High School U.S.A. (1983) - full transcript
Set in a senior high school class, J.J. pursues the girlfriend of a rival from a higher clique.
(MultiCom Jingle)
♪ I'm so glad that school is in ♪
♪ Now I can see my old classmates again ♪
♪ I worked and slaved the summer through ♪
♪ Doing things my mom told me to do ♪
♪ Washed the dishes, scrubbed the floor ♪
♪ And taught the baby
how to count to four ♪
♪ I made the beds and cut the grass ♪
♪ I'm glad that school is in at last ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
(upbeat rock music)
♪ Now vacation time has come to an end ♪
♪ Now I got to get back
to my studies again ♪
♪ And make the grades so I can pass ♪
♪ I'm glad that school is in at last ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in ♪
♪ Oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
(school bell ringing)
(phone ringing)
- Hello?
- [Cara] Hi Beth, Cara.
- Look, can I call you back?
I'm right in the middle of my homework.
- No, dear.
You see when I or
Anne-Marie or anyone else
from our crowd calls, it's
obviously extremely important.
You've only been dating
Beau since the summer
so we haven't been friends that long,
but you'll learn.
- Got it, uh, what's the problem?
- Beau's party tomorrow night.
What are you wearing?
(phone ringing)
Hold that thought.
Yes?
- Hi Cara, it's Anne-Marie.
- [Cara] Anne-Marie,
I'm so glad you called.
What are you wearing to Beau's party?
- Probably something black.
I'm in mourning.
Beau's going steady with Beth Franklin.
And my life is ruined.
(phone ringing)
- Beau Middleton's party?
- Yeah, Beau Middleton's party.
It's tomorrow night.
Every good looking girl in
the school is gonna be there.
We gotta go.
- Except for one thing, Chuckie.
We weren't invited.
- So?
(buzzing)
That's not gonna stop us.
Nothing's gonna stop us.
This is our year to get physical.
- You really think so?
- I know so.
We're a couple of great
looking, hip dudes, right?
- Yeah.
We're cool.
- Okay.
I'll call you back after the Flinstones.
(phone ringing)
- Hello?
- [Jay-Jay] Yo, Otto.
- Hey, Jay-Jay.
- Listen.
I think we should make some serious plans
for tomorrow night.
Why don't I pick you up at eight?
We'll do nothing together.
- Sounds great, but I can't.
Gerardi's Catering Company
just got the Middleton account.
I'm working the party.
I'm in charge of dip.
- I'll pick you up after the party.
Let's see, there'll all that
deep, preppy conversation.
Preppy dancing, piles of preppy fun.
The party starts at nine,
I'll pick you up at 9:15.
♪ Do do do do ♪
♪ Ooo ooo ♪
- You wanna get the chrome?
(bell ringing)
Alright, there's the bell.
Who's got my homework?
Good, good, good, bad.
- [Boy] Bad?
- Yeah, bad, meatball.
You signed your name.
Do it over.
(snapping)
(upbeat pop music)
(students chattering)
- Chuckie, I'm in love.
I wanna spend the rest of
my unnatural life with her.
- Well, ask her for a date.
Women like that.
- Yeah?
- Trust me.
(upbeat pop music)
(students chattering)
Go ahead.
- Hi.
- Drop dead, wimp.
(slamming)
(groaning)
- Well?
- She's thinking it over.
- Great, great.
♪ Da da da da da da da da da ♪
- Now that is entertainment.
(laughing)
- What do you mean you don't know
what Beau's wearing to the party?
He's your boyfriend.
You two have to match.
- He'll probably wear something
with an alligator on it.
Who cares.
Beau looks good in anything.
Who are you takin'?
- Oh Brian the Dentist, he's so gorgeous.
All he talks about is his work.
The last time we went
out, I nibbled on his ear
and he told me my bite was off.
(hitting)
- Oh, I'm sorry.
You gotta show these lockers
who's boss, you know?
Hey, uh, you're Beth Franklin, aren't you?
- Yeah.
I'm sorry, I didn't see you.
- Oh no, I did that on purpose.
I just wanted to get a better look at you.
You're a knockout.
- And you're a creep.
Come on Beth.
That Jay-Jay Manners is such a nothing.
Did you hear how he spoke to me?
He makes my skin crawl.
- I think he's kind of cute.
(chuckling)
- Who's kind of cute?
- You, of course.
Especially when you're angry.
Your dimple twitches.
- How can I be angry when I got you, huh?
- Okay, now what were
we discussing yesterday
when the bell rang?
- [Students] Reproduction.
- Yes, yes.
A plant sex.
Of what--
Once we understand how our little green
friends reproduce, we
can better understand how
men and women reproduce.
We need to know certain things.
Why we do it,
how we do it,
and uh,
do we leave the lights on?
(students grumbling)
- [Anne-Marie] Uh, Mr. Plaza?
- Yes.
- Mr. Plaza, um, you asked
me to make that announcement.
- Oh, very well, Anne-Marie.
- I am happy to announce
that I have been appointed
president of the photography club
by our faculty advisor, Mr. Plaza.
(applause)
If any of you wish to
participate in the fall project,
there is a sign up sheet
outside the classroom.
There's nothing to it.
All you need is a good eye
and an expensive camera.
Thank you again.
- You're welcome.
And, uh, thank your
dad for the snow tires.
(upbeat rock music)
- [Jay-Jay] Hey, Bandini,
what's the matter?
- I don't know, my toes are killing me.
- Uh, that's because you got
your shoes on the wrong feet.
- No, I don't.
These are my feet.
(upbeat rock music)
- [Boy] Hey, way to go, bonehead.
- Learn a lesson, Otto.
Eat right,
get plenty of sleep,
and don't drink your chemistry set.
Do you know Beth Franklin?
- Yeah.
She's going out with Beau Middleton,
so unless you got 25 million dollars
and a lifetime supply of
brute, forget about it.
- Yeah, okay, okay.
I was just askin'.
Whoa.
Yo.
(hitting)
(spilling)
Yo, Mr. Sirota.
Sorry about your coffee.
So what's with the tin man?
- Well if NASA's gonna
take my robot to Mars,
it's gotta be resistant to temperatures
of all extremes.
Do you know how hot it gets on Mars?
- Ask Bandini, he's been there.
(bell ringing)
(cheering)
- The bell.
I've lived through another class.
- Class is over!
Da da da!
(hitting)
(crashing)
(students chattering)
- I hate this job.
(students chattering)
- Are you two signing up
for my photography club?
- Any objections?
- Many.
But there's nothin' I can do about it.
Legally.
I suppose I have to tell
you about the fall theme.
It's Back to Nature.
So
natural.
The most interesting candid photo,
we're gonna put it in the yearbook.
So suck up to me at the meetings,
'cause I'm the judge.
Speaking of natural beauty,
there's Beau Middleton.
I melt for him.
Beau!
- She is the lowest.
- She's just the lowest.
- And I'd really just love to
put her right in her place.
- I'd like to put her right in her place.
- And I just figured out how.
- You did, how?
- We'll take a nature shot.
The ultimate nature shot.
I'm talking au natural.
- Oh no, I'm not taking
my clothes off, no way.
I once took my clothes off at the drive-in
for Eddie Hanson.
He went to get popcorn
and he never came back.
I'm never taking my clothes off again
in front of anybody.
Not even my husband,
unless he's Burt Reynolds.
Maybe Richard Gere.
Possibly--
- Nadine.
- Yes?
- May I finish what I was trying to say?
- Who's stopping you?
- What do you think of this?
We'll take a picture of Beau
Middleton's naked behind
and enter that as our nature shot.
- Peggy, Nadine!
Bambinos, don't you know
loitering is a felony?
Luckily I have some handcuffs
left over from last night.
I'll let you get away with it this time.
- Uh, Jay-Jay?
School is this way.
- Oh, no, I'm gonna get some breakfast.
I got Miss Ramos for history.
She doesn't take attendance
until after Christmas.
- Well didn't you hear about Miss Ramos?
I had her for homeroom.
She became a moonie.
Yesterday was her last day.
She's on retreat in Korea.
- Who's taking over for her?
- Dr. Hauptmann.
And you know how he gets when you're late.
(bell ringing)
- I'm a dead man.
I'm a dead man!
(dog barking)
(Jay-Jay yelling)
Nice, Shotsy.
Shotsy, I'm your friend.
I saw Das Boot three times.
- History is often
determined by the struggle
between the classes.
Rich versus poor.
Superior versus inferior.
Blonde versus brunette.
Hm.
(door closing)
Manners, you are late.
(students laughing)
You know what happens to
late comers in my class?
- Firing squad?
- And you're also insubordinate.
Go to Mr. Kinney's office at once!
And stop smiling at the girls.
- You know, you're amazing.
Tell me how you do that.
We'll work Vegas.
- Klaus!
Snell!
(dog barking)
- Nice going Jay-Jay.
First week of school and
you're already in to see me.
- I missed you over
the summer, Mr. Kinney.
How was Club Med?
- Lousy.
Rich guys got all the girls.
I couldn't even get a sun tan.
- When you went to the beach,
did you remember to take
your sports jacket off?
- Oh.
Well maybe I'll trying that last year.
So, what did you do over the summer?
- Ah, the usual.
Safari in Kenya.
Dinner with the White House.
The rest of the time I
just played video games.
- Did you think about your future?
- My future.
Nope, nope.
Never came up.
- You know, Jay-Jay, down
deep in the far, far reaches
of your innermost self,
I think there must be some potential.
But, we're never gonna
find it unless you start
caring about something.
- Hey.
Hey, I happen to care very
deeply about who becomes
Playmate of the Year.
I know, I know.
What are you gonna do with me?
- I don't know.
But,
let's start with a week of detention.
- That's a beginning.
- Everybody help themselves.
My home ec class made
these fresh this morning.
- Mm.
Mm.
What are these?
- Possum croissants.
(coughing)
- My favorite.
- Hello, Miss D'Angelo.
I'll pick you up tonight at about eight?
- You know you two amaze me.
You see one another
every day, every night.
Don't you think it's
time you tied the knot?
(chuckling)
- Well tonight's kind of special.
We're going to the ballet.
- Hot coffee anyone?
- [Woman] Oh no.
Watch out, watch out.
(spilling)
- I hate this job.
- Well good, everybody's here.
I have a couple of announcements to make.
- Thanks.
- Number one.
Let's not forget about
the upcoming fall dance.
I think we should all make
it a point to be there.
- Is it formal?
- Yes, but I think you
can wear a black suit.
- Good, I have several of those.
- Second announcement.
Our beloved Booster Club
president, Beau Middleton Senior,
has decided to offer a summer
study grant to the teacher
who best exemplifies the
ideals of Excelsior Union High.
As defined by Beau
Middleton Junior, of course.
The winner will receive
a $10,000 cash prize,
and an all expense paid trip to Europe.
I've posted the information
on the bulletin board
in cast anybody might be interested.
(clearing throat)
- I can't wait to crash that party.
We are gonna rock and roll.
Hey, Arch, can I borrow some
of your father's cologne?
- Yeah, sure.
Hey come on, that stuff's
three dollars a bottle.
- Whoa.
(car honking)
(honking)
- Wow.
Wow, Chuckie, look at this, a new car.
Get a load of this.
Wow.
- That's right son, a new car.
- Oh wow, gee, Dad.
I didn't realize that you
could afford something
like this just from selling pet supplies.
- What do you think,
your father's a schmo?
You're looking at the
number one scratching post
salesman in the Midwest.
- This is beautiful, Mr. Feld.
Can we go for a ride?
- Yeah, sure.
Get in.
But be careful.
(hitting)
Oh.
Come back here!
Come back here!
(slow, soft music)
(doorbell buzzing)
- I'll get it, dear.
Hello, Beau.
- Good afternoon, Mrs. Franklin.
I'm here to take Beth to
my house to help me set up
the party.
- Ah.
- My, you look gorgeous.
Is that a new hairdo?
- No, Beau, I haven't been
to the hairdresser in a week.
- Well, with wonderful hair
like that, why even go?
- Come on in, Beau.
I'll go get Beth.
- Afternoon, Mr. Franklin.
- Hi there, Beau.
- Whoa, what a grip.
I wish I were as strong
as you, Mr. Franklin.
- It's from good, honest hard work.
You know, when I was a boy,
my grandfather told me,
he said, "Baxter, I don't give a hang what
"you've got upstairs, as long
as you're home for supper."
- That is very profound, Mr. Franklin.
Can I use that?
- Hi.
I'm sorry to keep you waiting.
- Oh no problem.
Your folks and I were
having a nice little chat.
You know, I could do that all day.
- Don't lose him, Beth.
You two make such a lovely couple.
- Oh, so do you two.
You ready, Beth?
- Sure.
- You two kids go and
have a wonderful time.
- Thank you.
It's a pleasure seeing you both again.
What time would you like
Beth home this evening?
- Oh any time, Beau, as
long as she's with you.
- You can trust me, sir.
(birds chirping)
Do I own them or what?
(upbeat pop music)
Excuse me.
Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen,
may I have your attention?
(glass clinking)
Thank you.
As you all know, I have been
elected class president again.
Thank you.
(applause)
And I am very, very happy to announce that
the upcoming fall dance
will be the best ever.
See Anne-Marie Conklin,
president of my social committee
about tickets.
Now to keep out the undesirables,
the price will be $100 per
couple, 150 if you wanna
sit at my table.
I believe all credit cards are accepted.
Am I correct, Anne-Marie?
- Uh, major credit cards.
- Thank you.
Okay.
Let's boogey.
(upbeat pop music)
(teens chattering)
Hey, Lipton.
We need more pigs in blankets.
- Yes, sir, just a sec.
- Now.
(upbeat pop music)
- This is never gonna work, Chuckie.
- Sure it will.
Just do everything I do.
Whoa!
(crashing)
- Excuse me, is this seat taken?
Great party.
Too bad neither of us
really wants to be here.
- You know how it is when
your boyfriend's the host.
He's just got so many
details to take care of he
sometimes forgets who he's with.
- You know, if you were my date,
you'd be the only detail
I'd be concerned with.
Uh, excuse me.
I'm late for anything.
- Would you care to dance?
- There's no music playing.
- Then you wanna make out?
- What'd you say sleaze ball?
- Oh, well, I actually was just--
- How'd you like me to mess up your face?
- Whoa, whoa, wait a minute,
wait a minute, Godzilla.
As you can plainly see, nature has already
taken care of that.
- That's right.
Listen to the man.
He's clear minded.
Thanks Jay-Jay, I owe you one.
- Maybe you're right.
Maybe I should mess up your face, huh?
(grunting)
(hitting)
(grunting)
- [Boy] Whoa.
- [Girl] The cake!
- Freeze, Manners!
I said freeze, Manners!
You ruined my cake, my suit, and my party.
- Hey, Beau, take it easy.
The party was a bomb to begin with.
- Beau, would you just forget it?
Jay-Jay was leaving anyway.
- Yeah, well so is his friend.
I want this man fired or you lose
the Middleton account, okay?
'Cause nobody embarrasses me.
- Don't bother firing
me, Mr. Gerardi, I quit.
Come on, Jay-Jay.
- Yeah, I'll be there in a minute.
I just want some cake.
- Jay-Jay come on.
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Girl ♪
(whistling)
Hey, Jay-Jay.
- Hey, Otto.
The suspense is killing me.
When are you gonna show
me what this thing can do?
- Well it's not quite
finished yet, Jay-Jay.
Ah, sure, come on in.
I can show you a few things right now.
Come on, help me get him down.
(grunting)
See, he works on voice commands.
Watch.
(robot beeping)
Okie dokie.
Robot,
walk.
(robot beeping)
- That's unbelievable.
You know, you're a genius.
- Robot, stop.
(robot beeping)
No.
Anybody with a 200 IQ can do it.
Robot, dance.
(robot beeping)
- Oh wow.
Hey, Otto, can I try?
- Sure.
- Robot, stop.
(robot beeping)
- You too, Bandini.
- Wanna give it a shot?
- Yeah, alright.
Robot,
the door.
(robot beeping)
(robot honking)
(crashing)
- Told you I gotta work on it.
Robot, come back!
(robot beeping)
- No.
It's really hard to be
romantic with the janitor's
grandmother staring at us.
- I know, I know.
I just couldn't be without you.
- We're gonna see each other tonight.
- Huh?
Oh.
Yes.
Yes.
About tonight.
I don't,
I don't really feel like
going to the ballet.
Let's meet someplace a little,
a little, off the beaten path.
- Okay.
- How's 10 o'clock behind
the slaughterhouse?
- Wait a minute, what's going on here?
I get the feeling that you
don't wanna be seen with me.
- Yeah, oh, no, no, no, no.
It's not what you think.
Miss D'Angelo, I want that
Middleton grant so bad,
I can taste it.
I'm a biologist.
This is my chance to go to France,
the place where reproduction was invented.
- It's blood money.
Don't you see what you have
to do to win that prize?
I mean every time those preps walks by,
you have to kiss their feet.
- Just for a year.
- Oh, I don't believe it.
What's winning this prize have
to do with out relationship?
What's wrong with me?
- Well, I mean, you're kind of Italian.
- So?
- Well Mr. Middleton
tends to favors WASPs.
- But you're Greek!
- Shh.
(upbeat music)
- Whoa, whoa.
Whoa, Jay-Jay "Call Me
Magic" Manners goes around.
He's up, it's good, and he's foul.
- When's your father coming home, Jay-Jay?
- I don't know.
Monday, Wednesday, Friday.
He didn't say.
- Hey Jay-Jay, would you like to come over
to my house for dinner tonight?
My mom's makin' stew.
- Thanks anyway, but,
there's plenty to eat here.
Besides, I got things to do.
I gotta match my socks.
I promised myself I'd
throw out all newspapers
prior to 1970.
- What do you think, Jay-Jay?
Is it true these are the
best years of our lives?
- Hm.
Let me see.
You got a 200 IQ.
You can get into any college you want.
- Yeah, well everyone in high
school thinks I'm strange.
- Ah ha, eccentric.
And you can't hold a job,
and your best friend is me,
and you can't play basketball.
So, obviously for you,
the best is yet to come.
- Okay, now I'm depressed.
What about you?
- Me?
Hm.
Jay-Jay Manners.
Cute, endearing.
- [Otto] Modest.
- I haven't seen my
mother since I was two.
I almost never see my father.
Which makes me fiercely independent.
- Yeah, mhm.
- I'm 16.
My car is 18.
Which is good,
because I like a car with experience.
I have absolutely no future plans,
and presently I have
nine cents.
Which means I have no
obligations and I'm available.
So, Otto, it's clear that for me,
these are the best years of my life.
- Yeah, the only thing you don't have
is a date with Beth Franklin.
- Low blow.
Otto, Otto, I can't figure it out.
Why does she insist on going
out with that jerk Middleton?
- Well he's got an outstanding car.
Good looking, rich,
and he runs the school.
- I know!
What does she see in him?
- Listen, he's been in
the bathroom long enough.
Come on, let's check it out.
(robot beeping)
- Wish me luck.
(robot beeping)
I did it!
I did it, Jay-Jay.
He's ice cold and the water's boiling hot.
He's ice cold, I did it!
He's ready for the space program!
Alright, yeah!
- What a shame.
You can't dance, either.
(robot beeping)
(people chattering)
(upbeat music)
- Hey Mr. Plaza, those
chili dogs look great.
- They'd better be, I waited
in line for a half hour.
- Yeah, you know, I could go for one,
but I hate waiting in line.
- You want these?
- [Beau] Oh, no, no,
I couldn't, Mr. Plaza.
- No, I insist, I insist.
Here, Beau, here.
Here, here.
Something to drink?
- [Beau] You shouldn't.
- No, no, no, please.
- Mr. Plaza.
You're alright Mr. Plaza.
- Thanks, Beau.
- See you later.
- Yeah.
Bye, guys.
Bye.
(people chattering)
(upbeat music)
Knock, knock.
- This is ridiculous.
Why did you ever agree
to chaperone this thing?
- Miss D'Angelo, if I'm
gonna win that prize,
it's in my best interest
to be seen at every
prep function.
- Swell.
Next time, count me out.
- Look, at least we're together.
Isn't this romantic?
The two of us dining al fresco?
- Dining on what?
You left a half hour ago to get food.
Where is it?
- I knew I forgot something.
I'll be right back with a gourmet lunch
you'll never forget.
Can I borrow 10 bucks?
- Beau.
- Beth, we'll have a little
fun in the fun house.
- Come on, you promised me we'd
go on the Ferris wheel next.
It's my favorite ride.
- I told you, the line's too long.
We'll go in here first, what do you say?
- Alright, but you promise me we'll go
on the Ferris wheel next?
- Yeah, I promise.
- No.
Look.
I don't want to go into the fun house.
I know we have to get
Beau Middleton's picture,
but I'm afraid of the dark,
and whenever I get scared,
I jump into somebody's arms.
If I jump into your arms,
people are gonna talk.
I can't afford that.
As it is, my phone's got cobwebs.
- Nadine.
(sighing)
- Did you see that?
Two girls just went into
the fun house together.
Come on.
Our big moment has arrived.
- What are we gonna do?
- Play it calm, play it cool.
As soon as we get inside, we jump on 'em.
- Cool.
Chuckie, it's too dark in here.
I can't see the girls.
- [Chuckie] Just follow me.
And sniff for perfume.
- [Peggy] There's Beau, yank!
- [Chuckie] Hey!
- [Nadine] Get off me!
(screaming)
- Yeah, we did it!
Oh, we got Beau's picture.
Who is that?
- What is that?
Barf-o-rama.
- That was the greatest.
Someone pulled my pants down.
- [Both] Ew.
- Hey.
Hey, is that Beth Franklin?
- That's very amusing.
Will you just cut it out?
That is her.
You owe me a buck.
- Come on, what do you mean no?
You promised.
- Look, the line is still too long.
Besides, Ferris wheel's for wimps.
Hey, you wanna go on it?
Go on it yourself.
I'll meet you afterwards.
- $50?
- Yeah, leave a tip.
(upbeat carnival music)
- Excuse me, miss.
Did you know in a recent
survey of adolescent geeks,
this ride was rated more
frightening than swollen glands?
This is not a ride to take alone.
- Well I think I'm gonna forget it anyway.
The line's too long.
- Oh, no, no problem, no problem.
Excuse me, excuse me.
Excuse me.
She's gotta have a ride.
Thank you.
Excuse me, excuse me.
This way.
Excuse me, excuse me.
Would you give me a break?
Excuse me.
Thanks.
Thank you.
- [Beth] What did you say to him?
- I told him you have three weeks to live.
Suck in your cheeks.
(slow, soft tinkling music)
This is great, isn't it?
Gives you a chance to breathe.
Get away from all the
coneheads down there.
- You don't like people very much, do ya?
- No, I love people.
I just don't like crowds.
Especially certain crowds.
- Then, uh, why'd you come today?
- Actually...
This is the first one of
these things I've come to.
- Me, too.
I always wanted to come, but, uh,
never really had anyone to come with.
Well, until this year.
- Yeah.
You're in with the A crowd.
Congratulations.
- I like being included, Jay-Jay.
I never was before.
I don't know.
It makes me feel like I'm somebody.
- I kind of like being alone.
- This is very strange.
Here we are, stuck on
top of the Ferris wheel
telling each other our deepest thoughts.
You and I are total strangers.
- I wish we weren't.
- Well isn't that precious.
I don't mean to be catty, but, uh,
there's Beth Franklin on the Ferris wheel
with that sleaze ball Jay-Jay Manners.
- Hi, stranger.
(slow doo wop music)
(phone ringing)
Hello?
- Beth, honey, we've gotta talk.
- About what?
- Why on Earth would you
risk your relationship
with Beau Middleton by being
seen with that Jay-Jay Manners?
That's like breaking up with
a doctor to date an orderly.
- Cara, all I did was go on
the Ferris wheel with him.
We talked, he's very sweet.
- He's a python.
- Believe me.
I am not in the least bit
interested in Jay-Jay Manners.
- [Operator] Excuse me.
I have an emergency call for
555-8231, Mr. Manners calling.
Will you release?
- Ha!
- You bet.
Bye, Cara.
(phone ringing)
Hello?
- Yo, Beth.
Double Jay Manners here.
Mr. Ferris wheel, remember me?
- Vaguely.
Hi, Jay-Jay.
- Well listen, I hope
I didn't shake you up
with the emergency phone call.
- No, I was just talking to Cara.
- Oh, then I did you a favor.
Listen, I know it's kind of short notice,
but would you like to
go out with me February,
March, and April?
Or, if you're busy, how
about Saturday night?
- Jay-Jay, don't do this to me.
You know I'm going steady
with Beau Middleton.
- I know, but a girl has
to have some fun, too.
- I can't.
I would really like to, but,
I made a commitment to Beau.
He even gave me his ring.
We can still be friends.
- You mean like Wally and Lumpy?
Uh, I'll pass.
- I'm really sorry.
- Hey would it do you
any good if I told you
I had three weeks to live?
(chuckling)
No, huh?
Ah.
Okay.
I'll never bother you again.
(phone ringing)
- Hello?
- Yo, Beth.
Jay-Jay here.
You dump Beau yet?
- You're makin' this a lot harder.
- I know, that's the point.
Okay, see you in school.
(phone ringing)
- Now what?
- Beth?
- Beau.
Hi.
Uh, where are you?
It sounds like you're
calling from your car.
- I'm in my car.
I'm upset, Beth, and when I
get upset, I like to drive.
Who were you just talking to on the phone?
- Just now?
Cara.
- Lie.
I just spoke to Cara.
She said you were talking
with Jay-Jay Manners.
- Alright, I was.
He called me.
Look, he's a nice guy.
What was I supposed to do?
Hang up on him?
- You did the right thing, Beth.
Don't worry.
Jay-Jay and I'll straighten
this whole thing out.
- [Peggy] Nadine?
Nadine?
- Yes?
- Give me the 7/8ths drill bit.
- How do I know which
one's the 7/8ths drill bit?
What do I look like?
Mr. Goodwrench?
Give me a break.
It's five o'clock in the morning.
I'm lucky I know where I am.
Where am I?
- Look at this.
It's the boy's locker room.
It's deserted, and it
still looks disgusting.
In just five hours, it'll be 10 o'clock
and guess who'll be in there
changing his clothes for gym?
Beau Middleton.
- And Chuckie Dipple.
- [Both] Ew.
- Hey Jay-Jay, look at this.
Da da da da!
(hitting)
- Oh.
Hey, hey, you okay?
- I'm great.
And you?
- Nice technique, Clyde, nice technique.
- Hello Jay-Jay.
- Beau.
Oxen.
- Let me ask you a question, Curt.
Are you a virgin?
- What do you mean, I got kids.
- My parents wanted kids.
- Oh, Mr. Krinsky, sir.
What are you doing here?
- I'm the janitor, I'm
supposed to be here.
What are you doin' here?
- School newspaper.
- Yeah.
- We're here to do an article about you.
- Yeah, you.
- About how outdated your
tools and buckets are.
- Oh lord knows I could
use another squeegee.
- Oh great, well, how about a picture?
- Sure.
Say, uh, you suppose I
could have one of those
for my girlfriend?
- [Peggy And Nadine] Sure.
- Here.
Now, um, would it be
alright if we took a look
around the office and made some notes?
- Oh, I'm sorry girls.
This place is off limits.
And I have two more years to
go before I get my pension
and there's no way I can jeopardize that.
- [Nadine] Here's two bucks.
- Lock up when you leave.
(giggling)
- Hey Beau.
Was the hole always here?
- No.
Why don't you plug it up?
- Whoa!
Hi, guys.
- [Nadine] See anything?
- [Chuckie] No!
- I think I'm gonna be sick.
(upbeat marching music)
- One,
two,
three.
(yelling)
- Lower is two inches.
(upbeat marching music)
- Ready, set.
Hut one, hut two, hut three.
(boys yelling)
(yelling)
(crashing)
(laughing)
- That's a warning, Manners.
(spitting)
Stay away from Beth Franklin.
- And solid food.
- Jay-Jay what happened?
Your face is a mess.
- Ah, Beth.
- Come here, sit down.
- Um no, Beth, really.
Really, thank you.
I appreciate it,
but your kindness is gonna kill me.
- Would you just be quiet and sit still?
- Ow.
- [Beth] I'm sorry.
- Well isn't that sweet?
Beth Franklin wiping Jay-Jay Manners' chin
with her very own
monogrammed handkerchief.
You must be so happy to
have such a friendly,
outgoing girlfriend.
- I guess some guys are
just born thick, huh?
I'm gonna fix that guy once and for all.
(students chattering)
- Well here you are, Mr. Middleton.
USDA prime.
I was saving it for the
principal's lunch but, well,
you do come first.
How do you like it?
- Raw.
- Suit yourself.
You know, I sure could
use that $10,000 prize.
I'd buy myself a new house, a new car,
a camper for my daddy,
a whole new--
- Miss Lee, Miss Lee.
The grant is $10,000.
- Fine.
I'll just give the rest to charity.
(slow, dramatic music)
(dog panting)
(slow, dramatic music)
- Ah, listen.
Sorry I had to rough you guys up earlier.
No hard feelings, okay?
- Hey.
No hard feelings.
(dog barking)
- And that is what happened
at the Battle of Bulge Hill.
(bell ringing)
Ah, ah, ah, ah.
Don't forget your homework assignments.
Those who fail to do it, Mr. Manners--
(students laughing)
will be severely punished.
Dismissed.
(students chattering)
- [Beau] Can we help you Dr. Hauptmann?
- Oh thank you, Beau.
Such a well mannered boy and tall.
You and your friends are always so kind.
You know, Beau, I would
like very much to win
the Middleton prize.
I could use the money to
visit my mama in Germany.
I mean Austria.
(humming)
Shotsy, where are you, puppy?
Ah, yes, I bet you're hungry.
We go home, we'll get
something to eat, yeah?
(dog barking)
Shotsy!
(dog barking)
- I'll do my homework, I promise!
Help!
- Shotsy, is that bad boy bothering you?
Huh?
(dog barking)
(upbeat music)
(Mr. Hauptmann yelling)
Wait for the light, Shotsy!
- When preparing for a
picnic, always make enough
for unexpected guests.
- Whoa!
Whoa!
- Shotsy, Shotsy, I'm falling!
(yelling)
- [Jay-Jay] Oh great.
- Come on Jay-Jay.
- Pete, I'd love to chat, but--
(dog growling)
(bag ripping)
- Are you okay, Hauptmann?
- He did this to me.
- Yes, I know.
- That devil Manners.
- He'll be dealt with, I can
assure you Dr. Hauptmann.
- I want him executed.
- Hey, hey!
It's not my fault that the stupid mutt
thought I was a piece of schnitzel.
- Stupid mutt?
I'll kill you now.
(yelling)
- It's me, it's me.
Hauptmann, you fool.
It's me.
- Beth, Beth, listen this
isn't as bad as it looks.
- I don't wanna hear it, Jay-Jay.
How could you play such a cruel joke
on a helpless blind man?
- [Pete] Come on Jay-Jay.
- Everyone kept warning me about you,
but I just wouldn't listen.
I actually thought you
were something special.
Boy, was I a jerk.
- Beth.
- [Pete] Jay-Jay, now.
- Mr. Kinney, believe me.
I didn't do it.
I was set up.
- Hey you know what, Jay-Jay?
I think you're telling the truth.
- What a relief.
Pete, Pete.
Good seein' ya.
Call me when--
- Sit down.
- Sit down.
- So you didn't pull
this one off, so what?
You'll try something
just as stupid tomorrow.
- I don't think so, this
one's gonna be pretty
hard to top.
- You know what's so pathetic?
Is you got a brain, but
you refuse to use it.
I mean, you've got
everything going for ya.
You could do or be anything you want.
But all you wanna do is be a screw up.
Jay-Jay, not all the
things in life are reserved
for guys like Beau Middleton.
But you gotta wake up and make
a commitment to something.
To somebody.
To yourself.
Will you think about that?
- I'll try.
It's a lot.
- Yeah, yeah.
Well, just to make sure
that you have enough time,
I'm gonna give you two hours of detention
every day for the rest of the semester.
- It's a good thing you believe me.
(upbeat rock music)
- Hey, Jay-Jay, some cool machine, huh?
- Who's that?
- Milton Feld, Archie's dad.
You wanna drag?
(tires screeching)
(sighing)
(hitting)
(car honking)
(car honking)
- I was framed, Otto,
and I think that stinks.
- [Otto] Yeah, Beau
Middleton strikes again.
Man, he can get away with anything.
- No, no, not this time.
Hey, Middleton.
- What do you want?
I'm in a hurry.
- I want you.
No, I am sick and tired of the way
you walk around school like you own it.
I don't like the way you treat people.
I don't like the way you do things.
I don't like you.
- What are you gonna do about it?
- I'm gonna whip you.
- What?
- No, no, no, no.
At the lake.
A week from today, before the fall dance.
A race.
Me against you, one on one.
- You crazy?
You can't beat my car, you know that.
- A thousand bucks says I can.
(chuckling)
- A thousand bucks?
Where are you gonna get a thousand bucks?
- I'm not the one who's gonna need it.
- Alright, you're on.
And you better pay.
- Jay-Jay.
(students exclaiming)
- Ah.
Well.
Pretty hip, huh?
- Oh, Jay-Jay, man.
I think too much detention
has made you stir crazy.
- I know what I'm doin' Otto.
I know what I'm doin'.
- Gosh, Jay-Jay, talk about
your basic mission impossible.
- Arch.
You owe me a favor, right?
- Yeah, I sure do.
- Good.
Because I'm gonna use your dad's car.
- Oh.
You're gonna use my dad's car?
Oh, oh, oh.
(soft doo wop music)
- Pew pew pew.
Pew pew pew!
Die, merchant slime!
Man, this game is the greatest.
- You know, it's even better
if you put a quarter in it.
(video game music)
Yo Arch, can I talk to you for a second?
- He's not available right now, Jay-Jay.
- So, uh, you wanna give
me your phone number?
- Okay, he's available.
- Jay-Jay, I already told
you, if this is about
my father's car, it's out of the question.
- Hey, Arch, we've been
through this before.
I'm only gonna need the car twice.
Once to get the feel of
it and once for the race.
We're talkin' about a
total of a half hour.
- My father won't even
let me near the car.
- Arch, I don't wanna split hairs with you
but you haven't got a license.
- Friday, I get my license on Friday
and he still won't let me near it.
- I'm gettin' nowhere here.
I'm gonna go over to your house,
and I'm gonna talk to your dad.
- It won't do you any good.
He's out of town and he
won't be back for two weeks.
- Way to go, big mouth.
You're such a total lame-o.
Why don't you tell him the keys
are in your father's drawer
wrapped in his bikini underwear?
- Nice going, Chuckie.
Now who's the bigger lame-o?
You or me?
- It's a tough call.
We may have to go to a tie
breaking question on this one.
(video game beeping)
- This is the only theater
where this movie's playing.
It's a very fine film.
I've seen it three times.
- What was the name of it again?
- Wicked Wicked Cowgirls.
- Look, next time, let's
try to find a movie
that's not 60 miles from my house.
- 60 miles?
What's 60 miles?
The important thing is
that we're together.
And I can relax because
I don't have to worry
about being spotted by one of the kids.
(robot beeping)
(robot beeping)
(beeping)
- [Leo] Excuse me.
Excuse me, please.
Pardon me, may I get by here?
- Oh no.
- [Boy] Watch it!
- [Man] Shh.
- Hey.
I know you.
Mr. P.
Miss D.
Hey, everybody, Mr. Plaza's
here with Miss D'Angelo.
- Shh.
- Hey, Miss D'Angelo, Mr. Plaza.
- Oh come on, let's go.
(robot beeping)
(cans clattering)
(change clattering)
- [Archie] Bye bye, Jay-Jay.
- Hey, aren't you guys comin'?
- Really?
- You mean it?
- [Jay-Jay] Yeah.
- [Archie And Chuckie] Woo!
- Jay-Jay?
Promise me you'll go slow.
(engine revving)
(tires screeching)
(upbeat rock music)
- You stay here.
I'm gonna go get Beau.
(upbeat rock music)
- [Chuckie] Stop stop, please stop.
- [Archie] Jay, watch it.
(tires skidding)
Please!
(upbeat rock music)
(grunting)
(grunting)
- Well.
I think I can drive this thing.
What do you think?
- Are we home yet?
- I don't know, Beau.
It's a pretty fast car.
You think you can beat it?
- No problem.
He will not be racing in it.
- Ready?
Okay.
- [Cheerleaders] Push 'em
back, push 'em back, way back.
(whistle blowing)
- Cara?
Cara, a little more energy.
Do you want us to lose to Tech?
- Who cares.
This is so high school.
- [Miss D'Angelo] Then why do it?
- I happen to look
stunning in the uniform.
- One more smart Alec remark,
and you're off the squad.
Okay, one more time.
- Sorry to interrupt cheerleading
practice, Miss D'Angelo,
but I'd like to have a word
with two of your girls.
- Go ahead.
- Anne-Marie, Cara?
I just wanna wish you both
luck on tomorrow's bio test.
- Well it sure is a lot to cover.
We'll be up studying all night.
- Chapter 14.
Read chapter 14.
Well, that's all I needed to know.
(bell ringing)
Carry on.
- Take five, girls.
Mr. Plaza?
This has gone far enough.
We're through.
- What?
- You know, ever since they announced that
stupid preppy prize, you've
been acting like a total fool.
I don't even know you anymore.
- Maybe we should talk
about this somewhere else,
like over dinner.
- Oh fine, I know a nice
little restaurant in Canada
or is that too close to the school?
- Give me a chance to make it up to ya.
Please?
- You're crushing my pom poms.
- Oh.
Sorry, sorry.
Miss D'Angelo, hear me out.
You mean the world to me.
- You certainly don't show it.
- Give me another shot, please.
I'll change.
I promise I'll change.
Oh.
Hi, Beau.
(whistle blowing)
- That's it for today girls,
let's hit the showers.
- Hi Anne-Marie.
- Hi.
- Brought you a present.
- Yeah, what is it?
- Me.
(chuckling)
Just kiddin'.
You seen Beth around?
- Please don't mention that name.
It breaks my heart.
Bo, how could you go
out with Beth Franklin
when waiting in the
sidelines is a poor, sweet,
innocent girl like me?
- Anne-Marie, I want you to do something
very slimy for me.
- I'm your girl.
- I gotta warn you,
it's pretty disgusting.
- Beau, I'd eat maggots for you.
- This is worse.
(upbeat disco music)
- That's them?
Forget it, Anne-Marie.
- Beau asked us to help
him out and we're gonna
go through with this.
Hey, what are you complaining about?
I paid you $50 to do this.
Come on, let's go.
- Okay, but I get to pick the cute one.
- From those two?
- Whoa.
- Hey, am I Looney Tunes,
or are those two punk girls
coming on to us?
- Hey.
- Hi.
- You two alone?
- Well, yeah.
I mean no, not really.
We came on the same bus.
How am I doing?
- You're dying.
Shut up and try not to look so desperate.
Just let me do the talking.
So, ladies.
Whoa!
(clearing throat)
Wanna rent a motel room?
(upbeat disco music)
- Hey, we don't even know your names.
- I'm Charles Dipple.
And this is Archie Feld.
We go to Excelsior.
- I'm Helen Putrid.
This is Vicky Slime.
And we quit school in the third grade.
- So, what do you wanna do?
- We wanna go up to the
Point and go parkin'.
- Yeah.
Let's go.
Where's your car?
Whoa.
- We don't have a car.
Don't you have a car?
- No, we don't have a car.
Why do we need a car to go parking?
Besides, where in the heck
are we gonna get a car?
- We can go a lot further in a car,
if you know what I mean.
(car engine revving)
- Whoa.
Today's the day, right, buddy?
- Yeah.
Yeah.
- Oh come on, Archibald, relax.
(kissing)
- Way to go, Arch.
(car honking)
(screaming)
(tires screeching)
(cars honking)
(yelling)
- Oh, boy, Charles.
You sure are a good driver.
- Yeah.
As long as I'm not distracted.
(monkey howling)
(Anne-Marie yelling)
- Hey!
The brakes, hit the brakes.
- I can't.
My foot is stuck.
(upbeat rock music)
- Oh.
Oh, I should've gotten a hundred for this.
- [Chuckie] Arch, where you goin'?
(screaming)
What's goin' on?
Archie, will you slow down?
Arch.
(upbeat rock music)
Archie!
What are you doing?
- [Anne-Marie] No!
What's going on?
- You're all over the road.
- No I'm not.
I'm following the yellow line.
(upbeat rock music)
(people yelling)
- [Anne-Marie] Ow!
(screaming)
(yelling)
(crashing)
- [Cara] I can't believe you
got me into this, Anne-Marie.
I will never forgive you.
- Oh.
- Chuckie.
Tell me it's just a couple of scratches.
Tell me my father isn't gonna kill me.
- The car's totaled, Arch.
You're a dead man.
- Oh no.
- Cheer up.
- Oh no.
- At least we still got the girls.
Girls?
Girls?
- Come on.
(phone ringing)
- Don't answer that, just keep packing.
(phone ringing)
- I wish we didn't have to run away.
- We're not running away.
We're joining the Army.
It's excitement.
It's adventure.
My Uncle Duddy was in the Army.
- How come I never met him?
- He was killed in bootcamp.
- Beth.
Beth.
Can I talk to you for a minute?
- Uh, sorry, sir, you'll
have to take a number.
- Wait a minute.
Excuse me.
What number are you on?
- 86!
- 86.
- [Beth] 86!
- 86.
It's me.
- Jay-Jay.
- Look, Beth, I can't wait for my turn.
I gotta talk to you now.
- Alright, what?
- I just wanted you to know,
I had nothing to do with
that Hauptmann thing.
Okay, I admit, I had
motive, but not enough
to become one of Shotsy's chew toys.
- Fine.
What about that stupid car race?
I mean come on, what
are you trying to prove?
- That I can make a
commitment to something
and see it through.
I've never really cared about anything.
It just doesn't feel that good anymore.
- Why are you telling me all this?
- Because I want you to give me a chance.
All I'm asking is that you look around,
and if you're happy with
the way things are going,
and I don't think you are,
fine.
If not,
call me, we'll talk.
- Is that it?
- No.
Give me a couple danish and a Kaiser roll.
(upbeat music)
- Okay, the timing device is set.
Now it's gonna snap a
picture every five minutes.
Are you sure that this is
Beau Middleton's bedroom?
- Of course I'm sure.
- Shh.
Someone's coming.
Let's get out of here.
(ladder rattling)
(dog barking)
(students chattering)
That's not Bo.
These are pictures of his parents.
- [Both] Ew.
- Why is Mrs. Middleton
wearing a nurse's uniform?
- That isn't Mrs. Middleton.
That's Mr. Middleton.
- [Both] Ew.
- Otto, Otto.
Have you seen Archie and Chuckie?
- No, why?
- Well something's wrong.
Today was co-ed gym and
they didn't show up.
- Ah.
Listen, you gotta come over to the house
and check out what I'm
wearing to the race.
I got a pair of buffalo skin racing gloves
that'll knock your eyes out.
- You're really taking
this seriously, aren't you?
- It is serious.
Beth, I've been challenged
by that nothing little worm,
Jay-Jay Manners.
I mean he and all the
other strays in this school
have got to be taught a lesson.
I run the school.
I make the rules and nobody challenges me.
- You make it sound
like you're some kind of
dictator or king.
- I like that.
I'm the king, you're my queen, and,
all our friends are the royal court.
- And what was I last year
when I wasn't your queen
or in your court?
- I don't know.
Nothin', I guess, just some girl.
You got pretty lucky, didn't ya?
- I suppose so.
- Suppose so.
You know how many girls would
kill to be in your position?
- Beau.
I was not a nothing.
I was a girl with ideas and feelings,
and I still am.
Only we never talk about any of them.
You really don't know anything about me.
- Beth, Beth.
Beth.
What do you want?
Don't we have a good time together?
We go to all the best places.
Hey.
I take you the best parties,
the best restaurants.
I introduced you to the A crowd.
Let's face it.
If I dumped ya, you'd be a zero again.
- You're right, Beau.
I owe everything I am to you.
- That's my girl.
(knocking)
- Welp, it looks like there's nobody home.
Let's come back later.
- No, no, no, they're in
there, they're in there.
I heard tripping and falling.
- Okay.
Robot, the window.
(robot beeping)
(glass shattering)
- Crude, but effective.
- [Chuckie] Are you gonna eat those fries?
- [Jay-Jay] Hey guys.
- Good afternoon, Otto.
Jay-Jay.
Chuckie and I were just
having a late lunch.
- In the closet.
That's very quaint.
Uh, guys?
What's with the suitcases?
- Oh, well, we were just thinking about
getting away for a while.
- Until the smoke clears.
- What smoke?
Hey wait a minute.
You didn't do anything to the car, did ya?
- No, Jay-Jay, I swear, I
didn't do anything to the car.
I didn't touch it, honest.
- [Jay-Jay] Good.
- He did.
- Hey, will you stop whimpering?
I mean really, how bad could it be?
♪ Da da da da da do do do do ♪
Hey, this is funny.
This is really funny.
Now guys, where's the real car?
- This is the car.
The only thing that still
works is the hazard light.
- Otto.
Otto.
Now you know I have nothing
but the utmost respect
for your intelligence and for
your mechanical expertise,
so I'll defer to you.
Can you fix it?
- Say what?
- Uh huh.
Okay, well, I guess there's
only one thing for me to do.
I'm gonna kill ya.
(phone ringing)
- Don't answer that, it might be my dad.
Oh no, what if it's my dad?
- Archie, Archie, it's not your dad.
Hello?
Mhm.
Yeah.
It's your dad.
- Hello?
Hi, dad.
Gosh, where's all that
neat static I always hear
when you call from Cleveland?
You're not in Cleveland?
Where are you?
At the airport?
Oh my.
What?
I couldn't do that, dad.
I just got my license the other day
and I'm still a little bit shaky.
Alright, don't call me that, dad.
Alright, I'll see you in a little while.
Good bye.
That was my dad.
He wants me to come pick
him up at the airport
in his new car.
- You?
What is he, drunk?
- Very much so.
Jay-Jay, what am I gonna do?
- Okay, Arch, okay, just
pull yourself together.
We're gonna be able to handle this.
The first thing we gotta
do is get this thing
out of the way.
(hitting)
(clanging)
(clanging)
(upbeat music)
- There he is.
What a nice guy.
He's gonna kill me.
- No, Arch, Arch, will you relax?
Let me handle it.
- Yoo hoo, dad.
- Hello son.
Boys, let me pay my tab
and we'll get out of here.
- No, no, Arch, Arch.
Wait a minute.
Aren't you gonna tell
your dad the great news?
- What happened?
Your face cleared up?
- No, Mr. Feld.
You are looking at the
new starting quarterback
for Excelsior Union High football team.
- Well congratulations, Jay-Jay.
- No, no, not me.
Arch.
- Archie?
A quarterback?
He throws underhand.
- Yeah, but you ought
to see him, Mr. Feld.
Coach has been working with him.
He can really zing that ball.
- Archie?
A quarterback?
- Even I couldn't believe it.
- Hut two, hut three.
- This is quite a shock.
I mean, it calls for a celebration, huh?
- [Jay-Jay] It sure does.
- One more round.
(snoring)
♪ Ba ba boo ♪
♪ Ba ba boo ooo ♪
♪ Ooo ooo ♪
♪ Ooo ooo ♪
♪ Ooo ooo ♪
♪ Ooo ooo ♪
♪ Ooo ♪
- Jay-Jay, don't, don't you slap my dad.
Let me.
(slapping)
(clattering)
(groaning)
- What happened?
Are you alright?
Am I alright?
What happened?
- We're okay, Mr. Feld.
We're just in shock.
- I haven't even made the
first payment on this car.
I should have let Chuckie or Archie drive.
- Oh.
Okay, it looks like everybody's here.
Now that--
Arch.
Listen.
Curt, why'd you bring the baby?
- It's my wife's bowling
night and I couldn't get
a baby sitter.
- Okay, okay, fine.
Listen, the reason I asked
you guys here is 'cause
I got car trouble.
Big car trouble.
I can overcome it.
But not alone.
Look, I know in auto shop,
it's always been every man
for himself, but,
being an individual has its drawbacks.
I mean, look, guys.
The point is,
if we all work together to fix my car,
we can let the preps know we're alive.
Let them know we're alive?
We can make them respect us.
Now, what I'm asking is
gonna take some commitment so
if any of you would rather be at home
watching television, now is your chance.
- Now hold it!
I got somethin' to say.
Ever since I was a baby, I've been fat.
Clumsy.
A loser.
You guys can correct me if I'm wrong.
- We will.
- Look.
We can show those preps that we matter.
Just once, I wanna know what
it's like to be a winner.
Don't you?
Let's help Jay-Jay fix up his car.
Are you with me?
- Yeah!
- Sure, why not?
- [Both] Why not?
- Chuck.
Thank you.
It really means a lot,
and I want you to know
that from now on,
you are important.
Now get lost, we got work to do.
(bumbly music)
- This is perfect.
- Yeah, my brother said
we could use this place
as long as we take care of the customers.
- Hey, it's a deal.
We're closed.
Now, Otto, do you have
everything you need?
- Yeah, but you understand
going into this folly,
that I've never, ever worked
on a car in my entire life?
- Yeah, what's your point?
- Well we gotta break
into the school tonight
and get ahold of Mr.
Sirota's auto repair manual.
- This sounds like a job for the amazing,
and cat like, Clyde Vargas.
(ripping)
Rawr.
- He means well.
- Okay, now what we gotta do now
is get ahold of a really big engine.
- It's no problem.
Bandini's taking care of that tonight.
- Bandini?
- Boom boom boom.
Boom boom boom.
- Oh, thank you, thank you.
- Could you run that
romantic proposal by me
just one more time?
- Sure, sure.
Now listen carefully.
We keep sneaking around.
I win the Middleton grant.
Cash in the first class
plane ticket and we both
go to Europe, coach.
- In other words, you're gonna bribe me
to stay in the closet?
- Oh, don't call it a bribe.
Call it, um, call it something else.
- Hush money.
Payola.
A blackmail.
- Alright, call it a bribe.
Look, look, it's the only way.
- No, there's another way.
You keep sucking up to the preps.
- Sucking up?
- And you win your stupid prize,
and I'm going to find
somebody's who's not ashamed
to be seen with me.
- Step to the rear, please.
(knocking)
(humming)
- Leo Bandini?
Driving a bus?
- I couldn't get ahold of a plane.
- Alright, good work guys.
(panting)
Hey, what happened to you?
- Before or after I set
off the sprinkler system?
- Wait a minute, you
started a fire breaking
into the school?
- It was a teeny one.
- Did you get the repair manual?
- Have I ever failed?
Ta-da.
- Don't worry about it.
I'll figure something else out.
When is Bandini gonna get
here with that bus engine?
(crashing)
- Oh, any minute now.
- End of the line.
- [Jay-Jay] Oh nice going, Bandini.
You brought a teacher.
- I did?
- Miss Leboards.
Wow.
I had you for English class.
- No, Bandini, not her.
Her.
Miss D'Angelo.
- Hey, what's going on here?
This has something to do
with the race, doesn't it?
- Bingo.
- Great lame-o.
- You dip!
- Now she's gonna turn us in.
- [Otto] Thanks a lot Archie.
- Hey wait a minute.
I'd love to see you whip king prep.
- Yeah, we all would but
we've had a few of your
basic major set backs.
- Oh come on, guys.
All you need's a little boost.
♪ Who's that man coming down the track ♪
♪ Big bad Beau, no he's in the back ♪
♪ Take another look and what do you see ♪
♪ Jay-Jay Manners and victory ♪
- [Otto] Well, I think
we've finally done it.
- Alright, let's load
this sucker into my car
and try 'er out.
- Not so fast.
A 4,000 horse power hydrogen engine
burns a little hot.
We've got to protect it with
some kind of heat shield,
or your car is gonna melt.
(robot beeping)
- Uh.
Guys, take a five.
(robot beeping)
Minutes.
(robot beeping)
Otto, uh.
Not the robot.
- It's not your decision, Jay-Jay.
You just go outside with the other guys.
I got work to do.
- Otto.
- Please?
Will you just get out of here?
(slow, soft tinkling music)
It's for the good of the team.
You understand that, right?
It's not gonna hurt or anything.
You don't have any feelings.
You're just metal,
wires, and computer chips.
Right?
(robot beeping)
(robot shutting down)
Robot.
Good bye.
- Looks like he's not gonna show.
I can't blame him.
I'm gonna give him one more minute
then it's a forfeit, alright?
- You sure are a poor
excuse for a girlfriend.
Beth, you should be down
there by Beau's side
until the gun goes off.
- Anne-Marie, Beau is a big boy.
I'm sure he can drive
the car all by himself.
If he needs any help, he'll ask.
- Well lord knows he wouldn't ask you.
As a matter of fact,
there was this little task
that needed doing this week,
and he turned to a woman
that he could rely on.
- What kind of little task?
- Well, I really
shouldn't say, but I will.
Jay-Jay Manners almost raced Beau in a
brand news Trans-Am.
He would have given Beau
a run for his money.
But thanks to me, thank you Anne-Marie,
we don't have to worry
about that old Trans-Am.
That car is now a pile of junk.
- You wrecked someone's brand new car
because Beau told you to?
- Can you think of a better reason?
(car engine revving)
(upbeat marching music)
(students chattering)
(upbeat marching music)
- [Boy] Alright Jay-Jay!
(upbeat marching music)
(students chattering)
- Sorry I'm late.
I had to stop for gas.
Three times.
- [Boys] Ba dum dum.
- You ready to get this over with, Beau?
(students chattering)
Listen, tell me again,
what's this red button for?
- Well, in case it's a
close race, throw it into
overdrive, hit the red
button, and hold on.
Good luck, buddy.
- Thanks.
- I just wanted to wish you luck.
- Thanks.
- Gentlemen.
Take your positions at the starting line.
- [Girl] Beau, good luck.
- [Boy] Give it to him,
Beau, give it to him.
(engines revving)
(students chattering)
(engines revving)
- On your mark,
get set,
go!
(upbeat rock music)
(upbeat rock music)
- This is Clyde Vargas
live with a bird's eye
view of the race.
Things are really tense out here.
We're hoping nobody gets hurts.
(yelling)
(upbeat rock music)
(hitting)
(upbeat rock music)
(blasting)
- Whoa!
Whoa.
(upbeat rock music)
(car whistling)
(students cheering)
- Oh Beau, I am so sorry you lost.
(students cheering)
- Chuckie listen.
Go over to Beau, get the thousand dollars.
We gotta get tuxedos
for a dance that starts
in three hours.
- We're going to the dance?
- My treat.
- Yeah!
(cheering)
♪ You may think I'm nutty
and telling you lies ♪
♪ I'm going out now to
buy my school supplies ♪
♪ Well this semester's gonna
be a gas 'cause school is in ♪
(upbeat rock music)
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
(upbeat rock music)
- Hey thanks, pal, I'm
going to the high school.
- [Pete] Yeah me, too, hop in.
- [Jay-Jay] Hey, Mr. Kinney.
- Come on, get in.
Oh, where's your car, Jay-Jay?
Donate it to the Smithsonian?
- My engine is dead.
- Oh this afternoon probably killed it.
- Yeah.
- You know, Jay-Jay.
I hate car races.
They're dangerous.
They're stupid.
They never prove a thing.
Except this time.
(laughing)
Oh, I'm glad you made
that turkey eat dirt.
- It was a lot of fun.
He had it comin' to him.
- Yeah.
You did okay.
You uh, took a stand and you didn't quit.
I'm proud of you.
- I'm proud of me, too.
(upbeat rock music)
- Do you understand what
I'm trying to tell you?
Excuse me.
We're never gonna get that picture.
I mean, the assignment is due Monday
and I'd say the chances of
Beau stripping at this dance--
(students gasping)
(clapping)
I'd the chances of Beau
stripping at this dance
are pretty slim.
Maybe we can follow him home--
- Peggy, you have a camera.
Would it be an imposition if I asked you
to take a picture of us?
Oh, we don't have one.
- You don't have a picture
of you and your father?
- This is not my father, Nadine.
This happens to be Colonel Winston Moss
of the United States Air Force.
He is my date, not my father.
- Oh right.
Your father's much younger.
(laughing)
(laughing)
(upbeat rock music)
- Hey, Beau!
I didn't expect to see you until tomorrow.
I mean, knowing your car.
(laughing)
- Hey, Skip, Biff.
Let's take care of those two.
- Take of 'em yourself.
(upbeat rock music)
- Gee, I'm sorry, Beau.
We didn't mean anything.
You wanna hang around with us?
- What would I possibly
have in common with you two?
- You like cheese.
(upbeat rock music)
(applause)
(cheering)
- We love you Jay-Jay!
- Lookin' sharp Jay-Jay, lookin' sharp!
- You're my hero, Jay-Jay.
- Guys!
Guys!
Hey!
Will you cut it out?
Listen, the king is
dead and the last thing
we need is another king.
Play another song.
(cheering)
- Hey, you know, Mr. Kinney?
Why, this year's home ec
class is really extra special.
I mean, I just love each and every girl.
They are gonna make ideal wives.
Why, we have learned to
make biscuits and gravy.
- I think exercise is most important.
In my youth, I was an athlete.
I used to throw the shot.
Of course, I never knew where I put it.
(laughing)
- Miss D'Angelo, can I
have a word with you?
- You're very rude.
Can't you see I'm
talking to Dr. Hauptmann?
- I just wanted you to know
how much I've missed you
and how foolish I've been.
- Didn't you hear her, Plaza?
- Shut up, Fritz.
- Would you like to dance?
- Here?
In front of the whole school?
Isn't that kind of risky?
- I tipped the band.
They're playing a slow one.
I'd really like to dance with you.
- But, what about the Middleton grant?
You could blow it.
- So I lose.
I just don't wanna lose you.
- I struck out again.
I need a new spiel.
Maybe I shall start wearing my uniform.
Maybe they'll respect a
former U-boat commander
who is still active in the reserves.
Hello.
- Jay-Jay, this is my wife Aileen,
and this is Jay-Jay, and uh, oh.
You meet little Ricky.
And, uh,
and this,
is gonna be little Jay-Jay,
even if it's a boy.
- Will somebody please tell me who won?
- You really helped Jay-Jay
Manners soup up his car?
- Oh we didn't just help him.
We did the whole thing.
Well actually, we pitched in.
You see, Otto was the brains behind it.
- I was wondering,
would you girls care to dance?
- That'd be great.
- That's okay, I understand.
At least you didn't hit us.
- But we said yes.
- Arch.
They said yes.
They said yes, what do we do?
- Just follow me.
(soft jazzy music)
Bring the girl.
(soft jazzy music)
- Yo Otto.
How have you been?
I've been worried about you.
- Oh I'm fine now.
Robot, the dance.
(robot beeping)
(students exclaiming)
- It's about time Beth.
Where have you been?
You're a half hour late.
- Beau.
- Do you know how stupid I look
standing here without a date?
You're supposed to come
to this place with a date.
- Beau, I'm not your date, and
I'm not gonna be your date.
I'm breaking up with you.
- Nobody breaks up with Beau Middleton.
Beau Middleton calls the shots.
Beau Middleton'll do the breaking up.
- Well, then, this should
be a new experience for ya
because Beth Franklin just
broke up with Beau Middleton.
- Beth--
- Here's your ring.
- You're trying my patience.
Now would you get me
some punch and shut up.
- You shut up.
(Anne-Marie gasping)
- Don't you worry Beau.
I'll take that ring.
(soft jazzy music)
- It's a good thing he didn't
give you an ID bracelet.
Uh...
If I may say so,
you look kind of spectacular.
(soft jazzy music)
Uh...
I got number 86.
What number are we on?
(soft jazzy music)
- 86.
(sighing)
(soft jazzy music)
- Oh look, honey.
Otto Lipton brought a date after all.
- What'd you do, Otto?
Bring your trash compactor?
- No, actually, Bo, this is a robot.
- Robot, my behind.
(students laughing)
(ripping)
(students laughing)
(upbeat rock music)
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in ♪
(MultiCom jingle)
♪ I'm so glad that school is in ♪
♪ Now I can see my old classmates again ♪
♪ I worked and slaved the summer through ♪
♪ Doing things my mom told me to do ♪
♪ Washed the dishes, scrubbed the floor ♪
♪ And taught the baby
how to count to four ♪
♪ I made the beds and cut the grass ♪
♪ I'm glad that school is in at last ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
(upbeat rock music)
♪ Now vacation time has come to an end ♪
♪ Now I got to get back
to my studies again ♪
♪ And make the grades so I can pass ♪
♪ I'm glad that school is in at last ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in ♪
♪ Oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
(school bell ringing)
(phone ringing)
- Hello?
- [Cara] Hi Beth, Cara.
- Look, can I call you back?
I'm right in the middle of my homework.
- No, dear.
You see when I or
Anne-Marie or anyone else
from our crowd calls, it's
obviously extremely important.
You've only been dating
Beau since the summer
so we haven't been friends that long,
but you'll learn.
- Got it, uh, what's the problem?
- Beau's party tomorrow night.
What are you wearing?
(phone ringing)
Hold that thought.
Yes?
- Hi Cara, it's Anne-Marie.
- [Cara] Anne-Marie,
I'm so glad you called.
What are you wearing to Beau's party?
- Probably something black.
I'm in mourning.
Beau's going steady with Beth Franklin.
And my life is ruined.
(phone ringing)
- Beau Middleton's party?
- Yeah, Beau Middleton's party.
It's tomorrow night.
Every good looking girl in
the school is gonna be there.
We gotta go.
- Except for one thing, Chuckie.
We weren't invited.
- So?
(buzzing)
That's not gonna stop us.
Nothing's gonna stop us.
This is our year to get physical.
- You really think so?
- I know so.
We're a couple of great
looking, hip dudes, right?
- Yeah.
We're cool.
- Okay.
I'll call you back after the Flinstones.
(phone ringing)
- Hello?
- [Jay-Jay] Yo, Otto.
- Hey, Jay-Jay.
- Listen.
I think we should make some serious plans
for tomorrow night.
Why don't I pick you up at eight?
We'll do nothing together.
- Sounds great, but I can't.
Gerardi's Catering Company
just got the Middleton account.
I'm working the party.
I'm in charge of dip.
- I'll pick you up after the party.
Let's see, there'll all that
deep, preppy conversation.
Preppy dancing, piles of preppy fun.
The party starts at nine,
I'll pick you up at 9:15.
♪ Do do do do ♪
♪ Ooo ooo ♪
- You wanna get the chrome?
(bell ringing)
Alright, there's the bell.
Who's got my homework?
Good, good, good, bad.
- [Boy] Bad?
- Yeah, bad, meatball.
You signed your name.
Do it over.
(snapping)
(upbeat pop music)
(students chattering)
- Chuckie, I'm in love.
I wanna spend the rest of
my unnatural life with her.
- Well, ask her for a date.
Women like that.
- Yeah?
- Trust me.
(upbeat pop music)
(students chattering)
Go ahead.
- Hi.
- Drop dead, wimp.
(slamming)
(groaning)
- Well?
- She's thinking it over.
- Great, great.
♪ Da da da da da da da da da ♪
- Now that is entertainment.
(laughing)
- What do you mean you don't know
what Beau's wearing to the party?
He's your boyfriend.
You two have to match.
- He'll probably wear something
with an alligator on it.
Who cares.
Beau looks good in anything.
Who are you takin'?
- Oh Brian the Dentist, he's so gorgeous.
All he talks about is his work.
The last time we went
out, I nibbled on his ear
and he told me my bite was off.
(hitting)
- Oh, I'm sorry.
You gotta show these lockers
who's boss, you know?
Hey, uh, you're Beth Franklin, aren't you?
- Yeah.
I'm sorry, I didn't see you.
- Oh no, I did that on purpose.
I just wanted to get a better look at you.
You're a knockout.
- And you're a creep.
Come on Beth.
That Jay-Jay Manners is such a nothing.
Did you hear how he spoke to me?
He makes my skin crawl.
- I think he's kind of cute.
(chuckling)
- Who's kind of cute?
- You, of course.
Especially when you're angry.
Your dimple twitches.
- How can I be angry when I got you, huh?
- Okay, now what were
we discussing yesterday
when the bell rang?
- [Students] Reproduction.
- Yes, yes.
A plant sex.
Of what--
Once we understand how our little green
friends reproduce, we
can better understand how
men and women reproduce.
We need to know certain things.
Why we do it,
how we do it,
and uh,
do we leave the lights on?
(students grumbling)
- [Anne-Marie] Uh, Mr. Plaza?
- Yes.
- Mr. Plaza, um, you asked
me to make that announcement.
- Oh, very well, Anne-Marie.
- I am happy to announce
that I have been appointed
president of the photography club
by our faculty advisor, Mr. Plaza.
(applause)
If any of you wish to
participate in the fall project,
there is a sign up sheet
outside the classroom.
There's nothing to it.
All you need is a good eye
and an expensive camera.
Thank you again.
- You're welcome.
And, uh, thank your
dad for the snow tires.
(upbeat rock music)
- [Jay-Jay] Hey, Bandini,
what's the matter?
- I don't know, my toes are killing me.
- Uh, that's because you got
your shoes on the wrong feet.
- No, I don't.
These are my feet.
(upbeat rock music)
- [Boy] Hey, way to go, bonehead.
- Learn a lesson, Otto.
Eat right,
get plenty of sleep,
and don't drink your chemistry set.
Do you know Beth Franklin?
- Yeah.
She's going out with Beau Middleton,
so unless you got 25 million dollars
and a lifetime supply of
brute, forget about it.
- Yeah, okay, okay.
I was just askin'.
Whoa.
Yo.
(hitting)
(spilling)
Yo, Mr. Sirota.
Sorry about your coffee.
So what's with the tin man?
- Well if NASA's gonna
take my robot to Mars,
it's gotta be resistant to temperatures
of all extremes.
Do you know how hot it gets on Mars?
- Ask Bandini, he's been there.
(bell ringing)
(cheering)
- The bell.
I've lived through another class.
- Class is over!
Da da da!
(hitting)
(crashing)
(students chattering)
- I hate this job.
(students chattering)
- Are you two signing up
for my photography club?
- Any objections?
- Many.
But there's nothin' I can do about it.
Legally.
I suppose I have to tell
you about the fall theme.
It's Back to Nature.
So
natural.
The most interesting candid photo,
we're gonna put it in the yearbook.
So suck up to me at the meetings,
'cause I'm the judge.
Speaking of natural beauty,
there's Beau Middleton.
I melt for him.
Beau!
- She is the lowest.
- She's just the lowest.
- And I'd really just love to
put her right in her place.
- I'd like to put her right in her place.
- And I just figured out how.
- You did, how?
- We'll take a nature shot.
The ultimate nature shot.
I'm talking au natural.
- Oh no, I'm not taking
my clothes off, no way.
I once took my clothes off at the drive-in
for Eddie Hanson.
He went to get popcorn
and he never came back.
I'm never taking my clothes off again
in front of anybody.
Not even my husband,
unless he's Burt Reynolds.
Maybe Richard Gere.
Possibly--
- Nadine.
- Yes?
- May I finish what I was trying to say?
- Who's stopping you?
- What do you think of this?
We'll take a picture of Beau
Middleton's naked behind
and enter that as our nature shot.
- Peggy, Nadine!
Bambinos, don't you know
loitering is a felony?
Luckily I have some handcuffs
left over from last night.
I'll let you get away with it this time.
- Uh, Jay-Jay?
School is this way.
- Oh, no, I'm gonna get some breakfast.
I got Miss Ramos for history.
She doesn't take attendance
until after Christmas.
- Well didn't you hear about Miss Ramos?
I had her for homeroom.
She became a moonie.
Yesterday was her last day.
She's on retreat in Korea.
- Who's taking over for her?
- Dr. Hauptmann.
And you know how he gets when you're late.
(bell ringing)
- I'm a dead man.
I'm a dead man!
(dog barking)
(Jay-Jay yelling)
Nice, Shotsy.
Shotsy, I'm your friend.
I saw Das Boot three times.
- History is often
determined by the struggle
between the classes.
Rich versus poor.
Superior versus inferior.
Blonde versus brunette.
Hm.
(door closing)
Manners, you are late.
(students laughing)
You know what happens to
late comers in my class?
- Firing squad?
- And you're also insubordinate.
Go to Mr. Kinney's office at once!
And stop smiling at the girls.
- You know, you're amazing.
Tell me how you do that.
We'll work Vegas.
- Klaus!
Snell!
(dog barking)
- Nice going Jay-Jay.
First week of school and
you're already in to see me.
- I missed you over
the summer, Mr. Kinney.
How was Club Med?
- Lousy.
Rich guys got all the girls.
I couldn't even get a sun tan.
- When you went to the beach,
did you remember to take
your sports jacket off?
- Oh.
Well maybe I'll trying that last year.
So, what did you do over the summer?
- Ah, the usual.
Safari in Kenya.
Dinner with the White House.
The rest of the time I
just played video games.
- Did you think about your future?
- My future.
Nope, nope.
Never came up.
- You know, Jay-Jay, down
deep in the far, far reaches
of your innermost self,
I think there must be some potential.
But, we're never gonna
find it unless you start
caring about something.
- Hey.
Hey, I happen to care very
deeply about who becomes
Playmate of the Year.
I know, I know.
What are you gonna do with me?
- I don't know.
But,
let's start with a week of detention.
- That's a beginning.
- Everybody help themselves.
My home ec class made
these fresh this morning.
- Mm.
Mm.
What are these?
- Possum croissants.
(coughing)
- My favorite.
- Hello, Miss D'Angelo.
I'll pick you up tonight at about eight?
- You know you two amaze me.
You see one another
every day, every night.
Don't you think it's
time you tied the knot?
(chuckling)
- Well tonight's kind of special.
We're going to the ballet.
- Hot coffee anyone?
- [Woman] Oh no.
Watch out, watch out.
(spilling)
- I hate this job.
- Well good, everybody's here.
I have a couple of announcements to make.
- Thanks.
- Number one.
Let's not forget about
the upcoming fall dance.
I think we should all make
it a point to be there.
- Is it formal?
- Yes, but I think you
can wear a black suit.
- Good, I have several of those.
- Second announcement.
Our beloved Booster Club
president, Beau Middleton Senior,
has decided to offer a summer
study grant to the teacher
who best exemplifies the
ideals of Excelsior Union High.
As defined by Beau
Middleton Junior, of course.
The winner will receive
a $10,000 cash prize,
and an all expense paid trip to Europe.
I've posted the information
on the bulletin board
in cast anybody might be interested.
(clearing throat)
- I can't wait to crash that party.
We are gonna rock and roll.
Hey, Arch, can I borrow some
of your father's cologne?
- Yeah, sure.
Hey come on, that stuff's
three dollars a bottle.
- Whoa.
(car honking)
(honking)
- Wow.
Wow, Chuckie, look at this, a new car.
Get a load of this.
Wow.
- That's right son, a new car.
- Oh wow, gee, Dad.
I didn't realize that you
could afford something
like this just from selling pet supplies.
- What do you think,
your father's a schmo?
You're looking at the
number one scratching post
salesman in the Midwest.
- This is beautiful, Mr. Feld.
Can we go for a ride?
- Yeah, sure.
Get in.
But be careful.
(hitting)
Oh.
Come back here!
Come back here!
(slow, soft music)
(doorbell buzzing)
- I'll get it, dear.
Hello, Beau.
- Good afternoon, Mrs. Franklin.
I'm here to take Beth to
my house to help me set up
the party.
- Ah.
- My, you look gorgeous.
Is that a new hairdo?
- No, Beau, I haven't been
to the hairdresser in a week.
- Well, with wonderful hair
like that, why even go?
- Come on in, Beau.
I'll go get Beth.
- Afternoon, Mr. Franklin.
- Hi there, Beau.
- Whoa, what a grip.
I wish I were as strong
as you, Mr. Franklin.
- It's from good, honest hard work.
You know, when I was a boy,
my grandfather told me,
he said, "Baxter, I don't give a hang what
"you've got upstairs, as long
as you're home for supper."
- That is very profound, Mr. Franklin.
Can I use that?
- Hi.
I'm sorry to keep you waiting.
- Oh no problem.
Your folks and I were
having a nice little chat.
You know, I could do that all day.
- Don't lose him, Beth.
You two make such a lovely couple.
- Oh, so do you two.
You ready, Beth?
- Sure.
- You two kids go and
have a wonderful time.
- Thank you.
It's a pleasure seeing you both again.
What time would you like
Beth home this evening?
- Oh any time, Beau, as
long as she's with you.
- You can trust me, sir.
(birds chirping)
Do I own them or what?
(upbeat pop music)
Excuse me.
Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen,
may I have your attention?
(glass clinking)
Thank you.
As you all know, I have been
elected class president again.
Thank you.
(applause)
And I am very, very happy to announce that
the upcoming fall dance
will be the best ever.
See Anne-Marie Conklin,
president of my social committee
about tickets.
Now to keep out the undesirables,
the price will be $100 per
couple, 150 if you wanna
sit at my table.
I believe all credit cards are accepted.
Am I correct, Anne-Marie?
- Uh, major credit cards.
- Thank you.
Okay.
Let's boogey.
(upbeat pop music)
(teens chattering)
Hey, Lipton.
We need more pigs in blankets.
- Yes, sir, just a sec.
- Now.
(upbeat pop music)
- This is never gonna work, Chuckie.
- Sure it will.
Just do everything I do.
Whoa!
(crashing)
- Excuse me, is this seat taken?
Great party.
Too bad neither of us
really wants to be here.
- You know how it is when
your boyfriend's the host.
He's just got so many
details to take care of he
sometimes forgets who he's with.
- You know, if you were my date,
you'd be the only detail
I'd be concerned with.
Uh, excuse me.
I'm late for anything.
- Would you care to dance?
- There's no music playing.
- Then you wanna make out?
- What'd you say sleaze ball?
- Oh, well, I actually was just--
- How'd you like me to mess up your face?
- Whoa, whoa, wait a minute,
wait a minute, Godzilla.
As you can plainly see, nature has already
taken care of that.
- That's right.
Listen to the man.
He's clear minded.
Thanks Jay-Jay, I owe you one.
- Maybe you're right.
Maybe I should mess up your face, huh?
(grunting)
(hitting)
(grunting)
- [Boy] Whoa.
- [Girl] The cake!
- Freeze, Manners!
I said freeze, Manners!
You ruined my cake, my suit, and my party.
- Hey, Beau, take it easy.
The party was a bomb to begin with.
- Beau, would you just forget it?
Jay-Jay was leaving anyway.
- Yeah, well so is his friend.
I want this man fired or you lose
the Middleton account, okay?
'Cause nobody embarrasses me.
- Don't bother firing
me, Mr. Gerardi, I quit.
Come on, Jay-Jay.
- Yeah, I'll be there in a minute.
I just want some cake.
- Jay-Jay come on.
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Girl ♪
(whistling)
Hey, Jay-Jay.
- Hey, Otto.
The suspense is killing me.
When are you gonna show
me what this thing can do?
- Well it's not quite
finished yet, Jay-Jay.
Ah, sure, come on in.
I can show you a few things right now.
Come on, help me get him down.
(grunting)
See, he works on voice commands.
Watch.
(robot beeping)
Okie dokie.
Robot,
walk.
(robot beeping)
- That's unbelievable.
You know, you're a genius.
- Robot, stop.
(robot beeping)
No.
Anybody with a 200 IQ can do it.
Robot, dance.
(robot beeping)
- Oh wow.
Hey, Otto, can I try?
- Sure.
- Robot, stop.
(robot beeping)
- You too, Bandini.
- Wanna give it a shot?
- Yeah, alright.
Robot,
the door.
(robot beeping)
(robot honking)
(crashing)
- Told you I gotta work on it.
Robot, come back!
(robot beeping)
- No.
It's really hard to be
romantic with the janitor's
grandmother staring at us.
- I know, I know.
I just couldn't be without you.
- We're gonna see each other tonight.
- Huh?
Oh.
Yes.
Yes.
About tonight.
I don't,
I don't really feel like
going to the ballet.
Let's meet someplace a little,
a little, off the beaten path.
- Okay.
- How's 10 o'clock behind
the slaughterhouse?
- Wait a minute, what's going on here?
I get the feeling that you
don't wanna be seen with me.
- Yeah, oh, no, no, no, no.
It's not what you think.
Miss D'Angelo, I want that
Middleton grant so bad,
I can taste it.
I'm a biologist.
This is my chance to go to France,
the place where reproduction was invented.
- It's blood money.
Don't you see what you have
to do to win that prize?
I mean every time those preps walks by,
you have to kiss their feet.
- Just for a year.
- Oh, I don't believe it.
What's winning this prize have
to do with out relationship?
What's wrong with me?
- Well, I mean, you're kind of Italian.
- So?
- Well Mr. Middleton
tends to favors WASPs.
- But you're Greek!
- Shh.
(upbeat music)
- Whoa, whoa.
Whoa, Jay-Jay "Call Me
Magic" Manners goes around.
He's up, it's good, and he's foul.
- When's your father coming home, Jay-Jay?
- I don't know.
Monday, Wednesday, Friday.
He didn't say.
- Hey Jay-Jay, would you like to come over
to my house for dinner tonight?
My mom's makin' stew.
- Thanks anyway, but,
there's plenty to eat here.
Besides, I got things to do.
I gotta match my socks.
I promised myself I'd
throw out all newspapers
prior to 1970.
- What do you think, Jay-Jay?
Is it true these are the
best years of our lives?
- Hm.
Let me see.
You got a 200 IQ.
You can get into any college you want.
- Yeah, well everyone in high
school thinks I'm strange.
- Ah ha, eccentric.
And you can't hold a job,
and your best friend is me,
and you can't play basketball.
So, obviously for you,
the best is yet to come.
- Okay, now I'm depressed.
What about you?
- Me?
Hm.
Jay-Jay Manners.
Cute, endearing.
- [Otto] Modest.
- I haven't seen my
mother since I was two.
I almost never see my father.
Which makes me fiercely independent.
- Yeah, mhm.
- I'm 16.
My car is 18.
Which is good,
because I like a car with experience.
I have absolutely no future plans,
and presently I have
nine cents.
Which means I have no
obligations and I'm available.
So, Otto, it's clear that for me,
these are the best years of my life.
- Yeah, the only thing you don't have
is a date with Beth Franklin.
- Low blow.
Otto, Otto, I can't figure it out.
Why does she insist on going
out with that jerk Middleton?
- Well he's got an outstanding car.
Good looking, rich,
and he runs the school.
- I know!
What does she see in him?
- Listen, he's been in
the bathroom long enough.
Come on, let's check it out.
(robot beeping)
- Wish me luck.
(robot beeping)
I did it!
I did it, Jay-Jay.
He's ice cold and the water's boiling hot.
He's ice cold, I did it!
He's ready for the space program!
Alright, yeah!
- What a shame.
You can't dance, either.
(robot beeping)
(people chattering)
(upbeat music)
- Hey Mr. Plaza, those
chili dogs look great.
- They'd better be, I waited
in line for a half hour.
- Yeah, you know, I could go for one,
but I hate waiting in line.
- You want these?
- [Beau] Oh, no, no,
I couldn't, Mr. Plaza.
- No, I insist, I insist.
Here, Beau, here.
Here, here.
Something to drink?
- [Beau] You shouldn't.
- No, no, no, please.
- Mr. Plaza.
You're alright Mr. Plaza.
- Thanks, Beau.
- See you later.
- Yeah.
Bye, guys.
Bye.
(people chattering)
(upbeat music)
Knock, knock.
- This is ridiculous.
Why did you ever agree
to chaperone this thing?
- Miss D'Angelo, if I'm
gonna win that prize,
it's in my best interest
to be seen at every
prep function.
- Swell.
Next time, count me out.
- Look, at least we're together.
Isn't this romantic?
The two of us dining al fresco?
- Dining on what?
You left a half hour ago to get food.
Where is it?
- I knew I forgot something.
I'll be right back with a gourmet lunch
you'll never forget.
Can I borrow 10 bucks?
- Beau.
- Beth, we'll have a little
fun in the fun house.
- Come on, you promised me we'd
go on the Ferris wheel next.
It's my favorite ride.
- I told you, the line's too long.
We'll go in here first, what do you say?
- Alright, but you promise me we'll go
on the Ferris wheel next?
- Yeah, I promise.
- No.
Look.
I don't want to go into the fun house.
I know we have to get
Beau Middleton's picture,
but I'm afraid of the dark,
and whenever I get scared,
I jump into somebody's arms.
If I jump into your arms,
people are gonna talk.
I can't afford that.
As it is, my phone's got cobwebs.
- Nadine.
(sighing)
- Did you see that?
Two girls just went into
the fun house together.
Come on.
Our big moment has arrived.
- What are we gonna do?
- Play it calm, play it cool.
As soon as we get inside, we jump on 'em.
- Cool.
Chuckie, it's too dark in here.
I can't see the girls.
- [Chuckie] Just follow me.
And sniff for perfume.
- [Peggy] There's Beau, yank!
- [Chuckie] Hey!
- [Nadine] Get off me!
(screaming)
- Yeah, we did it!
Oh, we got Beau's picture.
Who is that?
- What is that?
Barf-o-rama.
- That was the greatest.
Someone pulled my pants down.
- [Both] Ew.
- Hey.
Hey, is that Beth Franklin?
- That's very amusing.
Will you just cut it out?
That is her.
You owe me a buck.
- Come on, what do you mean no?
You promised.
- Look, the line is still too long.
Besides, Ferris wheel's for wimps.
Hey, you wanna go on it?
Go on it yourself.
I'll meet you afterwards.
- $50?
- Yeah, leave a tip.
(upbeat carnival music)
- Excuse me, miss.
Did you know in a recent
survey of adolescent geeks,
this ride was rated more
frightening than swollen glands?
This is not a ride to take alone.
- Well I think I'm gonna forget it anyway.
The line's too long.
- Oh, no, no problem, no problem.
Excuse me, excuse me.
Excuse me.
She's gotta have a ride.
Thank you.
Excuse me, excuse me.
This way.
Excuse me, excuse me.
Would you give me a break?
Excuse me.
Thanks.
Thank you.
- [Beth] What did you say to him?
- I told him you have three weeks to live.
Suck in your cheeks.
(slow, soft tinkling music)
This is great, isn't it?
Gives you a chance to breathe.
Get away from all the
coneheads down there.
- You don't like people very much, do ya?
- No, I love people.
I just don't like crowds.
Especially certain crowds.
- Then, uh, why'd you come today?
- Actually...
This is the first one of
these things I've come to.
- Me, too.
I always wanted to come, but, uh,
never really had anyone to come with.
Well, until this year.
- Yeah.
You're in with the A crowd.
Congratulations.
- I like being included, Jay-Jay.
I never was before.
I don't know.
It makes me feel like I'm somebody.
- I kind of like being alone.
- This is very strange.
Here we are, stuck on
top of the Ferris wheel
telling each other our deepest thoughts.
You and I are total strangers.
- I wish we weren't.
- Well isn't that precious.
I don't mean to be catty, but, uh,
there's Beth Franklin on the Ferris wheel
with that sleaze ball Jay-Jay Manners.
- Hi, stranger.
(slow doo wop music)
(phone ringing)
Hello?
- Beth, honey, we've gotta talk.
- About what?
- Why on Earth would you
risk your relationship
with Beau Middleton by being
seen with that Jay-Jay Manners?
That's like breaking up with
a doctor to date an orderly.
- Cara, all I did was go on
the Ferris wheel with him.
We talked, he's very sweet.
- He's a python.
- Believe me.
I am not in the least bit
interested in Jay-Jay Manners.
- [Operator] Excuse me.
I have an emergency call for
555-8231, Mr. Manners calling.
Will you release?
- Ha!
- You bet.
Bye, Cara.
(phone ringing)
Hello?
- Yo, Beth.
Double Jay Manners here.
Mr. Ferris wheel, remember me?
- Vaguely.
Hi, Jay-Jay.
- Well listen, I hope
I didn't shake you up
with the emergency phone call.
- No, I was just talking to Cara.
- Oh, then I did you a favor.
Listen, I know it's kind of short notice,
but would you like to
go out with me February,
March, and April?
Or, if you're busy, how
about Saturday night?
- Jay-Jay, don't do this to me.
You know I'm going steady
with Beau Middleton.
- I know, but a girl has
to have some fun, too.
- I can't.
I would really like to, but,
I made a commitment to Beau.
He even gave me his ring.
We can still be friends.
- You mean like Wally and Lumpy?
Uh, I'll pass.
- I'm really sorry.
- Hey would it do you
any good if I told you
I had three weeks to live?
(chuckling)
No, huh?
Ah.
Okay.
I'll never bother you again.
(phone ringing)
- Hello?
- Yo, Beth.
Jay-Jay here.
You dump Beau yet?
- You're makin' this a lot harder.
- I know, that's the point.
Okay, see you in school.
(phone ringing)
- Now what?
- Beth?
- Beau.
Hi.
Uh, where are you?
It sounds like you're
calling from your car.
- I'm in my car.
I'm upset, Beth, and when I
get upset, I like to drive.
Who were you just talking to on the phone?
- Just now?
Cara.
- Lie.
I just spoke to Cara.
She said you were talking
with Jay-Jay Manners.
- Alright, I was.
He called me.
Look, he's a nice guy.
What was I supposed to do?
Hang up on him?
- You did the right thing, Beth.
Don't worry.
Jay-Jay and I'll straighten
this whole thing out.
- [Peggy] Nadine?
Nadine?
- Yes?
- Give me the 7/8ths drill bit.
- How do I know which
one's the 7/8ths drill bit?
What do I look like?
Mr. Goodwrench?
Give me a break.
It's five o'clock in the morning.
I'm lucky I know where I am.
Where am I?
- Look at this.
It's the boy's locker room.
It's deserted, and it
still looks disgusting.
In just five hours, it'll be 10 o'clock
and guess who'll be in there
changing his clothes for gym?
Beau Middleton.
- And Chuckie Dipple.
- [Both] Ew.
- Hey Jay-Jay, look at this.
Da da da da!
(hitting)
- Oh.
Hey, hey, you okay?
- I'm great.
And you?
- Nice technique, Clyde, nice technique.
- Hello Jay-Jay.
- Beau.
Oxen.
- Let me ask you a question, Curt.
Are you a virgin?
- What do you mean, I got kids.
- My parents wanted kids.
- Oh, Mr. Krinsky, sir.
What are you doing here?
- I'm the janitor, I'm
supposed to be here.
What are you doin' here?
- School newspaper.
- Yeah.
- We're here to do an article about you.
- Yeah, you.
- About how outdated your
tools and buckets are.
- Oh lord knows I could
use another squeegee.
- Oh great, well, how about a picture?
- Sure.
Say, uh, you suppose I
could have one of those
for my girlfriend?
- [Peggy And Nadine] Sure.
- Here.
Now, um, would it be
alright if we took a look
around the office and made some notes?
- Oh, I'm sorry girls.
This place is off limits.
And I have two more years to
go before I get my pension
and there's no way I can jeopardize that.
- [Nadine] Here's two bucks.
- Lock up when you leave.
(giggling)
- Hey Beau.
Was the hole always here?
- No.
Why don't you plug it up?
- Whoa!
Hi, guys.
- [Nadine] See anything?
- [Chuckie] No!
- I think I'm gonna be sick.
(upbeat marching music)
- One,
two,
three.
(yelling)
- Lower is two inches.
(upbeat marching music)
- Ready, set.
Hut one, hut two, hut three.
(boys yelling)
(yelling)
(crashing)
(laughing)
- That's a warning, Manners.
(spitting)
Stay away from Beth Franklin.
- And solid food.
- Jay-Jay what happened?
Your face is a mess.
- Ah, Beth.
- Come here, sit down.
- Um no, Beth, really.
Really, thank you.
I appreciate it,
but your kindness is gonna kill me.
- Would you just be quiet and sit still?
- Ow.
- [Beth] I'm sorry.
- Well isn't that sweet?
Beth Franklin wiping Jay-Jay Manners' chin
with her very own
monogrammed handkerchief.
You must be so happy to
have such a friendly,
outgoing girlfriend.
- I guess some guys are
just born thick, huh?
I'm gonna fix that guy once and for all.
(students chattering)
- Well here you are, Mr. Middleton.
USDA prime.
I was saving it for the
principal's lunch but, well,
you do come first.
How do you like it?
- Raw.
- Suit yourself.
You know, I sure could
use that $10,000 prize.
I'd buy myself a new house, a new car,
a camper for my daddy,
a whole new--
- Miss Lee, Miss Lee.
The grant is $10,000.
- Fine.
I'll just give the rest to charity.
(slow, dramatic music)
(dog panting)
(slow, dramatic music)
- Ah, listen.
Sorry I had to rough you guys up earlier.
No hard feelings, okay?
- Hey.
No hard feelings.
(dog barking)
- And that is what happened
at the Battle of Bulge Hill.
(bell ringing)
Ah, ah, ah, ah.
Don't forget your homework assignments.
Those who fail to do it, Mr. Manners--
(students laughing)
will be severely punished.
Dismissed.
(students chattering)
- [Beau] Can we help you Dr. Hauptmann?
- Oh thank you, Beau.
Such a well mannered boy and tall.
You and your friends are always so kind.
You know, Beau, I would
like very much to win
the Middleton prize.
I could use the money to
visit my mama in Germany.
I mean Austria.
(humming)
Shotsy, where are you, puppy?
Ah, yes, I bet you're hungry.
We go home, we'll get
something to eat, yeah?
(dog barking)
Shotsy!
(dog barking)
- I'll do my homework, I promise!
Help!
- Shotsy, is that bad boy bothering you?
Huh?
(dog barking)
(upbeat music)
(Mr. Hauptmann yelling)
Wait for the light, Shotsy!
- When preparing for a
picnic, always make enough
for unexpected guests.
- Whoa!
Whoa!
- Shotsy, Shotsy, I'm falling!
(yelling)
- [Jay-Jay] Oh great.
- Come on Jay-Jay.
- Pete, I'd love to chat, but--
(dog growling)
(bag ripping)
- Are you okay, Hauptmann?
- He did this to me.
- Yes, I know.
- That devil Manners.
- He'll be dealt with, I can
assure you Dr. Hauptmann.
- I want him executed.
- Hey, hey!
It's not my fault that the stupid mutt
thought I was a piece of schnitzel.
- Stupid mutt?
I'll kill you now.
(yelling)
- It's me, it's me.
Hauptmann, you fool.
It's me.
- Beth, Beth, listen this
isn't as bad as it looks.
- I don't wanna hear it, Jay-Jay.
How could you play such a cruel joke
on a helpless blind man?
- [Pete] Come on Jay-Jay.
- Everyone kept warning me about you,
but I just wouldn't listen.
I actually thought you
were something special.
Boy, was I a jerk.
- Beth.
- [Pete] Jay-Jay, now.
- Mr. Kinney, believe me.
I didn't do it.
I was set up.
- Hey you know what, Jay-Jay?
I think you're telling the truth.
- What a relief.
Pete, Pete.
Good seein' ya.
Call me when--
- Sit down.
- Sit down.
- So you didn't pull
this one off, so what?
You'll try something
just as stupid tomorrow.
- I don't think so, this
one's gonna be pretty
hard to top.
- You know what's so pathetic?
Is you got a brain, but
you refuse to use it.
I mean, you've got
everything going for ya.
You could do or be anything you want.
But all you wanna do is be a screw up.
Jay-Jay, not all the
things in life are reserved
for guys like Beau Middleton.
But you gotta wake up and make
a commitment to something.
To somebody.
To yourself.
Will you think about that?
- I'll try.
It's a lot.
- Yeah, yeah.
Well, just to make sure
that you have enough time,
I'm gonna give you two hours of detention
every day for the rest of the semester.
- It's a good thing you believe me.
(upbeat rock music)
- Hey, Jay-Jay, some cool machine, huh?
- Who's that?
- Milton Feld, Archie's dad.
You wanna drag?
(tires screeching)
(sighing)
(hitting)
(car honking)
(car honking)
- I was framed, Otto,
and I think that stinks.
- [Otto] Yeah, Beau
Middleton strikes again.
Man, he can get away with anything.
- No, no, not this time.
Hey, Middleton.
- What do you want?
I'm in a hurry.
- I want you.
No, I am sick and tired of the way
you walk around school like you own it.
I don't like the way you treat people.
I don't like the way you do things.
I don't like you.
- What are you gonna do about it?
- I'm gonna whip you.
- What?
- No, no, no, no.
At the lake.
A week from today, before the fall dance.
A race.
Me against you, one on one.
- You crazy?
You can't beat my car, you know that.
- A thousand bucks says I can.
(chuckling)
- A thousand bucks?
Where are you gonna get a thousand bucks?
- I'm not the one who's gonna need it.
- Alright, you're on.
And you better pay.
- Jay-Jay.
(students exclaiming)
- Ah.
Well.
Pretty hip, huh?
- Oh, Jay-Jay, man.
I think too much detention
has made you stir crazy.
- I know what I'm doin' Otto.
I know what I'm doin'.
- Gosh, Jay-Jay, talk about
your basic mission impossible.
- Arch.
You owe me a favor, right?
- Yeah, I sure do.
- Good.
Because I'm gonna use your dad's car.
- Oh.
You're gonna use my dad's car?
Oh, oh, oh.
(soft doo wop music)
- Pew pew pew.
Pew pew pew!
Die, merchant slime!
Man, this game is the greatest.
- You know, it's even better
if you put a quarter in it.
(video game music)
Yo Arch, can I talk to you for a second?
- He's not available right now, Jay-Jay.
- So, uh, you wanna give
me your phone number?
- Okay, he's available.
- Jay-Jay, I already told
you, if this is about
my father's car, it's out of the question.
- Hey, Arch, we've been
through this before.
I'm only gonna need the car twice.
Once to get the feel of
it and once for the race.
We're talkin' about a
total of a half hour.
- My father won't even
let me near the car.
- Arch, I don't wanna split hairs with you
but you haven't got a license.
- Friday, I get my license on Friday
and he still won't let me near it.
- I'm gettin' nowhere here.
I'm gonna go over to your house,
and I'm gonna talk to your dad.
- It won't do you any good.
He's out of town and he
won't be back for two weeks.
- Way to go, big mouth.
You're such a total lame-o.
Why don't you tell him the keys
are in your father's drawer
wrapped in his bikini underwear?
- Nice going, Chuckie.
Now who's the bigger lame-o?
You or me?
- It's a tough call.
We may have to go to a tie
breaking question on this one.
(video game beeping)
- This is the only theater
where this movie's playing.
It's a very fine film.
I've seen it three times.
- What was the name of it again?
- Wicked Wicked Cowgirls.
- Look, next time, let's
try to find a movie
that's not 60 miles from my house.
- 60 miles?
What's 60 miles?
The important thing is
that we're together.
And I can relax because
I don't have to worry
about being spotted by one of the kids.
(robot beeping)
(robot beeping)
(beeping)
- [Leo] Excuse me.
Excuse me, please.
Pardon me, may I get by here?
- Oh no.
- [Boy] Watch it!
- [Man] Shh.
- Hey.
I know you.
Mr. P.
Miss D.
Hey, everybody, Mr. Plaza's
here with Miss D'Angelo.
- Shh.
- Hey, Miss D'Angelo, Mr. Plaza.
- Oh come on, let's go.
(robot beeping)
(cans clattering)
(change clattering)
- [Archie] Bye bye, Jay-Jay.
- Hey, aren't you guys comin'?
- Really?
- You mean it?
- [Jay-Jay] Yeah.
- [Archie And Chuckie] Woo!
- Jay-Jay?
Promise me you'll go slow.
(engine revving)
(tires screeching)
(upbeat rock music)
- You stay here.
I'm gonna go get Beau.
(upbeat rock music)
- [Chuckie] Stop stop, please stop.
- [Archie] Jay, watch it.
(tires skidding)
Please!
(upbeat rock music)
(grunting)
(grunting)
- Well.
I think I can drive this thing.
What do you think?
- Are we home yet?
- I don't know, Beau.
It's a pretty fast car.
You think you can beat it?
- No problem.
He will not be racing in it.
- Ready?
Okay.
- [Cheerleaders] Push 'em
back, push 'em back, way back.
(whistle blowing)
- Cara?
Cara, a little more energy.
Do you want us to lose to Tech?
- Who cares.
This is so high school.
- [Miss D'Angelo] Then why do it?
- I happen to look
stunning in the uniform.
- One more smart Alec remark,
and you're off the squad.
Okay, one more time.
- Sorry to interrupt cheerleading
practice, Miss D'Angelo,
but I'd like to have a word
with two of your girls.
- Go ahead.
- Anne-Marie, Cara?
I just wanna wish you both
luck on tomorrow's bio test.
- Well it sure is a lot to cover.
We'll be up studying all night.
- Chapter 14.
Read chapter 14.
Well, that's all I needed to know.
(bell ringing)
Carry on.
- Take five, girls.
Mr. Plaza?
This has gone far enough.
We're through.
- What?
- You know, ever since they announced that
stupid preppy prize, you've
been acting like a total fool.
I don't even know you anymore.
- Maybe we should talk
about this somewhere else,
like over dinner.
- Oh fine, I know a nice
little restaurant in Canada
or is that too close to the school?
- Give me a chance to make it up to ya.
Please?
- You're crushing my pom poms.
- Oh.
Sorry, sorry.
Miss D'Angelo, hear me out.
You mean the world to me.
- You certainly don't show it.
- Give me another shot, please.
I'll change.
I promise I'll change.
Oh.
Hi, Beau.
(whistle blowing)
- That's it for today girls,
let's hit the showers.
- Hi Anne-Marie.
- Hi.
- Brought you a present.
- Yeah, what is it?
- Me.
(chuckling)
Just kiddin'.
You seen Beth around?
- Please don't mention that name.
It breaks my heart.
Bo, how could you go
out with Beth Franklin
when waiting in the
sidelines is a poor, sweet,
innocent girl like me?
- Anne-Marie, I want you to do something
very slimy for me.
- I'm your girl.
- I gotta warn you,
it's pretty disgusting.
- Beau, I'd eat maggots for you.
- This is worse.
(upbeat disco music)
- That's them?
Forget it, Anne-Marie.
- Beau asked us to help
him out and we're gonna
go through with this.
Hey, what are you complaining about?
I paid you $50 to do this.
Come on, let's go.
- Okay, but I get to pick the cute one.
- From those two?
- Whoa.
- Hey, am I Looney Tunes,
or are those two punk girls
coming on to us?
- Hey.
- Hi.
- You two alone?
- Well, yeah.
I mean no, not really.
We came on the same bus.
How am I doing?
- You're dying.
Shut up and try not to look so desperate.
Just let me do the talking.
So, ladies.
Whoa!
(clearing throat)
Wanna rent a motel room?
(upbeat disco music)
- Hey, we don't even know your names.
- I'm Charles Dipple.
And this is Archie Feld.
We go to Excelsior.
- I'm Helen Putrid.
This is Vicky Slime.
And we quit school in the third grade.
- So, what do you wanna do?
- We wanna go up to the
Point and go parkin'.
- Yeah.
Let's go.
Where's your car?
Whoa.
- We don't have a car.
Don't you have a car?
- No, we don't have a car.
Why do we need a car to go parking?
Besides, where in the heck
are we gonna get a car?
- We can go a lot further in a car,
if you know what I mean.
(car engine revving)
- Whoa.
Today's the day, right, buddy?
- Yeah.
Yeah.
- Oh come on, Archibald, relax.
(kissing)
- Way to go, Arch.
(car honking)
(screaming)
(tires screeching)
(cars honking)
(yelling)
- Oh, boy, Charles.
You sure are a good driver.
- Yeah.
As long as I'm not distracted.
(monkey howling)
(Anne-Marie yelling)
- Hey!
The brakes, hit the brakes.
- I can't.
My foot is stuck.
(upbeat rock music)
- Oh.
Oh, I should've gotten a hundred for this.
- [Chuckie] Arch, where you goin'?
(screaming)
What's goin' on?
Archie, will you slow down?
Arch.
(upbeat rock music)
Archie!
What are you doing?
- [Anne-Marie] No!
What's going on?
- You're all over the road.
- No I'm not.
I'm following the yellow line.
(upbeat rock music)
(people yelling)
- [Anne-Marie] Ow!
(screaming)
(yelling)
(crashing)
- [Cara] I can't believe you
got me into this, Anne-Marie.
I will never forgive you.
- Oh.
- Chuckie.
Tell me it's just a couple of scratches.
Tell me my father isn't gonna kill me.
- The car's totaled, Arch.
You're a dead man.
- Oh no.
- Cheer up.
- Oh no.
- At least we still got the girls.
Girls?
Girls?
- Come on.
(phone ringing)
- Don't answer that, just keep packing.
(phone ringing)
- I wish we didn't have to run away.
- We're not running away.
We're joining the Army.
It's excitement.
It's adventure.
My Uncle Duddy was in the Army.
- How come I never met him?
- He was killed in bootcamp.
- Beth.
Beth.
Can I talk to you for a minute?
- Uh, sorry, sir, you'll
have to take a number.
- Wait a minute.
Excuse me.
What number are you on?
- 86!
- 86.
- [Beth] 86!
- 86.
It's me.
- Jay-Jay.
- Look, Beth, I can't wait for my turn.
I gotta talk to you now.
- Alright, what?
- I just wanted you to know,
I had nothing to do with
that Hauptmann thing.
Okay, I admit, I had
motive, but not enough
to become one of Shotsy's chew toys.
- Fine.
What about that stupid car race?
I mean come on, what
are you trying to prove?
- That I can make a
commitment to something
and see it through.
I've never really cared about anything.
It just doesn't feel that good anymore.
- Why are you telling me all this?
- Because I want you to give me a chance.
All I'm asking is that you look around,
and if you're happy with
the way things are going,
and I don't think you are,
fine.
If not,
call me, we'll talk.
- Is that it?
- No.
Give me a couple danish and a Kaiser roll.
(upbeat music)
- Okay, the timing device is set.
Now it's gonna snap a
picture every five minutes.
Are you sure that this is
Beau Middleton's bedroom?
- Of course I'm sure.
- Shh.
Someone's coming.
Let's get out of here.
(ladder rattling)
(dog barking)
(students chattering)
That's not Bo.
These are pictures of his parents.
- [Both] Ew.
- Why is Mrs. Middleton
wearing a nurse's uniform?
- That isn't Mrs. Middleton.
That's Mr. Middleton.
- [Both] Ew.
- Otto, Otto.
Have you seen Archie and Chuckie?
- No, why?
- Well something's wrong.
Today was co-ed gym and
they didn't show up.
- Ah.
Listen, you gotta come over to the house
and check out what I'm
wearing to the race.
I got a pair of buffalo skin racing gloves
that'll knock your eyes out.
- You're really taking
this seriously, aren't you?
- It is serious.
Beth, I've been challenged
by that nothing little worm,
Jay-Jay Manners.
I mean he and all the
other strays in this school
have got to be taught a lesson.
I run the school.
I make the rules and nobody challenges me.
- You make it sound
like you're some kind of
dictator or king.
- I like that.
I'm the king, you're my queen, and,
all our friends are the royal court.
- And what was I last year
when I wasn't your queen
or in your court?
- I don't know.
Nothin', I guess, just some girl.
You got pretty lucky, didn't ya?
- I suppose so.
- Suppose so.
You know how many girls would
kill to be in your position?
- Beau.
I was not a nothing.
I was a girl with ideas and feelings,
and I still am.
Only we never talk about any of them.
You really don't know anything about me.
- Beth, Beth.
Beth.
What do you want?
Don't we have a good time together?
We go to all the best places.
Hey.
I take you the best parties,
the best restaurants.
I introduced you to the A crowd.
Let's face it.
If I dumped ya, you'd be a zero again.
- You're right, Beau.
I owe everything I am to you.
- That's my girl.
(knocking)
- Welp, it looks like there's nobody home.
Let's come back later.
- No, no, no, they're in
there, they're in there.
I heard tripping and falling.
- Okay.
Robot, the window.
(robot beeping)
(glass shattering)
- Crude, but effective.
- [Chuckie] Are you gonna eat those fries?
- [Jay-Jay] Hey guys.
- Good afternoon, Otto.
Jay-Jay.
Chuckie and I were just
having a late lunch.
- In the closet.
That's very quaint.
Uh, guys?
What's with the suitcases?
- Oh, well, we were just thinking about
getting away for a while.
- Until the smoke clears.
- What smoke?
Hey wait a minute.
You didn't do anything to the car, did ya?
- No, Jay-Jay, I swear, I
didn't do anything to the car.
I didn't touch it, honest.
- [Jay-Jay] Good.
- He did.
- Hey, will you stop whimpering?
I mean really, how bad could it be?
♪ Da da da da da do do do do ♪
Hey, this is funny.
This is really funny.
Now guys, where's the real car?
- This is the car.
The only thing that still
works is the hazard light.
- Otto.
Otto.
Now you know I have nothing
but the utmost respect
for your intelligence and for
your mechanical expertise,
so I'll defer to you.
Can you fix it?
- Say what?
- Uh huh.
Okay, well, I guess there's
only one thing for me to do.
I'm gonna kill ya.
(phone ringing)
- Don't answer that, it might be my dad.
Oh no, what if it's my dad?
- Archie, Archie, it's not your dad.
Hello?
Mhm.
Yeah.
It's your dad.
- Hello?
Hi, dad.
Gosh, where's all that
neat static I always hear
when you call from Cleveland?
You're not in Cleveland?
Where are you?
At the airport?
Oh my.
What?
I couldn't do that, dad.
I just got my license the other day
and I'm still a little bit shaky.
Alright, don't call me that, dad.
Alright, I'll see you in a little while.
Good bye.
That was my dad.
He wants me to come pick
him up at the airport
in his new car.
- You?
What is he, drunk?
- Very much so.
Jay-Jay, what am I gonna do?
- Okay, Arch, okay, just
pull yourself together.
We're gonna be able to handle this.
The first thing we gotta
do is get this thing
out of the way.
(hitting)
(clanging)
(clanging)
(upbeat music)
- There he is.
What a nice guy.
He's gonna kill me.
- No, Arch, Arch, will you relax?
Let me handle it.
- Yoo hoo, dad.
- Hello son.
Boys, let me pay my tab
and we'll get out of here.
- No, no, Arch, Arch.
Wait a minute.
Aren't you gonna tell
your dad the great news?
- What happened?
Your face cleared up?
- No, Mr. Feld.
You are looking at the
new starting quarterback
for Excelsior Union High football team.
- Well congratulations, Jay-Jay.
- No, no, not me.
Arch.
- Archie?
A quarterback?
He throws underhand.
- Yeah, but you ought
to see him, Mr. Feld.
Coach has been working with him.
He can really zing that ball.
- Archie?
A quarterback?
- Even I couldn't believe it.
- Hut two, hut three.
- This is quite a shock.
I mean, it calls for a celebration, huh?
- [Jay-Jay] It sure does.
- One more round.
(snoring)
♪ Ba ba boo ♪
♪ Ba ba boo ooo ♪
♪ Ooo ooo ♪
♪ Ooo ooo ♪
♪ Ooo ooo ♪
♪ Ooo ooo ♪
♪ Ooo ♪
- Jay-Jay, don't, don't you slap my dad.
Let me.
(slapping)
(clattering)
(groaning)
- What happened?
Are you alright?
Am I alright?
What happened?
- We're okay, Mr. Feld.
We're just in shock.
- I haven't even made the
first payment on this car.
I should have let Chuckie or Archie drive.
- Oh.
Okay, it looks like everybody's here.
Now that--
Arch.
Listen.
Curt, why'd you bring the baby?
- It's my wife's bowling
night and I couldn't get
a baby sitter.
- Okay, okay, fine.
Listen, the reason I asked
you guys here is 'cause
I got car trouble.
Big car trouble.
I can overcome it.
But not alone.
Look, I know in auto shop,
it's always been every man
for himself, but,
being an individual has its drawbacks.
I mean, look, guys.
The point is,
if we all work together to fix my car,
we can let the preps know we're alive.
Let them know we're alive?
We can make them respect us.
Now, what I'm asking is
gonna take some commitment so
if any of you would rather be at home
watching television, now is your chance.
- Now hold it!
I got somethin' to say.
Ever since I was a baby, I've been fat.
Clumsy.
A loser.
You guys can correct me if I'm wrong.
- We will.
- Look.
We can show those preps that we matter.
Just once, I wanna know what
it's like to be a winner.
Don't you?
Let's help Jay-Jay fix up his car.
Are you with me?
- Yeah!
- Sure, why not?
- [Both] Why not?
- Chuck.
Thank you.
It really means a lot,
and I want you to know
that from now on,
you are important.
Now get lost, we got work to do.
(bumbly music)
- This is perfect.
- Yeah, my brother said
we could use this place
as long as we take care of the customers.
- Hey, it's a deal.
We're closed.
Now, Otto, do you have
everything you need?
- Yeah, but you understand
going into this folly,
that I've never, ever worked
on a car in my entire life?
- Yeah, what's your point?
- Well we gotta break
into the school tonight
and get ahold of Mr.
Sirota's auto repair manual.
- This sounds like a job for the amazing,
and cat like, Clyde Vargas.
(ripping)
Rawr.
- He means well.
- Okay, now what we gotta do now
is get ahold of a really big engine.
- It's no problem.
Bandini's taking care of that tonight.
- Bandini?
- Boom boom boom.
Boom boom boom.
- Oh, thank you, thank you.
- Could you run that
romantic proposal by me
just one more time?
- Sure, sure.
Now listen carefully.
We keep sneaking around.
I win the Middleton grant.
Cash in the first class
plane ticket and we both
go to Europe, coach.
- In other words, you're gonna bribe me
to stay in the closet?
- Oh, don't call it a bribe.
Call it, um, call it something else.
- Hush money.
Payola.
A blackmail.
- Alright, call it a bribe.
Look, look, it's the only way.
- No, there's another way.
You keep sucking up to the preps.
- Sucking up?
- And you win your stupid prize,
and I'm going to find
somebody's who's not ashamed
to be seen with me.
- Step to the rear, please.
(knocking)
(humming)
- Leo Bandini?
Driving a bus?
- I couldn't get ahold of a plane.
- Alright, good work guys.
(panting)
Hey, what happened to you?
- Before or after I set
off the sprinkler system?
- Wait a minute, you
started a fire breaking
into the school?
- It was a teeny one.
- Did you get the repair manual?
- Have I ever failed?
Ta-da.
- Don't worry about it.
I'll figure something else out.
When is Bandini gonna get
here with that bus engine?
(crashing)
- Oh, any minute now.
- End of the line.
- [Jay-Jay] Oh nice going, Bandini.
You brought a teacher.
- I did?
- Miss Leboards.
Wow.
I had you for English class.
- No, Bandini, not her.
Her.
Miss D'Angelo.
- Hey, what's going on here?
This has something to do
with the race, doesn't it?
- Bingo.
- Great lame-o.
- You dip!
- Now she's gonna turn us in.
- [Otto] Thanks a lot Archie.
- Hey wait a minute.
I'd love to see you whip king prep.
- Yeah, we all would but
we've had a few of your
basic major set backs.
- Oh come on, guys.
All you need's a little boost.
♪ Who's that man coming down the track ♪
♪ Big bad Beau, no he's in the back ♪
♪ Take another look and what do you see ♪
♪ Jay-Jay Manners and victory ♪
- [Otto] Well, I think
we've finally done it.
- Alright, let's load
this sucker into my car
and try 'er out.
- Not so fast.
A 4,000 horse power hydrogen engine
burns a little hot.
We've got to protect it with
some kind of heat shield,
or your car is gonna melt.
(robot beeping)
- Uh.
Guys, take a five.
(robot beeping)
Minutes.
(robot beeping)
Otto, uh.
Not the robot.
- It's not your decision, Jay-Jay.
You just go outside with the other guys.
I got work to do.
- Otto.
- Please?
Will you just get out of here?
(slow, soft tinkling music)
It's for the good of the team.
You understand that, right?
It's not gonna hurt or anything.
You don't have any feelings.
You're just metal,
wires, and computer chips.
Right?
(robot beeping)
(robot shutting down)
Robot.
Good bye.
- Looks like he's not gonna show.
I can't blame him.
I'm gonna give him one more minute
then it's a forfeit, alright?
- You sure are a poor
excuse for a girlfriend.
Beth, you should be down
there by Beau's side
until the gun goes off.
- Anne-Marie, Beau is a big boy.
I'm sure he can drive
the car all by himself.
If he needs any help, he'll ask.
- Well lord knows he wouldn't ask you.
As a matter of fact,
there was this little task
that needed doing this week,
and he turned to a woman
that he could rely on.
- What kind of little task?
- Well, I really
shouldn't say, but I will.
Jay-Jay Manners almost raced Beau in a
brand news Trans-Am.
He would have given Beau
a run for his money.
But thanks to me, thank you Anne-Marie,
we don't have to worry
about that old Trans-Am.
That car is now a pile of junk.
- You wrecked someone's brand new car
because Beau told you to?
- Can you think of a better reason?
(car engine revving)
(upbeat marching music)
(students chattering)
(upbeat marching music)
- [Boy] Alright Jay-Jay!
(upbeat marching music)
(students chattering)
- Sorry I'm late.
I had to stop for gas.
Three times.
- [Boys] Ba dum dum.
- You ready to get this over with, Beau?
(students chattering)
Listen, tell me again,
what's this red button for?
- Well, in case it's a
close race, throw it into
overdrive, hit the red
button, and hold on.
Good luck, buddy.
- Thanks.
- I just wanted to wish you luck.
- Thanks.
- Gentlemen.
Take your positions at the starting line.
- [Girl] Beau, good luck.
- [Boy] Give it to him,
Beau, give it to him.
(engines revving)
(students chattering)
(engines revving)
- On your mark,
get set,
go!
(upbeat rock music)
(upbeat rock music)
- This is Clyde Vargas
live with a bird's eye
view of the race.
Things are really tense out here.
We're hoping nobody gets hurts.
(yelling)
(upbeat rock music)
(hitting)
(upbeat rock music)
(blasting)
- Whoa!
Whoa.
(upbeat rock music)
(car whistling)
(students cheering)
- Oh Beau, I am so sorry you lost.
(students cheering)
- Chuckie listen.
Go over to Beau, get the thousand dollars.
We gotta get tuxedos
for a dance that starts
in three hours.
- We're going to the dance?
- My treat.
- Yeah!
(cheering)
♪ You may think I'm nutty
and telling you lies ♪
♪ I'm going out now to
buy my school supplies ♪
♪ Well this semester's gonna
be a gas 'cause school is in ♪
(upbeat rock music)
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
(upbeat rock music)
- Hey thanks, pal, I'm
going to the high school.
- [Pete] Yeah me, too, hop in.
- [Jay-Jay] Hey, Mr. Kinney.
- Come on, get in.
Oh, where's your car, Jay-Jay?
Donate it to the Smithsonian?
- My engine is dead.
- Oh this afternoon probably killed it.
- Yeah.
- You know, Jay-Jay.
I hate car races.
They're dangerous.
They're stupid.
They never prove a thing.
Except this time.
(laughing)
Oh, I'm glad you made
that turkey eat dirt.
- It was a lot of fun.
He had it comin' to him.
- Yeah.
You did okay.
You uh, took a stand and you didn't quit.
I'm proud of you.
- I'm proud of me, too.
(upbeat rock music)
- Do you understand what
I'm trying to tell you?
Excuse me.
We're never gonna get that picture.
I mean, the assignment is due Monday
and I'd say the chances of
Beau stripping at this dance--
(students gasping)
(clapping)
I'd the chances of Beau
stripping at this dance
are pretty slim.
Maybe we can follow him home--
- Peggy, you have a camera.
Would it be an imposition if I asked you
to take a picture of us?
Oh, we don't have one.
- You don't have a picture
of you and your father?
- This is not my father, Nadine.
This happens to be Colonel Winston Moss
of the United States Air Force.
He is my date, not my father.
- Oh right.
Your father's much younger.
(laughing)
(laughing)
(upbeat rock music)
- Hey, Beau!
I didn't expect to see you until tomorrow.
I mean, knowing your car.
(laughing)
- Hey, Skip, Biff.
Let's take care of those two.
- Take of 'em yourself.
(upbeat rock music)
- Gee, I'm sorry, Beau.
We didn't mean anything.
You wanna hang around with us?
- What would I possibly
have in common with you two?
- You like cheese.
(upbeat rock music)
(applause)
(cheering)
- We love you Jay-Jay!
- Lookin' sharp Jay-Jay, lookin' sharp!
- You're my hero, Jay-Jay.
- Guys!
Guys!
Hey!
Will you cut it out?
Listen, the king is
dead and the last thing
we need is another king.
Play another song.
(cheering)
- Hey, you know, Mr. Kinney?
Why, this year's home ec
class is really extra special.
I mean, I just love each and every girl.
They are gonna make ideal wives.
Why, we have learned to
make biscuits and gravy.
- I think exercise is most important.
In my youth, I was an athlete.
I used to throw the shot.
Of course, I never knew where I put it.
(laughing)
- Miss D'Angelo, can I
have a word with you?
- You're very rude.
Can't you see I'm
talking to Dr. Hauptmann?
- I just wanted you to know
how much I've missed you
and how foolish I've been.
- Didn't you hear her, Plaza?
- Shut up, Fritz.
- Would you like to dance?
- Here?
In front of the whole school?
Isn't that kind of risky?
- I tipped the band.
They're playing a slow one.
I'd really like to dance with you.
- But, what about the Middleton grant?
You could blow it.
- So I lose.
I just don't wanna lose you.
- I struck out again.
I need a new spiel.
Maybe I shall start wearing my uniform.
Maybe they'll respect a
former U-boat commander
who is still active in the reserves.
Hello.
- Jay-Jay, this is my wife Aileen,
and this is Jay-Jay, and uh, oh.
You meet little Ricky.
And, uh,
and this,
is gonna be little Jay-Jay,
even if it's a boy.
- Will somebody please tell me who won?
- You really helped Jay-Jay
Manners soup up his car?
- Oh we didn't just help him.
We did the whole thing.
Well actually, we pitched in.
You see, Otto was the brains behind it.
- I was wondering,
would you girls care to dance?
- That'd be great.
- That's okay, I understand.
At least you didn't hit us.
- But we said yes.
- Arch.
They said yes.
They said yes, what do we do?
- Just follow me.
(soft jazzy music)
Bring the girl.
(soft jazzy music)
- Yo Otto.
How have you been?
I've been worried about you.
- Oh I'm fine now.
Robot, the dance.
(robot beeping)
(students exclaiming)
- It's about time Beth.
Where have you been?
You're a half hour late.
- Beau.
- Do you know how stupid I look
standing here without a date?
You're supposed to come
to this place with a date.
- Beau, I'm not your date, and
I'm not gonna be your date.
I'm breaking up with you.
- Nobody breaks up with Beau Middleton.
Beau Middleton calls the shots.
Beau Middleton'll do the breaking up.
- Well, then, this should
be a new experience for ya
because Beth Franklin just
broke up with Beau Middleton.
- Beth--
- Here's your ring.
- You're trying my patience.
Now would you get me
some punch and shut up.
- You shut up.
(Anne-Marie gasping)
- Don't you worry Beau.
I'll take that ring.
(soft jazzy music)
- It's a good thing he didn't
give you an ID bracelet.
Uh...
If I may say so,
you look kind of spectacular.
(soft jazzy music)
Uh...
I got number 86.
What number are we on?
(soft jazzy music)
- 86.
(sighing)
(soft jazzy music)
- Oh look, honey.
Otto Lipton brought a date after all.
- What'd you do, Otto?
Bring your trash compactor?
- No, actually, Bo, this is a robot.
- Robot, my behind.
(students laughing)
(ripping)
(students laughing)
(upbeat rock music)
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪
♪ School is in ♪
(MultiCom jingle)