Hard Candy (2005) - full transcript

After three weeks of chatting with the thirty-two year old photographer Jeff Kohlver over the Internet, fourteen year old Hayley Stark meets him in the Nighthawks coffee shop. Hayley flirts with him in spite of the age difference and proposes to go to his house. Once there, she prepares a screwdriver for them and Jeff passes out. When he awakes, he is tied up to a chair, and Hayley accuses him of pedophilia. Jeff denies the accusation, and Hayley begins to torture him in a cat and mouse game.

That is so good.

I want more.

Don't get greedy.




I was gonna be, like,
so sophisticated when we met.

Little hard to do that with your mouth
full of... whatever that is.

It's great. It's great.
Do you want some?



It's, um... kind of
what I was thinking.


You just don't look like the kind of guy
who has to meet girls over the internet.

I think it's better to meet people
online first sometimes.

You get to know
what they're like inside.

When you work as a photographer

you find out real quick,
people's faces lie.

Does my face lie?

I look at those eyes
and I see...

a girl who reads Zadie Smith,

who listens to John Mayer
and Coldplay,

who loves Monty Python episodes

and who, desperately,

madly, deeply, wants,

needs, longs for...
more chocolate.

Excellent, excellent
judge of character.

Can I get two of those truffles

and two ganaches.

Now what's a ganache?

You don't know
what a ganache is?

Lucky, you're with
a woman of the world

to introduce you to these things.

And two chocolate-covered hearts.

And a decaf latte for me.

- And?
- I'm good.

Yeah, you do appear so.

So what's in the bag?

Oh, you know,

just, like, books and stuff.

I figured if you stood me up,
then I should have something to read.

Well... I couldn't really decide.

I'm reading this book
about Jean Seberg.

She's this actress
who slept with all the wrong people

and ended up killing herself.

Don't you do that.

No. I intend to sleep
with all the right people.

Plus, I'm reading Romeo and Juliet.

It's a ninth grade book,

but I figured I could have it done
before the school year starts, so...

Doesn't look like
Elizabethan tragedy.

No, that's 'cause...

Well, my dad... he's letting me audit
one of his med school courses, right?

I don't really understand
half of it,

but I totally love it.


So you go to UCW

and you sit in a lecture hall
with all these grad students

and, what,
do they hit on you?

Why? Are you jealous?

Just admiring. I didn't know
you were interested in that kind of thing.


You thought since we'd been chatting
for three weeks

that you knew everything about me?

Plus, they wouldn't
hit on a 14-year-old girl.

They're old enough
to be my dad, so..

They're like...

They're bad older.
They're... You're not...

I'm so articulate.

Sorry. Can I just, like,
start over?

No. I get it. I get it.
I just thought...

You know, well,
you look older than you are.

You certainly act
older than you are.


Yeah. I was expecting someone
not as impressive.

Me too.

Cool shirt.

You want it?

No, I didn't really bring
enough bucks, so...

And yet, not actually
what I was asking.

Sure, I want it.

Can I get a green shirt
in a small, please?

No. No, no.

- I can't let you do that.
- What? Because...

- Because...
- What? Because you'd be so

indebted to me
that you'd have to...

Okay. I guess I can
let you do that.

You have to model it for me.

Conditions. I can't live
with all these conditions.


- This is so unfair.
- What?

This is when things happen,

in the middle of the night, by which time
I am completely out of the scene.

Life as a teenager.

I just hate having to depend
Lindsey to drive me everywhere.

You'll be driving
before you know it.

In the meantime, I missed
Elizabeth Wurtzel speaking at USC

and the Goldfrapp concert.

I was at the Goldfrapp concert actually.

Shut up. You were?
Was it great?

Of course it was great.
What am I saying?

Well, you could judge for yourself.

- I got a bootleg MP3.
- You have the concert?

Just one song. A little louder, please,
so the authorities know.

I totally have to hear it.

I'll send it to you.

After you get home,
after you get around to it.

Good things are worth the wait.

And what have you waited for recently?

I'm gonna have to wait
four years for you.

You are just trying to distract me
from that MP3.

Look, I have to send it.

It's not like I could
take you to my house.

That would be a little insane.


Okay, now don't peek.

I shoot models for a living.

I've seen it all before.

And you're so sure about that?

I'm thinkin' yeah.

Maybe you should peek

and make that clerk wonder
what's going on over here.

In your dreams, little girl.

Little girl?

Whatever happened to
how mature I was?

- Is this mature enough for you?
- Okay...

Keep teasing me like that,
you're gonna drive me crazy.

Is that so?

Okay. All right.

How's this?



Now, there's three points
I have to make.

One: you wouldn't take advantage
because you've been seen with me.

And two: it's Goldfrapp.

And three?

Well, and three...

You said that it would be
insane for me to come over and...

Four... Four out of five doctors agree
that I am actually insane.

Thus, I have to come over

in order to be true to myself.


And the fourth reason:
this amazing car.

Well, in the face of logic like that,
I bow down and worship.

Bow down?

That's a good idea.
What are you waiting for?

Worship me.

Yes, oh, royal Thonggirl.

I am not worthy
to kiss your feet.

Maybe you are.

Maybe we should, like,
get going.

Yes, oh, magnificent thonggirl.

You wanna call your sister?
Tell her where you'll be?

Maybe later.
I just wanna get in this car.

Wow. So hot.

What's wrong?

Well, they teach us "young things"

not to drink anything
we haven't mixed ourselves, so...


Come back in the kitchen.
I'll pour it again.

No. Come on.

I can whip up something
more entertaining than that.

Healthy dude, huh?

I try.

Figure I'll live
as long as I can.

Living long is overrated.

What? You don't want
to reach a ripe, old age?

For what?
When I'm 80,

what do I do for fun?

When you're 80 I'll be 98.

Right... and useless to me.

What use do you have
in mind for me?

I knew there'd be something
fun around here.

I mean, other than wa...

I bet these babes
got some dirt on you.

Those are models.

So why are they on your walls
instead of magazine covers?

Here, looking at you while

you know, you do the most
intimate things.

My house is my studio.

When clients come here they're walking
into my giant portfolio.

So, what?
These were all shot here?

Oh, my God.

Okay, you are like
a big deal, aren't you?

I get work.

Isn't that one of those cameras
that gives you the square image?

How do you know that?

I'm a goon.
I just, like, read constantly.

You saw all those books in my bag.

You're not reading now.

I'm not, am I?

Feels good.

Don't fall behind.

We should toast.



What's that?

It's my own little toast.

You know carpe Diem.

"Seize the day."

So I figure, carpe omnious.

"Take it all."

Take it all.

So, like, what is it like
to look through your lens at some...

beautiful woman
who's working so hard

to look good for you?

You know these models.
They all have handlers.

People to make sure
their hair is just right

and their makeup is okay

and they don't get lost
on their way to their next gig.

So you never get
to be alone with them?

- Rarely.
- Poor Jeff.

I am compensated for my troubles.
Don't worry about me.

But I like worrying about you.

It makes me wonder...


No, no. Forget it.

No, come on.

Come on. What's in that
insane mind of yours?

Okay. We'll have another screwdriver
and then maybe I'll tell you.

- I'm waiting.
- Hold on.

You are not keeping up.


Okay, here's where you're supposed
to make it easier for me and read my mind.

You're wondering how many
models I've done it with.


- How many?
- None of them.

- Oh, get out.
- No. They're underage, mostly.

I'd be arrested.

So you're not arrested
for photographing them like this?

I'm very aware
of the legal boundaries.

- I have to be.
- Right. Right.

'Cause secretly...

you would like to do them.

No. There's just one
that I slept with

when we were both younger.

That one?

No out here.

- In the bedroom?
- No...

What's her name?



Yeah. Janelle.

So, what? What? Was she, like,
the first big girlfriend or something?

That's right.

Learned everything I knew
practicing on her.

And that date...

Was that the first time
that you guys...

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

So, what? Where is she now?

She actually signed with Ford
right after this shoot.

- She really took off. She, um...
- Oh, my God.

She is, like, on magazine covers.
I know her.

Well, like, not personally, obviously.

You are impressive
every second.

The models are impressive.
I just know how to bring it out.

You still love her.


Ah... yeah.

- No.
- Yeah!

- No.
- Really?

- No.
- Really, really, really?


I still love how simple things were
back then but...

You know, I...

I don't want to forget that, but...

we've moved on.

You're lonely.


I can hear it in your voice.

I'm a big boy.

I guess everyone kind of
has a Janelle, right?

I guess.


What if you got
one of your cameras

and we can see
what you can bring out in me.

- This is what you wanted to ask?
- Well, I...

- It's not as easy as you think.
- Okay.

Models don't just pout their lips.

They have to be willing
to open up.

They have to show us
a little of their soul,

their secrets.

And most people only open up
from weakness.

Nobody wants to see photos
of weak people.

We look at great models
because they open up...

from a position of...

of, uh, of strength.

They have the strength...

to believe they can do anything,

no matter how crazy, or, uh...

Are you okay?

- Let's try something.
- Okay.

Do me out here.

- I shoot everyone in my studio.
- Oh, come on.

But I'm not everyone, am I?

Clearly not.

Come on, Jeff. Shoot me.

Come on.

Shoot me.

- Don't do that.
- What?

That phony music video crap.

Come on.

Just be yourself.

Just be open.

- Weren't you just listening to me?
- Come on, Jeff.

- Sit down.
- Shoot me.

Look at me.

Be honest.

Would you listen to me?
Just sit down.

- Jeff, I don't...
- Sit down.

- J-Jeff, I don't...
- Sit down!

Are you okay?

I don't feel so good.

Did you... Did you call me?

Sorry. I was just looking through
your medicine cabinet.

Okay, boring!
No Valley of the Dolls stuff at all.

Can't help but wondering
why all the lubricants though.

Oh, hey, just...
Tell me when you're ready.

Take your time.

What did you...

- What Di...
- You remember what I said

about not drinking anything
you didn't mix yourself?

That's good advice
for everyone.

You know what? I'm sorry
you were drugged for so long.

I've never really done that before
and I swiped this from my dad.

Didn't come with directions
and it's not like I could just ask him

how much to use.

So I probably used too much

or those screwdrivers could
have affected my judgment, you think?

It's real water.

Scout's honor.


Why do I get... tied up first

if this is how we're gonna play?


play time is over.

Now it's time to wake up.

This isn't funny.

Is this some... teenage joke?





- Now let me...
- Patience.

- Let me go. Let me go!
- Patience.

- Let me go!
- Patience.

I'm just checking out
the side of the house, okay?

You know, I saw this cop show once.
It was great.

And the killer, he thought he
had cleaned up all the evidence

but some of the victim's blood
was on his shirt

and, yeah, sure,
he washed it,

but some of the dried up blood
got caught in the lint trap, so...

I mean...

Anything in here
I should know about?

What the fuck are you doing?

That's kind of been
my question, Jeff.

What the fuck are you doing,

living in a house filled with pictures

of half-naked teenage girls?

Oh, none of whom
you've ever done it with...

Help! Help!

Help! He...

There is really no point
in me taking any risks, Jeff.

Technically, I could let you scream
your fucking brains out

and no one is going to hear you.

Yeah, I waited till today
because Mr. Coughlin is at work,

and the Kraskows...
they're vacationing in Santa Barbara.

Still, I can't have some pedestrian
just happening by as you're screaming,

so shut up, or next time
it's gonna be bleach, okay?

You've been stalking me?


All right. Let's get this straight.

You have been stalking me.

Yeah. I went into other chat rooms,
with different nicknames.

You would get to know
each woman...

and then as soon as you found out
they were any bit older than me

you would just drop them like that.

You took your time
sniffing out someone my age.

I didn't talk to the others
because they were boring.

- You and I connected.
- Oh, right.

Come on. You think
I faked all that?

You know, actually
it's kind of funny.

Because every time I would mention
some obscure singer or band

you knew so much about them.

But not right away.

It was, like, a few minutes later.

Maybe to give you enough time
to look them up on the web?


you used the same phrases
about Goldfrapp

as they do on Amazon.com.


By the way,

I fucking hate... Goldfrapp.

Come on.

I wanted to impress you.

I'm not the first guy to do something
stupid to impress a girl.

Does that deserve being
tied up and tortured?


Is this torture to you?

I guess you've never read anything by
Amnesty International or Human Rights Watch

because this...

This is nothing.

Of course you're not
the first guy to lie to a girl, Jeff.

The operative word there
being "girl."

I mean, you know
how old I am.

What makes a kid who's barely past
her first period worth all this research?

I mean, you really got
to start to wonder

when a grown man
goes through all this trouble

just to charm a girl.

Wow. There's that word again.


You know, maybe it's
this whole camera thing?

Cameras... computers.

They let you hide, don't they?

So safe.

I heard how your voice changed
when the camera came between us.

My voice changed
because I felt sick

because you drugged me.

Yeah, you were drugged, all right.

And the drug was sweet

little 14-year-old flesh.


I'm a decent guy, ask anyone.

Go ahead. Call these models.
They'll tell you.

Of course they will.

You're not an idiot, Jeff.

You don't piss where you live.

Those girls were your work
and I, on the other hand was...

your play.

- You were coming on to me.
- Come on.

That's what they always say.

- Who?
- Who?

The pedophiles!

"She was so sexy.
She was asking for it."

"She was only technically a girl.
She acted like a woman."

It's just so easy
to blame a kid, isn't it?

Just because a girl
knows how to imitate a woman

does not mean she's ready to do
what a woman does.

I mean, you're the grown-up here.

If a kid is experimenting

and says something flirtatious,
you ignore it.

You don't encourage it.

If a kid says,
"Hey, let's make screwdrivers,"

you take the alcohol away
and you don't race them to the next drink!

Look, look.

I've been lonely, okay?

That makes me stupid
but I am not a pedophile.

- I am not lonely.
- This is some horrible mistake.

- And not stupid.
- Untie me. We'll forget this whole thing.

Just untie me now!

I might be a little peeved.
So when I am ready,

I'll call a cab and call another one
to let you loose.

- When will that be?
- I'm not sure yet.


You can save yourself
so much time

by just dropping that word
from your vocabulary.

I'm gonna do
what I want, Jeff.

See, a guy as smooth
at seducing adolescents as you are

and takes those photographs...

I just figure he has something around
that he doesn't want seen,

and when I find that,

then maybe I'll know
what I'm dealing with.

What you're dealing with?

I mean, what kind
of pedophile are you?

Just a voyeur?

Again, not a pedophile.

Right. You're a photographer.

Takes a genius to get paid
for what you'd be happy to do for free.

Go into the living room.

Look in the grey cabinet.
Pull out the third drawer down.

You'll see prints of my work
for all kinds of environmental groups.

I've done shots of the Yukon Territory,

the Utah wilderness,

Inuit villages in Alaska...

So what?

You love nature, thus you must
be a nice guy?

I'm saying my modeling shots
are just part of my portfolio.

I've shot a lot of different subjects,

some of it very important work.

And it was so important
that you thought,

"Well, I can't possibly
hang it on the walls of my home."

I need to plaster my house
with pictures of underage nymphs

"and just tuck the nature shots away."

So... a voyeur
and a conservationist.

I'm not a voyeur!

Not just a voyeur.

Sometimes you kick it up
a notch to molestation.

I am not a molester!
I've no idea who you've confused me with.

Sometimes you molest someone
and they fight back

and you completely lose
control and you hurt them.

I have never hurt anyone!

We'll just see, won't we?

Those letters are mine.

Nothing's yours when you invite
a teenager into your home.

Don't love her anymore, huh?

That explains why you save these.

I thought about selling them
on e-Bay.

Excuse me?

Sorry. I couldn't hear you.
Maybe it was the music or...

I don't know.
Maybe it was the bullshit.

All right. Honestly...

Some day I thought about
sending them to her,

reminding her how much
of a bitch she was.

A little angry, are we?

She broke your heart
and you haven't gotten over it?

You walk into somebody's house,
you start looking through their shit...

You're gonna find things
that embarrasses them.

It doesn't mean anything.

All right. Okay.

"Dear Jeff."

You have to stop.
I can't go where you wanna take me.

"You're just not the person
I thought you were."

You don't have to read it.
I know what it says.

I bet you do. How many times
did you read this?

None of your business.

What kind of person
did she find out you were, Jeff?

None of your business.

That kind of depends
on how you define business, actually.

So, what? Did you find her?

The girl you wanted? Is this what
your work is, some big search?

Are you the type of guy
who likes to save his outgoing e-mails?

Read them over and over again,
to think about what you said?

This is weird.

Your download manager says
you pulled some photos off the net,

but... I can't find them.

Gosh, that's strange.

Yeah. A smart guy
doesn't leave photos on his computer.

'Cause that's the first place
the cops are gonna look.

And then you're... into mementos.

So where do you put the stuff
that you pull off the net, hm?

Do you have a special
little hiding place or something?

I live alone.

Why would I need
a hiding place?

Just what I've been wondering.

I have looked through
your whole house.


and I have found no porn.

I have not found
a single bit...

of porn.

Guys tend to have porn around
don't they?

Nothing against it,
nothing against them.

It's just the way they're brought up.

Seriously, if a guy knows
he can get away with it,

all guys, they have porn
at least somewhere in their crib.

- You've done studies on this of course.
- Then I was thinking...

that these photos on his wall,
maybe those are his porn.

But I bet they're not your stroke shots.

I bet whatever you have is so...


it needs its own little cubbyhole.

Isn't that right, Jeff?

So what's the combination, Jeff?

Eat me.

Look at how he's sweating.

Does this worry you, Jeff?

I'm gonna figure it out,
so you might as well just tell me.

I am an honor student.

Take your time.

Oh, I will.

- Believe me, I've got plenty.
- No, not much.

Aren't mommy and daddy gonna worry
if you're not home before dinner?

I'm thinking no.

Oh, is that it?

What? They're too busy
to keep track of you,

so you reach out to somebody
who seems like he might care about you?

And you're so mad
because they ignore you?

They've always made the fuss
over your older sister

because she learned
to do everything first?

You're furious with them,

but they do love you

and they pay for your existence,

but you can't let them see
any of that anger.

- I'm not angry at them.
- No, no. Absolutely not.

That'd be too dangerous.

But you are angry,

and you gotta
let it out somehow.

So you find a guy...
an older guy...

Maybe he reminds you
a little of your dad.

Let me guess.
I look like him?

You don't look
anything like him.

If you say so.

But you gotta
let that anger out somehow.

- And I seem like a good target...
- Will you shut up?

Seriously, just shut up!

You know nothing about me.

No, you're right.
So sit down and tell me.

We'll talk.

- Yeah, right.
- We can sit on the sofa.

And I'll call a taxi for you.

If you want, I'll hold you.

If you don't want,
I'll keep my distance.

You can let it all out.
If you need to cry, if you need to scream.

Whatever you need, Hayley.

You wouldn't be mad at me?

I just want you
to look at what you're doing.

I just wanna ask, um...

Did you... Did you seriously think
that that was gonna work?

You're good at what you do, Jeff.

What you do is work
with teenage girls, put them at ease

so they can trust you
with all their secrets.

No, that's not what I was doing.

Janelle's birthday.

Janelle's phone number.

Janelle's phone number backwards.

You're an honor student.

Try every possible combination
of numbers.

Should only take you
the rest of the week,

if you figure in breaks for meals.

Or I...

Or I could just try
March 19th.

March 19th. First with Janelle.

What's this, Jeff?
You are lensman319 after all.

Was this the first photo session
or the first time you banged her?

Or was that the same thing?

Hm. What year would that have been?




How sentimental you are.

What's so special
about these photos?

This is what they make
those federal laws for, Jeff.

This is officially sick.

What makes this girl
so special?

Why does she get
to keep her clothes on?

I recognize this girl.


Where are you?

Oh, fuck!

Welcome back.

I'm sorry to expose you like this.

It's not about sex,
although I have to admit...

you are built.

I never touched you.

I was trying
to hold you off me

while I called the cops.

Would you have shown them this?

Why do you have a picture
of Donna Mauer in your safe?

And have you seen her,
because no one else has.

I did meet Donna for coffee.

I took a shot of her
to make her happy.

So how happy did you make her?

Look at her.
She's fully dressed.

You can see the coffee shop
behind her.

I never brought her home.

So, what?
You just said,

"See you later, kid.
It's been fun."

You could have thrown this away.

You didn't.

You needed to hang on to it.

You could have talked
to the police.

- You're right.
- Yeah.

Or maybe you had something to hide,

like the extensive kiddy porn collect...

Look. I'm not the monster
you think I am.

But okay, I... crossed a line.

Just call the cops.
I'll turn myself in.

A cute pedophile pleads guilty.

"But, oh, it's not his fault.

He's sick.
He has an addiction."

I'll do jail. Isn't that
what should happen?

Yeah, you might.
You might get jail time.

I don't know...
Therapy, drugs,

group discussions, notifying people
when you move into a new house.

- How bad is that, really?
- It'll ruin my career, my life.

Didn't Roman Polanski
just win an Oscar?

So why the ice?

I read the psych profile
about the person who took Donna Mauer.

Said he's a loner.

Thinks he's pretty damn bright
and as powerful as a teenage girl.

He's gonna strike again.
Kind of sounds a lot like you.

It's not me!

Maybe not, but...

Those photos that I found

and the way you let me get drunk...

You're a headline
waiting to happen.

Everybody will be safer
if I do a little preventive maintenance.

- What the fuck are you doing?
- I have to shave you down here.

I can't have any hair
on the incision site, right?


I've been going in my dad's
medical library at school

and, um, well, you said
I was pretty bright, right?

I think I'm smart enough
to perform a successful castration.


- Please.
- No! Ow!

Okay, okay.
I guess you're not numb enough yet.

What should we talk about
while we're waiting?

"Dear Janelle.
My name is Hayley Stark."

I hope you don't mind me
writing you like this.

I met this guy
that I think you know... Jeff Kohlver.

He's so cute.

Well, he seems to really like me.

He even asked me over
to his place to do some photography,

and I am so excited about this

because, well,
for a 14 year old like me,

"this could be a huge break,
you know?"

And here I put in a little smiley face icon.

"Thing is,

and I've tried to pretend
this isn't the case,

but he talks about you a lot,

and I have this ooky feeling
he's still in love with you.

And I'm pretty sweet on him too,

but I don't want to go crazy
over him if there's some chance

that you two
might get back together.

So, so, so, so,

I found your e-mail address
in his PDA,

and I thought I'd just ask.

Is this insane?

Am I insane?

Is Jeff?

And this other girl
he talks about all the time.

Her name is... Donna Mauer.

Do you know anything about her?

I found these photos
on his computer but,

silly me, I can't figure out
how to open them,

but I'm attaching them to this note.

Are they pictures of you or Donna?

Anyhoo, thanks a mil.

Your complete honesty
will be mucho appreciated.

Love and peace, Hayley."

I tried to make it sound as innocent
and moronic as possible.

How do you think I did?


Guess I'll just send it
and that'll be that.

You're getting yourself
in terrible trouble.

Oh, and how's that?

If you cut me in any way,
you won't forget it.

It changes you when
you hurt somebody.

And you speak from experience,
I guess.

I've just lived.

Unlike you.

The things you do wrong...

They haunt you.

Tell me what you're haunted by.

You wanna remember this day
when you're with a guy on a date?

Or on your wedding night?

'Cause I promise you,
you will.

Don't do that to yourself.


You know, that is so thoughtful.

You are speaking to me
so selflessly.

I mean, you just don't want me
to castrate you for my own benefit?

Wow, I'm touched.


Why don't we imagine
someone saying the same thing to you

at a random moment?

Imagine that, when you
downloaded this little girl...

I was sitting by your side saying,
"Stop. Don't do that to yourself."

Would you have listened?


Don't do that to yourself.


Don't do that to yourself.



You are good and numb, aren't you?

Fuck off.

Your conversational skills are really
deteriorating as the day goes on.

Seriously. It turns out
that castration...

is the easiest surgical
procedure around,

and thousands of farm boys across
the country guild their own livestock.

So I figure, if they can do it,

then I can pull it off,
if you know what I mean.

I'm not fucking livestock.

You keep telling yourself that, stud.



Look, that wasn't necessary.

You bitch.

No more wiggling.

Does your mother know
you cut off men's balls?

I've never done it before today, but...

Maybe I'll tell her
when I get home,

see what she says.

"Hayley, I knew you needed
a science fair project, but really..."

So you and your mom
are both whacked.

I don't know. That's that whole
nature versus nurture question, isn't it?

Was I born a cute, vindictive
little bitch or...

did society make me that way?

I go back and forth on that.

I'll be done in a sec.
I'm almost done.

There's money in the safe.

- So?
- So you could take it.

Take the camera equipment.
Take whatever you want!

I am.

You really can't talk me
out of this by bribing me, okay?

How... How can I?

What? Talk me out of it?

I don't know.
I haven't thought about that.

You know what? I need
to sterilize this before we start.

Do you want me to use
the vodka,

or do you have
another alcohol you wanna offer me?


Okay, all that scraping I did...

The blood probably rushed back in.
I have to numb you out a bit more, okay?

I'll be right back.

Can I call someone for you?
Is that what you...

Oh, you're getting bored.

Look, I'm sorry.
We gotta get this show on the road.

Oh, it's actually really impressive.

I thought it would be fun
to see how far you could get,

and I really only expected,
like, an inch or two.

That's not bad.

Why don't you just kill me?

Is that what you think I want?

Isn't it?


I love that you have all this stuff

because, like, this way you can watch,
you know?

Now I'm hurt.

I go through all the trouble
to set this up and you don't want to watch?

I just...

I stayed one summer with my
Aunt Denise and her kids.

You know, and her kids
were, like four or five,

and I was, like, ten.

No. No, I was nine.

And the littlest one...
the daughter, Lynnie...

She... she loved me.

So she had this...
she had this game

where she would jump out
of the bathtub, all soaking wet...

and she'd jump on top of me

and she'd tickle me.

And she'd tickle me
and she'd shout:

"Prune attack!
Prune attack!"

'cause her fingers
were all pruney.

I- I-I couldn't do anything
'cause I was afraid I'd hurt her

and it was weird.

And one day her mother
came in, in the middle of it...

and she saw her daughter,
naked on top of me.

And then... she yelled at her:

"Lynnie, get back in the bathtub."

Then she took me by the hand...

and she dragged me
to the kitchen.

She turned the stove on.

We stood there
while the burner got hot.

And she pulled my pants down...

and lifted me up
over the burner.

I could feel the dirt
on my skin from her hands.

She must have been gardening.

And I cried and cried.

And I could hear the tears sizzle
as they hit the burner.

Then she sat me down.

She said, "If I ever catch you
with my daughter again..."

She called my mom.

My mom came the next day.

I never saw Aunt Denise again.

These things really stick.

Okay, well, you know, we're set.


I told you not to use that word.


Hayley, please.

You need help.

A teenage girl
doesn't do this.

I've seen your idea of what
a teenage girl should do,

so don't even start.

I'll pay for a therapist.


Thanks, but if I ever see a shrink...

- I want to make my case...
- Please.

really, really interesting for them.

Please. I'll do whatever you want.

You could call the cops.
I'll say I did whatever you want.

I don't think they're gonna believe
a confession under these circumstances.

Then I'll leave.
I'll leave, okay? I'll move.


Donna's body will still be
where you left it.

I'm not the guy!

I'm not the guy, I swear!

Anything! Please!

Please don't do this!

- Anything?
- Anything! Piss on me!

Fucking feed me glass!
I don't care! Whatever you want!

I'll tell the cops I did
whatever you want. Please!

I don't what ever you want.
Anything. Please.

Please. Anything.

Anything. Anything.


- Anything.
- Yes.

Yeah, anything.

Oh, please.


When I talked about sending an email
to Janelle, you changed the subject.

I could send it right now,
pack up and go.

It could be the best thing
that ever happened to you.

You could stop torturing
yourself with the idea

that you might get back with her.

- What do you say?
- Goddamn it! Get the fuck off of me!

Please untie me and let me go!

Please! Please don't cut me!

Please! Please!


I shouldn't have teased you like that.

I shouldn't have let you think
there was a way out of this.

Hey, um...

I got this medical text,

and if I forget anything
just don't panic.

Okay, 'cause it's...
It's right here.

Yeah, I knew you'd want to watch.

Look, if you move too much,
I could...

knick the perineal artery
and you...

You could, like, bleed to death
before anyone got here, okay?

So, just, please.
I really need to have

a steady, steady hand, okay?


Do you feel that?

Why do you care?

I'd be thankful
for small favors.


That went well.

You know, you told that, uh...

that Aunt Denise story very well.

Very, very well.

What was that supposed to be?
Some kind of magic key

to explain why you are
the way you are?


Okay. What should I do first?
Your right or left testicle?

Why don't we just say right, okay?

All right, now, I just have to give it
one little slice to free it up,

and then, um...


Okay. Now I just need
to suture it up.

This would be so much easier
if I had, like, a nurse or something,

but, you know, I asked my friend
if she'd help me castrate a guy

and, well, she made all these,
like, ooky sounds,

like I was asking her
to swallow worms or something.

Yeah, we'll see who makes medical school
in eight years, huh?

All right, now, you're gonna
feel a tug,

'cause I really gotta get this tight,
all right?

So just... bear with me.



Okay, halfway through.
Over the hump.

Can't you stop?


Some men,

they go through their whole lives
with only one ball,

and they're just fine, you know?

Or so I've read.

Well, I guess I figured that
you're not really punished

if I leave you with a spare.

Okay, stay with me.
Stay with me.

It's okay.
It's okay, Jeff.

If-if I left one, then you'd
be walking around crooked all the time.

Look, this is for the best, all right?

Okay, you're entering
a whole new world now.

Just gotta...

snip and...



This seriously has to be, like,

one of the easiest
operations, because...


I wonder why they teach Girl Scouts
things like camping

and selling cookies.

You know? 'Cause this is
what's really useful.

I don't know how they'd design
a merit badge though.

That'd be interesting.

I saw Lynnie at Aunt Denise's funeral.

I told her what her mom did.

She didn't believe me.

If Denise was here right now,
what would you say?

I'd say, "Help."

A teenager cut my balls off.
Call the police."

She wasn't very sympathetic
the last time,

so I wouldn't really hold your breath.

All right.

I would cancel any appointments
you have in the next few days

because you're going to be sorer
than you've ever been before.

Oh, I'd say, in, like,

eight or nine days,
take the stitches out,

which I suggest you do yourself

to save embarrassment.

Oh, and there's this website:
EunuchsQuestions. com.

Eunuchs is e-u-n-u-c-h-s.

I had a lot of trouble with that
but it gives great advice

on how to deal with your castration.

You really... You don't have
to go through this alone, you know?

Do you want some souvenirs?



What should we do with them?

We could see how far they bounce.


we wouldn't want, like,
a little animal

confusing it for
an afternoon snack.

You know?
A little squirrelly

or a coyote might get sick.

We don't want that, especially with
you being such a conservationist.

We could grind them up
in the garbage disposal.

Or... or we could sew them
back in.

I had this shop teacher once,

who sawed off his thumb in class,

and then he grabbed some ice,

drove to the emergency room.

The next day, sure enough,
he has his thumb.

Didn't bend so well, but he could,
like, hitchhike and stuff.

I'm just checking to see if it works.

I guess they, uh, weren't brass.

You're not laughing, are you?

Well, no wonder. This isn't
a laughing matter at all.

I don't know.
Maybe Donna's smiling just a tad.

I didn't do anything to her.

Maybe, maybe not.

But I suggest you track down
the guy who did...

'cause he has no idea
what's waiting for him.


You really need to rehydrate.

Jeff. Please.
Come on.

Jeff, I'm serious.

You really, really need
to drink this, okay?

Come on.


Do you want more?

Why are you being
so nice to me now?

You're pitiful now, aren't you?

I mean, it's going to be tricky,
not letting anyone find out about...

No more sex.

No more taking public showers.

But one of these days
you're going to get a physical,

and your doctor's going to find out.

And don't worry.
He's not gonna tell his golf buddies...

and they're not gonna tell their friends,

and they're not gonna tell
their friends.

But a couple years down the road
you're going to start wondering,

"Do your publishers know?"

"Do your models know?"

"Does Janelle know?"

God, I'm sweating.

Look, I'll go take a shower

and then I'll be out of your life, okay?

I'll find you.

Don't make threats
while you're still tied down.

- I'm just saying...
- What do you expect me to do about it?

I'm just saying.

The easiest thing for me to do

would be to just kill you.

But I already told you
I'm not going to do that.

You don't get off that easy, Jeff.

I'm sweating like a pig.

Um... I gotta go have a shower,

and then when I come back later,
maybe we can chat some more.

I'm all here.

I'm all here.

Why you can see it
with your very own eyes.

Come on. Come on.


Hey, Trace.

Look, I'm gonna be done, like,
so much sooner than I thought,

so do you wanna
catch a movie or something?


No, I'm not telling you.

Yes, this is Lieutenant Hayley, L.A.P.D.

You're acquainted with a photographer,
one Jeffrey Kohlver?

Yes, there's been
an incident here.

Is it possible that
you can assist us?

I'm not at liberty
to discuss that at this moment, ma'am,

but it's a very delicate matter and
the sooner we can speak with you here,

the better chance we have
of keeping it out of the newspapers.

We appreciate that.

The address...


Yes, that's the place.

How soon do you think
we can be here?


Stand straight.


- You're insane.
- Right.

Which I did tell you
when we first met, remember?

"Four out of five doctors agree..."

Maybe I should ask my therapist.

See what she thinks
about it.

Ask her much it would cost
to get a padded cell...


Shut up.


Oh, hello.
Is Mr. Kohlver here?

Um, he's asleep.
Not feeling so well.

I think it's food poisoning.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Are you...

I'm his niece.

Oh, really?

Can I ask you something?


I might be a little
out of line here.

Do you babysit?

Yeah, yeah.
I do. I do.

But I'm only here
for, like, a couple more days.

That's too bad.

I'm on a constant patrol
for new babysitters.


Are those...

Yes. Mr. Kohlver's cookies.

My daughter's a Girl Scout
and we've been trying to deliver these,

but we've always been missing him,
so here they are, yummy stuff.


Yeah. Uncle Jeff loves
his Girl Scouts, so...

- You should probably...
- What?

Well, pay me.

Right. Yeah. I'm sorry.
How much is it?

- Six.
- Six.

Can you just wait here
for a second?

No problem. Sure.

Here you go.

Did I hear something?

The food poisoning.
He's... vomiting and...

I'm so sorry.

- Your cookies.
- Thanks.

And if you're going to be around
any longer,

I'm just... I'm three
houses down, across.

I can always, always, always
use a new sitter.

- I wish I could, but...
- Yeah, me too.


So how's the roof?


You were on the roof.

I was.

Just a little while ago I was
trimming my roses and looked up

and I saw you there
and I was wondering who it was.

Ah, yeah, we...
There's, uh...

We had a leak
and I...

thought I'd go up and check.

Your uncle made you
go up on the roof?


he's sick

and I said I'd go and see
if there's, like...

- A hole or...
- Right.

Did it rain?

I have to go back to my uncle.

Oh, sure. No problem.

Just tell him Judy Tokuda
said hello.

- You bet.
- Okay?


Well... it's "yummy stuff."

A leak? That's all you
could come up with? Pathetic.

Don't piss me off right now, Uncle Jeff.

You know, she'll be back.

She thinks you're flakey.

You might need help...
putting it fucking mildly.

When you got loose...

did you call the police,
did you run for help,

like an innocent person would?

- I did call.
- Oh, yeah?

Why don't we just
press redial and see?

Face it, Jeff.

You could have gotten away
and you didn't.

Now it's so easy.

I leave you here,

someone will find you...

along with the photo of Donna

and the confession that
I typed on your computer.


I have a special time,
limited offer.

You step off that chair,
you end it all,

I destroy all the evidence.

No one will ever know
why you killed yourself,

not even Janelle.

I didn't kill Donna Mauer.

- We've been over this.
- Fuck you. I'm not gonna beg.

You mean you're not going
to beg again?

Because you do it so well.


Please, pretty please,
with a cherry on top.

One that you just had to pop.

You'll leave a clue.

You've messed up
once already,

more than once.

Mrs. Tokuda's made you.

She's figured you out.

They'll find you.

- They might.
- No. They will.

You'll spend the rest of your life
lookin' over your shoulder.

Waking up, in the middle
of the night,

jumping at every noise.

How hard do you think
they're going to look for me, really?

I mean, they find a pedophile killer,
all gift wrapped for them.

Do you think they're going
to care who did the work?

Do you think they're even
gonna bring it up?

And I will have the biggest
legal defense you ever saw.

If everyone who's ever molested
sends me $5,

oh, come on, I'll be able
to afford

the best fucking lawyer in the world.

Worst case scenario:

two years of community service?

Jody Foster directs
the movie version of the whole thing.

Who do you want to play you?

You didn't leave, did ya?


You don't wanna
leave me... do ya?

Where are ya?

We've spent too much time
only to walk away.

I know you're not gonna leave.

Come on!

I'll make it good for you,
I promise!

Oh, you're good.

You're so good.
You're so fucking good!

You're just like her!
You're all just fucking like her!

You wanna drive a man
fucking crazy,

then go ahead,
until you go out of your fucking mind!

Then go... Go on
your fucking way!

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!


You're right.

You're right, Hayley.

Thank you. Thank you.

This is me.

This is who I am.

Thank you.

Thank you for
helping me see it.

What took you so long?

- You dropped this.
- I had to.

- Yeah?
- You would have been down there forever.

Were you jerkin' off?

Which do you wanna fuck first,
me or the knife?

- You know how to use that?
- Honor student, remember?

Nothing I can't do
when I put my mind to it.

Toss the knife in the backyard!


Or you'll shoot again?
Go on, shoot me.

You're not gonna shoot me!

It's not me you have to worry about.
It's Janelle.

I called her.

Told her I was Lieutenant Hayley
from the L.A.P.D.

How far does she live, Jeff?

Look over there.

Look over there!

The deal's still open.

You put the noose around your neck,
you end this whole game.

I will still clean up all the evidence.
You're running out of time!

Or we can wait for her.

I'll pull off my clothes,

and I will run into her arms.

What? Unless I hang myself?

I'll find you.
I'll track you down!

Assuming you knew anything about me.

Calabasas girl who's dad teaches
at UCW shouldn't be that hard to find.

You believed all that, huh?

Who are you?

It's hard to say for sure.

Maybe not a Calabasas girl.

Maybe not the daughter
of a med school professor.

- Maybe not even a friend of Donna Mauer.
- Maybe not even named Hayley.

Who the hell are you?

I am every little girl
you ever watched...

touched, hurt,

screwed, killed.

- She's gonna find it, Jeff.
- No.

She's gonna find it all. Put on the noose
and jump and I'll stop it.

She'll never find out.

She'll just think you were
some sad man

who she never
should have left.


Bad things...

Fucking awful things
will happen to you in prison.

This is the only way.

You'll wish you'd killed yourself
when you had the chance.

It's the only way, Jeff.


I didn't kill her.

I just watched.

I wanted to take pictures...

but he wouldn't let me.

It was me and another guy.

I didn't do it.
I swear.

I'll tell you the name,

and I'll help you find him.

I'll help you find him.

I know his name.

I know his name, Jeff.

You know what's funny?


Aaron told me you did it
before he killed himself.

It was him.
It wasn't me.


I don't care.


Don't worry.

I promise I'll take care of it all.

Or not.