Hercules in New York (1970) - full transcript

Far in the dim past. . .

when myth and history
merged into mystery

and the gods of fable
and the primitive beliefs of man

dwelt on ancient
Mount Olympus,

in antique Greece

a legendary hero walked
godlike upon the earth. . .

sometimes.

Why can't I go?

Because your place
is here with the rest of us.

- You let Mars travel.
- That's his job.

U ntil mankind learns to dispense
with his services



and lives in peace,
Mars must go where he's called.

I only want
to browse around.

You'd only get into trouble.

I have been here
thousands of years.

- I am bored.
- Don't interrupt your father!

Besides. . .

these mortals are
bedeviled by

as aggravating a collection
of annoyances

as it is possible for one
to imagine.

It may not be entirely
without merit,

- but you wouldn't like it there.
- Let me be the judge of that.

I am tired of the same old faces,
the same old things.

Tired or not,
you're staying here!

Zeus, I beg of you,



Hercules is only hotheaded.

He does not mean to oppose
your wishes.

Mind your own business,
Venus.

He has grown insufferable.

I will not be bearded to my face
by this insolent young whelp.

He's only a demigod.

He gives himself airs
his mortal birth does not warrant.

My mother may have been a mortal,
but you, Zeus, my father,

are a god.

I will discuss this
no further.

Does this mean I have
Zeus' permission to leave?

It means you will stay.

I don't wish to hear
another word on the subject.

I won't stay.

You are trying my patience,
Hercules.

- You are trying mine.
- Heed my words!

Nobody will stop me.

How dare you address
such remarks to your father!

It's easy.

Why you offensive puppy!

Perhaps this will teach you
respect for your elders!

Zeus,
Hercules is half mortal.

- He may be killed.
- He's only a spoiled youth.

Save him.

Hercules is your son.
Forgive him!

If I had known how much trouble
it would cause me,

I'd have thought twice when I met
his mother on vacation.

Aahh!

- Tell me what's wrong.
- I just saw a man.

Yes, my dear, that's not unusual.
There are men on this airplane.

No, outside!

- He was flying.
- Outside?

Yes, he just passed my window.

Stewardess!

And he was. . .
he was naked!

And he was just going down,
flying.

- And he. . .
- We're traveling at 30,000 feet.

No man,
nude or otherwise,

could possibly be flying
outside a jet plane.

Oh, he was very handsome.

And he had big muscles.

And he was practically naked.

Oh, dear.
Oh, my.

I shouldn't have taken Agatha
to see all those Greek statues.

She's so impressionable.

We throw ourselves
at Zeus' feet.

Get up,
you stupid creatures.

Let Hercules suffer the consequences
of his own obstinacy.

J uno has hated Hercules
ever since the day of his birth.

All right! Do not be
disrespectful to my wife.

Let us see what
he is doing now.

He's in the sea now.
He will drown!

Save him, Great Zeus.

It will take more than Neptune
or any of his creatures

- to overcome a son of Zeus.
- Save him, Zeus!

Save Hercules!

All right, all right.

I have done so.

Behold, coming over
the horizon of the sea.

What were you doing
out in the water?

- Swimming.
- A hundred miles from land?

I fell.

- Fell?
- Yes.

How did that happen?

- There was an explosion.
- Oh?

- What ship?
- Ship?

From which you
were blown overboard.

Olympus.

There's a Greek freighter
by that name.

- What's your name?
- Hercules.

- Greek, huh?
- Very old family.

Sir?

It's all right,
I'm democratic.

You're addressing the captain
of this ship. Say ''sir'' to me.

- I am Hercules.
- So you told me.

No man is superior
to Hercules.

Begging the captain's
pardon,

but an immersion in the water
can put a man off his head.

H uh.

- What's your berth?
- I am the son of Zeus.

I'm referring to your rating,
not your family tree.

What's your rating
when you ship out to sea?

What's your second name?
Hercules what?

As I have told you,
I am Hercules, son of Zeus.

I don't think he means
any disrespect.

He probably loses it
in the translation.

All right, sign him on
as Hercules Zeus,

since that's his father name,
and get him an O.S. rating.

Aye, aye, sir.

Get him what clothes
you can that might fit him.

Come with me.

- Where's this ship bound for?
- New York.

Carstairs!

Carstairs!

Stop that fight!

Okay, I'm with you, boy.
Better forget it.

Oh no, you don't. No, no.
I'm your friend.

Bosun,
what's the meaning of this?

Well, he refused to work, sir.

And when I tried
to persuade him, well, he. . .

He's a foreigner.

Perhaps he didn't
understand you.

I understood him.

He's most disagreeable
and he has irritated me.

- Where do you think you're going?
- Ashore.

- The captain give you permission?
- Hercules goes where he wishes.

Not on this ship, you don't.
Get your carcass below.

Get yours!

Yo, Hercules!
Come back here!

Stop him!
Somebody grab him!

Get him!

Alex!

Hey, you guys!

20 bucks for the first man
that flattens him.

Come on! Come on!

Oooh!

Come on, push him.
That's it.

Come on!

Come on, push it!

Come on, let's get him!

You'd better get out of here.
They're gonna kill you!

Come on,
we'll get a cab.

Here!

Go ahead!

What's the matter with you?!
Let go!

Fine chariot,
but where are the horses?

Let go of that!
What's the matter?

Hey, let go of that!

Where to?

Uptown.
And step on it!

Boy, that was close.

What was close?

They almost nailed you!

What did you do?
J ump ship?

No, I walked off.

You walked off.

- What's your name?
- Hercules.

Oh. Mine is Pretzi.

They call me Pretzi,
because, you see,

I sell pretzels
on the waterfront.

- Where you from?
- Greece.

Oh! I used to know
a Greek guy.

He ran a beanery
down in the Village.

His name was Apollo.

I never found out
what his second name was.

- I know Apollo.
- You do?

Well, is this a small world?
You know Apollo. Gee.

I wonder where Apollo is now.

I haven't seen him
in two or three years.

- He's back home.
- He went home, huh?

He was all the time talking about
how homesick he was.

So he finally went home.

He was a real nice guy.

Conceited. He thinks there's
nobody handsomer in the world.

Handsome? Apollo?

You must be kidding.
Come on, say you're kidding.

Handsome? With that big black
wart on his nose?

And those
little beady crossed eyes?

He must have been in disguise.

I wonder if Apollo
ever got married.

He was all the time
looking for a wife.

Maybe that's why he went home,
to find a wife.

Diana and Terpsichore
are in love with him.

I think Hebe is attracted, too.

No kidding.

It shows you how desperate
some women could be.

That is really amazing.

You hungry?
Wait a minute.

Here, here.

Go ahead, help yourself.

- I'm grateful.
- Think nothing of it.

Good, huh?

Food for the gods.

Well, I get them
from a bakery in Brooklyn

called
''Food For the Gods Bakery.''

Where you guys wanna go?

Hey, what do you know?
Central Park.

This is good enough.

It's fine.

Here we are
in Central Park.

I'll go get my bag.

- That'll be two bucks.
- Big city, New York.

Bigger than Athens.

Bigger than Rome.

Bigger than Carthage.

I'd say New York is the biggest
place there is.

- Pay the cabbie.
- Pay him?

- What?
- For the ride, two bucks.

Bucks?

The bread, the shekels,

you know, the long green,
the money, two bucks!

He wants to be paid for driving
Hercules in the chariot?

That's the idea, mack.

My name is Hercules.

Hercules, Schmurcules,
give me the dough.

Bucks? Doe? What's all this talk
about male and female animals?

This guy got all his marbles?

He's just come over
from the old country.

Look, Herc, it's money.

You know, drachmas.

Money?

I don't have any money.

You don't have any money?

Holy moley.
He ain't got no money.

Hercules doesn't need
any money.

What?

That's the stupidest thing
I've heard in my whole life.

A couple of deadbeats, huh?

Look, buddy,
you see. . .

There's been a little mistake.

Well, now,
ain't that something.

A mistake.

Well, what do you know. . .

a mistake.

Last time, you gonna give up
the dough or ain't you?

Isn't it enough since Hercules
rode in your chariot?

You've been immortalized.

I've been who?

You heard him,
you've been immortalized.

- Are you nuts?
- Well, you see. . .

- It's like this--
- Like what?

Well, you see. . .
uh, we, I--

Okay, call the cops.

Not before I have some fun
by taking it out of your hides.

- Run, Herc!
- You deadbeat!

How dare you
touch Hercules?!

Brad says we've got the best
all around team we've ever had,

a cinch to win first place
in the intercollegiate meet.

I should hope so.

I know Rod, for one,
has worked very hard,

even to the point
of neglecting you, I'm afraid.

I don't mind, Dad.
I want him to succeed.

I'm sure he will,
darling.

You know what pleases me most,
Helen, about these boys?

J udging from their classroom work,
they apparently have brains

as well as brawn.

How are those men
over there?

They're just athletes
training.

- Athletes?
- College guys.

Hmmph. . .

What do you mean?
You think you could do better?

What do you mean?
These guys happen to be champions.

Ha!

- Nobody can beat them.
- Ha!

Wait!
Where are you going?

- Over there.
- What for?

To show them how
to throw the discus.

No, no.
You've gotta stay here.

You can't go
buttin' in there.

They would not like me
to instruct them?

No, it's just for college guys.
No outsiders allowed.

I am Hercules.

Put that discus down!
You have no business out here.

Those men do not throw it
far enough.

- You don't say.
- I do say.

- What is it, Helen?
- That man with the discus,

the coach seems to be
arguing with him.

These boys are
record holders.

Then they should
be better.

I suppose you believe
that you're better.

I once showed them in the
Olympics in Greece how to do it.

They profited by
my instruction.

You showed us in
the Greek Olympics, huh?

- What year was that?
- That was the year. . .

Hey, coach.
Let him show us, coach.

Maybe there is something
we could learn.

Well,
it's always possible.

All right, go ahead.
Show us.

Thank you.

What else do you do?

I ncredible.

Okay, Tom.

Great throw, Tom!
Great throw!

Okay, let's see you
beat that.

A very good throw
for the earthbound.

Skip the wisecracks.
Put your money where your mouth is.

I do not have any money.

I mean, stop talking. . .

demonstrate.

All right.

Wow.

That's my buddy.

He's a Greek fella.

He just come over. . .
from Greece.

- Dawson.
- Coach.

You're our anchorman here.

- Show this fella something.
- Yes, sir, coach.

Fifty bucks says my pal beats
that guy about to jump now.

I'll take that.
It's a bet.

- This fella can hold the money.
- No, that's all right.

I trust ya, buddy.

All right, Mister.
Let's see you top that.

Certainly,
if you wish me to.

Wish you?
Brother, I'm begging you.

- I beg your pardon?
- Why, what's the matter?

- Did I do something wrong?
- My name is Professor Camden.

- How do you do?
- And this is my daughter, Helen.

Here's our card.

I wonder if you'd
do me a favor.

Sure, spill it.

Have tea
with my daughter and me.

Shh! Not so loud!

You never know when one of them
narcotics cops is around.

Tea, the conventional
social drink.

You mean the drinking stuff?

Of course! What else?

Wait a minute.

You want to get together
just to drink tea?

Do you find that
so uncommon?

Well, no, but eh. . .

it's just that nobody's ever invited
me to do that with them before.

Well, around 4:00, then.

Hm?

Great.

And bring your friend along.

Hey, Herc!

Please go into the library.

I'll tell the professor
you're here.

Ha, ha.
Pan.

It's a funny one.

I must tell him about this.

Yeah, you must do that.
Yeah.

Hello!

How do you do?
How do you do?

I'm so happy you both
could be here.

Hey, cut that out!

- Won't you be seated?
- Thank you.

My father should be here
any minute.

- Is anything wrong?
- What could be wrong?

It's just that you're looking
at me so strangely

I feel my hair may be out of place
or something of the sort.

Everything's perfect.

Everything's in its place.

- You remind me of someone.
- Really? Someone you know?

- A goddess.
- A goddess?

I remind you of a goddess?

It's a beautiful day,
isn't it?

If the sun comes out,
it will be a beautiful day.

You and she do have
a lot in common.

It's kind of you to be
so complimentary, but. . .

I must say it's the first time
anyone's been quite so. . .

so extravagant with his comparisons
where I'm concerned.

Excuse me,
that must be my other guest.

What's the matter with you?

Now you cut that out!
Talking that way to that dame.

You're acting like some kind
of a bull in a ten-cent store.

You just got here,
and right away you're on the make.

- What am I making?
- J ust cut it out.

That's no way to talk
to a dame.

I don't understand.

Maybe I'm being
a little rough on you.

Maybe you do things differently
where you come from,

but that's not the way we talk
to a dame here, that's all.

What did I say
that was wrong?

J ust cut it out!
That's all!

That's not the way to talk
to a broad, understand?

I guess you all
know each other.

- Hi, fellas.
- How do you do?

How are you doing?

- Hey, what's happening?
- Is he your lover?

My what?

Hey, Mister,
watch your talk!

I can hear my talk.
I cannot watch it.

You won't hear it much longer
if you don't apologize to her.

Apologize for paying
her a tribute?

A tribute?

- I nsulting her.
- A beautiful woman

with a handsome man for a friend,
they must be lovers.

Herc, you cool it!

I find it unnatural
if they're not.

All right,
you asked for it!

Ughh!

You have struck Hercules.

Come off that rap. Keep that up,
and you'll have to be taken away.

What kind of chicken fat
you got in your head?

I am Hercules.

You're Hercules, I'm Rod Nelson.
Now what? Outside?

I can do it just as well
in here.

No, no.
You. . . you put him down!

- Really, you're crazy!
- Herc!

Will you put him down!

Please, Mr. Hercules.
Please put him down.

His first name is Hercules.

His last name is Zeus.
It rhymes with ''booze.''

I don't care what his name is.
Tell him to put Mr. Nelson down.

Herc, you heard
what the lady said.

Put the guy down.
What's the matter with you?

Put him down
on his feet!

Put him down!
Turn him loose!

Put him down!

- Put him down!
- Tea is served.

Well, I knew it.

Doesn't surprise me a bit.

Wherever he goes--
trouble.

What am I gonna do
with the young fool?

Amusing situation with that fellow,
Hercules, wasn't it?

Amusing?
That man must be crazy!

- Original.
- Primitive.

- I find him refreshing.
- You must be kidding!

No.

He almost killed Rod Nelson.
He had to have some ribs taped.

Nevertheless,
Mr. Zeus interests me.

I'd like to get to know him better.
Study him more closely.

- Oh, really?
- Absolutely.

He had the effrontery to ask if
I'd have dinner with him tonight.

Well, of course you told him. . .

- I would.
- Naturally.

Oh, it was a
wonderful evening.

- Thank you so much
- I enjoyed it, too.

Are you homesick?

I'm having too much fun.

What's it like back there,
where you come from?

Didn't you tell me Athens?

A seaport?

- We have a fine ocean view.
- Oh, that's nice.

Have any brothers
and sisters there?

Lots, half brothers
and half sisters.

What does your father do?
What business is he in?

Ha! He's a deity.

I suppose he must miss you.

He didn't want
to see me leave.

I n fact, he was most upset.

Of course.

But a young man must see
the world, so they say.

This is what I told him.

Do you have a girl
back home?

You know how it is.

No, I don't.

All Central Park units.
All Central Park units.

Escaped from zoo,
one 600 lb. grizzly bear.

Take caution with animal,
known to be surly and dangerous.

I would really like
to see Greece one day.

I've heard
it's a beautiful country.

Perhaps you will
see it one day.

Will you
show me around?

You like
to climb mountains?

Well,
I've never done any, um. . .

Have you ever been
on Mt. Olympus?

- I know it very well.
- No kidding!

I'm not kidding.

When I was a little girl,
I used to read all about it,

and the gods and goddesses who
were supposed to live on top of it,

and I believed it!

It's one of the joys
of being really young.

Ooh!

Ooh!
Aaahh!

Hercules!

Beat him up!

Aaahh!

Oh, Hercules!

Ooh!

Well, beat him!

- Wrestling?
- We gotta get money somehow.

Using our muscles is one
of the few ways I could think of

for us to get some dough.

U nless you've got a better idea
on how we're gonna pay the bills

that you've been running up
here at the hotel?

Yes, sir, gents. . .

the wrassling game is. . .
lucrative.

Mr. Dugan promotes the wrestling
matches at the Armory.

Right.

- He saw your picture in the paper.
- Right.

He read about what you'd done
to that bear.

And he brought us a proposition.

I'm your new partner.

I saw your boy Hercules
wrestle last night.

and he's gonna go places.

Yeah.

Dugan tells me
you're easy to deal with.

And I hope so,

because here's my contract
to replace yours.

All you gotta do is
sign your name. . .

and here's the dough.

I don't have any contracts
with Hercules.

He's my buddy. . .

we just got each others' word.

It makes it all the easier.

Cuts the red tape.

Sign your name.

Fat Lips, Nitro and me
will take care of everything.

Yeah.

No.

I ain't gonna do that.

Hercules is my friend.
I ain't gonna sell him to nobody.

Not to you, or him,
or him!

Look, that boy of yours
is a comer.

With my connections,
that boy's gonna be

world champ in no time.

What's a little runt like you
gonna do for him,

except stand in his way?
And that don't fit in with my plans.

Yeah.

No,
I ain't gonna do it.

Now, look. . .

I'd like to do everything
nice and easy and legal.

But if you wanna get tough,

we can oblige you,
can't we, fellas?

Yeah.

Tell your boy
I'll be seeing him.

''Hercules. . .

half god, half man,

was the son of J upiter,
or Zeus--

as he was known
to the Greeks--

and a mortal mother
named Alcmene.

As J uno,
Zeus' wife,

was always hostile to
the offspring of her husband,

by mortal mothers,

she declared war against
Hercules from his birth.

She sent two serpents
to destroy him

as he lay in his cradle.

But Hercules strangled them
with his hands.''

Holy moley!

I would speak with Nemesis.

My son, Hercules,
who has set himself against me. . .

is out in the world bringing
disrepute to his name.

He has no business there.

And where he is
is no place for him.

I hear, Great Zeus.

I charge you with a mission,

as she who is the avenger
of my displeasures.

I n all things, I obey.

Go down to that continent
known as North America,

to that city
known as New York.

Take with you my wish

that Hercules be punished
for setting himself against me,

for demeaning that part
of him which is divine

in rioting among the mortals
of that benighted place.

Great Zeus,

I beg you, hold your anger
against Hercules.

He means no harm.

He is simple,
and a bit childish.

Give him a chance.

Send me down there first
to persuade him to come back to us,

before you give Nemesis
her task.

- Yes, O Zeus.
- Heed Mercury's plea.

Send Mercury for Hercules

before you charge that dread
Nemesis with her mission.

Venus also adds her voice
in asking Zeus to be patient

and merciful.

I don't wish to be
unduly harsh.

But Hercules has been trying
my patience for centuries.

Yet be indulgent,
Great Zeus.

Send Mercury
to bring back Hercules.

- Give him this chance.
- Let him stay down there.

He's been an annoyance
from his cradle on.

We all know why
you don't like Hercules.

But surely, Great Zeus will not let
his judgement be affected

- by J uno's malice.
- Malice!?

- How dare you?
- All right. . .

I don't want any arguments.

So be it.

- Mercury. . .
- Great Zeus.

Tell Hercules it is
my wish

he return to Olympus
without delay.

Do not fail.

- Now be gone.
- As Great Zeus commands.

Is it wise, O Zeus,
to do this thing?

If Hercules no longer finds
Olympus to his taste,

then let him stay
where he is.

Those down there will punish him
more than you ever would.

They resent one who is different
from themselves.

They will always try to
destroy him because of it.

It is the habit
with these unhappy mortals.

Hercules is my son,
not yours.

I know you hate him, J uno,

but we do not punish
in hate,

only in sorrow.

I have spoken.

Oh look, you're famous.

That is not Hercules.
And who is that monster

who looks as if he came from
the kingdom of the underworld?

Oh, no.

This is a motion picture,
a play.

You mustn't take yourself
so seriously.

He doesn't even look like me.
Look.

What are you doing?

Oh, wow!

Does he?

Listen. . .
I really. . .

- Does he?
- I wish you'd put your shirt on.

It isn't supposed
to look like anyone

except the actor
who plays the part!

What is the name
of that imitator?

Who gave him permission
to pretend to be Hercules?

Listen.
Stop joking.

I think. . .
I think we ought to go.

I nsolence.

What is that?

It's Atlas
holding up the world.

According to Greek mythology,
he was the one who. . .

Atlas?

- Yeah.
- Poor likeness.

You have the oddest
sense of humor.

Half the time I don't know
whether you're joking or not.

Did your mother drop you
on your head as a baby?

What happened?

Once I strangled two serpents
in the cradle.

Oh. . .

Come along.
I'll show you more of our city.

First, let's take a picture
of Atlas.

Okay.

And now of you.

Smile.

This fine food for only
a few small coins?

They who run this place must be
public benefactors.

Let's go and get a table.

Very pretty.
I like New York very much.

I'm glad.

Perhaps you'll stay here longer
than you thought you might.

Well,

another hundred years,
at least.

- Greetings, Hercules.
- Mercury.

- What brings you down here?
- You.

- Zeus, he sent you?
- I am here at his command.

Why?

To ask you in Zeus' name
to return to Olympus with me.

I don't wish to return yet.

Zeus insists on it.

I like it down here.

Do not defy Zeus.
You can only suffer by it.

He's all the time
nagging me.

It is out of the love
he bears you.

When did you see
my father last?

About five minutes ago.

How did you leave things
in Olympus?

About the same.
Everybody misses you.

J uno, too?

Well, you know J uno
and her jealousy

of every woman
Zeus looks twice at.

Venus especially asked me
to give you her best wishes.

Tell Zeus I'll come back
when I'm ready.

I wouldn't want to do that.
You know how handy he is

in throwing those thunderbolts
when he's angry.

I'm not worried about
Zeus' thunderbolts down here.

Zeus has another instrument
to punish those who offend him. . .

Nemesis.

He wouldn't send her
after me.

It was only at the solicitation
of your friends

that he sent me in her place
to make this plea for your return.

Why can't the old man
let me alone?

For the first time
in 2,000 years

I'm enjoying myself
and he's trying to spoil it.

This is no place for you.

Everything is changing.

Mortal man has no more belief
in the old ways.

I'm enjoying myself,
just the same.

- You are living a fallacy.
- It doesn't hurt me.

Such overconfidence
could be ruinous.

I'm going
to take a shower.

Please, Hercules,
come back to Olympus.

Now you're reasonable,
Mercury.

And you're also
my half brother.

What harm am I doing
down here?

- You could do great harm.
- Harm to whom?

- Yourself.
- What are you talking about?

Hercules can only be
Hercules.

You are confusing these mortals
with your behavior.

Ha!
I know a theater

on the street named
Broadway.

There's a man
who plays me so well.

They shower money on him.

It proves they know me.

I must get back to Olympus.
I cannot delay.

Zeus would hold it against me.
Are you coming back or not?

No.

Is that the message you would
have me deliver to Zeus?

I will come sometime,
but not right now.

Then I fear for you,
Hercules.

Such obstinacy can have
only grave consequences.

Give my regards to Venus.

Right.

She will be distressed to know
that you are defying your father.

I'm not defying him. I just want
to stay here for a while.

Farewell, then.

I carry your words back
to Olympus with a heavy heart.

If you will not take
my advice,

then heed my caution:
beware of Nemesis.

Goodbye, my half brother.

I'm sure he meant well.

But, but. . .
he. . .

Ooohh!

You know what
I think?

I think he's slightly
demented.

Either that, or he's the world's
most dedicated joker.

Perhaps he's suffering
from delusions of grandeur.

His name is Hercules,
so he thinks he's Hercules.

What's so terrible about that?

We've heard of people
who think they're Napoleon.

U h-huh.

But they're in institutions.

The young man's aberration
may be a mild megalomania.

I don't care.

I like him.
Even if he is a bit crazy.

So do I , even if he did
crack two of my ribs.

A Greek peasant with delusions
of mythological divinity.

Fascinating.

Open it up. . .
I've seen it, I've seen it.

He opens up. . .

I seen it!
I seen it!

- I seen it.
- Pretzi, how are you?

I seen it.
I seen it.

He. . . he. . .
he flung himself

right out the window--
head first--

from the 23rd floor!
And then he fell straight up!

What are you talking about,
Pretzi?

I seen it
with my own eyes.

What did you see, Pretzi?

He called him, ''Mercury.''

They were talking
about his old man.

Seems he come over here
to get him to come home.

But he don't wanna come home,

so Mercury throws himself
out the window,

straight up into the sky!

Take it easy, Pretzi.

- Get him a drink, Helen.
- No, please, no.

No booze, no.
I think that's what did it.

I don't know. I seen it. . .
clear as daylight.

- A cup of coffee may help.
- Right, I'll get it.

Now, Pretzi, I presume
you are talking about Hercules.

Yeah, Hercules.
Right.

Did you have anything
to drink?

Well, I . . .

I might have had a couple
of snorts.

And how much is a couple?

A pint.

A pint?

Well. . .
a fifth.

Relax. A cup of black coffee,
and everything will be fine.

Holy moley!
I tell ya. . .

I've never seen anything
like this before in my whole life.

That was the answer Hercules
gave you to bring to me?

It was not so insolent
as Zeus imagines.

I n fact, Hercules spoke of you
with affection.

- Yet he defied my command.
- But not in so many words.

He said he would come back,
but not just yet.

He dares to temporize with me!

I'll blast him!

Nemesis. . .

come here!

Nemesis. . .

Can I talk with you
a moment, Nemesis?

Make it brief, O wife to Zeus.
I am on a mission.

What punishment did my
husband decree for Hercules?

It is for him to tell you,
not I .

It is for you to tell me
when I ask!

Am I not wife to Zeus?

I order you!

I am to convey Hercules to
the underworld kingdom of Pluto

where he is to remain
for a hundred years.

What kind of a punishment
is that?

Hercules will have
the time of his life

roistering about
with that lecher.

Pluto is the king
of all evil pleasures.

If it is Zeus' thought that
Hercules should reside in hell. . .

I have a keener one for him.

Let him stay where he is.

But Earth is where
Hercules wishes to be.

Yes. . .

but as Hercules.

- I don't understand.
- With all his great strength,

it sets him apart
from other mortals.

They might even make
him king because of it.

They have no kings
where Hercules is.

They're called ''presidents.''

A king by any other name,

in his heart still thinks
of himself as king.

J uno delays me.
I must leave.

What does she have in mind?

Hercules' divinity.

His divinity?

Since he seems to like it so well
where he presently is,

I shall give him a taste
of what it truly means.

He shall become one of
those wretched mortals

he finds it so fascinating
to be among.

But Hercules is a demigod.

Thanks to my husband's
philanderings.

I can't take away Hercules'
divinity permanently. . .

but I can make him
as other men for a while. . .

as long as the effects from
the powder in this ring last.

Hope for the best.

Open the face of this ring.

Pour the powder within
into Hercules' drink.

Then he will become
as other men,

no better,

and as vulnerable
as any of them.

It could mean that
Hercules could. . .

- Yes.
- He could get killed.

It might.

J uno, I dare not.

I cannot take part
in undermining. . .

the will of the gods.

Do my bidding. . .

or when I have Zeus
here in private

I might tell him
a few things about you.

And one more thing. . .

on your way back,
make a little detour.

Go see Pluto.

I have a message for him.

Forgive the barking.
It's only Cerberus.

Seems to have
quite an argument.

He does that sometimes
when he's angry at himself.

It's those three heads,
you know.

How have you been,
Pluto?

Pretty nifty, except it's been
a hell of a day.

A new shipload.
Ha! Look who's here.

I'd ask you in,
but it's a mess.

Thanks, but I wouldn't
have time for just a visit.

You say that Hercules
is the same as

all those foolish mortals
he finds himself among?

Temporarily.

Zeus has decreed
that Hercules should spend

the next hundred years
down here.

There has been an argument
between the two of them.

And so J uno, um. . .

wants you to have the opportunity
to make the most of this.

What a triumph! What a coup!
What a feather in my cap!

To snatch the soul
of a demigod!

- When can I expect Hercules?
- That's the problem.

He refuses to obey Zeus.

Then he won't come.
Drat!

Not voluntarily.

He must bring him
involuntarily.

And J uno has. . .

facilitated matters.

Surely J uno realizes
that I am no murderer.

- I only punish.
- She understands that,

of course.

But she also knows
that you are ingenious.

And what she can't
accomplish by one means,

she is sure that you are
likely to achieve by another.

You know, that is true.

I always thought of myself
as a god of ideas.

Then I'll leave the matter
in your hands.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

I didn't mind climbing
all those stairs to get here,

but heights make me dizzy.

I'm not accustomed
to the altitude.

Have you decided?

I don't care what Zeus
has decreed.

I'm not coming with you.

- Some other century, perhaps?
- It'll be safer for you.

Safer? Hercules is a god,
and safe wherever he goes.

Things can change.

You're being ridiculous.

J ust listen to me for a minute.

You'll enjoy yourself.
You'll have a hell of a time.

I don't know what the occasion was
that prompted this influx of. . .

beautiful women. . .
- Go away.

- You bother me.
- J ust listen.

I n this briefcase
I happen to have a contract

that was drawn up by the best
legal minds in the world,

who at the moment are involuntarily
the recipients of my hospitality.

What is it to me?

I mean if you play
your cards right

I can see that you can get
any one of those dames, women,

who might tickle your,
eh, fancy.

So just sign
on the dotted line,

and I'll take care of
everything else.

Why don't you
go back to hell!

You've been away
too long already.

Who is taking care of things?

Who is feeding Cerberus?

How did you get here?
You always shun the light.

Nosy parker.
Did you notice how dark it was?

- So this is your doing?
- Um-hmm.

How about signing
on the dotted line?

No. If you don't stop
annoying me, I . . .

Listen, I'm not. . .

I'm not afraid of you.

Hey, that's terrific,

but I'm also a god.

- I can try.
- You can try? Listen.

I'll see you later.

We'll be in touch.

You're gonna. . .
hear from me.

I'll see you again sometime. . .

when you're run down.

Said on the phone
he'd meet us here.

Said we'd recognize him
by the briefcase he'd be carrying.

Here he comes.

You weren't kidding about what
you said on the phone, were ya?

Certainly not.

Sure you'll be able
to handle it?

Twenty thousand dollars?

5 to 1 .

Okay, pal, it's a bet.

You're laying 20 grand
at 5 to 1

on Hercules to lose?

The money.

What's your name?

Where do you hang out?
Where can I reach you?

Don't worry about that.
All in good time.

We shall meet again.

Mmmmm. . .
Be assured of that.

Well, goodbye. . .

for the present.

Till next time.

I don't like
that guy's looks.

He gives me the creeps.

He's dangerous.

I wouldn't welsh on him
if I was you.

What's to welsh?

Hercules is a cinch to win,
right?

If you say so.

He'll walk into a room
he won't walk out of

if he don't come through
for me.

Twenty grand, huh?

That's a lot of dough.

Figure this guy knows
something we don't know?

What could he know?

He's a long shot plunger!

- Disturbing you?
- No, dear, come in.

Did you see
today's newspaper?

Not yet.
Anything of special interest?

An item
in Wesley Watkins' column.

Listen. . .

''New Yorkers are talking
about the claim

of champion wrestling contender,
Hercules the Great

that he's the strongest man
in the world.''

I wouldn't be inclined
to dispute that.

Someone does. Listen.

''Foremost among those
to dispute this statement

is circus strongman,
Monstro the Magnificent.

He declares himself
as willing to put up

$1 0,000 on the outcome
of a weightlifting contest.''

There's a man with
his work cut out for him.

''Broadway scuttlebutt has it

that the matter
may be settled

on a national variety
television program.''

I personally have no doubt
as to the outcome.

Hi!
Came to wish you luck.

Thank you.

Father's out front
rooting for you, too.

I'm glad for it.

How's it going, pal?

- Greetings.
- All set for the big match?

- It doesn't bother me.
- You'll take him, all right.

- What can stop me?
- Glad to hear you say that.

I got a lot of dough spread out
on those muscles of yours.

- Don't worry.
- I'm not worrying.

J ust reminding you that if
anything goes wrong,

I'm not gonna like losing
all that money,

and you won't like it,
either.

I understand. It is not pleasant
to lose money

once one becomes
accustomed to its use.

Yeah. I don't back losers. . .

ever!

Very practical.

So don't lose.

Who was that?

I believe
he was threatening you.

- He was?
- Yes!

If you don't win,
he means to harm you.

Who can harm Hercules?

He's a bad guy, Herc.
Gee. . .

I wish we didn't have nothing
to do with him.

You're okay, ain't you?

I'm fine.

Hercules the Great
on stage!

Well, that's you.

I'll see you later.
Good luck.

Thanks a lot.
Okay, Herc,

you're all ready.
Remember everything I told you.

You won't forget. Whatever you do,
don't get nervous.

I mean, just. . . just. . .
keep calm.

Don't strain yourself because
you could get a hernia.

Whatever you do, Herc,
just stay calm.

And listen, Herc,

watch out for Monstro. . .

Wasn't he something,
folks?

And now we have a special
treat for all you girls and guys.

An exhibition of
the defense of manly art.

Speculation throughout
the city has been rife.

Who is the strongest?
Monstro the Magnificent?

Ooh, hey!

Or Hercules the Great?
Let's bring Herc on.

You go out there
and get him.

Remember what I taught you.
Don't forget, now.

There he goes.
Very glad to have you on the show.

Whew!

Now this contest of strength
will begin with the challenger,

Monstro the Magnificent,
who will snatch, press. . .

- That's ''clean and jerk.''
- I'm sorry.

Who will clean and jerk
barbells weighing. . .

- 500 pounds?
- 500.

500 pounds!

Let's give him
a great big hand!

Monstro the Magnificent.

And now Hercules the Great.
500 pounds.

And now,
item number two.

7 50 pounds.

Monstro the Magnificent.
Let's give him a hand.

Not now, dum-dum.

Wonderful.

And now, Hercules the Great.

7 50 pounds.

For Hercules, 7 50 pounds,
ladies and gentlemen.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,
in this struggle of the titans,

One thousand pounds!

Monstro the Magnificent.

Let's hear it for Monstro!

Ladies and gentlemen,
Monstro the Magnificent!

Whoa, look at that!
Look at that!

Wonderful! Wonderful!
Monstro the Magnificent!

And now,
Hercules the Great.

One thousand pounds.

Double cross.

Ladies and gentlemen,
let's have a hand for Hercules.

A real effort.
A real effort.

And now the winner,
Monstro the Magnificent!

But, but what happened?

I don't know!
I could not lift it.

My strength,
it seemed to have gone.

Come on,
we gotta get out of here!

There's no time to get dressed.
We'll go this way.

Down the fire escape!

Let's hear it,
ladies and gentlemen. Come on!

Let's hear it for Monstro!

Father, this is terrible.
We've got to go!

Why, Helen?

- Come on.
- What's happened?

Hercules is in trouble.

Although that represents
no novelty, I find it forbidding.

He brought it on himself.

One thing
I do not understand. . .

I did not decree that Hercules
should be bereft of his divinity.

It was my edict that
he be sent to Pluto's kingdom

for a hundred years.

How, then, has this
other thing happened?

Can nobody tell me?

- Eros!
- Yes, sir, Zeus.

Find Nemesis.
Bring her to me.

At once,
my liege Zeus.

He should have been
back here by now.

His duds are here.

Which means he ain't
coming back here!

Outside!
Get the boys!

Get the boys.

Get the boys.

There goes the dame.

The big phony and the runt
must be inside. Let's go.

They're probably on the floor.

Follow them.
Don't lose them.

She left without
saying goodbye.

But don't you see
what she's doing?

She trying to draw them away
so we can escape.

You said those men
were dangerous.

Dangerous!
Boy, I'll say.

- H urry!
- Where you going?

We have to stop those men.

On foot? You're gonna
chase them on foot?

- With the chariot.
- Chariot? What chariot?

That's not a chariot.
What are you doing?

Now he's done it!

Hey, come back
with my chariot!

Hey, Mister!
Wait for your sauerkraut!

Hey ''Muscles,'' that ain't
the way to Disneyland!

We'll make mincemeat
out of those guys.

- Coming up to a red light.
- Forget about the light.

Cut them off at the zoo.

Don't let those punks
get away.

Where is everybody?

Where did that monster go
with my chariot?!

I want my chariot.

We're out of gas!

Let's get in there!

Hercules doesn't flee
from anybody.

Come on, Herc!
No time to argue!

Zeus sent for me?

When I ordered you
down to Earth,

did I not charge you to see
that Hercules

was delivered
to the realm of Pluto?

- It is as Zeus says.
- Then, what happened?

How is it that Hercules was
instead deprived of his divinity,

his strength,

and finds himself in his
present mortal predicament?

Well. . .?

Well!?

I was sent on another mission.
The substitute.

Who gave you another mission
to supersede that of mine?

Speak up, or I will blast you
where you stand!

Here comes Tony.

- Where's all the other guys?
- I n the other cars.

Okay, you take a couple of boys
and go in that door,

all the other guys,
come with me.

Where are we going?

That way!

Now, Nemesis,
speak or I'll. . . !

No! No, Mighty Zeus.

I beg you!

It was J uno.

She bade me do what I did.

So, interfering again.

I've told you I will not tolerate
your everlasting interference.

I thought it best,
to save a lot of trouble.

I will discuss this
with you later.

Zeus, will you not save
Hercules?

Let him abide
by the consequences

of his own folly
and obstinacy.

Oh, no. Herc!

Hercules is in great peril.

If Zeus does not relent,
there's nothing we can do.

- There is.
- What?

We may send aid
to Hercules.

We?
Send help to Hercules?

You know where to find them.

And they'll listen to you.
I know they will.

- Who?
- Atlas and Samson.

Hercules! Get up!
Come up here!

- Come on, Hercules.
- Hercules, get up!

He's not coming.

Are you all right, boy?

You all right?

Go get them!
Come on, go get them!

Who sent Atlas and Samson
to Hercules' aid?

Is it not enough that Hercules
has been causing

all that trouble
by himself?

Call those other two away,
at once.

Mercury. . .?

- Zeus?
- Was it you?

It was I .

How dare you
go above my head?

I feared
for Hercules' safety.

Bereft of his strength,
he's as helpless as a child

in the world of mortal men.

It is not to be borne.

Hercules treated as a common
mortal by those scoundrels.

Then save him, Mighty Zeus!

He deserves all he's getting.

When I want your opinion,
I'll ask for it.

Hercules is a son of Zeus.

I n treating him as they do,

those scoundrels down there
show disrespect for his father.

Then save him,
Great Zeus,

even if it is only because
he is your son.

No mortal shall ever triumph
over a son of Zeus!

I don't see nothing.

It's all very dark
in there.

Fire torpedo!

Aw, you gotta put
a dime in.

Forget it.

You can see
all the way to Jersey!

It's really something, huh?

I've never been up here,
you know.

Kind of makes you
feel like. . .

some sort of god
or something.

Too bad it's a little
cloudy today.

Well, you can still see
pretty far.

I can see the whole river.

Look at that big boat
down there.

You know, Herc,

that looks like the boat
you were on.

Take a look at it, Herc,
I think it's. . .

Hey, Herc?

Where'd you go, Herc?

I have been willful.

I have been disobedient.

Mighty Zeus has more wisdom
than Hercules.

He knew better
what is best for him.

Please, Mighty Zeus, relent.

You'll be sorry.

Zeus has only to speak now

for Hercules to obey.

Herc?

Where'd you go, Herc?

Hey, Herc!

Herc!

H uh, strongest guy
in the world. . .

tying up with a nothing
like me.

Imagine. . .

He really made me feel
like something. . .

a half-pint like me.

I ain't never gonna
forget him.

Never.

Only, where did he go?

Don't grieve,
my friend.

I n the memory
that leaves you,

separation may have
a quiet happiness all its own.

Herc?

We are friends, you and I .

And nothing can
take that from us.

Herc?

Herc!
Where are you, Herc?

What are you doing
in my radio?

Herc. . .

It's me! It's Pretzi!

Why did you take a powder like that?
Why did you just leave?

I didn't say anything
out of line, did I?

Or do nothing?
Did I , Herc?

I enjoyed knowing you,
my little friend.

Gee, Herc.

Ain't I never gonna
see you again?

Ain't you never
coming back?

Even for a visit?

'Cause if you ain't,

it's sure gonna be
lonesome for me again.

Herc, we really did
all them things, didn't we?

I didn't just imagine
all them things, did I?

It wasn't like what
the head shrinkers call,

''wishful thinking,''
was it, Herc?

Any time you wish me
to be with you,

all you need to do
is think of me.

and there I shall be,

in your mind
and in your heart. . .

for as long as
you want me to be,

as long as you need me.

Due to temporary
atmospheric difficulties,

we were interrupted
in our broadcast.

We resume. . .

Herc?

Herc?

''Any time you need me,

any time you want me,

just think of me,

and I'll be there

for as long as
you want me to.''

Yeah.

I think I'll eat an apple.

And this is what I saw
on the world below.

It all sounds
revoltingly noisy.

Leave me, now.

I would think
on what I've been told.

You, too, my love.