Hail the Conquering Hero (1944) - full transcript

Having been discharged from the Marines for a hayfever condition before ever seeing action, Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith (Eddie Bracken) delays the return to his hometown, feeling that he is a failure. While in a moment of melancholy, he meets up with a group of Marines who befriend him and encourage him to return home to his mother by fabricating a story that he was wounded in battle with honorable discharge. They make him wear a uniform complete with medals and is pushed by his new friends into accepting a Hero's welcome when he gets home where he is to be immortalized by a statue that he doesn't want, has songs written about his heroic battle stories, and ends up unwillingly running for mayor. Despite his best efforts to explain the truth, no one will listen.

(BAND PLAYING)

Two boilermakers.

(PEOPLE CLAPPING)

WOMAN: (SINGING) Far away

though I may roam, dear

Fill her up?

Yeah.

Why don't you grab yourself

off a skirt and

have yourself a time?

Why don't you...

Your beer's running over.

Home to the arms I hold dear

Home to the arms

of Mother

Safe from this world's alarms

That's where I spend

each night in my dreams

Why don't they sing

something gay?

Why don't you acquire

a gay viewpoint?

It's all mental,

every bit of it.

Smile, and the world

smiles with you.

Frown, and you frown alone.

I'd just as soon be alone,

if it's just the same to you.

Gratitude.

By that vine-colored door

As you stood in the gloaming

to welcome me home

Home to the arms

of Mother

Never again

to roam

SERGEANT: If you could shoot

craps like you can shoot

your mouth off,

you'd be the biggest

breeze shooter

this side of Hong Kong.

He's the two biggest!

I was fading the guy.

How am I supposed to know

the guy's gonna

pass eight times?

You was fading

the guy with our money!

Well, it was my money, too.

We're partners, ain't we?

Especially now.

Partners in the soup.

Yeah, no dough.

Nothing to do.

If you wasn't so big,

I'd take a poke at

that dumb kisser of yours.

Why don't you try it, Mac?

Save it for the Japs.

You shouldn't have faded

so many times.

You gonna start now?

Give me one last 10 spot.

I'll go back...

You had it, fancy fingers!

"Give me one last 10 spot"!

Who do you think

you're talking to?

Morgenthau?

Never again

to roam

To roam

Where you going?

I got 15 cents.

I held out on you.

(BAND PLAYING)

Will you close the door,

please?

Yes, gentlemen?

One beer.

One beer?

One beer and no cracks.

Yes, sir.

Gonna share it

or swill it all down

by yourself?

Give me

your elk's tooth.

Wait a moment.

My old man gave me...

Come on!

(WHISTLES)

SERGEANT: Come here.

You the manager?

Yes, sir.

We're just a little bit

short of cash, see,

or I'd never make you

this proposition.

I was gonna save it

for the museum, see,

but when you're out on a limb,

you gotta make sacrifices,

that's all.

You follow me?

I'm ahead of you.

I'm gonna let you in

on the ground floor of

something very, very rare.

You remember

when General Yamatoho

committed hari-kari?

Possibly.

I happened to be

very close by, see?

Big man, wasn't he?

Immense.

This is one of

the rarest mementos...

You wouldn't like to buy

the flag they buried

him in, would you?

I could let you

have it very reasonable.

I have it in several sizes.

MacArthur's suspenders!

The first bullet that

landed in Pearl Harbor.

You can take your pick.

A piece of

a Japanese submarine.

If you look at it this way,

it becomes a German submarine,

and this way it is

a piece of a shell

that just missed Montgomery.

Here we have

the seat of Rommel's pants,

and last but not least

we have a button

from Hitler's coat,

although that one

I don't personally believe.

SERGEANT: Wise guy.

It's all paid for.

Oh, boy!

You said it!

By you?

Not by me, it wasn't.

You don't have to

give me no credit.

The guy at

the end of the bar.

(PEOPLE CLAPPING)

Was this from you?

I just happened to hear

the waiter say something

about six Marines and one beer

and to serve it with

six straws or something.

He did, did he?

Where is he?

Anyway, that was

a very nice gesture,

civilian.

Don't mention it.

You want

General Yamatoho's tooth?

No, thanks.

You could send it

to your mother,

if you got one.

No, thanks.

I already sent her

some souvenirs.

Well, then here's to you.

Semper fidelis.

ALL: Semper fidelis.

You know our motto, eh?

Yeah, I know the motto.

Was you in

the Marine Corps, maybe?

That's too bad, Mac.

That's all right.

Set them up again.

Don't you want

anything else beside beer?

Well, personally,

I never touch anything

stronger than rye whiskey.

Seven ryes.

You can use

the beer for chasers.

You sure you ain't spending

too fast like fancy Felix,

the Craps King here?

Besides, I can't think of

any way I'd rather spend

my money than for Marines.

Guadalcanal.

It's a great place

to be from.

Well, sukiyaki.

How long you out?

From the Marines?

Yeah.

I was only in a month.

That's too bad.

You hardly had time

to get corns on your feet.

Were you wounded?

How could he get

wounded in boot camp?

He could've

fell off a roof.

What would he be doing

on a roof?

It was hay fever,

chronic hay fever.

Gee, that's

the worst kind, too.

It's terrible.

I had a girl once who had it.

Every time you'd

get close to her,

she'd sneeze

right in your kisser.

It was the excitement.

Well, better luck next time.

Did you try any of the other

branches of the Service,

like the Army or the Navy?

They'll take anything.

They wouldn't take me.

I went into a shipyard.

My grandmother is a WAC.

What good is that

gonna do him?

I don't know why

hay fever is so terrible.

It's because you never know

when it's gonna hit you.

I remember one night,

this dame had a bowl of

noodle soup in front of her,

and all of a sudden...

(MIMICS SNEEZING)

Anyway, I was kind of

born to be a Marine.

My father was killed

in Belleau Wood

the day I was born.

Belleau Wood?

Almost the same hour.

All I ever thought about

was being a Marine.

I took exercises.

I never drank or smoked.

I studied all about them.

I can tell you every battle

the Marines were in

from 1775 down to now.

New Providence, Fort Nassau,

the second Battle of Trenton,

the Bonhomme Richard

and the Serapis...

"I have not yet begun

to fight."

Tripoli in 1805,

Nuku Hiva in 1812,

the Battle of

Hatchee-Lustee River in 1837,

Veracruz in '46, Chapultepec,

the halls of Montezuma,

Panama in '85,

Guantanamo Bay in '98,

then the Philippines,

the Boxer Rebellion in China,

Nicaragua, Coyotepe Hill,

Fort Riviere and Haiti.

Then Chateau-Thierry,

Belleau Wood, the charge

at Soissons, Saint-Mihiel,

and now Wake Island,

Guam, Bataan,

Corregidor, Guadalcanal.

They bled and died.

(CASH REGISTER RINGS)

They gave me a big send-off

when I left home.

Band was playing, everybody

hollering, the dogs barking,

my mother crying.

Everybody wondering if I'd

come home a general or just

a sergeant like my father.

Well, it's one thing to

come home with things

like that on your chest,

and another thing to go home

with hay fever

and a medical discharge.

You mean you ain't

been home yet?

I wrote I was leaving

for overseas.

You shouldn't do that

to your mother.

I wrote a couple of letters

to say I was all right,

and I asked a kid to mail them

from overseas for me.

Suppose that he didn't

get a chance to mail them?

Well...

That's a terrible thing

to do to your mother.

You ought to be

ashamed of yourself.

You say your father

was a sergeant

at Belleau Wood?

That's right.

What was his name?

I was at Belleau Wood.

Truesmith.

Truesmith?

You mean

Hinky Dinky Truesmith?

That's right.

Why, he was my sergeant.

I saw him fall!

Right then I was being born,

in Oak Ridge, California.

Did you know

your father got the

Congressional Medal of Honor?

I grew up with it.

They hung it on me.

Is that where she lives,

Oak Ridge?

Who?

Your mother.

Sure.

You ought to be

ashamed of yourself.

It's an honor to meet you,

kid. What's your name?

Woodrow Lafayette

Pershing Truesmith.

Go ahead and laugh.

That ain't anything

to laugh at to

anyone who knows anything.

Boys, I want you to

shake hands with Hinky Dinky

Truesmith's boy, Woodrow.

Corporal Candida.

How do you do?

Privates

First Class Swenson...

Swenson, glad to know you.

Jones...

Jones.

My name is Heppelfinger.

Julius. And you can

just call me Sarge.

Set them up. Excuse me.

Certainly, Sarge.

I guess you never got to know

your father very well, huh?

Well, not exactly,

as he fell the day I was born.

That's right.

It's hard to realize.

He was a fine-looking fellow.

He didn't look anything

like you at all.

I know. We've got a picture

of him at home and...

This is Bugsy Walewski.

Pleased to meet you.

Listen, after a guy's

bought you...

Sure, go ahead.

You ought to be

ashamed of yourself.

He ought to be ashamed

of himself for treating

his mother that way.

He never had any mother.

He's from a home.

He's all right.

He just got a little shot up,

that's all. Nothing serious.

So, you're Hinky Dinky's boy.

I travel 100,000 miles

and run into

Hinky Dinky's boy.

He was a brave kid.

Not quite as old as you are.

I know. I...

There was 16 of us,

see, in this wood.

There'd be

a German right there,

and you'd be right here,

and he couldn't see you,

and you couldn't see him.

Then, all of a sudden,

almost right under your feet,

you'd hear the...

(SERGEANT MIMICKING GUNFIRE)

Oak Ridge.

but isn't it kind of late

to be calling somebody up

in the middle of the night?

Are you sure it's important?

He did? Well, why didn't you

say so in the first place,

for heaven's sake?

Then Louie is lying there

holding his belly.

One of the kids is crying.

Then somebody says,

"Let's draw lots,"

but Hinky says,

"I'm the Sergeant, see.

I already won.

"You'll hear them

when I get there,

then come in,"

and he starts

through the bushes.

So, there we are.

On your mark, get set...

All of a sudden...

Your mother's on

the telephone.

She wants to talk to you.

Just a minute. What?

You mean my mother?

That's right.

But how can I talk to her

if I'm overseas?

You dumb cluck!

Because you ain't overseas.

You just came back with us

from Guadalcanal.

You're going home tomorrow.

Going home?

That's right.

Go on.

Are you nuts or something?

The guy is trying to

keep his mother

from knowing

he ain't a Marine.

You want to

make something of it?

Yeah!

Pipe down!

Hello?

Is that you, Mama?

Hello, Mama.

Sure, I'm all right.

Of course I am.

I never felt better

in my life.

How have you been, Mama?

Did you get my letters?

You did, huh? I was afraid

you might have been worried.

It's very hard to

get leave these days,

what with the war and all.

I just got up to

Frisco for this evening, see.

That I was wounded

and honorably discharged

from the service?

Who told you I was wounded

and discharged

from the service?

Then she won't have to

worry no more.

Now, wait a minute, Mama,

you'd hardly call it a wound.

It was more like a scratch.

It was more like a fever.

Just a little fever,

that's all.

Maybe it's called

jungle fever, Mama,

I don't know.

but I just don't see

how I'll be able to get home

for quite some time, Mama.

No, I'm not seriously wounded.

I wish I was.

I said I wish

I could come home,

but I just can't make...

No, you can't do that, Mama.

They don't allow

visitors where I am.

Well, she must've known

the Colonel or something.

I'm in the wrong with him.

I can't tell you that, Mama.

That's military information.

No, I'm not in jail.

What would I be doing in jail?

I don't know why he said

I was coming home, Mama,

but he was probably

talking about somebody else.

He had several calls to make.

You know how it is.

Well, of course,

I want to come home, Mama.

Why wouldn't I?

I'm just crazy to see you

and Libby and everybody,

but this is war, Mama.

Wait a minute.

Give me that phone.

I figured it all out.

What are you talking about?

Like rolling off a log! Quiet!

Hello, Mrs. Truesmith?

This is Sergeant Heppelfinger.

You got nothing

to worry about.

That's it. Right.

Look, it's bad enough

to wear the uniform

without having to wear this...

Now, wait a minute.

Without having to

wear this medal on it.

What are you talking about?

I don't even remember

what I got it for.

You know what

he got that for?

Some Japs was roasting a pig

across the stream, understand.

The breeze was blowing it all

right over in his kisser,

so he went over and got it.

Boy, that was some dish.

Just a hog.

I know, but...

You gotta wear something.

You can't come back

from the Solomons

without nothing.

Not the son of

Sergeant Truesmith.

I can't help it, fellows.

I just don't like

the whole idea.

You gotta think

of your mother.

The regulations

distinctly say,

"You can wear

your uniform home,

but not longer than 30 days."

Suppose they paid you off

in South Africa.

And you went home on foot?

They can't tell you

how to go home.

You could go home

on a pogo stick.

You gotta think

of your mother.

The regulations

clearly state...

You ain't really a Marine

anymore, and, besides, the

regulations is very elastic.

I was even a Colonel once

for a couple of days.

And a brighound

for a couple of months.

Cheese it!

How are you, boys?

Fine, sir. Thank you, sir.

I think we'd better

go back to my room

and talk this over...

Keep your hand down,

and nobody will be the wiser.

CONDUCTOR: All aboard!

Come on, chuck his gear on.

No, no.

Will you get on that train?

No, I won't!

Come on, hoist him on!

No, no!

Come on, get him on!

Don't make me...

No. No.

Look, I don't want to

sound ungrateful. I know

you meant it for the best.

I don't mind

the seven tickets or anything.

I'm honored to have you

go home with me.

It's just the uniform.

It makes me nervous.

Well, I shouldn't

go home with it, and this...

You shouldn't have

lied to your mother.

I think it was

for pulling a Frenchman

out of a creek or something.

I don't remember.

He ought to have

the Battle Blaze.

Well, I shouldn't ought to

have the Battle Blaze.

It's bad enough like this.

Who's gonna notice anything?

"Who's gonna notice anything"?

You slip off the train.

We'll kind of surround you.

We slip up a side street.

Your mother's waiting

on the front porch.

You put your arms around her.

That's right.

You slip out of your uniform.

You salt it away in mothballs,

and there you are, home.

She's happy. You're happy.

Everybody's happy.

And nobody's hep to nothing.

(ALL CHEERING)

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

Please. Will you please wait

until I give you the signal?

Well, all right, then.

Go ahead and practice.

Listen. Will you please

stand not here?

Go some other place. Please!

He's been away for so long,

and only hearing

from him twice.

And then being his

father's son, you can imagine

the chances he would take,

the risks he would run.

Do you suppose

he knows about Libby?

I don't know, Martha.

I certainly didn't tell him.

You're engaged to me,

and that's all

there is to it.

I know,

but it's his homecoming.

And homecoming means

to find everything

the way you left it,

at least for a little while.

Do you suppose

he'll be heartbroken?

I don't know.

I don't see that

that has anything

to do with it.

there might've been

three of us to welcome him.

If he'd waited two years,

it might have been...

Shut up.

That's what marriage is for,

isn't it?

I suppose so,

if you look at it from

a purely unromantic standpoint

like a breeding farm.

I mean, if you don't find

anything soul-stirring

in the return of a...

A hero.

All right. A hero.

I mean, if you don't find

anything heartwarming in it...

My dear girl, I tried to

get into the Army

by every possible means.

I even lied

about my condition.

I know you did.

It isn't my fault

that I have...

Chronic hay fever.

I know that, Forrest.

I've heard it

a thousand times,

I'm forced to remind you

that Woodrow

also had hay fever.

(SNIFFS)

Your father wants you.

He broke off with her.

Her skirts

are certainly clean.

I don't know anything

about it, Martha.

I'm very happy for you,

Mrs. Truesmith.

Will you tell him

I'm going to be married

to Forrest, please?

No, I won't, Libby.

I think that's up to you.

Will you, Aunt Martha?

Who, me? I should say not.

Well, you know it wasn't

my fault. I would have

waited for him forever.

He asked me not to.

He told me to forget him.

He even wrote

he didn't love me anymore.

Maybe you should've

read between

the lines a little.

I mean to say, if you think

I'm gonna stand around

like a doorpost...

(TUBA BLOWS)

Very well, Mr. Mayor.

I'm merely the Chairman

of the Reception Committee,

but as I visualize...

Did you bring

the keys to the city?

Yes, Father, right here.

Because I don't want to

pull out my fountain pen

Why don't you let

Mr. Pash arrange things?

If it's all the same to you,

my pearl...

This boy Woodrow is gonna

be very popular

in this town, Doc.

I wonder if the same thought

has occurred to you

that flashed in my mind?

Probably.

As I visualize it,

the ceremony began

with a little girl in white

with a bunch of posies...

In her grimy little mitts.

I know,

I've listened to her before.

Why, she forgets her lines

till rigor mortis sets in.

Very well, then,

you arrange the reception.

I tell you,

it's better for you

to talk after Bissell.

Then you can give him

the needle.

After all, I'm only the Mayor.

Thank you very much,

Mr. Mayor.

Not in front of the Mayor.

Out on the fringe somewhere.

Why, you'd think it was

a political campaign

instead of a...

Did you bring

the keys to the city?

Yes, Father,

I have them right here.

Mrs. Noble.

Call me Myrtle, dear.

if I didn't tell Woodrow

I'm engaged to

Forrest right away?

What?

What?

Of all the confounded...

What are you talking about?

Well, I mean, not to spoil

his homecoming by

striking a single sour note.

Of course

it would be all right.

I understand perfectly.

I'm not sure that I do,

Mother.

That's because

you're not a woman, dear.

It would be

perfectly all right.

Why,

under similar circumstances,

I wasn't married

to your father

for several weeks even.

You could make it

for several months,

as far as I'm concerned.

He talks that way in public,

but we understand perfectly.

Now, you go right down

and take him in your arms

and kiss him all you like.

Thank you.

I may have something

to say about that.

I suppose she could kiss him

on the cheek.

Kiss him wherever you like.

Of all the nonsense.

Not in the middle, please.

Out in the suburbs,

if you don't mind.

(CHATTERING IN

FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Yeah, please.

Out in the suburbs, yes.

Now, listen.

I begin with

Mademoiselle From Armenties

and then I go into

Hail the Conquering Hero.

You begin with

Mademoiselle From Armentiere?

There'll Be a Hot Time

in the Old Town Tonigh.

Then, who plays

Home to the Arms of Mother?

I do.

What's your name?

Eddie.

I thought I started with that.

Who is talking about

Hail the Conquering Hero?

I am.

No, no, no. You play...

O death, where is thy sting?

We don't know that.

All we know is Hail the

Conquering Herand half of

Marching Through Georgia.

We were only formed last week.

Now, wait a minute, Teddy.

You're going to have her

the rest of your life.

This is war, you know.

And you know

what Sherman said about it.

Ed follows with

Mademoiselle From Armenties

and modulates into Hail

the Conquering Hero Come.

Eddie takes Home to

the Arms of Mother and

you play anything you know!

Can anybody play

Let Me Call You Sweetheart?

Sure, I can modulate

into that from A Hot Time

in the Old Town Tonight.

and let Teddy play

Hail the Conquering Hero.

Certainly, if you want to

upset all of my plans!

After all,

I've only had one morning

to whip this thing

all together, you know.

I'm sorry.

All right, play it!

Play anything you like!

I'm here to help.

I do it for nothing, with joy,

but I got to have cooperation.

Cooperation, yes.

I sing the hymn

in seven flats.

In seven flats.

And he won't play

in seven flats.

We don't know how to

play in seven flats.

We're not musicians.

You don't have to tell me.

Then, each work in your

own key and do your best.

Why don't we take it...

They're really

very nice people.

I'm just going to take

Woodrow in my arms

and hug him as if

he'd never written me

that letter at all.

That's a very sweet

thought, dear.

Do you want me

to hold your engagement ring?

It's not only my mother.

I've got a girl!

I mean, I did have.

What did you tell her?

You was going in the Navy?

No, I told her

I fell for somebody else

so she wouldn't wait for me.

What are you gonna

tell her now?

What good does that do?

Tell her you're divorced.

I'm no good at lying!

Besides, maybe

she doesn't care

anymore anyway.

Is your mother a good cook?

Wonderful.

Gee, you're lucky.

Well, I don't feel lucky!

Look, I tell you

the whole thing is...

Supposing I should

meet someone I know

We'll surround you.

You got nothing

to worry about.

I hope not!

Oak Ridge.

Don't do that!

Keep cool, will you?

What can happen?

Does your mother

put up preserves?

Yes! What can happen?

Anything can happen!

Will you stop balling things

up! Everything was clear

and simple, and now...

Where is Mamie?

She's always disappearing.

Well, she'll be here

in a minute.

It's the excitement.

Yes.

Here comes the train!

(BAND PLAYING)

Not yet!

Not yet!

I didn't tell you...

What's that music?

Brush you off, gents?

What's that music?

Fix you up for the reception?

The reception?

I reckon it's for you all.

They got a half-a-dozen bands

and all the officials.

Now, wait a minute.

It's probably for

somebody else.

It ain't for anybody else.

It says "Welcome Woodrow."

Let me out of here!

You're just gonna

make things worse.

You give me that bag!

Here, open that up

and let me out.

I'll hide in there.

You can make my apologies.

I can't while

the train's in the station.

Then I'll get off

in my underwear!

Cut that out!

We're just pulling

in the station.

No, not yet!

No!

They got four bands.

That don't look good

with only one medal.

Four bands?

Take that blouse off!

Give me yours!

Madame, please... I didn't...

Not yet!

Cut it out!

You're making

a big mistake, I tell you!

You gotta think

of your mother!

Come on,

and take those hash marks off!

I'm telling you,

give me my other suit!

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

(BAND PLAYING)

All right, she's going to

get in front. All right,

please, that's fine.

Welcome, Woodrow.

Quiet! Please, please.

Please! Quiet! Right.

We're all ready

for the reception.

All right, Mamie.

Welcome, young warrior.

Your natal city rejoices

at your safe homecoming

and takes great pleasure

in presenting you

this beautiful bunch

of del-fuminimums.

Now, you just come with me.

Mr. Noble has

a speech all ready for you.

(BAND PLAYING)

Welcome home, Woodrow.

Silence!

His honor, the Mayor!

Friends, voters,

returning hero

and ex-employee of the Noble

Chair Company,

Seats of all Descriptions,

home to

the arms of your mother...

No, no, no, no!

Quiet, quiet, quiet!

It is with a sense

of deep humility

that I hail

this conquering hero!

No, no!

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

No, no, no.

Not until I tell you, please!

I say...

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

I say...

Quiet!

It is with a sense

of deep humility

that I welcome

this young Marine.

ALL: Hooray!

Actions speak louder

than words.

Here are his words!

ALL: Hooray!

From the halls of Montezuma

to the shores of Tripoli...

No! No! No!

No, no, no, no!

(SINGING HALLS OF MONTEZUMA)

Hot Time in the Old Ton

Tonight.One, two...

Do anything you like!

All right, boys,

Mademoiselle From Armentiere.

(ALL BANDS PLAYING)

I say it is with a sense

of deep humility...

Go away!

(YELLING)

I present you

with the keys to the city!

But Mr. Mayor...

Quiet!

I do wish he'd told us

he was bringing six friends.

I don't know what we'd have

done if everybody

hadn't been so kind.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

I'll get it.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Oh, dear!

Just in case you were short,

I brought over

a few little knick-knacks.

That's terribly kind of you,

Mr. Schultz, but I haven't

a single point left.

Who asked you?

It's all complimentary.

Including the points

with the compliments

of Schultz's market.

Why, just put it right here.

Everybody's been so kind.

Boy, I wished I was a Marine.

You will be.

It'll probably be over

by the time I'm big enough.

From your mouth

to heaven's ear.

How many Nips

did Woodrow get,

Mrs. Truesmith?

I'm sure I don't know, Teddy.

I hope he wasn't

too bloodthirsty.

(MIMICS GUNFIRE)

And if there is anything else,

the slightest thing,

when we're open

or when we're closed,

Teddy will be happy

to run over.

I'm bowlegged now from...

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

Goodbye, Mrs. Truesmith,

and I'm very happy for you.

One in the family

is enough to lose.

Here they are!

I'll just have time

to wash for church.

Do I look all right, Martha?

Yes, of course

you look all right.

Well, that's that.

That was certainly

a great idea you had.

What are you talking about?

Everything was lovely.

I thought your speech

at General Zabriski's monument

was very moving.

Thank you very much.

Well, if you'll excuse me now.

I have something

to tell you, Woodrow.

Well, you'll just

have to wait...

Woodrow.

Hello, Mama.

Where are you going, dear?

To put on my blue suit.

We'll be late for church.

Then, we'll be late

for church.

Why can't you wear

your uniform

for a little while?

You look so nice in it.

I just got through explaining.

It's against regulations.

He should...

I think

that's perfectly ridiculous.

So do I.

Your grandfather wore

his Civil War uniform

the rest of his life.

He kept having new ones made.

Well, you...

He said it helped

to remind people

Well, his case was different.

Then, hurry up, dear.

Go ahead.

Now, better hurry up.

I suppose that's only natural,

dear, after what

he's been through.

He has jungle fever, you know.

They run through the woods

without any clothes on

with knives in their teeth.

Oh, no, they don't

at all, lady.

You're thinking of Boksok.

The Marines

always dress very nice.

Of course they do.

You must be

Sergeant Heppelfinger.

Pleased to meet you.

I want you to shake hands

with Corporal Candida.

I didn't have a chance

to tell him yet.

There was so much noise.

You knew my sergeant.

I want you to see him.

I want you all to see him.

There he is.

Attention!

Thank you.

He looks so young

compared to me.

Now I have two heroes.

I have eight heroes.

You can sure put me

on your flag.

I sure ain't got anybody else.

I'll be very proud to.

(CHURCH BELLS TOLLING)

Oh, we're going to be late.

Woodrow! Woodrow!

Now, Martha.

Yes?

Sally Truesmith,

you don't have to tell me

how to cook a turkey.

Sure, except that

I'm a haunted man

for the rest of my life.

Boy, I wish that's all

I ever had to worry about.

(CHILDREN CHATTERING)

ALL: (SINGING) Saved from

earthly taint and sin

Home, sweet home

Our home forever

All the pilgrim journey past

Welcomed home to wander never

Saved through Jesus

Home at last

REV. UPPERMAN: And now

I have a very

pleasant task to perform.

Usually on Sundays

I have to scold you a little,

because that is what

I am paid to do,

and I try to earn my keep,

but today is

a day of rejoicing.

Home from the hills

cometh the hunter.

Home from the wars, the hero.

Homecoming.

What a beautiful word.

Home to

the arms of his mother,

the widow of yet another hero

cut down in

the bloom of young manhood.

The arms of a mother

who struggled through

poverty and privation

to raise her son

rightly and courageously,

that he might follow

in the honorable footsteps

of his father.

The years were hard.

Not always was there work,

and the winds of reality

blew coldly against

this frail woman

protecting her infant son.

She had one possession,

her home.

The little white house

at the end of Oak Street.

The home of heroes.

She clung to it tenaciously,

but one day she came to

the end of her rope,

and a mortgage

was her only solution.

I have here

the document in question,

purchased by

the grateful citizens

of our township.

Purchased with deep respect

by the grateful citizens

of our township,

who have asked me to perform

the following ceremony.

You will notice

I have nothing up my sleeve.

(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

(ORGAN PLAYING)

Everybody's been so kind.

Very nice, Reverend.

Everything went perfect, huh?

It was

a very beautiful ceremony.

Well, how do I pay it back?

Well, they should've done it

a long time ago

on account of your old man.

Wait till they find out.

Who's gonna find out?

Woodrow, we want your opinion.

On what?

On the location

of the monument.

The monument?

Yes. Naturally,

General Zabriski has

the choice spot,

What monument is that?

Oh, didn't you know?

We're raising you

a little monument

by public subscription.

I always say it's better

to do these things

while they're hot.

Just something modest

in granite probably.

Bronze is simply

impossible to get.

It's just to our first hero

of this present war.

Look, if anybody

deserves a monument,

it's my father, not me!

That's right.

He's on it, too.

You're both on it,

shaking hands.

It's called,

"Like Father, Like Son."

Now, just in front

of the station

there's a plot,

and I thought

if it wasn't too...

Did I say something wrong?

You mean you haven't

told him yet?

Every time I started to,

a band started to play

or they burned

the mortgage on his house...

Or they raised him a statue.

Well, I can't help it.

I suppose you're

very proud of him now?

Well, why shouldn't I be?

I grew up with him.

So did I, but I don't

walk around starry-eyed...

You're just jealous.

Well, make it snappy,

will you?

Of course I will.

Wonderful sentimental nonsense

and seven hungry men to feed.

Oh, boy!

Hey.

What?

What do I do now?

Well, you just

let it blow over.

Did you ever see

a statue blow over?

Well, maybe you could

be sort of hard to please.

They want it standing up,

you want it sitting down.

They want it shaking hands,

you want it with

the hands behind the back.

Now...

They want it

in front of the station,

you want it where

General Zablitzki is,

till one day they say,

"Do you want it,

or don't you?"

And you say,

"In that case, no."

And there you are.

Well, what do I do

about the mortgage?

Well, you could sort of...

Look, I didn't

get you into this...

Oh, yes, you did!

I was gonna hide in the...

A Marine never hides!

That's what semper fidelis

means. It means

"face the music."

Well, it does not!

It happens to mean

"always faithful"!

It doesn't mean faithful

to your mother at all.

It means faithful to the...

You're home. Your mother's

happy. Did you see

that look in her eyes?

Your girl still loves you,

and the town gave you

a nice little reception.

I'll say they did!

Boy, I wished

I was in your shoes.

Boy, I wish you were, too!

I know you did it

for the best, and I thank you

for your good intentions...

I tell you

it'll all blow over.

Everything is perfect,

except for

a couple of details.

They hang people

for a couple of details.

What are you talking about?

I been a hero,

you could call it that,

for 25 years,

and does anybody

ever ask me what I done?

If they did,

I could hardly tell them,

I've told it

so different so many times.

It ain't as if you done it

on purpose. By Tuesday

you'll be forgotten.

Well, I hope you're right.

I know I'm right.

You take General Zablitzki,

for instance...

Zabriski.

All right,

where did he tend bar?

That's a

different case entirely.

They bought him

at an ironworks

that was

going out of business.

He was just a bargain,

that's all.

Well, you're the only guy

who knows it.

All everybody else

knows is he's a hero.

He's got a statue in the park,

and the birds sit on it.

Except that I ain't

got no birds on me,

I'm in the same boat.

Now, look.

Woodrow.

Yes?

Could I see you

for a few moments, please?

Why, certainly.

Woodrow! Now, hurry, darling.

Dinner's on the table.

And you, too, Sergeant.

You come along too, Libby.

We'd be delighted to have you.

Thank you. I...

Come on, Libby.

Boy, this is something.

Pass some of

that cheese, will you?

MRS. TRUESMITH: Now,

just a little pie

to fill in the chinks.

Yes, ma'am, I'll have to

eat it in little pieces.

There you are.

Well, I guess the excitement

kind of twisted

my stomach a little.

It's the fever.

No, it isn't the fever.

That never bothers me

at all except...

(SNEEZES)

You see?

Not at all.

It's not...

(SNEEZES)

Well, don't blow the house

down now that we own it.

Wasn't that a lovely gesture?

This is the happiest day

of my life.

Woodrow, if you're

all finished, would you come

outside with me a moment?

There's something

I have to tell you.

Sure.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Here it comes.

Here what comes?

I'll see what it is.

What's the matter, Woodrow?

Does he feel hot?

Feel his head.

I don't feel hot.

If anything, I...

Woodrow, Judge Dennis,

the Sheriff, Doc Bissell

and a lot of other men

want to see you right away.

They're in the parlor.

What about?

They didn't tell me, dear.

They just said...

They probably want to

baptize a baby after you.

What's the matter, dear?

WOODROW: Good afternoon,

Judge Dennis.

There you are, Woodrow.

Where are the medals?

The medals.

Well, I just wore those

to get off the train.

I suppose I shouldn't have.

What do you mean,

you shouldn't have?

If all good men wore medals,

it wouldn't be so hard

to tell the good from the bad.

I guess that's right,

all right. Well, I'm ready.

I guess I deserve what I get.

SCHULTZ: You certainly do.

Beyond question.

Goodbye, Mama.

Who told you about it?

Well, I can put

two and two together.

What are you talking about?

Aren't you gonna

take me somewhere?

Not at all. We're going

to do it right here.

Oh, yeah?

Woodrow, there's something

rotten in this town.

I know it.

That's why we're here.

I know it, but I don't see why

you have to do it

in front of my mother.

Then let's get down

to business.

The trouble with our party

is everybody talks

too long all the time.

That's the trouble

with all parties.

Woodrow, there's something

rotten in this town.

You don't have to keep

rubbing it in. I'm ready.

Nothing you can put your

finger on exactly, but a kind

of something you can feel.

It's like

the town was selfish.

Everybody thinking

about little profits

and how not to pay the taxes

and reasons for not buying

bonds and not working too hard

and not working at night

because it's nicer

in the daytime.

All things that are

all right in peacetime.

Things you used to call

thrift and relaxation

that made many a fortune,

but things that are

plain dishonest in wartime.

That's right.

The motto of this town is

"Business as usual,"

but a lot of us feel

wartime ain't a usual time

and that business as usual

is dishonest.

That's why we need

an honest man for mayor.

An honest man

who will wake us up

and tell us the truth

about something

he knows all about.

An honest man

who will tell us the truth

and who can win.

We got an honest man

who'll tell us the truth,

but nobody votes for him

except his brother

and his wife.

And I'm not even

sure about her.

I have everything

but popularity.

In other words, Woodrow,

we want you to

take Doc Bissell's place.

The right shall prevail.

Right.

But I'm not a veterinary.

I hardly know one end

of a horse from another.

(MEN LAUGHING)

We want you to

run for mayor, Woodrow,

in the coming election.

(STAMMERING)

You want me to run for mayor?

Three cheers

for the new mayor.

Hip, hip, hip...

ALL: Hooray!

Hip, hip, hip...

Hooray!

You're making a...

Hip, hip, hip...

Hooray!

Bring him out!

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

Ladies and gentlemen,

I give you our new Mayor!

(BAND PLAYING)

First we will have

a few words from Doc Bissell.

I'm going to be

even briefer than usual.

You know what I stand for

in this town.

You know what I'm against.

Our party is fortunate

in having found

a worthier standard-bearer

A man who fought for

you overseas. A man who will

fight for you here and win!

For the good of our party,

for the good of our town

and its war effort,

for the good of

the United States of America,

to vote for Corporal Woodrow

Lafayette Pershing Truesmith!

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

Before introducing

the principal speaker,

I wish to point out

that he appears before you

not as a hero,

not with decorations

he so heroically won

and so richly deserves,

but as a simple citizen,

a hometown boy back home!

I need say no more

of the character of

this young man

than that he refused

to wear his medals!

Ladles and gentlemen,

I give you Mr. Truesmith!

(BAND PLAYING)

No, no!

(BAND STOPS PLAYING)

Ladies and gentlemen,

(STAMMERING)

I wish I were dead.

You're making a big mistake!

Oh, no!

(STAMMERING)

I love my mother very much.

He has a natural flair

for politics.

But she shouldn't have

told you I was coming home

and made all that fuss

at the station.

(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

I really don't deserve it.

Go on! You betcha!

There are many, many men,

any one of

these young men, for instance,

far, far more deserving

than myself.

(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

The medals that

you saw pinned on me

you could practically say

were pinned on by mistake.

(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

I want you to believe me.

I've known all of you

all my life.

I've mowed your lawns.

I've delivered milk

for your babies.

I even know the dogs and cats.

The milk-and-baby part

is remarkable.

After that

he could be president.

Nothing would be dearer to

my heart than to be worthy

of the honor you offer me.

I wish I could accept it.

You bet!

I'm no hero!

(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

(STAMMERING)

I haven't had Dr. Bissell's

long experience with animals.

There is the man for you!

No, no, no.

I thank you.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

I never saw so many things

happen in one day in my life.

MAN: That was wonderful,

wonderful!

Oh, my son. Wonderful!

That's as fine

a political speech

as I've heard since Bryan

and the crown of thorns.

You don't need any lessons

from me, Woodrow.

If I might make

one suggestion, Woodrow.

I wouldn't play down

the hero part

quite so much hereafter.

But I'm not a hero.

Modesty notwithstanding.

They like it, you know.

Anyway, the Sergeant's taking

care of that part of it.

The Sergeant's

taking care of...

Hereafter?

What are you talking about?

SERGEANT: ...a couple of

things about Woodrow.

I don't know just how

he's gonna take this.

In fact, he's so modest,

I'm pretty sure

he ain't gonna like it at all.

In fact, I may get

quite a sock on the jaw

before I'm through.

What's he saying?

SERGEANT: Anyway,

I'm just going to give you

one sample of his courage

and his resourcefulness.

Good!

I'm gonna tell you

how he saved my life.

What's the matter with him?

He can't do that.

REV. UPPERMAN:

No, no, no, Woodrow. Relax.

We're on the beach,

see, at Tanaru Bay.

All of a sudden we hear,

"Here they come! Take cover!"

And out of the jungle

come 200, maybe 300 Japs

preceded by a hail of bullets.

I turn,

and my foot catches in a...

I didn't see

exactly what it was.

I was kind of in a hurry, see?

But I'm stuck. I'm lost.

Now a voice says,

"Keep cool, pal."

And beside me I see Woodrow!

(BAND PLAYING)

Not yet! Not yet!

REV. UPPERMAN:

Everything is all right.

I tell you

I'm not running for mayor.

You're not running for mayor?

Why, you couldn't stop

from being mayor

of this town if you...

Don't drink that, Woodrow.

Don't drink that.

It's cooking wine.

Well, I'm cooked.

Zing, he got another one!

Zang, another one

hits the deck!

Zowie! He clubs two of them

with the butt end of his gun!

We duck, and we run

another little piece,

then drop!

Zing, zing, and two more

brown brothers bite the dust!

Now he picks up a machine gun.

(MIMICKING GUNFIRE)

But the Japs kept coming,

and he kept firing.

The machine gun got hot.

His hands were burning,

but Woodrow stuck to his post.

I managed to get near him,

then I got hit.

As I'm laying there,

somebody pulls me to safety.

I open my eyes,

and who do I see but Woodrow!

(ALL CHEERING)

Once again, fellow citizens,

you have chosen me

to be your Major. Applause.

And once again,

I accept the charge.

Make that responsibility.

I accept the responsibility...

Make that deep responsibility.

I accept

the deep responsibility...

No, just make that

plain responsibility.

I wish you'd

make up your mind.

What?

And don't go so fast.

I don't know how to do this.

Then, why isn't Libby here?

She'll be back.

She's still getting paid

as my secretary,

you know,

no matter who she marries.

I mean, even if

she is engaged to you.

Now, where was I?

"Once again, fellow citizens,

"you have chosen me

to be your Major, applause.

"And once again,

I accept the charge.

"Make that responsibility.

I accept the responsibility.

"Make that deep

responsibility. I accept

the deep responsibility.

"No, just make that

plain responsibility."

Are you simple-minded

or something?

I accept the responsibility

with a sense of both humility,

satisfaction and gratitude.

You dictated

plain responsibility.

That's right!

That means responsibility

without adjectives.

Jumping Jehoshaphat!

Now, where was I?

Don't tell me!

I accept the responsibility

with a sense of

both humility, satisfaction

and gratitude.

You can't say both humility,

satisfaction and gratitude.

And you have humility,

satisfaction and gratitude.

That's three.

I can't say it?

You cannot.

I've been saying it for years.

Well, it isn't

correct grammar.

I'm not running on a platform

of correct grammar.

I even let my grammar

slop over a little, sometimes.

It gives that homey feeling,

horny hands and honest hearts!

Now, where was I?

"With a sense of both

humility, satisfaction

and gratitude."

All right, take out humility.

Leave it in.

Will you do as I tell you

instead of sitting there

a like a stuffed nincompoop

trying to annoy me just

because your girlfriend is

out with somebody else?

What?

Now, where was I?

"With a sense of both

satisfaction and gratitude."

And humility.

Well, what are you gaping at?

Nothing.

Well, cut it out. Now...

(DOOR OPENING)

Well, it's about time.

I'm sorry.

I'll take it, Forrest.

I trust the conquering hero

is home, and that's that.

Now, let's get this speech

out of the way

without further interruptions.

Dictating to my son is

like dictating to a sponge.

Mr. Noble,

before you go any...

I said without further

interruptions, if you please.

If it's all the same to you.

Yes, sir.

What were you crying about?

You can fight that out later.

"With a sense of

both humility, satisfaction

and gratitude."

You can't say that.

I can't say it?

Will you be so kind

as to permit me

to dictate my own speech?

I'm sorry.

Well.

As President and owner

of the Noble Chair Company,

Seats of all Descriptions,

I am to most of you...

Make that many of you.

Or make it some of you.

Your employer,

but as Mayor of our fair city,

I am to all of you

your servant.

That's a nice twist.

Mine not to reason why.

Mine but to...

Do or die.

When I want your assistance,

I'll ask for it.

Mine but to...

Well, what are you looking at?

Nothing.

Well, cut it out.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

Mine but to...

What's all that hollering

down the street?

It's for Woodrow.

That's what I was

trying to tell you.

You see, Doc Bissell

and the rest of them

came up...

Well, I suppose

that's natural, so long

as they don't overdo it.

Now...

"Mine not to reason why.

Mine but to..."

Hearken and obey.

Heaven knows I did not

seek this distinction,

but since

you force it upon me,

what alternative have I?

Save your voice, Evvy.

What? What's the matter?

Bissell's just retired

in favor of Woodrow,

the local hero.

We got a fight on our hands.

You mean that I

welcomed at the station?

That's right.

Now you have

some real opposition.

Wasn't it thrilling, Libby?

Will you kindly shut up

for a minute?

He was so shy and embarrassed,

but at the same time

so manly...

Will you kindly...

You mean running for

Mayor against me?

That's what

I was trying to tell you.

Will you...

But he can't do that

with the election

only two days off.

You'll have a chance

to use all your oratory, dear.

He most certainly cannot.

Why, that's entirely illegal.

Why, if such were the case,

I mean to say, why,

any loose character whatsoever

fresh from the penitentiary

could come along...

Loose character, Mr. Noble?

Woodrow doesn't happen to be

a loose character,

and he's fresh

from the battlefield,

not from the penitentiary.

That was a figure of speech.

Well, I don't care for it.

Father didn't mean it

the way it sounded.

Well, maybe Father did.

Which side are you on, anyway?

Because I don't want

any spies in my office.

Father, please.

He doesn't mean that, Libby.

Oh, yes, I do.

Well, if you don't want me

around your office,

you certainly don't

have to have me.

This is your son's fiancee.

She isn't my fiancee.

When I lose confidence

in people...

She's isn't gonna live in

my house with me. I'll move

into the doghouse first.

Then, goodbye, Mr. Noble.

Goodbye, Miss

Whatever-Your-Name-Is.

That's right, abandon

the shinking sip...

Sinking ship.

Aren't you ashamed

of yourself, Evvy?

You're not sunk yet.

You're very popular

in some quarters.

Anyway, the whole thing

is entirely illegal.

Why, his name

isn't even on the ballot.

It don't have to be.

He's a write-in candidate.

That's what that blank space

at the bottom is for.

It's to count them with...

It's to put the date on.

You call my lawyer.

I'm calling him now,

but you can take it from me,

this is a free country.

They can vote for

anybody they like.

I know, but that's how it is,

and the way it is,

it don't look so good.

A chance?

Did you ever see a snowslide?

Hello. Max?

I guess we all

are a little bit.

Talking that way about a boy

who risked his life

so the Noble Chair Company

can make its 12%.

"Business as usual."

The Noble Chair Company

makes 24%,

just enough to cover

its taxes, but he

doesn't mean it, Libby.

Politicians always

talk that way

about each other.

Woodrow is probably calling

Father an old windbag

right this minute.

Well, if he is, he's right.

Thank you.

I'm sorry. We all are

a little upset, I guess.

You weren't going to stay on

as Father's secretary, anyway,

after our marriage,

so what does it matter?

What was I going to do?

Stay home and weave?

Well, you might stay home

and take care of your children

with the servant problem

as it is.

Well, thank you

for warning me.

Do you mean that?

Oh, of course I don't mean it.

I don't mean anything,

going around talking about

people he doesn't know

anything about.

You're still talking about

your children's grandfather.

What are you trying to do,

depress me?

If I thought they'd look

anything like him...

Well, I don't look

anything like him.

I've noticed that.

I pin my hopes on it.

We're getting

a little disagreeable again,

aren't we?

We seem to be.

Maybe now that the hero

is home, you feel a little

differently about me.

I feel exactly

the same about you

that I've always felt.

That you're upright and

honorable and tall and

handsome and wealthy

and exactly what any girl in

her right mind would hope for.

Thank you.

I just wish Woodrow hadn't

come home exactly

when he did, that's all.

What's he got to do with us?

Oh, nothing.

It just spoils things

a little, that's all.

Why should it?

Or do you think

I ought to offer you to him,

like the keys to the city,

on a silver platter?

And say, "Here, O noble hero,

it happens to be my fiancee,

"but I'm only a civilian

after all, so if you'd rather

have her, just help yourself.

"Don't bother to

stand on ceremony."

In the first place,

he doesn't want me.

Oh, you asked him, did you?

I did not.

In the second place,

I'm engaged to you.

I had plenty of time to think

it over before I accepted you,

and that's all there is to it.

A girl who went around

changing her mind all the time

wouldn't be much good,

I don't think.

She wouldn't be

much good to me.

Well, she wouldn't be

much good to anybody.

Thank you.

Where's your ring?

My aunt has it.

I was afraid of losing it

in all the excitement.

Oh. How did he take

the news anyway?

Oh, you mean Woodrow?

How many people

did you have to break it to?

Well, I didn't quite get

the chance to tell him yet.

You haven't told him yet?

I didn't get the chance.

Then, what have you

been doing all day,

basking in his glory?

I just didn't

get an opening.

Do you want me to tell him?

I'll create an opening.

No, I don't.

Holy mackerel.

Don't sound like your father.

Well, when are you

gonna tell him?

Well, I'll go over

in a little while.

Be sure and

put on something pretty.

I will.

And try not to

break his heart.

I won't.

Holy mackerel.

Will I see you

anymore tonight?

No.

Well, then, good night.

Good night, dear.

Say, you haven't got

any more boyfriends

in the Army, the Navy

or the Marine Corps, have you?

No, dear.

He was the only one.

(SOBBING)

Well, that's the war for you.

It's always hard on women.

Either they take your men away

and never send them

back at all,

or they send them

back unexpectedly

just to embarrass you.

No consideration at all.

There, there, there.

(BAND PLAYING)

...and when I say surrounded,

I mean surrounded!

One for the little girl.

We want Woodrow

for our mayor.

M-A-R-E?

M-A-Y-O-R.

What's the matter with you?

What have horses

got to do with it?

It's a good thing this food

came in when it did.

It's a good thing

Woodrow came in when he did.

Win with Woodrow!

One Woodrow Special.

Coming up.

That means

the best of everything.

Win with Woodrow.

Now be careful. The ink

is still a little fresh.

Wait a minute.

He's on his feet.

He's running toward us

carrying the machine gun

with him.

He's fooled them, see?

Their guns began to chatter,

but he reached the trees.

We're saved,

and as he comes staggering...

Your mother told you

not to drink

any more of that stuff.

Say, am I four years old

or something?

You give me that...

You behave yourself

and do like

your mother tells you.

You made her

enough trouble.

I made her trouble?

That's right.

You made me trouble.

You and your mother complex...

Listen, knucklehead,

you take one more crack

at your mother...

Who's taking cracks

at my mother?

All I said was...

Well, don't say it.

Are you nuts or something?

Maybe.

Oh, Woodrow,

isn't it wonderful?

I'm so proud of you.

We're short of sugar.

Oh, my boy.

MAN: There's only one...

You see that look in her eyes?

Yes, I saw it.

Well, that's what

we're working for, see?

Can't you get it through

that thick skull of yours...

All right, you're on next.

Just shoot them some bull

about how you was

in a hot spot with your foot

caught in a gizmo

and just when

you ain't got a chance,

who should come along but...

and getting me in deeper

and deeper so there'll

never be a way out?

They're eating it up.

Let them enjoy it.

Can I tell them

about me and Smitty

at Tulagi?

Sure,

only you gotta be Smitty,

and he's got to be you,

and you both

gotta come out alive.

Ding how.

You're gonna win the walk,

and once you're in, you're in.

Don't you understand

an election based on fraud...

Where's the fraud?

You was in the Marines.

Look, I didn't expect this

any more than you did,

but now that it happened,

let it happen.

They want heroes,

we got six of them.

All right, we throw in

a seventh for good luck.

Who's counting?

We're doing it

for your ma, kid.

They say opportunity's

only got one hair

on its head,

and dog it down

or you mightn't

get another chance.

I don't want another chance.

I don't want any part of it.

Don't you understand

that this is

all based on lies?

What lies? You put on the

wrong blouse when the train

come into the station.

That could happen to anybody.

The lies

they're telling out front.

Every one of those boys is

telling the truth, except they

change the names a little

so as not to

give out military information.

"Lies"!

Anyway, those ain't lies.

Those are campaign promises.

They expect them.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Hello, Woodrow.

Hello, Libby.

Gee, you look lovely.

Thank you.

You shouldn't drink

too much of that stuff, dear,

no matter how much

you feel like celebrating.

Are you gonna start now?

Why, Woodrow,

I'm only thinking

of your own good.

Well, there are

too many people doing it.

They're thinking

about my own good so much,

they're gonna land me

in the hoosegow,

if they haven't already.

Why, Woodrow,

you've been nipping.

I have not been nipping.

I have something

to tell you, Woodrow.

All right, all right,

but the less

you hang around here

and are seen with me,

the better it's gonna be

for you, you understand?

Now, I'm telling you

that for your good.

Oh, you needn't think

I want to cash in

on your glory.

All I came here to tell you...

Who said anything about that?

All I came here to tell you

is that I'm going to

marry Forrest Noble

next Sunday morning at 10:00,

and the only reason

I didn't tell you all day...

...was because

I didn't want to spoil

your homecoming.

But that's marvelous.

That's the best news

I heard all day.

Well, I'm glad

you feel that way about it.

At least I don't have

to worry about you.

Because I think

it's marvelous, too,

and I hope I never see you

again as long as I live.

Here's your frat pin.

Wait a minute, will you?

Woodrow, you've just

got to come out and

address the crowd again.

They will no longer accept

substitutes any longer.

I am not going out

to address the crowd again.

I already told them

how I felt.

I'm not running for mayor.

But you are

running for mayor.

But I'm not.

Whether you like it or not.

You've been drafted.

Can they do that?

Sure.

They done it.

Listen to them.

You listen to them.

(BAND PLAYING)

Feel it.

ALL: (SINGING)

Win with Woodrow

Win with Woodrow

Let's give Everett the air

Up with Woodrow

Down with Noble

Let's kick Evvy off the chair

Up our hero goes

and down this zero

goes 'cause we want

"You can fool all of

the people part of

the time and part of the..."

Where'd he go?

What's happened to him?

Look, I'm in enough trouble

without you

turning against me.

When did I turn against you?

I've been loyal to you

all my life.

I... You know how

I felt about you.

You broke off with me.

I would have waited

for always. Even so

I asked my fiance's permission

to welcome you the way

I thought you'd like

to be welcomed.

Although I may

have been wrong,

I defended you all afternoon

and got fired for it

by Mr. Noble...

No.

...and almost broke off

my engagement with Forrest.

And you say

I'm turning against you.

I'm sorry.

Well...

Will you cut that out?

No, I won't.

You've caused me

enough trouble as it is

with everybody saying

I threw you over

while you were fighting

overseas to marry Forrest,

but I couldn't very well

go around wearing

your letter in my hat

telling me you'd fallen

in love with somebody else,

which is your perfect right.

And I'm deeply in love

with Forrest,

and you have to come back...

A heel.

A hero.

So, now they can say,

"You see?

"It served her right.

She got just what

she deserved."

Will you cut it out?

I've got enough trouble!

You have trouble?

And how I have.

I should say so.

You can have

any girl in town you want,

and you get a monument,

and they burned

your mother's mortgage,

and you're going to be mayor,

and I'm going to

marry Forrest.

But you said

you loved him deeply.

Well, of course I do,

but what's that

got to do with it?

...and down this zero goes

'cause we want

Woodrow for our mayor

Libby.

What?

You don't know

how well-off you are.

Oh, don't talk that way.

You're only going to

make me feel worse.

If you knew what I heel I was,

you'd be very happy.

And I am very happy,

and I know exactly

how much of a heel you are.

Anybody who could write

a letter like you wrote

six weeks after we parted,

like we parted,

you wouldn't have to tell me

any more about it.

Well, I don't want to know

anything about her.

Whether she's tall or short

or thin or fat or blonde,

I just hope she's awful!

No, I don't.

I hope she's beautiful

and that you have

10 children by her.

Is she?

If you only knew.

Well, I don't want to know.

Well, I guess

you have to start being

grown-up sometime.

Might as well be now.

It's a beautiful night,

isn't it?

Great.

Are you worried

about something, Woodrow?

Who, me? How could I be?

Don't you want to be mayor?

Of course I want to be mayor.

I'd like to

have a million dollars, too.

Well, then, of course,

I don't know what

it's like to be famous.

I suppose it even

has its drawbacks,

but I think you'd be so proud,

Woodrow, so satisfied.

I know I certainly am for you,

no matter how

I talked out there.

I'm gonna be famous,

all right.

I was so proud

even sitting beside you

this afternoon.

Do you remember when

we used to come here

in the cool of the evening?

Naturally.

I thought maybe

you'd forgotten.

So much can happen

in a year.

So much can happen in a day.

I suppose so.

Were you surprised

when they nominated you

for mayor?

Surprised is not

the word for it.

Oh, excuse me.

That's all right.

Did you ever think

of me in Guadalcanal?

No.

Oh, I guess that's

a pretty busy place.

I guess so.

I thought of you

in other places, though.

Where?

Just other places.

I'm so glad.

Even though it can

only be a memory now.

Do you remember

when we cut our initials

in the tree?

Naturally.

They're still there.

Why wouldn't they be?

They'll always be there.

Unless something

happens to the tree.

I'd never allow that.

You'd be better off to

chop the tree down

and forget me for good.

That's why I'm so glad

you're gonna marry Forrest.

Why, it's such a load

off my mind.

There's no hope for Mom.

She'll just have

to leave town,

but at least you can say

you suspected all along,

and that's why

you broke off with me

and married Forrest,

who's all right

if you like people like that.

Then you won't

get hurt, see?

Because outside of Mom,

you're the only thing

in the world I care for,

the only thing that matters.

Now that it's over,

I want you to know

that that letter I wrote

was the hardest thing

I ever did in all my life.

I thought about you

every night and every morning

and every afternoon.

Every girl I saw

reminded me of you,

and every flower,

I wanted to send to you.

That's why I'm so happy, see?

Because you've had

such a narrow escape.

I think you're a little bit

feverish, dear...

Who, me?

I'm just a little bit phony,

that's all. A little.

That's right. You don't have

to tell anybody.

They'll find out soon enough.

But I'm never gonna be mayor

or anything else,

you understand?

I've never been

in Guadalcanal.

I've never won any medals.

I've never even been

in the Marine Corps really,

you understand?

Oh, you've had

a very hard day, dear.

Yes, but wait till

tomorrow comes.

I don't think

you're feeling very well.

Who, me? I never felt

better in my life,

except I never felt worse.

You'll be all right, dear.

I suppose you despise me now.

Despise you?

How can you despise

anybody you love,

even though you are engaged

to another man?

I'll love you as long as

I live, Woodrow, and you might

as well know so now

while we still have

a few moments,

a last few moments...

I don't think you understood

what I said. I'm a phony.

I'm a faker. I'm...

You're just telling me that

to make me feel better.

I am not.

I'm never going

to feel any better.

I'm just broken-hearted,

Woodrow. I...

Wait a minute, will you?

Libby, will you wait a minute?

Hey, here he is.

I almost thought

you took it on the lam

for a minute.

Oh, excuse me.

Sergeant,

will you tell Libby

I've never been in Guadalcanal

or anyplace else?

That I'm just a phony?

Sure, he's never been

in Guadalcanal.

He's never been no place.

See?

None of us have.

We're all phonies, see?

Especially after a hard day,

only sometimes

we're more phony

than others, you get me?

I understand.

He ain't running

for mayor or nothing.

He just needs

a good night's sleep.

What're you trying to pull?

A good night's rest instead of

trying to make a sucker

out of the Marine Corps.

Get your arms away from me!

We all get it.

You ought to see me

in a thunderstorm.

Good night, Woodrow.

Good night... No.

Come on, take him away.

No, Libby, wait a minute.

No, you're making a mistake.

ALL: We want Woodrow.

ALL (SINGING)

We want Woodrow for our mar

Win with Woodrow

Win with Woodrow

Of all the cheesy songs

I ever heard, that one

certainly takes the cracker.

Down with Noble

Let's kick Evvy off his chr

Feel better?

No.

How can you think of food

at a moment like this?

You gotta live.

Oh, it would turn to

Russian dressing in my

stomach. What did they say?

They say

everything looks great.

They did?

For Woodrow.

Oh.

We want Woodrow for our Mayor

Win with Woodrow

Win with Woodrow

Don't chew with your mouth

open, do you mind?

I'm just

a little bit irritable.

I don't blame you.

Well, are you going to

eat it, or aren't you?

I mean to say, why did he

have to come back at

a moment like this?

I mean to say,

if he had to come back,

why couldn't he have come back

after the election?

I mean to say,

I don't want to sound

unpatriotic or anything,

but a man like that

belongs in Guadeloupe.

Guadalcanal.

Guadalcanal.

I mean to say,

in a war like this,

every man must do

what he does best,

and what he does best,

he does in Guadalcanal.

Save your voice, Evvy.

Huh?

I mean to say,

a boy like that

needs exercise

and violent physical conflict

to keep him fit.

Why, he'll be lost

in a town like this.

The quiet will kill him.

Save your throat, Evvy.

You don't have to persuade me.

What I'm trying to say is...

I know what

you're trying to say.

I've been listening to you

long enough.

Do you always eat backwards?

Huh?

I mean to say,

I don't even think

he wants to be mayor.

Well, what does that mean?

Everybody wants to be mayor.

That's human nature.

Everybody but me.

With me

it's just civic pride.

Why don't you look

what you're doing?

I mean to say,

soldiers coming back

at moments like this

can upset a political balance

that has taken

years to adjust.

They take on an importance

that completely

overshadows the...

I mean to say,

if you took

the seats I'm building for

the Army and the Navy

and the Marine Corps

and sat them side by side,

they'd probably stretch

from here to

the shores of Tripoli,

but I can't wear one

around my neck or pin it on

my bosom with a purple ribbon.

You notice they don't bring

MacArthur back on the eve

of a national election.

I wonder if he really

is a hero?

Who, MacArthur?

Why, certainly he's a hero.

They're all heroes.

And if I didn't happen to have

got stuck in the Quartermaster

Corps during the last war,

I'd probably have more stuff

on me than you could hang

on a Christmas tree.

I was talking about Woodrow.

How do you know he's a hero?

Because I saw the things...

That don't make it official.

What are you talking about?

Don't go chasing moonbeams!

There's some things you have

to accept on faith...

Value... Face value.

And one of them is a hero.

You can't ask him

for his union card.

Then why do you suppose

he took off his uniform?

That ain't natural.

Because he's home.

Because he's been dismissed,

or whatever you call it.

What for?

How do I know what for?

Maybe he has corns or bunions.

How do I know?

It ain't natural to take off

a uniform in wartime.

It's just

the other way around.

What are you doing

there, anyway?

Get me Western Union.

I'm gonna wire the Marine base

in San Diego and check up

on our local hero.

What's the matter with you?

Are you trying to kill me

politically forever?

Save your voice, Evvy.

You leave me out of this,

you understand?

I don't want to be

mixed up in this

in any shape,

form, connection

or even by innuendo.

If you do this,

it's completely at

your own risk and peril.

I challenge

his fitness as mayor,

but the one thing

that I do not challenge,

question or doubt

is the fact

that he is a hero.

I want that definitely...

Shut up, will you?

I will not shut up.

Hello, Western Union?

Give me that. I won't...

I want to send a night letter.

They're coming through

the palm trees.

Here they come.

Save each other.

There's hundreds of them.

Can't you see them?

There's thousands of them!

Fix bayonets. Man the guns.

Here they come, boys.

Commence firing!

Follow me. Charge!

What's the matter?

Oh, I don't know.

I guess I had a nightmare.

You're lucky.

Huh?

You're lucky

you don't have them

all the time like some guys.

You want some more hot milk

or something?

I'll be all right.

You gonna stay there

all night?

I don't care much about

sleeping at night.

(THUDDING)

What's the matter now?

I'm all right.

Was you looking for something?

(ROOSTER CROWING)

I got it! Oh, boy!

I've got it! Everything's

all right. It came to me

with the sunrise.

Oh, boy.

(HUMMING)

Get set, get ready,

on your marks.

Oh, boy.

Hot diggity.

Thank you, ma'am.

They go down a little easier

with some butter on them,

Mrs. Truesmith.

Maybe you haven't heard

there's a war on, Sergeant.

Boy, I guess she told you.

(WOODROW WHISTLING)

(SINGING) Win with Woodrow

Win with Woodrow

Good morning, all.

Good morning, Mama.

Good morning, darling.

I hope you all

had a good night.

Well, well, how about

a stack of your famous

flannel cakes, Mama?

Light as a feather

and put together

by fairy hands.

Taste their crunchy,

brunchy, munchiness.

Ask your grocer.

Good morning, boys.

Good morning,

Sergeant Heppelfinger.

Is everybody happy?

I trust your conscience

didn't keep you awake

during the night.

You know,

there's nothing like

a well-trained conscience.

Now, you take the conscience

in its wild or native form

when first trapped...

What is it?

What's the matter,

am I unpleasant?

Is the reason

for my unpopularity at last

revealed as in a vision?

I was wondering if you'd been

guzzling some more

of that cooking wine.

Guzzling at this hour

of the morning.

Sergeant, you offend me.

What happened? Did somebody

leave you some dough

or something?

Now, wouldn't you be happy

if you were about to become

the mayor of this fair city?

Not large, mind you,

but fascinating.

Lives there a man with a soul

so dead who never to himself

hath said...

Good morning, Libby.

Won't you join us

in a stack of collision mats,

as they say in

the good old Marine Corps,

and a cup of jamoke?

Thank you.

Good morning, Mrs. Truesmith.

Good morning, dear.

Good morning.

MEN: Good morning.

Good morning, Woodrow.

Good morning.

I'm glad

you're feeling better.

Never felt better in my life.

Just call me Mr. Mayor.

Oh, you got over

all that nonsense, then?

What nonsense was that?

I mean about never

having been in Guadalcanal

and all that stuff.

I said such a thing?

Well, I certainly

understood you to.

But how could I?

I'm a great hero.

People run when

they see me coming.

I kill Nips with

a wave of the hand.

I blow them down.

I shoot them from all angles,

backwards, forwards,

while looking in mirrors.

I swim into the water

and drown them like rats.

I pick up a machine gun and...

(MIMICS GUN FIRING)

I got it.

You got what?

He's playing Daffy Dill

from Dopeyville.

Oh, no, I'm not.

I invite an investigation.

I'm as sane as a Dane,

and I'm going to be mayor.

Are you sure

you feel all right, Woodrow?

There you are, Libby.

What are you

talking about, dear?

I'll tell you one thing.

I certainly feel a lot better

than I did yesterday.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Aha.

I'll get it, dear.

What are you trying to pull?

You'll find out.

Yes?

Hello. This is

the Marine base in San Diego.

Is Corporal Truesmith there?

Yes.

Woodrow,

Marine base in San Diego

wants to talk to you.

To me?

Now, whatever could

the Marine base in San Diego

want to talk to me about?

I'd better find out.

All ready, Woodrow?

In just one moment.

Good morning, all.

Good morning, Judge.

Good morning, Dr. Bissell.

Hello? Yes, yes, this is

Corporal Truesmith speaking.

What's that?

Oh, yes, sir, Colonel.

Oh, excuse me, Colonel,

I'm naturally so excited

to hear that

that I just naturally forgot

who I was talking to.

Yeah. Well, don't forget

to save me

some breakfast, will you?

I probably shouldn't be

doing this at all, and if

the gang ever finds out...

Yes, sir, Colonel,

I certainly will.

And I'm awfully grateful

to you for calling me

and for taking me back.

Thank you, Colonel, sir.

Goodbye.

Woodrow.

Well, what do you know

about that?

Know about what?

What a small world.

They're taking me back

into the Marine Corps

for limited service

and I have to leave

for San Diego at once.

JUDGE: But the parade.

BISSELL: The rally.

The mayoralty.

Aren't you going to be

our new mayor?

I'm sorry, Judge.

The United States comes first.

They won't be sending you

anywhere dangerous anymore,

will they?

Well, I should hope not,

after all he's been through.

It'll probably be

just some sort

of clerical work,

you know,

like working in a shipyard

or an aeroplane factory,

you know, guarding things.

Then, why don't they

leave you here

where we need you?

That's right.

That's one of the weaknesses

of the military viewpoint.

Doesn't always recognize

the importance of civilians

in wartime.

Well, I'm sorry, Judge,

but when duty calls,

duty calls.

MRS. TRUESMITH: Do you have to

leave today, dear?

I'm afraid so.

You'll ride in

the parade anyway, won't you?

Now that it's all dolled up

and everything?

Well, sure, but I don't see

what good it'll do.

When duty calls, you gotta go.

JUDGE:

Well, it might do some good.

Well, I certainly can't

refuse that.

Well, I'll see if

everything's ready then.

It's going to be more

like a funeral march.

Can I ride in the parade

with you, Woodrow?

Just this last time?

Sure, if you think

it'd be all right.

Of course it'll be all right.

I have the right

to say goodbye to you.

I'm sorry, Mama,

but I just can't do

anything about it.

It'll be so lonely

without you.

Lay off.

(WHISTLING)

Good morning.

Where you been?

Who, me? I was just

taking a little walk.

Since when do you

forget to have breakfast?

Oh, you were just making

a little phone call to

that dame in San Diego.

I got you, Colonel.

Well, you know...

Hey!

Why you can't...

We're very sorry,

it's nothing. There's just

a little feeling there.

SERGEANT: Lay off, will you?

You can settle it later.

Hey, what's the big idea?

You meant that for me,

didn't you?

What about it?

You think I'm afraid, huh?

Well, I'm sure glad

I wasn't ever in

a foxhole with you.

Let him go.

You yellow...

Let him go!

Go find a woman to fight with.

That's all you know

how to hurt.

Come on, kid.

Parades, statues,

burning mortgages...

I subscribed to that.

So did I, for that matter,

but I mean to say...

Save your voice, Evvy.

For what? I mean to say,

I have nothing

against the boy personally.

A hero is a fine thing

in its place.

You mean in a park.

I don't wish this young man

anything but success

in what he can do best,

but what can he do best?

If you ask me, I think...

That is our problem.

I speak not as

your candidate for mayor,

but as the most humble voter.

Why don't you

save your voice?

Why don't you shut up?

I mean to say,

this problem is not local.

It's national.

In a few years,

if the war goes on,

heaven forbid,

you won't be able to

swing a cat without knocking

down a couple of heroes.

Now, are we going to be

governed by young men,

very young men,

however well-meaning or

patriotic they may be,

whose principal talent

consists of hopping in

and out of wolf holes...

Foxholes.

Huh?

They're called foxholes.

Talent consists of hopping

in and out of foxholes

and killing

hundreds of enemies

with one swoop of the sword?

Or are we going to be governed

by respectable civic leaders

of mature age

who do not seek

the appointment, but accept it

as a civic duty?

I refer to men like,

well, myself.

ALL: (SINGING)

Up our hero goes

and down this zero goes

'Cause we want Woodrow

for our mayor

We want Woodrow

We want Woodrow

We want Woodrow for our mayor

Win with Woodrow

Win with Woodrow

Let's give Everett the air

Up with Woodrow

Down with Noble

Let's get Everett

off the chair

Up our hero goes and down

Isn't it exciting, Evvy?

They'll find out

whether it's exciting or not.

Hold your horses.

What's the matter now?

Have you got a wire for me?

Yeah.

Howdy, Mr. Mayor.

How are you?

If I can just remember

where I put it.

What kind of wire?

Can you remember

where it came from?

Well, let me see.

It's San Diego.

Oh, boy.

You're a big help.

I'm sorry, Evvy.

Why don't you watch

what you're doing?

But, then,

how could he have been

in the Guadalcanal?

That's just it. He wasn't.

He wasn't?

No.

Well, then.

Then, he's a fraud, a faker.

He ought to be tarred

and feathered, oh, boy!

Who's a fraud and a faker?

Save your voice, Evvy.

Who's a fraud and a faker?

Your hero!

I don't believe it.

You don't believe it? Come on!

Now, be careful.

We want Woodrow

We want Woodrow for our mayor

Win with Woodrow

Win with Woodrow

Let's give Everett the air

I wonder if this would be

rubbing it in a little, eh?

It says, "Help yourself."

Well, there's still

plenty of time.

Everett, I just have a feeling

you're going to make

an ass of yourself,

and I'm just going to pretend

I don't know you.

I wish you didn't

have to pretend.

Save your voice, Evvy.

Quiet, please.

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

Quiet, please!

(BAND PLAYING)

And if the band will

kindly cease for one moment,

we will be able

to hear the address

we are all so anxious to hear.

(ALL CHEER)

Quiet.

The first speaker will be

our beloved Judge Dennis.

Yesterday morning,

seven Marines

got off the northbound.

Six of them were

strangers to us.

One, a local boy

who had made good.

Yesterday afternoon,

we asked this local boy

to cast his lot with ours.

You might call us the unvested

or shirtsleeve interests

of the town.

Shall we do it now,

or let him linger?

Let him have his moment.

To cast his lot with ours

and lead us to victory.

I'm going to ask Woodrow

himself to tell you

the rest of the story.

(BAND PLAYING)

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

Oh, come now.

I came here this morning

to say goodbye to you,

to tell you that I have been

called back into the Marine

Corps for limited service,

and that for that reason

I would be unable

to run for mayor.

Well, I'm not going to do it.

Hooray!

You'd better save your hoorays

for somebody else.

For somebody

who deserves them.

Like Doc Bissell here,

who's tried for so long

to serve you,

only you didn't know

a good man

when you saw one.

So, you always elected

a phony instead.

Oh, I am, am I?

Well, let me tell you

something, young man.

Save your voice, Evvy.

You'll find out.

Everett, you're making

a spectacle of yourself.

Will you kindly...

Until a still-bigger phony

came along,

then you naturally wanted him.

This should have been

the happiest day of my life.

It could have been.

Instead, it's the bitterest.

It says in the Bible,

"My cup runneth over."

Well, my cup runneth over

with gall.

This is the last act.

The farce is over.

The lying is finished,

and the coward is

at least cured of his fear.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I think this whole thing

had better be called off.

He don't feel so good

in the head sometimes.

Sit down!

Quiet!

Wait a minute, Sergeant.

I was born in this town.

My father was born here.

Most of this town is on

my grandfather's homestead.

My grandfather was

an honorable man.

So was my father.

I've sold papers on the street

to most of you

who are here this morning.

I've known you all my life.

Your affection means

a great deal to me,

and now that

I've lost the chance forever,

I want you all to know

how much it would have

meant to me to be the mayor,

or the city clerk, or the

assistant city clerk or the

dogcatcher of this town,

which was

my grandfather's farm.

By the same token,

I would have gladly

given my life

to have earned just one of

the many ribbons you've seen

on these brave men's chests.

If I could reach as high as

my father's shoestrings,

my whole life would be

justified, and I would stand

here before you proudly,

instead of as the thief

and the coward that I am.

I say a coward

because I postponed until now

what I should have told you

a year ago

when I was discharged

from the Marine Corps

for medical unfitness.

A coward because I didn't want

my mother to know.

Well, it wasn't to save her.

It was to save me.

A thief because

I stole your admiration.

I stole the ribbons I wore.

I stole this nomination.

I have never been in Guadal...

I have never been in

Guadalcanal or anyplace else.

I've been working in

a shipyard for the last year.

I've never received medals

of any description,

naturally,

since I've never fought.

Two days ago

I decided to come home,

and since I'd written to

my mother that I was overseas,

I had to come home

as a soldier.

I had to have some ribbons,

so I bought some

in a hockshop.

When I was all dressed up,

I met some real Marines,

and I fooled them just as much

as I did the rest of you.

Not that I really wanted

to fool any of you. I...

I just wanted to come home.

That's as dirty a lie

as I ever...

Sit down!

MAN: Quiet!

Sit down!

I've told you all this because

too many men have bled

and died for you and for me

to live this lie any longer.

I guess that's why I told you.

I certainly didn't mean to

when I came in.

I'm going home now

and pack my things,

so this will probably be

my last chance

to say goodbye to you.

I know my mother will

give you back the mortgage,

and I hope you won't hold it

against her that the son

didn't quite come through.

There's no use telling you

I'm sorry, because

I wish I was dead.

I...

That's all.

I need some air.

If everybody will

please keep your seats.

Please, please, sit down.

(PEOPLE MURMURING)

I just wanna

tell you one thing, see.

I seen a lot of

brave men in my life.

That's my business,

but what that kid just done

took real courage, you get me?

And now that

he's shot his mouth off,

you might as well

hear the rest of it.

In fact, you'd better hear it.

There's six of us, see,

and we got 15 cents

between us,

and we're from Guadalcanal,

and no fooling, what I mean!

I'll be over in a few minutes.

You'd better not, dear.

You've got yourself

in enough trouble.

I'll be over in a few minutes.

(MEN LAUGHING)

There you see

one of the fallacies...

I wouldn't want this

to go any further,

you understand?

...of the

democratic principle.

They can vote for

anybody they like.

I was never deceived

for an instant,

but the poor,

misguided voters,

without a brain

to bless themselves with,

without a cerebellum

to the carload...

Make a note of that,

Jake, I'll use it.

I wouldn't.

Open up their arms to...

Oh, there you are.

Hello.

I'm so sorry, dear.

My heart bled for you.

You have the effrontery

to return?

What?

Oh, shut up, Evvy.

Don't pay

any attention to him, Libby.

And what do you think

of your hero now?

Don't rub it in.

She probably feels

badly enough.

Well, she should feel badly,

and if you ask my advice...

He's a sucker to even

consider going through

with the marriage.

I've got to see

somebody outside.

I don't blame you.

But I don't feel badly at all.

You don't?

This is a matter

entirely between

Libby and myself.

And Woodrow.

And Woodrow?

And Woodrow?

Naturally.

You mean to tell me after

that disgraceful exhibition

you still have

any interest in the hero?

I guess women feel a little

differently than men do

about these things, Forrest.

Of course they do.

So, if you'll please

forgive me and not think

too harshly of me.

You see what I told you?

You walked right into it.

Why couldn't

you stay here, dear?

Now that

you've told everything,

nothing much more can happen.

Who'd give me a job?

If I can find a nice place

someplace where

we're not known,

I'll send for you and...

I know you meant it

for the best.

I know you meant it for me,

no matter what anyone else

might think.

Hello.

Can I help you?

I can manage all right.

Well, save a little room

for me, will you?

Oh, stupid, stupid, stupid!

Of course I'm going with you.

I've never loved anybody

but you,

and you never loved anybody

but me.

You can't say it's because

you're a hero that I'm running

after you, can you?

Oh, Woodrow,

when I think

I almost lost you.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

You're crazy, honey.

Then I'm crazy.

WOODROW: Is she on time,

Mrs. Kennedy?

How's that?

WOODROW: Is the southbound

on time?

Yep.

Be here in four

and a quarter minutes.

Thank you.

Where you going?

Thought you was

running for mayor.

I changed my mind.

That's very unusual.

Well, this is an unusual case.

How about the sarge?

I told him where you were.

Go find him.

He'll be here.

He don't ever miss nothing.

Hey, jiggers,

the whole town is coming!

What is it, a lynching?

With us here, we'll kind of

surround you, see?

Yeah, you were gonna

do that before, you remember?

Take it easy. Take it easy.

Just a minute, Come here.

Come here.

Quiet.

Quiet, quiet!

Take it easy! Take it easy!

Come on, back it up, will you?

Quiet!

Quiet!

Give the guy

a little room, will you?

Thank you very much.

Quiet!

You wanted to see me,

Judge Dennis?

We had quite a talk

after you left, Woodrow.

The Sergeant told us

a few things.

Quite a few things.

That you had forgotten

to mention.

Naturally the nomination

went back to Doc Bissell.

But he got up and said...

"Ladies and gents..."

Don't misquote me.

What?

I said,

"Ladies and gentlemen."

Of course you did.

I said, "Ladies and gentlemen,

"in all the years that I

have been unsuccessfully

mixed into politics,

"this is the first and only

time that I have ever seen

a candidate for office

"given an opportunity

to prove publicly,

"permanently and

beyond peradventure of doubt

"that he was honest,

courageous and veracious."

That means truthful.

He likes those big words.

that if to act out a little

lie to save one's mother

humiliation was a fault,

in other words,

if tenderness toward

and consideration

of one's mother was a fault,

it was a fault

any man might be proud of.

MAN 1: Hear! Hear!

MAN 2: Hooray!

BISSELL: Thank you.

I made a very good speech

on your behalf, Woodrow.

Much better than

I ever made for myself.

JUDGE: It was a wonderful

speech, Woodrow.

The guy had us

all blubbering.

I meant every word of it

straight from the heart.

I concluded by pointing out

that if this town really

wanted an honest, courageous

and veracious mayor,

they had better catch you

before you caught the

southbound and got away.

So we came right over.

That's why we're here.

I'm a little dizzy.

I don't quite get

what you mean.

I think they mean

they want you as mayor,

Woodrow.

You mean you still want me?

We still want you

very much.

What do we want

a soldier for anyway?

Politics is a very peculiar

thing, Woodrow.

If they want you,

they want you.

They don't need

reasons anymore.

They find their own reasons.

It's just like

when a girl wants a man.

That's right.

You don't need reasons,

although

they're probably there.

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS)

Pardon me for intruding,

but is anybody interested

in getting on this train,

or is this the Democratic

National Convention?

Well, I...

Of course you're not

going now.

Nobody's leaving, please.

Okay, all...

Just a minute, Mac.

Give me six of them tickets,

will you?

We still got a little work

to do in our own line.

So long, kid.

Goodbye, dear.

Will you come back?

Well, we always

come back before.

So long, everybody.

See youse in church.

Come on there, rookies.

(ALL CHATTERING)

Save your voice, Evvy.

They've just

renominated Woodrow.

Isn't it exciting, Evvy?

Now the battle is on again.

Shut up!

Renominated Woodrow?

What on?

I don't know, but I think

it's a vindication campaign.

A vindication campaign?

Look out.

(YELLS)

So long, gang.

CONDUCTOR: All aboard!

I don't know how to...

Don't say it.

It was a pleasure.

Anything for

the son of an old pal.

I knew the Marines could do

almost anything,

but I never knew

they could do anything

like this.

You got no idea.