Heartbreak Hotel (1988) - full transcript

Johnny, a 17 year old boy, succeeds in kidnapping Elvis Presley and thus convinces him to meet her mother who is a fan of his and has to stand difficult times at that moment.

So hush, little baby

don't you cry

you know your daddy's

bound to die.

But all

my trials, Lord

soon be over


- Glory.
- Glory, glory.


his truth is



His truth is marching


John, Mom's home.


Okay. Mmm.


We need some music.

Like a fool.

Treat me mean and cruel,

But love me.

Wring my faithful heart.

- Tear it all apart,
- Hey, Mom?

- But love me
- Mom!

You want to turn down the music?
We've got school tomorrow.

Johnny, Pammie, hi.
This is Steve.

We met Steve on Tuesday night.

- Hi, kids.
- You did?

- Friday also.
- Saturday too.

- I'll be sad and blue.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

- Cryin' over you.
- Just turn it down a little, please.

- Okay.
- Good night, kids.

Oh, boy.

- Let's go to sleep.
- Would beg and steal.

- Beg and steal.
- Just to feel.


I don't feel like dancing anymore.

- Well, let's go upstairs.
- No, no.

Well, what?

It's not right.

I think you should go home.

- You really want me to go?
- I want you to go. It's not right.

- Fine!
- Oh, so lonely

'cause I feel my soul on fire

Pushin' me on takin' me higher

I see my soul on fire.

Who can resist
a feeling like this.

Soul on fire.

Soul on fire.

Whoa! Man, we're ready
for today, aren't we?

You gotta be kiddin'.
You know they're gonna cut us again.

Are you whacked? We play
better than ever. We kick.

They're gonna pull some kind of
bullshit excuse right out of left field.

- What was it last year?
- Dress code. We didn't fit in.

All right,
So we cover our asses.

We make it so these guys
can't come up with any excuses.


Your brother still work
at Taylor Tux?

Yeah. Why?
Oh, no, John. No way.

Monkey suits. No way.

- No way. He's right.
- Come on, you guys.

This talent show is the only
place we could play, man.

Three years in a row we've been cut.
You know how many people are gonna be there?

John! Breakfast!

I gotta go.
See ya later.

- Thirty-eight regular, man.
- Thirty-eight regular.

Where are the Sugar Smacks?

You're not getting
enough nutrition lately.

Eating that sugarcoated crap
clogs your blood.

We out of Sugar Smacks?

- What is it with you two?
- You feeling guilty about something?

- What did you say?
- You heard me.

Why is it every time I try
to do something nice...

you've got to twist it into
something selfish and mean?

I call 'em like I see 'em.

- I don't like the way you see 'em.
- Me neither, ma.

I'm sick of you commenting
on my private life. It is my business.

As soon as your private life starts
interfering with my life and Pammie's life...

then it becomes my business too.

Day after day I'm more confused.

Yet I look for the light
through the pouring rain.

You know that's a game
that I hate to lose,

And I'm feelin' the strain.

Ain't it a shame.

Oh, give me the beat, boys
and free my soul.

And drift away...

- She's good, isn't she?
- Oh, yes.

This is so cool, man.

She's playing Bob Dylan, and
those bozos don't even know it.

We got a better chance of winning the Vietnam
War than making it with a girl like that.

Shut up.

Excellent, Beth.

- Was that Debussy?
- No. An obscure American composer.

Oh, yes.
Well, congratulations.

We'll see you at rehearsal
Saturday afternoon.

Okay, thank you.

Johnny Wolfe...
and the Wolfepack.

Hi. This is a song I wrote.
It's called “Soul On Fire.”

Soul on fire

Soul on fire now.


There's somethin'
that's hurtin' me

I'm talkin' about
that bloody war.

Where children are dyin'
in a country.

That can't take much more.

It's a fight for survival.

And if I fight all alone

I'm gonna beat every rival.

Stop it!
Stop I Say!

Won't let go 'cause I feel

My soul on fire...

Thank you very much,
Mr. Wolfe.

That's it, man? You're
not gonna let us finish?

I'm sorry, but we find
the lyrics objectionable.

Object... Ah, come on.

Last year you said
it was the dress code.

A year before that, you said
their hair was too long.

The year before that, you said we had to
take a semester of that glee club to qualify.

What you're really saying is
that you don't like rock 'n' roll.

That's not true. Last year,
Mitch Engle sang a rock song.

He sang “Close To You” by the Carpenters.
That's not rock 'n' roll.

- Mr. Wolfe!
- I'm sorry.

We worked really hard for this.

We rented these tuxes and all.
If you would just give us a chance.

- I'm sorry.
- John, that's all right, man.

Please, sir, just a chance.

Please get off the stage.
We have to continue with the auditions.

It's all right, man.
It's all right.

Don't worry about it.

- Why?
- Thank you.

The Bonnie Rowan Trio.

Don't you hate cleaning
this place up every night?

I mean, no one
ever comes here anyway.

Mom figures we might
get a guest someday.

I guess this place
reminds her of dad.

I heard he's got
a new family and everything.

Pammie, that's not true.

Dad's not the kind of guy
who wants a family.

If he was, he'd be
back here with us.

Right? Right?

- Hi.
- Ma, the floor's wet.

Okay. You can put that away.

- Let's go.
- Where're we going?

We're going to an Elvis
double feature at the drive-in.

Pammie's got to study.

- She can study in the back seat.
- Why do we have to see an Elvis movie?

Why can't we see something cool?
Let's go see The Godfather.

A boy your age can learn
a lot from the King.

He isn't the King anymore.
He lost that a long time ago.

- He is still the King.
- How many times I gotta tell ya?

His hair is full
of oil and grease.

He's got big ol' hairy
lamb chops on his face.

All his songs are about Hawaii.
He makes lousy movies.

And he sucks at guitar, Mom.
Pete Townshend would waste him.

Tell me. What is a guy like me
gonna learn from a guy like that?

There was a time when
every guy wanted to be Elvis.

If you want to learn
something from Elvis...

watch the way he treats women.

You'll have every girl at school
wanting a date with you.

Come on.
Come on, Pammie.

Come on.
It'll be fun.

Hey, you, sideburns. I got a chick
down there wants to hear you sing.

- I'm sorry, sir, I...
- It's pure.




He's so pure, so clean, like...

Like Ivory Soap suds
covered with sweet cream.

That's about the corniest thing
I've ever heard you say.

- Well, heist.
- Pure.

You know, your dad was
a little like Elvis.

- No. Was he?
- Mm-hmm.

You know, once, for our
eighth wedding anniversary...

your dad got this new rowboat,
the Irish Mist.

We took it out for
a moonlight sail to the gazebo.

And we had beer and pizza...

and we made love
right there in the gazebo.

Ah, come on.

Well, we did
occasionally make love.

It's normal. Where in the hell
do you think you came from?

I know. But now every time I take a boat
ride, I'm gonna think of you two goin' at it.


Anyway, after we make love...

- he gets his guitar...
- Dad played guitar?

No. No, but he taught
himself three chords...

just so he could sing me my
favorite Elvis song, “Love Me.”

And he starts singing,
and his voice is real flat...

and gravelly, like when
I hear you singing sometimes.

- Thanks.
- No!

But it was, it was real...

It was real meaningful.
It was real...

It was so beautiful.

You know, I almost
started to cry.

I had...

I leaned over
to give him a hug...

and knocked the guitar
into the water.

It floated away.

We never got it back.

Guess it kinda ruined
the anniversary, huh?

I always thought...

you know, if I'd
just saved that guitar...

I might've saved our marriage.

I could never be like Elvis.

- Why not, honey?
- I can't grow good sideburns.

- What do you do for a living?
- Work in auto accessories. Why?

I usually get paid for singin', and I figure
you oughta do whatever you do for me.

So how about putting a new
set of seat covers on my car?

Why, sure, sideburns.
What color you want?

I figure his color's yellow, don't you?

You believe this?
This is so fake.

- Watch it.
- I can't watch it.

Johnny, what's your guitar
doing here?

There was an audition today.
We got cut.

Oh. Do you want
to talk about it?

Yeah. Let me just
put Pammie to bed.


- Pammie, I'm gonna turn out this light.
- No.

- Just for tonight.
- No, come on.

You know what dark does.


Dark's when they come
out. The slimy soul suckers.

- That's a fairy tale.
- Is not!

Lucy Cheswick's cousin got
taken by a slimy soul sucker.

Lucy Cheswick's cousin
died of pneumonia.

Did not.
Their electricity went out...

and a slimy soul sucker
oozed out of the darkness...

put its five-foot sharp fingernails
into Lucy's cousin's mouth...

reached way down inside
and scooped out her soul.

And you believe that?

Well, she's dead, isn't she?

You know, I sleep with my lights off.
How come they don't get me?

Slimy soul suckers
only Kill little girls.

That's right, I forgot.
How stupid of me.

- Good night, honey.
- Good night, John.

- What's that?
- I don't know.

Close your eyes,
go to sleep. Both of you.


Hey, baby

I'll be back in 20 minutes.

- We can talk then, okay?
- Sure. Whatever.

- Twenty minutes.
- Right.

He's a big boy.
He'll take care of himself.

You left your front door open.

There's guys out there been out of work a
year, just lookin' for an open front door.

They come in, open up your throat,
and steal your Zenith...

in 20 seconds.

You came in here to tell
me that my front door is open?

No. It's your mom.

Don't worry,
she's gonna be okay.

She's in the hospital.

Is that how Elvis looks now,
Aunt Irene?

- Mm-hmm.
- Don't like that white suit he's wearing.

Neither do.

He dresses like he works at
the Diary Queen or something.

Look. It says Elvis is coming
to Cleveland on Saturday.

- John, can we go see him?
- Don't think so.

- Mom would love it.
- I know she'd love it.

But I thinks she's
still gonna be here.

Don't worry about a thing.

I'll take care of the kids,
and you take care of yourself.

Okay. Thanks.

Pammie, go say hi to your mommy.

- What happened?
- Steve was drinking.

And he got into an accident.

- Is she gonna be all right?
- Yeah, she'll be all right.

She has a slight concussion
and a couple bruised ribs.

What happened to her eye?

Hmm, I guess she and Steve
had a fight.

He hit her?

- Is he here in the hospital?
- No, they released him.

Son of a bitch!

Johnny, come on, relax. Okay?

Don't upset your mom.

She's gonna be all right.

I'm sorry. You're right.

- I'm gonna go talk to her.
- Yeah.

I'll be home soon.

Hey, scram.

- Hey, Mom.
- Hi, Johnny.

Long 20 minutes, huh?


Hey, ma?

You think we'll ever
be okay again?

I mean, like normal.



Every day when I wake up...

I hope things'll get better.

They never do.

Maybe if you could just tell me, Mom.
What can I do to help you?

What can I do that's
gonna make you happy again?

I don't know.

Listen, you stay right here.
Okay? Don't move.

Hi, John.

How ya doin'?

You stay away from my mother.

What are you looking at?
What were you watching?

Treat me like a fool.

Treat me mean and cruel.

But love me.

Wring my faithful heart.

Tear it all apart

- But love me.
- Won't you love me.

Guys, I need your help.

Yeah? What's up, man?

We're gonna give my mom
a date with Elvis Presley.

What are you gonna do?
Kidnap him?

- Whatever it takes.
- Come on, man.

We gonna fly to Memphis or Hollywood
or wherever the hell he lives?

No, he's playing
in Cleveland next Saturday.

The guy's got like 900 bodyguards.

- We're gonna go in with guns, right?
- Machine guns.

No machine guns, no violence.
It's gonna be real safe.

If we're gonna get arrested
for kidnapping somebody...

- we should get arrested for kidnapping...
- Mick Jagger!

- Mick Jagger!
- We're not gonna get arrested.

Besides, I just gotta get
close enough to talk to him.

Maybe we could convince him
to come back with us.

He's a regular guy like us.

A regular guy like us
doesn't have $50 million...

his own private jet,
and a different girl in bed every night.

How many times do I got to
tell you guys that I'm serious?

You guys know about my mom.

She's in a lot of trouble, man.

And she loves Elvis Presley
more than anything.

And I figure, you know,
if I can make her happy...

then maybe I can hold
our family together.

Ha! Check this out.
Elvis perfume.

- Elvis dog tags. Elvis lipstick.
- Elvis buttons.

Is there anything this guy
didn't put his face on?

I've got it. I know how
we can get close to Elvis.


- We send him a pizza.
- A pizza?

Dress up like a pizza delivery guy,
walk up and knock on his door.

- And there you are. It's beautiful.
- Right.

Then what do I do
when he says...

“I didn't order a pizza, son”?

That's your chance to talk to him,
convince him to come home with ya.

It's no good. There's gonna be
too many people around.

I've gotta get him away from everyone.
We have to have him alone.


- Rosie? - Rosie?
- The pizza lady?

Check this out, man.
Rosie looks a lot like Gladys Presley.

- Elvis's mother.
- Wow!

They don't look
anything alike.

You're just lookin' at the
surface stuff. Check it out!

They've got the same eyes,
same face.

How's she supposed
to help us get Elvis?

Elvis was crazy about his mother.
He loved her more than anything.

But it says here she's been
dead over ten years.

It doesn't matter.

Elvis is like
an intense kind of guy.

He believes in all that astrological and
Middle Eastern supernatural bullshit.

I get it. We're gonna mess
with his head.

- Congratulations, Rosie.
- What for?

My school had this contest,
and you are the winner.

You're kidding!
What did I win?

You won a free ticket,
front row...

to see Elvis Presley in concert tonight
in beautiful downtown Cleveland.

- Oh.
- What's wrong?

Do you think I could exchange it
for Tom Jones?

I, I'm sorry. Uh...

Uh, maybe I'll let
my sister Anne go instead.

She likes Elvis
better than I do.

No. You see, you can't...

because part of the prize is that you
get to meet Elvis Presley in person.

Ah! That's neat! I never met
a real celebrity be...

Oh! But...

Hey, what's the catch?

- Catch?
- Yeah.

There's always a catch
when you win these things.

Tony, did you get the ether from your
old man's pharmacy? Just in case.

Yeah, I snuck in
after the place closed.

- Brian, did you get the concert tickets?
- Yeah, front row.

I had to wait in line
all night, man.

Stay here.
I'll be right back.

Gladys Presley
has risen from the grave.

One night with you.

Is what I'm now prayin' for.

- Tony, do me a favor, park the car.
- Yeah, sure.

- Is this it, Johnny? We're here?
- This is it. We're here.

I get to meet him now, huh?

Yeah, real soon.

I wish I didn't have to wear this wig.
I like my hair blonde.

I told you before.
Elvis loves women with dark hair.

And this dress, it is horrible.

- It's blue. Elvis's favorite color.
- Really?

Yeah. Haven't you ever heard
of the song “Blue Suede Shoes”?


Sorry. Could we get
through here? Thanks.

- Excuse me. I'm sorry.
- Thanks.

You Okay?

There he is!


- I'm goin' out.
- What for?

I want a cheeseburger.

- I'll call room service.
- I don't want a room service burger.

I want one of them greasy kinds,
like you get in a coffee shop...

with the little jukeboxes
on the tables.

The whole city
knows you're here.

It's on the radio, TV, in the papers.
You go out, people'll tear you up.

I want a cheeseburger!

- We'll send somebody out for one.
- I want to go out and get it.

I want to sit down in the coffee
shop and eat it myself.

We can do like we always do.
We'll go there after hours.

You can have the whole coffee shop
to yourself, grease and all.

I'm sick of havin' the place
all to myself!

Come in.

Western Union time,

“Dear Elvis:

Best wishes for a successful Cleveland
appearance. Richard M. Nixon.”

Good ol' Dick
don't forget, does he?

No, sir.

Can't come
to your show tonight...

“because my sister got in a car
accident and she's in the hospital.

I hope you do great.
Diana Cantinflas.”

- Cruel world out there, isn't it?
- You said it,

- Some things just don't seem fair.
- Truer words “was” never spoken.

- Send her a Cadillac.
- Right away.

I've come back
for you, my baby boy.”

Have mercy!

“Just like I always told you I would.

“Love and kisses
from your precious...


Satnin'? Who's that?
Some Vegas stripper?

Come on, man.
He don't know any better.

Come on,
He didn't know.

I'm sorry.

You haven't been around
long enough to know.

Know what, “E”?

Satnin'. That's what
he used to call his mama.

It was kinda like
his pet name for her.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's Elvis time.

Elvis! Elvis! Elvis!

Elvis! Elvis! Elvis!
Elvis! Elvis! Elvis!

Look here, George.
Alice Cooper.


Maybe I oughta grow
my hair long, huh?

Stop wearin' these funky white suits and
playin' Vegas. Really rock 'em again.

Sure, man, if you want
to lose your audience.

My audience
is in danger of dyin'.

- I wanna play for the kids again.
- You still got young fans.

- Where do they sit? In the back row?
- Hell,

You can't afford to take
a chance like that.

When I was broke, I could afford
to do anything I wanted.

Now I'm a millionaire,
can't afford to do a damn thing.

Elvis! Elvis! Elvis! Elvis!


Show time.

Whew. Whew.

Oh, my God!

Well, that's all right, my mama
That's all right with you

That's all right, my mama
Any way you do my mama, all right

That's all right
That's all right, my mama.

Any way you wanna do.

Well, that's all right now, mama
That's all right with me.

That's all right, my mama
Any way you do.

Mama, that's all right
That's all right.

That's all right, my mama
Any way you want to do,

That's all right, my mama

Any way that you wanna do

That's all right


Wise men say.

Only fools rush in.

But I can't help.

Falling in love with you.

Shall I stay.

Would it be a sin.

For I can't help.

Falling in love.

- Rosie, get up. Let's go.
- With you,

- Give him the flowers.
- The flowers?

Like a river flows,

Surely to the sea.

Darling, so it goes.

Some things
are meant to be.

Take my hand,

Take my whole life too.

Did you see Elvis
take the flowers?

For I can't help

falling in love.

- With you,
- Yeah!

For I can't help

falling in love



Ladies and gentlemen...

Elvis has left the building.

Thank you.

Let's go. UP, UP, UP-

Yeah, man, yeah.
Sounds just like rock and roll to me.

Good show.

Oh, my God.

What's wrong, man?

Nothin'. Nothin' at all's wrong.

Then sings my soul.

My savior God to thee.

How great thou art.

How great thou art.

- Oh, man, he's never gonna show.
- Just relax.


- There he is!
- Are you sure?

- That's definitely him.
- Get down!

Stay down! Shh.

- Just drive up.
- I'm gonna. Just stay calm, all right?

Who are you?

I'm happy to meet you,
Mr. Presley.

- What?
- Say “cheese.”

Hi, there, Mr. Presley. How are you?

My name is Johnny Wolfe. I'm from Taylor,

What the hell's goin' on?

Nothing. Me and my
friends were wondering if

you'd like to come to my
house for a couple days.

No one's gonna hurt ya.

What's the idea dressin'
somebody up like my mother?

- You some kinda sicko or what?
- No, I'm not.

I figured this was the only
way I could get close to you.

You're sick.

just listen to my problem for one second.

Get out of my way, son.

- Please, just listen to me, sir.
- I mean it. Move.

- Move!
- Brian, now!

- Wha...
- What are you doing?

- All, right, um...
- What are you doing?

- Carry him in the car. Rosie, get in.
- No!

God! What are you doing?
What have you done?

- Oh, no!
- No one's gonna get hurt. Please, Rosie.

- I'm sorry! You didn't say this.
- I know I didn't say this.

This is really not part
of the package or anything.

- Don't hurt him.
- Don't worry, Rosie.

The police are gonna get us.

No police are gonna
get involved. Don't worry.

A very old friend.

Came by today,

'Cause he was telling
everyone in town...

Of the love
that he'd just found,

And the reason is.

Of his latest flame

Yeah, and my reason is
of his latest flame,

Oh, and my reason is...

You kids ain't
gettin' away with this.

I'm calling Sheriff Abrams.
I'm turning you guys in.

- John, man.
- Uh, Rosie?


I tell you what.

You don't turn us in
to the cops...

and your sister Anne could be...

the only girl in town who
gets to meet Elvis Presley.


She'd really like that.

Okay. Okay, I'm gonna
keep my mouth shut.

I'll bring her by the hotel


- Come on, come on.
- It's all right.

The weight is off.
Come on, come on.

- Are we pushing?
- No, he's slipping again.

- My feet, my feet.
- Paul, you gotta push.

Look out! His arm!
His arm got stuck!

Push through.
Push through there.

- Pull it!
- Nice shot!

Bring him to my house.
Come on.

All right, push.
He's like a dead mule.

I'm tryin'.
He's slippin'!

Paul, you gotta push.
John, John! Come on. Inside. Inside.

Johnny! Johnny, wake up.


- Is that clad?
- Nah.

It's Elvis Presley.

No way.




What're you gonna do with him?

I'm gonna give him to mom.

Kinda like
a “welcome home” gift.

Bet she likes him more than
the earrings I got her.


- Time for church.
- Coming.

Don't say anything to
Aunt Irene about this, okay?

- Zip.
- Zip.



Outta my way, kid.

- I don't want to have to use this.
- Now, look here.

You let me out of here now,
and I won't press charges.

- I'm sorry, I can't.
- You want money?

I got about 5,000 there.
It's yours. Keep it.

I don't want your money.
I just need you.

Me? For what?

My mother.

Don't you mention mothers.
You get me more pissed off.

That was a dirty trick you played,
messin' with my mind.

I'm sorry. It's just...

I figured that since you loved your mother so
much, you could understand my problem.

Don't have time for
other people's problems.

I just want you
to talk to her.

- Take her to dinner.
- What do I look like? A datin' service?

- You're talking to Elvis Presley.
- I know exactly who I'm talkin' to.

You're the only person
who can help her.

I got 50 million other fans
that say the same thing.

Now git!

Yeah? Well,
you've got a responsibility to those fans.

I've got a responsibility
to make records.

If your mother needs help,
tell her to go buy my new album.

Now, pull the trigger.

Come on, shoot me.
Come on. Shoot Elvis Presley.

Come on.
I'm not gonna shoot ya.

I didn't think so.

Let me get out of here.

So someone comes to you with a problem
and you turn your back on them, right?

Just like you did
with rock 'n' roll.

- I never turned my back on rock 'n' roll.
- Oh, no?

You didn't have to sit through
Viva Las Vegas 15 times.

I never said my movies had
anything to do with rock 'n' roll.

How 'bout your concerts?

- My concerts kick ass.
- Yeah? If you're 65 years old.

- Still got young fans.
- Where? I don't see any. I'm 17.

Nobody my age buys your records.
Nobody my age goes to your concerts.

Who the hell wants to see some
guy prance around on stage...

in a white jumpsuit singing
“The Battle Hymn of the Republic”?

Shoot. We can go see
Alice Cooper sing “Eighteen.”

- Oh, Alice Cooper!
- Yeah.

Yeah, a guy
with a girl's name...

wears women's underwear onstage.

I hear he bites the heads off snakes.
You'd like that, wouldn't you?

I'm not saying
he's any better, man.

I'm just saying he's cool.
Something you used to be.

I ain't no used-to-be, boy.

You're on your way, man.

Why? 'Cause I give
the people what they want?


You're kissin' that
same ass you used to kick.

Kissin' ass?

You used to be the kind of guy who
gave the people what they didn't want.

The same people
you play for today...

were scared to death of you
in 1956.

You were a rebel, man.
A bad-ass.

You were Elvis.

What do you know?

A lot more than the Colonel. More than those
fat bastards you hang out with. Hell, yeah.

When was the last time you even
talked to somebody like me, huh?

Some little fucking nobody
in the middle of Ohio?

Hell, man, you've been away
from your roots so long...

you don't even know
what the hell they are.

You, uh...

You really think I'm
losing touch with my roots?

I'm saying, one night.

One night only. That's just
'cause I don't wanna feel guilty.

Yeah, Colonel.

Yeah. Listen, I'm sorry
I run off like that.

No, I...
just wanna clear my head.

Drive around for a few days.
I rented a car.

No, I don't need any company.

No, there's no phone.
You can't get in touch with me.

No, I know. Yeah. The concert
in Pittsburgh on Sunday. I'll be there.

All right, bye.

Elvis, what's that
“T.C.B.” thing stand for?

“Taking care of business.”

Now, uh, where can I get
some clothes?

Uh, come on upstairs.

- These are your dad's clothes, huh?
- Yep.

Me and him must be
about the same size.

- It's the way I used to dress back in "56."
- Yeah, man.

My mama says you looked
the coolest in '56.

- She did, huh?
- Yeah, '56.

- Hmm.
- Except...

- I don't know, man. Something's wrong.
- What are you talkin' about?

I don't know.
It just doesn't look right.

- Looks fine to me.
- Looks fine, but something's just not right.

What do you think it is?

- Buddy.
- Oh, no!

- Come on.
- Little trim, huh?

Maybe wash the black dye out?

- You dye your hair?
- Well...

Who are you to talk about style?
What do you call this?


- That's an American flag!
- Yeah, but it looks cool.

Sweat on the stripes,
and grass stains on the stars.

What's next, huh?
Flag toilet paper?

- Relax, man. It's just a jacket.
- It's disgraceful. Take it off.

I ain't gonna take it
off. It looks too good.

Take it off!


Hold it. Fold.


The youth of this country,
goin' straight to the dogs.

Man, how come I had to use
a lady's razor?

I lost mine.

Yeah, right.

- My mom's home. I'll meet you downstairs.
- Yeah, sure, kid.

Hi. Hi, ma.
Welcome home.

Are you trying to save on
electricity? It's dark in here!

I thought it might be romantic.

There's nothing
romantic about this place.

If you ever go.

Darlin', I'll be oh

so lonely

I'll be sad and blue.

Cryin over you.

Dear only

would beg and steal.

Just to feel

your warm heart

beat close to mine.

If you ever go.

Darlin', I'll be oh.

So lonely.

Beggin' on my knees.

All I ask is please.

Please love me.

Holy shit!


What're you do...


Ma, what are you doing?

- It's him. He's here!
- I know it's him.

- He's in our house!
- Would you calm down?

- But I'm not ready. I'm not ready at all.
- Relax.

But, but, but, where did he come from?
How did he get here?

- I brought him here.
- You did not.

Look at my hair, it's a wreck.
Oh, God, no make-up.

A dress. I need a dress.

I haven't bought a dress
in over two years.

- Wait a minute. Johnny, how's this, huh?
- Your wedding gown?

- Too much, huh?
- A little.

What am I gonna do?
What am I gonna wear, huh?

- How did he get here anyway?
- I asked him to come here.

And he came just like that?

- I kinda had to force him.
- You forced him?

Well, me and the guys,
we had to force him to get...

Against his will?


You could get in trouble
for doing something like that.

- You should not have done it!
- I was doing it for you.

I don't care who you did it for.
It wasn't right.

I'll go down and tell him he can leave...

Oh, no. No, wait, wait.

Listen, now that he's here, I mean,
he could at least stay for dinner.


I don't care what you have to do.
You go downstairs and keep him here.

Right, you got it.

Roll the dice.
One, two, three, four, five.

- Man, I'll bet it's a dream boat.
- Dud!


- Go.
- Here we go.

- You're the brunette.
- Oh, yeah.

Of course I am.

It's a pleasure to meet you,
Mr. Presley.

And, uh...

welcome you to our home.

Well, you can...
You can call me Elvis.


Of course. Elvis.
Oh, my God.

- I hope you don't mind cheeseburgers.
- Well...

- No, ma'am, they're just fine. Thank you.
- Oh, good.

All these years I've been
thinking about this moment...

and what it'd be like to finally
meet you and have you over for dinner.

I had so many questions
I wanted to ask you...

and I can't think
of a single one now.

I remember something you
wanted to know about Elvis.


Something I heard you
asking Aunt Irene about.

What was it, honey?

You wondered if Elvis
was as good in bed...

as he was at singing.

My God.

Johnny, get the door.

- Johnny, where is he? My sister Anne.
- Hi, Rosie. What's going on?

I told you
I was bringing her by.

- I'm sorry.
- The Lord have mercy.

- Look! There he is. Anne, that's him.
- I wanna take a look at this.


What's up, guys?

- How you doing? Look, this is Cheryl.
- Hey, hey, hey!

And Judy.
They're from Meister Burger.

- Pleased to meet you.
- They'd go out with us if...

- If you could introduce us to Elvis.
- Come on, guys!

- Thanks, man.
- You owe us one. Elvis, buddy!

Hey, what's up?

- Hey, Aunt Irene.
- Oh, gosh. This is so big!

God, he's beautiful.


Hey, what's happening?
This is my uncle's Polka band.

I told him about Elvis.
I figured they might get discovered.

It's more like an Oktoberfest.

Holy shit.

Go, Rosie, go.


I haven't seen it this lively
since your dad was around.

Since everybody's here, why don't you
bring 'em in the ballroom?

I'll get some chips and throw you
a real welcome-home party.

- That's a great idea. Hurry back.
- Okay.

Right, do it. Yeah, yeah.

Take it home, baby!

- Hi, Priscilla.
- Hey, Steve.

- What?
- Buddy.

- Hi, John.

Come on.

I guess he don't feel much
like fightin' tonight, does he?

- I guess not.
- Punk.

Good night, John.

I wanna break
this one, all right?

Aren't you gonna turn your
lights out and go to sleep?

No, she sleeps with them on.

Oh! Slimy soul suckers, huh?

You know about 'em?

Oh, yeah.

My little girl Lisa
slept with her lights on

for I don't know how
long to protect herself.

So you don't think I'm crazy?

Crazy? No.
Those things are killers.

Little girl like you's
gotta watch out for 'em.

That's what I've been trying
to tell everyone here...

but no one will listen.

Well, I will.

You see, the thing is...

people are
a little misinformed...

about the slimy soul suckers.

- Misinformed?
- Yeah.

They think that slimy
soul suckers can only kill...

when the lights are out.

And, well, that just ain't true.

- It isn't?
- No.

Slimy soul suckers can kill ya
when the lights are on too.

- They can?
- Yeah.

What am I gonna do now?

Well now, there's a way
to beat 'em.

But you gotta be tough.

Are you tough?

Maybe. Uh, what do
I have to do?

Each night before you go to
sleep, you turn out one light.

And then the next night,
you turn out two lights.

And so on until
all the lights are out.

And that's when the
slimy soul suckers will know.

Know what?

That you're not afraid.

You see, they can't stand
little girls that aren't afraid.

Oh, they'll take off,
they'll never come back.


Worked for my little girl.
Soon as her lights were off..

The slimy soul suckers
never came back.

- Wow.
- Tell you what.

Let's start with that one
right over there.

- What do you say?
- Uh, turn it out?


Couldn't we start with that one?

You wanna beat
these guys or not?

Good girl.

There you go.

One down.

Night, sweetie.

Um... Oh!

Oh, my God! Johnny!

You know, he should've
been back a long time ago.

- Where'd he go?
- I don't know.

He said he was going to the party
store, but that's a few miles away.

Don't you worry. I'll go
check on him, all right?

Don't worry.
Wait right here.

Elvis has left the ballroom.

Hey, kid, which way to town?

Straight down the road.

- Can I use your bike?
- Yeah, sure, Elvis.

Break it, burn it.

Drag it all around.

Twist it, turn it
You can't tear it down

'Cause every minute
Every hour.

You'll be shaken by
the strange and mighty power...

Of my love

Hey, Elvis.

Hey, kid, what happened to you?

- I got in a fight.
- You all right?

- Yeah, I'm fine.
- Looks like you lost.

No shit.

I guess you didn't learn
anythin' from watchin' my movies.


In almost all my pictures I get
in a fight, and I always win.

Well, this one
was kind of tough, man.

- It was four guys against me.
- I had nine of 'em gang up on me once.

- Whupped every one of 'em.
- This isn't the movies, man.

If the situation arose,
I'd kick ass with the best of 'em.

Right. As long as somebody
was yelling “action.”

I'm out of here.

You need to get on home.
Your mama's worried sick.



You know a lot about women, don't ya?

Well, son, they're all just girls
until I turn 'em into women.

Yeah. Well,
I figure that's why maybe you can help me.

Sure, what's the problem?

There's this girl.
Her name's Beth.

She lives up there, and...

I want so badly just to go up to her
and ask her on a date.

But... don't say anything
to anybody.

I don't know.
I'm... I'm scared.

What are you scared of?

Well, that she's a g...

I don't know. That I'm
not good enough for her.

Shit. Hell, man, you don't know
what the hell this feels like.

Oh, yes, I do.

Why do you think I spent
so much time with my guitar?

- Guitar can't say no.
- Yeah.

But then I discovered the secret.

Better than a love potion. I found
the key to gettin' any girl you want.

What's that?

- Confidence.
- Confidence?

Once I got confidence,
I got girls.

You got girls
"cause you're Elvis Presley."

No, son, the ladies came
before the hit records.

No, honest.
Women love confidence.

You slick yourself up...

shine your shoes, get
a nice big bouquet of flowers.

And just the confidence it takes to march
up that hill and knock on that door...

that'll make that little girl
fall crazy in love with you.

You think so?

I know so.

Confidence. Yeah.

It's probably the spark plug.

It's a brand-new one.

Yeah? Well,
they give out sometimes, you know.

Let me give her a shot, huh?

- It takes a gentle touch, you know.
- Yeah.

You mind?

Oh, baby, baby baby, baby,

Baby, baby, baby
booma, booma, booma.

Ba by, baby, baby,

Ba by, baby, baby,

Come back, baby
I wanna play house with you,

Well, you may go to college
You may go to school,

You may have a pink Cadillac
But don't you be nobody's fool

Now, baby
come back, baby doll.

Come back, baby doll.

Come back, baby,
I wanna play house with you

And listen let me tell you, baby.

What I'm tall