Happy New Year (1973) - full transcript
Released from prison apparently under a New Year amnesty, a criminal tries to pick up the threads of a life changed not only by his daring plan to rob a jewellers in out-of-season Cannes but by someone special he met there.
- What shall I have?
- I don't know.
- I'm not hungry.
- How about a steak?
- That's a good idea.
- Chateaubriand?
- Or filet mignon?
- Chateaubriand.
Two of them.
- Rare or medium rare?
- Rare.
Rare.
- Warm.
- Of course.
What time did you
leave Monte Carlo?
I left at...
Nothing to start with?
No, thanks.
He's upset that
we're not ordering more.
Want to make him happy?
Do you have any rooms?
This movie was my way
of wishing you a Happy New Year.
Warden, tell them
to open the doors.
Egotist. You'll never
fool them with that.
Ever heard
of black shoe polish?
Yeah, I've heard of it.
Before the movie,
they'll frisk us good.
200 guys will celebrate
New Year's Eve at home tonight.
You're an egotist
and an idealist.
You'll just spoil it
for everybody.
Simon,
report to the warden.
What's the movie tonight?
Some love story.
- They're all here.
- Bring them in.
Gentlemen, I wanted
to offer you my best wishes
for good health
and prosperity,
for liberty and honesty.
This may surprise you,
since you are prisoners,
but as you know,
every year at this time,
paroles are granted.
And you three...
have been granted
paroles this year.
You'll celebrate New Year's Eve
at home tonight.
I tell you I didn't break out:
We got special
New Year paroles:
It's not a joke:
I'll explain when I see you.
I'll be right there.
You're not calling?
Tell the old man
the cab's here.
Wait for me:
Happy New Year.
- Happy New year.
- Same to you, kid.
Take the first right.
- It's not the right way.
- I'm in no hurry.
First left.
It's still not the right way.
Left again.
Hope you're having fun.
Now, to Faubourg St Honore.
Happy New Year.
Hello, Henri?
Francoise?
Are you here?
How could I answer?
I just got here:
I thought you were home.
The lights are on.
Want me to help you close up?
Very well, my dear:
Hurry home. I've got
some ideas for tonight.
** The Happy New Year
is a cup of holiday cheer **
** Heaven's Christmas
present to you **
** The Happy New Year **
** Ring out the old,
ring in the new **
** Say goodnight
to the sleepy old year... **
Reception desk, please.
Is there still a nightclub
called Michou?
Michou... that's right.
** The Happy New Year
opens the way for you **
** To hope all your dreams
will come true... **
- Michou here?
- After the show.
** The Happy New Year
is the smile of a man **
** Who speaks the truth
like a man **
** The Happy New Year
is a cup of holiday cheer **
** Heaven's Christmas
present to you... **
Thank you, Mireille Mathieu,
for joining us.
Happy New Year,
everyone:
Push the button to talk.
Screwball:
Excuse me,
I forgot my wallet.
- What color is it?
- Black.
- Sure you had it?
- I had my train ticket in it.
Marseilles.
Seven minute stopover.
- Mileage?
- 25,000 miles.
Here's your $7,000.
It's not cheap, for two weeks.
Try Avis next time.
Nice to have known you.
Registration's there.
Super.
Super classy here:
You screwball...
lifting that guy's wallet:
You in a bad mood?
- The car?
- Safely hidden.
Can't say that of myself,
working with you.
What am I doing with
a character like you,
a real caricature:?
Some day I'll figure it out.
Did you break anything?
We were lucky...
Everyone is trailed
by a dumb shadow.
But a shadow is
your own reflection.
Why am I stuck with you?
Who did we murder?
Hardly anybody.
Three clerks,
the manager and a doorman.
Bulletproof windows
and cast-iron shutters.
An ultra-modern safe,
burglar alarms
everywhere,
all connected
to police headquarters:
It's crazy.
Know what's tragic about you,
Charlot?
You're stupid
and you're leery:
Being stupid is enough.
The jewelry store
is uncrackable.
Uncrackable.
Uncrackable.
I'm too old for safe-cracking,
young man.
Your moustache.
- It's loose.
- Where? Don't touch it:
That's one's pretty, too.
- Would you like a chair?
- No, thanks.
At my age, I'm afraid
I wouldn't get up again.
Very pretty.
- How much is that one?
- $10,980.
$11,000.
May I help you?
You see, Jeweler,
what bothers me...
is that I prefer
the less expensive one.
The value of a piece
of jewelry...
depends on the moral price
one attaches to it:
That one is pretty, too.
I hesitate...
It's no good to hesitate, is it?
Hesitate, my dear sir,
do hesitate:
Your hesitation honors
our selection.
- Take your time.
- I don't know...
the rubies... the pearls...
the diamonds.
- If it's not indiscreet...
- For my sister.
She's in a hospital in Nice.
Her condition is getting worse.
She's 68 years old.
68? Then I don't know...
You said that one
costs $11,000.
$10,980.
That's very annoying:
Why not $10,999 then?
Jewelers should deal
in round numbers:
I say it's absurd:
All right, I'll take
that one after all.
Give me a chair.
- A chair: Please excuse us.
- You take checks?
- Yes, of course.
- Wrap it in a pretty package,
very pretty.
Be careful not to tear it.
Take it easy:
Unspeakable...
absolutely unspeakable.
Rotten...
no, gamy:
That's the word.
That proves he loves money.
And that means he's vulnerable.
He's not the only one.
How do you know
he loves money?
By the way
he said goodbye.
You're very kind.
- Do you want a cab?
- No thanks,
a little walk along the Croisette
will do me good.
Where can I find a newsstand?
Straight ahead, about 100 yards.
My respects to your sister:
I wish her a speedy recovery.
You don't want a cab?
Uncrackable:
The store, but not
the store manager:
- It's only the two of us.
- The three of us,
counting the manager.
Uncrackable:
The world consists
of customers and merchants.
And customers should start
screwing the merchants:
That says it all.
- But we're not customers:
- Only you and I know that.
Uncrackable...
A jerk like you
in on the first psychological heist.
When the cops bust us,
psych our way out of it, okay?
8:45...
the store manager arrives.
Write down that he goes
in the back way.
8:50... main shutter is raised.
8:55... salesgirls arrive.
Three of them:
Pretty?
Pretty.
9:00...
manager lowers
main shutter again.
Employees all inside...
able to stock display windows,
undisturbed.
9:30...
jewelry in windows...
daytime security functioning...
store ready for business.
9:35... doorman arrives.
Underline that for me.
I underline that.
9:36... that's very nice:
We are knocking over
Van Cleef & Arpel's?
- Sure, why?
- You're pulling to the left.
What about the parallax?
Let's see the parallax.
You've got a blonde parallax.
Brunette:
Blonde:
Just like I said...
you're stupid, leery
and color-blind:
Maybe she dyes her hair.
Do you think antiques can help us?
You never know.
Let's see.
No, look that way:
Is that all you could find?
It's not so bad.
Say something...
I mean, disguise your voice.
Don't I look more intelligent?
Try disguising your voice.
Disguise your voice:
- Don't I look more intelligent?
- I said, disguise your voice:
I did.
Try talking without
moving your lower jaw,
as if you were paralyzed, see?
Say hello.
Count.
You're speaking normally:
- Speak normally.
- I think so.
Me too.
Want to know something?
It'd be best if I didn't talk.
You're right:
I think it's that one.
Yes, I'm sure it was the rubies.
Please excuse my master,
his sister's so hesitant.
- So he told me.
- Here is the other clip.
- A pretty package, please.
- It's $700 more.
My master remembered.
My master likes pretty packages.
Today's special is excellent.
I'll be right back.
Say, how much do you want
for that 18th century miniature?
You can't buy anything more
till you sell me
your Louis XVI table:
My little Louis XVI table...
Give me a price:
A priceless family heirloom
can't be sold.
You say that... to me?
Goodbye.
Enjoy the movie.
Now, have you decided?
Not yet. Could I speak
to the owner, please?
That's me.
I wanted to ask about your table.
Our "table"?
The best in Cannes:
I'm sure it is,
but I meant that one over there.
- It's contagious:
- How much?
It's not for sale.
It's my father's.
- Where is he?
- In the cemetery.
- Now, have you decided?
- Stuffed mussels.
Coming right up.
I'd still like to talk
about that table.
There's nothing
more to be said.
I don't want to sell it.
It's too expensive,
you couldn't buy it:
How about a drink?
I'd like to sell this.
That's Madame Felix's table:
Do you know her?
Yes, I know her.
Why are you laughing?
Nicole.
Come see
Madame Felix's table.
Recognize it?
I feel as if I've brought in
a monster, or a pyramid:
How did you know
I loved this table?
I didn't know, but that's fine,
since I want to sell it.
So she sold it... to you.
She refused to sell it yesterday.
That was yesterday.
This is today.
Let's say I paid the price.
Now you want to sell it to me
for a higher price.
That doesn't interest me.
Let me explain.
It was a present...
a present for a lady.
The lady departed
this morning.
Is this a joke?
Why don't you call
and ask Madame Felix?
You know you have
a pretty smile?
Do tables always
make you smile like that?
That table... yes:
Let's not get excited:
It is beautiful, isn't it?
- If you say so.
- You have the certificate?
Who cares:
This table is signed.
And what a signature.
Nicolas Cochin...
the enemy of all the rococo
and decadent ornamentation...
that characterized
Louis XV furniture.
- How much?
- $9,000.
- You paid $9,000 for it?
- When you give a lady a present...
- You give nice ones:
- Usually, yes...
- When I feel like it.
- That's an expensive gift.
A present is never
expensive enough.
- I don't think you know prices.
- I know ladies.
- I'm not interested.
- Really?
- Not at that price.
- And on consignment?
Is that possible?
How about it?
I could do you a favor.
I couldn't make a profit on it.
You're very kind.
I'm at the Carlton.
I'm staying for about
three weeks... for a rest.
The table might as well be here...
I can't guarantee that
I'll be able to sell it.
Nicole, would you...
I'm in room 629.
At least revolutions
increase the value...
of the things they destroy.
Go ask Madame Felix about this.
It stays open during lunch hour.
The employees go out in turn.
The manager stays in,
the whole time.
Interesting, don't you think?
You listening?
The salesgirls go to lunch first.
When they come back,
the salesman and the doorman go.
So there are three people inside
from 1 2:30 to 2:30 PM.
Interesting, isn't it?
You listening?
You're not listening.
When the manager goes out,
it's to buy pastries.
He went four times
yesterday.
- Has he got any vices?
- Women and pastry.
Who told you all that?
The baker's wife.
Important and interesting...
the store closes
from January until Easter.
We pull it off by January,
or put it off till next year.
Great:
Don't you like the Riviera?
Do you like Louis XVI?
You mean, the guy they...
No, I mean, his style.
The furniture style.
Are we here for business
or pleasure?
You never know.
Is the manager here?
Is anything wrong?
No, no, my sister
adores the clip.
Now she'd like a bracelet
that matches the clip.
An old lady's passion.
- That's how it is.
- How is she?
Much worse.
It's terrible to hesitate this way.
He doesn't want a chair.
It's really a problem.
I can't decide.
It's the kind
of responsibility I detest:
Perhaps we can help you.
In the past, it was simple.
My sister's only passion
used to be pastries.
How well I understand her:
Furthermore, a chocolate eclair
costs less than a sapphire.
Different dividends.
You're very funny...
and a gourmand, I'm sure.
I knew it:
It seems to me that this one...
You think so?
Well, I'll listen to you.
I'll take that one.
How much?
$20,000.
Round numbers, this time.
But you know I think...
I believe...
I'd like you to give me
a discount.
I'm afraid that's not
our way of doing business:
I must confess to you...
it's not mine, either.
I did it because
everyone else does.
I'll take the one
for $20,000...
A pretty package?
- That above all.
- That's important to you.
My sister was very pleased.
Give me have a pen.
A chair: I can't write...
A chair: How many times
must you be told?
And excuse me
for trying to haggle.
My best wishes to your sister:
How much?
An exceptional piece...
with an exceptional price.
Of course.
Do you have a certificate?
The table is signed.
Signatures are meant
to be forged.
I know the Louis XVI style
was copied under Napoleon IIl,
but not to equal the perfection
of Nicolas Cochin.
Ah, yes...
the enemy of rococo.
- You are a connoisseur.
- You might say that.
How much?
$10,000.
Louis XVI is
all the rage right now.
You might even call it madness:
You did say $10,000?
Not including the two chairs.
I don't understand...
about the two chairs.
I'd like to sell them together...
same period and style.
I'm terribly sorry.
I'm only interested
in the table.
They go so well together.
I am truly sorry:
Because you are very pretty:
I think that, at my age,
I can say that.
- You're very kind.
- Too bad...
Listen...
It's a sacrifice,
but you can have the table.
Just the table, for $10,000.
That's so nice of you
that I'll take it.
I'll give you a deposit,
and send my chauffeur for it.
Won't you come inside?
Won't you sit down?
No, I never sit down... never.
Point one, four seconds...
car starts.
Cut, but don't burn rubber.
Point two, 1 3 seconds...
Felix Restaurant.
Point three, 20 seconds...
Hotel Miramar.
It's a straight shot, so fly:
Point four, 25 seconds...
Hotel Martinez.
Maximum 95 MPH, to be able
to slow down going onto the dock.
Start to slow down.
Not over 25 MPH passing
the port guards.
Point five, 45 seconds... good.
Speed up gradually
until the port guards are out of sight.
At the boats, take off again.
Watch that turn.
Now take off to the end
of the dock,
but don't go over 95 MPH.
Put more air in the tires.
You're going to start to brake.
Brake.
Point six, 1'17"...
you get to the boat.
Stow the goods
and anchors aweigh.
Hug the rail on that turn.
Point seven, 1'32"...
out of the port.
Maximum 20 knots
to the lighthouse.
Point eight, 1'40".
From here on,
it's clear sailing.
Steer straight for San Remo,
and wait there till I come.
1'40". I'll hold
the manager that long.
Police? Van Cleef
was just held up
by an old man and his chauffeur.
They went toward the station.
1'58".
1'58" for me,
plus 2'1 3" for the car...
Call it four minutes.
We're covered.
The important thing
is that for over two minutes,
I've got to keep
the manager quiet.
I still say you should split
when I do.
Let's see if you can tell time.
It's 1'58".
Okay, 1'58" plus 2'1 3"
is 4'11".
That beats any alarm system.
Let's go home.
Will you answer that?
Louis XVI?
It's Marie-Antoinette.
This is the antique shop.
I think I have good news for you.
It took a lot of time and effort.
I called antique shops,
and put many ads...
I think I've found a customer.
$8,000 is about as high
as he'll go, though.
That's pretty good, isn't it?
We'll have to talk about it.
People buy anything...
Gothic, modern,
African, Turkish, rococo...
anything at all.
No wonder it's hard
to sell Louis XVI.
Perhaps it's the historical person...
his bad reputation.
All those styles in furniture...
Louis XIV, XV, XVI
and all the others...
and today we haven't got
any real ones.
What do you mean?
You'd think there'd be
a Churchill desk,
a Stalin table
or a Kennedy rocking chair:
- What do you do?
- Manufacturer.
Of what?
I'm in ice... cream.
You know,
ice cream that you eat.
I was wondering why you were
taking a vacation in the winter.
Winter is my dead season...
so I take vacations.
Ice cream must be fascinating.
It has periods...
just like furniture.
There are vanilla periods...
pistachio... chocolate.
In 1961, raspberry
was all the rage.
So someone wants my table?
But he'll only pay $8,000.
So you told me.
So I lose $1000 on the deal?
Not quite...
if I pay for dinner.
In that case,
I can hardly refuse:
I'll write you a check.
No hurry...
we're not on piecework.
Isn't this a business dinner?
Absolutely:
Write it for cash.
Furniture comes and goes:
I'd like a word with you.
So you sold it to a stranger:
You might even say I oversold it.
Didn't I rob you?
Yes, except that
I let myself be robbed,
so it's not robbery.
$9,000 is financial manipulation:
$9,000?
That was the asking price.
Watch out,
he's very charming:
He got it for $7,000.
And you dared?
So I'm the one
who loses $1,000.
Not quite...
because I'll pay for dinner.
- I don't know my own business:
- Are you mad at me?
There you are...
two marriages, two divorces:
They both graduated
from big universities, too.
You should get the next one
fresh out of prison.
Anyway, marriage
as it exists today
is the most odious of lies,
the height of egotism.
- What's that from?
- Don't ask me.
Tolstoi,
"The Kreuzer Sonata."
Simple statements
and common sense.
He reminds me of Alain.
Who's he?
You read a lot?
By the ton:
But not what
you'd call "culture."
Culture is what's left
when all the rest is forgotten.
- I like that.
- It's not mine.
Whose is it?
Selma Lagerloef.
Gesundheit:
Never heard of her.
A Swedish writer,
1909 Nobel Prize winner.
Do you live your whole life
with intellectuals?
Oh, no: Not with them.
Let's say... next to them.
Your little friends must
be very funny guys.
Do they laugh when it hurts?
- What do you mean?
- Well, what you just said...
But I like to hear you talk.
And I like to have you listen.
Good listeners are rare.
He lived vicariously.
He prayed with Mauriac,
protested with Clavel,
committed suicide with Camus.
It couldn't go on.
Really something else.
Who's the man in your life
these days?
Some other museum guide?
An Italian guide:
The thing
about culture is that
you tend to meet
educated people.
But, if I understand correctly...
even culture doesn't
make a woman happy.
What is a woman?
What do you mean?
What do you think a woman is?
- I think a woman is...
- What?
A man who cries sometimes:
Very good: Whose is it?
It's mine. 1966.
So you've really only
been divorced twice.
Number one wasn't jealous,
but number two knew only that...
two extremes... two defeats.
Now I'm independent,
I'm a liberated woman.
Where does
your Italian guide fit in?
Museums aren't always open:
I know I'm being
indiscreet, but...
what about the lady
you got the table for?
What lady?
No memory...
a liar...
and married?
If you love a woman,
why insult her by proposing?
I like that:
Marriage is only a contract.
Contracts are for people
who are afraid.
Afraid of what?
Just afraid, that's all.
Can you elaborate
on "marriage-as-fear"?
Of course I can.
You might say it's...
the fear of solitude
and of freedom.
Because real freedom
always leads to solitude.
That's marriage:
What else?
It's the fear of facing
two fried eggs alone some night,
with no TV and
no life insurance.
It's the fear of finding
yourself alone
without someone who is
even more scared than you are.
It's a prison:
It's worse.
In prison, you've got pals.
Anyway, you look like anything
but a married woman.
How should I take that?
How you should take that?
As an invitation
for Christmas Eve dinner tomorrow.
Italy comes to France
tomorrow night.
Our dinner guests
wouldn't amuse you.
Intellectuals?
Why not move Christmas Eve
ahead 24 hours?
The Carlton has plenty
of champagne...
and comfortable suites.
Too bad:
Something tells me I goofed:
Which was it,
the champagne or the suites?
It was the word
"comfortable."
A Freudian slip.
Have a good night.
Too bad.
- Take you home?
- My car's right there.
Stupid bastard:
"Comfortable":
Where did I dig that up from?
Don't worry about
waking somebody up.
Louis XVI stock still going up?
I goofed on the champagne
and the comfort.
Whatever that means.
Did you score or not?
You're so tactful.
Did you ask about her salesgirl?
That's all we talked about.
Try making it with Swedish quotes.
You didn't score.
It's nice, a woman who talks...
and talks well.
Still interested in Van Cleef?
I've got important things
to tell you.
Can't it wait till tomorrow?
Oh, sure:
How about a boat ride
tomorrow?
What a question:
- Did you go out?
- Yeah, why?
You smell of cologne.
Hello... it's me again.
No, I called to apologize.
For the champagne...
and the comfort.
I've rented a boat
for tomorrow afternoon.
I'd really like
to talk to you some more.
The salesgirl:
And if your salesgirl
could come along,
my secretary'd be overjoyed.
Secretary:
Should I have said,
my gunslinger?
I goofed three times.
The champagne,
the comfort and the boat.
For a guy who's supposed
to pull off a psychological heist...
that's not too good.
I've come for the little table.
Here's the check.
Thank you.
Shall I wrap it for you?
Be careful: It's fragile.
See you later.
Midnight, right?
It's not dressy?
Shall I serve right away?
- We'll serve ourselves.
- Merry Christmas.
Same to you.
We'll have color TV soon.
Merry Christmas:
Here, screwball.
Want to get two whores
for tonight?
Come on. Not tonight.
Midnight Mass if you want,
but no whores.
You're right.
They'll all be in church anyway.
After Van Cleef... the drugstore?
- Know what it is?
- A watch?
It's a grenade:
Here, I'll show you.
You set it there,
and you turn that.
Set if for any time.
Push down and
you've got 30 seconds.
Blasts three square yards.
- Terrific: Where'd you get it?
- It's Japanese.
What is this?
Authentic Louis XVI.
It's beautiful:
Come here.
You blew a fortune on that.
Merry Christmas.
What if it explodes?
Just don't push the button.
Japanese know-how.
Haven't been to midnight Mass
since 1954, in jail.
On this Christmas Eve of 1966,
peace has returned.
For the next 24 hours,
as if by magic,
violence will be forgotten
in the world.
It will be forgotten
everywhere,
except in this little
church in Cannes...
I'm afraid I don't see
what you mean.
That's interesting:
With your right eye on Marx,
and your left on the Bible,
you've become
ideologically cross-eyed:
I know you only meant
to analyze
the kind of religion
we witnessed tonight.
But it's simply
man's alienation
forged by bourgeois
reactionaries.
But what is more reactionary
than the Ten Commandments?
The Constitution of 1789:
You haven't said anything.
I don't go to church much.
And you, sir?
I'm wondering why the hell
you went to church.
- Don't get angry.
- I'm not getting angry.
Mass is both a rite
and a spectacle,
- Isn't it, Claude?
- Absolutely:
Reality is never one-sided.
What is black one day
may be white the next.
Weekday atheists
can be Sunday believers.
Take Pasteur,
who accepted miracles,
but not spontaneous
generation.
My world is much simpler.
On one side,
there's people I like...
on the other, those I don't.
Perhaps you prefer
the accordion.
May I reply to that?
Don't be offended,
but how did you ever
meet Francoise?
Would you mind changing
the subject?
Have you seen
"Prima della Revoluzione"?
Bertolucci directed it.
And Bellochio's
"Pugni in Tasca"?
Surely you've seen
"A Man and a Woman"?
Everyone is raving about it.
If you like windshield-wipers
and tranquilizers:
- Do you read critics?
- No.
Then how do you
choose a movie?
The way I choose a woman...
by taking risks:
Thank you and
Merry Christmas.
Now I'm kicking you all out.
Go on... quick:
Francoise:
We know they have
no sense of humor...
but not you...
not us.
Be nice and go:
I've seen enough of you.
Well, good night.
Merry Christmas:
You were unfair.
And you were indulgent?
You were worse
than everyone else:
Calm down.
Christmas Eve
in the courtroom.
I happen to like accused men.
Now you get out, too.
Go back to Italy.
- You're crazy.
- All right, I'm crazy.
I want to make love
to an illiterate, a savage...
a mute, a Martian...
a man.
You don't like my way
of making love?
You mean,
your sophomoric pillow talk.
Should've gotten the whores:
- What's that?
- What do you think?
I wish I had spent
the evening with you,
and only you.
I wanted you to know that.
I'm glad you called me.
I'm glad you came over.
You're not an ice cream
manufacturer:
Is it fun to live like a guy?
You're not the type
who vacations in Cannes.
I asked if it's fun
to live like a guy.
When there are no men
in sight, it helps.
It's a bitch.
What?
I have to go back to Paris today
and I think it's really a bitch.
I got the picture.
Don't worry,
the scar won't show.
How old are you?
Not as old as you.
I've never seen
anyone like you.
Meaning?
You're a fast worker.
Why do you say that?
The way you say
you kicked them all out last night.
That's moving fast.
Women are
more honest than men.
We don't know how to pretend,
so we work fast.
When you break up...
don't you give
any advance warning?
Oh, yes:
But no one ever believes it.
It's good to be adults.
Affairs don't need
to be justified.
They start with a look
and end with breakfast.
And so life is like a movie.
Another story ends
on a railway platform.
Who says it's ended?
David Lean, Minelli...
Chaplin.
I promise to go
to the movies now.
- Open this after I leave.
- What is it?
It belonged to my sister.
Your sister?
She's departed now.
- Like the lady:
- That's right.
I want to kiss you.
I opened it.
I had to thank you:
What if we blow it?
I said, what if we blow it?
It'll be your fault.
Someday tell me
what psychology is, okay?
It's the art of screwing others
before they screw you.
Is that all?
No.
But it's enough for today.
Your customer.
At the window.
How are you?
Not very well.
My sister is much worse.
The doctors are very worried.
In fact, that's why
I'm here today.
I'd like to give her
one last present.
I understand.
I want something very special.
- But I don't know what.
- You hesitate?
Come in...
take your time choosing.
You understand...
something special.
A last present, after all...
Again my choice
is not the most expensive one.
It costs $70,000:
I regret hesitating
like this again.
Please excuse me.
At that price, it's natural.
You don't happen
to have pictures of these?
Too bad, because then I could
have shown them to my sister.
She could have
chosen for herself.
Furthermore,
she would have had
the pleasure...
of participating, you see?
Would you permit me
to take pictures?
Is that possible?
It's most unusual.
But, yes, for your sister.
Thank you so much,
you're very kind.
Everything's fine...
you're really very kind.
I'll drive to Nice right away
and show them to her.
I'll be back later
to get the one she chooses.
Please, no later than 7:30.
For security reasons,
- We must close precisely at 7:30.
- I'll be on time.
Time to close:
It's cold:
You can get the trays.
I always come by bicycle.
It's the only way to beat traffic.
Good for the thighs, too.
You two going to dinner?
I'm expecting a phone call.
I'll let you know later.
Try to be on time tomorrow.
Van Cleef & Arpel's.
Set the alarm system, please.
Thank God we're on time:
I thought we'd be stuck
in traffic forever.
There: She chose
the most expensive one.
I'm so sorry,
everything's in the safe.
The night alarm is on.
- I said 7:30.
- I understand,
but this is
so important to me.
I'm going to tell you
something.
The doctors think
that this is her last night.
It's horrible:
I beg of you.
Do this for me.
Please wait here for me
in your car.
No one is allowed inside
while the safe is open.
Give me five minutes.
- Which one is it?
- Yes, that one.
Van Cleef & Arpel's here.
I have to get something
out of the safe.
Could you unlock the vault?
Of course:
The sea is calm and all's well.
The sea is calm and
all's well tonight?
- What's the date?
- The 25th.
That's right.
You can reconnect the alarm.
The sea is still calm
and all's well.
You're very kind.
Please excuse
all these precautions.
After closing time,
it's very complicated.
It is I who must apologize.
- This is the one?
- Yes. How much?
$110,000.
Let me have a pen, please.
How idiotic:
It never occurred to me.
I can't accept a check now:
I should have told you.
But you had no problem
with my other checks?
That's not the point.
Over $10,000,
I must call the bank.
After 7:30, I can't:
What if I pay you in cash?
- No problem:
- Fine.
Would you get my chauffeur?
Tell him I want my briefcase.
I'm so sorry:
The security system's on,
but I can't leave you alone
in the store.
The orders come from Paris.
I'm only the manager.
It's still absurd
when you know the person:
We must hurry now.
I'm afraid I won't be in time.
It's beautiful:
I know it will make her
very happy.
Put that right there, Richard.
You may go now, thank you.
Hold that for me, please.
There you are.
Let's count it...
- Please verify the amount.
- I'm sure it's not necessary:
You'll want a pretty package?
No, just put it in there.
I'm sure she'll be very happy.
Now I really must hurry:
- She'll like it:
- Especially since she picked it herself.
And excuse me again.
I'm only the manager.
My best wishes to your sister
for a speedy recovery.
Hello.
Yes, it's me again:
I now have a large sum of cash
to put in the safe.
Please unlock the vault.
The sea is still calm
and all's well.
Don't touch a thing.
This is a robbery.
Catch the bag.
Put everything in it.
Get to work:
Our money, too.
Hurry up:
On the floor.
The key.
Point one, all's well.
Point two, all's well...
Point four, all's well.
Point five, all's well.
Point six, all's well.
Point seven, all's well.
Point eight, all's very well.
What's wrong with the door?
Why is the door stuck?
You're going to tell me why.
Why? :
It's for you.
We know you're trying
to rob Van Cleef's.
We'll be there in 30 seconds.
You can't get away:
The bastard:
It's not what you think.
When the doors
of the safe and the vault
both stay open more
than two minutes,
all the doors lock...
and the police gets a signal.
It can't be true:
We'll give you five minutes
to come out of there.
Let me speak
to Counselor Balento.
- What's going on?
- It's a robbery.
We'll be moving in
in five minutes:
I could go out
with the manager as hostage.
- It's too high a price:
- How high?
Don't take a hostage:
It's been nice knowing you.
There's no way out:
One minute left:
It's a bitch.
Shall I open it?
It's heartbreaking to see
a man get arrested.
Accused men
are my weakness.
I've still got a chance?
Imagine how I felt...
At noon I said goodbye
to a nice guy,
and the same night,
I saw him arrested.
I'm glad you came.
When did you get to Paris?
This morning.
May I keep coming
to see you?
Never ask a prisoner that.
I'm sorry,
this is all new to me.
How do you become a crook?
The same way you become
an antique dealer...
by necessity, or by choice.
The Louis XVI table...
- What was that for?
- To say hello.
Not to open the way
into the jewelry store?
No, to open the way to you.
Couldn't you return
the jewels?
Remember
when we had dinner?
You asked me
what a woman is.
Now I'll ask you
if you know what a man is.
Someone who goes all the way.
You could've been somebody:
I am somebody:
Still dwelling in culture?
Culture today...
is in the streets, demonstrating,
making headlines.
For once, I can't touch
a man I love.
Don't change too much:
Because in here,
I'll go out of style fast.
Your hair is different.
- Don't you like it?
- I do...
But usually, when a woman
changes hairstyles,
she's changing men.
I have changed men.
Are you jealous?
I've got time in here.
At the trial,
I watched only you.
If I play it cool,
I could be out in five years.
You never saw such panic:
De Gaulle may have
flown to Germany.
It's almost civil war:
In here, we couldn't care less:
It's hard to believe:
- When did he die?
- Last night.
- What time?
- 7:00 PM.
- Was it his heart?
- They didn't say.
- Where'll he be buried?
- De Gaulle? Colombey:
You're sure to be paroled:
You won't recognize
your apartment.
- Why not?
- I've changed everything.
I'm living there.
They're laughing
at the police again:
It's been awhile, right?
Have you read today's
"Canard Enchaine"?
Get your weekly satire
right here:
"Police Dance
Last Tango in Paris:"
"- Is this the police?
- This number has been disconnected:"
"Forget Your Troubles,
Join the Police:"
"Politics Pollute Police:"
"Law and Order
Leaves Lewd Odor:"
And here's
the front-page headline,
"Devaluation Hits French Copper:"
Very funny.
Heads are going to roll,
but not mine:
You've got until the elections,
March 4th,
to clean up
the Lyons bordello case
and the Leroy,
Juglin and Van Cleef cases:
Till March 4th:
I've got an idea
about the Van Cleef case.
We've got a chance:
Simon's lawyer has been
demanding a parole.
Why don't we okay it?
When he gets out,
he'll try to see his accomplice.
That means the jewels:
And it's the jewels
we want, right?
Here's my decision:
December 31st falls next week.
Does that ring a bell?
We'll make Simon think
he's being paroled
for the New Year.
And once he's out,
you stick to him like glue:
Simon.
You should have called.
I only got out three hours ago,
with a tail.
Don't look, they're out there.
Like my new face jobs?
Almost as much
as the ones you'd made for me.
Michou, I'm here because
I need a big favor.
But it puts you in the soup.
They let me out hoping to get
my pal in the Van Cleef caper.
With me here,
those two will think
that you're the one.
Keep them on that track
for two or three days.
Then suddenly remember
that in December 1966,
you had a club in the Caribbean.
- Count on me.
- Thanks, Michou.
They're all yours.
Here.
What's that?
It's for the New Year.
And for doing me a little favor.
Like what?
Turn right
at the next corner
at full speed,
and finish the trip alone.
No, he's not in.
He's at a party.
Is it really important?
The party's in Aubervilliers.
At Maurice's,
24 rue Jean Jaures.
It was really important, right?
I want to talk to Charlot.
- Which Charlot?
- With the grey hair.
Who's calling?
- Louis XVI.
- Louis XVI?
- Who is it?
- It's Louis XVI.
Which Louis XVI?
Happy New Year,
screwball.
- Who's this?
- It's me.
Who, me?
Me:
- Where are you?
- Outside.
- Where outside?
- Come out, I'm waiting.
How the hell
can you be here?
- They let me out.
- Really?
- To pull you in:
- You got a tail?
I'm clean for a few hours.
Son of a bitch:
Six years:
How are you?
Six years:
You're not going to cry:
How are you?
- Okay, and you?
- I'll be okay.
I'm glad to see you.
I'm glad to see you, too.
Is it far?
It's far, but peaceful.
Have you seen Francoise?
Have you seen Francoise?
- Who is he?
- How should I know?
She wants to live like a guy,
so she lives like a guy:
Are you nuts, or drunk?
Everything's changed
in the last six years:
I'll say it has:
Guys even talk
like broads now:
Calm down.
In a few days you'll catch on.
It is now official.
The prison break has succeeded.
Michel Barbier escaped from
La Sante Prison unhindered,
armed only with a gun
he'd made out of bread.
- You in on it?
- I didn't think it'd work.
Hats off to the kid:
You, opening a safe
with a key?
Aren't they pretty?
Nothing but dollars?
How'd I know
the bottom'd drop out?
And now... Orly Airport.
I tell you she loves you:
- And I tell you... Orly:
- You don't get it:
Moron: A girl loves you,
a pal's here to help you,
you can't samba,
and you still bug out to Brazil:
No baggage?
Freedom hasn't done
much for you.
Wake up, Grandpa, it's 1973:
Broads live like guys now:
I don't want a guy in my bed:
Board in five minutes.
Right: Give me a week.
I'll dump everything
and join you in Rio.
And Francoise?
What do I tell her?
- Nothing.
- That's not nice.
It's me.
Who's me?
Did you escape?
No, I was paroled.
Listen...
there's a man in my life.
- Where can I find a phone?
- Over there.
- You've got five minutes:
- I know.
It's me.
My love: Where are you?
At the prison door.
I just got out.
Did you escape?
No, I got a special
New Year's parole.
Hurry.
I guess I'd better have
my coffee downstairs.
I can't even call you a bitch.
A man always
tells a woman
that he can love her
and still live his own life.
Imagine it
the other way around.
It's difficult.
But I'll try.
You like it?
I fixed a real breakfast for you.
You'll see how the place
has changed.
You won't recognize anything.
Shall I fix you a bath?
I modernized the kitchen.
Make yourself at home.
You prefer coffee, right?
You're not taking off your coat?
It was my way of not dying.
It was my way of waiting...
of staying alive.
Happy New Year.
I'll have some coffee now.
- I don't know.
- I'm not hungry.
- How about a steak?
- That's a good idea.
- Chateaubriand?
- Or filet mignon?
- Chateaubriand.
Two of them.
- Rare or medium rare?
- Rare.
Rare.
- Warm.
- Of course.
What time did you
leave Monte Carlo?
I left at...
Nothing to start with?
No, thanks.
He's upset that
we're not ordering more.
Want to make him happy?
Do you have any rooms?
This movie was my way
of wishing you a Happy New Year.
Warden, tell them
to open the doors.
Egotist. You'll never
fool them with that.
Ever heard
of black shoe polish?
Yeah, I've heard of it.
Before the movie,
they'll frisk us good.
200 guys will celebrate
New Year's Eve at home tonight.
You're an egotist
and an idealist.
You'll just spoil it
for everybody.
Simon,
report to the warden.
What's the movie tonight?
Some love story.
- They're all here.
- Bring them in.
Gentlemen, I wanted
to offer you my best wishes
for good health
and prosperity,
for liberty and honesty.
This may surprise you,
since you are prisoners,
but as you know,
every year at this time,
paroles are granted.
And you three...
have been granted
paroles this year.
You'll celebrate New Year's Eve
at home tonight.
I tell you I didn't break out:
We got special
New Year paroles:
It's not a joke:
I'll explain when I see you.
I'll be right there.
You're not calling?
Tell the old man
the cab's here.
Wait for me:
Happy New Year.
- Happy New year.
- Same to you, kid.
Take the first right.
- It's not the right way.
- I'm in no hurry.
First left.
It's still not the right way.
Left again.
Hope you're having fun.
Now, to Faubourg St Honore.
Happy New Year.
Hello, Henri?
Francoise?
Are you here?
How could I answer?
I just got here:
I thought you were home.
The lights are on.
Want me to help you close up?
Very well, my dear:
Hurry home. I've got
some ideas for tonight.
** The Happy New Year
is a cup of holiday cheer **
** Heaven's Christmas
present to you **
** The Happy New Year **
** Ring out the old,
ring in the new **
** Say goodnight
to the sleepy old year... **
Reception desk, please.
Is there still a nightclub
called Michou?
Michou... that's right.
** The Happy New Year
opens the way for you **
** To hope all your dreams
will come true... **
- Michou here?
- After the show.
** The Happy New Year
is the smile of a man **
** Who speaks the truth
like a man **
** The Happy New Year
is a cup of holiday cheer **
** Heaven's Christmas
present to you... **
Thank you, Mireille Mathieu,
for joining us.
Happy New Year,
everyone:
Push the button to talk.
Screwball:
Excuse me,
I forgot my wallet.
- What color is it?
- Black.
- Sure you had it?
- I had my train ticket in it.
Marseilles.
Seven minute stopover.
- Mileage?
- 25,000 miles.
Here's your $7,000.
It's not cheap, for two weeks.
Try Avis next time.
Nice to have known you.
Registration's there.
Super.
Super classy here:
You screwball...
lifting that guy's wallet:
You in a bad mood?
- The car?
- Safely hidden.
Can't say that of myself,
working with you.
What am I doing with
a character like you,
a real caricature:?
Some day I'll figure it out.
Did you break anything?
We were lucky...
Everyone is trailed
by a dumb shadow.
But a shadow is
your own reflection.
Why am I stuck with you?
Who did we murder?
Hardly anybody.
Three clerks,
the manager and a doorman.
Bulletproof windows
and cast-iron shutters.
An ultra-modern safe,
burglar alarms
everywhere,
all connected
to police headquarters:
It's crazy.
Know what's tragic about you,
Charlot?
You're stupid
and you're leery:
Being stupid is enough.
The jewelry store
is uncrackable.
Uncrackable.
Uncrackable.
I'm too old for safe-cracking,
young man.
Your moustache.
- It's loose.
- Where? Don't touch it:
That's one's pretty, too.
- Would you like a chair?
- No, thanks.
At my age, I'm afraid
I wouldn't get up again.
Very pretty.
- How much is that one?
- $10,980.
$11,000.
May I help you?
You see, Jeweler,
what bothers me...
is that I prefer
the less expensive one.
The value of a piece
of jewelry...
depends on the moral price
one attaches to it:
That one is pretty, too.
I hesitate...
It's no good to hesitate, is it?
Hesitate, my dear sir,
do hesitate:
Your hesitation honors
our selection.
- Take your time.
- I don't know...
the rubies... the pearls...
the diamonds.
- If it's not indiscreet...
- For my sister.
She's in a hospital in Nice.
Her condition is getting worse.
She's 68 years old.
68? Then I don't know...
You said that one
costs $11,000.
$10,980.
That's very annoying:
Why not $10,999 then?
Jewelers should deal
in round numbers:
I say it's absurd:
All right, I'll take
that one after all.
Give me a chair.
- A chair: Please excuse us.
- You take checks?
- Yes, of course.
- Wrap it in a pretty package,
very pretty.
Be careful not to tear it.
Take it easy:
Unspeakable...
absolutely unspeakable.
Rotten...
no, gamy:
That's the word.
That proves he loves money.
And that means he's vulnerable.
He's not the only one.
How do you know
he loves money?
By the way
he said goodbye.
You're very kind.
- Do you want a cab?
- No thanks,
a little walk along the Croisette
will do me good.
Where can I find a newsstand?
Straight ahead, about 100 yards.
My respects to your sister:
I wish her a speedy recovery.
You don't want a cab?
Uncrackable:
The store, but not
the store manager:
- It's only the two of us.
- The three of us,
counting the manager.
Uncrackable:
The world consists
of customers and merchants.
And customers should start
screwing the merchants:
That says it all.
- But we're not customers:
- Only you and I know that.
Uncrackable...
A jerk like you
in on the first psychological heist.
When the cops bust us,
psych our way out of it, okay?
8:45...
the store manager arrives.
Write down that he goes
in the back way.
8:50... main shutter is raised.
8:55... salesgirls arrive.
Three of them:
Pretty?
Pretty.
9:00...
manager lowers
main shutter again.
Employees all inside...
able to stock display windows,
undisturbed.
9:30...
jewelry in windows...
daytime security functioning...
store ready for business.
9:35... doorman arrives.
Underline that for me.
I underline that.
9:36... that's very nice:
We are knocking over
Van Cleef & Arpel's?
- Sure, why?
- You're pulling to the left.
What about the parallax?
Let's see the parallax.
You've got a blonde parallax.
Brunette:
Blonde:
Just like I said...
you're stupid, leery
and color-blind:
Maybe she dyes her hair.
Do you think antiques can help us?
You never know.
Let's see.
No, look that way:
Is that all you could find?
It's not so bad.
Say something...
I mean, disguise your voice.
Don't I look more intelligent?
Try disguising your voice.
Disguise your voice:
- Don't I look more intelligent?
- I said, disguise your voice:
I did.
Try talking without
moving your lower jaw,
as if you were paralyzed, see?
Say hello.
Count.
You're speaking normally:
- Speak normally.
- I think so.
Me too.
Want to know something?
It'd be best if I didn't talk.
You're right:
I think it's that one.
Yes, I'm sure it was the rubies.
Please excuse my master,
his sister's so hesitant.
- So he told me.
- Here is the other clip.
- A pretty package, please.
- It's $700 more.
My master remembered.
My master likes pretty packages.
Today's special is excellent.
I'll be right back.
Say, how much do you want
for that 18th century miniature?
You can't buy anything more
till you sell me
your Louis XVI table:
My little Louis XVI table...
Give me a price:
A priceless family heirloom
can't be sold.
You say that... to me?
Goodbye.
Enjoy the movie.
Now, have you decided?
Not yet. Could I speak
to the owner, please?
That's me.
I wanted to ask about your table.
Our "table"?
The best in Cannes:
I'm sure it is,
but I meant that one over there.
- It's contagious:
- How much?
It's not for sale.
It's my father's.
- Where is he?
- In the cemetery.
- Now, have you decided?
- Stuffed mussels.
Coming right up.
I'd still like to talk
about that table.
There's nothing
more to be said.
I don't want to sell it.
It's too expensive,
you couldn't buy it:
How about a drink?
I'd like to sell this.
That's Madame Felix's table:
Do you know her?
Yes, I know her.
Why are you laughing?
Nicole.
Come see
Madame Felix's table.
Recognize it?
I feel as if I've brought in
a monster, or a pyramid:
How did you know
I loved this table?
I didn't know, but that's fine,
since I want to sell it.
So she sold it... to you.
She refused to sell it yesterday.
That was yesterday.
This is today.
Let's say I paid the price.
Now you want to sell it to me
for a higher price.
That doesn't interest me.
Let me explain.
It was a present...
a present for a lady.
The lady departed
this morning.
Is this a joke?
Why don't you call
and ask Madame Felix?
You know you have
a pretty smile?
Do tables always
make you smile like that?
That table... yes:
Let's not get excited:
It is beautiful, isn't it?
- If you say so.
- You have the certificate?
Who cares:
This table is signed.
And what a signature.
Nicolas Cochin...
the enemy of all the rococo
and decadent ornamentation...
that characterized
Louis XV furniture.
- How much?
- $9,000.
- You paid $9,000 for it?
- When you give a lady a present...
- You give nice ones:
- Usually, yes...
- When I feel like it.
- That's an expensive gift.
A present is never
expensive enough.
- I don't think you know prices.
- I know ladies.
- I'm not interested.
- Really?
- Not at that price.
- And on consignment?
Is that possible?
How about it?
I could do you a favor.
I couldn't make a profit on it.
You're very kind.
I'm at the Carlton.
I'm staying for about
three weeks... for a rest.
The table might as well be here...
I can't guarantee that
I'll be able to sell it.
Nicole, would you...
I'm in room 629.
At least revolutions
increase the value...
of the things they destroy.
Go ask Madame Felix about this.
It stays open during lunch hour.
The employees go out in turn.
The manager stays in,
the whole time.
Interesting, don't you think?
You listening?
The salesgirls go to lunch first.
When they come back,
the salesman and the doorman go.
So there are three people inside
from 1 2:30 to 2:30 PM.
Interesting, isn't it?
You listening?
You're not listening.
When the manager goes out,
it's to buy pastries.
He went four times
yesterday.
- Has he got any vices?
- Women and pastry.
Who told you all that?
The baker's wife.
Important and interesting...
the store closes
from January until Easter.
We pull it off by January,
or put it off till next year.
Great:
Don't you like the Riviera?
Do you like Louis XVI?
You mean, the guy they...
No, I mean, his style.
The furniture style.
Are we here for business
or pleasure?
You never know.
Is the manager here?
Is anything wrong?
No, no, my sister
adores the clip.
Now she'd like a bracelet
that matches the clip.
An old lady's passion.
- That's how it is.
- How is she?
Much worse.
It's terrible to hesitate this way.
He doesn't want a chair.
It's really a problem.
I can't decide.
It's the kind
of responsibility I detest:
Perhaps we can help you.
In the past, it was simple.
My sister's only passion
used to be pastries.
How well I understand her:
Furthermore, a chocolate eclair
costs less than a sapphire.
Different dividends.
You're very funny...
and a gourmand, I'm sure.
I knew it:
It seems to me that this one...
You think so?
Well, I'll listen to you.
I'll take that one.
How much?
$20,000.
Round numbers, this time.
But you know I think...
I believe...
I'd like you to give me
a discount.
I'm afraid that's not
our way of doing business:
I must confess to you...
it's not mine, either.
I did it because
everyone else does.
I'll take the one
for $20,000...
A pretty package?
- That above all.
- That's important to you.
My sister was very pleased.
Give me have a pen.
A chair: I can't write...
A chair: How many times
must you be told?
And excuse me
for trying to haggle.
My best wishes to your sister:
How much?
An exceptional piece...
with an exceptional price.
Of course.
Do you have a certificate?
The table is signed.
Signatures are meant
to be forged.
I know the Louis XVI style
was copied under Napoleon IIl,
but not to equal the perfection
of Nicolas Cochin.
Ah, yes...
the enemy of rococo.
- You are a connoisseur.
- You might say that.
How much?
$10,000.
Louis XVI is
all the rage right now.
You might even call it madness:
You did say $10,000?
Not including the two chairs.
I don't understand...
about the two chairs.
I'd like to sell them together...
same period and style.
I'm terribly sorry.
I'm only interested
in the table.
They go so well together.
I am truly sorry:
Because you are very pretty:
I think that, at my age,
I can say that.
- You're very kind.
- Too bad...
Listen...
It's a sacrifice,
but you can have the table.
Just the table, for $10,000.
That's so nice of you
that I'll take it.
I'll give you a deposit,
and send my chauffeur for it.
Won't you come inside?
Won't you sit down?
No, I never sit down... never.
Point one, four seconds...
car starts.
Cut, but don't burn rubber.
Point two, 1 3 seconds...
Felix Restaurant.
Point three, 20 seconds...
Hotel Miramar.
It's a straight shot, so fly:
Point four, 25 seconds...
Hotel Martinez.
Maximum 95 MPH, to be able
to slow down going onto the dock.
Start to slow down.
Not over 25 MPH passing
the port guards.
Point five, 45 seconds... good.
Speed up gradually
until the port guards are out of sight.
At the boats, take off again.
Watch that turn.
Now take off to the end
of the dock,
but don't go over 95 MPH.
Put more air in the tires.
You're going to start to brake.
Brake.
Point six, 1'17"...
you get to the boat.
Stow the goods
and anchors aweigh.
Hug the rail on that turn.
Point seven, 1'32"...
out of the port.
Maximum 20 knots
to the lighthouse.
Point eight, 1'40".
From here on,
it's clear sailing.
Steer straight for San Remo,
and wait there till I come.
1'40". I'll hold
the manager that long.
Police? Van Cleef
was just held up
by an old man and his chauffeur.
They went toward the station.
1'58".
1'58" for me,
plus 2'1 3" for the car...
Call it four minutes.
We're covered.
The important thing
is that for over two minutes,
I've got to keep
the manager quiet.
I still say you should split
when I do.
Let's see if you can tell time.
It's 1'58".
Okay, 1'58" plus 2'1 3"
is 4'11".
That beats any alarm system.
Let's go home.
Will you answer that?
Louis XVI?
It's Marie-Antoinette.
This is the antique shop.
I think I have good news for you.
It took a lot of time and effort.
I called antique shops,
and put many ads...
I think I've found a customer.
$8,000 is about as high
as he'll go, though.
That's pretty good, isn't it?
We'll have to talk about it.
People buy anything...
Gothic, modern,
African, Turkish, rococo...
anything at all.
No wonder it's hard
to sell Louis XVI.
Perhaps it's the historical person...
his bad reputation.
All those styles in furniture...
Louis XIV, XV, XVI
and all the others...
and today we haven't got
any real ones.
What do you mean?
You'd think there'd be
a Churchill desk,
a Stalin table
or a Kennedy rocking chair:
- What do you do?
- Manufacturer.
Of what?
I'm in ice... cream.
You know,
ice cream that you eat.
I was wondering why you were
taking a vacation in the winter.
Winter is my dead season...
so I take vacations.
Ice cream must be fascinating.
It has periods...
just like furniture.
There are vanilla periods...
pistachio... chocolate.
In 1961, raspberry
was all the rage.
So someone wants my table?
But he'll only pay $8,000.
So you told me.
So I lose $1000 on the deal?
Not quite...
if I pay for dinner.
In that case,
I can hardly refuse:
I'll write you a check.
No hurry...
we're not on piecework.
Isn't this a business dinner?
Absolutely:
Write it for cash.
Furniture comes and goes:
I'd like a word with you.
So you sold it to a stranger:
You might even say I oversold it.
Didn't I rob you?
Yes, except that
I let myself be robbed,
so it's not robbery.
$9,000 is financial manipulation:
$9,000?
That was the asking price.
Watch out,
he's very charming:
He got it for $7,000.
And you dared?
So I'm the one
who loses $1,000.
Not quite...
because I'll pay for dinner.
- I don't know my own business:
- Are you mad at me?
There you are...
two marriages, two divorces:
They both graduated
from big universities, too.
You should get the next one
fresh out of prison.
Anyway, marriage
as it exists today
is the most odious of lies,
the height of egotism.
- What's that from?
- Don't ask me.
Tolstoi,
"The Kreuzer Sonata."
Simple statements
and common sense.
He reminds me of Alain.
Who's he?
You read a lot?
By the ton:
But not what
you'd call "culture."
Culture is what's left
when all the rest is forgotten.
- I like that.
- It's not mine.
Whose is it?
Selma Lagerloef.
Gesundheit:
Never heard of her.
A Swedish writer,
1909 Nobel Prize winner.
Do you live your whole life
with intellectuals?
Oh, no: Not with them.
Let's say... next to them.
Your little friends must
be very funny guys.
Do they laugh when it hurts?
- What do you mean?
- Well, what you just said...
But I like to hear you talk.
And I like to have you listen.
Good listeners are rare.
He lived vicariously.
He prayed with Mauriac,
protested with Clavel,
committed suicide with Camus.
It couldn't go on.
Really something else.
Who's the man in your life
these days?
Some other museum guide?
An Italian guide:
The thing
about culture is that
you tend to meet
educated people.
But, if I understand correctly...
even culture doesn't
make a woman happy.
What is a woman?
What do you mean?
What do you think a woman is?
- I think a woman is...
- What?
A man who cries sometimes:
Very good: Whose is it?
It's mine. 1966.
So you've really only
been divorced twice.
Number one wasn't jealous,
but number two knew only that...
two extremes... two defeats.
Now I'm independent,
I'm a liberated woman.
Where does
your Italian guide fit in?
Museums aren't always open:
I know I'm being
indiscreet, but...
what about the lady
you got the table for?
What lady?
No memory...
a liar...
and married?
If you love a woman,
why insult her by proposing?
I like that:
Marriage is only a contract.
Contracts are for people
who are afraid.
Afraid of what?
Just afraid, that's all.
Can you elaborate
on "marriage-as-fear"?
Of course I can.
You might say it's...
the fear of solitude
and of freedom.
Because real freedom
always leads to solitude.
That's marriage:
What else?
It's the fear of facing
two fried eggs alone some night,
with no TV and
no life insurance.
It's the fear of finding
yourself alone
without someone who is
even more scared than you are.
It's a prison:
It's worse.
In prison, you've got pals.
Anyway, you look like anything
but a married woman.
How should I take that?
How you should take that?
As an invitation
for Christmas Eve dinner tomorrow.
Italy comes to France
tomorrow night.
Our dinner guests
wouldn't amuse you.
Intellectuals?
Why not move Christmas Eve
ahead 24 hours?
The Carlton has plenty
of champagne...
and comfortable suites.
Too bad:
Something tells me I goofed:
Which was it,
the champagne or the suites?
It was the word
"comfortable."
A Freudian slip.
Have a good night.
Too bad.
- Take you home?
- My car's right there.
Stupid bastard:
"Comfortable":
Where did I dig that up from?
Don't worry about
waking somebody up.
Louis XVI stock still going up?
I goofed on the champagne
and the comfort.
Whatever that means.
Did you score or not?
You're so tactful.
Did you ask about her salesgirl?
That's all we talked about.
Try making it with Swedish quotes.
You didn't score.
It's nice, a woman who talks...
and talks well.
Still interested in Van Cleef?
I've got important things
to tell you.
Can't it wait till tomorrow?
Oh, sure:
How about a boat ride
tomorrow?
What a question:
- Did you go out?
- Yeah, why?
You smell of cologne.
Hello... it's me again.
No, I called to apologize.
For the champagne...
and the comfort.
I've rented a boat
for tomorrow afternoon.
I'd really like
to talk to you some more.
The salesgirl:
And if your salesgirl
could come along,
my secretary'd be overjoyed.
Secretary:
Should I have said,
my gunslinger?
I goofed three times.
The champagne,
the comfort and the boat.
For a guy who's supposed
to pull off a psychological heist...
that's not too good.
I've come for the little table.
Here's the check.
Thank you.
Shall I wrap it for you?
Be careful: It's fragile.
See you later.
Midnight, right?
It's not dressy?
Shall I serve right away?
- We'll serve ourselves.
- Merry Christmas.
Same to you.
We'll have color TV soon.
Merry Christmas:
Here, screwball.
Want to get two whores
for tonight?
Come on. Not tonight.
Midnight Mass if you want,
but no whores.
You're right.
They'll all be in church anyway.
After Van Cleef... the drugstore?
- Know what it is?
- A watch?
It's a grenade:
Here, I'll show you.
You set it there,
and you turn that.
Set if for any time.
Push down and
you've got 30 seconds.
Blasts three square yards.
- Terrific: Where'd you get it?
- It's Japanese.
What is this?
Authentic Louis XVI.
It's beautiful:
Come here.
You blew a fortune on that.
Merry Christmas.
What if it explodes?
Just don't push the button.
Japanese know-how.
Haven't been to midnight Mass
since 1954, in jail.
On this Christmas Eve of 1966,
peace has returned.
For the next 24 hours,
as if by magic,
violence will be forgotten
in the world.
It will be forgotten
everywhere,
except in this little
church in Cannes...
I'm afraid I don't see
what you mean.
That's interesting:
With your right eye on Marx,
and your left on the Bible,
you've become
ideologically cross-eyed:
I know you only meant
to analyze
the kind of religion
we witnessed tonight.
But it's simply
man's alienation
forged by bourgeois
reactionaries.
But what is more reactionary
than the Ten Commandments?
The Constitution of 1789:
You haven't said anything.
I don't go to church much.
And you, sir?
I'm wondering why the hell
you went to church.
- Don't get angry.
- I'm not getting angry.
Mass is both a rite
and a spectacle,
- Isn't it, Claude?
- Absolutely:
Reality is never one-sided.
What is black one day
may be white the next.
Weekday atheists
can be Sunday believers.
Take Pasteur,
who accepted miracles,
but not spontaneous
generation.
My world is much simpler.
On one side,
there's people I like...
on the other, those I don't.
Perhaps you prefer
the accordion.
May I reply to that?
Don't be offended,
but how did you ever
meet Francoise?
Would you mind changing
the subject?
Have you seen
"Prima della Revoluzione"?
Bertolucci directed it.
And Bellochio's
"Pugni in Tasca"?
Surely you've seen
"A Man and a Woman"?
Everyone is raving about it.
If you like windshield-wipers
and tranquilizers:
- Do you read critics?
- No.
Then how do you
choose a movie?
The way I choose a woman...
by taking risks:
Thank you and
Merry Christmas.
Now I'm kicking you all out.
Go on... quick:
Francoise:
We know they have
no sense of humor...
but not you...
not us.
Be nice and go:
I've seen enough of you.
Well, good night.
Merry Christmas:
You were unfair.
And you were indulgent?
You were worse
than everyone else:
Calm down.
Christmas Eve
in the courtroom.
I happen to like accused men.
Now you get out, too.
Go back to Italy.
- You're crazy.
- All right, I'm crazy.
I want to make love
to an illiterate, a savage...
a mute, a Martian...
a man.
You don't like my way
of making love?
You mean,
your sophomoric pillow talk.
Should've gotten the whores:
- What's that?
- What do you think?
I wish I had spent
the evening with you,
and only you.
I wanted you to know that.
I'm glad you called me.
I'm glad you came over.
You're not an ice cream
manufacturer:
Is it fun to live like a guy?
You're not the type
who vacations in Cannes.
I asked if it's fun
to live like a guy.
When there are no men
in sight, it helps.
It's a bitch.
What?
I have to go back to Paris today
and I think it's really a bitch.
I got the picture.
Don't worry,
the scar won't show.
How old are you?
Not as old as you.
I've never seen
anyone like you.
Meaning?
You're a fast worker.
Why do you say that?
The way you say
you kicked them all out last night.
That's moving fast.
Women are
more honest than men.
We don't know how to pretend,
so we work fast.
When you break up...
don't you give
any advance warning?
Oh, yes:
But no one ever believes it.
It's good to be adults.
Affairs don't need
to be justified.
They start with a look
and end with breakfast.
And so life is like a movie.
Another story ends
on a railway platform.
Who says it's ended?
David Lean, Minelli...
Chaplin.
I promise to go
to the movies now.
- Open this after I leave.
- What is it?
It belonged to my sister.
Your sister?
She's departed now.
- Like the lady:
- That's right.
I want to kiss you.
I opened it.
I had to thank you:
What if we blow it?
I said, what if we blow it?
It'll be your fault.
Someday tell me
what psychology is, okay?
It's the art of screwing others
before they screw you.
Is that all?
No.
But it's enough for today.
Your customer.
At the window.
How are you?
Not very well.
My sister is much worse.
The doctors are very worried.
In fact, that's why
I'm here today.
I'd like to give her
one last present.
I understand.
I want something very special.
- But I don't know what.
- You hesitate?
Come in...
take your time choosing.
You understand...
something special.
A last present, after all...
Again my choice
is not the most expensive one.
It costs $70,000:
I regret hesitating
like this again.
Please excuse me.
At that price, it's natural.
You don't happen
to have pictures of these?
Too bad, because then I could
have shown them to my sister.
She could have
chosen for herself.
Furthermore,
she would have had
the pleasure...
of participating, you see?
Would you permit me
to take pictures?
Is that possible?
It's most unusual.
But, yes, for your sister.
Thank you so much,
you're very kind.
Everything's fine...
you're really very kind.
I'll drive to Nice right away
and show them to her.
I'll be back later
to get the one she chooses.
Please, no later than 7:30.
For security reasons,
- We must close precisely at 7:30.
- I'll be on time.
Time to close:
It's cold:
You can get the trays.
I always come by bicycle.
It's the only way to beat traffic.
Good for the thighs, too.
You two going to dinner?
I'm expecting a phone call.
I'll let you know later.
Try to be on time tomorrow.
Van Cleef & Arpel's.
Set the alarm system, please.
Thank God we're on time:
I thought we'd be stuck
in traffic forever.
There: She chose
the most expensive one.
I'm so sorry,
everything's in the safe.
The night alarm is on.
- I said 7:30.
- I understand,
but this is
so important to me.
I'm going to tell you
something.
The doctors think
that this is her last night.
It's horrible:
I beg of you.
Do this for me.
Please wait here for me
in your car.
No one is allowed inside
while the safe is open.
Give me five minutes.
- Which one is it?
- Yes, that one.
Van Cleef & Arpel's here.
I have to get something
out of the safe.
Could you unlock the vault?
Of course:
The sea is calm and all's well.
The sea is calm and
all's well tonight?
- What's the date?
- The 25th.
That's right.
You can reconnect the alarm.
The sea is still calm
and all's well.
You're very kind.
Please excuse
all these precautions.
After closing time,
it's very complicated.
It is I who must apologize.
- This is the one?
- Yes. How much?
$110,000.
Let me have a pen, please.
How idiotic:
It never occurred to me.
I can't accept a check now:
I should have told you.
But you had no problem
with my other checks?
That's not the point.
Over $10,000,
I must call the bank.
After 7:30, I can't:
What if I pay you in cash?
- No problem:
- Fine.
Would you get my chauffeur?
Tell him I want my briefcase.
I'm so sorry:
The security system's on,
but I can't leave you alone
in the store.
The orders come from Paris.
I'm only the manager.
It's still absurd
when you know the person:
We must hurry now.
I'm afraid I won't be in time.
It's beautiful:
I know it will make her
very happy.
Put that right there, Richard.
You may go now, thank you.
Hold that for me, please.
There you are.
Let's count it...
- Please verify the amount.
- I'm sure it's not necessary:
You'll want a pretty package?
No, just put it in there.
I'm sure she'll be very happy.
Now I really must hurry:
- She'll like it:
- Especially since she picked it herself.
And excuse me again.
I'm only the manager.
My best wishes to your sister
for a speedy recovery.
Hello.
Yes, it's me again:
I now have a large sum of cash
to put in the safe.
Please unlock the vault.
The sea is still calm
and all's well.
Don't touch a thing.
This is a robbery.
Catch the bag.
Put everything in it.
Get to work:
Our money, too.
Hurry up:
On the floor.
The key.
Point one, all's well.
Point two, all's well...
Point four, all's well.
Point five, all's well.
Point six, all's well.
Point seven, all's well.
Point eight, all's very well.
What's wrong with the door?
Why is the door stuck?
You're going to tell me why.
Why? :
It's for you.
We know you're trying
to rob Van Cleef's.
We'll be there in 30 seconds.
You can't get away:
The bastard:
It's not what you think.
When the doors
of the safe and the vault
both stay open more
than two minutes,
all the doors lock...
and the police gets a signal.
It can't be true:
We'll give you five minutes
to come out of there.
Let me speak
to Counselor Balento.
- What's going on?
- It's a robbery.
We'll be moving in
in five minutes:
I could go out
with the manager as hostage.
- It's too high a price:
- How high?
Don't take a hostage:
It's been nice knowing you.
There's no way out:
One minute left:
It's a bitch.
Shall I open it?
It's heartbreaking to see
a man get arrested.
Accused men
are my weakness.
I've still got a chance?
Imagine how I felt...
At noon I said goodbye
to a nice guy,
and the same night,
I saw him arrested.
I'm glad you came.
When did you get to Paris?
This morning.
May I keep coming
to see you?
Never ask a prisoner that.
I'm sorry,
this is all new to me.
How do you become a crook?
The same way you become
an antique dealer...
by necessity, or by choice.
The Louis XVI table...
- What was that for?
- To say hello.
Not to open the way
into the jewelry store?
No, to open the way to you.
Couldn't you return
the jewels?
Remember
when we had dinner?
You asked me
what a woman is.
Now I'll ask you
if you know what a man is.
Someone who goes all the way.
You could've been somebody:
I am somebody:
Still dwelling in culture?
Culture today...
is in the streets, demonstrating,
making headlines.
For once, I can't touch
a man I love.
Don't change too much:
Because in here,
I'll go out of style fast.
Your hair is different.
- Don't you like it?
- I do...
But usually, when a woman
changes hairstyles,
she's changing men.
I have changed men.
Are you jealous?
I've got time in here.
At the trial,
I watched only you.
If I play it cool,
I could be out in five years.
You never saw such panic:
De Gaulle may have
flown to Germany.
It's almost civil war:
In here, we couldn't care less:
It's hard to believe:
- When did he die?
- Last night.
- What time?
- 7:00 PM.
- Was it his heart?
- They didn't say.
- Where'll he be buried?
- De Gaulle? Colombey:
You're sure to be paroled:
You won't recognize
your apartment.
- Why not?
- I've changed everything.
I'm living there.
They're laughing
at the police again:
It's been awhile, right?
Have you read today's
"Canard Enchaine"?
Get your weekly satire
right here:
"Police Dance
Last Tango in Paris:"
"- Is this the police?
- This number has been disconnected:"
"Forget Your Troubles,
Join the Police:"
"Politics Pollute Police:"
"Law and Order
Leaves Lewd Odor:"
And here's
the front-page headline,
"Devaluation Hits French Copper:"
Very funny.
Heads are going to roll,
but not mine:
You've got until the elections,
March 4th,
to clean up
the Lyons bordello case
and the Leroy,
Juglin and Van Cleef cases:
Till March 4th:
I've got an idea
about the Van Cleef case.
We've got a chance:
Simon's lawyer has been
demanding a parole.
Why don't we okay it?
When he gets out,
he'll try to see his accomplice.
That means the jewels:
And it's the jewels
we want, right?
Here's my decision:
December 31st falls next week.
Does that ring a bell?
We'll make Simon think
he's being paroled
for the New Year.
And once he's out,
you stick to him like glue:
Simon.
You should have called.
I only got out three hours ago,
with a tail.
Don't look, they're out there.
Like my new face jobs?
Almost as much
as the ones you'd made for me.
Michou, I'm here because
I need a big favor.
But it puts you in the soup.
They let me out hoping to get
my pal in the Van Cleef caper.
With me here,
those two will think
that you're the one.
Keep them on that track
for two or three days.
Then suddenly remember
that in December 1966,
you had a club in the Caribbean.
- Count on me.
- Thanks, Michou.
They're all yours.
Here.
What's that?
It's for the New Year.
And for doing me a little favor.
Like what?
Turn right
at the next corner
at full speed,
and finish the trip alone.
No, he's not in.
He's at a party.
Is it really important?
The party's in Aubervilliers.
At Maurice's,
24 rue Jean Jaures.
It was really important, right?
I want to talk to Charlot.
- Which Charlot?
- With the grey hair.
Who's calling?
- Louis XVI.
- Louis XVI?
- Who is it?
- It's Louis XVI.
Which Louis XVI?
Happy New Year,
screwball.
- Who's this?
- It's me.
Who, me?
Me:
- Where are you?
- Outside.
- Where outside?
- Come out, I'm waiting.
How the hell
can you be here?
- They let me out.
- Really?
- To pull you in:
- You got a tail?
I'm clean for a few hours.
Son of a bitch:
Six years:
How are you?
Six years:
You're not going to cry:
How are you?
- Okay, and you?
- I'll be okay.
I'm glad to see you.
I'm glad to see you, too.
Is it far?
It's far, but peaceful.
Have you seen Francoise?
Have you seen Francoise?
- Who is he?
- How should I know?
She wants to live like a guy,
so she lives like a guy:
Are you nuts, or drunk?
Everything's changed
in the last six years:
I'll say it has:
Guys even talk
like broads now:
Calm down.
In a few days you'll catch on.
It is now official.
The prison break has succeeded.
Michel Barbier escaped from
La Sante Prison unhindered,
armed only with a gun
he'd made out of bread.
- You in on it?
- I didn't think it'd work.
Hats off to the kid:
You, opening a safe
with a key?
Aren't they pretty?
Nothing but dollars?
How'd I know
the bottom'd drop out?
And now... Orly Airport.
I tell you she loves you:
- And I tell you... Orly:
- You don't get it:
Moron: A girl loves you,
a pal's here to help you,
you can't samba,
and you still bug out to Brazil:
No baggage?
Freedom hasn't done
much for you.
Wake up, Grandpa, it's 1973:
Broads live like guys now:
I don't want a guy in my bed:
Board in five minutes.
Right: Give me a week.
I'll dump everything
and join you in Rio.
And Francoise?
What do I tell her?
- Nothing.
- That's not nice.
It's me.
Who's me?
Did you escape?
No, I was paroled.
Listen...
there's a man in my life.
- Where can I find a phone?
- Over there.
- You've got five minutes:
- I know.
It's me.
My love: Where are you?
At the prison door.
I just got out.
Did you escape?
No, I got a special
New Year's parole.
Hurry.
I guess I'd better have
my coffee downstairs.
I can't even call you a bitch.
A man always
tells a woman
that he can love her
and still live his own life.
Imagine it
the other way around.
It's difficult.
But I'll try.
You like it?
I fixed a real breakfast for you.
You'll see how the place
has changed.
You won't recognize anything.
Shall I fix you a bath?
I modernized the kitchen.
Make yourself at home.
You prefer coffee, right?
You're not taking off your coat?
It was my way of not dying.
It was my way of waiting...
of staying alive.
Happy New Year.
I'll have some coffee now.