Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013) - full transcript

Take them into the forest now.

You stay here.

I'll be back soon.

- Wait!
- No!

I said, stay here!

Father! Wait!

Help us! Please!

Hello! ls anybody there?

Eat!

Eat!

Eat!



Eat!

This oven's not hot enough!

More wood!

What?

Is it hot enough for you now, bitch?

My sister and I
never saw our parents again.

It was just the two of us.

But we learned a couple of things
while trapped in that house.

One: Never walk into a house
made of candy.

And two: If you're gonna kill a witch,

set her ass on fire.

Fresh milk! Fresh milk

for the children!
Keep your children healthy! Fresh milk!

After weeks of living in fear,



we have finally caught the one
responsible for all this terror!

For crimes against
the city and people of Augsburg,

and for consorting with
the spawn of Satan,

I hereby accuse this woman

of the craft of witchery!

Burn her! Burn her!

Behold

the eyes of the demon.

Go to hell.

Order!

Order!

Berringer,

this is still my town.

Listen to me.

As your mayor, I know only too well

that many of you
have lost precious loved ones to this

witch plague,
but we can't just burn this woman.

We first need evidence.

We can't just have...

You know a witch when you see one!

They ride at night
and they make pacts with the devil!

This woman will burn!

Burn her! Burn her!

Let the girl go
or I'm gonna blow your sheriff's brains

all over these fucking hillbillies.

Move. Go on.

Let her go. Go over there.

Check her.

What's your name?

What's your name?

- Mina.
- Don't worry.

When a woman truly deals in witchcraft,
she cannot hide it.

A nasty rot sets in. it shows in her teeth,

in her skin and her eyes.

This is not a witch. This woman's clean.

I'm sure your sheriff was only trying
to protect you good people.

But your mayor has done
a very smart thing.

He hired us.

My name is Gretel,

and this is my brother, Hansel.

We know that many of your children
have gone missing.

But killing an innocent woman
will not bring them back.

Go home! We don't want you here!

We don't want more evil in Augsburg!

Well, evil is upon you,
whether you like it or not.

Now if your children are still alive,

we will find them.
But if anyone harms this woman,

you're gonna have me to deal with.

Now go home!

Go!

I guess you're free to go.

Thank you,

Hansel.

You're welcome.

What the hell do you think
you're doing? Huh?

That woman is a suspect in my custody.
You can't just come here...

Any man with half a brain
could see that she was not a witch.

Now listen, Sheriff.

Hansel and Gretel
have been brought here...

You better listen!

I'm not going to have this bitch
and her scoundrel of a brother

coming into my town,

telling me what to do.

Don't!

Just don't.

Come on. Let's get you started.

There's been reports of
a strange cottage in the north forest.

Locals won't go near the place.

A good place to start the investigation.

Move!

Gretel!

She looks angry.

Yeah.

A face like that, I'd be angry, too.

Would you shut up?

That witch we found
was a dead end, Mayor.

No trace of any kids. I'm sorry.

But we found this.

That is called the Blood Moon, Mayor.

An eclipse of the moon.

It happens once in a generation
and is a night most holy to witches.

Oh, my God.

When?

According to this,
three nights from now.

There's no doubt in my mind
that all this is connected.

Children being taken in these numbers

from the roads and fields
so close to town.

A witch does not come out
in the open like that.

Not unless she has to.

Witch activity
has been increasing lately.

More sightings,
animal slaughter, Sabbaths.

It seems the coming of the Blood Moon

is dragging every damned witch
from their dark hiding place.

So,

it seems like a good thing

that you brought us here,
doesn't it, Mayor?

Half your money now.

The rest when the children
are brought back alive.

Oh, there he is, right on time.

This is Jackson.
He knows these woods inside and out.

And he'll take you to where
the last sightings were.

Yeah. We can be there in a few hours.

Not at night. It's too dangerous.

We'll leave in the morning.

Yeah, she's right.
It's much too dangerous.

So, any place
we can get a drink in this hellhole?

Shut up!

The last one they took was a boy.

Less than two days ago,
so the scent is still fresh.

100 shilling for every child
you return alive.

You better be fast

before our mayor's witch hunters

rob this town blind.

You leave tonight.

In witch country at night?

You must be out of your mind.

Not until you finish the job.

Thank you, Wolfgang.

I'm telling you,

we should put the fire out.

We're hunting witches,

not bears. And we have to eat.

Such beautiful creatures.

Are they yours?

Yes, ma'am.

Why have you come here?

To the dark of the forest?

A child was taken, ma'am.

We're here to find him
and take him back.

There are no children here.

Here...

There's only death!

Witch!

Fools!

This is my land!

How dare you?

Please?

Please, God... No.

There's no use in praying, my friend.

Even your God knows better
than to come here.

So we got this witch
on the ground, right?

And her eyes, they start rolling back
in her head. They're glowing red.

She's trying to put
a Soul Searcher spell on me, you see.

So I slap her and rip out her tongue.

And she starts pissing,
starts pissing everywhere, right?

But a witch's piss,
it's the worst, you see,

because it actually burns the ground.
It's like acid.

Although, in small doses,
it does cure poison ivy, insect bites.

I'm getting way off the subject, aren't I?

I've got to get back to my friends.

What are you looking at?

There have been
abductions here and here,

on both sides of the river.

And on this last one,

we believe a troll was involved.

- A troll?
- Trolls are extra.

Hey, so what's wrong with the girls
in this place, huh?

I mean, correct me if I'm wrong,

but aren't bar wenches
supposed to be easy?

- It's really unusual.
- Yes, it is unusual.

Look at this one.

A father and three children attacked.

One child was taken,
but she didn't touch the other two.

That's weird.

That's so weird.

- It is strange. It is strange, okay!
- Yeah, yeah.

Then again,
we hunt witches for a living.

What's normal, really?

Excuse me. Hansel and Gretel?

Oh, my God, I can't believe you're here.

I'm Ben. Benjamin Walser.

I am really quite a fan of your work.

That's great.

It's nice to meet you, Benjamin.

Listen, if it's not too much trouble,

-would you please sign...
- Oh, no...

Okay.

Oh, m'!-

Yeah, that's from when you
found the Fox Witch of Antwerp

and sank her in the moat.

And this one's from the
Secret Witch Ring of Belsen.

When they tried to put a gate to
hell under the courthouse.

I mean, you guys, you certainly
taught those witches a thing or two.

Wow.

This is amazing. And weird.

- A little creepy.
- Yeah...

You really keep all this stuff.

All right, well...

I just have so many questions.
Do you mind?

- You know, we have...
- Oh, no, no.

- You go ahead.
- All right.

Okay. How do you best kill a witch?

Hansel?

Cutting off their heads tends to work.

Ripping out their hearts.

And skinning them is also nice.

Yeah, but burning is the best way.

'Cause that's the only way to be safe.

- Burning, yeah, of course.
- Burn them all.

Is it true that witches can't harm you?

Well, no, that is horseshit, son.

Their magic doesn't work on us.

And they haven't killed us, yet.

Do you think that's because of

the witch that you burned
when you were children?

I guess that's how
it all started for you guys.

I mean, is that how
you became witch hunters?

How did you get your guns?

- How did you get your weapons?
- Okay, okay.

There's lots of things to do.
You're a really nice kid,

but we have a town under attack.

She killed them!

She killed them all.

Who killed what?

The witch!

She killed the trackers. All of them.

She gave me a message.

For you all.

The Curse of Hunger
for Crawling Things.

I fucking hate that one.

That was awesome.

The witch hunters are near,
I can smell their stench.

Your plan's working.

Did you bring the preparations?

Of course, Muriel.

Oiled frogs,
fattened on possum maggots.

And Carpathian nightshade,

deadly to the touch, most rare.

And, Muriel,

we brought something to test it with.

Open your mouth.

Open!

Swallow, little pig!

He's ready.

It's working.

It's not even warm.

Muriel, this could change everything.

It will change everything.

We will be invincible.

Take it out.

Take it out! Take it out!

It's of no use if it doesn't last.

I can make it last.

Forever.

Where are we going?

We're almost there.

Hey.

Hey.

I just had this really weird dream.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

About what?

I think it was about our mother.

We don't talk about that.

Go to sleep.

What do you think? Boy, girl?

Okay. Here you go. I'll take this.

A little small for you, maybe.

Oh, hello.

No, this, this is...

This is not for me.

So, how goes the witch hunting?

It's good. Witch hunting's good.

It's strange being among these people.

Yeah?

If you hadn't come,
they'd have burned me alive.

Yeah, well, I probably
would have let them,

but I'm old-fashioned that way.

My sister, however,
requires a little bit more evidence

before someone gets roasted.

Have you ever come across a witch
that you didn't want to kill?

No, never.

The only good witch is a dead witch.

Can you hold this?

Are you all right?

Yeah.

When I was a kid,

a witch made me eat
so much candy, I got sick.

Something happened to me.
I have to take this injection

every few hours or else I die.

You have the sugar sickness.

I actually know a thing or two about it
if you ever need any help...

It's all right.

- So...
- I'm fine.

It was good seeing you.

Yeah.

You're very handsome.

And no man in this town
will walk with me.

And you have

my Pumpkin.

I... I have to go.

See you.

It'll all be perfect.

Daddy! Daddy, please help me! I'm lost!

Daddy, please!

Please help me! I'm lost!

Daddy, I'm scared!
I'm alone in the woods!

I can help you, little boy.

Sweet little boy.

Please help me!

Daddy! I'm scared!

I'm alone in the woods!

Please help...

You move, you die.

Get her wand.

Will you stop that?

I like your toys.

They have brought
a live witch into my office!

They need to interrogate her.
That's all there is to it. Now...

Good night, Sheriff.

Hey, wake up.

What is she doing?

I have no idea.

I see them.

Is she there?

That Gretel bitch?

Yes, under the moon,

over the sheriff,

in the town.

There she is.

Good morning, sunshine.

You tell us what we want
and this might not end up

being the most painful night of your life.

Why don't you two go fuck yourselves?

No, no, better, fuck each other.

These witches, they never learn.

Let's try this again.

Where are the children? Why so many?

Where are the children?

The blood of the twelve moons

will soon be collected.

And after that,

only one object remains.

Why don't you just burn her?

We're wasting our time. She's useless.

Twelve moons. Twelve...

Twelve, twelve...

How many children
have been taken so far?

I don't know, ten or eleven.

The files. We need to count them.

- It's eleven.
- Eleven. Twelve moons.

They need one more child.
One more child.

Look,
there's gotta be some sort of pattern.

- Look for their age...
- Yeah.

...hair color, genders, something.

- I've got five girls.
- Six boys.

You need another girl?

"Twelve moons," what does that mean?

It's a month. It's a month.

There's no April. April is missing.
It's April.

They need a girl born in April.

You are too late.

"Go!
'Yes!

Sheriff, birth records of Augsburg.
Do you have them here?

It is there.
Strictly for the law of this town, not for

filthy bounty hunters like yourself.

Come on.

There can't be that many.

- Anything?
- I only got one!

Little girl, six years old, born April 8th.

- She's the only one I could find.
- You go.

This girl, do you know her?

Yes, I know her. Mary Behlmer.

Where does she live?
Sheriff, she's in danger!

Fire! Fire!

Time is up. Tell me where she lives.

Over here!

Mama!

Stop! Stop right there!

Oh, no! No, no. Oh, no.

No, Lucas! Lucas.

No!

Damn you!

Too late, already damned.

Take her back!

To the well!

Over here!

We need more help!

Now whatever happens,
I want you to stay cool.

- Follow my lead. Okay?
- Got it.

Are you a good shot?

No.

Not really.

That's why I use a shotgun.

Gretel,

the famous witch hunter.

Finally we meet.

Who are you?

I see you got my invitation.

Say your name
or I'll pin you to the fucking wall.

I go by many names,

none of which
you're worthy of pronouncing.

Oh, my God.

Help! Help!

Please!

Hey!

FUCK you!

Help!

Feisty bitch.

Shit.

Don't worry. I'm not going to kill you.

Not now.

And not like this.

You

have something I need.

The last ingredient.

Humans have such ghastly taste.

I think this place...

...could use a bit

of color.

Shit!

I'm gonna fucking kill you.

Yes. No, people. Please be calm.

Yeah, one at a time.

Look what his witch hunters
have brought to Augsburg.

Seven people burnt to death in the fire.

And another young, innocent child taken

because of those witch hunters.

No.

Because of you.

I say bring them all to justice.

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

No! No!

The witch hunters are not the ones
to blame for this.

This is madness.

People,

hasn't enough blood been shed?

No, no...

Not enough, Mayor.

Not yet.

- Good morning.
- What are you doing?

You were covered in filth, so I was just

cleaning.

What happened?

Well, the witches took a young girl,

and a lot of people died in the fires.

And now the Sheriff,
he's blaming you and your brother

for what happened last night.

Augsburg's not really
safe for you anymore.

And my brother?

Last time I saw him,
he was fighting one of them

on her broom, flying out of town.

Right.

Wow.

Where did you get all this stuff?

From everywhere.

I actually plan to be a witch hunter,
too, when I get older.

Like you GUYS-

This isn't the life we chose, Ben.

I was wondering about that story

about your parents leaving you.

Is all that true?

Yep.

Why?

I don't know.

That's what they did.

I'm sorry. Do you want some porridge?

Sure.

Not too hot, not too cold, but just right.

So last night,

who was she,
the witch who attacked us?

I don't know.

She looked normal
at first, but then she changed her face.

- I thought only Grand...
- Grand Witches have that ability, yeah.

Who is this?

She lived outside of town
a long time ago.

She was accused of witchcraft,
but she never confessed.

We just burned her anyway.

You're safe.

You'll be safe.

I have to find my brother.

Hansel!

Hey!

Hansel! Are you all right?

Oh, shit.

The witch hunting is going well, I see.

Yeah.

He)', say, Can you...

Can you tell me
which way is back to town?

That way.

That way.

Okay.

Thank you!

- Thanks.
- You're welcome.

- You need some help?
- No, I'm fine.

I'm fine. Thank you.

Okay. I'll see you later.

Motherfucker!

Are you okay?

Hi. Help me.

Hansel!

Hansel!

Hansel!

Come here.

She's a wild one, eh?

What do you think you're doing?

You're under arrest
for the burning of Augsburg

and for bringing
the witch plague to our streets.

Listen, you idiot! The witches are
planning something big!

I need to find my brother
and save your shitty little...

Shut up.

This time,

I do the talking. You do the bleeding.

Are you done yet?

I've got to get to my sister.

This may take a while.

But if we don't clean it,
you'll get the fever.

Fever?

You've really taken a beating,
haven't you?

I think the real damage
was to my dignity,

which I left somewhere
in that tree back there.

It's probably gonna be easier
if you just get in.

Oh, no, no. No, I can't.

The water is healing.

Yeah, I don't swim well.

Then I'll go in with you.

Oh, okay.

Oh, boy.

So, it's healing waters, did you say?

I have a passion.

Horses, just love them.

Beautiful creatures, huh?

When you break any kind of a horse,

you have to be hard on them
from the beginning.

Show them who's boss.

Or else, they will never learn.

At first, they will hate you.

But once their spirit is broken,

they will do anything you want.

Bitch!

Hey, boss, maybe we should
take her back to town now.

I'm not finished breaking her yet!

You're making this too easy.

I got it.

You know, the last time
I was in waters like this,

I came across
a formidable Serpent Witch.

She mostly looked like a toad

but she could breathe underwater,

which made her difficult to track.

She was deadly.

You talk too much.

You're pathetic.

She has guts.

I like that.

That's going to make me enjoy this
even more.

No!

Well, boys, you can have her,

after I'm done...

No! No!

...If there's anything left.

What

the hell?

No!

Following this road,
you should be able to

make it back to Augsburg by nightfall.

Yeah.

I hope so.

When you find your sister,

could you come back to see me again?

Yes, of course.

Drink.

No.

Drink!

Why did you save me?

Trolls

serve witches.

Hey, wait.

Wait!

What's your name?

Edward.

Edward, wait!

Where am I?

Hansel?

Gretel?

Where have you been?

Where have you been?

- Hi.
- Hi.

Hey, what happened to your face?

Gretel?

- Who did this to you?
- I'm okay.

Who did this to you?

I'm okay.

Honey, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

You Okay?

I'm okay.

Where are we?

I don't know.

You Okay?

Did you have to land on me?

What is this place?

This isn't a regular witch's lair.

No.

Let's get the hell out of here.

Hey, sis?

I think you're gonna
want to come see this.

I think this is our old house.

And this is our old room.

Here. Look.

There's your bed.

Right?

Remember this?

I think that's you.

And some sort of vicious badger.

Old beds.

Hansel.

You ever wonder
what happened to our parents?

We don't talk about that, Gretel.

We made a promise, you know that.

Why do you think
the witches' spells don't work on us?

Leave it alone.

- This is our house.
- Yeah?

This is where we grew up!

And what does that look like to you?

I don't know, Gretel.
We grew up over a witch's lair.

So what? So we're cursed?

No. I think that our mother was...

I see you finally found your way
home after all these years.

How very sweet.

I remember this house.

The house of Adrianna,

the Great White Witch.

Your whore of a mother.

Let me tell you a little story.

Once upon a time,
near a shitty little town,

there was a farmer who fell
in love with a white witch.

And with their two beautiful children,

oh, they were so happy.

But not for long.

During a Blood Moon, there is a potion

that will make you immune to fire.

The key to the potion

is the heart of a Grand White Witch.

But your mother,
the most powerful white witch,

was too strong for us.

So it had to be you, Gretel.

It had to be your heart.

As the Blood Moon approached,
I sent out a little rumor

to the people of Augsburg.

And when she knew they were coming,

she had your father take you
into the forest to hide you.

Father! Wait!

Don't let her get away!

She didn't know what
they would do to her,

but she was too proud to run.

And a white witch would never use her
magic against humans.

When your father came back for her...

No!

...they hanged him.

- Run him up!
- No!

...right in front

of your mother's burning flesh!

Adrianna was gone.

But so was your heart.

And the Blood Moon passed.

The end.

It's a beautiful story, don't you think?

They died to save you.

And all your life,

how you've hated them.

Tomorrow

sisters from all dark corners of the land

will join me in the light
of the Blood Moon

for the greatest Sabbath of all.

The only thing left

is the everlasting power

of the heart

of a Grand White Witch.

You know, you talk too much.

Bad move, witch hunter.

Hansel!

Drink it. It will help the pain.

Mina?

What did you do?

Mina?

You're a witch?

There are good witches in the world.

- Not many, but some.
- You stay back.

I'm a witch, but I won't hurt you.

I checked you. You were...
You were clean.

Yeah, but only the dark witches
bear the signs.

Dark witches?
What are you talking about?

Think about it,

if their spells don't work on you,
why would mine?

I'm not like them, Hansel.

Gretel. Shit.

- Where are you going?
- They have my sister.

Who has your sister?

Witches have my sister. They...

- Where?
- They said something

about a ritual or a gathering.
I don't know.

There's a place deep in the forest,
nearby the mountains.

A place dark witches use
for their Sabbath.

Where is it?

Hansel, I...

Mina, how do I get there?

If there is a Sabbath,
there will be many witches.

They'll be too powerful.
They'll kill you, Hansel.

I don't have time for this.

No, listen, Hansel,
I found something here, in this cave.

Something very powerful.
Something that could help us.

The Abramelin Grimoire! It exists!

This is the book
of protection against black magic.

I can't believe this.
Where did you find it?

Don't ask, kid.

If this thing does what it says,

it will allow us
to penetrate their protection.

Oh, yeah?

Their wands won't
protect them anymore.

We just need something to bless.

Okay, let's start with this.

I hope this works.

All right.

You ever shoot a gun?

Well, I did win the county fair

three times.

All right. In that case...

Don't touch the gun.

Edward.

What are you doing here?

What's going on?

Muriel.

Edward,

I need your help.

Please, Edward.

Hey! You filthy oaf!

Get the children. We're moving out.

It's time.

Okay, are we good?

Yes.

Well, as far as you go, kid.

But, I will leave you with this.

- Wow!
- Find a place to hide.

Shoot anything that moves.

Good luck.

Shut up!

After tonight,

no sister will be burned on their pyres!

No sister will be ashes on the ground!

I want your brains!

And now,

now we feast!

That's a lot of witches.

Okay.

I'm gonna go down
around the other side.

Push them into the middle,
get them away from the kids.

Now, when you see my signal,
you unleash hell.

Wish me luck.

Wait. Wait. What's the signal?

It'll be me blowing one of these
bitches' heads off.

Yes.

The hour has come!

The Blood Moon arrives!

The Grand White Witch dies!

Excuse me! Excuse me, ladies. Hi.

It seems as if I've lost my invitation
to your little dinner party here.

I apologize.

But don't worry.
I didn't come empty-handed.

Sisters!

Allow me to introduce you
to the famous witch hunter Hansel.

Personally responsible for the deaths
of over 600.

Listen to me carefully!

If you let my sister
and the children go now,

I'll consider not killing
each and every one of you.

Enough with this.

- Take his fucking head off.
- Yes.

Please work.

We have to hurry. You get the children.
I'll get her heart!

Now, move!

Fucking...

Eat it!

Walk!

Move it!

Come on!

Gretel!

Edward.

Gretel!

I'm okay! Go get the children!

Stay still!

Get off of me!

No!

Thank you!

- Shit!
- Too late.

Gretel!

Thank you.

You Okay?

Muriel's still alive.

I'm not done.

Gretel, Mina. Mina, Gretel.

- Hey.
- I need that.

- Okay.
- She flew off that way.

Well, where are you going?

I have to help Edward!

Edward. Who the fuck's Edward?

- HeH,yeah!
- Ben!

Hansel! Hansel!

I did it! I shot her! Muriel.

- Where?
- I shot her down, over there.

Good job.

She's close.

Edward?

You can't be serious.

Is this...

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wow.

Whatever you do,
don't eat the fucking candy.

Stop right there,

or the little boy dies.

I thought it would
be fitting for us to end up here,

where it all began.

Kind of lost its charm a little, huh?

Drop it.

Good boy.

Don't worry, kid.

I'm not gonna let her hurt you.

Oh, really?

Really.

The end is near,

witch hunter.

I wish I could say
it would be painless, but that

would be a lie.

Get away from him.

Always funny seeing
a white witch with a wand.

What are you going to do?
Hit me with your love spell?

Not bad.

Sacrificing yourself to save a human.

Pathetic.

No!

Mina. Hey.

Come here.

Hansel.

Hansel.

I tried to stop her.

You did. You did good.

You did good.

I want you to do something for me.

Anything.

Kill the fucking bitch.

You got to be fucking kidding me.

Oh, please.

Please?

Please, stop.

Please.

Yeah, nice try.

I fucking hate you.

You know, you look like shit.

You know that?

So do you.

Finish her already.

Revenge doesn't change the past.

It won't bring our parents back.

- You all right?
- Oh, yeah.

Glad to hear it.

But it sure as hell feels good.

My sister and I know the truth.

We know who we are now.

And so do they.

They know our story,

our powers,

what we can do.

And they should fear us.

All of us.

We should be getting close now.

And so after this next one,
we've got three more to go.

Three? You said three more
three witches ago.

Come on, you always say,
more witches, more money, right?

Yeah, but you ain't getting any of it.

Unless you want to pull the cart.

Right, big guy?

I told you he'd come in handy.

There are good witches in the world.

We know that now.

But for the ones practicing
the black arts, beware.

We're coming for you.

No matter where you are, we'll find you.

And dead or alive,

we'll take you down.

Edward, want to knock?

My vote:

Dead.

I hate to break it to you,
but it's not gonna be an open casket.