Honey, We Shrunk Ourselves! (1997) - full transcript

I'm so excited, Patty.

I've been looking at the La Costa brochure every day for two months.

I can't believe we're finally
leaving tomorrow.

Yeah. Look, I know you want to take your car,
but can I drive?

Yeah. Okay.

Oh, no!

The mail went into
my cereal.

Yeah. This house is
driving me crazy.

I really
need this vacation.

Ma, we're out
of peanut butter.

Looks so peaceful.



I said, we're out of
peanut butter!

Well, don't complain to me,
talk to your father.

You know, he's in charge
of household legumes.

Think you can get me at 7:00
tomorrow morning?

Okay, 8:00?

No, the equipment has been completely overhauled,

I assure you.

I did it myself.

It's packing it up
that's really important.

You see,
if it isn't done right,

I really can't guarantee that
it'll get there undamaged.

Hold on, I lost the sun.

No, no!
I'm thrilled that the Smithsonian wants to display my shrinking machine!

It's just that I'd prefer to dismantle it and reassemble it myself.



I just think I'm more responsible than most people.

Dad, we're out
of peanut butter.

Mom says
you're responsible.

Hello? Hello?

Okay, then. It's settled.

I'll pack it up
this weekend,

and your movers will come on Monday and take it to Washington.

Oh, by the way,
feel free to use it to shrink the national debt!

Hello?

Hello?

How do you like that?

Your Dad's invention is gonna be in the Smithsonian,

alongside the gramophone!

What's a gramophone?

An early record player.

What's a record player?

An early CD player.

What was it you wanted?

Well, I was makin' a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch,

and I can't find
the peanut butter.

Peanut butter.

Peanut butter.

Where are you?

You know, Dad,
I was kinda thinkin' that,

you know,
summer's not that far away.

It might be good for me
to go to baseball camp.

Don't you want to go back to that neat science camp we sent you to?

Camp Isosceles was fun,
Dad, but...

I've been there
now three years in a row.

Yeah, but the fourth year
is the best. Trigonometry?

Ah! Peanuts.

The coffee grinder
will solve our problem.

But all my friends are goin'
to baseball camp.

Baseball's just a trend.
It'll pass.

But science is always cool.

There you go.

It's got grounds in it.

It's decaf.

Wayne, don't you have
to get to work?

I thought you had
a big presentation.

Oh, my gosh.
I gotta go.

So what? I thought you
were the president.

I am the president.
But presidents have less freedom than anybody.

And they don't
have any fun.

Tiki Man,
you've served me well.

Oh, and I like the way you made it rain yesterday, too.

Wayne, I wish you'd get rid of that piece of junk,
Tiki Man.

Shh. You'll anger him.

He takes up
so much room,

and you won't even let us
hang our coats on him.

He's a Polynesian god,
not a coat rack, Diane.

He belongs
in a miniature golf course.

I don't even know why you bought him in the first place.

To have fun?

Wayne, you are saying goodbye to Mr.
Tiki Man this weekend.

I'm sorry.
But that's that.

Be cool.
I'll think of something.

Yuck.

Cold chow mein
for lunch?

Uh, yeah. All the kids
are eatin' it.

Hey, Mom.
Did Nick ever complain about going to Camp Isosceles?

He sure did.

He hated that it lasted only six weeks instead of eight.

What a brain box.

Mom, what if I
didn't want to go

to a camp
named after a triangle?

Amy didn't go
to science camp.

She went to Shakespeare camp.
Would you rather do that?

No.
Where did all these bugs come from?

Oh! A daddy longlegs.

No, Mom, don't kill it!

Daddy longlegs are good.
They eat other bugs.

And that would be
your Aunt Patty.

Hey, he's gone.

You live, for now.
Tell your friends.

Oh, gosh.

I'm sorry. Hi, Adam.

Diane, we have to talk.

I'm still worried about
the kids if we go away.

No. They are not old enough
to stay by themselves.

And what if Mitch
gets sick?

We've been over this.

If anything goes wrong,
our husbands will be there.

My point exactly.

Patty, don't start with me.
We both need this vacation.

You are more neurotic
than ever.

And I've lost my perspective
on my marriage.

Besides, the kids
are old enough.

Look at them.
They're like well-behaved little adults.

You're right.
You're right.

Oh, man, I got this
great story, okay?

One time, we were at this Chinese restaurant,
and I sneezed,

and six grains of rice
came out my nose!

Ooh,
I've only done liquids.

But once Jenny did
a piece of spaghetti.

Oh, man, it was, like,
hangin' out to there.

Shut up!
At least I'm not sick 24 hours a day.

I can't help it if I have
a potassium deficiency.

Yeah, but how do you explain
your IQ deficiency?

Ooh!
Shut up!

Hey, stop it!

- Come on. Get her!
- Mom!

Mmm, hmm. Hi.

I better get them
to school.

Uh, Patty.
What's with the blocks?

Oh, the car was making
funny noises this morning,

and you can
never be too careful.

I mean, what if
the parking brake went?

I worry about these things.

That's why
you need a vacation.

Because at Szalinski...

At Szalinski Labs,

the future...

At Szalinski Labs,
the future is...

The future is...

Crap.

No! The future isn't crap.

The future is now!

Yes! That was
the president,

and my brother,
Wayne Szalinski.

And what a speech!
Mmm?

Wow.

Anyway, I'll bet
you're all hungry.

So, we have
a full buffet brunch

waiting for you
right downstairs.

Eat all you want!
And thanks for coming.

And don't forget,
at Szalinski Labs, the future is...

Now.

Ah. Glad I can
breathe again.

Nothing like the smell
of two-part epoxy resin.

Whoo.

Must be an acquired taste.

Hi, Marcia.

Hi, Trouser.
Say hi, Trouser.

Hello. Hello.

"Hello"?

Turns out that's what
"woof" means.

Feed me.

Feed me.

That looks promising.

How's Project
Green Lantern coming?

Just okay.

I've run into
some problems.

But if you give me
just a little more time,

I think I can solve them...

Maybe.

All right. Well, let's see
what you've got.

Of course,
the goal of Project Green Lantern

was to decrease accidents to highway workers at night

by increasing
their visibility

through the use of
internal fluorescence.

Now already we've made
tremendous strides

in the areas
of luminescence.

Put away the snowblower, Gordon.
What's the problem?

See for yourself.

Cheers.

It's not workin'.
It's supposed to make my body glow.

Mmm-hmm.
Open your shirt.

Oh, Jimmy!
Is that my stomach?

Uh-huh. And here's mine.

The problem is,
the liquid just stays in your gut.

I don't know what to do.

Well, obviously it's not getting absorbed into the bloodstream.

Have you tried going through
the calcium channel?

The calcium channel?

Yeah, mix it with milk.
That'll make it work. It's obvious.

Hey, I'm not without ideas.

I was gonna suggest making the highway workers wear tube tops.

I'm sorry.
I didn't know that you were, uh, working.

What is it, Trina?

Oh. Uh, Earl Parmen called

to say that he has
two VIP passes

for the shuttle touchdown
late tonight

at Edwards Air Force Base.

Do you want them?

Do we want them!

Oh, wait, wait.

Isn't there something we're supposed to be doing this weekend?

Not that I can remember.
I just gotta call Diane.

Forty dollars
should be enough for pizza.

Now, what else?

Who took the handset?
Who took the handset?

The handset?

Hi, you have
reached the Szalinski's.

Machine.

Please leave a message or fax or a binary file after the beep.

Guess what!
Change of plans.

Gordon and I just got invited to see the space shuttle land tonight.

So if it's okay,
we're gonna take off.

No, Wayne.
It is not okay.

Patty and I
are going on vacation.

I must've told you this 15 times.
Don't you remember?

Sure, I remembered.
Then I forgot.

Well, listen to me now,
Wayne, and listen good.

I am going on this vacation,
and nothing

and no one can stop me!

You do need a vacation.

I'm sorry we're late.
I had to find Mitch's medicine.

Is that everything, then? All set?
- I hope so.

Okay.

This is it.

Two days without mommies.

It will be hard.
It will be tough.

But I have every confidence
you'll make it,

if you follow these rules.

One, don't raid the refrigerator between meals.

Two, take your vitamins
after dinner.

Three, no rollerblading
in the house.

Four, get rid of the
Tiki Man. Got it?

Any other questions?

Uh, yeah. Can I have
some friends over?

No.

Come on, Mom.
Don't you trust me?

Save it for the debating team, Jenny.
The answer is still no.

But, Mom, I...

Any other questions?
Good. Bye, kids. I love you.

Have fun.
And try to relax, Diane.

You too.
Have fun, and try to relax.

You sure you're gonna be okay?
We'll be fine.

Bye, Mom. Bye, sweetie.
Be careful, Mitchell.

Oh, wear pads
when you rollerblade.

And don't eat too much sugar.
It speeds up your metabolism.

And, please,
put on a T-shirt under your pajamas tonight, okay?

Why don't you just put me in a plastic bubble,
why don't you?

I feel like
I'm forgetting something.

Which reminds me...

Adam. Adam!

I just did laundry

so you'll have plenty
of clean underpants!

I bet you
they have lace on 'em!

Oh, no!
Tighty-whiteys!

Now what?

You guys are all guests
in my house this weekend,

and I want us
to have a good time.

So I planned
a little kick-off surprise.

We are gonna use marshmallows and gumdrops

to make models
of water molecules!

What do you think?

You're a maniac,
Uncle Wayne.

I know.

Anyway, we're gonna
put 'em together. Oh, darn.

I forgot to get toothpicks.

I'm gonna need you guys to run down to the minimart for me.

How much do you think
toothpicks cost?

Oh, about six
or seven dollars a box.

Well, here's a 10.

If there's any change,
get yourselves some snacks.

But see if you can get back
within an hour or so, okay?

For molecule action.

Come on, Mitch.
Gee, Wayne.

It's not like you to forget
the toothpicks.

What? What's so funny?

It was just a ruse
to get them out of the house.

A ruse? Why?

To save Tiki Man.

I can't believe Diane's making you throw this out.

It's mint!
Tell me about it.

I finally find something
I want to do

with my MacArthur Genius Grant money,
and my wife vetoes it.

You've gotta learn
how to negotiate, Wayne.

I bet I could talk Diane
into letting you keep it.

I got a plan.

A little further.
Little further.

Oh! Whoa.
Tilt it up.

Tilting up.

Tip it.
Tip it.

Great.
Great.

That's great. Just perfect.

The thing's
only seven feet tall.

Call me crazy,

I think Diane
might notice this.

Not if I shrink it.

Wow.

The machine looks beautiful!

Yeah.
I got it out of mothballs

and polished it up
for the Smithsonian.

I'm gonna fire it up.

Right. What?

Oh, no. No, no!
You're not gonna start it up again?

You can't
start it up again!

You were banned
from using this

by a joint committee
of the FDA and your wife.

Is the FDA here? Is my wife here?
I've made up my mind.

I'm gonna shrink
that Tiki Man

so I can carry it
with me always.

Besides,
it's a point of honor!

Do you think a weekend can take care of
seven years of waxy emotional buildup?

You poor thing.
Well, you're on the road to recovery now.

Oh! And for the trip,

I brought along a special friend to aid in the healing process.

Dr. Brother Love himself.
Mr. Neil Diamond!

Get out of here!

You brought the
Hot August Nights cassette?

I did!
God!

Oh, no!
I forgot to leave Mitch's medicine.

We've gotta go back.

Gordon! I can see your left leg.
- Huh?

Come on over here
and help me.

Let me know
when we hit critical mass.

Okay, bro.

Here it comes.
You're setting up?

This is why I wanted
the kids out of the house.

I don't want to take
any chances.

60 %.

80 %.

90 %.

Come on, shrink machine.
One more time.

We have critical mass.

It worked!
It must have.

Come on. Let's go find it.

Magnifying glass.

Do you see it?
No.

Start at the sides and I'll meet you in the middle.

Sounds like the machine
is revving up again.

Ah, don't worry.
There's nobody in the house to hit the button.

Can you see it? Huh?

What's that?

Look, look! Here it is.
- That's just a speck.

- Wayne, is that it?
- No.

What's that?

That's it! There it is!
Huh?

Wow. A tiny Tiki!

Wayne, you're a genius.

You know,
I always appreciated

the scientific use
of that machine,

but never
its marital implications.

Huh?
Aw. It didn't work.

It grew back.

What do you think went wrong?
I don't know.

Sometimes
the induction sequence...

Hello?

Hello?

Anybody here?

Hey. Doesn't look like it.

Wayne got rid of the Tiki Man.
I don't believe it!

See? You say
he doesn't listen to you.

Things are
getting better already.

Okay. I'll leave it...
I'll just put it right here.

And then they'll be sure to see them.
Good.

Okay.

Oh, listen.

The boys must be
working upstairs.

Let's go see what they do
as soon as we leave!

You shrunk us?

You idiot!
I'm sorry.

I'll kill you.

That hurts, Gordon!

Oh, does it hurt? Does that hurt?
Yeah! That hurts!

Not as much as this!

I can explain!
You can't explain nothing!

Shh.

Guys?

The wives.

Hey, where are they?
Guys?

We're in big trouble!
Why?

They can't find us
to yell at us.

But they could step on us!

Boys?

Well, they gotta be here somewhere.
No place to hide.

This thing is on.

Don't be silly.

A joint committee of the FDA
and myself have told Wayne

that he is never to use the shrinking machine for the rest of his natural...

Yeah. Oh, yeah.
I'm sure.

Besides, he told me it doesn't even work anymore.

Wayne knows he's forbidden to ever touch that thing again.

Diane,

what's going on here?

Diane! Hi!

Diane,
something happened...

Wayne?

Yes.
Are we shrunk?

I'm not gonna lie
to you. Yes, we are.

I was at the machine,
and I was just...

Oh!

How did this happen?

Well... It's sort
of a funny story. We...

And what is that
Tiki thing doing here?

"Tiki thing"?

Oh, I get it.

You thought you could
outsmart me, Wayne.

You thought you could just shrink the Tiki Man down,
and I wouldn't notice.

Well, guess what, Wayne?

I noticed!

Now, Diane. Calm down.

How can I calm down?
I am smaller than a raisin! Diane...

If you think about this with a modicum of hindsight, you...

Oh, stop trying to use
your interpersonal skills

to smooth things over!
He's dragged us into it, too.

Can I just say something?
No! You cannot.

People!
Please, could we argue somewhere else?

I don't think it's real safe here on the floor.
That's true.

We gotta get away from the shoes and the cockroaches.

The shoes?
Cockroaches?

There are cockroaches here?
Well, it's an attic!

I hate cockroaches!

That's just regular-sized
cockroaches,

not cockroaches the size of sofas!
Sofas?

You know, Wayne...
I bet if we climb up that wicker chair,

we can get to the windowsill.
Okay, that's great!

Let's get going, 'cause this
is gonna take a long time.

Diane.

Are you gonna stay mad at me
the whole time we're tiny,

or are you gonna try and make the best out of a bad situation?

I'm gonna stay
mad at you the whole time.

Okay.

Come on.

Yes. Yes!

I made it.

Oh, Gordon, you are
so buff.

Hey, Patty! Hang in there!
You're doin' great.

No. No, Gordon.

"Great" would be if
I were in La Costa.

I'm doing
the opposite of great.

I'm doing sucky.

Honey, at least you're
getting some exercise.

Yeah. Now that I have
a wicker chair,

I don't have to go
to the gym anymore.

Come on, good.
You got it.

You got it.

Okay!

Hard part's over.
Uh-huh.

Now. All we have to do
is walk across this...

Footbridge.

Gordon, that is not
a footbridge. It's a stick.

To you, maybe.

To Gordon Szalinski,
it's a highway to bigness.

See?

I'm walking
across the footbridge.

I'm not looking down.

I am a cat.

I am a panther.

I am scared stiff.

Oh!

Huh? Ta-da! Okay.

Okay, follow me.

And I just picked it up in a hardware store.
But it has performed better

in my wind tunnel tests
than anything else.

Look, you can see
the driveway from here.

There's my car.

Hey.
Hey, the kids will see it and know we're here.

That's right. They're smart.
They'll figure it out. So we're saved.

Yes! I told you we...
Thanks!

We forgot to put
the blocks in.

I knew I heard a noise.

You should have those
brakes looked at.

Hey, Adam.
Do you think your dad'll let us roast those molecules

when we're
done with them?

That is so lame.

I'm trying to work
with what we've got.

What we've got is a weekend in Dullsville.

Dad? Uncle Wayne?

Uh, uh, uh!
No rollerblading in the house.

You're not my mom.

That's right. 'Cause if I were,
you would be up for adoption.

Take off your rollerblades.

Dad! Uncle Gordon!

They don't seem
to be here.

That's weird.

I gotta make
a phone call.

Oh, hey, look.
Must've left a message.

Guess what! Change of plans.

Gordon and I just got invited to see the space shuttle land tonight.

So if it's okay, we're gonna take off.
"If that's okay"?

They wouldn't
just take off.

Oh, hey, look!

Forty dollars for pizza!

They must really be gone, then.
Yeah. So what now?

Of course, as soon as the kids realize we're gone,
they'll be very upset.

Yeah. And I'm sure their
first thought will be,

"Gee, I bet
our parents are shrunk."

Yeah, that's true.
And there's no reason for them to come up here,

so we gotta get to them.

Well, how? We'll never
get down the stairs alive.

Well, the fastest way is to go straight
out the window and into Adam's room.

You know what we could do?
Gordon, I'm the inventor here. Can I figure this out?

The shortest distance between two points is a straight line.

If I had
some sort of cable,

a pulley system that I could
use to transport us down.

But what could it be?

If I had some sort of mini Zeppelin.
Wayne.

Or a pneumatic device.

Or jet packs powered by an isotope-based thruster system!
Wayne.

Wayne!
What?

How about something like a fishing reel?

That would work.

I'm gonna invite
all my friends over.

I'm gonna eat
anything I want.

I'm not gonna
take my vitamins.

I am gonna play my music
really loud.

I'm not gonna
wear any socks.

And I'm gonna
bleach my hair.

Okay. Look. We can
all do whatever we want.

But we have to make
a pact this weekend.

No matter what,
our parents can never find out.

Promise?
- Promise.

Gordon, I'm freaking.

Shh. It's okay, sweetheart.
It's almost over.

Hang on!

So far, so good.

So I'm at my uncle's house
on Echo Lane.

Yes, the one
with the weirdo mailbox.

So, guess what?

My parents are out of town
for a whole weekend

and we have the house
all to ourselves.

So I think I'm gonna
throw a party.

Oh, my gosh! A party?
Wait till you see what I'm gonna wear!

There we go.

Where are we?
This is Adam's room.

This is the top
of his chest of drawers.

We are
in serious trouble.

Oh, come on, Patty.
It won't be that bad.

I mean, we'll have to find
a shoe to live in.

But the kids
are messy eaters.

There'll be plenty
of crumbs for us to eat.

Wayne, we're not gonna spend
the rest of our lives tiny.

We're going
to get big again.

Somehow. Some way.
We'll get our kids' attention.

How? They hardly listen to us when we're full-sized.
Now it'll be impossible.

Unless... We can make
our voices full-sized!

Well, there's gotta
be a way!

Like, does Adam
have a bullhorn?

Or a karaoke machine?
No.

Hey, I got it!
I can rewire the stereo so we can talk through the speakers.

That would amplify our voices 100 times!
And that'll work?

Sure.
Just slip in through the vent of the receiver and hot-wire the circuits.

Yee-haw! We have a plan.
What do you think, Diane?

It's a plan.

Yeah. Hey. Hey,
this one's done.

This one's done.
Right.

Hey, how come there's no instructions for a balloon full of chili?

Okay, be here at 6:00,
ready to dance. Okay? Bye.

All set. Jody, Holly,
and Corky are coming for dinner tonight.

And they're not leaving
until tomorrow morning.

Wait a second.
You're having a sleepover?

After what Mom said?
She'll kill you.

Mom's not gonna find out.
Remember our little promise?

If you'll excuse me for a second,
I have some shopping to do.

Gee! Oh, man!

Wow! Adam's Sharkruiser.

It's perfect. Wow.
That's beautiful.

Wait till you see this.
I gave it to him for Christmas.

This is incredible!

Look at this detail!

♪ Great green gobs of greasy
Hey, Adam!

♪ Grimy gopher guts

♪ Mutilated monkey meat
Dirty little birdie feet

♪ French fried eyeballs
Swimming in a pool of blood

Adam!
♪ Me without my spoon

♪ But I've got a straw ♪
- Adam!

Adam!

Well.

I think we just witnessed
the private world of a child.

Where did he learn
that disgusting song?

Oh, who knows where kids
pick these things up?

Oh, sure. Just last week
Mitch sang the exact...

Okay, guys. Hop in.

What are you doing?
Going down the hall the quickest way possible.

I think we can wiggle our way off the edge.

Are you insane?
We don't even know where this track leads.

Adam's always sending his Hot Wheels out into the hall.

Yeah. Still.
But that loop-the-loop doesn't look safe to me.

With our weight and velocity,
I don't think it would be a problem.

So... Are we willing
to give it a shot?

Hold on a minute.
Gonna be safe about this.

This should work.

All right.
Just to be safe,

I want us to strap ourselves in with these orthodonture bands.

We're all here. Here.

Wayne, Diane?
Would you hold this for me, please?

Too bad Adam wasn't playin' with the Splittin' Image, huh?

That was cherry. Yeah.
But the Twin Mill was fastest. Remember?

You bet. Everybody strapped in?
Vroom. Vroom.

Yeah.

All right.
Let's start rockin'.

And go!

Come on!

Come on.

I just
remembered something.

The Sharkruiser
is terrible in the loop!

Whoa!

Look out ahead!

Hold on!
It's a jump!

Wayne. Where's Wayne?

Honey? I don't
think we're using

enough fabric softener.

Ah, the hot dog people
have a question.

They want to know why they are sitting at the base of a volcano.

Just tell them it's for flavor.
It's for flavor.

Oh, the hot dog lady
has a baby.

Ooh, little baby.
Cute. Yes, you are.

Oh, no!

The gods are getting
restless and hungry!

The village people
forgot to make a sacrifice!

Now they must
become snacks!

Behold my wrath!

Aah!
Oh!

It's working!

All right!

Oh, no!
We're burning up.

Nothing can save us
from the vortex of chili!

Ha-ha! I'll save the baby!
I'll save the baby!

Save the baby.
Oh.

I'm gonna eat
the woman's leg.

Mmm. Lava-licious.
"Lava-licious."

She yells at me
even when she's gone.

That was the most frightening ride I have ever had in my life.

I never want to go through anything like that ever again.

You know,
wouldn't it be cool if our parents never came back?

Do you think
it could happen?

No, I'm just saying,
what if.

Yeah. Well, I don't think
I'd miss them that much.

I mean, I like it
when they take me places.

And I sort of wish my mom was here to, uh,
clean up the mess in the kitchen.

What, am I your servant?

Yeah. You know,
mostly parents just live to nag and hassle you.

They just want to turn you into a brain box like my dad.

"Brain box"?
It's a compliment.

Oh!

I bet my parents wish I didn't have a medical problem.

What do you
have, anyway?

Diane, Diane!
Don't do that!

I mean, you don't
seem that sick.

It's called
hypokalemic paralysis.

It's a genetic thing.
You wouldn't understand.

But it's not that
big a deal.

I mean, I haven't even
taken my medicine today.

And I feel fine.
I probably don't even need it anymore.

Oh, my God.
What's he saying?

Do you think he didn't see
where we put the medicine?

Here.
Just drop it here.

I want to
show you something.

Oh! I'm so nauseous.

You want to see something super,
super awesome? Sure.

We're right back
where we started from.

I fell down
and broke my crown.

That was fun.

It's mega-secret, okay?

If my dad found out I had this,
he'd go ballistic.

What is it?
Watch out. Here it is.

Oh, my gosh!

Oh, check it out.
No!

- That's rad!
- Look at that!

- Oh, my.
- Oh, yes!

Did you
know about this?

We are so sorry!

Oh! Sorry.

You boys
are in big trouble!

I'm gone for one minute and you turn the place into a pigsty!

Oh. We're sorting laundry!

Now, get down here
and clean it up,

'cause we gotta
get ready for the party!

Party? You can't have a party.
I said no friends!

Come on.
We better get down there

before Queen Hell Jenny
gets really mad.

Hey!
Ooh.

We'll look
at this later.

Wayne, what are
you doing?

Diane, I have to know what we're dealing with here.

I didn't see
this coming.

This is all your fault.
I can't believe you guys made such a mess.

Whose idea
was that, anyway?

It was his fault.
No, it was him.

No!
He gave me...

Go get the door,
you guys.

And if you think you are done cleaning up,
you are crazy.

Who are you?
Holly.

Hi. Did you
bring the stuff?

Yeah. I got the CDs,
the sour cream and my dad's bubble machine.

A bubble machine? Yeah.
It's the coolest thing.

The bubbles will go
great with the streamers.

Okay.
You're the cheerleader.

Now let's get ready
to party.

They're here.

That's enough clowning around,
you guys.

The party's just about to start.
Adam. Mitch.

You guys are gonna
serve the ginger ale.

I mean, the champagne.

Forget it.

We're not your slaves.

Yeah.

Hi, girls.
- Hi!

Look. I brought Clarissa.

Clarissa?

We're not into
dolls anymore.

We're not?

No. Now,
we're into boys.

Hey, Jen.
- Hi.

Did you know
Jill was coming?

Who's Jill?

She's starting shortstop
for the Warriors.

A girl plays
Little League?

Yeah.
And she's awesome.

Um, Jenny?
What?

We changed our minds,
so, we'll be your slaves.

Great.

We will?
Yes.

You know,
there was a time when I thought this house was too small.

When I get big,
I'm gonna walk down stairs two at a time.

Look what I found.
It's a piece of a pin.

I gotta stop
and examine more things.

I mean, look at the grain
in this hardwood floor.

It's beautiful.
It almost tells the story of how the whole tree grew.

I gotta take the time to appreciate the world around me.

I've been workin' too hard.
I've gotta stop and notice things.

Really? Like what?

Well, like...
Like the intricate weave of this carpet.

Or the perfect cylindrical
quality of this roach turd.

Roach turd!
What?

Not to worry.
See? It's dry.

Whoever dropped this
left a long time ago.

Maybe weeks or months.

We vacuum
more than that.

No, the only thing
you gotta worry about

is if we ran into...

Oh!

A wet one.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Quick, uh...
Get on the other side!

Let's head for the stairs. Forget it!
That thing's faster than we'll ever be.

What're we
supposed to do?

Follow me.
I got an idea!

Let's get
outta here.

Come on.
We'll be safe in here.

Come on!
He's gaining on us.

Whatever you do,
stay to the right.

Come on!

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

Wayne, how did you know that there was a clear path here?

Oh, I've taken
these things apart.

He's just standing
out there.

Move around here.
We'll lure him in.

Oh! His antennae
touched me!

Further around!
Further around! Move around!

Oh, no, my shoe!
I'm stuck!

Come on,
we better get outta here! I'm stuck.

I can't get my foot out!
Wayne!

Wayne. I'm stuck!
Save me! Wayne!

Wayne, help me!

We did it!

Huh?
Szalinskis check in?

And they do
check out!

Ricky King may be cute,
but he's also really conceited.

But he's also
really cute.

Jenny, truth or dare.
Do you love Ricky King?

Dare.

Then your dare is,
you have to call Ricky up and tell him you think he's cute!

No way!
I even have his number.

You have to. You have to!

Hi, Ricky?
Shh.

Jenny Szalinski.

Oh, I'm just having a party with some of my friends,
at my uncle's house.

Yeah. The one
with the weirdo mailbox.

Listen, um,
I just called to tell you...

The reason
I was calling you...

I think you're cute.

I never thought
you'd say that!

Something to drink?

We'll be right back.

Oh, my God.

Adam, Adam!
Adam, wait up.

I have to go upstairs
for a second.

I'll be right back.

Watch out!
Here comes your son.

- Hi, honey.
- Hey, Mitchy!

Honey. Honey. Honey!

He's in pain.
What's wrong?

If he doesn't get some potassium in his system right away,

he could pass out!
We've gotta get downstairs

to the kitchen and
get those pills.

Don't worry, sweetheart.
Mommy's right here. She's right here.

We've gotta get downstairs,
and fast.

Geez. That doesn't
look safe.

There's no other way down,
is there, Wayne?

Well, it's certainly
the fastest route,

and it's the same basic
concept as a parachute.

If we stand in front of the nozzle as the bubble's being created,

I think the surface tension
should hold our weight.

"Should"?
I don't like "should."

It's decided. I'm going.
I'm going with you, Patty.

Well, then we'll head to the stereo and meet up with you later.

Are you gonna be
okay doing this?

I know I've never been
a very brave person.

But for some reason,
right now I don't know fear.

When I thought the cockroach
was gonna eat you,

I've never been so scared
in my whole life.

I love everything about you, Diane,
and I promise things are gonna get better.

Oh, you don't know how glad I am to hear you say that.

I love everything
about you too.

You know, except for
this shrinking stuff.

Mmm.

Step in front of the nozzle
after the next ring.

Now.

One, two, three, jump!

Okay, okay, okay.

Here we go. Ooh.

Oh, it's working.

Bye! Bye!

I told her not
to have a party.

At least there
aren't any boys.

Really.

Okay. Oh!

All right.
They made it to safety.

We'd better get to the kitchen and get Mitch's medicine.

Yeah.

After you.

Ready, Butch?
Ready, Sundance.

Ooh, shoot!

Whoa. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh.

Hey! It's a bubble.

Oh, yeah. It's a bubble.

I'm hot.
I'll be back.

Whoa, ooh!

Ooh.

Hang on.
To what?

Wayne?
What?

Wayne.

Oh!

Ooh.

Gordon.
Yeah?

Before you die,
there's a bright light, isn't there?

Yeah.

Oh, no!

Chip and dip is served.

Here you go.
Gordon. We're alive.

We've been saved by...
Onion dip.

My God. We owe
our lives to an appetizer.

Adam, let's go
get some root beer.

Let's get outta here before we get eaten.
Relax, Gordon.

They're teenage girls.
How much could they eat?

No!

Watch out!
Aah! Aah! Oh!

Oh, boy. They're everywhere!
Go! Oh. Got me.

Whoa! Watch out!
Ah! Aah! No!

Do the breaststroke.
Breaststroke.

Mmm, you're like a cow!

Jill.
You're making a mess!

Well, this stuff is really good.
What's in it?

The Szalinski
brothers.

Well, here we are.

Well, how are we gonna
get up the counter?

There must be a way.

Dare.
Ooh. Sucker.

Okay. I dare you to do
your monkey impression.

Want a napkin?
Yeah.

You know, I've been
watchin' the kids.

The girls really seem
to like Mitch.

He's makin' 'em laugh.

But the guy that really
impresses me is Adam.

He seems so cool,
confident.

Yeah, he's so different
from me.

You know, I was a complete
loser when I was that age.

And when I was a teenager.

And through
most of college.

Heck, I only met Diane
'cause I bashed into her car.

Come on.
I'll race you to the stereo.

Where are you going?

Where are you going?

Come on!

Wayne! Whoa!

You're gonna love this!

Head start. No fair! Whee!

I'm coming, bro!

Whoa! Come on!

And the man does
a belly burner!

I haven't done that
since I was little!

Shh.

It's probably just the neighbors.
Give me the doll.

Here. What are
you gonna do with it?

Shh.

Okay.

Hey, Jen.

Ricky King.

What are you doing here?

Well, you said you were having a party,
so we figured we'd drop by.

Hi, Vince. Hi, Trey.

Hey.
What do you got there?

Oh, nothing!

Come on, guys.
Let's show 'em how to have a real party.

Man, this place is hot.

Ricky King!
How are you?

- Hello, girls.
- Hi, Ricky!

Oh, great.
Teenage boys.

There are now teenage boys at this party.

Hey! My stereo!
Hey, my daughter.

Maybe there's
a stepladder.

Oh. Oh, no.

God, why didn't I squash him
when I had the chance?

Excellent CDs.
Um, do you have a remote around here?

Yeah. Do you want me to turn it on?
Uh, no.

I want you to
hand it over.

No. Give me that!

Watch this.

Hey, I wanna
sit there, man.

Hmm?

Hey, cut it out!
He was there first!

So what,
he had dibs on it?

This gum wrapper
will do the trick.

What are these
little kids doing here?

Yeah. I mean,
you're too small.

You must be, um, this
tall to stay downstairs.

I'm calling mom.

This is getting
way out of hand.

Who does he think he is?
You can't push my kid around like that!

You are dead meat, mister!

Gordon. You're three quarters of an inch tall.
Now is not the time.

Now, help me
with this foil!

Why isn't he coming after us?
I don't know.

Maybe he's gone.

Oh, look, his leg is caught
in the spider web.

Oh, that's so sad.
And daddy longlegs are good bugs.

They eat mosquitoes and leave humans entirely alone.

What?
Is there a daddy longlegs ad council

that feeds out this
positive information?

Let's go. No, Diane.
I think we should help him.

Daddy, we're your friends.
We come in peace.

I think he understood me.

Um... Diane.

Do you have a, um...
A nail file?

Yes.
Okay.

'Cause while I'm filing,
I want you to talk to him.

You know, distract him

so he doesn't
flail around a lot.

Talk to him?
Talk to a bug. You know.

Find some common ground.

You both spend a lot of time in this kitchen.

All righty.

Hi. My name's Diane.

I see you've been enjoying some of the
crumbs from the coffee cake I made.

Okay. Okay, giant spider leg
on my shoulder!

It's okay. It's okay.
He likes you.

Just keep talking.

What can we talk about?
What can we talk about?

Let's see.
Uh, you have any kids?

Silly me.
You probably have hundreds.

Oh, oh!
That better?

Thank you.

Oh, we've had
such a lousy day.

You've had a pretty bad one
yourself, haven't you?

But for you,

you're used to being small.

For us, it's a completely
new experience.

For me, very scary.

Although, you know,
parts of it were actually...

Kind of nice.

All done.

Really?

Last strand.

Do you think he heard what
I said about squashing him?

Oh, look.
It's going up the cabinet.

Hey, that's it.
Diane, that's our ride!

Come back!

Come back!

Daddy, come back.
We need you!

Are you sure?
That's weird.

Okay. Bye.

They said our moms
never made it.

You're kidding.
No.

Okay. Well, let's
just call our dads.

But they didn't
leave a number.

Okay. Just calm down.
Don't panic.

But if our moms aren't at that place,
then where are they?

So tell me
how you do that again?

Okay. So then I just
toss in some garbanzo beans

and crumble in
some tortilla chips,

and I call it
a Mexican salad.

That is great.

I'm gonna have to
try that sometime.

The other thing,
you can call something a Chinese salad

if you throw in some of
those mandarin oranges

and some of those little Chinese Chung Ku squiggly little noodles.

You are so good
at those things.

Come on!

This is where
we split up.

You're gonna climb
into the mid-range.

I'm gonna rewire the stereo so the speaker becomes a microphone.

Now, when the music cuts out,
you yell into that speaker as loud as you can.

All right. I'm goin' in.

Good luck.

Oh!

Oh, oh, oh, ooh.

Gee. Follow this circuit.

Oh, thank God.
A slow song.

Come on, Jen.

You don't
look so good.

You feelin' okay?

Uh, I'm okay.

Now, we have
to get Mitch's pills.

Remember, I left them
right by the cereal.

Hey, there's something
I want to tell you.

What?

I can't say it here.

Let's go
into the kitchen.

Hey!

Hurry up, Wayne.
I want so much to yell at these kids.

So. Here we are.

This is the kitchen.
Hey, look.

Good, 'cause you know...

I really wanted to
be alone with you.

Ew, look.
Dirty fingernails.

Really?
Yeah.

'Cause the truth is, Jenny,
I think you're awesome.

Awesome?
Don't fall for it, Jenny.

He's just
giving you a line.

You do?
You think I'm awesome? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. You're cooler
than all the other girls.

Um, so what is it
you wanted to tell me?

Nothing. Mostly I just
wanted to do this.

What is she doing?
She's too young.

She doesn't even know
that boy!

What are you doing?

Kissing you.

Well, uh,
you didn't ever ask.

Ask what?

Ask if I wanted
to kiss you.

What are you
talking about?

You just assume that
I wanted you to kiss me.

I mean,
I don't even know you.

And even if I did know you and we talked and you got to know me,

and you asked me if I wanted to kiss,
I might've been into it.

But the way you did it
was just wrong.

Well, lots of girls
like that.

Well, I'm not
one of them.

I don't happen
to think that way.

And as far as you and I are concerned,
the party is over.

You tell him, Jenny.

Access denied!

That is one
good kid you have.

And you know what?
She can take care of herself.

Okay. Mike in
and line out.

Maybe my pills
are in here.

If I don't find
my medicine soon,

something bad's
gonna happen.

Well, I'll look over here.

I'll look over here.

Mitch looks terrible.
We've gotta find those pills.

There they are!

Mitch! Mitch! Mitch!

Mitch, honey!
Mitch! Mitch!

Mitch, look at us!
- Mitch, we're right here.

Your pills
are over here!

Mom?
Yeah!

Oh, no! He's fainted!

Mitch!

The paralysis could
last 24 hours.

We have got to get those pills where the kids can see them!
Come on.

Mitch, Mitch! What's wrong?
What's going on?

Come on, Mitch. Come on.

I don't know.
Mitch just fainted.

I can't find his medicine.
What are we gonna do?

Okay. Get on the side

and try to roll it
that way.

Over that way.
Okay!

Here we go. Got it?
Yeah.

I got it. I got it. Push.

Mitch has got a potassium deficiency,
so you look in the refrigerator

and find something with potassium.
Check all the labels.

Push again.

Come on. Up.

I haven't worked this hard
since I gave birth to Adam!

Milk has Vitamin D
and Calcium.

No potassium.
- Keep looking.

Come on, Mitch.
Mitch. Come on.

It's not gonna work.
It's no use.

It's gonna be up to the kids.
What?

Come on.
Oh, God.

Potassium, potassium,
potassium.

Bananas! Bananas have
potassium. Lots of it!

Here, come on.

Get some pieces.

Let's see if we can
get him... Come on, Mitch.

Let's see if we can
get him to chew.

Come on. Come on, wake up.

Come on.
Give me a piece.

Come on, Mitch.

Oh. Give me another piece.
Hurry.

Come on, Mitch.

Oh, please,
let this work.

Get another piece ready.
Get another piece. Chew.

Chew, Mitch. Chew.
Chew it up good.

Give me another piece.
One more.

Come on, Mitch. You can do it.
Oh, Mitch, Mitch.

Oh, please
let this work.

Come on, Mitch.
Okay, okay.

Come on, Mitch. Come on.
You can do it. Come on, Mitch. Chew.

Okay. Okay.
- Come on, Mitch.

Yes. Yes! Yes!

It's workin'.
You're right.

How'd you know bananas
have potassium?

I can't always ignore
my dad's science talk.

Hi, guys.

Hey, Mitch.
How you feelin'?

A little dizzy.
But okay, I guess.

I saw Mom
on the counter.

Sure. Right.

I did.

And she was... She was
really, really small.

Okay.

What was that?

My dad's bookshelf!

Oh, damn it, Wayne.
What's taking so long?

Ricky King! What do
you think you're doing?

Calling all kids!
Calling all kids!

Excuse me,
but I like that song.

Now, this should
hold the current.

So if I... Whoa!

I told you the party's over.
Everybody out.

Yeah? Well, maybe
we're not ready to leave.

Did you not hear her?
She said the party's over.

So why don't you leave before
you cause any more damage?

What? Your dad's
stupid inventions?

His inventions
are not stupid.

His shrink ray's going
to the Smithsonian.

I didn't know your dad
invented a shrink ray.

What does he shrink with it?
Hemorrhoids?

That is not funny.

Admit it, Adam.
Your dad's a loser.

He is not.

And if he were here,
he'd kill you for what you've done to his bookshelf.

Is that so, daddy's boy?

Well, he's not here.

So, I guess you're gonna have to do something about it.

Well, maybe I will.

What are you gonna
do about it, huh?

I wish Mom and Dad
were here.

Me too.

What are you gonna
do about it, huh?

Now, Gordon! Now!

Listen!
Listen to me, children.

I want you all to
stop what you are doing!

- Huh?
- Shh.

Who said that?

This is the voice
of G... God.

Yes! God is
talking to you.

And I want you all
to leave this house!

God sounds
a lot like Dad.

Yeah, you're right.

Is he here?

Normally,
I would have been silent.

But your outrageous behavior tonight has forced me to speak!

It's just a trick.

Is that so, Ricky King?

Then how come I know
you live on Sycamore?

Your dad's name is Mel.
And your mom is...

Cindy!

This is getting weird.

Now I said I want you out!

What's the...
O-U-T!

Let's go, guys.
Yes. Oh, yes. Run.

Quickly. Run.

Or I will swoop down,

and teach you all a lesson
in proper party etiquette!

I will bring plaque
to your tiny teeth.

So brush,
I tell you! Brush!

Okay, Dad.
They're gone.

You can stop
acting like God now.

Oh. Sorry.

So, uh,
where's the camera?

Yeah. Where are you
broadcasting from?

Right here,
in the room.

Your dad shrunk us.

You're kidding.

No. Now give me a hand.

I'm over here
by the left speaker.

That means he saw us
rollerblading in the house.

And I wasn't
wearing my pads.

You know, Dad, I didn't
invite those boys over.

I swear.
I know. I know.

Wayne and I saw everything.

That's right. You weren't
in the kitchen, were you?

No! No.

But your mothers were.

Oh, God.

I told you I saw them.

Now, listen to me, kids.

These may be the most important instructions I ever give you.

Jenny. Go run and find
a piece of paper.

And, Adam,
go up to your room.

Look under
the laundry basket.

Get the shark car.
Come on down here.

And, Wayne, meet me
in front of the receiver.

I last saw them over here.
Okay.

Careful not to squish 'em.
No, no, no, no!

Careful.

Here. Use this, okay?

I'm gonna go find
our dads.

Don't move anything.

Okay, Uncle Gordon. Hop in.
Now let's go find my dad.

Mom?
Mom?

Aunt Diane?

Let me see it.
Okay.

Hi!

Hi.

Okay, Dad.
Attaboy, son!

Yes!

Where are the wives?
Mitch is pickin' 'em up. Hop in.

Careful. Careful.
Set it down easy.

I know, I know.
I am.

Look, they made it.

We did it!

Wait! The machine.
Oh.

Don't forget the car.

What happens now?

We wait until
it hits critical mass,

and then push this button.

Wait a minute.
Do we really want to do this?

I mean, I got a hamster
cage in my room.

I mean, we could
leave 'em shrunk,

and they'll never tell us
what to do again.

Wow, total freedom.

I suppose we could wait,
like, a week.

I don't like
the looks of that.

If those kids
don't unshrink us,

they are going to be
in so much trouble.

Oh, really?

What are you gonna
do about it, Thumbelina?

I say we give 'em
a second chance.

Good idea.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Ready? One, two...

Three.

Whoa! It worked!

Way to go, guys!

I was so worried
about you!

I was worried
about you, too, sweetie.

But you know what,
you were in good hands.

This one.
Oh, Mom.

About that
Ricky King thing...

Sweetheart, I was
so proud of you,

the way you handled
yourself with that boy,

and the way you took care
of your brother.

From now on, I trust you.

Speaking of trust.
I saw the magazine.

They forced me to look at it.
I didn't want to!

It's okay. It's okay.

The point is,
I should've listened to you

when you said
you didn't want to go

to Camp Isosceles
this summer.

Me too.

How about if we send you
to baseball camp?

Wow.

Look, if you wanna be
a scientist, that's great.

But if you wanna
be a baseball player,

that's great, too.

You should do
whatever suits you.

You mean it?

I do. I'll prove it.

Gordon.

I shouldn't be president
of Szalinski Labs, Gordon.

I'm no good at it.
I should be inventing things.

That's what
I like to do.

But you, you're...

You're great at organizing things and dealing with people.

And you never forget
what day of the week it is.

What do you say?

Will you be president
of the company?

Will you take the job?

Mmm. You bet!

This is great!
I'm gonna have so much fun.

Oh, honey.

Diane, I promise,

I'll get rid of the Tiki Man.
No. Wayne,

I'm not gonna sweat
the small stuff anymore.

I want you to have fun.

Wayne, do whatever you want with the Tiki Man.

I had no idea baseball had that much math in it,

or that my son would be
such a good catcher.

Yeah. I bet you were
the only dad there

that could figure out
the whole team's

batting average
instantly in his head.

We're just glad you
had a good time, honey,

and even happier
you're home.

Yeah, it's good
to be back.

Hey, did you make any
changes while I was gone?

Well, I did move the Tiki Man into the backyard.

What do you think?