Hotel Paradiso (1966) - full transcript

Monsieur Feydeau has writer's block, and he needs a new play. But he takes an opportunity to observe the upper class of 1900 Paris - Monsieur Boniface with a domineering wife, and the next-door neglectful husband Henri with a beautiful but ignored wife Marcelle. Henri traces architectural anomalies (most ghost sounds are drains), and plans a night at the Hotel Paradiso; but this hotel is the assignation spot of Marcelle and Boniface. One wife, two husbands, a nephew, and the perky Boniface maid, all at this 'by the hour' hotel, and consummation of the affair is, to say the least, severely compromised (not the least by a police raid). All of this under Feydeau's eye, and his play is the 'success fou' of the next season.

Paris, 1900...

"La Belle ?poque."

What peace... what bliss!

Not even a ripple seemed to disturb
the even tenor of each day.

...really, that's all I need. Now you
accuse me! Oh, it's monstrous!

I really must ask you to lower
your voice. The neighbors!

A monster, who drags me
away from my home in Pisa...

...and who leaves me here day
after day, abandoned in the suburbs!

And now you calmly tell me you're going
to spend the night in town, at the hotel!

At the hotel!
Oh! It?s too much!

Marcelle!



All I can say is thank you.
Thank you very much!

Marcelle!

Marcelle, I told you myself
it?s to do with my work.

It?s an important architectural survey,
and they need an expert.

An expert indeed!

And what, may I ask, will you ?survey?
in a Paris hotel in the middle of the night?

If you must know, I shall examine the room
where the mad countess Bradelini died

about 20 years ago,
under very mysterious circumstances.

They say it?s haunted by ghosts
who make noises in the night.

Noises in the night?
Ha ha ha! A likely story!

You may well laugh.

Naturally I told them it must be
faulty construction, probably drains,

but the tenant wishes to break the lease,
and the landlord won?t agree.

So the courts have appointed me
as an expert to arbitrate.



I have no alternative but to
spend the night there and see for myself.

An expert on ghosts!

Really, Henri! Do you take me
for a fool?

Well, one thing is absolutely clear...

It?s the beginning of the end!

Where are you going now?

I?m going to water my cacti.

I suppose you think this house runs itself
while you're gallivanting about in hotels!

Once and for all, what is the matter with you?

I?ll tell you what is the matter!

You?re making my life insupportable,
that?s all!

I am? I do everything possible
to make you happy!

Me, happy?! Ha ha ha!
I like that!

You?re out all day, then in the evening
back you come, exhausted...

with hardly a word
for your wife.

Then early to bed
and off to sleep.

Do you think I married you
just to look after your house?

That?s what I?ve become,
a glorified cook-general.

It?s tantamount to desertion!

Don?t exaggerate! I spend all day climbing
scaffoldings, crawling under floors.

Naturally I?m exhausted,
dammit, woman!

Henri, Henri!

Who asked your opinion?

Will you please keep your nose
out of this?

It?s alright for you engineers,

working comfortably at home
in carpet slippers...

Boniface!

What?s all this noise?

What is going on?

Oh, Angelique! You?re the living witness
to what I have to put up with.

Oh, my dear, wait until you?ve been
married 20 years as I have.

Well now of course, the whole neighborhood
is joining in!

I?ve had about enough of this!

I?m off to town, I shan?t be
back until tomorrow morning.

And I?m looking forward to
a little peace and quiet!

Henri! You?re making a big mistake.

You mind your business, Sir,
and I will mind mine!

A very good afternoon to you all!

Oh, my poor child. My heart bleeds
for you with such a husband.

If ever Boniface took it into his head
to behave like that to me...

What then, my dear?

I wouldn?t waste a second!

What would you do?

Do? Throw myself into the arms
of the first man that came my way!

Oh, Ang?lique, you wouldn?t.

I most certainly would!

He?d be crushed to death.

- Oh, good day, Monsieur Boniface.
- Good day, Maxime.

I beg your pardon, Monsieur Boniface,
but I?m up against a very tricky problem

regarding the installation of
drains in early 18th century houses.

I can find nothing of value
in my uncle?s library,

and I was wondering, perhaps one of your
books might shed some light on the subject.

It?s quite possible;
go in and have a look.

- Are you sure it?s no bother, Sir?
- Certainly, certainly.

Oh, thank you, Monsieur Boniface!
It?s really too kind!

Ah, Madame Cot...
If only you knew!

Knew? What?

For months now a certain person
has watched you wilting here,

like a beautiful Italian rose.

This man has harbored an admiration for your
loveliness for which there is only one word...

Passion!

Really? And who is this man?

- Me!
- You!?

Madame Cot, you don?t know how
it offends me to hear you insulted.

You, the most exquisite of women...

Oh, now really, Monsieur Boniface!
You forget yourself!

I am a respectable
married woman!

Think of my duty!

There are times when
duty must be forgotten.

- When?
- Now!

Your husband?s neglect
has set you free.

You?re right!

Teach him a lesson.
Take your revenge!

Absolutely!
We must do something! We must...

We must dine together
tonight in a restaurant.

Yes, yes!

In a public restaurant!

Yes, and then perhaps
a discrete little rendezvous?

Oh no, Monsieur.
Not that! Never!

Oh, Madame Cot! Have you forgotten the
public outrage you?ve just endured?

Your revenge must
be swift and deadly.

Right! I?ll teach him!

I?ll show you what
a man should be.

Strong, tender,
and terrible in his passion!

Well, Monsieur Boniface!

You may be rather plain,
but you certainly have a way with women!

Oh, thank you. Thank you for that.
I?ll meet you somewhere.

Where?

I haven?t the faintest idea!

Well, really!
You?d better think quickly!

We can?t go wandering
about the streets all night!

I?ll find somewhere, somehow.
I promise!

I should hope so!

Boniface!

My wife...!

My precious one... Adieu!

Boniface!

You?ll be drenched!
What are you doing?

Watering the flowers!

Oh. Found what you want, Maxime?

- Oh yes, thank you so much, Monsieur
Boniface. - Good, good.

Beg pardon, Monsieur.

Granted.

Neglected old buildings in Paris?
Well I never!

You interested in old buildings?

Insofar as they concern the
installation of drainage.

I know some old buildings.
Very old.

Been there for at least 50 years.
They?re as old as sin.

Really?

- Would you like me to show 'em to you?
- Oh, most certainly, certainly!

- But when?
- Tonight?

Well I?m afraid I have to
catch the 11 o?clock train.

You see, term ended yesterday and I have
to return to my parents? house in Marseille.

Oh, go on!

Oh! I say!

In some peculiar way that
was rather agreeable!

- And I can?t think why.
- Can?t you?

You look much better like that,
all fluffed up a bit.

Really?

There. Can?t you see me
without your specs?

Yes... In fact, rather better.

Well, why wear 'em then?

It?s alright then
for this evening?

But what about my train?

Oh, don?t worry, it won?t take us all
night to visit those old buildings.

What a curious girl!

- Monsieur, Madame Boniface.
- Merci, thanks.

- Your magazine, Monsieur.
- Thank you.

It?s going to be
diffi, diffi, diffi, diffi-difficult...

Victoire?

I shan?t be in for
dinner tonight.

Very well, Madame.

What?s that, my love?
You are out to dinner?

Where are you off to?

To my sister. In Ville de Bray.
She?s not at all well.

If she?s no better by the time I get
there, I may have to stay the night.

Circulars for hotels!

Disgraceful! Sending
out such things.

Hotels?

It ought to be prohibited!
Listen to this...

?Sleep in security at
the Hotel Paradiso."

"Recommended to people who are
married, together or separately.?

Together or separately?

- Does it really say that?
- See for yourself.

- ?Rooms at all prices.?
- ?Large discount for seasonal bookings.?

- Abominable!
- Abominable is the word!

It?s a miracle.

Madam, there?s a gentleman
here asking to see you.

- What sort of gentleman?
- A Monsieur Martin.

Martin! Up from the country!
Our old friend Martin.

Ask him to come right up.
And take these filthy things away.

Yes, madam.
Will you be needing them again?

Needing them?
I should think not indeed!

Martin in Paris!
The dear fellow.

Remember all his hospitality
in Valence?

Yes! Putting us up
for a whole fortnight.

Such a charming man,
and what a brilliant talker!

Well, naturally my dear; a barrister.

Well, well, well, well, well,
come in, come in, my dear Martin.

What a lovely surprise.

Here Victoire, take his hat and
coat and put them in the hall.

- You must be soaked!
- Do sit down, make yourself at home.

Oh, my dear friends, I was looloo...
I was looloo...

- What?s that?
- I say I was looloo...

looking forward to
seeing you again.

You must be tired, my dear fellow,
do sit down.

But I am ho ho... ho ho...

What on earth?s the
matter with him?

You must admit you dididi...
didn?t expect to see me!

For heaven?s sake, Monsieur Martin, what?s
the matter? Has something happened to you?

Wuwuwu... why?

Well, it seems to me that uh... it?s not
very noticeable of course, but er...

that you have a slight difficulty
in speaking.

Ah!

When we were staying with you, we didn?t
notice anything. On the contrary!

Last sususu... summer,
dudu... during those two weeks,

the wuwuwu... weather was sssusu...

was susu...

The weather was so so...?

Wait, I haven?t fufufu... finished.

The weather was susu susu...

...perb!

Yes, of course.

- When the weather is su-su... - Perb!
- I speak like anyone else.

Oh, come now!

But when, like today, it
rains caca... caca... caca...

Cabbages?

No, caca... cats and dogs,
immediately my little imp...

- My little imp...
- Your little imp?

My little impe-pe... impediment
comes on.

- How very peculiar.
- A walking barometer.

But where there?s a hurri... hurri...
hurricane, not a word comes out.

Well, anyway, my dear Martin,
it?s extremely nice to see you.

I haven?t forgotten what you said
to me last sumsumsum... summer...

?Whenever you?re in Paris,
you must sttt... stay with us.?

Yes, yes of course,
stay as long as you like.

Two, three days... er,
do stay at least three days.

- Oh no!
- Oh yes!

- Please do.
- Oh nnnnno!

Martin, I shall be cross!

No! A mmmmmonth!

A month?!

I?ve been looking forward
to the privi...

to the privi...

To the what?!

- To the privilege!
- Too kind of you!

Not at all! I hope I?m not
pupupu... putting you out.

No, a simple bachelor like you,
with just a suitcase...

Hahaha, but I?ve brought
a surprise for you!

A surprise?! How charming!
He thinks of everything.

Madame!
They?re bringing in a trunk!

Th-th that'll be mine.

Good heavens!
What an enormous trunk!

It?s a monument!

More!?

Those are mine too!

1, 2, 3, 4...
But I don?t understand!

This is where the
surprise begins!

The surprise? Oh, Monsieur Martin,
this is going too far!

Your kindness is
out of all proportion!

Oh, let?s open them now!

- Whwhwhwhy!?
- Why?

- To get at the surprise!
- Oh n-n-n-n-no!

He wants to keep us in suspense!

5 trunks full of surprise!

What can you have brought us
in all of those!? What can it be?

Victoire, take the drivers down into
the kitchen and give them a glass of wine!

Right you are, Madame.
This way.

I?ve known people to be generous
in my time,

but generosity on this scale reaches
a point of incommens-inconsem-incamood...

Incommensurability!

- Bravo!
- I never stutter for other people.

- That would be for me!
- For you?

That?s the surprise.

You don?t know my d-d-daughters, do you?

Your daughters?

I was a lonely bachelor when you stayed
with me last ssssumsumsum... summer.

But ever since the death of poor
Madame Martin eight years ago,

my ddd... daughters have been
brought up in a cc... convent,

but they've just closed it down.

So I said to myself, the BB... Bonifaces
have never met the children,

I?ll give them a surprise,
I?ll bring my ddd... daughters with me.

You mean they are the surprise!?

But of course!

But what about the trunks?

My ddddd... daughters? luggage!

- Come on in, come on in, my chil...
chil... chil... chil... - Dren!

- It?s an invasion, an invasion!
- A stampede!

Now you know how often I?ve spoken to you
of my friends Monsieur and Madame

- Boni... Boni... Boni...
- face!

Well, there they are!
Go and give them a kiss!

Very charming.
We didn?t know you had any children.

All mine!

What are you going to do with them?
Are they en route for another convent?

Oh ddd... dear me, no!

- But where are they going to stay?
- Well, here!

Here?! Oh no, no, my dear fellow...
out of the question.

But you yourself said...

Oh yes, I know, my dear fellow, I said do
stay with us. Well, everyone says that.

It?s just good manners!

You took me at my word.
Good, you came. Fine!

But not en masse like this,
with a battalion!

What do you think this house is,
a barracks?

Well, if I thought it was a bbb... barracks,
I wouldn?t bring my ddd... daughters here!

Excuse me for a moment,
I want a word with my husband.

It?s all your fault,
being so free with your invitations!

My fault? I like that! You were the
one who said we?ve got to do it,

we?ve spent a whole
fortnight with him,

we can?t get out
of inviting him.

I only said that because
I knew he wouldn?t accept!

Well it?s not my fault
that he did accept!

Of course it?s your fault!

If you had been content to ask him
politely in an off-hand sort of way,

then you would've made the gesture
and he would never have come.

But, oh no, you had to insist!

You went on and on at it until, in the end,
the poor wretch simply had to come!

Well if I understand ccc... correctly,
we had all better move on...

I?m afraid so, my dear fellow,
there simply isn?t room for you all.

And now you really must forgive me,
my dear friend, but I must leave you.

I have to visit my sister
who is not at all well

and I must go and get ready,
so au revoir.

Au revoir, Madame.

Au revoir! Au revoir! Au revoir!

Well then, Monsieur
BBBoniface, we?d better be off!

I?ll go and see
about your luggage.

If only we knew the address
of a good hotel...

Victoire! Tell the porters to take those
trunks and put them back in the carriage.

Very well, Monsieur.

Ah! Madame Cot!

What are all these
trunks doing here?

Nothing, nothing.
I?m having them taken away.

I?ve found exactly what we are looking for!
Hotel Paradiso, 220 Rue de Provence.

Hotel Paradiso,
220 Rue de Provence!

Oh, thank you!

Ah, Martin!
Oh, don?t thank me, my dear fellow.

I am only so sorry
we can?t put you up.

Oh, may I present our
neighbor, Madame Cot?

This is Monsieur
Martin and his progeny.

How do you, Madame Cot?

How do you do, Madame Cot?
How do you do?

Well, we bbbbetter
be on our way there.

- Where?
- Why, to the hotel!

Oh, a hotel! Oh yes, my dear
fellow. Well, er goodbye once again.

Good bye! Good bye! Good bye!

Well, goo-goo-goo-goo...
Oh!... Pffft!

Well, what next?

Meet me in half an hour
at the Place Vend?me, south side.

Right. Is Maxime still here?

- In the dining room.
- Well, he?d better get packed!

Madame Cot.

- Marcelle!
- In half an hour.

- What?s this?
- It?s your dinner.

Victoire is out tonight.

Incidentally, I don?t think I
shall dine at home this evening.

I think I shall treat myself to a
nice little dinner in a restaurant.

You?ll do nothing of the sort!
I won?t allow it!

Why, what?s wrong with that?

Because you?re a married man!

Married men do not dine
in restaurants without their wives!

Is that so?

I should think not indeed!

What would people think
if they saw you in a restaurant?

What do you think
they would think?

The day you choose to go to a
restaurant, you go there with me.

Tonight, you dine at home!

Whether you like it or not, tonight
I am dining in a restaurant!

- Oh no, you won?t! - Oh yes, I will!
- You won?t! - I will!

We?ll soon see about that!

- Give it to me, give it to me!
- Never!

Give it to me, give me that key!

Never!
En garde, Monsieur Boniface!

There! There and there!
...And there!

Touch?!
Good night, Monsieur Boniface!

I?ll see you in the morning!

Let me out! Let me out!

She shot the bolt!

Coachman!

Coachman!

Disgraceful!

Stop! Look!

Rein in, rein in! Look!
Good heavens! The road?s blocked!

Oh! Come back!

Oh, no...

Whoa... whoa... whoa!

Extraordinary performance, eh?

Oh yes! So artistic!

Here?s to folly!

- Ah, yes, a cigar!
- Shhh!

Such dignity, such... femininity!

And to think she is the
mother of three children,

and her husband's a professor
at the Sorbonne!

Oh, Marcelle...

How I?d like to see
you up there..!

I've no head for heights.

And what sort of a woman
do you take me for?

I?m sure we?ll meet
someone we know here.

Boniface, please let?s go.

To our little rendezvous...

Oh yes, yes. But we?d better hurry!

We must both be back
home by midnight.

Supposing your wife
gets back tonight?

Her sister may be better.

Let?s hope not!

Welcome, Signor,
to the Hotel Paradiso!

You are expecting someone, hm?

I can guess the
gentleman?s requirements.

A cosy little nest, where
a pretty lady will be at her ease?

Thank you, no, I am not expecting anybody.
You are expecting me.

I am Monsieur Cot, the expert
appointed by the Board of Sanitation.

Oh, si, si, si,
of course, of course!

For the haunted room
of the unhappy countess.

She was a great
lady, Monsieur Cot.

Since her death,
it is the pure witchcraft.

Just so. Where is the room?

This way, Signor.

On the first floor.

Every night there are
the most ghastly sounds.

The walls crack,
the furniture hops in the air.

Just so, just so.

Here we are, Monsieur.

Oh, I am glad it is you who is sleeping
the night in here and not myself.

What are all these
beds doing here?

Ah, Monsieur. It was absolutely
hopeless letting this room,

so I tried putting the service
personnel to sleep in here.

But no. Every damn one has left.

And the new bellboy,
he is hopeless, it?s a curse.

It seems perfectly quiet in here.

For the momento, si. But when midnight
strikes, then starts the hullaballoo.

- Good night, Signor.
- Good evening.

Now let me see...

cigars, brush...

Hey, hey you!
Get yourself moving!

What?s up?

You heard the bell, no?

What bell?

When the client pulls the bell, you see the
number and get yourself there prestissimo!

Oh, I see...

Well what the hell you waiting for?
Get going!

- Hey, you haven?t seen the number of the room!
- What number?

It is the number 22, you fool!
Next time you look at the bells!

Aiuto presto!

Boy, do you have
some playing cards?

Mr Agnello...

Mr Agnello, sir!

What do you think I just saw,
in number 22?

What?

A female! In the nude!

My boy! You are not in the countryside
no more... You are in metropolis!

Now go and give a knock
on numero 27.

What! The Turk?s room?

He not pay his bill for too damn long.

You keep his trunk
and then kick him out.

Give him the boot!

Who, me?!

That?s what I said. Oh...
There is some trade downstairs.

Ah! La grande Antoinette!

The queen of song!

Welcome!

- He?s a duke.
- A duke!? My complimenti!

Welcome, Monsieur le Duke.

I must find a nice little nest where
the gentleman will be at his ease.

[SPEAKING TURKISH]

You will tell that fool upstairs
to return my trunks immediately!

You?ll get the trunk when
we'll get the money.

We?ll see whether you change
your mind when the police arrive!

- Police?!
- Basta! Basta!

Oh, I say!

- It?s an old dump!
- It?s a lie!

We will soon see about that!

You?ll be hearing from me
before the night?s out!

Oh, I say!

Take it or not, Mademoiselle,

that man would never dare
show his face to the police, no.

Ah! Now I can give you
his room, it is beautiful!

- Monsieur? - I am Monsieur Feydeau,
Georges Feydeau.

Ah si, si, Monsieur, I got your message.
Your room is ready.

Numero 21 on the second floor.

Feydeau!

Oh, Monsieur is alone?

Quite alone, thank you.

Now if you?ll permit,
I lead the way.

It is a nice little
nest, superb.

You will be quite at
home, Signor le Duke.

Oh, I say!

Very cozy and quiet,
Mademoiselle.

Here we are, numero 9.

Pleasant dreams.
Good night, Mademoiselle.

- Good night!
- Good night, Monsieur le Duke.

Now listen, my boy.

If you?re have the trouble with
the customers, like with that damn Turk,

then you take a peep.

A peep? But how?

Ha, how? Bambino!

Now what do you
think that?s for?

A drill? For making holes.

Perfetto!

When something spells the trouble...

Tutto! I see it all!

Anybody there?

Concierge!

Why, it?s beastly, your hotel!

Well, it?s a little
old-fashioned perhaps.

But then, in a smart hotel
we might have been recognized,

whereas here we won?t
run into anybody we know.

That?s true.

Anyway, what matters the hotel,
when it brings the two of us together?

Evening... Good evening, Signor,
Good evening, Signorina.

I can guess the
gentleman?s requirement.

Oh yes, a nice little nest
where the lady will be at her ease.

Follow me please.

A beautiful room where the princess of Poland
spend her honeymoon with her Lord Chamberlain.

You see,
the very best people stay here!

This way please, Monsieur, Madame.
This way, numero 11.

Ah?! Whatever?s that?

Oh, nothing, Signorina, nothing.
Take no notice!

Come in, please.

You go out, Signor?

Yes, it?s too early for bed. I shall go to
the cafe nearby and have a glass of beer.

I?ll be back in half an hour.

- Ah, Marcelle...
- Ah, Boniface...

No, no! Not Boniface! Not any longer.
Call me Benedict!

- Alright, Benedict.
- Yes, Benedict! Oh, Marcelle!

I adore you!

Do be careful!
I?m swallowing your cigar smoke!

Can?t you throw it away?

Well, they charged me 40 sous for it,
so I really should smoke it to the end.

Ah well, never mind.

And what about my dress?

How do you like it?

You would look desirable
in any dress.

And even more desirable,
out of it!

Oh! Monsieur Boniface!
It?s a new one!

Oh, who cares about the dress?

Does one even glance at the box
which contains the bonbon?

Marcelle, it?s only you
that I seek. I want you!

Oh, good gracious! Whatever?s come over you?

Oh, Monsieur Boniface!
Benedict, please!

I want you, I tell you,
I tell you, I want you!

Oh, whatever?s the matter with you?
I?ve never seen you like this!

Come now, Benedict,
pull yourself together!

The champagne must
have gone to your head!

Oh! I don?t care
what?s gone to my head!

It?s you, it?s the dinner,
the champagne, the cigar...

I want you, I tell you,
I tell you, I want you!

You haven?t hurt
yourself, have you?

Me? Not a bit!

I did it on purpose.

Rotten chair.

If they only provide one, they might at
least see that it?s in a proper condition.

Out with it! Out! Out!

And stay out!

Lord! Number eleven?s chair.

I wonder who done that?

Oh, sorry sir,
I didn?t know this room was taken.

I was just putting
this chair back.

Oh really, this is too much!
I?ve seen quite enough of that chair.

But sir, it belongs in here!

It does, does it? Well,
take it out of here, take it out!

Oh Lord!

- I feel rather strange.
- What?s the matter?

A kind of cold sensation
on the top of my head.

Oh, it?s just emotion.
It?ll go in a minute.

Ah, Marcelle... at last we are alone,
just the two of us!

If only you could see how my heart
is pounding with love for you!

It?s pounding, it?s pounding...

It really is pounding!

You?ve gone quite pale!
Boniface! Benedict! Oh, my dear!

Oh, I feel very peculiar,
very peculiar indeed!

Sit down, my dear, sit down!

Where? Where?
Now there?s no chair?

Well sit there, on the table!

Oh, Marcelle...

You must excuse
this little setback.

It?ll soon pass.
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

It was the cigar. I knew it.
And the champagne.

And I never touch
anything but water.

Oh, my poor dear!

This would happen when my wife's
nowhere near to help.

- For heaven?s sake, do sit still!
- No, no, I must walk about.

Well, take your coat off!

I?ll go and get you
a glass of water.

Thank you, my dear.

Wait!

What can it be?

What?s the matter now?

I don?t know...

A sort of sharp sensation
at the base of my spine.

That?s a good sign.
The circulation is starting again.

Whatever is it?
What do you feel?

I felt a sharp stabbing pain, as though
someone were boring a hole into me!

- Where?
- At the base of my spine!

Merciful heavens!
It sounds like a cerebral haemorrhage!

- We should send for a doctor.
- Oh, no!

No... no... no... I...
I just need air.

And a cup of tea.

Boy! Boy... there you are. Is there
a balcony or terrace somewhere?

I must have air.

Next floor up, sir.

Down the first corridor
and straight on up.

Boy! Boy! Please bring a hot
water bottle for the gentleman.

A hot water bottle? Yes.

And get some tisane,
some tea, anything!

Tea... Yes...

Right away.

Well, here we are children,
come along, come along!

I can?t imagine what induced Madame Cot
to recommend this hotel.

This really has the appearance
of a most undesirable neighborhood.

Still, it?s getting late,
we have to spend the night somewhere.

Come along, come along!

Well, there doesn?t seem to be
anyone here to receive the guests.

Where?s the manager?

Here we are, ma'am.

You don?t think the gentleman will
catch cold up there on the balcony?

Oh no, ma'am, it?s stopped raining.
It?s quite balmy out.

Boy! Ah, boy...

We?ve been waiting about
downstairs for hours.

I?ve been recommended here
by Madame Cot.

Madame who?

I want two rooms. One for myself,
and one for my daughters.

Now what have you to offer us?

Oh, lord!

We haven?t got enough room for...

I?ve got it! The room
of the old countess.

Countess? Which countess?

The Countess Brandelini.

Oh yes, of course.

She died here many moons ago.

Indeed? Poor woman.

This way, sir.
It?s a nice large room.

Well, here we are then.

But it?s a dormitory!

Well, it?s all we have, sir.
But wait!

There?s a nice big toilet.

But I can?t share a
room with my daughters!

Well, sir...

If you pop into the
big bed first,

you could draw the curtains,

while the young ladies
get into bed.

And what do you charge
for this dormitory?

Oh well, let?s see now...

7 francs, no extras.

Well, that sounds reasonable enough.
Very well, that?s settled, we?ll take it.

Fine. Good night, sir.
Good night, girls.

Good night, boy!

We?ll leave our trunks downstairs.
We?ll be moving off in the morning.

Very well, sir. Good night.

- Good night.
- Good night. Good night.

Come along children, go
and get ready for bed.

Oh, gracious me,
we?ve only one lamp!

Boy!

Madame Cot!

Monsieur Martin!

I can?t be wrong,
it is Madame Cot.

Oh no, no, no, no!
Well, as a matter of fact, yes.

Well, I had the pleasure of meeting you
this morning at the home of M. Boniface.

Come here children, look who?s here!
It's Madame Cot.

Hello, Madame Cot!
Oh, it?s so nice to meet you, Madame Cot!

Madame Cot,
your tea kettle?s boiling over.

Oh, now he knows my name...!

Tea? But I don?t understand.
Do you live here, Madame?

Who, me? Certainly not!
That is to say...

Well, my husband?s staying here.
We are moving, you know, from the villa.

So, for the time being...

Madame Cot, the water?s boiling!

Yes, I heard you! Oh, forgive me,
Monsieur Martin, my kettle calls!

I would have liked to have
offered you a cup but...

Tea? But that would be delightful,
a thousand thanks!

Girls, come along, girls.

Hurrah for tea! Hurrah for tea!
Hurrah for tea!

Well, all this looks very nice.

Boy,
we shall need some more cups.

Oh, but it?s charming in here!

Oh yes, it is, isn?t it?
Do sit down.

Well, we?d love to, but there seems
to be a slight scarcity of chairs.

Oh, that?s true, that?s very true!
Hahaha!

Here are the cups!

Boy! We shall need
some more chairs.

Right away, sir.

Now go along, girls,
give the boy a hand.

Now Madame, if you?ll allow me,
let me fill the pot.

Oh, there you are.
Put them down. That?s right.

I?ll go on and get
the bottle now, Ma'am.

What bottle?

Well, the hot water bottle
for the sick gentleman.

Oh! Yes, yes, off you go.
Do sit down everybody, do sit down.

And tell me, Madame, are things
going well with you in general?

Oh, but of course.
Everything?s going beautifully.

Now, come along children,
make yourselves useful. Serve the tea.

And what about our old friend Boniface?
Do you see a great deal of him?

Oh, no! Hardly at all!

You know how it is
with one?s acquaintances in Paris.

Boniface, my dear friend!
Come in, come in!

Why, we were just
talking about you!

- Yes, we were... Good evening!
- Good evening, Madame Cot.

And how are you?

Actually, I had a little business
in this part of the town,

so I said I must drop
in and say hello to Madame Cot.

What a delightful thought!

Oh how nice, how very nice!

Tell me, old man, do you usually
go out in your shirt sleeves?

I had an enormous tear
in my coat.

So I took it in to the tailor?s nearby,
to be seen to...

and I said to myself, while it?s being done,
I must drop in and say hello to Madame Cot.

- Oh.
- How very, very nice.

Oh yes, it was, it was!

Well, do sit down everybody.

Thank you.

- Cup of tea, Monsieur Boniface?
- Oh, thank you so much.

- Sugar, Monsieur Boniface?
- Thank you so much.

What a sweet tooth you have,
Monsieur Boniface!

Oh, thank you so much.

Well now, tell me the news?
What?s new in Paris?

Well, it?s a republic.

All goes well with your wife,
since this afternoon?

Splendidly, splendidly.
And yours too?

But you know very well
she?s been dead for eight years!

Of course, of course!
Oh, believe me, I...

Here you are, sir, here's your
hot water bottle.

Your bottle?

Why yes, as a matter of fact.

Whenever I come to this hotel, I always
order one of their hot water bottles.

They're very well known here
for their hot water bottles.

Very well known.

- Didn?t you know?
- No.

Oh... My wife said,
if ever you?re passing the Hotel Paradiso,

you must get me one
of their hot water bottles.

Really? That?s most interesting.

- What's that, sir? But I never...
- Oh, who spoke to you? Be off! Be off!

Well, dear lady,
I can see you?re very tired,

so if you?ll excuse me,
I?ll take my leave.

My dear Monsieur Boniface,
a thousand thanks for...

Oh, you?re tired!
But you should?ve said so.

Come on, girls, take the chairs
and then go back to our room.

- We mustn?t overstay our welcome.
- Goodnight, Mrs Cot.

Au revoir, good lady,
and goodnight.

- Goodnight, Madame Cot.
- Come along, children, hurry up.

- Come along. That?s right, dear.
- Goodnight, Madame Cot.

I?ll slip downstairs to put them off
the scent, and come straight back.

Oh, yes.

Heavens, what a lesson!

Au revoir, my dear Boniface!

And don?t forget to give my
best wishes to Madame Boniface.

I won?t forget, I won?t forget.

Dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

- Goodnight, Monsieur Boniface!
- Goodnight, Monsieur Boniface!

Oh, boy!

We must leave this hotel immediately.
You?d better prepare my bill.

- You don?t need the room for tonight?
- Certainly not!

Oh dear! Oh dear!

Hurry up into the bathroom
and get ready for bed.

And not too much noise, please!
There are people sleeping.

Bless my soul, what a splendid
set of things for the toilette!

Really quite luxurious!

And cigars!

Regalias!

You know, I think this hotel is
going to do us very well!

I like this homely old-fashioned
atmosphere.

Yes, papa, it?s lovely.

And a nightgown! And slippers! Really,
they think of everything these days.

I can?t imagine how
they make it all pay.

No, papa.

There?s only one thing missing,
one of their famous hot water bottles!

I must call the boy and get one.

(M)'sieur! Hurry!

- Oh, it?s you!
- Well yes.

As a matter of fact,
I came back especially to see you.

- I wanted to tell you something.
- What?

Well, um... well, you see...
Well, there was no great urgency about it,

but as I was nearby,
you know what I mean?

Not exactly.

Well, I was downstairs and I heard
some people talking, and they said...

Well, frankly, the meeting of the Chamber
of Deputies today was extremely heated.

- Is that so?
- Oh yes, oh yes.

The government was attacked on its budget.
Always a ticklish problem.

And they said that the government
is within an ace of falling.

- Well, well, well.
- And what are we coming to?

Merciful heaven...!
Where are we all heading?

So I said to myself,
Martin must be informed of this.

- So I instantly...
- But how does it concern me?

Well, if the affairs of the
nation mean nothing to you,

well, in that case, I
must bid you good night.

Very well then.
Good night, and thanks all the same!

Not at all, not at all.

Back you go to your room.
Mustn?t catch cold.

I was waiting for the boy
to get a hot water bottle!

A hot water bottle!
Here, take mine! Do take mine!

No, no. My dear sir, I wouldn't dream
of depriving you.

- My dear fellow, you?re not depriving me.
- Well, are you sure?

- It?s extremely kind of you.
- It?s nothing, nothing at all. Back you go.

Very well, goodnight.

Goodnight.

- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.

Well then, goodnight.

- Oh, it?s you again!
- Yes.

We never shook hands.

- Oh. Goodnight.
- Goodnight.

At last! I thought you were never coming.

Anyway, put on your hat and
coat and let?s get out of here!

- My hat and coat? Where are they?
- Well, there! In the bathroom!

And incidentally, what
have you done with my hat?

What do you mean, done with your hat?
It must be somewhere...

But where? Where? Where?

Oh, wait, I remember! I had it in my hand
when I went to get some air. I...

Hahaha,
I must have left it up there.

Hahaha! So you think it?s funny, do you?
So you left it upstairs!

What did you have to take it
up there for in the first place?

You?d better run up
and get it right away!

- I?ll wait for you.
- Yes, wait for me.

Well, out you go and hurry!

- How are the phantoms?
- Not before midnight, Signor expert.

Come along girls, hurry up!

- We?re nearly ready now!
- Come in, Papa.

Ghosts?

Rubbish!
There?s a common thief at large.

There?s no doubt of it.

He's even left his
hair on my brush.

I must be on my guard.

Well, where is it?

It?s not there. Someone
must have taken it.

That?s charming!

I?ll put this
scarf over my head.

Let?s leave this awful place
at once!

Yes, yes, at once.

Where are you leading me,
Mademoiselle?

Oh, it?s a very old hotel.
Wait til you see.

- But my train!
- It can wait.

Buona sera, buona sera,
Signorina, Signor...

I can guess the
requirements of the lady...

A nice little nest where you and
the gentleman will be at your ease.

I say, excuse me. Do you
have running water here?

Naturalemente.

- At what date was it
installed... exactly? - Eh?

George! George!
Where you are? Come here.

There is a room free?

There?s one just come free now, sir.
Number 11.

Thank you.
Should we go up now?

Righto. Come this way.

- Good heavens! Maxime!
- Victoire!

This way.

Mademoiselle...

I hope you realize the gravity
of the step we are about to take.

Not 'alf!!

Number 11 should be free by now.

Come on.
Is it for the whole night?

- I should jolly well hope so!
- The whole night?!

- But my train!
- Don?t bother, ducks, it?s gone by now.

- They?re coming in here!
- Lock the door!

You should never have
said we were leaving!

Key, where?s the key?
I haven?t got the key!

- Oh, we mustn't loose our heads!
- But I can?t lock the door without the key!

There, in there! There's a bolt.

Oh, what a night!

Mademoiselle...
If I?d ever known...!

You wouldn?t have come?

Frankly, yes.

Right you are, we?ll take it.

Alright then.

We are here for the night!

Oh, what a lesson.

What a lesson!

- Bags, I've this one!
- Bed at last, and about time.

Bags, I've this one!

I?m going to use my curling tongs
before I go to bed.

Top marks! So shall I.

I feel spooky!

- We?re will-o'-the-wisps!
- We look like ghosts!

- Ghosts!
- Ghosts!

Remember the witches? song?

The witches on their brooms,
They cackle as they fly away,

Hoorah hoorah hoorah!
Hoorah hoorah hoorah!

Spirits! Phantoms!

Daughters of Satan afoot!

Help! Help!

- Whatever was that?
- What?s the to-do? What?s up?

- Help! - Ahh! My uncle!
- Help!

Oh, I say!

I... I do beg your pardon!

Now what?s all this nonsense?
A man in the bed, you say?

Yes, Papa! It's true, there is!

Well, we?ll soon see about that!

Oh, Madame!
I beg your pardon.

Nonsense, lot of nonsense.

Now girls,
you?re talking nonsense.

That?s not a man, it?s a woman.

Victoire! Victoire!

Psst! Here I am.

Quiet, girls, quiet! I can certainly
distinguish between the sexes at my age.

A man and a woman! Disgraceful!

I must certainly get to
the bottom of this. Boy?

Boy!

What?s up?

Listen boy,
what?s the meaning of all this!?

Finding men and women in our beds
and the Lord knows what else?

Strewth, sir! Really?

- So you?ve seen her?
- Seen who?

Well, I didn?t want to tell you
sir, but the room is haunted.

By a dead woman!

- A dead woman!?
- Aaaahh!

Children!

Excuse me, Madame,
have you seen my children?

Your children?

Oh, Madame,
I beg your pardon.

Nicolette! Violette!
Prudance! Suzanne!

I shall die of fright if we
don?t get out this minute.

Shh! We must be careful.
Let?s go.

Back! My husband!

Human beings!
Thank heavens for that!

Open the door!
Open the door!

You can?t come in,
you can?t come in!

For pity?s sake, open the door!

- Open the door!
- Can?t come in!

- Hold hard!
- He?s stronger than I am!

Let me in! Let me in! Let me in!

Madam, that?s my hat you?re wearing!

Madam, will you please
give me back my hat?

Madam! I really must ask you
to give me back my hat, Madam.

I insist. I insist!

Help!

Poltergeists! Help!
Fighting mad!

Help! Spirits! Help! Help!

A blackamoor!

No, no! It?s me, Benedict!

- But you're pitch black!
- Yes, yes, take no notice.

Oh, this night
will be the death of me!

Well, thank heaven it?s all over!
We can go now.

What a relief!

The pigs! The pigs!

- Everybody run for it!
- The pigs!

Mamma mia!
The pigs are here!

- What?s he saying?
- The pigs!

We?re lost!

- The police!
- The police!

Escape! Escape!

- Marcelle! Let me in, Marcelle!
- Arrest that man.

Officer! I protest...
My conduct is irreproachable.

I am here with my wife.

Indeed?
And your name?

My name? Monsieur Cot.

Open that door.

And now, Madame?

But... But, Inspector!
I... I don?t understand.

I'm... I'm a respectable
married woman.

And that is my husband.

I see.

And will you kindly
give me your name?

My name?

Me?

Oh, well...

My name is Madame Boniface.

Ah! Just as I thought.

Round up everybody
in the building.

That?s it, children,
let?s have no more nonsense.

Arrest that man!

Quick, after them! Come back here!

Come back here!
Oi, you there!

Stop, Police!

Come back, children!

Search all the rooms.

Police! Open up!

Police!

Oh, I say!

Open up, police!

- Ah, Monsieur Feydeau, excuse me.
- It?s a pleasure, Monsieur Lagenre.

Arrest all those people and
take them to the station.

Now then... take all of that
to the station for inspection.

Come along, everybody inside.

Come on. Arrest that man.

Who is it?

Me, Monsieur, Victoire!

Ah, Victoire.
What exactly were you doing...?

What do you want?

- Shall I bring you coffee, Monsieur?
- Yes, please, right away.

Oh, but Madame hasn?t returned yet,
and I don?t have the key.

Just a moment.

Then we shall have to wait
until Madame Boniface returns.

Who is it?

- It?s me.
- Me? Who's 'me'?

Me, Marcelle!

- Are you alone?
- Yes, yes! Open the door!

Draw the bolt on your side.

Oh, Boniface, Boniface!

- Oh, Marcelle! What a night, what a night!
- I am ruined!

Done for!
And all because of you!

No, no, no, no,
it?s not as bad as all that.

What if we were caught
together in a hotel?

After all,
we?re not rogues or criminals.

That?s all the police are
interested in- rogues and criminals.

You know these police.

Once they get their hands on
you, there are investigations...

inquiries, papers to sign,
forms to fill in.

And if one of them should
fall into my husband?s hands,

the cat will be out of the bag!

Oh, Boniface, Boniface!
What?s to become of us?

Oh, come now, courage, courage!

What a timid little rabbit!

What a frightened little pussy!

You?ve something black
on your nose.

Something black? Me!?

But what about you!
Look at your own face!

Me?

What an experience.

All the same, we might?ve had to spend the
night in the police station like the others.

At least the inspector showed his
confidence in us by releasing us.

On condition that I bring along
your identity papers this afternoon.

There you are!

And as you?ll never be able to produce
papers proving that you are Mr Cot,

what is going to happen?

If the inspector doesn?t get the
papers, he?ll come straight here...

My husband! He?s up already!

- Boniface!
- Ah, Cot.

Oh, my friend! If you only knew
the night I?ve had!

You don?t believe in
ghosts, do you?

Ghosts? Of course not.
Why, what?s happened?

I?ve seen them myself,
with my own eyes!

You have?

Yes, I have!
Without a shadow of a doubt!

I was in a hotel
on a professional visit...

convinced that the noises complained of
came from a faulty water tank.

Not a bit of it!

I?d only been asleep
about half an hour

when I woke to find myself
surrounded by wild will-of-the-wisps,

and hearing supernatural voices,
of an apparently feminine gender,

emanating from white robed figures

who danced around me in a sort
of frenzied saraband!

I flew!
I flew like a March hare!

At last, I thought I saw
two ordinary human beings.

One of them was a woman.
I couldn?t see her face.

It was buried under my hat!

Under your hat?

Yes!
Now don?t ask me how or why.

She was wearing a dress
of a sort of lacy stuff.

I?d recognize that
again in a million!

- You wouldn?t!
- Oh yes, yes, I would, yes, I would!

It had a rhododendron
just there.

At that moment, out popped
a chimney sweep from the fireplace!

How or why I simply cannot say.
A chimney sweep!

Of about your build.

Oh no, no, no, no...
Much shorter.

What? Oh yes, well, yes,
perhaps he was a little bit shorter.

Before I could pull myself
together he was upon me!

He gave me a violent shove,
and propelled me from the room.

That hotel?s seen the last of me,
I can tell you!

And does your wife believe
this story of the ghosts?

I haven?t seen her.

When I got back in the small hours I
knocked at her door and she didn?t answer.

She must have been
sleeping like a log.

I had to use the guest room.

Oh, my friend, what
a night it?s been!

What a night!

He?s still in the garden.

Quickly! I must get out of here.
I?ve got to get rid of that dress.

If he sees it in my wardrobe
I?ll be done for.

- Go round by the front.
- Yes.

The bolt! Shoot the bolt.

Thank you, Monsieur.

Boniface!

Boniface!

Benedict! Benedict!
Are you there?

Is that you, Angelique?

It?s me, my love!

Oh, Benedict!

I am so happy to see you!

Good gracious, Angelique, what?s
happened to you? You?ve got a black eye!

Don?t even speak of it!

Do you realize you
very nearly lost me?

Tell me more!

Oh, my dear one. I had
an accident, a ghastly accident!

Which nearly deprived you
of my person forever!

What a terrible thing.

Well, as you know, I hired a carriage
to take me to my sister?s.

At first,
everything went splendidly.

And there we were, trotting along
together, all three of us.

All three?

Of course!
The driver, the horse and me!

After we had gone through
the gates of Paris,

suddenly the horse was frightened
by an automobile, and it bolted!

- No!
- Yes!

The driver tried to rein him in.
Impossible!

And there we were, flying,
flying, hurtling through space,

out into the open countryside,
without a soul in sight to rescue us.

I tell you, Benedict, it is at moments
like these when life is threatened,

that a woman realizes
what her husband means to her.

Believe me,
I thought of you every second!

You,
who were not even in danger!

And I said to myself...
"I wish he were here too".

Thank you, my dear.

But you weren?t there,
were you, Benedict!?

Then what do you think happened?

We drove straight into
an overturned cart,

and I landed - bong! - on a
pile of vegetable marrows.

After that I lost
consciousness of everything.

All I know is, I came to in the early hours
of the morning, in a farmer?s cottage,

surrounded by strange people
whom I didn?t know from Adam.

Oh, such kind,
good people they were!

I was sorry I only had
100 francs in my purse.

I would gladly have given them
everything we possess!

Well surely rather excessive.

- But they saved my life!
- I see.

This morning, when they saw
that I was feeling a little better,

they fixed me up with
a sort of vegetable cart,

and trundled me back home.

And here I am.

How dreadful!

Oh Boniface,
your poor little wife!

Madame! Special delivery.

Well, I?ll go and let you
pull yourself together.

Ahh! Madame, you may not
have noticed it, but your eye...

Just black as your hat!

Not noticed it?
What do you mean not noticed it!

You?ll get your notice,
if you don?t watch out!

Go and prepare me a
bath this instant!

From the Inspector of Police?

I wonder what he wants.

?Madame will kindly oblige
by coming to my office...

and will kindly bring
her identity papers.?

My identity papers? What for?
What can he mean?

?Madame Boniface, who was caught
in a police roundup last night,

with Monsieur Cot at
the Hotel Paradiso.?

Ahhh! This is madness!

Madness! Boniface!

I must be getting delirious!
Boniface!

What?s the matter?

- The police!
- The police?

Read it!

It says... it says...

Oh no, no, it?s too horrible, too
horrible! Read it, read it!

?To Madame Boniface, who was caught last
night in a police roundup with Monsieur Cot

at the Hotel Paradiso.?

Yes, me! Me! I was caught
last night with Monsieur Cot!

- You wretched creature!
You admit it?! - What?

You! You were caught with
Cot, were you?!

No, no, no, I tell you...

And what, may I ask, were you doing
with this Monsieur Cot, eh?

What were you doing!?

Nothing, Boniface! I assure you...

- Answer me!
- Oh Boniface, you're frightening me...

This letter is official? Answer!

I cannot confess to something
that isn?t true!

We?ll soon see about that!

Come with me!

You Lucrezia Borgia, you!

You! The woman I trusted,
the woman I believed in!

No! It?s a lie, I tell you.
A foul lie!

I swear to you I?m telling you the
truth... everything that happened.

The runaway horse,
the vegetable marrows, the peasants...

And where do these
peasants live?

Why, in their village, oh
lord, I don?t know, miles away!

So! It?s all hideously clear!

So that?s why you locked me in!

So that you could indulge your
amorous appetites with Monsieur Cot!

No, no, no! It?s a lie, I tell you!
A foul lie!

Cot! Cot! You will kindly favor
me with your attention.

Oh, you spirits above, that
know the unsullied truth,

look down and justify me
before this man!

Silence! Silence.

Cot, where did you say
you spent last night?

At the Hotel Paradiso!

What!
I must be going out of my mind.

Can it be that you and... oh no, no,
no, no, it can?t be, it can?t be!

And who were you with at this Hotel Paradiso?
Answer me that!

- You were there with Madame Boniface!
- Eh?

Cot, I know all.

You are my wife?s lover.

Boniface, what is all this?
You?re pulling my leg.

Read that.

?Madame Boniface...
the Hotel Paradiso with Monsieur Cot?

Oh, of course, this is a hoax!

Then how do you account
for this summons?

Well, it?s some madman?s idea
of a practical joke.

The truth is, I have received
no such summons.

Not a word. Monsieur Cot!

Thank you.

?To Monsieur Cot,

caught last night in a police roundup with
Madame Boniface at the Hotel Paradiso?.

Now do you deny it? Do you deny it?
Have you the face to deny it?

Here! Here you are.

Oh, Madame, it?s beautiful!

- Oh, but it?s much too good for me.
- Oh no, no, no, take it, take it!

It?s not my style. It'll suit you
much better. It?s a present, take it!

- Madame Cot! - Oh! Coming, coming!
Coming right away.

Better not tell anyone
I gave you the dress, Victoire.

Oh, thanks Madame, it?s lovely.

Well, what is it?

Ah! Madame Cot.

- You see this man?
- My husband?

Well, he?s my wife?s lover.

- He is?!
- It?s a lie!

- Faint dead away in my arms.
- Right!

Good lord!
Marcelle? Marcelle!

You must be mad to tell her a thing like
that! It?s a joke, dear, an odious joke!

Don?t you dare speak to me!
So that was your so-called ghost!

- Ha-ha!
- Ah, there you are!

- Oh! Martin! - Oh, what a night,
my friends, what a night!

- Listen, Martin...
- Good morning, Madame Boniface!

Good gracious, what have
you done to your eye?!

Listen, my friend, we?re in the middle
of a very private family discussion.

- So, if you wouldn?t mind...
- But of course, my dear fellow, of course!

Oh! Madame Cot!
How did you make out last night?

Oh, splendidly, thank you!
We were all splendid.

Into the greenhouse with you.
In there.

It won?t be long.

Not a drop of rain...

What did he mean,
"How did you make out last night"?

Oh, nothing, nothing!
It?s a well-known expression in Valence.

Whenever they want to ask someone
if they slept well, they always say

?How did you make
out last night??

Well, I never knew that!

Oh yes, it?s a very
well-known expression.

Madame!

The Inspector of Police!

Ah! He's just in time.

Monsieur Cot, if you please!
I?d like to speak to Monsieur Cot.

Well here I am, Inspector,
at your service.

I?m sorry, Monsieur,
I didn?t recognize you right away.

Of course, when I saw you last night, your
face was smeared with some black concoction.

Mine was?!

Yes, but now of course
I can recognize you perfectly.

What do you mean,
you recognize me?

Yes, naturally!

After all, I was the one who caught you last night
with Madame Boniface at the Hotel Paradiso.

Me!? You caught me!?

Yes. Yes, of course, Madame.

It was difficult to see your face
last night, under your lace scarf.

My scarf?!

But now, naturally,
I remember you very well indeed.

Anyway, don?t worry.
It?s not at all important.

What do you mean
it?s not important!?

What I mean is, I shall see to it
that the affair goes no further.

When I found out that you were
the Monsieur Cot, the architect,

well naturally I was extremely sorry
my secretary had sent you that summons.

You see, I am thinking of building
a little house in the country.

And I was wondering...

But I?m not interested in your
little house in the country!

I?m interested in
what happened last night!

Don?t give the matter
another thought.

As long as you are a person of fixed
abode and of settled occupation

you are of no concern
to the police.

I don?t give a damn
about the police!

It?s that lady and gentleman
I?m concerned with!

Good day, Monsieur.
My respects, Madame.

For heaven's sake, try and remember!
Think carefully!

Well, look well at both of us!

Even if you didn?t
see the lady?s face,

surely you must have seen
her figure, her silhouette!

Well, it did seem to me that the lady was
of rather less... ambitious proportions,

but that could have been
an optical illusion.

One thing I do remember though.

The lady in question wore a
lace dress with a rhododendron!

That settles it!
I don?t possess one!

Neither do I!

- Shhh, quiet. - Inspector, you must have
arrested other people last night.

Why don?t you question them?
See whether they recognize us or not?

Who were these people?

Wait! I have the list here.

Allow me.

Bonnard, The Bull of the Bistros?

I certainly don?t know him.

La Grande Antoinette.

Monsieur Martin
and his four daughters.

Which Monsieur Martin!? There was a
Monsieur Martin here. He?s just arrived!

And he has four daughters.

Ah! Well, he must be our man!

Ah! Now we shall see!
Let?s go and ask him.

I feel myself sinking... sinking
into the bowels of the earth!

You mustn?t do that.

Ah! Yes, that?s the man.
I remember him distinctly.

Good heavens, the inspector!
Oh, I can?t stand all that again!

Now Monsieur Martin, there are one or
two questions I want to put to you.

Oh, please, please!
mesdames, messieurs!

Careful.

Don?t all speak at once, I can?t make
head or tail of what you?re saying!

Monsieur Martin, you were at the
Hotel Paradiso last night, were you not?

Not only was I there, but I was arrested.
I can?t think why.

Did you see us there?
I mean, Monsieur Cot and myself.

Me? No, I didn?t see you...

There! You see!?

But when I think of how
my poor little girls

were dragged off to the police
station in their shifts.

Well we?re not interested in your
little girls or their shifts.

If you didn?t see us there,
were there other people whom you did see?

Other people?
Of course there were other people!

Well, who were they!?

Well,
that?s very easy to answer.

- Here we go...
- We're for it!

Do you hear that, Boniface?
They want to know whom I saw there!

Yes, I heard, I heard.

- You want to know who I saw?
- Yes! Who!?

Well, I saw...

I saw b... bbbb...

the kkkk... the kara...
kara... kara...

What is the matter with you?

Well now, come along Monsieur, answer!
Who did you see?

Oh, come along Monsieur!

Monsieur Martin,
you?re doing it on purpose! Speak up!

There?s only one way out!
He must commit his evidence to writing!

Come along everybody,
back to my house!

An excellent idea.

In here, Monsieur
Martin, in here.

Yes, now we shall get
to the bottom of it.

Come along, sit down, here.

Write it all down.

There.

The pen!

There. Now take your
time, Monsieur Martin.

The complete list!

What?s going on!?
Now it?s raining in here too!

Victoire!

Victoire! Victoire!

Now the roof?s leaking and
the bath?s running over!

Victoire!

I'm coming, Madame.

Oh, excuse me Madame,
but I was just changing!

Do you realize the bath water
is running over?

A rhododendron!

Everybody! Come here!

What now? But that?s it!
The lace dress!

But I?d recognize it in a million!

Victoire!
How do you explain that dress?

I was just trying it on!

Never mind all that! Were you in
the Hotel Paradiso last night?

How did you know?

And you had the audacity
to use my name!?

Your name? What do you mean?

No need to explain!
You?ve said quite enough!

No, no need to explain!
You've heard her admit it, Inspector.

That?s the woman you
caught red-handed.

Yes, yes of course!
I remember her very well.

And who was the
gentleman you were with?

The gentleman?

Well...

Ha ha ha, quite a gathering!

Hello Uncle, so here you are!

Good morning, Auntie.

And a very good
morning to you, Madame!

I hope you don?t mind, but I came through
your garden, since there was nobody at home.

But you?re not in Marseilles?!

- No, I?m afraid not!
- And why not?

Oh, that?s a terribly long story...

Anyway, I missed my
train and as it was late,

I didn?t want to wake you
in the middle of the night...

Maxime, I want the truth now!

With pleasure, Auntie!

Last night were you or were
you not at the Hotel Paradiso?

Oh! So you know about that!
Yes!

It really is an unthinkable
hotel, Auntie.

I strongly advise you to
avoid it like the plague.

And who were you
with at this hotel?

And who were you with?

Ah well, here goes.

With Victoire.

Victoire!

Inspector!
This is the man you?re looking for!

Yes, there he is,
as bold as brass.

Ah, yes of course.
That?s the man.

I recognize him distinctly.

- Yes, yes, yes. The mystery is solved.
- That?s that!

Now it?s all perfectly clear.

- But I don?t understand!
- Not another word out of you!

Turn off that bath, then
straight to your room!

- Martin!
- Martin!

- Ah, here?s my evi... evi...
- What's that? Your evidence?

Good gracious me, we know all of that.
We don?t need that anymore!

But wha... wha...

By Jove, you?ve just got time
to catch the train to Valence!

Yes, off you go, back to Valence!

- Off you go!
- It's stopped raining!

It's lovely in Valence!

- Goodbye!
- Goodbye!

And so, in spite of occasional
little misunderstandings,

life at that time
went on day after day,

peacefully, blissfully.

Later that autumn,
Paris, city of light,

dazzled and sparkled
more brightly than ever.

The great restaurants were
positive aviaries of gossip.

The announcements for the theatrical
season were particularly tantalizing.

Bernhardt, the divine Sarah,

was planning, in her next play, to impersonate
a character of masculine gender.

And a new domestic farce by Georges Feydeau
was announced at the Palais Royale.

The privileged, who had the good fortune
to be invited to the premiere,

flocked to the theater in a mood
of exquisite expectation.

Psst! Marguerite!

Monsieur Benedict!

Marguerite!

- I love you.
- You?!

Marguerite! I am the last man
in the world to betray a friend.

- It hurts me deeply.
- I know that, Monsieur Benedict.

But friend or no friend, the honor
of French chivalry is at stake.

Marguerite, be mine! All mine!

Oh, Monsieur Benedict!
You forget yourself!

I?m a respectable married woman!

Think of my duty!

There are times when
duty must be forgotten.

- When?
- Now! Look at me.

Am I not throwing
my duty to the winds?

Think of poor Madame Benedict!
But do I hesitate? Not at all!

Your husband has insulted you!

And when a woman is insulted,
there is no turning back!

No, no! Yes, yes!

- Forward march! - Where?
- Anywhere, together, let us go!

Oh no, Monsieur Benedict!
I cannot!

- His neglect has set you free!
- Absolutely!

He has the prettiest wife in the world,

and he leaves her here
vegetating like an Italian cabbage!

Yes! A cabbage! That?s me.

Revenge is yours!
It must be swift and deadly.

That?s it! Revenge! You?ve shown me the way,
and I shall follow to the bitter end!

I?ll show you what a man should be...
strong, tender, and terrible in his passion!

Oh well, Monsieur Benedict!

You may be rather plain,
but you certainly have a way with women!

Oh, Marguerite... Thank you,
thank you for that.

Had I known'st it an hour ago, I would
have repelled your advances with horror.

Oh, Marguerite... The early bird
doesn?t always catch the worm.

But now I say, command me!
I shall obey.

Oh, Marguerite,
I?m floating, floating...

- Benedict! - We?re sunk!
- Benedict!

Marguerite,
there isn?t a moment to be lost!

Your husband is away tonight.
You?re free as air!

I shall manage
to be free as air too.

Do! Do!

I?ll meet you somewhere.

Where?!

I haven?t the faintest idea.

I?ll find somewhere,
I?ll send you word - and then, revenge!

Benedict!

My wife...

Revenge!

Sync and corrections by FatPlank and Colin