Hart to Hart: Two Harts in 3/4 Time (1995) Movie Script

"If Herby Hall is

reading this to you now,

"you know I didn't make it

through the surgery.

"Now listen, Mrs. H,

put down that Kleenex.

"Mr. H, stop wiping your eyes.

"Don't none of you waste one

moment being sad about me.

"And that includes you,

Marie."

Uh, these are his own words.

He sent them on to me.

It sounds just like him,

Mr. Hall.

Yes.

"I had a great run,

"thanks mostly to you,

Mr. and Mrs. H,

"and don't forget

Freeway Jr., my pal.

"What a great friend

you've been to me."

(CHUCKLES)

There's always going to be

plenty of those special treats

you like.

"It's all taken care of."

(WHINES)

"Also, Herb knows what to do

about my favorite charity,

"the orphanage in

San Francisco."

Yeah, I grew up there

till I sold papers

on the street

and met Max.

"And now,

"to my dear grand-niece,

Marie-Simone,

"I leave everything

I've got left

"'cause you're everything to

me a blood-relative could be.

"You make me so proud."

(CLEARS THROAT)

"Mr. and Mrs. H, you know

we were planning

this trip to Montreal

"before I got sick,

"so now don't disappoint me.

"You've got to follow through

because I arranged

"a few surprises."

(LAUGHS)

What a remarkable man. (SIGHS)

"I ain't gonna tell you

what they are right now.

"I'm gonna let Marie be

in charge.

"I know you loved me

"and you know I loved you.

"We will always have

each other.

"So just cherish

the good times

"and remember

what I always said,

"get on with the exciting

business of life.

"Max."

That's it.

(WHISPERS) You all right?

Yeah, I'm all right.

How about you?

Thanks, Herb...

(CRYING)

...for your generosity.

He was a good friend.

He was like a father.

Real family.

An original.

(SIGHING) Yes.

The one and only.

MARIE: Kurt.

How'd it go?

Fine.

Been waiting long?

KURT: Just got here.

This is my fiance,

Kurt.

How do you do?

Hi, fine.

Pleasure.

Marie has told us an awful

lot about you.

(CHUCKLING) In fact, that's

all she's told us about.

You've got paint

on your nose.

Oh, sorry.

I've been working

in the studio since dawn.

Is it gone?

Well, I guess Kurt's just

crazy about his work.

And about you.

I think Max would approve,

don't you?

I do indeed.

You're so nice.

No wonder he took such trouble

to plan something

very special for you.

Is it done?

I just put

the finishing touch

on before I left.

I didn't bring it with me

because...

Well, we haven't had time to

properly gift-wrap it yet.

Yes.

Oh, that's unnecessary.

No, besides,

I want you to see the shop

and meet

Vivienne Blaine, my partner.

And there is some kind

of itinerary Uncle Max

planned,

which I have to go over

with you.

JENNIFER: Sounds intriguing!

MARIE: Just leave it to me

and you're going to have

an unusual time.

JONATHAN:

Well, there's no rush.

We're here in Montreal

to enjoy our time,

just like Max wanted.

JENNIFER: How's your French?

JONATHAN: Tres lousy.

(GASPS)

PHOTOGRAPHER: That's great,

that's great. Perfect.

Thank you.

WOMAN: One with my husband.

Honey, come over here.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Hey, Camilla.

PHOTOGRAPHER: That's perfect.

Jonathan?

Jennifer!

Oh, it's wonderful

to see you

two again!

Don't tell me

you came all the way

from California just for me.

Excuse me, gentlemen.

Excuse me.

Thank you very much.

Oh, hello!

Actually, we're here on

a different matter,

but it's delightful

to see you.

Oh, and you, too, darling!

We were so sorry to hear

about Trevor.

I hope you got our note.

Yes, I did,

and your beautiful flowers.

(SIGHS) Oh, poor Trevor.

He was of a certain age,

you know, and that

dreadful asthma

finally took him from us.

But...

You are looking great,

Jonathan. You're a lucky girl,

Jennifer.

Yes, I know.

MAN: Darling.

Oh...

Do you know my new husband,

Ronnie Scott?

Only from your photographs.

I'm Jonathan Hart,

this is my wife Jennifer.

How do you do?

You're an actor, aren't you?

Well,

between book signings.

(LAUGHS)

We were just

about to have tea.

Would you like to join us?

Great idea.

I think it's this way.

Come on, Junior.

Come on.

I have signed so many books

that my fingers feel like

a bunch of twigs.

Oh, Ronnie.

That was one of

my favorite frames.

I didn't do it on purpose.

I'll have to get it fixed.

Well,

let's go.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

CAMILLA: After Trevor died,

my whole life became

Ashley Motors.

It became the child

that he and I

had never had,

till I met Ronnie.

Why didn't you sell

Ashley Motors to

that German syndicate?

Trevor had already left me

a fortune.

What did I need

with another one?

What you needed was me.

Absolutely.

What you don't need

is Ashley Motors.

It takes up too much of your

time and energy.

Hmm...

You mean it takes up

too much time and energy

that could go towards you.

Jonathan,

weren't you interested in

buying my company once?

I gave you an offer

you could refuse,

and you did.

Are you still interested?

Why?

Have you changed your mind?

No, just

testing the waters.

Jennifer and I don't need

Ashley Motors, either.

Of course not.

You've got it all.

We have each other.

That's what counts.

MAN: Lady Ashley.

Yes?

There's a phone call

for you.

Oh, thank you.

Excuse me.

Hello?

What?

(SCOFFS)

My dear woman, you definitely

have the wrong number.

What was all that about?

Oh, just some lunatic

on the loose.

I suppose

when one's a celebrity,

one must expect it.

Would you get the bill?

I'd like to go.

JONATHAN:

Oh, that's all right.

It'd be our pleasure.

We're staying in the hotel,

it'll make it easier.

Thank you.

You must come out to see

us one day.

We rented this darling,

little house in the country

with a pool

so Ronnie can do his laps.

By the way, Jennifer,

I want to ask you something.

Woman to woman.

What do you think of my title,

Dancing on the Glass Ceiling:

Steps Every Woman Should Know?

Oh, Camilla, I always like

your titles,

including Lady Ashley.

(CHUCKLES)

That was the hardest one

to come up with.

Thank God

he was knighted

before he died,

for his sake, of course.

Of course.

Man to man, Jonathan,

you shoot skeet?

Yes, I do.

(IN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT)

Ah, we'll throw a few steaks

on the barbie

shoot a few clay pigeons.

(LAUGHS) Isn't he adorable?

Feel trapped?

I don't think we can get out

of this one. (EXHALES)

Is this what's known as

being steam-rollered?

I think so.

MARIE: Vivienne,

look at us.

I haven't seen that for years.

I brought it from home

to show the Harts.

Remember?

How my Uncle Max took us

to ride the carousel?

VIVIENNE: I always looked

forward to those Sundays.

We only wanted to ride

the carousel, leaning out

to feel the wind.

(PHONE RINGING)

Why doesn't somebody

answer that?

Might be a phone call.

Hang on a second.

My girlfriend collects

this stuff.

I really want it

for her birthday.

This stuff happens to be

called Limoges.

Well, whatever.

Hey...

You think I could

possibly pay you

something on each week?

I think you could possibly

have us confused with

Sears Roebuck.

You're not gonna help me out?

Oh, of course I'm gonna

help you out.

Bonjour, can I help you?

RONNIE:

Well, I hope so.

Uh, may I?

Certainly.

I've got a broken

picture frame.

Lovely workmanship.

RONNIE: Yeah,

I wonder if

you can repair it.

VIVIENNE: I think so.

The man who would know is out

but I'll get him

to call you later.

If you want to come back

with me, I'll get your name

and number.

Was that you

on the phone to Camilla?

Quiet. Marie and Freddy

will hear.

Why did you jump the gun?

You said on the phone

from London that you had

the proof we needed.

Yeah, I had the stuff

in my pocket,

sitting next to her.

You were supposed to wait

until I gave them to you.

Keep your voice down.

Come on. Where's the passport

and the prescription?

Don't be angry

with me, please.

It's what the frame's

all about.

They're inside.

All the proof we need

is tucked right in there.

Put them in a safe place

until I call you.

You've done it.

We've pulled it off.

You mean I pulled it off.

And it wasn't that easy.

Now it's your turn.

No more phone calls.

I've seen more of you in

foreign hotel rooms than

I have in my own hometown.

I told you it was going to be

hard for me to get away

without her

suspecting something.

Speaking of guns...

For your protection.

Protection against what?

Take it.

I'm not like Camilla, Ronnie.

I couldn't kill anybody.

(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)

MARIE: He's handsome,

isn't he?

Hmm.

He's also married.

He's wearing a wedding band.

The story of my life.

(DOOR OPENS)

KURT: They didn't have

the exact kind we need.

There's one other place

I can try.

Vivienne?

Hi!

Marie says there's something

for me to repair.

Yes, here.

Oh, that's nice.

Must be from the '20s or '30s.

Oh...

There. I can repair it.

Might be a little expensive,

though.

Oh, it's okay.

This gentleman can pay.

Kurt, show Vivienne the clock.

You wanna see what Uncle Max

commissioned me to do

for the Harts?

Sure.

Of course I do.

Please.

Voila.

My masterpiece.

Max was very specific

about the details.

KURT: For instance,

the hands are

stopping at 8:45.

Because that's when

Jonathan met Jennifer.

When are you giving

this clock to the Harts?

Now.

They're coming over for it

in a few minutes.

Out the door so fast?

KURT: Definitely.

Marie has been looking

over my shoulder since I

started this piece.

She wanted it finished

perfectly.

It's perfect, it's finished,

it's out the door.

Shouldn't we wait?

Why?

We could display it

for a few days,

allow the public

to shower you with praise.

Vivienne, that's one of the

first things you have to get

over when you're an artist.

Letting your work go.

JENNIFER: It looks

fascinating.

Do we get to open it?

I wish you could open it now

and I know Kurt would like

nothing better,

but that's not

what Uncle Max wanted.

And the winner is...

Wow.

Sealed envelopes.

This is better than

the Academy Awards.

Well, Max always did things

in a big way.

He ran the biggest

off-track betting parlor

in the States.

(LAUGHING) Yes, he did.

And he did it

right from our kitchen.

This one is to be opened now,

I'll give you

the second one later

and the third

at a very special time.

Do you know

what's in all of them?

Now, no more questions.

Just get ready

to have a great time.

Well, shall I?

Mm-hmm.

Go for it.

(IMITATING DRUMROLL)

Ta-da!

"Take the present over

to the Havana Hayes

"and open it there.

"The gang is all waiting

for you."

The Havana Hayes?

Well, if that's where

we're going,

Freeway better get

a breath of fresh air.

Uh, darling...

You know...

This way!

Salut.

(INDISTINCT FRENCH CHATTER)

(LAUGHING)

(TIRES SQUEAL)

(MAN YELLING IN FRENCH)

Hey!

Stop!

Is that your car?

Yes.

Kurt, what's going on?

Somebody stole my car.

Oh, my goodness.

MARIE: Be careful.

JONATHAN: Buckle up.

Which way?

Your guess is

as good as mine.

Go straight.

Now go left.

(HORN HONKING)

(MAN YELLING IN FRENCH)

The keys are gone.

Well, I guess we should be

thankful for small favors.

(MAN SPEAKING IN FRENCH)

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

(IN ENGLISH) This is your car?

This is my car.

This is our rental car.

This is my car.

Rented?

No.

Well, this is my car.

It's an unmarked police car.

I thought that's

who you might be.

Detective Vachon.

JENNIFER: I don't suppose

you're too happy

with where our car,

our rented car,

is parked right now,

are you, Detective?

Nor his.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Would you like to borrow

my pen, Detective?

No, a cigarette.

Never mind,

I'm trying to quit.

Thank you.

Names.

Jonathan Hart.

Jennifer Hart.

Kurt Emmerich.

And what's that?

That's a present

from a very special friend.

It was in the car.

And is it something someone

might want to steal?

KURT: Don't think so.

Its value is only personal.

It's a work of art.

Kurt is the artist

who made it.

DETECTIVE: Oh...

What is it?

A surprise.

We don't know what it is.

We were just on our way

to open it...

When my car was stolen.

Yes.

Did you see who stole it?

We couldn't.

I suppose you'll want us

to go down to headquarters

and fill out the usual forms.

No.

BOTH: No?

That's only necessary if

something's stolen.

May I have my pen back,

Detective?

Oh...

DETECTIVE: (CLEARS THROAT)

You have your rented car,

you have your surprise,

now you can go ahead

and find out what it is.

Thank you.

Yes, thanks, I guess.

Uh, just one thing

before you go.

BOTH: Yes?

Perhaps the artist

could tell me what it is.

You see, in my business,

we don't like surprises.

Well, that would be

up to the artist.

(INAUDIBLE)

Really?

Charming.

And where is this place?

The Havana Hayes.

No, no, no.

Not the Hayes.

You know it?

Know it?

It's my favorite place.

WOMAN: Well, hi!

I'm Frances X. Gaylord.

Old Max always called

me Goldie,

'cause that was my

nom de theatre, you know,

when we met.

Just Goldie.

Long time before just "Cher"

or just "Madonna."

And I'm Lew Roth.

Hello, Lew.

He left me

the set of poker chips

we played with as kids.

(LAUGHING)

Oh, of course,

I didn't expect anything,

you know,

'cause Max

already did enough

for me and the kids.

The kids?

Oh, yeah. We had

four boys and a girl.

You did?

Yeah, me and my late husband.

Oh, you though that...

Yes!

Nah, but let me tell you,

Max helped out a lot

through the years.

What a guy.

Had had his faults

like anybody.

I just can't think of any

right now.

The last time

I talked to him,

his thoughts were of you.

And now, well,

we're celebrating his life.

(CHUCKLING)

Indeed we are.

You know,

we rarely saw each other

but Max always kept in touch

by phone or mail.

Or fax.

We knew about

all your adventures.

(CORK POPS)

It's time to open the present.

Ah!

Ta-da!

LEW: I never knew

Frances X. Gaylord

was your real name.

You thought I was just Goldie?

What's the X for?

Expensive.

(LAUGHING)

JENNIFER: Oh, look!

"To Mr. and Mrs. H.

"When you two met,

time stood still."

They met each other at

a quarter to 9:00.

I got it.

You know,

it really did stand still.

And so did my heart.

And if you press this,

it plays the

Carnival of the Animals.

MARIE: Your favorite.

Really?

JENNIFER: Look, it's Freeway!

(BARKING)

JONATHAN: And you and me.

What a gift.

JONATHAN: Beautiful work.

JENNIFER: Thank you, Kurt.

And now for the second

envelope.

Theater tickets.

Concert tickets for tonight.

"Dear Mr. and Mrs. H,

"you've always appreciated

two wonderful things in life,

"music and animals.

So putting them together,

"here's two on row H

"for Carnival or the Animals.

Of course, it's in French

but it sounds the same.

"Enjoy, Max"

Ah. A toast.

To our dear friend, Max,

who loved giving so much that

life with him was like

Christmas

364 days of the year,

wasn't it?

Yes, it was.

And he not only played

Santa for us,

but he played for every

orphanage and half-way house

from Montreal to Malibu.

And I don't have

to tell you all,

that anytime

we'd ever say to him,

"Max, you know,

you're a great guy,"

he'd say...

ALL: "No,

but hum a few bars

and I'll fake it."

(LAUGHING)

To Max.

To Max!

To Max.

(BARKS)

CAMILLA: Well, mind you don't

shoot yourself in the foot.

RONNIE: We'll bring you some

clay pigeons for the barbie.

JONATHAN: Don't get nervous

when we say "pull."

CAMILLA: Well, gee.

While they do their little

boy thing,

let's you and I have

a glass of champagne.

Oh, it's a little early

in the day for me.

Nonsense.

It'll make you feel better.

I feel fine, really.

Well, when you've had four,

like I have...

Husbands that is, not

glasses of champagne...

You won't feel so fine.

But of course,

you'll be married to Jonathan

till death do you part.

I certainly hope so.

If you don't mind

my saying so, Camilla,

I've never seen you

in such a dark mood.

Yes, I know. I'm sorry.

Come on, let's sit down.

Get away from these

burning coals.

Good. You stay there.

(FREEWAY BARKS)

First, there was Willie.

I got the first real money

I could call my own from him.

That got me started.

Oh, but don't get me started

on Willie.

If he hadn't died,

I think I'd have murdered him.

But I thought he was

the great love of your life.

Oh, he was.

But we were so passionate,

we never stopped fighting.

And then there was Trevor.

No, then there was Binky.

Binky had the stately home

but not a bean.

And then there was

dear, darling Trevor

and his asthma.

I got the title from him.

(GUNSHOT)

RONNIE: Nice shot.

And now there's Ronnie.

RONNIE: Pull.

(GUNSHOT)

I don't dare tell you

what I got from him.

Should I dare to ask?

JONATHAN: (IN DISTANCE)

Pull.

Look

(GUNSHOT)

What?

(GUNSHOT)

See this bruise?

Where?

Right here.

Is that what you got

from Ronnie?

No, that's not what I got

from Ronnie. I...

I'm blind as a bat.

I walked into a wall.

Oh.

Well, then, what did you get

from Ronnie?

A surprise.

A very big surprise.

I think he's trying

to kill me.

Really?

(GUNSHOT)

What makes you think that?

Well, he said

that I exasperated him

so much

that sometimes he wished

I was dead.

Well, that's

not exactly like

trying to kill you,

now is it?

(SIGHS)

In all fairness,

I suppose not.

You fell in love with Jonathan

for his moral fiber,

didn't you?

Well, yes, and...

I've never been a good

judge of character, Jennifer.

I never judge them for

their moral fiber.

I never have.

(GUNSHOTS)

He's up to something.

He may not be trying

to kill me, but he's up to

something with someone.

With someone?

Oh, you know something?

I'm scared.

I...

I know that sounds

funny, but...

I really am scared.

Now I've ruined my mascara.

RONNIE: Pull.

(GUNSHOT)

I just can't get it

out of my mind.

Camilla was so strange.

You know, she even suggested

that Ronnie had a girlfriend.

Did you hear me, darling?

(FREEWAY GROWLING)

What is that?

Oh, boy, look at this.

Come on, come on.

What is this?

(LAUGHING)

What are we doing?

Is this a surprise?

Come on, Freeway.

Okay...

(HUMMING TUNE)

A surprise...

Come on, come on,

Freeway.

Almost there.

Oh! I knew it!

Oh!

I saw you looking at it

in Kauffman's window.

Were you keeping an eye

on me?

Both of them. I never let

you out of my sight.

(LAUGHING)

Oh, it's beautiful!

You like it?

I love it.

Well, you are my bird.

You know that,

don't you, darling?

Yes, I do!

Give us a kiss.

Mm...

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Which side

should I wear it on?

This side or this?

I like it there.

Oh, good.

Oh, Freeway!

Now, you be a good boy.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

This way.

Madame.

JENNIFER: Bonsoir.

Bonsoir!

(GIGGLING)

Did you like my Cary Grant?

I loved your Cary Grant.

Well, if you like

my Cary Grant,

let me do a little...

Wait, wait, wait.

My turn. My turn.

Who's this?

(MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY)

Who's that?

Candice Bergen.

Katharine Hepburn!

I knew that.

I forgot my purse, I'm sorry.

I'll get it.

Okay.

I'll get the elevator.

It takes hours to get here.

(GROWLING)

Excusez-moi.

(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)

Bonsoir, Madame Hart.

This car is going up.

Up? Oh.

Yes.

There you are.

Monsieur Hunnicut,

you say that house-keeping

has not helped you, huh?

No, that's why I called you.

That femme de chambre, Helene,

went off to the linen closet

and never came back.

Edna, my wife, has been

waiting in the shower,

waiting for dry towels for

a half an hour!

Excuse me.

Vern Hunnicut,

Hannibal, Missouri.

Hi, Vern.

I don't think Helene

understood my French.

Maybe you should have

spoken English to her.

Darling, the elevator.

MANAGER: Helene!

Helene!

We lost it.

This is Vern Hunnicut

from Hannibal, Missouri.

This is my wife, Jennifer.

Hi.

How do you do?

Nice to meet you.

Helene?

(MUFFLED MOANING)

Helene?

Helene!

What are you doing

on the floor

of the hallway?

With a handkerchief around

your head like this?

You're all tied up.

I was getting the towels

for Mr. Hunnicut

from Hannibal, Missouri,

and the next thing I know,

I wake up with a lump

on my head

the size of a pamplemousse!

Size of a pample-what?

A grapefruit,

Monsieur Hunnicut.

You see, this is the reason...

Why don't you try talking

to the maid in our room?

What maid?

The night maid.

Night maid?

What night maid?

Monsieur Hart, night

housekeeping doesn't come on

for another half an hour.

Call the house detective.

Jonathan.

Aw, shucks.

You nice folks are gonna

be late for your concert

and it's all 'cause of me.

We'll catch the second act,

Vern. That's when they'll be

playing our song.

She must have got away

through the service entrance.

Yeah, that makes sense.

You didn't recognize

this woman, did you?

No, I didn't.

I really didn't.

And you, Madame Hart?

I didn't, either.

Truck driver on the bridge

this afternoon

said that it was

a woman who ran away

from your friend's vehicle.

This has all been too much

excitement for me.

I need a cigar to chew on.

How about you, Detective?

Mm...

I've quit smoking

again,

but maybe a chocolate.

Night maid left in

such a hurry, she forgot

her basket of treats.

I'll have just one.

That's the main reason

I come to Canada.

You can still get a good

Havana Panatela.

Anyone else?

BOTH: No, thanks.

Pillow mint?

BOTH: No, thanks.

Well, thanks for everything.

DETECTIVE: Merci,

Monsieur Hunnicut.

Nothing's still been stolen

so you still don't have to

come down with me.

Darling, we'll miss

the concert.

You were lucky she missed you.

I think I was lucky

that she didn't really know

how to use a gun.

Odd that an amateur thief

seems as persistent

as a professional.

Anyway...

Bonne soiree,

Madame Hart,

Monsieur Hart.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

Pillow mint?

Merci.

What is it that's so

special about Max's gift?

Whoever stole Kurt's car

obviously wanted our clock.

Well, anyone would want it.

Look.

Did you ever notice that

from 1 to 12,

there's a message from

Mother Nature.

All day, all night.

The cat is chasing the mouse,

the mouse is chasing the bird,

the bird is chasing the bee.

Naturally.

The birds and the bees.

The bee is bothering

the blossom,

the tortoise is after

the hare.

Looks like a rabbit to me.

It looks like he's chasing

another rabbit.

Well, naturally.

And the hound is chasing

the fox and the fox is

after the...

After the furrier.

And guess what.

What?

(DOG BARKING)

JONATHAN: The boy is

chasing the girl.

Oh, maybe the girl is

chasing the boy.

Well, have it your way.

No, it's all right.

I like yours, too.

Ain't nature grand?

(GIGGLING)

I can't believe

you didn't get it.

That's right.

For the second time,

I didn't get it!

I manage to steal

Camilla's old passport,

bribe the pharmacist for

a copy of the prescription,

and you can't hang on to it

long enough for us

to blackmail her!

Go on and say it.

I failed you again.

How could you be so stupid

in the first place?

Why didn't you put it in

the safe instead of that

stupid clock?

I do a lot of stupid things.

Falling in love, for instance.

Yeah...

Falling in love can be lethal.

Camilla found that out

with Trevor.

I've never asked you...

How'd you find out?

Pillow talk.

You must have a wealth

of information

from a wealth of women.

I'm only interested in wealth.

This gun's been fired.

Yes, it has.

You didn't hit anyone,

did you?

No.

Failed again.

What do you mean?

The Harts left, but then

he suddenly came back.

I panicked

and fired.

Great.

Now the cops have got

something to trace.

(SIGHS)

We don't even get out

of hotel rooms

in the city

where I live.

Well, that'd be

all I'd need is

some doorman that reads

a tabloid see me walk out

of your apartment.

Your wife's frame is repaired

and ready for pickup.

Why don't you be a good boy

and go get it for mama.

What do I owe you?

No charge.

Partial payment for

my mistakes.

Vivienne, the Harts are

going to a concert tonight.

Check it out?

Go home to your wife, Ronnie.

Come on.

We got a great future here.

Let's not blow it now.

Get out.

Get out, Ronnie!

(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)

Did she get it?

You don't see it

in my hands, do you?

And I can tell you

it's not in my pocket, either.

The Harts still got it.

Well, I'm sure they do.

Find them and get it.

I don't care

what you have to do.

Understand?

(DIALING)

Yeah, the Harts still have

the clock.

Right.

Let's go.

I can't believe

you brought it.

I don't wanna let it

out of my sight.

You sure you don't wanna

check it?

No, I don't.

(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(WHISPERING) I think

there's someone in your seats.

We could take

those two seats back there.

We're a bit late.

MAN: Shh!

No.

No. You paid for those seats

and they're yours.

Psst.

Out.

Madam, would you like me

to check that parcel for you?

No, thank you.

MAN: Shh!

There are two seats

back there.

All right.

WOMAN: Shh!

Thank you.

Excuse me.

Sorry. So sorry.

WOMAN: Shh!

(MUSIC INCREASES IN TEMPO)

(CLOCK BARKING AND JINGLING)

I don't know you.

Could you please...

Sorry.

(BARKING AND JINGLING

CONTINUES)

USHER: Psst.

Madam, pass that down.

(CLOCK BARKING AND JINGLING)

(SIGHS)

What a heavenly experience.

Well, thanks to you,

it was quite another

experience for me.

I really am sorry.

I think we better go collect

our clock.

I think we better

head for the hills.

MAN: Thank you very much.

WOMAN: Monsieur.

Oh, this is back

in the parcel room.

Once moment.

(SCREAMS)

(CROWD CLAMORING)

Call an ambulance!

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

May I borrow your pen,

Mr. Hart?

Well, that's two.

Why would anyone

want to shoot someone

for our clock?

Now something has been stolen.

And I guess you want us

to come down to

headquarters, right?

(CHUCKLES)

How did you guess?

Claude.

Claude, no smoking there.

Detective, in the lobby,

smoking is permitted.

No, smoking is not permitted

there in the lobby,

smoking in permitted here,

next to me!

I'd like

a little secondary pleasure,

if you don't mind.

(SIGHING)

That poor man.

It was only a flesh wound.

He fainted.

Probably at the sight

of his own blood.

Well, it'll be interesting

to see if the bullet

that clipped him

is the same kind

as the one

that missed me.

Yeah.

We can go now, in my car.

It's the unmarked one,

remember?

So...

How long are you planning

to grace us with your

presence in Montreal?

Oh, is that your way

of telling us

not to leave town?

Au contraire.

I mean no offense,

but I wish you would leave.

We're seeing far too much of

each other, don't you think?

Not until we get

our clock back.

I thought not.

I know, Madame Hart.

You don't like thieves.

May I have my pen back,

Detective?

Oh...

Yes, of course.

Shall we?

Thank you.

MAN: So...

They had the clock

when they came in.

Yeah, but they don't

have it now.

Vivienne must have

finally got it.

MARIE: I don't believe it.

What a mess.

Strange,

but nothing much here

seems to be missing.

You're right.

Just trashed.

I don't understand

how anyone...

Honey...

Don't worry.

You and Vivienne

have insurance,

and not that much is broken.

Just...

FREDDY: Trashed.

Big-time trashed.

JENNIFER: Mm.

Watch this.

(GIGGLING)

Junior...

Look at this.

Come on, Junior.

There we go!

(PHONE RINGING)

Yes?

Yeah, put him through.

Kurt, good morning.

Yeah...

Really good.

Come here,

you can have some more.

Yes, uh...

We'll be right over.

Bye-bye.

What was that?

Somebody turned

the antique shop upside-down.

Well, that makes three.

First I get shot at,

then our clock is stolen

and now this.

Three strikes, your out.

At least now we're up.

Marie...

It'll be okay, hmm?

(CRYING)

Marie...

MARIE: You come by for your

envelope from Uncle Max

and look what you get instead.

Another surprise.

We phoned Vivienne

and got her machine.

She must be on her way.

Who would have done

such a vicious thing?

Maybe they were looking

for something.

Like what?

KURT: I don't know.

Maybe they thought they'd

find money or something

really valuable.

Oh, there's Vivienne now.

I'd better go to her.

Are you okay?

I'm fine.

Really.

Please don't worry about me.

Shall I go with you?

No, I better

speak to her alone.

Excuse me.

Where's Vivienne?

She just went to the office.

What did she say?

Didn't say a word.

She must be in shock.

You better go see about her.

Hello?

Les Antiques.

VIVIENNE:

This was between

you and me.

Now the shop is ruined.

I hope you're satisfied.

What makes you think

whoever did it had

anything to do with me?

Because I know it was you.

RONNIE: Where's the clock,

Vivienne?

Right where I want it.

RONNIE: You know, the police

are very interested in

who shot that usher.

VIVIENNE: Really?

Well, why don't you tell them

who it was

and why,

and why you know so much.

I couldn't help overhearing.

Why have you done this,

Vivienne?

You'd do anything for Kurt,

wouldn't you?

I don't know.

I don't think that I'd do

anything for him

that I thought was wrong.

No, you wouldn't.

That's where you and I

are different.

I fell in love

with the wrong man

and I didn't care what I did

when I thought he loved me.

And now you don't believe

that anymore.

Now I think he's just

using me.

Vivienne,

come to your senses.

It's too late.

I shot a man to get a clock.

Vivienne...

My life is ruined anyway.

Don't say that. We'll

contact a good lawyer.

We'll go to the police to...

No.

I want you to help me

do something.

He's gonna tip

them off somehow.

But I'm gonna get him

before he gets me.

I want you

to drive me somewhere.

I have nothing left to lose.

Okay, I...

I'll do whatever you want.

I'll go wherever you want.

Just don't hurt yourself.

Put the gun down.

Please.

Vivienne's with Marie.

She's got a gun.

What?

FREDDY: There they are.

Come on, Junior.

(BARKS)

(CAR ALARM CHIRPS)

VIVIENNE: I think

the Harts are behind us.

Don't let them

catch us, Marie.

Try to lose them. Please!

I'm trying, Vivienne.

I'm trying.

Where could she

possibly be going?

I can't imagine.

Well, they must have something

in mind.

Be careful, darling.

Remember, she's got a gun.

Whoops.

JONATHAN: Almost missed that.

Run the stop sign.

No!

Run the stop sign, Marie!

(HORN BLARING)

Are you trying to kill us?

Drive.

That was close.

What are they doing?

Beats me. We'll find out.

Put the gun down, please.

Just do as I ask.

JONATHAN:

This is strange.

Looks like we're on

a racecourse.

That's because we are.

Don't get too close

or she might panic.

(VIVIENNE HUMMING)

VIVIENNE: This is it.

Turn here.

Look out! Marie!

(WOMAN SCREAMING)

MAN 1: I can't believe it!

MAN 2: Are they all right?

Honey!

Are you all right?

MARIE:

I'm all right.

(FREEWAY BARKING)

Marie!

Please help Vivienne.

Something's wrong with her.

Darling...

Kurt, hold Junior.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

MAN: Where are you going?

No.

Feel the wind, Marie!

Feel the wind!

JONATHAN: Vivienne!

(GASPS)

Vivienne.

Drop the gun

and I'll help you.

Vivienne.

I can't make it.

The wind loves us!

(SCREAMING)

(THUDS)

(MARIE CRYING)

JENNIFER: Darling...

Look at this.

JONATHAN:

Ronnie and Vivienne.

Now, there's a couple.

JONATHAN: Amazing.

RONNIE:

You talking to me?

Yo!

You talking to me?

Hey! Are you talking

to me?

(LAUGHS)

Hey! Are you talking to me?

Do you know, darling,

I think you really might

make it as an actor after all.

I love it

when you show me

your talent.

Well, it's a part

I've been working hard on

for a long time.

(GIGGLES)

Well, it's not faint praise

but I thought

your performance was

very convincing.

You're a tough critic,

so I'm always pleased with

any sort of praise from you.

I can't believe

she had this secret life.

She was

such a sad person,

even as a little girl.

But she was always happy

when Uncle Max

came to visit me.

He paid attention

to her, too.

He... He took us

for carousel rides.

She loved that.

She loved...

Oh, my God,

the wind in her face.

That was the last thing that

she said before she fell.

The wind loves us.

We used to say that

every lovely,

warm summer.

Maybe I should take you

home, hmm?

That's a good idea, Kurt.

I think I have to be

by myself now.

Oh, I have to give you

the last envelope.

Oh, that's unnecessary

right now.

Yes, I do. That's what

Uncle Max wanted.

Well, we'll come

and pick it up.

Bye-bye, Marie.

KURT: Bye.

Bye.

I wonder what Vivienne

did with the clock.

Vivienne had the clock?

That's what she said.

Maybe it wasn't Vivienne

who wanted the clock at all.

Maybe it was Ronnie

who wanted it.

Interesting idea.

Maybe Camilla's suspicion

wasn't so wrong.

Maybe it's like Kurt's car.

Vivienne wasn't trying

to steal the car,

she was trying to steal

the clock that was in the car.

So...

Maybe it's not the clock that

everyone and their brother

is after, after all.

Maybe it was something

that was in the clock.

What if we invite Camilla

and Ronnie to dinner?

Well, if we did...

Maybe we'd find out.

Maybe.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello.

(MAN SPEAKING ON TV)

Jonathan!

Tonight?

No, no, no.

I adore spur of the moment.

We'd love to.

8:30-ish?

REPORTER: They've identified

the woman who fell from the

tower of the Biosphere

as Vivienne Blaine,

partner in an antique shop

on Rue Notre-Dame.

Oh, no.

No...

What's the matter, darling?

That's the shop where I took

the picture frame to be fixed.

The girl that died

waited on me.

Oh... How tragic.

After all, she was just...

She was just a salesgirl.

I didn't know her.

No...

Of course not.

How could you?

Shocking, the coincidence

of it all, I guess.

Well,

violence is all around us

these days.

People don't even feel safe

in their own beds.

Don't you feel safe

in your bed, Camilla?

Shouldn't I?

(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)

(WOMAN LAUGHING)

No wonder our frame

wasn't repaired.

That woman was too busy

stealing your clock.

Are you sure she stole it?

Oh, we know she did.

Do you know

what she did with it?

We know what we did with it.

You have the clock?

BOTH: Mm...

Have another drink,

old sport?

Uh, no, thanks.

It's getting past my bedtime.

Oh, Ronnie.

That's not like you.

You're usually a real

party animal.

Oh, I don't know

about the party.

And it is our last night.

Well, you're not leaving

tomorrow.

Just as soon as

we pick up our clock.

Pick it up? I thought

you said you had it.

Oh, it needed a few touchups

so we took it back to Kurt,

the artist who created it.

It got a little bruised

with all the attention

it's been getting lately.

Mm.

It happens.

BOTH: Mm.

Ah! They're playing

my favorite song.

Would you like to dance?

I'd love to.

If Jennifer wouldn't mind

me having you alone

on the dance floor.

Not at all.

In fact, I'm...

I'm so happy that we've gotten

our clock back,

I wouldn't mind a turn

myself.

Well, my dance card is filled

but I'm sure that

Ronnie here's

got a lot of rhythm.

Ronnie?

I'm really not much

of a dancer.

Oh, I'll bet that's a lie.

Shall we dance?

I'd love it.

Must you really

leave Montreal

so soon?

Well, now that

we have our clock back,

there's really no reason

to stay.

No reasons, Jonathan?

What have you got in mind?

Mm... Negotiations.

Ashley Motors.

(LAUGHS)

What else?

First you don't want to sell,

then you do.

What's going on, Camilla?

What would you say

to a partnership?

Oh, I don't know.

We're both sort of

all-or-nothing people,

aren't we?

(LAUGHS)

You really do know me

so well.

Well enough.

Well...

If you stay in town

a little while longer,

maybe I'll make you an offer

you just can't refuse.

Hmm.

Perhaps I could be of help

and have the clock packed

and sent to you.

Oh, Ronnie...

(LAUGHS)

How very generous of you,

but we're so attached to it.

We don't want its hands

to leave our hands.

Ah!

Oh, Ronnie, you are

a wonderful dancer.

I imagine Vivienne

thought so, too.

Shall we change partners?

Love it!

Thank you so much.

That was cute,

says that.

How'd it go?

I think he thinks we have it

and I don't think

he can think

of anything else.

Look.

They're back at the table.

That was wonderful, Camilla.

Like another dance?

Look, I've had enough.

I'd like to get some air.

That sounds great. I'd like

a little fresh air myself.

How about you, darling?

Wonderful. Camilla?

RONNIE:

On the other hand,

it's late

and I need to get up early,

so why don't we just go home?

Fine.

There's certainly enough air

in the country for both of us.

Good night and thank you.

Good night.

Good night!

I'm sorry.

Well, things were

certainly different.

You know, it's funny,

I've never seen Ronnie

so eager to get to bed.

Good night. Thanks.

Good night.

BOTH: Hmm...

(GLASS BREAKING)

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

Instead of

taking the air, Ronnie,

you should've taken a taxi.

Where's the clock?

If you don't tell me,

I'm gonna kill you.

It's not here.

You said you had it.

Where is it?

That's what we'd all

like to know.

Vivienne told you about us.

Hey, Ronnie...

We travel, too, huh?

London, Paris, Rome...

Just like you.

You call the police, Kurt?

Yeah, just as you asked.

I told you, don't move.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Darling, are you all right?

Yeah, I'm all right.

Kurt?

Yeah, I'm okay.

What about you?

I'm fine,

but you don't look so fine.

He's got quite a punch.

And a pretty good kick, too.

And in the dark.

RONNIE: Let's get outta here.

DETECTIVE: I'm sorry,

Lady Ashley,

but your husband is wanted

for breaking and entering

and attempted murder.

Attempted murder?

Mr. and Mrs. Hart

and their artist friend

said that he shot at them

late last night

and then ran away.

I... I can't believe it.

Why would he do that to them?

We've come to take Mr. Scott

in for questioning.

I'm very sorry, but

my husband didn't

come home last night.

You see, we haven't been

getting along very well lately

and...

I doubt

whether he'll be back

at all.

Ever.

Yes, I do see.

But I assure you that

if he does come back,

I'll let your office know

right away.

I know we're talking

about a person to whom

you're married, but...

I must insist.

Some people might be

reluctant, given such

a trusted relationship,

but I've always believed

it's better not

to fight City Hall.

As you've probably heard,

Lady Ashley,

you can't.

Good day.

Thanks.

You had me convinced.

Maybe I should be taking

acting lessons from you.

(SCOFFS)

I think you ought to

take them from someone.

I'd stay out of sight

if I were you.

Why? This place is in

the middle of nowhere.

They'd be watching this house

if it were in the middle

of Piccadilly Circus.

You can't hide here.

What are you saying?

Are you throwing me

to the wolves?

It doesn't hurt a wolf

to be thrown to the wolves.

You've been having an affair

with that Vivienne creature,

haven't you?

Camilla, she didn't mean

a thing to me.

(SCOFFS)

You stole an old passport

of mine from the safe.

In England,

you gave it to her.

You were going to

blackmail me.

All right.

I was scared.

I thought you were gonna

leave me with nothing.

Oh, you don't lie

convincingly, Ronnie.

It was Vivienne who phoned me

the night of the book signing.

Well, that was her

stupid idea.

You're going to

double-cross her, too?

Her shop was just

a convenient place for you

to stash the stuff until you

put the bite on me.

Then it was going to be

"Goodbye, Vivienne"

until something went wrong.

Well, you seem to have it

all figured out.

Oh, yes.

And now it's going to be

"Goodbye, Ronnie"

and this time nothing is going

to go wrong

because when I'm in control,

that's what happens.

Well, you wouldn't want my

two employees here to

mess up that beautiful face

of yours, now would you?

Paul and Henri

are very good

at what they do.

They may work for you,

but you work for me.

I am your employer

and therefore theirs.

Checkmate.

Sorry, darling.

The boys work for me.

We've always worked for her.

You better stick

to your bad acting.

(CHUCKLES)

What are you gonna have

them do to me?

Just take you to the airport.

I don't want revenge, Ronnie.

I just want you as far away

from me as possible.

But you said you loved me.

Oh, I did

in my fashion.

But being in love is a career

in itself.

It takes up far too much

time and energy.

And besides,

I already have a career.

Ashley Motors?

That's really who you are,

isn't it?

Absolutely.

Ashley Motors is a metaphor

for my life.

A long time ago,

I decided to travel

that open road

that most men travel.

What's a metaphor?

CAMILLA: Ask

your acting teacher.

You should be grateful

to me, darling,

that you're going away instead

of being slung in jail.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello.

Hello, Jonathan.

Oh.

Wha... How terrible.

How's Jennifer?

BARTENDER: Here you are.

Well, what's really important

about this ghastly experience

is that you're both

in one piece.

Two pieces.

One and a half.

I'm really shocked that Ronnie

could do such a thing.

You know, I'm not talking

about attempted murder.

Oh, no?

CAMILLA: Oh, no.

I told you I thought he was

capable of that,

but breaking and entering?

That is really surprising.

What's in the clock, Camilla?

Jonathan.

What a question.

Only you've got the clock,

you should know.

We only said that because

we wanted to see if Ronnie

would take the bait.

JONATHAN: And he did.

He bit. Hook, line

and sinker.

Ah...

So you don't have the clock?

Well,

I must say it's all terribly

intriguing, but then,

anything you two do is always

terribly intriguing.

We thought maybe

Ronnie told you

what was in the clock.

Ronnie never tells

me anything.

I never knew

why he wanted the clock,

I certainly never knew

he was having an affair

with that woman.

I don't even know where he is!

He's completely disappeared.

Well, now,

I must say, Camilla.

You don't seem very upset

by his disappearance.

You're right.

I'm not.

In fact, I'm relieved.

Now I can leave Montreal

in peace.

Yes, uh,

we're going to leave, too.

Just as soon as we go and say

goodbye to those nice people

at the antique shop.

Really?

Yes. It does seem like

a waste of time,

waiting around to see

if something turns up.

I mean, it could be next week,

next year,

maybe never.

Mm...

Well, it's only been divine,

seeing you again.

And if you do decide

to sell Ashley Motors,

let me be the first

to get the call.

It's a deal,

but don't hang

by the thumbs, Jonathan.

I can be almost as stubborn

as you can.

Goodbye, Jennifer.

Goodbye, Camilla.

This is too triste.

I hope everything

works out

the way you want it to.

It usually does,

and I hope the

same for you, too.

Thank you for lunch

and bon voyage, mes amis.

Smart lady.

What do you think?

Maybe we hooked

another one.

Paul? Henri?

Did you see him

onto the plane?

Yes.

Right.

Well, now what I want you

to do is to watch

the Harts' hotel,

and I want you to

check out the antique shop

and watch everyone

very, very carefully.

You think they suspect

why we want the clock?

I'd stake my life on it.

You don't know Jonathan

Hart like I do.

We're very much alike.

He never gives up

and neither do I.

Even if I have to

have you kill them.

Is it morning?

Ah, did I wake you?

What are you doing up?

Just thinking about our clock.

Oh, which reminds me.

What time is it?

Early.

It must be early

if Freeway's not up.

Marie and Vivienne

used to say

"The wind loves us"

when they rode the carousel.

Marie said they used to

shout it to each other.

That was the last thing

Vivienne said before she fell.

I'll never forget it.

What are you thinking?

Well, I'm thinking that

maybe Vivienne was trying

to tell Marie something.

Like

where she had hidden

Kurt's clock.

On a carousel?

Well, in it

or under it

or around it. I don't know.

You wanna go visit

the amusement park?

Do you think it's too early

to call Marie and ask her

to meet us there?

Oh, not over this.

Want a cafe au lait?

Make it a double.

(FREEWAY WHINING)

Hello, this is Jonathan Hart.

Could you send us up

two cafe au laits, please?

(BARKS)

And a little something

to soothe the soul

of a savage beast?

Thanks.

MARIE: Are you really

leaving town?

JENNIFER: No.

JONATHAN: We thought if we

said goodbye to Camilla,

we might force her

to make a move.

KURT: Well, it worked

with Ronnie.

JONATHAN: Well,

what do you think?

JENNIFER: Maybe?

It's so charming, I can

understand how it would

leave an impression.

MARIE: Vivienne couldn't

forget it.

Right up to the end.

JONATHAN: Well,

should we give it a try?

Come on, Freeway.

Come on.

Up there.

Good boy.

Go on.

There's nothing up here!

Freeway! (WHISTLES)

(FREEWAY WHINING)

What's up?

(BARKING)

Good boy!

Good boy, Freeway.

(CLOCK BARKING)

JONATHAN: Honey!

Here it is!

You found it?

Ta-da!

MARIE: Oh, yeah!

Oh, great!

I'll take that clock,

s'il vous plait.

I'm so glad

I caught you

before you left.

Well, if it isn't

la dame au Camilla.

Long time, no see.

It worked a second time!

I wonder what that says

about our telling people

we're leaving town.

It means they go crazy

trying to check out your

duty-free items.

What are we going to do about

Lady Ashley?

I'll

leave her to you.

What goes around,

comes around.

Oh.

I said give me the clock.

Are you sure you want it?

If I don't take it,

Paul and Henri will.

Well, then I'll

give it to you.

But Kurt and I

have some surprises

for Paul and Henri.

Right, Kurt?

(GRUNTS)

(FREEWAY GROWLS)

MARIE: Careful!

Stop! Don't make me

shoot you, Mr. Hart.

JONATHAN: Darling!

Catch!

I got it!

He's coming after you!

I see him!

Here!

Got it!

No more tricks.

Hand over the clock, Mr. Hart.

JENNIFER: Jonathan!

Home run, darling?

Over the fence!

Gertrude Shazlinski?

Jonathan!

Gertrude Shazlinski!

Who?

Have you ever heard of

timolol maleate eye drops?

No.

Well, this is a prescription

for timolol maleate eye drops.

It says "not to be taken

"by people with asthma."

How's it work, Gertrude?

It leaves you breathless.

As Trevor found out.

You used your old passport

with your real name

to have that prescription

filled out, didn't you?

Yes, it was

quick and painless

and poor Trevor didn't

feel a thing.

I really liked him.

Yeah,

and you loved his

money, too.

But what about Ronnie?

He's in custody.

Never got further

than Toronto.

Get in, Mrs. Shazlinski.

Lady Ashley, please.

CAMILLA:

What a dreadful vehicle.

Detective Vachon,

have you ever been

in the driver's seat

of an Ashley?

Not really.

Get in.

Au revoir, Jonathan.

A bientot, Jennifer.

The bullet that missed you

and the one that clipped

the coat attendant

were fired by Vivienne's gun,

which was registered

to Mr. Scott.

Ronnie Scott?

Yeah.

Detective Vachon,

that is what is known as

a smoking gun.

Mm-hmm.

Mm...

What the heck?

So this is where

we say goodbye.

And here's the last envelope.

Before we open it...

If Max could arrange

three envelopes for us,

we can arrange one

for you.

This will help you repair

the antique shop.

And as Max always said,

"Get on with the exciting

business of life."

I guess he have me

that piece of advice when

I was about 15 years old.

He always said that life

is truly exciting

if you only live it.

And Max lived it to...

Well, I guess you'd say

he lived it to the, uh,

to the max.

We won't forget that.

And you promise

you'll come to our wedding?

We wouldn't miss it

for the world.

We'll be there.

Bye, Kurt.

Bye.

Thanks for everything.

Goodbye.

Kurt.

Thank you.

Uh, so...

So?

Start walking.

Over there.

All right.

(LAUGHING)

Come on, Junior.

Go on, open it!

"Dear Mr. and Mrs. H,

"I know by now you must

have got yourselves

in a mess of trouble,

"like you always do,

"and got out of it, too,

by now.

"So it's time

you looked at the clock

"and stop and smell the roses

"and the coffee

and the Canadian bacon.

"Now you're walking,

"but don't look up yet.

"Okay, now stop.

"And now, Mr. and Mrs. H,

"raise your heads

to the right."

Wow.

Is that the surprise?

"That's right.

You got it.

"I want you to sail up

the St. Lawrence

on this ship

"and get on with

what I told you

in the first place.

"My devotion to you

"and for you is for now

"and for eternity.

"And as usual,

"I'll be there to buzz you

in the gate.

"Max."

Well, shall we get on with it?

Yeah.

BOTH: Thanks, Max.

(FREEWAY BARKS)

(WHINES)

(BARKS)

(CLOCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Hart to Hart: Two Harts in 3/4 Time (1995) - full transcript