Holy Tour (2018) - full transcript

THE HOLY TOUR

July 20th, 2017,

the Tour de France passed
the Col d'Izoard for the 35th time.

Several days before the stage,

the first camper vans
set up at the final bends...

12 DAYS TO GO
THE FAITHFUL

Are there cows around here?

No?

- How come there are so many flies?
- It's warmer in here.

- What?
- It's warmer than outside.

They come in for the warmth?



Me too.
I came in out of the cold.

That one's stuck!

Hello, Marie-Jo!

You're hot? Well listen...
Really?

We're in the mountains,
so we're comfy.

Yes, we're at 2,000 meters.

Know what...?
I've got sunburn!

I'm in a right state.
I have to put a scarf over my legs!

I've never had sunburn
on my knees before.

Yes, like lobsters.

I said to Marie-Jo:

"I've never had
sunburnt knees before."

I said: "My knees as red as lobsters!"

Right, dinner's ready.



No aperitif?

This evening?

Later, it's too hot.

- This evening.
- OK.

I've done my little walk!

How far did you go?

To where we parked
the other day.

Wow! That far?

Yes, that far.

You didn't take her with you
on your walk.

- You should have!
- Walk?

She couldn't keep up.

She's starting to fret.

I'm off for a rest.

- We're going to eat.
- Us too.

We'll eat, then rest.

Couscous, couscous.

It's what we've kept
of Arab civilization.

That's what we've kept
of Arab civilization.

Couscous.

And the merguez sausages.

Them too.

Thanks.

I remember one patient,

when we gave him couscous,
he said: "No, I don't want that!"

I said: "But it's good."
Him: "But it's Arabic!"

That's why he didn't want it?

That OK?

- Not working anymore?
- No.

That's weird.

That's no good.

I'll bring it down slowly.

There...

That's no good. It's all...

"Service not available".

Well, there you go.

- Go on!
- It's not what you'd expect.

When the antenna is high,
it's less good.

- Any good?
- No.

There! Not available.

Strange.

He knows the Peyragude climb
by heart,

even though that day
Alejandro Valverde

won at the ski resort.

1.5 km before the summit...

Here come the last ones.

Move a little further.

Go for it!

Again! Again!

That's it! The wedge is broken,
but nothing serious.

When he touches both wedges...

- There!
- OK?

Hey, wait!

Wait!

He has to place the wedge.

Now place yours.

He said he'd raise it.

Like that, yes!

But there's a pipe here!

Yes, mind the pipe!

Go on!

Back up!

Watch it!

Move! Don't sit so close, girls.

There's the table!

But you're in front of the table!

- You did 5 kilometers...
- Look!

I have sound but no picture.

That's something, anyway.

You're happy to have the sound.

And the adverts!

Brittany and Toulouse,
drinks time!

Bring your own glasses.

I've brought a big glass.

The girls may not want Ricard.

The TV's on the blink!

My grandmother was sick.

She had a bad sore throat.

So she asked my father
to make her some herb tea.

He'd been killing flies all day.

He used them

to make her tea!

Grandmother said:
"Mind you don't spill it!"

She drank it all
and she was cured!

56 years ago today,

I came home from Algeria.
I was 25 and a half.

I joined the regiment at 23.

They needed cannon fodder in Algeria.

I was a chopper mechanic.

I had been demobbed
a few days earlier,

I went to the local dance.

I hadn't touched a girl
for a good while.

We danced a tango.

We didn't know each other.
I'd seen her when I was back on leave

but we didn't really know each other.

So we danced,

and things were heating up.

We've been together since.

We married...

A year later.

Barely a year later!

He was very eager to marry.

- It's chilly tonight.
- Yes.

Where are my glasses?

It won't do if I hold my book
upside down. There!

7 DAYS TO GO
PASSION

The Squirrel.

Squirrel chopper.
Civilian.

In Algeria,
I was on a chopper base.

Probably the biggest,
Ain Arnat, near Sétif.

I did many hours in the air.

There you go!

When the chopper was serviced,

we'd take them up
on test flights, run-in flights.

It was interesting.

Our time over there
left memories...

Some men can't talk about it.

I went there,

to my mother's despair.

She was afraid
I wouldn't come back.

Sadly, quite a few
didn't make it back.

When I got back,

I wasn't in good health
but I was in one piece.

I don't remember
how I did it last year.

Good question.

What did I put up last year?
This?

No. No...

Not these little flags.

What's this?

Annie, pass me a cap.

Thanks.

Your wife was watching
"The Young and the Restless".

They change the broadcast time.

When I'm on a freeway rest area

I go walking for an hour or so

and get back at 11:55.

"The Young and the Restless"
is over!

I can't stand it!

Yeah, yeah...

Nicky will hate me...

because I made him believe
that Summer isn't his daughter.

It's not tight enough.

There you go.

Ah, that.

With this,
I can get there and back easily.

See you later!

Bye!

- It's midday!
- I know.

I get it,
time for me to start cooking.

No.

- I'm not starving.
- Don't move!

There's leftovers.
They must be eaten up.

- Yes?
- Definitely.

- Shall we eat outside?
- If you like.

I'm stiff.

I'll start reading "L'Equipe".

Ah, here it comes.

Come on, I want to see it.

- Here you are, sir.
- Thank you!

- Enjoy!
- Thank you!

Congratulations to the chef.

I'll tell him.

I don't know
my table number.

Tell him it's the Breton
who ate "donkey ears" for his birthday!

Don't worry, I'll tell him.

I'll be back next year.
You may be gone by then.

We'll be here. We'll expect you.

I'll turn it up a little.

...3km to Saint-Jean-de-Maurienne.
So we can make an estimate...

- We're at the rear...
- That's Saint-Sorlin.

Yes! Look!

That's Saint-Sorlin.

- I recognize the houses.
- Yes.

We were there last year.

You're right!

Ah, yes!

Speeding away!
Over 85km/h!

Look!
Goodness, that's scary!

The cheese shop!

Yeah.

Cécile and Maurice
must be down that way.

See if you can spot them.

- Oh, no!
- They put the ads on now!

Bastards!

Last year they played the ads

over Saint-Sorlin d'Arves

and nobody saw us.

Do you have the cold water?

It's too hot.

Yes, here you go.

- It's not water, let's say it's hooch.
- A drop of hooch, then.

Me too.

- A drop of hooch.
- A good slug.

I went up to the pass

and on my way down,
I found a small restaurant.

I had a regional dish

for my birthday.

Since my girlfriend didn't come,

I celebrated...

my 72nd birthday.

It wasn't bad.

See, he's in the meadow!

Jeez!

- Did you see that?
- What a fall!

Look! Look at him!

Good Lord!

He's probably not hurt, but...

He went off the road!

He's limping.

What's going on?

Quintana's there today.

He is?

There's disagreement at Sky.

Froome doesn't want Landa to win.

So there's going
to be a war.

But if Landa wants to win,
he can't stop him.

3.5 km.
They need to move it.

Team Sky is leading,

and no one dares,
or wants to, or can...

- Sky's clearly the best team.
- Yeah.

Best team.

Look how many campers there are!

See?

- Where's Bardet?
- In the pack there.

I don't know where.
I can't see him.

- Froome's not up for it.
- No, he's done for.

- He's done for.
- Aru or Bardet...

Bardet's in there.

It's all good. Go, go!

Romain Bardet's through!
He's through!

Come on, Bardet!
Go! Go!

Go, Bardet!

Yes, come on Bardet!

He's in the lead.

Good for us we weren't there...

Go, Bardet!

Yeah!

Go, son, go!

Pedal!

Pedal hard. Good lad!
French victory!

Yeah! Bravo Bardet!

That's good!

A victory for us.

Look at Froome.
Didn't use your moped?

- It's gone!
- Did you miss something?

Nothing!
Just at the wrong moment.

Same old story.

- Same old story.
- You've got nothing?

I didn't switch off.

Goddammit!

Bad luck.

I can't even have a normal radio.
What is this?

Really...

Don't get upset.

I don't believe it!

I won't get them back
before the finish line.

I missed a key!

We've spent a lot of time
with groups of people.

We've done a lot of speleology.

What's that?

Visiting caves.

Exploring them underground.

But the public aren't allowed in.

We've even opened up

some caves.

We went down with our little buckets
to remove the earth.

We got into such states!
But we had good fun.

How many people?

Sometimes 20... It depends.

Everyone brought their own food.
We put it all on the table.

It was great.

We were manual workers
but there were doctors, bosses...

All classes.

As we were all in overalls,
you couldn't tell.

We were all the same.
With Pataugas shoes

and headlamps on our helmets.

In the cave, there was no...
It was great.

6 DAYS TO GO
THE DAY OF GLORY

I'm scared I'll hold you back.

You walk like...

No, we didn't walk fast
going to the pass the other day.

It's easy enough.

You know what I can do.

You could have done
the first section.

But then I have to come down
on my own.

It's no fun.

And we're off!

"To the memory of Fausto Coppi,

"1919 - 1960

"and of Louison Bobet,

"1925 - 1983"

Fausto Coppi, Louison Bobet.

Big champions.

The real thing.

- How are you?
- Fine. I'm on my own today.

I forgot to ask them
if they wanted bread.

- They've all gone to the pass.
- I see.

- Never mind.
- I'll take a baguette.

They're all gone.

We didn't make enough.
There are more people now.

I've got a flûte.
It'll be 1 euro 50 because it's bigger.

I've only got 10 centimes!

That's OK.

Have you reached your stela?

Yes, we're at the top.

Right at the top?

Yes.

Wow! You made good time.

Did everything go well?

Yes, just fine.

Are you coming down,
or going further up?

Perhaps another hour
of walking.

Ah, really?

Tell my card players
I'm waiting for them.

Some people come here to enjoy.

You'd think this was
a Grand Prix!

I hope this is going to work.

Automatic installation
Analog channels found: 0

23. It might be OK.

There we go!

I have channel 2!

Saved!

Saved.

We're looking for a 10-letter word
starting with "P".

- Pastry.
- Plumbing...

Patro...

Patronyms.

I don't know.

It's good to have the sticks.

Yes, they help.

Everyone has their little cakes!

I don't have a full box,
but if anyone wants...

Go on.

I already have one.

- They're not the same.
- My favorite snack.

Hello, this is Jojo's mobile.

I can't answer right now,
please call...

Hello, this is...

Hello, ladies and gentlemen.

Trump must be pretty impressed!

Emmanuel hasn't got his hand
on his heart.

We don't do that here.
That's an American thing.

Brigitte is well-dressed.
She does France proud.

She's dressed the French way.

Some people in the crowd
are singing.

Let's go children of the fatherland

The day of glory has arrived!

FREE APERITIFS TOMORROW

A gendarme in shorts!

Cruchot's coming!

Sergeant Cruchot.

Mayor, we're listening!

My dear citizens,

I wish to announce
something very serious.

Very serious!

Taxes are going up...

Cruchot! Cruchot!

The Tour de France
will not pass through here this year.

Because, as I do not agree
with you, Mr. Macron,

I refuse to let them
through my commune.

We found within,

the love of our land that saved us.

We also found, solid allies,

friends who came to our rescue.

The United States of America
were among them.

Who'll take a photo
with my camera?

Warren Barguil on the outside,
faster than the Spaniard.

Warren Barguil takes it.

French victory on July 14th at Foix.

Quintana is trying to catch up
but won't make it.

Warren Barguil wins at Foix

with the Best Climber jersey.

Fantastic! 12 years after
the last French victory on July 14th.

That was David Moncoutié.

Warren Barguil wins in Foix!

I love salami.

- Are you fine?
- You don't feel well?

Calm down and have a sit.
Have a drink with us!

- Come on, have a drink.
- No, I'll be back.

Stubborn!

- She's stubborn, huh?
- Definitely stubborn.

I can't change her!

She doesn't like to drink.

How many children did you have?

It was going to be 3.

I said: "We stop at 3".

Yeah, right. The 4th was an accident!

- Well, accident...
- You kept it.

Contraception wasn't
what it is now.

Things were different.

Now, if the youngsters have kids
it's because they want them.

Back then,
we didn't have all that.

We had three, then the fourth,

then we talked to the doctor

and he said:
"We'll do the operation."

She had it done
and there were no more kids.

- We could rest easy.
- I had to do something.

How many would we have had otherwise?
Ten?

Did you hear
about that Gregory case?

That's not for real.

We'll never know the truth.

It just goes on and on.
Like the Dominici case.

- The same!
- Identical!

It's always the kids who suffer.

I know what it's like.
I went through it.

Did my wife tell you?

My second daughter

was abducted by a pervert
at the age of 3 and a half.

Three and a half. Yes!

I assure you.

It happened at 7 pm
in the evening.

She was having fun
with the other little kids.

Nearby, with someone
looking out for them.

More or less.
We kept an eye on them.

She said: "Look for the kid!"
We couldn't find her.

Not at all. The pervert
had attracted her with sweets.

We found that out later.

That's not all.
The local farmers,

were all so kind.

It was harvest time

but people flattened the wheat,
because we searched there.

We dredged the lakes,
everywhere.

We don't know what happened
in that pervert's head,

but he dropped her
at a fairground.

He abandoned her
and a grandmother of 80

noticed her crying

and took her to hospital.

We got to hospital,

the nurse was holding my girl
at the top of the stairs.

I was downstairs.

When I heard her cry,
I knew it was my girl.

And it was indeed her.

- That's tough.
- Very tough.

It hits you hard.
It's the same for my wife.

It stays with you.
You'll never forget that.

Until my dying day.

That's why you party, right?

Yes, because it rises up.

You asked if I was emotional.

Here I go.

That's how it is.

- It's hard.
- Yes.

So honey,

you went for a walk?
Aren't you cold?

'Cause you're still...

- Let me see.
- I found a picture.

I watched over our house.

Ooh, it's beautiful.

It's pretty.

It's nice.
Did you see the other side?

Wait, I'm looking.

- It's wonderful.
- See?

I'll take a snap.

That was us.
It takes us back 40 years.

It's nice to see some youngsters.

Go on over!

They've figured out the canvas.

Ours was exactly the same.

Just not the same color.

Right!

That's not what I wanted to do.

There!

Tomorrow is a big day.

- Kiss kiss.
- Kiss kiss.

4 DAYS TO GO
THE PILGRIMS

I chose the head end.

Good spot!

I'll get some water.

That's harsh.

Thirsty?

- Want some water?
- No.

- Ricard?
- No.

15,978 cyclists
will set off this Sunday

on the cyclosportive stage
of the Tour.

It's the same circuit
as for the professionals,

between Briançon and then
the climb up Col d'Izoard.

100m!
Not even that.

- What's his number?
- I don't know.

- I can't film and...
- I'll do your fries.

Go ahead, then.

There's another one.
Jacques!

I can't see in this sun.

There's a red light
to show you're filming.

9732! Well, well!

He's doing well.

No, he jumped the barriers.

- He left before his turn?
- Yes!

- Isn't that a girl?
- A girl!

Come on, come on!

4264.

Philippe told us that.

A girl who's already here?

That is something!

More than 15.000 cyclists
are expected.

They won't all succeed...

Hello

Come on, champions!

It's so good to be in the bath!

The water's lovely today.

Look, look.

The red flashing light.

I'm filming.

- It's filming.
- It's flashing.

- You're filming.
- It's flashing.

- That's it.
- It's filming.

Switch it off now.

Push the knob and it's off.

Sometimes, I film nothing.

All the symbols

are on there.

Here comes another one.

You should swap.

You cook, she takes photos.

No, she says it's not a good idea.

I'm experimenting here.

An experiment.

The camera's...

16! No, 11.

The last one was number 11.

- Number...?
- 11!

- And now he's deaf!
- The last was number 11.

He can't hear!

Cruchot, sing us a song.

- He can't sing.
- He can only make tickets.

That's what you wanted!

I'm gonna put it in my pocket.
Here.

Now it can't move, now.

It's stuck.

Yes, if you watch the Tour...

If you watch
on Thursday the 20th,

you'll see the van
on the roadside.

I'm 4 km from the finishing line.

I have a big flag of Brittany

and everyone honks
when they see it.

Say hi to Marthe for me.

Tell her I'm still alive.

He didn't drink it all this morning.

- Here.
- Thanks.

And it's real caffeine!

This is what I needed.

Better than whisky, huh?

A lot of attacks, right?

Some Vittel!

His maid!

Good job we didn't drink it all
this morning.

Give us a thousand doves...

and millions of swallows...

...acting like children again...

Like us!

I don't remember the rest.

- There's one you all know.
- World peace would be good right now.

Heck yes!

I may not have time
to ring before the Tour.

- When does it pass?
- Thursday.

Thursday?

We're at the Col d'Izoard.

The Col d'Izoard.

3 km from the pass.

Col d'Izoard, 3 km from the top.

That's it.

You'll see 4 camper vans,

on the left.

On the left, the camper vans.

50 meters after the big bend.

On the left.

Right.

Big bend, 4 camper vans,
on the left.

Say again... I didn't understand.

Col d'Izoard, 3 km from the pass...
big bend, 4 camper vans, on the left.

Right! You've got it.

I hope they put the camera
on the left.

So do I.

Or they put an ad right then.
We'll see.

Children in the dark
make accidents,

... but accidents in the dark
make children.

What a team!

Come on, Romeo.
Come on, Blanco.

Come here.
See if you can jump up.

Jump!

Wait.

No, leave him.
Let him jump. Jump!

He jumped on me once.

See how well he can jump?

It's not the police.
It's him.

Why's he cold?

The little girl's having fun
with the dog.

It must be boring for a kid,
the Tour.

Everything OK?

Did you find the paper?

- Wish it was you, huh?
- Right.

Thank you very much.

How long are you staying?
Until Thursday?

We'll leave Friday or Saturday.

Ride safe.

Thanks.

Courage!

Thanks, very kind of you.

- Son, how are you?
- Fine.

We're at the Tour de France.

We're happy.
There are lots of camper vans around.

Our friends asked if you were coming
to sing "Johnny" again,

like you did last year.

Depends on the office.
The electrician is coming...

How are you?

It's hot.

We're fine, passing the time.

How many have you got?

2, 3, 4, 5...

6.

They're slippy when they're new.

8.

10.

1 DAY TO GO
THE SACRED MOUNTAIN

- You're filling the tank?
- Yes.

It's a good job they came.

Yes, it was kind of them.

You're panting like a bull.

- You're panting!
- I'm better now.

In 5 minutes, I'll be fine.

- How old are you now?
- 74.

Not as young as we used to be.
We don't move enough.

It's different when you work.

I can't breathe.

Don't drop here.
Come and sit down.

- I'm fine.
- Yes?

This is voicemail.

I will record your message
and details after the beep.

Thank you for your call.

Philippe, it's me.

I just wondered how you are.

Call me.

Ciao, speak soon.

Well?

It's Philippe.

- Hello?
- Hi, son, it's me.

What are you up to?

- You're not coming then?
- No, I can't.

Yes, it's a long way.

It's almost 500...

500 km.

Is it?

I checked.

They wanted you to come and sing.
Never mind. Another time.

I can't come.

I have work to finish.

Almost five million listeners
are tuned to Radio Monte-Carlo...

Our story began

with some love words

It's crazy how we loved each other

And my dreams
and my "I love you"

The best of me

Up to the slightest shiver

Tidying the trunk?

- How far did you walk?
- To the Casse Déserte.

- Are there barriers on the other side?
- Where?

- On the slope.
- I didn't notice.

There should be.

- Say hello in Italian.
- Buon giorno.

I don't have "giorno".

- There.
- No, it's not in.

There.

Push.

Push.

- Like it always is.
- Like that?

- More.
- More? Like this?

Can you confirm that only
Alexis Vuillermoz is still with Bardet?

Yes, Alexis Vuillermoz
is the only team member.

Just ahead of Romain Bardet,
Warren Barguil moved aside.

Fabio Aru has no teammates.

He's not giving up.

Bardet's attacking.

Romain. Go for it.

The yellow jersey
is sticking with him.

- Nice car.
- Let me watch my Tour.

Hello!

Have you been parked here long?
To get such a good spot?

We've been here 8 days.

8 days?!

Nice, huh?

They've put up barriers.
We're penned in.

People from back home.

- Do you know them?
- No.

I don't know them.

Hello!

- Parisians.
- "Parisians, look like dogs".

What we say is:

"Parisians, look like dogs.
People from Paris act like hogs."

- You didn't know?
- No.

At ski resorts,
Parisians are awful.

They push and shove you.

They want to be first.
You have to wait in turn.

You pay the ski lift too,
why should they go first?

D-DAY
ASCENSION

The Earth is flat

Hello!

Thank you.

TOURIST OFFICE

VOECKLER IN THE LEGEND

Stay on the roadside
and do not try to cross!

Stay on the roadside
and always hold children's hands.

If you don't laugh,
you grow old.

I'm 74, and look...

Watch out!

Like the young girl there.

You'll fall onto the posts there.

The aerial shot
from the chopper is great.

I'm going to blow a fuse.

They're kind enough.

Yes. But they're noisy.

Just pretend they're not there.

Nice Mercedes!

Christian, it's up there.

Not that one.
It's on its way.

Pick up your phone.

Listen, it's on its way.
It's coming.

The helicopter, it's on the left.

Change the channel.

Where do you think you are?

I didn't see you.

This is my place,
I do as I please.

Take it easy, madam.
We want The Young and the Restless.

He asked to change channels.
Who does he think he is?

It's boring as hell.

Go watch up there.

There's no TV.

They've all got antennas.

Turn to channel 4.
There's a good film on.

Who cares about the Tour?

I bet the idiots go to the ads
just as they get here.

I can sense it.

That's enough!

Everyone wants to see.

Move aside!

The yellow jersey group is late.

I hope they don't run after them.
That'll really make me cross.

Don't bother,
they're Parisians.

I don't give a damn
if they're from Paris!

But they're not Parisians
'cos it wasn't a French flag.

One kilometer.

They're coming!

One kilometer.
They're coming.

You're on TV.

Can't you puncture that thing?

That thing's blocking our view.

Come on, Barguil!

Crush their feet!
Ride over them!

Well done, well done.

Idiots!

What a pain that guy is!

Shit, I don't believe it!

Vuillermoz, Vuillermoz.

117.

Film this way,
not the other side!

They filmed from
over there...

He's the one attacking.

Come on, Bardet!

He's done.

What a fight.

Barguil is there!

They'll crush you.

One nearly hit me earlier.

They're gonna break my van.

Easy, don't you
break my van.

No way,
we're gonna miss the finish line.

Switch on the radio.

The radio...

Sometimes it cuts out
and comes back.

What a pain!

- That's enough.
- Switch it off and on again?

It's not mine.

Give me the remote.

Nothing.

Who's this one?

We're sad,
we didn't see you.

Just as I thought.
The cameras were on the other side.

Never mind.

My cousin rang to say
she didn't see us.

Next year we'll go
on the other side.

What bad luck!

At the finishing line.
It was sensational.

Have you got a radio or not?

No.

What's going on?

There's a problem with the...

There! It's back, guys!

He's won!

It's OK!

An average of 38
on a stage like this!

They're like motorbikes!

You might do better
on the left, Jojo.

- He'll be better off there.
- You might be right.

Pat with your bare foot.

You'll carry on down.

My God!

- It's no easy task.
- See?

It's going back down.

He's hurt his foot.

Give me your hand.

Give me your hand!

Thank you, sweetie.

Your feet are bleeding.

Your heel's in a state.

It could have been the end of you.

He's an easy bleeder.

I bleed easily,
with all the medics...

With Kardegic and stuff...

- I won this.
- What's the Spanish brand like?

- I won this.
- What?

- I won the jersey.
- Good for you.

They're noisy but...

They weren't the worst.

It was the Parisians
with their rubber ring.

Why have they got that?
Are they afraid of drowning?

I don't know. If I'd had a needle,
it would be flat by now.

What did he say?

I didn't tell him. But if I'd had one,
I would have done it!

They did thank me.
It's the least they could do.

It's a tough day.
Roll on the day we stop.

That's one more Tour done!

I cut!

I'm doing the best I can.
Hearts!

Go on, Bardet.
Overtake, overtake!

Take the lead!

Subtitles: Tongues Untied

Subtitling TITRAFILM