Harvest Lake (2016) Movie Script

[birds chirping]

[footsteps]

[playful laughing]

[no dialogue]

[dripping sound]

[heavy breathing, moaning]

[slow, heavy breathing in sound

design]

[breathing stops]

[no dialogue]

[no audio]

[heavy breathing]

Jennifer: You think Ben's gonna

let us take the van into town?

Cat: Ha, good luck with that.

Jennifer: Seriously? I can't go

in the woods.

Cat: I am not pissing or

shitting for three days.

Oh come on, I thought you ladies

were tougher than that.

You're gonna let me borrow the

van, right?

Yes, I'll let you borrow the

van. But you're gonna be missing

out.

On what?

On being one with nature.

Please.

What, before we had the niceties

of indoor plumbing, that's how

man connected with nature

by pissing and shitting in the

woods.

Well, woman is taking man's van

to the nearest porcelain throne

or else nature will be the only

thing man gets to connect with

this weekend.

Woman gets what woman wants.

Damn skippy I do, hmm. And since

it's your birthday you just

might get what you want to!

Okay.

Let's go!

What's up your butt?

Nothing yet, let's keep it that

way.

[Indie rock song playing on

radio]

Cat: I mean you could have at

least checked him out, what if

he was hot?

I'm not gonna hook up with some

guy in a random bathroom.

He probably would have slit your

throat.

Or stuffed it.

What? Eww.

You just got out of a

relationship, right?

Yes, I am back on the market.

I'm just saying, it may be time

to do a litle whoring around.

What?

Are we not talking about that?

Why did I come?

Because I asked you to?

Why did you do that?

Because you're my friend, and I

need somebody to have fun with

while these two are screwing

each others brains out.

Yeah so, when does the fun

start?

How about right now?

I like it.

Oooh, gimmie, gimmie, gimmie,

gimmie.

Yoink!

[indie rock song plays on the

radio]

Cat: No water, no electricity.

Nice one.

No reception though.

I think we'll manage.

Guys it's gonna be awesome, grab

your shit!

Well now that I know I can pee

in a toilet like a civilized

human, I kinda wish I would've

gotten Ben a birthday present.

Aww ya know, you just being

here, it's enough for him, but

if you really wanted to get him

something.

What?

Scuze me.

Josh: What is she doing?

God only knows.

All right, so there's two

bedrooms in the back.

Girls in one, guys in one.

You're not sleeping with Cat?

Oh I'm gonna sleep with her, I'm

just not gonna 'sleep' with her,

it's some weird promise she made

to her mother.

Really?

Ooh, we have a deck!

So who was he?

Who?

The guy.

Oh that was Mark, he's gonna

come to the party tonight.

Cat.

What?

It's your boyfriend's birthday.

Yeah!

So you invited a stranger to

your boyfriend's birthday party?

So?

All right, it's none of my

business.

Josh, you need to loosen up a

little bit.

Want a little something to get

you in the mood?

No, not right now, no.

Ok, but don't you rain on my

parade cake boy!

So that's your old roomate.

Yep.

She's special.

Yep.

What's a cake boy?

[no dialogue]

Do you want the left, or the

right?

Uhh...

Relax man, I'll sleep on the

couch.

Are you sure?

Yeah, its' not a big deal.

As long as I can keep my stuff

in here though.

Yeah, that's fine, not a

problem.

Get your trunks on, let's go

swimming.

No, I did not bring trunks.

Who doesn't bring trunks? Here,

I got a spare pare.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

So is it like, a lake?

Well yeah, it's a nice little

walk from here, not too bad.

But it's not like, gross or

anything, right?

No, nice an clean. Come on,

let's go!

I like the little froggy.

He's cute.

You ladies ready?

Bitch, we've been ready.

Josh, hurry up!

What's this?

What's what?

Where are the red briefs I

bought you?

I didn't bring those.

Go look in the leg of your spare

blue jeans.

Look at what I'm wearing, look

at what I'm wear-

I dress sexy for you all the

time, the least you could do is

wear something sexy for me.

Quid pro quo.

But on my birthday?

Your birthday is in jeapordy if

you don't go in there and change

into those briefs.

Fine.

Go!

Get!

I swear to God, I gotta put a

shock collar on him next.

Josh, did your ex ever tell you

what to wear.

All the time?

No.

Well-

You're lucky.

What's taking so long?

God.

I thought we were supposed to be

the slow ones.

Are you ladies ready to pass

judgment on Josh?

Yes!

Judgement shall be passed!

Yes! Woo!

Josh rocks!

Very nice.

We love Josh!

Why does he get to wear trunks,

and I don't?

Because he's nobody's bitch

anymore.

Oh, and I am?

Yes! You're my bitch!

Oh...

This better be a Hell of a

birthday present.

Oh, you're gonna love it.

To the woods!

Boys first.

We go first?

Yeah, you guys go first.

Why?

Spiders.

Spiders?

Yeah!

I hate spiders.

I don't care.

You'll be fine.

Cat: You have not yet learned,

that is better to just do what I

say, cause that makes everyone

happy.

Josh: I don't know why we can't

just go to the beach like normal

people.

Ben: We are going to a beach,

there's a beach at the lake!

Josh: It's a dirty, gross lake.

Ben: How do you know? You've

never been there.

So I have a favor to ask you.

Yeah?

It's about Ben's birthday

present.

Oh yeah, what'd ya get him?

A faberge egg.

What?

No, I'm gonna fuck his brains

out!

Don't you guys do that like, all

the time?

Well yeah, but there's all these

things that he wants to try, and

I'm like, eww.

So I figured I could do one of

those, or you could help me with

something that would so super

duper awesome, it would totally

blow his mind, and he'd never

forget!

What are you talking about?

The three of us.

Oh my God.

What?

I can't believe you just asked

me to be in a three way.

People do it. It's not weird.

I can't make out with Ben.

Why not?

I can't make out with you!

Why Not?

Because I'm just not into that.

You're not into that.

Really?

How do you even know he's into

me?

Trust me. He is.

You're serious.

Mmm Hmm.

He's your boyfriend.

Sharing is caring.

Oh my God.

You know, we just have to do it

like, you know one time, we'll

take a vow of secrecy.

On this wild and crazy weekend,

we'll never have to talk about

it again.

Even just a little bit would be

so awesome. Please, please,

please, please, please think

about it?

I'll think about it.

Yes! Thank you, thank you, thank

you.

I didn't say yes!

Well thank you for thinking

about it.

Is there anything I couldn't do?

Girl, this is gonna be some fun!

[Josh screams] Cat: Shit!

Ah, get it off me, get it off,

get it off, get it off, get it

off get it off!

Would you calm down?

Calm down, I don't see anything!

What happened?

Is it in my hair?

No, I don't see anything.

Just check, just check it!

What happened?

I don't, uh there's spiders.

Dude, would you calm down, I

don't see anything.

All that for a spider?

I don't do spiders.

Oh my god, that dance though.

Oh shut up.

You lost your shit.

They have eight eyeballs, they

have eight eyeballs, and then

they wrap their prey up.

And they suck the juice out of

them, while they're still alive,

okay? So this next one is all

you.

You go first this time, and the

next one is all you.

Okay, okay, okay. I'm just not

sure...

If I'm as good a dancer as you!

Fuck you!

Cause it's a spider!

Oh my god.

I have a strict two eyeball,

four leg, no juice sucking rule.

And if you can't do that, then

we're not friends.

Have you ever read Charlotte's

Web? The babies, they eat the

mother.

They eat her.

Ben: [mock screams]

[no dialogue]

Oh my god, it's cold!

Oh it's not so bad.

You'll get used to it.

But seriously, seriously though.

Comfort him.

Seriously though, I want to take

a minute, thank you guys all,

for coming out, this is making

my 26th really special.

I know you're not all the

outdoorsy type, so it means a

lot.

Oh, oh.

Aww.

You sure you guys wouldn't have

rather had a romantic getaway

for two?

I mean, we always have a

romantic getaway for two.

Wherever we are.

Mmm hmm.

Kind of like now.

Hey third wheel.

Sup fourth wheel?

Come here baby.

Oh yeah?

Let's show these kids how to do

it.

Let's do it.

Give it to me.

That's intense.

I feel like I'm watching a

movie.

Yeah.

Should we pay a quarter for

this?

Yeah we should.

Oh my god.

What?

Oh my God.

What?

You turned me.

No you turned me!

Shut up.

I don't even like the dick

anymore. I hate the dick!

I have seen the light and I love

the pussy.

Love the pussy!

I love it so much, that you can

seat me at the pussy buffet, and

let me eat.

Praise be brother.

Oh no, I'm still gay.

You're a jerk!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

That's gross.

Get me out of this fucking lake!

[no dialogue]

[low rumbling]

[no dialogue]

[low rumbling]

Ben!

Cat!

Where are you?

I found something.

Over here!

Look at this.

What is that?

I don't know, but it's gross.

Ugh, stop playing with it.

Where's Jennifer?

I'm here.

What the hell is that?

I don't know, some goo?

A bikini?

Nasty.

I don't know.

Let's get back to the cabin, you

guys owe me dinner.

You owe me more.

You know you're doing that

wrong, right?

Cat, here ya go.

Oh, yay!

Aww.

Josh: That was my fluffy ball!

That one's yours.

Josh: Why is that one mine?

Because I said it's yours.

Ben: Who are you to deny a man

his little fluffy balls?

Ben: We'll make you one buddy.

Josh: How about you just hand me

the stick, and I'll make my own,

cause I'm really good with

sticks and balls.

All right Jennifer, while we're

talking sticks and balls-

We've got mallows, and we've got

weiners.

Would you like a weiner?

No, those are disgusting.

What are you talking about, are

you a terrorist?

They're made out of lips and

assholes, and other animal

parts.

Yeah, but they're American lips,

and assholes, and other animal

parts.

Yeah, don't be so sure.

Okay, you are either with the

lips and assholes, or you are

against them.

Now what's it going to be?

Mark: What's this about lips and

assholes, are we at war?

Cat: You came!

Yeah well, there's not a whole

lot to do when the sun goes

down, and you're by yourself.

Everyone this is Mark, I met him

on the road earlier

This is Ben, Jennifer, and Josh.

Hi.

Hey!

I hear it's your birthday. Happy

birthday.

Thank you very much. Do you

partake?

No, I'm good, thanks.

Well, it's here if you need it.

And you arrived just in time.

Just in time for what?

Time for games!

No, no games, not yet.

No, no no, Mark just got here,

we gotta get to know him.

That's the idea.

So, Mark, the name of this game

is hot seat.

And Mark, you are in the hot

seat.

Cat, are you with me?

With you.

So the rules for hot seat is,

you have to answer all of our

questions as quickly, and as

honestly as possible.

Mark, are you ready to play hot

seat?

Sure, why the hell not?

All right, Mark. First question.

Have you ever killed a man?

No.

Have you ever been to jail?

No.

Have you ever shit your pants as

a grown man?

No.

Are you sure, you've never shit

your pants as a grown man?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

Do you do any illegal drugs?

Technically.

Did you bring any?

Yes.

Would you be willing to share

with the entire class?

Sure.

Mark have you ever brought a

woman to orgasm?

Yes.

Have you ever brought a woman to

triple orgasm?

I'm gonna need an answer Mark.

I can neither confirm, or deny.

Have you ever put a fruit or

vegetable up your butt?

What?

No!

Mark are you lying to Cat about

whether or not you have ever put

a fruit or a vegetable up your

rectum?

Maybe.

Was it a zucchini?

God no!

A banana?

No.

Was it a Kumquat?

Next question, please.

All right Mark, this is the

final question in the hot seat,

so for all the marbles, can I

get a drum roll Josh?

Mark!

Beatles or Elvis?

Elvis, final answer.

I feel like I know Mark.

Now that we've terrified you.

No, no, it's totally fine.

I wanna know what fruit he put

up his butt.

All right, all right, you were

right.

It was a banana.

He lied, he lied!

Umm, what's the penalty for

lying?

Well, the penalty is, you have

to go first in truth or dare.

So if I go first, I'm the one

that asks someone else truth or

dare.

Yeah, it's not much of a

penalty.

Okay, uh, Jennifer.

Oh no.

Truth, or dare?

Oh shit.

Ah, nope Jennifer.

We've been over this before.

The options are truth or dare.

The options aren't truth, dare,

or shit.

Truth.

Okay, umm, I guess I'm supposed

to make this one a dirty one,

huh?

Bring it.

Okay, was your first sexual

experience a good one, or a bad

one?

I'm gonna go with, bad.

Next.

Details, details.

Boo!

Details.

Well, I mean, we were fifteen.

And he just, didn't know what he

was doing, right? He just didnt.

What was his name?

Roger.

Josh: That's where you went

wrong.

His name was Roger? Who's

grandfather was he?

And Roger was a nice boy, but I

don't care how nice a fifteen

year old boy is.

When you guys are horny at that

age, you're all the same.

You're like dogs.

We are very excitable.

Yeah.

Tell me about it.

Roger was in before I knew it.

And I told him to go slow, and

easy, and he was like-

Oh baby, it's my first time too.

And I promise I'll make it good

for you.

I mean I told him to slow down

and take it easy, but-

That horny little fucker

jackhammered me for about twenty

whole seconds, until it was all

over.

The only thing I got out of that

experience was a split hymen.

You know, the doctor says that I

split my hymen in P.E. that time

when I was playing volleyball

and I did the splits-

Baby, baby, baby.

Wait your turn.

I know you love that story, but

it's not your turn.

Anyway, it was awkward.

And he was like a robot the

whole time we were doing it.

And he lost interest in me

immediately afterwards.

Aww.

Don't give me sympathy mother

fucker, truth or dare.

Me?

Yeah, you!

Oh uh, truth.

Cat: Ya'll are pussies!

Josh: Jesus Christ!

Ben: Your turn will come.

Josh: Yeah, just calm down over

there, P.E.

All right, right back at ya.

What was your most embarrassing

sexual experience?

Wait, wait, wait. Are we

counting the bathroom today?

Old man glory hole?

Shut up.

Shut up, I'm never gonna live

that down.

Uh no, it would probably be, no

it's with my friend Jude.

Hey.

Shut up.

Uh, we were in high school

together. He came over one day,

we were hanging out, and you

know.

Things were going good, and I

thought things were kinda

leading to fellatio.

Who says fellatio?

I'm very proper.

So you know, I thought, well I

took a bathroom break, and I

went and I cleaned up, as you

do.

I came back, and low and behold,

one thing led to another and he

went down on me.

And immediately jumped back up,

spitting, and said, your dick

tastes like soap.

Aww, babys first blow job.

Thank you for laughing at my

pain.

You, if you learned anything,

you just should have left it in

it's natural juices.

Captain soap dick!

All right, so Cat-

Dare! Dare me!

Oh my god.

Dare me.

I knew you were going to say

that.

Why would you do this?

You would totally say that.

Oh my god, this is hard because

there's nothing you won't do.

Um, dare me to sit on someone's

face.

Dare me to sit on his face!

Okay, Cat, I dare you to sit on

Ben's face.

Yay, I'm gonna sit on your face!

I have to do it, I have to.

This is my birthday!

I know, and for your birthday,

I'm just gonna sit on your face.

I have to, it's a dare! It's a

dare!

No!

Don't you pinch me!

I'm gonna fucking pinch you if I

fucking want to!

Stop, no!

Just let me sit on your face!

I'm gonna sit on your face!

No, no no!

Yes!

Stop, that tickles.

I want to sit on your face, I

want to sit on your face.

All right.

You can sit on my face, but you

have to do something nice for me

later.

Of course I'm gonna do something

nice for you later.

All right, fine. Get it over

with.

Yes! Yes!

I'm gonna put my butt on your

face!

All right.

Let me hold my breath.

All right.

Josh: Three! Two!

Josh: One!

Josh: Contact!

I'm sitting on your face, I'm

sitting on your face.

All right, you can get off me

now.

Don't move!

[playful squealing]

Don't put me in the fire, don't

let him put me in the fire,

don't put me in the fire!

Fine, fine fine, sit down.

Cat: In your face!

Her other lips are sweaty too.

And they're on your face!

So, Cat. It is your turn to ask

a question.

All right.

Ummm, Mark. Truth or dare?

Challenge accepted. I'm gonna

say dare.

Oooh!

Mark.

I dare you.

To kiss the person you find here

most sexually attractive on the

lips, for at least five

seconds.

Oh wow, a whole five seconds!

A whole five seconds.

I'm right here, it's fine, it's

okay.

Hey I am comfortable in my

heterosexuality, so if you need

to kiss me, you go ahead and

plant one right there.

Cat: Awww, Jennifer's gonna get

some!

Josh: Say hi to Roger!

Cat: Oh, oh!

You gonna stand up or what?

Yes.

I think that's a little more

than five seconds.

Cat: Hmmm, no, shoosh, shut up.

Guys I mean, come on, get a

room, or a tent, or something.

This could be a round in a game,

or this could go all night, if

you want.

It's your call.

Cool?

Cool.

That just happened.

Yeah it did!

Cat: Well I guess that's the end

of truth or dare.

That's why, we have our own way

to make things fun.

Yes we do.

And it will be much easier to do

that, with-

This.

Mmm hmm, one for you.

I thank you.

You're welcome.

Now Jennifer and I are going to

go in the house and get your

birthday present ready.

All right.

We'll be right back!

Okay.

[heavy breathing in sound

design]

Are you ready?

Yeah, I'm, I'm ready.

Close your eyes.

Okay.

Keep them closed.

They're closed.

Okay you can open them.

You got me, you?

Well, us.

You know how most guys fantasize

about being with two girls at

the same time?

Well yeah, I mean what guy

doesn't?

Well tonight, you get to be that

guy.

Seriously?

Seriously.

Josh: So they say eight months

is a long time for two guys to

be together.

I don't know, I guess he just

thought it was time. I don't

know.

Mark: Did you ever think we

weren't meant to be monogamous?

Well-

Well nothing, it's not natural.

It's an unfair expectation we

put on ourselves.

I don't know there's some

comfort in a relationship.

Yeah, but there's a fine line

between comfort, and

suffocation.

Yeah, sounds like somebody has

been through some terrible

relationships.

Not really, I just know a lot of

miserable people who are stuck

in relationships they don't want

to be in anymore.

Maybe there's such a thing as

serial monogamy.

All right, there ya go! Like

monkeys.

Monkeys?

Yeah! I saw this documentary on

monkeys one time.

They've sort of got the

monogamous thing going on, but

they also just kind of mess

around with the whole tribe.

You know young, old, gay,

straight, monkeys just go with

the flow and have a good time

apparently.

Hmm, I also watched a video of a

monkey masturbating with a frog.

He just picked that live little

thing up, put it's mouth right

on it's dick.

And just murdered that thing!

Oh wow.

Yeah, so I don't know if we

should aspire to the social

politics of monkeys.

I don't know.

Could be fun.

So which do you want to be?

The monkey or the frog?

Here?

Yeah! Sure, why not?

Come on, you do not want to be

ninety years old, lying on your

deathbed, remembering the time

you were alone in the woods with

a guy you barely know.

And you could've played monkey

and the frog, but you didn't,

and-

Ribbit.

Wow, all this for me?

Uh huh, but before you get it

all, you gotta do a little

something for us first.

[heavy breathing]

[snorting]

Wait, stop, stop.

Why?

Because I don't want to finish

yet.

It's my turn.

Okay.

Tastes like soap.

That's very funny.

Now wash your mouth out with it.

[heavy breathing]

[gasps]

Oh, relax.

She was-

No, no, no, you're just high,

it's okay just come on down.

Just lie back.

Let us take care of you, and

just enjoy the show, okay?

You cool?

Yeah.

[wet kissing sounds]

You know this trip turned out a

lot more interesting than I

thought it was going to.

Yeah?

Yeah. I thought I was going to

be the fifth wheel, but instead,

I'm the frog.

Blame these woods man.

I've been horny ever since I got

here.

Prove it.

[slimy, slithering sound]

[Cat begins gagging, struggling]

[In a strange voice] Won't you

let us in?

[heavy breathing]

Aren't you gonna look at me?

Hey!

Good.

It's better when you're awake.

[heavy breathing]

[breathing normalizes]

[no dialogue]

[sound of something emerging

from the water]

[birds chirping]

Mark?

Mark!

Hey!

Hello?

Anybody?

[heavy breathing in sound

design]

It's as sweet as mother's milk.

And as nourishing.

Drink.

Where is everyone else?

Around.

Why are you wearing a bed sheet

in the middle of the woods?

Night never really has to end

Josh.

What does that mean?

It means you don't have to go

back to your boring old life.

You never have to be alone

again.

All you have to do is drink.

I don't want to.

Drink.

What are you doing?

Drink!

What is wrong with you?

It will purify you.

For what?

You will drink.

[grunting, moaning]

[sounds of wilderness in sound

design]

Josh, what's wrong?

What's wrong? What the hell was

that back there? Where's Mark?

He went back to his place. We

were just having a good time.

A good time? That didn't look

like a good time to me.

Since when do you act like that?

Don't be such a prude.

Why were you choking him?

Because he asked me to?

Just get away from the van.

Josh, this is all just a big

misunderstanding, all right? Why

don't you just-

I'm not, I'm not talking to you

okay? You fucking attacked me.

What?

You kicked me!

I did not!

Josh it's just the acid.

I didn't take any acid bitch.

Well it's something, you're

acting crazy.

These woods are fucking crazy.

Josh, will you just give me my

keys?

Mark?

What's the matter with you?

Let go!

[spitting]

[wretching]

Ben: It's going to be okay.

Ben: You're going to love it.

None of this will matter when

you drink.

Nothing will ever matter again.

Drink.

It wants you, Josh.

It wants us all...

...back.

It's ready for us.

[no dialogue]

You'll be home soon.

[sound of something coming out

of the water]

[deep cooing, moaning sound]

[low grumbling]

[deep purring]

[cooing, soft whistling]

[purring]

[no dialogue]

Oh, I don't do spiders. Oh my

god.

[sounds of nature slowly fading

in]

[Closed captioning provided by

Bandit Motion Pictures]

Harvest Lake (2016) - full transcript