Horrid Henry: The Movie (2011) - full transcript

(chanting):
Down with the boys!

Girls rule! Girls are cool!
Down with the boys!

Girls rule! Girls are cool!
Down with the boys!

HENRY:
Singing Soraya.

Sour Susan.

- Guess who?
- Me!

And Moody Margaret,
my number one enemy.

Be honest, no, don't!

- You were going too fast.
- No, l wasn't.

- You were way too slow.
- l don't care!

What's wrong with you?



But l'm deputy head.
This isn't some kind of game.

This is a sophisticated club
and it's my club and l can do what l like.

l'm deputy head as l've already said.

Shouldn't be just like...

Aagh! Enemy attack!

Na-na-na, na na na!

Mission accomplished!

l hate you, Henry!

Henry!

Homework, now!

No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!

Oh, hi, l'm Henry, and this is my world.

- Firstom, mydad.
- Henry!

He says the same thing to me every day.



Get up those stairs right now
and do your homework

or there'll be no more television for a week.

- Heard it before.
- A month.

- Oh, come on!
- A year.

No way!

Then there's my wormy little brother, Peter,
and his annoying cello.

Hey, Peter. It's not bad...

for a smelly nappy baby.

And then Mum says:

Don't be horrid, Henry!

So then l got to my room and do my homework.

Only joking.

Why'd l want to do my homework?
l'm way too busy.

Wha-ha! Rocking out!

Some day l'm gonna be a rock star.

# Got no time for homework

# Too busy being me

# Singing Zero Zombies

# Eating beans for tea

# Down with wormy worms

# That's what l decree

# l'm the king around here

# The all-time majesty

# They say that l am horrid

# But little do they know

# l'm really, really horrid

# And that's the way it goes

# l'm a hero, l'm a pirate

# Touching close with cool

# A Tyrannosaurus Rex
coming straight at you

# Come on

# Wanna croon it, croon it, croon it

# l just wanna do it

# l just wanna croon it

# Too cool, too cool, for school

# No no no no no

# l'm nobody's fool

# Too cool for school

MUM:
Henry!

MUM:
Henry! Henry!

l said, get up.

l'm getting up, Mum.

(snoring)

Get up and get dressed!

l'm getting dressed, Mum.

Right. That's it.

You're going to make us all late.

l'm not gonna make us all late, Mum.

l've re-stocked the loo rolls,
cleaned my toothbrush holder,

dusted under the bath
and now l'm going to polish my shoes.

That's a good boy, Peter.

Henry?

Go away, worm!
(farts)

Aagh! Mum!

MUM:
And don't forget your homework!

Henry!

- (miaow)
- Shoo, Fluffy!

Ooh, there it is.

Oh, no!

DAD: Come on, Henry, get your coat on.
It's time for school!

(Fluffy growls)

Hi!

Hey, guys, wait for me!

ALL:
Peter!

Look, those are Peter's little miends.

They love school and l really, really hate school.

Anyway, here goes.

(farting sound)

Eugh!

That's Ralph.
Better known as Rude Ralph.

And that's Aerobic Al.

Brainy Brian.

And Bee_ Bert.

- l dunno.
ALL: l dunno!

With miends like these,
school's not all bad.

(children shouting)

Together, we are The Purple Hand Gang.

Brian, l need a note.
l haven't got my homework.

- So what's new, Henry?
- OK.

MISS BATTLE-AXE:
Quiet in the classroom.

Settle down. Order in the classroom.

- Margaret?
- Here, Miss.

Susan?

Yeah? Oh. Here, Miss Battle-Axe.

- Ralph?
- Here, Miss.

- Al?
- Here, Miss.

- Bert?
- Er...l dunno.

Brian?

Here, Miss.

William?

Oh, Weepy William.

(tearfully):
Here, Miss.

Linda?

Or Lazy Linda.

(laughter)

(sleepily):
Here, Miss.

Henry?

Horrid Henry.

Here, Miss.

Late mark.

Right, get out your homework.

Oh, please, Miss.

What is it, Henry?

l haven't got my homework, Miss.

Why am l not surprised, Henry?

Oh, l've got a note, Miss.

''Dear Miss B.

The cat ate Henry's homework again.

Bad cat.

Signed Henry's mum.''

Something tells me your mother
did not write this note, Henry.

What do you mean, Miss Battle-Axe?

And something tells me you did not write
this note, either, Henry.

How do you spell homework?

H-O-M-E...

Ooh, that's very good, Henry.

The next little bit might be a bit harder,
seeing as you've never done any.

How do you spell work?

W ...

..E...

R-K?

No, no, no, no.

W-O-R-K.

That is how you spell work.

And that's why l know
you did not write this note, Henry.

Because work is spelt correctly in this note

and l know you'd never be able
to spell it correctly.

- Ah.
- (knock on door)

Enter!

Boudicca, l just wanted to remind you
the school inspectors will be here again today

and we don't want any more...
unpleasantness.

Of course not, Miss Oddbod.

(sigh of relie_
Thank you, Boudicca.

Now...

where was l?

Oh, yes. Detention.

(class gasps)

Single detention
for failing to do your homework.

(gasps)

Double detention
for failing to bring in your homework.

And triple detention for getting somebody else
to write this note

on your behalf about your homework.

- But...
- Silence!

H-O-M-E

W-O-R-K.

Homework.

Now...is there anybody else
who failed to bring in their homework?

Good.

# It's not easy being me

# Wash your face and brush your hair

# Nag, nag, nag it's just not fair

# l'm Horrid Henry

# So tell me school

# Cannot rule

# When l'm king l'll do my thing

# And then my life would be so sweet

# l'm Horrid Henry

# Na na na

# Na na nay

# The Purple Hand Gang rules OK

# It's not easy being me

# l'm Horrid Henry

# Na na na, it's not fair

# Na na nay, l wasn't there

# Why do l get blamed for everything

# Cos l'm Horrid Henry?

# Na na na

# Na na nay

# The Purple Hand Gang rules OK

# It's not easy being me...

Two secs, guys, l'll let you in.

(hums to hersel_

(knock on door)

Yes?

The school inspectors are here to see you,
Miss Oddbod.

Thank you, Sidmouth.

OK.

Without practice, we won't be ready
for the talent contest.

- But we've no instruments.
- Who needs instruments?

(they imitate guitar riffs)

Come on, Henry, let's rock.

Go Zero Zombies!

ALL: Yeah!

Actually...no.

l haven't got any music.

Allow me...

..Lord High Majesty
ofthe Purple Hand Gang.

ALL: Yeah!

ALL: One, two, three, four.

(heavy rock music)

Here at Ashton Primary,
we have nothing to hide.

# Gonna be a big star

# See my name in lights

# Gonna play my guitar

(distant thumping music)

Erm...

# But my homework is waiting for me

# There's no escape and no TV

# Why does homework
always get you down, down, down?

# Gonna be a rock star

# We don't need to go to school

# Gonna be a rock star

- (distant thumping music)
- Absolutely nothing to hide.

(both chuckle)

# Just you wait and see

# Cos the boy on that stage will be me

(music increases in volume)

Yeah!

(music finishes)

(sings quietly to himsel_

Just what do you think you're doing?

(gasps)

Erm...

..practising for the talent contest,
Miss Oddbod.

l see.

And are you practising trying to get
this school closed down, too?

Erm...

And get down from there right now,
you...horrid boy.

(thud)

Miss Oddbod doesn't believe in rock stars.

But l know the Zero Zombies
can win the talent contest.

Oh! Missed, bogey brain!

Huh?

- Hey, Margaret. Check this out.
- Huh?

Please! That'll never hit me.

Ordinarily she'd be right.

But l have a plan.

lt's called Flick the Bogey.

Carefully worked out
with military precision,

and resulting in a devastating
airburst attack.

(screams)

Henry!

l'll get you, Henry!

Aagh!

- (thump and splash)
- Aagh! Mum!

MUM:
Homework, Henry.

lt's just not fair, Fang.

Homework should be climbing trees,
building forts and playing with mates.

This is my best mate. Fang.

He can climb steep walls.

He can walk on the ceiling
like Spiderhamster.

He can jump.

He can exercise.

He has bionic teeth.

And...he can sing!

(muffled singing)

When l'm king,
parents shall do all the homework.

# When l'm king, yeah, when l'm king

# The sun will come out
and the birds will sing

# When l'm king, yeah, when l'm king

# The sun will come out
and the birds will sing

# When l'm king, yeah, when l'm king

# l'll be able to do anything

# When l'm king

You're supposed to be doing
your homework, Henry.

Yeah, l am doing my homework, worm.

Rock star's homework.

- Mum!
- You don't have to tell on me!

- Yes, l do.
- Why?

Henry's not doing his homework!

MUM:
Henry!

Why do you have to be so perfect, Peter?

- (growls)
- Aagh!

Help!

Aaaaaaagh!

(thumping)

l am sick and tired...

Yes, Dad?

Ah, you're...doing your homework.

Yeah. l'm doing physics.

Right.

Good.

Bye, then.

Yeah. Physics has given me
some great ideas

for gooing Moody Margaret. Ha-ha.

OK, just a little bit tighter.
Easy, easy, easy, easy.

Come on, it's OK, it's OK.

OK. Oh, gosh. OK.

Erm...tie this tight.

Ha! Try that for size, slug features.

Yeah, slug features. (laughs)

Henry.

Yes, Miss Battle-Axe?

- Teachers first.
- Oh, of course, Miss Battle-Axe.

(gasps)

Allow me.

(all gasp)

(all laugh)

He-e-e-e-enry!

Oh, why is it always me?

We simply cannot allow
this sort of behaviour to continue.

The inspectors have made it very clear

that this school
is under serious threat of closure.

There's only one course of action.

But, Cynthia...

..l'm the backbone ofthe school.

- You cannot let this happen to me.
- She can and she will.

- Ooh.
- l'll handle this myself, thank you.

Boudicca...

..you and l have worked too long
and too hard to see this school closed.

The inspectors have commented on
a total lack of discipline...

There's no lack of discipline
in my classroom.

(shouting)

..out of control pupils...

My pupils are certainly not out of control.

(shouting)

..and a dismal homework record.

(whispers):
That horrid boy.

l was never able to teach him anything.

l've been told l have to make
an example of somebody.

So l'm afraid...

(shouting)

(sighs)

You can go home now.

What?

You what, Miss Battle-Axe?

You heard me, Margaret.
You can all go home early.

ALL:
Yes!

And following our exclusive report
exclusively reporting on declining...

- Hey, Mum.
- You're home early, boys.

Can l have one?

Miss Battle-Axe let us go early.

Awesome.

TV_. Ashton Primary School's
Iongest-serving teacher,

Miss Battle-Axe,

has been sacked.

Miss Battle-Axe...has been...sacked?

Ah, Miss Battle-Axe.
Can you give us a statement?

l'll be back, Henry, you horrid boy.

REPORTER: Mr Vic Van Wrinkle,
the headmaster of Brickhouse School,

Hey, Ralph, wait up!

the exclusive and very expensive school,
commented, saying,

''lt's a sad and sorry state of amairs

when a school cannot keep
its own pupils in order."

Well, looks like my little plan is working.

lt won't be long before the parents
of all those children

will be paying me lots of money
for them to come here.

Brickhouse School.

Because...there won't be
an Ashton Primary School

for them to go to any more.

Now...

..let's see ifwe can make this boy Henry
even more horrid, shall we?

Shall we? Come on. Do it!

Someone's here to see you,
Miss Oddbod. It's er...

..about Miss Battle-Axe's old job.

How strange. We haven't advertised it yet.

- Show them in, Sidmouth.
- Right.

l understand you have an opening
for a very fine teacher.

Which l am, Jimmy.

l'm sorry, what did you say your name was?

Erm...Beowulf.

Beowulf Battering-Ram. Ha-ha.

Oh, Boudicca.

You do know l can't offer you
your old job back.

Oh, please, Miss Oddbod!

Well...er...

..we'll keep your details on file and let you know.

Sidmouth?

Could you show this...gentleman out, please?

This way, sir.

Whoa!

l'll be back.

(growls)

Oh, dear.

Mow, then, boys and girls,

Miss Battle-Axe's class
will be joining us today,

so we'll have to squeeze in together, OK?

Bunch up a bit in the background.

Quickly, please.

Settle down, everybody, as quick as you can,
in your seats. Right.

Does anyone want to tell me anything
before we have our singsong?

Yes, Peter?

Yesterday, l put a red crayon
in the yellow crayon box, Miss Lovely.

Oh.

- And l took it out again, Miss Lovely.
- OK.

And l wiped it clean with a cloth, Miss Lovely.

And l put it in the red crayon box,
Miss Lovely.

Well, how lovely is that?

You really are my best boys.

_fMR__. Ugh. Peter and his miends
make me sick.

- Eugh!
- (chuckles)

Now, boys and girls,

today in class we're going to learn
all about France.

To start with, we're going to sing a song
called Fr?re Jacques.

Can anyone tell me
what Fr?re Jacques means?

ALL: Me!
- Got any sweets, Henry?

Er...yeah.

Henry, can you tell me
what Fr?re Jacques means?

Yeah, nose pickers!

(laughter)

All right. Settle down, everybody.

Thank you. That's lovely, Henry.

Now, then, shall we all sing together?

# Fr?re Jacques

# Fr?re Jacques

# Dormez-vous?

Got any more Fr?re Jacques in there,
dingbat dodo?

Hey, what you doing? That's mine.

l only want to look at it.

Give it back, Moody Margaret!

Ooh-ee stressy!

# Fr?re Jacques

Stop. Right, that's it. You asked for it!

(gasps)

Hey, that's not my gross goo.

(gurgling)

- (gasps)
ALL: Oooh!

(laughter)

Nice one, bogey brain.

- Yeah. Nice one, Henry.
- It wasn't me.

Oooh!

Move.

She's banned the Zero Zombies, Henry.

What? We've been taken offthe list?

Ha! Oh, Henry, not going to be
a pop star after all?

- Get used to it.
- Yeah, get used to it.

Hey, check it out. It's called
walking the magnetic moggy.

Yeah, magnetic moggy.

(tearfully): You're not in the talent
contest any more, Henry.

What you gonna do now, Henry?

- l dunno.
- Er...er...

Oh, get offthe table.

(miaow)

(door chime)

MUM:
Hello, Ruby.

Rich Aunt Ruby and stuck-up Steve.

My favourite cousin. Not.

Did someone say,
Polly put the kettle on?

(baby retches)

Prissy Polly and Vomiting Vera.
(baby retches)

Could life get any better?

- l'll put the kettle on, Polly.
- Mum...

- Henry.
- Yeah, what?

Tell Peter the tea's ready
and wash your hands.

Oh, come on.

(sighs)

l hear Ashton Primary School's
closing down.

Well, it does seem as though
they're losing a lot ofteachers.

Think about sending the boys
to Brickhouse.

But isn't Brickhouse very expensive?

Well, yes.
That's the whole point, really.

But they do produce the most clever boys.

# You're 2 cool 4 school

(bone crunching)

(squelching)

# Wanna win some money

# 2 cool 4 school
# Be nobody's fool

# 2 cool 4 school

# Then maybe, just maybe

# You're 2 cool 4 school

2 Cool 4 School!

This is one of my most
favourite TV shows ever.

l watch it every week
and nothing can stop me.

Mummy, Henry insists
on watching 2 Cool 4 School

and l want to watch Business For Boys.

l must have said please 52 million times
and he won't budge.

You see? Clever and charming.

(baby retches)

ln order to open
a building society account...

This is not fair.

This is my house. l should be allowed
to watch what l want on TV.

When l'm king,
l'll force stuck-up Steve...

l am not stuck-up, l'm posh.

..to watch every single episode
of 2 Cool 4 School

three billion times!

No-o-o-o-o-o!

There's a try-out day coming up
in Brickhouse.

Why don't you take a look?

We'll think about it, Ruby. l promise.

l'm not going to that
mouldy old Brickhouse.

Ha! Think they'd have a horrid boy like you?

Shut up! Do you know
how stuck-up you sound?

(baby retches)

POLLY:
Oh, sorry.

Not again.

lt doesn't matter. Don't be silly.

Ooh, l am starving.

Anything left for me?

Ah.

- O-o-oh.
- (gasps)

Ugh...

Er... Ooh.

Eugh-yuk.

What?

(phone rings)

Bed, Henry. Now.

Hello. Ashton 5-8-6.

Oh, how lovely to hear from you,
Great Aunt Greta.

Great Aunt Greta? She thinks l'm a girl.

Yes, yes. Henrietta is fine.

See?

Well, yes, it does seem as though
Ashton Primary School is in trouble.

Oh.

Oh. Right.

OK. Goodbye, then.

Bad news?

No. Rather good news, actually.

Great Aunt Greta
heard about Ashton Primary,

so she's booked Peter in
for the Brickhouse try-out day.

We can't afford to send the boys there.

She says she'll pay for him to go.

Oh. What about Henry?

Great Aunt Greta has something else in
mind for Henry to try out.

No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!

(snarls)

So spirited, just like in my day.

Go Giddiantus!

- They're all girls!
- That's right, dear. Lots of curls.

l found this in my attic.
It's yours now, Henrietta.

Just what l always wanted.

Om you go, Henrietta,
and show them what you're made of.

Agh!

Eugh! It's a boy!

Yuk. Shall we put it out of its misery?

(school bell rings)

Later, loser.

- Enter at your peril, boy.
- Yeah, watch out.

Stuck in a girls' school.

Could life get any worse?

(screeching tyres)

l said we would be late
and now we are late.

We're always late
and it's always your fault.

But, sweetness...

Don't you sweetness me.

Just give me my stuff.

Oh, sorry, my precious.

At least there won't be any smelly boys...

Oh, great! What's he doing...?

(distant car horn tune)

Well...bird brain.

l asked you a question.

Erm...my Great Aunt Greta
thinks l'm a girl.

That figures.

Just don't expect me to sit next to you,
toad breath.

(whispered voices)

- (door closes)
- (gasps)

Oh, my goodness.
They know there's a boy here.

What? What did you say?
l can't hear you.

l think they're after you.

Run away!

Huh?

Miss Battle-Axe?

Oh, Henry, you horrid boy.

Margaret?

Margaret?

Margaret?

Margaret?

ls this your idea of a joke?

Ssh.

Don't even think about laughing.

(gasps)

GIRL:
Why is there a boy?

(whispered voices):
Get the boy.

(whispering):
Get the boy!

(farts)

Quickly! Run!

(girls shout)

Yes, of course, school inspectors,
l've got all your money.

Must go now. Have to welcome
new pupils from Ashton Primary.

Welcome one, welcome all.

OK, here we are.
Right. Ready to go, then, Peter?

Yes, Dad. It looks...very big, though.

Don't worry.
You'll be OK once you get in there.

OK.

Miss Lovely!

Peter. What a lovely surprise.

What are you doing here, Miss Lovely?

l've come to see the headmaster.

- About getting a job here?
- Well, yes.

That would be oh, so lovely.

l'm having a try-out day today.

Well, how lovely is that?

Shall we, Peter?

Bye, then.

Welcome to Brickhouse School.

Here at Brickhouse, we pride ourselves on
tradition and accomplishment.

And we also encourage every child

to make a contribution
to the glory of our school.

Yah, we do.

(clicks fingers)

# TWENTY TWENTY:
Get Down

# Whoa ah oh

# l can't slow down,
slow down, slow down

# You're making my heart stop beating

# Please don't let me down

# Don't let me down

# So let's stop pretending

# And drop the small talk now

# Whoa ah oh

# Can we get down,
get down, get down

# And drop the small talk

# Whoa ah oh

# l can't slow down,
slow down, slow down

# You're making my heart stop beating

# Please don't let me down

# Don't let me down

# So let's stop pretending

# And drop the small talk now

Thank you.

Thank you.

Right. Peter.

Why don't you show us what you can do?

Come along.

Come along, don't be shy.

Good boy.

Sing something, Peter.

Something lovely.

# Fr?re Jacques

# Fr?re Jacques

# Dormez-vous

# Dormez-vous...

How dare you show up here?

# Sonnez les matines

# Ding dang dong

# Ding dang dong

Close the door!

Finished, Peter?

No, there's another verse.

(upbeat Country and Western)

# Fr?re Jacques

# Fr?re Jacques

# Mama's callin', Mama's callin'

# Come a-home to Nashville,
come a-home to Nashville

# Yee hi yay

# Yee hi yay

..Ashton closes down with the worst school
report ever - the rest of your money.

lt's perfectly simple. l've explained it
to you a hundred times.

A series of disasters occurs at the school.

The authorities give it such a low rating
Miss Oddbod will have to close it down.

- (gasps)
- (glass smashes)

Ah, Miss Lovely.

(heavy rock beat)

# Fr?re Jacques

# Fr?re Jacques

# Where are you?

# Where are you?

# Bedtime is for babies

# Bedtime is for babies

# Get up now

# Get up now

(operatic):
# Jack my brother, Jack my brother

# Do you sleep? Do you sleep?

# For it is the morning,
for it is the morning

# 'Tis my song, 'tis my song

# Oh, oh, oh

# (high note): Oh

(cheering)

Bravo!

Well, well, Peter, you seem to have
impressed us all.

ls it time to go now, Miss Lovely?

Miss Lovely and l will have a chat
while you tour the school.

Your Good As Gold book, Peter.

My Good As Gold book?

- Take care of it, Peter.
- l will, Miss Lovely.

BOTH:
Aaaaagh!

(clears throat)

l am never, ever going to that school,

even if my dad pays double
for them to have me. l mean...

Er...Henry.

You can let go of my hand now.

Eugh!

Things were getting really serious.

lt was time for an emergency meeting of
the Purple Hand Gang.

Why have we got to save the school?

What are we gonna do, Henry?

lf our school closes down,
we're all in trouble.

l thought you'd be happy
ifthe school closed.

Normally l would be. Very happy.

Exactly. Cos Ashton Primary's mega-horrible.

l dunno.

Miss Oddbod confiscates
everything in sight.

And Soggy Sid always makes you do
22 laps ofthe football pitch.

- Yeah, he does.
- When it's snowing.

You're missing the point.

The Demon Dinner lady
confiscates our snacks.

l know!

So why do you wanna save it, then, Henry?

Because...

..because...

..because...it's not Brickhouse

or Our Lady Giddiantus.

And that means, it's ours.

Yeah, it's ours.

lt may be all the things you said
and way more, too,

but it's our school and we can't let
anyone take that away from us.

He's right.

Remember our school motto?

Ad...

(whispers)

Ad solum esperanto.

ALL:
Ad solum esperanto!

So how are we gonna save the school, Henry?

Er... Oh, l dunno.

You are such a dingbat, Henry.

What's she doing here?

To help you come up with a plan
to save the school.

l thought we were supposed
to be coming up with a plan

to get back into the talent contest, Henry.

- (thunder rumbles)
- Yeah, we were.

Eureka! That's it!

- That's what, Henry?
- That's it! The talent contest.

You know what?
Here's what we're gonna do.

We'll get back into the talent contest,
we win it, and then we'll be famous!

(all cheer)

What? So famous that
they can't close the school down?

Well, it might just work.

(all cheer)

And no-one has to go
to that Brickhouse.

Or Our Lady Giddiantus.

So we just have to win
the talent contest?

That's right.

(tearfully): But you're not
in the talent contest, Henry.

You leave that bit to me,
Lord High Majesty ofthe Purple Hand Gang.

Yeah. Go Zero Zombies!

(imitate guitar riffs)

(chatter)

- All clear, Brian.
- Oh, good.

Good luck, Brian.

Thank you.

Brian's in.

Amazing.

ln we go. That's it. Show your tickets.

Sid?

- Oh, no.
- What's wrong?

lt's Soggy Sid!

What's he doing here?

He's here to make sure the Zero Zombies
don't get sneaked in.

l can't believe you peanut brains
didn't think ofthat.

What we gonna do now?

Do l have to think of everything?

l dunno.

- Hey!
- (crunching bite)

Oh, yeah, that's Vicious Vicky,
Sour Susan's sister.

- Sorry. Vicky does that sometimes.
- She bit me.

ln you go.

- Where are they?
- They're just coming.

lfthey don't win...

Ah, Margaret.

Nice to see you supporting local talent.

Yes, sir.

- Here to see Zero Zombies, are we?
- Never heard ofthem, sir.

Go on, in you go.

Miss Battle-Axe?

Oh, Henry, you horrid boy.

Ah, Giddiantus girls.
Looking forward to the show?

(girly voices): Yes, sir.
BEEFY BERT: l dunno.

- Oi!
- (whistle)

(shouting)

(blows whistle) Oi! Come back here!

Where are you?

(band plays)

# Like Robson wants Jerome

# l want you

# Yeah, l want you...

l...must...

Let me through! Aagh!

Over here.

(slams book down)

You're 6.2 seconds late.

Lucky it's only that, then.

l know you're down here. Right.

(panting)

Hello, sir.

Ah.

Hello, there, Brian.
What are you doing in here?

l'm waiting to go on stage, sir.

One ofthe Zero Zombies, are you?

Never heard ofthem, sir.

l'm here to do my...snake-charming act.

Oh...

Would you like to see my snake, sir?

Er...

No... No, thank you. l've just er...

..something to...

Actually...

..on second thoughts...maybe l will.

(door opens)

Oh, sorry. Sorry. Excuse me.

Here, l know you.

You're one ofthem Killer Boy Rats
unless l'm mistaken.

You're not mistaken.
To whom do l have the pleasure of speaking?

Er...Sidmouth Soggington,
at your service, sir. (squelch)

The pleasure's all mine.
l'm one of your biggest fans.

- It's just amazing.
- Really? Really.

Yeah. l was actually looking
for the washroom.

Of course. Allow me, sir.

This way, if you please.

l'll be back.

Wait for me!

Er...actually...er, yes, just up here.

l'm a bit of a singer myself.
l have a CD. Could l play it to you?

Guys, come out.

That was close.

l can't believe we were in the same room
as Ed Banger.

l know.

l can't believe Soggy Sid
is a fan ofthe Killer Boy Rats.

Almost enough to put me off for life.

Time to let the snakes out.

# Rock down

# Everybody rock the place

# Rock down

# Rock down

# Everybody rock the place

- He's seriously good.
- l know.

# Everybody rock the place

# Rock down

(cheering)

# Rock down

(cheering)

All right, girls, you're on next.

Er...hi.

ln your own time, girls.

Well, get on with it, bogey brain!

All right, all right.

One...two...three...four.

(guitar riff and drums intro)

# Gonna be a big star

# See my name in lights

# Gonna play my guitar

# Gonna play all night

# Gonna go to town

# My friends and me

# Driving in a big car

# Back in time for tea

# But my homework is waiting for me

# There's no escape and no TV

# Why does homework always get you
down, down, down?

# Gonna be a rock star

# We don't need to go to school

# Gonna be a rock star

# We'll be living by the swimming pool

# Gonna be a rock star...

Right, let's see what you've really got
in that box, eh, son?

Of course, sir.

lt's empty.

Oh, no! It's empty!
My snakes have escaped!

Did someone say snakes? l hate snakes!

- (screaming)
- Don't panic!

(mayhem)

# ..we'll be good to go

# Zero Zombies beat...

Zero Zombies?

# We're gonna jam all night

# We'll be getting on down

# To the morning light

# We'll be fooling around

# But with my homework
l'm stuck here again

# l should be on the stage,
gonna entertain

# Why does homework always get you
down, down, down?

Right, you lot. Omthe stage now!

# Never need to go to school

# Gonna be a rock star

# We won't be nobody's fool

# Gonna be a rock star

# Just you wait and see...

l've got Miss Lovely's notebook.

Look!

- Go, Vicious Vicky.
- Yeah, go, Vicious Vicky.

You are in big trouble!

- (crunching bite)
- Oh, no, get off me!

Help! No!

(crunching bite)

Oh, no! Mercy!

(growling)

(crunching bite)

# ..rock stars

We're gonna save the school!

# We're gonna be rock stars

# We will be nobody's fool

# Gonna be rock stars

# Just you wait and see

# The boy on the stage that can be me

(cheering)

Ha-ha!

(sobs)

You!

l hope you're pleased with yourself!

(agonised sobs)

Come in, Henry.

(sobs continue)

Yes, School Inspector.

l understand perfectly, thank you.

Miss Oddbod. We won!

So, Henry,
you won the Ashton talent contest.

- Yes, Miss Oddbod.
- And you disobeyed my orders,

running rings around Mr Soggington.

Y-Yes, Miss Oddbod.

Mr Soggington has now been removed
from the school with a very sore bottom.

- (giggles)
- Uh.

But none ofthat matters now, Henry.
Do you know why?

Yes, because we won the contest
and we'll be so famous,

the school won't close down.

No, Henry.

lt doesn't matter how famous you become,
this school will still close down.

But...l don't want the school
to get...closed down.

Well, you should have thought ofthat
before you began all this...

..all this horridness.

lt's too late now, Henry.
Just get out.

Yes, Miss Oddbod.

l never thought l'd say this but...

..l am gonna miss Ashton Primary.

(whispering)

''Purple Hand Gang Fort now.
Signed friends.''

Huh?

(purring)

What's going on, worm?
What's she doing here?

Dark forces are at work, Henry.

Peter has valuable information.

We've got to act fast, Henry.

There's no time to lose.

Anyone have a clue
what they're talking about?

When l was at Brickhouse
with Miss Lovely...

What? Miss Lovely was at Brickhouse?

Stay with it, beetle brain. It gets worse.

- She discovered something terrible.
- Terrible.

And what was that terrible thing, Peter?

They didn't polish their marbles
or tidy up their tea cosies?

l don't wanna know.
l'm going back to my nice warm bed.

Wait. Listen. Miss Lovely discovered
that Vic Van Wrinkle...

The evil headmaster of Brickhouse.

..is paying the school inspectors
Iots of money

to make sure Ashton Primary
gets closed down.

Why would they do that?

So everyone will have to pay him lots of money
for their kids to go to Brickhouse instead.

Do l have to join up all the dots round here?

How do you know all this?

Miss Lovely wrote it down
in her notebook. Look.

Maybe we should tell a grown-up
about this.

No. Miss Lovely said we shouldn't. Listen.

l have to get real evidence.
Tell no-one, till l've found out more.

What are we gonna do?

l'll tell you what you're going to do, Henry.

- Have a biscuit.
- What?

You're so weird.

- Just open the tin, you mutant mango!
- All right, all right.

lt's for you, Henry.

Yeah, l can see that.
It's already been opened.

Course it has.
Otherwise how would l know what it says?

''The Terrible Teacher challenges you,
Horrid Henry,

to prove that you are 2 Cool 4 School.''

2 Cool 4 School?
But l didn't ask to be on 2 Cool 4 School.

Well, you're going to be on
2 Cool 4 School tomorrow.

- Tomorrow?
- And you'll win the big cash prize.

The big cash prize?

ls there an echo in here?
You're going to win the big cash prize,

so you can give all the money
to Miss Oddbod,

so she can give all the money
to the school inspectors,

so they can say, thank you,
and then they can go away - far, far away.

But why would l do that?

So Ashton Primary
doesn't have to get closed down.

Come on, Henry, keep up.

Can't we get the money
from somewhere else?

- It's impossible to win 2 Cool 4 School.
- Henry.

We're from Ashton Primary School.

We don't know the meaning
ofthe word...impossible.

Thanks, worm.
And what will you two be doing

while l'm offwinning 2 Cool 4 School?

l'm going to Brickhouse
to make sure Miss Lovely's all right.

Oh, yeah. Miss Lovely.
Almost forgot about her.

Well, don't almost forget to win
2 Cool 4 School tomorrow, will you?

(chanting):
2 Cool 4 School...

No-o-o-o-o-o-o!

# 2 Cool 4 School theme music

DIRECTOR:
Starting with camera one.

# Oh, win some money

# 2 Cool 4 School

# You're nobody's fool

# 2 Cool 4 School

# And maybe, just maybe

# You're 2 Cool 4 School

# Wanna win some money

# 2 Cool 4 School

# You're nobody's fool

# 2 Cool 4 School

# Maybe, just maybe

# You're 2 Cool 4 School

(cheering)

BOTH:
Welcome to...

ALL:
2 Cool 4 School!

lf you're 2 Cool 4 School...

You're...

ALL:
Nobody's fool!

(cheering)

Now, please put your hands together...

..for today's specially invited guest!

l-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-it's...

- ..Henry!
- (cheering)

(dramatic music)

Tell me, how cool is...Henry?

Oh, he's cool.

2 Cool 4 School.

(thumping footsteps)

Margaret, think Henry's
gonna make it through?

Ah.

He'd better, otherwise he's going to be
mashed up into tiny little pieces

and fed to my piranha fish, OK?

(gulps)

Yes, brave words, there,
from Henry's friends. And enemies.

But he's gonna do it on his own now.

How horrid do you think it's gonna be tonight,
Henry?

Very horrid.

Can l go home now, please?

BOTH:
Aw!

How sweet. He wants to go home.

(laughter)

Well, you can't!

Not until he proves he's...

ALL:
2 Cool 4 School!

(cheering)

Ooh, look at that. Our Henry on TV.

- Who'd have thought it?
- (baby retches)

l still don't understand how this is
going to save the school.

Ssh!

Don't worry, Mummy dearest.
No-one ever wins on 2 Cool 4 School.

Henry, any idea who this week's
Terrible Teacher might be?

- (sniffs)
- Ooh.

Well, we can give you a clue.

lt's someone who knows you very well.

(deep voice):
Who knows your stre-e-e-engths.

(timid voice):
And weaknesses.

MISS BATTLE-AXE:
Henry has always had three problems.

Homework, homework and homework.

- That sounds like...
- Your mission today...

..is to get your homework...

..in on time.

- (audience gasps)
- Homework...

..in...on time?

- (school bell rings)
- Right, Henry, let's play...

ALL:
2 Cool 4 School!

Hey...

This way, kid.

(muffled grunts)

DIRECTOR:
OK, guys, you're on in 3, 2, 1 .

Ooh!

Huh! Yeuh!

(squelching)

Ahhhh!

Time for you to do your homework, Henry.

lf you used the excuse,
the cat ate your homework,

3,999 times in a week...

..how many times
did you use the excuse

that you lost it
down the back ofthe sofa? Hm?

Erm...but...

that question doesn't make any sense.

Precisely. (laughs wheezily)

(laughter)

We still need an answer, Henry.

Too many?

BOTH:
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

lt's the right answer!

(cheering)

(gurgling and bubbling)

- (burp)
- Go get your homework, Henry.

(laughter)

(muffled) l think l can see it!

l got it!

(toots)

Next question, Henry.

Which one ofthese
is not a nutritious snack?

A bowl ofworms.

AUDIENCE:
Eugh!

A bowl of spiders.

(screams from audience)

Or an Ashton Primary...

hot...school...dinner?

Stew...

..stew...

..stew...

..stew...

..stew...

..stew...

..stew...

..stew...

..stew...

..stew...

..stew...

..stew...

..stew...

..stew...

..stew.

(all retch)

Vegetable stew.

AUDIENCE:
Eugh!

(all retch)

You've got 30 seconds to get through
the steaming stew pot, Henry.

Starting now!

Come on, Henry, you can do it.

Henry can eat a vegetable,
can't he, Vera-wera?

- (baby retches)
- Henry's never eaten a vegetable.

(bubbling)

(all retch)

(baby retches)

(splat)

l can't do this.

(panting)

25 seconds, Henry.

(bubbling)

(panting)

(groans)

20 seconds, Henry!

AUDIENCE:
Eugh!

Oh, that looks disgusting, Henry.

F-fif-fifteen seconds, Henry.

(sniffs)

l could eat three bowlfuls, Henry.

Ten seconds, Henry!

Ooh!

Aagh!

(slurping)

Fang!

Five seconds, Henry.

Four...three...

You'd better hop out.

Aaagh!

(cheering)

How did he do that?

He did it. Henry did it.

He actually ate...a vegetable.

- Go, Henry!
- (baby retches)

Right, Henry. Complete this phrase.

- Now you see it...
- Now you don't.

BOTH:
Is the right answer!

Which means it's time for...

..the Bog...of...

..Do-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-om!

- Agh!
- Agh!

(cackles)

And remember, Henry, there's
only one way out ofthe Bog of Doom!

Bye, Henry. Goodbye.

Goodbye, Henry. (cackles)

(door slams shut)

(bubbling)

Oh, it stinks! Yuk!

Huh?

''Pull to exit.''

(owl hoots)

(dog barks in distance)

- (gasps)
- There's Miss Lovely.

(strains)

(audience gasps)

(strains)

(audience gasps)

Yes!

Whoa!

(audience gasps)

(bicycle bell rings)

- Huh?
- (bell rings)

(chuckles)

Whoa!

(manic laughter)

(audience boos)

(laughs)

(owl hoots)

(owl hoots)

Hello, Peter. Come on in, boys.
We've been waiting for you.

(laughs)

Whoa!

(audience gasps)

(quietly): Come on, Henry.

(string snaps)

(audience groans)

(cheers)

Oh, nice one, Henry.

Yeah, nice one, Henry.

Yeah.

Told you no-one ever wins on this show.

Loser-r-r-r-r!

Whoa-ho-ah!

What are you gonna do now, Henry?

Henry!

Try walking the magnetic moggy!

Yes!

Aagh!

(cheering)

(chuckles)

What does that horrid boy think he's doing?

That horrid boy is my big brother.

And he's saving the school,
if you really want to know.

ls he now?
How exactly is he going to do that?

- Boy at the end?
- He'll win the cash prize.

- Next.
- So he can give it to Miss Oddbod.

So she can pay the school inspectors
not to close our school.

Oh.

Hmm. What clever children you all are.

But not nearly clever enough.

Even ifthat horrid boy does win
the cash prize, it will be too late.

What do you mean, Mr Van Wrinkle?

What l mean, my lovely Miss Lovely,

is that even as we speak,
Miss Oddbod is signing the papers

that will close Ashton Primary forever.

- (all gasp)
- Oh, yes.

(laughs)

Forever. Forever. Forever.

(laughter on TV)

Would you kindly
turn that racket down?

Yes, Miss Oddbod.

(both chuckle)

So, Henry...

..one last homework question

and you could be on your way
to meet the Terrible Teacher

and win the big cash pri_e!

(cheering on TV)

Where does Miss Oddbod keep the key
to the Con_scation Cupboard?

Oh, how l wish l could call Miss Oddbod
to tell her that you're all OK.

Quiet! Can't you see
l'm trying to concentrate?

The goldfish bowl.

(both gasp)

Oh-h-h-h-h-h!

(imitates pump)

BOTH:
Is the right answer!

(cheering)

Go on, Henry. Open it.

Yes, Henry, this is the Terrible Teacher's
Confiscation Cupboard.

See anything you like?

Yeah. l like all of it.

Cor, a Super Slimy Slammer.

Oh, and the mightiest, Mighty Magnet!

All ofthis...could be yours.

lt could?

All of it.

But only if you give up the chance
to go to the Terrible Teacher's Omice.

OK.

Hang on.

What about the big cash prize?

Oh. Oh, yes.

You also have to give up the chance
to win the big cash prize.

Come on, boy.

Let greed get the better of you.

Have to hurry you, Henry.

Don't do it, Henry.

l'll give you all the pocket money
in the world if you don't do it.

l can't believe you just said that.

No, l can't do it.

(smattering of applause)

Are you sure, Henry? Hmm?

Yeah. l'm sure.

(distant cheering)

That boy is stupid as well as horrid.

(laughs nervously)

BOTH:
Oh.

Congratulations, Henry.

The big cash prize is within your reach.

And now...

it's time for you to meet...

BOTH:
Terrible Teacher.

Hello?

(creaking)

(door closes)

Mr...er... Vic?

Would you mind running through
your fiendishly clever plan for us again?

With pleasure.

lt's all about greed at the end ofthe day.

The school inspectors are greedy
but l, Vic Van Wrinkle,

am even more greedy.

OFcourse it was my brilliant idea
to set up Brickhouse School

and then to close down
all the other schools round here

so that everyone would pay me
Iots and lots of money to come here.

(chuckles)

HENRY ON TV:
Hello?

Hello?

Oh, dear, l seem to have run out of ink.

Would you get me some more?

HENRY:
Hello?

You'll find it in the cupboard
across the hall.

Thank you.

(ringing tone)

Hello, Police?
This is Ashton Primary School...

Hello?

Hello?

Miss Battle-Axe, is that you?

Yes, it is, Henry.

You're the Terrible Teacher?

You invited me on 2 Cool 4 School?

Yes, indeed.
And it's time you were taught a lesson.

Yes, Miss Battle-Axe.

(clasps click)

Oh...

Not so fast, Henry.

Now, where's your homework?

Oh...

Here, Miss Battle-Axe.

Well...

..it seems you have done
your homework, Henry.

Wait.

There seems to be a subject missing.

What's that, Miss Battle-Axe?

Spelling.

Spelling?

Yes, Henry.

Just one word.

- ''Homework.''
- Homework?

Yes. How do you spell ''homework'', Henry?

Erm...

Come on, Henry.

H...O...

(quietly): Come on, Henry.

(quietly): l dunno.

..erm...

l am waiting.

..M...E...

All those spelling tests.

All those weeks, months, years,
trying to teach you something.

All that work, Henry.

Now how do you spell work?

W...E...

..er...W...

..E..

W...O...

..O...

Oh, Henry.

Huh?

Oh, Henry.

Oh.

Oh, Henry.

Oh.

W-O-R-K.

Homework.

H-O-M-E...

..W-O-R-K.

That's how you spell homework,
Miss Battle-Axe.

Oh...well done, Henry!

l knew you could do it!

(wild cheering)

He did it!

(squeals) He won!

Yes!

Well, well.

Not so horrid after all.

(sirens blare)

Looks like we've got company.

Sorry l can't stay to say hello.

Missing you already.

Aagh!

(screeching tyres)

(chuckles)

Oh, dear. Whatever happened?

l tied his shoelaces together, Miss Lovely.

You horrid boy!

(laughter)

(cheering)

Yes, yes, yes.

Oh, for goodness sake!

Congratulations, Henry.

You're only the second contestant ever
to win 2 Cool 4 School.

Second?

l thought no-one had ever won
2 Cool 4 School?

Well, somebody did, a long, long time ago.

lt was you. You won 2 Cool 4 School
a long, long time ago?

Oh, wow.

Come on, no time for a lovefest.
We've got a school to save.

Miss Battle-Axe.

No, no, wait. Come back!

Oh, no, don't worry.
She's with me. Unfortunately.

Hold up, snot face.
l won that money, after all.

Yeah, l bet we'll never hear the end of it.

''Look at me, l can spell homework.'' Big deal.

Henry! You did it, Henry!

You won 2 Cool 4 School!

Don't get too excited, worm.

Oh, shush.

(police radios)

Call yourselves school inspectors?

The only thing you'll be inspecting
is a prison cell!

Oh, children.

Does that mean Ashton Primary
is not gonna get closed down?

No. Happily for all of us, l think, it's not.

Thanks to our lovely Miss Lovely.
And your brave little brother, Peter.

- Yeah. Super worm.
- (sighs)

Might l ask why you two are here?

- Oh...
- Well...

They came to bring you this,
Miss Oddbod.

lt's the money Henry won on 2 Cool 4 School.

We thought you could bribe
the school inspectors to go away.

Did you now?
What a very kind and clever thought.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

But l don't need this money now
so l'm going to give it back to you.

lt's really yours.

She gave it to me.

Run along.

l'll see you bright and early on Monday morning
for another happy day at Ashton Primary.

- Bye, Miss Oddbod.
- Bye.

- Thank you, Miss Oddbod.
- See you on Monday.

Hey, not so fast, slug snot.

What we gonna do with that money?

We, my beetle-brained friend,
will have the party of a lifetime.

Sounds cool. Deal.

Turtle toad.

Biscuit bonce.

Slime bucket.

Cockroach fart.

- Henry?
BOTH: Silence, worm!

Grrrrrr! You horrid children.

(siren)

# BAD MANNERS:
Special Brew

# l love you, yes, l do,

# Cos l know that you love me too

# l love you, yes l do,

# Gonna spend all my money on you

# Every day when l say

# That l'm not gonna take any more...

..shoelaces together,
then he fell out the window.

- That's funny.
- What?

Have you seen Henry?

Come on, Henry,
you're missing your own party.

Yeah, l'm just finishing my homework.

BOTH:
Homework?

Yeah.

Horrid homework.

# KIMBERLEY WALSH:
Everybody Dance

# Everybody dance

# Clap your hands, clap your hands

# Everybody dance

# Clap your hands, clap your hands

# Music never lets you down

# Puts a smile on your face
any time, any place

# Dancing helps relieve the pain

# Soothes your mind,
makes you happy again

# Listen to those dancing feet

# Close your eyes and let go

# But it don't mean a thing
if it ain't got that swing

# Everybody dance

# Clap your hands, clap your hands

# Everybody dance

# Clap your hands, clap your hands

# Everybody dance

# Clap your hands, clap your hands

# Everybody dance

# Clap your hands, clap your hands

# Everybody dance

# Clap your hands, clap your hands

# Everybody dance

# Clap your hands, clap your hands

# Everybody dance

# Clap your hands, clap your hands

# Everybody dance

# Clap your hands, clap your hands

# Everybody dance

# Clap your hands, clap your hands

(record scratches)

(drum roll)

(rock beat)

lntroducing the one and only...

..Horrid Henry!

# Got no time for homework

# Too busy being me

# Singing Zero Zombies

# Eating beans for tea

# Down with wormy worms

# That's what l decree

# l'm the king around here

# The all-time Majesty

# They say that l am horrid

# But little do they know

# l'm really, really horrid

# And that's the way it goes

# l'm a hero, l'm a pirate

# Touching close with cool

# A Tyrannosaurus Rex

# Coming straight at you
Come on!

# Wanna croon it, croon it, croon it

# l just wanna do it,
l just wanna croon it

# Too cool, too cool for school

# l'm the one and only

# The original

# Too cool, too cool for school

# A total living legend

# The king ofthem all

# Mum and Dad are always nagging

# Always tell me what to do

# ''Don't be horrid'' is what they say

# ''Get up and go to school''

# The best boys are so perfect

# In every single way

# Moody Margaret's
such a beetle bonce

# She bugs me every day

# Not fair, not to me

# There is no equal

# You'll go a long way
if you wanna find a sequel

# Don't wanna go to sleep

# l wanna play all day

# Move it, groove it, goo it

# That's what l say

# Wanna croon it, croon it, croon it

# l just wanna do it,
l just wanna croon it.

# Too cool, too cool for school

# l'm the one and only

# The original

# Too cool, too cool for school

# A total living legend

# The king ofthem all

# Too cool, too cool for school

# l'm the one and only

# The original

# Too cool, too cool for school

# Na na na na na

# l'm nobody's fool

# When l'm tucked up in my bed

# And l'm dreaming in my head

# Nobody can stop me

# It's like l'm really free

# Free from girly girls

# Free from boys with curls

# Free from bogey teachers

# Who only wanna preach ya

# Too cool, too cool for school

# l hate homework!

# Too cool, too cool for school

Aaaaaaaagh!

# Too cool, too cool for school

# l'm the one and only

# The original

# Too cool, too cool for school

# A total living legend

# The king ofthem all

# Too cool, too cool for school

# l'm the one and only

# The original

# Too cool, too cool for school

# Na na na na na

# l'm nobody's fool

# Na na na-na na

Come on.

# Too cool for school

(rock beat)

# The clock ticks, l'm feeling sick

# End of another day

# Smells like poo covered in goo

# Nothing worse than school

# There'll be sob scenes

# Now we're on our way

# Nothing you can say
will make us wanna stay

# But when l get home

# All Mum does is moan

# Cos it's a horrid homework day

# It's not fair, it's just not fair

# Those horrid homework days

# It's not fair, it's just not fair

# l'm in a horrid homework haze

# l'm in a horrid homework haze

# What l really wanna do

# Is cover Peter all in goo

# Battle pirates with my friends,
play gross games right to the end

# Fly a spaceship out of sight

# Eat crisps and chocolate through the night

# Crawl through a jungle, bounce on my bed

# Climb a tree, stand on my head

# Everyone knows it's just not fair

# But no-one seems to really care

# Battle-Axe, Oddbod, Soggy Sid

# What do they know about being a kid?

# It's not fair, it's just not fair

# Those horrid homework days

# It's not fair, it's just not fair

# l'm in a horrid homework haze

# It's not fair, it's just not fair

# Those horrid homework days

# It's not fair, it's just not fair

# l'm in a horrid homework haze

# It's not fair, it's just not fair

# Those horrid homework days

# It's not fair, it's just not fair

# l'm in a horrid homework haze

# l'm in a horrid homework haze