Ho Ho Ho (2009) - full transcript

Every year I tell you the same
story.

Winter is coming and everyone
is waiting for Christmas.

But today I've got something else in
mind. Get a little closer, please.

No, no, not at my place.

This story takes place in Bucharest.
Let's go there.

There... Christmas!
Christmas is so beautiful!

It's the happiest holiday,
especially for children.

Sweet darlings, how they wait
for me to bring them presents.

To bring them sweets, to bring them...
Oh, that's me!

I still look good.

A phone is going to ring.
I'll let you watch the story.



Yes...

Yes, I've got the suit.

I've got the suit!

Tomorrow at ten o'clock.

In the morning.

Listen, Vandame...

Come on, Misu, enough about those
cabbage rolls, be serious!

Can't you wait for another day?

No, I'm not going to tell you
where I am.

I'll be there in half an hour.
Kisses, bye.

God, my husband is such a gourmet!

Come on, are we going or what?

What? Come on, Carmen,
it's Christmas time!

I know, but my financial situation is
not very good,



so I thought I'd stick around
a little longer.

You go.

- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.

Kisses, bye.

- Bye, girls!
- Merry Christmas!

There are no stripes on it...

Look at me, sucker!

Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!

May you have countless joys
and colorful dreams!

"CORRECT CODE"

I wish all the best,
Merry Christmas!

Like you knew
what to do with it, retard...

"SIR, YOU'VE GOT NO MONEY"

- My respects.
- Good evening.

Would you like something?

Yes, I'd like ten of these ornaments,

four little candles
and a meter of tinsel.

Wouldn't you like a star as well?

Is it a real one?

- Yes.
- From the galaxy?

"- "Yes.
"- "How'd you get it?

I get it, you called in the astronaut
they used a crane.

You put it on top
of your Christmas tree.

I can't reach the top.

You don't need to climb up there.
Your dad will.

Wait! Wait!

Good evening.

I apologize, I won't keep you long.
Just two minutes.

"- "I'd like to buy this toy robot.
"- "I'm sorry, we're closed.

What?

What do you mean you're closed?
Hold on a minute...

It says right there on the door
that you're open until 20:30.

It's 19:30, how can you close
an hour earlier?

- It's not valid today.
- No, wait, excuse me. Hold on.

I didn't mean to do that, but...
I don't think you understand.

My little boy's wish is to
get this toy robot for Christmas.

I haven't seen it anywhere else.

Merry Christmas.

Goodbye.

Hey! Wait, please!

"Hey, my beloved children,"

"the moment when the good kids"
"will be rewarded. "

"We must go to bed now"

"and let Santa put the presents under
"the Christmas tree. "

"And tomorrow morning, we'll all... "

Hi, sweetie!

Good evening.

My respects.

Onions...

Did they beat you up again?

I got beaten a few times and now you
think it happens every day.

I got hit by a snowball.

I don't understand, Horatiu.

Why do you let all those morons
make fun of you?

- Well, it wasn't their fault.
- It wasn't?

It was my fault. I just happened to
cross the snowball's trajectory.

Give me a beer.

Come on, it's Christmas Eve!
I want to go home to my family.

Why don't you go home?

Home...

- Just give me that damn beer.
- Oh, man...

Father Frost was better.

He had more common sense.

Father Frost is your dad...

Go to hell, you drunk...

The kids saw Santa and recognized him
by his red suit with white stripes

that had been made
by the snow on the sled.

One, two, three, four...

I buy you books
and you doodle all over them.

I wasn't doodling,
I was rewriting it to make it better.

Listen, did you know

that when Santa rings his bell
someone's wish is granted?

But did you know that Santa was
supposed to come by tonight?

Yes... Was supposed to... You mean
he's not coming anymore?

He told me to tell you that he's been
busy with all the kids and...

Something happened to him, right?

Did he crash his sled on the freeway

Santa? Doesn't he have a flying sled
with reindeer and all?

Then it must've dropped out of the sky
because of the pollution!

No, sweetie. It's just that he was
very busy.

He worked very hard and didn't have
any time left for your present.

But he told me I should go to the mal
with you tomorrow

and let you choose whatever you like.

- Whatever I like?
- Any present!

- Anything?
- Anything!

What's he going to get you?

My classmate Toma says
there is no Santa Claus.

He says the dads
buy all the presents.

Toma?

Does this Toma get high grades
in school like you do?

Nope.

Does he speak English?
Does he play chess?

Is he good at Origami?

- No, no...
- And...

No.

So he's one of those guys.

We know what they're called,
but we don't say it.

- Simpletons.
- No!

But we're not calling them names.

Horatiu... You know I love you.

I know. I love you, too.

That was him!

Christmas is here!

Moki... What do you say?
Is he real or not?

I believe he is.

You start working here today.

Yes, today.

No matter what happens, I want you
to know that I'm the brains here.

- You.
- Me.

Alright.

Alright.

I give you the orders
through the walkie-talkie and you act

- I act.
- Only if I give you the order.

- You got that?
- Yes.

It's simple.

I'll see you at work.

Wow! It's so beautiful!

Are you ready?

Let's go!

What are you staring at, sucker?

- I think it's the battery.
- What?

I think it's the battery.

It's good to have a
Formula 1 pilot in the family.

What do you mean?

254...

255...

Hey!

My life is back on track, M?d?lina,
and you're not part of it anymore.

You're late, buddy.

I ran into Saint Nicholas
and we had a little chat.

Get in.

- Where?
- In the car!

Calistrat, make some room!

Wait! He's climbing on me!

Oh, man... You're lucky
you're my illegitimate child.

I mean make some room
by getting out!

Out? But it's cold out there!

Not really. Haven't you heard
of global warming? Now come on!

Move a little faster, come on!

Just a second...

Come on!

I forgot to put on my pants...

Of course.

- Why do they call you Vandame?
- Because I look like Tudor Gheorghe.

- He's a tough one.
- Man, can you do the job or not?

I think I can.

I know you're the best,
but I see you're on the wagon.

Can you do it or not?

Yes, I can.

Do you have the dough?

This job is against the clock, buddy.

If I don't deliver the North Star
by five o'clock today,

my man in Ukraine
is going to be mad at me.

- This isn't a walk in the park!
- It's a serious job...

- This isn't a walk in the park!
- It's a serious job...

That's my specialty.

But if you bail out on us,
our friendship is through!

Oh my God! What would you do then,
stop bringing me toys?

We'd still bring you toys,
but you wouldn't like them at all!

Moki... So you've got the clutch,
the gearshift lever and the...

- The gas pedal...
- Horatiu!

- Clutch...
- The clutch!

The clutch, Horatiu!

Shift it into gear!
Come on, baby!

Shift it into gear!
Step on the gas!

That's my boy!

Good for you!

Come on, like they do in the movies!
Move aside, quick! That's my boy!

Yes, that's it, we've made it!

That blonde fatso is going
to be jealous of me!

Alright, we're there!

I can't believe it!

Come on, please, please!

Unbelievable!

- Are you alright?
- Yes.

Stay here. I'll go outside
and wait for the mechanics.

Horatiu, I'm talking to you!

Take off your jacket.

I'll go outside and wait for the
mechanics to show up and fix the car.

If you look out that window,
you'll be able to see me.

- Yes.
- Don't move, Horatiu.

- Do you want to come out with me?
- No, I don't.

- It's cold.
- I know. I don't want to come.

- Just look out the window.
- Alright.

Out that window!

Take care!

- Hello!
- Hey!

- This door...
- How are you, kids?

Pay attention here!

Stop jumping around like this!

Look what Santa is doing.

Once, twice, three times...

See? See how nice?

Come on, tell me a poem
and I'll give you a present.

See how nice?

- Look up there!
- Where is the red one?

Stop that!

Done!

Do you like it?
Can you do it? You can't...

- Come on, hurry!
- And now... blue!

- Look here...
- Come on, we want to try, too.

You take those.

December 25th... My first day of work

The most beautiful car!

Does it work?

Look at it!

Alright...

Alright... A little closer...

That's it!

What are you doing here
all alone, you sucker?

Why are you blinking like a Chinese
postcard? What's the catch?

Come on, tell me!
What are you doing here all alone?

- I'm waiting for my mother to...
- You and I are homeys.

I've been waiting for my mama
for three years.

She's getting out in two.

- I'm Jeepu.
- Horatiu...

- You mean like "Gicu", with a "p".
- No!

- I'm Jeepu, bro! Jeepu!
- Yes, yes, Gipu...

But why?

Once I tried to swipe a fool's Jeep.

Only it had an automatic gearbox

and I don't really get along with that
stuff, you know what I'm saying?

- You want to take a look around?
- Take a look around?

Yes, take a look around.

I can't. My mother's outside
in the parking lot...

Come on, bro! Time is money!
As time goes by, we make money.

We'll be back before you know it.

- Come on!
- Alright, but just 15 minutes.

OK, let's make it 20. Come on!

Sure, my kitten, we'll go...

I mean we could pick up some more
stuff. You know, I've been thinking...

Anything you want...

There's a place we could go,
right there. Do you want to go there?

- Yes, yes, we'll go.
- I thought we could go there...

Well, now we just have to make it
across the roof and that's that.

Did you steal that?

No, I just borrowed it.
I'll return it later.

That's the trick.

You check out girls' behinds and
when you see a nice round one,

you know she's got money
in her pocket.

You trip and bump into her,
give her some lines...

But I'm not a thief!

- Why not?
- Well, this is why not.

It's him! This is the kid!

- Do you have a pink wallet on you?
- What pink wallet? Let me go!

I got an appendectomy
on this shoulder!

- This is the kid who took my wallet
- Hand me that pink wallet!

Here's all my money,
I earned it as a construction worker.

I wanted to give it to
my younger brothers...

You can have it... You can have it...

But I don't need the money,
I just want my wallet!

I bought it on the Champs Elysees!
Tell him to give it back to me!

- Maybe the other kid's got it!
- Hey, give me the wallet!

Mister, mister!
You're on Candid Camera!

- You see? There's the camera.
- What?

You know, Candid Camera,
the TV show...

That's right. We're done. Yes.

The director says this scene
is a keeper. Thank you!

- You're welcome.
- We'd like to thank you as well.

The script says
it's time for us to leave now.

Help me! Catch the thieves!
They took my wallet!

- Thieves!
- Give back the wallet!

- Thieves! Thieves!
- The wallet!

- Call the police!
- The wallet!

My wallet!

Yup... It's only my first day
of work here

and the mall is already
a much safer place.

Are you the lady
with the red 1987 Dacia?

Do you see any other woman wearing
purple, like I told you on the phone,

and hanging around the parking lot
like an idiot for half an hour

next to her red Dacia?

- You see? I told you!
- And it's a 1988 Dacia.

So what's the problem, miss?

The engine.

That's right, the engine...

Miss, could you be more specific?

This thing here.

- Misu...
- Yes.

- The tools.
- We've got them.

- Well, bring them out here.
- Alright.

It's cold, isn't it?

Scram!

Come on! You can do it!

Yes!

- What are you doing?
- Give me my remote control!

I can't give it to you.
Santa needs it!

Give it to me!

Santa needs the remote,
don't you understand?

Ma'am, he has a tummy ache,
I think he soiled his pants.

- He might have a colic.
- What's going on?

This mean crazy guy
won't give me the toy!

It's not nice to lie! Go to the
crapper, you've got a tummy ache!

Is that how you to talk to kids?
You imbecile!

Come on, move along!

Stupid child...

- Goodbye.
- That's one stupid child!

That bit about Candid Camera
was a great idea.

Thanks.

- So you're a girl?
- Yes.

But that's between you and me.

If anybody finds out
I'm not a homeboy...

- I'll lose my credi...
- "Crebidility"...

That's right.

This is Barabulea Marin.
Possible larceny in progress.

This is Barabulea Marin.
Possible larceny in progress.

I repeat:
possible larceny in progress.

North-west wing, food court.

"Let me check on the surveillance"
"cameras. Give me a description."

Brown hat, brown blouse...
I'm going in!

This is agent Barabulea Marin,
I've got you!

Take your hands off me!

- I've got you!
- Leave me alone!

What the hell is the meaning of this

Ma'am, I caught you stealing
from that little girl's purse!

You caught me stealing?
Have you no shame?

It was a Christmas surprise
for my granddaughter, you sinner!

I'll show you...

OK... Alright, that's enough...

Merry Christmas then...
Merry Christmas...

Go away, far away!

You sure found the right moment
to become vigilant!

Jesus Christ... Relax, dear.

Relax, it's alright.

False alarm.
I repeat, false alarm.

"Marin, don't make your"
"first day here be the last one."

"I repeat: the last one! "

Roger that.

Alright, bro, we're a team.
You'll be on the lookout, right?

- You mean to keep watch?
- Yes, something like that.

You know what I mean now?

- Horatiu!
- So he's real...

- Have your batteries run out?
- Santa Claus...

- Have your batteries run out?
- Santa Claus...

It's just some loser!
You think this is Santa? Get real!

It's just some loser!
You think this is Santa? Get real!

Can't you see he's got snow marks
on his back? They're from the sled.

Can't you see he's got snow marks
on his back? They're from the sled.

If this guy is Santa Claus,

I want to be on live TV and say
something to the entire country.

This is my wish.
What's yours?

- Mine?
- Yes, yours.

I wish I had a dad.

You are watching soap operas!

That's it!

Another one...

How's it going, Santa?
What's the deal here?

Come on, beat it! Scram!

- What did you say?
- I said scram!

Listen, have you come
from the North Pole?

- No, I've come from Titan.
- Where do you keep your reindeers?

Hello, where are the reindeers?

I used to keep my reindeers
in a garage,

but then the local authorities
tore it down, you know?

Get your paws off!

You little...

What about the reindeers?

I made salami out of them!
I scooped their eyes!

I slit their veins!
Now leave me the hell alone!

But where is your
wish-granting bell?

It's in your...

Get out of here, you fucking runt!

Horatiu, let's go!

- Listen, can you...
- Hey!

Go!

Go!

Get out of here!

I see... Hold this.

Have you seen that 13 mm wrench?

- Hold on a second.
- Excuse me.

- Nope. Have you?
- I haven't.

- Ma'am...
- What?

- The wrench.
- The 13 mm wrench.

Take care! It's slippery here, boss.

Take it easy. Very easy.

Boss! Boss!

He fell down.

Boss, are you dead?

If you're not dead,
give me some sort of sign.

Why don't go looking for me outside
for a while?

Ma'am, are you sure you don't know
where that 13 mm wrench is?

It's cold outside. My mother left me
here because it's nice and warm.

Come on, you're more absent-minded
than Horatiu!

My mother...

Horatiu...

I don't know where my mother is...

- Misu, did we bother her somehow?
- I don't know, Mr. Marcel.

Maybe we did.

Alright, let's fix the car. Come on.

Listen, I can't find my mother.
Could you please help me find her?

That's tragic.
Go look for her, beat it!

I'm just a kid and there are
millions of cars out there.

How am I supposed to find her?

Here, have a compass.
Now get lost!

It doesn't even point towards
the north! It's just a toy!

You want a GPS receiver,
so you can look for your mama?

Is it my fault that you got lost?
Why did you get lost?

Just get the hell out of here
and leave me alone! Get lost!

- Mr. police officer!
- Hold on, hold on!

Hold on, hold on.
Where are you going?

Relax, I'll help you
look for your mama.

- I'll help you look for your mommy..
- Santa would never yell at a kid!

Jeepu was right.
You're not the real deal!

- Mr. police officer!
- Just shut up!

We're just playing.

We're just playing...
and I'm the real deal.

Why did you bite me?

- Even your beard is fake!
- The beard is made of real cotton.

If the cotton is real, that means
the beard is also... is also real.

Alright, I'll help you.
Give me that. Now pay attention.

It's a... toy car...
for the kid to play with...

Take this toy car, play with it
and leave me alone for five minutes.

Alright?

Five minutes...

You're not getting away
this time!

What is it?

Now I know who you are!

Who, me?

- Yes, you.
- Who are you?

Who am I?

Who exactly are you
to ask these questions?

M?d?lina!

Who?

Brown hair...

M?d?lina?

Cheeks like peaches...

Scent of lilac...

- Little mole on her butt...
- Shut up!

You're... you're Marin!

- Barabulea Marin!
- That's right, that's right.

- You're M?d?lina's...
- Boyfriend!

What are you doing?

Marin!

Marin... Marin...

Oh my God...

Marin, don't get mad!

Marin, calm down!

Marin! Marin! Watch out!

Marin!

Forgive me, I...

Forgive me, I didn't mean it.

Marin, I'll activate my sword!
Check this out!

Marin, stop it!
What's this guy doing?

No... No, Marin!

Marin, calm down...
Man... No!

Marin! Marin, don't!

Marin! Marin! Marin!

- Good job!
- Yes! I got it right!

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Go, go! Let me through!

Just a second, please. Just a second.

Have you seen this kid by any chance

Are you sure you haven't seen him?

Are you certain?

- I'm dead meat.
- Yup. What do you mean?

Hey, what are you doing here?

You promised
you'd help me find my mother.

Do you see my mother around here?
If I were with my mom now,

I wouldn't be pestering you
to help me find her.

Things would certainly be
a lot better, wouldn't they?

- Shut your mouth!
- Why would I shut my mouth if I...

Shut your mouth! You're driving me
crazy. Just shut your mouth!

What do you want?

Just open your mouth and say it.
I don't understand anything.

Are we going to look for my mother?

Let me give you some very important
news: we aren't! Now get lost!

Wait, wait, wait! Come here.

Do you know who's going to help you?
That nice man over there, that's who.

Do you see him?
That guy I ran into a little earlier.

- You see him?
- Oh yes, the guy who beat you up.

- He didn't beat me up!
- Alright, he didn't.

But you got beaten. I should know,
I get beaten all the time.

Just shut up! Shut...
Now pay attention here.

You go to that guy and you tell him y
lost your mama in the parking lot.

Then you ask him to take you
to the parking lot. You got that?

Go on, go!

- Wait!
- Should I stay or should I go?

Your lunch break is just now?
I hope you choke on your food!

You go to him in about half an hour.

I can't stay here another
half an hour!

- Half an hour!
- My feet hurt!

I ran a lot today!

That's all you can say!

- Alright, let me buy you a cake.
- Let's go.

Give me a clipper.
Alright, get to work.

This yellow one...

- Connected.
- Great.

Let me see...
The left one...

Hurry up! We can't stay here
till summer!

What the hell...

Goodbye security!

And now...

Goodbye security?

Yes, but let's save it for later.
We want to make a clean getaway.

Excuse me,
have you seen this little boy?

Excuse me,
have you seen this little boy?

Please, could you help me
look for him?

Sure, no problem.

Give me your phone number
and I'll call you when he turns up.

I've been assigned to this particular
area, this is my jurisdiction.

I don't know how to put it,

but what's outside this perimeter
is none of my concern.

What can I say?
Now you're mad at me...

That's it. Come on. Come on.

Shall I turn the key
into the ignition?

Yes.

Go, go, go.

- Shall I stop the engine?
- Stop it.

Wait...

- Where's that numskull Calistrat?
- He's not here.

- Where's that numskull Calistrat?
- He's not here.

- Hello, my respects.
- Why aren't you here?

What do you mean I'm not here?
I'm here!

How can you be here if you're there?

- Dad, I'm here and you're there.
- Alright, what do you want?

I called you, but you didn't pick up.
Maybe your phone was out of range.

-That was you?
- Or maybe it was switched off.

What's switched off?
Tell me what you want.

- We've got a problem.
- What problem?

Was Steaua defeated
in the championship?

What?

Or is it the fact that we live
in Romania and you're my son?

Dad, I'm at the jewelry store,

but it's closed
and there's no one here.

Oh my God...

- You're at the jewelry store?
- What is he doing...

Yes, but it's closed
and no one is here.

It's a good thing you called me.
Go get a lollypop!

The complication got even more
complicated. Santa ditched us.

What do you want? Those cakes were
too expensive, you saw it yourself.

Where's Mrs. Santa?

She's in Italy.

I suppose she's already hooked up
with some wop.

Another Santa?

No. I'm the only one
who has the "privilege"

of wearing these clothes
that crush my balls

and this beard that
gives me a rash.

Is he a friend of yours?

Even if I had a hundred friends,
he wouldn't be one of them.

But I don't have one hundred friends.
I only have one.

Listen, this friend of yours...
Is he a sort of a punk

or is he a sissy like you?

Moki, this is Santa.
Santa, this is Moki.

I told you about him before.

Is this Moki?

Oh my God... He's one of those
imaginary friends, right?

He's not imaginary,
he does exist!

Yeah, right, he sure does...

What do you do,
play soccer with him?

Yes, but he has a hard time
keeping the ball on the pitch.

Can't this Moki character defend you

against those bigger punks
who beat the crap out of you?

- Come a little closer.
- Yeah...

He tries to defend me,
but he doesn't have enough muscle.

The other boys
don't even feel his punches.

Hey, listen here!

I think this Moki
is actually a girl.

A pretty big girl, too.

No, he's two years and four days old.

He's two years old?
How do you know that?

That's when my dad left.

Can you find such a Moki in Italy?

Bilkobiloba.

- What did he say?
- Bilkobiloba.

That's what they're called over there

I wonder if this Bilkobiloba
ever plays soccer with my son.

Do you know?

Come on, come on.

Let's not... Let's stay focused,
we've got work to do.

Pay attention!

You go this way, you go this way
and you go this way.

Is that clear? Go!

You said it was clear!
Can't you do anything right?

- What are you doing?
- I'll go this way.

Turn the key!

That's right...

Fire! Fire!

Hello, good af...

"You called 112,"
"Emergency Service."

"One of operators"
"will take your call shortly. "

"We wish you a merry Christmas. "

- If you were a kid...
- I'm not?

Would you love your dad
no matter how he treated you?

- Even if he left for good?
- Or if you left because of him.

I'm just saying, if you were a kid...

Well, I am.

Yes. I think I would.

Listen, why don't you start
looking for your son?

You're a grownup, you can find him.

I tried to look for my dad
but I failed,

because I'm just a kid and there are
millions of people out there.

I think there are even more in Italy.

22 million people live in Romania,
but do you know how many...

Excuse me... I know
this is the men's room.

Have you seen this little boy?

I apologize.
My little boy got lost in the mall.

I was thinking maybe you saw him
around here. He's eight years old.

No? Excuse me,
have you seen this kid?

Ma'am, as a security guard
working at this mall,

may I say that you're the most
beautiful woman in this mall.

I apologize,
this is my first day here.

Haven't you ever spoken
Romanian before?

Never... in the presence of such
a beautiful woman as yourself.

I apologize...
How may I be of assistance?

Please...

Horatiu, my little boy,
got lost around here.

I've been trying to find him.

- Have you seen him by any chance?
- I have.

Come on.
It's time for you to go to that guy

who's going to help you
find your mother.

"- "Come on.
"- "Stealing is wrong, you know.

What did you say? Huh?

If you steal, the cops will catch you
and you'll end up in jail.

Then you won't be able
to find Bilkobiloba

and find out where your son is.

How do you know all these things?
How? Tell me!

Well, why did you get into a fight
with that man who beat you up?

Wasn't it because you stole
his girlfriend?

You're right. I fuc...
I mean I stole his girlfriend.

- Well, stealing is wrong.
- Indeed, it's wrong.

If you steal, the cops will catch you
and you'll end up in jail and...

...and I'll never find Bilkobiloba.
I know.

But how can you find an imaginary man
if he doesn't exist? Huh?

What are you doing?

Your beard doesn't exist, either,
because it's not real.

If it doesn't exist,
then it couldn't have hurt you.

If it didn't hurt you, then you've
got no reason to get mad at me.

Stop pu...

- You are mad, right?
- No, I'm not.

So it exists even though it doesn't
exist. It makes sense, doesn't it?

It exists even though
it doesn't exist...

I need to pee.

So...

He was...

He was right over there.

I mean... He was right here.

He was with a Santa who attacked me.
I'm still trying to find that Santa.

- The kid attacked me, too.
- What?

- Well, he used a toy car...
- My son? He'd never do that!

Ma'am, I'm trained
to remember such details.

There's no way my son could have
attacked you. He's the sweetest kid!

- The Stockholm syndrome!
- What?

The Stockholm syndrome!

Kidnappers' victims become
the kidnappers' accomplices!

- My son has been kidnapped?
- I say it's possible.

- Well, that's the bad news.
- What's the good news?

The good news is me.

You don't need to pee anymore?

Wait for Santa outside, alright?

Wait for Santa outside, alright?

Horatiu!

Come here, I'm waiting for you!

I know you'll have to come here
and pee eventually.

Come on! I'm waiting for you!

Come on, Horatiu!

As Santa Claus, I must tell you
that it's not nice to hit other kids.

Really? If you get on my nerves,

I'll tell my dad and
you'll get smacked as well!

You don't say!

I'm really terrified!

And don't forget: hygiene should be
your number one priority!

I think I saw Moki in the bathroom.

He was kicking the living daylights
out of your friend.

Daddy! Daddy!

Go!

- That's him!
- Yeah, I saw him.

A kid is going to come to this table.
His name is Horatiu.

He got lost from his mother. Maybe
you can help him somehow, OK?

Sure, no problem.

Come on, pull her!
Grab her feet.

- Hello.
- Luca...

Wait a second.

Luca!

Mommy, there's someone
on the phone.

Who is it, sweetie?
Hello!

Hello.

What... What... Give me...

Who is this?

- Who was it?
- Nobody.

Let's have a little chat!

Come on, move it!

- Why don't you want to call daddy?
- How do you know it was daddy?

I heard his voice.

How could you hear his voice,
if nobody talked?

He did talk.

- What did he say?
- He said he wanted to talk to you.

- Do you want to talk to daddy?
- I do.

Alright, then let's call daddy.

Stay a little while longer, buddy.

Daddy's not answering the phone.

Now pay attention, buddy.

I'm here and my happiness
is over there.

Do you know what stands between me
and my happiness?

A wonderful Christmas wreath?

No. I'm talking about you.

Now can you tell me
why I'm here talking to you,

instead of filling my pockets
with diamonds?

Diamonds are just rocks,

but what we've got here
is true friendship.

I changed my mind and that's that.

Dare I ask what made you
change your mind?

Something that exists
even though it doesn't exist.

You can't change your mind, buddy.

Why not? The contractor doesn't do
the job, the customer doesn't pay.

You see, this job isn't like
any other one.

The only similarity is that
you may go into early retirement,

and that's about it.

Let me go! Come on!

Are you trying to cop a feel
under the table?

I'm not that kind of guy, you know.
It's not going to be easy.

- Really tense atmosphere, huh?
- Let me go!

Leave me alone!

Leave me alone!

Santa's got some good news.

Listen, he wouldn't happen to be
your illegitimate child, would he?

I've never seen this kid before.

See? I told you there was more
than one Santa in the mall,

but you're the only real one.

You and Seed go back to the store
and finish the job.

- When Seed calls me, the kid...
- Horatiu Andrei.

Horatiu,
that's such a beautiful name...

...meets you.

Otherwise...

Do you really want
to know the outcome?

That would be a pity.
We'd ruin the holiday spirit...

What are you doing with the kid?

You give me the diamond,
I give you the kid.

Come on, take the kid and beat it!

- What are you doing?
- Stop, my friend!

Horatiu! Come on, move it!

Have you seen this little boy?
He got lost in the mall.

If he turns up,
please notify Security.

- Yes, of course.
- Thank you, goodbye.

You haven't? Alright, good boy.

- Nothing...
- Shall we try the first floor?

Yes, by all means.

Excuse me,
have you seen this little boy?

Was he around here?

No. No.

Sorry!

That way!

This is my phone number.

If he turns up, please let me know
and I'll come here immediately.

Thank you.

This is my phone number.

And this is the number at
the security headquarters.

- Goodbye.
- Sure, alright.

"Guys, keep your eyes on things."
"I need to go to the john."

"I've got a major case of the runs!"

How could I just lose my son?

What was I thinking
when I left him there all alone?

I didn't even get to buy that robot t
wanted so bad.

Ma'am... Carmen...

Carmen.

We need to work as a team.
Two pairs of eyes are better than one

But you know what's better than
two pairs of eyes? 36 pairs of eyes

Horatiu is going to get his robot.

You must trust me.

Please.

Come on!

If you scream, you go back
into the sack. Is that clear?

Yes.

Do you have hamburgers and French
fries and soda at the North Pole?

- We do.
- We sure do.

What kind of meat do you use
for the hamburgers?

Blue seal, moose?

No, the hamburger animal.

Fried, your Majesty.

You can't be fried at the North Pole.
You have to be frozen.

Are you frozen or are you thawed?

He's not Santa Claus and he
doesn't live at the North Pole.

"- "No more questions!
"- "Alright.

Did you fall asleep down there?

Did you fall asleep down there?

No.

I knew you weren't real!
You don't even have a sled!

- You have a blue car...
- Cyan!

- The license plate is B-01-A-S-S.
- Ass! Have a French fry.

Alright, alright, that's enough!

Look, I'm sorry.

I wanted to help you,
but I can't do it anymore

because I'm a law-abiding citizen,
a model citizen, in fact.

I... Where does it hurt?

Uh-oh... What are you doing?

Two types of criminals
get nervous before a job:

idiots and undercover cops!

You grabbed me by the back of my neck
just like the pigs do.

So please go to hell
and leave me alone!

- Do you even know who I am?
- Who are you? Kojak?

I'm Sergeant Buruian?
of the Bucharest Police.

You don't say!

I've been after Vandame
for 9 months.

I need to catch him in the act.
You must help me.

If I catch him in the act,
I'll make captain!

If I don't, you end up in jail
and I'll make sure the guys

get to scratch your bellybutton
from the inside out!

What am I accused of?
Forged facial hair?

- Listen to me, you scumbag...
- Stop shaking me!

I've got a weak prostate. The suspense
might make me pee on you, copper!

You're such a bastard!

The kid knows the number on
Vandame's car license plate.

"You know what this means, right?"
"No witnesses! "

Is this what you meant
by 36 pairs of eyes?

Yes. I told you we'd find him.

You'd better know
what you're doing.

- Listen, what's that?
- Where?

There.

Where? It's just balloons.

It's got four independent
motion sensors.

I deactivated three of them.
I'm still working on the fourth.

The problem is that it's right
in front of a jewelry store.

All you need to do is distract
the clerks for ten seconds.

That's all I need.

Wait!

Bravo! Bravo...

Do you have the code?

A little more! Just a little more...

Give me the kid
and I'll give you the code.

- Listen, buddy...
- No, you listen, buddy!

A little more... Bravo!

A little more...

This is the Santa
who was with Horatiu.

If I don't get the kid, you don't
get the code, is that clear?

This is Headquarters, come in!

Yes, this is Barabulea Marin.
Go ahead, Headquarters.

Headquarters to...

Come on.

You get a call, I dictate the code
and that takes care of the alarm.

Code green! I repeat, code green!
Child abduction!

The suspects are wearing Santa suits.

With white stripes made
by the snow on the sled.

Yes, one of them has
white stripes on his behind...

His buttocks, for those of you whose
only taste of college was high school

The suspects are in front
of the jewelry store.

- Be careful. We'll meet again.
- I bet we will.

- Kiss your wife for me.
- I'm single.

"- "Then kiss my ass!
"- "You fucking bastard...

You give me the child,
I give you the code.

- I'd like to...
- I know your lines.

It's my way or the highway.

Listen to him, he's Santa Claus!

Of course I am.

- Horatiu, let's go look for mommy.
"-"The code.

- Three...
- Listen carefully! Three...

- Three...
- Listen carefully! Three...

- Zero...
- Zero...

- Two...
- Two...

- Three.
- Three.

- It's working!
- It's working!

It's working!

Run, Horatiu, run!

Dad...

- Go after them!
- Yes, yes...

No, that's the echo.

The alarm went off at the jewelry
store downstairs.

Let's take a shortcut!

That little devil!

I go this way, you go that way.
We'll catch them halfway.

Come on, come on!

Yes! I did it!
It worked!

Chew some leaves,
you have a bad breath!

Come on, sweetie. Do what I taught yo
and you'll be alright.

They have to be around here!
Look carefully!

Don't you signal
before taking a turn?

What do you want?

That's why accidents happen, because
people don't follow the rules!

- That's what my mom says.
- Some other time, Horatiu.

- Come on, just a little signal.
- Horatiu, stay there!

The car! They're in the car!

- Excuse us...
- My shopping cart!

Shut up!

- A shopping cart is following us!
- Who?

A shopping cart!

Come on!

There he is!

Out of the way!

Jump!

That way!
No, that way! Back!

Come on!

Run, run!

The clerk told me that there was
a big commotion around here.

Anyway, the alarm went off accidental

Still I don't understand why.
I mean, this is a multi-zone alarm.

What about Horatiu?

- They saw him.
- They did?

They did. He was with three Santas.

Three Santas...

Run, run, run!

Here, here!

You just had to signal...
Look what mess you got us into!

I only wanted to do the right thing...

I want my mommy!

Come on, sit down.

Come here.

Did you and Moki ever pretend
you were fighting in a war?

We did.

Well, this time,
we're not pretending.

Those Santas over there
are the enemy. On your knees!

Private Horatiu, you are hereby
promoted to the rank of captain!

You just took out some of them.

I liked that thing you did with
their shoelaces. That was great.

You fought dirty, but effectively.

You mean we're friends?

We're more than friends.
We're brothers in arms, we're allies

Is that right?
I got your back, you got my back.

Is that right?
I got your back, you got my back.

- Is that clear?
- Yes.

- Say it again! Is that clear?
- Yes!

You go in there.
Two of you go that way.

One of you must stay behind.

- Oh, I'm so scared!
- Hasta la vista, Santa!

Oil?

I'm burning!

Run!

Come here! Come here!

Listen to me!
You have to get out of the building.

Things are getting pretty ugly.

What about you? This is no joke,
these guys are bad!

They're not even real Santas!

One, two, three... I see a lot of guy
dressed like that guy who beat you up

- Jeepu!
- You've got problems?

- Announce everyone!
- Horatiu, come with me.

- 5.9 feet, brown hair...
- What about him?

Listen! I'm not helping you
unless you grant me my wish!

- Is that clear?
- Yes, of course I will...

Come on, come on!

- Vandame...
- No, the security guards!

There they are!

- Where are we going?
- Keep your mouth shut!

- Where are they going?
- I believe they're going this way.

Come on.

Excuse me.

Where's the kid?

I don't know, I'm Santa Claus.

Where is my son?

- He went that way...
- That way...

- Now what? What is this?
- Go!

- Did you see a Santa with a kid?
- No.

Where am I?

This is my home.

"Where are the security guards? "

Sir, all the guards are now
under my command.

"- Are you looking for trouble?"
- No sir, I'm looking for a kid.

Yeah, it's your home alright.

I see you swiped everything
you could get your hands on.

- We're next to the dressing cabins!
- Next to what?

The dressing cabins!

- You could lose your job.
- Yes, but it's worth it.

What are you looking at?
Move it!

You god damned thug...
I'll find you.

Vandame, over here! He's here!

You want to trigger the alarm
so the pigs can come and bust me?

Does that undercover ear
of your hurt, pig?

- You're a cop?
- I'm not!

He is!

A cop?

If you poke me in the eye,
I'll tear you to pieces!

Congratulations! Congratulations!

You're a winner in our new Christmas
promotional campaign!

Wait!

You've gained some experience and...

Wait! Stay here!

Leave me alone!
What are you doing?

Leave me alone!
What are you doing?

Cut that out!

- Stop kicking!
- Help me!

I apologize, this is
my first day at work.

I was supposed to warn you
before getting into action.

Please evacuate the perimeter!
This is a law enforcement operation!

- Horatiu...
- Please!

Give me the handcuffs.

- Evacuate the perimeter!
- Yes, sir.

- But... But...
- Evacuate the perimeter!

- But... But...
- The dinosaur...

- Where is the boy?
- Where is Horatiu?

- Where is Horatiu?
- Tell Moki I'm coming...

- I'm going to...
- Moki... Wait!

- Wait!
- Why?

Horatiu never tells anyone
about Moki.

If he told him,
that means he trusted him.

Horatiu...

Horatiu is the dinosaur.
He's the dinosaur!

Take these thinks off my hands...
Take them off!

This is my first arrest.
The keys are in the locker room...

If they leave the mall, we'll never
catch them! Take them off!

What are you doing?
Are you blind?

Horatiu, why did I leave you alone?

Horatiu wasn't alone.
Horatiu is my friend.

Excuse me!

Everyone at the ground floor!
Go downstairs! Go!

- Down there!
- At the food court! Go!

There!

Out of the way, Horatiu!

- What are you doing?
- No!

What are you doing?

- Mommy!
- My baby!

Mommy, I was with Santa and Jeepu.

A bunch of Santas chased us,
but they weren't real!

- It was great!
- Really?

- It'll go like the wind, right?
- Absolutely!

Come on.

Alright, go!

So this guy and this...
No, this woman...

I didn't do anything. A Santa made me
trip and a mad woman maced me.

Alright, alright, thanks.

You didn't want to help me
catch him in the act.

Well I'm going to help you
with the cooler!

If you don't mind...

Buddy, I'm a cop.
A real one, you know?

This guy is an accomplice
in an attempted robbery case.

- Wait...
- Excuse me.

Maybe I was mislead by the fact
that I've got a recording

which shows that the
two of you are accomplices.

- What recording? Where...
- The surveillance cameras...

- Do those cameras record sound?
- Not a whimper, nada.

Not to mention that you endangered
a kid's life.

I'm not an expert,
but I believe you are in deep shit...

... as a real cop would say.

Goodbye!

I think I owe you
a Christmas present.

I won't be able to go
down the chimney tonight.

Are you going back to Titan now?

No, I'm going back to the North Pole.

But I've got to stop
by the hospital first.

- Yes, you've got a few broken ribs...
- That's right.

Where does it hurt? Excuse me...

I'm glad for Horatiu...
I mean the escalators...

It was intense.

Thank you.

I just did my job.
When there's a felon in here, I...

- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.

Otherwise,
the mall is a peaceful place.

I mean, if you want to grab
a cup of coffee or go to a movie...

They're showing some good movies
during the holidays...

Is that an invitation?

No, because Mr. Carmen
would get mad and...

There is no Mr. Carmen.

- There isn't?
- And I do like Christmas movies.

Me too.

I mean...

Will you handle him?

If mom's laughing,
that's a good sign.

Maybe he knows how to play soccer.
I could use a real teammate.

You think this guy knows
how to play soccer?

Anyway, it's a good thing
I found my mom. Otherwise...

You sure are good at returning lost
children to your parents.

Are you going to look
for your son as well?

Luca?

I don't think
he wants to see me again.

It's been a very long time anyway.

Well I'd never seen you until today.
And I'm not even your son.

But still I'd like to see you again.
I'll go with you, if you want.

We'll look for him together.

Even though
you're not the real Santa Claus...

If there is such a thing
as a real Santa...

A friend told me...

...that some things exist...

...even though they don't exist.

Horatiu!

Alright, I'm coming.

Nice!
Come on, open it!

Listen...

Sorry about M?d?lina...

Don't be sorry.
In fact, thank you!

And please take care...
Take care of Horatiu.

I will.

Alright, alright, alright.

Is that our car?

Do you like it?

- Yes...
- It's nice.

Come on...

- Hello.
- It's me.

Merry Christmas.

Or "Buon Natale",
or whatever you say over there.

Yes... Merry Christmas to you, too.
How are you? Are you alright?

Yes, now I'm alright.

- Is Luca there?
- Yes, he's here.

Luca, come here.

It's your daddy.

- How are you, daddy?
- How are you, my son?

I'm alright.

- Do you have a cold?
- No.

Then why does it sound
like your nose is clogged up?

It just does.

Well, I called Luca and now
I'm on the phone

with a baby elephant
whose trunk is full of...

Daddy, come visit us.
I miss you.

I miss my baby elephant, too.

Did you hear the bell?

Somebody's wish was granted!

Somebody's wish was granted!

- Do you know what Santa brought me?
- What did he bring you, son?

A remote controlled car
with an antenna and a train.

Don't you want to come see them?
Mommy would like to see you, too.

Here, you can talk to mommy.

Hello.

Don't forget to bring
some Christmas cake

when you come by, alright?

I'll bring a lot of Christmas cakes.

- What's ringing out there?
- It's Santa's bell.

I've got two special guests
on my show today.

They're the protagonists
of the mall incident.

You all saw it on the news,
so please welcome Horatiu and Jeepu.

That's kind of like "Gicu",
only with a "p", right?

It's "Jeepu", bro!
Is that so hard?

It's not hard, bro. "Jeepu", right?

It's not hard, bro. "Jeepu", right?

Right.

Tell me what happened at the mall.

Your wish, Jeepu, your wish!

I've got something I want to say
to the entire country.

Go ahead.
The entire country's watching us.

If that's your wish,
we'll be happy to listen to you.

Merry Christmas!

Subt?tulos De:
Dan4Jem