaws, you don't
need to be frightened.

I promised your mommy
I would protect you forever.

Just bend the legs
and push off.

Trust me, mouse.

Ha-ha!
I can fly! I can fly!



Look at you!

Faster, baby! Faster!

Whoo-hoo! You got it,
my little voodoo doll!

Excuse me, sir.

What? What?

Ow. I'm okay.

It's ready.

Looks good.

Only monsters can get in?

Oh, absolutely.

It's hidden real nicely.

You got 400 acres of haunted
forest in front of you.

You got the Land of the
Undead on the perimeters.

Any humans daring to even look over
there will run away real quick.

But, of course, be smart.

No bonfires, no firework shows.

Yeah, yeah, no, no. No
fire, I get it, I get it.

It's time, my darling Martha.

The place we always
talked about for Mavis.

No one will ever harm her here.

Yeah, it's a mess back there.

Welcome to Hotel Transylvania!

Human-free since 1898.

Your safest destination.

Take an itinerary.

I have personally designed a
spectacular schedule of events,

all leading to my daughter's
birthday extravaganza tomorrow.

We always look forward
to coming every year, Count.

We enjoy the safety so much.

Of course. That's
why we built it.

Yes, good evening.

Thank you, Marty.

You look pale, as well.

Sir, sir, sir!

We have an urgent
plumbing issue.

Plumbing? On it.

Mr. Ghouligan!

There is a clogged
toilet in room 348.

It's okay. We all get
stomach aches, Mr. Bigfoot.

Hey, kids, reel it in.

You're only supposed to
make Mom and Dad miserable.

Now, now, is that
any way to behave?

This is a hotel,
not a cemetery.

Sorry, Uncle Drac.

Drac! How are ya?

Wayne, my old friend!

Couldn't wait for this weekend.

Always great to be out of the
shadows for a couple days.

The family looks beautiful.

Let me just clean
up their filth.

Housekeeping!

Frankie, my boy!
Look at you!

Still traveling by mail,
Mr. Cheapo, huh?

It's not a money thing.

I have a plane phobia, okay?

I mean, at any moment,
those engines could catch...

Fire! Yeah, yeah.

"Fire bad."

We know.

Augustus, Porridge
Head, come on!

Does that look like
Frankenstein's head?

Hey, Drac, buddy, what's going
on with your cape there?

What do you
mean? Oh!

Who pinched me?

Guilty. You're irresistible.

Yes, very amusing,
Invisible Man.

Hello. Great to "see" you.

Never gets old.

Ho-ho-ho.

Missed me.

Missed me, missed me, missed me.

Okay, you win.
Hold this bacon.

Why am I holding
bacon... Ahh!

No! Get 'em off!

Here comes the party!

Hello, Murray!

Drac, what's up, buddy?

The sand, Murray, the sand!

Always with the sand.

Whee!

Wolfie! Wanda! Frank!

I love this guy.

He always bringing
it full tilt.

You're looking skinny, too.

Now that you're just a head.

Okay, you'll pay for that.

So what's up, Drac?

The hotel is looking
off the hook.

Hey, guys, watch this.

By the way, you were right
about those directions.

Oh, good, good.

Yeah, I took the Tigris

through the Nile, and there
was absolutely no traffic.

You're kidding me.

Right in my lobby?

Drac, I swear, man,
I don't run like that.

Housekeeping!

I was not the cause of that.

We're ready!

If only Martha were
here to see this.

She's always here, Wanda.

Okay, friends,

I am so glad you are
here to celebrate.

Another birthday for
my sweet little Mavis,

and another successful year
of refuge from them!

These are recent human images

our surveillance has uncovered.

They are getting fatter
so as to overpower us.

And they are wearing
less clothing,

allowing more
movement to strangle us

or cut open our heads
and put candy in them.

But they will never
find us here.

Evil villain,
you will never win!

Okie doke. The fun
starts in 30 minutes.

Right now, I have
to see my little girl.

She's not so little any more!

Yes, she is!

What's going on out there?

Are we at the hotel?

Frank, did you book us
for a tandem massage?

Did you get us a
table at Hunchback's?

Did you do anything?

You're welcome.

What's going on?

Dad, you said that

when I turned 118, I could
go out into the world

like every other adult that gets
to come and go from this hotel.

"But, Mavey Wavey, it's not safe.
Bleh, bleh-bleh."

Dad, 30 years ago,
you promised.

I remember, we were
both eating mice,

and you specifically said
that you gave me your word.

Do not disturb.

Do not disturb.
Do not disturb.

Do not disturb.

Do not disturb.
Do not disturb.

Do not disturb. Good
morning, Your Eminence.

Maid, clean up this room!

It's you. Glad you
could make it.

Is she up yet?
Oh, she's up.

She's ready to go. And by "go," I mean go.
As in, go check the world out.

What you gonna do?
What you gonna say?

I got it covered. Please, relax.
Just do your job.

Good morning, Mavey Wavey!

Happy birthday,
my little mouse!

Thank you, Dad.

I know it's my birthday.

I have so much fun planned.
Whoo-hoo!

But first, we go catch
some scorpions together,

just the two of us,
yes, dead-ums?

Dad, please, let me speak.

There's something
we have to talk about.

You want to go out
into the world. You can.

Aha!

I knew you were gonna say that.

But, Dad, you gave
me your word,

and you know that I know that
a Dracula's word is sacred.

That our trust is
the core of our...

Wait, what?

I said you can go.

You're just playing with me.

No, no, no, no. You're old
enough to drive a hearse now,

you're old enough to
make your own choices.

You can go.

Holy rabies!
Holy rabies!

Whoa, whoa. Stop.

Wait a second, sweetfangs.

Where are you going?

Oh, well, I'm
going to paradise,

and this is just some stuff
that I thought I would need.

Paradise?
Yeah, you know.

It's that place out there
where you and Mom met.

Auntie Wanda says you two

were just like, Zing!

I don't know from "Zing."

Where did you find that card?

In one of your drawers.

Why won't you ever tell me
about how you met?

It's actually Hawaii.

Ha-what-what?

Look, honey,
I know you're excited,

but everyone has gone to great lengths
to come see you on your birthday.

I know. They always do.

But aren't I getting a little
old for these parties?

I love them, but I really
want to see new things.

Maybe meet somebody my age.

Come on. No,
no, don't do that.

Don't give me
the pouty batface.

Okay, there is a human village

just a little ways
past the cemetery.

You could go there and be back
in, like, 30 minutes or so.

It should be plenty
for your first time.

Well, it's not
Ha-wee-wee, but I guess

it's still technically
out there.

Okay, okay, okay!

Thanks for trusting me.

Of course, my little one.

I gave you my word.

Hey, honey!

Look at this!
Hey, guys.

You excited about tomorrow?

Not as excited
as I am right now.

You're not gonna believe
this, but Dad is letting me

go out on my own
to see a human village!

What?
No!

Excuse me. Drac!

Have you lost it?

Letting your own
daughter out there

with those horrible humans
you always tell us about?

That's why you
built this place.

They hate us.
They're vicious.

And they're very loud!

Auntie Eunice, maybe
they've changed.

I'm just gonna fly down the
street and see how it goes.

Okay, honey, be safe.

Bring warm clothes and a sword.

And look out for pitchforks.

Don't you let anyone scoop
your brains out, either.

Maybe stay in the shadows.

It's more fun to just
observe from under a house.

Guys, guys.
She can handle it.

She's a Dracula,
for Pete's sake.

But seriously,
watch out for fire.

Fire bad.

Bye, everyone.

Whoo-hoo!

Whoo-hoo!

Drac, I can't believe how calm
you are about her leaving.

I'm proud of you.

Drac? Drac?

Where did Drac go?

Whoo-hoo!

This is awesome!

There's the cemetery,
just like Dad said.

Whoo-hoo!

Uh... Hello?

Anybody out there?

Vampire.
Bite toes!

Oh!

Hi, humans.

Everything okay? My name
is Mavis Dracula, and I...

Vampire.

- Burn clothes.
- Burn my clothes?

Really? Um...
Vampire!

We take your candy.
Candy!

I'm friendly.
I really am.

Calm down, now.
Candy.

I just wanted to say hi.

Please. I've never
hurt anyone.

I'm homeschooled.

Is that garlic?

Holy rabies, you're on fire.

Can I do anything?
Can I help you?

Dad was right.

Dad was right.

It worked.

Now my baby will
be safe forever.

All right, everybody,
get back to work now.

Hey. You don't
need a mannequin.

Leave the mannequin
here. Come on.

Where you been?

Why you sneaking around?

Shh. Quiet.

Sweetheart, have you
returned so soon?

Oh. Come in, Dad.

How'd it go?
How was the big world?

How was it out there?

It was okay, Dad.

What? What's the matter?

Dad, you were right.

Humans are awful.

They were everything you said.

They wanted to bite my toes.
Your toes?

And they had garlic on bread.

What? Look at me.

I'm getting goose bumps,
I'm so scared.

I'm so sorry, sweetheart.

I hate that you
had to see that.

I'm so sorry I doubted you.

I'll never leave here again.

Okay. Okay.

Look, Daddy's going to make you
the bestest birthday ever.

Look what I brought you.

Your wormcakes.

Don't be sad any more.

Remember, this is the year we
open Mommy's present for you.

What did she get me?

We'll see.

She said never to open
until you're 118.

We've waited this long.

You eat your wormcakes.

You come down whenever
you're ready, honey.

Phew.
Ooh.

What did you do?

What I had to.

Mm-hmm.

She'll thank me one day.

Yeah, that's what the guy
who shrunk my head said.

Ahh.

Yes, what do you
want, a cookie?

You did all right, man.

Move on already.

Phew!

Yeah.

Vampire! Vampire!

A human.

Who are you? And how did
you find this place?

Oh, I'm Jonathan.

And I was just mountain
climbing with some dudes...

and heard this story about
a spooky forest.

And who's not going to go
into a spooky forest, right?

So, then I see these
goofy-looking dudes on fire-

And I just kind of followed them
to this, like, amazing castle.

But, of course, be smart.

No bonfires, no firework shows.

How many of you are there?
Just me.

I like to hit it alone.

You meet so many awesome
people in the youth hostels.

Hey, speaking of awesome,
that cape thing is killing it.

Is there, like,
a costume party here?

What have I done?

This is all my fault.

You have to leave.

- Oh, no.
- Excuse me.

One of your piranhas
in the lake is very rude.

He ate my sister-in-law.

Be right with you.

Mr. Dracula, we asked for a
room with a view of the pool.

The room's fine. We
want to book a massage.

Yes, Swedish.
Shiatsu.

Aromatherapy.
Lower back.

Do you have hot-stone?
We want a massage.

I'll get back to you, Mr. Hydraberg.
I hope so.

I doubt it.
See that you do.

That's Ms. Hydraberg.
Thanks.

Yes, nice to see you. JONATHAN:
Dude, seriously, what's up?

It's kind of funky
to breathe under here.

Drac. Hey, Drac.
How'd it go with Mavey?

Hey. Where'd you go?

Wow!

This room's kind of
small for a big castle.

No bed, but check out these
awesome dustpans they give you.

Quiet, you fool.

What weapons are you keeping
in this container?

Your pitchforks?

Oh!

I can't breathe.

It's killing me.

Yeah, definitely due
for a fluff and fold.

What is this?

A torture device?

A secret mind controller?

You won't read my thoughts.

I won't let you.

Dude, it's just music.

Here, try it.

Ohh!

It's taking my soul!

What? It's a good jam.
Don't be a grandpa.

You need to go.

No human has ever entered this castle.
And if someone should see you,

the safety of the hotel, the sanctuary,
no one would ever come again.

Yeah, go for it.

"Ever come again!"

I love your Dracula voice.
It's so over the top.

And Mavis, if she saw you, she
would know that I lied. No!

Who's Mavis?
Is this her room?

I'm good with a roommate.

I had six brothers growing
up, sol could totally share.

I can't kill him.
I had six brothers growing
up, sol could totally share.

I can't kill him.

It would set monsters back
hundreds of years.

One time, in Hamburg,
I roomed with this dude

who I caught stealing
my shampoo.

I said, "Whoa, man," and he threw a
flower pot at me, but he was cool.

What are you babbling about?

What? Whoa.

Check out these
awesome costumes.

Costumes.

What's this? Sorry, man. I just
can't be without my backpack.

You know, everything I own's in there.
It'll be right here.

Okay, I just...
I love my backpack.

Whoa. Hey, what are you doing?

What are you... What are
you doing to my hair?

Stop. Oh, wait, that tickles.

Come on, man.

Check it out.
I'm a Franken-homie.

Yes, hello.
Look at me!

This is totally normal, not a problem here.
This is just a monster with me.

Man, everybody
stepped it up tonight.

Wait, why are we going to the front door?
Are we leaving?

Bonjour, Dracula!

Hey, Sniffy.
What's going on?

Not right now, Quasimodo.

What?

No. Don't be absurd.

It's not a human,
but Monsieur Dracula.

How ridiculous. It's me.

Monsieur.

The devilled lizard fingers.
Devilled lizard fingers?

I asked for
spleens-in-blankets.

You ugly fool! I told
you, he doesn't like

the lizard fingers!
But you said...

Whoa. Check that costume out.

Wow. Seriously, I just have to ask
you: How are you pulling this off?

I mean, it looks so real.

Like, I could just put
my hand right through...

What do you think you're doing?

She's real. You're real!

Yeah, and I'll give you a real beating.
Keep your hands out of my wife!

Oh, no.

Ay-yi-yi-yi!

Honey, I just didn't
know where you were.

We thought you were still out.

Oh, no. I don't know why
I ever wanted to leave.

The humans are so boring.

Mavis, honey,
are you all right?

Yeah, I think so.
That was weird.

My head hurts.

Um, who is that?
Who is what?

Oh, that.

That is nobody.

Seriously, Dad?
"Dad"?

Yeah, I know, Dracula's daughter.
Everyone freaks out at first.

Dracula?

Okay, we got to go.

Please don't kill me.
I'm so young.

I have so many
places I want to see.

I've got tickets to six
Dave Matthews Band concerts.

I'm getting out of here.

Shut up already.

It's impossible for me
to think with all your noise.

Sorry, Glen.
Go back to sleep.

Wait. Aren't you going to suck my blood?
Classic human paranoia.

Human blood is so fatty, and you
never know where it's been.

So, Dracula doesn't
drink blood?

No, I use a blood substitute.

Either Near Blood or Blood Beaters.
You can't tell the difference.

So, wow, you're, like,
the real Count Dracula.

Like, "I'm Dracula.
Bleh, bleh-bleh."

I've never said that in my life.
"Bleh, bleh-bleh."

I don't know where
that comes from.

Can I just ask, what
exactly is this place?

What is this place?

It's a place I built for all
those monsters out there,

lurking in the shadows, hiding
from the persecution of humankind.

A place for them and their families
to come to and be themselves.

A place void of torches,
pitchforks, angry mobs.

A place of peace, relaxation

and tranquility.

Cool. So, it's like
a hotel for monsters?

Yes, exactly. "A hotel for
monsters." Way to sum it up.

Okay, hop on my back.
We're leaving.

Oh, man, you're a bat now.

I always wanted to fly.
What's it like?

This is insane. Wait.
Wait, I want to stay.

Can Frankenstein sign my costume?
Can I meet the Invisible Man?

Hey, if I stuck my hand
in the Invisible Man's mouth,

- would it disappear?
- Hi.

Mavey! What are you doing,
my sweet little blood orange?

Our friend was just leaving.

Yeah, he was flying
me out the window.

This guy, he's so funny.

Look, you have
something on your face.

Play along if you ever want
to see your precious backpack.

Whoa. So, wait, you didn't have any
clothes on when you were a bat?

Or were they bat-sized?

Who exactly is that?

Hmm. Honeybat.

You see, it's your birthday.

And you know I want you to have the
bestest, specialest party of your life.

So, well, I needed some help.

You needed help?

Well, look, I am very good,
but I thought it would be

even more bestest, specialest if someone
closer to your age helped plan the party.

You're my age?
Sure.

Well, how old are you?

118.

One hundred and...
Yeah, I'm 121.

Really?
Mm-hmm.

You see? Everything
is very, very normal.

I'm throwing a party,
and he's helping.

Sir, there's an emergency.
Not now.

Can't you see we're in the middle
of something very normal here?

Wait, what's going on here?

There's an emergency in your precious
hotel, and you're not running to fix it?

Why? Is it because of him?

Whoa, look at my face.

No, precious bones,
it's not because of him.

Good. Then go check on the emergency,
and I'll keep him company.

No! Anything but that!
What?

I mean, because
he needs time to plan.

And if you're keeping him
company, then he's not planning.

He is company-keeping,

and then the plan, it's...
it doesn't get planned.

Mm-hmm. Good one.
Shut up!

Okay. So, maybe if you're not
planning later, we can hang out.

Sounds good.
Yes. You hear that?

It sounds good.

So you will hang out. See you
later, my honey. Lovely.

Okay, you're not hanging out.

Because you are leaving.

But the opposite, you said.

But, sir, the emergency.

Follow me.

Boy, that kid smelt.

Where are we going?

Just getting rid of you

through a secret tunnel
so she does not see us.

So, can I ask you a question?

Is that real, about
the garlic thing?

Yes, I cannot have it.
My throat swells.

Huh. Wooden stake
to the heart?

Yeah, well, who
wouldn't that kill?

Ah. Here we go.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm a little lost.

Yes, I know it's your honeymoon.
I apologize.

Go back to doing
what you were doing.

I'm not down here much.

It's meant to be an exit
if humans ever invade.

So, I'm, like, the first human here, huh?
That's really cool.

Oh, boy.

I think this is it.

What's happening?
I'm terribly sorry.

My mistake. What is
wrong with you people?

Oh, man. This
place is amazing.

Okay, I could really use
some silence right now.

All right, third time's a...

Drac.

Yes, Frankie?

Hey, buddy, what
you been doing?

Don't move.

Never mind that.
What you been doing?

We wanted to practice our
big number for Mavis's party,

and then these losers wouldn't
get off the bandstand.

Okay. Put down
Zombie Mozart,

Bach and Beethoven
this instant.

Did you get to rehearse
at all, Zombie Beethoven?

Listen, Drac, we wanted to play
something, like old times.

We even thought maybe
you'd sing with us.

Come on, fellas. You know that I
haven't sung in public since Martha.

Yeah, but we just thought how much,
you know, Mavis would love it.

I said no!

Don't ask me again!

Okay. Now, let's hug the zombies.
Let's all make up.

Wow. He really scared you.
I wasn't scared.

I was being polite, okay?

Hey. What are you doing here?
I thought you were planning.

I never caught your name.

My name's Mavis.

Mavis? That's a
pretty neat name.

Yeah, my mom picked it.

So, are you going
to tell me your name?

Me? My name?
Good question.

Well, obviously,
I'm Frankenstein.

No, you're not. Frankenstein
is my uncle over there.

The gentleman hugging
Zombie Mozart.

Right. Of course,
he's your uncle.

Well, see, I'm not
"the" Frankenstein.

I'm his cousin, Johnnystein.

Johnnystein?
Hey, Mavis.

Who is that?

Are these monsters
going to kill me?

Not as long as they think
you're a monster.

Huh? That's kind of racist.

We'll talk later.

Is he making fun of me?
No, no.

Of course he's not,
because he's...

He's your cousin, Johnnystein.

Yes, yes, yes.

I don't have no cousin.

No, no, you do. He's your sixth
cousin, three times removed.

On your right arm's side.

You have a cousin?

Frank, if your arm could talk,

he would tell you that the original
owner of your arm had a brother.

Who married a woman.

Who was...
For strangling a pig.

I have pig-strangling
blood in my arm?

That's kind of cool.

Well, cuz, great to meet you.

So, what brings
you here, Johnny?

Wah! What was that?
Oh, sorry.

I should really clear my
throat before I speak.

Anyway, what brings you here?

Oh. Uh.

Party planner.

Yes, I have recruited Mr. Stein here to
help me with Mavis's birthday party.

Wait a minute, you asked
someone to help you?

Captain Control Freak?

It's Count...

And yes, I thought having a Mavis
contemporary would be useful.

Yeah, he totally needed
a fresher perspective.

Okay, Johnny, Mr. Tight
Coffin over here

was planning to have these powdered
lame-os play at the party.

So, anyways, we thought we
could liven things up a bit.

Whoa! You all play?
Let's check you guys out!

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on, guys.

Stop.

That's cute, but
kind of old school.

Yes, thank you, Johnny.

You got to totally
tempo things up.

Here, let me show you.

Werewolf man, give me a jam!

Two, three, four!

118!
Say 118!

118!

Yeah! Stage dive!

Awesome.

I am so blown away right now.

I think my cuz
is gonna make this

the best party ever!

Yeah! Maybe he can find
a way to get me some chicks.

We should do a dance contest!

We're not doing any of that.

We've got to stay
on schedule, all right?

All right, Dad, all right.

Johnny, you're coming, too.
I don't know.

Is it cool with Dracula?
Johnny, come with us.

N-27.

G-61.

Bingo! Bingo!

How dare you.

Do you know what
doctor made me?

I didn't do that.

Circles?

Fly?

Hands?
Film.

Vomit.
The Vomit?

The Throw Up.
No. That wasn't a clue.

Nothing?

Emptiness?
Glasses?

Glasses?
Glasses shaking?

Glasses shaking sideways!

Through The Looking-Glass?

I stink at this.

I didn't do that.

And pull it back.
And up. And push.

And twist. And back.

And up. And twist.

And push.

No. Don't copy that.

And back. And up. And twist.

Let me get a bubonic
moose nose omelet

with cockroach paste
and mouse jelly.

And with egg whites.

Bonjour, Monsieur Dracula!

May I make you an omelet?

No, no, no, no.
I'm not hungry.

What? Esmeralda, you smell it again?

Human?
I am hungry.

Johnny, you've been
to the Taj Mahal?

Come on. No monster's
been to the Taj.

Man, I wish I could go there.

You know what?
I'll take 50 omelets.

You heard the man!
Make them!

How did you deal with the mobs?

Yeah, it does get pretty
crazy in the summer.

But, you know,
you just got to roll.

He just rolls. That's
cool that he rolls.

Yes, yes, cool.

Look, love droppings, I brought you a
bagel with your favorite, scream cheese.

Holy rabies.
Thanks, Dad.

Johnny, try some scream
cheese, it's awesome.

Oh, cool.

But I'm scream cheese
intolerant. So, polite pass.

Yes, of course you are.

Johnny, can we party-plan
talk for a minute?

What are you doing?

If they find out you are
human, they'll go bat poop!

Relax. No one
suspects anything.

The only thing that looks weird is
how much whispering you're doing.

Just wrap it up. You will say you are
going in the pool and act excited.

And then you will say you hurt
your back and you have to leave.

Here come good times! Whoo!

Oh, dudes. Oh, my back.

I'm on your back!

No, no. He said,
"Oh, my back."

Get on my back!
Let's do it.

Aw, here we go. Chicken fight!
Push them off!

Chicken fight!

We got you, Johnny.

You're going down.
Whoa.

Oh, yeah, we'll see,
"Mavey Wavey."

Okay, calm down
with the fight chickens!

Everyone, stop
the roughhousing!

Whoo!

Frank, if you hurt yourself...

I got it, honey.

The Stein boys are bred
for this kind of thing.

Geronimo!

Eh-heh-heh.

Kids, Why'd you do that?

I was just in the pool.

The water's cold.

Don't judge me!

Johnny. Your makeup.

Your makeup!

Climb out. Now.

Oh, man.

I guess the Count wanted
to go for a swim.

Cannonball!

Oh, you messed up, baby.
You messed up big-time.

I told you to take it down.

You'll ruin my hotel
if they find out.

Well, maybe you're just jealous

that people are finally
having fun at this place.

Oh, that? That was not fun.

Everyone running, jumping,
swimming with no order.

That was the opposite of fun.

Do you even know what fun is?

I invented fun!

Boy, the wrong people
get to be immortal.

Look at me.

You remember nothing
of this encounter.

You have no memory of this
place or the monsters you met.

Now go and never return.

Wait, never return
to the hotel?

What? You were supposed
to forget the hotel.

I just used my powers
to erase your memory.

I looked straight
into your eyes.

Huh. Oh, maybe it's
the contact lenses.

The what? These little
plasticky doodads

that help me see better.

Here, let me just try
and get them out real quick.

Oh, that is the most disgusting
thing I've ever seen!

Almost got it. Stop doing that.
Please stop doing that!

Fingers away from
the eyeballs! Enough!

Listen to me. You are
never to return here.

You are to stay away and never
tell humans about this place.

Or I will track you down
and suck every ounce of blood

from your body until you look
like a deflated whoopee cushion!

Be gone.

Can't believe I'm leaving, man.
That could have been so great!

Dude ruined everything.
Suck my blood.

I should have just said,
"I'm staying, old man!"

Give him a Bruce Lee kick.
Boom! Right in the...

Oh, my God. Count Dracula.
Please don't kill me.

I'm leaving, I'm leaving.

Follow me. Oh. No, no, Mavis, I can't.
I have to leave.

You sure? It'll be fun.
Okay.

He's not gonna see me, is he?

Whoa.

Wow, would you look at
the view from up here?

You could almost see Budapest.
Who-da-pest?

Is that near Ha-wi-fi?

Huh? Oh, you mean Hawaii. Yeah,
that place is a knockout.

I just went to a
music festival there.

A human music festival?

Uh, I believe so.

So, did they all bite your toes and
shove garlic bread in your face?

No. Well, one dude
took a bigger bite

out of my energy bar
than I expected,

but I blame that on the heat.

It's amazing.
You've been everywhere.

Well, you know,
what's the alternative?

Just staying at home, never exploring,
never seeing what's out there?

I'm only gonna be 121 once, right?
Got to live it.

Yeah.

Oh, man. The sunrise from
here must be amaz... Ow.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Man, you've probably never
even seen a sunrise, have you?

No, not really. Why?

Come on. I have an idea.

Watch.

Ahh.
Ahh.

Didn't I tell you guys
we'd have fun in here?

Is this not the best?

Yeah, I'm working up
a nice sweat.

When's that Johnny kid gonna
be done party planning?

He's a great hang.
Yeah, he's an animal.

And it was so nice seeing Mavis
laughing and hitting it off with him.

Who's hitting
what off? Please.

Mavis could never be
with someone of his kind.

I'm sorry?
"His kind"?

You're saying our kind's
not good enough for you,

"Your Lordship"?

No, no, no!
Frank, I didn't...

I meant that she wouldn't be into
someone with such red, curly hair.

Uh, what's wrong
with red, curly hair?

Why are you getting upset?

I have red curly hair!

Well, how was I
supposed to know that?

This is the most incredible
thing I've ever seen.

Johnny?

Look, settle down, fellas.

This is all a moot point
because Johnny, he left.

Wait a minute. He left?

Yes. He decided he didn't
like Mavis, or any of us.

Hi.

Hmm. I guess Johnny
had second thoughts.

I can't believe you stuck around, man.
You don't get it.

Bad things are coming your way.

I got to get my
thoughts together.

Okay.

You see these tables?

You can spend the entire
day pulling them out

and placing them,
party planner.

Fantastic.
I'm trapped here.

Now I know how
your daughter feels.

Enough! Enough! Stop!

Go to a corner,
you're in a timeout!

Timeout? I'm a grown man!

Ahh!

Okay. Table 57, please
move to position 23.

Whoa.

- That is cool.
- Face the wall.

17 to 48. 16 to 47. 19 to 50.

Awesomeness.
Just let me do my work.

29 to 35.

42 to 18. 10 to 44.

17, 18, 19, 20,
21, 22, 23.

39 to 24.

36 up!

29 to 35.

Whoa!

31 to 19.

24 up!

Seven to 25. 14 to 30.

Where'd you go, grandpa?

Don't freak out, gravity face.

Eat my dust, gray fangs!

56 and 43, to my side.

Whoo!

Prepare to cry, Billy Backpack.

That's how we do it!
Half-pipe, baby!

Whatever.

Yes. Keep smelling.

You catch the human, and then
I will make human potpie!

27, 45, 65, 76,
48, block his path.

Block his path!

Whoa-ho!

Oh, come on now, dude man!

Nice!

Haha! Whoa-ho-ho!

I got you, buddy.

Do not disturb!

People trying to sleep here!

Did you see that?

Who is that guy,
Sir Breaks-a-lot?

Oh, boy, I have to say,
that was fun. Okay?

The fun you were talking
about earlier? Nailed it!

Johnny?

Quasimodo!

Mavis? Why are you still up?
The sun is out.

It could kill you, my honeyguts.

I couldn't sleep. Do you
know where Johnny went?

I don't know. He...

Why do you want to know?
Oh! Uh...

Do you like him?
What?

Pfft, no. Come on, Dad.
He's so weird and awkward.

It's like, are you an idiot or
do you know you're adorable?

Eh... Hold that.

Do you have a location on Quasimodo?
Yes, sir.

They're heading through the
lobby, towards the kitchen.

I need them
stopped immediately.

Is that clear?
Yes, quite.

We are on it.

Ha-ha! Missed!

What is the meaning of
this? Let me pass!

Quasimodo Wilson,
you are coming with us.

Why did that hurt me?

Look, honey, there's no
falling in love at your age.

Mom was my age. Eunice
says Mom kissed you first

'cause you were too scared
to make the first move.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Forget about me
and Mom and kissing.

Dad, at some point,
I'm going to get married.

I can't be here forever.
What? Why not?

You're barely out of
your training fangs.

Ha-ha!

Quasi wins again!

When you bump with the hump,
you land on your rump!

But why all the
sudden interest?

Every time we used to talk
about love, it was always,

"Ooh, Dad, that's gross,"

and "Ooh, Dad, I don't want
to know about that."

I don't know.

Sir, he made it into the kitchen.
He what?

What do I pay you for?

I'm sorry, honey.
I have to go.

He doesn't pay me.

Before you kill me,

can I please talk to my
backpack one more time?

I don't want to leave
anything unresolved.

Bonjour, Monsieur Dracula!

Shut your hump hole.

Now you are helping him?

What is it with you
and this human?

He is not human.
He's a Stein!

That's right, little man,
I'm a Stein!

If he is a monster,
let him scare Esmeralda!

The mouse?

Pfft! Without a doubt.

Okay. Here we go.

Blargh!

Bleegh!

Blargy-bliggy-blargh!

A human! A human!

Monsieur Dracula has brought
a human into the...

Esmeralda, help me.

Hey, thanks for saving
me back there.

That guy's crazy!
Trying to eat me.

That's only happened to me one other time.
This weird dude at a Slipknot concert.

There's something
I need to show you.

Wow.

Hey, are we at
a funeral right now?

Oh, wait, no, it's your bed.

So creepy and cool.

Wow! I know her!

I've seen that picture
at the ruins of Lubov.

That's my favorite castle.

There's a whole legend
around that lady.

A legend?

The Lady Lubov.

The story is that
a lonely count

met her by chance, and
they say that no two souls

were ever more meant
for each other.

Eventually, they settled down at
Castle Lubov and had a child.

But then, a horrible
tragedy happened.

A fire started mysteriously one
night, and it killed both of them.

When I was at the castle, I could
still feel their powerful love.

They say it's as if a soul is still
trapped in the ruins themselves.

The legend is wrong.

It was only the wife that died.

Oh.

And it was no mystery
who killed her.

She was killed by your kind!

Vampire!

Honey? Go hide. I'll
take care of this.

Vampire!

Martha!

They are the real monsters.

I built this place for my
love, to protect her child.

As a father, you do everything
to keep your family safe,

even if you have
to break their trust.

But now, Mavis has
feelings for you.

What?

I just...

Awesome.
It's all right.

You are a good one.

If the world was different,
maybe it would be possible.

Drac, this is the 21st century.

People aren't the same
as they were back then.

Can you tell me for certain that
if we came out in the open,

everyone would accept us?

Everyone?

No. You're right.

I'll go for good this time.

You can just say
I had some emergency,

or the gremlin lady
ate me or something.

No, no, no, no, no.

I don't want to ruin
her birthday party.

You can sneak out
after it's all done.

I'm sorry.

The last thing I wanted
was to hurt her.

Or you.

You know, you're not
the smoothest Frankenstein,

but you'd make a great vampire.

For real?

'Cause I think I kind of got
your hypno-eyes down.

Oh, boy, here we go.
Let me see it.

Beware! For you
are in my power.

I command you to
be the werewolf man!

I have too many kids.

Someone scratch
me, I have fleas.

'Cause he's a wolf,
he'd get those.

Yeah, no, don't explain it.

It's not funny
when you do that.

I didn't order
a wake-up call.

Count Dracula
arranged it for all the rooms.

Where's the snooze button?

There will be no snoozing.
The party's today.

Ooh, yeah, perfecto.

Wow.

You look beautiful.

Thanks. Thanks
for the party.

Yeah, you like
my little touches?

It's amazing.

Terrific party. You really
outdid yourself, Drac.

Got to be the best one
I've been to in 500 years.

Sorry, big man.

Uh, Mavis?

I'm crazily scared right now.

Maybe that's a good thing.

How could you? After I
shared my pain with you?

But, no...
Dad, it was just a kiss.

No, you're not allowed to kiss.

Dad, I'm allowed to do things.
I'm not 83 any more.

I'm allowed to like people,
or go see the world again.

What? You saw it! You
said you didn't like it!

Maybe I want to give
the village another chance.

I just need to learn, you know, just
how to roll with it, like Johnny does.

No, no, you can't go
to the village again.

Maybe you can make them see
that we could be friends.

No, that isn't possible.

Well, you can't be sure. It's all
in how you present yourself.

No, that won't make a difference!
How do you know?

Because it just won't!
Why? Why won't it?

Because that village
doesn't really exist!

What do you mean
"doesn't exist"?

What did you do?

I did what I had to do.

What was it?

What exactly did you
have to do? Tell me!

I... I built the town. The
staff put it all together.

The zombies dressed up
as the townspeople.

Please. I...

If you really went out there
and something happened to you,

I just couldn't
live with myself.

But you can live with this?
Lying to me? Tricking me?

Keeping me here forever when
you knew my dream was to go.

Liar! Liar!

Oil?

Uh-uh-uh!

English, please.

Your voice is really annoying.

Wait, I speak frozen.

He says, "Dracula has brought
a human into the hotel."

A human?
Stay close, pookie!

He says,
"There is ze human."

He has a French accent.

Johnny's not a human.
He's my right arm's cousin.

- He's lying.
- Yeah.

And why is he picking his nose?

He says, "it's a long story."

Hey, wait, no! Get off me!

Ew!

He says, "Behold ze human."

I don't believe it.

Is it true?
Are you a human?

Yes.

I'm so sorry.

I don't care. I still
want to be with you.

Uh...

Well, tough. 'Cause I don't
want to be with you.

Because you're a monster.
And I hate monsters.

Goodbye.

Please don't hurt me!

This is all your fault!

We're getting out of here.
I'm never coming back here.

I thought I smelt a human.
"Human-free"? What a rip.

Oh. Here he comes.
Count Crock-ula.

I'm just glad my eyes are stitched
shut, 'cause I don't even want to...

Mavis, honey, are you in there?

Mavis? Mavis?

Mavis, where are you?

Mavis?

Dad, can you do me a favor?

Yes, yes, of course,
darling. Anything.

Will you erase my mind?

No, no, no, no.
No, I won't do that.

There's too much
I want you to remember.

You were right, Dad.
The humans hate us.

Sweetheart, there are so many
eligible monsters out there.

You're so young to...

What is it? What
are you reading?

"Two lonely bats
crashed in the night."

"They felt a Zing.
Love at first sight."

"They knew right then they
would be husband and wife."

"For a Zing only happens
once in your life."

"Your Zing will come, my love."

"Cherish it."

"Love, Mommy."

- I thought we Zinged, Dad.
- You and Johnny?

I guess it was only me.

But you should be happy, Dad.

There's no reason
for me to leave.

I have no more dreams.
I'm just like you now.

Martha, what have I done?

Where is my bill?
Over here. I'm next.

I'm checking out. Take my key!
Take my key!

What is this minibar charge?

Honey, the kids threw
the minibar out the window.

And that's our fault?
Well...

Excuse me!
Pardon, yeah.

Excuse me, I got a couple
of people to express mail.

Friends, please, stop.

It's too late, rat-bat!

Please, I'm begging you.

I need you to help
me find Johnny.

The human? He
could've killed us!

He touched my guitar!

He put his hand in my mouth
to see if it would disappear.

He let me eat his scooter!

I know I lied.

I was wrong.

But you have to believe this:

Johnny wasn't a bad guy.

The truth is, I don't even know
if humans are bad any more.

Frank, come on, buddy.
You understand.

He's not talking to you.

First you tell us humans
are bad, now they're good.

What else? Up is down, cold
is hot, gremlins don't smell.

Hey!

I really liked Johnny, cousin or no.
He told fun stories.

I think they Zinged.

They Zinged?

But I got in the way.

You only Zing
once in your life.

Oy, now you're short-circuiting.
I don't care!

Well, what are we doing?
Let's get Johnny. Come on!

Yeah, let's do it!
Come on!

Yeah!

We should have
honeymooned at your parents!

Okay, okay, where am I going?

The human world, before
Johnny's gone forever.

But what about the sun?

I don't know. I'll
just have to roll.

He just rolls.
Rollability.

So we follow
his boot-prints.

When they run out, that's
where you come in, Wayne.

Me?
There!

Yes, I knew something would
fall out of that backpack.

Yowch! That stinks!

Work your magic.

Wait, you want me
to track the smell?

No. My sniffing tracking
days are way behind me.

Do you know how many
diapers I've changed?

How many number twos
have destroyed this thing?

But...

Hey! Take it easy!
Watch it!

Sit.

Smell. I said smell.

Not me, the shirt!
The shirt!

Do any of your kids
still respect you?

Mm, give me
a second. Oh, yeah.

Winnie! Front and center!

He got into a car.
A '86 Fiat.

It needs a little transmission
work, but otherwise okay.

It drove through town to the airport.
Flight 497.

8:00 a.m. departure.

That's in 15 minutes.

Seat 23A.

He ordered the vegetarian meal.

Okay, thank you, cutie.

Now, all of you,
go back to your mother!

Sheep!

High five! Don't
leave me hanging.

Lots of sheep!
I got this one.

What? Now there's no sheep in the road.
Let's go.

That was pretty sick, man.

You eat lamb chops,
it's the same thing.

We don't have time for this.
Come on, let's move it!

Look, a human.

Welcome to Transylvania!

That was trippy.

Monster Festival?

What's a Monster Festival?

Did they know we were coming?

They like us?

Really?

Excuse me? Do you know the
best way to the airport?

Yes, fellow Dracula. There's only one way.
Bleh, bleh-bleh.

But it's all blocked.
We'll never make it in time.

You should have left an hour earlier.
Bleh, bleh-bleh.

I do not say
"Bleh, bleh-bleh."

All right, let's just run
through it on foot.

Drac, this'll protect you.

Bleh, bleh-bleh.

Imagine if that guy knew he
was talking to the real Drac.

He'd run for the hills!

Hold it, now. Hold it, now.

That sounds spot on.

But the only way they'd know the
real us is if we show the real us.

This could work.

You mean, like, scare them? We
haven't scared people in centuries.

I don't even think
I have it in me any more.

I got nothing.
I really got nothing.

Let's just move this along.

Fire! Fire!

Fire!

I'm trying to scare you!

The real Frankenstein!

We know! We love you!

Can you sign my torch?

Listen, before anything else,
down there's the real Dracula!

Prove it.

All right. Continue.

Drac's daughter's in love, and
he's got to get to the airport!

And he can't get
through this crowd!

Why doesn't he fly? The sun, you idiot.
He's a vampire.

That's right. Thank you,
Monster Nerd.

So, people, if you really are our
friends, clear a path for the man!

Okay. All Draculas,
line up. Bleh, bleh-bleh.

Everyone else, lift the capes.
Protect our friend. Bleh, bleh-bleh.

It's all for you, buddy.

Go ahead.

Good luck!
Go get 'em!

Go, Drac, go!

Go, Drac!
Go, Drac!

Go, Drac!

Go, Drac!

Go, Drac!

Go get 'em!

Go, Drac, go!

We love you, Dracula!

There's no choice.

Ouch. Ouch, ouch, ouch.

Okay. Okay, I must do this.

Jonathan. Jonathan,
can you hear me?

Tell me, do you dream
of being a vampire?

This is how we're represented.
Unbelievable.

Jonathan. Jonathan.

Can you hear me?

Whoa! Bat!

Wait, it's talking.
Dracula? Is that you?

Huh? Dracula.

I can't understand you.

What? My hand's
in a tan shoe?

What? Japan's
eating lamb stew?

Hey, do you know
you're smoking?

Oh.

Pardon me. Sorry, excuse me.

Whoa! Excuse me.

What the heck? How'd a
bat get up this high?

Folks, I'm gonna turn
on the seat belt sign.

Just a precaution while we...

While we hear a special announcement
for my dear friend Jonathan.

Dracula?

My dear boy, I have
made a terrible mistake.

I was trying to keep
my baby to myself,

because I knew I would
always protect her.

But I realize now, children need
to discover things for themselves.

They'll stumble and fall,
laugh and cry,

but such is life.

The truth is, you and
Mavis are meant to be.

You Zinged.

If she must give her
trust to someone else,

I'm thankful that it
is you, Jonathan.

I hope you can hear me
and forgive me-

Okay, folks, we're going to make
a quick turnaround to refuel,

and then we'll be
back on our way.

Quit your whining!
I'm burning up out here!

Dad?

I'm fine. I'm just
a little sunburnt.

Honey,

I always thought the worst thing
ever would be seeing you go.

But the worst is
seeing you unhappy.

Mavey, I want you
to live your life.

I don't know how
I'm supposed to do that.

You know, Mommy already
gave you her birthday present.

Can I now give you mine?

What do I need this for?

Oh, it comes with an accessory.

You?
You.

Why are you back?

'Cause you're my Zing, Mavis.

I'm your Zing?

But you told me
you hate monsters.

Yeah, well, I was afraid
your dad was gonna

suck all the blood out of my
body if I didn't say that.

I wouldn't have...

No, he's right,
I would have done that.

Dad.
I was wrong, Devil-chops.

Do you really mean it, Dad?

Go make your own paradise.

Can we try that
kiss over again?

I think we can.

Sorry. I just...
I got to get used to that.

Go. Do your thing.

Stop! Stop!

Drac, you ready to throw down?

No, no, I just came closer
to hear you better.

Come on, just give it a try.

All right, maybe just a little.

Housekeeping!

I didn't do that.