Hospitality (2005) - full transcript
Teddy wakes up the day after a raucous party thrown in his parent's isolated ski house.
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(upbeat music)
- Oh, shit.
(urine hitting toilet water)
(toilet flushing)
(rapping) Dig it, I gotta be one of the
baddest brothers on the planet,
I'm baggin' honeys and they all
got bodies just like Janet,
no doubt about it, hon,
I hit from here to China,
when I drop the D wanna
watch me soggy yo' vagina.
(light playful music)
- Teddy, hey sexy...
(woman moaning)
- True.
(woman speaking in French)
- [Recording] Two new messages.
First new message.
- [Woman With French Accent] Hello Teddy,
I just couldn't leave without calling you.
You're amazing, really, I never have been
taken like that in my entire life.
I can't wait to see you again.
They are taking me somewhere now but
I really want to see you when I get back.
- [Male] Yo, Teddy, I got your girl, dawg.
Matter fact, all the
girls with me were rollin'
down to play a little blackjack
and get even more fucked up, yo,
I'm sorry you couldn't make it but I guess
that's just what happens when you pass out
like a little biotch.
Wait up, dawg, call me when you wake up.
- [Recording] Message
skipped, next message.
- [Woman] Happy birthday Theodore,
happy birthday to my beautiful baby boy.
I can't believe you're already 25.
I hope you and your friends are
having fun celebrating up there.
I read online there's
still some late season snow
left on the mountain so I hope you guys
were able to get some skiing in,
it'll probably be the last
chance 'til after the summer.
Your father and I look
forward to seeing you,
and you have presents waiting
for you when you get home.
Oh, and your father wanted me to remind
you about what we discussed,
the McKibbins are coming up to
use the place for four days,
they will be up on Monday
just after you leave,
and we wouldn't want them to arrive to a
dirty cabin now, would we?
Have a safe trip back,
we can't wait to see you.
Make sure you do something
special on your special day.
- [Recording] Message erased.
(playful music)
(phone ringing)
- [Man] Yo, yo, what up birthday boy?
You finally wake up, dawg?
- Where'd you go, man?
- [Man] Yo, I left you a message.
We decided to hit up the casino.
- Who'd you go with?
- [Man] You know, with the three girls.
They were the last ones at the party,
which I must say was a banger, dawg.
You basically had the whole ski resort
up in your cabin
celebrating your birthday.
- Yeah, and completely
trashed my parents' place.
Did you see this shit?
- [Man] I was way too twisted
to see much of anything.
But I'm sure it's not that bad.
- What?
- [Man] I'm sure it's
not all that bad.
- This shit is fucked up.
Anyway, so Les bounce with you?
- [Man] Yeah, sorry to take your girl,
but we left in her home girl's car
and that was her ride back to the city,
and you were all passed out,
she didn't wanna get stuck in Vermont
so she came with us.
I'll tell her you said hello, though.
- Thanks a lot, dick.
- [Man] My pleasure, they
all live in the city anyway,
you can hit it again
when you get back here.
- You're not even coming back?
- [Man] Nah, man, I'm up
in the crib right now.
- Word, you left me here
to clean up this mess
and drive back to the city by myse-
- [Man] Don't get mad,
I'll make it up to you.
- Good lookin' out dawg.
- [Man] Seriously, I got
you, I'll make it up to you.
- Whatever, man, I'll talk
to you when I get back.
- [Man] Yo, yo, Teddy, wait-
- What?
- [Man] Yo, I kinda left my skis up there.
You'll bring them back to me, right?
Teddy, you got me right?
Yo, Teddy!,
(playful music)
(static white noise)
- Yo, yo.
Yo, yo, get up man.
Get up.
- What happened?
- Get up man, you're in my house.
- What happened?
(static white noise)
Craig?
Forgive us.
Craig!
(snapping fingers)
Hey, Craig, wake up.
Craig, wake up, we have to leave.
(static white noise)
- The fuck!
Oh, man, I promise right here,
when you can both be witnesses,
not another drop.
I'm so serious.
- He's had a bit of a rough evening.
- Nah, it's cool, I think we
all had it a little rough.
I'm Teddy, by the way.
- Yes, we were introduced last night.
- My bad, I'm having trouble
piecing the night together.
I don't know how it got so twisted.
- It's okay, as long
as you had a good time.
- Yeah, all I can remember
is drinking scotch,
then getting this girl to go to my room,
and then all of a sudden it's morning
and my head is killing me.
- Yeah, you know, maybe you
just got a little carried away.
After all, you're supposed to celebrate.
It was your birthday.
- Actually today's my birthday.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Well, happy birthday.
- Thanks, man.
At 9:06 P.M. I'm officially
the big two five.
- How perfect, well congratulations.
This is a big day for you.
- Yeah, big day.
- I'm Paul by the way, and that wreck over
there on your floor is Craig.
We came here from the resort
with Nathaniel Atkins?
I think you guys went to Buckley together?
- Oh, you guys came with Nat?
That fuckin' clown.
- Yeah, we all came up from
the city for the final snow.
Nat told us about your party.
- Yeah, I didn't know there were gonna be
all these people here this weekend.
I just came with my boy to catch the
final snow and celebrate my birthday and,
you know, I guess it
turned into some big shit.
- You must've had the entire
ski resort here last night.
- The more, the merrier, right?
- Yeah, right.
Listen, I must apologize for spending
the night in your house.
Trust that it was unintentional.
Craig and I came up from the resort with
Nat and a couple of
other guys and I'm afraid
they forgot about us in their drunkenness
and returned to the mountain without us.
Now, when I realized this,
I figured our only option was to stay
the night and arrange for a resort van
to pick us up in the morning.
- No worries, ain't no cabs
in the middle of Vermont.
Sucks your boys left you though.
How do you guys know Nat anyway?
- Nat and I were in the same
eating club in University.
- You were at Princeton, nice,
you must know a lot of the
old high school crew then.
- Oh, and Craig over there,
he actually works at the resort.
- Yeah, I recognize his face.
- Yeah, he's completely fascinating
and all the guys just love him.
- Well, it's probably because he's got
the dopest coke on the slopes.
You know it.
- Yeah.
That's clever.
Maybe we should get him into a bed?
- Alright.
- [Paul] Wow, you
wouldn't think a group of
people could do this much damage to a home
in just one evening.
- It's fucked up, I have one day to
clean all this shit up, man.
And I have to do it all by myself
'cause my boy left me, he's
already back in the city.
- I wouldn't mind lending a hand.
- No, that's cool, I'll figure it out.
- No really, Teddy, it
wouldn't be a problem.
- Really?
- No, I'm sure, Craig'll help also.
It's the least we can do.
- Word, well listen, I was
about to have some breakfast.
You should chill here and have some.
This cat is definitely gonna need
some time to recover.
And afterwards, I'll give you guys
a ride back to the resort.
- You know what, Teddy, I
think I'll take you up on that.
A little orange juice and eggs might
help me get rid of this wretched headache.
(snoring)
This is a nice home, Teddy,
I had the chance to
walk around last night.
Do you and your parents come here a lot?
- A couple times each winter.
We usually let my parents' friends come up
here and use it too, it's
a great thing to have.
- This is very nice.
- Thanks, I just gotta be sure I get
it in shape tomorrow before my parents'
friends get up here.
- I told you, Teddy, no worries.
We'll take care of it.
- Yeah, I just don't want
them getting mad at me.
You know, saying I can't come
up here anymore, or worse.
- What do you mean, why
would they say that?
- Well, I've been on thin
ice with the folks lately.
- Might I ask why?
- I guess it's because
I'm still living at home.
I'm sort of taking my time with the whole
career thing, you know?
And they've been cool about letting me
make my own choices on my own time,
but I think they're
starting to get annoyed.
Actually my dad is starting
to call me Mr. Loaf.
- How unfortunate.
Pardon my asking, but
is there a career path
or job that interests you?
- Well, that's the tough part.
I don't really know what I wanna do.
You know, everyone says do what you enjoy,
do what you're good at, and
here I am, 25 years old,
I don't know what those things are.
- I understand, you know
it's difficult to try
and decide what you wanna do
with the rest of your life.
- Like, most people go for
the living, which makes sense.
Like my dad, you know, he spent his entire
life working at other people's offices,
making other people money,
I mean don't get me
wrong, the man is paid.
I mean, he's worked so hard that I don't
even need to worry about money,
so I'm like fuck it, that shit's not
really appealing to me anyway.
(dramatic music)
I mean, not to take
anything away from that
way of life, I mean, what do you do?
- Just thought I would give a hand.
I really enjoy chopped
onions with my eggs.
- Cool, thanks.
- I suppose you could call me an artist,
I create beauty.
- [Teddy] That's dope, what do you do,
like paintings and sculptures and shit?
- Not quite, I create
rare and stunning images,
it's difficult to explain with words.
You must truly experience
it if you wanna understand.
- [Paul] Okay.
- Forgive me for being so cryptic,
you know, if you want, at some point,
I can show you some of my work.
- Yeah, that'd be cool, you know,
I'm trying to get into art,
I think I'd be a good artist.
- Oh really, what type
of artist would you be?
- I think I'd make films.
- Ah, an aspiring director.
Have you made any films?
- Actually, I've been dabbling a little.
- Sounds like some sort
of nautical exploration.
- Nah man, it's basically an indulgence in
my one true interest these days.
- Ah, enlighten me.
- Blazing guts.
- Excuse me?
- You know, man, blazing
guts, hittin' skins.
Layin' pipe, cuttin' some?
- I'm sorry, I, I don't know.
- Fucking, man, I like to fuck.
- Okay.
- [Teddy] It's one of the few
things that really interests me right now.
- So you must have a lot of girlfriends?
- Nah, it's funny, I mean, I love ass,
I really love getting ass, you know?
But I can't be with one girl for too long,
it just gets to be a bit much.
- Yeah, women can definitely
be a handful at times, right?
- See, you understand.
So, recently my strategy's been strictly
high volume and I've gotten good at it,
so good that I can talk shit.
And I was talking shit to my boy one day,
and our conversation sparked
this little competition,
a bet about who could get
more hits in a month's time.
- And Maiden Voyage...?
- So, to keep each other honest
and make it a little more interesting,
we decided the only encounters that would
count towards the final total would be
the ones we caught on video.
- You have to put the girls on tape.
- Yeah, it turned out to be
easier than I thought, man.
I'm just blazing chick
after chick after chick,
it is really silly, dawg.
Sometimes I wake up and my dick'd
be hurting from the night before,
I would stop sometimes and ask myself,
Teddy, what are you doing?
And then I just keep slicin' them down,
one after the other man.
- Wait, how is it that
you have such ease with
getting women to sleep
with you so consistently,
most men try very hard just to get
one girl to sleep with them?
- Look at me, dawg.
Look, I'm a good lookin' motherfucker.
I'm a pimp, dawg.
- No arguments here.
- Plus, if you tell girls
that you love 'em and shit,
they'll do anything, they go nuts, man.
They think you're gonna be their boyfriend
and take them out and shit like that,
they'll do anything.
- And you tell them what they wanna hear?
- Exactly, so, I had all these tapes,
you know, of all these girls,
I didn't want all that beautiful work
to go to waste in a box somewhere.
- So you put them on the internet.
- Yeah, no doubt, you know.
Not much else going on,
figured I'd make some cash.
You can make a killing on
the net if you work it right.
- I'm sure.
It suddenly has an actual
following, you know?
You know, this fan club.
See, now I post pictures
of the girls, you know,
I'm dating, and the fans,
they vote on who they
want to see it get next and what order
and special things they wanna see me do.
It's unbelievable.
- You don't feel strange about having
so many people watch you having sex?
- Not at all.
Actually, fucking is
something I'm really good at,
I don't really mind seeing myself do it.
It's kinda cool sometimes,
especially when you're
really tearing it up.
Like you're hitting it from
behind or something, right?
And you're like, you're like murdering it,
and the girl, she can
hardly keep herself up.
She's like got her face in the mattress
and she's like biting the sheets,
it's just that good, I love that shit.
- Sounds impressive.
- I mean, I've been blessed
with this gift, you know?
And I feel I should share
it with as many as possible.
Anything else would be a waste.
- Absolutely.
- I actually made a video last night.
I hardly remember even making it.
I watched a little of it already,
it looks like it's gonna be good.
We'll watch it tonight, you
can get a sneak preview.
- I would like that very much.
(slurping)
- It smells good, what are you making?
- [Paul] Craig.
- Oh, forgive me, good friend,
and thanks so much for the tasty beverage.
- [Teddy] It's nothing.
- So, what are you
making me for breakfast?
- I see you feel better.
- But you're still gonna
feed me anyway, right?
- I must apologize for his behavior,
he can't help it, he's a local.
- Fuck you, you prissy fuck.
- Come on, Craig, be a sport.
I was only teasing.
- Bravo, my compliments to the chef.
- [Teddy] Thanks.
- So, Craig, Teddy here was just
telling me about his website.
He puts up movies with all
the girls he sleeps with.
- That's fuckin' cool, Teddy,
you must have a big dick.
- Why do you say that?
- I don't know, I guess
the only way I would
want the whole world watching
me porking some chick
is if I had, you know,
a super cock, you know?
- I guess I never really thought about it.
- That means you probably have a big one.
That's fucking cool, man.
I like all that amateur porn stuff,
I think that stuff is much
better than regular porn.
- Yeah, man, that's what all my fans say.
They want me to make full length films
and sell them but that would
take the fun out of it.
It wouldn't be real, you know.
It'd be manufactured and corny.
- Definitely, man, keep that shit raw.
I think that's gonna be
the next big thing, man.
Everything amateur, everything
real, everything raw.
Like, why go for that fake shit when
you can have the real thing, right?
- Word.
- You know, like murder
scenes in movies, sometimes
they come out alright,
but they never really
blow your mind because
you know the character doesn't really die
so you don't really, really feel it.
- No doubt, actually movie
murders don't affect me,
they don't shock anymore,
there's just no emotion in it.
- See what I mean?
But I tell you what was really cool,
my boy showed me this tape once,
it was like these guerrilla fighter dudes
somewhere in South America.
They had this one guy tied
up in a garage or something,
after they beat his ass
for like 20 minutes,
they threw gasoline on him and
lit that motherfucker on fire.
It was iller than any shit
I've ever seen on any movie.
- Whoa.
- Yeah, man, and the camera guy was like,
zooming in on this guy's
face while he was burning.
It was like flames coming
out of his screaming mouth.
Weird, wild shit man.
- I've heard about some
shit like that before,
they call 'em snuff films, right?
- Yeah, snuff.
- Yeah, but I thought that was supposed
to be a myth, like an urban legend,
'cause no one's actually ever seen one.
- No man, they exist, they're
like these underground clubs.
It's these dudes who have collections
and they like trade 'em back
and forth like baseball cards.
- You're making that shit up, dawg.
- No man, I'm telling
you, this shit is real.
Obviously it's highly illegal,
so to protect themselves these guys
won't send anything to any newcomer who
can't send something to them first.
So, it's kinda hard to get in,
but once you're in you
get all the real ill shit,
they even have an annual
competition for the best movie,
it's like the snuff film Oscars.
- Now I know you're making that shit up,
the snuff film Oscars?
Give me a break.
- I'm not shitting you man, it's real.
They call it getting a Blue Orchid.
- Yeah, whatever, man, whatever you say.
(blender starts running)
Somebody plugged the
blender into the lamp timer.
Why would you do that?
People are so stupid sometimes.
- So, Teddy's gonna show us one of
his movies before we leave, right Teddy?
- Yeah, yeah, man, no problem.
I made it last night.
- Word, some chick from the party?
- Yeah.
- Cool, I'll see if I
can recognize her.
Nothing like grease in the morning, man.
- [Paul] Craig, what?!
- Whoa, my bad.
- Don't worry about it, man.
The whole house is fuckin' trashed,
one more plate isn't
gonna make a difference.
- Well, Craig, we're actually gonna help
Teddy here clean up before we leave.
- What, you must be joking?
- No, Craig, it's the least we could do.
Teddy has to have this place back to
its immaculate state for his parents'
friends who are arriving tomorrow.
We owe it to him.
- I'm not cleaning shit.
- What?
- You heard me.
I'm not cleaning shit.
I'll supervise from the sofa,
I'll make helpful suggestions,
but I'm not lifting a fucking finger.
- Why are you being so difficult?
- Blow me!
- I must apologize for him,
Teddy, I'm sure you can understand
he's still recovering from last night.
- Yeah, Teddy, I'm really sorry.
I feel bad.
- Don't worry about it, man, no harm done.
I'm gonna get started
on this cleaning anyway,
you guys okay?
- Yeah, we're fine Teddy,
absolutely perfect.
- Cool, we'll just try to get that
resort van to pick you guys up.
That'll be much easier for me that way
I can get started with the dirty work.
- But we were gonna help you clean before
we leave, Teddy, remember?
It's the least we could do.
- No, don't worry about it, really.
I can handle it.
I'll just call the resort,
they'll need directions,
it's not easy to find this place.
Excuse me for a second.
You know, I'm amazed at how
trashed my parents' house is.
- So, if this is your winter house,
your all the time house must be amazing.
Where do you live?
- [Paul] He lives with his parents.
- Oh, so you're a mooch?
- What?
- Nothing wrong with it, hey I'd live off
my parents' money too if I had the option.
- Whatever, man.
- [Craig] So, what does daddy do to
afford all this cool stuff?
- So, Paul, you went to Princeton?
- [Paul] Yes, with Nat
Atkins from your party.
We were in the same eating club.
- Right, so you must've
hung out with Todd Winhall,
yeah, he went to Princeton, too.
He and Nat and I were all
friends in high school.
- Huh, Todd went to Buckley, right?
- Yeah.
- Yes, of course,
Todd Winhall, of course,
stand up fellow, that Todd.
Bit of a joker, always playing
childish sort of pranks.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely a joker.
Did he come back to the city?
- Excuse me?
- Did he come back to
New York after school?
You know, I haven't seen
him and I figured if
he'd have been back I
would've run into him.
- I'm not quite sure of
Todd's current location,
we sort of lost track.
- It's time for both of you to go.
I'm serious, it's time to go.
- But Teddy, I thought we were gonna get
a chance to see your new movie,
a sneak preview, don't you remember?
I was really looking forward to that.
- You can see the movie
when it goes up on the site.
- No, you see Teddy, you made a promise.
You promised to show us your new movie
and you promised us a
ride back to the mountain,
and when we make promises, we keep them.
You intend to break your
promise and we don't approve.
- Really, I see.
- [Craig] You're a bitch.
Vino?
(dramatic music)
- Fuck...ask them to leave.
Get the fuck out of my house.
Get the fuck out of my house.
Get the fuck out of my house.
(dramatic music)
You fuckin' on my shit,
you fuckin' on my shit?
You fuckin' with my shit?
Get the fuck out of my house.
(dramatic music)
What the fuck are you doing?
Chateau Petrus 1978, this
is my father's bottle.
- Yeah, we found it absolutely dreadful.
I couldn't take another
drop of that swill,
we had to take this other bottle.
This one is much better.
Couldn't miss our morning drink, you know?
- I don't know what's going on here,
and basically I don't really give a fuck,
I just want you both
gone so listen closely.
I have a fucking gun
and if you don't leave
right now I'm gonna shoot
you both without hesitating.
And you know what, it'll be clean
and legal because you're trespassing.
- Temper, temper.
You're not being a very
nice host right now,
you should at least allow
us to finish our drink.
- [Paul] Please, don't.
- I want you both to get
up right now and leave.
I want you to take your friend
and be his guide out my front door.
And if you try any shit, any shit besides
calmly getting the fuck out of my house,
I'll decorate you with your boy.
(dramatic music)
Now open it, leave, and take him with you.
Now close it behind you and go.
I'm gonna call the police now.
I don't give a fuck where you go
or how you get there,
just don't try and come back here.
I don't ever want to
see either of you again.
- But Teddy, it's so cold out there.
- Not my problem, go.
- But Teddy, how are you
going to call the police-
- Shut the fuck up and go.
- You're going to regret ever threatening
me with that fucking
thing, I promise you that.
(dramatic music)
(static white noise)
(doorbell ringing)
(doorbell ringing)
(doorbell ringing)
(doorbell ringing)
(doorbell ringing)
- What the fuck do you want from me, huh?
What the fuck do you want!
Get the fuck out of
here, you fuckin' fucks!
- Teddy, Teddy I know you're in there,
I can hear you breathing.
- I told you to get the fuck out of here.
I'll open this door and shoot you both!
- Teddy, I know you want us
to leave, and believe me,
there's nothing we'd rather
do than honor your request,
after all, you've been a model host
and we've really appreciated
your hospitality.
But you see, Craig seems to be missing
his glasses and he's certain that he's
misplaced them somewhere
inside and they're
very expensive and you simply must allow
us to search for them.
We promise to be out of your hair
immediately after we get them back.
- Fuck that, you're not
coming in for anything!
You, you better get out of here,
the cops are on their way!
- Teddy, friend, you can't expect us to
leave without collecting our belongings,
that would be most
unacceptable, Teddy, really.
I mean, what are you trying
to do, steal from us?
Is that what you're trying to do?
Teddy, we cannot permit you to steal
from us, that just won't work!
Can you hear me, Teddy?
Teddy! Teddy!
You know we can't allow that, don't you?
We can't just walk away and let you
steal from us, it's impossible!
Open up, Teddy, open the door, Teddy!
You really have no choice.
- You know, I hate it when
people point guns at me.
It fucks with my equilibrium.
I told you you'd regret that shit.
(deep breathing)
- Nice work, Craig.
You don't look so well, Teddy.
It seems as if you've hurt your face.
But in all seriousness,
we didn't want things
to go this way but you
just weren't cooperating.
- Yeah, Teddy, you fucked it all up.
I thought we were gonna
be your honored guests.
How are we supposed to be feel welcome
with you pointing guns at us and all?
- Ooh, Christ, Teddy!
This is quite a powerful firearm.
You know, you could've really
hurt one of us with this.
- [Craig] Ah, son of a bitch!
(groaning)
Fuck!
(upbeat chase music)
(birds chirping)
(deep breathing)
(glass shattering)
(mysterious music)
(dramatic music)
(Teddy breathing)
(dramatic music)
(Teddy breathing)
(dramatic music)
(Teddy breathing)
(dramatic music)
(Teddy breathing)
(dramatic music)
- Why, hello there.
(struggling)
Welcome back, Teddy.
I trust you dreamt well?
- What are you doing, what are you doing?
- What are you doing, what are you doing!
Ow, ow, ow, my pussy hurts!
- [Paul] You know, you've
really pissed us off, Teddy.
- Why are you here, and
why are you doing this?
- You know, you shouldn't
whine so much, Teddy,
it really isn't very becoming.
I'm sure you can
understand why we're angry,
you'd feel the same way
if you were in our shoes.
I mean, all we wanted was the respect
and consideration that
any guest would expect.
We only took what you offered
us, Teddy, nothing more.
(struggling)
You won't be escaping from this, Teddy.
That's a fact you should try to accept,
it'll be easier on you that way.
So, on top of threatening
us, insulting us,
and forcibly ejecting us from your home,
you refused us the opportunity to reclaim
the property that we
inadvertently left behind,
which equates to stealing, if I'm correct.
Wouldn't you agree, Teddy?
If you prevent a guest from
leaving with his belongings,
that's stealing, right?
So, you see, we've had to absorb quite
a bit of your insulting behavior.
I'm sure you can
sympathize with our anger.
You find them?
- No, he's hidden them somewhere.
I did find a safe
though, and I found this.
- Oh, my, is this what I think it is?
(woman moaning)
Well, this is certainly impressive, Teddy.
A most magnificent display
of technique and stamina.
Now I can understand why you would
want to capture your talents on tape.
I don't particularly like
big photograph myself, Teddy.
I don't think I'm what
they call photogenic.
That is the one thing
about you that impresses
me though, you enjoy your reflection.
I would guess that you
spend a considerable
amount of time looking at
yourself in the mirror.
I think you would love
to see yourself now.
This is a moment of
fleeting greatness for you,
Teddy, one you'd wanna look back on,
maybe even put up on your site.
- [Craig] What's the combo?
- What?
- The safe where you're hiding my glasses,
what's the combination?
- I don't know where your glasses are,
your fucking glasses,
I don't know what you're
fucking talking about.
- You're a thief, Teddy, a thief!
Thief, thief, thief!
Teddy is a thief, what's the combination?
(struggling)
- Listen, Teddy, why don't you just
tell him what he wants to know?
He only wants to get back
what is properly his,
I'm sure you can understand that.
- There's nothing in that
safe that belongs to you,
you're the ones that are trespassing,
you're both fucking psycho.
- Psycho, you callin' me psycho?
You ain't tasted the
psycho yet, boy, not yet!
But I'll show him to you if you want,
I'd be happy to, say it again,
please, call me psycho again!
(gasping for breath)
- Easy, easy.
Really, Teddy, when is
this all going to end?
You know, you have really
brought him to the brink.
I don't think we'll be able to stomach
much more of your insults and disrespect.
- You know what I think?
I think you wanna taste
the psycho, don't ya?
Don't ya, and it would serve you right!
I mean, look at this shit man,
look at what you did to my leg.
You know how long that's
gonna take to heal,
you fucking prick?
Now I have to put a
bandaid on my fucking skin.
And I really hate bandaids, man.
I hate them because
when you take them off,
the glue fucking plucks
the hairs out of your
skin one by one and that is probably the
worst fucking sensation in the world,
no, actually, I can't think of a sensation
that I hate more than taking
a bandaid off my skin,
and now I have to suffer
through that torture
because of your dumb ass.
It makes me so angry
when I think about it,
I could kill you right now, but I won't.
Because I keep my promises.
- What promise?
(groaning)
- Tell me, Teddy, did you ever use to
watch Faces of Death when you were a kid?
- [Teddy] What?
- Faces of Death,
it was a series, there was
Faces of Death part one,
Faces of Death part two, part three,
I think there was a part four.
And then they had The
Worst of Faces of Death.
- I never saw them.
Oh, that's unfortunate, Teddy,
see I think you might've liked them.
They kept them in the horror section
at the video store so you thought
that they were normal horror films,
but they were far from
normal horror films, Teddy.
- Good for them.
- It was very good, in fact, you see,
it was a sort of collection of footage
from people who just
happened to have their
cameras rolling when a person was killed.
Like we were discussing earlier?
Real versus false, I'm sure you remember.
Well, see Teddy, these
tapes were extremely real,
and that is what made them compelling.
Beautiful, actually.
I mean, there are some truly breathtaking
moments on these tapes, Teddy.
Everything from suicide jumpers making
these beautifully executed
dives into the concrete,
to Russian peasants getting
drawn and quartered.
Now, I don't know if you've
ever seen anyone get drawn
and quartered, but it is
a truly fascinating thing.
Actually, the one that
sticks with me the most,
is from Faces of Death part one, I think,
just a simple electric chair execution.
I can clearly remember the guy walking
to the room from his holding cell,
and I remember it because it wasn't
exactly what I expected.
He wasn't really frantic, or
crying, or anything like that.
He looked calm.
Like he was in of some obscure clarity.
See, I can't imagine being that calm
knowing that my own demise
was just minutes away,
but I guess you can't really know
unless you're in the moment.
- But it's like, when you
have that much time to think
about it, you can probably
calm yourself down, right?
- You may be right, I don't know.
I just remember that they put these pads
over his eyes and taped them down,
and they said that that was to keep the
current from making his eyes pop out,
and I thought that that
was really annoying
because if his eyes were gonna pop out,
I wanted to see it, you know what I mean?
I really wanted to see it,
I wanted to see if it was anything similar
to when it happens to
characters in cartoons.
- Oh, oh yeah!
Like when the coyote sees a really cute,
female coyote walking down the street,
but it's really a decoy with TNT inside,
and he catches her and tries to kiss her
but she explodes right in his face!
- Maybe something like that.
- [Craig] How much time we gonna give him?
- We have to give him exactly
two hours and 37 minutes.
It all goes down at
9:06 P.M., right Teddy?
- [Craig] 9:06 P.M...
(deep breathing)
- Please, please don't do this.
I'll give you the combination to the safe,
you can have anything you want,
please, please, please, I'll
tell you the combination,
it's, it's, it's...three
turns right to seven,
two turns left to 23,
one turn right to 42.
- What is it?
- It's, it's three turns right to seven,
two turns left to 23, and
one turn right to 42, please.
- [Craig] I'm gonna
have to go check it out.
(Teddy crying)
- Fuck man, why are you doing this?
I didn't do anything to you.
- Jesus Christ, Teddy, you
know I hate being lied to.
It is the deepest form of insult,
especially bold lies like
the one you just told.
- Why, I'm sorry...
- You remember, Teddy, you started this.
You, not us, everything
is cause and effect,
these are basic principles.
(timer ticking)
Looks like you have about 45 minutes
left on the planet, my friend.
Tell me, Teddy, would you happen to have
any predictions for me?
I mean, will you be sobbing frantically,
begging us to save you?
Or will you take the
path of the courageous,
accepting your end with determined
silence and acceptance?
See, my betting dollars are on the former.
I mean, no disrespect,
but you don't really
strike me as the brave
and courageous type.
Yes, Teddy, this is gonna be
a moment of extreme beauty,
I must say I am anxious to
see the finished product.
It will certainly be better than anything
that has come before it.
What do you think, Teddy?
Think we can get a Blue Orchid?
What'd you find?
- No glasses, that fuckhead
must've hidden them real good.
But I found these, these
are $10,000.00 bills,
I've never seen money this
big before in my entire life.
- My grandmother gave those
to my dad before he'd die,
they don't even make
those bills anymore but
they're still legal tender.
You can take those, you can have them.
- No duh, fuckhead, my new glasses
are going to be very expensive.
- So you can let me go, you know,
you don't even have to untie me,
you can just take out the wire,
and I won't call the police 'cause
I'll be tied up.
(laughing)
- It just, it boggles my mind, you know?
- [Teddy] What?
- How you could be
so infinitely selfish.
- What?
- I mean, you are so
desperate to save your life
you are willing to make
sacrifices of items
that don't even belong to you.
You've created quite a bleak
picture of yourself, Teddy.
What a vain, selfish waste, you know,
I think I'd be doing you and everyone else
around you a favor if I let you die.
What do you think, Teddy?
What, no opinions on the subject?
- You're a fucking hypocrite.
What gives you the right to judge me?
Some people would think that breaking
into someone's house, kidnapping them,
torturing them, burglarizing their shit
is some morally corrupt shit.
- Tell me a story, Teddy.
- [Teddy] What?
- Tell me a story, something compelling.
Something that will give
me an emotional reaction.
- I don't understand.
- Just a simple story, Teddy.
Something with a beginning,
a middle, and an end.
Please, this is important.
- [Teddy] I don't know
what you want from me.
- You can't do it, can you?
Okay, how about this, I'll tell one,
then you tell one, okay?
Good.
So, there is this selfish young man,
let's call him Eddy,
yeah, let's call him Eddy.
So, Eddy likes to victimize and objectify,
you see, it is a hobby of his,
something he takes immense
pride in, actually.
And along comes an aesthete,
capable of extracting
immense beauty from the victimization
and objectification of Eddy.
Now, unfortunately, Eddy doesn't really
appreciate this turning of the tables,
he's much more comfortable
with giving than receiving,
but in the end, Eddy's
preferences don't really matter,
because Eddy is going to die.
The end, okay, your turn.
Nothing, Teddy?
There are no narratives bubbling in that
ambitious brain of yours?
See, I'm not surprised.
I might have considered letting you go
if you had shown just a glimmer of your
creative potential, but hey,
some just aren't capable of creation.
You see, Teddy, I am one of the chosen.
As I told you earlier, I create moments
and experiences of beauty.
Like this little movie that
we're making as we speak.
I am an artist, you create nothing,
that is what makes me better than you.
That is what allows me to judge you,
find you guilty, and meet
out the proper punishment.
And I will.
(timer ticking)
Looks like you have about 25 minutes left.
You know, we should leave you alone.
It will be more poignant that way.
Come on, Craig, let us go.
- Hey, thanks for being such a great host.
(timer ticking)
(loud crash)
(timer ticking)
(yelling)
- You fuck, you fucker!
Fucker, help me, fucking help me!
(sobbing)
Fucking help me, fucking help me,
let me go, please!
(sobbing)
(timer ticking)
I will remember.
Caution, don't put live
wires in the fucking jacuzzi,
fuck you, fucking assholes, fuck you!
(timer ticking)
Fuck.
(timer ticking)
(timer ticking)
(groaning and struggling)
No, no, no, no!
(yelling and sobbing)
(loud electrocution)
- [Paul] Fucking power surge,
must've blown all the fuses.
God, I hope I got it.
Come on, come on.
Fuck, the tape is broke.
It's ruined, the whole thing is ruined!
- [Craig] Hey Paul, he's not dead man.
- [Paul] That's all my work,
that's all my beautiful work.
It's gone, it's all gone.
- [Craig] Fuse must've blown
before he was finished.
- [Paul] Yup, it was so perfect.
I had captured every emotion,
I had interacted with the victim.
I had, I had...
(Paul crying)
I had showed him break down.
- [Craig] I told you
to use your own camera!
- [Paul] Fuck you, man, what do you know.
What do you fucking know?
- [Craig] We should get out of here.
(Paul crying)
- [Paul] It was so creative, you know,
imagine dying at the precise time
of your birth on your 25th birthday,
I mean it was nothing short of genius.
Let's go.
- [Craig] What about him?
- [Paul] You know what, forget about him.
If he wakes up, it'll be the most
beautiful day he's ever fucking seen.
(upbeat music)