Hairspray (2007) - full transcript

Tracy Turnblad, an overweight teenager with all the right moves, is obsessed with the Corny Collins Show. Every day after school, she and her best friend Penny run home to watch the show and drool over the hot Link Larkin, much to Tracy's mother Edna's dismay. After one of the stars of the show leaves, Corny Collins holds auditions to see who will be the next person on the Corny Collins show. With all of the help of her friend Seaweed, Tracy makes it on the show, angering the evil dance queen Amber Von Tussle and her mother Velma. Tracy then decides that it's not fair that the black kids can only dance on the Corny Collins Show once a month, and with the help of Seaweed, Link, Penny, Motormouth Maybelle, her father and Edna, she's going to integrate the show.....without denting her 'do!

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Woke up today ♪

♪ Feeling the way ♪

♪ I always do ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Hungry for something

that I can't eat ♪

♪ Then I hear that beat ♪

♪ That rhythm of town

starts calling me down ♪

♪ It's like a message

from high above ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Pulling me out to the smiles

and the streets that I love ♪

Good morning, Baltimore.

♪ Good morning, Baltimore ♪

♪ Every day's like an open door ♪

♪ Every night is a fantasy ♪

♪ Every sound's like a symphony ♪

♪ Good morning, Baltimore ♪

♪ And someday when I

take to the floor ♪

♪ The world's gonna

wake up and see ♪

♪ Baltimore and me ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Look at my hair ♪

♪ What 'do can compare

with mine today? ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ I've got my

hairspray and radio ♪

♪ I'm ready to go ♪

♪ The rats on the street ♪

♪ All dance around my feet ♪

♪ They seem to say,

"Tracy, it's up to you" ♪

♪ So oh, oh, don't hold me back ♪

♪ Because today all my

dreams will come true ♪

♪ Good morning, Baltimore ♪

♪ There's the flasher

who lives next door ♪

♪ There's the bum on

his barroom stool ♪

♪ They wish me luck

on my way to school ♪

♪ Good morning, Baltimore ♪

♪ And someday when I

take to the floor ♪

♪ The world's gonna

wake up and see ♪

♪ Baltimore and me ♪

♪ I know every step ♪

♪ I know every song ♪

♪ I know there's a

place where I belong ♪

♪ I see all those party

lights shining ahead ♪

♪ So someone invite me

before I drop dead ♪

♪ Before she drops dead ♪

♪ So oh, oh, give me a chance ♪

♪ Because when I start to

dance I'm a movie star ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Something inside of

me makes me move ♪

♪ When I hear that groove ♪

♪ My ma tells me no ♪

♪ But my feet tell me "go" ♪

♪ It's like a drummer

inside my heart ♪

♪ So oh, oh, don't make me wait ♪

♪ One more moment for

my life to start ♪

♪ I love you, Baltimore ♪

♪ Every day's like an open door ♪

♪ Every night is a fantasy ♪

♪ Every sound's like a symphony ♪

♪ And I promise, Baltimore ♪

♪ That someday when I

take to the floor ♪

♪ The world's gonna

wake up and see ♪

♪ Gonna wake up and see ♪

♪ Baltimore and me ♪

♪ Yes, more or less,

we all agree ♪

♪ Baltimore and me ♪

♪ Someday the world is gonna see ♪

♪ Baltimore and me ♪

Mount Everest is the most

famous, but not the highest...

geographical point on this earth.

Now, who can tell me what that is?

Excuse me, Miss Whimsy?

I can't see the board again.

Tracy Turnblad.

If I have to write you up...

for inappropriate hair

height one more time...

you will be removed to detention.

Miss Wimsey, what am

I supposed to do?

Hair can't just hang there like

a dead thing on your cheeks.

I mean, well... you

know what I mean.

I...

As I said, it is

not Mount Everest.

Now, next week we

will be talking...

about earthquakes and volcanoes.

And as exciting as

that might sound...

we have to look back

approximately 60 million years.

Now, if you turn your pages...

we are going to start

with the Ring of Fire.

I want you to contemplate

what causes...

the separation of

the two components.

Penny, come on, hurry.

Outta my way.

Push. We're late.

- One minute to air.

- Ok.

40 to go.

Don't change that channel.

Coming up next. The

Corny Collins Show.

30 seconds.

- Hiya, Dad.

- Goodbye.

Hi.

It's my daughter.

10 seconds. Places, everyone.

Hurry up, Penny, we're missing it.

My mum says I'm not

allowed to perspire.

Hey there, teenage Baltimore.

Don't change that channel

because it's time...

for The Corny Collins Show...

Brought to you by Ultra

Clutch hairspray.

♪ Oh, every afternoon when

the clock strikes four ♪

♪ Bop bee ba ba ba

ba ba ba bee ba ♪

♪ Well, a crazy bunch of kids

crash through that door, yeah ♪

♪ Bop bee ba ba ba

ba ba ba bee ba ♪

♪ Well, they throw

off their coats ♪

♪ And leave the squares behind ♪

♪ And then they shake it,

shake it, shake it ♪

♪ Like they're losing their mind ♪

♪ You'll never see them frown ♪

♪ Because they're the

nicest kids in town ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Oh, every afternoon you

turn your TV on, huh ♪

♪ Naa Na Na Na Na Na Na Na ♪

♪ Yeah, we know you

turn the sound up ♪

♪ When your parents

are gone, yeah ♪

♪ Naa Na Na Na Na Na Na Na ♪

♪ Then you twist and shout

for your favourite star ♪

♪ And when you've

practised every step ♪

♪ That's in your repertoire ♪

♪ You better come on down ♪

♪ And meet the nicest

kids in town ♪

Whoo.

♪ Nice white kids who

like to lead the way ♪

♪ And once a month we

have our Negro Day ♪

♪ And I'm the man who

keeps it spinning round ♪

♪ Mr. Corny Collins with

the latest greatest ♪

♪ Baltimore sound ♪

♪ So, every afternoon

drop everything ♪

Whoo.

♪ Bop bee ba ba ba

ba ba ba bee ba ♪

♪ Who needs to read and write ♪

♪ When you can dance

and sing, yeah ♪

♪ Bop bee ba ba ba

ba ba ba bee ba ♪

♪ Forget about your

algebra and calculus ♪

♪ You can always do your

homework on the morning bus ♪

♪ Can't tell a verb from a noun ♪

♪ They're the nicest

kids in town ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

R... r... r... role call.

I'm Amber.

Brad.

- Tammy.

- Fender.

- Brenda.

- Sketch.

- Shelley.

- IQ.

Lou Ann.

- Joey.

- Mikey.

- Vicki.

- Becky.

- Bix.

- Jesse.

- Darla.

- Paulie.

- Noreen.

- Doreen.

And I'm... Link.

♪ So, if every night

you're shaking ♪

♪ As you lie in bed ♪

♪ Mony, mony ♪

♪ Shake it, baby ♪

♪ And the bass and drums are

pounding in your head ♪

♪ Mony, mony, ooh, mony, mony ♪

♪ Who cares about sleep when

you can snooze in school ♪

♪ You'll never get to college

but you'll sure look cool ♪

♪ Don't need a cap or a gown ♪

♪ When you're the

nicest kids in town ♪

They must think my

ears are garbage cans.

Would you turn that racket down?

I'm trying to iron here.

♪ Nicest kids in ♪

♪ Kids in town, whoo ♪

Ma, it's not racket. It's

The Corny Collins Show.

Well, it's turning

your brains into mud.

Mrs. Turnblad, it's a new dance.

The Stricken Chicken.

Well, I can't hear myself think.

How am I supposed to

negotiate pleats?

Edna?

I'm in here, Prudy.

What's that racket?

Tracy.

Edna, is my laundry ready?

Yep.

That'll be $3.00, hon.

That's pretty pricey for

a pair of petty pants.

Well, I'm sorry, Prudy...

but some of your

personal stains...

required pounding with a rock.

I'm sure I don't

know what you mean.

You're letting her listen

to that race music again?

My daughter spends every afternoon

at the Stamp and Coin Club.

Oh, really? Well,

your daughter hap...

Oh, what is that?

The Waving Raven?

It's a little twitchy.

Oh, you wanna play

Charades now. All right.

Ok, go ahead.

You.

Penny.

No.

Tracy Turnblad, are you

trying to tell me...

that... that Penny

didn't get permission...

from her mother to be here?

What?

Penny.

You are banned from this house.

You will never watch

that show again.

Without that show I have nothing.

Having nothing builds character.

Toodle-oo, Edna.

Give 'em a hand, folks.

All right, all right.

And, once again, that's

the Stricken Chicken.

We will be right back for some

more of that hot Detroit sound.

And we're off.

Corny.

"Detroit sound"?

What's that, the cries

of people being mugged?

Aw, Velma, the kids dig

the rhythm and blues.

Yeah, they're kids, Corny.

That's why we have to steer

them in the white direction.

Right direction?

Didn't I say that?

I'll do it.

You try that again and there'll be

stumps where your feet should be.

You got that? You little whore...

Amber.

Holy moly. Baby.

Good job dancing today.

- It's time.

- Ah.

Link.

Amber.

Ah.

- Amber.

- Amber, Amber, Amber.

Save your personal life

for the cameras, sweetie.

Oh. Shiny.

Tammy, Lou Ann, you're gonna die.

Speaking of cameras, did

you have a nice nap?

If you'd do your job, my daughter

wouldn't have to

fight to be visible.

I gotta show some of the

other kids once in a while.

You know, this is a small city.

There aren't that many stations.

This time next year you

could be wearing...

an ill-fitting tux, snapping

bar mitzvah photos.

I don't know.

♪ It takes two, baby ♪

Show Link.

This is nuts. She

can't even dance.

Plastic little spastic.

Oh, Link. I can dance so

much better than her.

Why don't you notice me at school?

♪ Ooh ♪

Hey, that was our very own Link

Larkin singing It Takes Two.

And I'm Motormouth

Maybelle reminding...

the last Tuesday of this month's

your rhythm and blues day.

That's right. Negro Day

will be coming your way.

So don't... Over here.

Thank you.

So, catch all the crooning

when you all set and tune in.

Thank you, Motormouth.

And now it's time to...

Owner's coming. He'll call

my mother again, let's go.

Very own fun-loving...

Hey.

Come on up here, Brenda.

What?

Brenda will be taking a leave

of absence from the show.

How long you gonna

be gone, Brenda?

Just nine months.

Seems like we'll have an opening

here on the show for a girl...

just as fun-loving but maybe

not quite as freewheeling.

Wanna be one of the

nicest kids in town?

Cut school tomorrow and come down

to station WYZT to audition.

- No.

- But, Ma.

Don't test me, Tracy Turnblad.

My diet pill's wearing off.

But come on.

No one is auditioning for

anything in this household.

But why not? Why not?

Because dancing is

not your future.

One day you're gonna own

Edna's Occidental Laundry.

I don't wanna be a laundress.

I wanna be famous.

Look, if you wanna be famous...

learn how to take blood

outta car upholstery.

That's a skill you can

take right to the bank.

Hey, hey. What's all

this ruckus in here?

Not a word.

Daddy, tomorrow I'm auditioning

to dance on a TV show.

- No, she is not.

- You are?

First the hair, now this?

But all the kids are batting

up their hair now, hon.

You're no help.

It's "ratting," Daddy.

And our first lady,

Jacqueline Kennedy, does it.

I don't believe that.

What do you mean, you

don't believe that?

- I don't.

- How else would it look that way?

I believe that it

is naturally stiff.

She doesn't understand anything.

Dancing on that show is my dream.

I know.

Just because she wouldn't know a

dream if it bit her on the nose.

Well, I have information

for you, Missy.

I once had a dream that I owned

a coin-operated laundromat...

and I came down from that cloud

real quickly, I'll tell you that.

No.

- Oh, Wilbur.

- Fine. I'm going to my room.

She thinks I'm being mean but

I'm not. Those TV people...

they don't pick people like

Tracy, or girls like us.

They're gonna hurt her, Wilbur.

I'll talk to her.

Ooh.

Ok. Talk to her.

I'll talk to her.

Don't you worry.

Ok.

What?

Tracy, this TV thing.

You really want it?

With all my heart.

Then you go for it.

This is America, babe.

You gotta think big to be big.

Big ain't the problem

in this family, Wilbur.

You follow your dream.

Mine came true, and now I have the

most precious thing in the world.

The Taj Mahal of joke shops.

Heh heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh heh.

Back step, cha-cha-cha.

Side step, front step.

Back and turn.

Front step, cha-cha-cha.

Tammy, sharper.

Side step, front step.

Back, again.

Oh, my God, Penny, there's Link.

Link.

Penny, pinch me.

Ow.

You told me to.

I can't believe I'm

really here auditioning.

Side step, front step.

I can't believe I'm really

here watching you audition.

Front step, cha-cha-cha.

Back step, cha-cha-cha.

Side step, front step.

Back and turn, oh, Amber.

Look at this motley crew.

Oh. This town sure

has gone downhill...

since I was crowned

Miss Baltimore Crabs.

♪ Oh, my God, how

times have changed ♪

♪ These girls must be blind

or completely deranged ♪

♪ But time seemed to halt ♪

♪ When I was Miss

Baltimore Crabs ♪

Amber, that move is far too dirty.

Mother, wake up from

that dream of yours.

- This isn't 1930.

- Ha ha ha.

♪ You can laugh but

life's a test ♪

♪ Don't do this, don't do that ♪

♪ Remember, Mother knows best ♪

♪ For the crown's in the vault ♪

♪ From when I won Miss

Baltimore Crabs ♪

♪ These steps are

perfect ammunition ♪

♪ Let me show you how your mommy

dear took out the competition ♪

Girls, go get 'em.

Boys, let's rumba.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.

♪ Those poor runner-ups might

still hold some grudges ♪

♪ They padded their cups

but I screwed the judges ♪

♪ Those broads thought

they'd win if a plate ♪

♪ They would spin in their dance ♪

♪ Not a chance Boys, put me down ♪

Oh, good morning, ladies.

Let's see what you got.

♪ Twist, twist, twist, twist

mashed potato, mambo ♪

♪ Ready, begin ♪

♪ On my show you'll never find ♪

♪ A thrusting hip

or bump and grind ♪

♪ What's that? A dance

for fleas and ticks? ♪

♪ Oh, you should of

seen my bag of tricks ♪

♪ Oh, I hit the stage

batons ablaze ♪

♪ While belting Aida and

preparing soufflés ♪

♪ But that triple somersault ♪

♪ Is how I clinched

Miss Baltimore Crabs ♪

Proceed.

♪ Are you scared we're on live? ♪

♪ No, I'm sure I can cope ♪

♪ Well, this show

isn't broadcast in ♪

♪ Cinemascope ♪

♪ I never drank one

chocolate malt ♪

♪ No desserts for Miss

Baltimore Crabs ♪

♪ This one will never get a date ♪

♪ In those hand-me-down clothes ♪

♪ Ha. Kid, she'll never get a date

till Daddy buys her a new nose ♪

♪ I would say "Oy, gevalt" ♪

♪ If I wasn't Miss

Baltimore Crabs ♪

♪ Do you dance like you dress? ♪

♪ Amber, there's no

need to be cruel ♪

♪ Would you swim in

an integrated pool? ♪

I sure would.

I'm all for integration.

It's the new frontier.

Not in Baltimore, it isn't.

And may I be frank?

♪ First impressions can be tough ♪

♪ And when I saw you, I knew it ♪

♪ If your size weren't enough ♪

♪ Your last answer just blew it ♪

♪ And so, my dear,

so short and stout ♪

♪ You'll never be in ♪

♪ So we're kicking you out ♪

♪ With your form and your face ♪

♪ Aw, well, it isn't your fault ♪

♪ You're just down with a case ♪

♪ Of Miss Baltimore Crabs ♪

You may go.

Thank you?

I think they secretly liked you.

Cutting my class, Tracy Turnblad?

I trust it was something

really important.

It should've been.

♪ Gimme a break, yeah. Right now ♪

♪ Got a brand-new sound,

so scream and shout ♪

Hey. Hey.

♪ With a funky rhythm ♪

♪ It's a brand-new

look that you can ♪

Whoo.

♪ There's a party

grooving let's get down ♪

What you looking at?

Nothing. Not you.

Can I help you?

That move's swish.

Ya got that right.

The man can dine me on

a diet of detention...

so long as he don't starve

me of my tunes, baby.

- Does that dance have a name?

- Oh, this?

Call it the "Peyton

Place After Midnight."

I use it to attract,

the opposite sex.

Wow.

That is so groovy.

You're really good.

Why, thank you.

So would it be kinda like this?

You can't do that dance.

Hello, now.

Not bad for a white chick.

Hey, I know where

I've seen you before.

Where?

On Corny's show on Negro Day.

Negro Day's the best.

I wish every day were Negro Day.

At our house, it is.

Hey. Show me another one?

You wanna see another one.

Well... well, here's a little

something signified to say...

Hello, my name is Seaweed...

Oh, oh, oh.

J...

Stubbs.

What's yours, baby?

I'm Tra-cy Turn-blad.

You're gonna get it, white girl.

Well, Tracy, you got

it going on, girl.

You one of us.

You're joining this program

already in progress.

Well, let's go.

♪ Whoo ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Got a brand-new sound,

so scream and shout ♪

♪ Hey, a funky beat, now

let's be hurrying ♪

Whoa.

♪ We can't wait now ♪

♪ Have some fun ♪

♪ This party now has just begun ♪

No, I get who Caesar is.

But what's the "Ideas of March"?

I mean, how can a

month have an idea?

Hold on.

Come on.

♪ Come on and watch

me strut my stuff ♪

♪ Watch me ♪

♪ Come on and watch me ♪

How you liking detention now?

I'm a bad, bad girl who

needs to be punished.

♪ Ohh ♪

Hey.

You know, Corny's hosting

the hop tomorrow.

If he saw you dancing like that...

he'd put you on the show.

- See ya.

- Mm.

Ah, whoa. Sorry, little darling.

Hope I didn't dent your 'do.

See you all later.

Hey, Trace. I was looking for you.

What?

♪ I can hear the bells ♪

What? What are you talking about?

♪ Well, don't-cha

hear 'em chime? ♪

Chime's not exactly

how I'd put it.

♪ Can't you feel my heartbeat

keeping perfect time? ♪

♪ And all because he ♪

♪ Touched me ♪

♪ He looked at me and stared ♪

♪ Yes, he bumped me ♪

♪ My heart was unprepared ♪

♪ When he tapped me ♪

♪ And knocked me off my feet ♪

♪ One little touch now

my life's complete ♪

♪ Because when he nudged me ♪

Oh.

♪ Love put me in a fix ♪

♪ Yes, it hit me ♪

♪ Just like a ton of bricks ♪

♪ Yes, my heart burst ♪

♪ Now I know what life's about ♪

♪ One little touch and

love's knocked me out ♪

♪ And I can hear the bells ♪

♪ My head is spinning ♪

♪ I can hear the bells ♪

♪ Something's beginning ♪

♪ Everybody says that a

girl who looks like me ♪

♪ Can't win his love ♪

♪ Well, just wait and see ♪

♪ Because I can hear the bells ♪

♪ Just hear them chiming ♪

♪ I can hear the bells ♪

♪ My temperature's climbing ♪

♪ I can't contain my joy ♪

♪ Because I finally

found the boy ♪

♪ I've been missing ♪

♪ Listen, I can hear the bells ♪

♪ Round one ♪

♪ He'll ask me on

a date and then ♪

♪ Round two ♪

♪ I'll primp but won't

be late because ♪

♪ Round three ♪

♪ Is when we kiss inside his car ♪

♪ Won't go all the way but

I'll go pretty fa-ar ♪

♪ Round four ♪

♪ He'll ask me for

my hand and then ♪

♪ Round five ♪

♪ We'll book the

wedding band so by ♪

♪ Round six ♪

♪ Amber, much to your surprise ♪

♪ This heavyweight

champion takes the prize ♪

♪ And I can hear the bells ♪

♪ My ears are ringing ♪

♪ I can hear the bells ♪

♪ The bridesmaids are singing ♪

♪ Everybody says that a

guy who's such a gem ♪

♪ Won't look my way ♪

♪ Well, the laugh's on them ♪

♪ Because I can hear the bells ♪

♪ My father will smile ♪

♪ I can hear the bells ♪

♪ As he walks me down the aisle ♪

♪ My mother starts to cry ♪

♪ But I can't see because Link

and I are French kissing ♪

♪ Listen, I can hear the bells ♪

♪ Ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ♪

♪ I can hear the bells ♪

♪ My head is reeling ♪

♪ I can hear the bells ♪

♪ I can't stop the pealing ♪

♪ Everybody warns that he

won't like what he'll see ♪

♪ But I know that he'll

look inside of me ♪

♪ Yeah, I can hear the bells ♪

♪ Today's just the start because ♪

♪ I can hear the bells ♪

♪ Until death do us part and ♪

♪ Even when we die we'll

look down from up above ♪

♪ Remembering the night

that we two fell in love ♪

♪ We both will shed a tear ♪

♪ And he'll whisper as

we're reminiscing ♪

♪ Listen, I can hear the bells ♪

♪ She can hear the bells ♪

♪ I can hear the bells ♪

♪ She can hear the bells ♪

♪ I can hear the bells ♪

♪ Bum, bum, bum ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ Hey, little girl with

the cash to burn ♪

♪ Well, I'm selling something

you won't return ♪

♪ Hey, little girl,

take me off the shelf ♪

♪ Because it's hard having

fun playing with yourself ♪

♪ Once you bounce through

the whole selection ♪

♪ Shake those hips

in my direction ♪

♪ Bringing back gifts

she never did see ♪

♪ Take me home and

then unwrap me ♪

♪ Shop around but, little

darling, I've got to be ♪

♪ The ladies' choice ♪

♪ Ladies' choice ♪

♪ The ladies' choice ♪

Go on. Get out there and show 'em.

It's packed pretty tight.

Ok. I'll go in front

of you and I'll push.

♪ Test drive this American male ♪

Wait.

♪ It's gonna take cash

to fill my tank ♪

♪ It's gonna take cash

to fill my tank ♪

♪ So let's crack open

your piggy bank ♪

Hey, Seaweed.

Wanna do Peyton Place for Corny?

Are you crazy? You gotta

dance with your crowd...

and I gotta dance with mine.

Why?

It's just the way it is, Tracy.

But it's your dance.

Well, how about you go

borrow it for a second.

- Really?

- Go get it, girl.

♪ I'm the ladies' choice ♪

♪ Ladies' choice ♪

♪ Ladies' choice ♪

Whoo.

All right. Yeah.

Whoa.

♪ Hey, little girl on

a spending spree ♪

♪ I don't come cheap but

the kisses come free ♪

♪ On closer inspection I'm

sure that you'll agree ♪

♪ Oh, hey, little girl,

listen to my plea ♪

♪ I come with a

lifetime guarantee ♪

♪ One day maybe we'll find

that baby makes three ♪

Link.

♪ It's the ladies' choice ♪

♪ I'm the ladies' choice ♪

♪ I'm the ladies' choice ♪

♪ I'm the ladies'

choice-choice-choice ♪

♪ I'm the ladies' choice ♪

Mr. And Mrs. Turnblad.

Hey, look out.

Ah.

Mrs. Turnblad.

Mr. Turnblad, come quick.

- Me?

- Come on.

Mrs. Turnblad. Come quick.

You gotta see this.

Oh, I read all about it.

It's a big fake Hollywood set.

No, Mrs...

You think I'm gonna think

that he's really up there?

It's not John Glenn,

Mrs. Turnblad.

Well, why are we watching this?

Just watch.

- Lou Ann.

- Joey.

Mikey. Vicki. Becky.

Bix. Jesse. Darla.

- Paulie.

- Noreen.

- Doreen.

- Link.

And I'm Tracy.

Oh. Oh, my.

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ And the bass and drums are

pounding in your head ♪

Go, Tracy.

- Go, go, Tracy.

- Go, go, Tracy.

♪ Who cares about sleep when

you can snooze in school? ♪

♪ You'll never get to college

but you sure look cool ♪

♪ Don't need a cap and a gown ♪

♪ When you're the

nicest kids in town ♪

♪ Woo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo ♪

♪ Kids in town, woo ♪

Yeah. That was the

dance of the week...

I don't know what

happened, Mr. Spritzer.

Corny had some sort of

aneurysm or something...

and... picked her.

By our brand-new Council

Member, Miss Tracy Turnblad.

So, Trace, come on, cosy up to old

Corny and tell us about yourself.

Well, I watch The

Corny Collins Show...

and I do absolutely nothing else.

Ooh. I sure like the way you talk.

Oh, Wilbur, to think that

I almost stopped her...

from reaching for the stars.

And now here she is

on local daytime TV.

She's gonna be a regular.

Imagine, my little

girl, regular at last.

I also hope to be the first

woman president or a Rockette.

And if you were

president, Tracy...

what would your first

official act be?

I'd make every day Negro Day.

I read you like tomorrow's

headlines, Tracy.

What do you think, kids?

You think we might have

a hot new candidate...

for Miss Teenage Hairspray?

That's only the dream of my life.

But Miss Hairspray is mine.

We're on the air.

And your dream will be

coming to you, sweetheart...

Saturday, June 2nd,

right here on WYZT.

You have to vote for a person,

Corny, not one of the Himalayas.

Hi, Penny.

Always the charmer, Amber.

I want that chubby communist

girl off the show.

Well, let me be the first

to toss the harpoon.

She's a corrupting influence.

I agree. We don't want our

dancers thrusting like savages.

Hey, speak for yourself.

Don't get flip with me.

I'm not.

Look, now I got some new

ideas for the show.

First, we get rid

of "A Negro Day."

Finally, some sense outta you.

And we mix those kids in with

the rest of "The Council."

Mix those kids?

That's right, I said it.

This is not a

black-and-tan cocktail.

Well, why couldn't it be?

Velma, isn't this where

it's all heading anyway?

Now, you can fight it or

you can rock out to it.

Maybe it is time for

some fresh ideas...

like... like a nice,

fresh new host.

Heh.

Gee, Velma, how do you

fire Corny Collins...

from The Corny Collins Show?

They do it all the time on Lassie.

Velma, you've let this go too far.

Me?

- Fix it.

- What?

Fix it.

♪ Hey, look out for

that moving van ♪

♪ Driving down our streets ♪

♪ You better lock up your man ♪

♪ Before he meets the

new girl in town ♪

♪ Who just came on the scene ♪

Tracyface whoopee cushion.

Good choice.

We got your Tracy

souvenirs for days.

Here, your signed photos.

Tracy wigs.

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

♪ We don't know what to do

about the new girl in town ♪

♪ The new girl in town ♪

♪ Seems to dance on air ♪

♪ The new girl in town ♪

♪ She's got the coolest hair ♪

♪ You better tell the homecoming

queen to hold onto her crown ♪

♪ Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

♪ Or she's gonna lose it to ♪

♪ The new girl in town ♪

That big little girl is sending

my sales through the roof.

More people are breathing

aerosol than oxygen.

Do you think you could show us

some of those new dance moves?

- Yeah, sure.

- Ooh, pretty flowers.

Tracy, wait up.

♪ She's hip ♪

♪ So cool ♪

♪ I'm gonna get her after school ♪

♪ And yet we'd like

to be like her ♪

♪ Because she's the kitten

that the cats prefer ♪

♪ The new girl in town ♪

♪ Has my guy on a string ♪

♪ The new girl in town ♪

♪ Hey, look, she's

wearing his ring ♪

♪ I can't stop crying and

so in my own tears ♪

♪ I'm gonna drown ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

♪ Because he wants to rendezvous ♪

♪ With the new girl ♪

♪ We're kinda sad and blue ♪

♪ Yes, it's true, girl ♪

♪ We'd like to say ♪

♪ To the new girl in town ♪

♪ The new girl in town ♪

Hi, I'm here to see

Tracy Turnblad.

Where's her write-up?

She doesn't need a detention

slip, she's with me.

Penny, this is Seaweed.

Seaweed, this is Penny.

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

Huh.

♪ To the new girl in town ♪

♪ The new girl in town ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

♪ From out of the blue, girl ♪

♪ Hey, this town's

in a stew, girl ♪

♪ Ohh, what a hullabaloo, girl ♪

♪ She ain't just passing

through, girl ♪

♪ Ohh, she's sticking

like glue, girl ♪

♪ Woo, to the man I

thought I knew, girl ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

♪ Hey, look out for

that moving van ♪

♪ Look out, look out,

look out, look out ♪

♪ She was the new girl in ♪

♪ Town ♪

That's the way you do it.

And I'm your fabled Miss

Motormouth Maybelle...

your DJ du jour, pitching

rhythm your way.

So, hey, better stay

and shimmy and sway.

We'll be right back

with more Negro Day.

Brought to you by...

Napa-Way, for stubborn hair.

Every kink will be

gone in a blink.

We're off.

Girls, that was great.

How dare you pick the same song?

They wrote it.

You watch yourself.

You are one inch from

being cancelled.

You know what your demographic is?

Cleaning ladies and lawn jockeys.

A foot in the door,

that's all it is.

One toe at a time.

Hello?

Is this the Turnblad residence?

Yes.

Mr. Pinky speaking.

Mr. Pinky from...

from the dress shop?

Huh.

I'd like Tracy for our spokesgirl.

You want Tracy to do what?

Be our spokesgirl.

Be a spokesgirl?

I think she'd be perfect.

I'd like to meet her...

and discuss the details.

As soon as possible.

Ok, well, we'll have send

someone down to meet you.

Tonight, if you can.

So, oh, ok. Bye-bye, Mr. Pinky.

Bye-bye.

The Mr. Pinky?

From Mr. Pinky's hefty hideaway.

A spokesgirl?

Oh, tell me I get a

free caftan, tell me.

Oh, Tracy, I think perks like

caftans have to be negotiated.

Maybe we should get you an agent.

Ok. You be my agent.

What? Tracy Turnblad...

has fame gone to your

head and made you wacky?

Well, why not?

Who's going to look out for me...

better than my mum?

Me, an agent?

You see me hobnobbing and

drinking rum and cokes...

with all those hoi pollois?

And out-negotiating them.

Oh, you're crazy.

Oh, Tracy, I haven't left

this house in... in years.

Then isn't it time you did?

Oh, no, Tracy.

We'll have your

father meet with him.

I don't wanna be seen like this.

Why not?

I'll do it after my next diet.

That's when I'll do it.

Ya see, the neighbours haven't

seen me since I was a size 10.

Don't make me do it, Tracy.

Ma, it's changing out there.

You'll like it.

People who are different.

Their time is coming.

♪ Hey, Mama, hey,

Mama, look around ♪

♪ Everybody's grooving

to a brand-new sound ♪

♪ Hey, Mama, hey, Mama follow me ♪

♪ I know something's in ya

that you wanna set free ♪

♪ So let go, go, go

of the past now ♪

♪ Say hello to the

love in your heart ♪

♪ Yes, I know that the

world's spinning fast now ♪

♪ You gotta get yourself

a brand-new start ♪

♪ Hey, Mama, welcome

to the sixties ♪

♪ Oh-o-o-o-o ♪

♪ Oh, Mama, welcome

to the sixties ♪

♪ Oh-o-o-o-o ♪

♪ Go, Mama, go, go, go ♪

♪ Welcome to the sixties ♪

♪ Oh-o-o-o-o oh ♪

♪ Hey, Mama, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Hey, Mama, hey,

Mama, have some fun ♪

♪ I haven't left this

house since 1951 ♪

♪ Hey, Mama, hey,

Mama, take a chance ♪

♪ Oh, Tracy, it's been years since

someone asked me to dance ♪

♪ So let go, go, go

of the past now ♪

♪ Say hello to the

light in your eyes ♪

♪ Yes, I know that the

world's spinning fast now ♪

♪ But you gotta run the

race to win the prize ♪

♪ Hey, Mama, welcome

to the sixties ♪

♪ Oh-o-o-o-o ♪

♪ Oh, Mama, welcome

to the sixties ♪

♪ Oh-o-o-o-o ♪

♪ Go, Mama, go, go, go ♪

♪ Welcome to the sixties ♪

Ma, you did it.

Oh, Tracy, I'm a

little light-headed.

There's so much air out here.

Can't we go some

place that's stuffy?

No, Ma, you're on your way.

♪ Hey, Mama, welcome

to the sixties ♪

♪ Oh-o-o-o-o ♪

♪ Oh, Mama, welcome

to the sixties ♪

♪ Oh-o-o-o-o-o ♪

♪ Go, Mama, go, go, go ♪

Oh. They're so glamorous.

Wow.

It kicked.

Let's toast to that.

To a boy.

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Welcome to the rhythm

of a brand-new day ♪

♪ Take your old-fashioned fears ♪

♪ And just throw them away ♪

♪ You should add some colour

and a fresh new 'do ♪

♪ Because it's time for a star ♪

♪ Who looks just like you ♪

Ah.

Oh.

I thought we marked these down.

What?

Thank you, Nadine.

There's my shining star.

Fantastic to meet you.

I'm Mr. Pinky.

It's so nice to meet you.

Ha ha. Tracy, is this

your older sister?

Oh, my.

Perhaps she'd like some

complimentary couture.

Couture?

Now, if you'll just sign here.

Flattery will not distract

Miss Turnblad's agent...

from reading the fine print.

Her agent?

Tracy, eat your donuts.

Let's talk.

All right, let's see here.

All right. Now...

No.

I want a non-exclusive contract.

Extensions by mutual option.

And I want you to absorb

my 15 percent commission.

Not a dime over 10.

Throw in a bustier?

54 double D?

Triple E.

I hit the mother lode.

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

Care for a Baby Ruth?

I got one right here.

♪ Oh-o-o-o-o ♪

♪ Oh, Mama, welcome

to the sixties ♪

♪ Oh-o-o-o-o ♪

♪ Go, Mama, go, go, go ♪

♪ Don't-cha let nobody

try to steal your fun ♪

♪ Because a little touch of

lipstick never hurt no one ♪

♪ The future's got a million

roads for you to choose ♪

♪ But you'll walk a little taller

in some high-heeled shoes ♪

♪ And once you find the style

that makes you feel like you ♪

♪ Something fresh, something new ♪

♪ Step on out, hear us shout ♪

♪ Mama, that's your cue ♪

♪ Ba da ba da-ba-da ♪

♪ Step on out, hear us shout ♪

♪ Mama, that's your cue ♪

♪ Hey, Tracy, hey,

baby, look at me ♪

♪ I'm the cutest chickie

that you ever did see ♪

♪ Hey, Tracy, hey,

baby, look at us ♪

♪ Where is there a team

that's half as fabulous ♪

♪ I let go, go, go

of the past now ♪

♪ Said hello to this

red carpet ride ♪

♪ Yes, I know that the

world's spinning fast now ♪

♪ Tell Lollobrigida

to step aside ♪

♪ Your Mama's welcoming

the sixties ♪

♪ Oh-o-o-o-o ♪

♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-baby ♪

♪ Oh-o-o-o-o ♪

♪ Go, Mama, go, go, go ♪

♪ Welcome to the sixties ♪

♪ Open the door to the

girl who has more ♪

♪ She's a star,

Tracy, go, go, go ♪

♪ Hey, Mama, welcome

to the sixties ♪

♪ Your mama's hip,

your mama's in ♪

♪ Hey, Mama ♪

♪ Your mama's looking at herself

and wondering "Where you been?" ♪

♪ Where you been? ♪

♪ Your mama's lit,

she's all aglow ♪

♪ Your mama, what

she's holding back ♪

♪ Your mama's gotta

let go, go, go ♪

♪ Welcome to the

"six", to the "O" ♪

♪ To the apostrophe "s"

hey-yay, baby, yeah ♪

♪ Oh-o-o-o-o ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Go, Mama, go, go, go ♪

♪ Oh-o-o-o-o-o, oh-o-o-o-o-o ♪

♪ Oh-o-o-o-o go, go,

Mama, go, go, go ♪

Wait till Dad sees you.

Sees me?

He never notices what I wear.

In 20 years, he's never even said

to me, "nice muumuu" or nothing.

Now he will.

Well, maybe, if he leaves

that shop for 5 minutes.

I swear, I don't know

what goes on down there.

Well.

Mrs. Turnblad.

I'd know whose mother

you were anywhere.

Really?

Hello, Amber.

Hello, Tracy.

Ma, this is Amber and

Mrs. Von Tussle.

Mrs. Von Tussle is the

station's manager.

Oh, the station manager.

Oh. Oh, it was so nice of

you let her on that show.

Well, Tracy certainly has...

redefined our standards. Ha ha.

That's for sure.

Let me guess...

brand-new dress?

Oh, yes.

Well, you'll stop traffic.

Ha ha ha.

It was nice meeting you. Tracy.

Bye, Tracy.

Ma, don't listen to

a word she says.

I'm taking this back.

Don't you dare.

- I am.

- Don't you dare.

Don't you know why she hates us?

She's afraid I'll beat Amber

for Miss Teenage Hairspray.

Really?

They can't put Tracy

in special Ed.

I won't have it.

I mean, even if I have

to tutor her myself...

they cannot hold my friend back.

- You're a saint.

- Mm.

Oh, and it's totally

not true about

her and the entire football team.

I mean, please.

Anybody can get grass

stains all over their back.

Amber, stop it.

I'm sick of you doing that.

Just because she's a good dancer.

I'm sorry.

You think that she can dance?

Well, maybe you'd rather

have her as your partner.

You could get sponsored

by Goodyear.

Excuse me. What is

going on back there?

Tracy, that's horrible.

Mr. Flak does not have breasts.

What? No. I would...

I would never.

What... Oh.

Oh, and Mr. Larkin, perhaps

you'd like to share...

with the rest of the class Patrick

Henry's immortal last words.

"Kiss my ass"?

You didn't have to do that, Link.

Hey, no prob.

Besides, looks like a

cool scene down here.

Right.

Hey, cool.

Hey, Tracy.

Not quite, huh?

Ah, damn. Just when

I was getting it.

Listen, man, you ain't

gotta stop now.

My mum's having a

platter party tonight.

You all wanna come check it out?

Now?

Would you mind if I,

too, checked it out?

I've never been to

North Avenue before.

Well, would it be safe?

You know, for us?

Calm down, cracker boy.

It's cool.

Wow.

Being invited places

by coloured people.

It feels so hip.

I'm glad you all feel that way

because, not many people do.

- You all know what I'm saying?

- Yeah, that's right.

♪ Hey ♪

♪ I can't see why

people look at me ♪

♪ And only see the

colour of my face ♪

♪ Ah, yeah, then there's those

that try to help, God knows ♪

♪ But always have to

put me in my place ♪

♪ But I won't ask you

to be colour-blind ♪

♪ Because if you pick the fruit

then, girl, you're sure to find ♪

♪ The blacker the berry,

the sweeter the juice ♪

♪ I could say it ain't so but,

darling, what's the use? ♪

♪ The darker the chocolate,

the richer the taste ♪

♪ And that's where it's at ♪

♪ Now, baby, run and tell that ♪

♪ Now run and tell that ♪

♪ Run and tell that ♪

♪ Run and tell that ♪

♪ Hey, yeah ♪

♪ I can't see why

people disagree ♪

♪ Each time I tell 'em what

I know is true, oh, no ♪

♪ And if you come ♪

♪ And see the world I'm from ♪

♪ I bet your heart is gonna

feel it, too, yeah ♪

♪ I could lie but,

baby, let's be bold ♪

♪ Vanilla can be nice ♪

♪ But if the truth be told ♪

♪ Blacker the berry, the

sweeter the juice ♪

♪ I could say it ain't so but,

darling, what's the use? ♪

♪ The darker the chocolate,

the richer the taste ♪

♪ And that's where it's at ♪

♪ Oh, baby, baby,

run and tell that ♪

♪ Run and tell that ♪

♪ Go run and tell that ♪

♪ Run and tell that ♪

♪ Come on and run and tell that ♪

♪ Run and tell that ♪

♪ Hey, run and tell ♪

♪ Go tell ♪

♪ Run and tell that ♪

Link.

Link Larkin.

♪ Hey, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

- Whoo.

- Hey.

Whoo.

♪ Whoo ♪

Come here, girl.

This is my sister, Little Inez.

Oh, I know Tracy Turnblad.

Good for you, girl.

You got on the show.

- Well, you better be next.

- Ya got that right.

Oh, you know she is. You

better show 'em, girl.

Yeah.

♪ I'm tired of covering

up all my pride ♪

♪ So give me five on

the black hand side ♪

♪ I got a new way of moving

and I got my own voice ♪

♪ So how can I help but

to shout and rejoice ♪

♪ Oh, the people around here

can barely pay their rent ♪

♪ They try to make a dollar

outta fifteen cent ♪

♪ But we got a spirit

money just can't buy ♪

♪ It's deep as a river and

soars to the sky, to the sky ♪

♪ Hey, I can't see the

reason it can't be ♪

♪ The kinda world where

we all get our chance ♪

♪ Aw, yeah ♪

♪ The time is now ♪

♪ So we can show 'em how

just turn the music up ♪

♪ And let's all

dance, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Because all things are equal

when it comes to love ♪

♪ Well, that ain't quite true

because when push comes to shove ♪

♪ The blacker the berry,

the sweeter the juice ♪

♪ They say it ain't so but,

darling, what's the use? ♪

♪ The darker the chocolate,

the richer the taste ♪

♪ And that's where it's at ♪

♪ Now, baby, baby, baby,

run and tell that ♪

♪ Run and tell that ♪

♪ Run and tell that ♪

♪ Ah yeah, baby ♪

♪ Run and tell that ♪

♪ Go run and tell that ♪

♪ G-g-g-g-go home and

run and tell that ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Whoo ♪

- Go, baby.

- Whoo.

It was horrible.

Mum, he just danced on that bus...

with that great white

whale and those Negroes.

No, honey.

Reeling him back in is the

easiest thing in the world.

Remember, I control his career.

Now, don't worry.

Mommy will take

care of everything.

Are you all hungry

for some good fun?

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Bring on that pecan pie ♪

♪ Pour some sugar on it,

sugar, don't be shy ♪

♪ Scoop me up a mess of

that chocolate swirl ♪

♪ Don't be stingy,

I'm a growing girl ♪

♪ I offer big love

with no apology ♪

♪ How can I deny the

world the most of me? ♪

♪ I am not afraid to

throw my weight around ♪

♪ Pound by pound by pound ♪

♪ Because I'm big,

blonde and beautiful ♪

♪ Face the fact, it's

simply irrefutable ♪

♪ No one wants a meal that

only offers the least ♪

♪ When, girl, we're serving

up the whole damn feast ♪

Well, looks like you all

took a step outta bounds.

Now, who we got here?

Mum, I want you to

meet my new friends.

This here is Link. Tracy Turnblad.

This is just so afro-tastic.

And this young lady right here...

is Penny Pingleton.

I'm very pleased and

scared to be here.

Oh, now, honey. We got more reason

to be scared on your street.

Latoya, put that record down.

You gonna scratch it.

Can't you keep your little girl...

Shall we dance?

Come on.

My name is Mike.

Mike?

Yes, Mike.

Mike who?

It's Mike.

Anyway, ahem...

I'm calling because I

have some information...

about your daughter's whereabouts.

- What?

- Right now, as we speak...

your daughter has entered

a hotbed of moral...

turpentine.

♪ Baby don't sleep ♪

♪ Baby don't eat ♪

♪ Baby just like

another boink-boink ♪

Link, aren't you gonna get

in awful trouble for this?

I'm not planning

on telling my dad.

No, I mean in trouble

with someone else.

Maybe.

Maybe it's worth it.

I think knowing you's the start

of a pretty big adventure.

Tracy Edna Turnblad.

Ooh, we get any more

white people in here...

this gonna be a suburb.

Do you know what I

had to pay a cab...

just to consider coming down here?

Oh, Mum...

No call. You just disappear.

And all mashed up

against a crooner?

Edna Turnblad, this is Link.

Come on, we're going.

And, Penny, go home before

your mother shoots you.

Miss Edna, is it?

Hi, I mean, you don't have

to rush off, you know.

Well, I do. I left my iron on.

Oh, your iron.

Well, before you go...

you sure you wouldn't

like to have...

a little something to eat?

Is that braised?

♪ Whoa oh oh oh oh oh ♪

♪ Whoa oh oh oh oh oh ♪

♪ Slice me off a piece of

that hogshead cheese ♪

♪ Whoo ♪

♪ And take a look inside ♪

♪ My book of recipes ♪

♪ Now, don't-cha sniff around for

something fluffy and light ♪

♪ We need a man who brings

a man-size appetite ♪

♪ We'll use a pinch of sugar

and a dash of spice ♪

♪ I'll let you lick the spoon

because it tastes so nice ♪

♪ We keep it in the oven

till it's good and hot ♪

♪ Keep on stirring till

it hits the spot ♪

♪ Because I'm big,

blonde and beautiful ♪

♪ There is nothing about

us that's unsuitable ♪

♪ Why sit in the bleachers

timid and afraid ♪

♪ When, Edna, you look

like the whole parade? ♪

♪ They say that white has

might and thin is in ♪

♪ Well, that's just bull ♪

♪ Because, ladies, big is back ♪

♪ And as for black,

it's beautiful ♪

♪ All shapes and sizes follow me ♪

♪ Who wants a twig when you

can climb a whole tree ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

Groovy, baby. Groovy.

Hello?

Hello?

- Graah.

- Oh, my God.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Ah. You got me.

Ha ha ha.

Welcome, to the Hardy-Har Hut.

If we can't put a smile on your

face, your skin's too tight.

- Oh.

- Bop, bop.

- Oh.

- I got something for ya. Yeah.

It's just in.

You're gonna love it.

Huh?

Oh.

Cigarette?

Ha ha ha.

Tempting but, no, thanks.

- Ha ha ha.

- Oh.

Well.

What can I do you for?

Something for the mister?

Sadly, there is no

mister at the moment.

Beautiful woman like yourself?

My husband...

accidentally suffocated.

You need a fella.

I do. I do need a fella.

And the way to a man's heart

is through his funny bone.

Now here's an icebreaker for ya.

Oh, Miss Maybelle, you

do throw a lovely party.

But what are you celebrating?

Well, it's kind of an ending.

But it deserved to

go out with a bang.

What ended?

Negro Day.

What?

All right. Time you all knew.

Velma Von Tussle just told me

we have had our last show.

No.

Yeah, it seems our little show

was a nice little placeholder...

but it was time to

get some ratings.

Aww.

I didn't wanna tell

you all up front.

I just wanted to have

a little fun tonight.

But I practised so hard.

Now I'll never get a

chance to be on the show.

Oh, you will be seen, baby.

I promise.

You can't have your own show?

Fine, you'll come dance with us.

Honey.

You been dozing off

during history?

Yes, always.

Trace, black and whites ain't

never danced on TV together.

Well, if we can't dance...

maybe we should just march.

Ooh, that'd get some

big old rating's.

Better time slot, too.

Like on the 11:00 news.

What you all say?

Should we give this fine woman...

all the ratings she deserves?

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

Hey, hey.

Well, it is a school night...

and I think we oughta

call it a night.

Tell you what. We meet up at

the church Friday, 4:00...

and we will march on WYZT.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

Yeah.

Tracy, you can't protest, hon.

I mean, these are lovely people...

but if you protest,

you'll be on lists.

You'll be on files.

J. Edgar Hoover'll be

still wiretapping...

your cold, dead body in the grave.

Oh, Mother.

Link, we're going

with them, right?

Walk with me.

You want your Belgian

chocolate animal droppings.

Dot dot. This store's for you.

- Oh. What a treasure trove.

- Huh?

Come here, baby.

Don't be sad.

We gonna make it happen, ok?

Can I go?

Now, come on, now.

I can't be worried

about you out there.

Trace...

I been smiling and dancing

on this show for 3 years.

Mrs. Von Tussle just promised...

I could sing at the

Miss Hairspray pageant.

She's... she invited agents.

That's my shot, Trace.

I can't jeopardise that.

But it's what's right.

I'm sorry, Trace.

I just think this adventure's...

a little...

too big for me.

Oh, God. No, no, no.

That's not what I...

I get it, Link. It's your shot.

No, Trace, that's not what I...

It's fine.

Oh, hon.

I should go.

Give him time.

He'll figure out he's

crazy about you.

You have to say that,

you're my mother.

Well, I know a little

something about men.

And, my personal

favourite, x-ray specs.

You can see through anything.

Skin, clothes, you name it.

Now, take your father.

And he's always downstairs

in that shop working late.

Do I take it personal? No.

Men always put their career first.

Remember that.

Ok.

I'm really tired, I'm

gonna go to bed.

All right, hon.

Night.

- I love you.

- I love you, too.

I think I'm gonna go to bed, too.

Oh, I'm so tired.

You don't need those...

to see what's under these clothes.

There's a product

that really works...

because these are phony

as a three dollar bill.

Incredible.

I could do a fan dance

with a lettuce leaf...

and you would remain

completely obtuse.

Obtuse.

Yes, obtuse.

I flunked geometry.

Yeah, well... and

biology too, no doubt.

Yeah.

Wait. How about this?

Ok.

♪ Those lips, those eyes ♪

♪ That food ♪

♪ Well, there ain't

nothing like a spread ♪

♪ To get ya in the mood ♪

♪ Wilbur, can't ya feel the

burning flame of hot desire ♪

♪ You're gonna need more

than some seltzer ♪

♪ To put out this fire ♪

♪ I'm wailing, "look

out, old Balti ♪"

♪ more" I'm selling something ♪

♪ You can't purchase

at a ten-cent store ♪

♪ Oh, Wilbur, I feel

like a princess ♪

♪ Come on and take

me to the ball ♪

♪ I bet you're tired

of heavy lifting ♪

♪ Get your hands on

something small ♪

♪ Because I'm a-big ♪

♪ Blonde ♪

♪ And beautiful ♪

♪ And beautiful ♪

♪ It's time to face the facts ♪

♪ It's irrefutable ♪

♪ Why waste one more minute ♪

♪ Now I feel brand spanking new ♪

♪ Hey, Wilbur, take a look ♪

♪ It's all for ♪

You.

You?

Edna.

Your wife. You said she was

out. Oh. Wait a minute.

Hi, hon.

Ma, you don't really believe

that he would do that.

You are never setting

foot on that show again.

You hear me?

I heard you the first

400 times, Ma.

- Hey.

- Huh.

Oh.

Daddy.

It wasn't me.

I had to improvise a

bed out of something.

Whoopee cushions?

That will play heck

with my sciatica.

Oop. That one was me.

Oh. Oh.

Daddy, are you ok?

Tracy, you know...

these peepers have never

looked at another woman.

This heart only beats for size 60.

Daddy, you know what Velma wanted.

She wanted me off the show.

And I knew that, but how

could she go that far?

Come here. Come here, little girl.

Little girl.

And then to just cancel

Negro Day like that.

Just to make sure that

nobody who's different...

or who's black or Chinese...

or maybe who needs to

lose a few pounds.

What are you talking? Stop it.

What are you talking?

I think I've been in a

bubble or something.

Thinking that fairness was

just going to happen.

It's not.

I think people like me are

gonna have to get up...

off their father's laps and go

out there and fight for it.

Your mother and I...

We don't see too far

past our front door.

But you... see all the

way to Schenectady.

So, if there's something you

need to stand up for...

don't ya listen to

old dogs like us.

We need to learn

some new tricks...

from you.

You don't need new tricks, Dad.

You need Mum.

She changed the locks.

Oh.

Good night, Daddy.

Aw, wow.

Come on, baby.

Honey, took me 5 years...

to figure out you were flirting.

How could I ever?

Well, she is very glamorous.

Edna.

She just makes me feel old.

Nonsense.

Doll.

You're spry as a Slinky.

I'm not talking to you.

♪ Styles keep a-changing,

the world's rearranging ♪

♪ But, Edna, you're

timeless to me ♪

♪ Hemlines are shorter, a

beer costs a quarter ♪

♪ But time cannot take

what comes free ♪

♪ You're like a stinky

old cheese, babe ♪

♪ Just getting riper with age ♪

♪ You're like a fatal

disease, babe ♪

What?

♪ But there's no cure,

so let this fever rage ♪

♪ Some folks can't stand

it, say time is a bandit ♪

♪ But I take the opposite view ♪

♪ Because when I need a lift ♪

♪ Time brings a gift ♪

♪ Another day with you ♪

♪ A twist or a waltz ♪

♪ It's all the same schmaltz ♪

♪ With just a change

in the scenery ♪

♪ You'll never be old hat ♪

♪ That's that ♪

♪ You're timeless to me ♪

♪ Fads keep a-fading ♪

♪ Castro's invading ♪

♪ But, Wilbur, you're

timeless to me ♪

♪ Hairdos are higher ♪

♪ Mine feels like barbed wire ♪

♪ But you say I'm chic as can be ♪

♪ You're like a rare

vintage ripple ♪

Thank you.

♪ A vintage they'll never forget ♪

♪ So pour me a

teeny-weeny triple ♪

Any time.

♪ And we can toast the

fact we ain't dead yet ♪

What?

♪ I can't stop eating ♪

♪ Your hairline's receding ♪

Hey.

♪ And soon you'll

have nothing at all ♪

Never.

♪ So you'll wear a wig ♪

♪ While I roast a pig ♪

♪ Hey. Pass that Geritol ♪

I love pig.

♪ Glenn Miller had brass ♪

♪ That Chubby Checker's a gas ♪

♪ But they all pass eventually ♪

♪ You'll never be

passé, hip-hooray ♪

♪ You're timeless to me ♪

Heh heh heh.

Grrr.

♪ You're like a

broken-down Chevy ♪

♪ All I need is a

fresh coat of paint ♪

♪ And, Edna, ya got me

going hot and heavy ♪

♪ You're fat and old ♪

- What?

- ♪ But, baby, boring you ain't ♪

♪ Some folks don't get it ♪

♪ But we never fret it ♪

♪ Because we know that

time is our friend ♪

♪ Yeah, it's plain to see ♪

♪ That you're stuck with me ♪

♪ Until the bitter end ♪

♪ And we got a kid who's

blowing the lid ♪

♪ Off the Turnblad family tree ♪

♪ You'll always hit the spot ♪

♪ Big shot ♪

♪ You're timeless to me ♪

♪ You'll always be

du jour, mon amour ♪

♪ You're timeless to me ♪

♪ You'll always be first string ♪

♪ Ring-a-ding-ding ♪

♪ You're timeless to me ♪

♪ You're timeless to me ♪

♪ You're timeless to me ♪

♪ You're timeless ♪

♪ To me ♪

Oh, Wilbur.

Tracy.

Wake up, hon.

Wake up. Everything's good again.

Wilbur. Wilbur.

Seaweed, help pass

those signs out.

Give her one.

Hey, Jackie, we're over here.

Aw, you looking good, Gertrude.

C'mon, you all. Here we go now.

Tracy.

You're gonna pay a heavy price.

I know.

You'll never dance on TV again.

If I can't dance with

Seaweed and Little Inez...

then I don't wanna

dance on TV at all.

I just want tomorrow to be better.

♪ There's a light ♪

♪ In the darkness ♪

♪ Though the night is

black as my skin ♪

♪ There's a light burning bright ♪

♪ Showing me the way ♪

♪ But I know where I've been ♪

♪ There's a cry ♪

♪ In the distance ♪

♪ It's a voice that comes

from deep within ♪

♪ Hey, yeah ♪

♪ There's a cry asking why ♪

♪ I pray the answer's up ahead ♪

♪ Because I know where I've been ♪

♪ There's a road ♪

♪ We been travelling ♪

♪ Lost so many ♪

♪ On the way ♪

♪ But the riches will be plenty ♪

♪ Worth the price ♪

♪ The price we had to pay ♪

♪ There's a dream ♪

♪ In the future ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh ♪

♪ There's a struggle ♪

♪ That we have yet to win ♪

♪ And there's pride in my heart ♪

♪ Because I know where I'm going ♪

♪ Yes, I do ♪

♪ And I know where I've been ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ There's a road ♪

♪ There's a road ♪

♪ We must travel ♪

♪ We must travel ♪

♪ There's a promise ♪

♪ There is a promise ♪

♪ We must make ♪

♪ That we must make ♪

♪ But the riches ♪

♪ Oh, but the riches ♪

♪ Will be plenty ♪

♪ The riches will

be plenty, yeah ♪

♪ Worth the risk ♪

♪ Worth the risk ♪

♪ And the chances that we take ♪

♪ And the chances we take ♪

♪ There's a dream ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, in the future ♪

♪ There's a struggle ♪

♪ Struggle ♪

♪ That we have yet to win ♪

♪ We have yet to win ♪

♪ Use that pride ♪

♪ Pride ♪

♪ In our hearts ♪

♪ In our hearts ♪

♪ To lift us up ♪

♪ Lift us up ♪

♪ Until tomorrow ♪

♪ Oooh ♪

♪ Because just to sit

still would be a sin ♪

♪ I know it, I know it, I

know where I'm going ♪

♪ Lord knows I know ♪

♪ Where I've been ♪

♪ Oh, when we win ♪

♪ Yeah, I'll give

thanks to my God ♪

♪ Because I know where I've been ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

Oh, yeah, amen.

Amen, amen.

That's right.

Tracy, hon, you don't

know what you're doing.

Yes, I do, Ma.

Hello, Miss Maybelle.

Well, good evening, Miss Edna.

Nice of you to join us.

She's got a lovely turnout.

Now I really think they

don't need you anymore.

You come home with me.

Oh.

No, we are not sending

a camera crew.

They're protesting our

own station, dimwit.

Why is Channel Five there?

Well, of course

they're all Negroes.

And why would...?

I know who would.

Oh, I know exactly who would.

2, 4, 6, 8.

TV's got to integrate.

2, 4, 6, 8. TV's got to integrate.

2, 4, 6, 8.

Oh, my God, no.

TV's got to integrate.

- No.

- Ma, come on.

The sound's not working.

You knew there'd be police.

But I didn't know

there'd be cameras.

So?

Oh, I cannot be seen on television

at this present weight.

2, 4, 6, 8.

TV's got to integrate.

2, 4, 6, 8.

TV's got to integrate.

2, 4, 6, 8.

TV's got to integrate.

Excuse me.

Is there some reason we

can't pass by peacefully?

I strongly suggest you and

your little friends...

head back to where you come from.

Hey, you don't have to be so rude.

Tracy.

It's all right, Tracy.

I can handle this.

Excuse me. She was talking to you.

- Oh, Tracy.

- Oh.

Tracy, no.

You just assaulted a

police officer, miss.

- No.

- I what?

Assaulted?

Enough. Hey.

All right, boys.

Let's take the whole lot in.

- No.

- Run, Tracy. Run.

2, 4, 6, 8. TV's got to integrate.

2, 4, 6, 8. TV's got to integrate.

2, 4, 6, 8. TV's got to integrate.

2, 4, 6, 8. TV's got to integrate.

And our cameras also

caught Tracy Turnblad...

the teenage TV personality

and rabble-rouser.

Miss Turnblad brutally

attacked a sergeant...

with a blunt instrument

before fleeing the scene...

You see? You see?

If I let you leave the house...

right now you'd be in prison

fighting whores for cigarettes.

That Tracy Turnblad always

was a bad influence.

Well, you are never, ever gonna

see that beehived harlot again.

Ok, Mother. Excuse me.

Penny?

Pray for her.

She's gonna need it.

Tracy. Tracy.

She's not here, I told you.

Hon, she knows...

if the cops are looking for her...

this is the first

place they'll come.

What this must of put

you through, Wilbur.

I'm so sorry.

I'm not.

You're not?

I'm proud of you.

You are?

Baby, somebody had

to do something.

Course, we may be eating

beans for the next 10 years.

Bail for 20's kind of pricey.

You bailed all those people out?

Ya upset with me?

I'm sorry.

Hon, it just seemed

like the right thing.

Oh, Wilbur, it was

the right thing.

Knights in armour don't

come any shinier than you.

But where's our little girl?

Are you ok, Trace?

Oh, you have no idea.

Come on.

Thank you so much.

You're such a great friend.

Thanks.

Penny, the cops are looking

for me everywhere.

You could go to jail

for helping me.

Tracy, I'm already

in jail. Come on.

Oh, no.

- What?

- Your hair deflated.

Oh, let it.

It was just a symbol of

my conformity to the man.

You are so tough.

So, what do ya think?

Maybe you could live down here.

I don't even know why we

have this room down here...

but there's food, water...

first aid kit, gas mask,

Russian-language books.

It's very well-insulated.

It won't be where you're going.

The police are on their way.

Mum, please don't send my

best friend to the big house.

Penny, hush.

You haven't heard the last

of me, Mrs. Pingleton.

Things need to change...

and I won't stop

trying to change them.

I don't care how long it takes.

Good, you'll be

waiting 20 to life.

Get the jump rope, Penny.

Mum, not the jump rope.

Don't you touch my canned tuna.

You wait till your father

gets out of prison.

You'll see more than

a jump rope, Missy.

A massive manhunt is underway

for Miss Turnblad...

who bludgeoned sergeant and

decorated Korean war veteran...

Mike Morris with a crowbar,

shattering his jaw...

That is a lie.

They're talking about

our baby, Wilbur.

They're telling lies.

Sergeant Morris is in

critical condition.

This is such a Midol moment.

Wilbur, that... Oh. Maybe

that's her. Oh, that's her.

Is that you, Tracy?

Oh, Link. I thought

you'd be Tracy.

No. I was just at home...

practising my new

twist on the twist...

and I overheard it on the news.

I can't believe Tracy savagely

bludgeoned an Eagle Scout.

That's just not like her.

Well, it's not true, I was there.

He didn't even bleed.

I shoulda been there...

beside her.

I can't sleep, I can't eat.

You can't eat?

Well, come on in

and worry with us.

I'll make you some pork.

Penny Lou Pingleton,

you are absolutely...

positively, permanently punished.

You will live on a diet

of saltines and Tang...

and you will never

leave this room again.

Devil child. Devil child.

Seaweed. Don't let her hear you.

Penny, what happened to you?

She's punishing me for

harbouring a fugitive...

without her permission.

What are you doing?

I'm here to rescue the

fair maiden, baby.

Oh, Seaweed, you do care.

I was afraid the colours of

our skin would keep us apart.

No. These knots might.

Was your mum in the navy?

♪ Once I was a selfish fool

who never understood ♪

♪ Never looked inside myself ♪

♪ Though on the outside,

I looked good ♪

♪ Then we met and you made

me the man I am today ♪

♪ Tracy, I'm in love with you,

no matter what you weigh ♪

♪ Because without love ♪

♪ Life is like the

seasons with no summer ♪

♪ Without love ♪

♪ Life is rock 'n' roll

without a drummer ♪

♪ Tracy, I'll be yours forever ♪

♪ Because I never wanna be ♪

♪ Without love ♪

♪ Tracy, never set me free ♪

♪ No, I ain't lying ♪

♪ Never set me free ♪

♪ Tracy, no, no, no ♪

♪ Living in the ghetto,

black is everywhere ya go ♪

♪ Who would have thought

I'd love a girl ♪

♪ Whose skin was white

as winter snow? ♪

♪ In my ivory tower ♪

♪ Life was just a hostess snack ♪

♪ But now I've tasted chocolate ♪

♪ And I'm never going back ♪

♪ Because without love ♪

♪ Life is like a beat

that you can't follow ♪

♪ Without love ♪

♪ Life is Doris Day

at the Apollo ♪

♪ Darling, I'll be yours forever ♪

♪ Because I never wanna be ♪

♪ Without love ♪

♪ So, darling, never

set me free, no ♪

♪ I'm yours forever,

never set me free ♪

♪ No, no, no ♪

♪ If I'm left without

my baby doll ♪

♪ I don't know what I'll do ♪

♪ Link, I've got to break out ♪

♪ So that I can get

my hands on you ♪

♪ Girl, if I can't touch you,

then I'm gonna lose control ♪

♪ Seaweed, you're my

black white knight ♪

♪ I've found my blue-eyed soul ♪

♪ Sweet freedom is our goal ♪

♪ Trace, I wanna kiss ya ♪

♪ Let me out at the next toll ♪

♪ Without love ♪

♪ Life is like a prom

that won't invite us ♪

♪ Without love ♪

♪ It's like getting my big

break and laryngitis ♪

♪ Without love ♪

♪ Life's a 45 when

you can't buy it ♪

♪ Without love ♪

♪ Life is like my

mother on a diet ♪

♪ Like a week that's

only Mondays ♪

♪ Only ice cream, never sundaes ♪

♪ Like a circle with no centre ♪

♪ Like a door marked

"do not enter" ♪

♪ Darling, I'll be yours forever ♪

♪ Because I never wanna be ♪

♪ Without love ♪

♪ Yes, now you've captured me ♪

♪ Without love ♪

♪ I surrender happily ♪

♪ Without love ♪

♪ Oh, Seaweed, never set me free ♪

♪ No, no, no ♪

♪ I ain't lying ♪

♪ Never set me free ♪

♪ No, no, no ♪

♪ No, I don't wanna live without ♪

♪ Love, love, love ♪

♪ Pretty Penny little ♪

♪ Darling, you had

best believe me ♪

♪ Never leave me without love ♪

Link.

Your pork is ready.

Mama, I...

You trying to hide her here?

Why you ain't think

of that before?

Everything she done for us.

Where your manners at, boy?

Ow. Well, I don't know.

And what about this one?

Seaweed's got a girlfriend.

Inez, shut up.

- You.

- Oh.

So this is love.

Well, love is a gift.

Lotta people don't remember that.

So you two better

brace yourselves...

for a whole lotta

ugly coming at you...

from a never-ending

parade of stupid.

So you met my mum?

Hello?

- Mum?

- Tracy, are you ok?

- Yes, I'm safe.

- Oh, my God.

- Mum, listen.

- Where are you?

- I need your help.

- What?

Tomorrow's the Miss Teenage

Hairspray pageant.

Tracy, you...

I need you to come

down to the station.

Well... well, Tracy...

- Dress nice.

- What?

Penny will meet you out front.

Now let me talk to Dad.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Turn your face this way.

The other way. Go.

Everybody, please take your seats.

The Miss Teenage Hairspray

pageant is about to begin.

Oh, you've come on a

very exciting day.

It's our first live show.

Oh. Bye Bye, Birdie.

Oh, my Amber is perfect for that.

She's the pretty

little blonde. Ha ha.

And we're live in 5, 4, 3...

And now, broadcast live in front

of a live studio audience...

for the first time

from the certified...

up-to-code WYZT studio...

it's the Corny Collins Miss

Hairspray spectacular.

- He's Corny.

- He's Corny.

Brought to you by Ultra

Clutch hairspray.

♪ What gives a girl

power and punch ♪

♪ Is it charm, is it poise ♪

♪ No, it's hairspray ♪

♪ What gets a gal

asked out to lunch ♪

♪ Is it brains, is it dough

No, it's hairspray ♪

♪ If you take a ride with

no can at your side ♪

"And preserve our family

through our father."

"Let us make our father drink

wine, and let us lie with him."

♪ You can take off in a rocket ♪

♪ And in outer space each

hair will be in place ♪

Link, the agents are here. Look.

♪ Why take a chance when

you get up and dance? ♪

♪ If you twist, I insist ♪

♪ You use hairspray and

tell your mother ♪

Maybe they'll sign us together.

♪ Her head she should smother ♪

♪ With Ultra Clutch faithfully ♪

Well?

There's no sign of her. We're on

every door. She's not inside.

Doesn't mean she won't try.

Velma, I seriously doubt

this girl's gonna risk...

incarceration to win a pageant.

♪ That's me ♪

I risked communicable diseases.

She'll certainly risk jail.

♪ Better than hairspray ♪

♪ That's me ♪

♪ Ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh,

ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh ♪

♪ Ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh,

ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh ♪

♪ Ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh ♪

♪ What makes a man

reach out and touch? ♪

♪ Ultra Clutch ♪

♪ So if you're a redhead,

a blonde, or brunette ♪

Whoo.

♪ Just take my advice and

you might just get ♪

♪ The only thing better

than hairspray ♪

♪ That's me ♪

Ah.

♪ He's Corny Collins ♪

♪ The only thing better

than hairspray ♪

♪ Hairspray ♪

Wow.

♪ That's me ♪

Hey, baby, you look like

you could use a stiff one.

♪ Whoo-ooo ♪

And we are out.

Link, you sprayed it

right in my face.

What'd I tell you about that?

Stop. You guys.

Powder.

And we're back.

5, 4.

Here?

3.

And now for the talent portion

of our competition...

our Councilettes...

in their Miss Teenage

Hairspray official dance-off.

First off, we have the sunny

pride of Highlandtown, Darla.

Hello, Darla.

Miss Teenage Hairspray.

Your vote is for?

This little girl could power...

all of greater

downtown Baltimore...

with her energy... Lou Ann.

Who are you voting for? Lou Ann?

Very good, thank you.

All right.

Ladies and gentlemen, the

almost too happy Tammy.

And thank you, Tammy.

Confirmed sighting.

What?

You three, outside, now.

We can't go out Th...

No, no. No buts. Out, out.

Out. Out, out, out, out.

Whatever you say, Mrs. Von Tussle.

Whoo.

Aw, she's too cute, isn't she?

Hold it right there, Tracy.

Looking for someone?

All right, ladies and gentlemen.

- Ha.

- A what?

It was a diversion.

Oh, please, these people are

not capable of a diversion.

It's beyond their mental capacity.

I wouldn't be so sure, Velma.

Oh, my God.

What if she's already

in the building?

What if she's been

here for hours...

and you've locked yourselves out?

What?

- Check the doors.

- Let's go.

It's locked.

They're all locked.

And now a fast girl who

loves to slow dance...

our own smooth-as-silk Shelley.

Keep going. Keep going. That's it.

Come on.

Put your backs into it, men.

Put your backs into it this time.

Come on, one more

time. One more time.

Come on, come on, come on.

Here's our little dynamic

duo from Conkling Street.

Double your fun with

Noreen and Doreen.

What is with you people?

I mean, how hard is it

to beat down a door?

That hairspray battering

ram was heavy.

Heavy?

How could they be

heavy, they're...

hollow.

Move it.

Let's get 'em. Let's go.

And, of course...

our three-time Miss

Hairspray champion...

the ever-charming, Amber.

Oh, my God.

You carried her in.

Go.

Ow.

It's locked.

Open it.

Let's give a final

round of applause...

to our Miss Teenage

Hairspray contestants.

Hey.

All right, all right.

We are so close to announcing...

the new Miss Teenage Hairspray.

Look at that board.

What a nail-biter this

one is turning into.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the final tally.

It is my...

obligation...

to announce that

Amber Von Tussle...

Is about to get out-danced.

Tracy Turnblad.

What?

♪ You can't stop an avalanche ♪

♪ As it races down the hill ♪

♪ You can try to stop

the seasons, girl ♪

♪ But 'cha know you never will ♪

♪ And you can try to

stop my dancing feet ♪

♪ But I just cannot stand still ♪

♪ Because the world keeps

spinning round and round ♪

♪ And my heart's keeping

time to the speed of sound ♪

♪ I was lost till I

heard the drums ♪

♪ Then I found my way ♪

No.

♪ Because you can't

stop the beat ♪

Link.

♪ Ever since this

old world began ♪

♪ A woman found out

if she shook it ♪

♪ She could shake up a man ♪

♪ And so I'm gonna

shake and shimmy it ♪

This throne is mine.

♪ The best that I can today ♪

♪ Because you can't stop ♪

Let me down.

♪ The motion of the ocean

or the sun in the sky ♪

♪ You can wonder if you

wanna but I never ask why ♪

♪ And if you try to hold me down ♪

♪ I'm gonna spit in your eye ♪

♪ And say ♪

♪ That you can't stop the beat ♪

They love you, Link.

Yeah?

Not for long.

Inez, come on.

Let's dance.

Little Miss Inez Stubbs.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Look at my baby go.

- Inez.

- Inez?

- Mm.

- Come on.

Oh. There you go.

Give her a hand, folks.

Little Miss Inez Stubbs.

Ladies and gentlemen.

♪ You can't stop a river

as it rushes to the sea ♪

♪ You can try to stop

the hands of time ♪

♪ But 'cha know it just can't be ♪

♪ And if they try to

stop us, Seaweed ♪

♪ We'll call the N-double-A-C-P ♪

♪ Because the world keeps

spinning round and round ♪

♪ And my heart's keeping

time to the speed of sound ♪

♪ I was lost till I

heard the drums ♪

♪ Then I found my way ♪

♪ Because you can't

stop the beat ♪

♪ Ever since we first

saw the light ♪

♪ A man and woman

liked to shake it ♪

♪ On a Saturday night ♪

♪ And so I'm gonna

shake and shimmy it ♪

♪ With all of my might ♪

Mother.

♪ Today ♪

♪ Because you can't stop

the motion of the ocean ♪

♪ Or the rain from above ♪

♪ They can try to

stop the paradise ♪

Hello? Hello?

♪ We're dreaming of

but you cannot stop ♪

♪ The rhythm of two

hearts in love ♪

♪ To stay ♪

♪ Because you can't

stop the beat ♪

Amen.

I am now a checkerboard chick.

Penny.

No.

Mommy.

Ow.

Live television. There's

nothing like it.

Penny.

And now, it's the moment

you've all been craving for.

We have to wait till

they go to commercial.

As you know, we've kept the lines

open up to the last minute.

And those lines have been

burning up our switchboard.

Never in the history

of this pageant...

has there been such a

surge of late voting.

Baltimore, you've picked a winner.

And the new Miss Hairspray is...

- Inez Stubbs.

- What?

Inez, you done it. You did it.

How about that?

Yes.

Come on over here, Little Inez.

Go, babe.

Oh. Inez.

Oh, my God.

That's my baby.

That's my baby girl.

But... She's...

she's not even a candidate.

She just got a tidal

wave of calls, Velma.

But this is invalid.

This is impossible.

Well, anyone who dances

for it is eligible.

Rule 30, paragraph 5, asterisk,

down at the bottom. Ok.

Well, this also makes you the lead

dancer on The Corny Collins Show.

Ladies and gentlemen, The

Corny Collins Show...

is now and forever

officially integrated.

Oh, oh. Oh.

All right. Yeah.

Interracial dancing has

broken out at the WYZT stage.

Just look at the crowd's reaction.

Back to you, Steve.

♪ I was lost till I

heard the drums ♪

♪ Then I found my way ♪

♪ Because you can't

stop the beat ♪

Amber, stop it.

I lost, Mum. Let's

just deal with it.

No, you did not lose.

You cannot have lost...

because I switched

the damn tallies.

Smile, Miss Crabmeat.

You're on Candid Camera.

That was a good shot,

don't you think?

Not bad.

Ha ha ha. What are you doing?

Get that away from me.

Go to commercial.

Go.

Velma.

Pack your desk.

You've tainted the

name of Ultra Clutch.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

How can you taint a

cancerous can of chemicals?

You're fired.

I ca... I can't be fired.

Oh, yeah?

Last chance to join

the dance, folks.

Everyone is welcome.

Wilbur.

Do it now, or forever

wish you had.

Really?

Show 'em, baby.

Nobody can dance like you.

♪ You can't stop my happiness ♪

♪ Because I like the way I am ♪

♪ And ya just can't stop

my knife and fork ♪

♪ When I see a Christmas ham ♪

♪ So if you don't

like the way I look ♪

♪ Well, I just don't give a damn ♪

♪ Because the world keeps

spinning round and round ♪

♪ And my heart's keeping

time to the speed of sound ♪

♪ I was lost till I

heard the drums ♪

♪ Then I found my way ♪

♪ Because you can't

stop the beat ♪

♪ Ever since this

old world began ♪

♪ A woman found out

if she shook it ♪

♪ She could shake up a man ♪

♪ And so I'm gonna

shake and shimmy it ♪

♪ The best that I can today ♪

♪ Because you can't stop ♪

♪ The motion of the ocean

or the sun in the sky ♪

♪ You can wonder if you wanna

but I'll never ask why ♪

♪ And if you try to hold me down ♪

♪ I'm gonna spit in your eye ♪

♪ And say ♪

♪ That you can't stop the beat ♪

Whoa.

Oh. I love you.

You did great.

Corny, do something.

The show is turning to gumbo.

Not a chance, Velma.

This is the future.

Maybelle, let's go.

This is your time.

Yeah.

All right, Miss buttercup.

It's time to wrap this mutha up.

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ You can't stop today ♪

No.

♪ As it comes speeding

down the tracks ♪

♪ Ooh, child, yes ♪

♪ Child, yesterday is history ♪

Be gone.

♪ And it's never coming back ♪

♪ Look ahead ♪

♪ Because tomorrow

is a brand-new day ♪

♪ And it don't know

white from black ♪

Yeah.

♪ Because the world keeps

spinning round and round ♪

♪ And my heart's keeping

time to the speed of sound ♪

♪ I was lost till I

heard the drums ♪

♪ Then I found my way ♪

♪ Because you can't

stop the beat ♪

♪ Ever since we first

saw the light ♪

♪ A man and woman

liked to shake it ♪

♪ On a Saturday night ♪

♪ And so I'm gonna

shake and shimmy it ♪

♪ With all of my might ♪

♪ Today ♪

♪ Because you can't stop

the motion of the ocean ♪

♪ Or the rain from above ♪

♪ They can try to

stop the paradise ♪

♪ We're dreaming of ♪

♪ But you cannot stop ♪

♪ The rhythm of two

hearts in love ♪

♪ To stay ♪

♪ Because you can't

stop the beat ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

♪ Ever since we

first saw the sun ♪

♪ A man and woman liked to shake

it when the day is done ♪

♪ And so we're gonna

shake and shimmy it ♪

♪ And have some fun today ♪

♪ Because you can't stop ♪

♪ The motion of the ocean

or the rain from above ♪

♪ They can try to stop the

paradise we're dreaming of ♪

♪ But you'll never

stop the rhythm ♪

♪ Of two hearts in love to stay ♪

♪ Because you can't

stop the beat ♪

♪ You can't stop the beat ♪

♪ You can't stop the beat ♪

♪ You can't stop the beat ♪

♪ You can't stop the beat ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Hey, old friend,

let's look back ♪

♪ On the crazy clothes we wore ♪

♪ Ain't it fun to look back ♪

♪ To see it's all

been done before ♪

♪ All those nights together ♪

♪ Are a special memory ♪

♪ And I can't wait for tomorrow ♪

♪ Just as long as you're

dancing next to me ♪

♪ Because it's so

clear, every year ♪

♪ We get stronger ♪

♪ Stronger ♪

♪ Because what's gone is

gone, the past is the past ♪

♪ Turn the radio up ♪

♪ And then hit the gas ♪

♪ Because I know

we've come so far ♪

♪ But we've got so far to go ♪

♪ I know the road seems long ♪

♪ But it won't be long

till it's time to go ♪

♪ So, most days,

we'll take it fast ♪

♪ And some nights,

we'll take it slow ♪

♪ I know we've come so far ♪

♪ But, baby, baby, we've

got so far to go ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ Hey, old friend, together ♪

♪ Side by side and year by year ♪

♪ The road was filled

with twists and turns ♪

♪ Oh, but that's the

road that got us here ♪

♪ Let's move past the bad times ♪

♪ But before those memories fade ♪

♪ Let's forgive but not forget ♪

♪ And learn from all

the mistakes we made ♪

♪ Because it's so

clear, every year ♪

♪ We get stronger ♪

♪ Stronger ♪

♪ So don't give up

and don't say when ♪

♪ And just get back

on the road again ♪

♪ Because I know

we've come so far ♪

♪ But we've got so far to go ♪

♪ I know the road seems long ♪

♪ But it won't be long

till it's time to go ♪

♪ So, most days,

we'll take it fast ♪

♪ And some nights,

we'll take it slow ♪

♪ I know we've come so far ♪

♪ But, baby, baby, we've

got so far to go ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ Uh, uh, uh, uh ♪

♪ Hey, old friend, come

along for the ride ♪

♪ There's plenty of

room so jump inside ♪

♪ The highway's bumpy

every now and then ♪

♪ But it's so much better

than where I've been ♪

♪ Just keep moving

at your own speed ♪

♪ Your heart is all the

compass you'll ever need ♪

♪ Let's keep cruising

the road we're on ♪

♪ Because the rearview

mirror only shows what's ♪

♪ Gone, gone, gone ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Got so far to go ♪

♪ Ohh yeah ♪

♪ Ohh ♪

♪ Because it's so

clear, every year ♪

♪ We get stronger ♪

♪ Stronger ♪

♪ So shine that light ♪

♪ Take my hand ♪

♪ And let's dance into

the promised land ♪

♪ Because I know

we've come so far ♪

♪ But we've got so far to go ♪

♪ I know the road seems long ♪

♪ But it won't be long

till it's time to go ♪

♪ So, most days,

we'll take it fast ♪

♪ But some nights,

we'll take it slow ♪

♪ I know we've come so far ♪

♪ But, baby, baby, we've

got so far to go ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Welcome to the sixties ♪

Stop.

♪ Stop telling me what to do ♪

Don't.

♪ Don't treat me like

a child of two ♪

No.

♪ I know that you

want what's best ♪

Please.

♪ But, Mother, please ♪

♪ Give it a rest ♪

♪ Stop. Don't. No. Please ♪

♪ Stop. Don't. No. Please ♪

♪ Stop. Don't. No. Please ♪

♪ Mama, I'm a big girl now ♪

♪ Once upon a time when

I was just a kid ♪

♪ You never let me do just

what the older kids did ♪

♪ But lose that laundry list

of what you won't allow ♪

♪ Because, Mama, I'm

a big girl now ♪

♪ Once upon a time I played

with childhood toys ♪

♪ But now I'd rather play

around with older boys ♪

♪ So, if I get a Hickey,

please don't have a cow ♪

♪ Because, Mama, I'm

a big girl now ♪

♪ Ma, I gotta tell you

that without a doubt ♪

♪ I get my best dancing

lessons from you ♪

♪ You're the one who taught

me how to twist and shout ♪

♪ Because you shout non-stop

and you're so twisted, too ♪

♪ Wo-oh-oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ Once I used to fidget

because I just sat home ♪

♪ But now I'm just like Gidget

and I gotta get to Rome ♪

♪ So say, Arrivederci ♪

♪ Toodle-loo ♪

♪ And ciao ♪

♪ Because, Mama, I'm

a big girl now ♪

♪ Ohh, stop. Don't. No. Please ♪

♪ Stop. Don't. No. Please ♪

♪ Stop. Don't. No. Please ♪

♪ Mama, I'm a big girl now ♪

♪ Hey, Mama, say, Mama ♪

♪ Once upon a time I was

a shy young thing ♪

♪ Could barely walk and talk

so much as dance and sing ♪

♪ But let me hit that stage,

I wanna take my bow ♪

♪ Because, Mama, I'm

a big girl now ♪

♪ Wo-oh-oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ Once upon a time I

used to dress up Ken ♪

♪ But now that I'm a

woman, I like bigger men ♪

♪ And I don't need a Barbie

doll to show me how ♪

♪ Because, Mama, I'm

a big girl now ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ah ♪

♪ Ma, you always taught me

what was right from wrong ♪

♪ And now I just wanna

give it a try ♪

♪ Mama, I've been in the

nest for far too long ♪

♪ So please give a push

and, Mama, watch me fly ♪

♪ Watch me fly ♪

Show off.

♪ Someday I will meet a

man you won't condemn ♪

♪ And we will have some kids

and you can torture them ♪

♪ But let me be a star

before I take that vow ♪

♪ Because, Mama, I'm

a big girl now ♪

♪ Whoa-oh-oh ♪

♪ Mama, I'm a big girl now ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Mama, I'm a big girl ♪

Ooh, such a big, big girl.

♪ I'm a big girl now ♪

♪ Whoa-oh-oh, whoaaaa ♪

♪ Whoa-oh-oh, whoaaaa ♪

♪ Please, Mama, I'm

a big girl now ♪

♪ They came from way far

out in outer space ♪

♪ She's hard to miss and so

they landed on her face ♪

♪ She's got cooties ♪

♪ They've found a place to nest ♪

♪ She's got cooties ♪

♪ Cooties ♪

♪ If I were her,

I'd be depressed ♪

♪ Long tailed, sharp nailed ♪

♪ Fuzzy legs, laying eggs ♪

♪ Oh, no, ew ♪

♪ In science class she's like

a walking show-and-tell ♪

♪ Her pet skunk ran away because

it couldn't take the smell ♪

♪ She's got cooties ♪

♪ Nobody wants to sit by her ♪

♪ No, don't need a coat

because she's got fur ♪

♪ Circle, circle, dot, dot, dot ♪

♪ Glad I got my cootie shot ♪

♪ Come on, boys, let's

stamp 'em out ♪

♪ Uh-uh-uh-uh, uh-uh-uh-uh ♪

♪ Cootie, cootie ♪

♪ Come on, boys ♪

♪ Cootie, cootie ♪

♪ Uh-uh-uh-uh, uh-uh-uh-uh ♪

♪ Cootie, cootie ♪

♪ Come on, boys ♪

♪ Whoa, no, no, no ♪

♪ She's got cooties ♪

♪ She's just as

friendly as can be ♪

♪ She's got cooties ♪

♪ She shows them

cootie hospitality ♪

♪ She's got cooties ♪

♪ She's like a living

Twilight Zone ♪

♪ She's got cooties ♪

♪ Can you get Rod

Serling on the phone? ♪

♪ Black, white, red, green ♪

♪ Every colour in between ♪

♪ Dresses like a circus clown ♪

♪ Somebody oughta hose her down ♪

♪ Grew up in a cootie zoo ♪

♪ I bet her two-ton

Mama's got 'em, too ♪

♪ She... she... she's coming ♪

♪ She's got cooties ♪

♪ Somebody oughta hose her down ♪

♪ She's got cooties ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ She's got cooties ♪

♪ Somebody oughta hose her down ♪

♪ She's got cooties ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ She's got cooties ♪

♪ She's just as

friendly as can be ♪

♪ She's got cooties ♪

♪ She shows them

cootie hospitality ♪

♪ She's got cooties ♪

♪ This girly surely

catch your eye ♪

♪ She's got cooties ♪

♪ She surely likes to let

her freak flag fly ♪

♪ Come on, boys ♪

♪ Let's jam ♪

♪ Let's hear it for Mama ♪

♪ Come on, boys, let's jam ♪

♪ Let's hear it for Mama ♪

♪ Come on, boys, let's jam ♪

♪ Let's hear it for Mama ♪

♪ Come on, boys, let's jam ♪

♪ Let's hear it for Mama ♪

♪ Black, white, red, green ♪

♪ Every colour in between ♪

♪ Dresses like a circus clown ♪

♪ Somebody oughta hose her down ♪

♪ Grew up in a cootie zoo ♪

♪ I bet her two-ton

Mama's got 'em, too ♪