Hanukkah (2019) - full transcript
A group of Jewish young adults are in for a Festival of Frights. With the help of a Rabbi, they deduce that they are being targeted because they have violated Judaic law and that their only chance of survival is to embrace their faith.
Down below, down below
Caught the devil talking to
his son
Who wanted to go up above, up
above
He cried, it's getting too
warm for me down here
And so I'm going up on Earth
Where I can have a little fun
The devil slowly shook his
head
And then told his son
Stay down here where you
belong
The folks who live above you
don't know right from wrong
To please their
- This is an NYC6
breaking news bulletin.
- Preliminary
reports indicate
that at least six more bodies
have been found.
Police have not released a
statement,
but witnesses claim that the
murder victims were mutilated,
and upon their chests was
carved the Scar of David,
the calling card of the
Hanukiller.
Authorities fear the
Hanukiller will strike again
tonight
and urge people to stay
indoors,
for tonight is Zot Hanukkah,
the eighth and final night of
Hanukkah,
the final seal of the high
holiday season of Yom Kippur,
and it's considered the time
to repent,
out of love of God.
In other news--
- Obie.
Obie.
Obie.
Obediah, where are you?
Where are you?
Come, come to me.
Come to me.
Obie?
Obie, Obie!
- Sit, sit.
Here.
- Obie!
Come to me!
Obie, come to me!
Come to Mommy.
Come to Mommy!
Obediah!
Come to me.
Come to me.
Come to me!
- For you, only for you.
- Knife!
Step away from the kid!
- What's up with
your hair?
You're like a werewolf.
- American werewolf in your
hiney.
- You wish.
It's fuckin' freezing.
Why don't you put the top up?
- Why you take your fuckin'
top off, Amanda?
- Why don't you take it off
for me, Steven?
- All right, don't mind if I
do.
All right.
Yeah. - Told you,
Aunt Flo is visiting.
- Aunt Flo?
Who's Aunt Flo?
Fuck Aunt Flo.
- Aunt Flo!
- Got it, don't care.
- Oh!
Good.
It's time for you to earn
your living.
- No strings attached.
- Just go around it.
Ah, yeah.
Oh put your pee pee in me,
just do it, just do it.
- It's open.
- Where's Josh?
- In the shower.
- Why?
- Because we fucked.
What kind of a stupid
question is that?
- But why are we letting him
bail on the party?
- Well, it's either a nice
Hanukkah dinner
with his girlfriend's mother
or a wild booze-soaked fuck
fest.
You try convincin' Super Jew
to come with us.
- What's up, David?
Kickin' it with the heathen,
I see.
- Yes, I'm a bad Jew.
- That's okay.
Even a bad Jew serves God.
- Yes, I'm a bad example for
the rest of the Jews.
David and I were actually
just talking
about how you're pussy-whipped
and ditching your friends,
tonight.
- Wait, you said that about
me?
Now I'll have to go just to
prove you wrong.
- Nice fuckin' bathrobe.
- So you're letting Rachel
drag you
to her mom's place for
dinner, huh?
- Actually, Mrs. Horowitz
called and invited me
personally.
Rachel didn't even want to go.
- Yeah, Rachel's mom adores
Josh.
It's like he's so Jewish
that it negates the fact that
he's black.
- You know, I don't know what
the best part about living
with you is, the fact that
you're a racist
or that you're a self-hating
Jew.
- Maybe it's 'cause I wear
pants.
Go put some fuckin' pants on.
Walkin' around like a flasher.
It's weird, right?
- Oh, a little, um ,
so Josh and Rachel are
getting pretty serious, huh?
- Oh my God,
you're jealous. - What?
No, dude, I'm just--
- No, I get it.
Mrs. Horowitz never really
gave you a chance.
And usually when a girl's mom
doesn't like you,
it makes them want you more,
like a forbidden fruit.
But too late now.
Once you go black ,
well, in this case, it's Josh,
but she's not
going back.
Even circumcised, it's
probably huge.
- Didn't you say that Rachel
didn't want to go tonight?
- No, Rachel wanted to go to
the party, but Josh sucks.
- What are you doing?
Can you...
What are you doing?
What are you gonna do?
Please let me go.
Please, please, please.
Help me!
Help me, please!
Let me go.
Let me go, please, let me.
Come on, come on!
Um, hello, um,
can you, um, can you take
this off?
This is hurting.
Um, hello, can you look at me?
Um, what are you doing?
What are you doing to me?
Please let me go.
I want to go home!
I want to go home!
Please let me outta here!
Please, this is hurting me!
Please let me go home, please!
Please, please.
Please let me go.
Can you look at me?
Can you look at me?
Can you look at me?
Just look at me.
Why, what are you doing?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no,
please don't, no, no!
No, okay, okay, I'm sorry.
I'll, I'll stop, I'll stop,
I'll stop, I'll stop.
- Joshua, hello.
- Hello, Mrs. Horowitz.
Is Rachel already here?
I couldn't get her on the
phone and--
- I know.
She phoned to let us know she
wouldn't be joining us.
But you're still staying for
dinner, right?
- I, yeah, I guess,
if you still want me to.
- Totally.
- Okay.
- So, wait, you didn't even
tell Josh you're coming
to the party?
- I'm sure after a couple
glasses
of Manischewitz with my mom,
he'll get the picture.
- You see it?
They're fucking.
Are you serious?
What happened to Melissa?
- Fuck Melissa.
- Rachel's not even gay.
- You're gay.
- Okay.
- What are you doing?
- I'm calling Josh.
- Why?
- Because we're all trying to
fuck his girlfriend.
- Don't worry, hon,
David and Judy are the only
ones who stand a chance.
And Josh, he wouldn't even
know what you're talking
about
because he doesn't even want
to fuck his girlfriend.
He's waiting to fuck his wife.
And that ain't gonna be me.
- What are you guys
talkin' about?
- Adam wants to call Josh.
- Yeah, you remember Josh,
right?
- Yeah.
Yeah , definitely
call Josh.
He should come.
It is, uh, it's a two-hour
drive, though.
Do you really think he wants
to do that by himself?
- Well, he was invited.
He just didn't wanna come.
- Case closed.
- So Rachel and Josh haven't
even sealed the deal yet?
That's crazy.
How long have they been
together?
Is he like a virgin or
something?
- That would make a lot of
sense.
Hey, hey
Bitch, you ain't got shit on
me
Queen D, yeah, the crown only
fit on me
That's why, that's why your
man wanna feel on me
He's fucking you, his mind
still on me
- Fuckin' move before I pee
myself.
- You got the fuckin' the
bladder of a nine-years-old
girl.
- You have tit of a
nine-year-old boy.
Move!
Who got bitches
They more badder than your
bitches
- Ah, you pee so much.
Let me call up some more
bitches
Now we got that party bouncing
Hittin' switches, hittin'
switches
And you talkin' like you did
this
But I lit this
You can witness
Now we turnt up, and you
turnt out
We burn it up, and you burnt
out
I'm caked up with my cakes out
And you eat that shit
One more time
We turnt up, and you turnt out
We burn it up, and you burnt
out
I'm caked up with my cakes out
And you eat that shit, Little
Debbie
- Hold on.
- Fuckin' whore!
- Yo, is there a fuckin'
problem here?
- This fuckin' prostitute is
my problem.
- Ladies, please!
There is enough papochka
to go around for everyone,
huh?
See?
- Judy, get back in the car.
- We're all friends.
Bitch, you ain't got shit on
me
Queen D, yeah, the crown only
fit on me
- Friends, friends, friends.
- Jeez.
- Hey, comrade, there was
nobody here,
so I helped myself of the
key, okay?
- Excuse me, do you know
where this is?
- I know where this is!
Is Ian's party.
I go there, too.
- You're going to the party?
- Yes.
- Are you going with Boris
and Natasha?
- Yes, I am.
- What the fuck is she doing?
- Just follow me. - Okay.
Thanks for nothing.
Let's go. - Let's go.
- Hey, guys, guess who's
coming to the party.
- Hey, they're going to the
party, too.
- Gonna be great.
- No way!
No, you're not invited them
to Ian's.
- Shut the fuck up.
I did not invite them.
They were already going.
- Hey, don't tell her
to shut the fuck up.
And you eat that shit, Little
Debbie
- They drove two hour
from the city.
- They drove two hours.
You ain't got shit on me
- Two hours?
Aw, you are so caring for
them.
Bitch, you ain't got shit on
me
Queen D, yeah, the crown only
fit on me
- Nina, quit being a bitch,
let's just go.
You don't have to talk to
them.
Come on!
- No, you have two choices.
You either tell them to fuck
off,
or you're taking me home now!
- Wrong!
I have a third choice.
I tell you to fuck off!
- Are we just gonna leave her
here?
- Well, we could pick her up.
- Let's vote on it.
- Nay.
- Nope!
- I just didn't want to be a
cunt first.
Nay.
- You guys are fucked up.
- Bye, Felicia.
- Hey, Yuri left me at the
gas station,
and my purse is still in the
car.
I have no money.
Call me as soon as you get
this.
- Some fuckin' gay bathhouse.
- There's room on the couch
if you guys wanna sit down.
- You should have brought
Nina.
- No!
I still have the other.
Don't disrespect Nina like
that.
Show some respect.
- Hey, what's up, guys?
- Nothing is up,
'cause this is a fucking
sausage fest.
- I know, I know.
I made some phone calls.
Don't worry. - Oh.
The boy made phone calls, oh.
- Where's Nina?
- See, your fallback plans
in case it's a sausage buffet.
- Yeah, your kind of buffet
, oi.
- Hey, guys, where's Josh?
- He couldn't make it.
- Bullshit.
Get his ass down here.
- Right, 'cause that's what
this party needs.
More cock!
- That was great.
Rachel doesn't know what she
missed.
- She does tend to take
things for granted,
a pitfall of youth.
I have a confession to make.
I knew Rachel would not come
tonight.
I know my daughter very well,
the advantage of experience.
So tell me, Josh, how serious
are you and Rachel?
- Serious, very serious.
- When Mr. Horowitz passed
away,
it was very difficult for me.
I almost thought of selling
this house.
It's very, very lonely here.
- I can't sleep with you.
- What?
- Leviticus 20:14,
"And if a man take a wife and
her mother, it is wickedness."
- Take a wife and her mother?
- You know, take her.
- All right, Joshua, I know
what you meant.
I'm familiar with Leviticus.
- I haven't even slept with
Rachel.
I'm waiting until I'm married.
I mean, of course, I'd love
to bed you right now.
That, that would be great,
but staying with the spirit
of the law.
- Joshua, I am not
trying to seduce you.
I wanted to tell you,
if you intend on marrying my
daughter,
I would make a wedding gift
of this house.
No more wine for you.
- Oh God.
- I'm pretty sure they're
gonna notice the only two
girls
at the party are missing.
- Yeah, well, I told Ian
that we're using his sister's
bathroom.
He thinks I'm going to call
my girlfriends
and have 'em come to the
party.
Yeah, right.
- What
girlfriends?
- This bitch has her
own wardrobe rack.
Hello.
Yes!
- I think Ian's sister might
mind you going
through all her shit.
- Uh, as much as she'd mind
you putting your boots
on her pillow.
Whore!
I mean, come on.
Oh yes, come on, let's try
some shit on.
- Mm, no. - Yes!
- Mm, no. - Ah!
Bingo, bitch.
- That dress looks a little
too small for you.
What, is Ian's sister like 12?
- Like a 12-year-old could
afford this.
She's our age.
But she's not thinner than I
am.
- Right.
- Yes.
- Yeah, great, let me help
you with this.
- Okay.
Yes.
Let's do this.
Try something on, come on.
Yes.
This one.
- Mm? - Yes.
- No, no.
- It's so fucking cute.
What are you talking about? -
Not really.
- Here, what about this?
- Mm, no, it's too small, no.
- It's not too fuckin' small.
- Yeah, it is.
- Fuck off! - Try another one.
- Yuck, gross.
- Yeah.
- What a whore.
- No.
- Nice, okay.
Yes.
- Mm, no.
No, no, no, no.
- I'm , I'm not into
girls.
- That's not what you
said in the car.
You told Adam that David and
Judy have a shot.
- I was joking.
- Come on, hook me up.
- Do you think I'm a slut?
- Yeah.
What?
- I was joking.
- Come on.
Just hook me up one time.
- Yuck, gross.
You smell like Patron in here.
Slut.
I wish I had a woman that I
could destroy
'Cause then I guess that I'd
be satisfied
- Not a single lesson.
- Good, that's good.
What are you, wizard?
Are you Harry Potter?
Show me mark, show me mark.
Oh, is no mark.
Drink, drink. - Oh, no.
- This will give you mark.
Drink!
Oh yes, papa.
Good, good, you're ready for
party now.
Oi, no hope for you.
I need a woman to listen to
lies
And then I guess that I'll be
satisfied
Satisfied
Then I guess that I'll be
satisfied
- Hey, buddy, she's not home.
I don't know who this tattoo
chick is,
but Cheryl's gonna be pissed
when she gets back.
I'm not judgin'.
Leave your curtains opened,
fuckin' askin' to be a star.
I see her when she's sleepin'
You know, I sold her pictures
to some porno voyeur site.
So fuckin' hot.
This is what you just missed.
I was lucky to catch this
broad dancin' around
with her titties out.
Fetch a pretty fuckin' penny.
You're probably more excited
about the penny, though, huh?
Get it?
'Cause you're a Jew.
I was just fuckin' with ya.
I know, I look like an
asshole.
I just got off work, a mall
Santa.
What are you like, some sort
of moral Jew?
You some sort of fuckin'
Hanukkah Harry or somethin'?
Oh, we're pullin' 'em out?
- If your gifts and
your skills are a result
of my blood running through
your veins,
if the moon intensifies your
abilities
and sharpens your survival
instincts,
or if my mother is right,
and it is not a biological
mutation transferable
by blood but a curse,
in which case, I hope you
still respect your place
on the food chain!
- Struck out?
- Anyone else show up?
- Nope.
What's on?
- It was this "Christmas Evil"
or "Silent Night, Deadly
Night."
I went with this.
We need more Jewish horror
films.
"The Last Synagogue on the
Left,"
pray you're not one of the
chosen people.
"Gefilte Flesh," you'll bleed
a latka.
Wow, these write themselves.
I could do this all night.
- Please don't.
- How long are we stuck here?
- Well, I think David told Ian
that we were here for the
night.
- What the fuck?
I thought we were only gonna
stay
if the party was worthwhile.
- Damn you, man, open
up!
- Didn't we have an escape
clause
if the party sucked? - Come
on, open up.
- Yeah, but David's our ride,
and it doesn't suck for him.
- But this is Ian's parents'
room.
- I know, it's the best bed
in the house.
Oh why are you so sexy?
I'm not a slut.
- No.
- Okay.
Josh could never know. - No.
- Josh, I know my daughter
can be spirited.
Perhaps I spoiled her after
her father passed.
But I think you are good for
her.
- I'm not so sure Rachel
thinks so.
She's not even here.
- Well, she's grown
accustomed to indulging her
whims,
a custom you need to help her
break.
This jewelry has been in my
family for many generations.
There is much history in this
box.
When God led my mother safely
out of Europe,
she was wearing this ring.
These belonged to her parents.
And these were my
great-grandparents'.
My mother made many sacrifices
to keep these in her
possession.
I think when you ask Rachel
for her hand,
it would mean a lot if you
presented her
with one of these rings.
See anything you like?
- Oh yeah, oh yeah!
Oh God.
Oh fuck me.
Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me
with that tiny dick!
Oh yeah.
Fuck me with that tiny, tiny
microdick!
Fuck with that microdick,
white boy.
I can't even fuckin' feel it.
I can't even fuckin' feel it.
Fuck me with that microdick.
Yeah, fuck me, yes!
Yeah
- This party suck so bad even
the fuckin' nerds left.
10 years in the making
Nobody quit
- No, I call you as soon as I
hear something.
Have you seen Amanda?
- No.
- I told you I'll call you.
- She's looking for her
cousin Amanda.
- Ah, very hot.
Amanda is coming here?
- She's supposed to.
She's with Steve.
You know Steve?
So what's going on?
- I don't know.
No one heard from her since
the last night.
I just found out about it an
hour ago,
after I had to take cab home
to pick up my car.
If Amanda or Steve show up
or you hear something from
them, call me.
My aunt is freaking out.
So cute.
- Nina.
Next time you decide to throw
a party,
invite some single women.
I mean, this is bullshit.
- Oh, Yuri, who needs woman?
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
- Stop this.
Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel
I'm gonna make you gay
- I do not like this.
Stop this, it's not funny.
- Yeah, it's really not.
And this is an antique, and
it's my mother's.
So if you could...
Don't touch me.
- Then you could play with it.
- Let go.
- Or you could have your
mother come and play with it.
- Stop.
- Okay, that was
funny.
- Okay, uh, need to go and
pee.
Give me antique back.
- Hey, you piss too much.
Next time you have a party,
invite single women.
1.50 for the quarter
Three for the half
Six for the O with a pink
giraffe
One for the nickel
Two for the dime
20 for the dub of that bubba
kind
- I fuck you, plant.
And I fuck you.
I am Hebrew, the most
powerful Jew in the universe.
And I make you big pussy.
Who opened the window?
Fuckin' winter, it make my
pee pee small.
Mine is bigger than yours.
You hear me.
Mine is bigger.
- Ivan, let's go, enough
pissing!
Ivan.
Ivan.
What the fuck?
Fuck him.
Ivan, you piece of shit,
if you're with Nina, you
might as well both kill
yourselves
and save me the trouble.
- That, ladies
and gentlemen--
- Are you threatening
me?
- Eternity of despair.
- Man of fine fashion.
- Hey.
You may wanna see this.
It's like,
it's like the most offensive
thing I've ever seen.
No one's ever gonna
believe this.
- You must be Baby Bear.
- Get the fuck outta my bed.
Get the fuck outta my clothes.
- Now we're talking.
You first.
- Oh.
Who the fuck gets drunk
and dresses up in a
stranger's wardrobe?
- In all fairness,
I was sober when I tried your
clothes on.
I didn't start drinking until
after I got in bed.
I'm so sorry.
It's fucking three in the
afternoon.
Why didn't someone come wake
me up?
- Sounded like someone did.
Besides , figured
you'd wanna sleep in,
considering we're stranded
here.
- Did they leave without us?
- No, all four of Dave's
tires got slashed.
And, uh, they just messed
with the engine for good
measure.
- Oh no.
- Yeah.
They think maybe the Russians
did it
or that crazy chick they left
at the gas station.
She came by here, all bent
out of shape.
I'm going with karma, though.
- What do we do now?
- Well, Ian said we could
crash here until tomorrow
night.
- Tomorrow night?
- Yeah, uh, Josh is observing
the Sabbath.
It's Friday.
He can't, you know, go out,
can't drive a car,
can't get him wet, can't eat
after midnight.
- Why doesn't he just come
now?
- He doesn't want to get
stuck in traffic.
From sundown to night, until
there's three stars
in the sky, Saturday night,
he can't do anything.
Bro's just gonna be kickin'
back,
thinkin' about God, like a
good Jew.
- Why three stars?
- I don't know.
They make it up.
But it's either pay for a
$200 cab ride or kick it here.
That's what I thought.
- Isn't this beautiful?
It's one of my favorite
places.
It's so peaceful.
You know, son, when people
die, sometimes,
we sing the Kaddish,
but I think the Kaddish is a
very mournful, sad song.
I like the the Shema.
Do you like the Shema?
You know how to sing it?
You did it!
You've heard it before.
You were great.
You were great.
It means God, hear our prayer.
He keeps us safe and strong.
Always safe when you sing the
Shema,
you're always safe.
- What are you looking at?
You like this?
You sick fuck.
You're gonna let me go?
You're gonna let me go?
Is that it?
You're gonna let me go.
What are you lookin' at?
It's Friday, Sabbath.
Fuck!
Come on, come on, come on.
Come on.
Fuck you, motherfucker!
Somebody
help me!
- Really? - What?
- What the fuck?
You need to get them the fuck
outta here.
- Where are they supposed to
go?
- I don't give a fuck where
they go.
They can go to the fucking
200, for all I care.
- Why a zoo?
- This bitch stole my clothes.
She's still wearing 'em.
Hey, is that mine, too?
They better be gone
by the time I get back.
- She's gonna want to burn
those panties.
Hey, don't pretend like you
guys didn't fuck,
on account of me.
- Please get me out of here!
Ah!
Fuck!
Ow.
Oh God!
- Is that Cheryl's outfit?
- Maybe it is, maybe it isn't.
- Oh, what's up, dude? - Yo,
what's up?
- Josh. - What's up, man?
Good to see you.
- What's up?
- What's up?
So, got nothin' to say about
ditchin' me and your mom?
- Nope.
- What is wrong with
you?
How could you do that to me?
- Dude, so shitty.
What was she
thinking?
- She was thinkin' about
herself
and what feels good at the
time.
I mean, that's all she cares
about
And you, you knew.
You didn't even call to gimme
a heads up.
Some friend.
- He found out that David and
Rachel fucked?
- What?
- Actually, we haven't got to
that part yet.
- Does anybody want any
nachos or anything like that?
I could...
- How could you do this to me?
- Get over it.
Nobody forced you to stay for
dinner.
- You slept with David?
- I also have pizza rolls,
jalapeño poppers.
- I could totally go for
those poppers, by the way.
Hey!
Forgot your jacket.
Come on, man, fine.
Can you just give me and Judy
a ride home?
We didn't fuck Rachel.
Okay, Judy did try.
But I think she only got to
second base.
Okay, fine, just give me a
ride home then.
You know, we waited around an
extra night
for you to sit around on your
Sabbath,
and I'm still wearin' the
underwear I put on three days
ago.
Come on, we could've just
called a cab
if you weren't gonna pick us
up.
- How big of you to wait
around all night
for me to drive out here and
pick you up.
You people deserve each other.
- What do you mean you people?
- You mock my beliefs,
and in the same breath, you
ask for help.
You watch as my girlfriend
not only cheats on me
with another guy but with
another girl, no less.
- Well, I didn't watch.
Okay, when she was with Judy,
I tried to watch.
And that's the other thing.
With all this and with
another woman no less crap,
I mean, it doesn't say in the
Torah anywhere
that women can't be with
other women.
It says nothing about
lesbians.
- It was clear what was meant
though.
- Yes, so clear, in fact,
that it's itemized quite
specifically.
Men can't lay with other men,
can't have sex with your mom,
can't have sex with your dad,
can't have sex with your
aunt, your uncle,
your sister-in-law, your
daughter-in-law,
and the biggest bummer is you
can't have sex
with a woman and her mom at
the same time.
Nowhere does it say shit
about women lying with other
women.
It's a weak-ass
interpretation of Leviticus
don't do what the fuckin'
Egyptians do.
I mean, wow, could you be any
more vague?
You selectively follow this
book verbatim
and suddenly when it's
convenient for you,
there's a little wiggle room,
for you to just judge others.
I'm sick of it, man.
- I'm giving you my month's
notice.
I'm moving out.
- Whatever.
- Wow.
My hero.
I gotta remember that one for
my parents.
- It's true.
Even God loves girl-on-girl.
It's a beautiful thing
There's plenty of Ortho-dykes
out there, you know.
I think you're still fucked,
'cause of your tattoos.
- So what do we do now?
Are we gonna call a cab or
wait for Dave's car?
- Just can't believe Josh
came all the way out here
and didn't give us a ride.
- I can't believe he came all
the way out here
and didn't take his wallet.
- Pretty sure stealing's a
sin.
I'll let it slide.
Well, Josh went home.
Judy and I are gonna get a
cab,
if you guys want to get in on
that.
- Dude, my car's gonna be
ready first thing Monday
morning.
I'm not paying for a cab both
ways.
Why don't we just stay
another night?
I mean, if that's cool.
- Okay, you don't have to
worry about Josh.
He's not the violent type.
- Rachel, what?
No, I don't have a ride,
Monday.
What are you talking about?
- Okay.
Pussy.
- Bitch.
- Hello.
Oh, hey, what's up?
Yeah, no, this isn't a really
good time.
Yeah, they're still here.
No, you don't need to come,
hello?
Oh.
So listen, uh, that was Nina,
and she's coming over.
- Gross.
- Oh fuck!
- You know what?
I don't wanna hear it, okay?
She didn't fuck up your car.
She is my guest, just like
all of you.
So either you could eat my
jalapeño poppers
and shut the fuck up,
or you can get a cab and get
the fuck out of here!
What the fuck?
Cheryl, stop putting a show
on for the neighbor!
What is she...
Cheryl!
Fuck.
What are you doing out here?
Ah, it's freezing.
Stop being so dramatic.
They didn't steal all your
clothes.
Hello?
- My name is Amon Feist.
- Hello, pretty boy.
Hello, whore.
- Hey, Ian.
That Russian chick and some
creepy rabbi are here.
And I let them in.
Oh yeah.
- So what are you gonna tell
him?
- About what?
- Rachel, this is serious.
Josh is my friend.
- What's going on?
- He turned off half of the
lights,
and now he's going through
all of Ian's shit.
- Oh, cool.
Popper?
- No.
- Okay.
- Hey, me and Adam are
probably gonna call a cab.
You guys in? - I don't know.
Can you just give us a second?
- I'm in.
- Okay.
We can't find Ian anywhere.
Do one of you have his cell
phone number,
so we can just call him and
let him know that we're
leaving?
- What do you mean you can't
find him?
- The backdoor was opened.
Adam thought he might've gone
to the store,
but his car's here, so I
don't know.
Maybe Cheryl finally killed
him.
- How much longer are we
supposed to wait?
Where is this, this young man
that I'm supposed to talk to?
- Ian?
Uh, I think Judy went to go
look for him.
- What about you?
Do you know anything about
her cousin's boyfriend Steve?
I was really hoping that you
would have a different answer.
Have you ever heard the name
Judah Lazarus?
He was also known as the
Hanukiller.
- Oh, from that cheesy TV
movie,
with, uh, Mark Harmon and,
oh, who was the detective?
Uh, he was that guy, it's on
the tip of my tongue.
- He was a psychopath.
He believed that God spoke to
him
and gave him 53 additional
commandments to follow.
- Robert Forster!
He was, uh, he was the
detective for the, the movie.
- My father was his third
victim,
so it was only natural
that I took an interest in
the case.
- Naturally.
- His signature mark was
called he Scar of David.
On men, like my father, he
carved it into their chest.
On women, he carved it into
their bellies.
- Maybe 'cause he didn't want
to mess up the, uh...
- I believe that your friends
are dead.
- Come again.
- If not dead, then most
certainly they have been
chosen.
- What?
Chosen by who, for what?
What the fuck are you talkin'
about?
- The victim at the gas
station was found
with the Scar of David carved
into his chest.
- Well, I, I don't know
anything about that.
- The gas station we met at.
There was a murder there,
that night.
I believe I met the killer.
Ivan and your friend the
whore saw him as well.
No one saw Ivan since the
party.
So we thought maybe she had
some information.
The police wants to talk to
her as well.
So I called Ian to get her
contact info,
but when she said you were
here,
we wanted to talk to you
first.
- Why?
- My cousin is missing.
- If she is still alive, it
won't be for long.
So I was really hoping
to get some information
regarding either Steve
or the person that was at the
station the night
that you were there.
Do you know what Judah
Lazarus was doing moments
before the police shot and
killed him?
He was in the middle of
ritually sacrificing his only
son,
eight-year-old Obediah.
Obediah survived.
And after months of
psychiatric evaluation,
he was placed into a foster
care,
and I kept track of him,
because I empathized with him.
Both our lives had been
shattered by his father's
madness.
There were so many times that
I thought
about reaching out to him.
I never did.
Now years have gone by.
There's no trace of him.
- Well, maybe he changed his
name.
Obediah?
- No, I'm, I'm certain that
it is he
who is targeting your friends.
- Okay.
- Ask me why.
- Why?
- Because he thinks you're
bad Jews.
You don't follow the laws of
Judaism,
according to his
interpretation.
He thinks you're enemies of
the Jewish faith
and that he has been chosen
by God
to enforce the will of God.
- I gotta, I gotta make a
call.
Judy, where'd you guys go?
I need to talk to you.
This fuckin' crazy shit is
goin' on here,
and I'm ready to take off,
like fucking now.
Call me!
Ian, you need to get back
here, right now,
'cause I'm takin' off, and
I'm not taking responsibility
for the crazy Russian chick
and the weird-ass rabbi
that are in your house right
now.
They're fuckin' weird, man.
They're mixed up with the
cops and Hanukillers
and who knows what else.
Call me!
Hey!
Where's Feist?
- He left shortly
after you fell asleep.
He said he'll come back
tomorrow, early.
- I'm not waitin' around.
I'm goin' home.
I didn't see your guy at the
gas station.
I didn't see shit.
I just want to find my
friends and get outta here.
Where'd you even meet that
guy anyway?
- He saw Amanda's missing
person poster
and called me saying he may
have some information.
- Well, I think he's looking
for information,
and no offense, but I'm
pretty sure he's more
interested
in finding this Obediah guy
than your cousin.
Josh, it's me.
Just calling to see if you got
in touch with David or Rachel.
I haven't been able to get a
hold of them
or Judy or Ian or anybody.
Just call me when you get
this.
Don't be a schmuck and hold a
grudge.
Serious shit, man.
Call me.
Did you drive here?
- Yeah.
- Let's go to the police.
Hey!
Let's go!
Wake up.
Let's go to the police
station, come on!
Come on.
- It's very important, as
Jews, that we remember we want
to be here with our aunties
and our uncles
and our bubbe and zayde.
So we can't adulterate our
bodies.
We don't do drugs.
We don't take alcohol.
We don't tattoo ourselves
like the hippies do.
But don't worry, 'cause Mommy
will be with you always,
always and forever.
Look what I got for you,
so that when Mommy's not
around,
you've got a special friend
to keep you company.
Don't be afraid.
I will be with you always.
- No, please, please, stop.
Please let me go.
Please!
Don't, don't.
Don't, don't.
Please , just let me go.
Stop!
- So how do you even know you
can trust this man Feist?
Huh?
Maybe he's a lunatic or
involved with all this.
I mean, he calls you 'cause
your cousin's missing,
and he tells you these
stories.
- Police didn't really ask
any questions,
so they must've checked him
out.
- Still, why we have to meet
him?
Why I'm here?
I want to know where Ivan is.
Where did you come from?
- I came in from the back
door.
It was unlocked.
- You, you still coulda
knocked.
- Yeah, well, you know,
Obediah is not gonna be
knocking
when he comes looking for you.
So look your doors and stay
alert.
- This the guy?
- Feist.
- Yes, I'm the guy that, uh,
you said was a lunatic.
- You're lurking around the
darkness like a,
like a fucking ghoul, bro.
- Have, um, any of you seen
your neighbors
from the blue house next door?
Well, um, they might be dead.
There's a mezuzah on the
outside door frame,
and, uh, it wasn't there last
night.
- So you run around checking
the door
to see if they're Jews?
- Yes.
After I left, last night, I
walked the neighborhood.
So this is what we know.
Your friends disappeared, two
nights ago.
Last night, five more people
from this house also
disappeared.
I was here when three of them
remained.
So that means, in what, an
hour, they were taken
with no sign of a struggle
and no witnesses.
I think it would be difficult
to grab all three at once
and way too risky if he were
to make multiple trips.
So I suspect that,
like a spider,
he lured them into his web.
- So why don't you go next
door,
check if the door is locked?
If not, you walk in there as
well.
- That is exactly what I'm
gonna do,
because once I saw that newly
affixed mezuzah,
I walked their property,
and I found what I believe is
blood in the grass.
Hmm.
- Shit.
- Maybe we should call
the police first.
- Yes, let's wait for
the cops to come
while our friends are being
slaughtered.
- I'm not breaking into
someone's house.
- Just wait outside.
- I know all we have to tell
them is
that we're breaking and
entering,
because this rabbi knows
there's someone in there
who have who may have
converted.
Why they cover the mirror
with the sheets?
- You're supposed to cover
mirrors during Shiva.
It's when you grieve for the
dead.
- Whoa.
You're my woman now?
- Yes.
I am your woman.
- Then hold the coats.
Oh bro!
I'm sorry.
I didn't know.
Shit, oh , I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I didn't know.
Are you okay?
I didn't know.
Shit.
- Hey, hey, hi.
Don't be afraid.
Can you see me?
You're gonna be okay.
Call an ambulance and the
police, hurry up.
Hi.
Hi, hey.
Is he still here, in the
house?
No?
What about your friends?
Do you know where they are?
No?
You're gonna be okay.
If you can think of anything,
it could save your friends'
lives.
No?
Don't cry, take a deep breath.
Just let it out.
An ambulance is coming.
You're gonna be okay.
I'm gonna wait here with you,
okay?
Okay, just I want you to just
think.
Did he mention anything about
where he took 'em?
What about a car?
Take a deep breath, just
relax.
Breathe it in.
That's good.
You're gonna be okay.
You're gonna live.
You're gonna be fine.
You're gonna be playing the
piano, okay?
Don't cry, shh.
Take a breath.
Tell me something, please.
Is there anything you can
tell me
that could help to find your
ff lends?
Anything?
Okay, now tell me something
that can help me save your
ff lends.
- Okay, I called the police.
The ambulance is on their way.
Yuri's with Nina.
She's pretty inconsolable, so
I wouldn't mention the torture
or the punch in the face.
What'd she tell you?
- Gordon Brook Road, and
you're gonna be looking
for a red convertible.
- Okay.
We were just there.
That's walking distance from
here.
There's woods right behind
that gas station, remember?
It makes perfect sense.
She's fine.
He's not comin' back.
We have to go.
You're not gonna go, are you?
You're full of shit.
You're just a coward.
All those speeches I had to
listen to,
and nothing, you're just
gonna wait?
Here's your fuckin' jacket.
- Okay, fine.
- Where's the light?
- My job was to save
lives.
- I get that part, the
bear.
- Hey!
- The question is--
- No!
- Where's the knife?
- Come on, leave her the fuck
alone!
Adam!
- Whoa, whoa, hey!
Whoa, whoa, uh, Lazarus,
right, Obediah?
Uh, Feist!
Henry, Harry?
Harvey?
- Howard Feist.
- Howard Feist, so you do
remember?
Howard Feist's son, Amon
Feist, is looking for you.
He came to me, trying to find
you.
Really, he should be here,
but he's scared shitless.
I'm scared shitless.
I mean, your father killed
his father.
He ruined both of your lives.
Listen, what are you trying
to do here?
I mean, this isn't Judaism.
This is wrong.
Your father was delusional.
Mitzvot 224, 6:6,
you can't be in the same room
as a corpse.
- Shema.
- Mitzvot 225, 6:7,
you can't come in contact
with with a dead body.
You can't kill us.
We're all bad Jews, but
you're not.
- Shema.
- I am listening.
That's right.
I went to rabbinical school
to be a rabbi,
but it just wasn't for me.
You know, you and my roommate,
you'd be great together.
You like to just sit home and
judge other people.
How do you justify any of
this?
- Mitzvot, 637.
- Yeah, you see, there's only
Your father made up the rest.
He just made that shit up.
- Mitzvot, 43, 44, 45.
- I'm not a false prophet.
I'm not anything.
What is this?
Is that for me?
- No.
- Adam, it's Judy.
No!
- God damn you!
You're a bad Jew.
- Shema!
Bad Jew.
- Judaism is an affirmation
of life,
not a rejection of others
but a reminder that we all
stem
from the same family tree
branching out
in all our diversity,
regardless of race or
religion.
- Nina, still no word on
Ivan, but don't worry,
we still have time.
Hey, Amanda's okay.
No, I didn't punch her in the
face on purpose.
- We are all God's children.
"I have set before you life
and death,
"blessing and curse.
"Therefore choose life and
both you
"and your descendants may
life," Devarim.
- Rachel!
- We are charged with a moral
obligation
of serving as an example to
the world,
fulfilling his Will.
- Yeah.
What is this?
Guilt, how cute.
No, I don't know.
No, I don't care when he gets
back.
I already told him I'm
leaving in a month.
- And yes, we're complainers.
Remind everyone that as far
as we've come,
there's always further to go.
- Rabbi
Feist.
Amon, my mom's double parked.
We thought you were gonna
meet us outside.
Rabbi Feist!
Family, honor and sadness are
speaking these words,
36 years ago, for my dear
friend Howard Feist.
This, this is the very same
paper
that I prepared for that day.
Amon was his father's son, a
good man.
When he told me that he too
wanted to be a rabbi,
I said that for every task a
rabbi performs,
there's probably someone more
qualified.
The therapist may offer
better counseling.
Politician may give more
rousing inspirational
speeches.
A university professor may be
a more knowledgeable teacher.
None of that matters.
Rabbis aren't meant to be
above anyone,
but to rather stand with
everyone.
People look to rabbis for
affirmation of life,
for faith, for understanding.
And I'm privileged to serve
in that role, every day.
I'm gonna miss him, too, Z'ev.
If there's anything you need,
if anything, you want to
talk, anything.
- Thank you, Walter.
Oh, the yarmulke.
It was a gift from Amon.
I once told him that he had a
better chance
of getting me to a baseball
game than temple.
- Mets, huh?
You know your brother and
your father were Yankee fans?
- Well, look where that got
'em.
- I guess I'll see ya at the
cemetery.
- Someday, I suppose.
Oh Hanukkah, oh Hanukkah
Come light the menorah
Let's have a party
We'll all dance the hora
Gather 'round the table
We'll give you a treat
A dreidel to play with and
latkes to eat
And while we were singing
The candles were burning low
One for each night as they
shed a sweet light
They remind us of years long
ago
One for each night as they
shed a sweet light
They remind us of years long
ago
Whoa
And while we were singing
The candles were burning low
One for each night as we shed
a sweet light
They remind us of years long
ago
One for each night as we shed
a sweet light
They remind us of years long
ago
One for each night as we shed
a sweet light
They remind us of years long
ago
One for each night as we shed
a sweet light
They remind us of years long
ago
Remind
Remind
Caught the devil talking to
his son
Who wanted to go up above, up
above
He cried, it's getting too
warm for me down here
And so I'm going up on Earth
Where I can have a little fun
The devil slowly shook his
head
And then told his son
Stay down here where you
belong
The folks who live above you
don't know right from wrong
To please their
- This is an NYC6
breaking news bulletin.
- Preliminary
reports indicate
that at least six more bodies
have been found.
Police have not released a
statement,
but witnesses claim that the
murder victims were mutilated,
and upon their chests was
carved the Scar of David,
the calling card of the
Hanukiller.
Authorities fear the
Hanukiller will strike again
tonight
and urge people to stay
indoors,
for tonight is Zot Hanukkah,
the eighth and final night of
Hanukkah,
the final seal of the high
holiday season of Yom Kippur,
and it's considered the time
to repent,
out of love of God.
In other news--
- Obie.
Obie.
Obie.
Obediah, where are you?
Where are you?
Come, come to me.
Come to me.
Obie?
Obie, Obie!
- Sit, sit.
Here.
- Obie!
Come to me!
Obie, come to me!
Come to Mommy.
Come to Mommy!
Obediah!
Come to me.
Come to me.
Come to me!
- For you, only for you.
- Knife!
Step away from the kid!
- What's up with
your hair?
You're like a werewolf.
- American werewolf in your
hiney.
- You wish.
It's fuckin' freezing.
Why don't you put the top up?
- Why you take your fuckin'
top off, Amanda?
- Why don't you take it off
for me, Steven?
- All right, don't mind if I
do.
All right.
Yeah. - Told you,
Aunt Flo is visiting.
- Aunt Flo?
Who's Aunt Flo?
Fuck Aunt Flo.
- Aunt Flo!
- Got it, don't care.
- Oh!
Good.
It's time for you to earn
your living.
- No strings attached.
- Just go around it.
Ah, yeah.
Oh put your pee pee in me,
just do it, just do it.
- It's open.
- Where's Josh?
- In the shower.
- Why?
- Because we fucked.
What kind of a stupid
question is that?
- But why are we letting him
bail on the party?
- Well, it's either a nice
Hanukkah dinner
with his girlfriend's mother
or a wild booze-soaked fuck
fest.
You try convincin' Super Jew
to come with us.
- What's up, David?
Kickin' it with the heathen,
I see.
- Yes, I'm a bad Jew.
- That's okay.
Even a bad Jew serves God.
- Yes, I'm a bad example for
the rest of the Jews.
David and I were actually
just talking
about how you're pussy-whipped
and ditching your friends,
tonight.
- Wait, you said that about
me?
Now I'll have to go just to
prove you wrong.
- Nice fuckin' bathrobe.
- So you're letting Rachel
drag you
to her mom's place for
dinner, huh?
- Actually, Mrs. Horowitz
called and invited me
personally.
Rachel didn't even want to go.
- Yeah, Rachel's mom adores
Josh.
It's like he's so Jewish
that it negates the fact that
he's black.
- You know, I don't know what
the best part about living
with you is, the fact that
you're a racist
or that you're a self-hating
Jew.
- Maybe it's 'cause I wear
pants.
Go put some fuckin' pants on.
Walkin' around like a flasher.
It's weird, right?
- Oh, a little, um ,
so Josh and Rachel are
getting pretty serious, huh?
- Oh my God,
you're jealous. - What?
No, dude, I'm just--
- No, I get it.
Mrs. Horowitz never really
gave you a chance.
And usually when a girl's mom
doesn't like you,
it makes them want you more,
like a forbidden fruit.
But too late now.
Once you go black ,
well, in this case, it's Josh,
but she's not
going back.
Even circumcised, it's
probably huge.
- Didn't you say that Rachel
didn't want to go tonight?
- No, Rachel wanted to go to
the party, but Josh sucks.
- What are you doing?
Can you...
What are you doing?
What are you gonna do?
Please let me go.
Please, please, please.
Help me!
Help me, please!
Let me go.
Let me go, please, let me.
Come on, come on!
Um, hello, um,
can you, um, can you take
this off?
This is hurting.
Um, hello, can you look at me?
Um, what are you doing?
What are you doing to me?
Please let me go.
I want to go home!
I want to go home!
Please let me outta here!
Please, this is hurting me!
Please let me go home, please!
Please, please.
Please let me go.
Can you look at me?
Can you look at me?
Can you look at me?
Just look at me.
Why, what are you doing?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no,
please don't, no, no!
No, okay, okay, I'm sorry.
I'll, I'll stop, I'll stop,
I'll stop, I'll stop.
- Joshua, hello.
- Hello, Mrs. Horowitz.
Is Rachel already here?
I couldn't get her on the
phone and--
- I know.
She phoned to let us know she
wouldn't be joining us.
But you're still staying for
dinner, right?
- I, yeah, I guess,
if you still want me to.
- Totally.
- Okay.
- So, wait, you didn't even
tell Josh you're coming
to the party?
- I'm sure after a couple
glasses
of Manischewitz with my mom,
he'll get the picture.
- You see it?
They're fucking.
Are you serious?
What happened to Melissa?
- Fuck Melissa.
- Rachel's not even gay.
- You're gay.
- Okay.
- What are you doing?
- I'm calling Josh.
- Why?
- Because we're all trying to
fuck his girlfriend.
- Don't worry, hon,
David and Judy are the only
ones who stand a chance.
And Josh, he wouldn't even
know what you're talking
about
because he doesn't even want
to fuck his girlfriend.
He's waiting to fuck his wife.
And that ain't gonna be me.
- What are you guys
talkin' about?
- Adam wants to call Josh.
- Yeah, you remember Josh,
right?
- Yeah.
Yeah , definitely
call Josh.
He should come.
It is, uh, it's a two-hour
drive, though.
Do you really think he wants
to do that by himself?
- Well, he was invited.
He just didn't wanna come.
- Case closed.
- So Rachel and Josh haven't
even sealed the deal yet?
That's crazy.
How long have they been
together?
Is he like a virgin or
something?
- That would make a lot of
sense.
Hey, hey
Bitch, you ain't got shit on
me
Queen D, yeah, the crown only
fit on me
That's why, that's why your
man wanna feel on me
He's fucking you, his mind
still on me
- Fuckin' move before I pee
myself.
- You got the fuckin' the
bladder of a nine-years-old
girl.
- You have tit of a
nine-year-old boy.
Move!
Who got bitches
They more badder than your
bitches
- Ah, you pee so much.
Let me call up some more
bitches
Now we got that party bouncing
Hittin' switches, hittin'
switches
And you talkin' like you did
this
But I lit this
You can witness
Now we turnt up, and you
turnt out
We burn it up, and you burnt
out
I'm caked up with my cakes out
And you eat that shit
One more time
We turnt up, and you turnt out
We burn it up, and you burnt
out
I'm caked up with my cakes out
And you eat that shit, Little
Debbie
- Hold on.
- Fuckin' whore!
- Yo, is there a fuckin'
problem here?
- This fuckin' prostitute is
my problem.
- Ladies, please!
There is enough papochka
to go around for everyone,
huh?
See?
- Judy, get back in the car.
- We're all friends.
Bitch, you ain't got shit on
me
Queen D, yeah, the crown only
fit on me
- Friends, friends, friends.
- Jeez.
- Hey, comrade, there was
nobody here,
so I helped myself of the
key, okay?
- Excuse me, do you know
where this is?
- I know where this is!
Is Ian's party.
I go there, too.
- You're going to the party?
- Yes.
- Are you going with Boris
and Natasha?
- Yes, I am.
- What the fuck is she doing?
- Just follow me. - Okay.
Thanks for nothing.
Let's go. - Let's go.
- Hey, guys, guess who's
coming to the party.
- Hey, they're going to the
party, too.
- Gonna be great.
- No way!
No, you're not invited them
to Ian's.
- Shut the fuck up.
I did not invite them.
They were already going.
- Hey, don't tell her
to shut the fuck up.
And you eat that shit, Little
Debbie
- They drove two hour
from the city.
- They drove two hours.
You ain't got shit on me
- Two hours?
Aw, you are so caring for
them.
Bitch, you ain't got shit on
me
Queen D, yeah, the crown only
fit on me
- Nina, quit being a bitch,
let's just go.
You don't have to talk to
them.
Come on!
- No, you have two choices.
You either tell them to fuck
off,
or you're taking me home now!
- Wrong!
I have a third choice.
I tell you to fuck off!
- Are we just gonna leave her
here?
- Well, we could pick her up.
- Let's vote on it.
- Nay.
- Nope!
- I just didn't want to be a
cunt first.
Nay.
- You guys are fucked up.
- Bye, Felicia.
- Hey, Yuri left me at the
gas station,
and my purse is still in the
car.
I have no money.
Call me as soon as you get
this.
- Some fuckin' gay bathhouse.
- There's room on the couch
if you guys wanna sit down.
- You should have brought
Nina.
- No!
I still have the other.
Don't disrespect Nina like
that.
Show some respect.
- Hey, what's up, guys?
- Nothing is up,
'cause this is a fucking
sausage fest.
- I know, I know.
I made some phone calls.
Don't worry. - Oh.
The boy made phone calls, oh.
- Where's Nina?
- See, your fallback plans
in case it's a sausage buffet.
- Yeah, your kind of buffet
, oi.
- Hey, guys, where's Josh?
- He couldn't make it.
- Bullshit.
Get his ass down here.
- Right, 'cause that's what
this party needs.
More cock!
- That was great.
Rachel doesn't know what she
missed.
- She does tend to take
things for granted,
a pitfall of youth.
I have a confession to make.
I knew Rachel would not come
tonight.
I know my daughter very well,
the advantage of experience.
So tell me, Josh, how serious
are you and Rachel?
- Serious, very serious.
- When Mr. Horowitz passed
away,
it was very difficult for me.
I almost thought of selling
this house.
It's very, very lonely here.
- I can't sleep with you.
- What?
- Leviticus 20:14,
"And if a man take a wife and
her mother, it is wickedness."
- Take a wife and her mother?
- You know, take her.
- All right, Joshua, I know
what you meant.
I'm familiar with Leviticus.
- I haven't even slept with
Rachel.
I'm waiting until I'm married.
I mean, of course, I'd love
to bed you right now.
That, that would be great,
but staying with the spirit
of the law.
- Joshua, I am not
trying to seduce you.
I wanted to tell you,
if you intend on marrying my
daughter,
I would make a wedding gift
of this house.
No more wine for you.
- Oh God.
- I'm pretty sure they're
gonna notice the only two
girls
at the party are missing.
- Yeah, well, I told Ian
that we're using his sister's
bathroom.
He thinks I'm going to call
my girlfriends
and have 'em come to the
party.
Yeah, right.
- What
girlfriends?
- This bitch has her
own wardrobe rack.
Hello.
Yes!
- I think Ian's sister might
mind you going
through all her shit.
- Uh, as much as she'd mind
you putting your boots
on her pillow.
Whore!
I mean, come on.
Oh yes, come on, let's try
some shit on.
- Mm, no. - Yes!
- Mm, no. - Ah!
Bingo, bitch.
- That dress looks a little
too small for you.
What, is Ian's sister like 12?
- Like a 12-year-old could
afford this.
She's our age.
But she's not thinner than I
am.
- Right.
- Yes.
- Yeah, great, let me help
you with this.
- Okay.
Yes.
Let's do this.
Try something on, come on.
Yes.
This one.
- Mm? - Yes.
- No, no.
- It's so fucking cute.
What are you talking about? -
Not really.
- Here, what about this?
- Mm, no, it's too small, no.
- It's not too fuckin' small.
- Yeah, it is.
- Fuck off! - Try another one.
- Yuck, gross.
- Yeah.
- What a whore.
- No.
- Nice, okay.
Yes.
- Mm, no.
No, no, no, no.
- I'm , I'm not into
girls.
- That's not what you
said in the car.
You told Adam that David and
Judy have a shot.
- I was joking.
- Come on, hook me up.
- Do you think I'm a slut?
- Yeah.
What?
- I was joking.
- Come on.
Just hook me up one time.
- Yuck, gross.
You smell like Patron in here.
Slut.
I wish I had a woman that I
could destroy
'Cause then I guess that I'd
be satisfied
- Not a single lesson.
- Good, that's good.
What are you, wizard?
Are you Harry Potter?
Show me mark, show me mark.
Oh, is no mark.
Drink, drink. - Oh, no.
- This will give you mark.
Drink!
Oh yes, papa.
Good, good, you're ready for
party now.
Oi, no hope for you.
I need a woman to listen to
lies
And then I guess that I'll be
satisfied
Satisfied
Then I guess that I'll be
satisfied
- Hey, buddy, she's not home.
I don't know who this tattoo
chick is,
but Cheryl's gonna be pissed
when she gets back.
I'm not judgin'.
Leave your curtains opened,
fuckin' askin' to be a star.
I see her when she's sleepin'
You know, I sold her pictures
to some porno voyeur site.
So fuckin' hot.
This is what you just missed.
I was lucky to catch this
broad dancin' around
with her titties out.
Fetch a pretty fuckin' penny.
You're probably more excited
about the penny, though, huh?
Get it?
'Cause you're a Jew.
I was just fuckin' with ya.
I know, I look like an
asshole.
I just got off work, a mall
Santa.
What are you like, some sort
of moral Jew?
You some sort of fuckin'
Hanukkah Harry or somethin'?
Oh, we're pullin' 'em out?
- If your gifts and
your skills are a result
of my blood running through
your veins,
if the moon intensifies your
abilities
and sharpens your survival
instincts,
or if my mother is right,
and it is not a biological
mutation transferable
by blood but a curse,
in which case, I hope you
still respect your place
on the food chain!
- Struck out?
- Anyone else show up?
- Nope.
What's on?
- It was this "Christmas Evil"
or "Silent Night, Deadly
Night."
I went with this.
We need more Jewish horror
films.
"The Last Synagogue on the
Left,"
pray you're not one of the
chosen people.
"Gefilte Flesh," you'll bleed
a latka.
Wow, these write themselves.
I could do this all night.
- Please don't.
- How long are we stuck here?
- Well, I think David told Ian
that we were here for the
night.
- What the fuck?
I thought we were only gonna
stay
if the party was worthwhile.
- Damn you, man, open
up!
- Didn't we have an escape
clause
if the party sucked? - Come
on, open up.
- Yeah, but David's our ride,
and it doesn't suck for him.
- But this is Ian's parents'
room.
- I know, it's the best bed
in the house.
Oh why are you so sexy?
I'm not a slut.
- No.
- Okay.
Josh could never know. - No.
- Josh, I know my daughter
can be spirited.
Perhaps I spoiled her after
her father passed.
But I think you are good for
her.
- I'm not so sure Rachel
thinks so.
She's not even here.
- Well, she's grown
accustomed to indulging her
whims,
a custom you need to help her
break.
This jewelry has been in my
family for many generations.
There is much history in this
box.
When God led my mother safely
out of Europe,
she was wearing this ring.
These belonged to her parents.
And these were my
great-grandparents'.
My mother made many sacrifices
to keep these in her
possession.
I think when you ask Rachel
for her hand,
it would mean a lot if you
presented her
with one of these rings.
See anything you like?
- Oh yeah, oh yeah!
Oh God.
Oh fuck me.
Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me
with that tiny dick!
Oh yeah.
Fuck me with that tiny, tiny
microdick!
Fuck with that microdick,
white boy.
I can't even fuckin' feel it.
I can't even fuckin' feel it.
Fuck me with that microdick.
Yeah, fuck me, yes!
Yeah
- This party suck so bad even
the fuckin' nerds left.
10 years in the making
Nobody quit
- No, I call you as soon as I
hear something.
Have you seen Amanda?
- No.
- I told you I'll call you.
- She's looking for her
cousin Amanda.
- Ah, very hot.
Amanda is coming here?
- She's supposed to.
She's with Steve.
You know Steve?
So what's going on?
- I don't know.
No one heard from her since
the last night.
I just found out about it an
hour ago,
after I had to take cab home
to pick up my car.
If Amanda or Steve show up
or you hear something from
them, call me.
My aunt is freaking out.
So cute.
- Nina.
Next time you decide to throw
a party,
invite some single women.
I mean, this is bullshit.
- Oh, Yuri, who needs woman?
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
- Stop this.
Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel
I'm gonna make you gay
- I do not like this.
Stop this, it's not funny.
- Yeah, it's really not.
And this is an antique, and
it's my mother's.
So if you could...
Don't touch me.
- Then you could play with it.
- Let go.
- Or you could have your
mother come and play with it.
- Stop.
- Okay, that was
funny.
- Okay, uh, need to go and
pee.
Give me antique back.
- Hey, you piss too much.
Next time you have a party,
invite single women.
1.50 for the quarter
Three for the half
Six for the O with a pink
giraffe
One for the nickel
Two for the dime
20 for the dub of that bubba
kind
- I fuck you, plant.
And I fuck you.
I am Hebrew, the most
powerful Jew in the universe.
And I make you big pussy.
Who opened the window?
Fuckin' winter, it make my
pee pee small.
Mine is bigger than yours.
You hear me.
Mine is bigger.
- Ivan, let's go, enough
pissing!
Ivan.
Ivan.
What the fuck?
Fuck him.
Ivan, you piece of shit,
if you're with Nina, you
might as well both kill
yourselves
and save me the trouble.
- That, ladies
and gentlemen--
- Are you threatening
me?
- Eternity of despair.
- Man of fine fashion.
- Hey.
You may wanna see this.
It's like,
it's like the most offensive
thing I've ever seen.
No one's ever gonna
believe this.
- You must be Baby Bear.
- Get the fuck outta my bed.
Get the fuck outta my clothes.
- Now we're talking.
You first.
- Oh.
Who the fuck gets drunk
and dresses up in a
stranger's wardrobe?
- In all fairness,
I was sober when I tried your
clothes on.
I didn't start drinking until
after I got in bed.
I'm so sorry.
It's fucking three in the
afternoon.
Why didn't someone come wake
me up?
- Sounded like someone did.
Besides , figured
you'd wanna sleep in,
considering we're stranded
here.
- Did they leave without us?
- No, all four of Dave's
tires got slashed.
And, uh, they just messed
with the engine for good
measure.
- Oh no.
- Yeah.
They think maybe the Russians
did it
or that crazy chick they left
at the gas station.
She came by here, all bent
out of shape.
I'm going with karma, though.
- What do we do now?
- Well, Ian said we could
crash here until tomorrow
night.
- Tomorrow night?
- Yeah, uh, Josh is observing
the Sabbath.
It's Friday.
He can't, you know, go out,
can't drive a car,
can't get him wet, can't eat
after midnight.
- Why doesn't he just come
now?
- He doesn't want to get
stuck in traffic.
From sundown to night, until
there's three stars
in the sky, Saturday night,
he can't do anything.
Bro's just gonna be kickin'
back,
thinkin' about God, like a
good Jew.
- Why three stars?
- I don't know.
They make it up.
But it's either pay for a
$200 cab ride or kick it here.
That's what I thought.
- Isn't this beautiful?
It's one of my favorite
places.
It's so peaceful.
You know, son, when people
die, sometimes,
we sing the Kaddish,
but I think the Kaddish is a
very mournful, sad song.
I like the the Shema.
Do you like the Shema?
You know how to sing it?
You did it!
You've heard it before.
You were great.
You were great.
It means God, hear our prayer.
He keeps us safe and strong.
Always safe when you sing the
Shema,
you're always safe.
- What are you looking at?
You like this?
You sick fuck.
You're gonna let me go?
You're gonna let me go?
Is that it?
You're gonna let me go.
What are you lookin' at?
It's Friday, Sabbath.
Fuck!
Come on, come on, come on.
Come on.
Fuck you, motherfucker!
Somebody
help me!
- Really? - What?
- What the fuck?
You need to get them the fuck
outta here.
- Where are they supposed to
go?
- I don't give a fuck where
they go.
They can go to the fucking
200, for all I care.
- Why a zoo?
- This bitch stole my clothes.
She's still wearing 'em.
Hey, is that mine, too?
They better be gone
by the time I get back.
- She's gonna want to burn
those panties.
Hey, don't pretend like you
guys didn't fuck,
on account of me.
- Please get me out of here!
Ah!
Fuck!
Ow.
Oh God!
- Is that Cheryl's outfit?
- Maybe it is, maybe it isn't.
- Oh, what's up, dude? - Yo,
what's up?
- Josh. - What's up, man?
Good to see you.
- What's up?
- What's up?
So, got nothin' to say about
ditchin' me and your mom?
- Nope.
- What is wrong with
you?
How could you do that to me?
- Dude, so shitty.
What was she
thinking?
- She was thinkin' about
herself
and what feels good at the
time.
I mean, that's all she cares
about
And you, you knew.
You didn't even call to gimme
a heads up.
Some friend.
- He found out that David and
Rachel fucked?
- What?
- Actually, we haven't got to
that part yet.
- Does anybody want any
nachos or anything like that?
I could...
- How could you do this to me?
- Get over it.
Nobody forced you to stay for
dinner.
- You slept with David?
- I also have pizza rolls,
jalapeño poppers.
- I could totally go for
those poppers, by the way.
Hey!
Forgot your jacket.
Come on, man, fine.
Can you just give me and Judy
a ride home?
We didn't fuck Rachel.
Okay, Judy did try.
But I think she only got to
second base.
Okay, fine, just give me a
ride home then.
You know, we waited around an
extra night
for you to sit around on your
Sabbath,
and I'm still wearin' the
underwear I put on three days
ago.
Come on, we could've just
called a cab
if you weren't gonna pick us
up.
- How big of you to wait
around all night
for me to drive out here and
pick you up.
You people deserve each other.
- What do you mean you people?
- You mock my beliefs,
and in the same breath, you
ask for help.
You watch as my girlfriend
not only cheats on me
with another guy but with
another girl, no less.
- Well, I didn't watch.
Okay, when she was with Judy,
I tried to watch.
And that's the other thing.
With all this and with
another woman no less crap,
I mean, it doesn't say in the
Torah anywhere
that women can't be with
other women.
It says nothing about
lesbians.
- It was clear what was meant
though.
- Yes, so clear, in fact,
that it's itemized quite
specifically.
Men can't lay with other men,
can't have sex with your mom,
can't have sex with your dad,
can't have sex with your
aunt, your uncle,
your sister-in-law, your
daughter-in-law,
and the biggest bummer is you
can't have sex
with a woman and her mom at
the same time.
Nowhere does it say shit
about women lying with other
women.
It's a weak-ass
interpretation of Leviticus
don't do what the fuckin'
Egyptians do.
I mean, wow, could you be any
more vague?
You selectively follow this
book verbatim
and suddenly when it's
convenient for you,
there's a little wiggle room,
for you to just judge others.
I'm sick of it, man.
- I'm giving you my month's
notice.
I'm moving out.
- Whatever.
- Wow.
My hero.
I gotta remember that one for
my parents.
- It's true.
Even God loves girl-on-girl.
It's a beautiful thing
There's plenty of Ortho-dykes
out there, you know.
I think you're still fucked,
'cause of your tattoos.
- So what do we do now?
Are we gonna call a cab or
wait for Dave's car?
- Just can't believe Josh
came all the way out here
and didn't give us a ride.
- I can't believe he came all
the way out here
and didn't take his wallet.
- Pretty sure stealing's a
sin.
I'll let it slide.
Well, Josh went home.
Judy and I are gonna get a
cab,
if you guys want to get in on
that.
- Dude, my car's gonna be
ready first thing Monday
morning.
I'm not paying for a cab both
ways.
Why don't we just stay
another night?
I mean, if that's cool.
- Okay, you don't have to
worry about Josh.
He's not the violent type.
- Rachel, what?
No, I don't have a ride,
Monday.
What are you talking about?
- Okay.
Pussy.
- Bitch.
- Hello.
Oh, hey, what's up?
Yeah, no, this isn't a really
good time.
Yeah, they're still here.
No, you don't need to come,
hello?
Oh.
So listen, uh, that was Nina,
and she's coming over.
- Gross.
- Oh fuck!
- You know what?
I don't wanna hear it, okay?
She didn't fuck up your car.
She is my guest, just like
all of you.
So either you could eat my
jalapeño poppers
and shut the fuck up,
or you can get a cab and get
the fuck out of here!
What the fuck?
Cheryl, stop putting a show
on for the neighbor!
What is she...
Cheryl!
Fuck.
What are you doing out here?
Ah, it's freezing.
Stop being so dramatic.
They didn't steal all your
clothes.
Hello?
- My name is Amon Feist.
- Hello, pretty boy.
Hello, whore.
- Hey, Ian.
That Russian chick and some
creepy rabbi are here.
And I let them in.
Oh yeah.
- So what are you gonna tell
him?
- About what?
- Rachel, this is serious.
Josh is my friend.
- What's going on?
- He turned off half of the
lights,
and now he's going through
all of Ian's shit.
- Oh, cool.
Popper?
- No.
- Okay.
- Hey, me and Adam are
probably gonna call a cab.
You guys in? - I don't know.
Can you just give us a second?
- I'm in.
- Okay.
We can't find Ian anywhere.
Do one of you have his cell
phone number,
so we can just call him and
let him know that we're
leaving?
- What do you mean you can't
find him?
- The backdoor was opened.
Adam thought he might've gone
to the store,
but his car's here, so I
don't know.
Maybe Cheryl finally killed
him.
- How much longer are we
supposed to wait?
Where is this, this young man
that I'm supposed to talk to?
- Ian?
Uh, I think Judy went to go
look for him.
- What about you?
Do you know anything about
her cousin's boyfriend Steve?
I was really hoping that you
would have a different answer.
Have you ever heard the name
Judah Lazarus?
He was also known as the
Hanukiller.
- Oh, from that cheesy TV
movie,
with, uh, Mark Harmon and,
oh, who was the detective?
Uh, he was that guy, it's on
the tip of my tongue.
- He was a psychopath.
He believed that God spoke to
him
and gave him 53 additional
commandments to follow.
- Robert Forster!
He was, uh, he was the
detective for the, the movie.
- My father was his third
victim,
so it was only natural
that I took an interest in
the case.
- Naturally.
- His signature mark was
called he Scar of David.
On men, like my father, he
carved it into their chest.
On women, he carved it into
their bellies.
- Maybe 'cause he didn't want
to mess up the, uh...
- I believe that your friends
are dead.
- Come again.
- If not dead, then most
certainly they have been
chosen.
- What?
Chosen by who, for what?
What the fuck are you talkin'
about?
- The victim at the gas
station was found
with the Scar of David carved
into his chest.
- Well, I, I don't know
anything about that.
- The gas station we met at.
There was a murder there,
that night.
I believe I met the killer.
Ivan and your friend the
whore saw him as well.
No one saw Ivan since the
party.
So we thought maybe she had
some information.
The police wants to talk to
her as well.
So I called Ian to get her
contact info,
but when she said you were
here,
we wanted to talk to you
first.
- Why?
- My cousin is missing.
- If she is still alive, it
won't be for long.
So I was really hoping
to get some information
regarding either Steve
or the person that was at the
station the night
that you were there.
Do you know what Judah
Lazarus was doing moments
before the police shot and
killed him?
He was in the middle of
ritually sacrificing his only
son,
eight-year-old Obediah.
Obediah survived.
And after months of
psychiatric evaluation,
he was placed into a foster
care,
and I kept track of him,
because I empathized with him.
Both our lives had been
shattered by his father's
madness.
There were so many times that
I thought
about reaching out to him.
I never did.
Now years have gone by.
There's no trace of him.
- Well, maybe he changed his
name.
Obediah?
- No, I'm, I'm certain that
it is he
who is targeting your friends.
- Okay.
- Ask me why.
- Why?
- Because he thinks you're
bad Jews.
You don't follow the laws of
Judaism,
according to his
interpretation.
He thinks you're enemies of
the Jewish faith
and that he has been chosen
by God
to enforce the will of God.
- I gotta, I gotta make a
call.
Judy, where'd you guys go?
I need to talk to you.
This fuckin' crazy shit is
goin' on here,
and I'm ready to take off,
like fucking now.
Call me!
Ian, you need to get back
here, right now,
'cause I'm takin' off, and
I'm not taking responsibility
for the crazy Russian chick
and the weird-ass rabbi
that are in your house right
now.
They're fuckin' weird, man.
They're mixed up with the
cops and Hanukillers
and who knows what else.
Call me!
Hey!
Where's Feist?
- He left shortly
after you fell asleep.
He said he'll come back
tomorrow, early.
- I'm not waitin' around.
I'm goin' home.
I didn't see your guy at the
gas station.
I didn't see shit.
I just want to find my
friends and get outta here.
Where'd you even meet that
guy anyway?
- He saw Amanda's missing
person poster
and called me saying he may
have some information.
- Well, I think he's looking
for information,
and no offense, but I'm
pretty sure he's more
interested
in finding this Obediah guy
than your cousin.
Josh, it's me.
Just calling to see if you got
in touch with David or Rachel.
I haven't been able to get a
hold of them
or Judy or Ian or anybody.
Just call me when you get
this.
Don't be a schmuck and hold a
grudge.
Serious shit, man.
Call me.
Did you drive here?
- Yeah.
- Let's go to the police.
Hey!
Let's go!
Wake up.
Let's go to the police
station, come on!
Come on.
- It's very important, as
Jews, that we remember we want
to be here with our aunties
and our uncles
and our bubbe and zayde.
So we can't adulterate our
bodies.
We don't do drugs.
We don't take alcohol.
We don't tattoo ourselves
like the hippies do.
But don't worry, 'cause Mommy
will be with you always,
always and forever.
Look what I got for you,
so that when Mommy's not
around,
you've got a special friend
to keep you company.
Don't be afraid.
I will be with you always.
- No, please, please, stop.
Please let me go.
Please!
Don't, don't.
Don't, don't.
Please , just let me go.
Stop!
- So how do you even know you
can trust this man Feist?
Huh?
Maybe he's a lunatic or
involved with all this.
I mean, he calls you 'cause
your cousin's missing,
and he tells you these
stories.
- Police didn't really ask
any questions,
so they must've checked him
out.
- Still, why we have to meet
him?
Why I'm here?
I want to know where Ivan is.
Where did you come from?
- I came in from the back
door.
It was unlocked.
- You, you still coulda
knocked.
- Yeah, well, you know,
Obediah is not gonna be
knocking
when he comes looking for you.
So look your doors and stay
alert.
- This the guy?
- Feist.
- Yes, I'm the guy that, uh,
you said was a lunatic.
- You're lurking around the
darkness like a,
like a fucking ghoul, bro.
- Have, um, any of you seen
your neighbors
from the blue house next door?
Well, um, they might be dead.
There's a mezuzah on the
outside door frame,
and, uh, it wasn't there last
night.
- So you run around checking
the door
to see if they're Jews?
- Yes.
After I left, last night, I
walked the neighborhood.
So this is what we know.
Your friends disappeared, two
nights ago.
Last night, five more people
from this house also
disappeared.
I was here when three of them
remained.
So that means, in what, an
hour, they were taken
with no sign of a struggle
and no witnesses.
I think it would be difficult
to grab all three at once
and way too risky if he were
to make multiple trips.
So I suspect that,
like a spider,
he lured them into his web.
- So why don't you go next
door,
check if the door is locked?
If not, you walk in there as
well.
- That is exactly what I'm
gonna do,
because once I saw that newly
affixed mezuzah,
I walked their property,
and I found what I believe is
blood in the grass.
Hmm.
- Shit.
- Maybe we should call
the police first.
- Yes, let's wait for
the cops to come
while our friends are being
slaughtered.
- I'm not breaking into
someone's house.
- Just wait outside.
- I know all we have to tell
them is
that we're breaking and
entering,
because this rabbi knows
there's someone in there
who have who may have
converted.
Why they cover the mirror
with the sheets?
- You're supposed to cover
mirrors during Shiva.
It's when you grieve for the
dead.
- Whoa.
You're my woman now?
- Yes.
I am your woman.
- Then hold the coats.
Oh bro!
I'm sorry.
I didn't know.
Shit, oh , I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I didn't know.
Are you okay?
I didn't know.
Shit.
- Hey, hey, hi.
Don't be afraid.
Can you see me?
You're gonna be okay.
Call an ambulance and the
police, hurry up.
Hi.
Hi, hey.
Is he still here, in the
house?
No?
What about your friends?
Do you know where they are?
No?
You're gonna be okay.
If you can think of anything,
it could save your friends'
lives.
No?
Don't cry, take a deep breath.
Just let it out.
An ambulance is coming.
You're gonna be okay.
I'm gonna wait here with you,
okay?
Okay, just I want you to just
think.
Did he mention anything about
where he took 'em?
What about a car?
Take a deep breath, just
relax.
Breathe it in.
That's good.
You're gonna be okay.
You're gonna live.
You're gonna be fine.
You're gonna be playing the
piano, okay?
Don't cry, shh.
Take a breath.
Tell me something, please.
Is there anything you can
tell me
that could help to find your
ff lends?
Anything?
Okay, now tell me something
that can help me save your
ff lends.
- Okay, I called the police.
The ambulance is on their way.
Yuri's with Nina.
She's pretty inconsolable, so
I wouldn't mention the torture
or the punch in the face.
What'd she tell you?
- Gordon Brook Road, and
you're gonna be looking
for a red convertible.
- Okay.
We were just there.
That's walking distance from
here.
There's woods right behind
that gas station, remember?
It makes perfect sense.
She's fine.
He's not comin' back.
We have to go.
You're not gonna go, are you?
You're full of shit.
You're just a coward.
All those speeches I had to
listen to,
and nothing, you're just
gonna wait?
Here's your fuckin' jacket.
- Okay, fine.
- Where's the light?
- My job was to save
lives.
- I get that part, the
bear.
- Hey!
- The question is--
- No!
- Where's the knife?
- Come on, leave her the fuck
alone!
Adam!
- Whoa, whoa, hey!
Whoa, whoa, uh, Lazarus,
right, Obediah?
Uh, Feist!
Henry, Harry?
Harvey?
- Howard Feist.
- Howard Feist, so you do
remember?
Howard Feist's son, Amon
Feist, is looking for you.
He came to me, trying to find
you.
Really, he should be here,
but he's scared shitless.
I'm scared shitless.
I mean, your father killed
his father.
He ruined both of your lives.
Listen, what are you trying
to do here?
I mean, this isn't Judaism.
This is wrong.
Your father was delusional.
Mitzvot 224, 6:6,
you can't be in the same room
as a corpse.
- Shema.
- Mitzvot 225, 6:7,
you can't come in contact
with with a dead body.
You can't kill us.
We're all bad Jews, but
you're not.
- Shema.
- I am listening.
That's right.
I went to rabbinical school
to be a rabbi,
but it just wasn't for me.
You know, you and my roommate,
you'd be great together.
You like to just sit home and
judge other people.
How do you justify any of
this?
- Mitzvot, 637.
- Yeah, you see, there's only
Your father made up the rest.
He just made that shit up.
- Mitzvot, 43, 44, 45.
- I'm not a false prophet.
I'm not anything.
What is this?
Is that for me?
- No.
- Adam, it's Judy.
No!
- God damn you!
You're a bad Jew.
- Shema!
Bad Jew.
- Judaism is an affirmation
of life,
not a rejection of others
but a reminder that we all
stem
from the same family tree
branching out
in all our diversity,
regardless of race or
religion.
- Nina, still no word on
Ivan, but don't worry,
we still have time.
Hey, Amanda's okay.
No, I didn't punch her in the
face on purpose.
- We are all God's children.
"I have set before you life
and death,
"blessing and curse.
"Therefore choose life and
both you
"and your descendants may
life," Devarim.
- Rachel!
- We are charged with a moral
obligation
of serving as an example to
the world,
fulfilling his Will.
- Yeah.
What is this?
Guilt, how cute.
No, I don't know.
No, I don't care when he gets
back.
I already told him I'm
leaving in a month.
- And yes, we're complainers.
Remind everyone that as far
as we've come,
there's always further to go.
- Rabbi
Feist.
Amon, my mom's double parked.
We thought you were gonna
meet us outside.
Rabbi Feist!
Family, honor and sadness are
speaking these words,
36 years ago, for my dear
friend Howard Feist.
This, this is the very same
paper
that I prepared for that day.
Amon was his father's son, a
good man.
When he told me that he too
wanted to be a rabbi,
I said that for every task a
rabbi performs,
there's probably someone more
qualified.
The therapist may offer
better counseling.
Politician may give more
rousing inspirational
speeches.
A university professor may be
a more knowledgeable teacher.
None of that matters.
Rabbis aren't meant to be
above anyone,
but to rather stand with
everyone.
People look to rabbis for
affirmation of life,
for faith, for understanding.
And I'm privileged to serve
in that role, every day.
I'm gonna miss him, too, Z'ev.
If there's anything you need,
if anything, you want to
talk, anything.
- Thank you, Walter.
Oh, the yarmulke.
It was a gift from Amon.
I once told him that he had a
better chance
of getting me to a baseball
game than temple.
- Mets, huh?
You know your brother and
your father were Yankee fans?
- Well, look where that got
'em.
- I guess I'll see ya at the
cemetery.
- Someday, I suppose.
Oh Hanukkah, oh Hanukkah
Come light the menorah
Let's have a party
We'll all dance the hora
Gather 'round the table
We'll give you a treat
A dreidel to play with and
latkes to eat
And while we were singing
The candles were burning low
One for each night as they
shed a sweet light
They remind us of years long
ago
One for each night as they
shed a sweet light
They remind us of years long
ago
Whoa
And while we were singing
The candles were burning low
One for each night as we shed
a sweet light
They remind us of years long
ago
One for each night as we shed
a sweet light
They remind us of years long
ago
One for each night as we shed
a sweet light
They remind us of years long
ago
One for each night as we shed
a sweet light
They remind us of years long
ago
Remind
Remind