Halloweed (2016) - full transcript

A comedic blend of murder, mystery and marijuana. Trying to escape the infamy of a serial killer father, Trent Modine and his goof-ball stepbrother Joey, both seeking a new start, find refuge in the small town of Mooseheart. Joey, a complete stoner in a town known for its good weed and stories of the Candy Corn Killer, is a disaster waiting to happen. As you can imagine, it doesn't take long before the family name catches up. Trent and Joey must figure out how to sort through a string of cliché murders that so happen starts right as they arrive.

Oh yeah!
Move it, motherfucker!

Yo, give me back
my money, bitch!

It's my money now,
motherfucker! Eat it!

Somebody better call
an ambulance!

♪ Take me by the hand,
I'll show you Wonderland ♪

♪ The trees of gold
and violet skies ♪

♪ With ghouls and pretty
faces all the wrong places ♪

♪ Sour diesel, cherry pie

♪ So shake it out now,
we got that loud now ♪

♪ We're gonna stay high
and never come down ♪

♪ We're gonna roll,
we're gonna grind ♪

♪ Now pass it left,
don't pass it right ♪

♪ The monster hash

♪ The monster hash

♪ The monster hash

♪ The monster hash

♪ Hit me like a wave,
I'm rising from the grave ♪

♪ This lifted,
gifted paradise ♪

♪ And minds are slowly melting,
eyes are glazing over ♪

♪ Leave your body
for the night ♪

♪ So shake it out now

♪ We got that loud now

♪ We're gonna stay high
and never come down ♪

♪ We're gonna roll,
we're gonna grind ♪

♪ Now pass it left,
don't pass it right ♪

♪ The monster hash

♪ The monster hash

♪ The monster hash

♪ The monster hash

♪ So shake it out now

♪ We got that loud now

♪ We're gonna roll,
we're gonna grind ♪

♪ Now pass it left,
don't pass it right ♪

♪ So shake it out now

♪ We got that loud now

♪ We're gonna stay high
and never come down ♪

♪ We're gonna roll,
we're gonna grind ♪

♪ Now pass it left,
don't pass it right ♪

♪ The monster hash

♪ The monster hash

♪ The monster hash

♪ The monster hash

Execution set tonight,
the community of Bridgeport

can hopefully get some peace.

Serial killer Vincent Modine,
who stabbed nine people to

death over the course of
three very frightening

weeks will die tonight.

Survived by son Trent Modine,
his step-son Joey Booker,

and three ex-wives who
have book deals pending,

so we can't mention
them by name.

The reign of terror
is now over.

I did it, and
I'd do it again!

♪ We got that loud now

♪ We're gonna stay high
and never come down ♪

♪ We're gonna roll,
we're gonna grind ♪

♪ Now pass it left,
don't pass it right ♪

♪ The monster hash

♪ The monster hash

♪ The monster hash

♪ The monster hash

Ooh, here comes trouble.

Suck my dick, midget!

It's showtime, Modine!

Adios, Modine.

Yeah, Modine!

Yeah, Modine!

Should we let him finish?

Let him finish for
Christ's sakes.

Get it, Modine!


Way to go, Modine!

Wicked load!


- Alright.
- Out with a bang.

Fucking midget!


Oh, I smell like weed!

I wonder why.

Hey, that chick cop behind
you with the gun?

I'd hit that.

She seems like your type.

Are you excited, huh?

We're about to watch my
father, your step-father,

die at the hands
of the state.

So no, not exactly
planning a parade.

I'm just making
conversation, bro.

It's just 2000 volts
of electricity.

I mean it can't be
that bad, right?

I should've drank more.


Hoho, it's a party!

Didn't expect this.

Those seats are taken.

Move over.


What? I like popcorn.

- Here.
- Shh!

I love you, Modine!

- I love you!
- Fry the fat fucker already!

Fifty bucks says
he shits himself.

Oh, you got a deal.

Hey Trent!

- Lick me baby, lick me!
- Good to see you, son.


I understand, son, this
can't be easy for you.

And now you're in that room
with all those poor folks.

I killed those
people's loved ones.

I never denied it.

You ever wonder why?

Because I fuckin' loved it!

- Burn!
- Fuck you, man!

You ever truly, truly
held a knife, son?

Feel the power
in your hands?

In and out, in and out.

Best sex I ever had.

Choke on your popcorn, assholes!

Just the thought of
murdering your deserving

motherfuckers gets my
dick hard, you see?

Shit, he's got a
big-ass dick.

Yeah, no shit, man.

I need you to finish
it for me, Trent.

Cleanse the world of these
filthy, dirty, fucking animals.

Finish my work!

I know you feel it.

Avenge my death!

Wow. This is engaging.

I mean, that was,
that was so viking.

Avenge my death?
It's amazing!

Any last words, Modine?


I just thought, I just
went on about how the

world's unclean, how about
my son Trent's gonna pick

up where I left off, and uh,
you know, it's in his blood.

It was pretty heavy
and intense.

I had to poop.
I'm sorry.

I gotta do it again?

Okay, I can do it again.
Fuck it.

No, it's okay, Vince.

- No, hey you fucktards!
- Don't.

Okay, I won't.

Fuck it.

You ready to die?


You're just taking out one
of the cogs in the wheel.

Trent completes me.

No, I don't.

- I don't complete him.
- You see.

You're never to lead!


I hope your double-wide
mother croaks in her

double-wide trailer.

Your mama's so fat, I told
that bitch to haul ass,

she had to make
two trips.

That was a good one.

Hey uh, your mom's so fat!

- No.
- No, okay, I won't.

Alright, alright, enough.

Well this, this
can't be happening.

Oh, it's getting good.

This is good.

I just got off the phone
with the governor.

I thought so.

Looks like he's going to
be moving his charity

golf outing to next month.

Mhmm, yeah.

He thought you'd
like to know that.


Gnarly, dude.

That was gnarly.

He's dead.

Woo, alright!

Come on bro, I can't not get
in on the high five parade.

You know I love
high fives.

This concludes today's

Well, that was fun.

So, let's get
something to eat.

What are you feeling?
I'm thinking barbecue?

Yeah, I kind of
lost my appetite.

I'm gonna go get some weed.

I'll see you in
a little bit.

Oh, would you move?

Oh, is it too much?

Oh yeah, oh yeah...

What the fuck, Sandy?
That's it?

I haven't...


Yep, I got what I wanted.

And that's all you're ever
good for, and you know what?

You're not even
good for that.

You're useless.

You're a loser, just like that
deep-fried daddy of yours.

Oh, and T?

Finish yourself off.

And I'd get used to that.

We're done.


And T, you'd better
finish yourself off.

Choke on your popcorn,
you assholes!

I need you to finish
it for me, Trent.

Finish my work!

Don't you feel it?

Avenge my death!

You're useless.

Just like your deep
fried daddy.

I did it and I'd do it again.

Let's get something to eat.
What are you feeling?

I'm thinking

Like what you see?

What is this place?

Oh, this is the
place of intrigue.

This is the place
of your dreams.

This is the place
to get away.

Am I still alive?

Were you ever?

Can you see me, Trent?

Can you see me?

Trent, are you there?


Trent, wake up buddy?

You there, you there?

Okay, you're alive.

What the hell happened?

Well, looks like you got
really dumb and tried to

off yourself, but luckily
all you ate was Sandy's

estrogen medication, so
the worst that could

happen is you'll grow
some tits on your balls.

Why does she have
this, anyway?

You don't wanna know.

Joey... I saw heaven.

Was there a bunch
of big black dicks?

Ew, no, I said heaven.

Anyway, there was this big
jolly man in a white suit,

and the most beautiful
woman I've ever seen.

Oh, you probably fell
asleep to this commercial

that was on pause all night.

Hi, and welcome to
Mooseheart, the greatest

town in America!

And I should know, because
I'm an American Sweetheart.

You know, some have called
me the king of Mooseheart.

A few have even
bowed at my feet.

I'm just happy to be a part
of this beautiful community.

So come on down
to Mooseheart.

We have cell towers now!

And indoor plumbing.

- Soon!
- Soon!


That's it!

That's it!


That shithole town?

You're better off trying
to commit suicide again.

It's a small town in
the middle of nowhere.

No one knows me there.

I can get a fresh start!


W-why can't I come?

Let's move to Mooseheart!

- Dude, let's go!
- Yeah?

I'll pack my white
trash clothing.


This is going to be sweet!

I just hope nobody
recognizes my name.

We can get new identities
when we get out there.

I wouldn't worry
about it too much.

Plus, it seems like people
have eased up on you a

little bit out here
lately anyway.

Have a nice day, fuckers!

Ugh, well, so
much for that.

Looks like people ain't
going easy on you.

Damn it, I really wanted
to see the moose.

No, fuck that, fuck him,
and fuck my car.

You know what?
We're gonna hitchhike.

Sweet, we can stop at those
rest area bathrooms on the way.

Oh man, we get to
see the moose!

We get to see the moose!

This is gonna be cool.

Can we take a smoke
break please?

We just stopped!

That was like twenty
minutes ago.

We've got a long
way to go, man.

Really? I feel like we're
making pretty good time.

How much do you
think we got left?

We're like two blocks away
from our apartment.

Oh, that's some good weed.

Oh, here comes someone.


Whoa. Oh!

This way, please!

Yes, please?

Really? The ol' thumb?

It lets drivers know what
direction we're going so

they know if they can help us
or not. Pretty standard stuff.

Yeah, but we're standing on
this side of the road.

I think it's pretty obvious
which direction we're going.

I don't think people are
going to drive by and

think we're not
hitchhiking and assume

that we're speedwalking
to fucking Bolivia.

It's just protocol, Joe.

Oh god.

Bro, we've been walking for
five fucking miles, dude.

Really? With the thumb?

Do you really think the
thumb is going to work?

We went through this, Joey.

No, y-you're wrong!

You want to know how
to get picked up?

Watch this.


Dude, he stopped!

He stopped! I told you!

Who stops for that?

- Jump in, boys.
- Thanks for stopping.


There ya go.

- Howdy.
- Hey!

- Zach.
- Joey.

Why did the Mexican throw
his wife off the roof?

- I dunno.
- Tequila!

You boys are alright.

You kind souls are always
risking your Rutger Hauer

in "The Hitcher"

Movie from the '80s?


Alright, you pulled us
over for a reason, Zach.

Let's get this
out of the way.

Unless you think I've
got Parkinson's.

No, I think you were offering
hand-jobs for a ride.


Uh, no, no thanks Joey.

I'm all good. I figured if you
were willing to do that for a

ride, you were probably
pretty desperate.

Oh, okay.

I see, Mr. Good Samaritan.

What, my, my smooth hands
aren't good enough for

your fat, juicy,
trucker cock?

Actually, my wife was Ms.
Golden Coconuts 2012.

That's what Jessica
Simpson's up to now, huh.

Look, he picked us up
under false pretenses.

Why do you want to give
him a handy so badly?

It seems Joey's repressing
his sexuality and acting out.

Oh, is that what
it is, Dr. Phil?

Excuse me a minute, are
you even suggesting for

one minute that you
think that I'm gay?

Dude, that is so gay.

I'm gonna suck that shit so good
just to prove that I'm not gay.

That's how comfortable I
am with my sexuality.

Come on, whip that shit out.

- Hey!
- Whoa, whoa!

Hey, stop!

Get out!


That's it! You boys
are outta here!

Zach, please, we
really need this ride.

No, you boys are
out of control.

I know, and I'm sorry.

You know what?

I might have a way
to calm him down.

Calm all of us down!

Joey, share.


I only got an ounce!

Do you wanna fucking walk?

That's my girl.

I love to motorboat.

That's some
good shit, right?

Shit, this thing's
fun to drive.

It's like a video game,
only if you crash, you die.


I don't even smoke.

Oh, you're gonna get
high today man.

You don't smoke?

Joey, Joey, wake up!

- Jesus christ!
- Holy shit!

Okay, I'm okay,
give me the joint.

What? Drive!


Alright, thanks dude!

Alright, oh shit I
got the munchies.

Zach, you're the man.

Thanks, buddy.

Ugh, can we eat bro?

Oh, this is awesome.

We're here!

You ready to get
back to work?

We got some folks in here
we should probably search.


We don't need those.

Look Sheila, uh, you're not a
prison guard anymore, okay?

And this is a
tourist town.

"Come to Mooseheart: Home of
the Candyland Killings."

It's the "Candy
Corn Killing."

And if you're going to
uphold the law here,

you're probably gonna
need to know that.

That the killer was never
caught, the city embraced

the whole spooky charm of
it and turned it into a

little tourist trap,
except people don't come

here that much no more
because it happened so

fucking long ago.

But now Mooseheart is uh, uh,
you know, a creepy little town.

Out in the middle
of nowhere.

Can you stop that?

I'm trying to give
you some wisdom here.

I'm trying to help you.

People in this town
are strange, crazy.

Ludicrous. I mean, you
don't trust no one.

- You don't trust no one.
- Well they're committing crimes.

You just have to see it.

Sometimes, it hides
in the darkness.

And you have to ask yourself,
are you brave enough?

Are you brave enough to
go into the darkness?

You're talking
about assholes!

I mean, uh...

Oh! Look who we got here.

Uh oh. Uh oh.

Couple of shady
white boys.

They must be up to
no good.



We might get raped in here.

Deliverance style.


That'd be so hot.

You boys lost?

No, we're in
Mooseheart right?

Nobody comes to
Mooseheart on purpose,

so I figured you
must be lost.

What can I get you boys?

Whiskey, straight,
and keep 'em coming.

The fuck are we?


You think we packed enough?

Oh yeah, we're fine.
We got our clothes.

What else do we need?

All I packed was weed and
weed accessories dude.

Of course you did.

How we looking?

Not great.

There are no
apartments to rent.

This one guy is looking
for a couple of roommates.


Ahh, at least the
whiskey's good.

People here seem
really nice.

Yeah, okay, nice.

I bet her other job's a
stripper where she blows

the security guard because
her dad never hugged her

- enough because she's a whore.
- Okay, alright.

I'm going to go
play a video game.

- You do that.
- I'll be right back.

Good luck to you.

Can I get you anything
else, handsome?

Oh, no, this is great.

Actually, uh, here you go.

- Just uh, keep the change.
- Thank you.

What the...

Ugh, what the fuck!

Is this how you treat everyone
who comes through town?

Well, as a matter
of fact, yes.

You know, I guess that's
why we don't get too many

Well, we're just minding
our own business, okay?

Mhmm, and what kind
of business is that?

Why your friend
moving all funny?

What you hiding
up in there?

Uh, up where, ossifer?

Behind your back there, boy.

Oh, uh, just some school books.

- You're a school boy.
- Yeah.

You don't look
like a school boy.

Let me, uh...

Now, there's not going
to be anything in here

that's going to
hurt me, is there?

It depends on how much
you smoke, I guess.

What we got going on here?


Would you look at this?

He's a chef.
That's, um...

You bringing drugs
into my town?

My precious Mooseheart?

I bet you he's hiding
more in his ass.

- You think so?
- Let me check.

No, wait, no,
no, wait...

No, it's okay,
she can check.

- No.
- Oh, okay.

No, 'cause you know why?

I want to know what your
business is in Mooseheart.

Uh, we're uh, we were just
thinking about moving here.

- We want to move here.
- Nice people.

Well I'll be damned!

Well, welcome
to Mooseheart!

Welcome, baby!

Well, that's all
you had to say.


Yeah, I'm going to have
to confiscate this

to teach you boys a lesson.

Oh, yes.

Of course.

And, you know...

Wish you on your merry way.

- Yes, we uh, we will.
- Go on, get on out of here.

Yeah, get your bag and
get on, get your punk ass

on out of here.

Okay, uh, thank you.


Get your punk ass
out of here.


Crazy white boys.

No drugs in Mooseheart?

That was convincing,
wasn't it?

- Yeah.
- I almost believed it myself.

That was a good one.

Let's go smoke this shit,
come on.

Oh wow, this looks like a
nice place to get raped.

I'm sure there's dead
bodies in the back.

Have an open mind, man, this is
the only spot that's available.

Besides, the guy
might be cool.

I should've just stayed home.

What is your problem?

Well, the cops
took my weed, man!

Focus, Joey.


You Boy Scouts get
older every year.

Not interested.

Uh, sir, we're not
Boy Scouts.

We're here about the place.

What place?

Uh, this place.

The ad you had for roommates?

Oh yeah, yeah.

Come on in.


You Jews?

Uh, you say that like
that's a bad thing.

So, no.

We're not of Jewish

Good, come on in.

You boys Jews?

Great, an anti-Semite.

Well this part isn't so bad.

So what's your name, friend?

Hey, I'm Lloyd.

You smell like a Lloyd.

I said can you show
us the rooms please?

Yeah, right in here.


Ooh, dibs, dibs, dibs!

You got kids Lloyd?


Are those handcuffs?

You know, let me show
you your room, alright?

It's right around here,
you're gonna love this, huh?

Ah, there you go.


So where do you
sleep, Lloyd?

Eh, I'm a couch sleeper.



I think you got yourself
a couple of roommates.

- Cool?
- Alright?

Sure, you boys ain't queer
Jews, so welcome aboard!

Hmm... you ain't
gay, are you?

Me? Oh, God no.

I love pussy.

Whip out your wiener, stick
it in there, swirl it around.




Good times, huh?

You boys ain't
tweakers are you?

Oh, no, God no.

This is all natural man.

We don't do that
shit at all.

Eatin' pussy, eatin' pussy,
not doing drugs.

Good, good!

Else I'm going to go back down
and watch my stories, huh?


Oh, and don't mind
the door knob being gone.

It's a precautionary

Can't imagine any time
where I'd ever need to

feel safe and secure.

He smells bad.

Hey, I thought you were
against drug use Lloyd.

I am.

Can't stand druggies.

This is God's herb.

Weed ain't drugs.

Mm, I think we're going
to get along just fine.

Hey, where can I get some
of this shit around here?

Go see Patch.

Patch is the hookup.


He'll be open
tomorrow morning.

If you go to his garage,
go around the back.

Tell him I sent you.


Think I can get a
little 'til then?

I'm, uh, kind
of a bogart.

I see.

See, I thought I would
hate it here.

I like Mooseheart!

Ah, where else can you get
a pumpkin and a lube job?

One stop shopping.

Ah, awesome.

Dude, let's go find
this weirdo.

Hey, actually man, I'm
going to pick out a pumpkin,

so why don't you go
do your weed thing,

Yeah, why don't you go pick
out a pumpkin because that's

extremely gay of you,
but I still love you.

Hey, seriously, we got
stuff to do, so...

Got you.


Make this work...

- Oh my God, I'm sorry.
- I'm so...

Are you okay, or...

Yeah, I'm sure you get
this a lot, but aren't you

that girl from
the infomercial?

Uh, I am, yeah,
and I get that never.

I actually don't think
they had enough money

to air it on normal
channels, so.

Oh, well you were great.

- Really... convincing.
- Thank you.

I did it as a favor
for my boyfriend, so.

Well if--

Are you okay?

What do you need?

Looking for Patch?

I'm Patch.

Love the name, man.

You own a pumpkin patch,
sort of, and your n--

Oh, shit. I see.

What do you need?

I got carved pumpkins,
tune up, trunk liner.

Mm, word around town is
you're the guy to see

about a green pumpkin?



We got orange pumpkins
and some yellows.

Weed! Do you have any weed?

I don't usually sell,

Are you a cop?

No, you look like the
sixth member of the

Backstreet Boys.

And everybody knows that
an undercover cop don't

look like an undercover cop.

That's the point!

Alright, look,
want me to prove it to you

that I'm not a cop,
or I'm wearing a wire?

I'll get buck-naked ri--

Hey, hey.

That's not necessary.

You've got a lot of
spirit, kid.

You want to work?

Well, I'm flattered,
but I don't do the male

thing anymore.

Been there, done that.

When you suck dick--


Do you want to sell?

He who has the
weed has the power.

Especially in this town,
and I run Mooseheart.

You're not afraid of the
cops or anything, huh?

Once in a while it
gets hectic.

Alright, okay.

I see what you're
saying Mr. Patch.

Uh, fuck it, yeah, I'll
sell your drugs for you.

Heh, can I get a
sample or something?

I'm jonesin',
it's been a while.

- Hang on.
- Alright.

Fuck, I'm not gonna sell weed.

I'll tell him I'm selling
weed to smoke it.

How can that
plan backfire?

Oh shit, he's
packing heat.

I really do not think
we're going to find

another one like this.

This is the best one.

I agree.

You know, um, why don't
you carve it with me?

I wouldn't feel right
just taking it.

Oh, honestly I would love
nothing more, trust me,

but you mentioned earlier
that you had a boyfriend

and that's not really my...

Oh, no no no no no.

I said that I, I did the
commercial as a favor to

my boyfriend at the time,
but we broke up,

like, a long time ago.

Oh, that's great.

Uh, that's horrible.

Um, here.

- It's my card.
- Oh.

Suicide counselor.

That's, uh, interesting.

Yeah, uh, do you want
to call me tomorrow?

I will definitely
call you tomorrow.



Fuck, man, did you
spend all our money?

Nah, man! I'm selling it!

You got a job?

I'm a go-getter.

Who's the dame?

That's the girl from the
infomercial, Madison.

Oh, the one you
were talking about.

Dude, she's as white
trash as it gets.

Should have no problem
sealing that deal buddy.

- Mm.
- Come on.

Hey, look!
My first customer.

Hey, you want to buy
some weed, kid?

Dude, I'm like fifteen.

He's just kidding, he's off his
Ritalin. Don't listen to him.

I smoked it when
I was thirteen, bro.

- Don't be a pussy.
- Subtle! Subtle!

No, what do you mean?
Everyone smokes weed!

Oh, God...

I'll find that kid again.

He looked real familiar.

What the?

I got the lights,
I got the lights!

- Yeah, cold 487.
- Well, copy that.

It looks like we just got
another asshole tourist.

You, uh, you want to
handle this one yourself?

Oh yeah, I got it.

Bet your ass.

Go get him killer.

Do you know how fast
you were going?

Even though I'm sure you've
never driven a car

like this before, I assure you
it does have a speedometer.


Yes, I know how fast
I was going.

You could've hurt someone.

I could've done
a lot of things.

Get out the car, dipshit.


Hands on the hood.


You hiding anything?

When you have as much money as I
do and you look the way I do,

you don't need to hide
anything sweetheart.



As if you don't think I
will search everywhere.

Go anywhere you like.

Thank you.

Now spread 'em.

Oh, geez.

Uh huh.

What you hiding in there?


Oh, no, no, no.

Oh my god.

Oh, you got it all tight.
I'm gonna get in there.

Uh, you know who
this is, right?

Yeah, some snobby scumbag
who's got drug paraphernalia

He ain't got nothing
in his ass, Thompson!


Oh, damn.

Well, looks like
you caught me.

- Mhmm.
- Take me in, officers.

Oh, my pleasure.

Knock it off, Thompson.

Do you recognize
this name?

Connor Price. So what?

That's the mayor's son.

Well, you know mine, and I
don't have the pleasure

I'm sure my father would love
to know who's harassing me.

The Jeffersons!

- That is right.
- That's us!

We got Johnson and Thompson.
Now that I got that, I own you.

How about you get that
door for me, alright?

Thank you so much.

Now get your hands off
the car. Thank you.

It's a pretty color!

Let me help you with
your seatbelt, Connor.

Don't touch the car. Yeah.

You guys have a
great afternoon.


Good education...

solid job history...

and this Mr. Lloyd Paxton
can vouch for you?

That's what I pay him for.

Well played.

Well played.

That's what I pay
him for, that's good.


Well I see know reason why
you can't join the team today.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Well that's great. Thank you.

I won't be hiring you, though.

Now see, I'm running for
mayor of Mooseheart, kid.

And this is not the time for
me to bring outsiders in.

I mean as far as I know
you could be one of

Mayor Price's spies.

- No, no, I'm no spy.
- Yeah?

Please, Mr. Pilm--

Your highness, your honor...

- Um, Judge Pilmington.
- Good.

This is the best place
hiring in town right now.

And the economy around here
really isn't that great.

I know, I know.

That's why I'm running
for office, kid.

Come on! Pay
attention, Troy!

Pay attention!

Nobody's going to hire you
if you don't pay attention.

Alright, go see Rosa in
unemployment. Now. Go.

Thank you for your time.


Here, pass some of these
out to your friends.

- Oh, um...
- Here.

Give some to Rosa,
too, alright?


Go. Go, go.


He said all that?

That's just crazy.

He has no real chance
to be a mayor.

Vote for me and
get free bail?

You've gotta be kidding me.

He's been a terrible judge.

Pissed off a lot of people
around here, handing out

bogus sentences
for no reason.

He's a shady and corrupt man.

Shady and corrupt.

That would never work
for a politician.

So, where is everybody?

I would think this place
would be packed.

Oh, it would be if we
could help them.

I mean even you, sweetie.

I don't think there's much
here for a sociology major.

At least not for the
money you're looking for.

All I have left
are HR Jobs.

Entry level.

Some farm work.

School admin, grief
and suicide counselor.

Suicide counselor?

Yeah, but it's part time,
and the pay is--

And the suicide rates
around here...

Oh, sky high.

It just adds to our
Mooseheart charm.

Haunted city and all.

High suicide rates.

Very charming.

Here, here we go.


Wow. Listen, I want you
to listen to something.

What is that?

What is that noise?

Well, there is no noise.

My goodness, are
we at a library?

Are we in a museum?
I don't know.

No, we are at the Mooseheart
Unemployment Office.

But there is nobody here
because I am the mayor

that leads with
100 % efficiency.

Oh, damnit.


mayor will make a mistake
and so we have one person.

That's not bad, right?

Just one?

That's right. No unemployed
here in Mooseheart.

Come over here, son.

Come here, please.

Okay, son. So you just had your
meeting and I'm wondering,

are you leaving
here with a job?

Uh, actually I got a
number to call for an

interview at the suicide
counseling center so--

I happen to know the man who
runs the counseling center.

I will call on your behalf
and I can guarantee

you got the job.

Thank you so
much, Mr. Mayor.

Thank you.
So there you have it.

I am the active mayor
that Mooseheart needs.

So vote Price because as we
all know, the price is right.

You turn that fucking
camera off my face again

and I will rip
you a new asshole.

You're on that fucking
short bus, aren't you?

You're an idiot and
you're no better either.

Don't be looking at
him like he's stupid.

Well, not like I was
forced into doing the

mayor a favor because he
has incriminating photos

that may or may not
be me at a rest stop.

It could've been
anyone's penis.

Madison will be done in
ten minutes and then we do

individual sessions.

Now do you have
suicide experience?

Oh yeah, I sure do.

Great, let's
check on Madison.


It wasn't my penis.

What about me?

I think I started stripping
after my dad left.



How are things?

It's Adam.

Oh, right.

Not good.

My fiancé dumped me.

She left me for my stepbrother
who, from what I understand,

is more well-endowed.



Maybe you should
kill yourself.

That's what I'm thinking.

There's nothing left
for me on this earth.

I know that feeling.

Although, just when you
think there's no one out

there for you, that's
when you find them.


Oh yeah, there's someone
out there for everyone.

Probably not you,
but you never know.

But most likely not.

Hope it works out. Okay!

Sir, sir, I'm
happy to help.

- You're gonna be just fine.
- Thank you.

Okay, maybe not. Go ahead.

How did you do it?

I mean, nobody has ever gotten
through to Adam before.

I, um, just told
him the truth.

- The truth?
- Mhm.

And you proved
that it helps.

Um, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He'll be fine.

I think he's on the
straight narrow.

No one really says
that anymore, do they?

Not really.

But you were great.

I mean, Adam, he really
deserved a break.

So um, are we still
on for tomorrow night?

And then the next night,
you can meet my friends.

I'm sorry, can
meet who, now?

Okay, so every year...



Haven't you
learned anything?

You're making me look bad.

I wasn't high enough.

You are responsible for
these damages coming out

of your pocket.

Now clean it up!


Cancel my donation to
the orphanage fund.


Mayor Price is outspending
me ten to one.

I need to put all the money
into my campaign fund.



I want these Uncle Sam posters
put up all over town.

Every wall, every fence,
every telephone pole.

I want the town papered.

Oh, and get the high
school students to do it.

We won't have to pay them.

It's a good civics lesson.

Si, sir.


Yeah, you son of a gun.

Move it over here to
your left a little bit.


Now wait.
Wait, wait, wait.

Bring it back, bring it
back, bring it back.

Just have a good ghost story
for her or something, bro.

Yeah, but it's
her friends, man.

And public speaking
isn't really my thing.

Hey, now bring
it over here.

- That's where I want it.
- You know, fuck this!

You know what? I'm gonna
leave it right here.

Is that feng shui
enough for you?

Look, just be
yourself, alright?

Is that feng shui
enough for you?

Alright, I'm gonna go grab
us safe pumpkin carving

kits and try and think of a
story to tell her friends.

Alright, do it up, dog.

Okay, dog.

By the way, how's
business going?

Dude, I'm fucking
killing it.

I'm thinking about cutting
out the middle man and

taking over this
whole bitch.

Alright, bitch.

Break's over.

Move this thing back over
here in between the chairs.

I'm gonna let you take
care of whatever this is.

I got it.

See you, Lloyd.

Where do you want this?

Between the chairs.




Yo, yo, yo, check
it, alright?

He got a whole new crew,
selling all over town.

Says he's gonna be the new
king of the patch, not you.

Yeah, yeah.

He punking your ass.

Punking, get it?


Go home.

Get some sleep.

We'll kill them
all tomorrow.


All of them.

Just like before.

He who has the
weed has the power.

For sure, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, okay.

Yeah, okay, whatever
you say, Old Ray.

- Thin ridge.
- Oh, thin ridge.

Alright, thank you, nurse.

Okay, now I don't wanna
question a doctor, but

are you going to
remove the guts?

Oh, yeah.

Um, nope.

All the seeds and all that
squishy shit in there...

- What?
- Always creeps me out so, mhm.

But this is the best part.

Great, then it's all you.

- Oh, come on. Come on.
- Knock yourself out.

Look at this.
See, look.

- Ew.
- It feels nice.

Come on, just
put your hand in.

- Mhm.
- Put your hand in.

Just do it.

Come on.

It's not that bad, see?

Come on. Feel that?

You're right.

It is kinda nice.


Looks like I got
here just in time.

Damnit, Connor!

Man, you can't just walk in
here like you own the joint.

Actually I can because
I do own the joint, man.

Maddie, you're lucky you
have such a mature boyfriend.

I forgive you.

You mean the boyfriend
who up and leaves me,

goes to a big city.

No, our little arrangement
was over when you drove

off without even
a goodbye text.


- No, it's--
- Look.

I came home to help dad
with this election and

then start a political
career of my own and I'm

gonna do that with
you by my side.

As we agreed.

Every good congressman has a
hometown sweetheart story.

I won't be any different.

She's not a
prize or a prop.


That's Mr. Connor Price.

And I'm sorry, I didn't
catch your name.

Mr. Trent Cash.

Alright, Mr. Trent Cash, you can
get the hell out of my house.

You told me you wouldn't
pull this kinda crap.

You said you'd help me.

Being engaged to a future
congressman will help both

of us, remember?

I won't ask again.

I'm pretty tight with
the local police.

We won't want an
incident, Trent.

I'll call you
tomorrow, Trent.

What, seriously?

It's his home. He'll call
the friggin' police.

So just...
I'll be fine.

Bye, Trent.


Lupe. Yeah.

You weren't at your desk
so I called your cell.

I don't care if you're on
your way home to your casa.

Listen to me. Listen...
Listen to me.

This new flyer and
poster is no good, Lupe.

It's no good.

The price is too high.

The price is too high.

What does that even mean?

What do you mean,
I don't comprende?

I comprende fine.

Price too high!

No more, no more.

You're done, no more.

Fucking immigrants.

Well you're a little big
to be trick or treating,

don't you think?

Hey, that's not funny!

That's not funny!

What are you doing?


Why are you doing this?

Did Price put
you up to this?




He's gone.

Can you come back
like right now?


Let me get that.

You get that.

Oh, Trent.

Whoa, Trent!


Sorry! I, uh...

What the fuck are
you doing in here?

Well, the lightbulb in
the living room went out.

I needed a replacement.

- Okay.
- Lightbulbs aren't included.


You sick bastard.

Gotta get that doorknob fixed.

You've been pinching
out of my sac, Lloyd?

Oh, why is it so bright?

Hey, what's with
all this candy?

I ain't gonna be that guy caught
without candy on Halloween.

That's for damn sure.

You hungover?

You have no idea.

Would you guys
hold it down?

Come on.

What the hell
are you watching?

Scouting report.

We really need to
find a new place.


Woo! Woo!


Who the hell is this?

Oh, that's Quincy.

My number 2.

The operation's getting so big,
I needed a little bit of muscle.

Yo, it's 5-0, 5-0!

5-0, that is so adorbs.

I love being
a drug dealer.

Take all that shit
outside, bro.


What the fuck
do they want?

Please, come in.

What can we do
you for, officer?

Well, uh...

There was a
murder last night.

Uh, Judge Pilmington.

He is running...

he was running for mayor.

Wow, that's terrible.

What happened?

Well he was stabbed three
times and then the killer

came back and stabbed
him 77 more times.


The killings are back.

Just like in the eighties.

The haunted here made
this town what it is.

You seem to be pretty
proud of that, Lloyd.

You know, they never
did catch the killer.


Maybe you got something
you wanna tell me, boy?


Hell no, no.


Yeah, yeah.

You two shit birds move
to town, all of a sudden

there's a murder.

That's gotta be a
coincidence though, right?


Security footage outside
the courthouse got a

glimpse of a masked man.

Got a baby mask?

I got a lot of masks.

Not you, dickhead.

I don't...

baby masks?

I bet you don't.

Listen, you two,
don't leave town.


Come on.

Clean up this piece of
shit you call a house.

Hey, was that
my son on TV?

If they had anything on you,
they'd friggin' taken you in.

As long as the killer's
on the loose, it's only a

matter of time until they
figure out who I am.

And then they're never gonna
believe that I'm not the killer.

So what's there to do?

Catch the killer.

All this to protect
your secret identity?

And because there's a fucking
killer on the loose.

And these idiot cops
aren't gonna catch him.

Unless he's hiding
in someone's ass.

I wonder if that's
physically possible.

So you're telling me you're
gonna catch a murderer? Come on.

Sure, why not?

I find him, I stop him,
then I fort the killer and

I protect my identity.

It's a win-win.

It sounds like a
lot of work-work.

And these pigs coming
around here undressing me

with their eyes.

I could tell he wants
to be inside me.

No condo.

Makes me sick.

Alright, this money's
burning a hole in my pocket.

I'm gonna go buy me a fat
drug lord chain so I look

like a baller on these
streets, player.

Quincy, wait up.

Need help trying
that on, sweetie?

Your ass will look
so hot in that.

Oh, your hips will
look great in any--

So, how's it going?

I can't decide, this
one or this one?

- I kinda like...
- The one with less.

- Really?
- You know what?

What's the best way to
pick out a new costume?

Is to do a costume fitting
montage where you give me

- a thumbs up or thumbs down?
- Yes.

You have got to
be kidding me?

Those, those were
what guys like?

- Yeah.
- Oh!

Yes. Yes.

Well, it's your turn.


Let's get that.
You want some of this?

Hold up...
A dollar?

Let's get you that little
burn right there, baby.

Smell it.
Smells good, right?

Smells good.
Alright, alright.

Yo, man, tell
your friends.

Hey, hey, hey! How much
did you get for that?

One dollar,
dollar, dollar.

Oh my god, one dollar?

Dude, that cost
me ten dollars!

- What the fuck?
- Oh.

It's time we take this weed
game to the next level.

Yeah, yeah,
the next level.

So look, I ordered us
shirts and hats with logos

and I was thinking maybe
we got matching shoes.

That'd be kinda cute if we
all had the same color shoes.

Yeah, yeah,
matching shoes...

What the fuck, you repeating
everything I say?

And look, the
main thing is...

we need to step up our
internet game. Social media.

You look like you know
your way around a computer.

Twitter, Facebook,

And we can tell people how
much shit costs so they

Oh, that's a great
idea, great idea.

How about we put our
address there so they know

where to find us?

- Oh!
- Yeah!

What are you guys
celebrating about?

You dumb fucking idiots.

You really wanna advertise
where we are, our address?

It's like telling the
feds, come arrest us,

come take us to jail.

I don't wanna go back
to jail, alright?

Oh my god, oh my god.

I cannot believe fucking
Poppy set me up with a

bunch of fake pussy
ass gangsters.

Poppy, Poppy, was
fucking wrong.

We know our shit.

I got this one.

So you really don't
like the shoe idea?

- How'd it go?
- Yeah, it was good.

What'd I miss, what'd I miss?
The shoes, right?

- I like the shoes.
- Shut the fuck up.

You guys, man.

You need to...

Nah, nah, nah, let me
show you how it's done.

- Hey, uh, need a date?
- Excuse me?

Uh, you need some weed?

What are you
new around here?

I don't recognize you.

Oh yeah, I just moved
here this week with my

half-brother, Trent.

Trent Cash?

Oh yeah, you know?

Same vagina,
different dick.

How do you know Trent?

I know everything there is
to know about Mr. Trent Cash.


You even know
about his dad?

His dad?

Yeah, that's
some crazy shit.

Imagine having the Bridgeport
Butcher to be your father.

Poor guy.

What a bum deal he got.

Yeah, Bridgeport Butcher.

So I guess if you're
friends with Trent, I'll

be seeing you around, huh?

I'm sure there's nothing
else I can do you for.

No, I think I'm good.

You've been really
helpful as it is.

Yo, it's too obvious, man.

Come on, hurry it up.

Get the fuck out of here.

I'll see you around, man.

That guy was cool, man.

Hey, I got 50 bucks, dude!

Hey, hey, we're all going
to Denny's, motherfucker.

Don't worry about it,
you'll be fine.

Uh... how long does
it have to be?

I don't know.


It's not a big deal.


Well actually, we do take
it kind of seriously

so if your story sucks they
may possible kill you. Possibly.

- Oh, that's it?
- Yeah.

- Mhm.
- Oh.

Please stop
worrying, Mr. Cash.

If I'm going to get laid
tonight, we need to start

this stuff soon, okay, okay?

Since I ended it last
year, I'm gonna start off

this year's gathering with
a little story I like to

call, Don't Turn
on the Lights.


Okay. So basically...

That was my first
day at Boy Scouts.

That was frightening.

- Disgusting.
- Thanks, man.

That was a really
good story.

Fuck off, Britney.

Alright, well that was
certainly a story.


Okay, uh...


Hm, no. Okay, then.

Trent, story time.

Uh, you know what?
I'll go.

I'll go next.

I have a good one.

Okay... So there were these
seven assholes sitting

at a campfire one night.

And among them was...

Okay, you're next.

Just to be safe, I'll go
over it one last time.

I have time for
that, right?

She just started her
story so I have...

That was it.
It was awesome.

- Alright!
- Thank you.

I brought it this year.
Not gonna lie.

Hell yeah, you
brought it, girl.

What's up? Alright.

Okay, okay, okay.
I guess uh...

I guess it looks like Trent
will be closing us out.

You got it, Trent.
You got this one, buddy.

Hey, make it quick.

- And good.
- Sure, okay.


For the approval of the
midnight association,

I submit the keyhole.


Now the weary business traveler,
he walks into this desolate...

And that's it.

And they never
found his eye.


I am never gonna
sleep again.


That was crazy, right?

That was so good.

Seriously, fuck
off, Britney.

That was terrifying.

Dude, what the fuck
happened to his eye?

Alright, alright, now that
we're done with that dog

and pony show, I have
a story of my own.

Oh god.

Dude, let's just
call it a night.

I said I have a story.

I mean, no offense, you're
this like politician guy now.

It's probably not
even gonna be scary.

Oh, it's
frightening indeed.

Scarier than your pussy
little fairytales you've

been telling tonight all
put together because my

story's based in truth and truth
can be very, very chilling.

Ripped from the
headlines, I like it.

Ripped from the
headlines, indeed.

It all starts with
a very bad man.

A man that's bad and
he just can't help it.

Something that's
inside him.

Something that
he was born with.

Have you ever heard of
the Bridgeport Butcher?

Yeah, yeah.

What, he comes back
from the dead, right?

Well not exactly.

Let's just say the
Bridgeport Butcher lives

through his children.

His son in particular.

His son was born
into pure evil.

And he's not just lost
somewhere in the world.

He's right here
in Mooseheart.

- What?
- No way.

It's the killings.

And he is sitting here among
us right at this campfire.

- No.
- See.

Sitting right next
to my Madison.

I knew there was something
strange about him.

Take it away, Trent.

Is this true?


Sort of.

It's really complicated.

What do you mean
it's complicated?

Yes or no.

Are you the son of the
Bridgeport Butcher, Trent?

Yeah, but it's not...

I am out of here.

Trent Modine, son of
Vincent Modine, the

Bridgeport Butcher, in
town just in time for

Pilmington's death.


Um, Brenda, maybe you
could help me clean up.

I did.

You whiney little slut.

Okay, thanks, sis.

Madison, wait.

This is where I one up
you and get the girl.

So you go and do whatever it
is that you do alone, okay?

Oh, and your story scared
the shit out of me.


Hey, don't worry about him.

He's kind of a jerk.

Fuck off, Britney.

- Sorry.
- I understand.


I'm gonna...

Take care.

Sorry about the mess.

Wait, please.

I swear I wasn't
gonna inhale.

I swear.

I'm a virgin.

Anybody here?

Is someone breaking
into my house?

Like a dumb
son of a bitch.



What are you doing
here, Trent?

I just wanted to talk.

Why are you
covered in eggs?

Oh, uh...

Fucking moron!

Bridgeport bitch.

Eventually I'll learn
how to make an omelet.

Anyway, you ran out pretty
quick the other night.

Could you blame me?

No, I don't blame you.

I would run, too.

I did run.

To Mooseheart.

But look, I am who I am.

My father was who he was.

It's not fair to
judge me on that.

That's what you
think I'm doing?

That's what
everyone's doing.

That's why I came
to Mooseheart.

I thought I could
get a fresh start.

I figured a town with such
a morbid history might

actually accept me
and I was wrong.

Yeah, you don't get it.

You don't get it at all.

This has nothing to do
with your father's past.

This has everything
to do with you lying.

And you don't lie.

Not to me.


You know what?

I'm done.

I feel like a cop or a
robber or some shit.

- Gotta focus, man.
- Okay, okay.

Dude, holy shit, Trey.

This is real fucking
murder scene.

I told you, man. I wouldn't
make some shit like that up.

I saw them wrapping up the
scene when I was on my way

back from Madison's house.

I know these cops have
missed something.

We gotta get in there.
We gotta find these clues.

And find out who this
killer is and clear my name.

Oh, this is spooky!

Hey, look at me, dude.

I'm Patch.

He who has the
weed has the power.

We're supposed to be
looking for clues.

Relax, Sherlock Homo.

The cops already
came through here.

Doubt you're gonna find
anything that they missed.

Then why are you here?

Uh, to get his weed shit
and from what I remember,

dead people don't
smoke weed that much.

Oh, dude!

The cops left
all this shit.

Bro, the fuck!

New scale.

Holy shit.

What the fuck.

The killer was
wearing shoes.

- Good.
- Dude!

What the fuck
am I doing here?



Candy corn.

I'm good, dude.
I haven't smoked yet.

No, no, no. Look.

There's candy corn
all over the floor.

Oh, shit.

You think the candy
corn killer's behind

all these killings?

Either that or it was
left here to distract us.


Who would wanna
kill Patch?

I mean, there's gotta be a
rhyme, a reason, a pattern, uh.


Okay, so the killings
started right after we

moved to Mooseheart.

I didn't do it.

Who else came to Mooseheart
around the same time?

I don't know.

Connor Price.

- Who the fuck--
- God, I knew it!

Who is that?

A fucking psycho.

Who the fuck's
Connor Price?

Oh, it makes sense.

Still can't figure out though
how he knew about me and my dad.

I mean, nobody knew
about that except us.

And that guy you told.

Joey, what guy?

Oh, it was a good looking
dude I sold weed to.

He said you told
him everything.

He had sparkly eyes.

Kind of has a six pack and
he's got like a nice ass.

He drives fancy
sports car.

He's like a model
looking dude.

You told Connor
Price about me?

- About my dad?
- He said he knew everything!

Are you outside of
your fucking mind?

Joey, what was the main reason
that we moved to Mooseheart?

So I can put that
nonsense behind me.

How could you?
What, you got a joke?

Tell me a fucking joke. You
got another fucking joke?

Calm down, bro. Relax.

It doesn't even matt--


What did you do?

You ruined everything.

You ruined everything!

You ruined everything
because you wanted to move

to this shithole town
because you're too much of

a pussy to face the music.

You're not even
my real brother.

You better hope you
didn't break this nose.

This is a fucking Picasso.

Piece of shit.

Thanks, stop with
the applause.

Thank you...

Please, stop.

There'll be time for
pictures and for talking.

This press conference
will be brief.

My sole intention today is
to bring attention to the

string of murders that have
hit our quirky little town.

Thankfully, the police,
they do have a key suspect.

Now we cannot say the name
of this person at this

time though I will
tell you right now.

He is the son of the
Bridgeport Butcher.

He recently moved
to Mooseheart.

They also found candy corn
at the scene of the murder.


Uh, questions.

I didn't say anything.

What he asked was, will we
still have the Halloween

party at city hall?

Well, of course it will.

My goodness, the
Mooseheart Halloween Bash,

well it is the stuff of legends,
I think we can all say that.

Nobody celebrates
Halloween like we do.


Tootie, take a picture.

You know some people, they say
that our little town is haunted.

And that is has been since
1984 and the candy corn murders.

Murders, which by the way,
have never been solved.

Is it the same person?

Well tune in to
find out Mooseheart.

I'm out.

Hey, Gary!

Holy shit!


Look, I'm gonna call the...

Shit, man.

I knew it.

Have a happy and
safe Halloween.

Let's get back to
some spooky tunes.

The happy Halloween
girls are here.

What the hell are you
doing here, Trent?


No, no, you know what?

You need to leave.

I know who the killer is.


That tiny little toothpick
killed all those people. Really?


I found it at the
scene of Gary's murder.

Oh, and um...

Gary's dead.

Has Connor been here?

What, no!

Connor is... It's
Halloween night.

He's at his daddy's Halloween
bash handling his work.

Wait, I'm sorry.
Gary's dead?

Yeah, yeah,
sorry about that.

And uh, Patch, too.

And your friend, Britney.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wait, who is Patch?

Slimy, druglord that owned
that little makeshift

pumpkin patch thing on
the side of the garage.

Oh! God, that's so sad.

Yeah, yeah, he was
a really nice guy.

Anyway, I'm gonna go find
Connor and I'm gonna stop him.

Okay, well then, I'm
gonna come with you.

Are you seriously gonna play
the cliché hero guy right now?

Especially dressed in your
little tight, tight pants?

Okay, fine, you can come.

Let's go.

Fuck, that was so crazy, dude.

Holy shit, I've never done
anything fucking like that--

Dude, we should've brought
fucking Spanky with us.

What made you think we
should expand, dude?

Mooseheart's not
good enough for you?

Because we didn't need
fucking Spanky for this one.

You know he doesn't see our
vision and I told you, alright?

Now that Patch is out of
the picture, we need to

send a message that
we're running this shit.

Remember, he who has
the weed has the power.

So we need all the
fucking weed, bro!

Dude, but you could've
atleast warned me that

we're gonna double cross
those two mother fuckers.

You know what?
You got a bad poker face.

You remember the other night
when we were playing poker.

- Yes.
- You were fucking terrible.

Dude, it's not
the same thing.

Why are you being a
little bitch, dude?

We got the drugs
and the money.

Alright, dude. You are losing
your fucking mind, alright?

Fucking, dude... this
isn't how we do business.

You know what? I don't like
your tone with me lately.

You've been acting
like a little--

Oh shit!

Dude, the fucking
cops, dude!

- Yeah!
- Dude, hide that shit.

Put the fucking gun away.

- Dude, no way.
- Put it away.

I know how this shit goes
down, man, and I'm not

going back to prison, bro.

You've been to prison.

Oh, we gotta talk more.

Is it true what they say in the
showers with the other men

or is that just in the
movies? I just gotta know.

Dude, that shit
does not go down.

But I'm not letting that shit
happen to me again, bro.

Alright, dude, just trust me.
Just put the shit away

and do as I say, alright?
I got this covered.

- I got it covered!
- How? How?

Just get your cellphone
out, trust me.

Get your phone out.

Get it on fucking
camera mode.

Oh shit.

Cover this shit.
Cover the fucking shit, dude.

Okay, sir, I'm gonna
need you to--

Hey, hey, hey!

I'm just exercising
my rights, officer.

- This is completely legal.
- Y'all have a good night.

That's right.

That's what you get
for taking my weed.

- What's today?
- Halloween, dude.

Oh shit. Go to the bash,
go to the bash!

- The bash, the bash!
- Oh shit.

Okay, okay.

Just go straight.


♪ Take me by the hand,
I'll show you wonderland ♪

♪ The trees of gold
and violet skies ♪

♪ With ghouls and
pretty faces ♪

♪ All the wrong places

♪ Sour diesel cherry pie

♪ So shake it up now

♪ We got that loud now

Well, nothing like a
serial killer on the loose

to dampen spirits.

Brenda, where's Connor?

Oh, he's on the step with
his dad taking photos,

but I have to warn you,
this party sucks.

Cool costume.

Who are you
supposed to be?


Huh, I like that one.

Here, come on.
We gotta go.

Oh, perfect.

The cops are here.

Get your asses over there.

Arrest him.

Connor Price.

He's the one that
killed those people.

Mr. Mayor, sir...

How would you like
to handle this?

I want you to arrest them
and I want you to tase them.

Oh. Fuck that.


Madison, are you okay?

Let's go and get
'em in the car.

That's gotta hurt.

Okay, well look, I'm
gonna go to my office.

Perhaps you should
do the same.

We have a lot of work to
do and this party sucks.

Of course, dad.

You better realize...

You see all this?

Okay, and I'm not talking
about this shithole Mooseheart.

This United States of America
will be yours, Connor, one day.

These are important times.

You got, you got that?

- This is nothing but flab!
- I'm stressed.

Do some pushups,
you lazy asshole!

Look what I've done
to stay together.

Trick or treat!

How about both, huh?

Here you go.

How's about a
chocolate for you two?

How about a sucker?

Hey, hey!

Where's Trent?

Hey, nice outfit.

Oh, thank you.

Cops, got him.

They think he's the
candy corn killer.

Oh shit!

We need your help, man.

Yeah, probably not a bad
idea to get out of here.

I got an idea, come on!

This way.

These people crazy.

Absolutely nuts.

Well, you know, I've seen
a lot in my day and I

haven't told you the half.

I bet you haven't.

- You okay?
- No.

I don't like it in there.

It hurts bad.


What, what?


How are we gonna
get out of here now?

Don't worry, I got this.



That's what you got?

Any second now.

Seriously, stop
it, stop it!

Hey, hey, hey!
Knock it off back there.

Officers, you have
the wrong person.

Connor Price,
he's the murderer.

Do the right thing and
arrest that douchebag.

What is this?

Freak show pushing a cart.
What the hell?

Oh, I bet he got some
wild stuff in there.

Well we got room in the
back for one more.

Alright, let's do it.


What's the problem here?


Well you know you gotta get the
cart off the side of the road.

It's the law.

- Is it?
- Mhm.

We're gonna have to take a
look inside your cart to

ensure our safety.

As well as
yours, of course.

That is such bullshit,
man, but it still works.

Are you some
kind of freak?

Ugh, white people.

Yeah, stocking up on toys.

I'm playing Santa at
the mall this year.

Well sir, I'm gonna have to
ask you to spread your legs.


If you insist.

Mhm, aren't you
spreading ready, huh?


- His ass like that.
- A little to the left.

Oh! Ah!

Don't hurt him, Sheila.

Don't hurt him.

Shh! Shh!

- Who the hell is that?
- I don't know.

Joey, what the
fuck are you doing?

No, I'm rescuing my
brother and best friend

and his smoking
hot girlfriend.

Oh, nice work, Trent.

I know. Take the compliment.
Come on, get out of here.

Go, go, go. Just go
this way. Go this way.

- Trey.
- Go, go, go, go!

Come on, buddy.

How are we going to
get these cuffs off?

Don't worry. Quincy knows how
to shoot them off. Come on.

Hey, man, I'm really
sorry about before.

Oh, don't worry about it.
I still love you, baby.

We gotta get back over
there so I can confront

Connor with this evidence.

Where the hell
are we going?

Mayor's office.

I think Connor's
still with him.



There's not one brain
cell among these idiots.

Not show up to my party?


You will pay for that.

Oh, but who's gonna
be good to daddy now?

That's nice, thank you.

Wait a minute, why
aren't you in jail?

- Where is he?
- Who?

He has gorgeous eyes,
great physique, most

likely well-endowed.

Connor, where is he?

He's sick and he
needs to be stopped.

He is in his own
office working hard.

Let's go.

You stay here. It could
get really dangerous.

I gotta stop taking
so many bong hits.

There he is!

Connor, freeze.

I see the local police
are not doing their job.

You're done killing
people, man.

What are you
babbling about?

Why'd you kill all those
people, hot stuff, huh?

Wait, you think I killed
all those people?

Thank you.

Okay, Hardy boys, uh...

Found it at Gary's place
after you pulled a Michael

Myers on him.

Halloween, a real
horror movie finally.

You know, you really should
stop chewing toothpicks.

It's a bad habit and it's
gonna ruin that perfect smile.

Yeah, I know. It's a bad habit
I picked up from my dad.

- Oh!
- Oh shit.


Yeah, that's right.
Uh huh.

Yeah, Mayor Price,

Yeah, these
guys get here...

No, no, no, no.


I will see you soon.
I better.

Okay, swat team is on
their way here, Madison.

Oh, come on,
you poor thing.

Relax, look.

Look, Madison, relax.

Please, come
here, come here.

I take care of problems like
this every day so you know what

were gonna do? We're gonna
relax a little, okay?

- Okay.
- Loosen up, just loosen up.

Let's... wow.

What do you say
we breathe, huh?

Let's breathe in.

Yeah, get that
chest out there.

Oh, boy.
Now breathe out.

Oh yeah, nice.

Breathe in again.

I certainly know why
Connor likes you.

Oh boy, you're
caring, you're smart.

Ooh, you have smooth
skin like Britney.

You know, I think I
got something to do.

You're not going anywhere.

I knew it was you.

Ooh! Whoa!

You're gonna take me on?

I know krav maga, bitch.

Oh, god, this is funny.

Oh, you're so scary.

Oh, please don't hurt me.

Don't hurt the
mayor, please.

What do you got?

Well bring it, that was
nothing. I laughed at that.

- Oh, you laughed?
- I laughed at that.

How you like that
shit, Kentucky?

You only get one more.


Trick or treat!


What, what are you doing?

What the fuck is that?

Are you decorating me?

Oh, you want this?

- Come on.
- You're Colonel Sanders.

Bring it in, bring it in.

I bet they didn't teach
you that in krav maga.

That was certainly

Why are you people
so much trouble?

Can't you just do what
you're supposed to do?

Because you, young lady,
you were supposed to be

Connor's trophy wife.


He needs that.

But you can't do that so
that means that I have

no use for you.

And you see, when people
get in the way, people die.

- Wake up!
- Dad!

Are you kidding me?

I was just gonna...


Oh, that hurts.

- Oh, that, that hurts!
- I'm so sorry.

Madison. Madison.

It's the kidney,
it's the kidney.

No, no, I know
because of the urine.

It's the worse than the rectal
I got from the elephant man.

Oh, this is bad.

Oh, no, no, things
are going black.

- Things are going black.
- Oh, dad, dad, dad.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Why did you do this?

You were gonna
stab that dickhead.

I thought the gays were
supposed to be peaceful.

Wait a minute, you know?

Oh, please, of
course I know.

I was hoping that Madison
could turn you, but well,

she's just not hot enough.

No, she's not.

- You're totally hot.
- Duh.

Why did you kill
all those people?

I mean, what was he guilty of
besides wearing bad sweaters?

No, he was gonna go to the
media and let the people

know that I was
blackmailing him.

I couldn't let
that happen.

Especially during
a campaign season.

And what about Pilmington?

He was running
against me for mayor.


Well what about Patch?

He who has the weed...

Has the power!

I know, save your breath.

You're dying, mayor.

What about that
poor Britney girl?

Seriously, you want me
to explain that to you?

No, no, no, no.

We get that one.

But dad, we're Prices.

We don't need to murder
people to get what we want.

Son, I did it
for Mooseheart.


This town it thrives
on murder mysteries.

Okay? It's already
boosted the economy.

Wait, are you the
candy corn killer?

Are you the candy
corn killer?

Which by the way, before I die,
I'd like to cop a feel.

No, I am not, but I did
drop some candy corn just

to create some buzz.

- Connor, come here.
- Dad, I'm here, I'm here.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry, dad.

I don't believe your
sorry, but I want you to

know that I am sorry for
trying to make you into

someone who you weren't.

It's alright, dad.
It's alright.

I'm guessing this is the end
of my reelection campaign.

It is definitely.


Yes, dad.

Where are you?

I'm here.

Connor, here, here.

This is very important.

Don't let the people
know that I did it.

But dad, you slaughtered
like three people.

I think... Yeah, it's
too late for that.

No, no, it would
ruin the town.

No, no, a political
scandal is the last thing

No, just tell them that
their wonderful mayor, he

was one of the
killer's victims.

And that will legitimize
the town is truly scary

and haunted...

And unsafe.


Oh, sorry, I was
snapchatting this.

Are we doing a bit?

Uh, this town is...

Too late. Mayor's dead.
I tried.

We're not seriously gonna
just swipe this under the rug.


He's the hero that
Mooseheart needs.

Our silent guardian.

Our watchful protector.

He ain't doing any
of that. He's dead.

Oh, Dark Knight.

Not a horror movie
technically, but I get it.

You are my protector and
my hero, Trent Modine.

Stupid movie references.

I don't even own a--


Take me to the lambo.


♪ He who got the
weed got the power ♪

♪ I'll meet you at
your crib in an hour ♪

♪ Got the best green
on the block ♪

♪ If you don't got my money
you can suck my cock ♪

♪ You know I got my
white boys with me ♪

that I am super, super
grateful for the opportunity.

You will not be
disappointed in me.

I'm gonna be the best
intern you have ever seen.

Um, what about
this box Mr. Mayor?


And you're sure that you
want iCarly on a 24 hour

loop in every room
in the building?



Want a sucker?

Oh, thank you, Mr. Mayor.

Uh, I will get
right on that.

And they never will.