Hooves of Fire (1999) - full transcript

Robbie the reindeer is determined to win a place pulling Santa's sled. Unfortunately, he's got two problems facing him. One, he's sadly out of shape; two, he doesn't realize his pal Blitzen is cheating! Confused by the temptations of sexy lady reindeer Vixen, and completely unaware of bubble-headed Donner's love for him, Robbie faces the race of his life.

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Our Story begins in the north, north of the Northlands

of coldest North-est lands, even north-er of than that

There, Coldchester, the town at the North Pole

You can probably tell, it's August

At the North Pole, August is when the bus comes

There you go

Thanks a bunch

Yeahhhhhhhh, wheeeeeeheeeeeee

OH OH!!!




What is that?

It's a, um, it's a thing

It must be the last of some rare and endangered species


Let's kill it


Hello, call me Robbie, cuz, I am

Of course, we've been expecting you

I am Blitzen, any problems

Come and see me, if you don't have any problems

See me anyway, and we'll celebrate your lack of problems, heh

Ah, and this is, ah, Prancer

Wayyyyyy, Robbieeeeee

This is Vixen

Charmed, I'm sure

This is the... rest

- Ello
- Welcome aboard eh
- Hello Rob, how you doin?

Hello, Robbie

And together we are...

The sleigh team!!!

Dump de la lum, oh sorry

So, come to, join the team like your old dad did

Yeah, the boss wanted a navigator

I can find my way anywhere with this nose, it's great


Let's see it in action

Okay, Robbie

Where is... Paris?


- Ohhhhhh
- Right

Those posh yogurts I bought just for me?

- Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
- HEY!!!

I knew it, this is going to be a huge laugh

Oh, one thing

I know what we'll be doing for one day of the year

But what do we do the other 364 days? Huh?

Well, we

Sort of like that


I was expecting it to be more, sort of...

Maybe a bit of...

Sorry, Robbie, but it's definitely


When's the next bus out?



Training it is then

So pulling the sleigh Donner...

Is it a laugh?

I don't pull the sleigh, I'm support crew

There's reindeer to do physio...

A reindeer to cook, a reindeer to wash up...

And all of those reindeer are me

Robbie, if you're not into exercise

What on Earth are you doing here?

My dad sent me really, character building, huh

Apparently, I'm easily distracted

But I really, BOW WOW WOW

- She is nice, isn't she?
- Mmmmmm

- Vixen
- Vixen

This is your room, bit small, but so are you


- Coming soon The Reindeer Games
- Left a bit

- Left a bit more
- Sponsored by

- Now move that left antler out a bit

The official snack food of The Reindeer Games

Hold it there

I was watching that

Vixen, Prancer

We've got a new reindeer in the ranks today,
and he might find it hard to settle in

So, as senior reindeer, I'd like you to help me

Me make it hell for him

Let's crush 'em

Trample 'em to dust then, then throw the remains of the dust to the the wolves

Then blow up the wolves!

- You don't like him do you?
- Not especially, no

Ahhhh, this is about his dad, isn't it?

I've been captain of the sleigh team for years

But Robbie's dad, he's still a famous one

The children sing a song about me? Noooo!!!

Am I on the Magazine's? Noooo!!!

Do I endorse carpet cleaner? NO!

No, no, just just because, he saved the day for the boss one time

And now he sent his son

Ooooo, whoooo, I'm Robbie

I've got a magic nose, I can find my way hey

At least Robbie's dad got out of this frozen hole

He was a smart reindeer that Ruuuu

No, no, no, no
I will not have that name said in my presence

Are you talking about Ruddd

A German name wasn't it? Um, Rudmph

It was a catchy song wasn't it? A one, a two, a Ruhhhhh

Well, if I can't get him, I'll get his son

I will not sleep until I have destroyed Robbie


Think eviller...

- Enjoying the training Robbie?
- I don't really have to do this, do I?

I mean, I'm just a navigator...

I don't need to be fit

Can't we just have the day off and slob around

And eat toast in our pants pants?

Oooo, what's this fer?

Ah, that's better

- Robbie
- Look, I found the downhill setting


Robbie, even if you're the navigator, you still have to be fit

If you don't get fit, then... ♪


Got it


Why don't you just, carry on as you are?

Have a paper, have a pipe...

Have a cheeseburger and large fries

Cheers Blitzen, you're a pal

Keep coasting...


Oooo, I don't know about this fitness life Donner

I've been here a month and I've decided strength isn't really my strength

- Can you just loosen my neck a little?
- Sure

Dumpy da da da da da

Do do do do do do do


I just can't concentrate on the exercise

I met a very special reindeer

And, ah, I can't stop thinking about her

Robbie, I didn't know you felt that way too

Because, well, no one, usually notices me

- and ah
- she so beautiful and she's so graceful

And she's called...



Yeah, yeah, wonderful Vixen

Isn't She Lovely?

Yeah, can't seem to talk to her though

You see? I have this thing where
I can't talk to girls if I love them

You can talk to me though

Of course I can, we're mates...


Donner, eh, Donner? Donner???

I'll open it


You are all invited to a soy, soy, soyre, soyrechez

- It's all in French
- Party at Beardy's house

- Hooray
- Hooray, great

Weirdy beardy throws wild parties and
everyone who matters will be

Oh, will they

Of course, I'm going


They coming

- I know
- Just choose an outfit

What about this, it's modern

I still like the old red coat

I can't wear that to a party

Everyone seen it

Ho ho, ho ho, oh you must be Robbie


Ho Ho Ho, found you eh, alright?

No problem

Look at you I bet your trainer dead add eh?

- Well
- Just like your dad always did

Oh, yes

Ha, ha ha, your a good deer

Just like your dad

Hey hey hey, not that your in your dad's shadow

I won't keep banging on about your dad you know

He's terrific your dad

Hey hey, you know, what's your dad's like?

- He said to me, he said, shu...
- Put the barbeque on love

Ho ho


Whoa ho, nearly

rah, dap, oh oh




Oh, no


Yow man!!!

Well, this is a room with some animals in it

Ooooo, ooooo, look Donner, look


Vixen's coming

I was sent a bunch of flowers today, Robbie

And I knew they were from you


Do you know how? Because they were cheap

But it was all the money I had

Thank you Seal, is this a bit more me?

- Yeah
- Yeah

Now, now, I brought yer all here because
I've got something very exciting to show ya

May I present the future of present delivery,
Sleigh... Mark... Two

I made the modifications me self

For long journeys, a stereo

Hmmmm, and using the latest technology, an intelligence ashtray

Don't smoke you idiot

And there's one more thing which was Blitzen's idea

Eh, so, thank you Blitzen,
An automatic sleigh navigation system

Oh, suppose, that's me out of the team then

Ah, not necessarily Robbie

Blitzen came up with a very fair way
of deciding who we should leave behind

It'll be the reindeer, who is most unfit

Well, Dad, I blew it

I could have got fit but I was cocky and I was lazy

Sorry, Dad

- I'll never be another Ru...
- Hush child, no need to say such sad things

So, come on give Blitz in a smile

Do you know what I think?

No but...

I think the boss is going to take you on the
sleigh anyway, because he liked your dad


He'll kick off some other reindeer who's trained for it all year

Oh dear

But that doesn't matter,
and the sleigh will be slow and late

But no one will blame you

They'll blame your dad, for having you

Oh, dear

And of course, there will be little children

Who will wake up on Christmas morn
and open their stockings

- With bright eyes, and discover inside... nothing
- But but

But their Mommy's will say,
never mind at least Robbie had a huge laughs

Thanks Blitzen

You've opened my eyes

Robbie, nooooo

I'm going outside

I may be some time

Don't Go... Robbie

It's a cold night Blitzen

If only someone would Stoke, my fire

Well... it would be rude not to

Christmas has arrived already

Only 5,000 miles to home

Have to, raise, spirits, try, whistling


- Oh, ello
- Hey

- Dinner
- Yes, result

I like crispy bits, do it till it's crispy

Hope there's leftovers

- We can make a curry
- With mango chutney?

- Oweeee, lovely
- Oweeee



- Ah, he's alive
- Aaaaaa

- Can we eat him anyway?
- No, off you go

No, don't send me out there again

Can I stay for a bit, please?

- Oi, antlers, get back...
- Come back

I could just hang with you elves

Hey, I'll help you make toys

I'm a very good worker

I really am, really, very good


Sort of

And some for you

And some for you too because your worth it

Oh, missed one

Hey, hey, hang on


I'm in control of the situation

Oh Oh

I love you

I love you

- Ahhhhhhhh!!!
- Ehhhhhhhh!!!

Sorry, but you prodded me in the AHHHHHHHH!!!

Robbie, I don't think your production line material

You're demoted to sweeping up


Robbie... what happened?

I started sweeping, but then I found these bits toys

I thought, I know, I'll invent new toys

- Look, Sebastian Muscle Whale
- Do whales have arms?

Sebastian's got three

He needs them to fight his archenemy

Octo Monkey,
♪ bump ba da da dump da da dumb ♪

Gaarrrrrr, I'll get you, Sebastian

- Sorry, Robbie I have to demote you again lad
- Oh?

What could possibly be worse than sweeping up?

These are the multi gens you wanted Miss Donner,
sign here, please

There's something familiar about that forklift truck

Ehhhh, hello, Donner

I was a rubbish deer

I'm even a rubbish elf

I'm worse than rubbish

If you threw me on a Rubbish Tip,
the other rubbish would say

Ho, there goes the neighborhood, huh?

You're not finished yet Robbie

I know a way you can get back on the sleigh team

- How?
- Just before Christmas

There's a big sports tournament for reindeer

"The Reindeer Games"

Sponsored by, HAY, the official snack food of The Reindeer Games

If you go all out to win a medal,
you can get your place back

The Reindeer Games

Oh, no, no

Oh no, I'm exhausted just thinking about it

Robbie, you can do this

It'll be tough

- Yeah
- But I'll help you

Yeah, I don't need to be a failure all my life

I'll actually make a go of it, for me,
for my dad, and most of all for


- Beautiful Vixen
- She's so lovely

She's got these eyes, and the lips, oooo and antler

Vixen Vixen Vixen

You can't train with the other reindeer

Blitzen will do anything to stop you winning

Oh, come on, he's my best friend,
the noblest deer in the world

Have you ever been in Blitzen's room?

Well, no, but there you go

I told you he's my best friend

He's got a picture of me on


Take that you red nose reindeer freak

Oh dear

Oh, dear

- I say we, fup him good
- We'll need help

I looked in the phone book under
"Wise Old coaches who can save the day"

And there's only one in the area

He's called "Old Jingle"

I've heard of all jingle

He was old when my dad was a kid

He can't still be around, can he?

He is

And he lives somewhere

On Pointy Mountain

Oh dear

Wow, a visitor


- Hello, is, Old Jingle in, please
- Ah, let me think

Um, ah, yes

Yes I am, yes, come in, come in

Stay there, I'll put the kettle on

- Well
- I want you to train me, Mr. Old Jingle sir

For the reindeer games

I don't train anyone, Old Jingle is retired

- So, blah blah blah blah blah blah
- You've got to take him on without your help

He'll never beat Blitzen

Blitzen, is Blitzen involved in this?

You know Blitzen?

Never heard of em,

What's your name?

Robbie, sir

Well, Rob Pupil, let's get down the
hill and I'll see what you're made of

Don't get up

Oh, oh, oh, noooooo

Chomping on a whee bit of cod...


You's a gonna get a real slap for that house

Hayyyy, yaaaaa, hooo, haaa

So Robbie Pupil

You want to be on the sleigh,
then you will enter only one event

The Steeplechase, the boss man is always looking
for faster hurdlers to dodge the roof tops

To get on the sleigh,
win the Steeplechase


Your nose is a great ally Robbie Pupil

Bounce with your nose

30, 40, 50, 60

Trust your nose

I don’t think so

Bounce with your nose

Oh, forget it

Bet my dad could have done it

You can be as good as your dad Robbie Pupil

You think him perfect, no one is

He's just a man like, all of us

Um, actually, we're all reindeer

Ah, that explains a lot

These for a start, and why they never let me become Pope

You can be as good as your dad Robbie Pupil

49, 50, 51, 52

Wooooooo, hahaaaaa, heh heh
- Ehhhhhh

Wooo haaaaa haaaaa haaaaa weee heeeee

Old Jingle will watch you win tomorrow

Remember Robbie Pupil, stick to good food

You are what you eat...

Mmmmmm, nuts

Thanks Old Jingle

This is a much better spot for a house

I'd have to be raving mad to push my
house back up the hill



One day, I will be too old, to do this,
but that day will not come for a lo...

House down there...
Sliding down the hill Alan

Oh, ah right I'm Dez Yeti

And this is, ah, Alan Snowman

Welcome to The Reindeer Games

Sponsored by, HAY, the official snack food of, The Reindeer Games

And the opening ceremony, ah, as you can see is
already underway

A little reindeer there, symbolizing,
hope for the future of reindeer

And a reindeer there with a big head, symbolizing...

Things with big heads...

Thanks Alan, Prancer, there, sure you recognize him

And of course, Santa there

Retro chic

- Not retro Chic enough?
- Fashion victim


And here now, here come the three, ten, tonners

There they are, so, on with the games

Now, the question, everyone's asking, of
course, is which reindeer will be the star

Blitzen Blitzen Blitzen Blitzen Blitzen Blitzen Blitzen Blitzen Blitzen

Hooray, hooray!!!

Blitzen there on majestic form already


Help, my house is trying to kill me, owwww

- So
- mhmmmm, of course, the most important
event is still to come, the Steeplechase

Dat's right Dez, the Steeplechase

Thanks Alan

Now, ah, we've got a late entrant

Robbie, FOCUS

Ah, seems to have some kind of a, big red nose by the look of things

Well, you were talking about little Robbie
there Dez, the son of course of Rummffff

Don't, say, that, name

Oh my word

My baby!!!

Look at that little reindeer go!!!

Well, I thought I'd go with him


I thought I'd got rid of him

Robbie Robbie

Thanks Robbie, you saved his life

Robbie Robbie

Oh, your ever so ace

Robbie Robbie Robbie Robbie

- That little... damn it, ah haaa
- I'll handle it

Robbie, let's not beat about the bush

You love me, you'll do anything to please me

I don't want you to run in the Steeplechase,
there that sorted out, must go

Sorry Vixen

I'm going to run, and try to win and everything

No No, how it works is, Blitzen wins,
he gets famous, he gets me out of this dive eh...

You spoke to me, Robbie, you can't speak to me
because you love me so much, what are you up to?

I grew up, now I can talk to anyone I Like

Robbie, you all set?

(Mumbling) Totally

You have no taste

Robbie... what's the matter


What's the matter Robbie

Robbie, Old Jingles trapped under his house

I can't lift it Robbie

All runners assemble for the Steeplechase

Robbie, what are we going to do???

Hang on Old Jingle I'm coming

Well, the little reindeer is actually
running out of the stadium

You'll never win a race that way Dez,
now that's inexperience




- Old Jingle, talk to me
- Owwww

Too heavy, I need, something,
to wedge, underneath, Sebastian

It's not enough

Octo Monkey!!!!

Everything's going to be all right now Old Jingle

See, kid's strong, very strong

Don't goooo

Farewell Robbie friend



(Old Jingle Snores)


Now, when does this race start?

Well, RUN!!!

And Blitzen takes the early lead

Soo plaa

Mhmmmm, and it seems, ah, Alan,
that fears about Prancer's fall, ah, have been realized

There we are... Yeah

Look at that

Robbie Robbie Robbie

Blitzen, way out in front now



Well, number five and a half has finally, ah, started the race

You know the guys a no hope a dis,
he's three laps behind?

Yap, okay Al, but I think you'll find, ah,
it's just become two laps

In fact, Robbie now, just one, lap behind

Come on, come on, COME ON!!!!

Robbie and Blitzen are neck and neck and, ah

Still don't get it do you?

What a marvelous sporting occasions this is turning out to be

This is for you

And this is for daddy



Robbie, the nose jump

The nose jump Robbie, the nose jump!!!

Use the nose jump


And, ah, it's a photo finish there, between those two


I'm proud of you

I always want you to know that


You know, I always said it didn't I Dez,
lil Robbie... brilliant

Can't, remember you saying that Alan

So, ah, heh, don't make me get out the old three-bar fire, hmmm

Well, come on, eh

I always said it, lil Robbie

He is abso, oh, eh, oh

I never said it,
I'm a big snowman liar

Okay, come on

And the winner, by a nose, is...



I need to know something

Can you not talk to me because you love me

Or because you've just been trampled by a herd of reindeer

Oh, shut up and come here

Yipee!! She loves me, YIPEE!!!

And, incredibly, Robbie is now
beating all the records, for every, event

Yow man!!!

He's got no metal, but, ah, the people love him

Yaaaa, ha ha ha

- Will you, marry me?
- Of course I will you crazy fool

Oh look, there's Robbie’s Dad!

Ahhhh, thanks, Dad

You sir, are a cheat

Time to give your sample Mr. Blitzen

Incidentally, you are chopped

Your chopped

Now that, is you

- Ever led a sleigh before Robbie?
- Who me? No

Then you better get some practice in, Eh?

Here, it's yours for the night

♪ We're taking a ride ♪

♪ To the other side ♪

♪ Of the moon... of the moon ♪

♪ Take it from me... it's the bit to see ♪

♪ Of the moon.. of the ♪

- Oooooo, frisky
♪ moon ♪

♪ Now the work is done ♪

♪ Now the race is run ♪

♪ Now the games are won... not a day too soon ♪


Ho ho ho, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha