Home Team (1998) - full transcript
Performing community service for a children's home is Henry's punishment for his gambling addiction. Henry is given the chance to use his past soccer career to right the wrongs by helping the newly created kid's team and potentially save their home.
[rock music]
Just remember
what the judge said.
Better say goodbye to
being Mr. Party Boy.
I guess the tabloids will have
to find someone else to put
on their front page, hmm?
From now on, you're
just a handyman
at the city boys' home.
You're not to drink or gamble.
Quitting or being
fired buys you a one
way ticket to the clinker.
Do you have any questions?
Yeah.
How high is Mt.
McKinley?
Because if you look at--
Butler's smart enough, huh?
Do you have any questions?
That's the boys' home?
Doesn't look so bad.
No, that's not the boys' home.
That's the boys' home.
Tch, that rat trap?
Yup.
Boys, yoohoo.
I hope all your homework's done.
Chip, your books are
all over the place.
Pineapple, go and pick
up your stuff up there.
I want you all to be on
your best behavior, OK.
Well, I don't
know, Miss Morgan.
I heard that guy killed someone.
Is that why he
got stuck with us?
What happened, you couldn't
find any decent help?
Oh Pineapple, Alex, you're
both being ridiculous.
I'm going to be checking
up on you from time to time.
Don't you go and
blow it, party boy.
Here goes nothing.
Well, I heard
he was a convict.
Yeah, Miss Morgan.
And my brother got that
from a reliable source.
Chip, convicts
live in prisons.
Now, he doesn't
live in a prison.
He's going to be staying
with us for a little,
so give him a chance, eh?
Don't be as hard on him as
you were with Mr. Oxman.
Sparkies.
Zzz.
Guys, you stop that right now.
Oh, whoa.
The new handyman?
Lots of work for you to do.
I'm only here for a year.
Come on in.
My name's Karen Morgan.
Is that a little,
uh, accent I detect?
You're not from
Brooklyn, are you?
Paris.
Ah.
What, Texas?
France.
Come on in.
I'll show you your room.
Here's your room.
That was the new handyman?
What a loser.
Come on, let's go upstairs.
Quite a place.
Well, this is as
good as it gets.
Now, your duties will
also include wake up
call for the boys each morning
and picking them up at school
each afternoon at [inaudible].
Any questions?
Yeah, when do we
eat around here?
You really don't want to know.
Roommates, huh?
[inaudible], that's no fair.
Here you go.
- Oh, disgusting as usual.
- Hold on.
I know you appreciate
my cooking.
Well, bring it
closer, four-eyes.
I won't bite.
Woof.
Heh, psyche.
here you are.
Mm-mm.
Potatoes.
And let me give
you a little more.
There.
Hold on, four-eyes.
What are you, a man or a mouse?
Answer me.
Squeech.
Mm.
Hey, there's no dessert?
It, uh, it blew
up in the oven.
Aw.
Well, well, well.
If it isn't the new handyman.
Come on, grab a plate
and cut in line.
All right, thanks.
Hey, there's Huck Finn, Menudo.
How you doing.
You guys like, uh, New Kids
on the Block, Backstreet Boys?
- Not really.
- Not really.
- No.
- OK.
Want to see a trick?
You like tricks?
What do you think of this?
Whoa, whoa.
Looks real, doesn't it?
It's fake.
- I've seen it before.
- How about Barney?
You like Barney?
I love Barney.
Barney scare you?
- No.
Barney scares you, we
could watch it together.
Uh, you gonna eat or not?
Yeah, sure love--
uh, what is this, tofu?
- Oh yeah.
Oh, great, because I'm
on a low lactose diet,
you know, no glutes,
it's going to be no oil,
no salt, no nothing, no fat.
It took me days to cook this.
Well, because if
you get something
with me, my upset stomach,
it's not good for you,
it's not good for the kids.
Oh, uh, sorry.
No desert.
Technical problem.
It's OK.
Oh, for a beverage, I'd like
uh, a no sodium, no gas,
it's got to to be flatwater,
you know what I'm saying.
Just, I got bubbles and gas--
Gas, right.
And if I have a bad stomach,
then I'm back and forth,
back and forth all night--
- Back and forth.
Get no sleep.
Then I'm grumpy all day.
Right.
I-- I got you.
Next!
[music playing]
All right.
You're a [inaudible] whoo.
I'm telling you-- I kind
of got worried about that.
How are you doing, guys?
I'm Henry Butler, your handyman.
You know, you
break it, I fix it.
That's the deal.
Nice room.
A lot of wood.
Where are the trees?
A-ha.
I like your bird.
Why does the caged bird sing?
Anybody get these?
You know, if you're
alive, just come with me.
Hey.
Word up, man.
- That's out, man.
- It's out.
It's in.
We're both.
We're bad.
We're good.
Some-- Is this a card?
Is this a card for me?
Dear Mr. Butler, welcome
to the city boys' home.
You boys are so--
Oh.
This is just like Tina.
Bum bum bum, bum bum bum.
Look, folks, I'll
be here all year,
so hey, if you like 'em,
just say something, you know.
[groaning]
Oh, no.
Hey.
That's Ms. Morgan's place.
Not anymore, pal.
She'll make you move, man.
Big mistake.
Yeah.
I was born in the dark,
but it wasn't last night.
So let me tell you something.
I pulled this little
trickaroonie when
I was younger than you, so.
If you did something
to the chair--
OK.
Let Ms. Morgan
have your hides, huh?
How about that.
[laughter]
You little freaking
freewheeling spirits, you.
Mr. Butler, your
seat is over there.
We warned him.
Sorry about those chairs.
I mean, they're old and shaky.
Mmhm.
I see that.
Why don't you freshen up?
Unpack and have your
meal in your room.
[music playing]
- Yeah.
I like that.
Thank you, Ms. Morgan.
Hm.
Thanks for the warm welcome.
Guys.
Guys, this is the last
time I save your butt.
From now on, Mr. Butler has
the same authority as I do.
Huh?
Now eat.
[music playing]
Let's find the hair dryer.
Chip, you got the powder ready?
Yeah.
Butler?
[music playing]
Butler.
Butler!
I didn't do it.
I didn't do it!
What's that?
That was pizza.
What, my cooking isn't
good enough for you?
That's right.
My hair dryer broke.
You got one?
Oh, yeah.
Over there.
[farts]
What was that?
That's Pineapple again.
Pineapple, you know the rule.
[farts]
Oh, man.
He's farting in his sleep.
Look at his hands.
It looks like he's in a coffin.
- Great.
A farting corpse.
Uh-oh.
They're at it again.
You better do something quick.
Watch and learn.
[music playing]
All right.
Well, it's time to go to sleep.
And that's what I want
everyone to do, all right?
So-- Oh, man.
Who took a dump in the bed?
Who took a dump in the bed?
Oh, I get it.
I see what's going on here.
See, I'm from the
cheese police, and
if there's a guilty butt in
this room, I'm going to find it.
Who shot a bunny?
Who shot a bunny?
You shoot a bunny?
Huh?
Who stepped on a duck?
Who let one fly?
Silent but deadly.
Ahh.
Man.
Now, what do I smell?
Do I smell nutmeg?
A little bit of vanilla?
Chocolate cookies?
Cookies?
That's Cookie's food.
[radio static impression]
Jim, get out of there.
Bones, I'm going in.
Jim, you need a doctor.
What do you
think you're doing?
Why are you acting
like such a freak?
Uh.
I was having a good time
here until you came in.
Thanks for the buzz kill.
What are you doing up?
Ms. Morgan says I could
stay up as late as I want,
because I'm doing extra studies.
What's your problem?
Your attitude, pal.
Attitude?
If I read and study
hard, Ms. Morgan
says I can do anything I want.
I could be a lawyer.
Yeah, well, take my advice.
Aim higher.
You get your little
tuchus into bed, OK?
No more noise.
Butthead.
[farts]
[music playing]
A little grey.
Whoa.
Let's see.
How's this work?
Ahh!
Ahh!
Ahh!
Get out of my room.
And you're supposed
to use a dab.
Don't push me.
I'm trying to think.
PHONE: Well, hurry it up.
- Let's see.
Third race.
Uh-- you sure?
PHONE: Yeah, sure.
Well, then scratch Cowboy
Sombrero and give me--
uh, who's riding Prodigal Son?
PHONE: Eddie Del Hoosier.
Eddie Del Hoosier?
PHONE: Yeah.
Now--
[clears throat]
What do you want?
If you want a snack, you've
got to make it yourself.
I'm only hired for
breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
A la carte.
PHONE: Hey, you
still there, or what?
Yeah, yeah.
I'm still here.
Sorry about that.
PHONE: Yeah.
Now--
[clears throat]
What is it that
you want already?
De La Huse never wins
on three year old fillies.
Now how would you know
something like that?
Prodigal Son--
owner, Ian James.
Three-year-old filly.
Runs best on turf.
Do I still got time to bed?
PHONE: Yeah, you've
got to do it right now.
Well, hold on.
Come on.
- No, no.
I can't.
Come on.
Come on.
Yeah.
OK.
Forget Eddie whats
his face and give me--
give me Purple Haze instead.
Yeah.
PHONE: [inaudible]
Right.
[music playing]
RADIO: [inaudible] with
Wannabe right behind.
Ferocious [inaudible]
and Purple Haze.
They're coming around
the first turn.
It's Wannabe on the outside,
Banana Boat, and Purple Haze.
COOKIE: Ooh.
Ride.
Ride, come on.
RADIO: They're coming
into the [inaudible]
that's Blue Boy by a nose.
Ferocious second.
And right there is Purple
Haze moving up strong.
COOKIE: Come on.
Ride!
Ride!
Come on!
You can do it--
RADIO: It's Purple Haze
on the far outside.
Here comes Purple Haze.
They're coming over
the finish line.
It's Purple Haze-- it's
Purple Haze by a nose.
Blue Boy second and
Banana Boat third.
Come on!
- Yes!
Yes!
Yeah.
So, what kind of snack can
I make for you, Mr. Butler?
I'm glad you asked, Chef
Boyardee, because I'm hungry.
Now, I like tuna-- from the
Pacific, not from the Atlantic.
It's got to be no salt, no oil.
It's got to be
low in everything.
I like it on crackers,
not on bread.
Then I'll be happy.
Hey.
I thought it might be a
good idea for the boys
to be in a soccer league.
Mm.
Yeah.
It would mean them being
gone most of Saturday.
Hm?
Really?
- Yeah.
Sports.
Sports are the way to go.
I tell you, soccer,
discipline, responsibility,
and it's all day Saturday?
All day Saturday.
That's a good sport.
There's only one problem.
They don't have a coach.
Mm.
Maybe you could
be their coach.
You know.
Grab the little
bulls by the horns.
Uh-- nice try, but no cigar.
Why?
Did you have to ask?
Go ahead.
Knock.
- It's all right.
I think he's in the shower.
I've picked these
kind of locks before.
It's a piece of cake.
This is crazy.
Come on.
He's in the shower.
He'll never know.
He's in the shower.
There it is.
Come in here.
Ah!
[knocking]
Yeah?
Henry?
I've got a proposition for you.
You made me a great snack.
You may enter.
Now, I know you ain't
supposed to be gambling, but,
would it be against the
rules of your probation
if you kinda pick horses
for me occasionally?
Hm.
Oh, I see what
you're trying to do.
You're a little-- no.
But I've got a better idea.
You see, I kind of figure
that a grown man, you know,
should be able to gamble in
the privacy of his own home,
don't you think?
Sure.
Um.
Gamble on what?
Showtime.
[race music]
Hello.
See this one?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hard to corral these guys.
His name's Harry.
Come on, don't be-- look at her.
She's just running
around the corral.
And this one's mine.
Her name's Selene.
Mwah.
Butler?
Butler.
This is a cockroach.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
No, no.
See, today, they are trotters.
Trotter.
Loser gets wake
up duty for a week.
A week?
Mmhm.
OK.
Starting blocks, pit spray.
Starting block, pit spray.
Yes.
They come around
the first bend--
aspirin.
First around aspirin.
And the finish line--
the old bullhorn.
Bullhorn, finish line.
OK.
Oh, look how strong
they look today, huh?
- Yeah.
- Strong.
See the muscles?
They just glisten.
- Yeah, sinewy.
- Oh, sinewy.
These are thoroughbreds.
- Thoroughbreds, yeah.
Little saddles.
- Oh, sure, from Wyoming.
- Yeah.
Little jockeys.
- Tiny little one.
Yours is a little
lighter than mine.
That's OK, though.
OK.
[race whistling]
Exactly.
And the horses are in the gate.
[music playing]
And a one, and a two.
[race bell]
Ding.
And they're off.
Go, go Selene.
COOKIE: They're in.
And they're coming around
the mountain when they come.
Come on, cucharacha.
With horses, they're
coming around the mountain
when they come.
Oh they'll be coming around
the mountain when they come.
COOKIE: Run, baby,
run like the wind!
Yeah, come on.
HENRY: Those insects
will be crawling.
Oh, those insects
will be crawling.
Oh, those insects
will be crawling.
Come on!
Let's go!
Oops.
Harry.
I'll, uh--
I'll get another one
from the kitchen.
Oh.
This is going to be sweet.
Need a little more volume.
Wake up!
Rise and shine!
Hoohoo!
Oh, man.
Come on you slugs!
Move it!
Come on.
Can it, Cookie.
I need my beauty sleep.
I got news for you, son.
You ain't going to
get much prettier.
Haha.
It's still dark out.
Well, open your eyes, and
you shall see the light.
Oh.
Come on, girls.
Move it.
What part of get up
don't you understand?
[music playing]
Ahh!
Ow!
You OK, Cookie?
It's stuck!
Uh-oh.
I'm out of here.
It's stuck!
It's stuck to my face!
Oops.
Good time to feed my fish.
Why won't anybody help me?
What happened to you, Cookie?
That's it.
This time you've
all gone too far.
The last thing you all want--
you just got.
What's that?
My undivided attention.
Uh-oh.
Now get dressed.
I'll see you all in the bus.
[music playing]
I don't know which one
of you maggots did this,
but when I find out--
and I will find out--
you're going to wish
you were never born.
Morning.
They're all yours.
Cookie, what's
with the bullhorn?
What?
Oh, this thing.
Can't talk about.
Sticky situation.
If you need me, I'll
be back in the bus.
We'll see you later then.
Why am I talking like this?
- She's a babe.
Yeah.
Yeah, I give her a 10.
Step aside, boys.
She's mine.
- OK, guys.
Settle down.
I brought along my niece Megan.
She's captain of
her school team.
She's going to give
us some pointers.
OK, everyone.
Let's start with dribbling.
Let's see you dribble.
Pathetic.
You're an idiot.
So what do you think?
Does anyone here know
how to play soccer?
Yeah.
I play.
Let's see you, hot shot.
Oh, yeah.
Wow.
Oh, man.
Woohoo!
Yeah.
Well, maybe we
do have a chance.
Yeah.
Maybe.
Believe me, Mr. Butler.
I know what potpourri
smells like.
All right.
This window-- I want this
window boarded up immediately.
Totally.
And what is with the
mess on this floor?
This stuff-- this is
completely unacceptable.
Great.
Let me just start with this.
This will be B. This
is A. A, B. This
actually, is going to be all
modern, and Helsinki method--
Scandinavian-- all the glass
is coming from the North
Shore of Long Island--
I mean, like, you're
going to go crazy.
Now, this, actually,
is not what it appears.
This is a cultural center,
a panorama of vision.
This is actually sawdust meant
from-- ah ha-- from some wood.
This is from the Arthur
Murray Dance School, which
comes from the beaches
of the Bahamas,
and this is where the best
dance-- you know, get on it.
Get on it.
Get on it.
Very today.
In the house, in the house.
Yeah.
In the house.
And learn how to--
a more conservative--
Very good.
All right.
The electrical
wiring in this place
has got to be completely refit.
Yeah, of course.
And could you replace those
outlets with some modern ones?
Uh, Inspector,
are you kidding me?
These, you know,
are not outlets.
Oh, you're not
reading Electronic
Weekly Bi-Monthly Periodically?
Do you?
Seriously, because, this
is the newest thing.
This is the anti-regulation
defribululationer.
Defibrillator.
The defibrillator.
Exactly.
Did you read the article?
Mr. Butler--
And what it does is it's
from a special lab in Southern
California, biotech, med--
I have closed places
down for a fraction
of what you've got wrong here.
- Of course, of course.
Well, this is not that kind of--
If it weren't for
the kids, buddy,
you'd be defibrillator,
Long Island boy.
- Well, I'm not disagreeing.
- You know what?
I used to be--
I used to be a
huge fan of yours.
Well, thank you.
Until you let a
lot of people down.
One year probation isn't
enough for what you did.
OK.
But it doesn't take
away the good work we're
doing here with the children.
The nuns are thrilled.
Oh yeah?
Well, you'll come back when
I tell you to come back,
and that's the way it's
going to be, all right?
That's it.
Downstairs.
Close the door behind you, pal.
Did you use your charm on him?
I was Mighty Mouse.
I was Hercules.
I was like the whole super
terrific Fantastic Four in one.
And let me tell you something--
very good negotiator.
Very good negotiator.
The boys need uniforms.
The boys need soccer uniforms
to play in the league.
Believe me, I understand.
They need uniforms.
But I've got a few other
things here to work on.
And if it wasn't for
me, Sister Batrille,
newsflash-- this place
would be closed down.
Closed down?
Closed down.
And let me tell you something.
As I said, I had him
where I wanted him--
palm of my hand, you
know what I'm saying?
I mean, I told him it's
the highway or my way.
And that's the way it was.
No problem.
Bureaucrats have to
be told what to do.
So I'm-- haha.
I'm going to go do some, uh--
I got a list of repairs.
Obviously, I've got
a list of repairs.
And I'll do the--
You do the uniforms.
I do the repairs.
I wouldn't know
where to begin.
Well, I'm sure you'll figure
out something, you know.
I-- I've got enough--
uh.
Oh, man.
[music playing]
It's fixed.
You see?
You see, it's fixed?
That's the way it goes
around here, baby.
You give me a job,
I'll get it done.
OK.
I'll see ya.
[music playing]
We still got time
to turn around.
No, we don't, [inaudible]
Oh.
Do we-- do we have to?
Yes, we have to.
Do we really have to?
Yes.
We really have to.
Come on.
This place gives me
the heebie jeebies.
Me too.
- Then let's go.
- No.
No, no.
That way.
There must be some
other business somewhere.
Listen.
What did Mr. Wilson
at the food store
say about sponsoring the team?
He said no.
And by the way, that
was awfully rude of him,
not to let me have that apple.
That was no reason
for you to pinch
it when he wasn't looking.
And how about Mrs.
Grant, at the pet shop?
Also negative.
Huh?
And the other 10
businesses we saw today?
OK.
So what's your point?
My point is that Linden
Larkin of Larkin Funeral Homes
is our last chance.
Now keep your fingers crossed.
Stay calm.
[knocking]
Yes?
Come in.
Ugh.
After you.
Hey, hey, hey.
Come here.
Mr. Larkin, I'm Karen Morgan.
I must say, I'm very sorry to
learn about your enormous loss.
In this hour of pain, I want
you to know that I'm here
to ease that burden,
and take care of all
the necessary arrangements.
No, no, no--
I'm Linden Larkin, and I'll
be thinking of everything.
Yes, I know you are, but--
We specialize in the
pain of the bereaved.
No.
Mr. Larkin, we're here
about our children.
Children?
My Lord.
How many?
11.
11, right.
11.
What's he-- what's
he going on about?
No, no, no.
He's got it all wrong.
Let me show you
this pamphlet here.
COOKIE: What?
Here we have the Eternal
Light Package, which
comes with 24 hour lighting.
COOKIE: No, no.
KAREN: We have nothing
to do with that.
I'm sorry.
- No.
You don't understand.
No, Mr. Larkin,
there's a problem.
If it's money, don't worry.
I'll give you a special.
I know.
You should always be asking
for a special with 11 children.
No.
We're not here to put
them into the ground.
Oh.
Oh.
You're here for a layaway plan.
Uh-- no.
COOKIE: Come on.
- No.
Let me-- let me explain.
- Come on.
- Let me explain.
- Come on.
Bye bye.
Strange people.
Where'd I put that gum?
Ah.
[harmonica playing]
Yeah?
NICKY: It's Nicky, Mr. Butler.
What do you want?
NICKY: Ms. Morgan wants
to see you in the office.
Ugh.
Ow.
Ow.
What.
Ms. Morgan wants to
see you in the office.
Yeah.
What else?
Um.
Do you have a mom and dad?
[music playing]
I'm just like you, kid.
You wanted to see me?
Yes.
I'm going to see some people
from social services tonight.
I'll be back at around eleven.
Have a good time.
Um.
I had a word with the boys.
There won't be any
trouble while I'm out.
You're right.
There won't be.
Try to understand,
Mr. Butler--
some of these kids have
had a hard lot in life.
Don't tell me this is the
poor little orphan speech.
Most of these kids
are not orphans.
They've been neglected
or abandoned--
abused by their parents.
Lady, these are teenage boys.
They're a step-- no.
They're half a
step above monkeys.
I say you grab the
little bulls by the horns
and you teach them.
It's really what I think.
Well, strict discipline
does not always
mold kids into the best adults.
We'll see.
We'll see.
[music playing]
[whistling]
Where's Butler?
Uh.
He got up this
morning and headed
straight out to the garage.
I haven't seen him since.
So he's not coming.
I don't know.
Hey.
Did you get those uniforms?
I certainly did.
All right.
You got us a sponsor.
Ha.
See, boys, I told you
this was going to be fun.
Try them on, boys.
One size fits all.
I got a fashion house
to donate mistakes.
- Mistakes?
- Well, wrong stitching.
Slight imperfections.
Undetected flaws.
This t-shirt has one arm.
This one has three.
Bonus.
One size fits all?
Yeah.
It'll keep your knees warm.
This stinks.
Yeah, Ms. Morgan.
Everyone's going to laugh at us.
Cookie, you sort this out.
You get the boys
ready for a game,
and I'll go and have a
word with Mr. Butler.
They don't even have numbers.
Ah, I thought of that.
Oh, no.
[music playing]
Come here, you
little varmints!
Get out of my way!
Stay put!
Is that you?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Party boy.
Yeah.
Well, the boys are having
their first soccer game today.
Wish them luck for me.
What do you mean?
I mean, buena suerte.
Break a leg.
Mazeltov.
I don't have time.
I've got those
volunteers coming over.
Quit hiding, Mr. Butler.
You are afraid.
Those boys, soccer.
I mean, even life terrifies you.
If you think you're the only
one who's scared around here,
you're wrong.
Those boys need you.
[music playing]
[music playing]
[cheering]
SONG: Don't say that
I'm in your master plan.
Don't say that I'll
always be your man.
Your words are as
empty as your head.
Your words are a
total waste of breath.
Charlie, Four Eyes, watch out!
PLAYER: Get the
ball, guys, come on!
No.
Hey, ref!
Penalty kick!
Out of uniform!
Loser.
We're not playing dodgeball.
Dodge this.
Ooh.
That hurts, man.
Ow.
[music playing]
Someone just fill an empty hole.
We'll start to go.
Don't think I mean that, no.
Come on, Julian.
Get the ball.
[music playing]
I know that I'm an afterthought.
[inaudible]
It's just one goal.
You're still in the game.
All right!
Come on!
Yeah!
Great goal, huh?
Yeah.
So, uh, where's the coach?
You're talking to her.
What, are these guys so bad
no guy wanted the job, or what?
Hey, why don't you just
crawl back into that cave
where you came from?
[music playing]
Don't think I mean that much.
I know that I'm an afterthought.
It shows that I'm
an afterthought.
I know that I'm an afterthought.
I know that I'm an afterthought.
OK, guys.
Come on!
[music playing]
Come closer.
Now you're all I got.
I know that--
Haha.
Yeah.
Good work, boys.
I can't believe this, man.
It's crazy.
We got burned.
We were just so happy.
You call this fun, Ms. Morgan?
Well--
Well, I don't
see anyone smiling
or laughing around here.
This is really embarrassing.
Look, I know you guys
are having some trouble.
- Some trouble?
- Trouble?
This is more than trouble.
This is a total disaster.
All right.
All right.
You all have every right to
be upset and angry with me.
But there's one
thing you can't be--
Oh, yeah?
What?
Quitters.
I'm not going to stand by and
watch you do it yourselves.
You guys have got
to stick together.
Yeah.
Well, so far, sticking
together's resulted in a five
to nothing score
for the Raptors.
How are we going
to reverse that?
I don't know.
But I bet you guys it all
starts with a big cheer.
Come on.
Let's put your
hands in the middle.
All right.
Let's go.
All right.
Let's go.
Home team, home team, home team.
Home team, home
team, home team, yay.
Yeah, whatever.
[music playing]
All right, guys.
Let's go.
Let's get into it.
Come on, Julian.
Come on, Julian!
Come on, Alex!
Oh-- oh, no!
Hey, Romeo-- watch this.
[music playing]
Tears have fallen,
years gone by.
And I am left to wonder why.
Had I but acted differently--
Forget it.
Nobody cares.
[music playing]
You'd still be here beside me.
If I could have but one regret--
Come on, defense!
Come on!
[music playing]
It would be you, my Juliet.
Hoping to find you.
Pineapple, are you OK?
[music playing]
Tears have fallen on the ground.
The years have turned
themselves around.
This solemn pact that
we endure, will bear
its fruit, of this I'm sure.
Oh, no.
[music playing]
If I could make
but one mistake, it
would be you, my soul to take.
I'm still hoping to find you.
Open your eyes.
Man, that boy can kick.
[music playing]
See things you've never seen.
Where is the world we
have been looking for?
Just open your eyes,
forever and ever.
Hey, Coach.
Great game.
You know, maybe your
boys would have a little
more luck with miniature golf.
Well, maybe you should take
your head out of your butt
and come up for air.
Good work.
We'll see you again.
OK, guys.
We're home.
Oh, cheer up.
Hey, it's not that bad.
Put a smile on that face.
Mm.
Oh.
Oh, thank you.
Hey, good work
out there, Julian.
Right.
You really
hustled today, Chip.
Please, tell me we'll
never do this again.
Actually, we're doing
it again tomorrow.
Ms. Morgan.
Do you see those soccer
balls flying around my head?
You just keep that
ice pack on your head.
You'll be fine.
All right.
So how'd they do?
We lost.
10-0.
Ouch.
Well, I guess there is
room for improvement.
Listen, I don't want to
sound like a broken record,
but the boys need
better uniforms.
Well, I don't want to
be the one to tell you,
but, they could use a
lot more than uniforms.
Well, it will make them
feel better about themselves.
Well, let me
tell you something.
I've got something for you.
Winning.
How about something
called winning?
Yes, winning would make them
feel better about themselves.
Why are you so hard with them?
Because these
kids are not soft.
They can take it.
And how would you know?
No.
I mean, tell me.
What makes you such
an authority on it?
Ms. Morgan, I was
one of those kids.
I was raised by the state.
OK-- but I lacked something
called discipline.
So I just ruined my life--
almost, almost ruined my life.
I hear you.
What do you want me
to do to convince you?
Get those uniforms.
You do not let go.
Look.
I'm here as a handyman, OK?
That's my job.
Handyman.
This place is going
to be torn down--
I mean, it's a shambles.
So I got a lot of work to do.
And listen, believe me.
Uniforms are the
least of my problems.
OK?
Well, I care.
You just go through the motions.
Thanks, you guys.
When you're done I can
use you in the back.
Thanks so much.
No problem.
How are you doing?
Hello.
Thank goodness those
little soccer balls are gone.
That's good.
Yeah.
But now I've seeing these
little itsy bitsy stars.
That's bad.
Yeah, well not as
bad as having to watch
these dad and lad do-gooders.
Hey, son, do want to
give me that box of nails?
Daddy?
Sorry?
Do these kids live here?
I'm afraid so, son.
Where are their parents?
How about the
box of nails, huh?
Why are they living
without their moms and dads?
Did they do something bad?
Are they like in jail?
No.
These boys are here
because their parents
couldn't take care of them.
Or they were no good at it.
This sucks.
I'm leaving.
Chip.
Come back.
[music playing]
He's right.
This really does suck.
LARKIN: Everything will be fine.
Everything will be fine.
And this here is the Patriot.
There is no final resting place
more comfortable and secure.
It's nice.
Beautiful.
How much is the Patriot?
It's $10,000 more.
But money should
be of no concern,
considering this is your
husband of how many years?
14 years.
14 years.
LARKIN: 14 years.
I just don't think he
would have wanted me spending
that much on the casket.
I don't know.
I think maybe I should
take that other one.
The first one.
The Pioneer?
Yes.
What's wrong, Mr. Larkin?
Worms.
Worms?
The cheaper ones
don't keep them out.
There, there, there.
Mr. Reilly will be
put in the Patriot
where he deserves, right?
Yes.
Oh, that is so nice.
Please take Mrs. Reilly
and make her sign.
Everything's going
to look beautiful.
Beautiful?
Yes.
No worms?
No worms.
There you go.
Don't worry.
Everything is going to be fine.
Crocodile tears.
You scared me.
Oh, it's you.
Mr. Larkin.
I have a new proposition.
Ms. Morgan, I told you before.
We are too strapped for
funds to sponsor your team.
Is that why you hustled that
woman and took advantage of her
grief?
Excuse me.
Now, I have a dear, dear
friend in the district
attorney's office.
Now, you and I are going
to talk, Mr. Larkin.
Talk?
Yes.
About business ventures
and uniforms for a very
deserving group of boys.
You OK?
I've been better.
You ever think about mom?
Dad, mostly.
He hung around a long
time after she split.
He chased her away.
Mom-- she was no saint.
Well, I hate them.
Why does that have to
happen to us, Julian?
I ask myself that every day,
but I don't have an answer.
It's not fair.
[music playing]
I know.
But listen up.
You and me, we got each other.
All these other guys in here,
they're all on their own.
You promise we'll
stick together forever?
I promise.
Together forever.
Now let's get some shuteye.
We've got a big game tomorrow.
I know.
When will the torture end?
I think it's just beginning.
You know what, Julian?
I wish just once, I could score
a goal, or do something right.
Anyways, goodnight, Julian.
Angels on your pillow, Chip.
All right, gentlemen.
Get your jerseys right
out of the dryer.
Oh, no.
I thought we were
getting new uniforms.
Yeah.
This is child abuse.
If we've got to wear these
again, I'm out of here.
Ah.
Pineapple.
These are disgusting.
Hey.
Cool car.
It's not a car.
It's a hearse.
A what?
A hearse.
It's a car for dead people.
Oh.
Oh, I think I'm going to puke.
Hey, Butler.
Come on out here for a minute.
Hey, boys.
Come and meet Mr. Larkin here.
It's the stiff planter.
Coffin keeper.
Never touch their
hands, you know?
Clammy.
- Yeah.
Mr. Butler.
Mr. Butler, come and
shake Mr. Larkin's hand.
Yeah.
He got us some uniforms.
Mmhm.
And when we take
to the field today,
we'll be a whole new team.
Come on down.
Come on.
Come on.
Don't do it, man.
[music playing]
Yeah.
I would love to, but, you know,
I hurt it when I was cutting
some bread for the children.
They were so hungry
this morning.
Just, wow, hey, this is great.
This is a blue and
white funeral motif.
Very-- goes with the car.
I mean, the hearse.
Pardon me.
And um-- uh--
ah.
Ah.
Very nice.
- Fantastic, really.
- Nice.
I mean, really amazing.
I mean, death is cool.
Yes.
Yes.
[music playing]
All right.
Let's go guys.
SONG: Here I go again, and
this time it's for real.
I'm off to find a
new place in the sun.
Let's go, guys.
Come on.
Get it back.
[music playing]
[inaudible], over here.
[music playing]
And I wonder, will I
ever come this way again?
Home team.
Here you go, madam.
You're fantastic.
Home team, home team.
Isn't that great?
Pennants and hats and buttons.
What are you doing?
I'm killing them.
Look, I'm making back the
money I invested in the boys.
And I'll be into profits
within a few games.
Look at that.
Look at this gorgeous stuff.
One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine, 10--
Mr. Larkin, we get
any of that money?
Do they?
Uh, yeah.
Yeah, OK.
A percentage?
Yeah?
Gross or net?
From the mouth of babes.
Home team, home team, good.
Cool uniforms.
Come on!
Come on, Julian, let's go!
[music playing]
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's get that ball,
defense, come on.
You make them look good
like that, guys, come on.
Incoming!
PLAYER: Get on 11.
PLAYER: Yes.
PLAYER: Drop it back.
PLAYER: Come on, stop him.
PLAYER: Come on!
PLAYER: Stop him!
Woohoo!
Yes!
Yahoo!
[music playing]
Whoo.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Come on, yeah!
Well.
I guess that's about it.
I guess so.
Listen, I--
Listen, I-- isn't that
weird when that happens?
I'm sorry.
You go ahead.
You first.
You sure?
OK.
I just want you to know that
I'm sorry for blowing off
your idea about those uniforms.
I mean, they're-- they're
great, and you did good.
Thanks.
The boys deserve them.
Yeah.
I guess everyone deserves
a break once in a while.
Including you?
[music playing]
I think it's time you stopped
being so hard on yourself.
Spread your wings
and get out there.
Yeah.
Enjoy life.
Make new friends.
How about some help?
I can't believe
we scored a goal.
Hey.
Maybe we might even win a game.
Let's not go overboard.
Are you sore?
I've got muscles I didn't
even know about that ache.
Yeah.
Me too.
So what's your story?
[music playing]
My father, he's--
he's in prison.
He stole a car.
Me and my mom, we
were on our own.
But she died a year ago.
Bummer.
So what about you?
Well, my mom died
when I was born.
I think maybe I was
too big, or something.
What about your dad?
Well, I was living
in a car with him.
But I got busted for
not being in school.
Man.
Cars and moms.
They don't seem to
be too lucky for us.
I guess not.
Mm.
We actually scored a goal today.
Mm.
Will wonders never cease?
You know, I, uh--
I haven't felt this relaxed--
I mean, I just feel really
comfortable with you.
I haven't felt this
way in a long time.
Yeah.
It's the same for me.
Was it difficult,
during the trial?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Of course.
It just-- it was
horrible, only because I
could have avoided it.
Now I've got to live with
it the rest of my life.
Oh.
We all make mistakes.
Sure.
Even the party boy.
I got to tell you.
That was a great time.
[music playing]
I mean-- whoo.
I mean, the press loved me.
You know, I just--
they made my life out
to be like one big bash.
Was it?
Yes.
Completely.
It was unbelievable.
I mean, you cannot
believe what they--
I had a chauffeur.
I had a guy who
flossed my teeth.
I had, I mean--
I had a girl who would
just bring me diet soda.
Just--
[music playing]
Oh, Henry.
I know this is going
to look like a set up.
I didn't know this
was going to happen.
Would you coach the boys?
I mean, they really need you.
Are you kidding?
I'll do anything
you want me to do.
La, la, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la, la.
Don't we ever get time
off for good behavior?
My name is the Reverend
Billy Bob Thornton,
and I've got to tell you.
I've never seen a boy like this.
Has not risen from
the bed in 16 years.
16 years not risen from the bed.
I'm going to make him rise.
Rise, son.
Rise out of your bed.
Oh, lord, it's a miracle?
What is he doing?
Good morning, good morning.
Top of the morning to you, sir.
Good morning.
Good morning.
It's time to say good morning,
and have a wonderful day.
Ladies and gentlemen, I
am pleased to tell you
that I'm going to be your Walter
Matthau to your Bad News Bears.
What?
Huh?
I'm going to be Spartacus
to your Hebrewites.
Huh?
I'm going to be Emilio
Estevez to your Mighty Ducks.
Oh.
What happened to Ms. Morgan?
She's out.
I'm in.
Oh, man.
What do you know about
soccer, Mr. Butler?
Anything but butthead.
Come on.
Everybody off to church now.
Ahh.
What's up?
What's with the knee brace?
Oh, this thing.
It's a big mistake.
See, I looked like
a guy who owed
another guy money, so he sent
a big guy to break his knees.
But it happened to be me,
so it's like, a big mix up.
You know, a mistake.
It wasn't really anything.
You know, now that I think
about it, I feel great.
Go over there.
OK.
He got us up at
the crack of dawn.
You guys like to warm up?
I like to warm up.
I think warming up is
very, very important.
PLAYER: We don't
have time to warm up.
I don't mean warming up
like you warm up a car.
I mean like you warm up,
like, maybe like a girl.
You know, you don't
go to the mall
and say, hey, come to my house.
You say something like,
hey, how about a bagel,
or how about some
sesame or poppy seed?
I mean, you've got to be smooth,
you know what I'm saying?
And then, you don't
talk about sports
and hammers and saws and nails.
You talk about pots
and pans and flowers
and Betty Crocker
and things like that.
Let me have a ball.
[music playing]
Huh.
Oh.
He's good.
Not bad.
Now cones.
I combine strength,
agility, determination,
throw in a little chicken
fat, a little paprika.
[impressed chatter]
You've got a recipe for success.
PLAYER: Oh, wow.
PLAYER: Oh, man.
Oh, yeah, all right.
PLAYER: He's a baller.
PLAYER: You're
awesome, Mr. Butler.
- What do you think?
- Whatever you say, coach.
PLAYER: Yeah.
Let's learn some soccer.
PLAYER: Yeah.
[music playing]
Sometimes surprise visits
are the only way of finding
out what's really going on.
Visiting?
This is snooping.
Oh.
It's these new locks.
They're always getting stuck.
[inaudible] here we go.
If there's any contraband,
it's usually hidden.
I'll find it.
[music playing]
Oh.
What's this?
Hey.
Oh-- oh!
Wh-- what-- what is that?
That-- that's a cockroach?
Yeah.
Oh.
It's a science project.
Yeah, of course.
Mr. Butler is helping
one of the kids with it.
Science project.
Mmhm.
Thank you.
Maybe Butler has been
a positive influence.
Let's just hope that
he turns out to be
the exception to the rule.
Look.
You tell Butler that I came
by and I'll be returning soon.
Ugh.
SONG: Kick it.
[music playing]
SONG: You can do it.
Come on now.
Kick it.
Come on, Four Eyes.
SONG: Move it on down and
bash it around and kick it.
You can do it.
Come on and kick it.
[encouraging chatter]
SONG: You can make it
if you stick together.
Playing for the
home team, homeboy.
Look out now.
We're getting better.
Kick it.
You can do it.
Come on now.
Come on now, kick it.
Kick it.
Julian.
Wake up.
Something's burning.
Man, it's Pineapple again.
I'm not kidding.
[music playing]
- Everybody wake up.
- What?
What's going on?
- There's a fire!
Huh?
OK.
Guys, guys.
OK.
You're all there?
Just follow me downstairs.
Where's Butler?
He's stuck in his room.
Cookie's trying
to unjam the lock.
Chip.
You stay with Ms. Morgan.
I'm going to go help Cookie.
But what about
the picture of mom?
And the uniforms?
- Don't you worry about that.
OK.
Down, down, down.
Let's go, guys.
Come on.
KAREN: Here we go.
Let's go.
[coughing and nervous chatter]
[interposing voices]
Go, go, go.
Come on.
Hurry up!
Cookie, just jiggle
it a little bit!
I'm trying, but I
can't get it open!
I'll spring him, Cookie.
Who's there with you, Cookie?
It-- it's Julian, Mr. Butler.
I'm going to get you out.
Go, go, go.
Come on.
[interposing voices]
Get out of here, Julian, now.
I almost got it.
I said leave now.
It's too dangerous!
Is he there, Cookie?
[music playing]
No.
No, he's gone.
KID: Where are they?
It's Julian.
KID: We've got to get them out.
Come on!
Help me in!
KID: They're going to be OK.
KID: Mr. Butler!
[interposing voices]
[fire engine]
Did anything
happen to that kid?
What did I tell you?
You could have
been bouillabaisse.
Come on.
Let's get out of here.
[interposing voices]
Somebody take Moby.
Chip.
Where's Chip?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
No, no, no.
Chip, no!
Chip!
Don't follow me!
KAREN: Stay here.
Stay!
- Chip!
No!
Chip, no!
Chip, where are you?
JULIAN: Chip!
No!
KAREN: Stay here!
Where are you, Chip?
CHIP: Over here!
Oh, man, what are you doing?
I wanted to get the picture.
I had to get the uniforms.
I'm scared, Mr. Butler.
We'll do this together.
Here they come.
KID: All right.
Right on, Mr. Butler!
[interposing voices]
KAREN: Hey, hey.
Hey.
I'm good.
[firefighter radio]
Pineapple, you all right?
You OK?
My fish were in the fire.
What?
Aw.
You can have Moby.
He'd do much better with you.
Thanks, Mr. Butler.
Aw.
Aw.
I was hoping you'd
be in a nightie.
[music playing]
Our house is burning.
[firefighter chatter]
Is everyone OK?
The house is toast.
Well.
Then everyone
could come and stay
at the funeral home for now.
KID: Huh?
- Really?
Yeah.
I got lots of room.
Hey, my guests don't
stay that long.
Yeah, but, there's
dead people in there.
Yeah, like zombies.
Can't we just find a
nice Motel 6, Ms. Morgan?
It'll be fine, Greg.
And Mr. Larkin was very
generous to offer, boys.
Right, Henry?
Are you kidding?
there's not a chance
in the world I'd wen--
I mean, the chances of me--
Henry.
Staying at any other place
than Mr. Larkin's place,
because Mr. Larkin,
I can see as a host.
I could see, looking at him,
just looking at him, kids,
just welcoming us.
KID: Huh?
What do you think?
We can't go.
The bus is on the fritz.
Yeah.
KID: Yeah.
Come on.
Let's go.
KID: In the back?
That's where they
put the dead people.
I don't know guys.
Well, maybe we
should give it a try.
How bad could it be?
Let's go.
Ugh.
Let's just go.
[music playing]
This i going to be fun.
Come on, Nicky.
This is going to be fun.
KID: I don't want
to ride nothing.
KID: It'll be all right.
Come on.
Fun.
Yeah, right.
Fun.
Weird place.
Man, this is like
Friday the 13th.
It's worse.
This makes the Bates
Motel from Psycho look good.
One, two.
Freddy's coming for you.
Stop.
Stop.
I've got so much to show you.
The adults, could you please
get the clothes and other things
in my chariot of love?
Huh?
In the hearse.
Yeah, sure.
The rest of you,
this way here, please.
I'll follow you.
Come on.
Good morning, Mr. Washburn.
He'll be gone soon.
Don't worry.
KID: This is spooky, man.
KID: Hey, look at that.
What kind of
soccer team are you?
Let's go.
Home team, home team, home team.
KID: I don't like this place.
It smells weird.
I don't know about this, guys.
What's that?
This place is freaky.
KID: I think we should have--
You look as if you're
stuck in molasses.
[laughter]
You can take this room here.
[hesitant chatter]
And the next four, right,
you can take the room here.
Come on.
Let's go.
That one's mine.
I got the [inaudible]
[interposing voices]
Ah.
Someone tell me I didn't
die and go to heaven.
This is awesome.
I could get used to this.
Hm.
[music playing]
No, no, no, no, no.
Don't touch that.
Why?
Because it's locked.
You can spread your things out.
Make yourselves at home.
And don't be afraid
of the furniture.
You'll be able to
explore the whole house,
top to bottom later, all of you.
I'll just go settle
everybody else in.
It's so nice to have
people around that breathe.
So cute, the little one.
Strange little man.
You can say that again.
The building inspector
informed us at social services
that it's worse than it looks.
Well, how much do you think
it's going to cost to repair?
I'm afraid they decided
to red tag the place.
It's totally unsafe.
By the end of the month,
it will be bulldozed.
Well, how soon can the
social services department
find us another house?
There won't be
another, Ms. Morgan.
No.
The boys will be transferred to
various homes around the state,
depending on who can
accommodate them.
But they need
to stay together.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Beginning next week, we'll
start to transfer the boys.
What about private donations?
Beg your pardon?
Private money.
If we raised money privately,
could we build a house?
I suppose the boys could
stay together, but, uh--
you'd have to do
it by the deadline.
Anyway, as of now,
they're out on the street.
We can't have that.
- No.
No, they're not on the street.
They're at a fune--
few, uh, few, um, few--
Friends.
Few friends' house.
And they're at a
few friends' house.
And they're playing.
And the children are so happy.
You should see them.
The cutest--
I'm sorry, but
we have our rules.
I shall be in touch.
[music playing]
And now the world's
awesome sundae.
Yeah.
Let me have some.
Come on.
Let me have some.
A little cream.
Have some.
Ah!
Come on.
Hit it.
Hit it.
KID: Whoa!
Don't worry.
Come on.
Hit it.
Yeah!
Yeah!
Huh?
[laughter]
I say we pick the lock.
Yeah.
It's just a closet.
Why is it locked?
Let me listen.
What is that?
It's like scratching.
The handle is moving.
[spooky laughter]
Guys, wait up!
What the hell was that?
I don't know, but
it sure was ugly.
We've got to get out.
There were two of them, and
the other one was even uglier.
Don't do that to me.
Are you kidding around?
You could poke somebody's
eye out with these things.
Gotcha.
Are you aware
that most accidents
occur around the home, huh?
What are you talking about?
You did it.
- Well, that's different.
I happen to be a home
repair specialist.
I'm trained with
equipment like this.
Plus, I was in the military,
pal, which is no picnic.
They have--
[weird sound]
What was that?
I don't know.
Back to back.
Cover me.
You walk me to my room.
I walk you to yours.
Oh, no.
You walk me to my room first.
Then I walk you to your room.
Circular, circling.
No, no, no.
You walk me to my room.
I walk you to yours.
COOKIE: No, no.
[whistling]
Ah, Dr. Frankenstein,
I presume.
He was a very
misunderstood man.
Great peanut butter waffles.
Look.
He's, uh--
That Larkin is a weirdo.
Yeah, they're pancakes.
What can I do you for, Henry?
Cookie, I've got
to talk to you.
Sure.
What's up?
I gotta get a loan.
Damn, Henry.
You know we're not supposed
to talk about that stuff.
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm talking about cash.
I've got to hit the streets.
We gotta get some money.
We can't stay here so long.
- I'm sorry, Henry.
I can't help you.
Karen would kill me.
Karen doesn't have to know.
I'm telling you, we could
double our money overnight.
We could buy a new
house for the kids.
Henry.
Picking ponies is
one thing, but this--
This is a sure thing.
This is not gambling.
I really, really want
to help you, Henry.
But I can't.
You're still on probation.
[music playing]
COACH: That's it, boys.
Keep it up.
Touch.
COACH: Loosen up there.
Good.
Touch.
Turn around.
Turn around.
Let's go.
Come on!
Gabriel.
Get your butt over here.
The team's warmed up, sir.
We're ready to rock.
To what?
To rock.
[cocky chatter]
Never mind that.
You recognize that guy over
there with those losers?
No, sir.
Must be the new coach.
Yeah, well they
could use one, huh?
Listen.
Keep the guys warmed up.
I'm going to go check
on a hunch, all right?
- Yes sir.
- All right, everybody.
Come on.
Let's huddle up.
Let's huddle up.
Team is looking sharp.
Very strong, very
strong group of men.
OK, you guys.
You know how important
this game is, right?
Yeah.
We win it and we go
on to the semifinals.
And you remember what the
Raptors did to you last time.
- Yeah.
- Oh, man.
Well, now, this is
called payback time.
Oh, yeah.
That's right.
Well, well, well.
If it ain't Henry Butler.
Yeah.
I recognized you
from the newspapers.
So, Henry.
Are you going to
sell these boys out
like you did with your
last team, or what?
Hey.
What are you talking about?
Well, go ahead.
Tell them.
Hey, coach.
Get your team on the field
or you're disqualified.
You too.
You know who that is?
Who?
Henry Butler.
We'll talk about
it at halftime.
Right now, we've
got a game to play.
Stan, count it off.
On three.
Hahaha.
STAN: One, two, three.
ALL: Home team!
Let's go, guys.
Let's go, boys.
ALL: Let's go.
PLAYER: Are you
going to kick butt?
ALL: Yeah.
COACH: OK, guys.
One, two, three.
ALL: Raptors!
COACH: Yeah.
Let's get out there, guys.
[inaudible] the hats, the
buttons and the sweatshirts.
All right.
Home team, home team.
Hey, Reilly.
Where's your button?
- Anything over here?
- Huh?
All right.
- Oh, hey.
Let me have one of those.
Which one?
The button.
OK.
That's--
- There you go.
- I'll get into the spirit.
Right.
It's a buck 50.
Oh, I don't have
my wallet on me.
I've got a game going on.
Cookie?
Yeah, my money's
invested, sorry.
What are you charging
a buck 50 for?
He's the coach.
Yeah.
Home team free.
[music playing]
HENRY: All the way.
Come on boy.
KAREN: Yeah, let's go.
HENRY: All right.
Give it right to Alex.
SONG: [inaudible]
PLAYER: Yeah,
that's it, come on.
COACH: Yeah, that's defense.
Come on, ref.
That's a penalty.
Looks clean to me.
Way to go, big d.
[music playing]
[music playing]
Come on, baby.
Come on, Pineapple!
[cheering]
Pineapple, you did it, dude.
[music playing]
[cheering]
Come on.
Hustle on down.
The game's just begun.
Here.
Thanks.
Here we go.
All right.
All right.
Hey.
Great play, Gabriel.
Thanks, coach.
Well, it looks like Butler's
got a lot of explaining
to do to those losers, huh?
Actually, they've
gotten better.
I think they've been practicing.
Yeah, well.
There ain't enough days
in the year for them
to get good enough to give
us any problems, eh boys?
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
Well.
Let's see if Butler can squirm
his way out of this jam, huh?
So what's this all
about, Mr. Butler?
PLAYER: Yeah.
What's up?
Uh.
Well, a few years
ago, I was a pro.
But, uh, I got caught gambling--
on a game that I
wasn't playing in.
But nevertheless, I got caught.
And it became a
terrible scandal.
I got suspended from the
league, indefinitely.
And then things just got worse.
You know, I mean, like, boom.
I got involved with
the wrong people.
And before I knew it, I was
just going down the toilet.
And almost landed in jail.
But they were kind
enough to give me
community service,
which means I get
to work in a house like yours.
So the way I look at it
is, I made a mistake.
I paid for it.
And I'm forgiven.
[music playing]
Is that right?
Gambling.
Yeah.
Karen.
This first play, see?
This is what we
start the half with.
Julian, Alex, you know
what we're doing, right?
You just keep it going.
I appreciate what
you did for me.
You're a good group of guys.
Hey, guys.
Don't you think he
deserves a second chance?
She's right, you know.
He's just like one of us.
Yeah.
I mean, he was cool about
the practical jokes.
He saved my life.
Yeah.
And he gave me his fish.
You know, maybe we
shouldn't let him get away.
Mr. Butler.
Wait up!
Nicky!
PLAYER: Hey, Mr.
Butler, wait up.
We want to talk to you.
Mr. Butler!
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Look.
Mr. Butler, we understand that
you've taken some hard knocks,
just like all of us have, right?
Oh, it's no use.
Get in here, Julian.
Uh.
Look, Mr. Butler, what
we're all trying to say
is that you're a throwaway,
just like all of us.
What?
None of us ever wanted
to leave our families.
We-- we got dumped.
Now we've got to stick together,
because we're all we got.
Yeah.
What do you say?
I say you can
do better than me.
You kidding?
The last guy got fried.
You're an improvement.
Bzzt.
Come on.
Stay.
OK.
On one condition.
You can call me hey you.
You can call me hey, hey.
You can call me
hay is for horses.
But no more Mr. Butthead.
How about Mr. B?
ALL: Yeah.
All right.
Let's go kick some Raptor.
ALL: Yeah!
Darn!
OK, guys.
Listen up, huh?
[music playing]
I want you guys to go out there
and destroy the home team, huh?
Take no prisoners.
You understand?
- Yes, sir.
They're going to
wish they never met
Vince Jones and the Raptors.
So get out there and kick butt.
ALL: Come on!
[music playing]
PLAYER: Let's go, guys.
Let's go win this one.
It's only 1-0.
Let's go.
Come on!
PLAYER: Come on, guys, go for
it!
[music playing]
Downtown, was
feeling like a drug.
[inaudible]
I gotta get away.
PLAYER: Yes!
[music playing]
I gotta get away.
I know an alibi.
I gotta get away.
I know an alibi.
I gotta get away.
PLAYER: Stop pushing me!
Watch it.
Watch it.
Stop him!
Come on!
Yes!
Julian, excellent, excellent.
What is this?
Come on.
Stop him.
Come on.
[music playing]
Hey, hey, hey.
Oh, go on, go on.
Take it.
Take it.
Oh!
Great save!
Go, go, go!
Go!
Go!
Good hustle, Alex.
Good hustle.
Get number 11.
[music playing]
PLAYER: Pick him
up, pick him up.
PLAYER: Come on, it's only 1-0.
All right, Julian.
HENRY: Go on, Alex.
Come on.
That's it, keep going.
Watch it!
Watch it!
Yeah!
Ahh.
Alex!
[booing]
I'll go and check on him.
What-- ref!
Excuse me, ref.
Are we at the same game?
Did you not see that?
No.
Oh, come on, look at them.
I have no substitutes.
Easy.
Are you OK?
Should I get a doctor?
No.
I'll be fine.
Here.
I made these special
energy cookies.
This will fix you up.
I thought you
were on our side.
What are you talking about?
These are-- no-- um.
Forget about the cookies.
I'll be all right.
I want to go back in.
What's going on?
- They have no substitutes.
- Look.
My kid's hurt.
Well, I guess you're
just going to have
to play shorthanded, huh?
- Henry.
Are you serious-- come on.
Henry.
Alex is OK to go back in.
Good.
OK.
By the way, can
I call you Vince?
Yeah.
I have been admiring
your outfit all day.
It's gorgeous.
I mean, the colors, with your
skin, and your eyes, the hair.
Just, really beautiful--
can we go shopping later?
Maybe me and you,
spend a little time?
Thanks.
Come on, coach.
PLAYER: All right.
Let's go, Julian.
Come on.
All right, Stan.
That's it.
[music playing]
Come on guys, get
that ball back.
Come on.
Let's go guys.
We need a goal.
We need a goal.
Come on.
All right.
Nice.
PLAYER: Come on.
Don't let him through the hole.
No!
PLAYER: Yeah!
Good!
[cheering]
PLAYER: 1-1, all right!
Let's go!
Give me 10.
Now.
[music playing]
PLAYER: Let's go, guys.
Another one.
We need another one.
Come on, let's go.
Right away.
KAREN: Home team, home team.
PLAYER: Let's go Julian.
Watch it!
It's not fair!
It's not fair!
[booing]
PLAYER: Yeah, penalty
shot, all right!
Looks like they
got a penalty kick!
Penalty kick.
At last.
[cheering]
Yeah!
Yeah!
Woohoo.
Way to go!
OK.
Easy, easy.
Where's that ice pack?
Here you go, coach.
Thank you.
OK.
We got a penalty kick.
You ready?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, you can do it?
- Yeah.
I can take it.
- You sure?
- Yeah.
- All right.
Let's get on up.
One, two, three.
Oh, wait, easy, easy, easy.
HENRY: No?
No good?
PLAYER: No way, forget it.
Alex, you're our ringer.
PLAYER: Yeah.
Alex will do it.
All right.
Coach, let my
brother do it for me.
Well, I mean, I'm available.
[music playing]
[breathing]
[music playing]
[cheering]
Yeah!
I scored a goal!
Yeah!
I did it!
We won!
We won.
We won.
Thanks to you, Henry.
Come on.
Let's go and see the boys.
Yeah.
Woohoo!
They won!
More games.
More merchandise.
More guys, more merchandise.
Sell, sell!
Yeah.
It's Cookie.
What were the odds?
All right.
[grunting]
Yeah!
Butler!
PLAYER: One, two, three!
ALL: Home team, home team, yeah!
Coming through.
Coming through.
Karen, Butler-- I won.
I won.
Huh?
What?
What did you win?
I won almost a quarter
of a million dollars.
What?
How?
I bet my life
savings on the team.
My bookie got me incredible
odds with someone in Vegas.
I've almost got enough
money to buy us a new home.
ALL: Yeah!
Yeah!
Cookie!
- Did you bet?
- Huh?
The money you borrowed.
Did you bet?
No.
No.
I was using that to put on
an exhibition soccer game--
like, raise like 10 grand.
Did you say 10,000?
Yeah.
That's all we need
to buy the house.
Kids!
Not only that.
We're going to have
a new swimming pool.
We're going to
get new underwear.
Boxers or briefs, Mr. B?
Both!
We're going to be living good.
And we're going
to be together!
ALL: Yeah!
[music playing]
ALL: Cookie, Cookie,
Cookie, Cookie,
Cookie, Cookie, Cookie, Cookie.
Ahh!
[bang]
Come on.
Let's go!
Ahh!
[music playing]
I needed a friend.
Somebody near me.
I cry inside so no
one would hear me.
But you felt my pain.
Brought me out--
out of the rain.
I'm not alone.
Now I found my way home.
Yeah.
You turned me around, built
me up when I was down.
You brought the best out of
me when the rest couldn't see.
You turned my life around.
You came along.
Someone to guide me.
Rebuilt my pride, with
you here beside me.
You opened my skies.
Now I've come alive.
I almost missed that a
friend could feel like this.
Oh, hey, you turned me around.
I was lost.
Now I'm found.
And you are the one
that I turned to.
Then you turned my life around.
Oh, yeah.
You turned me around.
Built me up-- built
me up when I was down.
You brought the best out of
me when the rest couldn't see.
You turned my life around.
You turned me around.
I was lost.
I was lost.
Now I'm found.
Now-- you brought
the best out of me
when the rest couldn't see.
I couldn't see it.
You turned my life around.
Oh, yeah.
You turned my life around.
Just remember
what the judge said.
Better say goodbye to
being Mr. Party Boy.
I guess the tabloids will have
to find someone else to put
on their front page, hmm?
From now on, you're
just a handyman
at the city boys' home.
You're not to drink or gamble.
Quitting or being
fired buys you a one
way ticket to the clinker.
Do you have any questions?
Yeah.
How high is Mt.
McKinley?
Because if you look at--
Butler's smart enough, huh?
Do you have any questions?
That's the boys' home?
Doesn't look so bad.
No, that's not the boys' home.
That's the boys' home.
Tch, that rat trap?
Yup.
Boys, yoohoo.
I hope all your homework's done.
Chip, your books are
all over the place.
Pineapple, go and pick
up your stuff up there.
I want you all to be on
your best behavior, OK.
Well, I don't
know, Miss Morgan.
I heard that guy killed someone.
Is that why he
got stuck with us?
What happened, you couldn't
find any decent help?
Oh Pineapple, Alex, you're
both being ridiculous.
I'm going to be checking
up on you from time to time.
Don't you go and
blow it, party boy.
Here goes nothing.
Well, I heard
he was a convict.
Yeah, Miss Morgan.
And my brother got that
from a reliable source.
Chip, convicts
live in prisons.
Now, he doesn't
live in a prison.
He's going to be staying
with us for a little,
so give him a chance, eh?
Don't be as hard on him as
you were with Mr. Oxman.
Sparkies.
Zzz.
Guys, you stop that right now.
Oh, whoa.
The new handyman?
Lots of work for you to do.
I'm only here for a year.
Come on in.
My name's Karen Morgan.
Is that a little,
uh, accent I detect?
You're not from
Brooklyn, are you?
Paris.
Ah.
What, Texas?
France.
Come on in.
I'll show you your room.
Here's your room.
That was the new handyman?
What a loser.
Come on, let's go upstairs.
Quite a place.
Well, this is as
good as it gets.
Now, your duties will
also include wake up
call for the boys each morning
and picking them up at school
each afternoon at [inaudible].
Any questions?
Yeah, when do we
eat around here?
You really don't want to know.
Roommates, huh?
[inaudible], that's no fair.
Here you go.
- Oh, disgusting as usual.
- Hold on.
I know you appreciate
my cooking.
Well, bring it
closer, four-eyes.
I won't bite.
Woof.
Heh, psyche.
here you are.
Mm-mm.
Potatoes.
And let me give
you a little more.
There.
Hold on, four-eyes.
What are you, a man or a mouse?
Answer me.
Squeech.
Mm.
Hey, there's no dessert?
It, uh, it blew
up in the oven.
Aw.
Well, well, well.
If it isn't the new handyman.
Come on, grab a plate
and cut in line.
All right, thanks.
Hey, there's Huck Finn, Menudo.
How you doing.
You guys like, uh, New Kids
on the Block, Backstreet Boys?
- Not really.
- Not really.
- No.
- OK.
Want to see a trick?
You like tricks?
What do you think of this?
Whoa, whoa.
Looks real, doesn't it?
It's fake.
- I've seen it before.
- How about Barney?
You like Barney?
I love Barney.
Barney scare you?
- No.
Barney scares you, we
could watch it together.
Uh, you gonna eat or not?
Yeah, sure love--
uh, what is this, tofu?
- Oh yeah.
Oh, great, because I'm
on a low lactose diet,
you know, no glutes,
it's going to be no oil,
no salt, no nothing, no fat.
It took me days to cook this.
Well, because if
you get something
with me, my upset stomach,
it's not good for you,
it's not good for the kids.
Oh, uh, sorry.
No desert.
Technical problem.
It's OK.
Oh, for a beverage, I'd like
uh, a no sodium, no gas,
it's got to to be flatwater,
you know what I'm saying.
Just, I got bubbles and gas--
Gas, right.
And if I have a bad stomach,
then I'm back and forth,
back and forth all night--
- Back and forth.
Get no sleep.
Then I'm grumpy all day.
Right.
I-- I got you.
Next!
[music playing]
All right.
You're a [inaudible] whoo.
I'm telling you-- I kind
of got worried about that.
How are you doing, guys?
I'm Henry Butler, your handyman.
You know, you
break it, I fix it.
That's the deal.
Nice room.
A lot of wood.
Where are the trees?
A-ha.
I like your bird.
Why does the caged bird sing?
Anybody get these?
You know, if you're
alive, just come with me.
Hey.
Word up, man.
- That's out, man.
- It's out.
It's in.
We're both.
We're bad.
We're good.
Some-- Is this a card?
Is this a card for me?
Dear Mr. Butler, welcome
to the city boys' home.
You boys are so--
Oh.
This is just like Tina.
Bum bum bum, bum bum bum.
Look, folks, I'll
be here all year,
so hey, if you like 'em,
just say something, you know.
[groaning]
Oh, no.
Hey.
That's Ms. Morgan's place.
Not anymore, pal.
She'll make you move, man.
Big mistake.
Yeah.
I was born in the dark,
but it wasn't last night.
So let me tell you something.
I pulled this little
trickaroonie when
I was younger than you, so.
If you did something
to the chair--
OK.
Let Ms. Morgan
have your hides, huh?
How about that.
[laughter]
You little freaking
freewheeling spirits, you.
Mr. Butler, your
seat is over there.
We warned him.
Sorry about those chairs.
I mean, they're old and shaky.
Mmhm.
I see that.
Why don't you freshen up?
Unpack and have your
meal in your room.
[music playing]
- Yeah.
I like that.
Thank you, Ms. Morgan.
Hm.
Thanks for the warm welcome.
Guys.
Guys, this is the last
time I save your butt.
From now on, Mr. Butler has
the same authority as I do.
Huh?
Now eat.
[music playing]
Let's find the hair dryer.
Chip, you got the powder ready?
Yeah.
Butler?
[music playing]
Butler.
Butler!
I didn't do it.
I didn't do it!
What's that?
That was pizza.
What, my cooking isn't
good enough for you?
That's right.
My hair dryer broke.
You got one?
Oh, yeah.
Over there.
[farts]
What was that?
That's Pineapple again.
Pineapple, you know the rule.
[farts]
Oh, man.
He's farting in his sleep.
Look at his hands.
It looks like he's in a coffin.
- Great.
A farting corpse.
Uh-oh.
They're at it again.
You better do something quick.
Watch and learn.
[music playing]
All right.
Well, it's time to go to sleep.
And that's what I want
everyone to do, all right?
So-- Oh, man.
Who took a dump in the bed?
Who took a dump in the bed?
Oh, I get it.
I see what's going on here.
See, I'm from the
cheese police, and
if there's a guilty butt in
this room, I'm going to find it.
Who shot a bunny?
Who shot a bunny?
You shoot a bunny?
Huh?
Who stepped on a duck?
Who let one fly?
Silent but deadly.
Ahh.
Man.
Now, what do I smell?
Do I smell nutmeg?
A little bit of vanilla?
Chocolate cookies?
Cookies?
That's Cookie's food.
[radio static impression]
Jim, get out of there.
Bones, I'm going in.
Jim, you need a doctor.
What do you
think you're doing?
Why are you acting
like such a freak?
Uh.
I was having a good time
here until you came in.
Thanks for the buzz kill.
What are you doing up?
Ms. Morgan says I could
stay up as late as I want,
because I'm doing extra studies.
What's your problem?
Your attitude, pal.
Attitude?
If I read and study
hard, Ms. Morgan
says I can do anything I want.
I could be a lawyer.
Yeah, well, take my advice.
Aim higher.
You get your little
tuchus into bed, OK?
No more noise.
Butthead.
[farts]
[music playing]
A little grey.
Whoa.
Let's see.
How's this work?
Ahh!
Ahh!
Ahh!
Get out of my room.
And you're supposed
to use a dab.
Don't push me.
I'm trying to think.
PHONE: Well, hurry it up.
- Let's see.
Third race.
Uh-- you sure?
PHONE: Yeah, sure.
Well, then scratch Cowboy
Sombrero and give me--
uh, who's riding Prodigal Son?
PHONE: Eddie Del Hoosier.
Eddie Del Hoosier?
PHONE: Yeah.
Now--
[clears throat]
What do you want?
If you want a snack, you've
got to make it yourself.
I'm only hired for
breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
A la carte.
PHONE: Hey, you
still there, or what?
Yeah, yeah.
I'm still here.
Sorry about that.
PHONE: Yeah.
Now--
[clears throat]
What is it that
you want already?
De La Huse never wins
on three year old fillies.
Now how would you know
something like that?
Prodigal Son--
owner, Ian James.
Three-year-old filly.
Runs best on turf.
Do I still got time to bed?
PHONE: Yeah, you've
got to do it right now.
Well, hold on.
Come on.
- No, no.
I can't.
Come on.
Come on.
Yeah.
OK.
Forget Eddie whats
his face and give me--
give me Purple Haze instead.
Yeah.
PHONE: [inaudible]
Right.
[music playing]
RADIO: [inaudible] with
Wannabe right behind.
Ferocious [inaudible]
and Purple Haze.
They're coming around
the first turn.
It's Wannabe on the outside,
Banana Boat, and Purple Haze.
COOKIE: Ooh.
Ride.
Ride, come on.
RADIO: They're coming
into the [inaudible]
that's Blue Boy by a nose.
Ferocious second.
And right there is Purple
Haze moving up strong.
COOKIE: Come on.
Ride!
Ride!
Come on!
You can do it--
RADIO: It's Purple Haze
on the far outside.
Here comes Purple Haze.
They're coming over
the finish line.
It's Purple Haze-- it's
Purple Haze by a nose.
Blue Boy second and
Banana Boat third.
Come on!
- Yes!
Yes!
Yeah.
So, what kind of snack can
I make for you, Mr. Butler?
I'm glad you asked, Chef
Boyardee, because I'm hungry.
Now, I like tuna-- from the
Pacific, not from the Atlantic.
It's got to be no salt, no oil.
It's got to be
low in everything.
I like it on crackers,
not on bread.
Then I'll be happy.
Hey.
I thought it might be a
good idea for the boys
to be in a soccer league.
Mm.
Yeah.
It would mean them being
gone most of Saturday.
Hm?
Really?
- Yeah.
Sports.
Sports are the way to go.
I tell you, soccer,
discipline, responsibility,
and it's all day Saturday?
All day Saturday.
That's a good sport.
There's only one problem.
They don't have a coach.
Mm.
Maybe you could
be their coach.
You know.
Grab the little
bulls by the horns.
Uh-- nice try, but no cigar.
Why?
Did you have to ask?
Go ahead.
Knock.
- It's all right.
I think he's in the shower.
I've picked these
kind of locks before.
It's a piece of cake.
This is crazy.
Come on.
He's in the shower.
He'll never know.
He's in the shower.
There it is.
Come in here.
Ah!
[knocking]
Yeah?
Henry?
I've got a proposition for you.
You made me a great snack.
You may enter.
Now, I know you ain't
supposed to be gambling, but,
would it be against the
rules of your probation
if you kinda pick horses
for me occasionally?
Hm.
Oh, I see what
you're trying to do.
You're a little-- no.
But I've got a better idea.
You see, I kind of figure
that a grown man, you know,
should be able to gamble in
the privacy of his own home,
don't you think?
Sure.
Um.
Gamble on what?
Showtime.
[race music]
Hello.
See this one?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hard to corral these guys.
His name's Harry.
Come on, don't be-- look at her.
She's just running
around the corral.
And this one's mine.
Her name's Selene.
Mwah.
Butler?
Butler.
This is a cockroach.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
No, no.
See, today, they are trotters.
Trotter.
Loser gets wake
up duty for a week.
A week?
Mmhm.
OK.
Starting blocks, pit spray.
Starting block, pit spray.
Yes.
They come around
the first bend--
aspirin.
First around aspirin.
And the finish line--
the old bullhorn.
Bullhorn, finish line.
OK.
Oh, look how strong
they look today, huh?
- Yeah.
- Strong.
See the muscles?
They just glisten.
- Yeah, sinewy.
- Oh, sinewy.
These are thoroughbreds.
- Thoroughbreds, yeah.
Little saddles.
- Oh, sure, from Wyoming.
- Yeah.
Little jockeys.
- Tiny little one.
Yours is a little
lighter than mine.
That's OK, though.
OK.
[race whistling]
Exactly.
And the horses are in the gate.
[music playing]
And a one, and a two.
[race bell]
Ding.
And they're off.
Go, go Selene.
COOKIE: They're in.
And they're coming around
the mountain when they come.
Come on, cucharacha.
With horses, they're
coming around the mountain
when they come.
Oh they'll be coming around
the mountain when they come.
COOKIE: Run, baby,
run like the wind!
Yeah, come on.
HENRY: Those insects
will be crawling.
Oh, those insects
will be crawling.
Oh, those insects
will be crawling.
Come on!
Let's go!
Oops.
Harry.
I'll, uh--
I'll get another one
from the kitchen.
Oh.
This is going to be sweet.
Need a little more volume.
Wake up!
Rise and shine!
Hoohoo!
Oh, man.
Come on you slugs!
Move it!
Come on.
Can it, Cookie.
I need my beauty sleep.
I got news for you, son.
You ain't going to
get much prettier.
Haha.
It's still dark out.
Well, open your eyes, and
you shall see the light.
Oh.
Come on, girls.
Move it.
What part of get up
don't you understand?
[music playing]
Ahh!
Ow!
You OK, Cookie?
It's stuck!
Uh-oh.
I'm out of here.
It's stuck!
It's stuck to my face!
Oops.
Good time to feed my fish.
Why won't anybody help me?
What happened to you, Cookie?
That's it.
This time you've
all gone too far.
The last thing you all want--
you just got.
What's that?
My undivided attention.
Uh-oh.
Now get dressed.
I'll see you all in the bus.
[music playing]
I don't know which one
of you maggots did this,
but when I find out--
and I will find out--
you're going to wish
you were never born.
Morning.
They're all yours.
Cookie, what's
with the bullhorn?
What?
Oh, this thing.
Can't talk about.
Sticky situation.
If you need me, I'll
be back in the bus.
We'll see you later then.
Why am I talking like this?
- She's a babe.
Yeah.
Yeah, I give her a 10.
Step aside, boys.
She's mine.
- OK, guys.
Settle down.
I brought along my niece Megan.
She's captain of
her school team.
She's going to give
us some pointers.
OK, everyone.
Let's start with dribbling.
Let's see you dribble.
Pathetic.
You're an idiot.
So what do you think?
Does anyone here know
how to play soccer?
Yeah.
I play.
Let's see you, hot shot.
Oh, yeah.
Wow.
Oh, man.
Woohoo!
Yeah.
Well, maybe we
do have a chance.
Yeah.
Maybe.
Believe me, Mr. Butler.
I know what potpourri
smells like.
All right.
This window-- I want this
window boarded up immediately.
Totally.
And what is with the
mess on this floor?
This stuff-- this is
completely unacceptable.
Great.
Let me just start with this.
This will be B. This
is A. A, B. This
actually, is going to be all
modern, and Helsinki method--
Scandinavian-- all the glass
is coming from the North
Shore of Long Island--
I mean, like, you're
going to go crazy.
Now, this, actually,
is not what it appears.
This is a cultural center,
a panorama of vision.
This is actually sawdust meant
from-- ah ha-- from some wood.
This is from the Arthur
Murray Dance School, which
comes from the beaches
of the Bahamas,
and this is where the best
dance-- you know, get on it.
Get on it.
Get on it.
Very today.
In the house, in the house.
Yeah.
In the house.
And learn how to--
a more conservative--
Very good.
All right.
The electrical
wiring in this place
has got to be completely refit.
Yeah, of course.
And could you replace those
outlets with some modern ones?
Uh, Inspector,
are you kidding me?
These, you know,
are not outlets.
Oh, you're not
reading Electronic
Weekly Bi-Monthly Periodically?
Do you?
Seriously, because, this
is the newest thing.
This is the anti-regulation
defribululationer.
Defibrillator.
The defibrillator.
Exactly.
Did you read the article?
Mr. Butler--
And what it does is it's
from a special lab in Southern
California, biotech, med--
I have closed places
down for a fraction
of what you've got wrong here.
- Of course, of course.
Well, this is not that kind of--
If it weren't for
the kids, buddy,
you'd be defibrillator,
Long Island boy.
- Well, I'm not disagreeing.
- You know what?
I used to be--
I used to be a
huge fan of yours.
Well, thank you.
Until you let a
lot of people down.
One year probation isn't
enough for what you did.
OK.
But it doesn't take
away the good work we're
doing here with the children.
The nuns are thrilled.
Oh yeah?
Well, you'll come back when
I tell you to come back,
and that's the way it's
going to be, all right?
That's it.
Downstairs.
Close the door behind you, pal.
Did you use your charm on him?
I was Mighty Mouse.
I was Hercules.
I was like the whole super
terrific Fantastic Four in one.
And let me tell you something--
very good negotiator.
Very good negotiator.
The boys need uniforms.
The boys need soccer uniforms
to play in the league.
Believe me, I understand.
They need uniforms.
But I've got a few other
things here to work on.
And if it wasn't for
me, Sister Batrille,
newsflash-- this place
would be closed down.
Closed down?
Closed down.
And let me tell you something.
As I said, I had him
where I wanted him--
palm of my hand, you
know what I'm saying?
I mean, I told him it's
the highway or my way.
And that's the way it was.
No problem.
Bureaucrats have to
be told what to do.
So I'm-- haha.
I'm going to go do some, uh--
I got a list of repairs.
Obviously, I've got
a list of repairs.
And I'll do the--
You do the uniforms.
I do the repairs.
I wouldn't know
where to begin.
Well, I'm sure you'll figure
out something, you know.
I-- I've got enough--
uh.
Oh, man.
[music playing]
It's fixed.
You see?
You see, it's fixed?
That's the way it goes
around here, baby.
You give me a job,
I'll get it done.
OK.
I'll see ya.
[music playing]
We still got time
to turn around.
No, we don't, [inaudible]
Oh.
Do we-- do we have to?
Yes, we have to.
Do we really have to?
Yes.
We really have to.
Come on.
This place gives me
the heebie jeebies.
Me too.
- Then let's go.
- No.
No, no.
That way.
There must be some
other business somewhere.
Listen.
What did Mr. Wilson
at the food store
say about sponsoring the team?
He said no.
And by the way, that
was awfully rude of him,
not to let me have that apple.
That was no reason
for you to pinch
it when he wasn't looking.
And how about Mrs.
Grant, at the pet shop?
Also negative.
Huh?
And the other 10
businesses we saw today?
OK.
So what's your point?
My point is that Linden
Larkin of Larkin Funeral Homes
is our last chance.
Now keep your fingers crossed.
Stay calm.
[knocking]
Yes?
Come in.
Ugh.
After you.
Hey, hey, hey.
Come here.
Mr. Larkin, I'm Karen Morgan.
I must say, I'm very sorry to
learn about your enormous loss.
In this hour of pain, I want
you to know that I'm here
to ease that burden,
and take care of all
the necessary arrangements.
No, no, no--
I'm Linden Larkin, and I'll
be thinking of everything.
Yes, I know you are, but--
We specialize in the
pain of the bereaved.
No.
Mr. Larkin, we're here
about our children.
Children?
My Lord.
How many?
11.
11, right.
11.
What's he-- what's
he going on about?
No, no, no.
He's got it all wrong.
Let me show you
this pamphlet here.
COOKIE: What?
Here we have the Eternal
Light Package, which
comes with 24 hour lighting.
COOKIE: No, no.
KAREN: We have nothing
to do with that.
I'm sorry.
- No.
You don't understand.
No, Mr. Larkin,
there's a problem.
If it's money, don't worry.
I'll give you a special.
I know.
You should always be asking
for a special with 11 children.
No.
We're not here to put
them into the ground.
Oh.
Oh.
You're here for a layaway plan.
Uh-- no.
COOKIE: Come on.
- No.
Let me-- let me explain.
- Come on.
- Let me explain.
- Come on.
Bye bye.
Strange people.
Where'd I put that gum?
Ah.
[harmonica playing]
Yeah?
NICKY: It's Nicky, Mr. Butler.
What do you want?
NICKY: Ms. Morgan wants
to see you in the office.
Ugh.
Ow.
Ow.
What.
Ms. Morgan wants to
see you in the office.
Yeah.
What else?
Um.
Do you have a mom and dad?
[music playing]
I'm just like you, kid.
You wanted to see me?
Yes.
I'm going to see some people
from social services tonight.
I'll be back at around eleven.
Have a good time.
Um.
I had a word with the boys.
There won't be any
trouble while I'm out.
You're right.
There won't be.
Try to understand,
Mr. Butler--
some of these kids have
had a hard lot in life.
Don't tell me this is the
poor little orphan speech.
Most of these kids
are not orphans.
They've been neglected
or abandoned--
abused by their parents.
Lady, these are teenage boys.
They're a step-- no.
They're half a
step above monkeys.
I say you grab the
little bulls by the horns
and you teach them.
It's really what I think.
Well, strict discipline
does not always
mold kids into the best adults.
We'll see.
We'll see.
[music playing]
[whistling]
Where's Butler?
Uh.
He got up this
morning and headed
straight out to the garage.
I haven't seen him since.
So he's not coming.
I don't know.
Hey.
Did you get those uniforms?
I certainly did.
All right.
You got us a sponsor.
Ha.
See, boys, I told you
this was going to be fun.
Try them on, boys.
One size fits all.
I got a fashion house
to donate mistakes.
- Mistakes?
- Well, wrong stitching.
Slight imperfections.
Undetected flaws.
This t-shirt has one arm.
This one has three.
Bonus.
One size fits all?
Yeah.
It'll keep your knees warm.
This stinks.
Yeah, Ms. Morgan.
Everyone's going to laugh at us.
Cookie, you sort this out.
You get the boys
ready for a game,
and I'll go and have a
word with Mr. Butler.
They don't even have numbers.
Ah, I thought of that.
Oh, no.
[music playing]
Come here, you
little varmints!
Get out of my way!
Stay put!
Is that you?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Party boy.
Yeah.
Well, the boys are having
their first soccer game today.
Wish them luck for me.
What do you mean?
I mean, buena suerte.
Break a leg.
Mazeltov.
I don't have time.
I've got those
volunteers coming over.
Quit hiding, Mr. Butler.
You are afraid.
Those boys, soccer.
I mean, even life terrifies you.
If you think you're the only
one who's scared around here,
you're wrong.
Those boys need you.
[music playing]
[music playing]
[cheering]
SONG: Don't say that
I'm in your master plan.
Don't say that I'll
always be your man.
Your words are as
empty as your head.
Your words are a
total waste of breath.
Charlie, Four Eyes, watch out!
PLAYER: Get the
ball, guys, come on!
No.
Hey, ref!
Penalty kick!
Out of uniform!
Loser.
We're not playing dodgeball.
Dodge this.
Ooh.
That hurts, man.
Ow.
[music playing]
Someone just fill an empty hole.
We'll start to go.
Don't think I mean that, no.
Come on, Julian.
Get the ball.
[music playing]
I know that I'm an afterthought.
[inaudible]
It's just one goal.
You're still in the game.
All right!
Come on!
Yeah!
Great goal, huh?
Yeah.
So, uh, where's the coach?
You're talking to her.
What, are these guys so bad
no guy wanted the job, or what?
Hey, why don't you just
crawl back into that cave
where you came from?
[music playing]
Don't think I mean that much.
I know that I'm an afterthought.
It shows that I'm
an afterthought.
I know that I'm an afterthought.
I know that I'm an afterthought.
OK, guys.
Come on!
[music playing]
Come closer.
Now you're all I got.
I know that--
Haha.
Yeah.
Good work, boys.
I can't believe this, man.
It's crazy.
We got burned.
We were just so happy.
You call this fun, Ms. Morgan?
Well--
Well, I don't
see anyone smiling
or laughing around here.
This is really embarrassing.
Look, I know you guys
are having some trouble.
- Some trouble?
- Trouble?
This is more than trouble.
This is a total disaster.
All right.
All right.
You all have every right to
be upset and angry with me.
But there's one
thing you can't be--
Oh, yeah?
What?
Quitters.
I'm not going to stand by and
watch you do it yourselves.
You guys have got
to stick together.
Yeah.
Well, so far, sticking
together's resulted in a five
to nothing score
for the Raptors.
How are we going
to reverse that?
I don't know.
But I bet you guys it all
starts with a big cheer.
Come on.
Let's put your
hands in the middle.
All right.
Let's go.
All right.
Let's go.
Home team, home team, home team.
Home team, home
team, home team, yay.
Yeah, whatever.
[music playing]
All right, guys.
Let's go.
Let's get into it.
Come on, Julian.
Come on, Julian!
Come on, Alex!
Oh-- oh, no!
Hey, Romeo-- watch this.
[music playing]
Tears have fallen,
years gone by.
And I am left to wonder why.
Had I but acted differently--
Forget it.
Nobody cares.
[music playing]
You'd still be here beside me.
If I could have but one regret--
Come on, defense!
Come on!
[music playing]
It would be you, my Juliet.
Hoping to find you.
Pineapple, are you OK?
[music playing]
Tears have fallen on the ground.
The years have turned
themselves around.
This solemn pact that
we endure, will bear
its fruit, of this I'm sure.
Oh, no.
[music playing]
If I could make
but one mistake, it
would be you, my soul to take.
I'm still hoping to find you.
Open your eyes.
Man, that boy can kick.
[music playing]
See things you've never seen.
Where is the world we
have been looking for?
Just open your eyes,
forever and ever.
Hey, Coach.
Great game.
You know, maybe your
boys would have a little
more luck with miniature golf.
Well, maybe you should take
your head out of your butt
and come up for air.
Good work.
We'll see you again.
OK, guys.
We're home.
Oh, cheer up.
Hey, it's not that bad.
Put a smile on that face.
Mm.
Oh.
Oh, thank you.
Hey, good work
out there, Julian.
Right.
You really
hustled today, Chip.
Please, tell me we'll
never do this again.
Actually, we're doing
it again tomorrow.
Ms. Morgan.
Do you see those soccer
balls flying around my head?
You just keep that
ice pack on your head.
You'll be fine.
All right.
So how'd they do?
We lost.
10-0.
Ouch.
Well, I guess there is
room for improvement.
Listen, I don't want to
sound like a broken record,
but the boys need
better uniforms.
Well, I don't want to
be the one to tell you,
but, they could use a
lot more than uniforms.
Well, it will make them
feel better about themselves.
Well, let me
tell you something.
I've got something for you.
Winning.
How about something
called winning?
Yes, winning would make them
feel better about themselves.
Why are you so hard with them?
Because these
kids are not soft.
They can take it.
And how would you know?
No.
I mean, tell me.
What makes you such
an authority on it?
Ms. Morgan, I was
one of those kids.
I was raised by the state.
OK-- but I lacked something
called discipline.
So I just ruined my life--
almost, almost ruined my life.
I hear you.
What do you want me
to do to convince you?
Get those uniforms.
You do not let go.
Look.
I'm here as a handyman, OK?
That's my job.
Handyman.
This place is going
to be torn down--
I mean, it's a shambles.
So I got a lot of work to do.
And listen, believe me.
Uniforms are the
least of my problems.
OK?
Well, I care.
You just go through the motions.
Thanks, you guys.
When you're done I can
use you in the back.
Thanks so much.
No problem.
How are you doing?
Hello.
Thank goodness those
little soccer balls are gone.
That's good.
Yeah.
But now I've seeing these
little itsy bitsy stars.
That's bad.
Yeah, well not as
bad as having to watch
these dad and lad do-gooders.
Hey, son, do want to
give me that box of nails?
Daddy?
Sorry?
Do these kids live here?
I'm afraid so, son.
Where are their parents?
How about the
box of nails, huh?
Why are they living
without their moms and dads?
Did they do something bad?
Are they like in jail?
No.
These boys are here
because their parents
couldn't take care of them.
Or they were no good at it.
This sucks.
I'm leaving.
Chip.
Come back.
[music playing]
He's right.
This really does suck.
LARKIN: Everything will be fine.
Everything will be fine.
And this here is the Patriot.
There is no final resting place
more comfortable and secure.
It's nice.
Beautiful.
How much is the Patriot?
It's $10,000 more.
But money should
be of no concern,
considering this is your
husband of how many years?
14 years.
14 years.
LARKIN: 14 years.
I just don't think he
would have wanted me spending
that much on the casket.
I don't know.
I think maybe I should
take that other one.
The first one.
The Pioneer?
Yes.
What's wrong, Mr. Larkin?
Worms.
Worms?
The cheaper ones
don't keep them out.
There, there, there.
Mr. Reilly will be
put in the Patriot
where he deserves, right?
Yes.
Oh, that is so nice.
Please take Mrs. Reilly
and make her sign.
Everything's going
to look beautiful.
Beautiful?
Yes.
No worms?
No worms.
There you go.
Don't worry.
Everything is going to be fine.
Crocodile tears.
You scared me.
Oh, it's you.
Mr. Larkin.
I have a new proposition.
Ms. Morgan, I told you before.
We are too strapped for
funds to sponsor your team.
Is that why you hustled that
woman and took advantage of her
grief?
Excuse me.
Now, I have a dear, dear
friend in the district
attorney's office.
Now, you and I are going
to talk, Mr. Larkin.
Talk?
Yes.
About business ventures
and uniforms for a very
deserving group of boys.
You OK?
I've been better.
You ever think about mom?
Dad, mostly.
He hung around a long
time after she split.
He chased her away.
Mom-- she was no saint.
Well, I hate them.
Why does that have to
happen to us, Julian?
I ask myself that every day,
but I don't have an answer.
It's not fair.
[music playing]
I know.
But listen up.
You and me, we got each other.
All these other guys in here,
they're all on their own.
You promise we'll
stick together forever?
I promise.
Together forever.
Now let's get some shuteye.
We've got a big game tomorrow.
I know.
When will the torture end?
I think it's just beginning.
You know what, Julian?
I wish just once, I could score
a goal, or do something right.
Anyways, goodnight, Julian.
Angels on your pillow, Chip.
All right, gentlemen.
Get your jerseys right
out of the dryer.
Oh, no.
I thought we were
getting new uniforms.
Yeah.
This is child abuse.
If we've got to wear these
again, I'm out of here.
Ah.
Pineapple.
These are disgusting.
Hey.
Cool car.
It's not a car.
It's a hearse.
A what?
A hearse.
It's a car for dead people.
Oh.
Oh, I think I'm going to puke.
Hey, Butler.
Come on out here for a minute.
Hey, boys.
Come and meet Mr. Larkin here.
It's the stiff planter.
Coffin keeper.
Never touch their
hands, you know?
Clammy.
- Yeah.
Mr. Butler.
Mr. Butler, come and
shake Mr. Larkin's hand.
Yeah.
He got us some uniforms.
Mmhm.
And when we take
to the field today,
we'll be a whole new team.
Come on down.
Come on.
Come on.
Don't do it, man.
[music playing]
Yeah.
I would love to, but, you know,
I hurt it when I was cutting
some bread for the children.
They were so hungry
this morning.
Just, wow, hey, this is great.
This is a blue and
white funeral motif.
Very-- goes with the car.
I mean, the hearse.
Pardon me.
And um-- uh--
ah.
Ah.
Very nice.
- Fantastic, really.
- Nice.
I mean, really amazing.
I mean, death is cool.
Yes.
Yes.
[music playing]
All right.
Let's go guys.
SONG: Here I go again, and
this time it's for real.
I'm off to find a
new place in the sun.
Let's go, guys.
Come on.
Get it back.
[music playing]
[inaudible], over here.
[music playing]
And I wonder, will I
ever come this way again?
Home team.
Here you go, madam.
You're fantastic.
Home team, home team.
Isn't that great?
Pennants and hats and buttons.
What are you doing?
I'm killing them.
Look, I'm making back the
money I invested in the boys.
And I'll be into profits
within a few games.
Look at that.
Look at this gorgeous stuff.
One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine, 10--
Mr. Larkin, we get
any of that money?
Do they?
Uh, yeah.
Yeah, OK.
A percentage?
Yeah?
Gross or net?
From the mouth of babes.
Home team, home team, good.
Cool uniforms.
Come on!
Come on, Julian, let's go!
[music playing]
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's get that ball,
defense, come on.
You make them look good
like that, guys, come on.
Incoming!
PLAYER: Get on 11.
PLAYER: Yes.
PLAYER: Drop it back.
PLAYER: Come on, stop him.
PLAYER: Come on!
PLAYER: Stop him!
Woohoo!
Yes!
Yahoo!
[music playing]
Whoo.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Come on, yeah!
Well.
I guess that's about it.
I guess so.
Listen, I--
Listen, I-- isn't that
weird when that happens?
I'm sorry.
You go ahead.
You first.
You sure?
OK.
I just want you to know that
I'm sorry for blowing off
your idea about those uniforms.
I mean, they're-- they're
great, and you did good.
Thanks.
The boys deserve them.
Yeah.
I guess everyone deserves
a break once in a while.
Including you?
[music playing]
I think it's time you stopped
being so hard on yourself.
Spread your wings
and get out there.
Yeah.
Enjoy life.
Make new friends.
How about some help?
I can't believe
we scored a goal.
Hey.
Maybe we might even win a game.
Let's not go overboard.
Are you sore?
I've got muscles I didn't
even know about that ache.
Yeah.
Me too.
So what's your story?
[music playing]
My father, he's--
he's in prison.
He stole a car.
Me and my mom, we
were on our own.
But she died a year ago.
Bummer.
So what about you?
Well, my mom died
when I was born.
I think maybe I was
too big, or something.
What about your dad?
Well, I was living
in a car with him.
But I got busted for
not being in school.
Man.
Cars and moms.
They don't seem to
be too lucky for us.
I guess not.
Mm.
We actually scored a goal today.
Mm.
Will wonders never cease?
You know, I, uh--
I haven't felt this relaxed--
I mean, I just feel really
comfortable with you.
I haven't felt this
way in a long time.
Yeah.
It's the same for me.
Was it difficult,
during the trial?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Of course.
It just-- it was
horrible, only because I
could have avoided it.
Now I've got to live with
it the rest of my life.
Oh.
We all make mistakes.
Sure.
Even the party boy.
I got to tell you.
That was a great time.
[music playing]
I mean-- whoo.
I mean, the press loved me.
You know, I just--
they made my life out
to be like one big bash.
Was it?
Yes.
Completely.
It was unbelievable.
I mean, you cannot
believe what they--
I had a chauffeur.
I had a guy who
flossed my teeth.
I had, I mean--
I had a girl who would
just bring me diet soda.
Just--
[music playing]
Oh, Henry.
I know this is going
to look like a set up.
I didn't know this
was going to happen.
Would you coach the boys?
I mean, they really need you.
Are you kidding?
I'll do anything
you want me to do.
La, la, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la, la.
Don't we ever get time
off for good behavior?
My name is the Reverend
Billy Bob Thornton,
and I've got to tell you.
I've never seen a boy like this.
Has not risen from
the bed in 16 years.
16 years not risen from the bed.
I'm going to make him rise.
Rise, son.
Rise out of your bed.
Oh, lord, it's a miracle?
What is he doing?
Good morning, good morning.
Top of the morning to you, sir.
Good morning.
Good morning.
It's time to say good morning,
and have a wonderful day.
Ladies and gentlemen, I
am pleased to tell you
that I'm going to be your Walter
Matthau to your Bad News Bears.
What?
Huh?
I'm going to be Spartacus
to your Hebrewites.
Huh?
I'm going to be Emilio
Estevez to your Mighty Ducks.
Oh.
What happened to Ms. Morgan?
She's out.
I'm in.
Oh, man.
What do you know about
soccer, Mr. Butler?
Anything but butthead.
Come on.
Everybody off to church now.
Ahh.
What's up?
What's with the knee brace?
Oh, this thing.
It's a big mistake.
See, I looked like
a guy who owed
another guy money, so he sent
a big guy to break his knees.
But it happened to be me,
so it's like, a big mix up.
You know, a mistake.
It wasn't really anything.
You know, now that I think
about it, I feel great.
Go over there.
OK.
He got us up at
the crack of dawn.
You guys like to warm up?
I like to warm up.
I think warming up is
very, very important.
PLAYER: We don't
have time to warm up.
I don't mean warming up
like you warm up a car.
I mean like you warm up,
like, maybe like a girl.
You know, you don't
go to the mall
and say, hey, come to my house.
You say something like,
hey, how about a bagel,
or how about some
sesame or poppy seed?
I mean, you've got to be smooth,
you know what I'm saying?
And then, you don't
talk about sports
and hammers and saws and nails.
You talk about pots
and pans and flowers
and Betty Crocker
and things like that.
Let me have a ball.
[music playing]
Huh.
Oh.
He's good.
Not bad.
Now cones.
I combine strength,
agility, determination,
throw in a little chicken
fat, a little paprika.
[impressed chatter]
You've got a recipe for success.
PLAYER: Oh, wow.
PLAYER: Oh, man.
Oh, yeah, all right.
PLAYER: He's a baller.
PLAYER: You're
awesome, Mr. Butler.
- What do you think?
- Whatever you say, coach.
PLAYER: Yeah.
Let's learn some soccer.
PLAYER: Yeah.
[music playing]
Sometimes surprise visits
are the only way of finding
out what's really going on.
Visiting?
This is snooping.
Oh.
It's these new locks.
They're always getting stuck.
[inaudible] here we go.
If there's any contraband,
it's usually hidden.
I'll find it.
[music playing]
Oh.
What's this?
Hey.
Oh-- oh!
Wh-- what-- what is that?
That-- that's a cockroach?
Yeah.
Oh.
It's a science project.
Yeah, of course.
Mr. Butler is helping
one of the kids with it.
Science project.
Mmhm.
Thank you.
Maybe Butler has been
a positive influence.
Let's just hope that
he turns out to be
the exception to the rule.
Look.
You tell Butler that I came
by and I'll be returning soon.
Ugh.
SONG: Kick it.
[music playing]
SONG: You can do it.
Come on now.
Kick it.
Come on, Four Eyes.
SONG: Move it on down and
bash it around and kick it.
You can do it.
Come on and kick it.
[encouraging chatter]
SONG: You can make it
if you stick together.
Playing for the
home team, homeboy.
Look out now.
We're getting better.
Kick it.
You can do it.
Come on now.
Come on now, kick it.
Kick it.
Julian.
Wake up.
Something's burning.
Man, it's Pineapple again.
I'm not kidding.
[music playing]
- Everybody wake up.
- What?
What's going on?
- There's a fire!
Huh?
OK.
Guys, guys.
OK.
You're all there?
Just follow me downstairs.
Where's Butler?
He's stuck in his room.
Cookie's trying
to unjam the lock.
Chip.
You stay with Ms. Morgan.
I'm going to go help Cookie.
But what about
the picture of mom?
And the uniforms?
- Don't you worry about that.
OK.
Down, down, down.
Let's go, guys.
Come on.
KAREN: Here we go.
Let's go.
[coughing and nervous chatter]
[interposing voices]
Go, go, go.
Come on.
Hurry up!
Cookie, just jiggle
it a little bit!
I'm trying, but I
can't get it open!
I'll spring him, Cookie.
Who's there with you, Cookie?
It-- it's Julian, Mr. Butler.
I'm going to get you out.
Go, go, go.
Come on.
[interposing voices]
Get out of here, Julian, now.
I almost got it.
I said leave now.
It's too dangerous!
Is he there, Cookie?
[music playing]
No.
No, he's gone.
KID: Where are they?
It's Julian.
KID: We've got to get them out.
Come on!
Help me in!
KID: They're going to be OK.
KID: Mr. Butler!
[interposing voices]
[fire engine]
Did anything
happen to that kid?
What did I tell you?
You could have
been bouillabaisse.
Come on.
Let's get out of here.
[interposing voices]
Somebody take Moby.
Chip.
Where's Chip?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
No, no, no.
Chip, no!
Chip!
Don't follow me!
KAREN: Stay here.
Stay!
- Chip!
No!
Chip, no!
Chip, where are you?
JULIAN: Chip!
No!
KAREN: Stay here!
Where are you, Chip?
CHIP: Over here!
Oh, man, what are you doing?
I wanted to get the picture.
I had to get the uniforms.
I'm scared, Mr. Butler.
We'll do this together.
Here they come.
KID: All right.
Right on, Mr. Butler!
[interposing voices]
KAREN: Hey, hey.
Hey.
I'm good.
[firefighter radio]
Pineapple, you all right?
You OK?
My fish were in the fire.
What?
Aw.
You can have Moby.
He'd do much better with you.
Thanks, Mr. Butler.
Aw.
Aw.
I was hoping you'd
be in a nightie.
[music playing]
Our house is burning.
[firefighter chatter]
Is everyone OK?
The house is toast.
Well.
Then everyone
could come and stay
at the funeral home for now.
KID: Huh?
- Really?
Yeah.
I got lots of room.
Hey, my guests don't
stay that long.
Yeah, but, there's
dead people in there.
Yeah, like zombies.
Can't we just find a
nice Motel 6, Ms. Morgan?
It'll be fine, Greg.
And Mr. Larkin was very
generous to offer, boys.
Right, Henry?
Are you kidding?
there's not a chance
in the world I'd wen--
I mean, the chances of me--
Henry.
Staying at any other place
than Mr. Larkin's place,
because Mr. Larkin,
I can see as a host.
I could see, looking at him,
just looking at him, kids,
just welcoming us.
KID: Huh?
What do you think?
We can't go.
The bus is on the fritz.
Yeah.
KID: Yeah.
Come on.
Let's go.
KID: In the back?
That's where they
put the dead people.
I don't know guys.
Well, maybe we
should give it a try.
How bad could it be?
Let's go.
Ugh.
Let's just go.
[music playing]
This i going to be fun.
Come on, Nicky.
This is going to be fun.
KID: I don't want
to ride nothing.
KID: It'll be all right.
Come on.
Fun.
Yeah, right.
Fun.
Weird place.
Man, this is like
Friday the 13th.
It's worse.
This makes the Bates
Motel from Psycho look good.
One, two.
Freddy's coming for you.
Stop.
Stop.
I've got so much to show you.
The adults, could you please
get the clothes and other things
in my chariot of love?
Huh?
In the hearse.
Yeah, sure.
The rest of you,
this way here, please.
I'll follow you.
Come on.
Good morning, Mr. Washburn.
He'll be gone soon.
Don't worry.
KID: This is spooky, man.
KID: Hey, look at that.
What kind of
soccer team are you?
Let's go.
Home team, home team, home team.
KID: I don't like this place.
It smells weird.
I don't know about this, guys.
What's that?
This place is freaky.
KID: I think we should have--
You look as if you're
stuck in molasses.
[laughter]
You can take this room here.
[hesitant chatter]
And the next four, right,
you can take the room here.
Come on.
Let's go.
That one's mine.
I got the [inaudible]
[interposing voices]
Ah.
Someone tell me I didn't
die and go to heaven.
This is awesome.
I could get used to this.
Hm.
[music playing]
No, no, no, no, no.
Don't touch that.
Why?
Because it's locked.
You can spread your things out.
Make yourselves at home.
And don't be afraid
of the furniture.
You'll be able to
explore the whole house,
top to bottom later, all of you.
I'll just go settle
everybody else in.
It's so nice to have
people around that breathe.
So cute, the little one.
Strange little man.
You can say that again.
The building inspector
informed us at social services
that it's worse than it looks.
Well, how much do you think
it's going to cost to repair?
I'm afraid they decided
to red tag the place.
It's totally unsafe.
By the end of the month,
it will be bulldozed.
Well, how soon can the
social services department
find us another house?
There won't be
another, Ms. Morgan.
No.
The boys will be transferred to
various homes around the state,
depending on who can
accommodate them.
But they need
to stay together.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Beginning next week, we'll
start to transfer the boys.
What about private donations?
Beg your pardon?
Private money.
If we raised money privately,
could we build a house?
I suppose the boys could
stay together, but, uh--
you'd have to do
it by the deadline.
Anyway, as of now,
they're out on the street.
We can't have that.
- No.
No, they're not on the street.
They're at a fune--
few, uh, few, um, few--
Friends.
Few friends' house.
And they're at a
few friends' house.
And they're playing.
And the children are so happy.
You should see them.
The cutest--
I'm sorry, but
we have our rules.
I shall be in touch.
[music playing]
And now the world's
awesome sundae.
Yeah.
Let me have some.
Come on.
Let me have some.
A little cream.
Have some.
Ah!
Come on.
Hit it.
Hit it.
KID: Whoa!
Don't worry.
Come on.
Hit it.
Yeah!
Yeah!
Huh?
[laughter]
I say we pick the lock.
Yeah.
It's just a closet.
Why is it locked?
Let me listen.
What is that?
It's like scratching.
The handle is moving.
[spooky laughter]
Guys, wait up!
What the hell was that?
I don't know, but
it sure was ugly.
We've got to get out.
There were two of them, and
the other one was even uglier.
Don't do that to me.
Are you kidding around?
You could poke somebody's
eye out with these things.
Gotcha.
Are you aware
that most accidents
occur around the home, huh?
What are you talking about?
You did it.
- Well, that's different.
I happen to be a home
repair specialist.
I'm trained with
equipment like this.
Plus, I was in the military,
pal, which is no picnic.
They have--
[weird sound]
What was that?
I don't know.
Back to back.
Cover me.
You walk me to my room.
I walk you to yours.
Oh, no.
You walk me to my room first.
Then I walk you to your room.
Circular, circling.
No, no, no.
You walk me to my room.
I walk you to yours.
COOKIE: No, no.
[whistling]
Ah, Dr. Frankenstein,
I presume.
He was a very
misunderstood man.
Great peanut butter waffles.
Look.
He's, uh--
That Larkin is a weirdo.
Yeah, they're pancakes.
What can I do you for, Henry?
Cookie, I've got
to talk to you.
Sure.
What's up?
I gotta get a loan.
Damn, Henry.
You know we're not supposed
to talk about that stuff.
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm talking about cash.
I've got to hit the streets.
We gotta get some money.
We can't stay here so long.
- I'm sorry, Henry.
I can't help you.
Karen would kill me.
Karen doesn't have to know.
I'm telling you, we could
double our money overnight.
We could buy a new
house for the kids.
Henry.
Picking ponies is
one thing, but this--
This is a sure thing.
This is not gambling.
I really, really want
to help you, Henry.
But I can't.
You're still on probation.
[music playing]
COACH: That's it, boys.
Keep it up.
Touch.
COACH: Loosen up there.
Good.
Touch.
Turn around.
Turn around.
Let's go.
Come on!
Gabriel.
Get your butt over here.
The team's warmed up, sir.
We're ready to rock.
To what?
To rock.
[cocky chatter]
Never mind that.
You recognize that guy over
there with those losers?
No, sir.
Must be the new coach.
Yeah, well they
could use one, huh?
Listen.
Keep the guys warmed up.
I'm going to go check
on a hunch, all right?
- Yes sir.
- All right, everybody.
Come on.
Let's huddle up.
Let's huddle up.
Team is looking sharp.
Very strong, very
strong group of men.
OK, you guys.
You know how important
this game is, right?
Yeah.
We win it and we go
on to the semifinals.
And you remember what the
Raptors did to you last time.
- Yeah.
- Oh, man.
Well, now, this is
called payback time.
Oh, yeah.
That's right.
Well, well, well.
If it ain't Henry Butler.
Yeah.
I recognized you
from the newspapers.
So, Henry.
Are you going to
sell these boys out
like you did with your
last team, or what?
Hey.
What are you talking about?
Well, go ahead.
Tell them.
Hey, coach.
Get your team on the field
or you're disqualified.
You too.
You know who that is?
Who?
Henry Butler.
We'll talk about
it at halftime.
Right now, we've
got a game to play.
Stan, count it off.
On three.
Hahaha.
STAN: One, two, three.
ALL: Home team!
Let's go, guys.
Let's go, boys.
ALL: Let's go.
PLAYER: Are you
going to kick butt?
ALL: Yeah.
COACH: OK, guys.
One, two, three.
ALL: Raptors!
COACH: Yeah.
Let's get out there, guys.
[inaudible] the hats, the
buttons and the sweatshirts.
All right.
Home team, home team.
Hey, Reilly.
Where's your button?
- Anything over here?
- Huh?
All right.
- Oh, hey.
Let me have one of those.
Which one?
The button.
OK.
That's--
- There you go.
- I'll get into the spirit.
Right.
It's a buck 50.
Oh, I don't have
my wallet on me.
I've got a game going on.
Cookie?
Yeah, my money's
invested, sorry.
What are you charging
a buck 50 for?
He's the coach.
Yeah.
Home team free.
[music playing]
HENRY: All the way.
Come on boy.
KAREN: Yeah, let's go.
HENRY: All right.
Give it right to Alex.
SONG: [inaudible]
PLAYER: Yeah,
that's it, come on.
COACH: Yeah, that's defense.
Come on, ref.
That's a penalty.
Looks clean to me.
Way to go, big d.
[music playing]
[music playing]
Come on, baby.
Come on, Pineapple!
[cheering]
Pineapple, you did it, dude.
[music playing]
[cheering]
Come on.
Hustle on down.
The game's just begun.
Here.
Thanks.
Here we go.
All right.
All right.
Hey.
Great play, Gabriel.
Thanks, coach.
Well, it looks like Butler's
got a lot of explaining
to do to those losers, huh?
Actually, they've
gotten better.
I think they've been practicing.
Yeah, well.
There ain't enough days
in the year for them
to get good enough to give
us any problems, eh boys?
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
Well.
Let's see if Butler can squirm
his way out of this jam, huh?
So what's this all
about, Mr. Butler?
PLAYER: Yeah.
What's up?
Uh.
Well, a few years
ago, I was a pro.
But, uh, I got caught gambling--
on a game that I
wasn't playing in.
But nevertheless, I got caught.
And it became a
terrible scandal.
I got suspended from the
league, indefinitely.
And then things just got worse.
You know, I mean, like, boom.
I got involved with
the wrong people.
And before I knew it, I was
just going down the toilet.
And almost landed in jail.
But they were kind
enough to give me
community service,
which means I get
to work in a house like yours.
So the way I look at it
is, I made a mistake.
I paid for it.
And I'm forgiven.
[music playing]
Is that right?
Gambling.
Yeah.
Karen.
This first play, see?
This is what we
start the half with.
Julian, Alex, you know
what we're doing, right?
You just keep it going.
I appreciate what
you did for me.
You're a good group of guys.
Hey, guys.
Don't you think he
deserves a second chance?
She's right, you know.
He's just like one of us.
Yeah.
I mean, he was cool about
the practical jokes.
He saved my life.
Yeah.
And he gave me his fish.
You know, maybe we
shouldn't let him get away.
Mr. Butler.
Wait up!
Nicky!
PLAYER: Hey, Mr.
Butler, wait up.
We want to talk to you.
Mr. Butler!
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Look.
Mr. Butler, we understand that
you've taken some hard knocks,
just like all of us have, right?
Oh, it's no use.
Get in here, Julian.
Uh.
Look, Mr. Butler, what
we're all trying to say
is that you're a throwaway,
just like all of us.
What?
None of us ever wanted
to leave our families.
We-- we got dumped.
Now we've got to stick together,
because we're all we got.
Yeah.
What do you say?
I say you can
do better than me.
You kidding?
The last guy got fried.
You're an improvement.
Bzzt.
Come on.
Stay.
OK.
On one condition.
You can call me hey you.
You can call me hey, hey.
You can call me
hay is for horses.
But no more Mr. Butthead.
How about Mr. B?
ALL: Yeah.
All right.
Let's go kick some Raptor.
ALL: Yeah!
Darn!
OK, guys.
Listen up, huh?
[music playing]
I want you guys to go out there
and destroy the home team, huh?
Take no prisoners.
You understand?
- Yes, sir.
They're going to
wish they never met
Vince Jones and the Raptors.
So get out there and kick butt.
ALL: Come on!
[music playing]
PLAYER: Let's go, guys.
Let's go win this one.
It's only 1-0.
Let's go.
Come on!
PLAYER: Come on, guys, go for
it!
[music playing]
Downtown, was
feeling like a drug.
[inaudible]
I gotta get away.
PLAYER: Yes!
[music playing]
I gotta get away.
I know an alibi.
I gotta get away.
I know an alibi.
I gotta get away.
PLAYER: Stop pushing me!
Watch it.
Watch it.
Stop him!
Come on!
Yes!
Julian, excellent, excellent.
What is this?
Come on.
Stop him.
Come on.
[music playing]
Hey, hey, hey.
Oh, go on, go on.
Take it.
Take it.
Oh!
Great save!
Go, go, go!
Go!
Go!
Good hustle, Alex.
Good hustle.
Get number 11.
[music playing]
PLAYER: Pick him
up, pick him up.
PLAYER: Come on, it's only 1-0.
All right, Julian.
HENRY: Go on, Alex.
Come on.
That's it, keep going.
Watch it!
Watch it!
Yeah!
Ahh.
Alex!
[booing]
I'll go and check on him.
What-- ref!
Excuse me, ref.
Are we at the same game?
Did you not see that?
No.
Oh, come on, look at them.
I have no substitutes.
Easy.
Are you OK?
Should I get a doctor?
No.
I'll be fine.
Here.
I made these special
energy cookies.
This will fix you up.
I thought you
were on our side.
What are you talking about?
These are-- no-- um.
Forget about the cookies.
I'll be all right.
I want to go back in.
What's going on?
- They have no substitutes.
- Look.
My kid's hurt.
Well, I guess you're
just going to have
to play shorthanded, huh?
- Henry.
Are you serious-- come on.
Henry.
Alex is OK to go back in.
Good.
OK.
By the way, can
I call you Vince?
Yeah.
I have been admiring
your outfit all day.
It's gorgeous.
I mean, the colors, with your
skin, and your eyes, the hair.
Just, really beautiful--
can we go shopping later?
Maybe me and you,
spend a little time?
Thanks.
Come on, coach.
PLAYER: All right.
Let's go, Julian.
Come on.
All right, Stan.
That's it.
[music playing]
Come on guys, get
that ball back.
Come on.
Let's go guys.
We need a goal.
We need a goal.
Come on.
All right.
Nice.
PLAYER: Come on.
Don't let him through the hole.
No!
PLAYER: Yeah!
Good!
[cheering]
PLAYER: 1-1, all right!
Let's go!
Give me 10.
Now.
[music playing]
PLAYER: Let's go, guys.
Another one.
We need another one.
Come on, let's go.
Right away.
KAREN: Home team, home team.
PLAYER: Let's go Julian.
Watch it!
It's not fair!
It's not fair!
[booing]
PLAYER: Yeah, penalty
shot, all right!
Looks like they
got a penalty kick!
Penalty kick.
At last.
[cheering]
Yeah!
Yeah!
Woohoo.
Way to go!
OK.
Easy, easy.
Where's that ice pack?
Here you go, coach.
Thank you.
OK.
We got a penalty kick.
You ready?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, you can do it?
- Yeah.
I can take it.
- You sure?
- Yeah.
- All right.
Let's get on up.
One, two, three.
Oh, wait, easy, easy, easy.
HENRY: No?
No good?
PLAYER: No way, forget it.
Alex, you're our ringer.
PLAYER: Yeah.
Alex will do it.
All right.
Coach, let my
brother do it for me.
Well, I mean, I'm available.
[music playing]
[breathing]
[music playing]
[cheering]
Yeah!
I scored a goal!
Yeah!
I did it!
We won!
We won.
We won.
Thanks to you, Henry.
Come on.
Let's go and see the boys.
Yeah.
Woohoo!
They won!
More games.
More merchandise.
More guys, more merchandise.
Sell, sell!
Yeah.
It's Cookie.
What were the odds?
All right.
[grunting]
Yeah!
Butler!
PLAYER: One, two, three!
ALL: Home team, home team, yeah!
Coming through.
Coming through.
Karen, Butler-- I won.
I won.
Huh?
What?
What did you win?
I won almost a quarter
of a million dollars.
What?
How?
I bet my life
savings on the team.
My bookie got me incredible
odds with someone in Vegas.
I've almost got enough
money to buy us a new home.
ALL: Yeah!
Yeah!
Cookie!
- Did you bet?
- Huh?
The money you borrowed.
Did you bet?
No.
No.
I was using that to put on
an exhibition soccer game--
like, raise like 10 grand.
Did you say 10,000?
Yeah.
That's all we need
to buy the house.
Kids!
Not only that.
We're going to have
a new swimming pool.
We're going to
get new underwear.
Boxers or briefs, Mr. B?
Both!
We're going to be living good.
And we're going
to be together!
ALL: Yeah!
[music playing]
ALL: Cookie, Cookie,
Cookie, Cookie,
Cookie, Cookie, Cookie, Cookie.
Ahh!
[bang]
Come on.
Let's go!
Ahh!
[music playing]
I needed a friend.
Somebody near me.
I cry inside so no
one would hear me.
But you felt my pain.
Brought me out--
out of the rain.
I'm not alone.
Now I found my way home.
Yeah.
You turned me around, built
me up when I was down.
You brought the best out of
me when the rest couldn't see.
You turned my life around.
You came along.
Someone to guide me.
Rebuilt my pride, with
you here beside me.
You opened my skies.
Now I've come alive.
I almost missed that a
friend could feel like this.
Oh, hey, you turned me around.
I was lost.
Now I'm found.
And you are the one
that I turned to.
Then you turned my life around.
Oh, yeah.
You turned me around.
Built me up-- built
me up when I was down.
You brought the best out of
me when the rest couldn't see.
You turned my life around.
You turned me around.
I was lost.
I was lost.
Now I'm found.
Now-- you brought
the best out of me
when the rest couldn't see.
I couldn't see it.
You turned my life around.
Oh, yeah.
You turned my life around.