Historias lamentables (2020) - full transcript

El Rayo Transport.

Since its foundation,
El Rayo Transport has meant innovation,

experience and reliability.

With a solid presence
in over 14 countries,

its international projection is based
on the excellent quality of its services.

He'll freak.
I can't wait to see his face.

Look.

...making punctuality
and customer commitment

its hallmark.

El Rayo Transport.

A business group at the vanguard
of integrated transport management

that has won the trust of customers,
collaborators and investors,

always under the banner
of efficiency and profitability.

Without yielding any
of its environmental commitment.

El Rayo Transport.
50 years moving towards the future.

Amazing.

The video missed out
one tiny detail.

It's that this year
the company has broken

its own record of
37 million euros in net profit.

I'll settle for half of that
for my performance.

Even if it's gross.
Not that I'm gross,

I mean, even if you paid me in net...

But we're not here today
to count money. Relax.

For that we'd need 6 months
and everyone to stay until late.

We're here to pay tribute to
and give deserved recognition

to the person who made
all this possible.

The man who today, after 50 years
of tireless devotion to the firm,

has finally reached
his deserved retirement.

A man I'm told is not fond
of speaking in public.

Horacio Hernández, President.
A very good evening!

Alright, before the video I told you

that there'd be a big surprise.

But I won't be revealing it.

Ladies and gentlemen,
I'm pleased to invite onstage

someone who knows Horacio
as if he were his own son.

Why? Because he is!

Ramón Hernández,
who, as of tomorrow,

will take charge of the empire
created by Horacio.

Look how handsome
he is, Monchito.

Not a bad position, eh, Ramón?
Did you have to do

a lot of selection trials
or was it because of your CV?

- What the hell is he wearing?
- You're going to love it.

He spent months on it,
he was so excited.

Thank you, my friends,
for being here today.

One of my father's
greatest lessons

is that a man can do
what he sets out...

...what he sets out to do.

It was etched in my mind, Dad,
when you told me

that as a boy you asked
the Three Kings for a bicycle

and instead they brought you
a Scalextric.

Remember, Dad?
Do you remember?

And do you know what Dad did?

He burnt it. He set fire
to the little Scalextric car,

because he didn't want a Scalextric,
he wanted a bicycle.

That's my father. A man who's always,
always known what he wants.

With El Rayo Transport,
something similar happened.

My father didn't want a small
delivery company.

He wanted a multinational group,
the leader in the sector...

and he got it.

That's my father. A man who
achieved all he set out to do.

Everything... except one thing.

Let's be fair,
my father didn't do it all alone.

I present Rayito.
His first car.

Music! Music!

That's me!

Well, well. In Rayito we went
to half the small towns in Spain.

Delivering his first packages.

And the name you gave it, Dad,
gave rise to

our business group,
"El Rayo Transport Ltd."

It's no secret to anyone, Dad,

that you had to sell Rayito
to buy your first van.

But you've never forgotten it.

You've moved heaven and earth
for years to get it back.

You even involved
your friend the King.

Not the one now, the real one.
The Emeritus.

Remember, Dad?

And the Industry Minister
who, by the way, is here today.

And the Head of the Transport Dept.,
also a family friend,

to help you to find Rayito.
But it was impossible.

For the first time in your life
you didn't get something.

We've set things in motion
so that today, Dad,

on your farewell to the company,
you can say you have everything,

you've achieved all your dreams

not one of them left out.

This is for you, Dad!

It's all yours, Dad!
Congratulations!

To give you this gift today, Dad,

we've also had to move
heaven and earth,

and we've even looked
on the Internet.

No, Dad, this isn't your old heap,

that wreck we saw in the images
must've been scrapped eons ago.

It's not your old jalopy, Dad,
like in the film we saw.

This is a thousand times better.

It's what your car would be today,
in the modern world.

Your new Rayito, Dad.
And stacked with extras.

Exactly.
Information on the Cloud.

A 2,000-amp engine.
Self-driving.

"Cabinwatch" 360º.

Ultra-fast wireless charging.
Smart airbags.

Speakerless audio.
And "El Rayito" on the door.

It has everything, Dad.
To the last detail.

Your tin can, Dad.

My father always kept
one of these in the trunk.

There weren't always gas stations
between the towns we visited.

Sometimes not even roads.

And my father, as you all know,
is a far-sighted man.

That's why you got to
where you got to, Dad.

Your tin can, Dad.

It's full.

Your turn, Dad.

We all want to hear you.

Take the remote control, Dad.

It's what you've always liked,
to take control.

I'll be very brief.

Mom!

It was water, Dad.

We thought about putting
gasoline in it,

but I said it's not necessary,
the car's totally electric.

Water and electricity don't mix.

How do you think I set fire
to the Scalextric?

Son, you're not necessary.

UNFORTUNATE STORIES

THE MAN FROM THE BEACH

TOMMY, BREED: JACK RUSSELL.
CALL THIS NUMBER

- Good day, Mr. Bermejo.
- "Good", I don't know, Mariano.

Because, wasn't it decided

that posters and personal notices
aren't allowed in the common areas?

- Yes, but...
- So?

It's the dog of the girl in 1B.

The poor girl was crying
and I let her put it up.

Right, but they're the rules,
and the rules are for everyone.

It's the rules for her too,
and if she cries, she cries.

- She loves Tommy.
- Tommy is the dog's name?

Yes, Tommy.

That's fine, but please
take down the posters.

And did you remember
the music or not?

- The music...
- I think it's fine,

but it's the rules, Mariano.
The music doesn't bother me,

but if we agreed to something,
let's stick to it.

Otherwise, what is this community?
You tell me.

The community...
How do I say this?

Exactly. A free-for-all.
I'm going, it's dawn.

You sure like to watch
the sun come up, Mr. Bermejo!

Indeed.
Do you know why, Mariano?

Because the sun doesn't improvise.

It comes up every day, when it has to.
No sooner, no later, like me.

I'm taking the photo I take
every San Roque's Day, punctually.

From the same spot
on the beach, my spot.

Unless it's been taken because
you've delayed me here.

Relax, this early
no one will take the spot.

Don't you believe it,
some people get up very early.

If the Chinese find out
about this slice of beach,

- it's all over.
- The Chinese?

Yes, the Chinese. The Chinese.

- Hey!
- Hey!

- What's wrong?
- What?

- What's wrong with what?
- You almost ran me over.

Didn't you see the red light, sir?

Gee, it's true.

It was green yesterday, I saw it.
They must've changed it.

What should change is the attitude
of people like you,

who don't respect the rules.
Go on your way

and I can go on mine
on my pedestrian crossing,

- where on should cross.
- Fuck, fuck, fuck...

Are you Bermejo?

Bermejo, I don't believe it.

Bermejo,
it's goddamn great to see you!

Sorry, who are you?

Don't you remember, dickhead?
From boarding school. I'm Enciso.

- Enciso?
- You don't remember, do you?

- It's been ages. How you doin'?
- Fine, fine.

Enciso, nice to see you.
It's great to see you.

So? Tell me. Let's get
a drink and catch up.

- No, I'm in a hurry.
- No, what's the rush?

Are you going to a meeting?

Tell me where it is
and I'll drive you.

What are you doing, Enciso?

You've got the same face.
25 years and the same face.

Don't touch my things, please.

Fuck, Bermejo, all the contraptions
you've got, kid.

- Are you going for three months?
- Will you keep still?

- All aboard!
- Open the trunk.

- Come on.
- Open up the trunk.

- Will you open up the trunk?
- Here we go!

Enciso! Eh! Stop!

Stop, Enciso! Stop!

Stop!

That's not how things are.
Stop!

I thought you were in back,
like princes.

Open it up and give me the chair,
dawn is breaking.

- Get in, I'll drive you.
- No.

- Yes.
- Enciso, please.

- Yes, damn it.
- Enciso.

Look, before you walked
from there to here.

And now you're going to walk
from here to there again?

No. Come on, get in.

- Get in!
- Look...

You don't have to take me anywhere,
I'm going there, to the beach.

- I'll drive you. Come on.
- No!

Yes!

Okay, let's go.
I can walk there faster.

Do you keep in touch
with the boarding school people?

- No, not me.
- Whatever happened to Ingrid?

- Ingrid?
- Ingrid Müller, the German.

The fat girl. The one you liked.

No idea. I don't remember her.

And she wasn't that fat.
Can you hurry, please?

And my brother?
You must remember him.

Get a move on.

- My brother José Ángel...
- Yes, I remember him.

Unfortunately, I remember him.
Stop. It's here.

Stop! Stop, it's here!

- Enciso!
- It wasn't that big a deal.

My brother always took it out

on the same person
and that person was you.

Can you stop?
We've gone past it.

Remember when he put Superglue
on Requema's balls,

which stuck to his ass?
What a riot!

That wasn't Requema. It was me.

It took four hours of surgery
to get them unstuck.

- Under general anesthetic!
- My brother was such a rascal.

No, not a rascal.
Your brother was a criminal.

I had to leave the school,
if you remember.

Do you remember?
Stop the car!

It's water under the bridge.
My brother's changed a lot.

- He's at my place for a few days.
- I don't care.

Open the trunk.

I want nothing to do
with that individual.

JOSÉ ÁNGEL CALLING

What a coincidence,
you can talk to him.

- He's going to freak out.
- No.

No, no... Open the trunk,

then answer your brother.

Don't be scared.
My brother's changed a lot.

I promise.

José!

Didn't you say you'd be home
before 7, you piece of shit?

Get the fuck back here,
you took the key to the gate

and I can't get my motorbike out, asshole.

I give you 10 minutes.
One more and I'll cut off your balls.

Yes, we're on our way, José.

Wait, wait, wait...
You know who I'm with?

I don't give a shit,
but bring him anyway,

I'll cut the balls of you both.

Enciso, stop the car!

Stop!

My brother's not just talking,
he says he's cutting off our balls,

and he's doing it,
you first, Bermejo.

- Enciso...
- I'll leave him the keys,

he'll open the gate,
then I'll take you to the beach.

No! Don't get me
mixed up in your things.

Leave me here you go

open up the gate for your brother.

I go alone?
No way. You don't know him.

Enciso, stop the car!
I've already missed the dawn.

It's only in Las Lomas.

Las Lomas? That's in Denia.

- And?
- It's 40 kilometers away.

It's not convenient for me
to take you to the beach

and I'm not complaining.
Damn it, already.

Here,

- give him the key and we'll go.
- What? You give it to him.

I just mean to save time.

With me he'll go on and on.
But whatever you like.

José!

José!

BEWARE,
DANGEROUS DOG

José!

Take the keys, it was a mistake.

Forget the bike. It's going to rain.

I'm taking your car.

- For being a dickhead.
- It was his fault.

I had to take him to the beach.

Look who's here.

- Bermejo.
- What Bermejo?

Jeez...

Fuck yeah!

Yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, it's him.

Weren't you going
to say hello, motherfucker?

He's the same,
the same loser face...

I said so before.

Fuck, what a fucker
that I don't have time.

Shit!

This guy with some time...

- Bermejo?
- What?

Hear your noggin echo!

Enciso, when he least expects it,

I'll tell your brother a thing
or two, good and proper.

We're not in school now, darn it.

Come on, let's go.
You do have another car?

Another car, no.
I have José Ángel's bike.

Wait, I'll get the helmets.

Yes, as if I'd go on a bike,
with the rain coming.

We'll leave now, it won't catch us.

Bermejo, it was great to see you.

- Same here.
- We must do this again.

- Tomorrow, if you like.
- Tomorrow's not good for me.

Oh, no? What a shame.

Watch it, only two buses
a day come by here.

And that's not the right one.

Driver, driver... Maybe you could
stop for me. Whenever you can.

I made a mistake.
I'm not going to Alicante,

but the other way,
to the beach at Gandía.

I understand, and I could easily
pull over and let you out,

but those are the rules.
And the rules are for everyone.

If we don't follow the rules
this would be...

- A free-for-all. It's true.
- Correct.

Do you know what?
I'm not going to Alicante.

Relax, you'll see.

All I want

is to be 100% sure that
the Altaria to Valencia,

the one leaving now,
goes via Gandía.

- I said yes.
- So it goes via Gandía.

Okay, okay.

- A ticket, please.
- Return?

No, one-way.

- I only have first-class left.
- Perfect.

The one that goes via Gandía.

- We're arriving in Gandía.
- Yes, sir.

- Right?
- Yes, yes.

It's not stopping!

No. It goes via Gandía,
but it doesn't stop.

It goes straight to Valencia.

Excuse my attire.
I've had such a day...

Don't worry, sir.
You're at home.

- Where to?
- Gandía.

Sol y Mar Apartments,
on the promenade.

Perfect. That's it then.
And it's a set rate. 195.

Perfect.

Mind if I set the temperature at 21º?

Great, great.

You have water, the press,
magazines, whatever you want.

- Thanks.
- If you need anything else,

just tell me.
I'm at your service.

Let me tell you, this is
the first level-headed moment

I've had the whole darn day.

I'm so pleased to hear it, sir.

It's a pleasure to give you
the service you deserve.

I love the beach at Gandía.

And that place you mentioned
with the anchor...

Oh, you know it?
Just in front of the apartments.

It's marvelous.
The sunrises there, my God!

Yes, true. Well, today
it was ruined for me.

You have to rise early
or you get a slap in the face.

Correct.

Let's hope the Chinese
don't have their eye on the place.

- Lights out and leave.
- Right. The Chinese...

And I have nothing against them.

Me neither.

But one of them got in once...

He seemed friendly, polite.

When we got to where he told me,
he had no money.

He couldn't find his wallet.
He'd been robbed, he said.

- Yeah, sure. What a cheek.
- That's what I think.

By the way, how are you paying?
Cash or card?

By card. Now, if you like.

There's no need, sir.

Yes, it's no trouble.

- Yes.
- Alright.

Is there a problem, sir?

My wallet.

I can't find my wallet.

It must've been that fellow
in the passageway.

"Commi-chi-wa"...
He seemed polite, upright.

- But you can't get careless.
- Can you describe him?

- Chinese.
- Chinese... What?

Chinese, Chinese.
I don't know what else you need.

We can't investigate
a half a million Chinese.

I know, but you can question
the Chinese in Valencia.

The claimant states that he had
a wet leather wallet,

a credit card,
a ticket for the train to Gandía...

No, via Gandía,
but it didn't stop.

...the card from Aldi
and 25 euros in cash. Correct?

Correct. And a photo of a woman.

- And a photo of his wife.
- No, not my wife... a woman.

- Your girlfriend, then.
- No, it's an old photo, a memento.

A memento.

We'll print this out
and you can sign the report.

You guys are always the same.
I've had it with you.

The car was abandoned,
didn't you realize?

It's my home. Fuck!

Well, well, well, well...

How about that? They finally
stopped you in your tracks.

Great, eh?

You know what we called him
at boarding school?

Match Head.

For his big head.
See the big head he's got?

Get it, "Match Head"?

As if you'd get it...

Bastard.

Goddam bully.

You're stupider than your father.

Do you know what his father did?

Do you know what his father did

to see if he had any gas left
in his motorbike?

He lit a lighter.

That sure blew up in his face.

What about you, eh?

Didn't you want time with me?

Well, here I am. With time.

Mr. Enciso!
Your passport's ready.

Look, José Ángel,

I never liked
that "Match Head" nickname.

People didn't call you that
because of the size

of your head compared to your body,

but because you're a brilliant guy too.

Because of the spark you have.

Because you're a guy
who emits light.

A bright guy. A bright guy.

And that thing with your dad,
we all felt very bad.

It could happen to anyone.

If you have to look in the tank
and you don't have a flashlight,

you use a cigarette lighter.
What do you do, not look?

Sure, you have to look.

And that "bastard" thing...

I said it out of admiration,
as a buddy.

Like: What's up, you bastard?

Like the bully thing...
Who hasn't been a bully sometimes?

I was with Vicente, the fat kid.
Remember?

With him I was like...
He was so sick of me.

"Vinny". "What?"
"Take that, skinny!".

I never got him with your style,
true, but I got him.

- Bermejo!
- What?

I went too far with you at school.

Don't worry,
it's water under the bridge.

- I was so mean to you.
- No, no...

We were just kids.

Like when I locked you up naked
in the cold-storage room for a day.

What a cold you caught, eh,
you scamp?

No, not a cold,
acute bronchial pneumonia.

But I've always felt the cold.

Or with the German girl.
What was her name? The fat girl?

Who? Ingrid Müller?
She wasn't that fat.

Right, Ingrid the "raw chicken".

Don't call her that,
it really annoyed her.

Did "Raw Chicken" get you horny?

"Raw Chicken" got you horny!

I knew it.
I knew she got you horny.

Fuck, she was so neat and tidy.
Birds of a feather...

Well, yes, I did like
Ingrid Müller, a lot.

The fucking kicker was that
she liked you too.

- No. Come on.
- Fuck, Bermejo,

she was fucking nuts about you.
Didn't you get it or what?

Well, actually, yes.

Yes, at first I saw
that she liked me,

but then something happened
and she stopped talking to me.

Then when I had to leave
the school when you... for reasons...

Anyway, I lost track of her.

I looked for her, but nothing.
She must've gone back to Germany.

It wasn't good what I said to her.

What a look she gave me.

What did you say to her?

That you called her "Raw Chicken"
and were laughing your ass off at her.

- Why did you tell her that lie?
- To fuck with you. Why else?

It's like you don't know me.

You liked "Raw Chicken"!
That's wild!

God brings them together

and José Ángel pulls them apart.

- Bermejo, Bermejo...
- What?

Hear your noggin echo.

So "Raw Chicken" got you horny!

How about that!

We have to celebrate this.

Coward!

Coward! Coward!

He knew that I'd give him
a piece of my mind...

He knew that you don't
mess around with Bermejo...

That Bermejo has a limit...

Match Head!

Now how the hell do I get home?

You're very scared of water...

I have a shower twice a year,
even if I don't need to.

Stop! Stop!

Stop! Stop! Stop!
There's been a mistake.

- Do me a favor and sit down.
- Stop, please.

- Sit down, I tell you.
- I don't have a ticket. I sneaked on.

Oh, we didn't realize.

Don't you care about anything?
There are no rules here, eh?

Someone sneaks on
and it's hilarious. No. No.

That's not the way things are.
Things aren't like that.

The rules are for everyone,
for that lady, that man in the cap,

that lady in the glasses,
this man with the handbag...

José Ángel!

What a mess we got into before, eh?

José Ángel!

José Ángel!

José Ángel!

Tommy?

Tommy?

Tommy, come here. Here.

Feel your body
and your emotions.

Not judging anything you come across,
examining yourself

and as a mere observer

naturally accept

everything that flows in you.

Nothing bad can happen
to you now.

It's completely normal
that different sensations,

emotions, ideas, circulate
from one side to another,

perhaps a little untidy or annoying,

but you have the power to give them
greater or lesser importance.

Leave aside all the negative things
from the past

that are of no use now.

- What are you doing?
- Reiki. I'm doing reiki.

Reiki?

Where are we?

Wherever you want to be, honey,

but we'll stop in Astorga,
though there's a way to go.

Astorga?
I'm going to the beach in Gandía.

We passed it last night.
But you looked so handsome asleep

I felt bad about waking you up.
You understand, don't you?

- But who do you think I am?
- You tell me, cutie,

you were the outside the whorehouse
showing your legs

with the dog licking you.

Maybe now you're going to be
some goody-two-shoes.

Goody-two-shoes?
Let me out at the next town.

I'll stop at the next town.
But the trip's not free, eh?

No? It'll have to be free,
because I have no money.

Not everything's paid for with money.

- That was reiki.
- That wasn't reiki.

Who does he think he is?

Well done, Tommy!

That's not reiki,
that not the way things are.

That's not the way things are.

FOR SALE

AYOUB'S BIRTHDAY

Sons of bitches!

Oh, darling. Darling.
You had another nightmare.

- I don't know, I...
- My darling...

I dreamt that someone slapped me.

Don't worry, my love, I'm here...

Fucking hell.

Hey, you! Hey!

Again?

Again, you bastards?

Come here!
Come here, you cowards!

The next guy to come near this house,
I'll have his balls!

Hey, girl!

Go ahead.

I saw the garden is a mess, right?
And I said: Ayoub can solve.

What's wrong with the garden?

- It looks perfect to me.
- Grass very tall. I can cut.

Don't you like it wild,
you being from the jungle?

- Better I speak to your husband.
- What?

For business matter...
better speak to husband.

- My husband?
- Aha!

If you find him, beat the shit
out of him for me.

His name's Gerardo.
You'll recognize him straight away.

He has a dickhead face
that you can't miss.

I'll only charge you 20 euros.

I can start right now.
I have tool in car. Eh, cutie?

Ten.

- Ten what?
- Ten euros.

But leave the garden looking tip-top.

Don't leave that branch there.

Maybe I can get a glass of water?

They cut off my water.

Don't worry, you can drink
all you want later.

- Later, when?
- When you get home.

And if you chit-chat, you won't
have time to make this look perfect.

And then don't go asking me
to keep up my end.

Good. Ayoub go now,
it's late and someone waiting.

Good.

Well, whenever you like, eh?

- Go, go. Go on.
- Yes, but...

- But what?
- The ten euros.

Yes, I'll give it to you,
but not today.

- Why not today?
- Because I pay on Fridays.

I pay all the provider on Fridays.
All of them.

I don't know about your country,
but here in Spain you pay on Fridays.

And you know it,
don't pretend to be a fool now.

- No. I'm not a fool.
- Hey, hey, look.

I did you a favor.
Maybe I shot myself in the foot.

- No. Shoot foot, no.
- No, shoot foot yes.

In the end I lose out, as usual.

- No, Ayoub loses out.
- No, "Ayul" loses nothing.

This is fucking great
for Ayul's CV.

That's why you insisted on
doing my garden

when it didn't need it.
I wasn't born yesterday.

I liked the garden as it was
and I told you. Or didn't I?

Okay.

- I come back Friday.
- Unless it's not good for you.

Hey, hey, hey... Wait, wait.

- Where are you going now?
- Me? To Guadarrama.

My cousin waiting for me
two hours ago.

Take me to the Las Navas drugstore.

No, no. No way.
Las Navas other way.

Fifteen kilometers.
Totally impossible.

After all I've done for you,
you won't take me to the drugstore?

No. And when Ayoub says no, it's no.

Step on it,
the drugstore will close.

- Your cousin's waiting too.
- Oh, my cousin.

You have a cellphone?!
I have to make a call.

No, you can't call.
My balance is low.

I have to call my cousin
and pick him up at his work.

He'll be on the street,
waiting, worried.

It's fine if he's on the street,
it's a beautiful day.

I'm worried my call.

But I have no balance.
You can't call.

- No balance? There's a signal!
- It's low, I said.

Will you stop crying?

I don't cry.
Men in my tribe never cry.

Good. Don't be a sourpuss,
you guys are all sourpusses.

Welcome to customer assistance,
Segoviana Electricity.

We remind you that this call has
a cost of two euros and...

Two euros? No, no, no, no...

Please hold.

Hang up. Hang up.
It eats my balance.

A little patience, please.

All our operators are busy.
Please, stay on the line.

Hang up, please.
I'm asking you.

I'll be quick.
So they know where to go.

Hello. Welcome to customer assistance,
Segoviana Electricity.

My name's Julián.
How can I help you?

Hello, Julián. I'm calling to tell
you all to go to hell. How about that?

- That's why you're calling?
- Yes, so they know where to go.

Look, Julián... Julián? Hello?

Your balance has run out!

I told you!

Now how do I call my cousin?
He's in the street, worried.

Excuse me, I'm the one
who got hung up on.

You guys twist everything
to make out you're the victims!

It's... frightening.

- Goodbye. Until Friday.
- Hey, hey, hey...

"Friday"? You have to take me home,
you can't leave me here.

No, no way.
I have to go now.

You brought me here,
you'll have to take me back.

- Impossible.
- You should've said before,

otherwise I would've come
by my own means, Ayul.

- You've got me in a mess.
- Okay, okay, okay.

Alright. Hurry. You go in
and buy and I'll wait here.

Then I'll take you back.

That's the way I like it. A team!

Go. Go.

The card doesn't work.

That's bad luck.
I don't have any cash.

Lend me some,
I'll go to the cash machine,

give it all to you and you don't
have to come back Friday.

We better go to cash machine first.

There's no cash machine here.
The drugstore closes in two minutes.

- What? There's one right there.
- Gee!

That man's going to use it.
I'm too late. The drugstore's closing.

If you hurry you can beat him.
Go! Go!

Fine, as you wish.
You do like to complicate things.

What a coincidence,
I always have to give in.

Let's go!

What is she doing?

Go!

Yes. Yes.

Hurry up!

- What's the matter?
- The old man sneaked by me.

He'll be ages,
he's updating his card.

Holy shit. Lend me 14 euros

and when he's done
I'll give it all to you.

Alright...

- I only have a 20.
- And that credit card?

Not credit. Debit.

Let's see if this covers it.

Why not?
Wasn't it 14 euros?

- They won't sell it to me.
- Why not?

I need a prescription.
Go on, go.

Go? Where?

The clinic. Where else?
For the goddamn prescription.

You crazy.
I'm not going to any clinic.

I'm picking up my cousin,
he'll be worried,

and eat something, my stomach
empty since dawn

and my mouth's dry,
you didn't even give water.

I haven't eaten either, love.

Maybe you don't get
that we're in this together.

I'm sick of hearing "me, me, me",
"my cousin", Ayul, Ayul"...

Grow up, you're not the only one
in the world, Ayul.

Ayoub. Ayoub.

"Ayul". "Ayul".

I big hurry too.

It won't take a minute.
There's no one in the clinic now,

everyone's at lunch.

Are you alright, Ayul?

Ayoub very weak now.
When I don't eat, I faint.

You should've had
something mid-morning.

You do some dumb stuff, love.

Excuse me,
we need some 0-negative blood

for an emergency.
Is anyone 0-negative?

0-negative? Everyone in my family
is 0-negative.

- What a coincidence!
- You don't say...

- Yes, yes, yes, yes.
- Here!

Relax, they give you
a ham sandwich and a Coca-Cola.

- I don't eat pig.
- But I do.

Squeeze the ball, it's not coming out.

You either give blood
or you don't offer to.

Ayoub needs to drink.

Wait, I'll give you that last gulp,

the ham's stuck in my throat.

That sucks!

What do you want?
Get what you like.

Two flans and cream.
And another Lemon Fanta.

FOR SALE

Are you interested in the van?

If only I could.

You already have the car.

I want to start a gardening company.

And bring my brothers to Spain.

And van very good
to give good service.

And to keep equipment.
I'm a good gardener, no?

But no equipment
and with a little car.

That's why nobody hires Ayoub.

Well, nobody...
You got me, eh?

Your car has its charm.

I like it.

Car is a heap.
I buy from a Romanian for 200 euros.

And it breaks down all the time.

And very small for equipment.
And no papers too.

- Oh, it's stolen?
- No. Stolen no.

Car not registered for years.

It was in Romanian's garage.
I fix it.

And what do you do?

Try to stop the bastards from the bank
from kicking me out of my home.

- You do that all day?
- No, only in the mornings.

In the afternoons I try to forget
my father's shit.

As you see, I'm really busy.

Husband Gerardo gave you ring?

Ex-husband. Like fuck he did.
Do you want anything else?

- No, no.
- Then pay up.

Pay up?

Just kidding, Ayul.

Boss!

What's the damage?

Wrong PIN.

It shows up wrong again.

Strange. I don't get it.
I've got so many passwords.

It's alright. Ayul, you pay
temporarily with your card.

At the cash machine
I'll recall the number and take it out.

Yes. Then you give it all back,
isn't that right?

I'm buying you lunch.
I haven't killed anyone.

Not remembering your PIN
isn't a crime.

Sorry for being human!

Then pay with my 20 euros,
you've got them.

But that's for my medicine.

No. 20 euros are mine.

You use to pay for food
and then you owe.

Here.

Take these twenty euros
I have for my medicine.

Here...

Spend it on food and drink.

What does it matter that I'm sick?

The main thing is that
you have a full belly.

Here, Chemita. For mine.
I'm getting so...

These guys take our jobs,
now they want our medicine.

And they were meant to
pay for our pensions. Fuck...

When you least expect it
they'll even take our blood.

It's only so you enter it right.
Don't you trust me?

No.

ENTER PIN

Enter the number.

I don't remember it. If I get it
wrong again, it'll swallow it.

You do not say the truth.
You trick Ayoub.

All morning weeding garden.

Then I took you to drugstore.
Waiting long line for prescription.

They took my blood.
You used my phone balance.

I paid for your food.
You abuse Ayoub.

Ayoub honest with you, eh?
Enter number. Enter. Enter.

- Let's see if I remember.
- Put in date of birth. Typical PIN.

PIN CORRECT

- What amount was it?
- 45.45.

45.

COMMISSION 0.75.
DO YOU WISH TO CONTINUE?

But... what's wrong?

What's wrong? What's wrong?

The banks are busting my balls.

First they want the house,
which was my mother's, now this?

I don't care about 0.75 cents.

But we can't let them do it.

How far will we let them rob us?

They play with our money
at their whim.

But when we want it back, bam!

They slap on a commission
that's pseudo-illegal

and a revolutionary tax.

Armed robbery permitted
by the powerful,

who suffocate you, but not me,
people like you, Ayul,

an honest worker
at risk of social exclusion

who pays his taxes religiously
but gets nothing in exchange.

You don't charge commissions. Do you?

From now on you should.

No more jumping through hoops!
Give me your card.

Why do you want my card?

To see if the bastards are charging you.
I'm curious.

The cash machine in the next town
doesn't charge me commission.

Why? It's the Rural Cooperative

- and I'm in it.
- Then let's go there.

First I'm going to the drugstore,
the reason I came.

Want one?

Give me wallet.

Relax, I only want to see
what you have inside.

You have to look in wallet?

- Are they your brothers?
- Two of the eight I have.

What a wonderful family!

- I love my family very much.
- No wonder you want to bring them.

- 35, wasn't it?
- 45.

Oh, right.
Hey, Ayul, happy birthday.

But it's not my birthday.

- Oh, no?
- No.

- When is it then?
- December 12.

Oh, that's good to know.

INSERT YOUR CARD

ENTER PIN

PIN CORRECT

ONLY 22 EURO AVAILABLE
DO YOU WISH TO CONTINUE?

COMMISSION 2.00
DO YOU WISH TO CONTINUE?

Only 20 euro in the account.
I thought there'd be more.

- What, only 20?
- It sucks. It's worth reporting.

This needs checking,
because I don't agree.

It's all I could get.

And you have the other bill.

I bought the medicine with it.

- You didn't get change?
- What change? It cost me 28.

- Wasn't it 14?
- Yes, but I owed for a box last week.

- What?
- 14+14=28. Need a calculator?

The other 8 euros
came out of my pocket.

I didn't want to impose on you.

And I don't have a red cent.

But don't worry, I'm used to
having everything taken from me.

And I know what it's like to have
only 20 in your account.

You have 20 euro in your account?
No way.

I assure you. 22 to be exact.

No, no. You don't have 22.
I'm telling you.

But you have other things.
You have brothers.

You have cousin waiting for you.

You have a dream.

You have very valuable things.

You have a ring.

You can sell the ring
and change life.

You good negotiator, eh?

I'm not selling this.
It's all I have left of my mother.

Well, and this top.

Because the bank kept the house.

They're selling it for a shitty
120,000. Can you believe it?

120,000?
That's a lot of money.

A lot of money...
That house is priceless.

It's been the only place
where I've been happy.

Not for long,
my mother died very young.

- Ayoub sorry for your loss.
- No. It was long ago. I was small.

But I remember a lot about her.

She was very pretty.

Well, she was a model.

You also very pretty.

- And your father?
- I don't want to remember him.

He left me with an aunt and uncle
of mine and he split.

He washed his hands of me.

That's the way it was, Ayul.
Pretty heavy, huh?

Your aunt and uncle
looked after you, no?

My uncle? What a degenerate.

What he did to me, for years...
I was a girl.

A girl scared to death and...

every night when
he entered my room...

He was my uncle!
My father's brother!

I should've cut off the balls
of my uncle, my father, my ex,

the bank guys, all the fucking men
on this planet.

Alright. Ayoub understands.

You can trust Ayoub.

I'm your friend and I'll help you
with whatever you need.

Why are you so fucking nice to me?
I don't get it.

You must forgive Ayoub for not seeing
what your heart needs.

Ayoub coarse, coarse.

Look.

Look.

I divide earnings with you.
Half, half.

- Here!
- No way. It's your money.

"Akagoro Kototo. Molunda sindeio".

What good is wealth
if your neighbor has no bread?

It's a saying typical of my tribe.

I am happy if you smile.

I can sell the car. 200 euros.

And share what I have with you.

Ayoub's dream of van can wait.

Here.

Here.

You know what?

I want to see you happy too.

With this we'll buy
the van of your dreams.

Start your company.
Bring your brothers to Spain, Ayoub.

Ah, I cannot accept.

Besides, van 3000 euros.
Ring not enough.

Ayoub, honey. With this ring we can
buy four vans like the one in the ad.

Don't you see the "rock" on it?

Ring 12,000 euros?

You can't imagine
how often I was about

to pawn it, then regretted it.

But this time I'm doing it.

I can't accept.
Ring is memento of your mother.

My mother would agree.
I have no doubt.

You speak from the heart.
Like in tribe.

"Akagoro cototo".

"Molunda sindeio".

What's wrong, Ayoub?

Men don't cry.
Shame for tribe.

Shame about what?
Crying is beautiful, Ayoub.

I go to bathroom and be right back.

What does "conguito" have that
we don't, "Tarzana"?

"Ayul"!

"Ayul"!

"Ayul"!

Fuck him.

Rayito!

What the hell do you want?

- Sorry. Is this yours?
- Is what mine?

You bet it is.
You have no idea.

- It's mine, goddamn it.
- How much do you want for it?

120,000.

That is, 120,000.

That car.

And that nitwit hat you've got.
And I'll giftwrap it for you.

Don't wrap it for me.
I'll take it as it is.

I'll give you a check right now.

Hold this for me, please.

120,000, right?

120,000.

Oh, Benito!

- Benito!
- Tell me, my love.

- Take me to the Caribbean.
- The Caribbean?

Yes.

I'll take you, wherever you say.

Really?

But first... we're going to
finish what we've started.

THE EXCUSE

Where's my Benito?

- Excuse me?
- Benito Pellicer García. Look it up.

Ah, here he is. In 322.

He said he's not to be disturbed.
He's with his wife.

Yes, his wife. Sure.

The bird is early.
Warn the lovebirds.

Copy that.

- We have to go.
- What?

OUT OF ORDER

Benito, you've left me "midway".

Forget that now.
Do you what we're in for?

Hello, Benito. What a surprise!

Weren't you on a business trip
in London?

- Honey, what are you doing here?
- I wanted to meet this Englishman

you were meeting, though it's probably
this slut you've been screwing.

I can explain. This is Commander Navas,
from the Secret Service.

I'm working with them
on a special mission.

I have to identify the boss
of a Mafia gang

trafficking in girls.
Only I know what he looks like.

Here's all the papers to prove it.

Slap me again if you don't believe me.

- Explain it to her, Commander.
- Sure, explain it, honey.

You shouldn't be here, madam.
It's very dangerous.

Dangerous?
Dangerous for you, you whore!

Fire!

Fire!

It's him, with the briefcase.

Stop, police!

- Don't let him get away!
- Don't move!

The Chinese guy, he's getting away.

Fuck.

- What a girl, eh?
- She's my girlfriend.

We've been together for 6 years.
I trust in your discretion.

Congratulations, Commander. And you.

I'd like to have men
of your caliber in my unit.

Thank you, Captain.
But my wife has suffered enough.

Benito, I'm so sorry I doubted you.

No, honey, naturally
you were suspicious.

The Secret Service obliged me
to maintain silence.

I couldn't tell anyone.
Not even you.

My own wife.

It's been horrible.

Yes?

Of course. Mr. Pellicer,
they wish to congratulate you.

Hello?

Yes, Minister, yes.

No, anyone would've done the same.

What's that?

Twenty?

Thank you, Minister.
No, thank you.

Thank you very much, Minister.

- They're freed 20 girls!
- Great!

Unfortunately, there are still
40 more, whereabouts unknown.

We have to finish the job.

Your testimony, Mr. Pellicer,
will be essential

at the Interpol meeting
next week in Cancún,

and which I will attend in person.

Cancún! Cancún, Benito!

We've always wanted
to go to Cancún.

Your husband must go alone.

We can't guarantee the safety
of companions.

If my wife's not going...

neither am I.

No way, my love.
You have to go. It's your duty.

You have to do it, Benito.
Go to Cancún...

with the commander.

You have to finish
what you've left half-done.

And your wife bought it?
Come on, don't shit me.

For sure she bought it.
Now I'm her superhero.

I go out and come home
when I feel like it...

and with no explanation.

Give me two.

Why did you wife turn up?
Who told her?

The company took care of it all.

The made an anonymous call,
all very believable.

Really, these guys are incredible.

But who are they?
Where are they from?

The Excuse, PLC.

You're shitting me.
That's what the fuckers are called?

They're professionals,
very well known in Madrid.

They set up anything for you.

You go "clink, clink, clink",
and they do the set-up.

And they do it all in two days.

You have to give me the contact.

Maybe I can find a good excuse

to not go mother-in-law's
on New Year's Eve.

5000.

I'm out.

I see you.

Your 5000...

...and 15,000 more.

Your 15,000...

It's got six months.

One week. Metallic blue.
With all the extras.

- Full house, jacks and tens.
- Fuck.

Keep it.

Impossible, José María,
it must be a mistake.

I don't understand why
the check bounced.

No, no. I'll call them right now
and they'll find out, eh?

No, and if not...
Hold on, José María,

you're holding up production...

You've already spoken to them?

Alright, alright, José María,
I'll handle it.

Take no notice of them.
My sisters have no frikkin' idea

about bills or banks.

They don't know their ass
from a hole in the ground.

They're work lunches.

If you want, I'll pay
out of my own pocket.

Some days you eat seven times
and the books don't balance, Alipio.

The books don't balance...
When did you do

a course in accounting?
I've never heard that.

- There are movements...
- Oh, movements!

...in the bank accounts...

...that we don't know where they go
or what they're for.

And with the company card
you took out 500 euros.

Oh, 500 euros.
500 euros is the problem?

Here, the 500 euros.

A day, Alipio. 500 euros a day,
for the last three years.

On Sundays too.

It's not that we're suspicious, but...

neither Clara nor I have endorsed
this latest loan.

But if you look closely...

here are our signatures,
which aren't ours, of course.

I've copied your signatures before
to save you from the paperwork.

We talked about that.
Don't play dumb now.

Years ago you said

you were copying them
for a video club card.

But this loan is for
a million and a half.

It's different.

We found out because of
the notice of levy...

...on the flat Dad left us, Alipio.

Alright... You're not questioning

my ability to manage the company?

Because I do everything,
so it'd be pretty funny.

Without me, I don't know
where you two would be.

Wandering around Los Monegros.

Los Monegros, no,
but Granada maybe, we don't know it...

Yes, like you'd hitchhike to Granada...

Alipio, stop this hitchhiking rubbish.

This is serious.
It's the bank that's suspicious.

- Very suspicious.
- They've requested an audit.

The manager says we have to
file for bankruptcy.

With the wonderful reputation
Dad earned here in Zaragoza.

- If he saw what you've done, Alipio.
- That's enough about Dad!

It's like Dad did everything.
What about me?

This factory achieved excellence
and made a huge leap...

Look, look...

Thanks to my invention of the musical
shoe.

Which it seems you've forgotten.

Well, yes, that was
an excellent idea.

- The only one you've had.
- We've sold it to half the world,

and I got nothing for it.
Let's get it all out here, eh?

Let's get it all out.

Well, nothing...

You gave yourself a bonus
of 400,000 euros.

Without consulting us.
We found it here.

And the company bought you
a 90,000-euro Mercedes.

When you know that
Dad was a Citröen man.

We've talked to a lawyer.

He says you're going to jail.

But we told him we wanted
to talk to you first.

Before doing anything.
In case it was a misunderstanding

and you wanted to give us
an explanation.

THE EXCUSE, PLC

There is one.

There is one.

There's an explanation,
of course there is.

Then go ahead.

No, no, no, no...
not now, not now.

It's not that easy. Hello!

No, things have to be done right,

the documentation has to be gathered
and well...

down to the last detail.
No, no. It's complicated.

It's... it's complicated.

Alright, alright... Look...

Give me a couple of weeks

- and I'll tell you everything.
- Tomorrow's better, Margarita's coming.

Margarita? What's Margarita
got to do with all this?

We've kept her up to date.
She wants to hear your version.

She has the right.
She's as much a sister as we are.

In fact, Dad designated her
to run the company.

- But since you incapacitated her.
- You know very well why I did it.

Yes, in order to not shell out
the 350,000 euros

that Dad left expressly for her.

- You haven't touched that money?
- No! What do you take me for?

You'd better have a good explanation.

With us you've always done
what you wanted.

But Margarita's very headstrong.
And she's got it in for you.

And you know it.

She really does.

She really does.

Next station, Madrid.
Puerta de Atocha. End of the line.

THE EXCUSE, PLC

Then you can do something?

If you have the money
I mentioned on the telephone,

we can do this and more.

It's a hefty sum.

I have to set in motion a huge team

of scriptwriters, actors, psychologists,
stuntpeople, forgers...

and we only work with the best.

Will you have this whole team
available overnight

- and in Zaragoza?
- We haven't much time, that's true.

What guarantee do I have that...?

I understand, Alipio.

And there's no problem.
I've thought of something.

Give back the 3 million euros
to your sisters

and if you don't have it,
as you said,

eight years in jail go by quickly,

especially if your cellmate
is affectionate.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have other matters...

No, no, no, no.

But first...

- I want to know the details.
- A wise decision.

I like you, Alipio.
I would've done the same thing.

Smile!

Thank you.

Now, please fill in these forms.

I need to know your family history
to the last detail.

Everything.

From here you go to the hotel,
we've already made the reservation.

And don't move from there
until we get in touch with you.

Mascotín's flexible fingers
stimulate your pet's sebaceous glands,

making its hair shiny, bright and silky,

eliminating dirt and loose hair.
Let your pet choose

between enduring those brushes
and the comforting...

Yes?

Go to the inn on your right.

You'll see a nightclub
on the other side of the road.

It has a luminous red sign.

We'll wait there, don't be late.

I'll be right there.

This is the plan. Listen carefully.

You meet your sisters
in a restaurant.

Precisely this one.

Waiters, customers...
they all work for us.

The story you'll tell them is simple.

Your father had a secret child
on one of his trips to India.

My father, a secret child?

But on his death bed,
he asked you, his only male child,

to take care of him without anyone
in the family finding out.

That's the origin of everything.

My father founded the Holy Brotherhood
of the Most Chaste Virgin.

Exactly. A good reason
to avoid scandal.

But the boy had a rare disease.

Anemotaxis cerebelosa
of the lympho-vascular system.

It's terrible. There's only one
specialist team in the world

and it's in the United States.

The operations in Houston
were extremely expensive

and you were forced to divert funds
from the company in secret.

Here are medical reports and bills
from the hospital in recent years.

The expenses came
to almost two million dollars.

At the next table will be a former doctor

at the clinic
where the boy was operated on.

An old American doctor,
now retired and living in Spain.

He has white hair.

When you mention the disease...

Anemotaxis cerebelosa...
I wrote it down. Learn it.

The doctor will approach your table
and greet you, amazed.

He'll corroborate the story
and even have an old report on him,

so there'll be no doubt.

- I don't know if Margarita...
- Be in no doubt.

Margarita will believe every last word.

Maybe, but she'll never forgive me
for what I did to her.

She will when she finds out
that you incapacitated her

because your father demanded it.

If she'd run the company,
they would've found out about the boy.

And along with her... everyone.

But in exchange you created
the Margarita Foundation

in honor of your beloved sister.

A foundation that has saved
the lives of thousands of children

who idolize your sister
without her even knowing.

We've created a web page
for your sisters to enter and check.

The Facebook page
of the Margarita Foundation

now has over three million followers.

Among them are the Pope
and Michelle Obama.

- Michelle Obama?
- Her husband in Honorary President.

- My husband?
- No. Michelle Obama's.

We've planned the appearance
of orphans adopted by the Foundation.

You brought them from India
to meet your sister.

They'll give her flowers
and sing her a song.

This will break Margarita's heart.

They're rehearsing right now.

Margarita, Margarita,

we offer you our hearts.

Margarita, Margarita,

you're the queen of our Foundation.

Just bang the table twice.

This will be the signal for
the children to appear by surprise

- and begin their work.
- You do this...

And the children will appear.

All this is amazing.

But Margarita won't believe that
her father wanted to incapacitate her.

She was his favorite...

from afar.

She will if her own father
admits to it.

In these letters her father admits
to it all in his own handwriting.

He begs you to keep quiet
about the boy

and incapacitate Margarita
for the good of the family.

We were able to forge them,
but it's not necessary.

Put them on the table
and explain to your sisters

that your father earnestly begged you
that no one, absolutely no one,

was ever to read them.
Your sisters will never dare open them.

- Or touch them.
- You don't know Margarita.

If your sisters try to read the letters

or anything goes haywire,
something quite impossible,

- Plan B will be set in motion.
- Plan B?

That's the signal. There'll be
an explosion in the kitchen.

The waiters yell "Fire!"

And a cook in flames runs past.
It'll all fill with fire and smoke.

- And what's that for?
- It's a decoy.

Firefighters will immediately enter
and take everyone outside.

The letters and other evidence
will burn and disappear forever.

Have you finished reading it?

You people are awesome.

I see now that you have it
all under control.

We're only missing one detail.

The 350,000.

I need to smoke.

- If something goes wrong...
- It's never happened.

But in the unlikely case
that it happens,

you'd get twice the amount
that you just gave us.

- That wouldn't solve my problem.
- For that there's the "Venice Insurance".

- The "Venice Insurance"?
- Didn't my mother tell you?

It guarantees your immediate extraction

and a new life wherever you want.
Leaving no trace.

No one would ever hear
of Alipio Romero again.

It's separate insurance,
but one we always recommend.

Mr. Romero, we've been in
this sector for over 30 years.

We've managed to get
highly intelligent people

to believe things that
even you wouldn't believe.

Imagine what we'll be able to make your
sister Margarita believe, and she's a...

a champion.

What the hell are you telling us?

What is this shit
about Dad's secret son?

What is this shit?

As well as a thief,
you've become a dickhead.

Not only are you going to jail,

you're going to go with
four mighty whacks.

Oh, yeah?

Very well.

Here are the hospital bills.

With all the surgical operations.

In Houston, eh? In Houston.

Look.

Bills for what, Alipio?

The boy had a rare disease.

Anemotaxis cerebelosa
of the lympho-vascular system.

What?

What's that, then?

That, unfortunately,

is a name I've had to learn
from memory,

Anemotaxis cerebelosa
of the lympho-vascular system.

Anemotaxis cerebelosa
of the lympho...!

Excuse me,
I don't want to bother you,

but I couldn't help hearing.
You're the Romero family, aren't you?

Yes, indeed, sir.
But... you speak Spanish so well.

Oh, thank you so much.
You're not so bad yourself.

I just wanted to say hello
to an ex-student.

Margarita, do you remember me?

Fuck! Eduardo, the Snowflake.
He was my teacher.

Yes! I was her design teacher at school.

She's the best student
I've ever had, ever.

Remember, Margarita,
the musical shoes

you came up with for
the enterprise workshop?

One of your genius ideas!
Look, I'm wearing them.

They're awesome!
Now all the brands make them,

but in its day, it was a revolution.
You've registered them, no?

Wow, the Adidas people
must be kicking themselves.

Well, no. My brother patented them
in his name

and told me the paperwork was a pain.

Hey...

Don't you realize

we're in a family meeting?

Of course. Of course.

Enjoy your meal.

And it's a pleasure to see
such a united family.

Alipio, it wasn't your idea?

The only one he had
and it wasn't his.

Alright, alright... Let's see...

The profits from the musical shoes
went to the Margarita Foundation.

Because it's named after her.
It has her name. Margarita.

And not mine.

Isn't it beautiful... on my part?

What are you talking about, Alipio?

I'm talking about how
Margarita, without know it,

has saved the lives of
thousands of kids.

Look, let's do this,

because a picture is worth
a thousand words.

Let's go on the web page.

That's it. Now you'll see.

There's no signal.

Please, can you give me
the WiFi password?

We don't have Wifi, sir.

Look, Alipio, give us back
every euro you took from the company

and fucking give me what's mine,

or you're going to spend
five to eight years in the can!

And with five good whacks!

The four from before
plus one I'm thinking of right now.

Fine. Maybe you'll eat your words
when you meet the kids.

The weird things you do, Alipio.

Just so you know,
we'll visit you in prison.

Sure, me too.
But to laugh my ass off.

Okay. Okay.

Don't believe me if you don't want to.

But at least...

believe our father.
Hey, get off.

Here, in his handwriting,
is everything I've told you.

About the secret son.

His request to me that
I incapacitate you.

He never would've wanted you
to read them, ever.

But sure...

if you want to violate
the last wish of your father...

If you want to defile his memory...

If you want him to turn in his grave...

What goddamn grave?
We cremated Dad, you dickhead.

What is this shit?

On the floor!

What is this tomfoolery, Alipio?

Please, how embarrassing. My God.

You're drunk or on drugs, Alipio.
Don't tell us you're not.

What is all this, Alipio?

This is a con.

That's what it is.

A fucking con.

- A goddamn swindle!
- Exactly.

There are no firemen here,

or a doctor from Houston,
this man's from Calatayud,

no children from India,

no Wifi... no explosion...

nor is there a goddamn cook on fire!

The bream?

Where are they?

The aluminum guys went down
to the bar for a bite.

Not me, I like to bring
a snack from home.

No! The fucking "Excuse", people!
Where the fucking "Excuse" people?

They're on the floor below.
This is the 25th floor.

I got you, smartass!

My dear Alipio. This is great!
I was just about to call you.

Well, I've come.

We weren't able to warn you,
but I can explain everything.

Let her go, you jackass!

- Are you alright, Mom?
- Yes, I'm fine.

- Shall I tell Ryan?
- No, there's no need.

Leave me alone for a moment
with Mr. Romero.

- You goddamn bitch!
- Let me explain what happened.

- You've ruined my life.
- I want you to listen.

I don't want your explanations.
I want my money.

Of course.
But first, listen to me.

I won't take long. Sit down.

You see...

This morning I looked in the mirror,
as I do every day,

and for the first time
I didn't like what I saw.

The image in the mirror wasn't me.

I didn't recognize myself.

I've spent my life deceiving,

living off lies,

creating infallible excuses for others.

And today I was the one
who had no excuse

to justify what I have become.

A fraud.

Yes, yes, yes, Alipio.

- A genuine and monumental fraud.
- Exactly.

I've duped hundreds of people

who always come to us desperate,

looking for an excuse to justify
the unjustifiable.

So that we create a lie for them
in exchange for their money.

They believe everything we say
because they need to believe us.

They need to grab a burning nail
to free themselves of their torture.

You'd be surprised, Alipio,
how easy it is to fool people.

You, for example, Alipio.

Who'd ever think
that we'd plant a bomb

in a restaurant
in downtown Zaragoza?

And the cook in flames,
and the firemen...

and the Indian children singing...

For God's sake, Alipio!
For God's sake!

And your father, a holy man,
with a son left hanging...

Well, that's what you sold me on.

No, no, let's get serious.

Suppose your sisters
had bought the whole show.

What good would it have done you?

Do you really think you'd be
free of your responsibilities?

Don't you see that sooner or later
the truth would've come to light?

The next day, the banks
would've resumed the attack,

the books still wouldn't balance,

the little brother and the Foundation
would still not exist.

In short, all of your lies would
be uncovered, one after the other.

It's always the same.

And to your lamentable situation,

you'd have to add to the embarrassment
of blatantly lying,

making a fool of yourself

and losing your 350,000 euros,
which is no mere trifle.

So, what excuse would you give them?

What excuse would you give
to yourself?

No, no. Tell me.
Tell me.

No, no, I'll tell you.

You would've come back and we
would've tricked you again. Or not?

Yes.

I could give you
a thousand excuses for

why we weren't at the restaurant
in Zaragoza this morning.

And you, my dear Alipio,
would believe them all.

Because I'm the best.

But I don't want to.
I want no more lies today. Not now.

I've filled the quota.

I won't waste any more of your time.
A pleasure to meet you.

All that's left to resolve
is the other matter.

You mentioned it yourself before...

- The money?
- Yes.

Oh, it slipped my mind.

- Yes.
- I have it ready here.

Your 350,000. Another 350,000
as we'd agreed.

And, if you'll allow me,
my dear Alipio,

some more for the bother
we've cause you.

No, no, apologize!

I came in here and went ballistic.
That's no way to behave.

- Now comes the best part.
- Really?

You can change your life.
Right now.

Purge all those lies.

Try to repair all the damage
you've done all these years

and become a new man.

- It's in your hands.
- Oh, really?

How?

I could send this money
to our headquarters in India.

And really create
this foundation we made up.

Why not create it?

Why not save the lives of
thousands of suffering children?

Why not give them a real home?

I... don't know...

And why not put your name on it?

Alipio Foundation.

How wonderful!

Your sisters and all Zaragoza
would be proud of you.

Think it over, Alipio.
Think it over well.

Yes, I will think it over.

It's not a bad idea,
not bad at all.

Count it if you don't trust me.

No... No...

What I will do is put it all
in one envelope.

Fire!

Fire! Fire!

Fire!

Venice Insurance, Alipio!
Extraction in gondola!

- The girl told you.
- I did, Mom, but he ignored me.

Alipio, Alipio,

we offer you our hearts.

Alipio, Alipio,

you're the king of our Foundation.

Alipio, Alipio,

we offer you our hearts.

Alipio, Alipio,

you're the king of our Foundation.

The End!

- Hello!
- Going to Granada, you cuties?

No, the opposite way, to Alicante.

A shame, eh? You don't see
such cute guys very often.

- Thanks! Good luck, girls!
- Wait, wait, wait, Roberto!

- Maybe there is a solution.
- Yes, yes.

We go back to Madrid,
which is only 100km,

take the A4 and head for Granada...

We leave this guy in Toledo
at my mother's house,

and on the way back,
pick him up and we'll see.

Okay. You don't mind, really?

- What?
- A change of plans.

Brilliant.

- Where are you going?
- The beach at Gandía, but no rush.

What's the doggie's name?

- Tommy.
- Tommy?

Yes. Tommy, Tommy.

Here, Tommy.
Tommy's so nice!

Akagoro Kototo.

It's not the van you wanted,
but you have to start somewhere, right?

Get in... Ayoub.

15,000.

Your 15,000...

and 15 more.

Your 30...

and 30 more.

350,000.

Which is your 60
and 290 more.

I'm out.

Me too.

Call!

Four Jacks!

Fire!

- Monchito!
- Yes, Daddy?

Do you want to drive?

UNFORTUNATE STORIES