Hair High (2004) Movie Script

♪ Hey, Joe, what do ya know ♪

♪ Your hair's a masterpiece ♪

♪ How do you keep it shiny ♪

♪ Why, I use bacon grease ♪

♪ You know, Gina's absent ♪

♪ I heard she stayed in bed ♪

♪ I guess she didn't

feel like coming ♪

♪ She sent her wig instead ♪

♪ Buzz cuts, crew cuts,

they don't rate ♪

♪ You need a pomp or

a beehive to ♪

Well,

screw you, I'm thirsty.

What do you have to drink?

I'm so parched I could

drink Echo Lake dry.

- Buttercup, we're late.

We don't have time for a drink.

I spend my whole life

waiting for you.

- We've only been going

steady for a year!

So go by yourself.

So maybe I will.

Hmm, I

think I'll have the, um--

- Oh, Buttercup, come on.

Gosh, let's see.

I'll have, I want a cherry cola.

♪ He's more than a jock ♪

♪ He don't need a helmet,

his hair is like a rock ♪

♪ Whoo ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

Those flies,

they're having sex!

You, you killed my flies.

They were just young lovers,

like Cherri and Spud.

Cherry and Spud.

- Let's get out of here,

Buttercup.

This guy's nuts.

He names his flies.

- Well, I think that's cute.

- Screw you, I'm outta

here, and I'm taking

your corsage.

Hold on there, bucko. - Hey, you, leave my

boyfriend alone,

you, you, you!

- Wait, there's a story

you two need to hear.

It's about a couple

kinda like you two kids.

It's a tale of the prom,

of love,

of Cherri and Spud.

♪ Two young lovers,

no moon above ♪

♪ Driving to the prom

to pledge their love ♪

♪ He parked on the hillside

to give her his ring ♪

♪ For she was his queen ♪

♪ And he was her king ♪

♪ As he bent down to kiss

her, he released the brake ♪

♪ The car slid back

toward Echo Lake ♪

♪ Why did they do it,

why didn't they wait ♪

♪ They were lost in a kiss ♪

♪ On their final date ♪

- Stop!

♪ There was no one to see ♪

♪ Not a soul around ♪

♪ As the car descended and

and the lovers drowned ♪

♪ Every June on prom night

in their watery hearse ♪

♪ They head for the dance

to deliver their curse ♪

♪ Ever since that night,

no one dares ♪

♪ To claim the crown that

shoulda been theirs ♪

♪ Ave ♪

♪ Maria ♪

Ah!

Thank you, thank you.

Shh!

Shut up, you!

- Cherri and I would

like to welcome you all

to the first day of school.

Hey, Cherri, are those

pencils in your bra

or are you just happy to see me?

But seriously, it's great

to be back and--

Huh, wuh, uh, uh, uh,

I was driving, very happy.

Driving, wave to the crowd,

further along there's.

I didn't see it there, you know.

- Let me at him, Rod,

I'll strip his gears. - No, Zip, butt out.

All right

students, quit your roughhousing

and come to class.

- It's the first day of school

and I wanna start the

year off right.

- Yeah, with a big fight.

- Come on, let's go.

- Yeah, you wanna--

Hmm.

Alright, misters and misses,

please calm down and

report to class.

Hmm, now then,

students,

let me show you the

joys of biology.

Watch closely now.

Okay, who's next?

Don't worry, he's dead.

- Oh, no, not me.

- Oh, not me.

- No, no,.

- No way.

- Oh, no!

- It's too slimy.

Here, you try it, Zip.

- Wow, you, you really mean it,

Mr. Snerz?

Golly, it's like Christmas and

my birthday rolled into one!

So are these his sex organs, Mr.

Snerz?

Ew!

♪ Ooh ♪

- Is this biology class, Mr.,

er, Snerz?

- Obviously.

What's your name?

- Ah, you're ruining

- my nails!

- Uh, hi, my name's--

Argh, ooh ,

ooh, ooh.

Spud

kid in class.

- Please enunciate more clearly.

I'm Spud, the uh--

The new kid in class.

Bring me that frog.

Ah, crikeys!

- Sit over there next to Cherri.

Don't be shy.

- Hmmph!

Now class ,

the frog's reaction. Why?

Somebody , anybody, mm.

Yes, Zip.

He was a horny toad.

- Okay, class, what

do we call it

when an organism is dead

yet comes to life, Cherri?

Uh-uh-uh.

- I'm still waiting, Cherri, mm.

- Study.

- Yes, Cherri,

we should all study.

Cherri.

- The new kid was

rude to Cherri.

- He insulted Cherri's honor.

Attention, attention.

This is your principal speaking.

The new kid was rude

to our Cherri.

Rude kid!

- There's the rude kid!

- Rude kid, rude kid,

rude kid, rude kid!

- He's got some nerve.

♪ New kid is a rude kid,

new kid is a rude kid ♪

♪ New kid is a rude kid,

new kid is a rude kid ♪

Spud.

You're wanted

in the principal's office now.

So are you ready

for the big exam tomorrow?

All set.

I'm wearing my tight orange

dress with a yellow sweater.

It's a boy!

We're comin' in!

- Okay.

No, Darlene, it's me,

Zip!

Yeah ,

- I know.

- Ooh!

Ah!

- What's your name, rude boy?

- Uh, uh, Spud.

Spud, let's mash him.

Let's french

fry him.

- Hey, tuber turd, I hear

you're causing trouble.

I hear you been passing

notes to my Cherri in class,

and I thought you were

supposed to be so smart.

Remember this?

Well, it stinks.

You know, dork,

you've made me mad.

Not just mad, but really mad.

I know, I'll make you

Cherri's personal slave.

You like that idea, Cherri?

- Well, remember what

happened to the last one.

- Shh, shh, shh, shh, you

know that was an accident.

But don't think about

falling in love with Cherri.

Actually, you know what, I

hope you do fall for her.

I pray you fall in love

with her, know why?

'Cause if I even see a

hint of affection,

know what I'm gonna do, towhead?

What, no,

what?

Come here, Zip.

This is you, Spuddy boy.

Gosh, Rod,

you're a regular Rembrandt.

- I'm gonna do this.

Then what, Rod?

- Oh, oh, stop, oh,

please stop, please stop!

Oh, please stop, ow, oh!

- And this.

- Oh, ow, oh!

- But most fun.

Yeah, I like fun!

Would be this.

- Ow, ow, oh, oh, the pain,

oh, the pain, the pain, oh, oh!

This sure is

fun.

- The pain, no, ow, boy,

this is unbearable, ow, ow!

- Let that be a lesson to you,

pipsqueak.

Fall in love with Cherri

and that could be you.

Say, Rod ,

could, could you pop off

my other fingernail?

- Cherri, I, I'm just a

new kid in school.

I don't, I don't know

any of the rules,

so what do you say?

Can we just be friends?

♪ Ooh ♪

- Okay, okay, I'll be

your servant,

but, but just for a few days,

right?

Then we'll forget

this whole mess

ever happened, okay, Cherri?

God , I

really hate you.

That's Miss

Cherri to you, slave.

- Ow, ow!

Eeh!

Ah!

Attention.

This is your principal speaking.

Remember there are still

tickets available for the prom,

and for you fellas out

there, my daughter Melody,

still dateless, and the

braces come off

two weeks before the big dance.

Daddy!

Argh!

Ah!

Blergh!

Eh.

- Don't panic, if we all

work together,

I, I'm sure he'll be fine.

Can I get some help please,

guys, huh?

Here's the small intestine,

it goes in first.

Okay, large intestine's next.

The kidneys, then the bladder,

careful!

Get the spleen, next

the lungs and the heart.

Yeah, whoo!

All right!

- Awesome, great!

- Way to go!

- A hero!

- Thank you, class,

thanks to you, Spud, and your wonderful

knowledge of biology

I'm alive.

But that doesn't give you any

right to be rude to Cherri.

Attention, attention.

Today's lunch will be sloppy

Joes and creamed corn.

Ow!

Eeh , hey!

You stabbed me.

- Well, you broke my nail.

- Why do I even

carry your books?

You never read 'em.

- Maybe not, but it makes

me look intelligent. - Let me, um, let me

introduce you

to the wonderful world of books.

I shall be your instructor.

First, you place it in

the palm of your hand.

Then, grasping the

cardboard layer on top,

betwixt thumb and index finger,

lift.

This action reveals a

series of white pages

covered, ooh, with black marks.

We call these marks words.

And let me

introduce you

to the wonderful world

of servitude.

- You're a very sad person,

Cherri.

I feel sorry for you.

- Oh, yeah, it so happens

I'm a very happy person. - Ha, ha, ha!

- I've got gorgeous nails,

perfect hair, and I'm captain

of the cheerleading squad.

- And what about Rod?

- Right, and I'm dating

the star quarterback,

and I'm not a spaz like you!

Hey, don't

worry about me.

I've got my books

and my scooter.

- Big deal, I'm gonna be

queen of the prom this year.

I'm 10 times happier than you!

Ha, I, I'm 100

times happier than you.

I'm 1,000

times happier.

I'm a million

times happier.

I'm a

gazillion times happier!

I'm a quintillion

times happier than you.

- I'm so much happier.

I'm a tribillion

times happier than you.

♪ Do do do do, do do do do ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Do do do do ♪

♪ If you only knew, only knew ♪

No!

- Damn, that made me hungry.

Where's that burger, dork boy?

I'm coming.

- Well, it's about time, creep.

Hey, nerd, did you hear

about the mallard

that flew up a guy's butt?

- Um--

- Yeah, he said,

"Get the duck outta here."

So scram, kid, we've got some

heavy eating to do.

Oh, yeah, baby.

♪ Do do do do ♪

Yeah, yeah, all right.

Yeah, all right.

Whew.

That's it, Cherri, baby,

squeeze it, tighter.

Yeah, yeah, all right,

yeah, baby, shake it.

All right, now bring on

the extra sauce, ooh!

- Ah!

- Now, Cherri, up and down.

Oh, yeah, ooh!

Call me Rod, faster, baby.

Faster, shake it hard.

Oh, yeah, that's the

way I like it.

Ooh.

Now slap it.

Slap it harder.

- Oh.

- Yeah, just behind the,

and squeeze it, yeah.

Harder, faster, harder.

Faster, harder, faster.

Daddy's coming, oh, boy.

That's it.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, oh.

Oh!

- Yeah, all right.

That's it, Cherri baby,

squeeze it.

Whoo, eat the goo, eat

it all, that's it, baby.

- Enough, enough already,

that's it!

Stop it, Rod, you sick, oh!

What the pfft?

Uh--

Hmm.

♪ Hair High, we love

your towers ♪

♪ And your ivy-covered walls ♪

♪ Sons of barbers and

beauticians ♪

♪ Ever roaming

through your halls ♪

♪ Though our shining

locks may fall off ♪

♪ And our tresses turn to gray ♪

♪ Hair High, our alma mater ♪

♪ In our hearts you

will ever stay ♪

- Cluck, cluck cluck.

Hey, Zip, I see wearing a

chicken outfit

gets you all excited.

- Oh, gosh, Rod, you scared me.

Oh, I was just dreaming

about Darlene.

I wanna ask her to the prom!

Ha, you'd have better

luck with Mr. Snerz's frog. - She makes my Twinkie tingle,

but she always rejects me.

I've got just the thing

for you, guaranteed to make

you irresistible.

- Gosh, Rod,

you put the stud in student.

Gee, I thought that stuff

was just a myth.

Careful, Zip, it's

powerful stuff.

Just a few drops is

all you need.

- Uh, Darlene, can I

talk to you in private?

- This better be important.

I've gotta get my

thighs loosened up.

So did Rod put you up to this?

- No, uh, I wanted to, uh--

Uh, do you

find me attractive, you know,

in a romantic kind of way?

'Cause I wanted to ask you--

You're

way too weird.

- Wait, Darlene, wait!

Ah, I wanted to ask you to the--

To the prom!

I wouldn't date you

if--

- Well, folks, it's a

wonderful fall afternoon,

and it looks like we've

got a full house.

It's the game of the year,

our Echo Lake Fighting Cocks

versus the hated crosstown

rivals, the Beavers.

- Hut, hut!

- Hut, hut, hut!

♪ Halls, though our shining ♪

- And there's the kickoff!

And here we go.

- Go, you guys!

- Yay!

- Come on, let's go!

- Ooh, yeah!

Whoa!

Oh, dear, ouch!

Well, it doesn't look so

good for our Fighting Cocks.

Come on, move it,

move it!

- Hey!

- Oh, the humanity!

How much longer can

this carnage last?

It's halftime, thank God!

♪ Hair High ♪

- Go, you guys!

- Yay!

Whoo!

- Come on, let's go!

♪ Ivy-Covered walls ♪

♪ Sons of barbers and

beauticians ♪

♪ Ever roaming

through your halls ♪

♪ Though our shining

locks may fall off ♪

♪ And our tresses turn to gray ♪

I'll catch you,

Darlene!

I'll catch you!

♪ Our alma mater ♪

♪ In our hearts you

will ever stay ♪

- No!

- We've got a terrific

halftime show, oh, what's this?

Looks like some kind

of mayhem on the field.

- Get away from me,

you sick cluck.

Oh, my, I don't

see this act in the program.

♪ Well, come on baby,

I'll show you how ♪

- I wanna watch the

funny chicken.

♪ We'll do it hot and

we'll do it fast ♪

♪ Come on, baby, do the

chicken chicken walk ♪

Oh, oh, oh yeah, oh, oh!

Oh, yeah!

♪ Push in and a push out ♪

♪ Push in ♪

- I think this chicken's

broken every law in the morals code

of this state.

Uh-oh, now what?

Wow, look at that chicken go!

How does he do it with

those bulky chicken feet?

In all my years of

broadcasting, this is certainly

the most entertaining

show I've ever witnessed.

Oh, yeah,

yeah, oh, God, oh, God, oh, oh!

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

Oh, oh, yeah, oh!

♪ Head to toe and do yourself ♪

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah,

oh, oh, yeah, oh, God!

Oh, oh, oh, oh!

♪ Do your stuff

wherever you go ♪

♪ Come on, baby, do the

chicken chicken walk ♪

Hey, wait a minute,

I'm human,

so why am I having a

chicken's flashback?

♪ Hair High, we love

your towers ♪

♪ And your ivy-covered walls ♪

Ah!

- Gee, Miss Cherri, I, I had

no idea you loved Zip so much.

- Are you kidding, that horndog?

I needed him for my

dance routine.

I know, you be the chicken.

Uh, gee, I--

Are you

refusing my wishes, lackey?

Lackey!

- I don't know.

- I order you

to put on the chicken head,

flunky!

Flunky!

I, uh, I, I, I

just don't think

I'm mascot material.

Come on!

Let's see some defense,

hit somebody! There is no I in team!

Hut one, hut two,

hut three.

- Rod fades back to pass.

He's hit.

Holy huckleberry, all is lost!

All is lost!

- Don't worry, Rod, I can fix it.

- - Get in there, number nine!

- Coach, you're out of players.

If you don't replace

your quarterback,

you'll have to forfeit the game.

- You!

- Um, me?

Get in there now!

But, but, but,

but, but wait,

I'm not, uh, I, uh, I don't,

um--

- Either the coach

has a trick play

or he's gone totally nuts.

Uh, uh.

What, uh, uh, hike?

Help!

Ah, oh, mm!

Get him up,

somebody help him up.

Oh.

- Get up, slave!

- Whoa!

- Echo High needs you!

Get back in there now!

Hut one,

hut two, hut three, hut,

hut four,

hut five, hut six.

So do you

want the ball or what?

All right, move it,

move, move, move, come on!

- Just look at that

crazy chicken run!

In all my years of broadcasting,

I've never seen a

chicken run so fast.

Huh, uh-oh, he's

dropped the ball!

The Beavers have it!

Wait a minute, it was

just an egg!

♪ Na na na na na ♪

- Ha, what a clever deception.

Come on, move it,

hit somebody!

- You gotta admit, that

cock's full of spunk.

No, no, no, no,

this other team.

- Oh, no, they have

him surrounded.

Oh, no!

Somebody hit somebody!

That's right, go, go!

I can't, I

can't make it.

I can't, I can't make it, I can.

- Hold on, that's just too

absurd, a flying chicken mascot?

- It could be true.

- You, you're a gullible goose.

- And you're a malicious moose.

- I'm leaving.

- Whoa, relax, hot shot.

So go,

see if I care.

- Let me finish the story.

You gotta hear this.

So there was Spud, making a

mad dash for the goal line.

Go, go, go!

Come on, go, no, no, no,

move it, move it!

Go!

Go, go, go, yeah!

- Well, folks, it sure

looks like a touchdown.

♪ Hair high, we love ♪

- It must be a touchdown.

- Come one, let's go!

- Yay, whoo!

- What's all the ruckus, Rod?

- Just a little

after-game celebration.

- Well, I'm gonna have

to give you a ticket, mm.

Whoa, what's this?

What kind of kink fest is

going on here?

Where are your clothes, pervert?

- But, but, but, but I, er--

- Aw, come on, Sarge, we're

just letting off a little steam.

- That's okay, Rod, but

I'm gonna have to give

this young fella here a

ticket for indecent exposure.

- Well, here we are, babe.

After the school year,

we'll be here for real.

- Do you love me, Rod?

I mean really love me?

Course I do,

Cherri baby.

We screw like pistons, don't we?

Gosh, Rod,

you're so romantic.

Rod, let's lay off

the slave kid.

Why, you ain't

getting soft on him, are ya?

No, I'm

afraid he might get hurt.

You know

what he told me?

Your hair was ugly.

- Ew, well, maybe a

little longer.

You know, I heard

that Cheddar has a huge organ.

And there it is.

- Welcome to this sad

occasion as we gather together

to bear witness to a

wonderful life.

I'd like to read a sacred text

I think is appropriate

for the occasion.

The tawny

youth eagerly placed

his dewy thighs around

the quivering member.

Wait,

that's not right.

I think now it would be

fitting and proper

to hear remembrances from his

closest friends, Mr. JoJo?

- Oh, uh, me, uh, I don't think,

well, uh , he came

into my shop many times,

and he was certainly, uh,

energetic.

- And you, Mr. Snerz?

- Ah, yes, well, I can't say

he was a great student,

but

he was certainly, um, different.

- Look at that new kid

pretending

he's Zip's best friend.

And now you,

Miss Darlene.

What have you got to say?

- You know, I hate to be

a wet blanket,

but that guy was just

a creep with a hard-on.

A little reverence,

please?

I find those remarks

inappropriate.

- You know, honestly, I

never liked the guy either.

He always skipped out

on his check.

- Me, either, he had an

irritating personality,

kinda like, you know that sound,

fingernails on a blackboard.

Irritating is right.

He was a terrible mascot, too.

♪ Uh la la ah oh uh ♪

Spud, I wanna

ask you a personal question.

Let's not destroy

the sanctity of the occasion.

It's true, I'm

kind of glad he's dead.

He was a real pain in

the keister.

I find those

remarks inappropriate.

So you

think my hair is ugly, do you?

- Whoa!

I saw you

flirting with Cherri.

You better watch it,

squirt, I got my eye on you.

- And where are my sprinkles,

pea brain?

- Cherri needs more sprinkles.

- You know I don't like

brown sprinkles,

you useless flunky.

Ew, there's a brown

sprinkle in my hair, ew!

You can't sit there,

I'm telling Rod.

- Go ahead, there's no more

he can do to me anyway.

- Relax, enjoy it.

- Yow!

- This is for the sprinkle

in my hair, and this is

for saying my hair is ugly.

- And this is for the

midnight chicken ride. - You're breaking my hair!

- Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow,

ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

Oh, God in heaven,

please help me.

- Get off of me, twerp.

How dare you touch me,

you creep!

- Hey, I like your

hair like that.

- What happened in there,

don't tell Rod.

Hi, Rod,

how's it going?

Hey, Darlene, what's up?

Looks

like a messy job.

- Yep.

- Gee,

you're so good with tools.

- Uh-huh.

- Did you ever work

on anyone else's car?

- Nope.

Well, let's

say a close friend

had a car that needed a

lot of attention.

Like a tuneup?

Or maybe just

tightening a few bolts.

- No, this is the only

baby I touch.

What if the other

car were a sexy racer model?

Nope.

- Well, what if I told

you someone else

was working on your car?

- Impossible, no one

touches this baby but Rod.

- I'm afraid right now

someone's working on your baby.

What, where?

- Relax, every hear the

words double entendre?

Of course,

it's one of those

fancy French manifolds, right?

- Well, Rod, think about it.

Maybe one day you'll get tired

of that same old car.

♪ If you only knew ♪

♪ What I would do for you ♪

♪ Carry your books from

school each way ♪

♪ Give you my sweater

on a windy day ♪

♪ If you could only see ♪

♪ Just how much it hurts me ♪

♪ When you're out with

the other guy ♪

♪ Everyone knows you've

been telling lies ♪

♪ But when we're alone ♪

♪ The world turns right

for a little while ♪

♪ And I believe the

things you say ♪

♪ When I look in your

eyes and see you smile ♪

♪ But when we're alone ♪

♪ The world turns right

for a little while ♪

- Spud?

♪ But I believe ♪

♪ The things you say when

I look in your eyes ♪

♪ And see you smile ♪

♪ You may never know ♪

♪ How much I love you so ♪

♪ But I'll always be your fool ♪

♪ And you will never

be so cruel ♪

♪ To one who feels

the way I do ♪

♪ If you only knew ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

- Okay, we need the entire

prom court onstage now.

Right, where's the king,

where's Rod?

Who knows where King Rod is,

anybody?

He's at football

practice, Miss Crumbles.

- People, people, please,

we can't have a rehearsal

without the king.

You, young man, we

need a stand-in.

- Me, but I'm just a slave.

I'm not a king.

- Well, you'll have to do.

Okay, queen and slave,

or king, up on the stage.

Good, good, ladies first,

that's it.

Okay, the king makes an

acceptance speech.

Blah, blah, blah, now bow,

first to the court, then

to the audience.

Then you kiss.

- Uh, do we have to?

- Of course, it says it

right here in the program.

King and queen K-I-S-S.

You call that a kiss?

The king and queen

represent romance!

You can do better than that.

Come on now, kids.

Let's pretend there's a little

romance between you two,

and kiss, dammit!

♪ Ooh ♪

- Louis, save the

confetti for the prom.

- But I didn't touch a

thing, Miss Crumbles.

- Get away from me, you creep.

And don't you ever

touch me again.

- You been changing the

oil in my car, twerp?

You been tightening her bolts?

- What, what bolts?

- I just found out what a

double entendre is, lover boy.

- I'll take care of him, Rod.

- You're not so tough.

If you were really tough,

instead of your mouth,

you'd stick that toothpick

somewhere else.

- Oh, ah, ow, ouch, Mommy!

- Oof!

- My eye, my eye!

Spud, Spud, Spud!

What's the answer?

Spud, do you know the answer?

- Study.

- Ah ,

that's correct, mm,

study and observe.

- Ah, excuse me, Mr. Snerz.

May I ask a question?

- Very good, Spud, that's

the inquisitive spirit

we like to see here at

Echo Lake High.

- Cherri, will, will you

be my date to the prom?

She'll never

go out with him.

She's Rod's girl.

- Oh, well, did you hear what--

- You can't ask Cherri to the prom.

- No, our darling Cherri!

♪ Are you waiting, now

you've made it ♪

♪ You'll be prom queen soon ♪

♪ You won't need a car

to drive there ♪

♪ When he kisses you,

you'll fly there ♪

♪ Quick, get ready for

your steady ♪

♪ Now he's on his way ♪

My goodness,

wherever could Rod

and Cherri be?

- Gee, Miss Crumbles, if

Cherri doesn't show up,can I be the prom queen?

- You know, Darlene, in

some cultures,

instead of proms, they

throw virgins down volcanoes

as a sacrifice, but then I guess

you wouldn't have to

worry about that.

Well, I never!

Ooh!

- Don't worry, you two

get along to the prom.

- Thanks, JoJo!

- I'll clean up.

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ooh ooh ♪

- I want my Cherri back!

- She's my queen now!

He's going over the

edge, I gotta save him!

♪ Ooh ♪

No!

You go to hell, Rod!

After you, new kid!

♪ When a boy and girl

find their own true love ♪

♪ No one else on Earth

can keep them apart ♪

♪ For she wore his ring

and he gave her his heart ♪

♪ Now they'll always ♪

♪ Be together ♪

♪ Ever after ♪

♪ Be together ♪

♪ Now they'll always ♪

♪ Be together ♪

- Okay, let's go, Buttercup,

story's over.

- No, wait, he's not finished.

- But we're missing

our own prom.

The heroes are fish food,

end of story.

- Is it, is the story

really over?

- No, so anyway, back

to the prom.

- Ladies and gentlemen,

I'm proud to present

your king and queen

and their court.

King Rod

and his beautiful queen, Cherri.

Cherri, Cherri?

- I have some sad news.

Spud, the new kid,

stole my Cherri.

And moved to Mexico.

- Ooh.

- Whoa.

There, there. She'll be back.

This is a very sad moment,

but our prom can survive.

The pageant bylaws state

that when a queen

abdicates the throne, the

first princess

becomes the queen,

Queen Darlene!

I'm proud to crown King Rod.

- No, it's not right, not

without Cherri.

Please, Rod.

- No.

- Please?

- No, no, no, no, no!

- Please, please, please,

please, please?

- No, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no.

- Okay, we'll have to

give it to our next--

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no,

if you insist.

- Ladies and

gentlemen, the royalty of Echo Lake High, King

Rod and Queen Darlene!

- Hey, I got a bite!

- No, you're snagged.

- No, it's a big one.

I'll bet you a beer.

- Hold on, you're

rocking the boat.

- Ah, you're right,

it's snagged.

Get to shore, quick!

- One, two, three, four,

five, six, seven, eight.

Wow, that means you can have

continuous sex for eight

hours , amazing.

Ooh, what's all the excitement?

- Hey, Sarge, what's going on?

- Well, these boys claim they

found Cherri and Spud, mm.

- That's impossible, I just

got a postcard from Cherri.

They're in Mexico.

- See, boys, here's the proof,

mm.

- Hey, Sarge, want a brewski?

- Sorry, boys.

- Wait!

I swear I really saw them.

- Yeah, just come on the boat.

We got beer!

- Can I get some fishing in?

- Sure, they're really

biting today.

Mind if I tag along?

- There's the floating

buoy thingie over there.

Slow it down.

- Ow, ow, ow, whoa!

Ow, ow, ow, ow, whoa!

Stop the engine!

- I can't, it's stuck!

I don't understand machines.

- Out of my way, idiot!

Whoa, oh, my God, I don't

believe it!

- Grab the oar.

- Ooh!

Oops.

Sarge, what

did you see?

- He swallowed too much water,

stand back. I know artificial respiration.

- Stop, stop, for God's sakes,

I'm awake.

- Well, what, what, well,

what'd you see?

- Hmm, I don't remember.

A big oar.

- Let's go back to the marker.

- No need, it's right here.

♪ Prom queen, prom queen ♪

- Welcome to the Echo

Lake High Prom!

Let's welcome the reigning king

and queen, Rod and Darlene!

Before we crown this

year's new king and queen,

let's let Rod and Darlene

have a final dance

as reigning king and queen.

Let's hear it for King

Rod and Queen Darlene.

It's 81 degrees

and a perfect evening

for the prom.

Let's hope all you guys

and gals out there

in radio land are just up

and ready to rock and roll.

♪ Two young lovers,

no moon above ♪

♪ Driving to the prom

to pledge their love ♪

♪ He parked on the hillside

to give her his ring ♪

♪ For she was his queen

and he was her king ♪

♪ As he bent down to kiss her ♪

♪ He released the brake ♪

♪ The car slid back

toward Echo Lake ♪

♪ Why did they do it,

why didn't they wait ♪

♪ They were lost in a kiss ♪

♪ There was no one to

see, not a soul around ♪

♪ As the car descended

and the lovers ♪

Eh, can I help you?

♪ Drowned ♪

- Ah, yes, please.

We'd like one JoJo's

special supreme.

- It almost sounds like,

nah, they're in Mexico, yet,

what the, huh?

- Hey, relax, JoJo, it's

us, Spud and Cherri.

We need a bite to eat,

we're famished.

- You're not Spud and Cherri.

You're too thin.

Watch this.

- Well, I'll be damned.

- You've never looked

more beautiful.

- You really like my hair?

- I've always loved your hair.

Oh, I see you saved our

favorite booth.

We've been waiting

a long time for this night.

We're going

to the prom.

We, er, missed it last year.

So, uh, are you alive

or dead or undead or what?

- We're in love.

- Yes, we're in love.

Tastes great.

How's Rod?

- You mean King Rod

and Queen Darlene?

That bitch,

some friend she is.

Want anything else?

It's on the house.

- No, thanks, time to go.

Ooh.

Thanks, JoJo, we have

got a date to finish.

- Don't be strangers now,

be careful!

- Ladies and gentlemen, the

court of Echo Lake High!

And of course, you know 'em,

you love 'em,

you can't live without 'em,

last year's king and

queen, Rod and Darlene!

- I had a great year

as your king,

and I'm, I'm excited to--

Hey, shut up in the back there.

I'm trying to have a

sentimental moment here!

Stop those freaks,

they're crashing our prom!

Hut, hut, hut, hike!

- Leave these dumb jocks to me,

honey!

- Yay!

- Ah!

Yay!

Someone please

stop this madness.

They're ruining our prom.

Stop those ghouls!

♪ Two young lovers,

no moon above ♪

♪ Driving to the prom

to pledge their love ♪

♪ He parked on the hillside

to give her his ring ♪

♪ For she was ♪

♪ Towers and your ♪

What's

your name, rude boy?

- Whoever you monsters

are, don't come near me!

Somebody save me, somebody!

♪ Why did they do it,

why didn't they wait ♪

- Hello, Echo High.

I'm Spud, and this is

Cherri, my beautiful fiancee.

We're your rightful royalty

and we've come back to

claim our crowns.

- That can't be Cherri and Spud.

They crashed off the road

and drowned in Echo Lake!

- Oh, Rod, what's the matter?

Oh, have I lost too much weight?

Oh, please, Rod, look

into my sockets.

Tell me you still love me.

Oh!

- You've made me really mad.

The king is

dead, long live the king!

- Hmm, I don't see any rules

against the king and

queen being skeletons.

I guess it's okay.

A big hand

for King Spud and Queen Cherri.

Okay, Echo High, let the

prom continue.

♪ When a boy and girl

find their own true love ♪

Oh , it's

such a beautiful story.

- Okay, it's a nice story,

but what's the point?

Don't play football in

a chicken suit?

Don't close your dress in

the door of your car, what?

- The point, the point?

You can't see the point?

Kids these days, sheesh.

You see, love, like

life, is a creative act.

Cherri and Spud were

decomposed skeletons,

yet their romance was a

beautiful and powerful thing.

In their short, tragic lives,

they created a masterpiece,

a masterpiece like this.

And this is what your

romance is like.

- But that's just a

broken cookie.

That's

our romance?

- You must think we're

pretty gullible.

Here's to Cherri and Spud

returning as skeletons.

Oh, yeah, sure thing.

- Believe me now?

- Well, I guess so, but

I have one question.

Who made up this story?

♪ Two young lovers,

no moon above ♪

♪ Driving to the prom

to pledge their love ♪

♪ He parked on the hillside

to give her his ring ♪

♪ For she was his queen

and he was her king ♪

♪ As he bent down to kiss

her, he released the brake ♪

♪ The car slid back

toward Echo Lake ♪

♪ Why did they do it,

why couldn't they wait ♪

♪ They were lost in a

kiss on their final date ♪

♪ There was no one to

see, not a soul around ♪

♪ As the car descended

and the lovers drowned ♪

♪ Every June on prom night

in their watery hearse ♪

♪ They head for the dance

to deliver their curse ♪

♪ Ever since that night,

no one dares ♪

♪ To claim the crown that

shoulda been theirs ♪

♪ Hey, Joe, what do ya know ♪

♪ Your hair's a masterpiece ♪

♪ How do you keep it shiny ♪

♪ Why, I use bacon grease ♪

♪ You know, Gina's absent ♪

♪ I heard she stayed in bed ♪

♪ I guess she didn't

feel like coming ♪

♪ She sent her wig instead ♪

♪ Buzz cuts, crew cuts,

they don't rate ♪

♪ You need a pomp or a ♪

Hair High (2004) - full transcript