Having Wonderful Crime (1945) - full transcript
Lawyer Malone's two zany friends embroil him in detective work once too often, and the police are after all three. So Malone must accompany Jake and beautiful Helene on their honeymoon at rustic Lenhart Lodge. There, they plunge into a broad burlesque of murder mystery cliches, with rapid-fire wisecracks, double takes, and every sight gag known to Hollywood.
These are the offices
of Michael J. Malone,
prominent Chicago attorney at law
and this is Mr. Malone's
private office.
And this is Mr. Malone
himself, a college man.
This is his desk and, by the looks
of all this neglected work,
you can see he's seldom here.
Why?
Because he has two zany friends
who always trick him
into playing detective.
Right now, they have dragged
Malone to a murder case
and Helene has the main
suspect cornered.
H-hello,
police headquarters?
Oh, it's you again.
What?
I don't care who you've got cornered.
I've told you and Jake Justus
and Mike Malone, a dozen times,
to keep your three noses
out of our business.
But, look, sergeant, this really
solves the huntington murder.
I have the man right here.
Oh.
What's your name?
He won't tell me.
I don't care what it solves.
You three aren't gonna make monkeys
out of the department again.
I warned Malone,
the next time he butted in,
I was gonna lock him up
for interfering with the law!
What?
Sure, we'll send someone over.
Go and pick up Malone.
Yeah. They'll be over
right away.
Will you please hurry, sergeant?
I'm biting my fingernails already,
and you know how hard it is
to get a manicure, these days.
Pull another trick,
and I'll pull this trigger.
Oh!
Ugh!
Jake!
Jake, did he hurt you?
Well, no, he skinned my
knuckles a little bit,
but I'll be all right, if
I don't get hydrophobia.
Hey.
But, darling, how about
you? Are you okay?
- Uh-huh.
- Mmm!
Hey!
I don't like to disappoint you,
but I'm still breathing.
Malone!
Good heavens!
Are you shot?
No, no. There are just large
mosquitos in the joint.
Hey, let me have a look
at that thing.
- Oh, it's just a scratch.
- Yes, just a scratch.
Yeah, just a scratch.
Why don't you get her a shotgun?
I'll get her a bow and arrow.
Uh-oh.
Here comes the law.
Yes, I called 'em.
You called 'em?!
Uh-huh.
Well, that's great.
So long.
Hey, wait a minute.
Where are you goin'?
Listen, playboy, you
and that spin-happy dame
talked me into playin' detective.
Well, aren't you having fun?
No, but it looks like you are!
I withheld important evidence
to crack this case
and, as a lawyer, I know
I can make the clink.
That's right, he could.
Yeah. And the bastille
is no fun.
Oh.
- It's been charming.
- Uh...
Uh...
Oh, yeah.
Oh, look, he's moving!
Oh, pardon me.
You know, I'm sure
there must be some mistake.
This gentleman
left a call for 9:00.
Pleasant dreams.
Come on, honey.
I'm sorry I shot you, Malone.
Think nothing of it.
I'll do the same for you
someday, I hope.
Uh-oh.
Ahem.
Hello, officer.
They're in love.
Congratulations.
In here!
Helene!
Come on. Come on.
I hope I haven't seen the picture.
Look!
Frank Sinatra!
Three on the aisle, please.
I'm sorry, lady, but if I
miss the opening number,
- I can't follow the plot.
- Tsk.
Well, that was close,
but it'll never be
close again. The
huntington case is over.
Never get me on another
merry-go-round.
You mean you'd break up
a beautiful friendship
just because I nearly killed you?
Oh, he's just sore because you ruined
that $150 suit he's wearing.
Hang around with you much longer,
- I'll be wearing a halo.
- Well, then,
you won't need the suit.
They wear sheets.
- Uh.
- Oh.
Hey.
Would you mind taking off
your hat, please?
Certainly.
Lance, why do you persist
in threatening him
in front of people?
I told him to let you alone.
I'll do worse than threaten.
But, darling, I'm so afraid.
You know what a terrible
temper he has.
He might do anything.
Just let him try.
I'll handle him.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the great movel,
in the most baffling
vanishing act of all time.
He'll be locked
in this escape-proof cabinet
and will reappear on the platform
suspended above your heads.
We would like a few volunteers
to come up on the stage
to see that the cabinet
is securely locked.
Well, I've always wanted
to be on the stage.
Sit down, or I'll slug ya.
Unh-unh, Malone, slugging a wife
is a privilege reserved
exclusively for husbands.
Uh, darling, sit down,
or I'll slug you.
Oh.
W-wife?
Uh, didn't she tell ya?
Mrs. Justus,
meet Mr. Malone.
How do you do?
How do you do?
Congratulations.
I'd like to suggest a nice
honeymoon trip for you.
The south pole is very pleasant
this time of the year.
No, thanks. We're going
to the Lenhart lodge.
Will you three please shut up?
Shall we bop her?
No, she looks a little muscular.
I suggest we shut up.
##
##
Your closest attention, please.
Our charming assistant holds,
in her hand, the silken cord.
One tug of that cord and, presto,
the professor will appear
on the platform above.
Will someone please volunteer
to pull the cord?
Oh, that's for me.
I'll do it.
I must've pulled the wrong cord.
Go ahead, men, find him!
Find him!
Please be seated.
Please be seated.
I'm very sorry,
but something has happened.
The great movel,
in doing his disappearing act,
has disappeared.
Now, no one's to leave the theater
because I've sent for the police.
Police.
Here we go again.
I don't believe you can leave now.
Nosebleed. Oh!
- Well, what about...?
- I'm his nurse.
I'm his doctor!
Well, come on, honey,
we got a long drive
ahead of us. We'll
see ya later, Malone.
Happy honeymoon and good riddance.
Oh, don't forget.
I want a cut of that check.
What check?
The check you're gonna
get for defending that guy
in the huntington case.
What makes you think
I'm gonna defend the guy?
Well, I know how you're always
looking for new business, so,
I left your card on his chest.
Thanks.
No, no. Hey! Wait!
So you planted a card
on his chest, huh?
Uh-huh.
I think fast, don't I?
Ohh, Jake, Jake!
What can I do, Malone?
The girl loves me.
So long, Malone.
Now, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
The huntington case was your
idea. If you think I'm gonna
sit around all night
while those cops grill me,
you're daffy.
I'm goin' with ya.
Malone! You seem to have
missed the whole idea.
- We're on our honeymoon.
- So what?
I'm broadminded.
Come on.
Oh, no, no.
Hey, look, Mrs. Justus, if
it's not too much trouble,
keep both hands
on the wheel, will ya!
Mr. Malone, the $2
I paid for the license
includes this privilege.
Doesn't it, itsy bitsy?
Yes, jakesy wakesy.
Utsy whatsy.
Now, let's see.
Is it the left road
or the right road I take?
No, it's the left road.
Nope.
The left road is not the right road.
I'm going back.
The wrong road.
No, no.
I think it's the right road.
Well, you're okay.
I beg your pardon.
Uh, I mean, you're not hurt.
Oh, but this is terrible.
I have to get out of here.
I'm awfully sorry this happened.
Maybe we could drive you someplace.
Oh, darling, how'd you like
to come along on the honeymoon?
Hey, Mike.
Ignore him, my dear.
Ignore him.
Just leave it
to Michael J. Malone.
Oh, my trunk.
Oh, your trunk, yes.
Jake, let us get the lady's trunk.
Let us not.
Oh, baby, go ahead.
After all,
I did run her off the road.
Formerly a honeymoon.
Now, an excursion.
Come on.
Oh, please be careful with it.
I don't suppose
it's any of my business,
but what's the big idea?
Now, look, you have your hobby.
And I think I've found mine.
Oh, look out.
Don't drop it.
The way you worry about this trunk,
you'd think there was
a dead body in it.
Um, what about my car?
Oh, I'll take care
of everything, baby.
Who looks after
the poor working girl?
Who looks after the
rich working girl?
Who looks after any working girl?
Michael J. Malone.
She doesn't even have to be working.
Meet miss, uh, uh...
Mayfair.
Gilda Mayfair.
Oh, yes.
Meet Mr. and Mrs. Justus,
newlyweds.
Think she married him for his money.
Why, that's silly.
After all,
I have money of my own
and, if I have money,
why should I marry him for his money?
Sometimes she doesn't make sense.
But that's only when she's talking.
See, the right road
was the right road.
- Only one road left.
- Right.
Uh, boy.
Will you take care of the luggage?
Please.
"Boy"?
Please be careful with that trunk.
Do you think you can
handle that all right?
Who, me?
I married the wrong guy.
Come with me.
Wait a minute.
Hmm?
Why is she so interested
in that trunk?
Hey, maybe you had
something when you said
about the you know what
might be in it.
You know what, what?
Body.
You mean maybe we got
somebody else with us
- and don't know it?
- Yes!
And it's gonna be very embarrassing.
I only made reservations for four.
Hey, mister.
You'll have to park your own car.
I can't do everything around here.
You heard what the boy said.
Yeah, and I'm not gonna
argue with the boy.
Follow the man in the white shoes.
He knows where the lobby is.
Come on, Gilda.
He'll take care of your trunk.
Sure. We'll help you
unpack it, too.
Well, dear, don't you think
you'd better register for us?
Oh, oh, yes.
I'll take care of that.
Are you sure I can trust
that man with my trunk?
Oh, Malone will take
very good care of that.
Oh, you've all been so kind
and Mr. Malone
has just been wonderful.
Mike has a habit of being
wonderful to pretty girls.
Which one of you two ladies
is miss Mayfair?
Why?
What do you want?
There's a gentleman outside
to see miss Mayfair.
- Who is he?
- I don't know.
Kind of a big guy.
Looks like a detective.
Well, miss Mayfair
I... isn't with us.
Tell him she changed her
mind at the last minute.
Is something wrong?
Yes.
But I can't do anything about it.
Well, is there anything
I can do to help?
Mm-hmm.
You see, they mustn't find out
that I'm here, or who I am.
Oh.
Well, don't you worry
your pretty, little brain.
Let's get Jake.
There's no miss Mayfair here, mister.
Well, I'm sure she wanted this trunk
turned over to me.
Would you have it taken
up to my room?
Okay.
Where are you goin'
with that trunk, buddy?
- This gentleman here said...
- oh, I must've made a mistake.
It was one just like that.
I'm sorry.
Follow me with that.
No, I'll follow you.
Here we are.
Now that you've registered
for us, darling,
you might as well register
for the Malones.
- The Malones?
- Yes, of course.
We want the Malones
to share our suite,
- don't we?
- Look, darling, I don't know
exactly what you're talking about,
but may I remind you
we're on our honeymoon.
But, baby, so are they.
Oh! Oh, yes, of course,
the Malones.
I nearly forgot.
Isn't that silly?
Sure, Michael J. Malone
and wife, there you are.
Mike.
We'll put Mr. and
Mrs. Justus in 201;
there's a connecting
parlor, that's 203;
and I'm sure you
and Mrs. Malone
- will be happy in 205.
- Oh, we'll be very...
what?!
One would think
you had driven up here
with a strange woman.
Come, Mrs. Malone.
- Get him, Jake.
- Got him.
Well, but, look,
I had to do something.
You seemed so upset
about the trunk and...
where is it?
Oh.
No, no, no!
She's fainted!
Take her upstairs!
I'll get the doctor.
- Okay.
- Next time you pick me a wife,
don't pick the collapsible model.
That's the best
I could do in the dark.
Certainly take good care of us:
Hot and cold running water
and a wife with every room.
- Why don't you carry her?
- Oh, no, you married her.
You carry her.
Besides, I'm busy.
Oh! Wait. Don't forget
the threshold.
If you trip, it's bad luck, you know.
If she was 6 pounds lighter,
I'd hit you right
over the head with her.
What are you doing?
That's what I'd like to know.
Is that you, darling?
##
##
I don't think it's very safe, doctor.
We'll take good care of the patient.
Oh, hello, darling!
Where have you been?
- Oh.
- Oh, baby.
No, no, no, doctor,
not me. Right in here.
I'll show you.
Right here.
- Hi, doc.
- Open your mouth.
No, not here.
There.
Open your mouth.
Well, this isn't a clinic
and I don't guess
the doctor wants an audience.
Come on, sweeties.
Mr. Malone,
there might be
some instructions about your wife.
Oh, my wife.
Yes, your wife.
Yes, your wife!
Yes, my wife.
Mrs. Malone subject to these
fainting spells?
Well, it's kind of hard
for me to say.
We haven't been married
long enough for me to know.
Newlyweds?
Yeah.
Now, there's no occasion
for you to have
jangled nerves,
Mrs. Malone.
A happy marriage is half the battle.
This is not going to put me to sleep?
Oh, no, no, no, no.
This is just to quiet your nerves.
There you are.
Did she show any signs of nervousness
before your marriage?
Well, I...
I really didn't know her very well.
Love at first sight.
One of those whirlwind
courtships, eh?
No wind ever whirled that fast.
I've given her a sedative.
When she wakes up,
things will seem different.
- They will?
- Oh, yes.
- Things will be different, huh?
- Oh, yeah.
They better.
Oh, doc.
- What?
- The hat.
Huh?
- Oh.
- The hat.
Thank you.
I... I would suggest that
you keep her in bed for a while.
How is she, doctor?
- She'll be all right.
- Oh, good.
Be sure she takes her medicine.
Don't call us.
We'll call you.
Be sure she takes her medicine.
##
Doctor's orders.
Oh, the doctor forgot his purse.
Doctor's orders.
Thank you.
Doctor's orders.
- I don't want to be personal!
- Shh!
Mike, please, the patient.
Tryin' to give me away in marriage.
Well, the girl had to be
married to somebody.
Sure, but why'd you have to
say she was my wife?
Well, I couldn't make
Jake a bigamist,
especially on our honeymoon.
You were the only man available.
- So I made you the husband.
- Congratulations.
Thanks. Ahhh!
Oh, Mike, marriage is wonderful.
So I hear.
Listen, brother, you
can give me 100 wives,
but you're not gonna
stick me with this trunk,
especially if it contains
what I think it does.
Well, if that's what you're
worrying about, let's open it.
Think we should, before dinner?
- Why not?
- Hairpin, please.
Oh.
- Monsieur.
- Thank you.
- Come in.
- Come in.
- Come in.
- Good evening.
- How do you do?
I'm Mr. Winslow, the manager.
I heard that Mrs. Malone
wasn't well
and I wanted to see if there
was anything I could do.
She's resting.
Oh, having trouble with the luggage?
Yes, I lost the key.
Say, you wouldn't happen to have
a couple of old trunk keys
around you, would you?
Darling, darling, I just remembered:
The baggage man gave me the keys.
They must be in my purse.
But, honey, he couldn't
possibly have given...
- purse!
- Purse!
Of course!
How silly of me.
I should've remembered
they're in her purse.
And here, gentlemen, an old tradition
of Lenhart lodge for honeymooners.
That's for me.
Well, 1812.
I see you haven't
had a wedding up here
in a long time.
Hello, operator.
Ring 203, please.
Hello.
Mike?
O-blay e-thay anager-may.
Yes, yes, I'll tell him.
Thank you.
Mr. Winslow, you're wanted
at the desk right away.
Oh, thank you. Well,
no rest for the wicked.
Goodnight.
You better go right along with him.
We'll watch this stuff for you.
Well, let's get to watchin'.
Why not?
Say, what was the idea
of that long-distance call
- from the other room?
- I wanted to get rid
of the manager before
we open the trunk.
Oh, I'd have never
made it with that...
The key seems to fit,
but it won't turn.
Try pressing on it.
Harder.
- Hey, get this.
- Hmm?
Well, hello.
Looks like that Mayfair dame
is traveling under wraps.
It works.
Somebody must've
cleaned out the attic.
Looks like the body left a call.
Is that what my little bride
has been so concerned about?
Or this.
Or this.
Looks like somebody's
giving us the b-i-r-d.
- Look out!
- Ah-oh!
That's the way to put out a fire.
- How about...
- hey!
Oh, sorry, Mike.
Should've brought my water wings.
Aren't you glad
you don't wear mascara?
That's all I need.
Say, that movel really had
a collection of cute toys.
I wonder what this thing is.
Well, why don't you pull it
and see if the Butler answers?
Hey, how do you like that?
Even the trunk
does nip-ups.
And look!
A pinup boy.
Do you remember this, cookie?
That's the fellow
we saw at the matinee,
- the one that disappeared.
- Sure.
That's the dame in the act.
How do you know? You
only saw half her face.
Half a dame is better than none.
No wonder those
hocus pocus fellas have
such an easy time gettin'
in and out of things.
Look at this.
Yeah, well, all these tricks
are just a matter
of the right equipment.
I'll show you.
I'll give you a little
music to go with it.
With a slight wave of the wand,
or abracadabra, I will
produce a beautiful girl.
# Ee bwee bwee
it's a fake.
Maybe I haven't got
the right equipment.
Well, I'm a little out of practice.
Uh-oh.
Maybe I have got the right equipment.
- Hey.
- What do you suppose that is,
a laundry slip?
A check, paid to the order
of the great movel.
$50,000. Now, who do you
suppose would leave
a check of Elizabeth
Lenhart's uncashed?
And stashed in an old hollow stump.
Hey, look at the date on this thing.
- June 14th.
- That was yesterday.
They played here last night.
Well, I think I'll just give
myself a little wedding present.
- No, you don't.
- Oh, no, you don't.
- No, this is hot.
- You wouldn't want to get
Mr. Malone in trouble,
would you?
Oh, no.
"Oh, no."
Oh, may I have this for a souvenir?
No, darling.
I will supply
the silverware for the household.
- Hey, it's a phony.
- They're all phonies.
Here's another one.
- Can't have that either.
- Ohh.
Swords are not for little
girls to play with.
Uh-oh!
- Darling.
- Huh?
Darling, catch.
Throw it.
Oh.
- Oh.
- That's great.
First, you put a hole in my suit.
Then, you put a hole in my hat.
I'm gettin' out of here
before you put a hole in me.
But... but you can't go.
You haven't got a hat.
I have now.
Wh-what about your wife?
Tell her my father's having
the marriage annulled.
I'm too young.
I think it's just terrible,
Malone running out
on his wife like that.
Well, darling, that's one thing
you'll never have to
worry about with me.
I won't?
No, 'cause I've been
chasin' you ever since
the first day I ever
saw you at kindergarten.
You know why?
Why?
'Cause you're cute.
- Hey, you're supposed to be...
- shh!
- She's walking in her sleep.
- Oh, fine.
- That's all we need.
- Quiet. Don't wake her up.
What am I supposed to do, walk
the floor with her all night?
Shh! They say it's
dangerous to awaken them.
Uh, maid, do you know anything
about walking in your sleep?
- No, I work nights.
- Oh, I see.
Well, you wouldn't know
anything about it, then.
- She's headed the right way now.
- Uh-huh.
I'll help her into bed.
I'll help you help her.
Don't bother to wake up.
You're not missing anything.
Right this way, please.
Take it easy.
There.
Oh. Oh.
I'll just be a minute.
I want to slip
into something uncomfortable.
All right, sweetie.
Ah. Mm.
Oh, something I can do
for you, Mr. Malone?
Yeah. Any way
I can get back to town?
You're not thinking of leaving us?
Well, I had some such a...
Oh, I...
I beg your pardon.
Very funny.
How often do you have to
water your head?
That isn't mine.
I'm breakin' it in for hilda Harper.
Who was that?
Miss Phyllis grey,
the diving champion.
She's here for the water carnival.
Interesting.
Very interesting.
Any calls for me?
- No nothing, doctor.
- Hmm, that's funny.
Well, I'll be back in a half an hour.
Yes, sir.
##
How do you do, miss grey?
Breaking training early, aren't you?
Hello, miss Lenhart.
Of course, you know my sister Myra.
- Yes. How do you do?
- How do you do?
How do you like the posters?
Oh, very much. Even
better than last year.
I wanted to have 4,000 printed,
but sister thought 4 would be enough.
Come, Elizabeth.
Well, I'll see you
at the water carnival.
Yes.
You know, I love water.
I had an uncle who was a great diver.
He stayed underwater for 3 weeks.
He hit a rock.
Wow.
I hope the bourbon
is better than the joke.
Well, I'll have one.
Haven't I met you someplace before?
##
##
##
Gilda.
Gilda!
Who tried to kill me?
I don't know.
Who tried to kill me?
Lance and I had nothing
to do with it.
I'll find out about that later.
Where's that check, in the trunk?
I haven't touched the trunk.
Why don't you go
and see for yourself?
Don't worry.
I will.
##
##
Hello?
Will you try
Mr. Lance Richards again?
Darling, that gentleman next to you,
haven't we seen him someplace before?
Well, he looks a little
like Michael J. Malone.
The legal ethereal?
Friends of yours,
Mr. Malone?
Couple of barflies in the ointment.
Miss grey,
Mr. and Mrs. Justus.
They're newlyweds.
- Oh, hello.
- Newlyweds?
- How about kissing the bride?
- Oh, certainly.
- It's a wonderful idea.
- Oh, now, wait a minute.
After all, old man, we...
- oh!
- Hel...
oh, Helene,
now, look here! You...!
- Ah!
- What is this?
Mm.
Oh, my.
This is lovely.
I must get married more often.
Hm.
Oh!
Uh...
the happy groom will buy
champagne for the house!
Ha ha ha ha!
# Da, da, da, da
# here's to the bride
- here's to the bride.
- Thank you.
Well, Mrs. Justus,
I move that we adjourn.
Why, I second the motion.
Not without the tab, Sonny boy.
Oh, yes.
Yes, the check.
Do you have it there?
Thank you.
# He's got the tab
# and, oh, what a tab
there you are.
Now, if anybody
should want anything else,
after we've gone,
just add it onto that check.
Goodnight.
- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.
Well, he put a big tip on there.
Oh, a fine man,
that Mr. Malone.
Oh, he's a fine...
Malone?
I'm Malone.
No, no, no, no, no!
Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.
- No, no, no, no, no! No!
- Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.
No.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
For a while there, I thought we were
- never gonna be alone.
- You did?
Well.
Well, uh...
well, uh...
well... well,
why don't you
straighten up the room
a little bit, darling?
Well, all right.
I will.
All right.
Oh, honey.
Yes.
You know that lady that
was walking in her sleep?
Yes.
Well, she's walking again.
But I don't think she'll go very far.
Her trunk is still here.
Shall we follow her?
No, let's let her follow us.
Darling.
Mm-hmm?
Do you like it?
No, I don't like it.
Why, Jake.
Oh, honey, I... I didn't mean you.
Look, do you remember
what we thought
might be in the trunk?
Uh-huh.
Well, it's in there now.
Oh.
Uh-uh.
Well, I guess there's
just one thing to do:
- Call the police.
- No, I wouldn't do that, either.
That wouldn't be fair to Malone.
What's Malone got to do with it?
Well, you remember you registered
that girl in there as his wife?
If the police find out
they're not married,
need I say more?
What are we going to do?
Well, we'd better
get a hold of Malone,
have a meeting
of the board of directors.
That poor, dear man gets himself
into the worst jams.
Oh, how can you resist
a moonlight night in June?
The dancing ripples,
the balmy summer air
caressing your lovely cheek,
and a lovesick bug
calling to its mate.
Shakespeare couldn't have
said it more beautifully,
but I do have to compete
- in the water carnival tomorrow.
- What do you say we take
a quick run around the lake, huh?
Well, we can't row
very far without oars.
Huh?
Oh. Oh, the oars!
The oars.
I'll go up and get some.
Hold that moon 'til I get back.
Mi-chael!
J. Mal-one!
Yale crew 1930.
Yale must've lost that year.
They did.
I was rowing for Harvard.
Hey, Mike!
Come on!
- What is...
- don't ask questions!
- This is important.
- So is this!
Sorry, lady.
Something has come up.
I'll be right back!
Something awful's happened.
- We went back up to our room.
- We opened the trunk.
What'd you pull out,
this time, a rabbit?
- No, a man.
- Who was it?
I don't know.
He was too dead to tell me.
- Dead?!
- Yes.
He was all hunched over
like a bent Fender. Come on.
Mr. Malone!
Mr. Malone!
He's right in the trunk.
Well, the trunk was right there.
I was sitting on it, Mike.
Well, thank goodness.
Now, we've nothing to worry about.
If there's no trunk,
then there's no body,
and if there's no body,
then there's no murder.
Isn't that right, counselor?
Don't be foolish.
That trunk is a cinch
turned up someplace
and if there's a body in it,
they'll trace the whole
surprise package to us.
And that usually means me.
Well, if somebody's going to find it,
we might as well find it first.
Hello?
This is Mr. Justus.
Just a moment, sir.
Zach, 203 wants
to know about a trunk.
Did you take it outta there?
Nah. Ain't it there?
I'm sorry, sir.
The Porter doesn't seem
to know anything about it.
All right, thanks.
Didn't go through the lobby.
They don't know anything
- about it.
- Mm-hmm.
A body just don't get up
and walk out of a room.
Or do they?
I think I got something.
- You got a makeup kit?
- Well, certainly.
What do you think I am, a cannibal?
What are you doing, Mike,
cuttin' out paper dolls?
Things to make the body beautiful.
Hmm?
Looks like you finally succeeded.
In what?
In driving him off his nut.
Get me a felt hat, will ya?
- Felt hat.
- Felt hat, comin' up.
Mike, why'd you have to
use all my makeup?
I forgot my compact.
Here's the hat, Mike.
Thanks.
Hold this, will ya?
Oh.
All right, hat.
Now, glasses.
Just as I figured.
That's the guy that tried
to get the trunk
from the Porter
in front of the lodge.
I'll tell you something.
That's the guy that I saw
in the trunk, dead.
One and the same.
I liked him better with a beard.
Looks like somebody else wanted
to get that $50,000 check.
Yes, they wanted to get it bad
enough to knock both of him off.
Come in.
- Come in.
- Come in.
The clerk just told me
about that trunk.
I'm very upset about it.
I-I don't understand
how anybody could've taken it
out without our seeing it.
Mr. Winslow, do you
recognize this gentleman?
Oh, yes.
Yes, that's Mr. King.
He was a guest here,
but he's checked out.
I'll say he has.
He was murdered.
Oh.
Murdered?
Oh, yeah, sure.
Not here.
Well, he was here, in the trunk.
Right over there.
I'd better call the police,
right away.
Oh, no, wait a minute,
Mr. Winslow.
You don't have to bother to do that.
- I must!
- Oh, no, no.
Go ahead.
Tell him, Helene.
Well, you see,
we love to solve crimes.
- Don't we, Mike?
- No, we do not.
Oh, don't pay any
attention to him. We really do
- and we're very good at it.
- Mm-hmm.
We'll have that trunk back
in no time at all.
- Dead or alive.
- Well, I don't think that's...
oh, but, look, think of the scandal.
Suppose this gets out.
Suppose it gets
to the newspapers,
big headlines, telling
about a terrible crime
happened in your hotel.
You got to remember that, you know.
You better leave the whole
thing in our hands.
I guarantee we'll have
that trunk back in 24 hours!
Maybe sooner! Depends
on where the body is.
You know, sometimes, I think
you're worse than she is.
- What?
- If that's possible.
Now, why do you say that, Malone?
Why'd you have to tell
him about the murder?
Well, we want to solve
the crime, don't we?
Well, I don't, and I'm
gettin' outta here.
Hold on. Wait a minute.
Where you going to go?
You can't do that. You can't
go back to Chicago, you know.
The police would love to talk to you
- about the huntington case.
- And what about this girl that's
- been walking around here asleep?
- Yes, yes, your wife.
And another thing you said
yourself just a couple.
If they find that body in that trunk,
they'll tie it right onto you.
That's exactly what you said.
We can't possibly walk out.
- We've got to go through with it.
- All right. All right!
I'm hooked. Again.
That trunk is around here someplace,
somewhere in the hotel.
And I'm gonna find it.
All right, Jake,
- you take the first floor.
- Right!
- You take the second.
- Right!
I'll take the rest of the joint.
You take it easy 'til I get back.
Yes?
No-o!
Goodnight.
That's my own room.
Oh.
Oh, pardon me.
I-I was looking for a body,
but you aren't dead, yet, are you?
Yeah...
##
Aaaaaaaaah!
- Hey, Malone, Malone!
- What's the matter?
- Hey, you got to help me.
- What happened?
Helene fell down the laundry chute.
- What?!
- Down the laundry chute!
- She fell down.
- Is she hurt?
- No!
- Leave her there.
They'll send her back
in a couple of weeks.
Oh, no. Come on!
There she is! Helene,
are you all right?
I'm tra-a-pped!
I couldn't get down.
Trunk's outside.
I saw it from the roof.
Well, come on!
Let's go!
Whoa!
Ugh!
- It's gone.
- Sure you saw it?
- Well, it's gone.
- Yeah, it's gone.
Yeah, and I'm sure I saw it.
- That was not made by a gopher.
- No, I can see that.
Hey, you mean you think they
pushed the trunk off of there?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All we got to do now is find
the man with the baggage check.
Aah! Aah!
Hey, look out!
Mike, look! There's
somebody up on the roof!
Let's go!
They threw it!
Come on. Come on.
Not so fast!
My skirt's tight!
Oh, I told you, you didn't know
how to dress for a murder.
How do you do? Hi.
Well?
Well, uh,
well, you haven't seen a little dog
about 8 or 9 or 10 or 11
inches long, have you?
No.
That's funny.
Neither have I.
Mike, come on!
Gladly!
Psst!
- I got him!
- Don't hit him, Jake.
I didn't.
Oh, gee, I'm sorry.
I didn't know it was you.
We oughta work you over.
What are you doin' up here, anyhow?
The switchboard operator
told me to come up
and chase somebody off the roof.
She didn't say
to throw him off, did she?
How'd the operator know
anybody was on the roof?
She got a complaint from room 221.
Uh-huh.
Well, you wait in the
lobby and stick around.
I ain't goin' anyplace.
Let's take a look at 221.
Empty.
Well, I've never seen a hotel
so packed with empty rooms.
Hmm.
Hello?
Did you send the Porter
up on the roof?
Well, yes, Mr. Richards,
but I'm a little confused.
I thought I just saw you go out.
Look, I'm not
Mr. Richards
and I'm more confused than you are.
You're confused?
Ha!
What a place for a honeymoon.
Dead bodies walk out of doors.
Empty rooms make phone calls.
I'm confused.
You're confused and you're confused.
Maybe I can do something to help.
Why don't you try falling
down that laundry chute again?
Michael J. Malone,
don't you ridicule me.
After all, we're all
in the same boat.
That's right, we're all
in the same boat.
Boat, b-b-boat, b-boat, b-boat.
Boat, boat, boat, boat, boat!
Phyllis!
Phyllis!
Are you calling somebody?
Oh, oh.
Oh. You're... you're...
you're all wet.
Well, water usually is.
This is the third time
you've made a fool of me,
Mike Malone.
No, no, now, look.
I can explain all that.
Up at the lodge,
there are a lot of people
and there's a trunk.
How could any man in his right mind
desert a beautiful damsel in distress
on a moonlit night?
The idea of abandoning me
out in the middle
of a lake on a cold night
without an oar.
Cold?
How could it be cold,
when the warmth of your beauty
lights the night like a beacon?
Mr. Malone.
Mr. Malone!
Mr. Malone!
Miss Mayfair, miss grey.
Oh, I'm sure miss grey
will understand.
I have to talk to you.
It's very urgent.
I'll be right back!
Wait for me!
I've already waited around for you
as much as I care to, now, or ever!
- You've got to help me.
- Listen, sister,
you've got to help me.
Where's that trunk
- you brought along with ya?
- I don't know.
Well, maybe your boyfriend knows.
Oh, you mustn't say that.
I'm sure he doesn't.
Well, I'm not so sure.
How do you and this guy
tie into the picture?
We've been working together,
and movel and Zach,
and he was terribly jealous
when Lance and I became engaged.
Now, this afternoon,
before movel disappeared,
they had a terrible fight
and threatened each other!
All right.
All right.
To hydrate the conversation, come on.
Where is he now?
He's at the motor court
down the road.
Oh, Mr. Malone, I'm sure,
if you talk to him,
you might be able to help us.
Well, all right.
As my wife, you keep entirely
too many secrets from me, anyway.
I've told you everything.
When Lance told me
something had happened
to movel backstage during the show,
I was afraid that...
you were afraid that Lance
killed movel, huh?
Yes!
That's why I wanted the trunk.
If movel's body was in it,
I wanted to get it.
I wanted to do away with it.
How did you get the trunk
out of the theater?
Oh, I had a terrible
time, but I did it!
Qui-et!
Sorry, folks, all full up.
You'll have to take the
missus someplace else.
Look, the lady is not my wife,
we're not stopping here,
but we are looking
for Mr. Lance Richards.
Never heard that name before.
See what I mean?
An innocent man wouldn't
be apt to run away.
Almost everything
you've said about him,
so far, is enough to hang him.
- Oh, no, no, no!
- Shh!
I'm sure he can't be running away.
He told me he wouldn't.
I've got to find him
and you have to help me.
- No, never.
- Yes.
I don't want my wife
running around alone,
looking for a strange man.
What do you think
the neighbors would say?
But I do want to know some
more about this character.
When Lance found out that
movel was here, and alive,
he decided to have it out with him.
Yeah, yeah, go on.
Mr. Winslow told Lance
that movel had checked out
for Chicago,
so Lance hurried to get
the bus to follow him.
How do you know
he didn't take the bus?
Because I stopped him.
Why?
To tell him that movel
had been killed.
How did you know?
- I saw him in the trunk!
- Shh, shh!
Hi, Malone.
We've just been giving
the storeroom the once-over.
Yeah, there are a lot
of trunks there,
- but no one's body's is in 'em.
- You're wasting your time.
I know the trunk is out here
because I saw it out here
and, no matter what she does,
I'm still in my right mind.
- You are?
- He hopes.
- He does?
- Yes.
Now, look, whoever this is,
he means business.
Here, everybody grab a shillelagh.
Thank you.
Follow me and stick close together.
##
Oh!
Well, nice eye.
Malone.
130 million people in the country,
and you've got to pick on me.
Did I hurt you?
Would you like to take
another bell at me?
- Uh-huh.
- No!
What are you, a headhunter?!
Lance, dear.
What happened?
Oh, Mr. Malone!
Mr. Malone!
Oh, my head.
What are you doin' out here?
I was on the way to the motor court
when I saw the trunk out here
somewhere in the bushes.
Then someone came up behind me
and hit me over the head.
Honest, Malone, she didn't do it.
Huh-unh.
Why don't we
help him back to the hotel
- so he can see a doctor?
- He's gonna live.
Sure. Do you swear
to tell the truth,
- the whole truth, and nothing...?
- Oh, quiet!
Well, you want to find out
what happened, don't ya?
Yeah.
All right, let's have it.
Well, when the great movel
did his disappearing act,
I went below stage to help him
at the end of the trick,
as I always did.
But then, I saw somebody
stuffing his body in the trunk.
- Well, why did you come to...
- Why...?
This place?
We played here the other night
and someone tried to kill him then.
- Ho-ho.
Here?
Yes, here.
Well, what do you think, Malone?
Please, can't you see he's hurt?
First, I carry you.
Then, I carry him.
Doesn't anybody in the joint walk?
But I tell you, I must have a room.
It's an emergency.
Oh. Oh.
Oh.
He'll have a vacancy in 4 weeks.
I wish you'd give me
some more information.
I have his name and address.
What's his profession?
I think he's a murderer.
Oh, what a thing you said.
What were you saying, doctor?
I was going to ask
Mrs. Malone
to allow him to remain here.
He needs rest, peace, and quiet.
Well, of course he can stay here.
I'll take care of you, sweetheart.
"Sweetheart"?
Oh, yes, we're all one big,
happy family here,
- all of us together.
- You oughta hear the things
we call each other when we're home.
All the time.
It's silly, but it's fun.
##
Have more privacy
in the yankee stadium.
My goodness.
What's everybody so glum about?
I think it's a beautiful morning
for solving a murder.
Of course,
I never do anything before breakfast.
It's too difficult to think
with an empty stomach.
Or with an empty head.
Don't pay any attention
to Mike, darling.
He's just upset
because we didn't ask him
- to be best man.
- Oh, that.
Darling, why don't you
eat your breakfast?
Condemned man, eat a hearty meal?
What's the matter with him?
Oh, I don't know. I guess
he just wanted to leave
before the waiter brought the check.
I don't think that's the
check he's worried about.
Do you know?
I'm beginning to suspect him.
- You are?
- Yes, I am.
- No.
- Yes, I am.
Last night, when we caught
him on the lawn...
yeah, why don't you go out
and keep an eye on him?
That's a good idea.
After all, it's only fair.
He chaperoned us all night long.
Well, Jake, let's pay
a visit to the lenharts.
All right.
I want to see the birthplace
of that check.
- What about Helene?
- No, no, no, no!
You mean you don't want her?
Well, let's not say I don't want her.
Let's say I'm allergic to her.
All right, we can say that.
Yes, ma'am.
Miss Lenhart can't see ya.
What do you mean, she can't see us?
Tell her it's Michael
j. Malone and company.
I don't care if you're
Michael j. Superman.
She ain't seein' ya.
Is that so? And you
shouldn't say "ain't."
There must be an easier way.
Any way would be easier than that.
Let's try the back of the joint.
Great.
Fine time to tell us.
Yeah.
I came to wash them windows.
All right.
Come ahead.
##
Sorry, fella. We're not
gonna need ya today.
Don't need me?
Look at them dirty windows!
Miss Lenhart doesn't want
the windows washed
when it's gonna rain.
Don't look like rain to me.
Ah. Around this house,
when miss Lenhart
says it's gonna rain,
it's gonna rain.
Oh, here's a couple of bucks
for your trouble.
Hey, thanks.
And let me know
when miss Lenhart thinks
it's stopped rainin'.
A cinch.
You know, this is a nice
way to make a living,
but how do we get in the house?
Funny thing about windows:
They have to be washed on both sides.
Oh, those dogs won't bite you.
They only bite strangers.
Well, how about introducing us, lady?
Well, that's Damon
and that's pittheus.
Now, you must be nice to these men.
They're washing our windows.
Wait a minute, Romeo.
You forgot your tools.
Juliet, get the bucket.
Very well.
So, you see, I didn't know
whether you were Myra Lenhart
or Elizabeth Lenhart,
but, since you're Elizabeth,
you couldn't be Myra, could you?
Well, I don't blame you
for getting mixed up.
You see, we're both miss Lenhart.
I never married and
my sister's an old maid.
Oh, yes.
We inherited the lodge
from my father, who got it
from his father,
who got it from his father.
It's been in the family a long time.
Yes.
Yes, yes, yes!
Has anything exciting
happened around here lately?
Well, when we gave a show
here the other night,
we couldn't get anyone
worthwhile to appear
just for one performance.
Except the great movel.
Oh, that's right.
Didn't that cost a lot of money?
No, only $50,000.
Naturally, that included everything.
Oh, naturally.
In this case, the amount
didn't make any difference
because I read in the Chicago papers
that the great movel had disappeared.
The police think he's been killed.
Killed?!
Good grief, no.
And the authorities
believe the boy and girl
who work in his act may have
had something to do with it.
Not those nice youngsters.
Oh, I can't believe it.
We must get them a good lawyer.
Oh, oh, I know a fine attorney,
but I don't know where I
could reach him right now.
Oh, that's too bad,
because I'd gladly give him
a retainer of $50,000.
$50,000?
Oh, oh, I don't know if he
would be interested in that.
You see, he left Chicago
for his health.
But there's a rumor going around:
He's recuperating very rapidly.
Oh, splendid.
I think I can get him for you.
Who shall I make the check out to?
Michael J. Malone.
50 gs! Ho-ho!
Did you hear that?
No! No!
Don't you remember me?
She introduced us!
All right, darling, all right,
but what we want to know is,
how did you get in
to see the old dame,
in the first place?
Well, I knew
she'd once been an actress,
so I told her I was
a talent scout from Hollywood.
Listen, for the 87th time,
will you give me the check?
Yes, Mike likes to have
a little spending money
in his pocket.
Give him the $50,000.
Now, don't get me wrong.
I'm not trying to take
the dear old lady
for any dough, but that check
is the most important clue
in the case.
- Let me see it.
- There.
Thanks.
No, no, no, no!
Hey, how does that look to you?
Empty.
W-well, I saw her make it out!
Well, maybe you did,
but that's the wrong check
and you're pretty careless
with my dough.
Well, let's go back and get
the right one. Come on.
Oh, we won't have to. We'll
see her at the water carnival.
She asked me to sit beside
her and hold her hand.
And I'll be holding the other one,
the one that signs
on the dotted line.
##
##
I can't understand how that
queer mistake ever happened.
My pen must've gone dry.
Oh, where is it?
- Your pen?
- Yes.
- Oh, I'll try to get one for you.
- Oh, thank you.
10:1 she doesn't.
- No bet.
Look again, darling.
It must be in your bag.
Oh, here it is.
Now, don't tell anyone
you're giving me
this check for $50,000.
Why not?
Well, it's a little lower
than my usual retainer.
Ahem!
It's bargain day at Malone's.
Well, then let it be
our little secret.
Yes, our little secret.
Ladies and gentlemen,
your attention, please.
We now present the parade
of the bathing beauties.
##
Uh, oh, oh! Oh!
Where ya goin'?
I think that's...
Helene!
Honey, what are ya thinking of?
You can't do this.
But, baby, I might win a prize.
You don't need a prize.
You've got me. Come on!
Oh!
Hi, honey.
I guess you think
I acted kind of funny
- last night, huh?
- Oh, I laughed myself to sleep.
Oh, now, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
I'm mixed up
in a very serious matter.
You see, when somebody's life
is at stake, you don't go, well,
just according to etiquette.
Oh, now, don't ask me to believe
you were saving that
girl's life last night.
All right. I'm gonna
tell you something.
I've just been retained to defend her
- against a charge of murder.
- Oh.
Don't believe it, huh?
All right, I'll show you something.
Here's the evidence.
$50,000 fee.
It's been awfully nice
knowing you, Mr. Malone.
Don't go!
I'll kill myself!
##
But not yet, I won't.
Oh!
I object!
Where are you going?
I want to tell
Mr. Winslow
what a great success
the carnival has been.
I'll go with you.
Miss Lenhart, are you hurt?
I-I'm all right.
Didn't miss you by much, did it?
No.
What a coincidence.
Looks like somebody
tried to crown you
queen of the may.
Well, I'm sorry to keep you
kids locked in like this,
but you didn't miss much
of the swimming meet.
Oh, yes.
Another little attempt at murder.
We didn't have anything
to do with it.
We've been here all the time.
What do you think, Jake?
I think she's wonderful,
sticking up for him like that.
- And I think you're wonderful.
- Me?
Sure, getting $50,000 for Mike, here,
for doing I don't know what.
That reminds me.
I haven't given you
a wedding present.
Oh, thank you darling.
Mm.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
- Put that back.
- It's back.
This thing is blank.
Disappearing magicians,
disappearing ink.
Now wasn't that a wonderful hobby
for Elizabeth Lenhart to figure out,
putting disappearing ink
in her fountain pen?
Well, maybe she didn't put it in.
Maybe somebody interested
in protecting
the family fortune put it in for her.
Oh, who would think up
a silly thing like that?
Well, let's see.
There are two sisters
and one from two leaves Myra.
Who may not be the most
popular gal in town.
For the first time in my life,
I'm a little confused.
You don't think that flagpole falling
on Myra's chair
was an accident, do you?
Honey, remember we saw the place
where the saw...
what I mean to say is
the flagpole was cut.
Oh, someone probably
thought it was Halloween.
I'm getting close.
I think...
oh, tell us what you think.
Well, I think...
shh, now leave him alone.
Can't you see
he's thinking?
Go ahead and think, Mike.
Mr. Richards.
What time did they tell you
Mr. King checked out
last night?
7:00.
Come in.
Yeah, come on in.
Come on in.
Everybody comes in here.
What is it?
Fan letter from the maid,
just asking about me.
Now, don't anybody kill each other.
'Til I get back.
##
What's happened,
Mr. Malone?
Oh, Mr. Winslow,
as the manager of this lodge,
I think you should know something.
Very dangerous character
hanging around here.
Always killing people.
At least, trying to.
Very undesirable guest.
I've given you people 24 hours.
I think I'd better call the police.
Wait a minute.
Before you do that.
You know the lenharts,
who own the place?
Why, yes.
Two very strange sisters.
One of them writes
phony checks, like mad.
Oh, yes. I know.
It's been very embarrassing
for the family.
Oh.
Did you know one of them
slipped the magician a check?
Why...
no.
That check was good.
Not really.
Yeah.
But when Myra tried to get it back,
somebody tried to knock her off.
I think I'd better get the police.
That's a good idea.
And be sure you let them know
that you told Lance Richards
that movel, alias Mr. King,
checked out at 7:00,
a half an hour after he was murdered.
I think you know
something, Mr. Malone.
Yeah, I think I do.
Look, Winslow, I'm a lawyer.
Now, if you're willing to talk,
I might be interested
in defending you.
How did you ever get
boxed in like this?
Oh, come on, Winslow.
You don't have to be
afraid to tell me.
Well, I was short in my funds here.
You know, horses, bad tips.
And then, when that wacky
Elizabeth Lenhart
gave the magician $50,000,
her sister Myra
gave me $10,000 to make
a settlement with movel.
I saw my chance to balance my books.
Only had to kill movel to do it, huh?
Yeah. It took me
three cracks to do it.
And the Porter, here,
you had to kill him
- 'cause he knew too much.
- That's right.
Well, he never was much
of a Porter, anyway.
Let me see the check, will ya?
Sure.
Never mind.
I'll get it myself.
##
Malone!
Oh, Malone!
Have you seen
Mr. Malone anyplace?
Mr. Malone? Yes, I just
took him across the lake.
Get in.
I'll run you over.
Oh, thank you.
I think you'd be more
comfortable in here.
Oh, no.
It's beautiful outside.
Honey, you heard
what Mr. Winslow said.
It's better inside.
It's a shame to ruin the exhaust pipe
of a good boat,
but, when two people want
to commit suicide...
Who'd believe that we'd
want to commit suicide?
Anybody who found out
that you two killed the great movel.
Why, that's ridiculous.
No, as a matter of fact,
you'd have a hard time
proving that you didn't do it.
After all, you were in the
theater when he disappeared,
you brought his trunk to the lodge,
he was killed in your room,
and, when I wanted
to call the police,
you wouldn't let me.
You might be able to fool
some people with that story,
but you'll never fool Mike Malone.
Frankly, I don't think he's
in any position to deny it.
You see, he's at the
bottom of the lake.
Oh, Malone.
Yes, with the Porter,
the one you disposed of
when he saw you kill movel.
Well, pleasant dreams.
No. No, I haven't forgotten
about those ropes.
I'll take care of those later.
I'm going up to the lodge,
now, for a while,
in case anyone wants
to know where I am.
Oh, and, if you feel like yelling,
by all means, do so.
I'm quite sure no one will hear you.
And thanks, so much,
for a perfect alibi.
Well, honey, I guess
we finally got our wish.
We're alone.
It helps, being able
to hold your hand.
Jake.
Yeah?
I love you.
I not only love you, I like you.
Hi, Mike.
Glad you dropped in.
It was getting kind of
stuffy in here.
Yeah.
Winslow told us that you were
at the bottom of the lake.
I was.
Thanks Jake, for showing me
how that trick trunk worked.
After I got out, I grabbed a log
and, after that,
there was nothing to it.
That Winslow must've worked
in the wrapping department
at christmastime.
Not bad, for his last job.
Oh, Mike, your head.
Yeah, finally found somebody
who can hit harder than you can.
Let's get out of here.
We got to take care of Winslow
before he finds out
he didn't take care of us.
Oh, why did I ever untie 'em?
I don't know if we
can accommodate you.
Oh, yes, of course we can.
The bridal suite
- has just been vacated.
- Oh.
The justuses and the Malones
have just checked out.
Mr. Winslow, we liked
the place so much,
we decided to come back again.
Yes, p...
you...
get your hat.
Come on, get movin'.
of Michael J. Malone,
prominent Chicago attorney at law
and this is Mr. Malone's
private office.
And this is Mr. Malone
himself, a college man.
This is his desk and, by the looks
of all this neglected work,
you can see he's seldom here.
Why?
Because he has two zany friends
who always trick him
into playing detective.
Right now, they have dragged
Malone to a murder case
and Helene has the main
suspect cornered.
H-hello,
police headquarters?
Oh, it's you again.
What?
I don't care who you've got cornered.
I've told you and Jake Justus
and Mike Malone, a dozen times,
to keep your three noses
out of our business.
But, look, sergeant, this really
solves the huntington murder.
I have the man right here.
Oh.
What's your name?
He won't tell me.
I don't care what it solves.
You three aren't gonna make monkeys
out of the department again.
I warned Malone,
the next time he butted in,
I was gonna lock him up
for interfering with the law!
What?
Sure, we'll send someone over.
Go and pick up Malone.
Yeah. They'll be over
right away.
Will you please hurry, sergeant?
I'm biting my fingernails already,
and you know how hard it is
to get a manicure, these days.
Pull another trick,
and I'll pull this trigger.
Oh!
Ugh!
Jake!
Jake, did he hurt you?
Well, no, he skinned my
knuckles a little bit,
but I'll be all right, if
I don't get hydrophobia.
Hey.
But, darling, how about
you? Are you okay?
- Uh-huh.
- Mmm!
Hey!
I don't like to disappoint you,
but I'm still breathing.
Malone!
Good heavens!
Are you shot?
No, no. There are just large
mosquitos in the joint.
Hey, let me have a look
at that thing.
- Oh, it's just a scratch.
- Yes, just a scratch.
Yeah, just a scratch.
Why don't you get her a shotgun?
I'll get her a bow and arrow.
Uh-oh.
Here comes the law.
Yes, I called 'em.
You called 'em?!
Uh-huh.
Well, that's great.
So long.
Hey, wait a minute.
Where are you goin'?
Listen, playboy, you
and that spin-happy dame
talked me into playin' detective.
Well, aren't you having fun?
No, but it looks like you are!
I withheld important evidence
to crack this case
and, as a lawyer, I know
I can make the clink.
That's right, he could.
Yeah. And the bastille
is no fun.
Oh.
- It's been charming.
- Uh...
Uh...
Oh, yeah.
Oh, look, he's moving!
Oh, pardon me.
You know, I'm sure
there must be some mistake.
This gentleman
left a call for 9:00.
Pleasant dreams.
Come on, honey.
I'm sorry I shot you, Malone.
Think nothing of it.
I'll do the same for you
someday, I hope.
Uh-oh.
Ahem.
Hello, officer.
They're in love.
Congratulations.
In here!
Helene!
Come on. Come on.
I hope I haven't seen the picture.
Look!
Frank Sinatra!
Three on the aisle, please.
I'm sorry, lady, but if I
miss the opening number,
- I can't follow the plot.
- Tsk.
Well, that was close,
but it'll never be
close again. The
huntington case is over.
Never get me on another
merry-go-round.
You mean you'd break up
a beautiful friendship
just because I nearly killed you?
Oh, he's just sore because you ruined
that $150 suit he's wearing.
Hang around with you much longer,
- I'll be wearing a halo.
- Well, then,
you won't need the suit.
They wear sheets.
- Uh.
- Oh.
Hey.
Would you mind taking off
your hat, please?
Certainly.
Lance, why do you persist
in threatening him
in front of people?
I told him to let you alone.
I'll do worse than threaten.
But, darling, I'm so afraid.
You know what a terrible
temper he has.
He might do anything.
Just let him try.
I'll handle him.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the great movel,
in the most baffling
vanishing act of all time.
He'll be locked
in this escape-proof cabinet
and will reappear on the platform
suspended above your heads.
We would like a few volunteers
to come up on the stage
to see that the cabinet
is securely locked.
Well, I've always wanted
to be on the stage.
Sit down, or I'll slug ya.
Unh-unh, Malone, slugging a wife
is a privilege reserved
exclusively for husbands.
Uh, darling, sit down,
or I'll slug you.
Oh.
W-wife?
Uh, didn't she tell ya?
Mrs. Justus,
meet Mr. Malone.
How do you do?
How do you do?
Congratulations.
I'd like to suggest a nice
honeymoon trip for you.
The south pole is very pleasant
this time of the year.
No, thanks. We're going
to the Lenhart lodge.
Will you three please shut up?
Shall we bop her?
No, she looks a little muscular.
I suggest we shut up.
##
##
Your closest attention, please.
Our charming assistant holds,
in her hand, the silken cord.
One tug of that cord and, presto,
the professor will appear
on the platform above.
Will someone please volunteer
to pull the cord?
Oh, that's for me.
I'll do it.
I must've pulled the wrong cord.
Go ahead, men, find him!
Find him!
Please be seated.
Please be seated.
I'm very sorry,
but something has happened.
The great movel,
in doing his disappearing act,
has disappeared.
Now, no one's to leave the theater
because I've sent for the police.
Police.
Here we go again.
I don't believe you can leave now.
Nosebleed. Oh!
- Well, what about...?
- I'm his nurse.
I'm his doctor!
Well, come on, honey,
we got a long drive
ahead of us. We'll
see ya later, Malone.
Happy honeymoon and good riddance.
Oh, don't forget.
I want a cut of that check.
What check?
The check you're gonna
get for defending that guy
in the huntington case.
What makes you think
I'm gonna defend the guy?
Well, I know how you're always
looking for new business, so,
I left your card on his chest.
Thanks.
No, no. Hey! Wait!
So you planted a card
on his chest, huh?
Uh-huh.
I think fast, don't I?
Ohh, Jake, Jake!
What can I do, Malone?
The girl loves me.
So long, Malone.
Now, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
The huntington case was your
idea. If you think I'm gonna
sit around all night
while those cops grill me,
you're daffy.
I'm goin' with ya.
Malone! You seem to have
missed the whole idea.
- We're on our honeymoon.
- So what?
I'm broadminded.
Come on.
Oh, no, no.
Hey, look, Mrs. Justus, if
it's not too much trouble,
keep both hands
on the wheel, will ya!
Mr. Malone, the $2
I paid for the license
includes this privilege.
Doesn't it, itsy bitsy?
Yes, jakesy wakesy.
Utsy whatsy.
Now, let's see.
Is it the left road
or the right road I take?
No, it's the left road.
Nope.
The left road is not the right road.
I'm going back.
The wrong road.
No, no.
I think it's the right road.
Well, you're okay.
I beg your pardon.
Uh, I mean, you're not hurt.
Oh, but this is terrible.
I have to get out of here.
I'm awfully sorry this happened.
Maybe we could drive you someplace.
Oh, darling, how'd you like
to come along on the honeymoon?
Hey, Mike.
Ignore him, my dear.
Ignore him.
Just leave it
to Michael J. Malone.
Oh, my trunk.
Oh, your trunk, yes.
Jake, let us get the lady's trunk.
Let us not.
Oh, baby, go ahead.
After all,
I did run her off the road.
Formerly a honeymoon.
Now, an excursion.
Come on.
Oh, please be careful with it.
I don't suppose
it's any of my business,
but what's the big idea?
Now, look, you have your hobby.
And I think I've found mine.
Oh, look out.
Don't drop it.
The way you worry about this trunk,
you'd think there was
a dead body in it.
Um, what about my car?
Oh, I'll take care
of everything, baby.
Who looks after
the poor working girl?
Who looks after the
rich working girl?
Who looks after any working girl?
Michael J. Malone.
She doesn't even have to be working.
Meet miss, uh, uh...
Mayfair.
Gilda Mayfair.
Oh, yes.
Meet Mr. and Mrs. Justus,
newlyweds.
Think she married him for his money.
Why, that's silly.
After all,
I have money of my own
and, if I have money,
why should I marry him for his money?
Sometimes she doesn't make sense.
But that's only when she's talking.
See, the right road
was the right road.
- Only one road left.
- Right.
Uh, boy.
Will you take care of the luggage?
Please.
"Boy"?
Please be careful with that trunk.
Do you think you can
handle that all right?
Who, me?
I married the wrong guy.
Come with me.
Wait a minute.
Hmm?
Why is she so interested
in that trunk?
Hey, maybe you had
something when you said
about the you know what
might be in it.
You know what, what?
Body.
You mean maybe we got
somebody else with us
- and don't know it?
- Yes!
And it's gonna be very embarrassing.
I only made reservations for four.
Hey, mister.
You'll have to park your own car.
I can't do everything around here.
You heard what the boy said.
Yeah, and I'm not gonna
argue with the boy.
Follow the man in the white shoes.
He knows where the lobby is.
Come on, Gilda.
He'll take care of your trunk.
Sure. We'll help you
unpack it, too.
Well, dear, don't you think
you'd better register for us?
Oh, oh, yes.
I'll take care of that.
Are you sure I can trust
that man with my trunk?
Oh, Malone will take
very good care of that.
Oh, you've all been so kind
and Mr. Malone
has just been wonderful.
Mike has a habit of being
wonderful to pretty girls.
Which one of you two ladies
is miss Mayfair?
Why?
What do you want?
There's a gentleman outside
to see miss Mayfair.
- Who is he?
- I don't know.
Kind of a big guy.
Looks like a detective.
Well, miss Mayfair
I... isn't with us.
Tell him she changed her
mind at the last minute.
Is something wrong?
Yes.
But I can't do anything about it.
Well, is there anything
I can do to help?
Mm-hmm.
You see, they mustn't find out
that I'm here, or who I am.
Oh.
Well, don't you worry
your pretty, little brain.
Let's get Jake.
There's no miss Mayfair here, mister.
Well, I'm sure she wanted this trunk
turned over to me.
Would you have it taken
up to my room?
Okay.
Where are you goin'
with that trunk, buddy?
- This gentleman here said...
- oh, I must've made a mistake.
It was one just like that.
I'm sorry.
Follow me with that.
No, I'll follow you.
Here we are.
Now that you've registered
for us, darling,
you might as well register
for the Malones.
- The Malones?
- Yes, of course.
We want the Malones
to share our suite,
- don't we?
- Look, darling, I don't know
exactly what you're talking about,
but may I remind you
we're on our honeymoon.
But, baby, so are they.
Oh! Oh, yes, of course,
the Malones.
I nearly forgot.
Isn't that silly?
Sure, Michael J. Malone
and wife, there you are.
Mike.
We'll put Mr. and
Mrs. Justus in 201;
there's a connecting
parlor, that's 203;
and I'm sure you
and Mrs. Malone
- will be happy in 205.
- Oh, we'll be very...
what?!
One would think
you had driven up here
with a strange woman.
Come, Mrs. Malone.
- Get him, Jake.
- Got him.
Well, but, look,
I had to do something.
You seemed so upset
about the trunk and...
where is it?
Oh.
No, no, no!
She's fainted!
Take her upstairs!
I'll get the doctor.
- Okay.
- Next time you pick me a wife,
don't pick the collapsible model.
That's the best
I could do in the dark.
Certainly take good care of us:
Hot and cold running water
and a wife with every room.
- Why don't you carry her?
- Oh, no, you married her.
You carry her.
Besides, I'm busy.
Oh! Wait. Don't forget
the threshold.
If you trip, it's bad luck, you know.
If she was 6 pounds lighter,
I'd hit you right
over the head with her.
What are you doing?
That's what I'd like to know.
Is that you, darling?
##
##
I don't think it's very safe, doctor.
We'll take good care of the patient.
Oh, hello, darling!
Where have you been?
- Oh.
- Oh, baby.
No, no, no, doctor,
not me. Right in here.
I'll show you.
Right here.
- Hi, doc.
- Open your mouth.
No, not here.
There.
Open your mouth.
Well, this isn't a clinic
and I don't guess
the doctor wants an audience.
Come on, sweeties.
Mr. Malone,
there might be
some instructions about your wife.
Oh, my wife.
Yes, your wife.
Yes, your wife!
Yes, my wife.
Mrs. Malone subject to these
fainting spells?
Well, it's kind of hard
for me to say.
We haven't been married
long enough for me to know.
Newlyweds?
Yeah.
Now, there's no occasion
for you to have
jangled nerves,
Mrs. Malone.
A happy marriage is half the battle.
This is not going to put me to sleep?
Oh, no, no, no, no.
This is just to quiet your nerves.
There you are.
Did she show any signs of nervousness
before your marriage?
Well, I...
I really didn't know her very well.
Love at first sight.
One of those whirlwind
courtships, eh?
No wind ever whirled that fast.
I've given her a sedative.
When she wakes up,
things will seem different.
- They will?
- Oh, yes.
- Things will be different, huh?
- Oh, yeah.
They better.
Oh, doc.
- What?
- The hat.
Huh?
- Oh.
- The hat.
Thank you.
I... I would suggest that
you keep her in bed for a while.
How is she, doctor?
- She'll be all right.
- Oh, good.
Be sure she takes her medicine.
Don't call us.
We'll call you.
Be sure she takes her medicine.
##
Doctor's orders.
Oh, the doctor forgot his purse.
Doctor's orders.
Thank you.
Doctor's orders.
- I don't want to be personal!
- Shh!
Mike, please, the patient.
Tryin' to give me away in marriage.
Well, the girl had to be
married to somebody.
Sure, but why'd you have to
say she was my wife?
Well, I couldn't make
Jake a bigamist,
especially on our honeymoon.
You were the only man available.
- So I made you the husband.
- Congratulations.
Thanks. Ahhh!
Oh, Mike, marriage is wonderful.
So I hear.
Listen, brother, you
can give me 100 wives,
but you're not gonna
stick me with this trunk,
especially if it contains
what I think it does.
Well, if that's what you're
worrying about, let's open it.
Think we should, before dinner?
- Why not?
- Hairpin, please.
Oh.
- Monsieur.
- Thank you.
- Come in.
- Come in.
- Come in.
- Good evening.
- How do you do?
I'm Mr. Winslow, the manager.
I heard that Mrs. Malone
wasn't well
and I wanted to see if there
was anything I could do.
She's resting.
Oh, having trouble with the luggage?
Yes, I lost the key.
Say, you wouldn't happen to have
a couple of old trunk keys
around you, would you?
Darling, darling, I just remembered:
The baggage man gave me the keys.
They must be in my purse.
But, honey, he couldn't
possibly have given...
- purse!
- Purse!
Of course!
How silly of me.
I should've remembered
they're in her purse.
And here, gentlemen, an old tradition
of Lenhart lodge for honeymooners.
That's for me.
Well, 1812.
I see you haven't
had a wedding up here
in a long time.
Hello, operator.
Ring 203, please.
Hello.
Mike?
O-blay e-thay anager-may.
Yes, yes, I'll tell him.
Thank you.
Mr. Winslow, you're wanted
at the desk right away.
Oh, thank you. Well,
no rest for the wicked.
Goodnight.
You better go right along with him.
We'll watch this stuff for you.
Well, let's get to watchin'.
Why not?
Say, what was the idea
of that long-distance call
- from the other room?
- I wanted to get rid
of the manager before
we open the trunk.
Oh, I'd have never
made it with that...
The key seems to fit,
but it won't turn.
Try pressing on it.
Harder.
- Hey, get this.
- Hmm?
Well, hello.
Looks like that Mayfair dame
is traveling under wraps.
It works.
Somebody must've
cleaned out the attic.
Looks like the body left a call.
Is that what my little bride
has been so concerned about?
Or this.
Or this.
Looks like somebody's
giving us the b-i-r-d.
- Look out!
- Ah-oh!
That's the way to put out a fire.
- How about...
- hey!
Oh, sorry, Mike.
Should've brought my water wings.
Aren't you glad
you don't wear mascara?
That's all I need.
Say, that movel really had
a collection of cute toys.
I wonder what this thing is.
Well, why don't you pull it
and see if the Butler answers?
Hey, how do you like that?
Even the trunk
does nip-ups.
And look!
A pinup boy.
Do you remember this, cookie?
That's the fellow
we saw at the matinee,
- the one that disappeared.
- Sure.
That's the dame in the act.
How do you know? You
only saw half her face.
Half a dame is better than none.
No wonder those
hocus pocus fellas have
such an easy time gettin'
in and out of things.
Look at this.
Yeah, well, all these tricks
are just a matter
of the right equipment.
I'll show you.
I'll give you a little
music to go with it.
With a slight wave of the wand,
or abracadabra, I will
produce a beautiful girl.
# Ee bwee bwee
it's a fake.
Maybe I haven't got
the right equipment.
Well, I'm a little out of practice.
Uh-oh.
Maybe I have got the right equipment.
- Hey.
- What do you suppose that is,
a laundry slip?
A check, paid to the order
of the great movel.
$50,000. Now, who do you
suppose would leave
a check of Elizabeth
Lenhart's uncashed?
And stashed in an old hollow stump.
Hey, look at the date on this thing.
- June 14th.
- That was yesterday.
They played here last night.
Well, I think I'll just give
myself a little wedding present.
- No, you don't.
- Oh, no, you don't.
- No, this is hot.
- You wouldn't want to get
Mr. Malone in trouble,
would you?
Oh, no.
"Oh, no."
Oh, may I have this for a souvenir?
No, darling.
I will supply
the silverware for the household.
- Hey, it's a phony.
- They're all phonies.
Here's another one.
- Can't have that either.
- Ohh.
Swords are not for little
girls to play with.
Uh-oh!
- Darling.
- Huh?
Darling, catch.
Throw it.
Oh.
- Oh.
- That's great.
First, you put a hole in my suit.
Then, you put a hole in my hat.
I'm gettin' out of here
before you put a hole in me.
But... but you can't go.
You haven't got a hat.
I have now.
Wh-what about your wife?
Tell her my father's having
the marriage annulled.
I'm too young.
I think it's just terrible,
Malone running out
on his wife like that.
Well, darling, that's one thing
you'll never have to
worry about with me.
I won't?
No, 'cause I've been
chasin' you ever since
the first day I ever
saw you at kindergarten.
You know why?
Why?
'Cause you're cute.
- Hey, you're supposed to be...
- shh!
- She's walking in her sleep.
- Oh, fine.
- That's all we need.
- Quiet. Don't wake her up.
What am I supposed to do, walk
the floor with her all night?
Shh! They say it's
dangerous to awaken them.
Uh, maid, do you know anything
about walking in your sleep?
- No, I work nights.
- Oh, I see.
Well, you wouldn't know
anything about it, then.
- She's headed the right way now.
- Uh-huh.
I'll help her into bed.
I'll help you help her.
Don't bother to wake up.
You're not missing anything.
Right this way, please.
Take it easy.
There.
Oh. Oh.
I'll just be a minute.
I want to slip
into something uncomfortable.
All right, sweetie.
Ah. Mm.
Oh, something I can do
for you, Mr. Malone?
Yeah. Any way
I can get back to town?
You're not thinking of leaving us?
Well, I had some such a...
Oh, I...
I beg your pardon.
Very funny.
How often do you have to
water your head?
That isn't mine.
I'm breakin' it in for hilda Harper.
Who was that?
Miss Phyllis grey,
the diving champion.
She's here for the water carnival.
Interesting.
Very interesting.
Any calls for me?
- No nothing, doctor.
- Hmm, that's funny.
Well, I'll be back in a half an hour.
Yes, sir.
##
How do you do, miss grey?
Breaking training early, aren't you?
Hello, miss Lenhart.
Of course, you know my sister Myra.
- Yes. How do you do?
- How do you do?
How do you like the posters?
Oh, very much. Even
better than last year.
I wanted to have 4,000 printed,
but sister thought 4 would be enough.
Come, Elizabeth.
Well, I'll see you
at the water carnival.
Yes.
You know, I love water.
I had an uncle who was a great diver.
He stayed underwater for 3 weeks.
He hit a rock.
Wow.
I hope the bourbon
is better than the joke.
Well, I'll have one.
Haven't I met you someplace before?
##
##
##
Gilda.
Gilda!
Who tried to kill me?
I don't know.
Who tried to kill me?
Lance and I had nothing
to do with it.
I'll find out about that later.
Where's that check, in the trunk?
I haven't touched the trunk.
Why don't you go
and see for yourself?
Don't worry.
I will.
##
##
Hello?
Will you try
Mr. Lance Richards again?
Darling, that gentleman next to you,
haven't we seen him someplace before?
Well, he looks a little
like Michael J. Malone.
The legal ethereal?
Friends of yours,
Mr. Malone?
Couple of barflies in the ointment.
Miss grey,
Mr. and Mrs. Justus.
They're newlyweds.
- Oh, hello.
- Newlyweds?
- How about kissing the bride?
- Oh, certainly.
- It's a wonderful idea.
- Oh, now, wait a minute.
After all, old man, we...
- oh!
- Hel...
oh, Helene,
now, look here! You...!
- Ah!
- What is this?
Mm.
Oh, my.
This is lovely.
I must get married more often.
Hm.
Oh!
Uh...
the happy groom will buy
champagne for the house!
Ha ha ha ha!
# Da, da, da, da
# here's to the bride
- here's to the bride.
- Thank you.
Well, Mrs. Justus,
I move that we adjourn.
Why, I second the motion.
Not without the tab, Sonny boy.
Oh, yes.
Yes, the check.
Do you have it there?
Thank you.
# He's got the tab
# and, oh, what a tab
there you are.
Now, if anybody
should want anything else,
after we've gone,
just add it onto that check.
Goodnight.
- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.
Well, he put a big tip on there.
Oh, a fine man,
that Mr. Malone.
Oh, he's a fine...
Malone?
I'm Malone.
No, no, no, no, no!
Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.
- No, no, no, no, no! No!
- Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.
No.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
For a while there, I thought we were
- never gonna be alone.
- You did?
Well.
Well, uh...
well, uh...
well... well,
why don't you
straighten up the room
a little bit, darling?
Well, all right.
I will.
All right.
Oh, honey.
Yes.
You know that lady that
was walking in her sleep?
Yes.
Well, she's walking again.
But I don't think she'll go very far.
Her trunk is still here.
Shall we follow her?
No, let's let her follow us.
Darling.
Mm-hmm?
Do you like it?
No, I don't like it.
Why, Jake.
Oh, honey, I... I didn't mean you.
Look, do you remember
what we thought
might be in the trunk?
Uh-huh.
Well, it's in there now.
Oh.
Uh-uh.
Well, I guess there's
just one thing to do:
- Call the police.
- No, I wouldn't do that, either.
That wouldn't be fair to Malone.
What's Malone got to do with it?
Well, you remember you registered
that girl in there as his wife?
If the police find out
they're not married,
need I say more?
What are we going to do?
Well, we'd better
get a hold of Malone,
have a meeting
of the board of directors.
That poor, dear man gets himself
into the worst jams.
Oh, how can you resist
a moonlight night in June?
The dancing ripples,
the balmy summer air
caressing your lovely cheek,
and a lovesick bug
calling to its mate.
Shakespeare couldn't have
said it more beautifully,
but I do have to compete
- in the water carnival tomorrow.
- What do you say we take
a quick run around the lake, huh?
Well, we can't row
very far without oars.
Huh?
Oh. Oh, the oars!
The oars.
I'll go up and get some.
Hold that moon 'til I get back.
Mi-chael!
J. Mal-one!
Yale crew 1930.
Yale must've lost that year.
They did.
I was rowing for Harvard.
Hey, Mike!
Come on!
- What is...
- don't ask questions!
- This is important.
- So is this!
Sorry, lady.
Something has come up.
I'll be right back!
Something awful's happened.
- We went back up to our room.
- We opened the trunk.
What'd you pull out,
this time, a rabbit?
- No, a man.
- Who was it?
I don't know.
He was too dead to tell me.
- Dead?!
- Yes.
He was all hunched over
like a bent Fender. Come on.
Mr. Malone!
Mr. Malone!
He's right in the trunk.
Well, the trunk was right there.
I was sitting on it, Mike.
Well, thank goodness.
Now, we've nothing to worry about.
If there's no trunk,
then there's no body,
and if there's no body,
then there's no murder.
Isn't that right, counselor?
Don't be foolish.
That trunk is a cinch
turned up someplace
and if there's a body in it,
they'll trace the whole
surprise package to us.
And that usually means me.
Well, if somebody's going to find it,
we might as well find it first.
Hello?
This is Mr. Justus.
Just a moment, sir.
Zach, 203 wants
to know about a trunk.
Did you take it outta there?
Nah. Ain't it there?
I'm sorry, sir.
The Porter doesn't seem
to know anything about it.
All right, thanks.
Didn't go through the lobby.
They don't know anything
- about it.
- Mm-hmm.
A body just don't get up
and walk out of a room.
Or do they?
I think I got something.
- You got a makeup kit?
- Well, certainly.
What do you think I am, a cannibal?
What are you doing, Mike,
cuttin' out paper dolls?
Things to make the body beautiful.
Hmm?
Looks like you finally succeeded.
In what?
In driving him off his nut.
Get me a felt hat, will ya?
- Felt hat.
- Felt hat, comin' up.
Mike, why'd you have to
use all my makeup?
I forgot my compact.
Here's the hat, Mike.
Thanks.
Hold this, will ya?
Oh.
All right, hat.
Now, glasses.
Just as I figured.
That's the guy that tried
to get the trunk
from the Porter
in front of the lodge.
I'll tell you something.
That's the guy that I saw
in the trunk, dead.
One and the same.
I liked him better with a beard.
Looks like somebody else wanted
to get that $50,000 check.
Yes, they wanted to get it bad
enough to knock both of him off.
Come in.
- Come in.
- Come in.
The clerk just told me
about that trunk.
I'm very upset about it.
I-I don't understand
how anybody could've taken it
out without our seeing it.
Mr. Winslow, do you
recognize this gentleman?
Oh, yes.
Yes, that's Mr. King.
He was a guest here,
but he's checked out.
I'll say he has.
He was murdered.
Oh.
Murdered?
Oh, yeah, sure.
Not here.
Well, he was here, in the trunk.
Right over there.
I'd better call the police,
right away.
Oh, no, wait a minute,
Mr. Winslow.
You don't have to bother to do that.
- I must!
- Oh, no, no.
Go ahead.
Tell him, Helene.
Well, you see,
we love to solve crimes.
- Don't we, Mike?
- No, we do not.
Oh, don't pay any
attention to him. We really do
- and we're very good at it.
- Mm-hmm.
We'll have that trunk back
in no time at all.
- Dead or alive.
- Well, I don't think that's...
oh, but, look, think of the scandal.
Suppose this gets out.
Suppose it gets
to the newspapers,
big headlines, telling
about a terrible crime
happened in your hotel.
You got to remember that, you know.
You better leave the whole
thing in our hands.
I guarantee we'll have
that trunk back in 24 hours!
Maybe sooner! Depends
on where the body is.
You know, sometimes, I think
you're worse than she is.
- What?
- If that's possible.
Now, why do you say that, Malone?
Why'd you have to tell
him about the murder?
Well, we want to solve
the crime, don't we?
Well, I don't, and I'm
gettin' outta here.
Hold on. Wait a minute.
Where you going to go?
You can't do that. You can't
go back to Chicago, you know.
The police would love to talk to you
- about the huntington case.
- And what about this girl that's
- been walking around here asleep?
- Yes, yes, your wife.
And another thing you said
yourself just a couple.
If they find that body in that trunk,
they'll tie it right onto you.
That's exactly what you said.
We can't possibly walk out.
- We've got to go through with it.
- All right. All right!
I'm hooked. Again.
That trunk is around here someplace,
somewhere in the hotel.
And I'm gonna find it.
All right, Jake,
- you take the first floor.
- Right!
- You take the second.
- Right!
I'll take the rest of the joint.
You take it easy 'til I get back.
Yes?
No-o!
Goodnight.
That's my own room.
Oh.
Oh, pardon me.
I-I was looking for a body,
but you aren't dead, yet, are you?
Yeah...
##
Aaaaaaaaah!
- Hey, Malone, Malone!
- What's the matter?
- Hey, you got to help me.
- What happened?
Helene fell down the laundry chute.
- What?!
- Down the laundry chute!
- She fell down.
- Is she hurt?
- No!
- Leave her there.
They'll send her back
in a couple of weeks.
Oh, no. Come on!
There she is! Helene,
are you all right?
I'm tra-a-pped!
I couldn't get down.
Trunk's outside.
I saw it from the roof.
Well, come on!
Let's go!
Whoa!
Ugh!
- It's gone.
- Sure you saw it?
- Well, it's gone.
- Yeah, it's gone.
Yeah, and I'm sure I saw it.
- That was not made by a gopher.
- No, I can see that.
Hey, you mean you think they
pushed the trunk off of there?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All we got to do now is find
the man with the baggage check.
Aah! Aah!
Hey, look out!
Mike, look! There's
somebody up on the roof!
Let's go!
They threw it!
Come on. Come on.
Not so fast!
My skirt's tight!
Oh, I told you, you didn't know
how to dress for a murder.
How do you do? Hi.
Well?
Well, uh,
well, you haven't seen a little dog
about 8 or 9 or 10 or 11
inches long, have you?
No.
That's funny.
Neither have I.
Mike, come on!
Gladly!
Psst!
- I got him!
- Don't hit him, Jake.
I didn't.
Oh, gee, I'm sorry.
I didn't know it was you.
We oughta work you over.
What are you doin' up here, anyhow?
The switchboard operator
told me to come up
and chase somebody off the roof.
She didn't say
to throw him off, did she?
How'd the operator know
anybody was on the roof?
She got a complaint from room 221.
Uh-huh.
Well, you wait in the
lobby and stick around.
I ain't goin' anyplace.
Let's take a look at 221.
Empty.
Well, I've never seen a hotel
so packed with empty rooms.
Hmm.
Hello?
Did you send the Porter
up on the roof?
Well, yes, Mr. Richards,
but I'm a little confused.
I thought I just saw you go out.
Look, I'm not
Mr. Richards
and I'm more confused than you are.
You're confused?
Ha!
What a place for a honeymoon.
Dead bodies walk out of doors.
Empty rooms make phone calls.
I'm confused.
You're confused and you're confused.
Maybe I can do something to help.
Why don't you try falling
down that laundry chute again?
Michael J. Malone,
don't you ridicule me.
After all, we're all
in the same boat.
That's right, we're all
in the same boat.
Boat, b-b-boat, b-boat, b-boat.
Boat, boat, boat, boat, boat!
Phyllis!
Phyllis!
Are you calling somebody?
Oh, oh.
Oh. You're... you're...
you're all wet.
Well, water usually is.
This is the third time
you've made a fool of me,
Mike Malone.
No, no, now, look.
I can explain all that.
Up at the lodge,
there are a lot of people
and there's a trunk.
How could any man in his right mind
desert a beautiful damsel in distress
on a moonlit night?
The idea of abandoning me
out in the middle
of a lake on a cold night
without an oar.
Cold?
How could it be cold,
when the warmth of your beauty
lights the night like a beacon?
Mr. Malone.
Mr. Malone!
Mr. Malone!
Miss Mayfair, miss grey.
Oh, I'm sure miss grey
will understand.
I have to talk to you.
It's very urgent.
I'll be right back!
Wait for me!
I've already waited around for you
as much as I care to, now, or ever!
- You've got to help me.
- Listen, sister,
you've got to help me.
Where's that trunk
- you brought along with ya?
- I don't know.
Well, maybe your boyfriend knows.
Oh, you mustn't say that.
I'm sure he doesn't.
Well, I'm not so sure.
How do you and this guy
tie into the picture?
We've been working together,
and movel and Zach,
and he was terribly jealous
when Lance and I became engaged.
Now, this afternoon,
before movel disappeared,
they had a terrible fight
and threatened each other!
All right.
All right.
To hydrate the conversation, come on.
Where is he now?
He's at the motor court
down the road.
Oh, Mr. Malone, I'm sure,
if you talk to him,
you might be able to help us.
Well, all right.
As my wife, you keep entirely
too many secrets from me, anyway.
I've told you everything.
When Lance told me
something had happened
to movel backstage during the show,
I was afraid that...
you were afraid that Lance
killed movel, huh?
Yes!
That's why I wanted the trunk.
If movel's body was in it,
I wanted to get it.
I wanted to do away with it.
How did you get the trunk
out of the theater?
Oh, I had a terrible
time, but I did it!
Qui-et!
Sorry, folks, all full up.
You'll have to take the
missus someplace else.
Look, the lady is not my wife,
we're not stopping here,
but we are looking
for Mr. Lance Richards.
Never heard that name before.
See what I mean?
An innocent man wouldn't
be apt to run away.
Almost everything
you've said about him,
so far, is enough to hang him.
- Oh, no, no, no!
- Shh!
I'm sure he can't be running away.
He told me he wouldn't.
I've got to find him
and you have to help me.
- No, never.
- Yes.
I don't want my wife
running around alone,
looking for a strange man.
What do you think
the neighbors would say?
But I do want to know some
more about this character.
When Lance found out that
movel was here, and alive,
he decided to have it out with him.
Yeah, yeah, go on.
Mr. Winslow told Lance
that movel had checked out
for Chicago,
so Lance hurried to get
the bus to follow him.
How do you know
he didn't take the bus?
Because I stopped him.
Why?
To tell him that movel
had been killed.
How did you know?
- I saw him in the trunk!
- Shh, shh!
Hi, Malone.
We've just been giving
the storeroom the once-over.
Yeah, there are a lot
of trunks there,
- but no one's body's is in 'em.
- You're wasting your time.
I know the trunk is out here
because I saw it out here
and, no matter what she does,
I'm still in my right mind.
- You are?
- He hopes.
- He does?
- Yes.
Now, look, whoever this is,
he means business.
Here, everybody grab a shillelagh.
Thank you.
Follow me and stick close together.
##
Oh!
Well, nice eye.
Malone.
130 million people in the country,
and you've got to pick on me.
Did I hurt you?
Would you like to take
another bell at me?
- Uh-huh.
- No!
What are you, a headhunter?!
Lance, dear.
What happened?
Oh, Mr. Malone!
Mr. Malone!
Oh, my head.
What are you doin' out here?
I was on the way to the motor court
when I saw the trunk out here
somewhere in the bushes.
Then someone came up behind me
and hit me over the head.
Honest, Malone, she didn't do it.
Huh-unh.
Why don't we
help him back to the hotel
- so he can see a doctor?
- He's gonna live.
Sure. Do you swear
to tell the truth,
- the whole truth, and nothing...?
- Oh, quiet!
Well, you want to find out
what happened, don't ya?
Yeah.
All right, let's have it.
Well, when the great movel
did his disappearing act,
I went below stage to help him
at the end of the trick,
as I always did.
But then, I saw somebody
stuffing his body in the trunk.
- Well, why did you come to...
- Why...?
This place?
We played here the other night
and someone tried to kill him then.
- Ho-ho.
Here?
Yes, here.
Well, what do you think, Malone?
Please, can't you see he's hurt?
First, I carry you.
Then, I carry him.
Doesn't anybody in the joint walk?
But I tell you, I must have a room.
It's an emergency.
Oh. Oh.
Oh.
He'll have a vacancy in 4 weeks.
I wish you'd give me
some more information.
I have his name and address.
What's his profession?
I think he's a murderer.
Oh, what a thing you said.
What were you saying, doctor?
I was going to ask
Mrs. Malone
to allow him to remain here.
He needs rest, peace, and quiet.
Well, of course he can stay here.
I'll take care of you, sweetheart.
"Sweetheart"?
Oh, yes, we're all one big,
happy family here,
- all of us together.
- You oughta hear the things
we call each other when we're home.
All the time.
It's silly, but it's fun.
##
Have more privacy
in the yankee stadium.
My goodness.
What's everybody so glum about?
I think it's a beautiful morning
for solving a murder.
Of course,
I never do anything before breakfast.
It's too difficult to think
with an empty stomach.
Or with an empty head.
Don't pay any attention
to Mike, darling.
He's just upset
because we didn't ask him
- to be best man.
- Oh, that.
Darling, why don't you
eat your breakfast?
Condemned man, eat a hearty meal?
What's the matter with him?
Oh, I don't know. I guess
he just wanted to leave
before the waiter brought the check.
I don't think that's the
check he's worried about.
Do you know?
I'm beginning to suspect him.
- You are?
- Yes, I am.
- No.
- Yes, I am.
Last night, when we caught
him on the lawn...
yeah, why don't you go out
and keep an eye on him?
That's a good idea.
After all, it's only fair.
He chaperoned us all night long.
Well, Jake, let's pay
a visit to the lenharts.
All right.
I want to see the birthplace
of that check.
- What about Helene?
- No, no, no, no!
You mean you don't want her?
Well, let's not say I don't want her.
Let's say I'm allergic to her.
All right, we can say that.
Yes, ma'am.
Miss Lenhart can't see ya.
What do you mean, she can't see us?
Tell her it's Michael
j. Malone and company.
I don't care if you're
Michael j. Superman.
She ain't seein' ya.
Is that so? And you
shouldn't say "ain't."
There must be an easier way.
Any way would be easier than that.
Let's try the back of the joint.
Great.
Fine time to tell us.
Yeah.
I came to wash them windows.
All right.
Come ahead.
##
Sorry, fella. We're not
gonna need ya today.
Don't need me?
Look at them dirty windows!
Miss Lenhart doesn't want
the windows washed
when it's gonna rain.
Don't look like rain to me.
Ah. Around this house,
when miss Lenhart
says it's gonna rain,
it's gonna rain.
Oh, here's a couple of bucks
for your trouble.
Hey, thanks.
And let me know
when miss Lenhart thinks
it's stopped rainin'.
A cinch.
You know, this is a nice
way to make a living,
but how do we get in the house?
Funny thing about windows:
They have to be washed on both sides.
Oh, those dogs won't bite you.
They only bite strangers.
Well, how about introducing us, lady?
Well, that's Damon
and that's pittheus.
Now, you must be nice to these men.
They're washing our windows.
Wait a minute, Romeo.
You forgot your tools.
Juliet, get the bucket.
Very well.
So, you see, I didn't know
whether you were Myra Lenhart
or Elizabeth Lenhart,
but, since you're Elizabeth,
you couldn't be Myra, could you?
Well, I don't blame you
for getting mixed up.
You see, we're both miss Lenhart.
I never married and
my sister's an old maid.
Oh, yes.
We inherited the lodge
from my father, who got it
from his father,
who got it from his father.
It's been in the family a long time.
Yes.
Yes, yes, yes!
Has anything exciting
happened around here lately?
Well, when we gave a show
here the other night,
we couldn't get anyone
worthwhile to appear
just for one performance.
Except the great movel.
Oh, that's right.
Didn't that cost a lot of money?
No, only $50,000.
Naturally, that included everything.
Oh, naturally.
In this case, the amount
didn't make any difference
because I read in the Chicago papers
that the great movel had disappeared.
The police think he's been killed.
Killed?!
Good grief, no.
And the authorities
believe the boy and girl
who work in his act may have
had something to do with it.
Not those nice youngsters.
Oh, I can't believe it.
We must get them a good lawyer.
Oh, oh, I know a fine attorney,
but I don't know where I
could reach him right now.
Oh, that's too bad,
because I'd gladly give him
a retainer of $50,000.
$50,000?
Oh, oh, I don't know if he
would be interested in that.
You see, he left Chicago
for his health.
But there's a rumor going around:
He's recuperating very rapidly.
Oh, splendid.
I think I can get him for you.
Who shall I make the check out to?
Michael J. Malone.
50 gs! Ho-ho!
Did you hear that?
No! No!
Don't you remember me?
She introduced us!
All right, darling, all right,
but what we want to know is,
how did you get in
to see the old dame,
in the first place?
Well, I knew
she'd once been an actress,
so I told her I was
a talent scout from Hollywood.
Listen, for the 87th time,
will you give me the check?
Yes, Mike likes to have
a little spending money
in his pocket.
Give him the $50,000.
Now, don't get me wrong.
I'm not trying to take
the dear old lady
for any dough, but that check
is the most important clue
in the case.
- Let me see it.
- There.
Thanks.
No, no, no, no!
Hey, how does that look to you?
Empty.
W-well, I saw her make it out!
Well, maybe you did,
but that's the wrong check
and you're pretty careless
with my dough.
Well, let's go back and get
the right one. Come on.
Oh, we won't have to. We'll
see her at the water carnival.
She asked me to sit beside
her and hold her hand.
And I'll be holding the other one,
the one that signs
on the dotted line.
##
##
I can't understand how that
queer mistake ever happened.
My pen must've gone dry.
Oh, where is it?
- Your pen?
- Yes.
- Oh, I'll try to get one for you.
- Oh, thank you.
10:1 she doesn't.
- No bet.
Look again, darling.
It must be in your bag.
Oh, here it is.
Now, don't tell anyone
you're giving me
this check for $50,000.
Why not?
Well, it's a little lower
than my usual retainer.
Ahem!
It's bargain day at Malone's.
Well, then let it be
our little secret.
Yes, our little secret.
Ladies and gentlemen,
your attention, please.
We now present the parade
of the bathing beauties.
##
Uh, oh, oh! Oh!
Where ya goin'?
I think that's...
Helene!
Honey, what are ya thinking of?
You can't do this.
But, baby, I might win a prize.
You don't need a prize.
You've got me. Come on!
Oh!
Hi, honey.
I guess you think
I acted kind of funny
- last night, huh?
- Oh, I laughed myself to sleep.
Oh, now, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
I'm mixed up
in a very serious matter.
You see, when somebody's life
is at stake, you don't go, well,
just according to etiquette.
Oh, now, don't ask me to believe
you were saving that
girl's life last night.
All right. I'm gonna
tell you something.
I've just been retained to defend her
- against a charge of murder.
- Oh.
Don't believe it, huh?
All right, I'll show you something.
Here's the evidence.
$50,000 fee.
It's been awfully nice
knowing you, Mr. Malone.
Don't go!
I'll kill myself!
##
But not yet, I won't.
Oh!
I object!
Where are you going?
I want to tell
Mr. Winslow
what a great success
the carnival has been.
I'll go with you.
Miss Lenhart, are you hurt?
I-I'm all right.
Didn't miss you by much, did it?
No.
What a coincidence.
Looks like somebody
tried to crown you
queen of the may.
Well, I'm sorry to keep you
kids locked in like this,
but you didn't miss much
of the swimming meet.
Oh, yes.
Another little attempt at murder.
We didn't have anything
to do with it.
We've been here all the time.
What do you think, Jake?
I think she's wonderful,
sticking up for him like that.
- And I think you're wonderful.
- Me?
Sure, getting $50,000 for Mike, here,
for doing I don't know what.
That reminds me.
I haven't given you
a wedding present.
Oh, thank you darling.
Mm.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
- Put that back.
- It's back.
This thing is blank.
Disappearing magicians,
disappearing ink.
Now wasn't that a wonderful hobby
for Elizabeth Lenhart to figure out,
putting disappearing ink
in her fountain pen?
Well, maybe she didn't put it in.
Maybe somebody interested
in protecting
the family fortune put it in for her.
Oh, who would think up
a silly thing like that?
Well, let's see.
There are two sisters
and one from two leaves Myra.
Who may not be the most
popular gal in town.
For the first time in my life,
I'm a little confused.
You don't think that flagpole falling
on Myra's chair
was an accident, do you?
Honey, remember we saw the place
where the saw...
what I mean to say is
the flagpole was cut.
Oh, someone probably
thought it was Halloween.
I'm getting close.
I think...
oh, tell us what you think.
Well, I think...
shh, now leave him alone.
Can't you see
he's thinking?
Go ahead and think, Mike.
Mr. Richards.
What time did they tell you
Mr. King checked out
last night?
7:00.
Come in.
Yeah, come on in.
Come on in.
Everybody comes in here.
What is it?
Fan letter from the maid,
just asking about me.
Now, don't anybody kill each other.
'Til I get back.
##
What's happened,
Mr. Malone?
Oh, Mr. Winslow,
as the manager of this lodge,
I think you should know something.
Very dangerous character
hanging around here.
Always killing people.
At least, trying to.
Very undesirable guest.
I've given you people 24 hours.
I think I'd better call the police.
Wait a minute.
Before you do that.
You know the lenharts,
who own the place?
Why, yes.
Two very strange sisters.
One of them writes
phony checks, like mad.
Oh, yes. I know.
It's been very embarrassing
for the family.
Oh.
Did you know one of them
slipped the magician a check?
Why...
no.
That check was good.
Not really.
Yeah.
But when Myra tried to get it back,
somebody tried to knock her off.
I think I'd better get the police.
That's a good idea.
And be sure you let them know
that you told Lance Richards
that movel, alias Mr. King,
checked out at 7:00,
a half an hour after he was murdered.
I think you know
something, Mr. Malone.
Yeah, I think I do.
Look, Winslow, I'm a lawyer.
Now, if you're willing to talk,
I might be interested
in defending you.
How did you ever get
boxed in like this?
Oh, come on, Winslow.
You don't have to be
afraid to tell me.
Well, I was short in my funds here.
You know, horses, bad tips.
And then, when that wacky
Elizabeth Lenhart
gave the magician $50,000,
her sister Myra
gave me $10,000 to make
a settlement with movel.
I saw my chance to balance my books.
Only had to kill movel to do it, huh?
Yeah. It took me
three cracks to do it.
And the Porter, here,
you had to kill him
- 'cause he knew too much.
- That's right.
Well, he never was much
of a Porter, anyway.
Let me see the check, will ya?
Sure.
Never mind.
I'll get it myself.
##
Malone!
Oh, Malone!
Have you seen
Mr. Malone anyplace?
Mr. Malone? Yes, I just
took him across the lake.
Get in.
I'll run you over.
Oh, thank you.
I think you'd be more
comfortable in here.
Oh, no.
It's beautiful outside.
Honey, you heard
what Mr. Winslow said.
It's better inside.
It's a shame to ruin the exhaust pipe
of a good boat,
but, when two people want
to commit suicide...
Who'd believe that we'd
want to commit suicide?
Anybody who found out
that you two killed the great movel.
Why, that's ridiculous.
No, as a matter of fact,
you'd have a hard time
proving that you didn't do it.
After all, you were in the
theater when he disappeared,
you brought his trunk to the lodge,
he was killed in your room,
and, when I wanted
to call the police,
you wouldn't let me.
You might be able to fool
some people with that story,
but you'll never fool Mike Malone.
Frankly, I don't think he's
in any position to deny it.
You see, he's at the
bottom of the lake.
Oh, Malone.
Yes, with the Porter,
the one you disposed of
when he saw you kill movel.
Well, pleasant dreams.
No. No, I haven't forgotten
about those ropes.
I'll take care of those later.
I'm going up to the lodge,
now, for a while,
in case anyone wants
to know where I am.
Oh, and, if you feel like yelling,
by all means, do so.
I'm quite sure no one will hear you.
And thanks, so much,
for a perfect alibi.
Well, honey, I guess
we finally got our wish.
We're alone.
It helps, being able
to hold your hand.
Jake.
Yeah?
I love you.
I not only love you, I like you.
Hi, Mike.
Glad you dropped in.
It was getting kind of
stuffy in here.
Yeah.
Winslow told us that you were
at the bottom of the lake.
I was.
Thanks Jake, for showing me
how that trick trunk worked.
After I got out, I grabbed a log
and, after that,
there was nothing to it.
That Winslow must've worked
in the wrapping department
at christmastime.
Not bad, for his last job.
Oh, Mike, your head.
Yeah, finally found somebody
who can hit harder than you can.
Let's get out of here.
We got to take care of Winslow
before he finds out
he didn't take care of us.
Oh, why did I ever untie 'em?
I don't know if we
can accommodate you.
Oh, yes, of course we can.
The bridal suite
- has just been vacated.
- Oh.
The justuses and the Malones
have just checked out.
Mr. Winslow, we liked
the place so much,
we decided to come back again.
Yes, p...
you...
get your hat.
Come on, get movin'.