Hairspray (2007) - full transcript

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Woke up today ♪

♪ Feeling the way ♪

♪ I always do ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Hungry for something
that I can't eat ♪

♪ Then I hear that beat ♪

♪ That rhythm of town
starts calling me down ♪

♪ It's like a message
from high above ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Pulling me out to the smiles
and the streets that I love ♪



Good morning, Baltimore.

♪ Good morning, Baltimore ♪

♪ Every day's like an open door ♪

♪ Every night is a fantasy ♪

♪ Every sound's like a symphony ♪

♪ Good morning, Baltimore ♪

♪ And someday when I
take to the floor ♪

♪ The world's gonna
wake up and see ♪

♪ Baltimore and me ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Look at my hair ♪

♪ What 'do can compare
with mine today? ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ I've got my
hairspray and radio ♪



♪ I'm ready to go ♪

♪ The rats on the street ♪

♪ All dance around my feet ♪

♪ They seem to say,
"Tracy, it's up to you" ♪

♪ So oh, oh, don't hold me back ♪

♪ Because today all my
dreams will come true ♪

♪ Good morning, Baltimore ♪

♪ There's the flasher
who lives next door ♪

♪ There's the bum on
his barroom stool ♪

♪ They wish me luck
on my way to school ♪

♪ Good morning, Baltimore ♪

♪ And someday when I
take to the floor ♪

♪ The world's gonna
wake up and see ♪

♪ Baltimore and me ♪

♪ I know every step ♪

♪ I know every song ♪

♪ I know there's a
place where I belong ♪

♪ I see all those party
lights shining ahead ♪

♪ So someone invite me
before I drop dead ♪

♪ Before she drops dead ♪

♪ So oh, oh, give me a chance ♪

♪ Because when I start to
dance I'm a movie star ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Something inside of
me makes me move ♪

♪ When I hear that groove ♪

♪ My ma tells me no ♪

♪ But my feet tell me "go" ♪

♪ It's like a drummer
inside my heart ♪

♪ So oh, oh, don't make me wait ♪

♪ One more moment for
my life to start ♪

♪ I love you, Baltimore ♪

♪ Every day's like an open door ♪

♪ Every night is a fantasy ♪

♪ Every sound's like a symphony ♪

♪ And I promise, Baltimore ♪

♪ That someday when I
take to the floor ♪

♪ The world's gonna
wake up and see ♪

♪ Gonna wake up and see ♪

♪ Baltimore and me ♪

♪ Yes, more or less,
we all agree ♪

♪ Baltimore and me ♪

♪ Someday the world is gonna see ♪

♪ Baltimore and me ♪

Mount Everest is the most
famous, but not the highest...

geographical point on this earth.

Now, who can tell me what that is?

Excuse me, Miss Whimsy?

I can't see the board again.

Tracy Turnblad.

If I have to write you up...

for inappropriate hair
height one more time...

you will be removed to detention.

Miss Wimsey, what am
I supposed to do?

Hair can't just hang there like
a dead thing on your cheeks.

I mean, well... you
know what I mean.

I...

As I said, it is
not Mount Everest.

Now, next week we
will be talking...

about earthquakes and volcanoes.

And as exciting as
that might sound...

we have to look back
approximately 60 million years.

Now, if you turn your pages...

we are going to start
with the Ring of Fire.

I want you to contemplate
what causes...

the separation of
the two components.

Penny, come on, hurry.

Outta my way.

Push. We're late.

- One minute to air.
- Ok.

40 to go.

Don't change that channel.

Coming up next. The
Corny Collins Show.

30 seconds.

- Hiya, Dad.
- Goodbye.

Hi.

It's my daughter.

10 seconds. Places, everyone.

Hurry up, Penny, we're missing it.

My mum says I'm not
allowed to perspire.

Hey there, teenage Baltimore.

Don't change that channel
because it's time...

for The Corny Collins Show...

Brought to you by Ultra
Clutch hairspray.

♪ Oh, every afternoon when
the clock strikes four ♪

♪ Bop bee ba ba ba
ba ba ba bee ba ♪

♪ Well, a crazy bunch of kids
crash through that door, yeah ♪

♪ Bop bee ba ba ba
ba ba ba bee ba ♪

♪ Well, they throw
off their coats ♪

♪ And leave the squares behind ♪

♪ And then they shake it,
shake it, shake it ♪

♪ Like they're losing their mind ♪

♪ You'll never see them frown ♪

♪ Because they're the
nicest kids in town ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Oh, every afternoon you
turn your TV on, huh ♪

♪ Naa Na Na Na Na Na Na Na ♪

♪ Yeah, we know you
turn the sound up ♪

♪ When your parents
are gone, yeah ♪

♪ Naa Na Na Na Na Na Na Na ♪

♪ Then you twist and shout
for your favourite star ♪

♪ And when you've
practised every step ♪

♪ That's in your repertoire ♪

♪ You better come on down ♪

♪ And meet the nicest
kids in town ♪

Whoo.

♪ Nice white kids who
like to lead the way ♪

♪ And once a month we
have our Negro Day ♪

♪ And I'm the man who
keeps it spinning round ♪

♪ Mr. Corny Collins with
the latest greatest ♪

♪ Baltimore sound ♪

♪ So, every afternoon
drop everything ♪

Whoo.

♪ Bop bee ba ba ba
ba ba ba bee ba ♪

♪ Who needs to read and write ♪

♪ When you can dance
and sing, yeah ♪

♪ Bop bee ba ba ba
ba ba ba bee ba ♪

♪ Forget about your
algebra and calculus ♪

♪ You can always do your
homework on the morning bus ♪

♪ Can't tell a verb from a noun ♪

♪ They're the nicest
kids in town ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

R... r... r... role call.

I'm Amber.

Brad.

- Tammy.
- Fender.

- Brenda.
- Sketch.

- Shelley.
- IQ.

Lou Ann.

- Joey.
- Mikey.

- Vicki.
- Becky.

- Bix.
- Jesse.

- Darla.
- Paulie.

- Noreen.
- Doreen.

And I'm... Link.

♪ So, if every night
you're shaking ♪

♪ As you lie in bed ♪

♪ Mony, mony ♪

♪ Shake it, baby ♪

♪ And the bass and drums are
pounding in your head ♪

♪ Mony, mony, ooh, mony, mony ♪

♪ Who cares about sleep when
you can snooze in school ♪

♪ You'll never get to college
but you'll sure look cool ♪

♪ Don't need a cap or a gown ♪

♪ When you're the
nicest kids in town ♪

They must think my
ears are garbage cans.

Would you turn that racket down?

I'm trying to iron here.

♪ Nicest kids in ♪

♪ Kids in town, whoo ♪

Ma, it's not racket. It's
The Corny Collins Show.

Well, it's turning
your brains into mud.

Mrs. Turnblad, it's a new dance.

The Stricken Chicken.

Well, I can't hear myself think.

How am I supposed to
negotiate pleats?

Edna?

I'm in here, Prudy.

What's that racket?

Tracy.

Edna, is my laundry ready?

Yep.

That'll be $3.00, hon.

That's pretty pricey for
a pair of petty pants.

Well, I'm sorry, Prudy...

but some of your
personal stains...

required pounding with a rock.

I'm sure I don't
know what you mean.

You're letting her listen
to that race music again?

My daughter spends every afternoon
at the Stamp and Coin Club.

Oh, really? Well,
your daughter hap...

Oh, what is that?
The Waving Raven?

It's a little twitchy.

Oh, you wanna play
Charades now. All right.

Ok, go ahead.

You.

Penny.

No.

Tracy Turnblad, are you
trying to tell me...

that... that Penny
didn't get permission...

from her mother to be here?

What?

Penny.

You are banned from this house.

You will never watch
that show again.

Without that show I have nothing.

Having nothing builds character.

Toodle-oo, Edna.

Give 'em a hand, folks.
All right, all right.

And, once again, that's
the Stricken Chicken.

We will be right back for some
more of that hot Detroit sound.

And we're off.

Corny.

"Detroit sound"?

What's that, the cries
of people being mugged?

Aw, Velma, the kids dig
the rhythm and blues.

Yeah, they're kids, Corny.

That's why we have to steer
them in the white direction.

Right direction?

Didn't I say that?

I'll do it.

You try that again and there'll be
stumps where your feet should be.

You got that? You little whore...

Amber.

Holy moly. Baby.

Good job dancing today.

- It's time.
- Ah.

Link.

Amber.

Ah.

- Amber.
- Amber, Amber, Amber.

Save your personal life
for the cameras, sweetie.

Oh. Shiny.

Tammy, Lou Ann, you're gonna die.

Speaking of cameras, did
you have a nice nap?

If you'd do your job, my daughter

wouldn't have to
fight to be visible.

I gotta show some of the
other kids once in a while.

You know, this is a small city.

There aren't that many stations.

This time next year you
could be wearing...

an ill-fitting tux, snapping
bar mitzvah photos.

I don't know.

♪ It takes two, baby ♪

Show Link.

This is nuts. She
can't even dance.

Plastic little spastic.

Oh, Link. I can dance so
much better than her.

Why don't you notice me at school?

♪ Ooh ♪

Hey, that was our very own Link
Larkin singing It Takes Two.

And I'm Motormouth
Maybelle reminding...

the last Tuesday of this month's
your rhythm and blues day.

That's right. Negro Day
will be coming your way.

So don't... Over here.

Thank you.

So, catch all the crooning
when you all set and tune in.

Thank you, Motormouth.
And now it's time to...

Owner's coming. He'll call
my mother again, let's go.

Very own fun-loving...

Hey.

Come on up here, Brenda.

What?

Brenda will be taking a leave
of absence from the show.

How long you gonna
be gone, Brenda?

Just nine months.

Seems like we'll have an opening
here on the show for a girl...

just as fun-loving but maybe
not quite as freewheeling.

Wanna be one of the
nicest kids in town?

Cut school tomorrow and come down
to station WYZT to audition.

- No.
- But, Ma.

Don't test me, Tracy Turnblad.

My diet pill's wearing off.

But come on.

No one is auditioning for
anything in this household.

But why not? Why not?

Because dancing is
not your future.

One day you're gonna own
Edna's Occidental Laundry.

I don't wanna be a laundress.

I wanna be famous.

Look, if you wanna be famous...

learn how to take blood
outta car upholstery.

That's a skill you can
take right to the bank.

Hey, hey. What's all
this ruckus in here?

Not a word.

Daddy, tomorrow I'm auditioning
to dance on a TV show.

- No, she is not.
- You are?

First the hair, now this?

But all the kids are batting
up their hair now, hon.

You're no help.

It's "ratting," Daddy.

And our first lady,
Jacqueline Kennedy, does it.

I don't believe that.

What do you mean, you
don't believe that?

- I don't.
- How else would it look that way?

I believe that it
is naturally stiff.

She doesn't understand anything.

Dancing on that show is my dream.

I know.

Just because she wouldn't know a
dream if it bit her on the nose.

Well, I have information
for you, Missy.

I once had a dream that I owned
a coin-operated laundromat...

and I came down from that cloud
real quickly, I'll tell you that.

No.

- Oh, Wilbur.
- Fine. I'm going to my room.

She thinks I'm being mean but
I'm not. Those TV people...

they don't pick people like
Tracy, or girls like us.

They're gonna hurt her, Wilbur.

I'll talk to her.

Ooh.

Ok. Talk to her.

I'll talk to her.

Don't you worry.

Ok.

What?

Tracy, this TV thing.

You really want it?

With all my heart.

Then you go for it.

This is America, babe.

You gotta think big to be big.

Big ain't the problem
in this family, Wilbur.

You follow your dream.

Mine came true, and now I have the
most precious thing in the world.

The Taj Mahal of joke shops.

Heh heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh heh.

Back step, cha-cha-cha.

Side step, front step.

Back and turn.

Front step, cha-cha-cha.

Tammy, sharper.

Side step, front step.

Back, again.

Oh, my God, Penny, there's Link.

Link.

Penny, pinch me.

Ow.

You told me to.

I can't believe I'm
really here auditioning.

Side step, front step.

I can't believe I'm really
here watching you audition.

Front step, cha-cha-cha.

Back step, cha-cha-cha.

Side step, front step.

Back and turn, oh, Amber.
Look at this motley crew.

Oh. This town sure
has gone downhill...

since I was crowned
Miss Baltimore Crabs.

♪ Oh, my God, how
times have changed ♪

♪ These girls must be blind
or completely deranged ♪

♪ But time seemed to halt ♪

♪ When I was Miss
Baltimore Crabs ♪

Amber, that move is far too dirty.

Mother, wake up from
that dream of yours.

- This isn't 1930.
- Ha ha ha.

♪ You can laugh but
life's a test ♪

♪ Don't do this, don't do that ♪

♪ Remember, Mother knows best ♪

♪ For the crown's in the vault ♪

♪ From when I won Miss
Baltimore Crabs ♪

♪ These steps are
perfect ammunition ♪

♪ Let me show you how your mommy
dear took out the competition ♪

Girls, go get 'em.

Boys, let's rumba.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.

♪ Those poor runner-ups might
still hold some grudges ♪

♪ They padded their cups
but I screwed the judges ♪

♪ Those broads thought
they'd win if a plate ♪

♪ They would spin in their dance ♪

♪ Not a chance Boys, put me down ♪

Oh, good morning, ladies.

Let's see what you got.

♪ Twist, twist, twist, twist
mashed potato, mambo ♪

♪ Ready, begin ♪

♪ On my show you'll never find ♪

♪ A thrusting hip
or bump and grind ♪

♪ What's that? A dance
for fleas and ticks? ♪

♪ Oh, you should of
seen my bag of tricks ♪

♪ Oh, I hit the stage
batons ablaze ♪

♪ While belting Aida and
preparing soufflés ♪

♪ But that triple somersault ♪

♪ Is how I clinched
Miss Baltimore Crabs ♪

Proceed.

♪ Are you scared we're on live? ♪

♪ No, I'm sure I can cope ♪

♪ Well, this show
isn't broadcast in ♪

♪ Cinemascope ♪

♪ I never drank one
chocolate malt ♪

♪ No desserts for Miss
Baltimore Crabs ♪

♪ This one will never get a date ♪

♪ In those hand-me-down clothes ♪

♪ Ha. Kid, she'll never get a date
till Daddy buys her a new nose ♪

♪ I would say "Oy, gevalt" ♪

♪ If I wasn't Miss
Baltimore Crabs ♪

♪ Do you dance like you dress? ♪

♪ Amber, there's no
need to be cruel ♪

♪ Would you swim in
an integrated pool? ♪

I sure would.

I'm all for integration.

It's the new frontier.

Not in Baltimore, it isn't.

And may I be frank?

♪ First impressions can be tough ♪

♪ And when I saw you, I knew it ♪

♪ If your size weren't enough ♪

♪ Your last answer just blew it ♪

♪ And so, my dear,
so short and stout ♪

♪ You'll never be in ♪

♪ So we're kicking you out ♪

♪ With your form and your face ♪

♪ Aw, well, it isn't your fault ♪

♪ You're just down with a case ♪

♪ Of Miss Baltimore Crabs ♪

You may go.

Thank you?

I think they secretly liked you.

Cutting my class, Tracy Turnblad?

I trust it was something
really important.

It should've been.

♪ Gimme a break, yeah. Right now ♪

♪ Got a brand-new sound,
so scream and shout ♪

Hey. Hey.

♪ With a funky rhythm ♪

♪ It's a brand-new
look that you can ♪

Whoo.

♪ There's a party
grooving let's get down ♪

What you looking at?

Nothing. Not you.

Can I help you?

That move's swish.

Ya got that right.

The man can dine me on
a diet of detention...

so long as he don't starve
me of my tunes, baby.

- Does that dance have a name?
- Oh, this?

Call it the "Peyton
Place After Midnight."

I use it to attract,
the opposite sex.

Wow.

That is so groovy.

You're really good.

Why, thank you.

So would it be kinda like this?

You can't do that dance.

Hello, now.

Not bad for a white chick.

Hey, I know where
I've seen you before.

Where?

On Corny's show on Negro Day.

Negro Day's the best.

I wish every day were Negro Day.

At our house, it is.

Hey. Show me another one?

You wanna see another one.

Well... well, here's a little
something signified to say...

Hello, my name is Seaweed...

Oh, oh, oh.

J...

Stubbs.

What's yours, baby?

I'm Tra-cy Turn-blad.

You're gonna get it, white girl.

Well, Tracy, you got
it going on, girl.

You one of us.

You're joining this program
already in progress.

Well, let's go.

♪ Whoo ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Got a brand-new sound,
so scream and shout ♪

♪ Hey, a funky beat, now
let's be hurrying ♪

Whoa.

♪ We can't wait now ♪

♪ Have some fun ♪

♪ This party now has just begun ♪

No, I get who Caesar is.

But what's the "Ideas of March"?

I mean, how can a
month have an idea?

Hold on.

Come on.

♪ Come on and watch
me strut my stuff ♪

♪ Watch me ♪

♪ Come on and watch me ♪

How you liking detention now?

I'm a bad, bad girl who
needs to be punished.

♪ Ohh ♪

Hey.

You know, Corny's hosting
the hop tomorrow.

If he saw you dancing like that...

he'd put you on the show.

- See ya.
- Mm.

Ah, whoa. Sorry, little darling.

Hope I didn't dent your 'do.

See you all later.

Hey, Trace. I was looking for you.

What?

♪ I can hear the bells ♪

What? What are you talking about?

♪ Well, don't-cha
hear 'em chime? ♪

Chime's not exactly
how I'd put it.

♪ Can't you feel my heartbeat
keeping perfect time? ♪

♪ And all because he ♪

♪ Touched me ♪

♪ He looked at me and stared ♪

♪ Yes, he bumped me ♪

♪ My heart was unprepared ♪

♪ When he tapped me ♪

♪ And knocked me off my feet ♪

♪ One little touch now
my life's complete ♪

♪ Because when he nudged me ♪

Oh.

♪ Love put me in a fix ♪

♪ Yes, it hit me ♪

♪ Just like a ton of bricks ♪

♪ Yes, my heart burst ♪

♪ Now I know what life's about ♪

♪ One little touch and
love's knocked me out ♪

♪ And I can hear the bells ♪

♪ My head is spinning ♪

♪ I can hear the bells ♪

♪ Something's beginning ♪

♪ Everybody says that a
girl who looks like me ♪

♪ Can't win his love ♪

♪ Well, just wait and see ♪

♪ Because I can hear the bells ♪

♪ Just hear them chiming ♪

♪ I can hear the bells ♪

♪ My temperature's climbing ♪

♪ I can't contain my joy ♪

♪ Because I finally
found the boy ♪

♪ I've been missing ♪

♪ Listen, I can hear the bells ♪

♪ Round one ♪

♪ He'll ask me on
a date and then ♪

♪ Round two ♪

♪ I'll primp but won't
be late because ♪

♪ Round three ♪

♪ Is when we kiss inside his car ♪

♪ Won't go all the way but
I'll go pretty fa-ar ♪

♪ Round four ♪

♪ He'll ask me for
my hand and then ♪

♪ Round five ♪

♪ We'll book the
wedding band so by ♪

♪ Round six ♪

♪ Amber, much to your surprise ♪

♪ This heavyweight
champion takes the prize ♪

♪ And I can hear the bells ♪

♪ My ears are ringing ♪

♪ I can hear the bells ♪

♪ The bridesmaids are singing ♪

♪ Everybody says that a
guy who's such a gem ♪

♪ Won't look my way ♪

♪ Well, the laugh's on them ♪

♪ Because I can hear the bells ♪

♪ My father will smile ♪

♪ I can hear the bells ♪

♪ As he walks me down the aisle ♪

♪ My mother starts to cry ♪

♪ But I can't see because Link
and I are French kissing ♪

♪ Listen, I can hear the bells ♪

♪ Ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ♪

♪ I can hear the bells ♪

♪ My head is reeling ♪

♪ I can hear the bells ♪

♪ I can't stop the pealing ♪

♪ Everybody warns that he
won't like what he'll see ♪

♪ But I know that he'll
look inside of me ♪

♪ Yeah, I can hear the bells ♪

♪ Today's just the start because ♪

♪ I can hear the bells ♪

♪ Until death do us part and ♪

♪ Even when we die we'll
look down from up above ♪

♪ Remembering the night
that we two fell in love ♪

♪ We both will shed a tear ♪

♪ And he'll whisper as
we're reminiscing ♪

♪ Listen, I can hear the bells ♪

♪ She can hear the bells ♪

♪ I can hear the bells ♪

♪ She can hear the bells ♪

♪ I can hear the bells ♪

♪ Bum, bum, bum ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ Hey, little girl with
the cash to burn ♪

♪ Well, I'm selling something
you won't return ♪

♪ Hey, little girl,
take me off the shelf ♪

♪ Because it's hard having
fun playing with yourself ♪

♪ Once you bounce through
the whole selection ♪

♪ Shake those hips
in my direction ♪

♪ Bringing back gifts
she never did see ♪

♪ Take me home and
then unwrap me ♪

♪ Shop around but, little
darling, I've got to be ♪

♪ The ladies' choice ♪

♪ Ladies' choice ♪

♪ The ladies' choice ♪

Go on. Get out there and show 'em.

It's packed pretty tight.

Ok. I'll go in front
of you and I'll push.

♪ Test drive this American male ♪

Wait.

♪ It's gonna take cash
to fill my tank ♪

♪ It's gonna take cash
to fill my tank ♪

♪ So let's crack open
your piggy bank ♪

Hey, Seaweed.

Wanna do Peyton Place for Corny?

Are you crazy? You gotta
dance with your crowd...

and I gotta dance with mine.

Why?

It's just the way it is, Tracy.

But it's your dance.

Well, how about you go
borrow it for a second.

- Really?
- Go get it, girl.

♪ I'm the ladies' choice ♪

♪ Ladies' choice ♪

♪ Ladies' choice ♪

Whoo.

All right. Yeah.

Whoa.

♪ Hey, little girl on
a spending spree ♪

♪ I don't come cheap but
the kisses come free ♪

♪ On closer inspection I'm
sure that you'll agree ♪

♪ Oh, hey, little girl,
listen to my plea ♪

♪ I come with a
lifetime guarantee ♪

♪ One day maybe we'll find
that baby makes three ♪

Link.

♪ It's the ladies' choice ♪

♪ I'm the ladies' choice ♪

♪ I'm the ladies' choice ♪

♪ I'm the ladies'
choice-choice-choice ♪

♪ I'm the ladies' choice ♪

Mr. And Mrs. Turnblad.

Hey, look out.

Ah.

Mrs. Turnblad.

Mr. Turnblad, come quick.

- Me?
- Come on.

Mrs. Turnblad. Come quick.

You gotta see this.

Oh, I read all about it.

It's a big fake Hollywood set.

No, Mrs...

You think I'm gonna think
that he's really up there?

It's not John Glenn,
Mrs. Turnblad.

Well, why are we watching this?

Just watch.

- Lou Ann.
- Joey.

Mikey. Vicki. Becky.

Bix. Jesse. Darla.

- Paulie.
- Noreen.

- Doreen.
- Link.

And I'm Tracy.

Oh. Oh, my.

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ And the bass and drums are
pounding in your head ♪

Go, Tracy.

- Go, go, Tracy.
- Go, go, Tracy.

♪ Who cares about sleep when
you can snooze in school? ♪

♪ You'll never get to college
but you sure look cool ♪

♪ Don't need a cap and a gown ♪

♪ When you're the
nicest kids in town ♪

♪ Woo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo ♪

♪ Kids in town, woo ♪

Yeah. That was the
dance of the week...

I don't know what
happened, Mr. Spritzer.

Corny had some sort of
aneurysm or something...

and... picked her.

By our brand-new Council
Member, Miss Tracy Turnblad.

So, Trace, come on, cosy up to old
Corny and tell us about yourself.

Well, I watch The
Corny Collins Show...

and I do absolutely nothing else.

Ooh. I sure like the way you talk.

Oh, Wilbur, to think that
I almost stopped her...

from reaching for the stars.

And now here she is
on local daytime TV.

She's gonna be a regular.

Imagine, my little
girl, regular at last.

I also hope to be the first
woman president or a Rockette.

And if you were
president, Tracy...

what would your first
official act be?

I'd make every day Negro Day.

I read you like tomorrow's
headlines, Tracy.

What do you think, kids?

You think we might have
a hot new candidate...

for Miss Teenage Hairspray?

That's only the dream of my life.

But Miss Hairspray is mine.

We're on the air.

And your dream will be
coming to you, sweetheart...

Saturday, June 2nd,
right here on WYZT.

You have to vote for a person,
Corny, not one of the Himalayas.

Hi, Penny.

Always the charmer, Amber.

I want that chubby communist
girl off the show.

Well, let me be the first
to toss the harpoon.

She's a corrupting influence.

I agree. We don't want our
dancers thrusting like savages.

Hey, speak for yourself.

Don't get flip with me.

I'm not.

Look, now I got some new
ideas for the show.

First, we get rid
of "A Negro Day."

Finally, some sense outta you.

And we mix those kids in with
the rest of "The Council."

Mix those kids?

That's right, I said it.

This is not a
black-and-tan cocktail.

Well, why couldn't it be?

Velma, isn't this where
it's all heading anyway?

Now, you can fight it or
you can rock out to it.

Maybe it is time for
some fresh ideas...

like... like a nice,
fresh new host.

Heh.

Gee, Velma, how do you
fire Corny Collins...

from The Corny Collins Show?

They do it all the time on Lassie.

Velma, you've let this go too far.

Me?

- Fix it.
- What?

Fix it.

♪ Hey, look out for
that moving van ♪

♪ Driving down our streets ♪

♪ You better lock up your man ♪

♪ Before he meets the
new girl in town ♪

♪ Who just came on the scene ♪

Tracyface whoopee cushion.

Good choice.

We got your Tracy
souvenirs for days.

Here, your signed photos.

Tracy wigs.

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

♪ We don't know what to do
about the new girl in town ♪

♪ The new girl in town ♪

♪ Seems to dance on air ♪

♪ The new girl in town ♪

♪ She's got the coolest hair ♪

♪ You better tell the homecoming
queen to hold onto her crown ♪

♪ Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

♪ Or she's gonna lose it to ♪

♪ The new girl in town ♪

That big little girl is sending
my sales through the roof.

More people are breathing
aerosol than oxygen.

Do you think you could show us
some of those new dance moves?

- Yeah, sure.
- Ooh, pretty flowers.

Tracy, wait up.

♪ She's hip ♪

♪ So cool ♪

♪ I'm gonna get her after school ♪

♪ And yet we'd like
to be like her ♪

♪ Because she's the kitten
that the cats prefer ♪

♪ The new girl in town ♪

♪ Has my guy on a string ♪

♪ The new girl in town ♪

♪ Hey, look, she's
wearing his ring ♪

♪ I can't stop crying and
so in my own tears ♪

♪ I'm gonna drown ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

♪ Because he wants to rendezvous ♪

♪ With the new girl ♪

♪ We're kinda sad and blue ♪

♪ Yes, it's true, girl ♪

♪ We'd like to say ♪

♪ To the new girl in town ♪

♪ The new girl in town ♪

Hi, I'm here to see
Tracy Turnblad.

Where's her write-up?

She doesn't need a detention
slip, she's with me.

Penny, this is Seaweed.

Seaweed, this is Penny.

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

Huh.

♪ To the new girl in town ♪

♪ The new girl in town ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

♪ From out of the blue, girl ♪

♪ Hey, this town's
in a stew, girl ♪

♪ Ohh, what a hullabaloo, girl ♪

♪ She ain't just passing
through, girl ♪

♪ Ohh, she's sticking
like glue, girl ♪

♪ Woo, to the man I
thought I knew, girl ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

♪ Hey, look out for
that moving van ♪

♪ Look out, look out,
look out, look out ♪

♪ She was the new girl in ♪

♪ Town ♪

That's the way you do it.

And I'm your fabled Miss
Motormouth Maybelle...

your DJ du jour, pitching
rhythm your way.

So, hey, better stay
and shimmy and sway.

We'll be right back
with more Negro Day.

Brought to you by...

Napa-Way, for stubborn hair.

Every kink will be
gone in a blink.

We're off.

Girls, that was great.

How dare you pick the same song?

They wrote it.

You watch yourself.

You are one inch from
being cancelled.

You know what your demographic is?

Cleaning ladies and lawn jockeys.

A foot in the door,
that's all it is.

One toe at a time.

Hello?

Is this the Turnblad residence?

Yes.

Mr. Pinky speaking.

Mr. Pinky from...
from the dress shop?

Huh.

I'd like Tracy for our spokesgirl.

You want Tracy to do what?

Be our spokesgirl.

Be a spokesgirl?

I think she'd be perfect.
I'd like to meet her...

and discuss the details.

As soon as possible.

Ok, well, we'll have send
someone down to meet you.

Tonight, if you can.

So, oh, ok. Bye-bye, Mr. Pinky.

Bye-bye.

The Mr. Pinky?

From Mr. Pinky's hefty hideaway.

A spokesgirl?

Oh, tell me I get a
free caftan, tell me.

Oh, Tracy, I think perks like
caftans have to be negotiated.

Maybe we should get you an agent.

Ok. You be my agent.

What? Tracy Turnblad...

has fame gone to your
head and made you wacky?

Well, why not?

Who's going to look out for me...

better than my mum?

Me, an agent?

You see me hobnobbing and
drinking rum and cokes...

with all those hoi pollois?

And out-negotiating them.

Oh, you're crazy.

Oh, Tracy, I haven't left
this house in... in years.

Then isn't it time you did?

Oh, no, Tracy.

We'll have your
father meet with him.

I don't wanna be seen like this.

Why not?

I'll do it after my next diet.

That's when I'll do it.

Ya see, the neighbours haven't
seen me since I was a size 10.

Don't make me do it, Tracy.

Ma, it's changing out there.

You'll like it.

People who are different.

Their time is coming.

♪ Hey, Mama, hey,
Mama, look around ♪

♪ Everybody's grooving
to a brand-new sound ♪

♪ Hey, Mama, hey, Mama follow me ♪

♪ I know something's in ya
that you wanna set free ♪

♪ So let go, go, go
of the past now ♪

♪ Say hello to the
love in your heart ♪

♪ Yes, I know that the
world's spinning fast now ♪

♪ You gotta get yourself
a brand-new start ♪

♪ Hey, Mama, welcome
to the sixties ♪

♪ Oh-o-o-o-o ♪

♪ Oh, Mama, welcome
to the sixties ♪

♪ Oh-o-o-o-o ♪

♪ Go, Mama, go, go, go ♪

♪ Welcome to the sixties ♪

♪ Oh-o-o-o-o oh ♪

♪ Hey, Mama, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Hey, Mama, hey,
Mama, have some fun ♪

♪ I haven't left this
house since 1951 ♪

♪ Hey, Mama, hey,
Mama, take a chance ♪

♪ Oh, Tracy, it's been years since
someone asked me to dance ♪

♪ So let go, go, go
of the past now ♪

♪ Say hello to the
light in your eyes ♪

♪ Yes, I know that the
world's spinning fast now ♪

♪ But you gotta run the
race to win the prize ♪

♪ Hey, Mama, welcome
to the sixties ♪

♪ Oh-o-o-o-o ♪

♪ Oh, Mama, welcome
to the sixties ♪

♪ Oh-o-o-o-o ♪

♪ Go, Mama, go, go, go ♪

♪ Welcome to the sixties ♪

Ma, you did it.

Oh, Tracy, I'm a
little light-headed.

There's so much air out here.

Can't we go some
place that's stuffy?

No, Ma, you're on your way.

♪ Hey, Mama, welcome
to the sixties ♪

♪ Oh-o-o-o-o ♪

♪ Oh, Mama, welcome
to the sixties ♪

♪ Oh-o-o-o-o-o ♪

♪ Go, Mama, go, go, go ♪

Oh. They're so glamorous.

Wow.

It kicked.

Let's toast to that.

To a boy.

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Welcome to the rhythm
of a brand-new day ♪

♪ Take your old-fashioned fears ♪

♪ And just throw them away ♪

♪ You should add some colour
and a fresh new 'do ♪

♪ Because it's time for a star ♪

♪ Who looks just like you ♪

Ah.

Oh.

I thought we marked these down.

What?

Thank you, Nadine.

There's my shining star.

Fantastic to meet you.

I'm Mr. Pinky.

It's so nice to meet you.

Ha ha. Tracy, is this
your older sister?

Oh, my.

Perhaps she'd like some
complimentary couture.

Couture?

Now, if you'll just sign here.

Flattery will not distract
Miss Turnblad's agent...

from reading the fine print.

Her agent?

Tracy, eat your donuts.

Let's talk.

All right, let's see here.

All right. Now...

No.

I want a non-exclusive contract.

Extensions by mutual option.

And I want you to absorb
my 15 percent commission.

Not a dime over 10.

Throw in a bustier?

54 double D?

Triple E.

I hit the mother lode.

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

Care for a Baby Ruth?
I got one right here.

♪ Oh-o-o-o-o ♪

♪ Oh, Mama, welcome
to the sixties ♪

♪ Oh-o-o-o-o ♪

♪ Go, Mama, go, go, go ♪

♪ Don't-cha let nobody
try to steal your fun ♪

♪ Because a little touch of
lipstick never hurt no one ♪

♪ The future's got a million
roads for you to choose ♪

♪ But you'll walk a little taller
in some high-heeled shoes ♪

♪ And once you find the style
that makes you feel like you ♪

♪ Something fresh, something new ♪

♪ Step on out, hear us shout ♪

♪ Mama, that's your cue ♪

♪ Ba da ba da-ba-da ♪

♪ Step on out, hear us shout ♪

♪ Mama, that's your cue ♪

♪ Hey, Tracy, hey,
baby, look at me ♪

♪ I'm the cutest chickie
that you ever did see ♪

♪ Hey, Tracy, hey,
baby, look at us ♪

♪ Where is there a team
that's half as fabulous ♪

♪ I let go, go, go
of the past now ♪

♪ Said hello to this
red carpet ride ♪

♪ Yes, I know that the
world's spinning fast now ♪

♪ Tell Lollobrigida
to step aside ♪

♪ Your Mama's welcoming
the sixties ♪

♪ Oh-o-o-o-o ♪

♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-baby ♪

♪ Oh-o-o-o-o ♪

♪ Go, Mama, go, go, go ♪

♪ Welcome to the sixties ♪

♪ Open the door to the
girl who has more ♪

♪ She's a star,
Tracy, go, go, go ♪

♪ Hey, Mama, welcome
to the sixties ♪

♪ Your mama's hip,
your mama's in ♪

♪ Hey, Mama ♪

♪ Your mama's looking at herself
and wondering "Where you been?" ♪

♪ Where you been? ♪

♪ Your mama's lit,
she's all aglow ♪

♪ Your mama, what
she's holding back ♪

♪ Your mama's gotta
let go, go, go ♪

♪ Welcome to the
"six", to the "O" ♪

♪ To the apostrophe "s"
hey-yay, baby, yeah ♪

♪ Oh-o-o-o-o ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Go, Mama, go, go, go ♪

♪ Oh-o-o-o-o-o, oh-o-o-o-o-o ♪

♪ Oh-o-o-o-o go, go,
Mama, go, go, go ♪

Wait till Dad sees you.

Sees me?

He never notices what I wear.

In 20 years, he's never even said
to me, "nice muumuu" or nothing.

Now he will.

Well, maybe, if he leaves
that shop for 5 minutes.

I swear, I don't know
what goes on down there.

Well.

Mrs. Turnblad.

I'd know whose mother
you were anywhere.

Really?

Hello, Amber.

Hello, Tracy.

Ma, this is Amber and
Mrs. Von Tussle.

Mrs. Von Tussle is the
station's manager.

Oh, the station manager.

Oh. Oh, it was so nice of
you let her on that show.

Well, Tracy certainly has...
redefined our standards. Ha ha.

That's for sure.

Let me guess...

brand-new dress?

Oh, yes.

Well, you'll stop traffic.

Ha ha ha.

It was nice meeting you. Tracy.

Bye, Tracy.

Ma, don't listen to
a word she says.

I'm taking this back.

Don't you dare.

- I am.
- Don't you dare.

Don't you know why she hates us?

She's afraid I'll beat Amber
for Miss Teenage Hairspray.

Really?

They can't put Tracy
in special Ed.

I won't have it.

I mean, even if I have
to tutor her myself...

they cannot hold my friend back.

- You're a saint.
- Mm.

Oh, and it's totally
not true about

her and the entire football team.

I mean, please.

Anybody can get grass
stains all over their back.

Amber, stop it.

I'm sick of you doing that.

Just because she's a good dancer.

I'm sorry.

You think that she can dance?

Well, maybe you'd rather
have her as your partner.

You could get sponsored
by Goodyear.

Excuse me. What is
going on back there?

Tracy, that's horrible.

Mr. Flak does not have breasts.

What? No. I would...
I would never.

What... Oh.

Oh, and Mr. Larkin, perhaps
you'd like to share...

with the rest of the class Patrick
Henry's immortal last words.

"Kiss my ass"?

You didn't have to do that, Link.

Hey, no prob.

Besides, looks like a
cool scene down here.

Right.

Hey, cool.

Hey, Tracy.

Not quite, huh?

Ah, damn. Just when
I was getting it.

Listen, man, you ain't
gotta stop now.

My mum's having a
platter party tonight.

You all wanna come check it out?

Now?

Would you mind if I,
too, checked it out?

I've never been to
North Avenue before.

Well, would it be safe?

You know, for us?

Calm down, cracker boy.

It's cool.

Wow.

Being invited places
by coloured people.

It feels so hip.

I'm glad you all feel that way
because, not many people do.

- You all know what I'm saying?
- Yeah, that's right.

♪ Hey ♪

♪ I can't see why
people look at me ♪

♪ And only see the
colour of my face ♪

♪ Ah, yeah, then there's those
that try to help, God knows ♪

♪ But always have to
put me in my place ♪

♪ But I won't ask you
to be colour-blind ♪

♪ Because if you pick the fruit
then, girl, you're sure to find ♪

♪ The blacker the berry,
the sweeter the juice ♪

♪ I could say it ain't so but,
darling, what's the use? ♪

♪ The darker the chocolate,
the richer the taste ♪

♪ And that's where it's at ♪

♪ Now, baby, run and tell that ♪

♪ Now run and tell that ♪

♪ Run and tell that ♪

♪ Run and tell that ♪

♪ Hey, yeah ♪

♪ I can't see why
people disagree ♪

♪ Each time I tell 'em what
I know is true, oh, no ♪

♪ And if you come ♪

♪ And see the world I'm from ♪

♪ I bet your heart is gonna
feel it, too, yeah ♪

♪ I could lie but,
baby, let's be bold ♪

♪ Vanilla can be nice ♪

♪ But if the truth be told ♪

♪ Blacker the berry, the
sweeter the juice ♪

♪ I could say it ain't so but,
darling, what's the use? ♪

♪ The darker the chocolate,
the richer the taste ♪

♪ And that's where it's at ♪

♪ Oh, baby, baby,
run and tell that ♪

♪ Run and tell that ♪

♪ Go run and tell that ♪

♪ Run and tell that ♪

♪ Come on and run and tell that ♪

♪ Run and tell that ♪

♪ Hey, run and tell ♪

♪ Go tell ♪

♪ Run and tell that ♪

Link.

Link Larkin.

♪ Hey, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

- Whoo.
- Hey.

Whoo.

♪ Whoo ♪

Come here, girl.

This is my sister, Little Inez.

Oh, I know Tracy Turnblad.

Good for you, girl.
You got on the show.

- Well, you better be next.
- Ya got that right.

Oh, you know she is. You
better show 'em, girl.

Yeah.

♪ I'm tired of covering
up all my pride ♪

♪ So give me five on
the black hand side ♪

♪ I got a new way of moving
and I got my own voice ♪

♪ So how can I help but
to shout and rejoice ♪

♪ Oh, the people around here
can barely pay their rent ♪

♪ They try to make a dollar
outta fifteen cent ♪

♪ But we got a spirit
money just can't buy ♪

♪ It's deep as a river and
soars to the sky, to the sky ♪

♪ Hey, I can't see the
reason it can't be ♪

♪ The kinda world where
we all get our chance ♪

♪ Aw, yeah ♪

♪ The time is now ♪

♪ So we can show 'em how
just turn the music up ♪

♪ And let's all
dance, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Because all things are equal
when it comes to love ♪

♪ Well, that ain't quite true
because when push comes to shove ♪

♪ The blacker the berry,
the sweeter the juice ♪

♪ They say it ain't so but,
darling, what's the use? ♪

♪ The darker the chocolate,
the richer the taste ♪

♪ And that's where it's at ♪

♪ Now, baby, baby, baby,
run and tell that ♪

♪ Run and tell that ♪

♪ Run and tell that ♪

♪ Ah yeah, baby ♪
♪ Run and tell that ♪

♪ Go run and tell that ♪

♪ G-g-g-g-go home and
run and tell that ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Whoo ♪

- Go, baby.
- Whoo.

It was horrible.

Mum, he just danced on that bus...

with that great white
whale and those Negroes.

No, honey.

Reeling him back in is the
easiest thing in the world.

Remember, I control his career.

Now, don't worry.

Mommy will take
care of everything.

Are you all hungry
for some good fun?

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Bring on that pecan pie ♪

♪ Pour some sugar on it,
sugar, don't be shy ♪

♪ Scoop me up a mess of
that chocolate swirl ♪

♪ Don't be stingy,
I'm a growing girl ♪

♪ I offer big love
with no apology ♪

♪ How can I deny the
world the most of me? ♪

♪ I am not afraid to
throw my weight around ♪

♪ Pound by pound by pound ♪

♪ Because I'm big,
blonde and beautiful ♪

♪ Face the fact, it's
simply irrefutable ♪

♪ No one wants a meal that
only offers the least ♪

♪ When, girl, we're serving
up the whole damn feast ♪

Well, looks like you all
took a step outta bounds.

Now, who we got here?

Mum, I want you to
meet my new friends.

This here is Link. Tracy Turnblad.

This is just so afro-tastic.

And this young lady right here...

is Penny Pingleton.

I'm very pleased and
scared to be here.

Oh, now, honey. We got more reason
to be scared on your street.

Latoya, put that record down.

You gonna scratch it.

Can't you keep your little girl...

Shall we dance?

Come on.

My name is Mike.

Mike?

Yes, Mike.

Mike who?

It's Mike.

Anyway, ahem...

I'm calling because I
have some information...

about your daughter's whereabouts.

- What?
- Right now, as we speak...

your daughter has entered
a hotbed of moral...

turpentine.

♪ Baby don't sleep ♪

♪ Baby don't eat ♪

♪ Baby just like
another boink-boink ♪

Link, aren't you gonna get
in awful trouble for this?

I'm not planning
on telling my dad.

No, I mean in trouble
with someone else.

Maybe.

Maybe it's worth it.

I think knowing you's the start
of a pretty big adventure.

Tracy Edna Turnblad.

Ooh, we get any more
white people in here...

this gonna be a suburb.

Do you know what I
had to pay a cab...

just to consider coming down here?

Oh, Mum...

No call. You just disappear.

And all mashed up
against a crooner?

Edna Turnblad, this is Link.

Come on, we're going.

And, Penny, go home before
your mother shoots you.

Miss Edna, is it?

Hi, I mean, you don't have
to rush off, you know.

Well, I do. I left my iron on.

Oh, your iron.

Well, before you go...

you sure you wouldn't
like to have...

a little something to eat?

Is that braised?

♪ Whoa oh oh oh oh oh ♪

♪ Whoa oh oh oh oh oh ♪

♪ Slice me off a piece of
that hogshead cheese ♪

♪ Whoo ♪

♪ And take a look inside ♪

♪ My book of recipes ♪

♪ Now, don't-cha sniff around for
something fluffy and light ♪

♪ We need a man who brings
a man-size appetite ♪

♪ We'll use a pinch of sugar
and a dash of spice ♪

♪ I'll let you lick the spoon
because it tastes so nice ♪

♪ We keep it in the oven
till it's good and hot ♪

♪ Keep on stirring till
it hits the spot ♪

♪ Because I'm big,
blonde and beautiful ♪

♪ There is nothing about
us that's unsuitable ♪

♪ Why sit in the bleachers
timid and afraid ♪

♪ When, Edna, you look
like the whole parade? ♪

♪ They say that white has
might and thin is in ♪

♪ Well, that's just bull ♪

♪ Because, ladies, big is back ♪

♪ And as for black,
it's beautiful ♪

♪ All shapes and sizes follow me ♪

♪ Who wants a twig when you
can climb a whole tree ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

Groovy, baby. Groovy.

Hello?

Hello?

- Graah.
- Oh, my God.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.
Ah. You got me.

Ha ha ha.

Welcome, to the Hardy-Har Hut.

If we can't put a smile on your
face, your skin's too tight.

- Oh.
- Bop, bop.

- Oh.
- I got something for ya. Yeah.

It's just in.

You're gonna love it.

Huh?

Oh.

Cigarette?

Ha ha ha.

Tempting but, no, thanks.

- Ha ha ha.
- Oh.

Well.

What can I do you for?

Something for the mister?

Sadly, there is no
mister at the moment.

Beautiful woman like yourself?

My husband...

accidentally suffocated.

You need a fella.

I do. I do need a fella.

And the way to a man's heart
is through his funny bone.

Now here's an icebreaker for ya.

Oh, Miss Maybelle, you
do throw a lovely party.

But what are you celebrating?

Well, it's kind of an ending.

But it deserved to
go out with a bang.

What ended?

Negro Day.

What?

All right. Time you all knew.

Velma Von Tussle just told me
we have had our last show.

No.

Yeah, it seems our little show
was a nice little placeholder...

but it was time to
get some ratings.

Aww.

I didn't wanna tell
you all up front.

I just wanted to have
a little fun tonight.

But I practised so hard.

Now I'll never get a
chance to be on the show.

Oh, you will be seen, baby.

I promise.

You can't have your own show?

Fine, you'll come dance with us.

Honey.

You been dozing off
during history?

Yes, always.

Trace, black and whites ain't
never danced on TV together.

Well, if we can't dance...

maybe we should just march.

Ooh, that'd get some
big old rating's.

Better time slot, too.

Like on the 11:00 news.

What you all say?

Should we give this fine woman...

all the ratings she deserves?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Hey, hey.

Well, it is a school night...

and I think we oughta
call it a night.

Tell you what. We meet up at
the church Friday, 4:00...

and we will march on WYZT.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Yeah.

Tracy, you can't protest, hon.

I mean, these are lovely people...

but if you protest,
you'll be on lists.

You'll be on files.

J. Edgar Hoover'll be
still wiretapping...

your cold, dead body in the grave.

Oh, Mother.

Link, we're going
with them, right?

Walk with me.

You want your Belgian
chocolate animal droppings.

Dot dot. This store's for you.

- Oh. What a treasure trove.
- Huh?

Come here, baby.

Don't be sad.

We gonna make it happen, ok?

Can I go?

Now, come on, now.

I can't be worried
about you out there.

Trace...

I been smiling and dancing
on this show for 3 years.

Mrs. Von Tussle just promised...

I could sing at the
Miss Hairspray pageant.

She's... she invited agents.

That's my shot, Trace.

I can't jeopardise that.

But it's what's right.

I'm sorry, Trace.

I just think this adventure's...

a little...

too big for me.

Oh, God. No, no, no.
That's not what I...

I get it, Link. It's your shot.

No, Trace, that's not what I...

It's fine.

Oh, hon.

I should go.

Give him time.

He'll figure out he's
crazy about you.

You have to say that,
you're my mother.

Well, I know a little
something about men.

And, my personal
favourite, x-ray specs.

You can see through anything.

Skin, clothes, you name it.

Now, take your father.

And he's always downstairs
in that shop working late.

Do I take it personal? No.

Men always put their career first.

Remember that.

Ok.

I'm really tired, I'm
gonna go to bed.

All right, hon.

Night.

- I love you.
- I love you, too.

I think I'm gonna go to bed, too.

Oh, I'm so tired.

You don't need those...

to see what's under these clothes.

There's a product
that really works...

because these are phony
as a three dollar bill.

Incredible.

I could do a fan dance
with a lettuce leaf...

and you would remain
completely obtuse.

Obtuse.

Yes, obtuse.

I flunked geometry.

Yeah, well... and
biology too, no doubt.

Yeah.

Wait. How about this?

Ok.

♪ Those lips, those eyes ♪

♪ That food ♪

♪ Well, there ain't
nothing like a spread ♪

♪ To get ya in the mood ♪

♪ Wilbur, can't ya feel the
burning flame of hot desire ♪

♪ You're gonna need more
than some seltzer ♪

♪ To put out this fire ♪

♪ I'm wailing, "look
out, old Balti ♪"

♪ more" I'm selling something ♪

♪ You can't purchase
at a ten-cent store ♪

♪ Oh, Wilbur, I feel
like a princess ♪

♪ Come on and take
me to the ball ♪

♪ I bet you're tired
of heavy lifting ♪

♪ Get your hands on
something small ♪

♪ Because I'm a-big ♪

♪ Blonde ♪

♪ And beautiful ♪

♪ And beautiful ♪

♪ It's time to face the facts ♪

♪ It's irrefutable ♪

♪ Why waste one more minute ♪

♪ Now I feel brand spanking new ♪

♪ Hey, Wilbur, take a look ♪

♪ It's all for ♪

You.

You?

Edna.

Your wife. You said she was
out. Oh. Wait a minute.

Hi, hon.

Ma, you don't really believe
that he would do that.

You are never setting
foot on that show again.

You hear me?

I heard you the first
400 times, Ma.

- Hey.
- Huh.

Oh.

Daddy.

It wasn't me.

I had to improvise a
bed out of something.

Whoopee cushions?

That will play heck
with my sciatica.

Oop. That one was me.

Oh. Oh.

Daddy, are you ok?

Tracy, you know...

these peepers have never
looked at another woman.

This heart only beats for size 60.

Daddy, you know what Velma wanted.

She wanted me off the show.

And I knew that, but how
could she go that far?

Come here. Come here, little girl.

Little girl.

And then to just cancel
Negro Day like that.

Just to make sure that
nobody who's different...

or who's black or Chinese...

or maybe who needs to
lose a few pounds.

What are you talking? Stop it.

What are you talking?

I think I've been in a
bubble or something.

Thinking that fairness was
just going to happen.

It's not.

I think people like me are
gonna have to get up...

off their father's laps and go
out there and fight for it.

Your mother and I...

We don't see too far
past our front door.

But you... see all the
way to Schenectady.

So, if there's something you
need to stand up for...

don't ya listen to
old dogs like us.

We need to learn
some new tricks...

from you.

You don't need new tricks, Dad.

You need Mum.

She changed the locks.

Oh.

Good night, Daddy.

Aw, wow.

Come on, baby.

Honey, took me 5 years...

to figure out you were flirting.

How could I ever?

Well, she is very glamorous.

Edna.

She just makes me feel old.

Nonsense.

Doll.

You're spry as a Slinky.

I'm not talking to you.

♪ Styles keep a-changing,
the world's rearranging ♪

♪ But, Edna, you're
timeless to me ♪

♪ Hemlines are shorter, a
beer costs a quarter ♪

♪ But time cannot take
what comes free ♪

♪ You're like a stinky
old cheese, babe ♪

♪ Just getting riper with age ♪

♪ You're like a fatal
disease, babe ♪

What?

♪ But there's no cure,
so let this fever rage ♪

♪ Some folks can't stand
it, say time is a bandit ♪

♪ But I take the opposite view ♪

♪ Because when I need a lift ♪

♪ Time brings a gift ♪

♪ Another day with you ♪

♪ A twist or a waltz ♪

♪ It's all the same schmaltz ♪

♪ With just a change
in the scenery ♪

♪ You'll never be old hat ♪

♪ That's that ♪

♪ You're timeless to me ♪

♪ Fads keep a-fading ♪

♪ Castro's invading ♪

♪ But, Wilbur, you're
timeless to me ♪

♪ Hairdos are higher ♪

♪ Mine feels like barbed wire ♪

♪ But you say I'm chic as can be ♪

♪ You're like a rare
vintage ripple ♪

Thank you.

♪ A vintage they'll never forget ♪

♪ So pour me a
teeny-weeny triple ♪

Any time.

♪ And we can toast the
fact we ain't dead yet ♪

What?

♪ I can't stop eating ♪

♪ Your hairline's receding ♪

Hey.

♪ And soon you'll
have nothing at all ♪

Never.

♪ So you'll wear a wig ♪

♪ While I roast a pig ♪

♪ Hey. Pass that Geritol ♪

I love pig.

♪ Glenn Miller had brass ♪

♪ That Chubby Checker's a gas ♪

♪ But they all pass eventually ♪

♪ You'll never be
passé, hip-hooray ♪

♪ You're timeless to me ♪

Heh heh heh.

Grrr.

♪ You're like a
broken-down Chevy ♪

♪ All I need is a
fresh coat of paint ♪

♪ And, Edna, ya got me
going hot and heavy ♪

♪ You're fat and old ♪

- What?
- ♪ But, baby, boring you ain't ♪

♪ Some folks don't get it ♪

♪ But we never fret it ♪

♪ Because we know that
time is our friend ♪

♪ Yeah, it's plain to see ♪

♪ That you're stuck with me ♪

♪ Until the bitter end ♪

♪ And we got a kid who's
blowing the lid ♪

♪ Off the Turnblad family tree ♪

♪ You'll always hit the spot ♪

♪ Big shot ♪

♪ You're timeless to me ♪

♪ You'll always be
du jour, mon amour ♪

♪ You're timeless to me ♪

♪ You'll always be first string ♪

♪ Ring-a-ding-ding ♪

♪ You're timeless to me ♪

♪ You're timeless to me ♪

♪ You're timeless to me ♪

♪ You're timeless ♪

♪ To me ♪

Oh, Wilbur.

Tracy.

Wake up, hon.

Wake up. Everything's good again.

Wilbur. Wilbur.

Seaweed, help pass
those signs out.

Give her one.

Hey, Jackie, we're over here.

Aw, you looking good, Gertrude.

C'mon, you all. Here we go now.

Tracy.

You're gonna pay a heavy price.

I know.

You'll never dance on TV again.

If I can't dance with
Seaweed and Little Inez...

then I don't wanna
dance on TV at all.

I just want tomorrow to be better.

♪ There's a light ♪

♪ In the darkness ♪

♪ Though the night is
black as my skin ♪

♪ There's a light burning bright ♪

♪ Showing me the way ♪

♪ But I know where I've been ♪

♪ There's a cry ♪

♪ In the distance ♪

♪ It's a voice that comes
from deep within ♪

♪ Hey, yeah ♪

♪ There's a cry asking why ♪

♪ I pray the answer's up ahead ♪

♪ Because I know where I've been ♪

♪ There's a road ♪

♪ We been travelling ♪

♪ Lost so many ♪

♪ On the way ♪

♪ But the riches will be plenty ♪

♪ Worth the price ♪

♪ The price we had to pay ♪

♪ There's a dream ♪

♪ In the future ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh ♪

♪ There's a struggle ♪

♪ That we have yet to win ♪

♪ And there's pride in my heart ♪

♪ Because I know where I'm going ♪

♪ Yes, I do ♪

♪ And I know where I've been ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ There's a road ♪

♪ There's a road ♪

♪ We must travel ♪

♪ We must travel ♪

♪ There's a promise ♪

♪ There is a promise ♪

♪ We must make ♪

♪ That we must make ♪

♪ But the riches ♪

♪ Oh, but the riches ♪

♪ Will be plenty ♪

♪ The riches will
be plenty, yeah ♪

♪ Worth the risk ♪

♪ Worth the risk ♪

♪ And the chances that we take ♪

♪ And the chances we take ♪

♪ There's a dream ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, in the future ♪

♪ There's a struggle ♪

♪ Struggle ♪

♪ That we have yet to win ♪

♪ We have yet to win ♪

♪ Use that pride ♪

♪ Pride ♪

♪ In our hearts ♪

♪ In our hearts ♪

♪ To lift us up ♪

♪ Lift us up ♪

♪ Until tomorrow ♪

♪ Oooh ♪

♪ Because just to sit
still would be a sin ♪

♪ I know it, I know it, I
know where I'm going ♪

♪ Lord knows I know ♪

♪ Where I've been ♪

♪ Oh, when we win ♪

♪ Yeah, I'll give
thanks to my God ♪

♪ Because I know where I've been ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

Oh, yeah, amen.

Amen, amen.

That's right.

Tracy, hon, you don't
know what you're doing.

Yes, I do, Ma.

Hello, Miss Maybelle.

Well, good evening, Miss Edna.

Nice of you to join us.

She's got a lovely turnout.

Now I really think they
don't need you anymore.

You come home with me.

Oh.

No, we are not sending
a camera crew.

They're protesting our
own station, dimwit.

Why is Channel Five there?

Well, of course
they're all Negroes.

And why would...?

I know who would.

Oh, I know exactly who would.

2, 4, 6, 8.

TV's got to integrate.

2, 4, 6, 8. TV's got to integrate.

2, 4, 6, 8.

Oh, my God, no.

TV's got to integrate.

- No.
- Ma, come on.

The sound's not working.

You knew there'd be police.

But I didn't know
there'd be cameras.

So?

Oh, I cannot be seen on television
at this present weight.

2, 4, 6, 8.

TV's got to integrate.

2, 4, 6, 8.

TV's got to integrate.

2, 4, 6, 8.

TV's got to integrate.

Excuse me.

Is there some reason we
can't pass by peacefully?

I strongly suggest you and
your little friends...

head back to where you come from.

Hey, you don't have to be so rude.

Tracy.

It's all right, Tracy.
I can handle this.

Excuse me. She was talking to you.

- Oh, Tracy.
- Oh.

Tracy, no.

You just assaulted a
police officer, miss.

- No.
- I what?

Assaulted?

Enough. Hey.

All right, boys.

Let's take the whole lot in.

- No.
- Run, Tracy. Run.

2, 4, 6, 8. TV's got to integrate.

2, 4, 6, 8. TV's got to integrate.

2, 4, 6, 8. TV's got to integrate.

2, 4, 6, 8. TV's got to integrate.

And our cameras also
caught Tracy Turnblad...

the teenage TV personality
and rabble-rouser.

Miss Turnblad brutally
attacked a sergeant...

with a blunt instrument
before fleeing the scene...

You see? You see?

If I let you leave the house...

right now you'd be in prison
fighting whores for cigarettes.

That Tracy Turnblad always
was a bad influence.

Well, you are never, ever gonna
see that beehived harlot again.

Ok, Mother. Excuse me.

Penny?

Pray for her.

She's gonna need it.

Tracy. Tracy.

She's not here, I told you.

Hon, she knows...

if the cops are looking for her...

this is the first
place they'll come.

What this must of put
you through, Wilbur.

I'm so sorry.

I'm not.

You're not?

I'm proud of you.

You are?

Baby, somebody had
to do something.

Course, we may be eating
beans for the next 10 years.

Bail for 20's kind of pricey.

You bailed all those people out?

Ya upset with me?

I'm sorry.

Hon, it just seemed
like the right thing.

Oh, Wilbur, it was
the right thing.

Knights in armour don't
come any shinier than you.

But where's our little girl?

Are you ok, Trace?

Oh, you have no idea.

Come on.

Thank you so much.

You're such a great friend.

Thanks.

Penny, the cops are looking
for me everywhere.

You could go to jail
for helping me.

Tracy, I'm already
in jail. Come on.

Oh, no.

- What?
- Your hair deflated.

Oh, let it.

It was just a symbol of
my conformity to the man.

You are so tough.

So, what do ya think?

Maybe you could live down here.

I don't even know why we
have this room down here...

but there's food, water...

first aid kit, gas mask,
Russian-language books.

It's very well-insulated.

It won't be where you're going.

The police are on their way.

Mum, please don't send my
best friend to the big house.

Penny, hush.

You haven't heard the last
of me, Mrs. Pingleton.

Things need to change...

and I won't stop
trying to change them.

I don't care how long it takes.

Good, you'll be
waiting 20 to life.

Get the jump rope, Penny.

Mum, not the jump rope.

Don't you touch my canned tuna.

You wait till your father
gets out of prison.

You'll see more than
a jump rope, Missy.

A massive manhunt is underway
for Miss Turnblad...

who bludgeoned sergeant and
decorated Korean war veteran...

Mike Morris with a crowbar,
shattering his jaw...

That is a lie.

They're talking about
our baby, Wilbur.

They're telling lies.

Sergeant Morris is in
critical condition.

This is such a Midol moment.

Wilbur, that... Oh. Maybe
that's her. Oh, that's her.

Is that you, Tracy?

Oh, Link. I thought
you'd be Tracy.

No. I was just at home...

practising my new
twist on the twist...

and I overheard it on the news.

I can't believe Tracy savagely
bludgeoned an Eagle Scout.

That's just not like her.

Well, it's not true, I was there.

He didn't even bleed.

I shoulda been there...

beside her.

I can't sleep, I can't eat.

You can't eat?

Well, come on in
and worry with us.

I'll make you some pork.

Penny Lou Pingleton,
you are absolutely...

positively, permanently punished.

You will live on a diet
of saltines and Tang...

and you will never
leave this room again.

Devil child. Devil child.

Seaweed. Don't let her hear you.

Penny, what happened to you?

She's punishing me for
harbouring a fugitive...

without her permission.

What are you doing?

I'm here to rescue the
fair maiden, baby.

Oh, Seaweed, you do care.

I was afraid the colours of
our skin would keep us apart.

No. These knots might.

Was your mum in the navy?

♪ Once I was a selfish fool
who never understood ♪

♪ Never looked inside myself ♪

♪ Though on the outside,
I looked good ♪

♪ Then we met and you made
me the man I am today ♪

♪ Tracy, I'm in love with you,
no matter what you weigh ♪

♪ Because without love ♪

♪ Life is like the
seasons with no summer ♪

♪ Without love ♪

♪ Life is rock 'n' roll
without a drummer ♪

♪ Tracy, I'll be yours forever ♪

♪ Because I never wanna be ♪

♪ Without love ♪

♪ Tracy, never set me free ♪

♪ No, I ain't lying ♪

♪ Never set me free ♪

♪ Tracy, no, no, no ♪

♪ Living in the ghetto,
black is everywhere ya go ♪

♪ Who would have thought
I'd love a girl ♪

♪ Whose skin was white
as winter snow? ♪

♪ In my ivory tower ♪

♪ Life was just a hostess snack ♪

♪ But now I've tasted chocolate ♪

♪ And I'm never going back ♪

♪ Because without love ♪

♪ Life is like a beat
that you can't follow ♪

♪ Without love ♪

♪ Life is Doris Day
at the Apollo ♪

♪ Darling, I'll be yours forever ♪

♪ Because I never wanna be ♪

♪ Without love ♪

♪ So, darling, never
set me free, no ♪

♪ I'm yours forever,
never set me free ♪

♪ No, no, no ♪

♪ If I'm left without
my baby doll ♪

♪ I don't know what I'll do ♪

♪ Link, I've got to break out ♪

♪ So that I can get
my hands on you ♪

♪ Girl, if I can't touch you,
then I'm gonna lose control ♪

♪ Seaweed, you're my
black white knight ♪

♪ I've found my blue-eyed soul ♪

♪ Sweet freedom is our goal ♪

♪ Trace, I wanna kiss ya ♪

♪ Let me out at the next toll ♪

♪ Without love ♪

♪ Life is like a prom
that won't invite us ♪

♪ Without love ♪

♪ It's like getting my big
break and laryngitis ♪

♪ Without love ♪

♪ Life's a 45 when
you can't buy it ♪

♪ Without love ♪

♪ Life is like my
mother on a diet ♪

♪ Like a week that's
only Mondays ♪

♪ Only ice cream, never sundaes ♪

♪ Like a circle with no centre ♪

♪ Like a door marked
"do not enter" ♪

♪ Darling, I'll be yours forever ♪

♪ Because I never wanna be ♪

♪ Without love ♪

♪ Yes, now you've captured me ♪

♪ Without love ♪

♪ I surrender happily ♪

♪ Without love ♪

♪ Oh, Seaweed, never set me free ♪

♪ No, no, no ♪

♪ I ain't lying ♪

♪ Never set me free ♪

♪ No, no, no ♪

♪ No, I don't wanna live without ♪

♪ Love, love, love ♪

♪ Pretty Penny little ♪

♪ Darling, you had
best believe me ♪

♪ Never leave me without love ♪

Link.

Your pork is ready.

Mama, I...

You trying to hide her here?

Why you ain't think
of that before?

Everything she done for us.

Where your manners at, boy?

Ow. Well, I don't know.

And what about this one?

Seaweed's got a girlfriend.

Inez, shut up.

- You.
- Oh.

So this is love.

Well, love is a gift.

Lotta people don't remember that.

So you two better
brace yourselves...

for a whole lotta
ugly coming at you...

from a never-ending
parade of stupid.

So you met my mum?

Hello?

- Mum?
- Tracy, are you ok?

- Yes, I'm safe.
- Oh, my God.

- Mum, listen.
- Where are you?

- I need your help.
- What?

Tomorrow's the Miss Teenage
Hairspray pageant.

Tracy, you...

I need you to come
down to the station.

Well... well, Tracy...

- Dress nice.
- What?

Penny will meet you out front.

Now let me talk to Dad.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Turn your face this way.

The other way. Go.

Everybody, please take your seats.

The Miss Teenage Hairspray
pageant is about to begin.

Oh, you've come on a
very exciting day.

It's our first live show.

Oh. Bye Bye, Birdie.

Oh, my Amber is perfect for that.

She's the pretty
little blonde. Ha ha.

And we're live in 5, 4, 3...

And now, broadcast live in front
of a live studio audience...

for the first time
from the certified...

up-to-code WYZT studio...

it's the Corny Collins Miss
Hairspray spectacular.

- He's Corny.
- He's Corny.

Brought to you by Ultra
Clutch hairspray.

♪ What gives a girl
power and punch ♪

♪ Is it charm, is it poise ♪

♪ No, it's hairspray ♪

♪ What gets a gal
asked out to lunch ♪

♪ Is it brains, is it dough
No, it's hairspray ♪

♪ If you take a ride with
no can at your side ♪

"And preserve our family
through our father."

"Let us make our father drink
wine, and let us lie with him."

♪ You can take off in a rocket ♪

♪ And in outer space each
hair will be in place ♪

Link, the agents are here. Look.

♪ Why take a chance when
you get up and dance? ♪

♪ If you twist, I insist ♪

♪ You use hairspray and
tell your mother ♪

Maybe they'll sign us together.

♪ Her head she should smother ♪

♪ With Ultra Clutch faithfully ♪

Well?

There's no sign of her. We're on
every door. She's not inside.

Doesn't mean she won't try.

Velma, I seriously doubt
this girl's gonna risk...

incarceration to win a pageant.

♪ That's me ♪

I risked communicable diseases.

She'll certainly risk jail.

♪ Better than hairspray ♪

♪ That's me ♪

♪ Ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh,
ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh ♪

♪ Ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh,
ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh ♪

♪ Ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh ♪

♪ What makes a man
reach out and touch? ♪

♪ Ultra Clutch ♪

♪ So if you're a redhead,
a blonde, or brunette ♪

Whoo.

♪ Just take my advice and
you might just get ♪

♪ The only thing better
than hairspray ♪

♪ That's me ♪

Ah.

♪ He's Corny Collins ♪

♪ The only thing better
than hairspray ♪

♪ Hairspray ♪

Wow.

♪ That's me ♪

Hey, baby, you look like
you could use a stiff one.

♪ Whoo-ooo ♪

And we are out.

Link, you sprayed it
right in my face.

What'd I tell you about that?

Stop. You guys.

Powder.

And we're back.

5, 4.

Here?

3.

And now for the talent portion
of our competition...

our Councilettes...

in their Miss Teenage
Hairspray official dance-off.

First off, we have the sunny
pride of Highlandtown, Darla.

Hello, Darla.

Miss Teenage Hairspray.

Your vote is for?

This little girl could power...

all of greater
downtown Baltimore...

with her energy... Lou Ann.

Who are you voting for? Lou Ann?

Very good, thank you.

All right.

Ladies and gentlemen, the
almost too happy Tammy.

And thank you, Tammy.

Confirmed sighting.

What?

You three, outside, now.

We can't go out Th...

No, no. No buts. Out, out.

Out. Out, out, out, out.

Whatever you say, Mrs. Von Tussle.

Whoo.

Aw, she's too cute, isn't she?

Hold it right there, Tracy.

Looking for someone?

All right, ladies and gentlemen.

- Ha.
- A what?

It was a diversion.

Oh, please, these people are
not capable of a diversion.

It's beyond their mental capacity.

I wouldn't be so sure, Velma.

Oh, my God.

What if she's already
in the building?

What if she's been
here for hours...

and you've locked yourselves out?

What?

- Check the doors.
- Let's go.

It's locked.

They're all locked.

And now a fast girl who
loves to slow dance...

our own smooth-as-silk Shelley.

Keep going. Keep going. That's it.

Come on.

Put your backs into it, men.

Put your backs into it this time.

Come on, one more
time. One more time.

Come on, come on, come on.

Here's our little dynamic
duo from Conkling Street.

Double your fun with
Noreen and Doreen.

What is with you people?

I mean, how hard is it
to beat down a door?

That hairspray battering
ram was heavy.

Heavy?

How could they be
heavy, they're...

hollow.

Move it.

Let's get 'em. Let's go.

And, of course...

our three-time Miss
Hairspray champion...

the ever-charming, Amber.

Oh, my God.

You carried her in.

Go.

Ow.

It's locked.

Open it.

Let's give a final
round of applause...

to our Miss Teenage
Hairspray contestants.

Hey.

All right, all right.

We are so close to announcing...

the new Miss Teenage Hairspray.

Look at that board.

What a nail-biter this
one is turning into.

Ladies and gentlemen,
the final tally.

It is my...

obligation...

to announce that
Amber Von Tussle...

Is about to get out-danced.

Tracy Turnblad.

What?

♪ You can't stop an avalanche ♪

♪ As it races down the hill ♪

♪ You can try to stop
the seasons, girl ♪

♪ But 'cha know you never will ♪

♪ And you can try to
stop my dancing feet ♪

♪ But I just cannot stand still ♪

♪ Because the world keeps
spinning round and round ♪

♪ And my heart's keeping
time to the speed of sound ♪

♪ I was lost till I
heard the drums ♪

♪ Then I found my way ♪

No.

♪ Because you can't
stop the beat ♪

Link.

♪ Ever since this
old world began ♪

♪ A woman found out
if she shook it ♪

♪ She could shake up a man ♪

♪ And so I'm gonna
shake and shimmy it ♪

This throne is mine.

♪ The best that I can today ♪

♪ Because you can't stop ♪

Let me down.

♪ The motion of the ocean
or the sun in the sky ♪

♪ You can wonder if you
wanna but I never ask why ♪

♪ And if you try to hold me down ♪

♪ I'm gonna spit in your eye ♪

♪ And say ♪

♪ That you can't stop the beat ♪

They love you, Link.

Yeah?

Not for long.

Inez, come on.

Let's dance.

Little Miss Inez Stubbs.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Look at my baby go.

- Inez.
- Inez?

- Mm.
- Come on.

Oh. There you go.

Give her a hand, folks.

Little Miss Inez Stubbs.

Ladies and gentlemen.

♪ You can't stop a river
as it rushes to the sea ♪

♪ You can try to stop
the hands of time ♪

♪ But 'cha know it just can't be ♪

♪ And if they try to
stop us, Seaweed ♪

♪ We'll call the N-double-A-C-P ♪

♪ Because the world keeps
spinning round and round ♪

♪ And my heart's keeping
time to the speed of sound ♪

♪ I was lost till I
heard the drums ♪

♪ Then I found my way ♪

♪ Because you can't
stop the beat ♪

♪ Ever since we first
saw the light ♪

♪ A man and woman
liked to shake it ♪

♪ On a Saturday night ♪

♪ And so I'm gonna
shake and shimmy it ♪

♪ With all of my might ♪

Mother.

♪ Today ♪

♪ Because you can't stop
the motion of the ocean ♪

♪ Or the rain from above ♪

♪ They can try to
stop the paradise ♪

Hello? Hello?

♪ We're dreaming of
but you cannot stop ♪

♪ The rhythm of two
hearts in love ♪

♪ To stay ♪

♪ Because you can't
stop the beat ♪

Amen.

I am now a checkerboard chick.

Penny.

No.

Mommy.

Ow.

Live television. There's
nothing like it.

Penny.

And now, it's the moment
you've all been craving for.

We have to wait till
they go to commercial.

As you know, we've kept the lines
open up to the last minute.

And those lines have been
burning up our switchboard.

Never in the history
of this pageant...

has there been such a
surge of late voting.

Baltimore, you've picked a winner.

And the new Miss Hairspray is...

- Inez Stubbs.
- What?

Inez, you done it. You did it.

How about that?

Yes.

Come on over here, Little Inez.

Go, babe.

Oh. Inez.

Oh, my God.

That's my baby.

That's my baby girl.

But... She's...

she's not even a candidate.

She just got a tidal
wave of calls, Velma.

But this is invalid.
This is impossible.

Well, anyone who dances
for it is eligible.

Rule 30, paragraph 5, asterisk,
down at the bottom. Ok.

Well, this also makes you the lead
dancer on The Corny Collins Show.

Ladies and gentlemen, The
Corny Collins Show...

is now and forever
officially integrated.

Oh, oh. Oh.

All right. Yeah.

Interracial dancing has
broken out at the WYZT stage.

Just look at the crowd's reaction.

Back to you, Steve.

♪ I was lost till I
heard the drums ♪

♪ Then I found my way ♪

♪ Because you can't
stop the beat ♪

Amber, stop it.

I lost, Mum. Let's
just deal with it.

No, you did not lose.

You cannot have lost...

because I switched
the damn tallies.

Smile, Miss Crabmeat.

You're on Candid Camera.

That was a good shot,
don't you think?

Not bad.

Ha ha ha. What are you doing?

Get that away from me.

Go to commercial.

Go.

Velma.

Pack your desk.

You've tainted the
name of Ultra Clutch.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

How can you taint a
cancerous can of chemicals?

You're fired.

I ca... I can't be fired.

Oh, yeah?

Last chance to join
the dance, folks.

Everyone is welcome.

Wilbur.

Do it now, or forever
wish you had.

Really?

Show 'em, baby.

Nobody can dance like you.

♪ You can't stop my happiness ♪

♪ Because I like the way I am ♪

♪ And ya just can't stop
my knife and fork ♪

♪ When I see a Christmas ham ♪

♪ So if you don't
like the way I look ♪

♪ Well, I just don't give a damn ♪

♪ Because the world keeps
spinning round and round ♪

♪ And my heart's keeping
time to the speed of sound ♪

♪ I was lost till I
heard the drums ♪

♪ Then I found my way ♪

♪ Because you can't
stop the beat ♪

♪ Ever since this
old world began ♪

♪ A woman found out
if she shook it ♪

♪ She could shake up a man ♪

♪ And so I'm gonna
shake and shimmy it ♪

♪ The best that I can today ♪

♪ Because you can't stop ♪

♪ The motion of the ocean
or the sun in the sky ♪

♪ You can wonder if you wanna
but I'll never ask why ♪

♪ And if you try to hold me down ♪

♪ I'm gonna spit in your eye ♪

♪ And say ♪

♪ That you can't stop the beat ♪

Whoa.

Oh. I love you.

You did great.

Corny, do something.

The show is turning to gumbo.

Not a chance, Velma.

This is the future.

Maybelle, let's go.

This is your time.

Yeah.

All right, Miss buttercup.

It's time to wrap this mutha up.

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ You can't stop today ♪

No.

♪ As it comes speeding
down the tracks ♪

♪ Ooh, child, yes ♪

♪ Child, yesterday is history ♪

Be gone.

♪ And it's never coming back ♪

♪ Look ahead ♪

♪ Because tomorrow
is a brand-new day ♪

♪ And it don't know
white from black ♪

Yeah.

♪ Because the world keeps
spinning round and round ♪

♪ And my heart's keeping
time to the speed of sound ♪

♪ I was lost till I
heard the drums ♪

♪ Then I found my way ♪

♪ Because you can't
stop the beat ♪

♪ Ever since we first
saw the light ♪

♪ A man and woman
liked to shake it ♪

♪ On a Saturday night ♪

♪ And so I'm gonna
shake and shimmy it ♪

♪ With all of my might ♪

♪ Today ♪

♪ Because you can't stop
the motion of the ocean ♪

♪ Or the rain from above ♪

♪ They can try to
stop the paradise ♪

♪ We're dreaming of ♪

♪ But you cannot stop ♪

♪ The rhythm of two
hearts in love ♪

♪ To stay ♪

♪ Because you can't
stop the beat ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

♪ Ever since we
first saw the sun ♪

♪ A man and woman liked to shake
it when the day is done ♪

♪ And so we're gonna
shake and shimmy it ♪

♪ And have some fun today ♪

♪ Because you can't stop ♪

♪ The motion of the ocean
or the rain from above ♪

♪ They can try to stop the
paradise we're dreaming of ♪

♪ But you'll never
stop the rhythm ♪

♪ Of two hearts in love to stay ♪

♪ Because you can't
stop the beat ♪

♪ You can't stop the beat ♪

♪ You can't stop the beat ♪

♪ You can't stop the beat ♪

♪ You can't stop the beat ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Hey, old friend,
let's look back ♪

♪ On the crazy clothes we wore ♪

♪ Ain't it fun to look back ♪

♪ To see it's all
been done before ♪

♪ All those nights together ♪

♪ Are a special memory ♪

♪ And I can't wait for tomorrow ♪

♪ Just as long as you're
dancing next to me ♪

♪ Because it's so
clear, every year ♪

♪ We get stronger ♪

♪ Stronger ♪

♪ Because what's gone is
gone, the past is the past ♪

♪ Turn the radio up ♪

♪ And then hit the gas ♪

♪ Because I know
we've come so far ♪

♪ But we've got so far to go ♪

♪ I know the road seems long ♪

♪ But it won't be long
till it's time to go ♪

♪ So, most days,
we'll take it fast ♪

♪ And some nights,
we'll take it slow ♪

♪ I know we've come so far ♪

♪ But, baby, baby, we've
got so far to go ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ Hey, old friend, together ♪

♪ Side by side and year by year ♪

♪ The road was filled
with twists and turns ♪

♪ Oh, but that's the
road that got us here ♪

♪ Let's move past the bad times ♪

♪ But before those memories fade ♪

♪ Let's forgive but not forget ♪

♪ And learn from all
the mistakes we made ♪

♪ Because it's so
clear, every year ♪

♪ We get stronger ♪

♪ Stronger ♪

♪ So don't give up
and don't say when ♪

♪ And just get back
on the road again ♪

♪ Because I know
we've come so far ♪

♪ But we've got so far to go ♪

♪ I know the road seems long ♪

♪ But it won't be long
till it's time to go ♪

♪ So, most days,
we'll take it fast ♪

♪ And some nights,
we'll take it slow ♪

♪ I know we've come so far ♪

♪ But, baby, baby, we've
got so far to go ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ Uh, uh, uh, uh ♪

♪ Hey, old friend, come
along for the ride ♪

♪ There's plenty of
room so jump inside ♪

♪ The highway's bumpy
every now and then ♪

♪ But it's so much better
than where I've been ♪

♪ Just keep moving
at your own speed ♪

♪ Your heart is all the
compass you'll ever need ♪

♪ Let's keep cruising
the road we're on ♪

♪ Because the rearview
mirror only shows what's ♪

♪ Gone, gone, gone ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Got so far to go ♪

♪ Ohh yeah ♪

♪ Ohh ♪

♪ Because it's so
clear, every year ♪

♪ We get stronger ♪

♪ Stronger ♪

♪ So shine that light ♪

♪ Take my hand ♪

♪ And let's dance into
the promised land ♪

♪ Because I know
we've come so far ♪

♪ But we've got so far to go ♪

♪ I know the road seems long ♪

♪ But it won't be long
till it's time to go ♪

♪ So, most days,
we'll take it fast ♪

♪ But some nights,
we'll take it slow ♪

♪ I know we've come so far ♪

♪ But, baby, baby, we've
got so far to go ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Welcome to the sixties ♪

Stop.

♪ Stop telling me what to do ♪

Don't.

♪ Don't treat me like
a child of two ♪

No.

♪ I know that you
want what's best ♪

Please.

♪ But, Mother, please ♪

♪ Give it a rest ♪

♪ Stop. Don't. No. Please ♪

♪ Stop. Don't. No. Please ♪

♪ Stop. Don't. No. Please ♪

♪ Mama, I'm a big girl now ♪

♪ Once upon a time when
I was just a kid ♪

♪ You never let me do just
what the older kids did ♪

♪ But lose that laundry list
of what you won't allow ♪

♪ Because, Mama, I'm
a big girl now ♪

♪ Once upon a time I played
with childhood toys ♪

♪ But now I'd rather play
around with older boys ♪

♪ So, if I get a Hickey,
please don't have a cow ♪

♪ Because, Mama, I'm
a big girl now ♪

♪ Ma, I gotta tell you
that without a doubt ♪

♪ I get my best dancing
lessons from you ♪

♪ You're the one who taught
me how to twist and shout ♪

♪ Because you shout non-stop
and you're so twisted, too ♪

♪ Wo-oh-oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ Once I used to fidget
because I just sat home ♪

♪ But now I'm just like Gidget
and I gotta get to Rome ♪

♪ So say, Arrivederci ♪

♪ Toodle-loo ♪

♪ And ciao ♪

♪ Because, Mama, I'm
a big girl now ♪

♪ Ohh, stop. Don't. No. Please ♪

♪ Stop. Don't. No. Please ♪

♪ Stop. Don't. No. Please ♪

♪ Mama, I'm a big girl now ♪

♪ Hey, Mama, say, Mama ♪

♪ Once upon a time I was
a shy young thing ♪

♪ Could barely walk and talk
so much as dance and sing ♪

♪ But let me hit that stage,
I wanna take my bow ♪

♪ Because, Mama, I'm
a big girl now ♪

♪ Wo-oh-oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ Once upon a time I
used to dress up Ken ♪

♪ But now that I'm a
woman, I like bigger men ♪

♪ And I don't need a Barbie
doll to show me how ♪

♪ Because, Mama, I'm
a big girl now ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ah ♪

♪ Ma, you always taught me
what was right from wrong ♪

♪ And now I just wanna
give it a try ♪

♪ Mama, I've been in the
nest for far too long ♪

♪ So please give a push
and, Mama, watch me fly ♪

♪ Watch me fly ♪

Show off.

♪ Someday I will meet a
man you won't condemn ♪

♪ And we will have some kids
and you can torture them ♪

♪ But let me be a star
before I take that vow ♪

♪ Because, Mama, I'm
a big girl now ♪

♪ Whoa-oh-oh ♪

♪ Mama, I'm a big girl now ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Mama, I'm a big girl ♪

Ooh, such a big, big girl.

♪ I'm a big girl now ♪

♪ Whoa-oh-oh, whoaaaa ♪

♪ Whoa-oh-oh, whoaaaa ♪

♪ Please, Mama, I'm
a big girl now ♪

♪ They came from way far
out in outer space ♪

♪ She's hard to miss and so
they landed on her face ♪

♪ She's got cooties ♪

♪ They've found a place to nest ♪

♪ She's got cooties ♪

♪ Cooties ♪

♪ If I were her,
I'd be depressed ♪

♪ Long tailed, sharp nailed ♪

♪ Fuzzy legs, laying eggs ♪

♪ Oh, no, ew ♪

♪ In science class she's like
a walking show-and-tell ♪

♪ Her pet skunk ran away because
it couldn't take the smell ♪

♪ She's got cooties ♪

♪ Nobody wants to sit by her ♪

♪ No, don't need a coat
because she's got fur ♪

♪ Circle, circle, dot, dot, dot ♪

♪ Glad I got my cootie shot ♪

♪ Come on, boys, let's
stamp 'em out ♪

♪ Uh-uh-uh-uh, uh-uh-uh-uh ♪

♪ Cootie, cootie ♪

♪ Come on, boys ♪

♪ Cootie, cootie ♪

♪ Uh-uh-uh-uh, uh-uh-uh-uh ♪

♪ Cootie, cootie ♪

♪ Come on, boys ♪

♪ Whoa, no, no, no ♪

♪ She's got cooties ♪

♪ She's just as
friendly as can be ♪

♪ She's got cooties ♪

♪ She shows them
cootie hospitality ♪

♪ She's got cooties ♪

♪ She's like a living
Twilight Zone ♪

♪ She's got cooties ♪

♪ Can you get Rod
Serling on the phone? ♪

♪ Black, white, red, green ♪

♪ Every colour in between ♪

♪ Dresses like a circus clown ♪

♪ Somebody oughta hose her down ♪

♪ Grew up in a cootie zoo ♪

♪ I bet her two-ton
Mama's got 'em, too ♪

♪ She... she... she's coming ♪

♪ She's got cooties ♪

♪ Somebody oughta hose her down ♪

♪ She's got cooties ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ She's got cooties ♪

♪ Somebody oughta hose her down ♪

♪ She's got cooties ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ She's got cooties ♪

♪ She's just as
friendly as can be ♪

♪ She's got cooties ♪

♪ She shows them
cootie hospitality ♪

♪ She's got cooties ♪

♪ This girly surely
catch your eye ♪

♪ She's got cooties ♪

♪ She surely likes to let
her freak flag fly ♪

♪ Come on, boys ♪

♪ Let's jam ♪

♪ Let's hear it for Mama ♪

♪ Come on, boys, let's jam ♪

♪ Let's hear it for Mama ♪

♪ Come on, boys, let's jam ♪

♪ Let's hear it for Mama ♪

♪ Come on, boys, let's jam ♪

♪ Let's hear it for Mama ♪

♪ Black, white, red, green ♪

♪ Every colour in between ♪

♪ Dresses like a circus clown ♪

♪ Somebody oughta hose her down ♪

♪ Grew up in a cootie zoo ♪

♪ I bet her two-ton
Mama's got 'em, too ♪