Hot Thrills and Warm Chills (1967) - full transcript

- Dody, aren't you darlings!

Come in, come in!

Wow, you kids look great!

Let me take a look at you.

Your ass! Sit down, make
yourselves at home.

The bar is now open.

Kitten, how you been?

Just as delicious as ever.

Oh lets make ourselves
more comfortable.

Average life must be
a dream with you.

You both look wonderful.



Not like it used
to be, huh kids?

No more hard knocks
from the suckers.

Are you kidding? What a drag.

I thought I would never be able to get
outta town, away from that creep.

Why Dody, how can you say such a
thing about your own husband?

Say, has he been mistreating you?

Mistreated? He couldn't mistreat
a rattlesnake. I don't know how she's-

-tolerated this long.

Money baby! Money!

And you should brag with that
faggy looking SOB you married.

Girls, girls, whoa whoa!

We didn't stage this little family
reunion to fight now did we?

Here, let me sweep your drinks.

We'll have more
champagne for everyone.



- Mm I like champagne.
- Mm, my favourite!

Oh it feels so great to just
be able to sit back and relax.

You know, these new jets you can be halfway
around the world in a matter of minutes.

Say Toni, how did you settle on Rio?
You must like the soft life.

Baby, you know Toni doesn't
like anything soft.

Now, let's start from scratch.

I've been dying to hear about the
two jerks you all got saddled with.

Ever since we decided to break up
the old gang, I've wanted to know.

How about you Kitten,
you always were the sex-pot.

How did you make it out?

Ha, make out? This couldn't
make out in a body house.

Watch it wise guy!

Where do you think your old man
has been spending his nights?

With the queers?

Well, I'll have you know my husband travels a lot.
He's in the erection business.

Ain't all men, the ain't
the way I heard.

The way I heard it he's
in the elevator business.

Up and down.

Up and down!

Knock it off you two
girls, you're killing me.

I want to have a real
down-to-earth, true to life story

Of just plain kitten.

As we left the story yesterday.

Kitten was leaving the
old gang for good.

And marrying the
man of her dreams.

Wealthy, socialite,
an industrialist-

I knew immediately on our wedding night
that Harry was not the man for me.

Oh, he meant well alright,
with his little tender kisses.

But somehow he didn't
give me the effect I wanted.

On our wedding night
this is how it went.

And believe me it wasn't enough

That damned Harry!

He wound up drunk and in the bed
with one of the bridesmaids.

And on my wedding night!

I finally forgave him and took him back.

But things were never
really the same anymore.

She was a nymph and nearly ruined it.

Oh he really tried to please me.

But the plain fact of the matter is
he just couldn't make the scene.

What's the matter, was his erection
business bothering him too much darling?

Well something was bothering him because he
left me more frustrated than I already was.

Go on, then what happened?

Well one morning Harry was out of
town and the doorbell rang.

And at the door was this beautiful
hunk of He-man selling insurance.

How much did you buy, or was
it the other way around?

Or for crying out, just
let her tell her story.

It's just now getting to the good part.

And you don't know how good!

We sat there making small talk.

Talking about annuities and
premiums and here's how it went.

Just about the time I was going to
make out, and get myself satisfied,

My friend Chris was lying around the house,

naked and on the phone,
trying to locate Charlie.

So,

I stepped out to get a bottle, to give
to my insurance man a little pep.

And when I returned this cat was
wasting all his energy on Chris.

Charlie never showed up.

And I was left as frustrated as ever.

Take this empty glass as a token of my-

Here, let me freshen your drink.
How do you like it?

One part strychnine and
two parts rat poison?

On the rocks baby, on the rocks.

Ok Dody, you're on next.

Speak now, or forever hold your peace!

Peace? Peace?

What peace?
What's happening?

Oh brother.

Once a nymph, always a nymph!

Jealous?

Jealous?

Well, as both you broads know,
I married Lester P. Chester

C.P.A.

Book-keeper, book-worm,
and booky as far as I'm concerned.

It seems as though my figure and
his figures just didn't add up,

to two and two.

Oh brother! Say Toni, Rio is your town,

Oh you are going to fix
us up tonight, aren't you?

Why don't you get out
your little black book

and get on the phone and just
send us a real live-

Take it easy girls, take it easy
lets have some fun first.

Incidentally,

I've rented adjoining
apartments for each of you.

Kitchens and a whole bed.

It'll be just like living at home.

Now lets turn up the music
and really have some fun.

Wow, this like old times, eh girls?

Alright now, let's get down to business.

The meeting is now called to order.

Places everyone.

Hand me my smoke will you.

Thank you.

The reason I called us here together.

Is because at one time,

we had the greatest gang in the world.

We all made money, and lots of it.

We played it smart and never got caught.

I have a score for us that will
be the biggest and the last.

And will give us enough money

to live in the caribbean like queens,
for the rest of our lives.

And without the scards you call men.

Sound like you have a real
live one this time Toni

I do baby, I do.

As a matter of fact
it's so big it frightens me.

But I know that our team-work
has paid off in the past.

And over the last couple of years
Toni's bankroll has depleted.

It's time to sweeten it up!

Are you with me?

What's the deal?

Answer the question first:
are you with me?

It has to be both of you, or none at all.

Damn right, count me in.

Me too.

- The carnival starts tomorrow.
- Carnival?

Mardi Gras too.
The season of fun.

The town will be swarming with
thousands and thousands of people.

Both tourist and native.

I get it, we knock a bank.

Wrong.

We won't even be near a bank.

Anyways they take lousy
pictures that won't flatter us.

The Mardi Gras is the biggest festival
this side of the equator.

A new king is crowned
every year.

King Sex they call him.

And when I say crowned,
I mean really crowned.

With the most solid encrustment

of perfectly cut and polished
diamonds in the world

Sound like sweet music to me.

It is, to the tune of
half a million dollars.

Less of course the
commission due our agent,

for disposing of the ice.

But still with less risk
than we have at the bank.

How do propose
we get this crown?

Just walk up and say
"how do you do king?

Oh buddy, how about loaning me
your crown for the evening?"

No it's not gonna be quite that simple.

The crowning takes place
at a masquerade ball.

For which I have just happened
to wangle three invitations.

The ball is held at one
of the old mansions.

Which also just happens
to be inadequately wide.

So therefore a short-circuit
is not unusual.

In other words,

the lights go out at
twelve midnight anyway

for the unmasking of the couples
and the crowning of King Sex.

All we do, is kill the
lights a little bit earlier.

Snatch the crown, and hook
them during the confusion.

Isn't the place guarded
with cops and armed guards?

Of course it's guarded, you
don't think they're gonna have

all that loot floating around.
With no one watching do you?

Yeah, but how do we handle the cops?

Real easy!

Dody will be upstairs near the fancy drapes

with the drapes already
doused with lighter fluid.

When the lights go out, she ignites
the drapes, and screams like hell.

I will be nearest the jewels and
I will also scream like hell.

Kitten will be nearest the exit.

I will pass the jewels to her.

She takes them, and splits
the scene during the confusion.

All this time, the three of us
are screaming our lungs out.

I don't understand the screaming
bit, I mean, what does this do?

It unnerves the hell out
of a man for some reason.

And as soon as the screaming starts,
mens feet just naturally start to run.

I wish we could case the joint.

I'd feel better about it.

It's impossible.

However I did manage to get some
souvenir postcards of the mansion.

As they have guided tours
throughout these places.

Here take a look.
The staircase is over here.

Notice the draperies.

This is where you will be stationed.

Kitten will be nearest,

the exit, so I can haul ass as soon
as I pass her the stones.

And I will be somewhere
in this general vicinity.

Okay, swell so far,
but how do we get out?

You know damn well they'll hold
and question all the guests,

as soon as they notice
the missing crown.

It's a good question my pretty lass.

I figured a fire will be the centre
of attraction during a melee.

They'll be afraid that old cracker-box,

will go up in one big,
puff of smoke.

So their main concern will be to get
the people out of the place and home.

Although we keep going, huh?

Maybe, maybe not.

I haven't decided yet.

That is what they would
suspect a thief to do.

Do you have to use that word?

Oh don't be so damn-
you know what I mean.

No, the Governor and his wife the
Mayor, Congressmen, Senators.

And movie stars!
Everyone will be there.

The police wouldn't dare
arrest or accuse these people.

Would they?

I don't know, lets think
this over a little more.

Also, where do we go for
the masquerade ball,

when do we get there,
when do we split, how soon?

Whoa whoa there Sapphire.

Lets answer those
questions one at a time.

First of all,

the parades and marches
will be in full progress.

And it's a snap to get lost
in those crowds. Just another drunk.

Two: we meet back here.

Two of us, as soon as the heat's off.

I'll fence the stuff and we'll take a jet.

And bring you your share.

And that will rest in my residence,
as a citizen of this town.

Sounds great to me.

Say, who hid the jug?

Well speaking of jugs,
your blouse is about all.

Silly, you should have
been born a comedian.

Teasing darling, only teasing.

Oh knock it off you two,
I don't think you two will ever grow up.

Lets put on something sexy and do the town.

Come on, I'll show you the French Quarter.

French? French?

The French Quarter
sounds great to me, let's go

Well I really wouldn't believe it.

It was unbelievable.

What do you think you're doing?

- Nothing.
- What are you doing?

Social work.

Social work?

Social work.

Don't you get it?

What do you want from us?

My name is Eddy Neuman, founder
of the Eddy Neuman foundation.

They save bad girls,

tonight I'm saving some for myself.

Waiter! Champagne!

You're not a sex-maniac, are you?

Yes my lady, of course I am.

- Well then, you may join us.
- Thank you.

You may call me Dody, and this
is our dear friend Kitten.

Rrrrr!

You mean, tiger?

And this is my friend Toni,
who we are visiting.

Haven't I seen you somewhere before?

Maybe.

I've been seen before.

It's late girls, I think
we better be going.

Good night Mr Neuman,
thanks for a very nice evening.

Oh lets not go now,
I'm having a wonderful time.

Oh lets have one more.
Waiter! Waiter!

Tomorrow will be a very big day for us.

I don't think that our brains
should be muddled with liquor.

So, goodnight Mr Neuman.

Eddy, take me home will you?

Oh no you don't!
She goes with us.

Oh Toni! I'm a big girl now.

I'm not as drunk as you think I am.

Eddy is taking me home.

Don't worry about me.

Oh come on honey, she's a big girl now.

She kids alright.

Don't talk too much.
Don't get gate-mouth.

Eddy! Eddy! Let's get
a taxi and get out of here.

- Goodbye, have a nice time!
- Go straight home now!

- Good bye.
- Good night.

Good night!

Oh wow, my goodness,
look who it is.

- How are you baby?
- Just fine. Have you seen Chris lately?

- No, but I hear she's back in town.
- Oh, really?

You still a cop?

You still a chibby?

Touché! Of course.

What are you doing?

I'm eating.

Is it good?

Yeah! It's delicious!

What does it taste like?

[inaudible]

Ouch!

What's the matter?

It's hot, I burnt my tongue.

Well, you'll have to be more careful.

Why don't you blow on it?

Yeah.

Maybe it should cool off a little.

Is it cool enough yet?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's just right now.

Would you like some warm milk?

Hell no, I can't stand
the taste of that stuff!

Well?

Would you like another piece?

Hell no!

Honey can I use your phone?

I should have called this guy hours ago.

Honey give me Federal 78706

Yeah, thank you.

Hello, chuck?

Yeah well listen, hey I'm sorry
I couldn't call you but,

Something big came up.

Right!

Oh he did?

Yeah, I was afraid of that.

Yeah. Tomorrow morning, huh?

Oh boy.

Huh, he did?

A big black one?

Oh God, did he eat it that way?

Still picking the centre out, okay!

You know those charcoal broilers
are alright, but they'll,

they'll play hell on a steak
if you're not careful.

Yeah.

Hey pal, listen now, I've gotta go.

Yeah, I'll call you in the morning.

Yeah right.

Tomorrow morning.
Yeah, good night.

Stan?

Yes darling?

Would you?

- Would you like to?
- Yes! Yes!

Light me a cigarette?

Nah, honey you don't
have to smoke right now.

Stan?

What baby?

Is it-

Is it four?

Or is it six?

Honey, I don't know, its-

It's, it's probably closer to six.

I wanna know.
I think it's four.

Baby, I'm too tired to argue.

Oh please,

please,

let me look.

Honey, I've told you a thousand
times, it's probably six.

It could be closer to seven.
I got it.

See there, we're both wrong, its
only a quarter to five! Now come-

Why Kitten, I didn't expect
to hear from you this early.

Toni! Baby!

I can't make the job.

Well Kitten if you're afraid
then I don't need you.

Sure, okay.

I'm not angry, just don't
cop out on us will you?

- I wouldn't do that.
- Yeah sure.

Say, Chris is in town too.

And I told her about the caper.

Should I send her over?

She's for it.

Why this'll be perfect,
why didn't I think about her?

Send her over right
away will you?

Well send her over,
I'll be waiting.

Come in!
I'm in the bedroom!

Baby, Kitten said you'd
had an appointment for me.

I sure do.

Here's the key.

Two doors down.
Don't use next door.

Y'know, I haven't seen
her for about two hours.

I wonder how she is.

I think I'll go there and find out
what the hell is going on.

I'm beat, I'm going to go
over and get some sleep.

Okay, listen, I'll school you
on the deal tomorrow.

- Okay?
- Okay baby.

- Good night.
- Good night.

I'm going to show you
what a man is for!

No! Please!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh.

Oh.

Did you get what you came for?

Now get out!

Robbery Detail,
Lieutenant Burns speaking.

Reverend Jones, you
mean to say

that two women robbed you
with ice picks?

What'd they get?

Four dollars, and a bible?

Was that a New Testament,
or an Old Testament?

A New Testament,
but an old book?

Can I have your address please?

29 Lovers Lane?

We'll get a man out there
as soon as possible.

Stay there.

You're welcome.

Robbery Detail,
Lieutenant Burns speaking.

Oh yes Chief, yes!

Well, I'm sorry to hear that.

My own personal opinion is that,

Eddy was a good police officer.

I know he has his little faults.

Alright, his big faults, but Chief
he is still basically a good cop.

Yes I know, I had breakfast this morning
with two of the city councilmen.

They are well aware of the fact that
we have a shortage of good police officers.

And that the budget
is coming up soon.

But we need men now
Chief, every man I've got

is working around the clock
with this carnival in town.

It's just impossible for them
to continue without some rest.

Yes Sir.

Yes sir, as far as I know.

I wish I could change your mind Chief,
and keep Eddy until after Mardi Gras.

Very well, I'll take care of it for you.

As a matter of fact,
he just walked in the door.

Yes Sir?

Good bye.

- Chief huh?
- Yep.

Did I get the axe?

I'm afraid so.

I went to bat for you Eddy, but,

You've had too many reprimands,
the chief says this is it.

I'll have to ask you for your badge,
your I.D. and your service revolver.

You mind if I sit down?

Sure you know you can, my gosh,
we can all still be friends.

You know Lieutenant.

I've been a cop in this
department for five years.

I've been shot at,

spit on,

Lieutenant I've refused bribes from
drunks, hustlers, bookies and junkies.

I've turned down money.

Gifts, free tickets.
Free everything!

But broads! They affect me
different from most guys.

Well, so long Lieutenant.
I've enjoyed working with you.

So long Ed.

I'm sorry things didn't turn
out the way they should have.

So am I. Excuse me.

Robbery Detail,
Lieutenant Burns speaking.

Guess what's happened now.

The crown of King Sex has been stolen!

Yeah!

Detective Niedman and I are
going down there right now.

You get your boys going down.

Yes Chief.

Right.

There's no one left in the office
right now except me and Eddy.

I could reinstate him
with your permission.

Thank you Sir,
we'll get right on it.

- Raise your right hand.
- What?

Do you mean it?

As long as I tell you
you big lughead and

keep your pants up for
a while, will you?

Do you hearby swear to uphold the laws

- of the City of Rio.
- I do!

- To the best of your ability
- I do!

I hearby reinstate you
in the formal capacity

as a police officer
for the City of Rio

Get your stuff man, let's go.

Get your stuff!

Let's go.

Ready if you are Chief.

Look I'm going go ahead
see if I can get in

touch with Burns and find
out what's going on here.

This is Chief Masterson,
calling Lieutenant Burns Over.

This is car 69,
Detective Castro reporting Sir.

Lieutenant Burns is in
pursuit of the suspects.

An eyewitness reported three
females made off with the crown.

One Toni Romano, Dody Marcelli,
and Chris Montello.

Lieutenant Burns had them
pinned down on the parade route.

Shall I join him Chief?

Alright, just a moment.

This is that gang of Chris
Romello or something.

Chief, I know that gang.

I stopped by Chris' apartment
just a couple of nights ago.

I bet you anything that
Chris broad is over there right now.

Say five birds, tell him to
wait there for me, would you?

Alright, we'll be right there.

- Over!
- I'll take it-

Hello baby.

In some ways
I've been expecting you.

We gotta take you in honey.

I'll take the crown.

Nah, you don't wanna take me in.

You don't wanna take me in baby.

No way out, no!