Hospitality (2005) - full transcript

(upbeat music)

- Oh, shit.

(urine hitting toilet water)

(toilet flushing)

(rapping) Dig it, I gotta be one of the

baddest brothers on the planet,

I'm baggin' honeys and they all

got bodies just like Janet,

no doubt about it, hon,

I hit from here to China,

when I drop the D wanna

watch me soggy yo' vagina.

(light playful music)

- Teddy, hey sexy...

(woman moaning)

- True.

(woman speaking in French)

- [Recording] Two new messages.

First new message.

- [Woman With French Accent] Hello Teddy,

I just couldn't leave without calling you.

You're amazing, really, I never have been

taken like that in my entire life.

I can't wait to see you again.

They are taking me somewhere now but

I really want to see you when I get back.

- [Male] Yo, Teddy, I got your girl, dawg.

Matter fact, all the

girls with me were rollin'

down to play a little blackjack

and get even more fucked up, yo,

I'm sorry you couldn't make it but I guess

that's just what happens when you pass out

like a little biotch.

Wait up, dawg, call me when you wake up.

- [Recording] Message

skipped, next message.

- [Woman] Happy birthday Theodore,

happy birthday to my beautiful baby boy.

I can't believe you're already 25.

I hope you and your friends are

having fun celebrating up there.

I read online there's

still some late season snow

left on the mountain so I hope you guys

were able to get some skiing in,

it'll probably be the last

chance 'til after the summer.

Your father and I look

forward to seeing you,

and you have presents waiting

for you when you get home.

Oh, and your father wanted me to remind

you about what we discussed,

the McKibbins are coming up to

use the place for four days,

they will be up on Monday

just after you leave,

and we wouldn't want them to arrive to a

dirty cabin now, would we?

Have a safe trip back,

we can't wait to see you.

Make sure you do something

special on your special day.

- [Recording] Message erased.

(playful music)

(phone ringing)

- [Man] Yo, yo, what up birthday boy?

You finally wake up, dawg?

- Where'd you go, man?

- [Man] Yo, I left you a message.

We decided to hit up the casino.

- Who'd you go with?

- [Man] You know, with the three girls.

They were the last ones at the party,

which I must say was a banger, dawg.

You basically had the whole ski resort

up in your cabin

celebrating your birthday.

- Yeah, and completely

trashed my parents' place.

Did you see this shit?

- [Man] I was way too twisted

to see much of anything.

But I'm sure it's not that bad.

- What?

- [Man] I'm sure it's

not all that bad.

- This shit is fucked up.

Anyway, so Les bounce with you?

- [Man] Yeah, sorry to take your girl,

but we left in her home girl's car

and that was her ride back to the city,

and you were all passed out,

she didn't wanna get stuck in Vermont

so she came with us.

I'll tell her you said hello, though.

- Thanks a lot, dick.

- [Man] My pleasure, they

all live in the city anyway,

you can hit it again

when you get back here.

- You're not even coming back?

- [Man] Nah, man, I'm up

in the crib right now.

- Word, you left me here

to clean up this mess

and drive back to the city by myse-

- [Man] Don't get mad,

I'll make it up to you.

- Good lookin' out dawg.

- [Man] Seriously, I got

you, I'll make it up to you.

- Whatever, man, I'll talk

to you when I get back.

- [Man] Yo, yo, Teddy, wait-

- What?

- [Man] Yo, I kinda left my skis up there.

You'll bring them back to me, right?

Teddy, you got me right?

Yo, Teddy!,

(playful music)

(static white noise)

- Yo, yo.

Yo, yo, get up man.

Get up.

- What happened?

- Get up man, you're in my house.

- What happened?

(static white noise)

Craig?

Forgive us.

Craig!

(snapping fingers)

Hey, Craig, wake up.

Craig, wake up, we have to leave.

(static white noise)

- The fuck!

Oh, man, I promise right here,

when you can both be witnesses,

not another drop.

I'm so serious.

- He's had a bit of a rough evening.

- Nah, it's cool, I think we

all had it a little rough.

I'm Teddy, by the way.

- Yes, we were introduced last night.

- My bad, I'm having trouble

piecing the night together.

I don't know how it got so twisted.

- It's okay, as long

as you had a good time.

- Yeah, all I can remember

is drinking scotch,

then getting this girl to go to my room,

and then all of a sudden it's morning

and my head is killing me.

- Yeah, you know, maybe you

just got a little carried away.

After all, you're supposed to celebrate.

It was your birthday.

- Actually today's my birthday.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Well, happy birthday.

- Thanks, man.

At 9:06 P.M. I'm officially

the big two five.

- How perfect, well congratulations.

This is a big day for you.

- Yeah, big day.

- I'm Paul by the way, and that wreck over

there on your floor is Craig.

We came here from the resort

with Nathaniel Atkins?

I think you guys went to Buckley together?

- Oh, you guys came with Nat?

That fuckin' clown.

- Yeah, we all came up from

the city for the final snow.

Nat told us about your party.

- Yeah, I didn't know there were gonna be

all these people here this weekend.

I just came with my boy to catch the

final snow and celebrate my birthday and,

you know, I guess it

turned into some big shit.

- You must've had the entire

ski resort here last night.

- The more, the merrier, right?

- Yeah, right.

Listen, I must apologize for spending

the night in your house.

Trust that it was unintentional.

Craig and I came up from the resort with

Nat and a couple of

other guys and I'm afraid

they forgot about us in their drunkenness

and returned to the mountain without us.

Now, when I realized this,

I figured our only option was to stay

the night and arrange for a resort van

to pick us up in the morning.

- No worries, ain't no cabs

in the middle of Vermont.

Sucks your boys left you though.

How do you guys know Nat anyway?

- Nat and I were in the same

eating club in University.

- You were at Princeton, nice,

you must know a lot of the

old high school crew then.

- Oh, and Craig over there,

he actually works at the resort.

- Yeah, I recognize his face.

- Yeah, he's completely fascinating

and all the guys just love him.

- Well, it's probably because he's got

the dopest coke on the slopes.

You know it.

- Yeah.

That's clever.

Maybe we should get him into a bed?

- Alright.

- [Paul] Wow, you

wouldn't think a group of

people could do this much damage to a home

in just one evening.

- It's fucked up, I have one day to

clean all this shit up, man.

And I have to do it all by myself

'cause my boy left me, he's

already back in the city.

- I wouldn't mind lending a hand.

- No, that's cool, I'll figure it out.

- No really, Teddy, it

wouldn't be a problem.

- Really?

- No, I'm sure, Craig'll help also.

It's the least we can do.

- Word, well listen, I was

about to have some breakfast.

You should chill here and have some.

This cat is definitely gonna need

some time to recover.

And afterwards, I'll give you guys

a ride back to the resort.

- You know what, Teddy, I

think I'll take you up on that.

A little orange juice and eggs might

help me get rid of this wretched headache.

(snoring)

This is a nice home, Teddy,

I had the chance to

walk around last night.

Do you and your parents come here a lot?

- A couple times each winter.

We usually let my parents' friends come up

here and use it too, it's

a great thing to have.

- This is very nice.

- Thanks, I just gotta be sure I get

it in shape tomorrow before my parents'

friends get up here.

- I told you, Teddy, no worries.

We'll take care of it.

- Yeah, I just don't want

them getting mad at me.

You know, saying I can't come

up here anymore, or worse.

- What do you mean, why

would they say that?

- Well, I've been on thin

ice with the folks lately.

- Might I ask why?

- I guess it's because

I'm still living at home.

I'm sort of taking my time with the whole

career thing, you know?

And they've been cool about letting me

make my own choices on my own time,

but I think they're

starting to get annoyed.

Actually my dad is starting

to call me Mr. Loaf.

- How unfortunate.

Pardon my asking, but

is there a career path

or job that interests you?

- Well, that's the tough part.

I don't really know what I wanna do.

You know, everyone says do what you enjoy,

do what you're good at, and

here I am, 25 years old,

I don't know what those things are.

- I understand, you know

it's difficult to try

and decide what you wanna do

with the rest of your life.

- Like, most people go for

the living, which makes sense.

Like my dad, you know, he spent his entire

life working at other people's offices,

making other people money,

I mean don't get me

wrong, the man is paid.

I mean, he's worked so hard that I don't

even need to worry about money,

so I'm like fuck it, that shit's not

really appealing to me anyway.

(dramatic music)

I mean, not to take

anything away from that

way of life, I mean, what do you do?

- Just thought I would give a hand.

I really enjoy chopped

onions with my eggs.

- Cool, thanks.

- I suppose you could call me an artist,

I create beauty.

- [Teddy] That's dope, what do you do,

like paintings and sculptures and shit?

- Not quite, I create

rare and stunning images,

it's difficult to explain with words.

You must truly experience

it if you wanna understand.

- [Paul] Okay.

- Forgive me for being so cryptic,

you know, if you want, at some point,

I can show you some of my work.

- Yeah, that'd be cool, you know,

I'm trying to get into art,

I think I'd be a good artist.

- Oh really, what type

of artist would you be?

- I think I'd make films.

- Ah, an aspiring director.

Have you made any films?

- Actually, I've been dabbling a little.

- Sounds like some sort

of nautical exploration.

- Nah man, it's basically an indulgence in

my one true interest these days.

- Ah, enlighten me.

- Blazing guts.

- Excuse me?

- You know, man, blazing

guts, hittin' skins.

Layin' pipe, cuttin' some?

- I'm sorry, I, I don't know.

- Fucking, man, I like to fuck.

- Okay.

- [Teddy] It's one of the few

things that really interests me right now.

- So you must have a lot of girlfriends?

- Nah, it's funny, I mean, I love ass,

I really love getting ass, you know?

But I can't be with one girl for too long,

it just gets to be a bit much.

- Yeah, women can definitely

be a handful at times, right?

- See, you understand.

So, recently my strategy's been strictly

high volume and I've gotten good at it,

so good that I can talk shit.

And I was talking shit to my boy one day,

and our conversation sparked

this little competition,

a bet about who could get

more hits in a month's time.

- And Maiden Voyage...?

- So, to keep each other honest

and make it a little more interesting,

we decided the only encounters that would

count towards the final total would be

the ones we caught on video.

- You have to put the girls on tape.

- Yeah, it turned out to be

easier than I thought, man.

I'm just blazing chick

after chick after chick,

it is really silly, dawg.

Sometimes I wake up and my dick'd

be hurting from the night before,

I would stop sometimes and ask myself,

Teddy, what are you doing?

And then I just keep slicin' them down,

one after the other man.

- Wait, how is it that

you have such ease with

getting women to sleep

with you so consistently,

most men try very hard just to get

one girl to sleep with them?

- Look at me, dawg.

Look, I'm a good lookin' motherfucker.

I'm a pimp, dawg.

- No arguments here.

- Plus, if you tell girls

that you love 'em and shit,

they'll do anything, they go nuts, man.

They think you're gonna be their boyfriend

and take them out and shit like that,

they'll do anything.

- And you tell them what they wanna hear?

- Exactly, so, I had all these tapes,

you know, of all these girls,

I didn't want all that beautiful work

to go to waste in a box somewhere.

- So you put them on the internet.

- Yeah, no doubt, you know.

Not much else going on,

figured I'd make some cash.

You can make a killing on

the net if you work it right.

- I'm sure.

It suddenly has an actual

following, you know?

You know, this fan club.

See, now I post pictures

of the girls, you know,

I'm dating, and the fans,

they vote on who they

want to see it get next and what order

and special things they wanna see me do.

It's unbelievable.

- You don't feel strange about having

so many people watch you having sex?

- Not at all.

Actually, fucking is

something I'm really good at,

I don't really mind seeing myself do it.

It's kinda cool sometimes,

especially when you're

really tearing it up.

Like you're hitting it from

behind or something, right?

And you're like, you're like murdering it,

and the girl, she can

hardly keep herself up.

She's like got her face in the mattress

and she's like biting the sheets,

it's just that good, I love that shit.

- Sounds impressive.

- I mean, I've been blessed

with this gift, you know?

And I feel I should share

it with as many as possible.

Anything else would be a waste.

- Absolutely.

- I actually made a video last night.

I hardly remember even making it.

I watched a little of it already,

it looks like it's gonna be good.

We'll watch it tonight, you

can get a sneak preview.

- I would like that very much.

(slurping)

- It smells good, what are you making?

- [Paul] Craig.

- Oh, forgive me, good friend,

and thanks so much for the tasty beverage.

- [Teddy] It's nothing.

- So, what are you

making me for breakfast?

- I see you feel better.

- But you're still gonna

feed me anyway, right?

- I must apologize for his behavior,

he can't help it, he's a local.

- Fuck you, you prissy fuck.

- Come on, Craig, be a sport.

I was only teasing.

- Bravo, my compliments to the chef.

- [Teddy] Thanks.

- So, Craig, Teddy here was just

telling me about his website.

He puts up movies with all

the girls he sleeps with.

- That's fuckin' cool, Teddy,

you must have a big dick.

- Why do you say that?

- I don't know, I guess

the only way I would

want the whole world watching

me porking some chick

is if I had, you know,

a super cock, you know?

- I guess I never really thought about it.

- That means you probably have a big one.

That's fucking cool, man.

I like all that amateur porn stuff,

I think that stuff is much

better than regular porn.

- Yeah, man, that's what all my fans say.

They want me to make full length films

and sell them but that would

take the fun out of it.

It wouldn't be real, you know.

It'd be manufactured and corny.

- Definitely, man, keep that shit raw.

I think that's gonna be

the next big thing, man.

Everything amateur, everything

real, everything raw.

Like, why go for that fake shit when

you can have the real thing, right?

- Word.

- You know, like murder

scenes in movies, sometimes

they come out alright,

but they never really

blow your mind because

you know the character doesn't really die

so you don't really, really feel it.

- No doubt, actually movie

murders don't affect me,

they don't shock anymore,

there's just no emotion in it.

- See what I mean?

But I tell you what was really cool,

my boy showed me this tape once,

it was like these guerrilla fighter dudes

somewhere in South America.

They had this one guy tied

up in a garage or something,

after they beat his ass

for like 20 minutes,

they threw gasoline on him and

lit that motherfucker on fire.

It was iller than any shit

I've ever seen on any movie.

- Whoa.

- Yeah, man, and the camera guy was like,

zooming in on this guy's

face while he was burning.

It was like flames coming

out of his screaming mouth.

Weird, wild shit man.

- I've heard about some

shit like that before,

they call 'em snuff films, right?

- Yeah, snuff.

- Yeah, but I thought that was supposed

to be a myth, like an urban legend,

'cause no one's actually ever seen one.

- No man, they exist, they're

like these underground clubs.

It's these dudes who have collections

and they like trade 'em back

and forth like baseball cards.

- You're making that shit up, dawg.

- No man, I'm telling

you, this shit is real.

Obviously it's highly illegal,

so to protect themselves these guys

won't send anything to any newcomer who

can't send something to them first.

So, it's kinda hard to get in,

but once you're in you

get all the real ill shit,

they even have an annual

competition for the best movie,

it's like the snuff film Oscars.

- Now I know you're making that shit up,

the snuff film Oscars?

Give me a break.

- I'm not shitting you man, it's real.

They call it getting a Blue Orchid.

- Yeah, whatever, man, whatever you say.

(blender starts running)

Somebody plugged the

blender into the lamp timer.

Why would you do that?

People are so stupid sometimes.

- So, Teddy's gonna show us one of

his movies before we leave, right Teddy?

- Yeah, yeah, man, no problem.

I made it last night.

- Word, some chick from the party?

- Yeah.

- Cool, I'll see if I

can recognize her.

Nothing like grease in the morning, man.

- [Paul] Craig, what?!

- Whoa, my bad.

- Don't worry about it, man.

The whole house is fuckin' trashed,

one more plate isn't

gonna make a difference.

- Well, Craig, we're actually gonna help

Teddy here clean up before we leave.

- What, you must be joking?

- No, Craig, it's the least we could do.

Teddy has to have this place back to

its immaculate state for his parents'

friends who are arriving tomorrow.

We owe it to him.

- I'm not cleaning shit.

- What?

- You heard me.

I'm not cleaning shit.

I'll supervise from the sofa,

I'll make helpful suggestions,

but I'm not lifting a fucking finger.

- Why are you being so difficult?

- Blow me!

- I must apologize for him,

Teddy, I'm sure you can understand

he's still recovering from last night.

- Yeah, Teddy, I'm really sorry.

I feel bad.

- Don't worry about it, man, no harm done.

I'm gonna get started

on this cleaning anyway,

you guys okay?

- Yeah, we're fine Teddy,

absolutely perfect.

- Cool, we'll just try to get that

resort van to pick you guys up.

That'll be much easier for me that way

I can get started with the dirty work.

- But we were gonna help you clean before

we leave, Teddy, remember?

It's the least we could do.

- No, don't worry about it, really.

I can handle it.

I'll just call the resort,

they'll need directions,

it's not easy to find this place.

Excuse me for a second.

You know, I'm amazed at how

trashed my parents' house is.

- So, if this is your winter house,

your all the time house must be amazing.

Where do you live?

- [Paul] He lives with his parents.

- Oh, so you're a mooch?

- What?

- Nothing wrong with it, hey I'd live off

my parents' money too if I had the option.

- Whatever, man.

- [Craig] So, what does daddy do to

afford all this cool stuff?

- So, Paul, you went to Princeton?

- [Paul] Yes, with Nat

Atkins from your party.

We were in the same eating club.

- Right, so you must've

hung out with Todd Winhall,

yeah, he went to Princeton, too.

He and Nat and I were all

friends in high school.

- Huh, Todd went to Buckley, right?

- Yeah.

- Yes, of course,

Todd Winhall, of course,

stand up fellow, that Todd.

Bit of a joker, always playing

childish sort of pranks.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely a joker.

Did he come back to the city?

- Excuse me?

- Did he come back to

New York after school?

You know, I haven't seen

him and I figured if

he'd have been back I

would've run into him.

- I'm not quite sure of

Todd's current location,

we sort of lost track.

- It's time for both of you to go.

I'm serious, it's time to go.

- But Teddy, I thought we were gonna get

a chance to see your new movie,

a sneak preview, don't you remember?

I was really looking forward to that.

- You can see the movie

when it goes up on the site.

- No, you see Teddy, you made a promise.

You promised to show us your new movie

and you promised us a

ride back to the mountain,

and when we make promises, we keep them.

You intend to break your

promise and we don't approve.

- Really, I see.

- [Craig] You're a bitch.

Vino?

(dramatic music)

- Fuck...ask them to leave.

Get the fuck out of my house.

Get the fuck out of my house.

Get the fuck out of my house.

(dramatic music)

You fuckin' on my shit,

you fuckin' on my shit?

You fuckin' with my shit?

Get the fuck out of my house.

(dramatic music)

What the fuck are you doing?

Chateau Petrus 1978, this

is my father's bottle.

- Yeah, we found it absolutely dreadful.

I couldn't take another

drop of that swill,

we had to take this other bottle.

This one is much better.

Couldn't miss our morning drink, you know?

- I don't know what's going on here,

and basically I don't really give a fuck,

I just want you both

gone so listen closely.

I have a fucking gun

and if you don't leave

right now I'm gonna shoot

you both without hesitating.

And you know what, it'll be clean

and legal because you're trespassing.

- Temper, temper.

You're not being a very

nice host right now,

you should at least allow

us to finish our drink.

- [Paul] Please, don't.

- I want you both to get

up right now and leave.

I want you to take your friend

and be his guide out my front door.

And if you try any shit, any shit besides

calmly getting the fuck out of my house,

I'll decorate you with your boy.

(dramatic music)

Now open it, leave, and take him with you.

Now close it behind you and go.

I'm gonna call the police now.

I don't give a fuck where you go

or how you get there,

just don't try and come back here.

I don't ever want to

see either of you again.

- But Teddy, it's so cold out there.

- Not my problem, go.

- But Teddy, how are you

going to call the police-

- Shut the fuck up and go.

- You're going to regret ever threatening

me with that fucking

thing, I promise you that.

(dramatic music)

(static white noise)

(doorbell ringing)

(doorbell ringing)

(doorbell ringing)

(doorbell ringing)

(doorbell ringing)

- What the fuck do you want from me, huh?

What the fuck do you want!

Get the fuck out of

here, you fuckin' fucks!

- Teddy, Teddy I know you're in there,

I can hear you breathing.

- I told you to get the fuck out of here.

I'll open this door and shoot you both!

- Teddy, I know you want us

to leave, and believe me,

there's nothing we'd rather

do than honor your request,

after all, you've been a model host

and we've really appreciated

your hospitality.

But you see, Craig seems to be missing

his glasses and he's certain that he's

misplaced them somewhere

inside and they're

very expensive and you simply must allow

us to search for them.

We promise to be out of your hair

immediately after we get them back.

- Fuck that, you're not

coming in for anything!

You, you better get out of here,

the cops are on their way!

- Teddy, friend, you can't expect us to

leave without collecting our belongings,

that would be most

unacceptable, Teddy, really.

I mean, what are you trying

to do, steal from us?

Is that what you're trying to do?

Teddy, we cannot permit you to steal

from us, that just won't work!

Can you hear me, Teddy?

Teddy! Teddy!

You know we can't allow that, don't you?

We can't just walk away and let you

steal from us, it's impossible!

Open up, Teddy, open the door, Teddy!

You really have no choice.

- You know, I hate it when

people point guns at me.

It fucks with my equilibrium.

I told you you'd regret that shit.

(deep breathing)

- Nice work, Craig.

You don't look so well, Teddy.

It seems as if you've hurt your face.

But in all seriousness,

we didn't want things

to go this way but you

just weren't cooperating.

- Yeah, Teddy, you fucked it all up.

I thought we were gonna

be your honored guests.

How are we supposed to be feel welcome

with you pointing guns at us and all?

- Ooh, Christ, Teddy!

This is quite a powerful firearm.

You know, you could've really

hurt one of us with this.

- [Craig] Ah, son of a bitch!

(groaning)

Fuck!

(upbeat chase music)

(birds chirping)

(deep breathing)

(glass shattering)

(mysterious music)

(dramatic music)

(Teddy breathing)

(dramatic music)

(Teddy breathing)

(dramatic music)

(Teddy breathing)

(dramatic music)

(Teddy breathing)

(dramatic music)

- Why, hello there.

(struggling)

Welcome back, Teddy.

I trust you dreamt well?

- What are you doing, what are you doing?

- What are you doing, what are you doing!

Ow, ow, ow, my pussy hurts!

- [Paul] You know, you've

really pissed us off, Teddy.

- Why are you here, and

why are you doing this?

- You know, you shouldn't

whine so much, Teddy,

it really isn't very becoming.

I'm sure you can

understand why we're angry,

you'd feel the same way

if you were in our shoes.

I mean, all we wanted was the respect

and consideration that

any guest would expect.

We only took what you offered

us, Teddy, nothing more.

(struggling)

You won't be escaping from this, Teddy.

That's a fact you should try to accept,

it'll be easier on you that way.

So, on top of threatening

us, insulting us,

and forcibly ejecting us from your home,

you refused us the opportunity to reclaim

the property that we

inadvertently left behind,

which equates to stealing, if I'm correct.

Wouldn't you agree, Teddy?

If you prevent a guest from

leaving with his belongings,

that's stealing, right?

So, you see, we've had to absorb quite

a bit of your insulting behavior.

I'm sure you can

sympathize with our anger.

You find them?

- No, he's hidden them somewhere.

I did find a safe

though, and I found this.

- Oh, my, is this what I think it is?

(woman moaning)

Well, this is certainly impressive, Teddy.

A most magnificent display

of technique and stamina.

Now I can understand why you would

want to capture your talents on tape.

I don't particularly like

big photograph myself, Teddy.

I don't think I'm what

they call photogenic.

That is the one thing

about you that impresses

me though, you enjoy your reflection.

I would guess that you

spend a considerable

amount of time looking at

yourself in the mirror.

I think you would love

to see yourself now.

This is a moment of

fleeting greatness for you,

Teddy, one you'd wanna look back on,

maybe even put up on your site.

- [Craig] What's the combo?

- What?

- The safe where you're hiding my glasses,

what's the combination?

- I don't know where your glasses are,

your fucking glasses,

I don't know what you're

fucking talking about.

- You're a thief, Teddy, a thief!

Thief, thief, thief!

Teddy is a thief, what's the combination?

(struggling)

- Listen, Teddy, why don't you just

tell him what he wants to know?

He only wants to get back

what is properly his,

I'm sure you can understand that.

- There's nothing in that

safe that belongs to you,

you're the ones that are trespassing,

you're both fucking psycho.

- Psycho, you callin' me psycho?

You ain't tasted the

psycho yet, boy, not yet!

But I'll show him to you if you want,

I'd be happy to, say it again,

please, call me psycho again!

(gasping for breath)

- Easy, easy.

Really, Teddy, when is

this all going to end?

You know, you have really

brought him to the brink.

I don't think we'll be able to stomach

much more of your insults and disrespect.

- You know what I think?

I think you wanna taste

the psycho, don't ya?

Don't ya, and it would serve you right!

I mean, look at this shit man,

look at what you did to my leg.

You know how long that's

gonna take to heal,

you fucking prick?

Now I have to put a

bandaid on my fucking skin.

And I really hate bandaids, man.

I hate them because

when you take them off,

the glue fucking plucks

the hairs out of your

skin one by one and that is probably the

worst fucking sensation in the world,

no, actually, I can't think of a sensation

that I hate more than taking

a bandaid off my skin,

and now I have to suffer

through that torture

because of your dumb ass.

It makes me so angry

when I think about it,

I could kill you right now, but I won't.

Because I keep my promises.

- What promise?

(groaning)

- Tell me, Teddy, did you ever use to

watch Faces of Death when you were a kid?

- [Teddy] What?

- Faces of Death,

it was a series, there was

Faces of Death part one,

Faces of Death part two, part three,

I think there was a part four.

And then they had The

Worst of Faces of Death.

- I never saw them.

Oh, that's unfortunate, Teddy,

see I think you might've liked them.

They kept them in the horror section

at the video store so you thought

that they were normal horror films,

but they were far from

normal horror films, Teddy.

- Good for them.

- It was very good, in fact, you see,

it was a sort of collection of footage

from people who just

happened to have their

cameras rolling when a person was killed.

Like we were discussing earlier?

Real versus false, I'm sure you remember.

Well, see Teddy, these

tapes were extremely real,

and that is what made them compelling.

Beautiful, actually.

I mean, there are some truly breathtaking

moments on these tapes, Teddy.

Everything from suicide jumpers making

these beautifully executed

dives into the concrete,

to Russian peasants getting

drawn and quartered.

Now, I don't know if you've

ever seen anyone get drawn

and quartered, but it is

a truly fascinating thing.

Actually, the one that

sticks with me the most,

is from Faces of Death part one, I think,

just a simple electric chair execution.

I can clearly remember the guy walking

to the room from his holding cell,

and I remember it because it wasn't

exactly what I expected.

He wasn't really frantic, or

crying, or anything like that.

He looked calm.

Like he was in of some obscure clarity.

See, I can't imagine being that calm

knowing that my own demise

was just minutes away,

but I guess you can't really know

unless you're in the moment.

- But it's like, when you

have that much time to think

about it, you can probably

calm yourself down, right?

- You may be right, I don't know.

I just remember that they put these pads

over his eyes and taped them down,

and they said that that was to keep the

current from making his eyes pop out,

and I thought that that

was really annoying

because if his eyes were gonna pop out,

I wanted to see it, you know what I mean?

I really wanted to see it,

I wanted to see if it was anything similar

to when it happens to

characters in cartoons.

- Oh, oh yeah!

Like when the coyote sees a really cute,

female coyote walking down the street,

but it's really a decoy with TNT inside,

and he catches her and tries to kiss her

but she explodes right in his face!

- Maybe something like that.

- [Craig] How much time we gonna give him?

- We have to give him exactly

two hours and 37 minutes.

It all goes down at

9:06 P.M., right Teddy?

- [Craig] 9:06 P.M...

(deep breathing)

- Please, please don't do this.

I'll give you the combination to the safe,

you can have anything you want,

please, please, please, I'll

tell you the combination,

it's, it's, it's...three

turns right to seven,

two turns left to 23,

one turn right to 42.

- What is it?

- It's, it's three turns right to seven,

two turns left to 23, and

one turn right to 42, please.

- [Craig] I'm gonna

have to go check it out.

(Teddy crying)

- Fuck man, why are you doing this?

I didn't do anything to you.

- Jesus Christ, Teddy, you

know I hate being lied to.

It is the deepest form of insult,

especially bold lies like

the one you just told.

- Why, I'm sorry...

- You remember, Teddy, you started this.

You, not us, everything

is cause and effect,

these are basic principles.

(timer ticking)

Looks like you have about 45 minutes

left on the planet, my friend.

Tell me, Teddy, would you happen to have

any predictions for me?

I mean, will you be sobbing frantically,

begging us to save you?

Or will you take the

path of the courageous,

accepting your end with determined

silence and acceptance?

See, my betting dollars are on the former.

I mean, no disrespect,

but you don't really

strike me as the brave

and courageous type.

Yes, Teddy, this is gonna be

a moment of extreme beauty,

I must say I am anxious to

see the finished product.

It will certainly be better than anything

that has come before it.

What do you think, Teddy?

Think we can get a Blue Orchid?

What'd you find?

- No glasses, that fuckhead

must've hidden them real good.

But I found these, these

are $10,000.00 bills,

I've never seen money this

big before in my entire life.

- My grandmother gave those

to my dad before he'd die,

they don't even make

those bills anymore but

they're still legal tender.

You can take those, you can have them.

- No duh, fuckhead, my new glasses

are going to be very expensive.

- So you can let me go, you know,

you don't even have to untie me,

you can just take out the wire,

and I won't call the police 'cause

I'll be tied up.

(laughing)

- It just, it boggles my mind, you know?

- [Teddy] What?

- How you could be

so infinitely selfish.

- What?

- I mean, you are so

desperate to save your life

you are willing to make

sacrifices of items

that don't even belong to you.

You've created quite a bleak

picture of yourself, Teddy.

What a vain, selfish waste, you know,

I think I'd be doing you and everyone else

around you a favor if I let you die.

What do you think, Teddy?

What, no opinions on the subject?

- You're a fucking hypocrite.

What gives you the right to judge me?

Some people would think that breaking

into someone's house, kidnapping them,

torturing them, burglarizing their shit

is some morally corrupt shit.

- Tell me a story, Teddy.

- [Teddy] What?

- Tell me a story, something compelling.

Something that will give

me an emotional reaction.

- I don't understand.

- Just a simple story, Teddy.

Something with a beginning,

a middle, and an end.

Please, this is important.

- [Teddy] I don't know

what you want from me.

- You can't do it, can you?

Okay, how about this, I'll tell one,

then you tell one, okay?

Good.

So, there is this selfish young man,

let's call him Eddy,

yeah, let's call him Eddy.

So, Eddy likes to victimize and objectify,

you see, it is a hobby of his,

something he takes immense

pride in, actually.

And along comes an aesthete,

capable of extracting

immense beauty from the victimization

and objectification of Eddy.

Now, unfortunately, Eddy doesn't really

appreciate this turning of the tables,

he's much more comfortable

with giving than receiving,

but in the end, Eddy's

preferences don't really matter,

because Eddy is going to die.

The end, okay, your turn.

Nothing, Teddy?

There are no narratives bubbling in that

ambitious brain of yours?

See, I'm not surprised.

I might have considered letting you go

if you had shown just a glimmer of your

creative potential, but hey,

some just aren't capable of creation.

You see, Teddy, I am one of the chosen.

As I told you earlier, I create moments

and experiences of beauty.

Like this little movie that

we're making as we speak.

I am an artist, you create nothing,

that is what makes me better than you.

That is what allows me to judge you,

find you guilty, and meet

out the proper punishment.

And I will.

(timer ticking)

Looks like you have about 25 minutes left.

You know, we should leave you alone.

It will be more poignant that way.

Come on, Craig, let us go.

- Hey, thanks for being such a great host.

(timer ticking)

(loud crash)

(timer ticking)

(yelling)

- You fuck, you fucker!

Fucker, help me, fucking help me!

(sobbing)

Fucking help me, fucking help me,

let me go, please!

(sobbing)

(timer ticking)

I will remember.

Caution, don't put live

wires in the fucking jacuzzi,

fuck you, fucking assholes, fuck you!

(timer ticking)

Fuck.

(timer ticking)

(timer ticking)

(groaning and struggling)

No, no, no, no!

(yelling and sobbing)

(loud electrocution)

- [Paul] Fucking power surge,

must've blown all the fuses.

God, I hope I got it.

Come on, come on.

Fuck, the tape is broke.

It's ruined, the whole thing is ruined!

- [Craig] Hey Paul, he's not dead man.

- [Paul] That's all my work,

that's all my beautiful work.

It's gone, it's all gone.

- [Craig] Fuse must've blown

before he was finished.

- [Paul] Yup, it was so perfect.

I had captured every emotion,

I had interacted with the victim.

I had, I had...

(Paul crying)

I had showed him break down.

- [Craig] I told you

to use your own camera!

- [Paul] Fuck you, man, what do you know.

What do you fucking know?

- [Craig] We should get out of here.

(Paul crying)

- [Paul] It was so creative, you know,

imagine dying at the precise time

of your birth on your 25th birthday,

I mean it was nothing short of genius.

Let's go.

- [Craig] What about him?

- [Paul] You know what, forget about him.

If he wakes up, it'll be the most

beautiful day he's ever fucking seen.

(upbeat music)