His Girl Friday (1940) - full transcript

(chattering)

MAN: Wait a minute. Copyboy!

- Make it snappy and hurry back.
- Where's the rest of this story?

- Morning Post.
- Morning Post.

- City desk? Just a moment. I'll connect you.
- Just a moment, please.

If anybody asks for me,
I'm down at the courthouse.

- Morning Post.
- Elevator! Going down!

- Hello, Hildy.
- Oh, hi, Skinny.

- Hello, Ruth. Hello, Maisie.
- Hello, Hildy!

- Tell me, is the lord of the universe in?
- Yes, he's in.

- In a bad humor.
- Somebody must have stolen the crown jewels.



- Shall we announce you?
- Oh, no, no, I'll blow my own horn.

He's in, Bruce. You'd better wait here.
I'll be back in ten minutes.

Even ten minutes is a long time
to be away from you.

- What did you say?
- Huh?

- Well -
- Go on.

- Uh - (chuckles)
- Well, go ahead.

I just said even ten minutes
is a long time to be away from you.

I heard you the first time. I like it.
That's why I asked you to say it again.

I can stand being spoiled a little. The gentleman
I'm going in to see did very little spoiling.

I'd like to spoil him just once.
Sure you don't want me to go in with you?

- No, I can handle it.
- If things get rough, remember I'm here.

I'll come a-runnin', partner.

- Well, hello, Jim.
- Well, hello, Hildy.

- How are you?
- Hi, Hildy! Welcome back!



- Hello, Hildy. How ya been?
- Hi, Hildy.

Oh, hello, Beatrice.
How's “Advice to the Lovelorn”?

- Fine. My cat just had kittens again.
- It's your own fault.

- Hello, Hildy. Glad to see you back.
- Glad to see you.

- Hi, Tim. Mildred, he still around?
- Oh, hello, Hildy.

- (buzzing)
- MAN: A little more around the chin, boss.

- What do ya want?
- Your ex-wife is here. Do you want to see her?

Well... Well, hello, Hildy.

- Hello, Walter.
- Hi, Hildy.

Oh, hello, Louie.
How's the fixed slot machine king?

Oh, I ain't doin' that no more.
I'm retired. Ya know what I mean?

- Say, Walter - Hello, Hildy.
- I'm busy, Duffy.

- Get going. I'm busy.
- I thought you ought to know

- the governor didn't sign that reprieve.
- What?

Tomorrow morning Earl Williams dies
and makes a sucker out of us.

- Well, what are you gonna do?
- Get the governor on the phone.

- I can't.
- Why not?

- Can't locate him. He's out fishing.
- How many places to fish are there?

At least two - the Atlantic and Pacific.

- All right. That simplifies it, doesn't it?
- Oh, yeah.

- Get him on the phone.
- And tell him what?

HILDY: Quiet, Duffy, he's thinking.

Tell him if he'll reprieve Earl Williams,
we'll support him for senator.

- What? - The Morning Post will be
behind him hook, line and sinker.

- You can't do that!
- Why not?

Because we've been a Democratic paper
for over 20 years.

All right, after we get the reprieve,
we'll be Democratic again.

- Oh, Walter-
- Go on, Duffy! Get going!

Remember, the Morning Post
expects every city editor to do his duty.

- You too, Louie. Get outta here.
- Okay, boss.

- (Hildy chuckles)
- WALTER: Mmm.

Well, Walter, I see you're still at it.

Yeah. First time I ever double-crossed
a governor. What can I do for you?

Would you mind if I sat down?

There's been a lamp burning
in the window for you, honey. Here.

Oh, I jumped out that window
a long time ago, Walter.

(Walter chuckles)

Oh, may I have one of those?

Thank you.

And a match.

Thank you.

- Well, well, how long is it?
- How long is what?

You know what.
How long is it since we've seen each other?

Oh, well, let's see.

I spent six weeks in Reno, then Bermuda -

Oh, about four months, I guess.
Seems like yesterday to me.

Maybe it was yesterday, Hildy.

Been seeing me in your dreams?

No, no, Mama doesn't dream
about you anymore.

- You wouldn't know the old girl now.
- Ah, yes, I would.

- I'd know you anytime, anyplace -
- Anyplace, anywhere.

You're repeating yourself, Walter. That's
the speech you made the night you proposed.

- I notice you still remember it.
- Of course I remember it.

If I didn't, I wouldn't have divorced you.

- Sort of wish you hadn't done that, Hildy.
- Done what?

Divorced me.
It makes a fellow lose all faith in himself.

Gives him a - almost gives him
a feeling he wasn't wanted.

Oh, now look, Junior,
that's what divorces are for.

Nonsense.
You've got an old-fashioned idea

divorce is something that lasts forever,
till death do us part.

Why, divorce doesn't mean anything
nowadays, Hildy.

Just a few words mumbled over you
by a judge.

We've got something between us
nothing can change.

- Mmm, well, I suppose you're right in a way.
- Sure, I'm right.

- I am fond of you, you know.
- That-a-girl.

- I often wish you weren't such a stinker.
- Eh

Latin, I suppose. You must meet my mother.
She'd like that phrase.

Then why did you promise
not to fight the divorce

and do everything you possibly could
to gum up the whole works?

I meant to let you go,
but you know how it is.

You never miss the water
till the well runs dry.

Oh, a big, fat lummox like you
hiring an airplane

to write, “Hildy, don't be hasty.
Remember my dimple. Walter.”

Delayed our divorce 20 minutes
while the judge went out to watch it.

I don't want to brag, but I've still got
the dimple, and in the same place.

Look, Hildy, I only acted like any husband
that didn't want to see his home broken up.

- What home?
- Don't you remember the home I promised you?

Sure, I do. That was the one we were
to have right after the honeymoon.

(laughs) That honeymoon.

Was it my fault? Did I know that coal mine
was gonna have another cave-in?

I intended to be with you
on our honeymoon, Hildy. Honest, I did.

All I know is that instead of two weeks
in Atlantic City with my bridegroom,

I spent two weeks in a coal mine
with John Kruptzky.

- You don't deny that, do you, Walter?
- Deny it? I'm proud of it!

- We beat the whole country on that story.
- Suppose we did?

That isn't what I got married for!

Oh, what is the good of-
Look - Now look, Walter.

What I came up here to tell you

is that you must stop phoning me a dozen
times a day, sending me 20 telegrams -

I write a beautiful telegram, don't I?
Everybody says so.

- Are you going to listen to what I have to say?
- Look, what's the use of fighting, Hildy?

I tell you what -
come back to work on the paper.

If we find we can't get along in
a friendly fashion, we'll get married again.

- What?
- Certainly. I haven't any hard feelings.

Oh, Walter, you're wonderful
in a loathsome sort of way.

Now please be quiet long enough
for me to tell you what I came to say.

- We'll have some lunch -
- I have a lunch date already.

- Well, break it.
- I cannot break it.

- Take your hands off me! What are you
playing, osteopath?
- Temper, temper.

Oh, listen, Walter, you are no longer
my husband and no longer my boss.

- And you're not going to be my boss.
- What's that supposed to mean?

- Just what I say.
- You're not coming back to the paper?

You are right, Mr. Burns,
for the first time today.

- Uh-huh. Got a better offer, huh?
- You bet I've got a better offer.

All right, go on. Take it.
Work for somebody else.

- That's the gratitude I get!
- Stop hamming.

What were you five years ago? A college girl
from a school of journalism. A doll-faced hick!

You wouldn't take me
if I hadn't been doll-faced.

I thought it'd be a novelty - a face around here
a man could look at without shuddering.

- Listen, Walter -
- I made a great reporter out of you, Hildy.

But you won't be half as good
on any other paper. We're a team!

-(imitating auctioneer) - You need me, I
need you, the paper needs both of us!

- Sold, American!
- Oh, all right, go ahead.

- Listen, Walter, please.
- Mm-hmm.

The paper's gonna have to get along
without me. So are you.

Just didn't work out, Walter.

Well, it would've worked out if you'd been
satisfied with just being editor and reporter.

But not you.
You had to marry me, spoil everything.

I wasn't satisfy -

- I suppose I proposed to you?
- Well, you practically did.

Making goo-goo eyes at me for two years
until I broke down. “Oh, Walter.”

I still claim I was tight
the night I proposed.

If you'd have been a gentleman,
you'd have forgotten about it.

- Why, you -
- You're losing your eye.

You used to pitch better than that.

Hello. Yeah. What?

Sweeney? What can I do for you?

What? Wait a minute.
I'm not Sweeney. I'm Duffy.

Listen, Sweeney, you can't do that to me!
Not today of all days!

What's the matter with you?
Are you loony?

Jumping Jehoshaphat!
Now listen, Sweeney, this is no time -

Oh, all right, I suppose so.

Yes, if you have to, you have to.

- He had to.
- Everything happens to me.

365 days in the year,
and this has to be the day.

- What's the matter, Walter?
- Sweeney.

- Dead?
- He might just as well be.

The only man on the paper that can write,
and he picks today to have a baby!

He didn't do it on purpose, did he?

I don't care! He's supposed to be covering
the Earl Williams case. And where is he?

Walking up and down in a hospital.
ls there no sense of honor in this country?

- Haven't you got anybody else?
- No.

No, there's nobody else
on the paper that can write.

This will break me.

Unless - Hildy.

- No. Not a chance. Don't bother me.
- You gotta help me just this once.

- Get outta here, Duffy. I'm busy! Now look -
- Save your breath.

This will bring us back together,
the way we used to be.

That's what I'm afraid of-
“Anytime, anyplace, anywhere!”

This is bigger than anything that ever happened
to us! Don't do it for me. Do it for the paper.

- Scram, Svengali.
- If you won't do it for love, how about money?

Forget the other offer.
I'll raise you 25 bucks a week.

- Listen to me, you bumble-headed baboon.
- Thirty-five bucks and not a cent more.

- Walter, are you gonna listen?
- Good grief!

- How much is that other paper gonna pay you?
- There isn't any other paper.

Oh. Well, in that case, the raise is off.
You go back to your old salary.

- Trying to blackjack me -
- I want to show you something.

- I'm busy.
- It's a ring. Take a good look.

You know what it is?
It's an engagement ring.

Engagement ring?

Uh-huh.

I tried to tell you right away,
but you would start reminiscing.

I'm getting married, Walter,

and I'm also getting as far away
from the newspaper business as I can get.

- What?
- (chuckles) I am through.

Get married all you want,
but you can't quit the newspaper business.

- Oh, why not?
- I know what quitting would mean to you.

- What would it mean?
- It would kill you!

- You can't sell me that, Walter Burns.
- Who says I can't?

- You're a newspaperman.
- That's why I'm quitting.

- I want to go where I can be a woman.
- You mean be a traitor.

- A traitor to what?
- A traitor to journalism.

- You're a journalist, Hildy!
- A journalist? Now, what does that mean?

Peeking through keyholes?
Chasing after fire engines?

Waking people up to ask them
if Hitler's gonna start another war?

Stealing pictures off old ladies?

I know all about reporters, Walter.

A lot of daffy buttinskies running around
without a nickel in their pockets

so a million hired girls and motormen's wives
will know what's going on.

Why, I -

Oh, what's the use?

Walter, you wouldn't know what it means
to... well, to want to be respectable

and live a halfway normal life.

The point is, I - I'm through.

Where'd you meet this man?

- Bermuda.
- Rich, huh?

He's not what you call rich.
Makes about 5,000 a year.

- What's his line?
- He's in the insurance business.

- Insurance business?
- Uh-huh.

- That's a good, honest business, isn't it?
- Oh, certainly, it's honest.

It's also adventurous. It's romantic.

Listen, Hildy, I can't picture you
being surrounded by policies.

Well, I can, and I like it, what's more.

Besides, he forgets the office
when he's with me.

He doesn't treat me like an errand boy either.
He treats me like a woman.

He does, does he? Mm-hmm.
How did I treat you? Like a water buffalo?

I don't know from water buffaloes,
but I do know about him.

- He's kind and sweet and considerate.
- (mocking, high-pitched) Mm-hmm.

- He wants a home and children.
- (chuckles)

Sounds more like a guy I ought to marry.
What's his name?

Uh, Baldwin. Bruce Baldwin.

Baldwin, Baldwin.
Oh, I knew a Baldwin once.

A horse thief in Mississippi.
Couldn't be the same fellow, could it?

You're now talking about the man
I'm marrying tomorrow.

Tomorrow? As soon as that?

Mm-hmm.

Well, at last I got out
what I came up here to tell you.

Guess there isn't any more to the story.

- So long, Walter.
- So long, Hildy.

- And better luck to you next time.
- Thanks.

- Oh, Hildy.
- Huh?

Uh... well, you kind of took
the wind out of my sails.

Look, honey, I just want to wish you
everything I couldn't give you.

Thank you, Walter.

This other fellow - Well, I'm sorry
I didn't get a chance to see him.

I'm more or less particular
about whom my wife marries.

- Where is he?
- He's right on the job, waiting for me out there.

Oh. Do you mind if I meet him?

Oh, no, Walter.
It wouldn't do any good, really.

- You're not afraid, are you?
- Afraid? Of course not.

Well, then, come on.
Let's see this paragon.

- Is he as good as you say?
- Why, he's better.

- Then what does he want with you?
- Oh, now you got me.

Back in an hour, Mildred.

Oh! Oh, I am sorry, Hildy.

- I suppose Bruce - What's his name?
- Baldwin.

- I suppose he opens doors for you.
- He does.

- When he's with a lady, he takes his hat off.
- Oh, I am sorry.

And when he walks with a lady,
he waits for her.

Oh, well, in that case -

Allow me.

Well, I can see right away my wife
picked out the right husband for herself.

- How do you do, sir?
- Must be some mistake. I'm already married.

Already married? (clicks tongue)

Oh, Hildy, you should've told me.
Congratulations again, Mr. Baldwin.

- No, my name is -
- Mr. Burns.

Excuse me. I'm terribly busy.
Just leave your card. What did you say?

- Mr. Burns. Mr. Burns.
- My name is -

Some other time.
I'm busy with Mr. Bruce Baldwin here.

- I didn't hear what you said.
- I was going to say that my name -

- Look, what is it with you?
- I'm Bruce Baldwin.

- Oh, you're Bruce Baldwin.
- Yes.

- Well, who is he? Who are you?
- My name's Pete Davis.

- Mr. Davis, is this any concern of yours?
- No.

From now on I'll thank you
to keep your nose out of my affairs.

And don't let it happen again.

Mr. Baldwin, I'm sorry about this mistake.
This is indeed a pleasure.

Oh, that's wrong, isn't it?

Well, Bruce -
You don't mind if I call you Bruce?

- After all, we're practically related.
- No, not at all.

You see, my wife -
That is, your wife - I mean, Hildy -

Hildy, you led me to expect
you were marrying a much older man.

Oh, really? What did I say
that led you to expect such -

Don't worry about it.
I realize you didn't mean old in years.

(chuckles)

- You always carry an umbrella, Bruce?
- Well, it looked a little cloudy this morning.

That's right. Rubbers too, I hope.

Attaboy. A man ought to be prepared
for any emergency.

- I think we'd better be running along.
- Yes, we'd better be going.

- Where are we going?
- I'm taking you two to lunch. Didn't you tell him?

- No, she didn't.
- I guess she wanted to surprise you.

After you. After you, Hildy.

You're wasting your time.
It won't do a bit of good.

No, I'm glad to do it. Glad to do it.

Well, hello, Gus.

- Don't tell me it's you, Hildy.
- It's none other. How have things been?

- I can't complain.
- I can. I'm hungry.

Get me a roast beef sandwich.
Rare on white - Oh.

- Sorry.
- On white bread. Over there, Bruce.

- You, Hildy?
- I'll have the same, I guess.

- You, sir?
- Yes, that's all right for me.

- Bring some mustard too, Gus.
- Yes, sir.

Ah, Well, Well, Well.

- So, you two are gonna get married, huh?
- (Bruce chuckles)

- Well, how's it feel, Bruce?
- Feels awful good. Yes, sir.

- You're getting a great little girl.
- I realize that.

Things have been different for me ever since
I met Hildy. I've never met anyone like her.

Everybody else I've ever known,

well, you could always tell ahead of time
what they were gonna say or do.

But Hildy's not like that.
You can't tell that about her.

- That's nice.
- Yes. You're getting something else too.

- You're getting a great newspaperman.
- No orchids, Walter.

One of the best I ever knew.
Sorry to see her go. Darn sorry, Hildy.

- I'd like to believe you meant that.
- I do mean it.

If you ever want to come back
to the newspaper business -

Which I won't.

Ah, well, in spite of everything, if I ever do,
there's only one man I'd work for.

- I'd kill you if you ever worked for anybody else.
- Hear that, Bruce? That's my diploma.

It must be quite a business if it's -

- Hildy, are you sure you want to quit?
- What do you mean?

I mean, if there's any doubt about it,
or if there's anything that -

No. This is your chance to have a home
and to be, like you said, a human being.

- And I'm going to make you take that chance.
- Certainly. Why, I wouldn't let her stay.

No, she deserves all this happiness, Bruce,
all the things I couldn't give her.

- Yeah, all she ever wanted was a home.
- I'll certainly try to give her one.

- I know you will. Where you gonna live?
- Albany.

- Albany, huh? Got a family up there?
- Just my mother.

Just your mother, huh? Mmm.
You're gonna live with your mother?

Well, just for the first year.

Oh, well, that will be nice. Yes, yes.

A home with Mother. In Albany too.

Mighty nice town, Albany.
They've got the state capitol there.

Yeah, I know.
We were there once.

Listen, will you ever forget the night
you brought the governor back to the hotel?

You see, I was in taking a bath.
I came walking out without -

(clears throat)

She didn't know I was in town.

Well, uh, Bruce, how is business up there?
Any better?

Well, Albany's
a mighty good insurance town.

- Most people there take it out early in life.
- Yeah, well, I can see why they would.

Statistics show that most of our policies-

You know, I've got a feeling I ought to
have taken out a little insurance.

Course, that really doesn't matter
now that Hildy and I have, uh -

Well, you know, we've, uh - pfft. Does it?
Or does it? What do you think?

Still, it might've been
a good idea if we - if I had.

Well, I honestly feel that way. I figure
I'm in one business that really helps people.

Course, we don't help you much
while you're alive, but afterward.

- That's what counts.
- Sure.

(Hildy's foot bangs against table)

- I don't get it.
- Ouch!

- Nice going.
- I'm so sorry, Gus. My foot must've slipped.

Oh. That's all right.
What would you like to drink?

- Coffee, Gus.
- Shall I put rum in? It's a nasty day.

- Sure.
- Me too, Gus, please.

- And you, sir?
- Not for me, thanks.

- Go on, Bruce.
- No, I have a lot to do this afternoon.

- I have to buy the tickets, check the baggage.
- Do it tomorrow. There's plenty of time.

But we're leaving today at 4:00.
Taking the sleeper for Albany.

Oh. You, uh -

You're leaving today at 4:00, huh?

- Mm-hmm.
- Say, that's only two hours.

- Doesn't give us much time.
- No, and I've got a lot to do -

Look at that! isn't that silly?
All down over my front.

- That's nothing new. Here.
- Never mind. Hey, Gus.

Gus, do something about this, will you?

(whispering) Call me to the telephone
as soon as I get back to the table.

- Sure.
- (normal voice) Thanks, Gus.

That's fine. Thanks, it's fine.

(clears throat) I'm terribly sorry
about that. Silly, wasn't it?

Listen, Bruce, let me get that straight.
I must've misunderstood you.

You're taking the sleeper today
and then getting married tomorrow?

- Oh, well, it's not like that.
- Well, what is it like?

Oh, poor Walter.
He'll toss and turn all night.

Perhaps we'd better tell him
Mother's coming along too.

- Mother? Your mother kicked the bucket -
- No, my mother. My mother.

Oh, your m -
Well, that relieves my mind.

It was cruel of us
to let you suffer that way.

Isn't Walter sweet?
Always wanting to protect me.

Well, I admit I wasn't much of a husband.
But you can always count on me, Hildy.

I don't think she'll need you, Mr. Burns.
I aim to do most of the protecting myself.

Mr. Burns, telephone.

- For me?
- Yes, sir.

That's strange. Uh, pardon me.

Hildy, he's not such a bad fellow.

No. He should make some girl real happy.

- Mm-hmm.
- (whispering) Slaphappy.

He's not the man for you. I can see that.
But I sort of like him.

He's got a lot of charm.

Well, he comes by it naturally.
His grandfather was a snake.

Hello? Hello? Hey, Duffy, listen.

Is there any way we can stop the 4:00 train
to Albany from leaving town?

- We might dynamite it.
- Could we?

Oh, well, maybe we couldn't.
All right, now get this.

Get ahold of Sweeney and send him
out of town on a two-weeks vacation.

All right, keep your shirt on.
Hildy's coming back.

She doesn't know it yet,
but I promise you she's staying here.

Tell Louie to stick around the office.
I may need him. Good-bye.

Thanks, Gus.

- This is bad business.
- What's the matter, Walter?

- Oh, the Earl Williams case.
- I've been reading about that.

- It's pretty bad.
- What is the lowdown on it?

Simple, honey. Poor little dope
who lost his job and went berserk.

Shot a cop who was coming to quiet him down.
They're gonna hang him tomorrow.

- What a shame.
- Your paper -

- You've been taking his side, haven't you?
- Mm-hmm.

If he was out of his mind,
why doesn't the state just put him away?

It happened to be a colored policeman.
You know what that means, Hildy.

Mm-hmm. The colored vote's
very important in this town.

Especially with an election
coming up three or four days.

That mayor, he'd hang
his own grandmother to be reelected.

I should think you could just show
that the man wasn't responsible.

- That's not so easy.
- Mmm, maybe it isn't so hard either.

What do you mean, Hildy?

Don't they have to have another expert
examine him before they hang him?

Sure. A bird named Egelhoffer is gonna do it.
He'll say the same as the rest.

- Suppose he does?
- What's your scheme, Hildy?

Look, you get the interview with Earl Williams,
print Egelhoffer's statement.

And right alongside of it, you know,
double column, run your interview.

Alienist says he's sane.
Interview shows he's goofy.

Hildy, you could do it!
You could save that poor devil's life.

- Uh-uh-uh. No.
- You could - Oh, yeah.

- You're going away. I forgot.
- That's right.

- How long would the interview take?
- An hour. Another to write it. That's all.

We could take the 6:00 train
if it'd save a man's life.

No, Bruce.

If you want to save Earl Williams' life,
you write the interview yourself.

- You're still a good reporter.
- You know I can't write that kind of thing.

- It takes a woman's touch, that heart -
- Don't get poetic.

Get Sweeney. He's the best man
on the paper for that sob-sister stuff.

Poor Sweeney. Duffy just told me
his wife finally had twins. isn't that terrible?

Sweeney went out to celebrate,
and now we can't find him anymore.

So, Sweeney has twins,
Earl Williams gets hanged tomorrow.

- Now, Walter, look -
- You argue with her.

Otherwise you're going on a honeymoon
with blood on your hands.

How can you have happiness after that?

All through the years you'll remember
that a man went to the gallows

because she was too selfish
to wait two hours.

Earl Williams' face will come
between you on the train tonight

and at the preacher's tomorrow
and all the rest of your lives.

- Stop, Walter! The whole place'll hear you.
- Stop what?

- What an act.
- Huh? Huh?

I just remembered Sweeney
was only married four months ago.

(Walter snickers, laughs)

All right, Hildy, you win. I'm licked.

- Then Mrs. Sweeney didn't have twins.
- (Hildy chuckles)

- No, indeed. The twins were Walter's. All his.
- Oh, it was nothing.

Well, let's forget it.
We'll start all over again.

- I'll offer you two a business proposition.
- We're not interested.

- You'll be interested. You're a smart young man.
- Don't listen. I know him from way back.

Excuse me, will you? I'm talking to him.
Now look, Bruce.

Persuade Hildy to do the story and you
can write out a fat insurance policy for me.

Oh, no. I wouldn't use my wife
for business purposes.

Wait a minute, Bruce.

- Walter, how big a policy?
- Oh, $25,000.

- What?
-$50,000.

- What's the commission on a $100,000 policy?
- Around $1,000. But, Hildy -

What's wrong with $1,000?
We could use that money.

- How long would it take to get him examined?
- I could get a doctor here in 20 minutes.

- Well, get him.
- You keep out of this.

All right, Bruce, suppose you have
Mr. Burns examined over in his office

and see what they'll allow
on that old carcass of his.

- Say, I'm better than I ever was.
- It was never anything to brag about.

Now look, Bruce, I'll go back and change.
After you get the check, you phone me.

I'll be in the press room
at the criminal courts building.

Walter, by the way, I think you'd better
make that a certified check.

- What do you think I am, a crook?
- Yes. No certified check, no story. Get me?

- It'll be certified. Want my fingerprints?
- No. I've still got those.

Gus, how much do I owe you?

- Thank you, dear. Oh, Bruce -
- Oh, I'm sorry.

- How much money have you got with you?
- Everything we have - $500.

- Give me the $500.
- I have to buy the tickets.

I'll buy the tickets.
I know what I'm doing.

- He'll get you in a crap game or -
- I don't gamble.

I know a lot of people that never did
anything till they met Walter Burns.

All right, but remember,
it's everything we have.

- I know.
- WALTER: Oh, Bruce.

- You got change of ten?
- I just -

- See what I mean, don't you, Bruce?
- I just gave everything I had to Hildy.

- All I've got left is -
- Come on, Hildy.

- Not me. Sign it.
- Oh, all right.

For the waiter.

-(Bruce laughs)
- Come on, Bruce. Really.

- I'll open for a dime.
- I'm in.

- I'll stay.
- Wilcox 3-400.

-(phone ringing)
- I'm in. Two.

Take that, one of you birds.
You ain't doing anything, Ernie.

- I'll take two.
- And one for the dealer.

What's the matter with you guys?
Crippled or something?

Press room. Huh? Wait a minute.

Hello, Sarge. McCue talking.
Hold the line, will ya.

What? No, I told you this is the press room
in the criminal courts building.

Jake, new lead on the hanging.

This alienist from New York,
Dr. Max J. Egelhoffer-

Egelhoffer. Yeah.

He's going to interview Williams
in about half an hour in the sheriffs office.

Must be about the tenth alienist
they've put on Williams.

If he wasn't crazy before, he would be
by the time ten of those babies got through.

Give me the desk.

- Is this guy Egelhoffer any good?
- Figure it out for yourself.

He's the guy they sent to Washington
to interview the brain trust.

He said they were sane.

- Here's the situation on the eve of the hanging.
- I'll pick up a little fudge.

This is Murphy.
More slop on the hanging.

A double guard has been thrown
around the jail, municipal buildings,

railroad terminals and elevated stations

to prepare for the expected
general uprising of radicals -

- Ready?
-at the hour of execution.

The sheriff has just put
200 more relatives on the payroll

to protect the city from the red army,
which is leaving Moscow in a couple of minutes.

Trouble is, when the real red menace shows,
the sheriff will still be cryin' wolf.

- What do ya got?
- Is that good?

- HILDY: Sure looks good from here.
- Hildy, when did you get back?

- Hi, Ernie.
- Hiya, Hildy. Glad to see ya.

- Where'd you get the hat?
- I paid 12 bucks for that hat.

- Going back to work?
- It's just a farewell appearance.

- I'm going into business for myself.
- What doin'?

- I'm getting married tomorrow.
- What? Again?

- She'll never learn.
- Are we invited to the wedding?

- I might use you for a bridesmaid, Roy.
- Uh-oh.

- How are you, Murphy?
- What are you gettin' married for, Hildy?

- None of your business.
- You ain't foolin' us, are you, Hildy?

Look what I've got in here. Three tickets
to Albany on the 6:00 train tonight.

- What do you mean, three?
- For me and my beau.

- And hats off, boys, his sweet darling mom.
- Oh, that's nice.

- What kind of marriage is that?
- It's gonna be all right. I'm gonna settle down.

I'm through with the newspaper business.

Can you picture Hildy singing lullabies
and hanging out didies?

- Swapping lies over the back fence.
- Sour grapes.

She'll be back soon
as she gets tired of beating rugs.

- I'm not gonna beat any rugs.
-(bell ringing)

Hey, that's Third and Jefferson.
Isn't that where Central School is?

- No school this time of day.
- What do you care? You quit.

Just thought it might be
a good fire, that's all.

-(thuds)
- What's that?

Just practicing for
the Williams party in the morning.

- Gonna miss a nice hanging, Hildy.
- Not interested.

Tell 'em to pipe down.

Hey, keep quiet down there!
How do you expect us to get any work done?

Aw, shut up!

Very little respect
for the press around here.

- Did anybody phone me?
- Not that I know of.

- Say, does Walter know you're gettin' married?
- Just had lunch with him.

- Does he know you're quittin'?
- Yes, I told him. Any more questions?

- Shall I deal you in?
- I haven't got time.

I have to do a yarn on Williams.

Did he know what he was doing
when he fired that gun?

If you ask us, no.
If you ask the state alienist, yes.

- Who is he? What's he do?
- He was a bookkeeper.

He starts at $20 a week and after 14 years
he gradually works himself up to 17.50.

- Got more gum?
- No.

McClosky company goes out of business,
and Williams loses his job.

- Can't get another?
- No.

I'm in.

So he starts hanging around the park,

listening to soapbox spellbinders making
phony speeches and begins to believe 'em.

And makes some of his own.

- Up a dime.
- I'm in.

-(exhales sharply) Anything else, Doc?
- No, that'll be about all, Mr. Burns.

- Everything okay?
- You have nothing to worry about.

Good, good. How you doing, Bruce?

- Uh, there's just one more thing.
- Good day, Mr. Burns, Mr. Baldwin.

- Good-bye, Doc. Thanks very much.
- Good day, Doc.

- Who's the beneficiary?
- Uh, excuse me? Excuse me?

That is, in case of your death,
who do we pay the money to?

Why, Hildy, of course!

Aw, I don't know.
That'd make me feel pretty funny.

Oh, now, why shouldn't I make Hildy
my, uh, whatever it was?

- I feel I should take care of her.
- But you will take care of her, Bruce.

Say, if that doctor's right,
I'm good for a long time, yes?

Look, Bruce,
this is a debt of honor with me.

I was a bad husband to Hildy.

She could've claimed a lot of alimony
if she'd wanted to, but she wouldn't take any.

She had it coming to her,
but she was too independent.

- Well, I'm independent too.
- I know you are, Bruce. I know you are.

But look, you just figure it this way.

I'm good for, well,
we'll say at least 25 years yet.

By that time, you'll probably have made enough
so that the money won't mean anything to you.

But suppose you haven't
made good, Bruce.

What about Hildy's old age? Think of Hildy.

Ah, I can see her now.

White haired. Lavender and old lace.

- Can't you see her, Bruce?
- Yes. Yes, I can.

She's old, isn't she?

Now, Bruce, don't you think
that Hildy's entitled

to spend her last remaining years
without worries of money?

- Of course you do, Bruce.
- Of course, if you put it that way.

WALTER: And remember, I love her too.

Yes, I'm beginning to realize that.

And the beauty of it is, she'll never
have to know until I've passed on.

WALTER:
Oh, well, maybe she'll think kindly of me

after I'm gone.

Gee.

(blowing nose)

You make me feel like a heel
comin' between ya.

No, Bruce, you didn't come between us.

It was all over for her before you
came on the scene. For me -

- Hey, Walter.
- It'll never be. What do you want?

Can I see you a minute, please?

Excuse me, Bruce.

- Did you get it?
- Yeah.

- Where is it? Come on.
- There.

- Certified?
- Sure. But, Walter, that's for $2,500.

- Bruce, here we are, certified and everything.
- Certified.

Gosh, I'm afraid Hildy will feel ashamed
to think she hasn't trusted you.

- But she'll know someday.
- Ah, yes.

Bruce, you promised to phone her
as soon as you got the check.

Oh, yes, yes. Of course.

Get me Hildy Johnson, press room,
criminal courts building.

- Sit down. The operator will get her for you.
- Thank you.

- Excuse me, will you?
- Yes.

Hello? Yes, I'll wait. Thank you.

(ringing)

Start hollerin'.

- Hildegarde.
- Thank you.

Hildy Johnson speaking. Oh, hello, Bruce.

- I've got a dime left.
- We've been playing for an hour!

Take it easy, will you?

Hello, Bruce.
Did you get the check? Is it certified?

Certified and everything.
I have it right in my pocket.

Oh, in your pocket. That's fine.

Wait. Maybe it isn't so fine.
Bruce, where are you?

- I'm in Mr. Burns' office.
- Is he there?

Look, Bruce, I don't want you
to carry that check in your pocket.

Well, because -
Yes, yes, I know all that, but, uh -

Bruce, there's
an old newspaper superstition

that the first big check you get,
you put in the lining of your hat.

In your hat! It brings good luck.

- I've never heard that before.
- Neither did I.

It sounds silly, but do it for me, please.
Yes, yes, right now.

(chuckling)
All right. Just a minute.

There you are. I've done it.
Anything else?

Oh, yes. All right. Uh-huh.

- Yes, yes, I'll tell him. Good-bye.
- Everything all right?

- Hildy said to tell you she'll get right to work.
- Fine.

- Well, I must be going now.
- All right.

- Oh, Bruce, don't forget this. It might rain.
- Oh, thanks.

- You don't mind if I don't show you out?
- No. Thanks for everything.

- Excuse me, what'd you say?
- I said, thanks for everything.

Nonsense. Don't thank me.
I should thank you.

- So long.
- So long.

- Hello, Cooley.
- Hello, Hildy. What are you doing here?

- I want an interview with Earl Williams.
- Mm-mmm. No more interviews.

- Why not?
- Sheriff's orders.

Besides, the doctor's coming over.
Can't do it.

Say, is this your money?

- I don't think it is -
- Twenty bucks.

- Yeah, I guess maybe it is.
- That's what I thought. Come on.

Hey, Joe, open up here.

- Now, Hildy, don't be -
- I won't be long.

- Hello, Earl.
- Hello.

My name's Johnson.
Mind if I talk to you for a few minutes?

- No. I haven't anything else to do.
- I guess that's right.

So, you see, I couldn't plead insanity
because I'm just as sane as anybody else.

- You didn't mean to kill that policeman, huh?
- Why, of course not.

It's against everything
I've ever stood for.

They know it was an accident.
I'm not guilty.

It's... It's just the world.

I see what you mean.
Sorry about the lipstick, Earl.

Look, after you lost your job,
what did you do?

- I tried to find another job.
- I mean, how did you spend your time?

I used to sit around the park, anyplace.
Oh, I don't smoke.

When you were in the park,
did you hear any of those speeches?

- You mean those fellas that talk too much?
- Yeah.

Well, I didn't pay any attention.

- Did you hear anything they said?
- Yes.

Well, is there anything you remember?
Anything in particular?

- There was one fella -
- What did he talk about?

- He talked about production for use.
- Production for use.

Yes, he said everything
should be made use of.

- Makes quite a bit of sense.
- Yes. He was a good speaker.

When you found yourself with that gun
and that policeman coming at you,

-what did you think about?
- I don't know exactly.

You must've thought of something.
Could it have been “production for use”?

- I don't know. I...
- What's a gun for, Earl?

- A gun?
- Mmm.

- Why, to shoot, of course.
- Oh.

- And maybe that's why you used it.
- Maybe.

- Seems reasonable.
- Yes. Yes, it is.

I've never had a gun in my hand before.

That's what a gun's for, isn't it?
M-Maybe that's why.

- Sure, it is.
- Yes, that's what I thought of.

Production for use.

- It's simple, isn't it?
- Very simple.

- There's nothing crazy about that, is there?
- No, nothing at all.

- You'll write about that in your paper, won't you?
- You bet I will.

- Who sent you the roses?
- Miss Mollie Malloy. She's a wonderful person.

- That her picture?
- Yes. She's beautiful, isn't she?

- COOLEY: Time's up, Hildy.
- Oh, all right.

- I guess that's all.
- I like talking to you.

Good-bye, Miss Johnson.

Good-bye, Earl.

Good luck.

- Three landladies, boys.
- You did well, didn't ya?

I wonder what the Postie
gonna do without Hildy.

Do you suppose Walter Burns
will ever let her go?

Remember what he did to Bill Fenton
when he wanted to go to Hollywood.

- Had him thrown in jail for arson.
- Forgery.

- Was that it?
- Yeah.

- Gimme some change.
- Hey, Mac.

- Hey, Stairway Sam.
- Huh?

- Would you mind turning on some lights?
- Sure.

So dark you can't see anything
in this place.

- Who's this guy Hildy's gonna marry?
- I don't know. Bruce something.

- I give the marriage six months.
- Why?

Because she won't be able
to stay away from the paper.

Did you see her when that bell went off?

At that, it must be pretty nice
to be able to walk out and quit.

I had a publicity job offered to me last year.
Should've taken it.

That's what I'd like - a job on the side.

With a desk and a stenographer.
I wouldn't mind a nice, big blonde.

- With big brown eyes.
- I'll bet 10-to-1 it don't last six months.

She's just like us, and we wouldn't be
stickin' around, waitin' for that guy -

- Well, well, Miss Mollie Malloy.
- Hello, Mollie.

- Hi, Mollie. How's tricks?
- I've been lookin' for you tramps.

- Come to pay a call on Williams?
- He's right across the courtyard.

- You'd better hurry up.
- Nice roses you sent to Earl.

What do you want done with 'em
tomorrow morning?

- A lot of wise guys, ain't you?
- You're breaking up the game, Mollie.

- What do you want?
- I came to -

- I came to tell ya what I think of all of ya.
- Keep your shirt on.

If you was worth breakin' my nails on,
I'd tear your face wide open.

What are you sore about?
Wasn't that a swell story we gave ya?

You crumbs have been making
a fool outta me long enough.

I never said I loved Earl Williams
and was willing to marry him on the gallows.

You made that up.

- And about my havin' a love nest with him.
- You did, didn't you?

You've been sticking around that cuckoo
ever since they threw him in the death house.

- That's a lie!
- Everybody knows you're his girlfriend.

I met Mr. Williams just once in my life.

- How many?
- Two.

When he was wandering around in the rain
without his hat and coat on, like a sick dog.

- The day before the shootin'.
- Give me one.

I went up to him like any human being would
and I asked him what was the matter.

And - And he told me about bein' fired
after bein' on the same job for 14 years.

- Who bets?
- Bet 20 cents.

I brought him up to my room
because it was warm there.

MURPHY: Oh, put it on a phonograph.

MOLLIE: Aw, listen to me, please!

I tell ya he just sat there
talkin' to me all night.

He never once laid a hand on me.

And in the morning he went away, and I never
saw him again till that day at the trial.

- MOLLIE: Sure I was his witness!
- WILSON: And what a witness.

That's why you're persecutin' me!

Because Earl Williams treated me decent
and not like an animal, and I said so!

- This is the press room. We're busy!
- Go see your boyfriend.

- Yeah, he's got a nice room.
- He won't have it long. He left a call for 7:00 AM.

(gasps) It's a wonder a bolt of lightning
don't come down and strike you all dead!

(trap door slams)

What's that?

They're fixin' up a pain in the neck
for your boyfriend.

Shame on ya. Shame on ya!

(sobs) A poor little fella
that never meant nobody no harm,

sittin' there this minute with the angel of death
beside him, and you crack a joke?

All right, get outta here.

- Take your hands off of me!
- Come on, Mollie, let's get outta here.

- They ain't human.
- I know. They're newspapermen.

All they've been doin' is lyin'.
All they've been doin' is writin' lies!

- I know, Mollie.
- Why won't they listen to me?

MOLLIE: Why won't they listen to me?

(rings)

Hello? Who? Hildy Johnson?

Hang on. She'll be back in a minute.

- You guys wanna play any more cards?
- No.

What's the use? I can't win anyway.

Gentlemen of the press.

Hildy, phone for ya.

Hello?

Oh, hello, Bruce.

What? Where are you?

You're where?

Well, how did that happen?
Never mind, never mind. I'll be right down.

Oh! I'm sorry! Sorry!

- Ooh! Ow!
- Hiya, Sheriff. How ya doin'?

My shin! My back!
What's going on around here?

- Bruce was in trouble.
- Lioness rushes to defend cub.

- But -
- Man forgets hankie. Mama goes to wipe nose.

- I still give that marriage six months.
- I don't know what you fellas are talking about.

- What do you want, Pete?
- Oh, uh, uh -

I've got the tickets
for the hanging here, boys.

- Pete?
- Huh? What?

Pete, why can't you hang this guy
at 5:00 instead of 7:00?

It won't hurt you,
and we can make the city edition.

That's kinda raw, Roy.

After all, I can't hang a man in his sleep
just to please a newspaper.

No, but you can reprieve him twice
so the hangings three days before election.

You can run on a law-and-order ticket.
You can do that.

Honest, boys, I had absolutely nothing
to do with those reprieves.

Yeah? How do we know there won't be
another reprieve tonight?

What if this Egelhoffer
finds Williams insane?

He won't find him insane
because he isn't.

- He's just as sane as I am.
-(together) Saner!

-(all chuckling)
- Now, be serious, boys.

After all, this is a hanging,
and it's gonna go according to schedule.

7:00 in the morning
and not a minute earlier.

After all, there's such a thing
as being humane, you know.

All right, Pinky, wait till you want a favor.

- And please don't call me Pinky!
- Why not?

Because I got a name, see,
and it's Peter B. Hartwell.

- What's the “B” for?
- Bull.

But I'm innocent. I didn't do anything.
I never stole a watch in my life.

I know you didn't, Bruce.
All right, Mike. Let him out.

I can't, Hildy. He's accused of stealing
a watch, and they found the watch on him.

- But I never stole -
- Please, Bruce. And who accused him?

- Diamond Louie, the biggest crook in town.
- I know. It's no good, Hildy.

- Don't “Hildy” me. Are you gonna let him out?
- No.

- I never stole -
- Bruce, please.

All right, you're not. Well, perhaps you'd
better read the Post in the morning.

I can't imagine
who'd do a thing like that to me.

- I can't think of any enemies I have.
- I'm sure you haven't any, Br -

- Have you got the check?
- Oh, yes. I have it right here.

That's a funny superstition
you newspaper people have.

Yes, isn't it?

About being arrested, at first I thought Walter
Burns might have something to do with it.

But then, of course,
I realized he couldn't have.

- Why?
- Well, he's a very nice fellow, Hildy.

- Oh!
- Oh, yes. I found that out.

- What's the matter?
- I've lost my wallet!

Yes, well, Bruce, never mind. I have the money.
You'd better give me the check too.

- And that picture of us in Bermuda -
- Don't bother, Bruce.

You'll find lots of things missing.

No, Bruce dear, you wait here.
I'm not taking any more chances.

I'll be down in three minutes.
We're taking the next train.

Oh, sorry.

“And so into this little tortured mind

came the idea that that gun
had been produced for use.

And use it he did.

But the state has a production-for-use plan too.
It has a gallows.

And at 7:00 AM,
unless a miracle occurs,

that gallows will be used to separate
the soul of Earl Williams from his body.

And out of Mollie Malloy's life
will go the one kindly soul she ever knew.”

- That's as far as she got.
-(soft whistle)

- I ask you guys, can that girl write an interview?
- She'll do till somebody else comes along.

I don't think it's very ethical,
reading other people's stuff.

Where do you get that ethics stuff?
You're the only one who'll swipe any of it.

I still say that anybody that can write like that
ain't gonna give it up permanently

to sew socks for a guy
in the insurance business.

Now I give that marriage three months,
and I'm laying 3-to-1. Any takers?

HILDY: I'll take that bet.

It's getting so a girl can't leave the room without
being discussed by a bunch of old ladies.

Hello, Post, get me Walter Burns,
will you, please?

Don't get sore, Hildy. We were only saying
a swell reporter like you wouldn't quit so easy.

This is Hildy Johnson.

I can quit, all right,
without a single quiver.

I'm gonna live like a human being,
not like you chumps.

Is that you, Walter?
Oh, I've got some news for you.

Yes, I got the interview, all right,
but I've got some more important news.

Perhaps you'd better get a pencil
and take it down. All ready?

Now get this,
you double-crossing chimpanzee.

There ain't gonna be any interview,
and there ain't gonna be any story.

And that certified check of yours
is leaving with me in 2O minutes.

I wouldn't cover the burning of Rome for you
if they were just lighting it up.

If I ever lay my two eyes on you again,
I'm gonna walk right up to you

and hammer on that monkey skull of yours
till it rings like a Chinese gong.

Oh, so you don't know
why I'm angry with you?

Perhaps you'd better get Louie
to tell you the story of his watch.

There's just one other thing
I want you to listen to.

Hear that? That's the story I just wrote.

Yes, I know we had a bargain. I said
I'd write it. I didn't say I wouldn't tear it up.

It's all in little pieces now, Walter,
and I hope to do the same for you someday.

And that, my friends,
is my farewell to the newspaper game.

I'm gonna be a woman,
not a news-getting machine.

I'm gonna have babies, take care of 'em,
give 'em cod-liver oil

and watch their teeth grow and... and...

- If I ever see one of 'em look at a
newspaper, I'm gonna brain 'em. -(ringing)

- Where's my hat?
- Hello? Hello?

- Oh, Mr. Burns? Yes, she's still here.
- Give me that!

And another thing I wanna - Oh!

Ooh, you -

Where is my -
Oh, there it is.

- Hello, Doctor. Sorry to be late.
- That's quite all right.

These boys from the newspapers,
they take up so much of my time.

They wanted me to hang Williams
at their convenience.

- Oh, hello, Earl.
- Hello.

These newspapers,
what they did to me in Chicago.

- Always after me for interviews.
- Yes, me too.

Of course, I did rather promise to make them
some sort of statement when I finished here.

- You don't mind, do you?
- Well, that's hardly ethical, Doctor.

- Oh?
- All statements are supposed to come from me.

Well, what do you say
to giving them some sort of joint interview?

I can discuss some of the psychological
aspects of the case and you -

- We'd have our pictures taken together?
- Yes, yes, shaking hands.

Of course,
I don't take a very good picture.

That doesn't matter, Doctor.
The publicity is the main thing.

Doctor, I'm getting awful tired.
Can't I go back to jail again?

I'm sorry. I forgot you were there.
No, we've some further questions for you.

- Sheriff, do you mind extinguishing the lights?
- Of course, Doctor.

That'll help us
with what we have to do over here.

Now, let me see.

Mr. Williams, you know, of course,
that you're going to be executed.

Now, who do you feel
is responsible for that?

I'm innocent. It wasn't my fault.

- Well, Murph.
- Send us a postcard.

- That I'll do.
- So long, “Yonson.”

When'll we see ya again, “Yonson”?

Next time you see me, I shall be riding in
a Rolls-Royce, giving interviews on success.

- Good-bye!
- So long, you wage-slaves.

When you're crawling up fire escapes
and getting kicked out of front doors

and eating Christmas dinners in one-arm joints,
don't forget your pal, Hildy Johnson.

- We won't.
- When the road beyond unfolds -

(gunfire)

(alarm ringing)

- (gunfire continues)
- Look out! It's a jailbreak!

- What's the matter? What happened?
- (gunfire)

Hey, watch
where you're aimin', will ya?

MAN: Block the gate! He'll try the gate!

- Who got away? Who was it?
- Earl Williams!

(excited chattering)

- Hello. Hurry up. This is important.
- Give me the desk.

- Flash. Earl Williams just escaped.
- Jailbreak. - Don't know yet.

- Call you back. - Williams took a powder.
- Went over the wall.

- I don't know anything yet!
- Call ya back.

-(gunfire continues)
-(siren wailing)

Hello, Post, get me Walter Burns quick.
It's Hildy Johnson.

Walter? Walter, Hildy. Earl Williams
just escaped from the county jail.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah!
Don't worry. I'm on the job.

(sirens continue wailing)

Hey, Cooley! Wait!

Hey '

Hey! Wait a minute!

Cooley! I wanna talk to you.

(phone ringing)

(phones ringing)

- This is Endicott. Give me rewrite.
-(ringing)

He ain't here. Hello, Gil?
Here's the situation now. You ready?

Williams was taken over
to the sheriffs private office

to be examined
by this Professor Egelhoffer.

In a few minutes he shot his way out.
Nobody knows where he got the gun.

He went upstairs to the infirmary
and got out through the skylight.

He must have slid down the rain pipe to
the street. Nobody knows where he got it.

- If they do, they won't talk.
- Hello, sweetheart. Give me the desk.

Crime commission offers
$10,000 reward for Williams' capture.

No clue yet as to Williams'
whereabouts. No, no.

Here's a little feature though. There's
been an accident about a tear bomb.

Yeah, tear bomb, tear bomb.
Criminals cry for it.

I don't know.

This tear bomb went off unexpectedly in the
hands of Sheriff Hartwell's bombing squad.

What went off?

The following deputies
were rushed to the hospital.

Fine friend you are.

Their names are Mervvyn D. Wilkerson,
the mayor's brother-in-law.

- After all I've done for you.
- Howard Schuster, the sheriffs uncle.

- On his mother's side.
- WILSON: Hello, Jim?

Sidelights
on Sheriff Hartwell's manhunt.

William Mansfield, the sheriffs landlord,
and Lester Winthrop,

who married the sheriffs niece.

You remember, the very homely dame.
Call ya back.

Mrs. William Rice, age 55, scrub lady,
while scrubbing the eighth floor,

was shot in the left leg
by one of Sheriff Hartwell's deputies.

- Look, I'm not -
-(gunfire)

- There goes another scrub lady!
- It was only a flesh wound.

- They took her to the hospital.
- McCue speaking. Give me the desk.

Mac, any dope on how he escaped?

Maybe the sheriff let him out
so Williams could vote for him.

A man answering the description
of Earl Williams was seen boarding -

-(gunfire)
- Call ya back!

- Thought you'd gone.
- I thought so too.

Get me Walter Burns, quick.

Walter, Walter, listen.

I've got the whole story on how
Williams got that gun and escaped.

And I got it exclusive.
Yeah. That's right, and it's a pip.

It cost me 450 bucks
to tear it out of Cooley.

Never mind that. What's the story?

Just a minute,
and I'll give you the story.

I had to give him all the money I had,
and it wasn't exactly mine.

It's Bruce's money, and I want it back.

Bruce's money? Sure, sure, sure,
you'll get it. Now, what's the story?

I'll send the money right down to you.
I swear it on my mother's grave.

All right, here's the -
Wait a minute. Your mother's alive.

My grandmother's grave.
Don't be technical. What's the story?

You get that money down here.
All right, here's your story.

The jailbreak of your dreams.

It seems this expert Dr. Egelhoffer,
the profound thinker from New York,

was giving Williams a final sanity test
in the sheriffs office.

You know, sticking a lot of pins in him
so he could get his reflexes.

He decided to reenact the crime
exactly as it had taken place

in order to study Williams's
powers of coordination.

I'm coming to it. Of course, he had
to have a gun to reenact the crime with.

Who do you suppose supplied it?
Peter B. Hartwell - “B” for brains.

(snorts, laughing) No kidding!

I tell you, I'm not kidding. I'm not
good enough to make this one up.

The sheriff gave his gun to the professor.
The professor gave it to Earl.

Earl shot the professor
right in the classified ads.

No, ads. Ain't it perfect?

If the sheriff had unrolled a red carpet
and loaned Williams an umbrella,

it couldn't have been more ideal.

Who? Oh, no, no.
Egelhoffer wasn't badly hurt.

They took him to the county hospital
where they're awfully afraid he'll recover.

Oh, that's great work, Hildy. Huh?

Stop worrying about the money.
I'll see you get it in 15 minutes.

I'd better get it in 15 minutes.
Bruce is waiting in a taxicab for me.

- We're in a hurry.
- Hold on a minute. Hey, come here.

There's a guy waiting in a taxi
in front of the criminal courts building.

- His name is Bruce Baldwin.
- What does he look like?

He looks like that fellow in the movies.
You know, Ralph Bellamy.

- Oh, him?
- Can you handle it?

I've never flopped on ya yet, have I?

Come on. Get going.
You only got about two minutes. Hurry.

Yes, dear. Sorry to keep you waiting.
How much was it again?

$450? Just a second.

Louie, I need $450 worth
of counterfeit money.

Can't carry that much.

Just the 450 counterfeit.
Where can I get it?

- Oh, I got that on me.
- Quite a coincidence. Take it over to Hildy.

Hello. It's coming right over.
I'm sending it over with Louie.

Thanks for your story, dear,
and good luck on your honeymoon.

No, no, never mind the thanks.
Just see that money gets here.

- Hello, Hildy. You still here?
- No, I'm in Niagara Falls.

McCue speaking. Emil, I got a good
feature for you on the manhunt.

Ready? Mrs. Phoebe DeWolfe,
861 1/2 South State Street, colored,

gave birth to a pickaninny
in a patrol wagon

with Sheriff Hartwell's
special rifle squad acting as nurses.

Phoebe was walking along the street
when - That's right. Yeah.

So they coaxed her into the patrol wagon
and started a race with the stork.

When the pickaninny was born, the rifle squad
examined him to see if it was Earl Williams.

Well, they knew
he was hiding somewhere.

-(phone rings)
- Here's the payoff.

- They named the kid Peter Hartwell DeWolfe.
- Press room.

Bruce! I thought
you were downstairs in the -

What? Arrested again?
What for this time?

Oh, well, they called it mashing.

No! I didn't, Hildy.

I was sitting right in the taxi
where you left me.

The young lady seemed
to have a dizzy spell and I just -

Huh?

Well, uh, she's kind of, uh -

Huh?

Yes, she's a blonde. Yes, very blonde.

Never mind.
I know how it happened. Just a minute.

Get me Walter Burns. Hildy Johnson.

Bruce, where are ya? 27th Precinct?
Hold on a minute, will ya?

Walter, you -
Well, he was there a minute ago.

But, I - (mimicking)
Sorry, I can't locate him, Miss Johnson.

Why, that double-crossing -
Hello - No, not you.

Bruce, I can't get there right away.
How about 20 minutes?

You see, I have to wait here for the -
Uh, I'll tell you when I see you.

If I ever get my two hands again
on that Walter Burns -

- Hold on a minute. Anything I can do to help?
- How much money you got?

-$1.80.
- Sixty-four cents.

- Welcome to it.
- Thanks. You'd better buy an annuity.

What's that, Emil? No, I can't
give you an official statement.

No. Wait a minute. Here's the mayor.
Maybe he'll give us one.

- How 'bout a statement, Mayor?
- Don't pester me now.

- I've got a lot on my mind.
- His Honor won't say anything.

- Have you seen Sheriff Hartwell?
- It's hard to tell.

There's so many cockroaches
around here -

Wait a minute.
How about a statement, Your Honor?

- Sure, we go to press in 20 minutes.
- I have nothing to say. Not at this time.

Just a moment, please.
What do you know about the escape?

How'd he get out?
Where'd he get the gun?

- Wait a minute, boys. Not so fast.
- Give us a statement on the election then.

- What effect will this have on the voters?
- None whatsoever.

How can an unavoidable misfortune
like this have any influence

on the upright citizens of our fair city?

- Baloney.
- Look, Mr. Mayor, please.

Is there a red menace or ain't there?

How did Williams
get out of that rubber jail?

Have you learned to stand the gaff, or have you
picked somebody to be responsible?

Is there any truth in the report
you're on Stalin's payroll?

Yeah, the senator claims
you sleep in red underwear.

Never mind the jokes. Don't forget
I'm the mayor. Hartwell, I wanna see you!

How'd he get away?
Where'd he get the gun?

Hi, Your Honor. Any statement
on the red uprising tomorrow?

- What red uprising?
- There'll be no red uprising.

The governor says
the situation calls for the militia.

- Get me rewrite.
- You can quote me.

Anything the governor says
is a tissue of lies.

Hello, Jake. Here's a red-hot
statement from the governor.

He claims the mayor and sheriff
have shown themselves

to be a couple of eight-year-olds
playing with fire, yeah.

You can quote him as follows -

“lt is a lucky thing for the city
that next Tuesday is election day,

as the citizens will thus be saved the expense
of impeaching the mayor and the sheriff.”

That's all. Call ya back.
Nice to have seen ya, Mayor.

- Excuse me, boys, I've got so much to do.
- Quit stalling, Pinky!

- Who engineered this?
- Was it the Reds?

- No!
- Who was it? You?

- Me? No! I've got him located.
- Williams?

- Where?
- Where he used to live. I just got a tip.

- Why didn't you say so?
- The rifle squad is just going out.

- Get me outta here!
- Catch them if you hurry. Please.

- Pete, I wanna talk to you.
- I have got so much to do.

- Now, see here, Fred.
- Pete, you're through.

- You mean I'm through?
- I'm scratching your name off the ticket.

I'm running Sherman in your place.

“Reform the Reds with a rope.”
Williams isn't a Red, and you know it.

There are a lot of communistic
sympathizers around.

I thought if I got a slogan like that,
I could -

I know it, but that's got nothing
to do with this case.

-(knocking)
- There are 200,000 votes at stake.

If Earl Williams don't hang,
we're gonna lose 'em.

We're going to hang him. Come in!
He can't get away.

What do you mean? He did get away!

- What do you want?
- I - Uh -

- What do you want?
- Are you Sheriff Hartwell?

I'm he. What is it?

You're a hard man to find, Sheriff.
I have a message here from the governor.

- What's from the governor?
- It was a reprieve for Earl Williams.

- For who?
- Earl Williams' reprieve.

- You said there wasn't gonna be a reprieve.
- I didn't know about this.

It frightens me to think
of what I'd like to do to you.

- Who else was there when he gave you this?
- Nobody. He was out fishing.

- Get the governor on the phone.
- He's not there. He's out duck shooting.

- Bought a red hat.
- Duck shooting.

A guy who's done nothing
for the last 40 years but play pinochle

gets elected governor
and thinks he's a Tarzan.

Read that! “insane,” he says!
He knows Williams isn't insane.

- I never met the man.
- Ah! Pure politics.

It's an attempt to ruin us.
We gotta think fast.

- What are we gonna tell the reporters?
- The party's through on account of you.

- Oh, Fred!
- Tell 'em I want your resignation now.

Hello? Yes. Yes, this is Hartwell.

What? Where? Where?

- Holy Moses! Hold the wire!
- What is it?

They've got him.
They've got Williams surrounded at his house!

- Tell them to hold the phone.
- I did. Hold the wire!

- Cover up that transmitter!
- Cover up -

- Listen. You never arrived with this.
- Yes, I did. Remember?

- I came through that door.
- How much money do you make?

- Huh?
- What's your salary?

- Forty dollars a week.
- How'd you like to make $350 a month?

- Almost $100 a week.
- No, I couldn't afford - Who, me?

Who do you think? They need a fellow
like you in the city sealer's office.

- In the what?
- City sealer's.

- I should work -
- Wait a minute! I'm in conference!

- My wife wouldn't want me to do that.
- Why not?

- My wife lives in the country with my family.
- That's all right.

Bring her in here.
We'll pay all the expenses.

- No, I don't think so.
- For heaven's sakes, why not?

I got two kids going to school. if they
change towns, they lose a grade.

No, they won't. They'll skip a grade.

I'll guarantee ya
they'll graduate with highest honors.

Hold your horses!
Hurry up, Fred.

What do you say?

- Puts me in a kind of peculiar hole.
- No, it doesn't.

- Remember, you never delivered this.
- Yes, I did.

- No, you got caught in the traffic.
- No, I came -

Pretend you did. Get out.
Don't let anybody see ya.

- Wait a minute.
- But how do I know -

Come in and see me tomorrow.
What's your name?

- Pettibone. What's yours?
- Pettibone?

- Really?
- No.

All you've got to do is lay low
and keep your mouth shut.

- I'm tired anyhow.
- Go to this address.

Homey place. They'll take good care
of ya. Tell 'em Fred sent ya.

- Here's $50 on account.
- Will ya wait, Olsen? I'll tell ya in one minute.

- You forgot to tell me what a city sealer does.
- I'll explain tomorrow.

- Is it hard?
- No, no, easy. Very easy.

That's good, because my health isn't -
My wife -

- We'll fix that too.
- My wife?

- Yeah, fix anything. Go ahead.
- Fred, they're still on the phone.

- All right, tell 'em to shoot to kill.
- What?

- You heard what I said.
- But the reprieve, Fred.

- Do as I tell ya.
- Hello, Olsen? Shoot to kill.

- That's the orders. Pass the word along.
- $500 reward.

$500 to the man who does it.
I'll be right over.

Hi, Hildy.

- You double-crossing hyena, I'd like to -
- What's the matter?

Don't give me that innocent stuff. What
did you pull on Mr. Baldwin this time?

- Who, me?
- You and that albino of yours.

- You talkin' about Evangeline?
- None other.

She ain't no albino. She was born
right here in this country.

She tries anything else,
she'll have to stay here in this country.

And you, too, and it won't be
on a phony charge either.

- Did you bring that money?
- Oh, yeah.

-400 bucks.
-450.

All right.
You can't blame a guy for tryin'.

- Better give me a receipt.
- I'll give you a scar.

- I got plenty of them.
- Oh, and I'll take Mr. Baldwin's wallet too.

- Mr. Baldwin's what?
- His purse. Come on. Come on, Louie.

All right, Hildy.
I'll do it for you because I like you.

But you better tell that financier
to be more careful in these hard times.

Sure, sure. Want him to carry
your brass knuckles too?

Don't talk that way. Here, I'll take that.
I'll take it to the station.

Wait a minute. You'll take it
over to the station, all right.

You'll take it to the 27th Precinct and
tell the cops how this all happened.

Burns would have me
in Alcatraz in an hour.

- That's not a bad idea.
- Here, catch.

Louie!

Hello, Operator. Hildy Johnson.
Will you get me -

Drop that phone.

Never mind.

You're not gonna tell anybody
where I am.

Put that gun down, Earl.

You don't want to shoot me, Earl.
I'm your friend, remember?

I'm gonna write the story on you
and production for use.

Oh, yes. That's right.
Production for use.

- You don't want to hurt your friend -
- Don't move!

Maybe you're my friend and maybe
you're not, but don't come any nearer.

- You can't trust anybody in this crazy world.
-(phone ringing)

I don't blame you, Earl. If I were you,
I wouldn't trust anybody either.

Don't do that.
Put it back! Put it back!

If you try any tricks, I'll shoot you.
I can do it right from here.

S-Sure you could, Earl.

But you don't want to do that.
You don't want to kill anybody.

No, you're right.
I don't want to kill anybody.

- That's what I thought.
- Wait a minute. Where are you going?

I was just going to close the door
so nobody's see you.

No, you weren't.
You were gonna get somebody.

But I don't want that.
All I want is to be left alone.

- I won't get anybody.
- Yes, you will. You'll get 'em after me again.

- I won't let you do that!
-(shade rattling)

-(gun clicking)
- Give me that.

I guess I fired all the shells.
Oh, I'm awful tired.

- I couldn't go through -
- That shot. They'll know you're here!

- I don't care. I'm not afraid to die.
- Stop it.

I was telling the fella that
when he handed me the gun.

- Be quiet.
- Waking me up in the middle of the night.

Talking to me about things
they don't understand.

- Shut up.
- I wish they'd take me back and hang me.

They will if you don't keep quiet.

- I couldn't go through another day like this.
- Maybe you think I could.

- Get me Walter Burns, quick!
-(phone ringing)

Tell him I need him.

Hello, hello.

Bruce, I know I said I'd be down in 20 minutes,
but something terrific has happened. Hold on.

Walter, come over here! Bruce,
just a second. I'll explain everything.

Walter, I got Earl Williams right in
the press room. Hurry! I need you. Right.

I've captured Earl Williams.
You know, the murderer!

-(knocking)
- Stay down, Earl. Wait a minute!

Bruce, as soon as I hand him over
to the paper, I'll be right down.

- Bruce, I can't! Don't you realize -
-(pounding on door)

- Come on! Let me in!
- Who is it?

It's me, Mollie Malloy.
Open the door!

- What do you want, Mollie?
- I gotta find -

- Where is everybody?
- They're not here. They've all gone.

- Please tell me where they've gone.
- I don't know. I'm busy.

- Do you mind running along?
- They got him surrounded.

- They're gonna shoot him down like a dog.
- They're lookin' for you too. Get out.

I don't care!
You gotta tell me. I ain't afraid -

All right, I'll tell ya.
They're down at Center and Fourth.

- Oh, that's where he used to -
- EARL: Mollie. Mollie, don't go.

Oh, come in, Mollie. Draw up a chair.

- Hello, Mollie.
- How did you get in here?

Down the pipe. I didn't mean
to shoot him. Really I didn't.

- I know.
- HILDY (whispering): Shh. Be quiet.

- You believe me, don't you, Mollie?
- Sure, I believe you.

Thanks for the roses.
They were beautiful.

That's all right, Mr. Williams.

Oh, for heaven's sake.
Don't you even dare. Be quiet.

- I want to get him out of here.
- Are you crazy?

You wouldn't get halfway down
that hall without being seen.

- But they'll find him.
- I know it.

I'm trying to think
before those reporters come back.

Let 'em take me.
What difference does it make?

- No, I'll never let 'em.
-(doorknob rattling)

Hey, who locked the door?

-(pounding)
- It's too late.

- No, it isn't. Earl, get in this desk.
- What's the use?

Come on. Get in.

- Open up!
- Pull yourself together. All right.

- (crying)
- Sit down.

-(pounding continues)
- All right, all right. I'm coming.

- Are you tryin' to kick the building down?
- Gettin' exclusive. We got phone calls to -

- What's she doin' up here?
- Get some smelling salts.

- What's the matter?
- Came up here and had hysterics.

- Looks pretty sick.
- How you feel, kid?

- I don't feel so good.
- Get you some water?

- I'll get it.
- Do anything for you?

- No.
- You don't look sick to me.

- You didn't bump into Williams, did you?
- Ain't you funny.

- Yeah? Where is he?
- Let me alone, will ya?

- Okay. Give me the desk.
- No harm in askin'.

Hello, Jim? False alarm.

They surrounded the house, but they forgot
to tell Williams, and he wasn't there.

Some Halloween going on outside.
The whole police force standing on its ear.

- Hildy, I thought you were gone.
- Been waitin' for money from Walter.

What a chase. Give me Emil.

-(chattering)
- Any news, boys?

Yeah, I've never been
so tired in my life.

Where? Melrose Station? All right,
connect me. Hello, Mollie, how are ya?

- Hey, fellas, this looks good.
- Call you back.

An old lady just called the detective bureau,
claims Williams is hiding under her piazza.

- Tell her to stand up.
- We looked every other place.

- Don't you want to go out on it?
- I have to stick around. I'll cover this end.

- I spent $1.40 on taxicabs already.
- Let's not do any more goin' out.

- Never mind, Sarge. Tear it up.
- Who pulled the shades down?

I did. They were throwing
those lights around.

N' (whistling)

You know, I got a hunch Williams ain't
anywhere they been lookin' for him.

He might be right here
in this building somewhere.

HILDY: Sure, hanging around
like a duck in a shooting gallery.

There's that skylight to get out of.
But how did he reach the ground?

- I'm pretending there ain't any Earl Williams.
- He could jump over to this roof.

It's only about four feet.

Once he got to the roof,
he could slide down a drainpipe.

And come in any one
of these windows on this side.

The story's gonna walk
right in the window -

Masterminds at work. You boys go home.
Maybe Williams will call on you.

Wouldn't it be funny
if he's in this building?

Why not search the building?
Everybody take a floor.

- I'm not gonna wander all over.
- A great bunch of reporters you are.

The biggest story in two years,
and you're too lazy to go out.

If I know you, you seem pretty anxious
to get rid of us. You trying to scoop us?

Are you crazy? On my own time?

Maybe Mollie's given her the story
on how Williams got the gun.

- Did you smuggle that gun in to Williams?
- I didn't do nothin'.

- Come clean, Mollie.
- HILDY: Let the girl alone.

Well?

- Mrs. Baldwin. Mother -
- Don't you “Mother” me.

Playing cat-and-mouse with my poor boy,
keeping him locked up.

Making us miss two trains, and you
supposed to be married tomorrow.

- I'll be with you in five minutes.
- You don't have to go at all.

Give me Bruce's money. You can stay
here forever, as far as I'm concerned.

- You and that murderer you caught.
- What's that? What murderer?

Which one of these men is it?
They all look like murderers.

- What murderer did you catch?
- I don't know what she's talking about.

- I never said any such thing.
- I'm quoting my son.

- And he has never lied to me.
- That's ridiculous.

- I never said anything like that!
- Yes, you did.

No, I said I was trying to find the murderer.
She's got it all balled up.

- Who you holdin' out on?
- Nobody. Let me go.

- I don't know where he is.
- Stop it. Stop it!

What are you askin' her for?
She don't know where he is.

I'm the only one that knows.

- Where is Williams?
- Try and find out.

- Come on, Mollie. Talk.
- Talk? Now you want me to talk?

- Sure.
- Ain't that funny.

You wouldn't listen before, not for a minute,
and now you want me to talk.

- HILDY: Don't tell 'em anything, Mollie.
- I know what I'm doing.

- Stay out of this, Hildy.
- Why didn't you listen to me?

- Cut that out!
- Keep your hands off me.

What do you want to know for?
So you can write more lies.

- So you can sell more papers.
- Never mind that.

All right, I'll give you a story,
a wonderful story!

Only this time it'll be true!
You'll never find him now!

-(shouting)
-(screaming)

Get the ambulance, somebody.
Get an ambulance, somebody.

- She's dead.
- No, she isn't killed. She's moving!

- Darling, did you see that?
- Where is he?

- She jumped out the window.
- Where is he?

- She isn't dead.
- Hildy, where have you got Williams?

He's in the desk.
Can't believe she didn't kill herself.

- How you doin'?
- Get me out. I can't stand it.

- Keep quiet. You're sitting pretty.
- What's in there?

- Who are you? Who is she?
- This is Mrs. Baldwin, Bruce's mother.

- What are you doing?
- Shut up!

- I won't! You're doing something wrong.
- Take her out of here.

Fine. Louie, take the lady
over to Polack Mike's.

- My name's Louie Poluso.
-(screaming)

Knock her out.
See that she doesn't talk to anyone.

- You can't do this.
- What do I tell 'em?

- Tell 'em it's a case of dt's.
- Don't worry, Mother. This is only temporary!

- Walter, let go of me.
- Where do you think you're going?

I'm going after Mother,
and I'm going to get Bruce out of jail.

- Why did you have to do this to me?
- Get Bruce out of jail?

How can you worry about a man who's
resting in a nice, quiet police station?

- This is war. You can't desert me now.
- Get off that trapeze.

You've got your story in the desk.
Smear it all over the front page.

“Earl Williams captured
by the Morning Post.”

I covered your story and got in a mess.
Now I'm gettin' out.

- You drooling idiot. What do you mean?
- Just what I said.

There are 365 days in a year
one can get married.

How many times you got a murderer
locked up in a desk? Once in a lifetime.

- You got the city by the seat of the pants.
- Sure, I know.

You've got the brain of a pancake.
This isn't just a story you're covering.

It's a revolution.

This is the greatest yarn in journalism
since Livingston discovered Stanley.

- It's the other way around.
- Don't get technical at a time like this.

You've taken a city that's been graft-ridden
for 40 years under the same old gang.

With this yarn, you're kicking 'em out,
giving us a chance

to have the kind of government
New York's having under La Guardia.

If I didn't have your best interest at heart,
you think I'd waste time arguing?

You done something big.
You stepped up into a new class.

Huh?

We'll make monkeys out of those ward heelers.
Nobody'll vote for them, not even their wives.

- Expose 'em, eh?
- We'll crucify that mob.

We'll keep Williams undercover until morning
so the Post can break the story exclusive.

- We'll let the governor in on the capture.
- I get it.

You've kicked over City Hall
like an apple cart.

You got the mayor and Hartwell
backed up against a wall.

You've put one administration out
and another one in.

This isn't just a newspaper story,
it's a career.

And you stand there bellyaching about
whether you catch an 8:00 or 9:00 train.

- Walter, I never figured it that way.
- You're still a doll-faced hick, that's why.

- We'd be the white-haired boys.
- They'd be naming streets after you.

There'll be statues of you in the park.
The movies'll be after you, the radio.

By tomorrow morning a Hildy Johnson cigar.
I can see the billboards.

-“Light up with Hildy Johnson.”
- Stop that acting. We've got a lot to do.

- Now you're talking.
- We can't leave Williams in here.

We'll take him to my private office.
Which is our phone?

- On the end. How you gonna take him?
- We'll carry the desk over.

You can't move that desk.
It's crawling with cops outside.

We'll lower it out the window with pulleys.
Get the typewriter. Start pounding out a lead.

- How much do you want?
- All the words you got. Hello! Give me Duffy.

- Can I call the mayor a bird of prey?
- Call him anything you like.

How about the time he had his house
painted by the fire department?

The works. Hello, Duffy? Get set.
We got the biggest story in years.

“Earl Williams captured
by The Morning Post, exclusive!

Yeah! And I want you to tear out
the whole front page.

I said the whole front page out.

Never mind the European war.
We got something bigger than that.

Hildy Johnson's writing the lead.
I'll give it to you as soon as she's finished.

Get hold of Butch O'Connor. Tell him to
come up with half a dozen of his wrestlers.

Butch O'Connor.
I've got a desk I want moved.

- Never mind what -
- Hildy!

- What the deuce do you want?
- Hello, Bruce.

Never mind the Chinese earthquake.

- I want to ask one question.
- How did you get out of jail?

- Not through any help of yours.
- You can't come in here. We're busy.

I'm not talking to you. I had to wire Albany
for $100 so I could get out on bail.

- I don't care if there's a million dead.
- I don't know what they're gonna think.

They had to send the money
to the police station.

- We're waiting for that story.
- We'll explain everything to them, Bruce.

- Where's Mother? She was coming here.
- She left.

- I can't hear you, Duffy.
- Where'd she go?

- Out someplace.
- No, no, junk the Polish corridor.

- Tell me where my mother was going.
- She couldn't say.

- This is more important.
- Did she get the money from you?

- No, she left in a hurry.
- I'll take that money.

- It's right there in my purse.
- I can handle things around here.

- I'll take that certified check too.
- I'll give it to you. Here are the tickets.

- You'll find your money in the wallet.
- My wallet? This is my wallet!

Say, there's something funny going on.
What are you doing?

Just wanted to look at it.

- Hildy, I'm taking -
- WALTER: What'd you say?

- Hildy, I'm taking the 9:00 train.
- Sure, sure.

Did you hear what I said?
I'm taking the 9:00 train.

The 9:00 train.
Oh, Bruce, I put it in here.

Hey, let her alone, will you, buddy?

- Do me a favor, Bruce?
- Just answer me one question.

- You don't want to come with me, do you?
- I need that!

- You don't, do you?
- No!

Take those Miss America pictures
off page six.

Hildy, tell me the truth.

- Did you ever love me, Hildy?
- Now look here, my good man!

- You shut up, Burns!
- How can I do anything with this racket?

You're doin' this to her.

She wanted to get away from you
and everything you stand for,

but you caught her
and changed her mind.

Take Hitler and stick him
on the funny page. Let me ask you -

Are you giving up everything
for a man like him?

No, I am not, but somethings happened.
I'll tell you everything -

You'll tell him nothing! He's a spy!

I am not a spy.
Hildy, you're coming with me now!

Give me a second.
This is the biggest thing in my life!

I see. I'll keep.
I'm like something in the icebox.

- Yeah.
- You don't love me.

That isn't true. Just because you
won't listen, you say I don't love you.

That isn't the point at all.

The point is you never intended
to live like a human being.

- All right!
- Sebastian jumping!

- I'm trying to concentrate!
- I see what's going on now.

- You're just like him and all the rest.
- HILDY: Sure, sure. That's what I am.

What? No, leave the rooster story alone.
That's human interest.

- You get hold of Butch O'Connor?
- If you had any sympathy or understanding -

- I understand, all right.
- Wait.

There's only one question
I want to know.

Walter, the mayor's first wife -
What was her name?

The one with the wart on her? Fanny.
What, Duffy?

- I don't think you ever loved me at all.
- Never mind that!

You're not working
for the advertising department.

If you change your mind,
I'm leaving on the 9:00 train.

If you want me, Bruce,
you gotta take me as I am.

I'm no suburban bridge player.
I'm a newspaperman.

That's the stuff, Hildy. Keep it coming.
Get back in there, you mock turtle.

Duffy, did you tell Butch and his gang
to take a taxi as a matter of life and death?

Stay on this wire. Butch is on his way.
We gotta hold out for 15 minutes.

- The boys'll be coming in here to phone.
- I'll handle 'em.

Ah, now the moon's out.

(three knocks)

Fine, three taps is me.
Don't forget. Got enough air?

- Not very much.
- That better? You're sitting pretty.

- How's it coming, honey?
- All right, I guess. Where's Bruce?

- Oh, he went out.
- Is he coming back?

Certainly. Didn't you hear him?
What have you got so far?

“While hundreds of Sheriff Hartwell's
paid gunmen stalked through the city,

shooting innocent bystanders,
spreading their reign of terror,

- Earl Williams was lurking less than 20 yards - ”
- Aren't you gonna mention the Post?

- Doesn't the paper get credit?
- I did that in the second paragraph.

Who's gonna read
the second paragraph?

For ten years I've been tellin' you how
to write a story, and that's what I get?

What's the idea of locking this door?

- Who's that?
- Bensinger. That's his desk.

- Open the door, will ya?
-(pounding)

- What'd you say his name was?
- Bensinger, of The Tribune.

- Tribune, huh?
- Who's in there?

Haven't you any better sense -
Uh, hello. Hello, Mr. Burns.

Well, quite an honor
having you come over here.

- Hello, Bensinger.
- Oh, you know my -

-(chuckling)
- Excuse me, I just want to get my -

It's quite a coincidence
seeing you tonight. isn't it, Hildy?

- Yes.
- How do you mean?

I was talking to our Mr. Duffy
about you this afternoon.

- Really. Nothing detrimental, I hope.
- On the contrary.

That was one swell story
you had in the paper this morning.

- Did you care for the poem, Mr. Burns?
- Uh, the poem?

- The poem was great.
- I like the ending especially.

“And all is well outside his cell,

but in his heart, he hears the hangman
calling and the gallows falling

and his white-haired mother's tears.”

- Heartbreaking?
- Uh-huh.

- That's fine. How'd you like to work for me?
- What?

We can use a man like you. We got
a lot of lowbrows like Johnson here.

- Are you serious, Mr. Burns?
- Serious? Wait a minute.

Duffy, I'm sending
a Mr. Bunsinger over to see you.

- Bensinger.
- Mervyn, isn't it?

- Yeah. No, Roy. Roy V.
- Certainly.

Roy V. Bensinger, the poet.

Of course you wouldn't know. You probably
never heard of Shakespeare either.

(slaps back)

I want you to put Mr. Bensinger
on the staff right away.

- How much you getting on The Tribune?
- Ah, 75.

I'll give you 100 and a byline. You give
him everything he wants, understand?

Okay. Look.

I want you to write me a story from
the point of view of the escaped man.

He hides, cowering,
afraid of every sound, of every light.

He hears footsteps. His heart
is going like that. They're closing in.

- Get the sense of the animal at bay.
- Sort of a Jack London style?

- Exactly.
- I'll get my rhyming dictionary.

It doesn't have to rhyme.

- Well, I'm deeply grateful, Mr. Burns.
- Good.

Oh! If you should have an opening
for a war correspondent,

I par/er a little French.

- I'll keep you in mind.
- Au revoir, mon capitaine.

Bonjour.

(laughs)
“His white-haired mother's tears."

That's the stuff, isn't it?

Listen, Bensinger is on his way to see you.
Handle him with kid gloves.

Put him to work writing poetry.

No, we don't want him.
Just stall him until the extra's out.

Then tell him his poetry smells
and kick him downstairs.

Double-crossing swine.

You said it. He won't quit his paper
without giving notice after this.

I mean you.
You'd double-cross anybody.

Wait a minute. I just remembered.

Bruce isn't coming back here.
He's taking the 9:00 train.

In that case, he's gone.

Don't sit there like a frozen robin.
Get on with the story.

We ought to have our plans finished
by the time Butch gets here.

How you have messed up my life.
What am I going to do?

The window's too small.
We'll have to carry the desk out.

I oughta be on that train right now.
What a sap I am, falling for your line.

They're gonna name streets after me.
Johnson Street.

- Get back to work.
- I'm not going back to work.

(doorknob rattling)

- Who is it?
- It's me, boss. It's Louie.

Louie.

- Holy smokes! What's the matter with you?
- Where's Mrs. Baldwin?

- What happened?
- You been in a fight?

Down Western Avenue,
we was going 65 miles an hour.

- Take that mush out of your mouth.
- Where's the old lady?

We run smack into a police patrol,
busted it in half.

- Was she hurt?
- Where is she?

Imagine bumping into a load of cops.
They come rolling out like oranges.

- What did you do with her?
- Search me.

When I come to,
I was running down 34th Street.

- You were with her?
- Was I?

- You were in the taxicab.
- The driver got knocked cold.

Butterfingers! I give you an old dame to take
somewhere and you hand her over to the cops.

What do you mean, I handed her?
The cops was on the wrong side of the street.

She's probably squawking her head off
in a police station.

I don't think she's squawking much.
You know what I mean?

- Was she killed?
- Was she? Did you notice?

Me with a gun on the hip and
a kidnapped old lady on my hands.

I'm gonna stick around asking questions
from cops? You know what I mean?

Dead. Oh, this is the end.

L'['S fate, Hildy. What will be Will be.

What am I gonna say to Bruce?
What can I tell him?

If he really loves you,
you won't have to tell him anything.

Would you rather have had the old dame
dragging the whole police force in here?

I killed her. I'm responsible.

How can I ever face Bruce again?

Look at me, Hildy.

I am looking at you, you murderer.

If it was my own grandmother,
I'd carry on for the paper.

Louie, where did it happen?

- Western and 34th.
- I gotta get out of here.

We can do more here. Now be calm.

- Listen -
-(phone ringing)

- Hello? Hello?
- Maine 4557.

Who? Well, Butch, where are you?

- Mission Hospital? Receiving room, please.
- What are you doing there?

Haven't you even started?

Was there an old lady brought in
from an auto smashup?

Oh, for H. Sebastian!
It's a matter of life and death.

- Nobody?
- I can't hear.

- Morningside 2469.
- They got who? Speak up. A what?

- You can't stop for a dame now.
- Community hospital. Receiving room, please.

I don't care if you've been after her
for six years. Our lives are at stake!

Are you gonna let a woman come between us
after all we've been through?

- Was an old lady brought in there?
- Butch.

I'd put my arm in fire for you up to here.
You can't double-cross me!

- Look around, will you?
- Put her on. I'll talk to her.

Good evening, madam.
Listen, you ten-cent glamour girl.

You can't keep Butch away
from his duty. What's that?

You say that again,
I'll come over and kick you in the teeth!

Say, what kind of language is that?
Now, look here -

(whimpers)
She hung up. What did I say?

Duffy. How do you like that,
mousing around with some big -

- Duffy!
- Will you shut up? I'm tryin' to hear!

- That's cooperation. Duffy!
- Nobody?

Well, where is Duffy? (whines)

Diabetes. I ought to know better
than to hire anybody with a disease.

- Give me Olympia 218.
- Louie.

- Yes, boss.
- Louie, it's up to you.

- Anything you say, boss.
- Beat it out. Get ahold of some guys.

- Who do you want?
- Anybody with hair on his chest.

Get 'em anywhere. Offer 'em anything.
We got to get that desk out of here.

- Is it important?
- Louie, you're the best friend I got.

I like you too.

Then don't fail me.
Get enough people to move that desk.

- You know me, boss. The shirt off my back.
- Okay, don't bump into anything.

That dumb immigrant will flop on me
as sure as you're born.

Try again at the hospital.

If he's not back in five minutes,
we'll carry it out alone.

- Do anything you want.
- We can start a fire.

- Have the firemen take it out.
- I don't give a darn what you do.

- See if we can lift it.
- What? Nobody? Oh, never mind!

- Are you gonna help me?
- No, I'm not.

- You want me to strain my back?
- I'm going to find Mrs. Baldwin.

I'm going down to the morgue
and find her.

- We wanna talk a minute.
- What is this?

- Get your hands off me!
- Now look here, Johnson.

- Hey, you!
- You mean me?

Yes, you. What do you mean
by breaking in here like this, hmm?

You can't bluff me, Burns. I don't care
who you are or what paper you're editor of.

- Let go of me, will you?
- Hang onto her.

- Something's happened to my mother-in-law.
- May be going out to get Williams.

- She had the door locked.
- She and Mollie were in here talking.

I don't know anything,
and there's been an accident.

Johnson, there's something
very peculiar going on here.

- Now, see here, Johnson.
- Just a moment, Hartwell.

If you have any accusations to make,
make them in the proper manner.

- Otherwise I'll have to ask you to get out.
- You'll ask me to what?

Get out.

Oh, you will? Keep that door closed
and don't let anybody in or out.

- We'll see about this.
- Pinky, give him the third degree.

- Get 'em talkin', you got Williams,
- I'm going to get to the bottom of this.

- Are you going to talk?
- What do you want me to say?

- What do you know about Williams?
- What do you know about Williams?

Now we're getting somewhere -
Take her out of here.

- I've got ways of making her talk.
- Don't you dare touch me or -

- She's got a gun!
- Grab it!

- No, you don't! Walter!
- All right, Burns. I'll take that gun.

- Where did you get this gun?
- I've got a right to carry a gun.

- Not this gun.
- I can explain that.

When Hildy told me she was going
to interview Williams, I gave her a gun.

That's very interesting.

This happens to be the gun that Williams
used to shoot his way out with!

- Are you trying to make me out a liar?
- I ought to know my own gun -

- Oh! So that's where Williams got the gun.
- Hildy got it from Williams.

- Where is Earl Williams?
- You're barking up the wrong tree, Hartwell.

I'll give you three minutes
to tell me where he is!

He went to the hospital to call on Egelhoffer
with a bag of marshmallows.

Where is he? Ask the mastermind
what he's doing here.

Speak up.
What do you know about this?

My dear fellow, the Morning Post does
not obstruct justice or hide criminals.

- You oughta know that.
- You're under arrest.

- And you too!
- Who's under arrest?

Listen, you insignificant,
square-toed, pimple-headed spy!

- You realize what you're doing?
- I'll show you what I'm doing!

You're obstructing justice,
and so is the Morning Post!

- I'm going to see that you're fined $10,000!
- You'll see nothing of the kind.

I'm going to begin
by impounding the Postie' property.

- Is this your desk?
- No!

Yes! What are you afraid of, Hildy?
I dare you to move this desk out!

- Try it.
- I will!

You move this desk out,
I'll put you behind bars!

- He can do it too.
- Is that so?

- I'll see that Roosevelt hears about it.
- Tell him. Come on, boys!

- Confiscate this desk.
- This is your last chance.

This is a federal offense,
and you fellas will be accessories.

- We'll take a chance. Go ahead, boys!
- All right.

-(pounding on door)
- Open up this door!

Mother, I am glad to see you.
Are you all right?

That's the man that did it, right there.

- What's the idea here?
- This lady claims she's been kidnapped.

- They dragged me down the stairs.
- Just a minute.

- Did this man have anything to do with it?
- He was in charge of the whole thing!

- He told them to kidnap me.
- Excuse me, madam.

- Are you referring to me?
- You know you did.

- What about this, Burns? Kidnapping, huh?
- Trying to frame me, huh?

I never saw this woman before
in my life.

What a thing to say. I was standing here
when that girl jumped out the window.

- Call the mayor! Get him here.
- Look here, madam. Be honest.

If you were joyriding, plastered,
or got into some scrape,

why don't you admit it
instead of accusing innocent people?

You ruffian!
How dare you talk like that to me!

- He's just crazy, Mother.
- I can tell you something more.

I can tell you why they did it.

They had a murderer in here,
and they were hiding him!

- In here?
- You're a cockeyed liar, and you know it!

-(knocks three times)
- What was that?

- He's in there.
- Give me the desk.

- Give me the phone. What a break.
- Stand back, everybody. Get your guns out.

- He's harmless.
- Shoot right through the desk.

He can't hurt anybody.
You've got his gun.

- Oh, dear!
- Go on, you gray-haired old weasel!

Let me out of here!

Mother!
I've been looking all over for you.

- What's happened?
- Hello, Jake? Hang on.

- Hildy, call Duffy!
- No, you don't!

- You want to see us scooped?
- Everybody, aim right at the center.

- That's murder.
- One of you get on each end of the desk.

- Comin' up.
- We got you covered, Williams!

- Have it in a minute.
- Don't try to move. - Anytime now.

- I'll count three.
- It's hot!

- Ready for an emergency.
- One. Two.

- Any second now.
- Three! Up with it!

- I got you, Williams!
- Go ahead, shoot me.

Earl Williams just captured in the press room
in the criminal courts building hiding in a desk.

- On your feet.
- Don't try any funny stuff.

Williams was unconscious
when they opened the desk.

Williams put up a struggle,
but the police overpowered him.

He tried to shoot it out,
but his gun wouldn't work.

Tried to break through
a cordon of police.

Duffy, the Post just turned Williams
over to the sheriff!

- Put the cuffs on these people.
- More later.

An anonymous note
led to Williams' capture. Hold on!

The sheriff was tracing a telephone call
which gave away Williams' hiding place.

- Where's the old lady?
- She went out!

- Out?
- Call me back. I'll call you back!

N' (humming)

Give me the warden's office, quick.

Hartwell, you're gonna wish
you'd never been born!

Oh, am I?

- Hello, Fred.
- Well, fine work, Pete.

You certainly delivered the goods.
I'm proud of you.

- Look natural, don't they?
- A sight for sore eyes.

Aiding an escaped criminal
and a little charge of kidnapping.

What's that? That's the jail.
There must be somebody there.

Looks like about 10 years apiece
for you two birds.

Does it?

Whenever you think you've got
the Morning Post licked,

it's time for you to get out of town.

Whistling in the dark. That ain't gonna
help you this time. You're through.

The last man who said that was Archie Leach,
just a week before he cut his throat.

Is that so?

We've been in worse jams than this,
haven't we, Hildy?

No.

You forget the power that always
watches over the Morning Post.

- Your luck's not with you now.
- This is Hartwell.

I've caught him. Yes, Williams.

Single-handed. We'll proceed
with the hanging per schedule.

You're gonna be in office
exactly two days more.

Then we're gonna pull your nose out
of that feed bag.

- I'll tell you what you'll be doing.
- What?

- Well, go on.
- Making brooms in the state penitentiary!

Joe, this is Hartwell.
Come over to my office right away.

I captured a couple of important birds.
I want you to take their confessions.

Duffy, get Liebowitz!

All the lawyers in the world
aren't gonna help you now.

You're talking to the Morning Post!

MAYOR:
Oh, power of the press. (laughing)

WALTER: Bigger men than you have
found out what the power of the press is!

- Presidents. Kings!
- Here's the reprieve.

- Say, you - Get out of here.
- You can't bribe me. My wife -

- Get out of here!
- Oh, no, I won't! Here's the reprieve.

- What?
- I don't want to be a city sealer.

- Who is this man?
- Throw him out.

Just a minute.
Who's trying to bribe you?

- They wouldn't take this.
- He's insane.

What did I tell ya? An unseen power!

What do you mean by coming here
with a cock-and-bull story like that?

- SHERIFF: He's an impostor!
- Arrest him.

Trying to hang an innocent man
to win an election.

- That's murder.
- Never saw him before.

- If I was to tell my wife -
- What's your name?

- Joe Pettibone.
- When did you deliver this first?

- Who'd you talk to?
- They started right in bribing me.

- Who's they?
- Those. Them.

That's absurd! He's talking like a child.

- Out of the mouths of babes!
- Hi, babe.

He's insane. Drunk.

If this unfortunate man has really
been reprieved, I'm tickled to death.

- Aren't you, Pete?
- You'd hang your own mother to be reelected.

- That's a horrible thing to say about anybody.
- Oh, you're marvelous.

- Look here, Walter. You're an intelligent man.
- Never mind that.

Now let's have your story,
Mr. Pettibone.

- Nineteen years ago, I married Mrs. Pettibone.
- Skip all that.

- Only she wasn't Mrs. Pettibone then.
- I mean -

Sheriff, this document is authentic.
Earl Williams has been reprieved.

And our commonwealth has been saved
the painful necessity of shedding blood.

You said it. Get off the soapbox.
Save that for the Tribune.

Pete, take those handcuffs
off my friends.

- I'm amazed at you, doing a thing like that.
-Isn't he awful?

- You don't know how badly I feel.
- No.

- No excuse for Pete to fly off the handle.
- I was only doing my duty. Nothing personal.

- That's all right.
- What'd you say your name was?

Pettibone. Here's a picture of my wife.

- A fine-looking woman.
- You haven't seen her yet.

She's all right.

She's good enough for me! If I was
to tell my wife - Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo!

I understand perfectly, Mr. Pettibone.
As long as I'm mayor-

Which ought to be
about three more hours.

Just long enough for us to get our
special edition, asking for your recall.

And your arrest. You boys ought
to get about 10 years apiece.

Don't make any hasty decisions,
Mr. Burns.

You might run into a big libel suit!

You're going to run into the governor.

My old friend, the governor, and I
understand each other perfectly.

- Yes, and so do I.
- So do you what, you hoodoo?

Mr. Pettibone, if you'll come with us,
we'll take you to the warden's office

and deliver this reprieve.

- Come along, Pete.
- If I was to tell my wife -

- You won't have to.
- PETTIBONE: Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Wait till those two future jailbirds
read the Morning Post tomorrow.

- A tight squeeze though.
- Give me Duffy.

That's the worst jam
we've been in in a long time.

Where is he? Get him.

Remember the time we stole old lady
Haggerty's stomach off the coroner's physician?

- Anytime you need this guy, he's never there.
- We proved she'd been poisoned.

We had to hide out for a week.
Remember that?

The Shoreland Hotel.
That's where - I mean, how we -

We could've gone to jail for that too.
You know that.

Yes, you're right, Hildy.
It's a bad business.

You're gonna be better off.
You'd better get going.

- Where would I go?
- To Bruce, of course.

But you know he's gone.
He took the 9:00 train.

Send him a wire. He'll be waiting
in the station when you get into Albany.

- Why doesn't that guy have a phone in there?
- I got it so messed up.

- Get going, Hildy.
-“Get going”? What is that with you?

Wait a minute. Can't you understand?

I'm trying to do something noble
for once in my life. Get out of here.

Walter, just a minute.

- Send the fellow a wire. He'll be waiting.
- Who'll write the story?

I'll do it myself.
Won't be half as good as you can do it.

It's my story. I'd like to think -

- Oh, at last!
- I get it, Walter. The same old act.

Trying to push me out, thinking
I'll be stupid enough to want to stay.

I know I deserved that.
Wait a minute, Duffy.

But this is one time you're wrong.

Honey, when you walk out that door,
part of me will go with you.

But a whole new world's
gonna open up for you.

- I made fun of Bruce. You know why?
- Why?

I was jealous.

I was sore because he could offer you
the kind of life I can't give you.

That's what you want, honey.

I could stay and do the story
and take the train in the morning.

No, forget it. Come on, come on.

Good-bye, dear, and good luck.

Duffy. This is how it goes so far.

-(phone ringing)
- Oh, just a minute.

Hello. Who? Hildy Johnson?

- No, she just left.
- I'm still here. I can take it.

Hang on a minute.

Hildy Johnson speaking.

The Fourth Precinct Police Station?

Well, put him on.

Bruce, I thought you were
on your way to Albany.

- What for?
- For having counterfeit money.

- Counterfeit money?
-(clears throat) Hold on a minute, Duffy.

Where did you get it?

I gave it to you?

Oh, all right.
I'll try and do something about it.

(crying)

(sobbing)

Oh, honey.

Honey, don't - don't cry, please.

Come on. I didn't mean to make you cry.
What's the matter with you?

You never cried before. Hildy.

I thought you were really
sending me away with Bruce.

I didn't know you had him locked up.

I thought...
you were on the level for once,

that you were just standing by
and letting me go off with him

and not doing a thing about it.

Aw, come on, honey.
What do you think I was, a chump?

And I thought you didn't love me.

- What were you thinking with?
- I don't know.

Well, what are you standing there
gawking for?

We have to get him out of jail.

Send Louie down
with some honest money

and send him back to Albany
where he belongs.

Sure, sure.

Duffy, everything's changed. Tell Louie
to stand by. We're coming to the office.

Don't worry about the story.
Hildy's gonna write it.

Of course she's not quitting.
We're gonna get married.

- Oh! Can we go on a honeymoon this time?
- Sure.

Duffy, you can be managing editor.
No, no, not permanently.

Just for the two weeks
we're away on our honeymoon.

- What?
- I don't know where. Where are we going?

- Niagara Falls.
- Niagara Falls, Duffy!

- Two whole weeks, Walter?
- Sure. You've earned it!

What? What?

Strike? What strike?

Where? Albany?

- I know it's on the way, but I can't ask Hildy -
- We'll honeymoon in Albany.

Okay, Duffy. (weak laugh)

isn't that a coincidence? We're going to Albany.
I wonder if Bruce can put us up.

Say, why don't you
carry that in your hand?