Hare Trimmed (1953) - full transcript

"Hare Trimmed" (1953)

subtitles by bludingutz

[knob turning]

[plank opening]

[Sam:]"Local widow inherits fifty million dollars..."

Fifty million dollars!

oooohhhhhhhhh...

Mmmmmmmm...

That widow oughta get married!

When I get my hands on that money

I'll buy the old ladies' home
and kick the old ladies out!



I'll have the orphans' home torn down...

And I'll get rid of the p'lice department!

Mu-wa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Heh!

that evil character's after
that nice old lady's money!

Looks like this boy scout's gonna
do his good deed for today!

[bugle call]

[dainty classical music playing]

[granny shivering]
Ooooh-oooh-ooh-ooh!

Oh, it's chilly in here!

Knock! Knock! Knock! Knock!

Coming!

Coooomiiing!

I want you, baby!



Your eyes!

Your eyes!
Your lips!

Come with me to the Casbaaaaaaah!

We'll make beautiful music t'gither!

[Jazzed-up "Sweet Georgia Brown"]

[Granny laughing and giggling]

Come to Papa, baby!

Land sakes!

Nothing like this has happened to me
since the boys got back from Gettysburg!

[Granny laughing delightedly]

[*Knock! Knock! Knock! Knock! Knock!*]

Oh, goodness! Someone's at the door!

[*giggles*]
Don't go away - I'll be right back!

[Bugs talking in ridiculous French accent]
Ah-haaaa! I find ye, my leetle pidgeoooon!

[Bugs talking in ridiculous French accent]
Fly with me to Pareee!

[*Mmm!* *Mmm!* *Mmm!*]

Hoo hoo hoo! Oh my!!

Twenty years: nothing!
And then it aaall piles up in one day!!

[Granny laughing and giggling]

Ehhh...

What is up, Monsieur Le Physicien?

Ya durned dude!!!

I'll give you a taste of leather!!!

**Smack!!**

Ha!

You have insult ze Great Loveur!

Ze "Marquess of Queensbury Rules"!!

Take ziss!

**WHACK!!**

[brick crumbles spilling out]

Oooooohhhh!!!!

Peestols, at ten paces?

[*grab!*]
You're on!!

En garde?

I'mmmmmm ready!!

One! Two! Three! Four!

Five! Six! Seven! Eight!

Nine! Nine and a half!

Nine and three-quarters!

Nine and three-sixteenths!

Eleven-sixteenths!

Twelve-sixteenths!

Ten!

[**bus horn blaring**]
***SMACK!!!***

Yup!

'S right on time!

Ooooohhh! What a night!

[*Slam!*]

[banging on door]
Open up! Open up that door!!

[Bugs in Granny's voice
Comiiiiiiing! Comiiiiiiing!

NOW I've got---

Emmaaaaa!

[Sam chuckling bashfully]

Oh, you're cute!

[*Honk!*]

Ooo, hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Ya-hoooo!!!

[Bugs laughing and giggling like Granny]

Oh, my!
[Bugs laughing and giggling like Granny]

[Bugs laughing and giggling like Granny]

[loud rumbling noise]

[*Crash!*]
[Discordant piano notes echoing]

[*Smunch!*]
[Discordant piano notes echoing]

[Granny gasping]
Heavens to Betsy, he's looped!

Now, here! You better sit down
while I fix you a cup of black coffee!

I'll be back with your coffee in a jiffy!

[serving cart squeaking]

One or two lumps?

Make it two!

Two? Ok...

One! **WHACK!!**

One! **WHACK!!**
Two! **WHACK!!**

[Laughing and giggling]

Oh, my!!
[Laughing and giggling]

Here's your coffee!
Uh, one or two lumps?

**Crash!!**
[Granny exclaiming]

THAT'S how many!!

Ooohhhh!

He flipped his lid!

[**SLAM!**]

GREAT HORNY TOADS!!

Wait, Emmy! Wait!!

I'm soooorrry!!

Open up, Emmy!
[door clattering]

Eh, don't you come near me!!

I can see you through the keeeeyhooooole!

***BLAM!!!!***

Awwwww, come on, Emmyyyyyyyy.....

***BLAM!!!!***

**Whistle!**

Emmy!!! I'm sorry, Emmy!!!

Gimme the lumps! I want the lumps!!

Will you take two?

yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah

yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah
yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah

**WHACK!!**

**WHACK!!**
**WHACK!!**

I LIKE IT! I LIKE IIIIIIIIT!!!

Oooh-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

You're cute! Let's elope!

Ok! You get to th' window!
I'll get a ladder!

I want to take a few things along!

Caaatch!

**Whap!**

**Thud!!**

**Whap!**

**THWAP!!**

**Smack! Crash! Thud! Splat!

***WHAM!***

*Thud!*

That dame's takin' everything
but the kitchen sink!

**Clang!!**

Don't forget the money, Emmy!

***CRASH!***

[Church bells ringing]

[organ playing "Here Comes The Bride"]

[dress ripping]
[organ playing "Here Comes The Bride"]

[organ playing "Here Comes The Bride"]

[Preacher]: Do you, Sam, take this woman...

[Preacher]: woman??

[Preacher]: to be your lawful wedded wife?

Eeeeechh.....

Oooooochhhh....

I...

NO!

NO, I WON'T! I WON'T!

NOT FOR A BILLLLION!!!

Boo-hoo-hoo!

Always a bridesmaid

But never a bride!

Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo!