Hail, Caesar! (2016) Movie Script

Subtitle created by - Aorion -

"Hail, Caesar! (2016)" ^ (Run time 01:46:06 )

Bless me Father, for I have sinned.

It's been...

24 hours since my last confession.

Son, it's so late.

Yeah, Father.

Work has just...

I lied to Connie.

Uh, to my wife.

- This is very serious.

- I know.

I promised her I quit smoking

She think's it's bad for me.

And I'm trying, but...

Well, I snuck a couple of cigarettes.

Maybe three.

Yes.

It's hard.

Yes.

But I'm trying.

It is 5.00 AM.

Still shank of night for some.

But, for Eddie Mannix,

beginning of a new work day.

The movie studio for which

he works manufactures stories.

Each, it's on daylit drama,

or moonlit dream.

But, the work of Essie Mannix

cares not for day or night.

And cares little for his rest.

That's right now, Puss.

Churn that butter for me.

Atta girl.

Oh, Jesus Christ on a scooter.

You, here?

The studio has the rights

to Gloria's likeness, Falco.

Give me the negatives and

things will go easier on you.

These are for private use, Eddie.

Come on.

Oh, boy.

Can't a girl take a few pictures,

have a few laughs?

Cheez, Eddie.

What a old sss-tick in the mud

Now, you listen to me.

You were at a party,

you had too much to drink.

Somebody brought you here,

you don't remember who.

You're going home now.

- Your name is Mary Jo Schamroth.

- Okay, Eddie.

So, Eddie Mannix,

saw your heap outside.

Got a call.

Loud, disorderly.

Possible French postcard situation.

Someone was pulling your leg.

Mary Jo here was just at a costume party.

It's not really her dirndl.

She wants to contribute something

to your pension fund.

Sorry to drag you

out in the rain.

Well, say,

no trouble at all.

Aren't you Gloria DeLamour?

- No, no. I'm Mary Jo... something.

- Schamroth.

Say, Brian.

Can I bum a cigarette?

Ancient Rome.

12 years into the rule

of Tiberius, ruler Maximus.

Rome's legions are masters of the world,

the stomp of it's sandals heard

from the Iberian peninsula in the west

through the halls of the

great library of Alexandria in the east.

As oppressed people everywhere

writhe under the Roman lash,

freeman and vassal, are united

in one compulsory worship.

The emperor, Caesar, is Godhead,

lord of every man's body and spirit.

For those who will not submit,

the galleys, the arenas,

even crucifixion await.

But there is a new wind,

blowing from the east,

from the dusty streets of Bethlehem,

that will soon challenge

the vast house of Caesar,

that ediﬁce wrought of brick and blood

which now seems so secure!

HAIL, CAESAR!

A TALE OF THE CHRIST

There she is, Gracchus.

And ah, what a beauty!

Aye, Autolochus.

Rome!

Suckled by a she-wolf and

nurturing us, her sons in turn.

Tonight I bathe in Caracalla,

and wash away

the dust of three hundred

miles of Frankish road.

To Rome.

To Rome!

Yes, to Rome!

Glorious center of Caesar's rule!

But far away, in Palestine,

another man is coming home.

Saul, humble merchant of Tarsus,

is about to be struck down by a vision.

What thing is this?

Gloria DeLamour has been checked into

Our Lady of Perpetual Rest to dry out.

You have a 10:00 a.m. with Monsignor O'Reilly

at the Wallace Beery Conference Room.

And he's bringing Lester Silkwood

from the Legion of Catholic Decency

and we've also invited Patriarch Vlassos

for the Eastern view.

- Have they've read the script?

- Roger.

Let's also invite a rabbi, and

a Protestant padre of some sort

- ... so we can get everybody's two cents.

- Check.

How's production on “Tucumcari"?

Principal is on schedule

but second unit has been idle

in Gallup New Mexico for 4 days.

Heavy rain.

- Forecast?

- Not good.

Send an insert truck and have them shoot

driving plates for “Came the Rain.”

- Check.

- “Jonah's Daughter” still behind?

Yes, director says the problem is

DeeAnna and she's getting worse.

I know what it is.

I'll drop in on her after my 10 o'clock.

All right, let's call New York.

Mr. Schenk's ofﬁce, line 2.

Hi, Dorothy, Eddie Mannix.

The old man in?

Hi, Mr. Mannix, I'll check.

Natalie, I want the box ofﬁce on

“The Debonaires” and on “Blessed Event.”

Can you also...

Yes. Good morning.

- How're you doing?

- Mr. Schenk. Very well, thank you.

- Yeah. How's our productions.

- Proceeding. . . Proceeding. . .

- “Merrily We Dance” starts shooing today.

- Yeah?

Beardley Auberon gave us a draft

that's extremely classy.

Joan Van Vechten is playing Dierdre,

but we need a male lead

- and we need him now.

- Jack Hogarth available?

No, Jack Hogarth is

drying out at Cedars.

- Well, what about Gable?

- Metro won't lend us Gable

unless we give them

the Kemsky Twins.

- Now, that ain't worth it.

- Of course not, I agree.

What about that kid, Hobie?

- What?

- Hobie Doyle.

Hobie Doyle?!

Do you really think so?

After all he's-he's a dust actor!

The man barely knows how to... talk!

- But, people like him, right?

- Yes, of course Mr. Schenk,

I agree, but I don't know if

Hobie Doyle, if he has the...

the... the...

poise in a dinner jacket.

- We need an actor now, am I correct?

- Yes, we do need someone pronto.

- You got a better idea?

- No I don't. That's very true.

Let me talk to Laurence Laurentz,

the director.

It could work.

Hobie Doyle is a very promising idea.

Whitey !

And cut!

Great, Hobie.

I can do the handstand smoother

if you gimme another shot at her.

We've got four good ones, Hobie,

and Whitey is tired.

Okay, you're the bossman.

If that's lunch I'm gonna

grab me a plate a beans.

All right kids, this is Rome!

You're over at this guy's house for

a revel, and in comes Antoninus.

Lots of energy!

What're you doing

at the table of viands?!

- Huh?

- You're supposed to be reclining, with the lyre!

- I... I'm sorry.

- Recline with the lyre!

Don't sit on the pediment.

Recline.

- Relaxed, festive!

- Alright.

- Extras, set?

- Set!

- Roll sound.

- I got my eye on you.

Roll camera.

Fountain!

Hail, Caesar!

10A . Take 10.

And action!

Autolochus!

I had heard rumors of

your return to Rome!

More than rumors, noble Sestimus!

I see that you are the

same worshiper of Bacchus.

What gaiety.

There is still truth in the adage,

“What pleasures cannot be found

in the villa of Sestimus Ainydias,

cannot be found in Rome!”

But seriously, there is talk that

the senate will send our legions out again

and this time not on

a short march to Gaul.

What truth to these mutterings, Sestimus?

The matter has been

taken up in the Senate.

It seems that there is

unrest in Palestine.

Palestine?

That backwater!

They'll hardly be sending the Sixth Legion

to that godforsaken patch of desert!

Palestine.

- Ah hahaha...

- Ha ha ha...

Palestine!

Holding for a dissolve,

still laughing,

holding...

and cut.

Fine, boys, that was just ﬁne.

- Was I alright?

- It's a cut!

We'll move on to the brasier scene.

Was I alright with the mutterings,

- I felt a little...

- Nah, it's fine.

Moving on.

Brasier scene, 20 minutes.

- Popping to my trailer.

- Okay, in the brasier scene,

they changed “passion” to “ardor.”

What? Why?

I like passion.

It's strong.

It's Passion!

Such is my greeting after

three months' sojourn in Gaul?

Not so, Ursulina,

my...

my ardor...

my ardor is yet as warm...

as the embers of this brasier.

The embers of this brasier...

brasier.

- They're ready for you, Mr. Whitlock.

- Not so, Ursulina.

Gentlemen, thank you all for coming

I know you have parishes, ﬂocks and temples

making enormous demands on your time.

But I'm sure you appreciate also

that great masses of humanity

look to pictures for information

and uplift and,

yes, entertainment.

Now here at Capitol Pictures,

as you know,

an army of technicians and actors and

top-notch artistic people are working hard

to bring to the screen

the story of the Christ.

It's a swell story.

A story told before, yes,

but we like to ﬂatter ourselves

that it's never been told

with this kind of distinction and panache.

Perhaps, sir, you forget

it's telling in the holy Bible.

Quite right, Patriarch.

The Bible of course is terriﬁc.

But, for millions of people,

pictures will be their reference point

for the story, the story's embodiment;

The story's...

- Realization.

You “realize,” of course,

that for we Jews,

any visual depiction of the Godhead

is most strictly prohibited.

Oh.

But of course, for us, the man

Jesus Nazarene is not God.

Ah-ha.

Who plays Christ?

A kid we're all very excited about,

Todd Hocheiser,

wonderful young actor we found in

Akron, Ohio in a nationwide talent hunt.

But Hocheiser is seen only fleetingly,

and with extreme taste;

our story is told through

the eyes of a Roman tribune,

Autolochus Antoninus,

an ordinary man skeptical at ﬁrst

but who comes to a grudging respect

for this swell ﬁgure from the East.

And Autolochus is played by. . .

Baird Whitlock.

Oh my.

Well, he is certainly a great talent.

Now, "Hail, Caesar!" is a prestige picture;

our biggest release of the year.

We are devoting huge

resources to its production

in order to make it

ﬁrst-class in every respect.

Gentlemen, given it's enormous expense

we don't want to send it to market

except in the certainty that it will not

offend any reasonable American,

regardless of faith or creed.

Now that's where you come in.

You've read the script;

I wanna know if the theological

elements of the story are up to snuff.

I thought the chariot scene was fakey.

How is he going to jump from

one chariot to the other, going full speed?

Uh-huh, well,

we can look at that.

But, as for the,

religious aspect...

does the depiction of Christ Jesus

cut the mustard?

Well. The nature of the Christ

is not quite as simple

- ... as your photoplay would have it.

- How so, Father?

It is not the case simply that

Christ is God, or God Christ.

You can say that again!

The Nazarene was not God!

- He was not not-God.

- He was a man!

- Part God.

- No sir!

Rabbi, all of us have a

little bit of God in us don't we?

- Well...

- It is the foundation of our belief

that Christ is most properly referred

to as the son of God.

It's the son of God who takes

the sins of the world upon himself

so that the rest of God's children,

we imperfect beings,

through faith,

may enter the kingdom of heaven.

- So God is. . . split?

- Yes. And no.

- There is unity in division.

- And division in unity.

I'm not sure I follow, Padre.

Young man, you don't follow

for a very simple reason:

these men are screwballs.

God has children?

What, and a dog?

A collie maybe?

God doesn't have children.

He's a bachelor.

And very angry.

- No, no. He used to be angry!

- What, he got over it?

- You worship the god of another age!

- Who has no love!

Not true!

He likes Jews.

- God loves everyone!

- God is love.

God is who is.

This is special?

Who isn't who is?

But how should god be rendered

in a motion picture?

God isn't in the motion picture!

Then who is Todd Hocheiser?

Gentlemen, maybe we're biting off

more than we can chew.

We don't need to agree on

the nature of the deity here:

if we can focus on the Christ,

whatever his... parentage.

My question is:

is our depiction fair?

I've seen worse.

Reverend?

There is nothing to

offend a reasonable man.

Father?

The motion picture teleplay was

respectful and exhibited tastefulness and class.

Who made you an expert

all of a sudden?

And, What do you think, Rabbi?

Eh.

I haven't an opinion.

How'd we do?

- I don't... fine. What's up?

Can't ﬁnd Baird Whitlock.

He left the set

over an hour ago,

said he was going to his

dressing room but he isn't there.

Out on a bender? Middle of the day?

Am I crazy.

You're not crazy, but no.

I checked the Til Two, Dan Tana's,

Rusty Scupper. Not a soul.

- Home, maybe? Called his Wife?

- Yep.

What'd Laura say?

He's not home, he's never home,

he's a louse, try one of his chippies.

- Called that script girl, what's her name, Francine?

- Check.

- Any of the gals missing from the set?

- Nope.

Alright, gone an hour?

We won't worry yet.

Hobie?

The Studio says you're finished here

and you're to report back to the Lot.

- How come?

- They're changing your image.

Okay.

And the Studio says you're escorting

Carlotta Valdez to your premier tonight.

How come?

I don't know her.

Studio's arranging it,

they're changing your image.

Damn it!

You have gas again, ma'am?

Ma'am? Miss!

Do I look married?

- No, miss.

- No! Yeah, gas again.

Ask him, he knows.

Alright, scram.

How are you, DeeAnna?

How am I?

Wet.

I don't think I'm going to ﬁt

in that fish-ass after this week.

Well, we should have the water ballet

in the can after tomorrow;

in the nightclub scene, wardrobe'll have

a gown for you that's more forgetting.

Any more thoughts about

who you might marry?

I ain't doing that again.

I had 2 marriages,

and it just cost the studio

a lot of money to bust them up.

Well, we had to have those annulled,

one was to a minor mob ﬁgure .

Vince was not minor!

And, Buddy Flynn was a bandleader

with a long history of narcotic use.

Yes, and that's what I'm saying,

they were both louses.

Marrying a third louse

ain't gonna do me no good.

We've offered you some very suitable,

clean young men.

Pretty boys.

Saps and swishes!

What? You think if there wasn't a good

reliable man I wouldn't have grabbed him?

What about Arne Seslum?

He is the father, isn't he?

Yeah, yeah.

Marriage doesn't have to last forever.

But, DeeAnna,

having a child without a father would present

a public relations problem for the studio.

The aquatic pictures

do very nicely for us...

So you go and strap on the

ﬁsh-ass and marry Arne Seslum.

The pictures do well for all of us.

And it's a tribute to you:

the public loves you because

they know how innocent you are.

That's true.

Let me see if Arne is open to matrimony.

You're sure he's the father?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Absolutely. He's the father, yes.

Pretty sure.

Hey, Maxie,

bring me my ass back!

Hey, hey.

Buddy, come here.

(CALIFORNIA US 101)

/STATE HIGHWAY 1\

CAPITOL PICTURES STUDIOS

GATE 3

- How ya doing, Hobie?

- Hello there, Scotty.

They got you shooting on the lot?

Well, Mr. Mannix, pulled me off the Western,

says I'm doing a movie on a sound stage.

They built a drawing room.

He's here, Mr. Laurentz.

Ah.

My dear boy, welcome.

Laurence Laurentz.

And you look wonderful, wonderful,

how do you feel?

Well, this here collar...

collar is a little tight.

No no, no, it's nicely ﬁt, looks a marvel,

just takes a little getting used to.

Now, Hobie.

Here is our set.

And, in fact, that's right, yes.

You enter from there, having

just seen Biff's valise in the foyer,

in spite of Allegra's claim that

he hasn't been to the house.

- I'm sweet on Allegra.

- Indeed you are.

- But I've seen Biff's grip.

- Indeed you have.

And so here we ﬁnd you...

Hobie, we ﬁnd you haunted by

unspoken suspicions.

Haunted.

By Biffs grip.

By his valise, yes,

but, but,

here is Dierdre,

harboring deep feelings for you,

and sensing opportunity.

- Dierdre.

- Dierdre, yes.

So at her importuning, you join her

on the couch, and conversation ensues.

- So, she's-she's gonna importune, Mr. Laurence?

- Laurentz.

Oh, I'm sorry.

She's gonna importune, Mr. Laurentz?

Is that something I should be

concerned about?

She'll simply ask you

to join her on the couch,

is all I mean to say,

and conversation ensues.

Okay, I gotcha.

Very good, very good,

let's try one shall we?

- Sure, I'll give it a go.

- Wonderful. Splendid.

The only thing I would suggest is...

Before your ﬁrst line, you respond

to her line with a mirthless chuckle.

A mirthless chuckle.

Yes, I think given your unspoken

suspicions about Allegra,

- A mirthless chuckle.

- Uh-huh.

- Okay, Mr. Laurence, I'll give it a shot.

- Laurentz.

Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Laurentz.

I'll give it a shot.

“MERRILY WE DANCE”

27A, Take 1

Action.

Oh, Monty.

Come join me on the divan.

It seems Allegra's a no show;

which is simply a bore.

But, I'll partner you in bridge.

Why the pout?

Would that it were so simple.

And cut.

That's a cut.

Very good.

Wonderful in fact.

But... let's try it

a little differently this time.

- Sure.

- Let's try.

Well, let's see, ﬁrst of all why don't we

dispense with the mirthless chuckle.

- No mirthless chuckle.

- No, no need, really.

It was a bad idea, bad directorial,

my fault, over thinking the thing.

Well if you say so,

but I'm happy to do another,

maybe try her one more time.

I mean if you want that chuckle

I sure wanna give her to ya.

No no no, completely unnecessary

under the circumstances,

I think the audience can to that

extent they can read your thoughts,

and they,

they will assume your mirthlessness.

- Okay, you're the bossman, Mr. Laurence.

- Laurentz.

Oh, gosh,

I'm sorry, Mr. Laurentz.

Also, this time, let's try, actually

looking at Dierdre as we speak,

looking into her eyes, and speaking our line

with a certain... ruefulness.

- Ruefulness, okay.

- Yes. Because it's not so simple, you see.

- Not so simple as she suggest.

- Okay.

And... Your feelings

are not so simple.

No, sir.

Okay.

Roll camera.

“MERRILY WE DANCE”

27A. Take 2

Action.

Oh, Monty.

Come join me on the divan.

It seems Allegra's a no show;

which is simply a bore.

But, I'll partner you in bridge.

Why the pout?

Would that?

It were so... simple.

Cu... Cut.

Very good. Very good.

Umm.

Come.

All right, let's try this,

your line,

just say it as I say it,

say your line exactly

as I'm about to.

- Just as I'm about to do.

- Sure, okay.

Would that it'were so simple.

Would that it'wuuuhs so simple.

- Would that it'were so simple.

- Would that it'wuuuhs so simple.

My dear boy, why do you say that?

Why do you say, “twuuuuuh”?

- Well, you said, say it like I say it.

- Yes, but...

Would that it twuuuuuuh, so simple.

- Would that it'were so simple.

- Would that it twuuuuuuh, so simple.

Would that it...

Would that it twuuuuuuh, so simple.

No, no.

Watch my mouth.

- Would that it'were so simple.

- Would that it twuuuuuuh, so simple.

Keep your head still.

Would that it'were so simple.

- Would that it twuuuuuuh, so simple.

- Would that it'were so simple.

Would...

I'm trying to say that, Mr. Laurentz.

Laurence.

Mm.

I thought...

a minute ago it was Laurentz.

No. We can use Christian names,

my good dear boy, Laurence is fine.

- Just as I call you Hobie?

- Okay.

So.

Would that it'were so simple.

- Would that it twuu...

- Put your hand down.

“Would that it'were so simple.”

Trippingly.

Would that it twuuuuuuh, so simple.

Trippingly.

Don't say trippingly.

Say the line trippingly.

Would that it twuuuuuuh...

Would... Would...

- Would that it twuuuuuuh, so simple.

- Would that it'were so simple.

- Would that it twuuuuuuh, so simple.

- Would that it'were so simple.

Rueful, rueful, rueful.

Hmm.

- Would that it twuuuuuuh, so simple.

- Would that it'were so simple.

- Would...

- Rueful, simple.

- Would that it twuuu...

- Sorrowful simple.

You can say sorrowful.

Rueful. Sorrowful.

- Would that it'were so simple.

- Would that it tw...

- Would that it twuuuuuuh,

- Why? Why are you doing this?

- Would that it twuuuuuuh, so simple.

- Just keep still.

Stall ?! For how long?

What do I tell the director?

That we're looking for him. But we

don't want it in the gossip columns.

Baird on a bender or in a love nest

or wherever we end up ﬁnding him.

As far as the set is concerned

it's business as usual.

Tell the A.D. Baird is out brieﬂy

with a high ankle sprain.

Fine, but what do we

shoot without him?

We got the brasier

scene up this afternoon.

Could you get through it shooting around him?

Maybe use his stunt double, Chunk Mulligan.

Chunk can't act.

Get the writer to trim his speeches.

Well maybe, but then what do we do?

All we got left is the ﬁnal scene.

Autolochus's speech at the feet

of the penitent thief.

It's the emotional climax

of the entire picture!

We got to see Autolochus has

absorbed the message of the Christ!

- Yeah, I can see that.

- We need Baird's star power, his charisma.

Sure, his emotional...

This can't be faked!

It's the heart and soul of the picture!

- I understand.

- End of the film,

we can't just give that speech to some...

some...

Roman schmoe.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I got it.

But his benders

can last a day or two.

- What does it cost to shut down?

- Plenty.

You know how big the picture is,

we're on Stages 5 and 14,

if we're carrying everybody

in the final scene

who's up on cruciﬁxes that's 340 an hour

hardship pay, 8 hour minimum.

- Yeah. Yeah.

- Plus, we lose...

- Mr. Mannix, I'm sorry.

- Not now.

... we lose Todd Hocheiser

to Fox at the end of the week.

Shoulda made him exclusive; who knew.

- Sorry, sir. It's...

- Not now!

It's Mr. Laurentz,

I can't stop him!

- Mannix, I won't have it!

- No, no.

For two decades the words

“Laurence Laurentz presents"

- has meant something to the public!

- It's alright, Natalie.

Okay, Walt, let me know.

What's on your mind,

uh... Laurence?

Hobie Doyle cannot act!

Hobart Doyle is one of the

biggest movie stars in the world.

On horseback!

But this is a drama, Mannix.

A real drama, it's an adaptation

of a Broadway smash!

It requires the skills of a

trained thespian, not a rodeo clown.

I begged you for Lunt!

Mr. Mannix, I'm sorry,

but, you wanted me to make sure

you didn't miss your lunch

at the Imperial Gardens.

You never told me who with.

Nuts.

Look, no one wants to see Lunt.

We're not recasting,

this came from Mr. Schenk himself,

it's Hobie Doyle.

Is the boy game?

Oh, he's game.

And gamey!

Well, if he needs help,

it's your job to help him.

I'll have a talk with Hobie and

take a look at what you've shot,

but right now,

I've got a lunch.

What truth to these mutterings, Sestimus.

Quiet, Engels.

How pleasant to see you, Mr. Mannix,

your table is right over here.

Thank you, Arthur.

- How ya doing, Mannix?

- Mr. Cuddahy.

They mix a hell of a Mai Tai.

I like this place.

Sorry to keep you hanging,

it's a tough decision.

Nothing to apologize for, we said

the deal was on the table for a week.

Go ahead.

Nah, I'm...

I'm trying to quit.

I just wanted to

visit again to see if

there was some impediment

we could help with,

or if something in the offer

isn't clear?

The offer's very clear.

And very generous.

We want to make it easy

for you to say yes.

Look, Mannix, we need a guy with

your talents in management, problem-solving.

And you need to think

about the future.

Lockheed is booming.

Everyone is riding in airplanes,

and we're moving into jet airplanes.

It's a new age, Mannix,

and we're part of it;

the industry you're in,

what's the future there?

What happens when everybody

owns a television set?

Will they still be going to

pictures every week?

- Well, we like to think that family...

- I don't mean to denigrate.

I'm sure the picture business

is pretty damned interesting.

But it's also pretty frivolous, isn't it?

Aviation is serious;

serious business, serious people.

You won't be babysitting

a lot of oddballs and misﬁts,

shouldering a lot of crackpot problems.

We have some kooks, sure,

but...

Of course they're kooks,

it's all make-believe.

I told myself I wasn't gonna badmouth

the competition, and look at me.

Sorry, Mannix, I'll stick

to what we're about.

Let me show you something.

- Ever heard of the Bikini atoll?

- No.

A test site, just a couple of

rocks in the middle of the Paciﬁc

until a few weeks ago.

When we blew the Aitch erino.

Shouldn't be telling you this.

It's the real world.

Hydrogen bomb.

Fusion device.

- Armageddon.

- And Lockheed was there.

- We had a...

- Call for you, Mr. Mannix.

Thank you.

- Hello.

- Mr. Dubrow has a telegram on a kidnapping.

- He has it now?

- Yes, he does. Shall he bring it to you?

No, have him stay on the set,

I'll go to him.

Okay, good bye.

Sorry, Cuddahy, work emergency.

Still do work there,

for the day anyway.

You make a good case.

I'll let you know.

- Uh...

- You one of the Hollywood people?

Maybe.

They're in there.

Please! Enter!

All are welcome!

Ah!

Those things are a nuisance.

Thank you.

We'll have sandwiches in a minute.

- Tea?

Uh. Okay.

Yeah.

- And, uh...

- And what's going on?

- Yeah.

- Well, we've just read the minutes

and Alan was about to bring

up new business.

I missed the minutes.

- I wouldn't worry about it.

- They're usually pretty boring.

What kind of a meeting is this?

Well it's not a “meeting,”

so much as a... a...

It's a...

more of a... study group.

And you're studying?

Oh, all sorts of jolly stuff.

- History.

- Economics.

Same thing, isn't it?

History, economics?

Don't you agree?

Well. . . I'm. . .

I'm not really

a student of history.

Quiet, Engels.

So... Thank you.

... man is split?

Well, man's functions are split.

There's the little guy, the regular Joe,

who works for a living.

He's the body,

uh. . body politic.

Then there's the brain,

the boss, the owner...

- The boss is not the brain!

- No, no! The boss is parasite!

Well it's true that the boss doesn't work,

but he has a function.

He controls the means of...

...production, sure, but

that's not a function, that's...

- Parasitism! On the body!

- Shut up!

On the body politic!

Of the regular Joe! It's...

Man is oddity,

a simple economic agent.

Man's institutions are split, expressing

contradictions that must be worked through.

And they are worked through

in a causative, predictable way:

history is science.

This is the essence of the dialectic.

You see, if you understand economics,

you can actually write down

what will happen in the future,

with as much conﬁdence as you

write down the history of the past.

Because it's science.

It's not make believe.

We don't believe in Santa Claus.

Another ﬁnger sandwich?

Oh... thank you.

But if I follow this correctly...

Who's that guy?

Mr. Smitrovich takes pictures

for our newsletter.

Our understanding of the

true workings of history,

give us access to

the levers of power.

Your studio, for instance, is a

pure instrument of capitalism.

As such it expresses the

contradictions of capitalism,

and can be enlisted to ﬁnance

its own destruction.

Which is exciting!

It can be made to help

the little guy, the regular Joe.

- The body politic!

- Shut up!

Even though it's purpose

is to exploit the little guy.

- And the body politic.

- You are for the little guy.

For the little guy, against,

it doesn't matter,

history will be what it will be,

and we already know what it will be,

- but, yes, we're for the little guy.

- Aren't you?

- Shut up!

- Are you joking?

Me, for the little guy?

Of course I'm for the little guy!

Is this guy a comedian?

Listen. I better get back,

the studio's got to be going nuts.

Can we cut it off now and pick it up

right here at the next study session?

Okay, well,

See.

I'm afraid it's not that simple.

And so Baird Whitlock found himself

in the hands of Communists.

Meanwhile, far from the

crashing surf of Malibu,

Eddie Mannix, torn from his lunch

with the Lockheed man.

hurries back to the vastness

of Capitol Pictures,

whose tireless machinery clanks on,

producing this year's ration of dreams

for all the weary peoples of the world.

Hey, numbskull, didn't you see

the “Rolling” light was on.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Mannix.

Can I help you ﬁnd someone?

No.

- Autolochus.

- Yeah?

Why do you present yourself in

my chambers in such humble fashion?

Do not look upon me, Ursulina.

The ﬁres of the brasier of Sestimus

have latterly burned my face!

Though the unguents of Arkimideus

promise shortly to undo the damage.

Autolochus, you knew

that my love is for you,

not for your station.

And my ardor for you is yet

as warm as the embersh of thish bras...

this... this ember...

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You know, I'm sorry.

"We are the future."

- What does that mean?

- Beats me.

Somebody slipped it under my door

some time after we broke this morning.

- You mention it to anyone?

- Nope.

Okay, well, let's keep it that way.

Hey, by the way.

Chunk sounded good in there.

EDWARD MANNIX

HEAD OF PHYSICAL PRODUCTION

Natalie, could you please get me

Stu Schwartz, Accounting?

Stu Schwartz on two.

- Stu, how are you?

- Good, Eddie.

- I need some petty cash.

- Okay.

- A hundred thousand.

- A hundred thousand?

- I'm sorry, did I say “petty”?

- You did.

Well, it's a long story and

I'll tell it to you sometime.

- You have that much in the ofﬁce?

- Yeah.

How much space will that take up?

- Mr. Mannix.

- Alright, this might do it.

Uh. Thora Thacker just came in,

wonders if you have a moment?

Thora Thacker.

Tell her I'm stuck on a call.

I'll leave through the patio.

Call didn't take so long, then.

Yes... no. Fast talkers.

What can I do for you, Thora?

Well, I'll be fast too. I only wanted

to notify you as a courtesy

that I'm running

my very Whitlock story.

Yeah?

What's the story?

The story. I have a credible source

and I'm going to run it,

and I think you know

what story I mean.

I have no idea.

There's nothing going on With Baird.

- I would know, wouldn't I?

- Don't play dumb, Eddie.

I'm talking about...

“On Wings as Eagles.”

- What?

- Running it tomorrow.

First of all.

First of all,

there's nothing to that story.

I've heard it, it's been around forever,

and it's never been conﬁrmed.

And secondly, you can't print that.

Even if you could print it,

you couldn't print it.

And you wouldn't want to.

Thora, it's beneath you.

The facts are never beneath me.

People don't want the facts,

they want to believe.

That's our great industry,

mine and yours too.

They want to believe that Baird Whitlock

is a great star, and a good man.

- You're admitting he isn't.

- No. I'm saying he is,

though it's beside the point.

There's nothing to it, nothing to the gossip.

- I AM NOT A GOSSIP COLUMNIST!

- No, no, no. Of course not.

Don't confuse me with my sister!

Hardly.

But look...

- Do you have to run it tomorrow?

- It's my entire column.

I'm happy to talk to Baird for comment,

but it'll have to be this afternoon.

Baird's unavailable right now.

Wait one day.

Thora, wait one day and I'll give you

a true story for tomorrow's column.

A little something...

about Hobie Doyle.

My readers don't care about Hobie Doyle.

He wears chaps.

Do they care about Carlotta Valdez?

They're sweet on each other.

You should see the two of them together,

like peas in a pod.

Trade the story of my career

for a puff piece on Hobie Doyle?

- I don't think so.

- You're not trading anything,

you're waiting one day

on a story that's years old.

Wait one day, I can let you talk to Baird

and show you your story's the bunk,

and if I'm wrong no skin off

your nose, you run the column.

In the meantime you have an exclusive,

no one else knows about Hobie and Carlotta.

No kidding.

You're it.

What kind of name is Thora, anyway?

It's a name that

19 million readers trust.

Don't play games with them, Eddie.

Oh, no body's playing games here.

Is that big enough?

Hello Eddie, I'm notifying you as a

courtesy before I run tomorrow's story.

Thessaly, I just saw your...

Oh, never mind.

- How're you doing? What's the story?

- It's about Baird Whitlock.

There is absolutely no truth

to that old story, believe me!

- Old ?

- Old. Stale. Rotten.

I'm talking about today.

What?

A little bird told me that

he disappeared from the set today.

Oh! That. No, no, yes,

he did have to take a break.

- Minor injury, high ankle sprain.

- What did you think I meant?

No, nothing.

I saw your sister earlier,

she was trying to resurrect

some old gossip about Baird.

Oh, I'm sure she was.

That cow.

She wouldn't know a news story

if it bit her on the posterior.

- Yeah. Well, she's...

- High ankle sprain?

Is that really the best

you could come up with?

We all know about the womanizing

and the drinking jags and

the trips to San Berdoo.

Baird is a good family man.

He has a high ankle sprain.

Mr. Mannix.

- What's up, Peanut?

- Natalie told me to ﬁnd you PDQ.

I know it sounds screwy, but she said

someone's calling from the Future.

The fut... Good lord.

Thessaly, I have to run.

If you do know where Baird is,

you must let me talk to him.

Sure, I'll find out where he is, right away,

Thessaly, and I'm sure...

Say, what kind of name

is Thessaly, anyway?

It's a name that 20 million readers trust.

They want the truth, Eddie.

The Truth.

Yes.

We're going to give it to them.

- On 3. And Hobie Doyle is in there.

- Right.

- Hello, Mr. Mannix.

- Thanks for coming, Hobie.

One second.

Hello, Mannix...

Damn.

Hung up, Natalie.

Tell me the second they call back.

Yes, sir.

What's going on there, Mr. Mannix?

Looks like you're expecting rain.

Nah, it's... nothing.

How's the ﬁrst day on the picture?

Getting comfortable?

Oh, I guess it's going pretty good,

that Mr. uh... Laurentz,

he's an awful good man,

he's helping me get through it,

I give him all the credit in the world,

me the new hand in the bunkhouse,

they got me talking a lot

which takes a little...

getting use to, talking with the camera

looking at me but heck I enjoy.

Oh, good, that's fine.

Usually on a picture I just say

“Whitey!” or “Whoa, there,”

but, this-here it's talking,

and it's people listening,

that threw me little at ﬁrst

but I think I got my leg up

onner now.

That's ﬁne. Laurence came in this morning

to tell me how well you're doing.

You just continue to do

whatever he says.

He knows how to make

a quality picture.

That is true, he will not quit

on a take until it has quality.

Is that them?

Sorry sir, no,

do you want Mrs. Mannix on 1?

- Hi, hon.

- Hi.

Oh, you know, busy.

Uh-huh.

I thought he asked to play inﬁeld.

I see.

Well maybe we should make

him honor that commitment.

That's true.

Of course you're right.

Okay.

Okay, I'll call the coach.

- Sure.

- Love you.

I love you too.

Mr. Mannix, you want me to

run out and get you a bigger grip?

That one looks a little bit snug.

Hobie.

There's a hundred thousand dollars

in that attache case.

Ransom money.

Baird Whitlock has been kidnapped.

This is bad.

Bad for movie stars everywhere.

And you got no idea

who's mixed up in this thing?

- I would look at the extries.

- The extras. Why?

Well, you just never know

about an extrie.

They come and go.

Every one else, I'm on the set,

I see the guy setting the 5K I think,

“Why, there's old Bud, setting the 5K.”

Script girl, wrangler, same thang.

Extries, that's different.

Not making a blanket call here, I mean,

there's good extries and bad extries.

All I'm saying.

You look at an extrie,

you got no idea

what he's thinking.

He's back, line 2.

- Hello.

- Do you have the money?

- Yes, I have it.

- Stage 8.

- Behind the electrical box.

Behind the electrical box.

- Just leave it there?

- Right.

- When do I get Baird?

- When we have the money.

I'll do it right now.

Can I use your belt?

SWINGIN'

DINGHY

The 'SWINGIN' DINGHY' is closing, folks.

Time for me to clean up.

Time for you to clear out.

So long, fellas.

See you in 8 months.

- See you later.

- Later, boys.

8 months?

Yeah, we're shipping out

in the morning.

Golly!

8 months without a dame.

- Can you beat it?

- You gonna have to beat it.

♪ We are heading out to sea ♪

♪ and however it will be, ♪

♪ it ain't gonna be the same. ♪

♪ cause no matter what we see, ♪

♪ when we're out there on the sea, ♪

♪ we ain't gonna see a dame. ♪

♪ we'll be searching high and low ♪

♪ on the deck and down below ♪

♪ but it's a crying shame. ♪

♪ Oh, we'll see a lot of fish ♪

♪ but we'll never clock a dish. ♪

♪ We ain't gonna see a dame. ♪

♪ No dames! ♪

♪ we might see some octopuses ♪

♪ No dames! ♪

♪ or a half a dozen clams ♪

♪ No dames! ♪

♪ we might even see a mermaid ♪

♪ But mermaids got no gams! ♪

♪ No gams! ♪

Hey, get off of there.

Hey, come one.

Hey!

Come on.

Hey!

Oh, come on.

Oh, Christ!

Climbing up for dancing.

Oh, come on!

♪ Have we got a girl for you. ♪

♪ out there on the sea! ♪

♪ Here's how it will be ♪

♪ I'm gonna dance with you, pal ♪

♪ you're gonna dance with me! ♪

♪ When we're out there on the sea ♪

♪ we'll be happy as can be ♪

♪ Or so the Captain claims! ♪

♪ But we have to disagree. ♪

♪ Cause the only guarantee ♪

♪ Is I'll see a lot of you ♪

♪ And you'll see a lot of me! ♪

♪ And it's absolutely certain ♪

♪ That we'll see a lot of sea. ♪

♪ But we ain't gonna see ♪

♪ no dames. ♪

♪ No dames! ♪

♪ We're going to sea! ♪

♪ No dames! ♪

♪ We're going to sea! ♪

♪ No dames! ♪

♪ We're going to sea! ♪

♪ We ain't gonna see ♪

♪ No... ♪

This place looks open!

What the...

You, out.

- Stop.

- Hey!

Cut that out.

This ain't that kind of a place.

Cut!

- Ah, okay.

- Okay, kids, back to one.

Okay.

Come here, Burt Gurney.

We go again.

Anything different, Mr. Seslum?

Yah, yah, yah, No, no, no.

Mostly pretty good, but this time...

Don't put dish rag

on bartender's head.

You're a big star, Burt Gurney.

Who cares about the bartender.

You are the star.

- That's my whole character, this little bird.

- Mr. Seslum, I don't mind if he...

- It is decided.

- Hello, Burt.

Hello, Mr. Mannix.

- Arne.

- Hello.

Listen, I don't want to stick my nose

in other people's business,

but, uh, I understand you've been...

associating with DeeAnna Moran?

- Yah, yah. We associated.

- Yes.

But no more. No more.

Don't you worry, Eddie Mannix.

But Arne, you are aware that she's...

This must not be in movie magazines,

that we associated.

- No, no, of course not.

- My wife cannot read this.

Your...excuse me?

Ilsa Pflueger.

- Ils...

- Ilsa Pflueger Seslum.

In Malmo.

- I'm not aware of that.

- Yeah, two children.

Well, a third on the way, apparently.

Do you enjoy physical culture,

Eddie Mannix? Do you ski?

No, I, uh, never took it up.

Seems like a lot of fun.

I no more associate with DeeAnna Moran.

I hug you.

Good bye.

I spent the night.

So I feel somebody poking at me

and I wake up

and it's Clark.

And he says,

"Well, your keys aren't in there,

so I guess we're walking."

This was back before

Gable was Gable.

We used to go to San Berdoo

every weekend,

Bob Stack would come up sometimes,

the Blue Grotto was still open.

Dave Chasen was a busboy.

Quite a place!

Yours?

Oh, gracious no.

It belongs to a member of our study group.

He couldn't be here this afternoon

He'll be sad to have missed you.

- He's a fan.

- Uh-huh. That's swell.

So, I black out,

I wake up here

and I say to myself,

Baird, you got to stop doing this,

but you're saying, actually, technically

I was kidnapped.

Well... technically, yes.

- And there's gonna be a ransom.

- I'd hardly call it a “ransom.”

Benedict there, that's Benedict de Bonaventure,

he wrote “The House of Ahasuaris.”

Enormous hit.

Made the studio millions of dollars.

Did you see any of those

millions of dollars, Ben?

I did not.

Dutch over there, Dutch Zweistrong wrote

“All The Way To Uruguay”.

I wrote all the “All The Way” pictures.

All successful.

You see any of the proﬁts, Dutch?

- HA!

- All of us here are writers.

The pictures originated with us,

they're our ideas,

but they're owned by the studio.

I'm not saying only writers are being exploited,

I mean, look at yourself, Baird.

Oh, you know, the studio

takes pretty good care of me.

What're you, a child?

I think what Herschel's trying

to say is...

just because the studio

owns the means of production,

Why should it be able to

take the money... our money,

the value created by our labor,

and dole out what it pleases?

That's not right. So, no.

No, I wouldn't call it “ransom.”

- Payback.

- That's right.

Now, until quite recently

our study group had a narrow focus.

We concentrated on getting

communist content into motion pictures.

Always in a sub Rosa way, of course.

And we've been pretty darn successful.

You remember, in “Kerner's Corner”,

the Town Hall scene,

where the aldermen overturn the rotten

election and make Gus the mayor?

Yeah.

I like to think we've changed a few minds.

But, then.

Well.

Then Dr. Marcuse came down from

Stanford, joined the study group.

And started teaching us

about direct action.

- Praxis.

- Action.

We each pursue our own

economic interest,

we ourselves are

not above the laws of history.

But in pursuing our interest with vigor,

we accelerate the dialectic,

and hasten the end of history

and the creation of the New Man.

- Plus, we make a little dough.

- Shut up !

We're not even talking about money,

we're talking about economics.

Sure.

Good.

Good stuff.

So... now, do I get

a... share of the ransom?

Well,

no, Mr. Whitlock. You could hardly

share in your own ransom.

That would be unethical.

Well, it doesn't seem fair, fellas!

I mean, the whole set-up only

works if I play along, right,

if I don't let on that I know

who kidnapped me?

Yes, that's right.

What if I named names?

Mmm. If I...

Just I... tell the truth?

I don't think you'll do that,

Mr. Whitlock.

What if we told the truth about...

“On Wings as Eagles”?

Sid.

We have to work something out

for DeeAnna Moran.

- She get married again?

- No, that's the problem.

- Having a child, not married.

- Tough.

Yeah.

No father.

Well, of course there is one,

somewhere.

- But who knows.

- Exactly. So, is there any way,

I'm just spitballing here,

any way she could adopt

her own child?

- Interesting.

- As a single...

- She disappears for a while, reappears.

- Uh-huh.

And she wants to share her blessings,

adopt a child.

Sure, she's always...

yearned to be a mother.

- That's it.

- Well I don't see why not.

Nothing in California statute prohibits

adoption by one's own parent.

This is new ground.

Technically, she'd have to

give up the baby

to a third party.

- Joe Silverman.

- Joe Silverman. Exactly.

He's the foster father,

for a few days.

She hands the kid to Joe,

he hands it back.

- I'll do some research.

- Alright.

- Mr. Mannix, it's 5:30.

- This is exciting.

... and asked all the assistant directors.

One of them said that an extra

in the courtyard of

Sestimus-Aniydias scene seemed jumpy.

All right, we'll get Walt the name of the extra

so he can bring him in and sweat him.

Walt should tell him

we won't press charges

- if he tells us where Baird's been taken.

- Check.

And if he plays dumb, or if the A.D.'s wrong

and he is dumb,

- ...check the other extras

- Check.

Thessaly Thacker called, said you promised

her an interview with Baird today.

- Check that, it was Thora Thacker.

- No, it's Thessaly.

Tell her, he was at the doctor

longer than expected,

she can see him on the set

bright and early tomorrow.

- Check. And is that last part true?

- Let's hope so.

That reminds me:

I need a list of everyone

who worked on “On Wings as Eagles”

who's still at the studio.

“On Wings as Eagles”,

that's a while ago, now.

Aside from Baird and the director

it won't be a long list.

- Yeah, get it for me. That it?

- No.

One more thing:

a Mr. Cuddahy called, said you know him.

- Yeah yeah.

- Said it's urgent he see you one last time.

Suggested same place,

seven this evening.

Why? Never mind.

Okay, tell him I'll be there.

- Back to your place?

- Oh...

- Hello, CeeCee.

- I rather thought we might go to Lake...

Oh, hi, Eddie.

Wanna lace up what you got

on “Merrily We Dance”?

It's up now.

I'll put some music on it.

Laurence Laurentz

presents

Merrily

We Dance

Taxi!

- Back to your place?

- Oh, what a bore.

I rather thought we might go

to Lake Onega for the weekend.

Just the two of us.

I don't have my valise

I left it in your foyer.

- Oh, you'll get by without a change.

- Suits me.

If you don't mind skipping out

on your own party, Allegra.

- Suits me.

- And skipping out on Monty.

That suits me as well.

Oh, poor Monty.

- What Monty doesn't know.

- Won't hurt Monty.

Oh, Monty.

Come join me on the divan.

It seems Allegra's a no show,

which is simply a bore.

But, I'll...

Reverse...

Reverse.

I shouldn't wear scarves.

It seems Allegra's a no show,

which is simply a bore.

But, I'll partner you in bridge.

Why the pout?

It's...

complicated.

How pleasant to see you again,

Mr. Mannix.

- Thanks for coming back, Mannix.

- Sure.

You're taking us down to the wire,

aren't you?

It's not a ploy.

It's a big decision.

Absolutely!

No foul.

But the board was concerned when I

couldn't give them a yes this afternoon,

so, they've authorized me to say this.

You sign on,

your term of contract is 10 years.

Yeah.

You get it, right?

That means your stock options are

guaranteed to vest.

You'd never have to work again,

if you chose to retire after your term.

Think about it.

Life time employment.

You wouldn't be a glorified

working stiff like you are now.

You'll be running a business,

not a circus.

Drink?

Cigarette?

No, no.

I got to run.

I should talk this over

with my wife.

Of course, talk it over,

think about your family,

let us know in the morning.

Oh!

If you think this is a bribe,

you're absolutely right.

You have two kids, right,

a boy and a girl?

That's right.

They love this stuff.

It used to be trains.

Hello, Hobie.

Oh, hello, Carlotta.

- Am I late?

- Oh no, it ain't nothing.

Thanks an awful bunch for

coming to this picture with me,

I don't know if you like livestock

but I think it's got moments

I really do.

You look very pretty

Well, thank you, Hobie.

I'm sure I'll like the picture

I like all of your pictures.

Well, I like yours too,

they are just the craziest things

Is it hard to dance with all

them bananas on your head?

Oh, no.

Anyone can do it.

It's all in the hips and the lips

and the eyes and the thighs.

Little Eddie wanted me to

tell you about his baseball game.

They won.

That's terrific.

I should've never called the coach!

Eddie played at shortstop?

Mm, and he did so well,

he wants to stay there now.

Great, it took care of itself.

And Darlene did very well

on her Spanish test.

Well, that's good,

she was worried about that.

Thanks for heating up the roast, hon.

- Warm glass of milk?

- No, thanks, hon. Coffee.

I gotta run back to the studio,

a few things to take care of.

Gee, another late night.

Mm.

You know.

Lockheed improved their offer.

Darned good money. And the hours

wouldn't be crazy like this, either.

It's nice to be wanted.

Yeah, sure, but...

What do you think?

They wanna know tomorrow.

I like the shorter hours.

But what do you think, honey?

You know best.

How's it going with the smoking, dear?

Oh, you know...

The denizens of Los Angeles

make ready for nightlife, or for sleep.

But Eddie Mannix will have neither.

Even in westerly Malibu

the sun has moved on,

leaving the vast and tireless sea

to heave itself blindly upon the shore.

The communists welcome

a rare moment of leisure.

A brief surcease from struggle.

Baird Whitlock has become their acolyte,

a convert to their cause,

his belief compelled

but not grudging.

He now seeks to learn more

from professor Marcuse

and becomes ever more committed

to the quest

to hasten an end to history

and bring on the New Man.

That's exactly what I was talking about

that's what happened to me

when I went to Reno with Danny Kaye

and he asked me

to shave his back!

Exact same thing!

Because I'm thinking, who benefits?

Also, I got to tell ya,

everybody thinks Danny is a jerk

he's not really a jerk, it's just the theory

generating its own anti-theory.

Anyway, there we were,

it's me and Danny,

and I'm wondering what the hell

am I doing with a razor in my hand

and he says it's for a

Norman Taurog picture

but, Judy Canova is there

and she knows Norman.

She says, "Danny is not doing

a Norman Taurog picture,

he just wants you

to shave his back."

And that's who benefits.

HOBIE DOYLE

"Lazy OL' MOON"

In livelier precincts,

the swells of Dreamland

gather to inspect the completed

weave of another piece of gossamer.

Another movie, another portion of balm

for the ache of a toiling mankind.

- Where is she?

- Hold your horses, I'm right here.

What's on your mind, Curly?

It's not my fault you saw me take

that pie off the sill, Miss McGraw.

Not your fault?

Who's fault was it, Curly?

Why that...

crazy lazy full moon!

2 weeks ago,

you'd never see me take it.

Darn you, moon.

What good are you anyway.

Don't know about this part, they

only gave me one shot at the song.

I wished there never was no moon.

I wished there weren't

no bossy ol' women.

Don't blame that moon, Curly.

She can't do nothing but shine.

Lazy ol' moon keep shining.

Darn you.

You turn Curly Stirling in

to the authorities

for the last time.

♪ Lazy ol' moon keep shining. ♪

♪ pining just to be ♪

♪ On that old plantation, ♪

♪ where I used to roam ♪

♪ Light my weary way back home. ♪

Darn, where'd she go?

♪ Lazy ol' moon keep shining, ♪

♪ shining down for me ♪

Another part of town,

another cast of characters.

Another task, for Eddie Mannix.

JOSEPH SILVERMAN

SURETIES

BONDS . ESCROW

... done before,

which is not to say they were...

Ah, we're just getting started,

I've been taking DeeAnna through this.

So Joseph has done...

well, just a whole lot of

good work for us in the past

Whenever we've needed a witness

or a third party for,

I don't know, a petition of grievance

or alienation of affection.

- And he's reliable?

- I'm bonded, miss.

Joseph Silverman is the most reliable human being

on the planet, in our experience.

When Chubby Cregar was intoxicated

and hit that pedestrian on Gower,

we had that vehicle title

transferred to Joe's name

and Joe did 6 months

in LA County lock-up.

But you're off the sauce now?

I never touch it.

It was a legal ﬁction.

That's right.

When the studio needs someone

who meets the legal standard of...

- how did you put it, Sid?

- Personhood.

Joe steps in and acts as the,

uh. . . person.

So you're a professional... person?

That's right, miss.

Initial here, and here.

Joe will be the foster parent

until such time as

you adopt the child, which you can do

as soon as Joe takes possession of it,

- And he's reliable?

- I'm bonded, miss.

The release papers you're signing

will not be a matter of public record.

All these documents will be sealed,

until the year 2015.

- And no one's the wiser.

- No one the wiser

No fans. No press.

No court officials.

- Not even a notary public.

- Joe himself is the notary.

You must have very strong forearms.

Is it hard, squeezing it like that?

It's part of the job, miss.

- Late night, Mr. Mannix?

- A late night for both of us.

Will you call Projection 7 and have them

lace up yesterday's dailies on “Hail, Caesar!”

Sure thing.

Yesterday's

Thanks, Scotty.

Romans before slaves!

Make room, you fools!

Romans before slaves!

Make room!

- How's that, what'd you think?

- Cut!

- “Hail Caesar, 27 Baker Two.”

- Action!

Go ahead, I'm listening.

Walt talked to the extra, right guy,

no info, doesn't know

where they took Baird,

but described the truck

they put him in.

Cut!

And Walt found the guy who owns

the truck and is talking to him.

Baker 4.

- Walt's a problem-solver, he's a good man.

- Action!

What else?

PR just called in their report on

Hobie Doyle premier: Warm reception.

I felt something like

I had some spittle.

- Baker 6.

- Action!

Okay.

He's terrific.

Squint!

Squint against the grandeur.

He's blinding, blinding!

Right.

Let's see what we can do here.

Okay.

Well, I don't think it's regulation size

but, it'll have to do.

You ever hear of origami,

what the Japanese do?

Uh-huh.

- This here is Italian origami.

- Yeah.

See.

Now, you just... woop.

Let's see how she does now.

Oh, she's peeking back.

Hoh, there she goes.

Oh, she's bawling.

Clear!

This is why I never order it

with meat sauce.

- How'd you get into pictures, Hobie?

- Got roped into it.

Stop.

Stop playing

with your... food.

Food!

- You're the one playing with it.

- Stop it.

Pictures.

Well, I wrangled for a while

and then they saw

I could say a line or two.

and I was Bad Clem

or Deppity Number Two

or the guy's buddy for a couple of years

and then someone heard me singing,

they made me the guy.

You're awfully cute.

Aw heck, you ain't seen

the half of it

I'll show you cute,

just a second here a little.

souvenir from my rodeo days.

Tell ya what,

I was steer busting

and I went down,

the steer went up,

and my teeth headed off

for east Texas.

Here, it's coming round again.

- You got to give a little.

- Take a little.

- And let your poor heart break a little

That's the story of,

that's the glory of love

(Attache case, my belt.

Ransom money)

You've got to laugh a little,

cry a little,

let the clouds roll by a...

(Thessaly Thacker)

Well now, this is interesting.

(Thessaly Thacker)

I didn't know you two were friends.

Aw heck yeah, we-we just caught

my picture, “Lazy Ol' Moon”

And I guess we're...

Yes, we're friends,

we're...

We're... Well, we're ﬁxing to be friendly,

tell you that.

That's good: “Fixing to be Friendly”

That can be my column headline.

- Well, I guess that'd be okay.

- Have a good evening.

I mentioned the name of my picture,

I think we're supposed to do that.

(Thora)

Well now, this is interesting.

(Thora): I thought I was

getting an exclusive on this.

I'd like to know what

the hell is going on here.

Well, like I said, we just saw

“Lazy Ol' Moon”, and...

And Hobie and I are

ﬁxing to be friendly.

WHAT?

- We're just...

- (Thora): Friends, my foot.

What's the matter, Hobie?

- I got to skedaddle, so sorry.

- Oh.

I had to catch one of your pictures

next time, I'm looking forward to it.

Goodbye, Hobie.

Hey, toss me them keys, pard.

I'm taking the car.

LOCKHEED

INTERNATIONAL AIRCRAFT

Hobie Doyle.

You're a communist too?

So it's commies?

You ever been in this place?

Pretty nice, huh?

It's Burt Gurney's!

He sings, he dances.

He's got taste.

You here alone?

Everyone else went down

to the beach.

Well, all right, pard.

Let's us head on back to town.

You got Mr. Mannix worried sick.

Easy.

Here.

Take care of him.

- Tell him.

- Give it to him.

Comrade!

We salute you.

You are going to Moscow

to become Soviet Man.

and help forge the future.

We stay behind, continuing to serve

in our disguise as capitalist handmaiden.

But, the money should go to the cause

not to the servant of the cause.

- Yes!

- That's right.

We, well...

Our modest contribution

to the Comintern.

They will be pleased.

No!

Eng-Engels!

- Oh.

- Oh...

Oh, oh, no...

Why did you do that?

Hoh.

Oh, boy, it's late.

I am in the doghouse.

Better forget about my place.

Drop me off at the Beverly Hills Hotel.

Alright then.

Huh!

- Who're you?

- Todd.

Todd...

You have a hot breakfast

or a box breakfast?

I...

I don't know.

Are you a principal or an extra?

I think I'm a principal.

Yeah.

I'm thinking, "What the hell!"

I've woken up in some strange houses before

but never without a broad next to me.

- Uh-huh.

- These guys were pretty interesting, though.

They've actually ﬁgured out

the laws that dictate... everything.

History, sociology, politics, morality.

Everything.

It's all in a book called "Kapital",

with a K.

- That right?

- Yeah.

You're not gonna believe this,

these guys even figured it out

what's going on here at the studio.

Because the studio is nothing more

than an instrument of capitalism.

Yes, so we blindly follows these laws

like any other institution.

The laws that these guys've ﬁgured out.

The studio makes pictures

to serve the system,

that is it's function,

that's really what we're all up to, here.

- Is it?

- Yeah, they're just conﬁrming

what they call the “status quo.”

I mean, we might tell ourselves that

we're “creating” something of artistic value,

that there's some sort of

spiritual dimension to the picture business,

but what it really is,

is this fat cat,

Nick Schenk, out in New York

running this factory

that's serving up these lollypops

to the...

what did you use to call the

a brand circuses for the...

What?

Wait...

Now, you listen to me, buster.

Nick Schenk and this studio

have been good to you

and to everyone else

who works here.

If I ever hear you

bad mouthing Mr. Schenk again

it'll be the last thing you say

before I have you tossed into jail

for colluding in your own abduction.

Eddie! I wouldn't,

I would never do that.

Shut up.

You're going to go out there and

you're going to finish "Hail, Caesar!"

You're gonna give the speech

at the feet of the penitent thief

and you're gonna believe

every word you say.

You're gonna do it because

you're an actor and that's what you do.

Just like the director

does what he does,

and the writer and the script girl

and the guy who claps the slate.

You're gonna do it because

the picture has Worth

and you have Worth if you serve the picture

and you're never gonna forget that again.

Okay, Eddie, okay.

I won't forget it, Eddie.

You're damn right you won't.

Not as long as I run this dump.

Baird.

Go out there and be a star.

Mr. Mannix!

Since you're going to your car,

I thought you might want to take this.

- What is it?

- From DeeAnna Moran.

Thank you, and she doesn't

need to adopt her baby after all.

Huh!

She asked Joe Silverman

out for dinner last night,

and I guess it went well,

they drove to Palm Springs

and were married

at three this morning.

Huh.

Will you be gone long?

Today's call list to go through.

No, less than an hour,

personal errand.

- Ah.

- It's a nice arrangement.

- She charged it to the studio.

- Right.

- (Thora): Just coming to see you.

- Good morning.

Sorry about last night, Thora,

I didn't know your

sister would show up.

Well that's as may be,

but I certainly learned my lesson.

Whatever you say today,

Eddie Mannix,

my column tomorrow is about...

“On Wings as Eagles.”

- Thora, I wouldn't do that if I were you.

- I'm sure you wouldn't.

No, no, no, you don't understand.

Let's sit down.

I'm telling you not to run the column,

Thora, for your own good.

Ha ha.

I can judge my own interest.

This will be the

story of the year

And it so happens, the Hearst Syndicate

is looking to pick up a Hollywood column.

- And you think this'll cinch it for you.

- You know it will.

Baird Whitlock, your biggest star,

got his ﬁrst major part

in “On Wings as Eagles”

by engaging in sodomy

with the picture's director,

Laurence Laurentz.

We've all heard the story.

But here's something you haven't heard:

your source is a communist.

If you print it it'll be dismissed

as a commie smear tactic

and you'll be dismissed

as a commie stooge.

Burt Gurney has left the country,

the cell he was part of

has been smashed

by the police.

You might've thought he was credible

because he's Mr. Laurentz's current... protege,

but, you don't want to be seen as

Burt Gurney's mouthpiece after this.

How did you know

Burt was my source?

Late last night, I talked to Laurence,

put two and two together.

Well, no reason to send this

since I ran into you.

It's by way of apology for

Thessaly homing in last night.

I do value our friendship, Thora.

And I'm late for something important.

Why on your knees before

this Hebrew, Autolochus?

I encountered him before, Gracchus,

beside the well of Jehosaphat.

And what manner of man.

He is a priest of the Israelites,

despised even by the other priests.

No.

On yesterday's march,

punished by the dust of the road,

I sought to drink ﬁrst at the well,

before the slaves and my charge

who's thirst was far greater than my own.

A Roman drinks before a slave.

This man was giving water to all.

He saw no Roman

and he saw no slave.

He saw only men.

Weak men and gave suckle.

He saw suffering

which he sought to ease.

He saw sin

and gave love.

Love, Autolochus?

He saw my own sin, Gracchus,

and greed.

But in his eyes,

I saw no shadow of reproach.

I saw only light.

The light of god.

You mean, of the gods.

I do not, friend Gracchus.

This Hebrew is a son

of the one God,

the God of this far-ﬂung tribe.

Why shouldn't God's anointed

appear here,

among these strange people

to shoulder their sins.

Here, Gracchus.

In this, sun-drenched land.

Why should he not take

this form.

The form of an ordinary man.

A man bringing us

not the old truths.

but a new one.

A new truth.

A truth beyond

the truth that we can see.

A truth beyond this world.

A truth told not in words

but in light.

A truth that we could see

if we have but...

Cut.

Cut!

Faith.

Have but faith.

Faith.

- Faith! Faith! God damn it!

- Roll it again.

- God damn it. Isn't it the...

- They changed it.

You got most of it, man.

Alright.

Alright, hang on.

Could I get a pat down,

I'm sweating like a pig in this thing.

Ah, son of a bitch!

Bless me Father, for I have sinned.

How long since your last confession,

my son?

It's been... what,

27 hours.

It's really too often, my son.

- You're not that bad

- I don't know, father.

I snuck a cigarette or two.

I didn't make it home

in time for dinner.

And I...

I struck a movie star in anger.

All right.

Five Hail Marys.

Okay.

Father.

Yes, my son?

May I ask you something, father.

Of course, my son.

If there's something that's easy.

Is that...

wrong?

- Easy?

- Uh... easy to do.

Easy to...

Like an easy job.

No, it's not a bad job,

it's not bad.

But...

then...

There's this other job.

That's...

It's not so easy.

In fact, it's hard.

It's...

It's so hard, Father, sometimes

I don't know if I can keep doing it.

But, it...

it...

it seems right.

I don't know how to explain.

God wants us to do what's right.

Yeah.

Yeah, course He does.

The inner voice that tells you

what's right,

it comes from God, my son.

- Yeah, I got it.

- That's His way of saying that...

Yeah, yeah, I got it.

Thanks.

Still raining in Gallup, New Mexico

and the “Tucumcari” crew has shot all

the plates we need for “Came the Rain.”

Well, just shoot the showdown

in the weather and we'll retitle it.

"Tucumcari tempest".

“Desert Squall”. “Hold Back the Storm”.

The stories begin.

The stories end.

I don't know,

bounce it off the writers.

So, it has been.

Here's today's call list.

Add a call to a Mr. Cuddahy at

the Lockheed Corporation.

Long call, short?

“Thanks but no thanks”,

how long was that?

- But the story of Eddie Mannix...

- Who do we call first?

... will never end.

New York ﬁrst.

Time to check in with Mr. Schenk.

For his is a tale written

in light everlasting.

Subtitle created by - Aorion -

Hail, Caesar! (2016) - full transcript