Havana Widows (1933) - full transcript

Don't tell me our looks are
making them stare up here.

It sure ain't pigeons.

Violet got a marine's name
tattooed on her arm last night.

By this time that arm must read
like a regimental roll call.

I looked in the mirror this morning and
I've lost 15 pounds around my neck.

Look again tonight, dearie.
Maybe it just slipped down.

Come on, girls. Line up. Come on.

Pay night!
- Let's go.

Timberg wants you in the office, Mae.
What you done this time?

Maybe last Easter I forgot to
give him a bunny. Who knows?

Hey, how come I only got 15 this week?



You're fined five bucks.
- For what?

Tuesday matinee in the Honolulu number
you scratched your back with your hands.

What was I supposed to use,
a nutmeg grater?

Come in.

Wanted to see me, Mt Timberg?
- Yeah, Mae.

Tomorrow night after the show
I'm sending you over to Passick.

To a smoker.
- What's the idea?

I want you to go there
and make them sit up.

Not me. Get yourself an animal trainer.
- Look.

There will be a few rounds of boxing.
- Then I'm out.

I'm no good with the gloves.

I don't mean that.
When it's over I want you to do a dance.

You know. Show 'em something.

Is it a benefit?
- Yeah.



It's a benefit.
- Then I am out.

My conscience won't let me.
What I'd show won't benefit any of them.

Will it hurt you to go there tomorrow
night and shake it up a bit for them?

When I finish at midnight here
I can't even shake my little finger.

I see you're never too tired
to shake your head 'no'.

I get that from my grandfather.
He had the palsy.

Wait a minute.

Maybe if you're so tired you'd
better take a week off and rest up.

What?

You don't mean that?
- You heard me.

Starting Monday you're off for a week.
Without pay.

I ought to part your hair
with that telephone.

I am too tired to even do that.

Get ready, Mae. More grief.
- Don't tell me.

Wait until I let down my hair
and we'll both have a good cry.

What happened to you?
- I was laid off for a week. That's all.

That's swell. I was fined five bucks
for fooling around with eczema.

Who's he?

It's an itch.

The straw skirt we wore in the
Honolulu number last week.

Had a twig sticking up that
pounded my spine like a xylophone.

You've nothing on me. I'm laid off for
turning down a stag affair at Passick.

I don't blame you.
We still got a little pride left.

You're not so low you let
them throw pennies at you.

Throw them?
In Passick they use slingshots.

Huh?

[ Door knocks ]

Got the rent?

Leave it to me.

Who is it?
- Mrs Ryan.

Hello, Mrs Ryan.

If it's about the rent ..
- Never mind the rent.

A girl downstairs wants to come up.

Who is it?
- Gladys Gable.

She said she worked with you in
the back line eight months ago.

Gable? Gladys Gable?

Goodnight, I remember her.
The dumb redhead that was always broke.

I bet it's a touch.

The one run out of town
for passing phoney checks?

The one.
- We ain't in.

Tell her we ain't in.

Gladys.

Hello? Is anybody here?

I thought I would surprise you, dear.

Surprise us? You floored us.

You remember Gladys, don't you?
- How could I forget her?

Let me take your horse.

Gee, you're looking swell.

Sit down.

How long have you been here?

Where are you stopping?

At the Carlton Towers.

Suite 906.

I can't stay very long.

My limousine and chauffeur are waiting.

I just thought I'd drop in to say ta-ta.

Only yesterday, I was saying to Mae.

Yeah. We was wondering
what you was doing.

Ain't you ..

Aren't you the dears?

Is he in oil or something?

My dears. I've been to Cuba.

Havana.

Does my skin look tanned?

Tanned? I'd say it was embossed.

What did you do there, run the mint?

Not exactly. But I had them
worried for a little while.

Tell us. Did you marry a millionaire?

No. But I was kicking around
with about fifteen or twenty.

Think. Knee deep in millionaires.

I can't. I get dizzy.

Dears, I'm telling you the place
is positively reeking with them.

The suckers.
- Give us the dope, will you?

I think our education was neglected.

It's a cinch. All you got to do is
get a man by the name of Duffy.

He is a lawyer down there.

He got me $60,000.

And is he good?

Good? He's a miracle man.
- How did he work it?

Breach of promise.

I met a Mr Monaghan.

A senior man. He'd have married
me only his wife objected.

Wives are funny that way.

Mr Duffy .. is marvelous.

He handled everything.

Mr Monaghan took a bath
to the tune of sixty grand.

Miss Gable.

Your driver asked me to tell
you the traffic cop is kicking.

Your car is taking the space
of two other cars at the curb.

Oh dear. I must be going.

I've had such a busy day.

I stopped by the theater to see all
the old girls before I came here.

It has been so charming.

Cheerio.

Come on, Elsmore.

Ta-ta.

How long for you to pack?
- Why?

We go to Havana for the gold rush.
- How, we walk?

I don't know but we go.

If a dumb cluck like her can make good
two smart dames like us can do better.

Oh yeah?

We got to do something.
We're getting older all the time.

We'll go to Havana and start
putting money in the bank.

Or in a few years' time
where will we be?

Right behind the 8-ball.
- 7-ball. No room behind the 8-ball.

We'll get dough for the trip somehow.
You leave it to me.

I'll manage everything.

I got it.

Herman.
- You're crazy.

I've ignored that mug for months.

Why should I obligate myself to him?

Besides, he's always broke.

What about her nibs? Gladys.

There's an idea.

Why not? All we need is $1500. We pay it
back when we make our first strike.

Come on. Let's get dressed.

It will be a cinch to get
that money from Gladys.

Herman never would be able to raise it.
- Speaking of Herman, I will lock up.

You do the talking.
You know her better than me.

Just leave it to me.

She'll loan us the money so fast it
will put spots in front of your eyes.

If you're waiting for Gladys to
stake you for a trip to Havana.

Save your breath.

She wouldn't give you a nickel to go and
see the Statue of Liberty do a nip up.

Well, I guess we'd better go home.

I feel like a horse's neck.

Yeah.

I feel like the rest of the animal.

And that's that.

Hello honey.

Making yourself at home, ain't you?

How did you get this icebox open?
- With the can opener.

Where did you get the butter, honey?
- Why?

It's been near fish or something.

It tastes like bananas.

You've a nerve eating our food.
- Herman.

Herman, you know I've
always been for you.

I don't want to butt into your
affairs or anything but ..

Do you like Mae in a material way?

Or is it a deeper, finer thing?

Huh?

Mae is in trouble, Herman.

An operation.

What is this?
- An operation?

Go on, you poor dear. Tell him.

Look how nervous and upset she is.

What can you do?

Gee. An operation?

Well, her mother has got
to have an operation.

She has gallstones.

Her mother?

That's different.

Herman can't do nothing. What's the use?

Mother is so far away.

What's this all about?

Mae has to have a loan
of 1500 bucks quick.

So she can go back to Kansas
and do the right thing.

Fifteen hundred bucks?

Your old lady must have got
her gallstones at Tiffany's.

I only want the dough for thirty days
until I hit up my relatives in Kansas.

When do you need the dough?

Tomorrow afternoon.

Herman.

Herman, say something to her.

Look how upset she is.

Honey.

You're practically in Kansas right now.

I'll get the 1500 bucks from the
boss first thing in the morning.

Herman.

Where do you go now, Herman?
- To the drugstore for some bicarbonate.

My stomach ain't felt so hot all day.
Besides.

You dames just gave me a bad shock.

What do you think?

I wonder if we'd be
seasick on the way over.

Fifteen hundred, huh?

8-3 it's a dame.
- Look, Butch.

It ain't her. It's her mother.

Making it a family affair, huh?

Her mother needs an operation.

I'm just smart enough to see that it's
up to me to finance her gallstones.

When will you get this dough back?

Just as quick as Mae can get to Kansas
and put the finger on some relatives.

I swear she'll have it
back within thirty days.

Okay. Here's a check for fifteen Cs.

Remember, I want it back in thirty days.

Or I'll have a new bodyguard.

And you'll have a
tombstone on your chest.

Gee, Butch. Thanks.

You don't know what this means
to me and the little woman.

Okay. Go on, scram.

But remember what I said.

Hello?

Hello honey. This is Herman.

How does that make you feel?

Pink and panting.
What's on your mind beside your hat?

I got the dough alright.
Butch was glad to give it to me.

He said any time I wanted
anything just to speak up.

I'll be right over.

You better start cleaning up that table
to give me one of your big welcomes.

Okay.

Sadie.

Get ready to pack.
- What?

Herman came through with the money.
- No.

He wants something. What do we give?
- A banquet you chump.

Hey, Herman. Your number has
been coming up all morning.

I just rolled it three
times in row, Herman.

Watch the little white ball.
Here she comes.

A new winner. Twenty-nine.

Right in your section again, Herman.

Drink up, Herman.

I'm telling you, Mr Otis.
I had a fifteen hundred.

Right in that hand of mine.

And now it's gone.

And the little girl is
sitting there waiting.

Looking out the window for me.

Listening to hear my foot in the hall.

Look, Herman.

What would you do if I showed you how to
get back the fifteen hundred you lost?

Faint and enjoy it.

Before somebody woke me up.

You've as good as got the fifteen
hundred in your hand right now.

What are you trying to sell?

Insurance.

Oh.

I was afraid of that.

Look, Herman. We can both do
ourselves some good. I'm in a spot too.

I need one more police and my company
pays me a bonus of five thousand ..

For getting my quota of
yearly business. Get me?

Not yet, pal.

But I'm in there thinking.

All the time.

Here's what you do.

You take out a policy with
me for fifteen hundred.

Six months from now you pay the premium:
forty dollars. Your troubles are over.

Don't hustle me out of the window, pal.

How are my troubles over?
- Here's what I want you to do.

You take out a policy with me.

That gets me the five thousand bonus.

You make out a check for fifteen
hundred and sign Butch's name to it.

Wait, wait.

How am I going to explain
that check to Butch?

I am taking care of that.
- Oh.

I am glad one of us is.

Cash Butch's check for fifteen hundred.
Give it to your girl and she's fixed up.

Tomorrow when I get my five thousand
bonus I hand you back fifteen hundred.

You take the fifteen hundred, go to the
bank and pick up the check you signed.

And everything is clear.
You only owe Butch fifteen hundred.

And your girl owes it to you.

You are right back where you should be.

And you have an insurance
policy to boot.

Is that logical?

Sure.

I knew it was logical all the time.

Give me a pen and ink.
- And a blank check, Paddy.

And to the steadiest pal ..

Two more of them butterfly somersaults.

What do I do with the meat?

Cook it again.

I already cooked it three times.

It's beginning to look
like a catcher's glove.

Say.

What if he doesn't show up?

We had no business telling
Timberg we were through.

I told you we couldn't depend on Herman.

Hello snooky.

How is my sugar?

Coming to you in lumps if
you don't get in here quick.

You been drinking?
- Ah, honey.

Just something I take
for my indigestion.

Where you been?

Did you get the money or not?
- Now don't elbow me.

Sure I got it.

Fifteen hundred bucks.

Now, can Mae depend on me or what?

Herman, you're the sweetest man to
ever wear yellow button shoes.

We worried about you.

Sadie thought you were hit by a truck
and me praying it was only a stroke.

Well.

There's your mother's gallstones.

By the way, you'd better sign this.
- A receipt?

No. An insurance policy.

Mae has to sign it making me
the 'benevolence' or something.

Beneficiary.

A life policy on me? How much?

Fifteen hundred bucks.

The guy says it insures my investment.

Look. I signed it.

I wondered what that cross was.

Go on. Sign it, Mae.

Someone is afraid of all those Kansas
wind storms you'll have to go through.

Come on. We got a big spread for you.
- Yeah.

I am ready.

I've got a hole under my belt you
could drive a Mack truck through.

Here's the salt and pepper.

Sit down.

Here's the butter.
- You like corn, don't you?

We had that roast in the oven
all day, Herman. You like celery?

Take Mrs Appleby and
Mrs Knight to suite 304 please.

Pardon me. Was there any mail?

I think a cablegram, Miss Appleby.

Will you read it for me please?

I can't keep my glasses around my neck.

'Per your instructions, have sold 5000
shares American Tanned Hide at 103'.

'And have credited your
account with 35,000'.

'Signed. J.S. Sutton'.

Isn't it disgusting? We simply
can't get away from business.

Disgusting? It's positively revolting.

I assure you, Mrs Appleby.
Anything you want ..

That is very sweet of you.

Think nothing of it.

This way please.

Yes.

Anything else, Mrs Appleby?

No. That will be all, thank you.

My dear, have you anything
smaller than a 50-dollar bill?

No, darling.
I have nothing but hundreds.

It always bores me so to
write checks for ten dollars.

I say, do you mind if I
take care of you later?

Perfectly alright, Mrs Appleby.

Thank you.
- That is alright.

Gee, this joint looks
like a Schubert set.

Yep. Now all we have to do is find
a platinum mine and we can keep it.

Pardon me, ladies.

The bottle opener won't work.

We thank you.

What was that?

I am glad you saw it.
I thought it was something I ate.

It's swell having drunks
under our feet all the time.

Come on. Let's unpack
and look over the dump.

We're not intruding, are we?

Ah.

Say 'ah'.

You're not buying me beer.

Sadie!

Sadie.

There's a man in our bedroom.
- I said our luck would change.

Don't clown.
Maybe we're in the wrong room.

I'll tell you about that when
I take a gander at the guy.

Are his knees raised up
or is that all stomach?

Who do you think he is?
- I don't know. We'll soon find out.

Hey you, come on. Wake up.

Alright, Emily dear.

I'll get right up.

This .. this isn't my room.

Who are you? What you doing here?

Well.

My suite is right down the hall.

We had a little disturbance last night.

I thought this suite was vacant.

Disturbance? It was more like a riot.

Half your clothes are on the roof.
- Oh my.

My coat. Would you get it?

Up there. On the veranda.
- Yes. Get his coat.

Oh.

I feel terrible.

Here you are.
- Thanks.

Here. My card.

I hope you ladies ..

'Deacon R. Jones'.

'Jones Stables. Maryland'.

Where's your horse?

Oh. I have a number of them.

At the track.

You see, I breed them.

The best horseflesh east
or west of the Rockies.

Please.

I hope you ladies won't
complain about this.

I couldn't possibly stand a scandal.

Oh, Deacon.

How can you even think
we'd start trouble?

Imagine it, Mae.
- I wouldn't dare think of it.

That is very sweet of you.

We'll all have a big laugh
over it sometime at dinner.

Yes, indeed.

Yes. We have to have dinner.

Sometime.

I was just saying to Mae.
We haven't a thing to do tonight.

What time do you want us to be
ready, Colonel? I mean Deacon.

Well.

I should say about the usual time.

That is fine.

Well, come on, Mae.
Let's give the Deacon a chance to dress.

Deacon R. Jones and right on our lap.
- And a stable full of horses.

And cannot afford a scandal.
- A bankroll at last.

Listen, we must get in touch with
that lawyer Duffy right away.

Say, what is this?

Don't get upset, lady.

I don't mind a bit.

Do we have to put up with that?

Never mind him.
Let's see what happened to the Deacon.

He's gone.

Right out the window.
- Oh my gosh.

We must get in touch
with Duffy right away.

I'll phone the desk.
You slip into a negligee.

It won't do any harm to let him think
it will be easy to get the marbles.

That's a good idea.

This is Mrs Appleby.

Have you a Mr Duffy stopping here?

Is he in?

Would you ask him to come to
suite 304 right away please.

Of course it's business.

Yes. Thank you.

Sadie.

How am I doing?
- Hey, hey.

Place yourself on the couch
over there, Lady Lou.

There he is now.

Maybe we invite Duffy
to dinner tonight too.

Then he can see the lay of the land.

It's me.

Mae, I knocked him out cold.
Now what will I get?

What do you want, a cigar?
- Duffy.

Duffy.

Poor old Duffy.

He passed out.

Is that Duffy the lawyer?

It ain't Duffy the plumber.

Out.
- Get out.

My goodness.

Our lawyer.
- Poor Duffy.

How does he look?
- Like a mackerel.

How many times must I tell you? Always
see who a guy is before you sock him.

I'm glad now we didn't
go to a quiet place.

The way you first reacted I thought we'd
end up in the reading room of a library.

This afternoon I was tired.

I had to take a horse thirty miles.

What did you have to do, carry him home?

Always remember, Deacon.

Caution is the mother
of a very small egg.

Here's water in your cellar.

That gives me ideas. Give me a kiss.

Now, Deacon. Not here.
- Where?

I'll ask my manager and let you know.

Come on.

Take it easy, Deacon.

Why don't you try a hammerlock?

Give us a drink there, Deacon.

Put some stuff in there, will you.

Good evening, Mrs Jones.

Fernando, is Mr Jones here tonight?

Pardon me.
- Of course.

Dad.

Bob. What are you doing here?
What do you want?

Nothing, but mother just came in.

She's going to catch up
with you in one second.

Emily is on her way here?

Let me get out of here.
- Who's Emily?

My wife.

Your wife? This is a novelty.

No.

He's had two. This is the second.

So it ceases to be a novelty.

You led us to believe
you were a widower.

I was up to six years ago.

Goodnight, all.

No, no. I'll see for myself.

And furthermore, these late
hours aren't good for you.

Well?
- Silence, Emily.

I'll handle this.

From now on, young man, if you want to
carouse around these sorts of places.

You can do so.

But don't expect any
consideration from me.

Have you lost your mind?
- Why?

Creating a scene in public.
Leave the boy alone and come home.

That is my stepmother.
- That's too bad.

Pour yourself a drink
and try to forget it.

I hope you don't mind dad
leaving me in his place.

Mind? I can do nip-ups.

That's an idea. How about a dance?

How can we lose?

Talk about luck.
It's raining horseshoes tonight.

We lose the old man.
Next breath we get his good-looking son.

It's perfect.

Besides, it's easier on Mae.

Now wait a minute. Don't get notions.

Why?

That kid hasn't a nickel
in his own name.

For the past three years
he's been looking for a job.

I knew it was too good to be true.

It's got to be the Deacon.

How can we get the Deacon for breach of
promise when we now know he's married.

You don't want to breach a promise.

It takes too long.
Compromise. That's the thing.

That's how I made Gladys Gable rich.

Besides, a shakedown
is always more refined.

Wait.

Wait until I think of something.
I'll hatch up a scheme.

You've already drunk enough of that
stuff to wash Pittsburgh for a month.

And if I hurry by midnight I
may be able to do Cincinnati.

Let me think.

Have you seen our moonlight?
- No. You got some?

Sure. Want to see it?

I'll try anything once.

That's my undoing.

Hey.

I've seen some fast workers
in my time but you are tops.

It's the tropical atmosphere.
Everything we do is quicker down here.

You put that hand back in your pocket.
You might go away and leave it sometime.

Look at me a minute, will you?
- I am looking at you.

Something tells me I'm just what
the doctor ordered for you.

I may need 'something' but
you aren't the prescription.

Ah, you are what the doctor ordered.

[ Telephone ]

Herman. Answer that phone, will you?

Brand 42100.

What do you want?

This is the Morris National Bank.
Is Butch O'Neill there?

No. He ain't. This is his secretary.

Why do you want him, Mr O'Neill?

We have a check here for 1500 dollars.

Mr O'Neil's name is on it but
the signature looks suspicious.

We won't pay it until he
comes down and verifies it.

Well.

I hope he don't meet me.
I mean, I hope I don't meet him.

I'll call his attention to me.
I mean I'll call his attention to him.

Can I talk to Mr Otis please, madam?
- Who?

Otis. He's a little guy. Thin hair.

Fuzz around the ears. I met him at
the Sphinx Club two weeks ago.

He's one of our agents?

Yes. He sold me a policy on Miss Knight.
- Just a minute please.

I'm sorry. Mr Otis is no longer with us.

He's what?
- He was discharged a week ago.

Where is he?
- We don't know.

According to our files he left the city.

Mrs Ryan.

Do you by any chance know
Mae's address in Kansas?

Kansas?

She never went to Kansas.
- She didn't?

Where did she go?
- I heard her say they went to Havana.

Havana?

What state is that in?
- No state. It's an island.

A hunk of land sitting in
the middle of the ocean.

What's the matter with you, Herman?

You look sick.

You know why?
- No.

I am sick.

I'll get you a drink of water.

Wait a minute. There's the telephone.

Hello.

Yes.

Just wait a minute. I will see.

Herman.

It's your boss, Mr O'Neill.

He wants to see you right away.
It sounds like he's sore at you.

Are you here?
- No. I ain't.

You just heard I'm in hospital.

Mr O'Neill.

I got word indirectly.

That Herman came down with something
and was took to the hospital.

Herman, come in. I'll get you the water.

Never mind the water.
- Why not?

From now on I will see enough water.

I grab a boat tonight for Havana.

How do you know there's a boat tonight?
- If there ain't, I'll have to swim.

Sadie.

Was his eyes blue or gray?

Whose?

Young Jones. Who do you
think I mean, Santa Claus?

Listen.

We have just 42 dollars in the world
and we owe a 600-dollar hotel bill.

Yet you lie around there day after day
moping about a guy who hasn't a dime.

No kidding. Why didn't you tell me?

Why didn't I tell you? What was I
telling you the last four days?

But I didn't even know you was talking.

We got to find someone to cover
that bill or we get thrown out.

Maybe you can stand it. I can't.

I've a funny stomach.
I must put food in it sometimes.

You think mine is automatic?

Listen. You know they can put us in the
jug for running up a bill like that?

What can we do?

I don't know.

I'm going to see Duffy right away.

Maybe he knows of a way to prise
Deacon loose from his bankroll.

Listen.

Since that last night the Deacon steers
so clear of us he can touch Florida.

Get dressed and get over
there as quick as you can.

I hope he isn't boozed up again.

What would I be with two
dummies on my hand?

A ventriloquist.

Huh?

As your counsellor.

I'd say the situation call
for drastic measures.

Never mind the Punch and Judy show.
Do you think the idea is okay?

Perfect.

I'll be with you body and soul.
Tonight at 8 o'clock sharp.

Thank goodness that's settled.

Have a little something
from the old town pump?

No.

Whatever is keeping Mae?

I don't know.

Lucky I happened to be driving
by as you came out of the hotel.

45 minutes.
That's making time, isn't it?

It sure is. With the hotel
only two blocks away.

This is a hot way to keep
a business appointment.

I was just getting out.
- Yes. I see. Just getting out.

If Mae is late it's my fault.

I was driving past the hotel ..
- She's only an hour late.

The meeting is over.

If you like, I'll walk to the hotel
and buzz you what happens.

I'd love to.
- I'll drive you.

Get in and tell me where to go.

I don't have to get in to tell you that.

Come, Mae dear.

Look, Sadie.
I can't go through with this.

After all, it is Bob's father.

I haven't the heart to do it.

Oh, you can't?

Let me show you something.

How would you like to put your pink
little body into a Havana hoosegow?

Could they really slap us in the cooler?
- I know it. Duffy said so.

What's more, with your husky build you
are likely to be shoved on a road gang.

What if the Deacon don't show up?

That note I left for him is so full of
dynamite it will blow him into our laps.

Okay. Let's get it over with.
- Now you talk sense.

Got everything straight?

Yes. When we're alone.

I take off the icepack. Put it under
the bed, get out and sit on his lap.

Yes. And don't forget to say:
'Oh Deacon' real loud.

That's the cue for me
and Duffy to bust in.

What if Duffy don't show up?

I'll call him right now to
make sure he gets started.

Give me Marlow 6639.
- That ain't his office.

I know. It's Sloppy Mo's.
The surest place to find him.

Hey, Duffy. You're wanted on the phone.

'Mister' Duffy to you.

Hello?

Duffy speaking.

Duffy. The queen of the Mae.

Drunk again, huh?

You're due here in five minutes.

Start pouring yourself over.

Miss Appleby.

I'll take one more drink to sober up.

Then I'll be right over
and assume control.

Goodbye.

Pardon me, pal.

Well, pal. Here I am.
Right back with you.

Now, what is this story?

Well, like I said.

After I loaned this dame
the fifteen hundred bucks.

She comes over here.

Instead of going back to Kansas and
taking out her old lady's gallstones.

It's an outrage.

For me it's an apostrophe.

'Catastrophe'.

Yeah.

Catastrophe.

If I don't catch up with the dame pretty
soon and get that money back ..

I can't ever go back to America again.

My friend. I'm going to
do something for you.

How is your financial status?

What?

Your financial status.

That is swell.

Only I am broke.
- That's fine.

I'm going to show you
how to make ten bucks.

No checks.

Cash.
- I got a big case of it.

An old goat has been running around
with a beautiful client of mine.

Tonight we have a plan to
catch them in her boudoir.

I want to take you along as the witness.

Who, me?

Certainly you.

You get ten bucks.

And all you gotta do is look.

What is a boudoir?

You know. Where are
you going to catch them?

Boudoir.

Is French for bedroom.

We catch them and you catch ten bucks.

Pal.

I take the job.

And if I enjoy myself.

I'll give you back four bucks.

Key please.
- Good evening.

Here's a note for you, Mr Jones.

Much obliged.

A woman's handwriting.

A woman's handwriting?

Of course that proves it's
for Bob and not for me.

He's the only Mr Jones in this family
that receives notes from women.

Bob.

Bob.

Here is a note for you.
- For me?

Come, darling. Let's hurry.
That goldfish hasn't been fed tonight.

Do you remember being sold as a slave
girl in that Hindu number at Borski?

What of it?

As the Deacon comes in and
sees you for the first time.

Get that same look on your face.

Look. When he comes in, shame and
suffering will be so thick on my face ..

You can run a plow through it.

[ Door knocks ]

The Deacon.

You stall him until Duffy arrives. Here.

What do you want?
- Mrs Appleby. I just got your note.

You got it?
- Is she awfully sick?

No.

But she will be if you
don't get out of here.

I must see her.
- You can't go in there.

We're expecting the doctor.
- I'll leave as soon as he gets here.

Oh dear.

Deacon.

Is that you, dear?

Why is everything so black?

I know what will be black if you don't
open your eyes and see who you speak to.

For the love of Mike,
how did you get here?

Mae Darling.
- Pay no attention to her.

She's been delirious all day.
- This is terrible.

You poor kid.

Ain't it funny?

I knew all along your eyes were blue.
- Say, Mr Jones.

You had better go now.
I must give Mae her medicine.

Sure.

I hate to leave you this way, honey.
- Wait.

Oh, Sadie.

Can I have a drink of water?

And put some ice in it.

Yes, dear.

Darling.

Now, how do you feel?

Just like I'm in heaven.

Come on, Duffy.

Pull yourself together.

Have you got a mug stopping here
by the name of Herman Brody?

If you have, I want him.

What is the matter?
- I gotta get out of here.

No.

We're going right up to the room.

You with me.

We'd better get up there quick or
I won't be with you very long.

[ Door knocks ]

Here I am. All ready to assume control.

Well, it is about time.

How did you come? In an oxcart?
- Mrs Appleby.

I wanted to present an acquaintance
who's going to review the performance.

Mr Brody.

Herman.

Well, kick my shins from ear to ear.

You two know each other?

No. Only.

We used to board him.

This is one of the dames
I loaned the dough to.

Well, well.

That calls for a little drink.

What are you doing here?

I came for my dough.
That is what I came for.

Mrs Appleby, if His Nibs
and Mae are ready ..

We'll all sneak in
and take a little peek.

No.

On second thoughts.

I'd better sit down for a second or two.

You know.

To sort-of pull myself together.

Where you going, you worm? You gum
everything up and then pass out cold.

What's all this about Mae?

Where is she?
- Mae isn't here, Herman.

Where is she?
- She is ..

She is back in Kansas with her mother.

What?

You mean to say I came all the way
to Cuba on a wild duck chase?

I don't know what you been chasing
but honestly, Mae is back in Kansas.

Goodbye, Mae.

I'll see you again tomorrow, darling.

So Mae is in Kansas, huh?

Who is this talking?
- That is ..

That is the doctor.

Doctor.

Humperdinck, meet Mr Brody.

I am so sorry you cannot stay, doctor.

Don't you worry about the patient.
I'll do everything just like you say.

Goodbye, doctor.

What's the matter with Mae? She's sick?
- Certainly she is sick.

Why didn't you tell me?
- Why should I? You're no tonic.

I'm going in to see her.
- No. No, you cannot go in there.

She is convalescing.
- She can stop for a few seconds.

I got to talk to her.

Herman!
- Yeah. It is me.

And sick or no sick,
I'm going to talk to you.

Herman came as the doctor was leaving.
- You big nitwit.

What do you mean by
falling on us like this?

I'll ask the questions.
All you got to do is answer.

How come you ain't in Kansas
with your old lady's gallstones?

My plans changed. It was business.

Yeah? Well, don't forget I got
an interest in that business.

1500 bucks' worth.

So you came over there to
watch your investment?

That ain't the half of it.
I want that dough back right now.

I got to have it.

You're not getting it back right now.
So sit down and keep cool.

Listen, Mae. I got to have it.

I'm in a spot.

I used a rubber check for that dough
and signed Butch's name to it.

What?

You're so dumb. It's a wonder
you didn't try to print the money.

Now Butch is in town. He followed me
over here and he wants his dough.

If I ain't got it I can be rubbed out.

You're kidding.
- I wish I was.

I haven't a prayer unless
I pay him off now.

We haven't got the money. We spent it.

Well, get it from somebody. Anybody.

It's hopeless.
You must think of another way.

It's my fault and I wish I could help.

Well, it ain't hopeless.
And you are going to help me.

I'll learn you to ditch me for another
mug and have a swell time on my dough.

You overlooked one thing.
- What is that?

Your insurance policy for 1500 bucks
and making me the beneficiary.

You're off your nuts.
- You won't do it.

No? I give you dames exactly
one hour to get that dough.

Or I start to collect on this policy.

Herman, come here.
Sit down on the bed a minute.

Look, we'll give you the
lowdown on why we're here.

We came over here so we could grab us
a millionaire and leave show business.

You don't want to spoil
our only chance. Do you?

And I don't want Butch to spoil my lily
white body with a 0.45 automatic either.

We got our fall guy hooked.
All we got to do is land him.

He's a cinch to go for plenty of dough.
Ain't it so, Mae?

Honest, Herman. He's a gold mine.
All we need is time.

I never lied to you, did I Herman?

The only time you ever told me the
truth was on the Albany lifeboat ..

When you said my eye was getting black.

Deacon Jones, what is
the meaning of this?

You've not only broke
this little girl's heart.

But you've worked irreparable
damage on the character of my client.

Now.

Aha.

At last I have found you on
the arms of my husband.

'Wife', you nitwit.
Will you ever get it straight?

I said we couldn't depend on him.

Herman, your transition is still wrong.

Look like an outraged husband.

How do I know how a husband looks?

I ain't never been married.
- Herman. Now try it again.

Remember. You're supposed
to be Mae's husband.

You're going to catch her in
the arms of another man.

If that was really true,
how would you feel?

Discouraged.

Do it again.
- Try to keep your ears from twitching.

Yes. And don't yell.
Keep it dignified and quiet.

You are trying to get over
suppressed emotion.

Look, Sadie. I ain't being natural.

If she's meant to be my wife.

Why don't I just bust in and
pop him on the beezer?

Yes. And pop twenty or thirty
grand right out the window.

[ Door knocks ]

Come in, Charlie.

You gave him the message?
- Yes, sir. In person.

How did you say it?

In the lobby I stepped up to him.
I said: Deacon.

I got a call that your son is drunk
in a Turkish bath on El Toro Street.

And they want you to come and get him.
- And he said he'd go?

Yes, sir. He left about
a minute ago in a cab.

Good work, Charlie. There you are.

Thanks, Mr Duffy.

I don't like to boast but it looks
like everything will be hunky dory.

Let's get going. I don't trust the two
mugs you got planted in that house.

They look tough enough
to blackjack anyone.

That is what I say. Let's get going.

There's a little bird in my ear telling
me I'm going to get the worst of this.

Herman. You don't have to worry until
that little bird flies over your head.

It might be a woodpecker.

Good evening, sir.
I am Deacon Jones. My son is ..

Okay, Deacon. Step right in.

Right this way please.

Here. I didn't come here
for a Turkish bath.

You'll take what we give you.
- Wait. You're making a mistake.

I came here to get my
son and I demand ..

Drunk. Pay no attention to him.
- I'm not drunk. I haven't had a drink.

You stop.

Stop.

Give me your pants.
- Suppose someone comes in here?

Nobody will look at you.
You are no treat.

It's an outrage. I demand my clothes.

Listen, grandpa.
Keep your blood pressure down.

Help!
- Pipe down.

Or I'll stick my finger
right in your eye.

Yes, sir.

Let me out of here.
I mean it. Let me out!

There is the house.

Remember, Herman.
Absolutely no excitement.

Be dignified and quiet.

Let me try that line again.

So, at last I have found ..
- Shush.

Shush.

So at last I have found you
in the arms of my wife.

Sensational. But maybe you'll improve.

There is the camera and the flashlight.

You girls had better hurry.
He is already in there.

Here we go. Listen.

When I pull that window shade up
and down you send Herman in quick.

Apagar las luces.
- Si, Se?or.

It means turn out the lights.

He's nervous, Mae.

I can hear him walking up
and down in his shoes.

I'm glad they left
something solid on him.

Let's get going.

Remember now.

The less commotion the better.

Everything must be quiet.

Dignified.

You birds talk like I'm a clumsy lout ..

Who can't ring a doorbell without
knocking down the front porch.

Alright. Alright.

But just bear that in mind.

Help.

[ Spanish language ]

What are them two mugs saying?
- Nothing.

In a couple of minutes they'll go into
their dance, hug and go home happy.

But we ain't got time to wait.

Watch me put the soft pedal on them.

Hey.

You speaking Espagnol, Se?orita?

Si, Se?or.

Well scram out of here before you get
socked on the nose. Comprenezy vous?

[ Spanish language ]

Butch.

Herman.

Quiet. Quiet.

If he's cold at first
don't get discouraged.

Remember Nero played
a fiddle as Rome burned.

You'd better act fast. I'll not burn
long enough to do much fiddling.

What?

Miss Knight. What are you doing in here?

You big bag of muscles, you.

Oh.

Help, help, help.

Help. Help.

Let me out.

Herman.

Herman.

Herman.

Herman.

Calling all cars to 18 El Toro Street.

Pronto! A riot. A fight.

Inmediatamente.

18 El Toro Street. A fight. A riot.

Pronto.

All police cars to 18 El Toro Street.

Pronto. Inmediatamente.

18 El Toro Street.

Stop, stop. Get away. Get out of here.

Frame up. Frame up.

Frame up.

Sadie, he's getting away.

Deacon, don't go away.
- We want to talk to you.

Frame up. Frame up.

Help. Help.

Help, help, help.

Frame up. Frame up. Help.

No. No, Butch.

No, Butch. No, Butch.

No, Butch.

Honest, Butch. I didn't mean to
forge your name to that check.

Please let me go.
- Not a chance.

I ain't had nothing but
bad luck since you left.

Well.

Kick my shins from ear to ear.

Let me go!

Let me get through. Stop that car.

Captain, I demand you free those ladies.
- Who are you?

I am with the ladies. I'm their lawyer.
- Excelente.

Get back there. Get back.

A very serious offense.

And punishable by a
heavy prison sentence.

Mrs Jones.

The authorities will expect you to
file charges against the prisoners.

Emily, dear. Surely you ..

I wouldn't think of
prosecuting you girls.

I've spent three years and thousands
of dollars trying to get a divorce.

And now, thanks to you
I have really got it.

[ Spanish language ]

How many years did he say
we're all going to get?

He says he'll give the whole crowd
of us 24 hours to get out of Cuba.

You sure to get that job in New York?
- Positive.

I can't support a husband in the
style to which you're accustomed.

Don't fret, baby. We'll have caviare
and champagne three times a day.

I'll settle for steak and onions.

I now pronounce you man and wife.

Congratulations, Mr Brody.
- Pleased to meet you.

Nice work, baby.

Maybe I married the wrong guy.

Herman.

To the success of a happy married life.

Yeah. Here's hoping.

Nobody has been married legally in my
family for the last three generations.

I think I'd better sit
down for a little while.

Just until I pull myself together.

..r-o..