Hamlat Feraizar (2016) Movie Script

Bayoumi.

Yes, Mr. Seraj?

Good morning. You look squeaky-clean.

-Have you finally taken a shower?

-Shut up.

Why didn't you clean the car?

-I didn't find it.

-You didn't find it?

Yes, it's snowing, as you can see.

All the cars, as you see,

are covered with snow.

How can I find it?

May God rid us from this burden.

May God rid me

of your disgusting presence.

Stop a taxi for me.

Okay.

Why are you yelling at me?

Head to Blue Nile Street.

Blue Nile? It’s now called the White Nile.

Everything has turned white.

Blue, you said?

This whole place looks like

the inside of a freezer.

It's too cold.

It's so cold that I'll freeze to death.

You reckon?

Summer will be very cold this year.

Look, Sir. What's happening is that

the physiology of the Earth is changing.

In the past, one would say,

"I earn my bread by the sweat of my brow."

Sir, I used to sweat so much that

all the people in Shubra

were talking about it.

It has nothing to do with the weather.

I can smell your sweat from here.

Be quiet. You're too talkative,

and I'm not in the mood for listening.

The light's red.

I see a few penguins crossing.

I'm sure there's a snowstorm

coming that's causing all this chaos.

-A snowstorm?

-A very snowy storm.

What do you have?

Wool hats, wonderful scarfs, umbrellas,

effervescent vitamin C, and Congestal.

Give me an umbrella and whatever

you have for a headache.

-Good morning.

Give me eight packs of Marlboros.

-White or red?

-Red.

-Shall I put them in a bag?

-No.

I'll smoke them here.

Roger that. They're inside, Sir.

TOP SECRET BUILDING

Move! Do you want to get crushed?

Seraj Aldeen Batazer.

You are a bad officer.

The operation has failed a second time

because of your stupid instructions.

My stupid instructions?

Okay, you're suspended from work.

You'll be investigated.

I'm suspended from work?

Stop this injustice!

Of course, you all know the captain,

Seraj Aldeen Batazer.

I'm sorry, Sir,

I refuse to be part of this. I resign.

Seraj is one of our best officers.

He can go undercover, no one knows him.

Let go of what happened

and focus on the task at hand.

Let go of this?

Even if I do let it go...

The children who wake me up everyday

to play Tic-Tac-Toe

on my face will never let it go!

I paid for what I did, Mr. Amrose.

I was suspended for three years

and had to stay at home.

What more do I have to do?

The man apologized

and paid for what he did.

Let's forget our disputes

for the sake of Egypt.

You touched a nerve, Sir.

Okay.

Go ahead, Subhi.

Of course, you all know,

and they taught you in middle school,

that Egypt is known for its mild weather.

It was hot and dry during summer,

and warm and rainy during winter.

But over the past five years,

everything has changed completely.

It has become colder in the summer,

and a freezer in the winter.

Until yesterday, we thought the reason

was the wrath of God,

but after we investigated,

we discovered, thank God,

that God is satisfied with us.

-Thank God.

We all praise God.

So, if God is satisfied with us,

what's the problem, then?

Our investigations showed that

there is something

that was invented many years ago,

and that's the reason behind the change

in the weather.

It was tested for the first time in Egypt.

I think it has succeeded.

-Speak, Subhi.

-Okay, Sir.

This is Filo,

the son of the Mafia boss in Italy.

He's so handsome!

But then again, all Italians are!

He controls everything

in the Italian Mafia nowadays.

We obtained information

that the Italian Mafia reached

an agreement with Russian Intelligence

to sell them this device

and deliver it to Italy.

It'll be done by the most important and

dangerous member of Russian Intelligence.

-Who is he?

-You mean "who is she?"

Marian Belligrini.

No. He's such a fool,

I can't stand him. I'm out.

I'm sorry, Sir. You've reached

the most vital point. I won't interrupt.

She speaks ten languages.

She's very dangerous.

She's very smart.

She's very attractive.

Please finish what you've got to say.

I need to go to the toilet.

What do we have to do?

It's as clear as day.

We, of course, have to get that device

before they deliver it to Marian.

It's not as straightforward as that.

Fortunately for us, Marian and the

Italian Mafia meet in public places,

such as restaurants and casinos,

thinking they won't draw attention.

This is our plan.

What?

We'll go to Italy, pretend that

we're producing a movie.

While we're shooting the movie,

we'll film their meetings,

using our cameras and devices.

Movie! What movie?

Frankly, I don't know. But until I know,

-let's call it The Island.

-But The Island is already a movie.

-The Island II then.

-There's already The Island II.

-The Island III.

-The Island III's already in the pipeline.

The Island IX. Is there such a movie?

Is there a movie called The Island IX?

No, there isn't The Island IX.

Go on, Subhi.

Since the aim of this expedition is

to get rid of the freeze we're living in,

I suggest we call our operation,

with your highness' consent,

The Freezer Expedition.

I agree. May God be by your side.

Can I go pee now?

No, what's this?

What's this nonsense? There have been

many changes to the script.

I can't go over all these changes now!

I have to focus on my part.

Shurbaji.

Yes.

Did you order me a Nescafé?

I did, sir.

Did you tell those idiots

that it should be a black Nescafé?

Otherwise, I'll turn your day and theirs

into a black day.

It'll be very black, Star.

You may leave.

Ghufran, wait a minute, please.

Is it your first time

doing Issat's makeup?

The character of Issat

has some moments of weakness.

We need to have a light makeup.

He should look pale sometimes.

As you wish. I'll make you pale, Star.

What about the cream bath?

-Go and fetch the barber.

-Okay, Star.

Are you all idiots?

You too, Shurbaji. Sorry.

Never mind, pal.

What's this?

You haven't finished yet, Madeeh?

Mr. Balooti turned everything upside down.

The studio is waiting for you.

Quickly, you need to get in costume.

Get me dressed.

I want to know why I'm wearing

the elephant costume?

Mr. Balooti.

Why am I wearing the elephant costume?

Why is Madeeh wearing

the elephant costume, Sir?

I agreed to play the role of Issat,

the teddy bear.

Why am I dressed as an elephant?

Behave, Madeeh.

I'm the director here.

I've been trying to gain weight

for four weeks to play this role.

You're actually heavier than a bear.

The elephant role suits you.

I've played the role of the elephant

a hundred times.

I've mastered it. I aspire for more.

I'm worried producers will

only give me the role of an elephant.

Does any producer know you at all?

Does anyone watch this shitty program?

I'm telling you now, get back to work,

or I swear by my mother I'll fire you!

I swear by your mother I'll act.

Get ready, guys. We put our trust in God.

Buffet!

SANGA AND MANGA

DIRECTED BY KHALIL ALBALOOTI

Do you know which animal

we've got today, kids?

Which animal?

We have Abu, the elephant.

How are you, my sweethearts?

How are you, Abu, the elephant?

You know, lovely kids, I'm nice and fat

because I finish all my meals.

Let's all get up and dance

with the elephant.

-Let's dance.

-Let's what?

Madeeh, dance with the kids!

The program is getting less views.

Dance, Abu, the elephant,

and I'll give you a penny.

And I'll give you a penny.

Your legs struggle under your weight,

Mr. Elephant with a big belly.

Stop the song.

Who said "stop" just then?

Who said "stop"?

Who is saying "stop"?

I don't know, Boss.

Maybe one of the kids. I don't know.

But since we've stopped, I'm sorry, Boss.

I won't go on.

I'm an intellectual artist, Mr. Balooti.

You are an actor.

An actor can play the role of any animal.

You aren't the one dancing.

The elephant is the one dancing.

No, Boss. I'm sorry.

You sound like Abeer Sabry, who said:

"I'm not the one being kissed,

the character is,"

and it doesn't work for me.

Madeeh, do you want to work or not?

No, Boss. I won't.

Get out, you animal!

Who is the animal?

You're an animal.

No!

Mr. Subhi, maybe during the two years

I spent at home,

I didn't have the chance to apologize

for what I did to you,

but I can't deny you're my teacher.

I owe you. You taught me a lot.

You're the one who gave me a mark

I can never forget.

Sir, I am--

What's wrong, Mr. Subhi?

I wanted to kiss you on the forehead.

Don't kiss me, and don't hug me, please.

Let's stick to work.

The department has allocated

a very low budget

to produce the movie.

I've been forced to get all the staff

from the department,

except the hero and the heroine.

We've got to hire actors, of course.

Let's get Ahmed El Sakka and Muna Zaki

to make a romance movie.

I'm saying the budget is limited.

Think smaller, Batazer.

We can hire Poussi and Ellithy

to make a popular movie.

Al Sobki won't allow them.

Let's hire Safinar and Jad Shwery

to make a sex movie.

-You're talking nonsense.

-What?

The whole expedition is dangerous.

And what's more,

I want to hold a conference to say this.

Don't be afraid of this, Mr. Subhi.

I'm only afraid of you.

Why? I told you I've been treated.

I took some anger management courses

and I won't get mad again.

Pass!

Oh, my God.

Ouch!

Can't you see, you animal?

What animal, Abu, the elephant?

Kids ride you in festivals.

You are only an elephant.

What? I'm not an elephant.

-Am I awake or asleep, guys?

-You're awake.

-Am I dreaming or seeing?

-Seeing.

Are you drunk?

I agree that I look like an elephant now,

but I swear I'm a human being

just like you.

You can speak to the actors' guild.

I'm the actor Madeeh Albalboosi.

I'm the artistic actor Madeeh Albalboosi.

Ouch.

Guys, the elephant is bleeding.

Please call a vet.

Dr. Ashraf Zaki.

My doctor's name is Ashraf Zaki.

Batazer, I need all the information

you can get about this elephant.

-Don't even think about--

-I'm thinking.

Madeeh Alalb Mohammed Albalboosi.

Mohammed!

It's confirmed; he's not an elephant.

He wasn't lying.

He graduated from the

School of Theatrical Arts, class of 2005.

He's an active actors' guild member

and a TV employee.

Here, Madeeh played

the role of Issat, the teddy bear,

in a series called Four in Farmland.

I thought it was called

Four in Dreamland.

Here, he did the role of Luay,

the rabbit in the series Sanga and Manga.

-It's a very silly show, of course.

-On the contrary.

I think we should bring him here

and make an agreement.

Do you want him to host

your birthday party or something?

Good idea!

I think I'll ask him to host

my granddaughter Nirmeen's birthday.

Nirmeen? Oh, my God!

When was the last time I saw her?

She was five when I last saw her.

How old is she now?

Oh! She grew up so fast.

She's three years older now.

Wow.

And guess what?

She wants an iPad for her birthday.

An iPad?

-Do you remember Nirmeen?

-Enough!

Batazer, what's wrong?

Sir, I think this is the most suitable man

to play the hero in the movie.

The most suitable man?

He isn't suitable to watch the movie.

Sir, this guy won't ask questions,

he won't give us a hard time,

and he'll do as we say.

He'll obey us all along this mission.

Don't listen to him, he'll lead us astray.

Why are you complicating things, Batazer?

He's like many actors nowadays.

This is a critical situation.

In two days, we should start shooting

the movie in Italy.

Why is your heart still lonely?

How are you?

Is my chicken ready?

-Nice and hot.

-Bring it to me.

But circumstances are always challenging

-Your chicken, Star.

-Thanks.

This movie's legendary.

Is it fair that he's acting

and I'm sitting in this café?

But he's a very famous actor.

I know he's famous.

I was talking about the dog.

Damn it! The chicken's frozen.

Nothing is changing in the script, Sonia.

What would you think if I told you

you'll wear the swimsuit?

You'll be kissed.

They'll rape you at the end of the movie.

What I say goes because I'm the director.

I'll say it again, to make sure you hear.

I am the director.

Okay, come meet with me.

Goodbye now, it's very cold.

Hello, Sir.

You're definitely a director.

What? Did you hear me speaking?

Clearly, I was speaking too loudly

on the phone.

I'm Batazer.

Why are you apologizing?

It wasn't that loud.

-No, I'm Batazer.

-I apologize because I heard you.

Sir, my name is Batazer.

I'm director Siraj Aldeen Batazer.

-I heard that you're a dictator.

-That's what they say.

You also dive deep into your characters

and the things you do,

you highlight an issue,

and through that,

you highlight another deeper issue.

Your metaphysical ideas are wonderful.

Good, I really do that. You're right.

Do you live here?

No, actually I don't live here.

I'm directing a very important movie.

A friend advised me to come to this café.

He said there'd be

very special actors here.

Very special, Sir. I'm at your service.

But you won't find them all here,

because it's high season.

Currently,

there isn't anyone special but me.

Do you want a drink?

-Yes, maybe tea.

-Cono tea or Kushari tea?

-Cono tea without sugar.

-Cono?

Two cups of Cono tea

and some sugar on the side.

You're welcome.

I forgot to introduce myself.

I'm a distinguished actor, which means

the only one who's special in this café.

I'm Madeeh Albalboosi.

Wait.

I remember I read this name in a title,

-the name Madeeh Albalo--

-Albalb...

Madeeh Albalboosi.

Albalo is another family altogether,

and we aren't on good terms.

You're a good, distinguished director.

Even your name isn't common.

Right, the name Batazer isn't common.

-Of course, like Albalo--

-Albalboosi, Sir. Please.

Albalboosi. They won't trust me

anymore in this café.

-Don't let them kick me out.

-Albalboosi, I'm sorry.

I hope this cold weather doesn't kick you

out of here. May God help you.

You're definitely directing a comedy.

Not at all. It's an important movie.

Two cups of tea for the artist.

Thanks, Wika. Bon appétit.

Since you're an actor,

and you work in this field,

can I have your phone number,

in case I need you in my movie?

Rest in peace, Mom. Thank God for this.

-Are you saying something?

-No, Sir. I'm not saying anything.

I've printed some cards to make it easier.

This is my card.

Okay, you can wait

for my call now.

Please, Sir, before calling me,

could you send me a text message?

I don't answer strange numbers.

You know,

because of crazy and obsessive fans.

I almost didn't come to the café today.

When exactly will you call?

Because if you call early in the morning,

I'll hang up as I stay awake till late.

Oops, I've got to leave immediately.

I'll call you.

Any news, Batazer? Tell me.

Everything's good.

I organized the meeting and the casting

rooms, and we hung the banner.

I think we totally look like

a production company.

Very good.

As you'll direct the movie,

do you know anything about filmmaking?

Actually, not that much.

But I attend Friday prayer

at the same mosque as Hamada Helal.

What more do we need? Great!

This is the movie's script.

Have a look at it.

Is this the movie, or the contract?

These are the scenes we'll shoot in Italy.

The filming times and locations.

They coincide with Marian's meetings

and appointments with the Italian Mafia.

There's only be one thing missing.

The delivery date,

when we'll shoot our final scene.

Okay.

Come with me and I'll show you

the other arrangements.

This is the crew who'll work with us

in Light Bulb Productions.

Each one will perform a specific task.

Yes, Sir.

Okay, call Madeeh.

I think we still have time to reconsider

hiring this Madeeh Albalboosi.

Okay, just tell Mr. Amrosi

that you have an objection.

-He'll won't be happy at all.

-Madeeh is wonderful.

But remember, Mr. Subhi,

if the mission fails,

you'll be the one to blame

because you hired Balboosi.

How are you, Madeeh?

I'm fine as long as you're fine.

I'm tired, Madeeh. I'm directing

a movie that is so exhausting.

Everyone is talking to me

to try to get this role.

I rejected Adel Imam yesterday.

-Would you believe me if I told you?

-Of course.

I swear by these binoculars,

I've been on the phone

for two and a half hours.

Omar Sharif was about to kiss my hand

to take this role.

May he rest in peace.

He's a perfect choice.

Would you like a drink?

No, I won't stay long.

I don't want to burden you.

You can't. You've got to drink something.

Abdo!

Yes, Best Director in the Universe!

-The drugs, please.

-Right away.

You're most welcome.

Here you go, Sir.

Oh, art and artists!

Is this hashish or weed, Abdo?

It's weed, Director.

Get out.

-Would you like weed, Madeeh?

-Weed? No, I don't smoke.

How come? All artists smoke weed.

Aren't you an artist?

But I don't interact with artists

that much, you know.

Give me a lighter.

I don't smoke. You light it.

Light it.

What?

-What's wrong?

-I can't breathe. Slap me on my back.

What shall I do?

-My back!

-Again?

-No, my back.

-Again?

My back! I'm dying!

Don't die here.

Water!

Put the cigarette out!

Damn. I thought you were

an important artist.

Do you feel better?

-Yes.

-Will you live?

Damn you!

-It's the start of a new life.

-Thank God you're safe.

Thank God. It's a miracle I survived.

No, Madeeh.

Seems you're not such a good artist.

On the contrary, I'm a great artist.

I just can't handle weed very well.

I handle alcoholic drinks better.

I drink a lot. I'm a tippler.

Why didn't you tell me?

I'll bring you a drink, then.

Abdo!

Madeeh, why didn't you tell me

you weren't an artist?

I swear I'm an artist.

The problem is that I had beans,

eggs and vodka for breakfast.

I just didn't want to turn you down.

Sit down.

It's the start of a new life.

Yeah, unfortunately.

Damn you, Sanaa.

Do you know you're the feistiest

prostitute I've ever known?

You know I interact with a lot of whores,

since I'm a film producer.

-Really? Is he a producer?

-He is.

Did you see, Batazer?

He wants me to be jealous.

No, that isn't right, Mr. Subhi.

Don't forget that we're meeting

first thing in the morning.

We've a lot of work to do.

Oh, my God!

I adore you and your naughtiness, Subhi.

That's the spirit.

I'll leave because I have to be at

the cabaret early in the morning.

Okay, go.

Go.

Hello.

How are you?

I want to introduce you

to the famous film producer,

Mr. Subhi Misbah.

-Yes.

-He's the one who produced the series...

Om Misbah Restaurants, if you know it.

-Of course, Sir. How are you?

-Good, thanks.

I watched the whole series.

That was definitely during Eid, right?

Look, Mr. Madeeh. It's Madeeh, right?

Yes. Albalboosi.

Look, Mr. Madeeh.

I'm a self-made ambitious man.

So I said to myself:

"I can be a film producer."

We're about to produce a big film,

as you know.

Directed by Batazer.

A successful one, God willing.

God willing.

Look, Madeeh. I've watched

every role you've played.

Why do you only

play the role of animals?

Haven't you played the role

of a human before?

The role of a human?

Sure, let me think.

The role of a human...

Yes?

What is he doing? Do something.

-I don't have all day.

-Madeeh!

No, I haven't played the role of a human.

We have a problem, then,

because our movie is about humans.

It's a bit strange, sorry.

It's a fiction movie, you know.

Look, Sir.

I may still be a little bit drunk,

but I can assure you,

that a good actor who knows

what he's doing,

can play any role he's offered,

even that of a human.

Wow.

Actually, I'm speechless.

He hit the nail on the head, as they say.

We've agreed, then. Give him the script

to read his lines and memorize them.

Memorize? Do I have to speak?

What? Is he mute?

No, he'll speak.

You won't just speak, Madeeh.

Actually, you'll have the lead role.

What? Me?

Don't overreact.

We don't have time for that.

Frankly, you surprised me.

Can I leave the room just to think?

-Think?

-Enough.

-Batazer, he's our guest.

-I have to organize my schedule.

-Organize?

-Enough. Stop it.

One minute, Sir.

Go ahead, Mr. Madeeh. Go into that room.

Go ahead.

God is the greatest.

Although I don't support mixing art

and religion...

But this guy touched me.

I wonder what he touched.

May you rest in peace, Mom.

Thank God.

Calm down, Madeeh.

I don't want to cry.

Thank God.

Did I just pray while I'm drunk?

I ask God for forgiveness.

Forgive me, God.

Are you all right?

Okay, I arranged my schedule and whatnot.

-I'll do it, God willing.

-Oh, thank God.

You made us live in fear for five minutes.

I just have one question.

-Go on.

-Who's the heroine?

Who's the movie star

who'll act with Madeeh Albalboosi?

Tabahi.

It's a shame that someone with your talent

is caught every day for prostitution.

Tabahi, tell us about the roles

you've played before.

I played the role of a prostitute

in a series last Ramadan.

You've all watched it, of course.

Maybe you didn't notice me. I acted in

only two scenes, but they were perfect.

And I played the role of a whore

in a show, but I don't remember the title.

And the role of a prostitute in

an American-Egyptian movie filmed here.

But it was banned

for the reputation of the country.

Haven't you played any normal role before?

I don't know. The directors

always assign me the same part.

Generally speaking,

our movie will be more decent.

It should feature an intimate scene.

No, we said it was decent.

Shall we talk about the payment?

Sorry, our budget is a bit limited.

I'm sure we can agree. I'll charge you

what I usually charge when I work.

Two hundred Egyptian pounds per hour.

I can act, dance, sing and strip.

Cancel the operation.

Wait. I won't cancel anything.

She won't dance or strip.

-We'll ask her to act only.

-What do you think?

Could you show us your acting skills now?

Sure! I'll show you a scene.

A woman walking on the highway.

Five guys appear suddenly and rape her,

one after the other.

Until she calls her lover

to come and rescue her.

Of course, he comes and rescues her.

-Thank God.

-Yeah, thank God. But when he comes,

after he rescues her,

he rapes her with five of his friends.

They're totally different

from the first five guys.

She is shocked and hurt.

I'll act shocked now.

-Can I take it off?

-You need an excuse to strip?

Let her strip.

Okay, let's suppose you stripped.

We'll imagine it.

How could you do this, Ashraf?

Wonderful. You got the part.

Oh, my! These are all customers?

The hero of The Island IX,

produced by Light Bulb Productions,

has just arrived!

The hero of the film, Madeeh Albalboosi.

A moment, Mr. Madeeh.

Mr. Madeeh, you're a star.

Say something for Whisper Magazine.

Shall I whisper, or can I speak normally?

-No, it's called Whisper. Speak normally.

-Okay.

-Whisper Magazine?

-Yes.

You do nothing but spread rumors

about me, man.

Madeeh got divorced. Madeeh got married.

Madeeh got a dog.

Madeeh got a fake tan.

Have mercy on me. Stop spreading rumors.

How are we spreading rumors about you?

We've just heard your name today.

Then it must be Chatter Magazine.

I'm sorry.

I also work for Chatter Magazine.

Could you stop using the flash?

It's ruining my skin.

I don't want to look exhausted

in my pictures.

What can you tell us about the role

you'll be playing?

I'm doing a complicated character,

a very difficult role for me.

I haven't played a similar role before.

I hope it comes across well

to the audience.

It's a character that requires

a lot of work from me.

It requires a lot of rehearsal.

What's the nature of the role?

It's the role of a human being.

I'm acting as a human being,

and this is new to me,

an athletic human being.

But I intend to participate

in an action movie after this.

Action movies in Egypt

shouldn't only feature El Sakka,

Mohamed Ramadan and Mohamed Nagaty.

-Should we expect you in The Island X?

-The Island X?

I don't think so...

When we're done with this movie,

we'll see about that.

We'll stop at nine, hopefully.

Can you tell us about the

new upcoming roles you'll be playing?

Yes, I have a good script

for a new upcoming movie,

and I hope that Mr. Batazer

will work with me.

Out of the question.

It's called The Underwear is Elsewhere.

It's about the struggle

of a young, rural Egyptian man.

He loses his underwear here in Cairo.

He goes on a journey to find his underwear

here, and that definitely causes him

a mental struggle

and a lot of trouble, of course.

Based on what happens in the movie,

we'll see

if he will find his underwear or not.

This is what we'll find out in the movie.

He eventually finds his underwear,

but he dies at the end.

I don't want to give away any spoilers.

Excuse me,

I don't want to miss the buffet.

-Buffet?

THE ISLAND IX

-Whisper.

-What, Star?

I'm Madeeh, the main character

you interviewed outside.

-Yes.

-Can you tell me,

are there meatballs up there

or is it a rumor?

Yes, but I don't guarantee

there'll be any left.

Can I have one from your plate?

No, sorry. Take anything,

but not my meatballs.

-I'm sorry.

-No, you're quite right.

Tell me,

what plays did have you acted in?

What plays? It's not the right time.

I'm starving, let's eat together in peace,

then I'll answer all your questions.

What TV shows have you acted in?

It's almost the same question.

I told you, I'm starving.

Come here, Madeeh. You're making a scene.

If I leave the line, I'll lose my place.

Madeeh, you're the main actor.

It's not appropriate to stand in line.

Boss, I want to get some meatballs.

-Come and I'll get you some.

-What do you want, Boss?

I want to introduce you to Tabahi,

the heroine. God!

Tabahi, my I introduce you to...

the star, Madeeh Albalboosi,

the hero of the movie.

-The star Tabahi is the heroine.

-Hello.

-Wow, so sexy!

-Who?

By the way, I adore fat men.

I will get even fatter.

I'll fall in love with you, then.

The fatter you are, the more love you get.

I'll get fatter.

You're making this easy for me.

Could you get up on the stage

to take some photos for the press?

-And social media.

I feel we made a hasty decision.

We'll be exposed once we arrive in Italy.

Italy?

I bet we can't get past Cairo Airport.

THE ISLAND IX CREW FLIES TO ITALY

TO BEGIN SHOOTING

Ladies and gentlemen,

we are about to land in Rome.

Thank you for choosing Alitalia.

We wish you a pleasant stay.

Why is this country so hot?

What's the temperature here?

Minus three degrees at night.

May God have mercy on us.

But we'll sweat a lot until nightfall.

Where's Formaika? Why is he late?

-Here comes the lion.

-Welcome.

Thank God for your sicurezza.

"Sicurezza" is Italian.

It means "thank God for your safety."

This is Formaika.

He's originally from Egypt.

He has a Port Said accent.

My sex education is Italian.

-Hello.

-Welcome.

Welcome.

Formaika will be handling

the production here in Italy.

He'll act in the movie, too.

He'll play the role of Kiloti.

Excuse me, Sir.

Kiloti is the Italian character

in the movie.

I'll do it perfectly.

Kiloti is a temporary name.

Go to the minibus

while I bring your luggage.

-Let's go.

-Go ahead, guys.

That's a great one to post.

Did I run out of credit

or is there no signal here?

-Moody?

-Yes.

Open up your hotspot for me.

I won't open anything.

I've closed the door on this trip.

What? Why are you a randagio?

"Randagio" means "stray dog."

Come on, cheer up.

Mr. Batazer.

How could you hire someone and give him

Kiloti's role without asking me?

It's none of your business.

Thank you.

-Mr. Subhi.

-Yes?

Mr. Subhi, I understand your position.

I appreciate that you're investing in me.

But I have to go back

to Egypt immediately.

Stop it, kid.

Thank you.

Driver! Stop the bus, please.

No cars going to Egypt?

What are you doing?

What am I doing?

Hitching a ride to Egypt.

Egypt is the other way.

Why are you mad? Who made you mad?

Mr. Batazer.

How does he give Kiloti

to Formaika without asking me?

It's my call.

I'm the director.

The movie is my responsibility.

If Formaika performs poorly,

-it will be my responsibility.

-No, Boss. Sorry.

I'll be responsible.

I'm the hero of the movie.

How do you hire an unknown actor

to participate in the movie?

Am I not enough?

Calm down, Star.

Sorry, Boss.

I, Madeeh, aka Haytham in the movie,

am not satisfied with the role of Kiloti.

I want you to calm down.

We'll do what you want.

What's wrong with you?

Did you start to believe

you're really a director?

If he leaves,

the whole mission will fail.

That's enough, Moody.

Move.

-Madeeh.

-Yes, Boss.

You know I like you, right?

-Of course.

-Do you believe in me as a director?

I absolutely believe in you.

Then let me bring out the actor in you.

Madeeh, you're the best actor in Egypt.

How can you compare yourself

to someone like him?

Let's give him a chance in one scene.

If he acts well and upstages you,

-we'll fire him immediately.

-Right.

-Right?

-Right.

I consider you my big brother, anyway.

I owe you a lot. It's enough

that you've given me this part.

And you're the film director,

so you can definitely find Kiloti

better than me.

And why are you crying now, Madeeh?

I'm not crying, it's sweat.

It's too hot.

Shall I buy you an ice cream?

-Can you?

-Yes.

Let's take a selfie near this wall first.

Okay.

I'll go find someone to help me

with the luggage.

What amazing weather!

Excuse me, Sir. Where's the beach?

-How arrogant!

-Come on, woman!

Did you prepare everything, Formaika?

Everything is perfect.

Our men are absolutely ready.

They'll all be with us tomorrow

during the imaging.

"Imaging" means "filming."

-I tell you what, Formaika.

-What?

I want you to book a room

for me and for Batazer

-next to Marian's.

-Exactly.

With a scenic view, not a garden view,

-even if it's not next to Marian.

-It won't work!

Our room should be adjacent to Marian's.

-An adjoining room?

-Yes, of course.

-What?

-Yes, Sir.

The room should be adjacent

to Marian's room.

You'll find the tapping devices

in the lampshade.

The weapons and ammunition

are in the ceiling.

A typical operation with no creativity.

Okay, let's go.

Answer on channel 4.

It's the channel for the mission.

Listen, Batazer.

You can tell if a pastry chef is good

by tasting his Mille-feuille.

And you can tell if a hotel is good

by tasting its spaghetti.

Shall I order dinner for you?

Mr. Subhi, I want to know,

who supports you?

Who can appoint someone like you

to such a high position?

It has to be the president.

It's not support. It's hereditary.

My father was like this.

May he rest in peace.

Coming!

Moody.

Open this door, Moody. Come on.

Wow! You found spring onions!

Spring onions? These are flowers.

-Flowers?

-It's the least I can offer to someone

as delicate, pretty, and innocent as you.

Innocent? I'm out on bail.

I wish I was found innocent.

The case is still ongoing.

How did you know where my room was?

Are you stalking me?

Shall I call this love?

Love? Are you stupid?

Your name is in big letters on the door.

MADEEH ALBALBOOSI

Right.

Would you like to come in or...

Sure.

Don't lock the door.

Why? Should I take you away?

Ooh!

Take me away?

I wish you'd take me away, Tabahi.

You took my heart away

when I laid eyes on you.

Yes.

I'm worried about being alone with you

behind locked doors.

How can someone

as kind and naive as you,

lock the door on herself with someone

as naughty and feisty as me?

Your reputation might be ruined.

Ruined?

My reputation might be ruined

'cause I locked the door?

There are videos of me

all over the Internet.

Search for

"the girl from Tanta University",

or "the wild girl from Tanta University."

Those videos got so many views.

Why is your room so dark and stuffy?

I thought my room was small.

What?

Is your room bigger than this one?

It's about double the size of this room,

but it's nothing compared

to Subhi's and Batazer's room.

They got a suite, they're producer

and director, after all.

Really?

Are you teasing me, Tabahi?

Okay, I am leaving.

Oh, my God! Are you okay?

Are you laughing at me? Help me, please.

Don't laugh. Help me.

-Oh, my God.

-Please.

-Stay here. Get off me!

-What?

Hello.

Batazer, Marian went out.

Follow her, quickly!

Answer, please. There's no time.

By the way, Mr. Subhi, I'm two steps away.

You can look at me

and speak to me face to face.

Grow up, Mr. Subhi.

Sorry, in the past it was about this size.

-What was about this size?

-The wireless radio.

-This is your gun.

-Mine?

-Don't play with it. You'll hurt yourself.

-Don't worry.

-May God be with you.

-Amen.

I'm going nuts, Batazer.

How did Formaika

get this ladder into Italy?

-Just like you got into Italy.

-Right.

I don't have to tell you

how much Egypt depends on you.

We're all praying for you.

-Go on, our hero.

-I don't want to hear it.

Are you turning your back on Egypt?

Mr. Subhi, focus with me.

Everything should be done in five minutes.

You're right. By the way,

if you don't come back in five minutes,

what should I do?

Surrender or commit suicide.

Surrender immediately

or give them a hard time first?

The most important thing

is to watch the door.

When you see Marian coming,

give me a signal quickly.

Okay. Marian. Marian.

-What's her last name?

-Stand by the door!

Fine.

May God be with you.

I can't!

Did you leave the door open?

Mr. Subhi! Mr. Batazer!

Mr. Subhi!

Are you staying in a villa?

What's this? I ask God for forgiveness.

How can I envy them?

This room's under construction.

Mr. Subhi!

This bathroom is bigger than my room.

Excuse me, Mr. Subhi.

Can you flush and come out?

Sure. Thanks for stopping by.

Madeeh, can you wait for me

in your room, and I'll come to you?

I said, flush and come out.

You're living in paradise!

Mr. Subhi, I got safely

into Marian's room.

I want you to stay by the door.

Don't move.

If you see her coming back,

tell me immediately.

Mr. Subhi? Mr. Subhi?

Why aren't you answering?

Don't freak me out.

I'll put cameras everywhere,

to see her in all positions.

How immoral of him!

Mr. Subhi, I can't find

the cameras' batteries in the bag.

Can you check if they're in the room?

Mr. Subhi.

Curse the man who assigned you

to this mission!

For shame!

I, Madeeh Albalboosi,

escaping from the ceiling like a thief?

Madeeh, lower your voice.

Enough scandals!

We can't change what happened.

Don't interfere, Mr. Subhi.

I'm talking about this failure.

What has he been doing up there

for 15 minutes?

Get this asshole out before I kill him.

-May God forgive you.

-Shut up.

-He ruined our plan--

-Which plan?

I won't make you

climb the ladder again!

He means the production plan,

that's all.

You like her?

There are a million respectful ways

to get to know her.

Better than putting a camera in her room

to look at her naked, you dirty man!

What did you hear, you jerk?

-I was upstairs--

-No!

How naughty of you!

How observant!

Madeeh!

I'm sorry to tell you, you have issues.

This is an illness.

You're addicted to sex.

It's an illness that can be treated.

You should get treatment, not for me,

but for your art, your future,

and your fans.

We all have to support him.

-God bless you.

-You, shut up!

Didn't you make him climb the ladder?

-You pimp!

-Who's the pimp? What did you hear?

-We were implementing a plan--

-A pimp!

I am a pimp. You haven't noticed,

but I became a pimp recently.

It's a mistake that won't happen again.

Of course, it won't happen again.

Do you know why?

Because this nice suite you're staying in,

will be mine from now on.

I'll stay next to this lady

to protect her from you.

-No, you can't.

-Express your objection,

and I'll expose you in front of everyone.

I'll tell the kind people working with us

what you're doing.

I'm going to get my things.

Excuse me.

What's wrong with you? Madeeh!

Damn you!

Everything is ruined now.

From the other room,

we won't be able to watch Marian.

It's the only room I found in Europe

that has a bidet shower.

Madeeh!

Get ready, Batazer.

Marian and Filo have a meeting

in 30 minutes.

I'm always ready. Go get dressed.

I'm already dressed.

-Really?.

-Really.

Si, I said, si.

-What?

-What is it, Formaika?

Is everything okay? Let's go.

Sure, my prince.

Everything is molto bene.

"Molto bene" means "very well."

But there's a small problem,

that might put a spoke in our wheel.

-What is it?

-Let's go and see.

I won't shoot the movie

before I slaughter a calf.

I'm used to slaughtering a calf

before I play any role.

The last time you played a role,

you were the calf, Madeeh.

This won't work.

I have to start filming immediately.

Boss, if we don't slaughter it,

the movie won't succeed or make profits.

-Exactly.

-And frankly, I don't guarantee

that my name alone

would make all the difference.

Did they slaughter

a calf before shooting Titanic?

They at least slaughtered a pig.

Who told you that Titanic was successful?

They all drowned in the end.

Don't interfere. Stay quiet.

-The ship has docked.

-What?

-A sad girl is on board.

-What do you mean?

-What girl?

-What are you saying?

-The mob is at sea now.

-Stop it.

-I told you,

-they're--

-Enough!

He's been trying to explain it to you.

-They must bring me a lamb at least.

-Madeeh.

I saw some sheep on our way here.

Look, Madeeh.

We had every intention

of slaughtering a calf

on the first day of shooting,

but unfortunately,

we discovered that here,

they don't slaughter animals

according to the Sharia.

I ask God for forgiveness.

Of course not, Boss.

But I promise you,

once we finish what we're doing,

and go back to Egypt, I, myself,

-will slaughter the calf.

-I hope so, Boss.

-I'll strangle the calf.

-Batazer!

Please, that's enough.

Madeeh, I have to start shooting now.

Guys, Egypt will be gone!

You mean daylight will be gone?

-And Egypt, too!

-Okay, let's go.

Let's get you in costume

to start shooting.

-Okay.

-Don't be upset, Moody.

My cousin is a butcher in Sharqiah. I can

call him, and he'll send the calf here.

I'll scold anyone who speaks again.

Let's go.

Watch it, please. We're artists.

We'll go to wardrobe

and have our makeup done.

-Let's go, Tuti Tuti.

-Let's go, Moody Moody.

I'd love to know

what dumb ass hired these guys.

Stop it!

Did you see me shoot the penalty?

Did you see me kick the penalty?

Should I say: "shoot the penalty"

or "kick the penalty"?

Will it be misunderstood?

I think "shoot" is milder,

and won't be censored.

Say whatever you want, but don't move.

Excuse me, we want to start shooting.

-Where do I stand, Sir?

-Who are you?

I'm Tabahi. Is the makeup heavy enough,

or should I put more on?

It's so heavy that I didn't recognize you.

You should show your face more.

Boss, what do you think of the haircut?

I look like I play for Zamalek!

No wonder we lost the league.

Come on, I have to start shooting now!

Come on, Formaika. Take the croquet.

It's called a “klaket.” Can I do it?

No.

-I'll let you say, "action."

-Okay.

The Island IX. The scene by the sea.

Tabahi is wearing a playful dress

and a red hat.

Madeeh is wearing a Real Madrid

soccer uniform.

In this scene, they reproach themselves

for what happened in the previous scene.

Take one.

Say it.

-Excuse me?

-Say it.

Action!

Did you see me shoot that penalty?

Penalty, penalty, penalty...

What are you made of?

Are you emotionless?

Where do I stand in your life?

Do I only exist during the overtime?

You know?

I wish I could take you far away...

to avoid any offside.

Oh, my! When, you naughty boy?

I love you.

Oh, my!

What are you listening to?

We haven't installed any wires.

-Amr's new album. It's epic.

-Oh, my!

-I love you.

-Oh, my!

-I love you.

-There's a buffalo blocking the view.

-Oh, my!

-Stop! Enough.

Why?

Madeeh, move back a little bit.

-Was it good?

-Yes, of course.

-More.

-This is taking me out of character.

More. More.

More!

Enough. Tabahi, I want you

to turn 180 degrees.

Yes, more.

Yes, enough.

Go on.

What? I won't see him this way.

You don't have to see him.

You're contemplating the future.

I'll depict the sea as the future.

-Go on.

-Haytham, don't look me in the eye.

I'll lose my strength.

Come on,

don't be upset with me again.

Give me your hand so I can kiss it.

Let go of my hand.

I won't.

Haytham, I said, let go of my hand.

You'll break it.

Haytham, can I be honest with you?

-What?

-I still don't crave you.

You don't crave me?

Boss, she's said "crave."

Is this an Italian word?

Should I answer in Italian?

Stay where you are. Don't move!

-Go on.

-Madeeh, answer in Italian, of course.

Action!

You don't crave me?

I feel you've changed

since I scored that goal.

Madeeh, get down!

I know you've changed

since I scored that goal.

More.

I know you've changed

since I scored that goal.

Why am I bent like this, Sir?

It's none of your business.

It serves the drama. Go on.

You know what?

This is your last warning.

After this, I'll give you a red card

and kick you out of my life.

Sir, may I sit? I already have piles.

Sir! Can I sit? I already have piles!

-Boss!

-What?

-I want to sit.

-Sit, damn you!

-Calm down. It's going well.

-Damn you, too!

Haytham, you can't threaten me.

-Divorce me.

-Oh!

As you wish.

But for your information, if I leave,

I'll never come back.

Goodbye, Haytham.

I'll divorce you.

You are divorced!

The jerk fell in the water.

Batazer, the jerk fell in the water.

Help! Please, someone help me!

What are you laughing at?

They left and boarded. They're sailing.

Oh, the other ones, yes.

Boss!

Come on.

We have to follow them out to sea.

So now it's your idea?

I said it first.

Why sail on the sea, Boss?

In this scene, she should

be standing at the traffic lights,

and I come on a motorcycle to pick her up.

Give me some space for creativity.

Have you directed a movie before?

-Of course not.

-Then shut up.

Such a great director!

-Let's go.

-Okay.

I bet he'll be the next Naguib Mahfouz.

The Island IX and a Quarter.

The scene at the traffic lights

in the street.

We're filming it at sea

because of hard conditions.

Take nine.

Batazer, you say "action."

I've had enough of their nonsense.

Say "action" loudly.

-I'll say it this time.

-Say it.

Action!

The traffic light is red again.

The traffic in Italy is unbearable.

I'll be late for the Super Match.

I can't hear. They're too far away.

To me, the sound is amazing.

When we go back to the hotel,

I'll let you hear how amazing it is.

What's this?

What the hell?

What a beautiful virgin!

Hi.

Hey.

You're Haytham, the soccer player, right?

I also ride motorcycles.

Wow!

I have a small favor to ask you, Boss.

After we finish working with the jet ski,

let's take a giro.

"Giro" means a "tour."

A giro is too much. Take half a giro.

Let me tell you something.

Let me give you a ride, so that

no one harasses you downtown.

You're trying to draw my attention.

You're very brave, Captain.

I'm coming to you.

-Let's go.

-Okay.

Sir, I said, "downtown"

and pointed at the sea.

You'll make the sea

look like downtown, right?

Boss!

We made a mistake on one of the lines.

Shall we repeat it?

No, don't repeat anything.

Take her and go.

The traffic light is green.

There's no one.

You're in a hurry, Madeeh.

Take her and go to Hell.

Okay.

Come on. Go with your beloved, Madeeh!

Batazer, I think they're coming toward us.

No, they're not.

I'm watching Marian and Filo.

Who said anything about Marian?

-Batazer.

-We'll count to three then jump.

One.

Bitch!

Batazer!

Moody.

Oh, my God. Look at me!

Damn you, Madeeh!

The camera is destroyed. It isn't mine.

Everything we filmed is gone.

Even the photos on the other camera

aren't showing up.

All hope is in God and the sound.

Formaika, how is the sound?

The sound is cancellati.

Thank God. Let's listen to it.

"Cancellati" means "erased."

What a bad day!

It's your fault.

We'd have the video and the sound,

if you hadn't hired Madeeh

just because he was cheap.

Yes, I did.

But I'm not the one who failed to install

those devices in Marian's room.

I'm not the one who left the ladder

and let Madeeh come after me.

Well, I'm not the one

who forgot the batteries in our room.

I'm not the one who had diarrhea.

No! Enough, kids!

This won't work. This way,

we'll be distruggerci.

-What does it mean?

-It means we'll be erased.

"Cancellati" means "erased,"

but "distruggerci" means "destroyed."

It won't work this way.

We still have a chance of discovering

the date of delivery.

We don't stand any chance

if this jerk stays here.

Am I a jerk, Batazer?

Sorry, Subhi. Not you,

I'm talking about the other jerk.

-Am I a jerk?

-Not you! What an idiot!

Am I an idiot, Batazer?

Not you, Mr. Subhi, the other idiot.

Then you mean me!

There's no one else in the room.

Neither of you, idiots!

I'm talking about the other stupid jerk.

You were amazing during the shoot today.

You're great at what you do.

It's the first time I've done romance.

Really? It's your first time?

It's my specialty, and I'm dressed.

Imagine if I took off my clothes,

I'd be even greater at what I do.

You know, Tabahi?

-I've always--

-What is this, Moody?

What are you doing?

What do you think of me?

I swear I didn't mean anything bad.

Yeah, right!

Am I this cheap to you?

Aren't you worried about my reputation?

Tabahi, let's get married now.

There are many artists who got married

while they were acting together.

Faten Hamama and Omar Sharif.

Shwikar and Fouad el-Mohandes.

-Oka and Ortega.

-Poussi and Nora, too.

But this won't save my reputation.

What will save your reputation?

Fifteen thousand Egyptian pounds.

Alas, Tabahi,

I only have 13,000 on me

and my card stopped working.

I'll give you 13,000 now,

and I'll get you the other 2,000 in Egypt.

This way, I'll have saved your reputation.

Though I don't understand

what one has to do with the other.

They're the same.

Tell you what, Moody.

Will you take me out?

The hotel manager,

when he was in my room yesterday,

told me they were holding a huge party

in the hotel today.

It will start shortly.

Why was the hotel manager in your room?

He was just fixing the satellite for me.

The wire was dangling

and there was no signal.

Thank God.

I thought something completely different.

You're like all men,

always jealous and doubtful.

It's not jealousy and doubt.

It's lack of self-confidence.

I'm working on it.

May God ease your path.

At the same time, when we're together--

What's wrong, sir? You're annoying me!

What's wrong with him?

-What's wrong?

-Oh, the mobile phone.

Thank you, Grandpa.

Thanks, Grandpa. What? How rude!

Stop it, Moody.

He's old and can't hear you well.

Thank you.

He's an old man. Looks like he can't hear.

You know, Tabahi,

he reminds me of Uncle Dasoki, who

works in a kiosk near our house in Egypt.

When we were young,

he'd always tell me, "You, little one,

you'll rise and become a star."

It's as if he sent his soul

to tell me I've really become a star.

Rest in peace, Uncle Dasoki.

What about the party?

Can I hold your hand?

Yes! You've paid!

Guys.

These disputes and disagreements

won't do us any good.

After all we did, we haven't gathered

one piece of information yet.

If we go on like this,

the mission will fail.

We'll lose the mission.

We don't even know

the date of the delivery.

If we spend more time on this,

the Mafia will know,

and we'll be in danger.

What Mafia and what danger

are you talking about?

The danger's right in front of you!

He's present everywhere

with us in this room.

I swear that Madeeh is more dangerous

to us than the Mafia.

I beg you, Mr. Subhi, let me kill him.

Listen to me, guys.

What I'll say requires a soundtrack.

Say it, and we'll add

a soundtrack afterwards.

If we can manage to put

a spying device on Marian herself...

On Marian herself?

I ask God for forgiveness.

We'll be able to find out

when the delivery will take place.

Are you stupid, son?

-Son?

-I didn't mean it.

I meant you're stupid, Mr. Subhi.

-That's better.

-If we approach Marian,

her guards will... what?

-Distruggerci.

-They'll distruggerci.

Totally.

Good, then we don't go to her.

We'll lure her.

Stop talking.

-What do you mean?

-Just stop talking. Say no more.

Leave it to me.

I heard there'll be a party

in the hotel tonight,

and Marian will be attending it.

Enough! You stop talking now.

Batazer.

Concerning this girl Marian,

do you think you could...

Sure, I could entice her.

She'll leave the party after you have her

wrapped around your finger.

If we fail, we'll kill Madeeh tonight.

Hello.

Damn you two!

What's this? What are you wearing?

Is there no open buffet at this party?

Mr. Subhi, excuse me.

Is there a minimum charge at this party?

I promised Tabahi I'd take her to dinner,

but I only have 60 Egyptian pounds.

Order whatever you want, Madeeh.

-Egypt will pay.

-What?

Sorry, I'll pay your bill.

Excuse me, I need to talk to Batazer

about something important.

Okay.

-Are you hungry, Tuti Tuti?

-I'm starving, Moody Moody.

Madeeh, turn this off. Save some money.

Careful! You don't want

to get electrocuted by my heart.

Excuse us, genius. We'll go eat now.

Damn the man who assigned you, Madeeh!

Are you cursing?

Hey!

Four egg burgers, please.

Add a lot of ketchup.

I'll pay.

I got rid of him,

because if he sat with us,

Marian would never look at our table.

Enough. The target has arrived.

I don't have to tell you:

entice her quickly.

Wait until the target settles

and orders a drink.

Why don't we wait until she gets married

and has kids, while we're at it?

Do it.

Is this pork?

Pork? No?

Is that perfume?

This perfume will do the trick.

You naughty boy!

What are you doing?

Sorry.

That perfume is awesome.

-She's getting up.

-You think I'm kidding?

You son of a gun!

-What?

-Would you dance with me?

Me?

You look wonderful, Moody!

Did you see him do the splits? He's great.

I'm eager to know where he learned

how to dance.

He was tamed. He didn't learn.

Based on my experience,

Mahasen al-Helw is behind this.

Mahasen al-Helw? You've been deceived.

The elephant took her from you.

Where's the spying device?

Careful.

You son of a gun!

Awesome!

How do you speak Arabic so fluently?

I speak twelve languages.

Twelve languages?

More than an American University.

I'm Russian-Egyptian.

My grandpa is Egyptian,

and my grandma is Russian.

He surely met her in Sharm el-Sheikh.

You're laughing?

Then they really met in Sharm el-Sheikh!

The only explanation

for the strange thing I'm seeing,

is that she's drunk and can't see clearly.

Or she's planning for a big dowry.

Tell me, why did you choose

to dance with me specifically?

Are you used to doing

strange things like this?

Or did you pity me?

My daughter loves your program.

-My program?

-I remember it as Manga...

-Manga...

-Sanga and Manga.

-That's the one.

-How do you watch it?

It broadcasts at 2:00 a.m.

on Nile Culture TV.

I don't watch it myself.

-On YouTube it's only got one view.

-That's my daughter, Nataly!

One view, she loves you a lot.

What do we do now?

Cancel the mission or kill Madeeh?

I don't know.

We haven't found out the date

of the delivery yet. I'm going crazy.

She's a very smart child.

Let her watch the teddy bear Issat,

as well.

It's very close to my heart.

I put a lot of effort into that character.

Issat is a very strange character.

He's very kind,

but stubborn at the same time.

He's also very energetic,

although he's a bear.

-I've another solution.

-What?

This is a lighter, earphone, camera,

and a spying device.

That's all?

You can buy it for 40 Egyptian pounds.

Our company is offering two

for the price--

It's no time for jokes, Subhi.

What do I do with it?

It will reach Marian.

Madeeh will give it to her.

I'm working here on my first movie

as the main character,

but it's the role of a human this time.

Marian, do you believe

that talking to you made me hungry?

-Would you like an egg burger?

-No, I'm on a diet.

Then I'll eat alone.

Excuse me. Another four egg burgers.

No, too much.

I'm sorry, Madeeh, I got angry.

I'm sorry. I have to go to bed

because I have work tomorrow morning.

Don't worry.

-This is my phone.

-I know.

I want your number

so Nataly can talk to you.

Okay.

Tell her it's Uncle Luay or Uncle Izzat,

whichever she prefers.

Okay.

Thanks.

Who is it?

Coming!

-So, Madeeh?

-What?

-So, Madeeh?

-"So" what? What is it?

Take it easy on us.

Let us sit with you. We're friends.

Let's go sit on the sofa.

Are you happy?

Whenever I want to attract a girl,

she says: "I'm attracted to Madeeh."

Tabahi said: "I'm attracted to Madeeh."

Marian said: "I'm attracted to Madeeh."

-I'm worried I'll be attracted to you.

-Don't exaggerate.

For your information,

I know exactly what I'm doing.

Yes.

For your information, the issue

of attraction, women, and handsomeness,

I consider it a blessing from God.

But at the same time,

it's a double-edged sword.

I mean, double-faced.

That's why I have a problem.

I feel for you.

That's why I came here, Madeeh.

Tell me. What is it?

Haven't you always considered me

as your brother?

I swear, Batazer, I consider you...

I consider you, what?

I don't consider you anything.

Do I know you at all?

But since we're both Egyptian

in another country,

I'm forced to confide in you.

This is why I'm confused, man.

Who do I choose?

Should I choose Tabahi,

the brave Egyptian girl?

My fellow countrywoman,

who'll protect my home and raise my kids?

I'll come home to find the best tray

of potatoes, rice, and vermicelli.

There are no longer women

like Tabahi, Batazer.

-She's like your mother and mine.

-Talk about your own mother.

Or should I choose Marian?

The independent, European mother,

who's raising her daughter?

You feel she's got your back.

She challenges the whole world for you.

But in the end, she is a foreigner.

She surely has AIDS.

For sure, but don't worry about that.

If I were you, I'd choose

Marian without thinking twice.

But based on the way she walks,

I doubt she's a virgin.

One moment, Madeeh.

You've just told me she's a mother.

Yes, she has Nataly. She's four years old.

Four years? Then she's a virgin.

-Are you sure or are you misleading me?

-100 percent sure.

Let me tell you, the trick to

winning Marian is to surprise her.

What day is today?

Thursday.

Shall I send her "Have a blessed Friday"

with a prayer on WhatsApp?

-I have her number.

-What prayer, Madeeh?

You're already past that with her.

You need to bring her a gift,

to make her feel that your relationship

has turned from friendship

into a sexual relationship.

Women love this. Take it from me.

A gift? I don't even have money to eat.

I gave the last 13,000 Egyptian pounds

I had to Tabahi.

Poor Tabahi! If she learns about this,

I don't know what she might do to herself.

I'll help you out, Madeeh.

I brought you a gift to give to Marian.

A lighter. Women adore lighters.

Marian smokes a lot of cigarettes.

Whenever she wants to smoke,

who will she remember?

She'll remember you,

because you brought the lighter.

No, she'll remember you,

because you'll give her the lighter.

-No.

-It's a gift. What bomb?

Are you all right?

-I'm fine.

-Are you okay?

For you.

Thank you for the surprise.

She took the lighter.

Well done. Everything is okay.

-What are you doing?

-Ordering dinner.

What dinner?

I'm saying, she took the lighter.

Sure, Mr. Filo.

I think we are agreed now.

I don't understand.

They're speaking Italian.

Translate.

-What do you want?

-Translate!

The girl is telling him that everything

is all right. Stop talking so I can hear.

Brilliant. The delivery will take place

tomorrow at 6:00 at Caffè della Piazza.

The guy told her that the delivery

will take place at 10:00 a.m.

at Caffè della Piazza.

"Piazza" means "square."

"Caffè" means "coffee-shop,"

so you don't have to think too hard.

Bye.

-Here you go.

-Thank you.

I'm really sorry. I've got work early

in the morning.

I have to sleep. I'm sorry.

-But thank you very much.

-No worries.

Thank you.

I love you so much.

What? I'm sorry.

Clearly, I was hasty. I'm sorry.

Good night. Go in.

Go back to work, man.

In the name of God, may God help us.

Tomorrow,

we'll shoot the last scene of the movie

in the square they spoke about

over the phone.

This is the café where the delivery

will take place.

Marian and Filo

will be there at 10:00 a.m.

Next to this café, there's another café,

Mr. Subhi will be having breakfast there

at 10:00 a.m.

What shall I order?

It doesn't matter.

When I say "action,"

I'll start shooting the meeting.

I'll record the sound using the microphone

in Marian's lighter.

When it's time for the delivery,

it will be time for Formaika

to shoot Madeeh.

In that crucial moment,

Formaika will shoot a smoke bomb

towards the place of delivery.

It's expected that the Mafia will have

a sniper on the roof of one building.

Of course, I won't know where,

until he shoots Formaika to kill him.

After he dies, I'll be able to pinpoint

the sniper's location to get rid of him.

Amid all the smoke,

Mr. Subhi and the men will be ready.

You'll deal with Marian and the Mafia,

who'll be suffocating

because of the smoke.

You'll be able to seize the device,

though we still don't know what it's for.

And you'll leave with it.

One of our men will stay to take

Formaika's body and bury it somewhere.

Nice.

It's a nice and well-calculated plan.

But, excuse me, Sir.

I heard something,

but I didn't want to interrupt you.

-Sure, go on.

-I, Formaika,

will die in this plan?

Didn't you tell him he'll die?

Oops, I forgot.

How did you forget, Mr. Subhi?

Is this a joke?

Do you think I'm an elephant?

No, I don't want to die.

I mean, I didn't plan to die tomorrow.

What do you mean? Stop it, Formaika.

It won't work. I didn't bid goodbye

to anyone in my town.

The plan is already set.

It's happening tomorrow and you'll die.

-But--

-No buts.

-What's this nonsense, Mr. Subhi?

-Calm down.

-But I--

-Come on. We have to get some sleep.

Especially you. You have to be ready,

because you're dying in the morning.

Paradise is for those who are like us

in this world,

and hell is for those who aren't.

I'll postpone it if I can.

I'll postpone it, Kiloti.

This doesn't suit our movie.

It has nothing to do with it.

We'll continue the movie,

because it's nice.

Come on, Moody.

The filming will start soon!

Yes, Tuti. Press the elevator button.

I'm ready.

I'm coming.

Paradise is for those who are like us

in this world,

and hell is for those who aren't.

-Hey, Boss--

-I don't have time for this, Madeeh.

Please, Boss.

Wasn't I supposed to find them

in my bed at home in this scene?

This scene is supposed

to be inside a house at night.

Why did you make it during the day

in a public square?

I won't deceive my audience.

I'll go back to Egypt now.

Wait. I'll convince you.

When you come back home

and find your friend and wife in bed,

what does that mean?

A scandal, of course.

If everyone in the restaurants and bazaars

is watching you, what will it be?

-A major scandal?

-Thanks.

You're a genius.

Formaika.

Who's the asshole who wrote this movie?

Mr. Amrosi.

-He's a genius.

-He deserves an Oscar.

We'll start filming!

Action!

Okay, come on.

He'll expose us.

This man has to die.

-Action.

-Where is your foolish husband?

He won't come back today.

Let's do it quickly, then.

I'll do anything for you.

I'm all over you! I'm crazy about you!

What a disaster! Haytham!

What's going on?

What's this?

Kiloti? In my room?

With my love?

Why? Why?

I sold out my family and Al Ahly,

because I love you.

Sorry, Haytham.

But since you scored that damn goal,

you've become nothing to me.

-Nothing.

-Shut up!

Oh, my God!

I don't want to put up with you,

or with the Ultras, or my back pain.

What? Are you crying, fool?

Why him?

My reserve player

would be a better substitute!

She loves Kiloti,

because Kiloti is a real man.

But you are fragile.

Fragile.

-Do you think if God was seeing...

-Fragile!

What's this nonsense?

-Fragile!

-Stop.

Madeeh, come here.

What, Boss? Is there an issue

with my performance?

I swear I can do better.

-I just got nervous when I saw Marian.

-No, you're amazing.

By the way, does this Marian

you were with yesterday,

have a voice similar to Mahmoud Yacine's?

Look, when she drinks,

her voice becomes really rough.

-Does she have an accent?

-I don't know,

but she told me she speaks 12 languages.

Did you give her the lighter?

Honestly, no.

I bought her chocolate instead.

Why? Why, you infidel?

I realized she smokes a lot of cigarettes.

I want her to quit smoking.

If I marry her,

I'll let her wear a hijab, as well.

-Isn't it better?

-And I'll find the--

Why?

What did I do?

You know what, Sir? Haytham looks like

a coward, and he'll get killed.

It'll look bad in front of Marian.

-I'm thinking of changing--

-Don't think!

Don't change.

Go say what you memorized, and that's it!

-Okay, sorry.

-Go!

-Do I start from the beginning?

-Start anywhere!

Action!

You.

I'll shoot you in the belly.

I'll smite your belly.

Shoot me, but I swear,

if you miss, I won't leave you alone.

You'll die.

After you die, I'll marry Basant.

We'll spend your money and enjoy it all.

No, Kiloti. God have mercy on me.

Oh, no! God help me, please.

Help me, God. Look out, Kiloti. Move!

-Damn you!

-No, Madeeh.

What? Did you think all I know

is how to defend myself?

Did you forget that I'm a striker?

Madeeh, lower the gun. What are you doing?

Be patient. I've got this.

What are you doing, asshole?

Yes, I really am an asshole,

but not because I'll kill you now,

-no, no.

-Lower the gun, Madeeh.

You don't know what you're doing.

This is serious now.

You're the asshole.

Damn you!

What's this nonsense?

This is not written in the script!

Mr. Siraj, I've been shot!

Thank God. The mission has succeeded!

The mission has failed.

Stop! Cut!

God, please save me!

What's this? Uncle Dasoki?

What brought you here

to these people, kind man?

Where's the weapon you had

during the scene?

What weapon?

It was fake, but it shot for real.

-Where's the weapon?

-Here it is!

You also stole a car?

What does this mean?

What does this mean, Boss? Answer me.

You were deceiving me? There's no movie?

Why didn't you tell me?

Do you think I would've refused

to serve my country?

Stop talking. I can't hear!

All the actors who were working

with us knew.

All of them!

They even told Refaat Al-Gammal

before they took him to Tel Aviv.

They gave him time to say goodbye

to his sister Sharifa,

whose role was played

by Afaf Shoaib in the series.

She performed the role very well.

She's an expert.

Shut up, asshole!

I don't want to hear your voice!

Subhi and Formaika aren't answering.

I swear, Madeeh,

if anything's happened to them,

I'll bury your family here!

-Whose family?

-Your family!

Fine. As you wish, Officer.

But you have to know this...

I'll go back to Egypt immediately,

with Uncle Dasoki.

I want to know who he is.

Who is he?

-Uncle Dasoki.

-Who's Uncle Dasoki?

Uncle Dasoki who looks like my Uncle

Dasoki who works in a kiosk in Egypt!

It's fine, Uncle Dasoki.

You'll spend the night in Egypt,

in your bed.

Leave him and keep calling Subhi

until he answers.

-I'll call the embassy.

-Okay.

Hello? Let me speak

to the ambassador right away, please.

Yes, Mr. ambassador, I...

Hello...

The battery died.

The battery died!

Okay, thank you, Sir.

May God reward you.

-Mine too.

-Did you call Subhi?

No, I called the director Balooti.

He said I can come back,

but I'll play the role of Midhat, the dog.

-Play what?

-Midhat, the dog.

-Are you a Zionist?

-What?

-Give me your phone!

-No, I can't.

I have photos of my friends

without their hijab. I'm sorry.

Careful! Calm down.

Listen, take this damn uncle of yours,

and go to that hotel.

Find us a room to hide in.

-Okay.

-Wait.

Listen carefully.

I want you to erase anything

that proves we've been in a battle,

or that will let them know

our location, okay?

Done.

-Did you understand?

-I said, "done."

Batazer!

Get down!

Hide quickly. They know our location.

Don't be afraid. I did it.

I put a cigarette in the petrol tank.

They'll never find us.

What are you doing?

Wait for me and Uncle Dasoki!

-Money.

-No money.

Go away, you asshole! Just leave!

Where do you think you are?

Fine, calm down.

Uncle, I didn't mean to make you sell

your jewelry. I'll return it in Egypt.

It's just for one night.

Don't frown at me.

Will this be enough?

It isn't expensive.

Uncle Dasoki is a poor man.

-Rolex?

-I don't know, honestly.

One, or two?

One room. We're friends,

we'll stay together.

Here you are.

Thanks.

It's number one.

Can I access Facebook

from your laptop?

Do you need this? Sure, no problem.

You can take a seat over there.

Okay. Thank you.

You're welcome.

I told you it'll get better, kind man.

Let's go to our room and make some tea.

You'll tell me everything.

It's normal that the embassy

doesn't know about the secret operation.

Liar! They tell the embassy everything.

You can call General Amrosi in Egypt.

Ask him about the Freezer Mission.

He'll prove me right.

Tell me, are the passports with you?

They're gone. They were in the car

when it exploded, I told you.

Put yourself in my shoes.

How do I know you aren't deceiving me?

Deceiving you?

Am I speaking to the office boy?

I don't have time for this.

We're holding the International

Pizza Festival in two days.

We're trying to mix the Italian pizza

with the Egyptian tamiya.

For the first time ever,

we'll make pizza with tamiya.

First time? There's pizza

with tamiya in Egypt.

I challenge you to find one.

In El-Shabrawy. I tried it.

-I asked in El-Shabrawy.

-There's no time for this, Sir.

We're dying here!

Sorry, call me in a week,

and wish us luck.

Wait, Sir. Hello?

-Hello?

-Madeeh, it's Marian.

I'm not Madeeh. I'm Siraj.

Okay, all your people are here with me.

Who exactly do you have?

Formaika.

Subhi.

Tabahi.

What do you want in exchange for them?

Bring Al Patrino,

and we'll give them all to you.

-Who's Al Patrino?

-The Mafia boss.

The Mafia boss?

Yes, the Mafia boss.

If you touch him,

you and your friends will die.

Don't forget to bring his wheelchair.

His wheelchair?

What a bad day!

Uncle Dasoki.

This is what you wanted.

You've already betrayed me once.

You'd better not do it again.

-What is he telling her?

-He's saying:

"You pulled this trick on us

during delivery."

-Okay.

-"I swear, by the old gods and the new,

if you do this again,

I'll turn you into a calzone."

"Calzone" means "pie."

I'll give you the money, you know that.

You've already paid for your own life.

-Wait, wait.

-What is it?

Turns out, the guy is tough.

He doesn't want to pay the money,

but he wants to take the device.

The girl is saying, "Have mercy,

you've done enough to me!

You took the device and I lost my men.

That device was my source of income.

-And the guy took money from his country."

-What are you saying?

Are you translating what they're saying

or quoting a movie?

Where is the man?

Don't cry. Where's the man?

He died!

He died, Sir. Uncle Dasoki died.

He won't go back to Egypt

to drink from the Nile again.

The only joy in my life is gone.

What a bad day!

Our last hope to get back home is gone.

Do you know who this so-called

Uncle Dasoki is?

He's the most important Mafia boss

in Italy, Al Patrino.

-Al Pacino?

-Al Patrino.

He's the Mafia boss!

Don't say that about Uncle Dasoki.

He wouldn't deceive me.

He died smiling at me.

Even while I was burying him,

his face was glowing.

Rest in peace, Uncle Dasoki.

-You buried him?

-With my own hands.

This is the fifth body

and it's still not him.

May he enter paradise

without being tortured and burned.

Who are they?

Where did you bury him, idiot?

I don't know.

My eyes were full of tears.

What you're doing is wrong.

Leave him to rest in his grave!

You didn't like this man anyway!

You never liked Uncle Dasoki!

-Don't spit while you're talking!

-Okay, I won't spit!

-Come and dig with me.

-No, I'll recite the Quran for him.

May God forgive him and bless him.

May God rinse him with water,

snow, and hailstones.

Wait.

Is this his ring?

Yes.

Help me out.

Listen carefully.

This man has been the only thing

keeping us alive up till now.

If the Mafia finds out that he died

or anything happened to him,

we won't see another sunset.

We have to keep him safe

until we go back home.

If you do anything stupid again, Madeeh,

don't blame me.

I'll kill you and surrender.

Do you understand?

-Do you understand?

-Yes!

I can't believe all of this happened

in one day.

Everyone is gone.

Tabahi, Uncle Dasoki,

even you, Marian.

-Batazer, that's the toilet brush!

-Yes.

I swear you're an infidel! Have mercy!

What's this?

Uncle Dasoki is wearing a wig?

It's Marian.

Turn that off and put his wig on.

Hello, Marian.

Where's my dad?

Where's Al Patrino?

Why didn't you bring him along?

We have to agree first.

-What the fuck is he saying?

-We need to figure that out.

I'm so mad,

I could kill this son of a bitch!

You're provoking him.

It's obvious that Mr. Filo

doesn't know who he's dealing with.

If I'm not back in an hour,

Madeeh will kill Al Patrino.

Who is Madeeh? The movie star?

Star?

What you don't know is that

Madeeh Albalboosi is one of our best men.

Acting is a cover, he's been doing it

for more than 30 years.

It's obvious you were deceived.

I'm so sorry. You don't know

who you're messing with.

Filo will offer you one last chance.

Tomorrow, you have to bring

Al Patrino in his wheelchair.

Then, and only then,

will we release your people, okay?

No, that's not okay. What's my guarantee?

I can't give you Al Patrino

until I check on my people.

-Okay, a video call.

-Video call it is.

Mr. Subhi, how are you?

Are you all alive? Has anyone died?

Don't worry, Batazer. We're strong.

-How are you?

-We're dying.

Don't worry, Mr. Subhi.

I won't return to Egypt without you.

Not for you, but for me.

I don't want to have to stay home again.

Take care of them.

Hang up now.

You've checked on your people,

we also have the right

to check on Al Patrino.

I don't know why Batazer is so late.

Lieutenant Colonel Madeeh Albalboosi

speaking.

Lieutenant Colonel?

Hi Marian. Brigadier General Madeeh

Albalboosi says good morning to the Mafia.

This is Al Patrino.

He's whole, but we can cut him to pieces.

You son of a bitch!

Your dad will get hurt this way.

Dad, don't worry.

Don't worry, Dad.

Uncle Dasoki.

What's this? Is it the battery or what?

What's this?

Uncle Dasoki, you son of a gun!

Al Patrino.

Sorry, I need your fingerprint.

Please put your gloves.

Wow! Who is this beauty?

You liked to entertain yourself,

huh, Uncle Dasoki?

Hi.

She's very beautiful

and has Egypt written on her.

Let's see another country.

What a wondrous game!

France?

France.

Shall we play with the sun

in the morning?

She's stripping, Uncle Dasoki!

France is witnessing a heat wave.

The temperature is increasing remarkably.

The increase in temperature

has no scientific explanation yet.

Someone is playing

with the device, Officer.

What device?

His wig won't budge again.

I'm about to finish.

Did you find anything?

I started to understand the device,

but ruined three countries in the process.

Japan almost drowned.

Did you figure out how it works?

To put it simply,

this device is like a tunnel.

It transfers energy from one place

to another using a satellite.

To keep Egypt this cold,

they took the cold from Russia

and poured it in Egypt.

Boss, why don't you put Egypt back

as it was?

I can't.

If the snow suddenly melts, the country

will sink. It'll be a disaster.

The snow has to melt gradually.

All we have to do is take the device,

and give it to the specialists in Egypt.

Why don't we return immediately

to give them the device?

I told you. I won't go back

without my people.

Pray that God helps us tomorrow.

He'll help you.

May God help us.

He'll help you, Batazer.

Have you noticed, Boss,

that you've wasted my life's dream?

I'll never follow you again.

From now on,

the ties between me and you are cut.

Do you know what the only thing

I got from you was?

I doubted it already,

but you confirmed it.

That I'm a bad actor.

What's hard is, until now,

I thought you were a good director.

You turned out to be an officer,

and a bad one, too.

Even worse than me!

You're right, Madeeh. I am a bad officer.

Because of that, I stayed home

for two years, not working.

All that time,

I was blaming my failure on others.

But I won't fail this time.

We have a chance to go back to Egypt

with the device and our people.

But I can't do it alone.

I need an actor. And not just any actor.

I need a good actor.

Stop mocking me.

I can play the role of an elephant,

a dog, a cat.

-I've played the role of a cat before.

-Strange.

I watched you playing the role

of Agent Madeeh Albalboosi.

Your acting convinced me.

Not only me. You convinced

the whole mafia.

-Really?

-Madeeh.

We started this movie. Let's finish it.

Country selected: Egypt.

Why did you leave us like this?

Such a horrific movie!

We've been kidnapped for a whole day.

We didn't eat, drink, or get raped.

What kind of men are these?

No one raped you?

Don't bother him.

Tell him not to shout.

Tell him that at any sudden move

from him or his men,

we'll explode Al Patrino with

the explosive belt around his waist.

Tell them to lower their weapons.

If you don't mind.

We didn't mean to bother you.

They'll blow your dad up.

See?

Give me my dad first.

Then I'll give you your people.

He's right. The man is right.

You should do as he says.

"Give me my man, and I'll give you yours."

This way, it will all end very well.

Mirinda demanda.

Did he say, "Mirinda demanda"?

No, I added that.

I wanted to calm things down.

I want to see my mother again.

-Tell him--

-Wait, Boss...

-I have a very good response.

-Say it.

Tell you what, Formaika.

Tell him that the first lesson

we learned in espionage

is that the person who speaks the most

is usually a coward.

Nice.

Tell him to give us our people,

so that we give him his corpse.

Don't translate this, Formaika.

Am I stupid? What will I translate?

Then I'll give you your people.

Finish it.

I don't want to tell you

what they did to the big man.

In front of the girl. Finish it.

May God help us.

Please stay put.

What's this?

It's coming. Let's go.

Dad.

Dad! Dad!

Dad!

Let's go, guys!

Let's go! Get Dad!

Yes! I finally did something right.

Don't brag about it yet.

They're following us!

Get in the tunnel quickly.

Quickly, Madeeh. We'll die!

There's a car!

Careful!

Quick!

Careful!

We're dead, Madeeh.

-But we did our best.

-The tunnel's right here.

And the storm, too.

We're already dead. Don't even try.

Stop talking!

We're honored by your visit, ma'am.

Sit down, please.

Thank you very much.

Who will strip me?

Strip you of what? What do you mean?

Of my jacket.

-Okay.

-The jacket, yes.

That naughty boy was quicker than me.

Thank you very much.

Bonjour, madame.

Not bonjour, but bonsoir.

Whatever you say.

We're making a diet movie.

Diet?

You mean a movie about losing weight?

No, it's a diet comedy, a light movie.

Oh, light comedy!

-Can you play 19 years old?

-No.

Let's be logical. Make it 20.

Didn't I tell you? See how honest she is?

The audience is smart.

They get these things.

It happens that you're doing gymnastics

in the same club where Haytham exercises.

Who's the hero, the handsome muscular man?

The lanky gentleman

who'll play the role of Haytham?

The main character

is Madeeh Albalboosi.

How are you, Ragaa?

I'm sure we'll make a wonderful couple.

I'm very optimistic.

But I have a favor to ask.

If there's a song--

What song?

Translations by:

Alaa Saloum

Hamlat Feraizar (2016) - full transcript