Hollywood Shuffle (1987) - full transcript

Man: Tommy!

Tommy!

You--you killed-ed
my brother.

He was my only brother.

I loved-ed this dude, baby.

And you're gonna pay,
jive sucker.

You done mess with
the wrong dude, baby.

I'm gonna be on your ass like
a pair of fruit of the loom!

I'm gonna bounce you
harder than a canceled check.

As soon as you get your foot
off my face,

I'm gonna hurt you, man.



I'm gonna hurt you.

This be my turf, baby.

I owns the eastside.

Listen. Listen.

Oh, you tough now.
Oh, you tough now...

Becausin' you be
got your gang.

Becausin' you be
got your gang.

But when my gang
finds out...

Oh...oh!

W-W-Why you gotta pull
a knife, man?

Why you gotta
pull a knife?

[Normal voice]
What's the line?

"I ain't be got
no weapon."

Uhh!



[In character] I ain't
be got no weapon.

Heh heh heh.

I'm shy, Johnny.
I am shy, man.

I'm gonna turn--
what's the line?

"I's gonna turn my back
and close my eyes

"and pretend
that didn't happen.

I'm too cool for that."

I'm gonna turn my back
and close my eyes

and pretend
that didn't happen.

I-I'm too cool for that.

Why you gotta stab me
in my back, Johnny?

I'm bleedin'.

Shit! [Sniveling]

You stabbed-ed me
in the back, Johnny!

But I'm bleedin' cool.

[Sniveling]

Yeh, yeh.

You're gonna be late
for your audition, son.

Mama, if I get this role,
everything is gonna change.

Baby, you just do
your best, hear?

Yes, ma'am.

Good luck, Bobby.

I hope you get it.
Shut up.

[Mimicking] Good luck,
Bobby. I hope you get it.

Thanks, Stevie.

TV announcer: Thursdays
nights at 8:00 P.M.,

america's favorite TV show--
there's a bat in my house,

the show that asks
the burning question,

can a black bat
from Detroit

find happiness with
a white suburban family?

Starring america's favorite
funny man...

The hilarious, zany
b.B. Sanders as batty boy!

What's all this noise?

Can't a bat hang
upside down in his cave

and get some sleep?

Announcer: He's half bat,
half soul brother...

Say what?

But together he adds up
to big laughs.

Thursdays, 8:00 P.M.

See you later, grandma.

Good luck.

Good luck, Jimmy,
my main man.

I'm gonna get this one,
grandma.

Mm-hmm.

Yo, man.
You not my brother.

Good luck,
Bobby.

Thanks, Greg.

What's up, man?

You won't forget
about US, will you, man?

I'm forgettin' about you,
Tommy.

But not your sister.

What's up, man?

[Horn honks]

Bobby:
Uncle ray.

I'm on my way.

Ok, do it.
Do it!

I'll do my best.

Tiny!

Yeah, man.

Go get Mr. Jones
for me.

Hey, Donald,
what's up?

Work.

Mr. Jones!

Marlon Brando's here.

Hey, man, I wonder
what kind of lie

the brother gonna
tell this time.

Every week, it's
something else, man.

What about that time
he said he had

to take his sister
to be circumcised?
Oh, man.

Tiny: The brother
can lie, man.

Bobby, I don't want to hear
anything about your grandmother

or some audition today,
all right?

No. I gotta go
to the dentist, man.

Look, Bobby.
Look, Bobby.

Bring a note from the dentist
this time, all right?

Ok, i-I'll bring a note.

Bobby,
I'm telling you, man,

if you're not back
by the noon rush,

then we're gonna have
to sit down

and talk very seriously
about your job.

I'll be back.
I'll be back.

I'm serious.

I'll be back.

I'm not kidding, Bobby.

[Starts engine]

I'm serious, Bobby!

[Mouthing words]

I know you're
gonna get it.

What?

Ow!

What?

[Mouthing]

[Mouthing]

Hey, yvette,
look at her.

Look at you.

Look at you!

To the best actor
of the year...

For good luck.

You know, after you
get this part,

we're gonna have
to celebrate.

Champagne?
Candlelight?

I'll bring the dessert.

I gotta get
this part.

Damn! Shit!

I'm sorry.

Good-bye, Maurice.

Girl.

"Bye, Maurice."
He ain't funny.

[Laughing]

You jive, honey?

Yeah!

Good luck,
young blood.

You trick ass
sucker.

Woman: Oh, you're gonna
have big fun up there.

[Laughs]

Ha ha!

[Overlapping chatter]

I'm gonna get you,
sucker!

Oh, why you be gotta
pull a knife on me?

I be got no weapon.
[Snivels]

Let's go outside
so I can cut you.

Oh. Oh.

So what you think?
Think it was good?

Oh, I don't know.
I think we can do better.

I'm Jimmy's
main squeeze!

Please don't hurt him.
He's all I've got!

And then they said I wasn't
black enough for the part.

You know, sometimes
I think that white people

don't think
that light-skin blacks

can play street hoods.

Same thing happened to me.

I was at a casting call once,

and the receptionist asked me
what I was here for.

Then she asked me
if I was black.

Oh...

But now I'm working.

I use suntan lotion.

Stop trying to kiss me!

Get your hand off my leg!

Get your leg off my hand.

The director said,

you have to meet me
at my house...

At 12 midnight.

Girl, I ain't stupid.

I was there at 11:59!

Ok, 3:30 is fine.
Thank you.

Name, please?

Uh, Bobby Taylor.

I have a 10:30.

Bobby Taylor,
you're reading for Jimmy.

Do you have your sides?

Yeah.

Great. Just have a seat.

We'll get to you
as soon as we can.

We're running behind.

Just have a seat.

Ok.

This is Sidney Stewart,
the director.

Mandrill man vacuum,
the writer,

of course,
I'm Millicent Ross.

What we're looking for,
miss strickland,

is the girlfriend of the brother
of the main character.

She has to be tough,
but sensitive.

She knows life, and yet she's
very naive at the same time.

And, of course, she has
to be very, very Spanish.

We're looking for a very
westside story kind of look.

Ask her if she
can do the Spanish.

Do you do
a Spanish accent?
Yes, I do.

Could you do,
maybe your sides,

for me
with that accent?
Sure.

Jimmy! Listen to me.

You better run, honey,
before the polices come.

That's very good!

Wonderful!

Yeah, it's
very exciting.

Richard, it's
an important film.

And it's a film

that can make the right
actor very, very famous.

We're looking for charisma.

We're looking for sex appeal
and yet innocence.

We're looking for that
certain je ne sais quoi.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. I think so.

With that in mind, Richard,

I want you to start reading
from the top of the page.

Ok.

And I want you
to give it to US.

But really give it
to US.

Tell him to relax.
And relax.

But I need some tension
at the same time.

But not too relaxed.

But don't forget
to give me sparkle.

Can I start?

Please. Please.
Anytime you're ready.

Ok. This is Jimmy,
man. Jimmy!

Yeah, when my gang
finds out,

you be dead!

Time out, Richie.

Anyway, after
getting my degree

from the royal academy
of dramatic art,

I decided to come
to Hollywood
and do some movies.

Good. Why don't you
start with the speech?

That's very interesting.

Sure. Ok.

Uh, let me see.

What it is, bro,

I ain't afraid
of you.

What is happening

with
your cool vibes?

Thank you.
Thank you very much.

You're the worst actor
I've ever seen in my life.

I--i have to be frank
with you.

I could do it
in iambic.

You be messin' with
the wrong dude, bro.

Thank you.
I got--

thank you.

Thank you.

Did you like it?

Very much.

Leave the sides
with the receptionist.

Thank you.
No. Leave it
up front.

Ok. I'll see you
on the shoot.

Long distance.

Well, how can
she tell how--

no, 'cause I have
an analyst appointment

at 7:00 at night.

Could she feel
more black?

I know, then I have to
go to the hairdresser.

Do you have
the final say

on whether I
get cast or not?

I'm directing the film.

No, I can't, mom.
No!

Listen...
Yeah, go on.

I'm sorry. She's
distracting me.

I just can't go
through it.

No, no. Go on.

Maybe 7:00?
8:00.

8:00?
All right, 8:00.

Thank you.
I understand--

I understand
you're looking
for a tough girl.

I can play
a tough girl.

Thank you.
I said I can play
a tough girl!

Thank you.
Wonderful.

I ain't be got
no weapon.

Why you be pullin'
a knife on me?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

[All laughing]

Wonderful.

Did you know i'm
in a real gang, man.

I don't play no
Hollywood bullshit, man.

Like, you know,
I'm for reals, man.

And that's why
I know I can

all right.
Play the part.

All right, Mr. Rodriguez,
that's it.

Put the knife away and get
the hell out of here.

Vivian,
get security.

[Reading
to himself]

Don't give me jive,
Turkey!

This is bullshit.

Wh...what?

This is bullshit.

What are you
talking about?

This is some more of
the white man's stereotype

for black man.
Yeah, brother.

Really?

Yeah, brother.

Only an uncle Tom
would do this shit.

They just looking for
somebody to sell out.

Sell out?

The only role they gonna
let US do is a slave,

a Butler, or some street hood
or something.

Don't sell out, brother.

Don't be a Butler
or a slave.

Receptionist:
Jesse Wilson.

Jesse Wilson,
you're next!

That's me!
Good luck, brother.

[Laughs]

[Overlapping chatter]

Butler or slave.

[Whimpering]
Stop it.

Stop it!
Hear?

Now, you said you
want your freedom!

You knows we ain't gonna
have no freedom back there.

W-What if we get caught?
What if we get caught?

Boy, I'll kill you if you
don't stop that crying.

And I'll kills anybody else that
stands in the ways of freedom.

Now, we ain't goin' back!

That gang not our home!

So let's move!

I can't waits
to get my freedom.

Mandingo, i's go
anywhere with you.

Mandingo,
i's loves you.

I love you, too,
bessie, Willie Mae.

Mandingo.

Mandingo.

I can't go
back there.

I love you, too,
mandingo.

But, missy Ann,
what about your kinfolk?

I don't care.

I'm going with you.

[Barking dogs approach]

I don't know why we's
leaving massa's house.

He been good to US.

He sees US
on Saturday,

clothes US on Sunday,

and then beat US
on Monday.

Or was it Tuesday?
I, uh, I don't know.

Jasper, i's don't
wants to go.

I's a house nigger, Jasper.

What?

Jasper, don't you
wants freedom?

We goin'
to promised land.

The promised land.

Promised land?

Cleveland?

No. Jasper.

Baltimore?

No, Jasper.
The promised land.

Oh, the promised land.

Minnesota?

Director: And cut!

Hi, my name is Robert Taylor...

And I'm a black actor.

I had to learn to play
these slave parts.

And now you can, too,

at Hollywood's first
black acting school.

* black acting school

it teaches you everything.
Learn jive talk 101.

You motherfuckin' jive
Turkey motherfucker.

All right.
That's good.

That's good.
Good work.

All right,
you try it.

You--you fucking
mothers--

no. No. No, no.
That's wrong.

That's wrong.
Watch me now.

Just be cool.

Jive Turkey
motherfucker!

* black acting school

good. That's only
the beginning.

You, too, can learn
to walk black.

No...no, no, no.

No?

No rhythm.
Observe.

[Funk plays]

Yes!
Yes! Yes!

You, too, can be
a black street hood.

But this class is for
dark-skinned blacks only.

Light-skin or yellow blacks
don't make good crooks.

Here's a student
in our advanced class.

I didn't steal
that TV.

It just happened
to be under my coat.

I don't know nothin',
policewoman,

Kojak, Ironside.

Yeah, i'm
a gang leader.

I'm in the warlords,
the fightslord,

the onionhead.

* black acting school

let's talk to a graduate.

This is Ricky Taylor.

Ricky graduated from
our class 3 years ago.

Ricky, call you tell US

what you've been doing
since you've graduated?

Well, Robert,
I've played 9 crooks,

4 gang leaders,
2 dope dealers.

I played a rapist twice.

Whoa!

That was fun.

But currently, i'm
filming a prison movie.

I play this tough con

that tries to fuck
this new inmate.

That sounds wonderful!

I'm so happy for you!

Need I say any more?

It's Hollywood's first
black acting school.

It teaches you
everything.

Announcer:
Learn to play...

Courses include...

Dial...

* black acting school

don't try to be cool.

Call Hollywood's first
black acting school!

All right!

Today!

[Overlapping chatter]

Bobby, you don't want
your job, do you?

I want my job, Mr. Jones,
I really do.

Bobby. You don't act
like it, Bobby.

Look, each week
a new emergency.

You've had every disease
known to man,

and I haven't seen one
damn doctor's note.

I just lose them
sometimes.

Bobby, this ain't
the poo-butt league, man.

Man, ain't no poo-butts
around here.

This is not your average
hot dog stand.

You know what this is?

This is winky dinky dog!

I know, and I'm glad
to be working here

at winky dinky dog.

Yeah, it sends
chills down my spine

every time I say it--
winky dinky dog.

Bobby, say it with me.
Come on.

Winky dinky dog!
Winky...Dinky...Dog!

Yeah, whoo!

Mm mm mm.

Yeah, I like that.

Mr. Jones, it's not that
I'm not happy working here.

It's just that acting
allows me to be creative.

Bobby, you can
create here.

I created the
winky dinky dog.

100% beef!

Winky dinky
hamburger.

Winky dinky
doughnut.

Winky dinky dip.

And I got a new one,
Bobby.

The winky dinky
ho cake.

Ho cake.

Ho cake!

Hos got to eat,
too. Right?

Right. You right.

That's right.
Hos gotta eat.

I hate to lose you,
Bobby.

Big thing comin' up.
Talk to him, man.

Winky dinky ho cake.

If it was up to me,
you'd be fired.

My man, tiny, all ready
to kick your ass.

I ain't afraid of tiny.
Tiny ain't kicking my ass.

I wish he would bring
his big fat ass--

hey, tiny.

I'll make it up to you.

'Cause I'm gonna be
a star one day, man.
No, no.

You're gonna be
seeing stars, man.

Yo, yo, chill.
Check it out.

Look at them
bodyguards, man.

There's a bomb
over here.

You serious?

No, no. It's just
the muffler, man.

Just the muffler.
Sorry.

You sure of that?

Donald:
Look at 'em.

Hey, man, who they
got in there?

Bobby: I don't know.

Oh, that's--
that's batty boy!

Yeah, yeah! That
dude's batty boy!

From the TV show
'bout that black bat
living in the house.

Tiny:
There's a bat in my house.

Donald: Right! Right!
That's some
funny shit, man.

The way he get
away going,

"batty, batty,
batty."

Yeah.

Let's go take
his order.

Ok.

Welcome to winky dinky dog,
Mr. Batty.

May we take your order please?

One winky dinky dog
with cheese...

And one without.

Extra special sauce.

You got that,
tiny?

Yeah.
One with cheese,

and spit on
the other one.
All right, gotcha.

Man, we watch your show
all the time.

Every night.
Batty, batty, batty!

Get my stick. There's
a bat in the house.

Don't touch
his hand.

And don't touch
his clothes.

Oh, later for you,
bathead.

Yo, man, your show sucks.
You ain't no actor, man.

That's all
special effects, man.

Peasant.

I can't believe
it's you, man.

Oh, Mr. Batty, how do you
tell a good script?

Does your character...

Die...in the script?

No.

Then it's a good script.

What about art?

It's not about art.

It's about...
Sequel!

One film, one...

Can make
an entire career.

Just look at me.

Batty, batty, batty.

I read in a magazine

that you still take
acting classes.

And that you don't drink
or do drugs.

[Gasping]

Relax, Mr. Batty,
relax.

Don't say drugs
around the man.

And don't say coke
or freebase neither.

Unless you got some.

Just remember that.

I'm gonna work
with you someday.

Sure, kid.

I wanna do a movie with you
someday, Mr. Batty.

I had an audition today, man.
It was good, man.

Player: Go!

Pass!

All right!

It sounds like you did
pretty good, man.

Looks like my chances
are good.

Man, if I get this role, man,
it's the lead in this movie.

Wow, man! They say
in show biz,

it only takes
one good movie.

You could be a star, man.

Bobby t.
Check it out.

Man, I just hope
the critics like it, man.

'Cause they could shoot
a movie down.

Oh, man, the critics
don't know nothing.

Right. They don't
know nothing.

It's just like
that TV show.

You know, the one
with the 2 critics.

With the fat dude,
the fat dude in the glasses.

He act like he
knows everything.

They need some
real brothers

critiquing
the movies.

Yeah. Give it up
to real.

You right, man,
I dig.

Both: Real brothers.

Snap.

Whazzup, man?

Welcome to sneaking
in the movies.

My name is speed,

and this is
my homeboy Tyrone.

And we are like, uh,
movie critics and shit.

Well, not really.
Peep this.

Each week,
me and my boy, you know,

we go to different theaters
and stuff and sneak in

and check out the movie.

Then we come back
and tell y'all whazzup.

Like if y'all should
pay money and shit.

Today, the first movie
we will be reviewing

is a classical movie called
amadeus meets salierius

about 2 motherfuckers
really into music.

And here's the clip.

[Mozart piece plays]

If I could sear out
my eyes...

Tear my music
from the skies

and hearts and souls
of every human being

that has ever heard it...

I would give anything to
have him back into my soul--

thine eyes, thine heart,

and whisper no more.

But to be without him,

the skies will see no more
than nothing.

[Laughs]

Bullshit!

I didn't like
this movie at all.

My first problem
was the fact

that I couldn't
say the title.

I get tired of titles
I can't pronounce and shit.

If you want people to come
and see it,

a motherfucker gotta be able
to tell his woman

where he gonna take her.

You gonna lean over
to your woman and say,

I'm taking you
to amaduh, amaduh,

you know what I mean?
I didn't like it.

Here's the next clip,

Chicago Jones,
temple of doom.

Aahh!

Got any other
bright ideas, Chicago?

Let's jump.

You gotta be crazy.

Trust me.

Are you sure?

Yeah. I can do anything.

Let's jump.

Ok.

You ready?

1...

2...

3...go!

Aah!
Aah!

Chicago:
Are you ok?

Just a run
in my stocking.

Let's go.

I'll start.
I'll start.

I'll tell you, I enjoyed
the first and second

Chicago Jones
and temple of dooms, you know.

I kinda gave the guy points.

It's a little unbelievable,
but it's possible, you know.

I know he's a bad
motherfucker and all,

I know that.

Right, right.

But him jumping off mountains
with his mother,

you know,
and not getting hurt...

No, that's bullshit.

I disagree.

I disagree, homeboy.

I believe this movie.

A dude could jump
off a mountain

and not hurt himself

because he did
brace himself.

And he knew something
about the levels

of gravitivity
and polarity.

What? No.
That's bullshit, man.
That's bullshit.

Aw, man, you don't know
shit about science

'cause you dropped
out of high school.

Hey, man, why you
gotta bring that up?

'Cause it's
the truth.

Hey, I know it's the truth,
but that--hey, man, fuck you!

Oh, whatcha gonna
do about it?

Hey, man, I'm gonna
bust your ass.

Oh, yeah,
after the clip.

Ok, yeah. Ok.

Well, right now, we're gonna
review this next movie,

the new movie
'bout dirty Larry.

All right, what do you
punks want?

We want
a helicopter.

We want
a helicopter!

All right, I'll get you
a helicopter.

Larry, am I glad
to see you.

They got hostages.

They wanna go
to the airport.

All right, just keep
the SWAT team back.

I'll handle it.

All right, why don't
you punks freeze

and drop your guns
on the ground?

What'd you say,

honky sucker pighead
jive Turkey fool?

I said drop your guns
to the ground.

Make US, cop.
It's 3 of US,

and just only one
of you.

[Laughs]

Well, why don't you
meet my friends?

Mr. Smith and Mr. Wesson.

Wow, that's
a big gun, man.

Yeah. It's not just a gun.
It's a .44 Magnum.

It's the most powerful
handgun around.

No shit.
No shit.

Yo, man. How much
did it cost?

About $300. I'm not sure
though, I got it on sale.

How many bullets
does it hold?
Six.

Woman: Larry.
What?

I got a cramp
in my leg.

Let the lady go.

Why?
Because.

Because why?
Because I say so.

Who are you, man?

He's dirty Larry.

That's right.
We don't care.

You take one step,

and you're gonna be
talking to your maker.

Go on...

Make my day.

[Gunshot]

Bullshit. I didn't like
this movie at all.

Realism is very important
to me.

Say, like you
take somebody hostage,

you all nervous and shit?

They ain't got time
for no conversation.

That's right. He's
having a conversation,

they chill out
and listen,

3 brothers with guns?

He's supposed to
take the money.

Right.

Take the ho.
Take the ho.

You know that.

And take the car and get
the fuck out of there.

I can't believe it,

'cause he would've been
dead a long time ago

talking that shit.
"Make my day."

Right, right. 'Cause as soon
as he said make my day,

boom! Do 50 bullets
in your ass make your day?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

You know.
Hoo hoo hoo.

Shit. Bullshit.

Well, that was bullshit.

Now, the next clip,
I think you will enjoy.

Yeah, it's called
attack of the street pimps.

Check it out.

Uhh!

No!

What is--

you should've
seen him.

They--
they got Randy.

You gotta run.

Randy?

What's wrong with her?

Shit!

Girl, watch where
the fuck you're going!

Oh, god, you scared me.
I thought it was them.

What are you
talking about?

Them!

Girli don't see
anybody.

Neither do I.

Listen, you gotta run.
You gotta hide.

They were after me
and verne and--

listen!

Ha ha. Shit, man!

That bitch
lost her mind!

Her pimp done
drove her crazy.

He done hit her upside
her head once too many.

Mm-mm. No. I never seen
her act like that before.

Oh, man. She had
another fight with t-bird.

He probably
beat her ass good.

No.

Shit!

Oh.

Move it.
Come on!

Ah-ah-ah-ah...

Oh!

Where's my bitches?

No, Jimmy!

Oh, god, sugar pie.

You don't need that.

No! No! No!

What's your
phone number, baby?

Show me.
You're gonna get it.

Aaaahhh!

Now that was
a good movie!

I love this movie.
It was genius.

The direction,
the acting,

the story line...

That shit was bad!

The motherfucker scared
the shit out of me, man.

That shit
could really happen.

I believed this movie.

Like, you get all
those pimps together,

walking around and shit,
with big hats on.

Right, right.
That was live.

The director captured
the essence of street life

in a whore-type situation.

Pimps looking for hos.
It was live.

And that actress
that played the ho?

Wasn't she good?

She was excellent,
marvelous,

effervescent.

Yeah, man.

Oh, and acting
all terrified and shit.

This movie
is like a nightmare.

You know
that one dude, man,

with the yellow suit on?

Yeah!

Man, he looked
like this dude

right around the corner
from my house, man.

That's what's so
horrifying about it.

[Exhales]

And now, to recap
the movies we saw...

We both gave thumbs down
to that classical shit

amadeus meets salierius.

We disagreed
on Chicago Jones.

I gave it
a thumbs down,

but he liked it
that full of shit.

Dirty Larry, the movie
where the crooks wait

for Larry
to go in his jacket,

pull out a big-ass gun.

What'd they think
he was looking for?

His American express card?
Damn!

We both gave dirty Larry
the finger.

The last movie,
we really enjoyed.

It was full of stereotypes
but it was well directed,

and we thought the combining
of the zombie pimps

and the street hos
was brilliant.

We gave it
the serious high-5.

And that recaps
all the movies we saw.

Well, join US next week

when we will be
reviewing

like, 5, uh, new movies.

That's if we can sneak
into movie theaters

and check 'em out.
Yeah.

So see y'all next week.

See you next week.

Let me see your tickets.

Uh, I think
I lost mine, man.

Oh, shit!

I think I left mine
in the bathroom,

you know, 'cause I
was taking a piss.

You can't hold it
in your hand

when you're pissing.
You know you can't.

Let's go. Come on.

Speed and Tyrone:
We'll see you next week.

Mr. Wilson:
Where's my bat?

I'll show you!

Say what?

Woman: Mr. Wilson!

Wings,
don't fail me now!

Batty, batty, batty!

[Music plays]

Wings,
don't fail me now!

[Music plays]

[Laughs]
[Laughs]

[Telephone rings]

Hello?

Who's calling?

Yes, sir.
He's here.

It's for you.

Who is it?

Your agent.

What does he want?

I don't know.

[Sighs]

Hello, Marty?
What did they say?

They like me a lot.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

But what?

They want
a Eddie Murphy type?

What's an Eddie Murphy type?

Oh, they want somebody
to act like Eddie Murphy?

Why can't I just act?

So I didn't get it.

I got a callback?

I got a callback?

Well, why didn't you
say that in the beginning?

Ok. Ok. Ok.

Well, just call me back
with the details.

Ok, Marty. Bye.
Have a good day.

[Hangs up]

I got a callback.

You got a callback.

I got a callback.

Good boy.

What we're looking for

is an Eddie Murphy type.

We want somebody

who can act like Eddie
Murphy from head to toe.

That's what we want.

Someone who can dress
like Eddie Murphy,

to look like Eddie Murphy,
to be Eddie Murphy,

to give them
the actor himself,

a murphyectomy.

To have
a Murphy-like quality,

murphyesque,
to be murphonic.

O-tay!

[Chomping gum]

Just shut up.
Hee hee hee hee hee hee.

H-Hello, kids.

It's your old friend,
Mr. Robinson.

Me!

There he is!

He's the one
we want! [Chomping]

I just want to be me.

I don't want to be
Eddie Murphy.

I just want to be me.

I just want.
I jus--hee hee hee hee!

Yes!
Get the fuck out of here.

That's what
we're looking for.

[Muffled screams]

[Eddie Murphy laughter]

Donny: Man, I am tired
of this bullshit!

Now, look.

You come in here every day
with another excuse

so you can go out
and do that acting thing.

I'm tired. I don't want
to hear it no more.

Now, you sell that shit
to Mr. Joe.

Don't bring it here,
baby, to me.

'Cause we're trying to
run a business, ok?

Now, look. I don't want
to bust your bubble,

but you ain't
never gonna make it
at the acting thing.

I have seen you on TV,
and I'm telling you now...

Let me wrap it up.

Hey, man. I saw
a film you did

on TV the other night.

It sucked, Bobby.

Give it up.

You'll never be
a step 'n fletch.

Never.

You don't even know
nobody famous.

Nobody. Nobody.

Who do you know?
Your uncle, he tried.

Look at him now,

sweeping up hair
in a barbershop.

That's right.

You got
a opportunity here, man.

That's right.

After 5 years, they
let me lock up the place.

You thinkin' a studio gonna
let you lock up the place?

This man
got responsibility.

You could have
responsibility.

Look, man. Look at me.

When I first came here,
I was nobody like you.

3 months later,
assistant crew chief.

6 months after that,
crew chief.

I went from $2.00
to $2.25 in 6 months.

Now, we talking
about making it.

Give the acting up.

Give the acting
thing up, man.

Bobby: I'm not going
to be working here

all my life.

I'm going to make it
as an actor.

Winky dinky dog.

Donny, you stupid
little pea brain.

And tiny, all you
care about is food.

I'm gonna come back
to this place one day

somebody, you'll see.

[Echoing] You'll see,
you'll see, you'll see.

Come on, Donald.

Give me
half a hotdog, man.
No.

Hey, man, am I
half owner in the place?

Yes.
Well, give me
my half a hotdog.

I said no. You already
ate half my hat.

Look, we only got
2 hotdogs left, man.

What, do you
want to eat one,
throw off the inventory?

Bobby!

Donald, tiny,
it's been a long time.

Yeah. What, 10 years?

Man, we've been
watching you on TV

and the movies.

Always knew you was
gonna make it, man.

Didn't I always say
he was gonna make it?

Tiny: Yeah, yeah.
Sure did.

How's Mr. Jones doing?

Uh, hey,
he lost his shirt

on that
ho cake thing.

He's over
in that corner,

talking to himself,
going plum crazy.

Hold on a minute, damn it!

Let me put out my napkins.

How you gonna eat
without no napkins around?

Got to have some napkins.

Hold on now. What kind
of hcake do you want?

You want the wine
ho cake? Yeah.

Tiny: What happened
to this guy?

Lost his mind, man.

Yeah, Stevie!
How many do you want?

Michael wants some, too?

Ha ha! Yeah, I know.

Ho cake.
Everybody love ho cake.

We need you, Bobby.
We need you, man.

Could you do a commercial
for US, Bobby?

I know you can't tell,

but business really
ain't doing that good.

Could--could you, please?

Please, Bobby.

Could you please
do a commercial for me?

Tiny: Please,
please, please!

So, please, please, please

get your shit together
or you're fired!

You can have
winky dinky dog.

I quit...

Crew chief.

Fat boy!

He be back, man.

Yeah. Keep your hat.
You're gonna need it.

He'll be back.
That's damn right.

And when you come back,
it'll be for less pay!

Hey, Bobby, come on in!

Just getting ready
to close up the place.

How's it goin'?

Aw, it's goin'.

So, yeah, Bobby,
what's been happening?

How's grandma
and the family?

I quit my job.

I was working there
for 3 years.

And you should have
quit 3 years ago.

That job was just
a waste of your time.

You've got to do it

while you're young,
Bobby,

before you fall in love
and get a family.

'Cause if you don't,

time's got a way of
creeping up on you,

kicking you in your ass.

What if I'm not that good?

What if I don't make it?

What if
you do make it?

And what if
you are that good?

Bobby,

you'll never know
until you try.

You gotta give it
your all, Bobby.

You got to give it

everything
you've got.

I know...

'Cause it happened
to me.

I stopped
believing in me,

started listening to
all those other people

tell me what
I couldn't do.

I kept listening...

And listening...

Until one day

I started
believing it...

And I quit.

Lost my chops.

* oh, there was magic
in the night *

man, when I was singing,

I was the happiest
man alive...

On stage, doin' it.

Bobby, there
ain't nothin' to it

but to do it.

You could be

the greatest actor
ever born,

doin' Shakespeare
on the stage,

playin' the hero
in some movie.

Maybe the first
black Superman.

One day,
win that Oscar.

You gotta believe
in yourself, Bobby.

Don't play yourself
cheap.

Don't ever let anybody
take away your dream.

Come on, let's go.

I said,
my main man.

No, no, no, no.

You gotta say,
my main man.

My main man.

Yeah.

Excellent. That was
real jive, Robert.

Yeah, I was
like the street,

like, "what
be happenin'?"

Right. All right.

You were wonderful.

Shit! Shit!

Thank you, Andrew.

Thank you, Stewart.

[Laughs]

Robert, very,
very nice work.

Very nice work,
Robert.

We're
very pleased.

Thank you.
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.
Thank you.

Mm-hmm.

Bye!

Bye!
Fabulous.

Oh, my god!

Do you want
me to call

his agent?

Oh, absolutely.
That's our Jimmy.

That is our Jimmy.

Jive, tough,
charismatic.

That's our Jimmy.
Very black.

[Crickets chirping]

* take me back
to yesterday *

* when a dream that's
come true wasn't far away *

Bobby, are you trying
to get me drunk?
No.

Mm-hmm. [Laughs]

Where's everybody else
in the house?

I don't know.

Mm-hmm.

They went out.

Where'd they go?

They just went out

and left me here
all by myself.

[Laughs]

And then you came.

Uh...

Hi, Lydia.

Mm-hmm.

Grandma, aren't you
home kinda early?

Well, I didn't want
to play bingo all night,

listening to
a lot of gossip.

Where's Stevie?

He's spending
the night

over at
Michael's house.

Grandmother:
Mmm. How come you home?

Uh, we were
celebrating.

Didn't mama
tell you?

I got the part
in the movie.

Oh, yeah, she told me.

Congratulations.

Why didn't you go out?

Uh, my
unemployment check

didn't come today,

and so we decided
to just stay in

and watch TV.

There's this
good detective movie

that's on tonight.

Oh, well! I just love
detective movies.

Announcer: Welcome to
the Wednesday night movie.

Tonight, Sam ace is back
fighting crime.

This movie will be shown

with no commercial
interruptions.

Bobby: This is
Sam ace.

Yeah. I've seen it 3 times.

Sam: This is the city.
My city.

This is where I work.

It's a tough beat,
but somebody's gotta do it.

I'm a private investigator.

My name is Sam ace.

I fight crime.

It was Friday night.

I sat in my office, waiting
on the phone to ring.

[Ring]

Could it be one of my dames?

Nah! It was some fag.

It's a long story.

I was drunk
at a Christmas party.

Suddenly, there was
a knock on my door,

then she walked in.

I could tell by her shoes,
this dame had class.

I could tell by her purse
she didn't have much money.

And I could tell by her face
she was desperate.

My name is Debra Jenkins.
I need your help.

Have a seat.

My brother was murdered.

The police
found s body

in a alley 2 days ago.

All he wanted to do
was dance.

[Music plays]

His name
was Carl Jenkins,

but everybody
called him cookiehead.

He was
the best breakdancer

in the country, Mr. Ace.

Nobody could
copy his moves.

He had a unique style.

He was poetry in motion.

He was the best.

My fee is $50 a day,

plus expenses.

Mr. Ace,
money is no problem.

If you find
my brother's killer,

I'll give you anything.

Sam:
When she said "anything,"

she meant it.

She was talking about
doing the nasty,

and I like
doing the nasty.

So began the case.

I started with the people
closest to cookie first.

His mother.

She said
he was a good boy.

She just hoped
he had on clean underwear

when they found him.

I didn't know how
to tell her...He didn't.

I talked to cookie's father.

He didn't believe cookie
was his real son.

I didn't know how
to tell him...He wasn't.

Cookie favored the milkman.

I was getting nowhere.

I needed answers.

It was time to play rough.

All right.

So I didn't see nothin'.

But I could tell you this,
though, Mr. Ace.

If someone was
gonna kill cookiehead,

it'd have been
Jerry curl.

Who's Jerry curl?

He hated cookiehead
like he was a afro.

Where can I find him?

He live up on 39th street.

Just follow the empty
activator bottles to his crib.

Ok.

If he's not there, ace,

he hang out
at this dance studio.

Dance instructor:
7, 8, and 1, 2, 3, 4.

Sam: There was
a dance class going on.

A funny thought came to me.

Could a guy in a skirt
kick my ass?

I doubt it.

Dance instructor:
And one! One! Hey, not bad!

Sam:
The class was over with.

I had to move fast.

Excuse me.

Do you know where I
could find Jerry curl?

Jerry curl. What do you
want with Jerry curl?

Just need to ask him
some questions.

Questions about what?

Cookiehead Jenkins.

Man: Cookiehead Jenkins?

Yeah.

You was a friend of his?

Yeah. You could say
I was a friend.

Ok.

Uhh!

Now, who else wants some?

I want some.

[Knuckles crack]

I want some, too.

You want some more?
You want some more?

Get out of here!
You want some more?

Uhh! Uhh!

Uhh!

Whoo-aw!

Whoo! Whoo!

Whoo-aw!

Whoo!

Whoo-aw!

Oh-aw!

Uhh!

Who sent you here?

Your mama.

Yeah. Smart ass.

Uhh! Uhh! Uhh!

Uhh! Uhh!

Yeah. Smart aleck!
Get him out of here.

[Spritz spritz spritz]

You looking for me, punk?

Sam: You must
be Jerry curl.

Yeah. How'd you guess?

I need to ask you
some questions

about
cookiehead Jenkins.

I don't know nobody
named cookiehead Jenkins.

And don't be
coming around here
asking for me no more.

[Coughs]

Sam: Jerry curl had won
the first round,

but it wasn't over.

I was gonna make him pay,

not for kicking me
in the stomach,

but for dripping activator
all over my suit.

My cleaning bills
were a bitch.

I headed back to the office.

The door had been open.
How? Who? Why?

Just the lady
I wanted to see.

Sam, what happened?

You come in my office
with this song and dance

about how your brother
was almost an angel.

I got on the streets.

I got 200 suspects that
wanted to kill your brother.

Now, what kind of game
are you playing?

What can I do
to show you

that I'm being
straight with you?

Sam: I knew exactly
what she could do,

and she did, too.

As she walked toward me,

I saw that twinkle
in her eyes.

I knew it was time
to do the nasty,

and I like doing the nasty.

She was a good kisser,
but her breath was stinking.

But so what?

You don't get rid
of a rolls Royce

because it has a dent in it.

I'd never done it before
on my desk.

I was just glad
to be on top.

I'd hate to do the nasty
with a stapler up my ass.

I headed back
to the dance studio.

I knew Jerry curl was lyin'.

I had to make him talk.

[Spritz spritz spritz]

Yo, man, that guy
just moves, man.

Pass the move
over to Jerry.

1...

2, 3, curl!

Take it lighter.

Go, Jerry!
Good one, Jerry!

Go! Hey!

Funky! Don't lose it!

That's it,
Jerry, baby!

Jerry curl!
You're rockin'.

[Claps]

Sam: Jerry curl!

You here for another
ass whipping, man?

No. Just
some answers.

Nick, Eddie, get
this punk out of here.

Back up!

Hey, that's
my activator, man.

Back up!

Back--back up,
back up, back up.

Ok, now, just put
my activator down, man.

Where were you

the day cookiehead
got killed?

I was at
the hair salon, man.

I was getting my curl done.
I was there all day.

Where?

Ok. I wasn't there
all day, man.

Afterwards,
I went out on crenshaw

and bought me some
hair care products, man.

I got some activator,
some glycerin,

and some curl activator, man.

I ain't never
went down to the beach!

You went
down to the beach

and you killed
cookiehead Jenkins,
didn't you?

No!

Yeah, I tried.
I tried, man.

I put the activator
down on the board.

I wanted the dude
to slip and fall,

but he turned into
a breakdance move,

man, I swear.
I--i didn't kill him, man.

And that's the truth.

Yes! It's the truth,
man, I swear!

Please! Please give me
activator, man!

Aah!

Please give me
my activator. Please?

Oh!

Aah!

Aah!

Please! Please!
My activator!

Please, I swear!
Give me my activator.

[Frantic spraying]

Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!

Sam: 2 days later,
Jerry curl confessed

to the murder
of cookiehead Jenkins.

I had solved the death
of a breakdancer.

Oh, and by the way,

Debra got the money
from the insurance cpany,

$100,000,

and I'm in love...

With the money.

I wonder how long it takes
to spend a hundred grand?

See ya next week.

I'm Sam ace.

That's the kind of role
I wanna play.

You will.

I feel nervous
about tomorrow.

It's your first day.

Naw, that's not it.

I just feel funny doing
this kind of character.

I just wish it were
something different.

You'll be fine.

You think so?

Mm-hmm.

Is my grandmother
still asleep?

Yeah.

Good.

[Funk song plays]

* rags to riches

* ooh-ah

we're talking with fans outside
the Bobby Taylor concert.

10,000 seater. What do you
think of Bobby Taylor?

Basically, you know,
I'd pay to see

any of
Bobby Taylor's movies.

* hard work

* hard work

* and dedication
to what you feel *

* thank god

* thank god

* American dreams
can become so real *

ha ha.
I'm Bobby Taylor.

Thank you.
No pictures now, please.

* overnight
sensation *

Stevie:
My big brother

is very important to me
because I love him.

He is an actor. He's been
on TV and everything.

He can act happy or sad
or real cool.

He is the greatest.

I just wish the boy would
get his life together.

Mama, don't you start.

They're hiring down
at that post office.

They pay good pay
down there.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mama, look, Bobby has a dream
of becoming an actor.

Just be happy for the boy.

Oh, hi, sweetheart.

Morning, ma.
Morning, grandma.

Hi, baby.

Ma--ma, could you
hurry up?

I don't wanna be late for
my first day of shooting.

Bobby, I'm doing it
as fast as I can.

Ma, the director
says it's ok

if you wanna come down
to the filming today.

I know, sugar,

but mama may not be able
to get down there.

All right.

But I'll be there.

Ok, grandma.

Now don't get me wrong.

I am happy for Bobby.

But I don't want
no grandson of mine

out there trying to act
like a street hustler.

Black folks got enough
negative images

without my grandson
out there

adding to that mindless
bullshit out there.

Mama...

Yes, I said it.
Bullshit. Bullshit!

Mama, if you don't be quiet,
that boy gonna hear you.

I don't care.

Every time
you look at TV,

always somebody
acting like a pimp

or some tired-ass
nigger.

Kids don't need to see
that stuff.

Acting like
they think it's cool

to be in a gang.

Just the other day,
I saw Stevie

walk around the house,
trying to act cool. Huh!

Mama, everything
you saying is right,

but it's work.

There's work at
the post office, too.

Humph.

What's happenin',
big brother?

I wanna be just like you.

Got 3 chicks waiting
in our car for US, man.

Come on. Come on!

Let's go. Come on.

What did you say?

I said good morning.

Yeah. Good morning,
Stevie.

Woman: Ok, pick me up
at 4:00, honey. Bye-bye.

I love you, Amanda.

I love you, John.

I adore you.

You're everything to me.

My heart beats
for only you.

And I for you.

Your lips.

John, no.

Can I help you?

Man: No, no, no.

Joe, bubee,
baby, sweetheart,

I'm your agent.
Listen to me.

This is a great deal.

I said no. No.

It's your contract.

No, no, no, no.

I'm not just gonna kill
38 people in this picture.

This script
needs to be rewritten.

If this picture's gonna
be a box-office smash,

I need to kill more people.
I'm the hero.

It's a 38-kill
deal, Joe.

That's the deal.
That's your contract.

Yeah, and why can't
you make it 39?

Joe, originally,
it was 15 kills.

Woman: I gotta get a new wig.

Sidney, talk to this man.

I can't talk to him,
Sam. He's a moron.

You're never gonna work
in this town again.

Yo, young blood.

Stage number 7.

Dressing room's
on the left.

Thanks.

Man: Is that up here?

Wardrobe, Mr. Taylor.

You have a good one.

Hey!

My man from
the audition, right?

Yeah.

Hey, what part
you playing?

Jimmy.

Oh, so you got Jimmy.

Congratulations, man.

Come on, give it up.
Heh heh heh.

Hey, I only got
one line, you know.

Hey, but that's cool.

I understand the naacp

is gonna
picket this movie

'cause somebody
read the script.

Mm-hmm.

But I'm glad
you got the part

'cause I would never
play that part

because of my values.

But, hey, I'm different.

Congratulations, man.

Ha ha!

Thanks.

Bobby: The naacp...

Could picket me...

[Echoes]

No more Bobby Taylors.

Reporter: I'm standing outside
the home of Bobby Taylor,

the young black actor
who took a lead role

in a stereotypical movie
about street life.

The naacp has
picketed this movie,

but this is
the first time

that an actor's
ever been picketed.

Here to explain
is the president

of the Hollywood
branch of the naacp

Mr. Jamal Harris.

I hope that you're all
paid-up members

of the naacp
Hollywood branch.

Thank you.

We felt we had
to put our foot down

by making Bobby Taylor
an example.

We feel the black actor
should not have to accept

these stereotyped roles,

such as crying slaves,
tar babies...

Tar babies?

Jungle bunnies.

And I say that as long
as black actors

play these roles,

they'll never
play the Rambos

until they stop
playing the sambos.

Thank you,
Mr. Harris.

Here's Bobby Taylor's
little brother Stevie.

Wait a minute.
I'm not finished.

Isn't this gonna
be in Spanish?

How do you feel about
what your brother has done?

He's not my brother.

He's just a guy that
lives in the same house.

He's a renter.

But you were seen
down on the movie set.

Isn't that true?

No comment. If you
print that, I'll sue.

I don't have a grandson
anymore.

I really don't. And what
am I gonna do about it?

I'll tell you what
I'm gonna do about it.

I am going to write me
a book about him.

A book?
Mm-hmm.

What's
the name of it?

Bobby dearest.

You used to work
with Bobby Taylor.

Could you tell me,
was he always
an uncle Tom?

Yeah. Yes,
always uncle Tom.

Mama, daddy was a Tom.

Uncle was a Tom.

I think that
Bobby Taylor

is a two-bit,
goat-smelling spook

obviously from the coon
repertory theater of america.

Uh, eat Tom turkeys
on Thanksgiving.

I'm so sick and tired
of people like Bobby Taylor

coming around
and influencing the kids.

Got my kid grabbing his wallet,
shining shoes.

You ain't gonna
be no star, Bobby,

on account of that brown stuff
on the tip of your nose.

I know you're
brown-nosing over there.

We are out here sweating

like niggers going to
the election in Georgia

because he chooses
to buck his eyes,

yank on his dick,

and pull those raggedy,
skid-Mark drawers

out of the crack
of his black ass.

I have nothing else to say
about Bobby Taylor.

Bobby Taylor is a coon.

Be a star very soon.

How do you feel about
being with Bobby
and his film career?

I believe him,

and I will stand by him.

How do you
really feel?

I will stand by him.

Come on, sister.

As a black woman,

you mean you're happy
with your boyfriend

with that
watermelon smile?

I'm proud of my race.

And, no, I don't like it.

I really thought he was gonna
make the right choice,

but obviously he didn't.

I didn't know that
he was gonna act like

some sort of piccaninny.

My girlfriends are laughing
behind my back.

They ask me,
"does he make

those kind
of faces in bed?"

Do you make
those faces in bed?

Sometimes.

I have thought about it
and thought about it.

And I have come
to one conclusion--

we kill him.

Kill him. Kill him.

Kill him. Kill Bobby.

Kill Bobby.
Kill him.

Kill him. Kill him.
Kill him. Kill him.

[Echoes]

Cut, cut.

Sidney, they are tearing
the heart out of my chest.

What are they doing
to my words?

These are my words.
Street, street.

You hear the man, right?
You hear the man.

You're killing his dialog.
You're killing his words.

This is supposed to be
street, you know?

Now let's get
another scene in.

Let's go again.

A.d.: Actors, actors,
come on, first positions.

First positions.

Jivetime Jimmy's revenge--

scene 10, apple one.

Director: Action.

Actor: Come on, Turkey.

Go get Jimmy.
Go get him.

All right.

[Gunshot]

Johnny?

Uh-uh.

Tommy?

[Cussing in Spanish]

Johnny, you kill him.

Yeah, you right.

Gee, Johnny,
you kill Tommy.

Yeah, you know
I'm a bad dude, Jack.

Gee.

Yeah.

Girl: You better run

before the polices come.

Johnny, it's Jimmy.

Jimmy.

Oh, no.

Tommy.

Tommy.

Tommy.

Talk to me, Tommy.

[Stammers] I'm mad.

All: Ohh!

I wants revenge.

All: Oh, no.

My pacer's pissed.

All: Ohh.

Aw, good god.

Tommy, hit me.

Unh!

2 times.

Unh. Unh.

On the good foot.

Tommy.

Camel walk, Tommy.

Afros.

Yeah!

Afros.

All: Yeah!

I want revenge.

All: Yeah.

Ohh! I want revenge.

All: Revenge.

Afros...

Yeah?

Back it up.

You beaners...

You back up.

Back up. Back up.
Girl: You back up.

You back up!

You back up!

You back up!

Somebody.

You back up.

You killed-ed
my brother,

my main man.

I loved-ed
this dude, baby.

He was--he was,
uh...

Cut.

Why is he stopping?

Bobby, that was terrific.
That was terrific.

W-W-Why'd you stop?
What happened?

There's no problem.
I just forgot my line.

Ok. That's fine.
No problem.

You want to look
at the script?

No, I'm ok.

Great. Ok.
Let's go again.

Excuse me, Sidney.

Before you do, I have
another very good idea.

Could you tell him to be
a little more, you know...

Yeah. Bobby, uh, Bobby?

I need, uh,
a little more black.

You know what I'm saying?
Like...Stick your ass out.

Bug the eyes. You know
how they move, you know?

Yeah, jive-ass.
Jive-ass.

Let's slate it.
Let's go again.

Ok. Sorry--sorry, Sidney.

Clap-stick girl:
...Scene 10, baker one.

And...action!

I loved-ed
my brother.

He was my main man,
baby.

Yeah, baby, because
I loved-ed him.

And, uh, he was
my only brother.

He--he was like
my main man.

I loved-ed...
I loved-ed my brother.

Sidney: Cut.

Why is he
stopping again?

Why are you stopping?

I--i--i...

I can't do this.

What did he say?
He said he can't do this.

What are you talking about,
you can't do this?

This is not the kind
of acting I wanted to do.

This is...

This is bullshit.

Get him out of here!
Get him off the set!

I'll have someone else do it.

I'll do it.
You got it.

You ain't shit.

Come on, you're blowing it
for all of US.

This has gotta change.

Look, this is work.

Shit, there's work
at the post office.

Get him off the set.
I want him off the set.

Get him off the set.
Get him out of here.

[Murmuring]

There's always
got to be one.

Sidney:
Get him out of here.

Get him off the set.
I'll have someone else do it.

Uncle ray: You could be
the greatest actor ever born.

Don't ever let anybody
take away your dreams.

Alack, they've murdered

your only loving daughter.

[Sobbing]

Fool. Fool!

Yes, sire.

Come hither.

They have murdered
my daughter.

My ad--
[Thud]

Oh, my daughter. Pain.

[Helicopter approaches]

Man: Superhero...

Superhero.

We've been looking
all over for you.

You know this city's
full of crime.

Get back to work.
Back to work.

Rambro, over here.

Rambro, over here.
Help US, rambro.

[Yells]

And now...

[Tears envelope]

The winner is...

[Finishes opening envelope]

Bobby Taylor!

Call me.

[Applause dies down]

This is really a surprise,

uh, my fifth Oscar.

I'm gonna tell you,

I didn't think I was
gonna win tonight

and against the competition--
redford, Newman, Pacino,

Dustin Hoffman,
uh, Meryl Streep.

I didn't think
I had a chance.

And I just wanna say tonight,
we're all winners.

I'll get your jacket,
Mr. Taylor.
Thank you.

Mr. Taylor, there's one line
here you forgot to sign, please.

Uh, sorry
about that. There.

There's something about
this guy. He's special.

He's got this honest
quality, integrity.

There. Now you
look like a star.

Thank you.

Ok, we're ready to shoot you
now. Let's roll.

Here's your jacket,
Mr. Taylor.

Oh, thank you very much.

Hook it up
and see what happens.

Ok, here we go.

Take one.
Action.

Through rain, sleet and snow,

I deliver your mail.

I'm a u.S. Postman.

And you can be one, too.

I deliver people's dreams.

And more importantly,

I have the respect
and the admiration

of the entire community.

And that makes me proud.

So if you can't take pride
in your job,

remember, there's always work
at the post office.

[Ding]

* I'd like you all to know

* you say that
I'm just a dreamer *

* gonna make you all believers

* and it starts today

* just one in a million

* with every chance I take

* I'm not just
one in a million *

* and the sky's the limit

* and there's nothing
gonna get in my way *

* hey, hey,
hey, hey, yeah *

* it's just I'm ready, go

* and now that I have found it

* gonna build my world
around it *

* and I gotta say

* just one in a million

* with every chance I take

* I'm not just
one in a million *

* and the sky's the limit

* 'cause there's nothing
gonna get in my way *

* am I alone inside my dreams?

* what a place to be

* things aren't at all
the way they seem *

* if I work hard,
and I believe *

* I'll make it when it's tough,
never gonna give up *

* I'm not just
one in a million *

* I'm not just
one in a million *

* I'm not just
one in a million *

* hey, not just
one in a million *

* I'm not just
one in a million *

* I'm not just
one in a million *

[new song]

* to be or not to be

* that is the question
I ask of thee, huh *

* to reach new levels
and set new heights *

* to take control, huh,
and rock your life *

* I'm tired of playing
hookers and hos *

* I want much more
sophisticated roles *

* medea, Cleopatra,
antigone *

* Joan of arc
inspired me, ha ha *

* yeah, that's right,
I kiss plenty Booty *

* to get that part,
I thought it was my duty *

* but now I feel
that in my heart *

* that I have here
a brand-new start *

* I wrote those words,
and they're really jive *

* but I learned today
is really live *

* ya see, I learned
about blacks from TV *

* so please don't be
angry with me, uh-huh *

[New song]

[New song]

Woman: * take me back
to yesterday *

* when a dream
that's come true *

* wasn't far away

man: * there's magic
just to say *

* something simply,
as sweet as your name *

both: * that's when I knew

* I was in love with you

* and forever your love

* all my dreams are made of

* the things that
bring me closer to you *

* I can't help how I feel

* I know inside
that it's for real *

* just thinking of
the things that you do *

* brings me closer to you

* closer, closer

* things get closer

* all of you

* I wanna be closer

* closer

* close to you

[new song]