Hot Fuzz (2007) - full transcript
Top London cop, PC Nicholas Angel is good. Too good. And to stop the rest of his team looking bad, he is reassigned to the quiet town of Sandford. He is paired with Danny Butterman, who endlessly questions him on the action lifestyle. Everything seems quiet for Angel, until two actors are found decapitated. It is called an accident, but Angel isn't going to accept that, especially when more and more people turn up dead. Angel and Danny clash with everyone, whilst trying to uncover the truth behind the mystery of the apparent "accidents".
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---
Police Constable Nicholas Angel.
Born and schooled in London.
Graduated Canterbury University in 1993
with a double first in politics and sociology.
Attended Hendon College of Police Training.
Displayed great aptitude in field exercises.
Notably, urban pacification and riot control.
Back off!
Academically excelled in theoretical
course work and final year examinations.
Received the Baton of Honour.
Graduated with distinction into
the Metropolitan Police Service.
Quickly established an effectiveness
and popularity within the community.
Use your brain.
Proceeded to improve skill base
with courses in advanced driving
and advanced cycling.
Became heavily involved
in a number of extra vocational activities.
To this day holds the Met record
for the 100 metre dash.
In 2001 began active duty with
the renowned SO 19 armed response unit.
Received a bravery award for efforts
in the resolution of Operation Crackdown.
In the last 12 months
has received nine special commendations.
Achieved the highest arrest record
for any officer in the Met.
And sustained three injuries
in the line of duty.
Most recently in December when wounded
by a man dressed as Father Christmas.
- Hello, Nicholas.
- Hello, Sergeant.
- How's the hand?
- Still a bit stiff.
It can get awfully hairy out there.
I'm surprised you weren't snapped up
sooner for a nice desk job. That's what I did.
I prefer to think my office is
out on the street.
Indeed, you do.
Your arrest record is 400% higher
than any other officer.
Which is why it's high time
that such skills were put to better use.
- We're making you Sergeant.
- I see.
In Sandford, Gloucestershire.
- In where, sorry?
- In Sandford, Gloucestershire.
- That's in the country.
- Yes, lovely.
Isn't there a Sergeant's position
here in London?
No.
- Can I remain here as a PC?
- No.
- Do I have any choice in this?
- No.
Sergeant, I kind of like it here.
Well, you've always wanted
to transfer to the country.
- In 20 years or so, yes.
- Well done, you.
Hang on, I don't remember telling you that.
Yes, you did. You said,
"I'd love to settle down
in the country sometime, Janine."
I'd like to talk to the Inspector.
You can speak to the Inspector,
but I can promise you
he will tell you
exactly the same thing as I have.
- Hello, Nicholas. How's the hand?
- It's still a bit stiff.
- And how are things at home?
- I'm sorry, sir?
How's Janine?
We're no longer together, sir.
- Right. Then where are you living?
- He's staying at the Section House, sir.
- With the recruits?
- Yes, he's living out of cardboard boxes.
Well, then, you're packed already.
Nicholas, we're offering you a smashing
position with a delightful cottage,
in a lovely little place
that I think has won Village of the Year
I don't know how many times.
It'll be good for you.
- I don't really know what to say.
- Yes?
Yes, thank you.
No, I'm sorry. I'm gonna have to...
- You want to take this higher?
- Yes, yes, I do.
You want me to bother
the Chief Inspector with this?
Yes.
You want me to get the Chief Inspector
to come all the way down here?
- Yes, I do.
- Okay.
Kenneth!
- Hello, Nicholas. How's the hand?
- Still a bit stiff.
- Chief Inspector...
- Keep your seat.
Now, I know what you're going to say,
but the fact is,
you've been making us all look bad.
I'm sorry, sir?
Of course we all appreciate your efforts,
but you've been rather
letting the side down.
It's all about being a team player, Nicholas.
You can't be the Sheriff of London.
If we let you carry on running round town,
you'll continue to be exceptional
and we can't have that.
You'll put us all out of a job.
With respect, sir.
- You can't just make people disappear.
- Yes, I can. I'm the Chief Inspector.
Well, however you spin this, there's
one thing you haven't taken into account.
And that's what the "team"
is gonna make of this.
- Hello?
- Janine, it's me.
I know. I'm at work.
I know, I'm outside.
What's the situation?
You know the situation.
We've been over this.
No, I... I meant here.
Two people involved,
distinct signs of a struggle.
Complete mess.
- You are talking about here?
- Nicholas, what do you want?
Well, I have something important to tell you
and I didn't wanna do it over the phone.
Janine, I've been transferred.
I'm moving away for a while.
I'm not Janine.
Janine, I've been transferred.
I'm moving away for a while.
I know. Bob told me.
Hello, there.
Well, I wanted to tell you in person.
And there's no reason
we can't be civil with each other.
It's not that long ago
we were talking about getting married.
Yes, but you were already married
to the force, weren't you?
We're actually supposed to call it
"the service" now.
Official vocab guidelines state
that "force" is too aggressive.
See. It's only ever about the job.
- It's all you care about.
- That's not true.
No, you're right,
you do have that rubber plant.
- It's a Japanese Peace Lily.
- You just can't switch off, Nicholas.
And until you find a person you care
about more than your job, you never will.
Besides, you were the one
who suggested we take a break.
Yes, well,
guilty people often make the first move.
Actually, there's something
I need to tell you.
- You're seeing someone else.
- Yes. How did you...
- Is it Bob?
- No.
Does Bob look like
the kind of person I'd go out with?
It's Dave.
Hello, there.
I see.
Oh, Nicholas.
You do realise that window
was broken from the inside?
Hello there, Nicholas,
Frank Butterman here, your new Inspector.
I'm just calling with details
of your accommodation.
We've got you a lovely little cottage
on Spencer Hill.
Look forward to meeting you anon. Cheerio.
Nicholas, Frank again.
One other thing about your cottage.
It's not ready.
It would appear the heavens have opened.
- I was hoping to check in.
- Check in?
But you've always been here.
- Excuse me?
- Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought you were my husband.
- You must be Sergeant Angel.
- Yes, I am.
I'm Joyce Cooper.
I trust you had a pleasant trip. Fascist.
I beg your pardon?
"System of Government characterised
by extreme dictatorship." Seven across.
- Oh, I see. It's "fascism."
- Fascism. Wonderful.
Now, we've put you in the Castle Suite.
Bernard will escort you up there.
Well, actually,
I could probably make my own way up. Hag.
I beg your pardon?
"Evil old woman considered
frightful or ugly." It's 12 down.
Oh, bless you.
- Pint of lager, please, Mary.
Right you are, my love.
Yes, sir, what can I get you?
Could I have a glass
of the cranberry juice, please?
Certainly.
Now, you wouldn't, by any chance,
be the new policeman?
Police officer, yes. I'm Nicholas Angel.
- I'm Roy Porter. This is my wife Mary.
- Mary.
Welcome to Sandford.
If there's anything you need,
just let us know.
Thank you. Could I borrow your newspaper?
It's not ours, love.
We're not big fans of the local fish wrapper,
are we, Mare?
- They listed her age as 55.
- When I'm actually 53.
Fifty-three.
- Pint of lager, please, Mary.
- Right you are, my love.
- Excuse me.
- What?
- When's your birthday?
- Twenty-second of February.
- What year?
- Every year.
Get out.
- When's your birthday?
- Eighth of May, 1969.
- You're 37?
- Yeah.
Get out.
When's your birthday?
Out.
- Is there a problem, Officer?
- Yes, there is, Mr Porter.
It would appear a number
of your patrons are under age.
Well, a few of them may be
a month or two south of proper.
But if they're in here,
it stops them getting into trouble out there.
Yeah, the way we see it,
it's all for the greater good.
The greater good.
Well, that's as may be,
but the law's the law and they'll have to go.
- Another cranberry juice?
- I'm fine, thank you.
I hope you're not planning on driving that.
No.
Right. I'm taking you to the station.
Where is it?
What?
Move.
"Nicholas Angel."
- Oh, when did you start?
- Tomorrow.
Well, I see you've already arrested
the whole village.
Not exactly.
- You in for the night?
- Go on, four's free.
- Hey, now, I need to speak to him.
- He'll be no use till the morning.
I see.
You really want to process all this lot?
- My pen's running out.
- Not a problem.
- Morning, Sergeant.
- Morning.
Morning.
Morning, Sergeant.
Morning, Sergeant.
- Lock me up.
- I'm sorry?
I'm a slasher and I must be stopped.
- You're a what?
- A slasher of prices.
Just kidding. I'm Simon Skinner.
I run the local supermarché.
Drop in and see me sometime.
My discounts are criminal.
Catch me later!
Morning, Sergeant.
Morning, Sergeant.
Could you tell the Inspector
I've arrived, please?
No.
Why?
He's not in yet.
- Well, how's our guest?
- Guest?
- The inebriate in cell four.
- I don't know. Nobody tells me nothing.
Can I get cell four open, please?
Danny, can you open four?
- He's gone.
- Oh, my God. Who's gone?
- Why are you dressed like a police officer?
- Because I am one.
Sergeant Angel, at last. Frank Butterman.
- I see you've already met my boy.
- Yes.
Do forgive me.
I'm something of a Wild West nut.
Speaking of which, that was a fair
few outlaws you rounded up last night.
Thank you, sir.
I admire your enthusiasm
and far be it from me to stifle your flair,
but this isn't London.
Oh, yes, please, Danny.
With respect, sir,
geographical location shouldn't factor
in the application of the law.
No, thanks.
Statistically, Sandford is
the safest village in the country.
But that doesn't mean
it requires anything less
than a careful and considered approach.
There's a reason we accommodate
a few of the younglings at the pub.
- The greater good?
- The greater good. Precisely.
Your predecessor assumed
that rural policing was easy.
Ended up having a nervous breakdown.
And Sergeant Popwell was
an exceptional officer, truly exceptional.
And he had one thing you haven't got.
- What's that, sir?
- A great big bushy beard.
Come on, let's have a mosey around.
Locker room.
Riot room.
Evidence room.
Now, how about a trip to the Andes?
Detective Sergeant Wainwright
and Detective Constable Cartwright.
Don't get up.
I expect you're wondering
why we call them the Andes.
- They're both called Andrew?
- They said you were good.
Also, because talking to them is
an uphill struggle, isn't it, Dad?
- Fuck off!
- Thank you, Danny.
Swear Box.
All proceeds to the church roof.
And this is where it all happens.
That is Sergeant Tony Fisher.
PC Bob Walker.
And that is Saxon.
And this is one Doris Thatcher.
- She's our only policewoman.
- She's not a policewoman.
- Yeah, she is. I've seen her bra.
- She's a police officer.
Being a woman has nothing to do with it.
Oh, I don't know.
Comes in handy every so often.
I could've given you the tour.
I've been round the station a few times.
And what's upstairs?
---
Police Constable Nicholas Angel.
Born and schooled in London.
Graduated Canterbury University in 1993
with a double first in politics and sociology.
Attended Hendon College of Police Training.
Displayed great aptitude in field exercises.
Notably, urban pacification and riot control.
Back off!
Academically excelled in theoretical
course work and final year examinations.
Received the Baton of Honour.
Graduated with distinction into
the Metropolitan Police Service.
Quickly established an effectiveness
and popularity within the community.
Use your brain.
Proceeded to improve skill base
with courses in advanced driving
and advanced cycling.
Became heavily involved
in a number of extra vocational activities.
To this day holds the Met record
for the 100 metre dash.
In 2001 began active duty with
the renowned SO 19 armed response unit.
Received a bravery award for efforts
in the resolution of Operation Crackdown.
In the last 12 months
has received nine special commendations.
Achieved the highest arrest record
for any officer in the Met.
And sustained three injuries
in the line of duty.
Most recently in December when wounded
by a man dressed as Father Christmas.
- Hello, Nicholas.
- Hello, Sergeant.
- How's the hand?
- Still a bit stiff.
It can get awfully hairy out there.
I'm surprised you weren't snapped up
sooner for a nice desk job. That's what I did.
I prefer to think my office is
out on the street.
Indeed, you do.
Your arrest record is 400% higher
than any other officer.
Which is why it's high time
that such skills were put to better use.
- We're making you Sergeant.
- I see.
In Sandford, Gloucestershire.
- In where, sorry?
- In Sandford, Gloucestershire.
- That's in the country.
- Yes, lovely.
Isn't there a Sergeant's position
here in London?
No.
- Can I remain here as a PC?
- No.
- Do I have any choice in this?
- No.
Sergeant, I kind of like it here.
Well, you've always wanted
to transfer to the country.
- In 20 years or so, yes.
- Well done, you.
Hang on, I don't remember telling you that.
Yes, you did. You said,
"I'd love to settle down
in the country sometime, Janine."
I'd like to talk to the Inspector.
You can speak to the Inspector,
but I can promise you
he will tell you
exactly the same thing as I have.
- Hello, Nicholas. How's the hand?
- It's still a bit stiff.
- And how are things at home?
- I'm sorry, sir?
How's Janine?
We're no longer together, sir.
- Right. Then where are you living?
- He's staying at the Section House, sir.
- With the recruits?
- Yes, he's living out of cardboard boxes.
Well, then, you're packed already.
Nicholas, we're offering you a smashing
position with a delightful cottage,
in a lovely little place
that I think has won Village of the Year
I don't know how many times.
It'll be good for you.
- I don't really know what to say.
- Yes?
Yes, thank you.
No, I'm sorry. I'm gonna have to...
- You want to take this higher?
- Yes, yes, I do.
You want me to bother
the Chief Inspector with this?
Yes.
You want me to get the Chief Inspector
to come all the way down here?
- Yes, I do.
- Okay.
Kenneth!
- Hello, Nicholas. How's the hand?
- Still a bit stiff.
- Chief Inspector...
- Keep your seat.
Now, I know what you're going to say,
but the fact is,
you've been making us all look bad.
I'm sorry, sir?
Of course we all appreciate your efforts,
but you've been rather
letting the side down.
It's all about being a team player, Nicholas.
You can't be the Sheriff of London.
If we let you carry on running round town,
you'll continue to be exceptional
and we can't have that.
You'll put us all out of a job.
With respect, sir.
- You can't just make people disappear.
- Yes, I can. I'm the Chief Inspector.
Well, however you spin this, there's
one thing you haven't taken into account.
And that's what the "team"
is gonna make of this.
- Hello?
- Janine, it's me.
I know. I'm at work.
I know, I'm outside.
What's the situation?
You know the situation.
We've been over this.
No, I... I meant here.
Two people involved,
distinct signs of a struggle.
Complete mess.
- You are talking about here?
- Nicholas, what do you want?
Well, I have something important to tell you
and I didn't wanna do it over the phone.
Janine, I've been transferred.
I'm moving away for a while.
I'm not Janine.
Janine, I've been transferred.
I'm moving away for a while.
I know. Bob told me.
Hello, there.
Well, I wanted to tell you in person.
And there's no reason
we can't be civil with each other.
It's not that long ago
we were talking about getting married.
Yes, but you were already married
to the force, weren't you?
We're actually supposed to call it
"the service" now.
Official vocab guidelines state
that "force" is too aggressive.
See. It's only ever about the job.
- It's all you care about.
- That's not true.
No, you're right,
you do have that rubber plant.
- It's a Japanese Peace Lily.
- You just can't switch off, Nicholas.
And until you find a person you care
about more than your job, you never will.
Besides, you were the one
who suggested we take a break.
Yes, well,
guilty people often make the first move.
Actually, there's something
I need to tell you.
- You're seeing someone else.
- Yes. How did you...
- Is it Bob?
- No.
Does Bob look like
the kind of person I'd go out with?
It's Dave.
Hello, there.
I see.
Oh, Nicholas.
You do realise that window
was broken from the inside?
Hello there, Nicholas,
Frank Butterman here, your new Inspector.
I'm just calling with details
of your accommodation.
We've got you a lovely little cottage
on Spencer Hill.
Look forward to meeting you anon. Cheerio.
Nicholas, Frank again.
One other thing about your cottage.
It's not ready.
It would appear the heavens have opened.
- I was hoping to check in.
- Check in?
But you've always been here.
- Excuse me?
- Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought you were my husband.
- You must be Sergeant Angel.
- Yes, I am.
I'm Joyce Cooper.
I trust you had a pleasant trip. Fascist.
I beg your pardon?
"System of Government characterised
by extreme dictatorship." Seven across.
- Oh, I see. It's "fascism."
- Fascism. Wonderful.
Now, we've put you in the Castle Suite.
Bernard will escort you up there.
Well, actually,
I could probably make my own way up. Hag.
I beg your pardon?
"Evil old woman considered
frightful or ugly." It's 12 down.
Oh, bless you.
- Pint of lager, please, Mary.
Right you are, my love.
Yes, sir, what can I get you?
Could I have a glass
of the cranberry juice, please?
Certainly.
Now, you wouldn't, by any chance,
be the new policeman?
Police officer, yes. I'm Nicholas Angel.
- I'm Roy Porter. This is my wife Mary.
- Mary.
Welcome to Sandford.
If there's anything you need,
just let us know.
Thank you. Could I borrow your newspaper?
It's not ours, love.
We're not big fans of the local fish wrapper,
are we, Mare?
- They listed her age as 55.
- When I'm actually 53.
Fifty-three.
- Pint of lager, please, Mary.
- Right you are, my love.
- Excuse me.
- What?
- When's your birthday?
- Twenty-second of February.
- What year?
- Every year.
Get out.
- When's your birthday?
- Eighth of May, 1969.
- You're 37?
- Yeah.
Get out.
When's your birthday?
Out.
- Is there a problem, Officer?
- Yes, there is, Mr Porter.
It would appear a number
of your patrons are under age.
Well, a few of them may be
a month or two south of proper.
But if they're in here,
it stops them getting into trouble out there.
Yeah, the way we see it,
it's all for the greater good.
The greater good.
Well, that's as may be,
but the law's the law and they'll have to go.
- Another cranberry juice?
- I'm fine, thank you.
I hope you're not planning on driving that.
No.
Right. I'm taking you to the station.
Where is it?
What?
Move.
"Nicholas Angel."
- Oh, when did you start?
- Tomorrow.
Well, I see you've already arrested
the whole village.
Not exactly.
- You in for the night?
- Go on, four's free.
- Hey, now, I need to speak to him.
- He'll be no use till the morning.
I see.
You really want to process all this lot?
- My pen's running out.
- Not a problem.
- Morning, Sergeant.
- Morning.
Morning.
Morning, Sergeant.
Morning, Sergeant.
- Lock me up.
- I'm sorry?
I'm a slasher and I must be stopped.
- You're a what?
- A slasher of prices.
Just kidding. I'm Simon Skinner.
I run the local supermarché.
Drop in and see me sometime.
My discounts are criminal.
Catch me later!
Morning, Sergeant.
Morning, Sergeant.
Could you tell the Inspector
I've arrived, please?
No.
Why?
He's not in yet.
- Well, how's our guest?
- Guest?
- The inebriate in cell four.
- I don't know. Nobody tells me nothing.
Can I get cell four open, please?
Danny, can you open four?
- He's gone.
- Oh, my God. Who's gone?
- Why are you dressed like a police officer?
- Because I am one.
Sergeant Angel, at last. Frank Butterman.
- I see you've already met my boy.
- Yes.
Do forgive me.
I'm something of a Wild West nut.
Speaking of which, that was a fair
few outlaws you rounded up last night.
Thank you, sir.
I admire your enthusiasm
and far be it from me to stifle your flair,
but this isn't London.
Oh, yes, please, Danny.
With respect, sir,
geographical location shouldn't factor
in the application of the law.
No, thanks.
Statistically, Sandford is
the safest village in the country.
But that doesn't mean
it requires anything less
than a careful and considered approach.
There's a reason we accommodate
a few of the younglings at the pub.
- The greater good?
- The greater good. Precisely.
Your predecessor assumed
that rural policing was easy.
Ended up having a nervous breakdown.
And Sergeant Popwell was
an exceptional officer, truly exceptional.
And he had one thing you haven't got.
- What's that, sir?
- A great big bushy beard.
Come on, let's have a mosey around.
Locker room.
Riot room.
Evidence room.
Now, how about a trip to the Andes?
Detective Sergeant Wainwright
and Detective Constable Cartwright.
Don't get up.
I expect you're wondering
why we call them the Andes.
- They're both called Andrew?
- They said you were good.
Also, because talking to them is
an uphill struggle, isn't it, Dad?
- Fuck off!
- Thank you, Danny.
Swear Box.
All proceeds to the church roof.
And this is where it all happens.
That is Sergeant Tony Fisher.
PC Bob Walker.
And that is Saxon.
And this is one Doris Thatcher.
- She's our only policewoman.
- She's not a policewoman.
- Yeah, she is. I've seen her bra.
- She's a police officer.
Being a woman has nothing to do with it.
Oh, I don't know.
Comes in handy every so often.
I could've given you the tour.
I've been round the station a few times.
And what's upstairs?