H is for Happiness (2019) - full transcript

Recount!

Write about something that's
happened to you in the past.

It's difficult to tell
who Miss Bamford is looking at,

with that one eye that dips
and bobs like a maniac.

If it's already happened,
Miss Bamford,

it must be in the past.

Tell us about yourselves.

Something for every letter
of the alphabet.

For example, A is for 'Albany'.

I was born in Albany.

My birth was a cause
for great celebration.



People danced in the streets

and there were firework displays
for two nights in a row.

Our school is in Albany,
so I suppose Miss Bamford

is trying to make
the example relevant.

But it is a false statement.

I mean, no-one's birth causes
that amount of excitement.

Candice, it's a recount.

Sometimes the truth
is too plain.

And your job in this assignment
is to entertain.

Uh-uh!

You'll use the written component

to craft a brief
oral presentation

for your parents on Open Day

based on a letter of the
alphabet you'll be assigned.



Any questions?

I wonder, Miss Bamford,

if you're talking about
a narrative,

because I thought a recount
had to be factual.

Alternatively,
a narrative recount

might be a more suitable
descriptor.

Hm.

- Hi, Pam!
- Hi, Candice.

- Hello, funny little girl.
- Hi, Rajah!

Hi, Mr Weigard!

Bugger off! Get off my lawn!

A is for 'assignment'.

And I intend to do
a thorough job.

My story is a complicated one

and I don't know
all the fine details.

Everyone has tried very hard
to keep me in ignorance -

Mum, Dad and Rich Uncle Brian.

But I would have to be living
in a lead-lined coffin

not to realise
everyone is miserable.

Maybe I can do
something about it.

Come in.

My sister, Sky,
died three years ago.

Mum hasn't been the same since.

Mum, I need to know
about my birth.

Your birth?

Birth begins with B.

It's the second chapter
of my assignment.

Come.

What do you want to know?

Everything.

Well, you were
a tricky delivery.

You came into this world...

..accompanied by...

..pain...

..blood and tears.

What was Dad doing?

I wasn't at your birth,
alright? I was too late.

Story of my life.

So Rich Uncle Brian
stepped into the breach?

Your Uncle Brian, your uncle,

isn't the most reliable
witness in the world.

You sailed into this world

on a sea of love

and you cruised
through calm waters

and berthed with scarcely
a ripple into our hearts.

And there, my sweet mariner,
you remain,

docked in love.

A few years ago,

Dad and Uncle Brian
were in business together.

But they had a big falling out.

C is for 'court case',

where nasty, unforgivable
things were said.

Dad and Uncle Brian's business

was sold to pay
for the legal costs.

And when it was
all done and dusted,

Dad was broken...

..and broke.

And Uncle Brian

was rich,

rich,

RICH Uncle Brian.

Everyone,
this is Douglas Benson.

He's new to the area
and he doesn't know anyone.

So I would ask
that you all treat him

with kindness
and consideration.

Douglas, you take that seat
next to Candice Phee.

Fruitcups.

Quick sticks!

Right.

Back to work.

Can you keep a secret?

No.

Oh.

Not even a little bit?

No.

Oh.

Do you want to hear
my secret anyways?

No.

Oh.

What are you doing now?

Working on a way of
getting out of here.

Well, that's mysterious.

- Is it?
- Yeah.

Because it doesn't take
much working out.

You just go out the front door
and there's a big gate.

I didn't mean that.

It's to do with my secret.

Jen Marshall,
would you mind moving

so I can access my locker?

"Jen Marshall,
would you mind moving

"so I can access my locker?"

Really, Essen?

Ha.

Why did she call you 'Essen'?

It's a phonetic representation
of S-N,

which is short for
'special needs'.

Many people think
I have learning disabilities,

but they're mistaken.

I wrote a note to Jen

saying that everyone is special
and everyone has needs.

So her insult - because that's
what she intends it to be -

is wide off the mark.

About my secret.

I can't keep secrets.

I'm from another dimension.

Well, that's nice.

Not really.

I like the dimension
I come from. This one sucks.

I have no idea
what you're talking about.

You know about
M-theory, I imagine?

No.

It's a multidimensional
extension of string theory,

in which all universes -
the multiverse, if you like -

are created by collisions
between p-branes.

There's an infinite
number of Earths

and each will be
slightly different.

The other universes are
separate from this one,

not by space or time,
but a different dimension.

I came through that dimension.

How?

It involves
manipulating dimensions

and invoking gravity,
of course.

How?

I jumped out of a tree.

High-tech.

Can you come over to my place
after school

one afternoon this week?

I've never been invited
to someone's house before.

Will it be OK
with your mum and dad?

I don't have a dad.

And she's not my mum.

She's just a facsimile
of my real mother,

who's in another dimension.

Oh, yes.

Well, does she know
she's a facsimile?

She thinks I'm mad.

She took me to the hospital

and some idiot
with a white coat,

hearing that
I'd fallen from a tree,

pronounced that I was
suffering from loss of memory

caused by a blow to the head.

It's unscientific
and, frankly, insufferable.

Anyway, she'll love the idea
of you coming over.

She'll think it's a sign
of my mental health improving.

You know, having friends.

F is for 'Frances'.

'Frances' was a label.

Sky was who she was to me.

Who she would always be.

No-one talks about that night.

All I could hear was screaming.

I suppose it was mine.

I know what people think -

that I blame myself
for what happened to Sky.

But I don't.

Sky died of cot death.

'Sudden infant death syndrome'
is the medical term.

Though, that explains nothing,

because no-one knows
why it happens.

It just does.

No-one's to blame.

Focus! Think of
yourselves as a mirror.

What? Is something wrong?

You're not happy

because you can't get back
into your own world.

And despite all the evidence
against you,

you're still trying
to get back?

I will get back. I just need
to get the math right.

It's hard, but eventually
I'll find the answer.

Right.

Because if you can
figure out a way

to return to another dimension,

surely I can figure out how
to put my family back together,

to make everyone happy again.

Do you have any experience
in the area?

No.

Well, start with something
small. For practice.

"Think of
yourselves as a mirror."

Gavin is full of inspiration.

- Thanks, Mum.
- You look so great!

He'll know exactly what to do.

Here.

Good luck with that!

Bye-bye!

You know your weird eye,
Miss Bamford?

How it spins out of control
like a punctured balloon?

Douglas Benson
from Another Dimension,

he says it's so hyperactive
it should be on Ritalin.

But that's not the issue.

I suspect, Miss Bamford,

that you are aware
of the cruel remarks

made about your
peripatetic eyeball...

Candice, do you mind
if I ask you a question?

Not at all, Miss Bamford.

Ask two
if the urge is irresistible.

I'm curious.

Your vocabulary is remarkable
for a 12-year-old.

'Peripatetic', for example.

Can you explain?

Yes, certainly.

'Peripatetic' means something
that wanders or travels...

No, no, no!
I know what it means!

I want to know how
you know what it means.

Oh. I read the dictionary,
Miss Bamford.

Most nights.

It's my favourite book.

Right now, I'm up to the letter
S, which is stupendous.

It sets a very high standard,

which, frankly,
T will not be able to match.

But one should not prejudge.

You were saying about my eye.

Ah, yes.

It seems to me, Miss Bamford,

that there is a simple solution
to your ocular problem.

What is more,
I have the solution right here,

and I think
you should consider it.

I bought them
as a pirate's job lot.

I'm not suggesting

you should attach, hook or pin
the parrot to your shoulder -

though, that would be
a personal choice

and I wouldn't
stand in your way.

It's the eye patch I wanted
to bring to your attention.

If you put this on,

no-one will be able to see
your wandering eye.

This would, at stroke,

reduce the amount of teasing
you currently have to endure.

It will lend you
a certain air -

sinister, perhaps,
or even romantic.

It will establish
an aura of mystery.

Thank you, Candice.

Do you like fruit, Candice?

Yes, thank you.

- Rockmelon?
- Yes, thank you.

Strawberries?

Yes, thank you.

All on the... same plate?

It's just that Douglas told me

that you like to have things
in a certain way.

So I wondered if you were OK
about having

different colours of fruit
on the same plate,

the way that you like to have
everything lined up just... so.

You are autistic, aren't you?

No.

Oh! Sorry.

Mmm!

What did Miss Bamford say?

She laughed.

Oh. That's not good.

No! It was great.

It has given me great hope,

Douglas Benson
from Another Dimension.

Hmm.

It's a horse.

You should know
I'm scared of horses.

Not this one.

Wow!

Told you.

Watch this.

- Can I pat him?
- No!

And never feed it apples.

Come on. We've got
more important things to do.

G is for gravity, 'Candice'.

May I use your pad and pen?

What is it?

It's a tesseract.

Oh.

To travel between
alternative worlds.

I need to take the tesseract
to a fifth, sixth,

seventh, eighth
and then a ninth dimension,

wrap myself within
that construct,

and then use gravity
to effect the journey.

That's where the tree
comes into it?

Correct. That's how I got here.

But timing is everything.

It has to be
at 6:30 in the evening.

6:30 in the evening?

I've been over and over
the equation.

Problem is, gravity has

a slightly different quality
in this world.

So?

So...

..maybe I have to jump
somewhere higher

than the tree in town.

Dad, can I have a bike?

You don't like riding, Candice.

I'm newly motivated to like it.

Maybe for your birthday.

I need it tomorrow.

It's essential that I be able
to ride to Douglas Benson's

at 6:30 in the evening.

Dad!

Oh. It's perfect!

Ta-da!

Thank you!

What do you want a bike for,
sweetie?

I'm not at liberty to say,

except that
it's for a good cause.

Hmm. Well, I'm happy
to give you the bike, pumpkin.

You don't have to come sailing
with me to pay for it.

I know.

But I do need to talk with you.

In private.

I've got a plan to execute,
and I'm beginning with you.

Mm.

I couldn't blame
Rich Uncle Brian

for being surprised that
I wanted to go on his yacht,

because I cannot swim.

I don't have sea legs,
I don't have sea arms.

In fact, no part of my anatomy
is sea anything.

Oh!

Oh.

You're OK.

There you go.

- Rich Uncle Brian?
- Yes, pumpkin?

There's a schism
between you and my dad.

Mm.

And, well, there must be
some way to mend the breach.

Do we really want
to go there, pumpkin?

- Yes.
- Hmm.

Wouldn't the simplest
solution be

if you gave him
a whopping pile of cash,

and then everyone
would be happy?

I've... tried, pumpkin.
I've tried.

But it's just... not that
simple, unfortunately.

Simple...

I offered your dad half
of my income from that patent.

He turned me down.

'Cause what your father wanted

was the legal acknowledgement
that he co-wrote it,

as well as half the royalties.

I couldn't accept that, 'cause
he didn't write it. I did.

Now, the money -
he's welcome to it.

But I can't lie about
the authorship. I can't.

I simply can't.

So you don't talk to each other
because of a signature,

or lack thereof,
on a piece of paper?

It sounds silly
when you put it like that.

But yes.

Oh!

- Rich Uncle Brian...
- Yes, pumpkin?

..do you still love
your brother?

Yes, I do.

Pumpkin, I surely do.

And would you do anything
to mend that breach?

Yes, of course.

Careful, sweetheart.

OK? Oh!

Alright.

Thank you, Rich Uncle Brian.

That's alright.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hi! I'm Candice Phee.

Nice to meet you.

Do you know if Douglas Benson
from Another Dimension

has come along yet?

I'm just keeping a look out
in case he decides to...

..do something foolish.

Flossy Jenkins
to the deli, please.

Flossy Jenkins to the deli.

Dad says
depression is complicated.

There is no simple cure.

But Mum was not
always depressed.

Before Sky died,
she was active,

optimistic and full of plans.

♪ If you had that chance again

♪ Well, would you do it
just the same?

♪ Or would you ditch off
what you're doing... ♪

You know what?

One day, pumpkin, we'll all go
to the United States

and spend time in Nashville.

It's on my bucket list.

♪ I better break loose

♪ Can you feel it... ♪

And we'll eat hot shrimp po'boy

and we'll go to the Grand Ole
Opry and join in the dancing!

♪ I mean it... ♪

Oh, I love you.

Mwah!

Nashville was never
mentioned after that.

Like everything else,
it shrivelled and died.

But at least I remember.

K is for 'kitchen'.

Apart from egg, I have never
cooked anything in my life.

Unfortunately, microwave ovens
did not feature

anywhere in the recipe I found.

Arggh! Oh!

Douglas!

Hmm.

Still no sign of Douglas Benson
from Another Dimension.

You're unpredictable too.

But... I get it.

You just like doing things
your own way.

Hmm.

Ooh!

I've made dinner!

You what?

I've made dinner.

Why?

So we can eat it.

But I've already eaten.
I... had a sandwich.

I've cooked a special meal
for Mum. To cheer her up.

I bought all the ingredients

and spent four hours
cooking her favourite dish.

I thought it would be nice

if for once
we ate together as a family.

- Uh, Mum's in bed.
- I know.

It would be helpful
if when I wake her

I can say we are both waiting
around the dinner table.

Uh...

And if you could just put
this kerchief around your neck.

I'm sorry?

No need to apologise.

I got your hat
out of the cupboard.

I was hoping you might have
some cowboy boots...

..and maybe some spurs.

- Spurs?
- What about a lasso?

Uncover your eyes.

What is going on?

A Southern-themed cook-up!

Oh.

OK.

- Mm-hm.
- Oh!

Mm-hm.

Hmm.

- Prawns.
- They call them shrimp.

The recipe said to devein them,

but I'm not skilled,
so I didn't.

- Ah, beautiful.
- Delicious.

So, what made you choose
this dish?

Nashville. I remembered you
said you wanted to go there.

The music, the dancing,
the hot shrimp po'boy.

Do you remember?

Yeah.

Yeah, all the dreams
I had before.

They don't have to
remain dreams.

You are kind, pumpkin.

And I'm very proud of you.

Thank you.

Eat!

- Oh, yes.
- Oh.

No.

I can't.

I will be 13 on Sunday.

I'm looking forward to that.

13 carries the implication

that you have completed
your apprenticeship as a child

and can do
teenagery-type things

without appearing a fraud.

I used to dread my birthday.

Mum and Dad would go
to considerable effort

to make it a happy occasion.

- Gel pens!
- Gel pens.

Yay!

But there were two
dark and brooding clouds

looming over us.

Oh! Happy birthday, pumpkin!

One was Rich Uncle Brian -

even though he doesn't look
much like a cloud.

The other cloud is Sky.

She died three days
before my birthday.

She would have been
nearly four years old.

It's your birthday soon,
pumpkin.

What would you like?

Can I have anything?

Well, within reason.

You know we don't have
much money.

This won't cost anything.

I would like Douglas Benson
from Another Dimension

to come with us to the cemetery.

No.

Why not?

Because you know why, Candice.

It's family only.
We do not invite friends.

We do not have a party,
we do not celebrate.

We pay our respects.

Why don't we ask
Rich Uncle Brian, then?

Because you know the answer
to that as well, Candice.

Don't be deliberately stupid.

- Sky should be celebrated.
- Her name was Frances.

It should be a cause of joy
that she lived!

Candice, stop...

Not an excuse for misery
because she's dead!

- I'm tired of feeling sad, Mum!
- That's enough.

I love her too, but she's gone!

Please stop.

- It's time you accepted that!
- Candice!

Sky is dead, Mum,
but we aren't!

Shut up!

Candice...

I'm going to school.

Candice!

Pumpkin!

Waiting for progress
in the chest department

is like watching grass grow.

Ready!

We should go.

M is for 'mourning'.

I wondered what lay
beneath the mound of grass.

Was there anything left
of Sky by now?

Bones, probably.

That's all that would be left.

It's difficult to pay respect
to bones.

Because Sky could be somewhere.

I hope she was somewhere.

But I knew that
that somewhere wasn't here.

I've told you once,
I've told you twice...

I won't do it again, sir.

Would you like to come
to my birthday party on Sunday?

No running up there!

Yes. Of course I would.

Will it be a big party?

You, me, Mum and Dad. So, 25%
bigger than previous years.

I think you'll find

that's 33 1/3% bigger
than previous years.

I'll take your word for it.

It's gonna be full of drama,
though.

Why?

Because there's a small chance
I might die a violent death.

I can see you!

No kissing in the playground.

Sorry, miss.

They're very nice.

They're the nicest
artificial breasts

anyone has ever given me.

I'll bet they're
the only artificial breasts

you've ever received.

That's true.

I made them myself.

It's just that...

..you've mentioned, you know,

you were worried about...

..you know...

..things not happening...
you know...

..around there.

I couldn't remember
mentioning my lack of breasts

to Douglas Benson
from Another Dimension.

But then again,

I can't remember everything
I've ever said.

So I did some research
on the internet

about what they
should be made of.

Then it was a simple matter
of engineering.

They inflate.

So you can go from...

..to...

Whatever you want.

And, in an emergency,
pull this.

Oh, and my facsimile mother
said I was mad.

She insisted
I get you something else.

Thank you, Douglas Benson
from Another Dimension.

They are great presents.

- Is there a me in your world?
- What?

A Candice Phee
in your other dimension?

You said there was
an infinity of Earths,

and therefore,
an infinity of 'me's.

I like the idea
of a normal me somewhere,

doing normal things
and thinking normal thoughts.

You must be somewhere,
but I haven't met you yet.

Will you do me a favour
if you get back?

- When I get back.
- Yes.

Look me up and say hello,
from me.

- Let's go!
- Hooray!

- Alright, we're here.
- True.

Though, when you think about it,
we're always here.

I mean, at any given moment,
here is where we must be.

You can't go from there without
travelling from here to there,

and every small movement
is a small here.

OK, Candice,
I know it's your birthday

but can you stop, please?

We're here,
so what do you want to do?

I mean, do you want to...

..have your birthday party
in a car park?

I mean, honestly,
nothing would surprise me.

- Come here!
- What?

What are you doing?

What do you mean,
what am I doing?

It is her birthday.
Stop being so miserable.

Why are we here?

To perform a miracle.

I'm not the miserable one.
You are the...

- Let her have her day.
- You're the miserable one. OK?

You're constantly miserable.

- Me?
- Yes, you.

- You are.
- You are.

Just get it together.

Douglas, do you think
there is such a thing

as a pleasant death?

Maybe being sucked
into a black hole.

I'm not sure it'd be pleasant,

but it would be amazingly cool.

You see, as you approach
the event horizon...

I thought not.

Promise me

that whatever happens
in the next few minutes,

you will do absolutely nothing.

What do you mean?

I thought it fairly
plain, but I'll rephrase.

Promise me that whatever happens
in the next few minutes,

you will do absolutely nothing.

- Like what?
- Like nothing.

No. I mean, what will happen?

Something.

Oh. Unless no-one does anything.

If that happens, I want you

to leap around
like a mountain goat,

screaming and pointing
and generally being dramatic.

- Got it?
- No.

Good. We're on
the same wavelength.

Rich Uncle Brian!

Pumpkin!

Happy birthday, my girl!
Happy birthday!

Thank you!

Hello.

Candice!

Jim, she can't swim!

- Candice!
- Pumpkin, I'm coming!

Oh!

Aagh!
What is wrong with you?!

O is for 'oblivion'.

They say that
when you're dying,

your whole life flashes
before your eyes.

It's a slight exaggeration.

I just saw Mum before
she had forgotten how to smile

and Dad and Rich Uncle Brian
laughing together.

Where is she?! Candice!

- Candice!
- Candice!

Here! Mr Phee!

Candice!

I saw Sky too.

She was the age
she would be now.

I don't want to get mystical,

but my dead sister was
telling me to do something.

Candice!

That and Douglas Benson's
birthday present.

Pumpkin!

Candice!

- Candice!
- Douglas!

How would I rate the success of
my plan to reconcile my family?

On a scale of 0 to 10...

..around -15.

Such a drastic failure
calls for some drastic action.

I would like to see
Mr Dawson, please.

Well, do you have
an appointment?

No, but, um, tell him
Candice Phee is here.

He will want to see me.

This always works
in the movies.

I have no idea why.

What can I do for you?

I want you to take legal action
against my parents

so I am removed from their house

and placed under
local authority care.

In effect, I want to divorce
them and find foster-parents.

You do know I deal in property
conveyancing, don't you?

Why are lawyers in New York
very young, intelligent,

exceptionally well dressed
and bursting with enthusiasm?

Based upon
my television viewing,

you can't throw a stone
in New York

without hitting a lawyer

prepared to take on a juicy case
like the one I presented.

What did he do?

He asked me to leave.
He showed me the door.

What are you doing here,
Candice?

I'm here to stop you
killing yourself.

Don't worry. I won't.

Besides, if I can't get back
to my own dimension,

there'll be some compensation.

What do you mean?

I love you.

Ew!

You've been giving it apples.

Approximately seven so far.

I'm sorry.

Would you mind repeating that...
nice thing you just said?

I love you.

As you can imagine,
all this kissing is exciting.

In a distasteful way.

And I feel I have made
a dramatic start to my teens.

But I have realised,
quite suddenly,

that I don't want Douglas
Benson from Another Dimension

to leave.

Ha! Get a load of this!

The freakards
have gotten together.

Oh, my God!

Ignore her, Candice.
She's jealous.

Jealous?

Jealous?!

- Of what, you...
- ..freakard?!

Jen, if you're going to shout,

it might be an idea
to dispose of your gum.

Accidents have been known
to happen, you know.

Shut up, moron! Shut the hell up!

What is going on here?!

Sit down this instant!

My name is Miss Cowie
and I am a relief teacher.

This does not mean that I have

an invisible target
between my eyes

or that you should confuse me
with a human being.

Miss Bamford
is unfortunately ill

and will be away for a few days.

In the meantime...

..I am in charge!

You are to work on your
Open Day presentations,

and you will work in silence.

Right?!

Pick her up.

Afternoon, Mr Weigard.

T is for 'Talk' -
with a capital T.

We had a phone call earlier
today from a Mr Dawson.

Ah. That's nice.

Not really. He said
you wanted to divorce us.

Apparently, the only reason
he didn't take the case

is because he's
a house conveyancer.

House conveyancing?

Want to tell me
what that was all about?

No, thanks.

But I think you should know

that Douglas Benson
from Another Dimension

thinks he's solved
his problem...

Do you really want
to divorce us?

Yes.

No.

I don't know!

I was trying
to save our family.

I thought you
and Rich Uncle Brian

would bond over rescuing me

and then we'd all be reunited
as a family again.

You think our family
needs saving?

- Yes!
- Right.

And how do you think drowning
yourself or divorcing us

is gonna help?

Really prefer to go and live
with a bunch of strangers?

You are strangers.

Dad, do you have to watch
your plane all the time?

Well, I would have thought
that was obvious, Candice.

If I don't, I will lose control
and it will crash.

Isn't that the same
with families?

Over the next few days,

you are to practise
your Open Day presentations.

I have paired you up
with another class member

and suggest if any of you
are having any trouble,

you start by interviewing
each other.

Find out the important aspects
of your partner's life.

Henrietta Hoe and Josie Turner.

Yes!

Kyle Phipps and Jack Briars.

Candice Phee and Jen Marshall.

Minka Davies
and Phoebe Harrison.

Ditz MacGyver
and Warren Peacock.

Imelda Tinwhistle
and Andy Lemur.

Millie Rockfish
and Douglas Benson.

Financial advice, eh?

You once told me you had
established a trust fund for me.

When you're 21, it will mature.

Why do I have to wait
until I'm 21?

Well, you're 13, pumpkin.

It's too young for
important financial decisions.

You could waste the cash

on smartphones or computers
or video games.

Or, um...

Hmm.

..other things.

Gel pens are the extent
of my impulse buying.

That's true.

But even so, there is

significant money
already invested,

and if all you're gonna spend
that money on is gel pens,

why is there a problem
waiting until you turn 21?

I want to withdraw some of it.

I can buy you gel pens.

It's not for gel pens.

Well...

Douglas Benson from Another
Dimension is in love with me.

Love!

What makes you think
he's from another dimension?

It's not what I think.
It's what he believes.

You know about p-branes
and M-theory?

- Mmm.
- Multiverses?

Can you explain it to me?

Something like there are
an infinite number of Earths

and each will be
slightly different.

Each one with another Candice.
Which is fascinating.

- Mmm.
- Huh.

Can you invite that Douglas
Benson to dinner tonight?

I'd like to have
a chat with him.

- Oh, God.
- I'll cook!

He has an appointment with
destiny every night at 6:30.

But he might be able to come
after that.

What's wrong?

Nothing. I've just never
been in here before.

You are a terrific
eye-roller, Jen.

And you're a terrific
pain in the butt.

That doesn't actually
make any sense.

But anyway,
where do you want to sit?

Anywhere away from you, Essen.

Not possible, I'm afraid.

What about down that aisle?

Shh!

Tell me about yourself, Jen.

What's there to say?

Tell me about your family.

Mother - drunk a lot.

Dad - God knows where.

Brother's a freakard.
No offence.

Doesn't sound like
a happy family life.

Yeah? So what?

I bet you have one of the
families that you see on TV.

All loving and drooling
over school reports

and going on holidays.

I live in the real world, Essen,

and it's not as pretty
as the pictures.

What do you want to be
when you leave school?

Are you for real?
I can't think that far ahead.

I just want to get out
of this crappy place.

It's crap. All of it.

But you're not, are you, Jen?

What?

Crap.

Yeah, I am. I'm more crap
than anything else.

I'm crap at schoolwork.
Name a subject - I'm crap at it.

- I could help you.
- What do you mean?

I could help you
with schoolwork.

Your friends don't have to know.

Why would you do that?

Because I like you.

You're so weird, Essen.
You like me?

Why do you like me, huh?
I treat you like crap.

What is it with you?

The worse you get treated,
the nicer you try to be?

Mum's like that with
the men she brings home.

She's a loser, and so are you.

Possibly, but I'd still like to
help you with your schoolwork.

- Ugh.
- Shh!

I hope you enjoy the food,
Douglas Benson.

- It's...
- Sausages, eggs and chips.

It's the only thing
he can cook.

You think this is
the only thing I can cook?

- Mm-hm.
- It's great.

Thank you, Mr Phee.

I think it's wonderful.

Well, bon appétit.

Mr Phee?

Yes, Douglas Benson?

I would like to marry
your daughter.

With your blessing, of course.

Excuse me?

I love Candice.

Yes.

Candice is, uh...
she's only 13 years old.

Uh, you don't think that's
a little young for marriage,

do you, Douglas Benson?

I don't mean right now,
Mr Phee.

Oh, good.

Maybe in
three or four years' time?

Uh-huh.

And what are you going to bring
to the table, Douglas Benson?

Pardon?

A herd of goats?
A flock of sheep?

I mean, what have you got?

I don't think
I could let her go

for less than
a working water buffalo

and a couple of suckling pigs.

So that creates the linkage
to the other dimensions.

Tell me again how each new
dimension comes into existence.

Well, the way I understand it
is there's an infinite number.

And whenever something changes,
a new possibility then exists.

And then the universe unfolds
against that possibility.

Dad spent 45 minutes
grilling Douglas Benson

on every aspect
of other dimensions.

Just in the simplest
possible terms.

So, everything
that could possibly happen...

See you later, Douglas
Benson from Another Dimension!

Bye, Candice!

What was that all about?

Think of a computer program

that allowed you to create
alternative paths

to the one you've taken
in this life,

by changing decisions both
inside and outside your control.

Now, what if that program

allowed you to create
an alternative you

based on the information
you've fed in,

and then allows you
to communicate with her?

And you could write
that program, Dad?

I could.

Yeah, I could. I could.

I don't know where the money's
gonna come from.

I've got no idea at this point.

But, you know, money comes.
When you need it, it comes.

I mean, it hasn't been coming
lately, but it will come...

V is for 'vision'.

I didn't understand
the technical details

but I knew it was brilliant.

Unfortunately,
he made me promise

not to speak to anyone
about it.

And I never break my promises.

Hi, Jen Marshall!

Come in quick
so no-one sees you.

That way, you won't
become an outcast.

Whatever. Let's just
get this thing done, OK?

What's the assignment?

My favourite! Algebra!

♪ ..blown, blown into the wind

♪ Fell into the air
and been blown into the wind

♪ Fell into the air and been
blown into the wind... ♪

How's this?

It's perfect, Marco. Thank you.

- You're welcome.
- Mmm?

Nice to see
the Phee family again.

- It's been a while.
- It has.

So, can I get you all a drink
while you decide?

Maybe a little champagne?

Absolutely.
What's the celebration?

It's my birthday.

Ah! How old, then, Claire?

- 24? 25?
- You'll have to keep guessing.

Ah, a true lady
never reveals her age.

And a true gentleman never asks.

Touché.

Ba-bow.

♪ Ooh... ♪

Happy birthday.
Many happy returns.

- ♪ Ooh... ♪
- Mmm!

♪ Stay the same,
stay the same, little one

♪ Forevermore... ♪

- Oh, you mean like a carnival?
- Yeah.

And we're just
surrounded by carnies.

Yes!

♪ ..you are

♪ Then we'll grow... ♪

- Thank you.
- Thanks, Marco. Beautiful.

Medication.

Happy pills.

And you know something?
I think they might be working.

Mm-hm.

Happy birthday, my love.

What's this?

Jim, I don't... I don't
understand. What is it?

It's... it's a star.

So, that's the official
certificate of ownership.

There's another document
in there

which shows you a picture
of the star system

with your... your star circled.

And you named this after me?

Not quite.

Not quite?

I named it... Frances Phee.

Oh.

'Cause I thought...

..you know, um...

..when we'd look up at the
stars, we'll know she's there.

Yeah, I know where she is, Jim.

Sweetheart, I know.
I know. I just...

I just thought...

Oh, it's probably a bad idea.

I think it's
a beautiful idea, Dad!

Because I don't think
Sky's in that cemetery.

- I think she's...
- Oh, please, enough!

I'm sorry, I can't.

It's fine.
Let's... let's... let's just...

It's fine, darling.

My turn!

- Oh!
- Three presents in one.

Thank you.

That's a beautiful room,
Candice.

It's a lovely chandelier.
The two lovely chandeliers.

They're yours.

Well, not forever.
Only for a week in October.

It's a picture of a suite
in a Nashville hotel.

Just off Ryman Alley.

In the envelopes are
three tickets for the flights,

and the card contains
$2,000 of spending money.

What?

You heard. It's all there.

Alright. OK. I'm assuming
your uncle had a hand in this.

Candice... you're 13 years old.

You can't spend this kind
of money on me... on us.

The tickets are non-refundable.

Oh, God!

Rich Uncle Brian tried to talk
me out of it, but I insisted.

And he can never say no to me.

Plus, it's my money, and I can
spend it on whatever I want.

And... I want this.

Candice, we can't go.

You're damn right we can't go!

God, Candice, you can't
fix things with money.

Do you understand that? Do...?
You are out of control!

- Jim.
- Do you know what?

I'm actually gonna
go and see Brian

and give him
a piece of my mind.

Jim, sit down! Don't you
do this to me on my birthday.

How much must that have
cost? And he's giving that...

You know what?
- ..as... as charity to us!

- Let's just...
- You can't blame me for that!

What were you thinking?!

I don't need a star
named after Frances!

- Jesus, Jim!
- I'm sorry!

I'm sorry about the star,
alright?!

Mum isn't depressed about
her birthday presents, is she?

No.

Not at all. Absolutely not.

That means yes, doesn't it?

Uh... well...

We are going to Nashville,
though, Dad.

No, we're not.

Your mum and I
really appreciate the gesture,

but it is not going to happen.

I'm sorry.

It is.

How's your program going?

Uh, well, if you think of
the Great Wall of China,

I've laid the first brick.

Hmm.

- Dad?
- Hmm?

I know you've got
a billion bricks to lay,

but would you take me
to lunch tomorrow?

Just the two of us?

Uh...

It is a Saturday.

Well...

..W is for 'wedding'.

You know, we could discuss
your wedding plans.

You know, how many bridesmaids
you want, floral arrangements,

that sort of thing.

Not funny?

Not at all.

Dad's rules are clear
about eating in here.

And there's nothing
about kissing,

but I suspect
he'll frown upon it.

Nashville has got some
great things to see and do.

- I've got exciting news, Candice.
- That's nice.

I think I know
where I've been going wrong.

It's the nature
of the tesseract.

I think I made a serious error
with one of the dimensions.

It would explain everything.

What does that mean?

It means I think I can
get back... this afternoon.

I want you to come with me.

I'm trying to save my family.

- I can't abandon them.
- I thought you'd say that.

I know how much
your family means to you.

Will you watch me?

- I don't want to.
- Why not?

Because I don't want you to go.

It breaks my heart
to think I'll be leaving you.

Then don't.

Oh.

Uh... hi, Douglas.

Uh, Candice,
are you ready for lunch?

I will be there.

Have you and Douglas Benson
had a fight?

Much worse.

I don't understand
teenage love.

I thought it was
something desirable.

But it's horrible.

- Don't want to sit opposite?
- No, thanks.

I'll get a crick in my neck
talking to you.

- That's fine.
- For you, maybe.

Right, what have we got?

Schnitzel this,
schnitzel that...

- What the hell?
- Hello, Jim.

OK, let me up, Candice.
We're going.

No, we're staying.

Are you ready to order?

I'll give you more time.

Oh, so this is your doing?
Just let me out, please.

We need to talk.

We have nothing
to say to each other!

Oh, I think that we do.

What you think is
of no interest to me.

Leave. Now.

I want to talk
about your program.

The multidimensional
social media idea.

OK, I haven't mentioned that
to anyone except you.

I didn't speak about it, Dad.

I wrote it down and showed it
to Rich Uncle Brian.

- I didn't break my promise.
- What?

You told me not to speak
to anyone about it. I haven't.

But you didn't say anything

about letting someone
read about it.

I'm literal, Dad.
You know that.

Yes. Yes.
You're also smart, Candice.

So don't play
the 'literal' card with me.

You know what this meant to me!

I... It would have been fine

if you'd told a friend or
something, but to tell him?!

He's... he's robbed me once!
Do you understand?

He's gonna rob me again!

I am not going to rob you, Jim.

Would I be here
if that were the case?

Don't raise your voice
to Candice - it...

Oh, excuse me? I'm her father!

Don't you tell me
what I can and cannot do!

And another thing -
how dare you give Candice

her trust fund money
for a holiday?

How dare you?!

I don't want to talk
about that, Jim.

Not here, not now,
not in front of...

Candice.

OK, good. 'Cause I don't want
to hear about it, alright?

Just leave, Brian.

You're a stubborn mule, Jim! OK?

Listen, the trip to Nashville
was never going to be funded

by Candice's trust fund.

As if I would do
a thing like that.

- Well, who was gonna pay?
- I was.

I would die before I accepted
charity from you, Brian!

Huh.

I can't believe
that you did this to me.

You've got your bike. OK?
Just go!

Now!

Jim, just... Mate, listen.

Just give me five minutes. You
need to hear what I'm offering.

..around a table
with our lawyers, and my...

OK? I don't trust you.
I can't trust you.

- Don't be like that.
- I can't!

- This time it's different.
- How can you expect me...?

- This time it's different!
- Why?

What makes this time different?

- Things have changed.
- What's changed? What?

The business has changed.
The way we do things.

- Have you changed?
- I need to know...

I need you to say
that you have changed

and you're not gonna...

OK, OK. I accept your apology.
We'll agree to disagree.

It'll be just like
the old times.

What's the deal
on the table?

I promise you, Jim,
there will be...

Douglas! Oh!

Douglas!

Don't!

Douglas!

Douglas? Douglas!

Douglas?

Douglas!

Mum? I need you
to drive me to the hospital.

What's wrong?

Douglas Benson
from Another Dimension.

He jumped. I didn't stop him.
He's hurt.

Oh, my God. Of course
I'll drive you to the hospital.

Come on.

..found unconscious
under a tree - suspected fall.

Pupils aren't responding
to light.

- Was anyone with him?
- A friend. A young girl.

Paging Dr Young to A&E.

Shh.

It's OK. I'm here.

I'm here, darling.

He regained
consciousness reasonably quickly.

The X-rays and other tests
are normal.

He'll probably just have a bad
headache for a day or two.

- Sorry. I'm...
- Hey. Hey.

It's OK.

What you've been trying to do
for Douglas...

He told me that you ride
your bike there to stop him.

Things haven't been easy
since the accident.

The... first one.

He was, um...
a typical 12-year-old.

The doctors told us
that a blow to the head

can sometimes produce
personality changes.

Now he has these delusions.

He had friends before.

But since then,
there's been no-one.

I just want to say thank you
for being a friend to my son.

You're very welcome.

Come on.

You can't...

Where were you
gonna go off to?

- You don't even know?
- I don't know!

I don't know where
I'm gonna go. You can't...

- I can help out, alright?
- It's not about that.

Don't you understand?
It's not about that.

I can't...
I can't do this.

I can't... I can't.

I am an appalling mother! We
never should have had children!

We need you. We want you
here, OK? We need you here.

Can you stop...

Hut! Hut!
Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut!

Oh! Hello!

Gavin, I need help.

You? Need help?

With my presentation.

I thought you'd
nearly finished it.

Things didn't turn out
the way I'd hoped.

Ohh!

I'm being serious.

Ah!

I'm listening.

I need something with pizazz.

1,000 balloons
or maybe even some fireworks.

No, no, no, my darling!
You don't need all that!

Engage the audience's
imagination.

Remember the Bard.

"Think when we talk of horses
that you see them

"Printing their proud hooves
in the receiving earth,

"For 'tis your thoughts
that now must deck our kings."

You've just given me
a brilliant idea!

I did?

I like to think
I can be inspiring.

Hyup! Oh!

Uh!

Get it. Get it. Get it.
Come on. Up! Up! Get it.

Hi, Candice.

I don't know whether to say

"Hello, Douglas Benson
from Another Dimension"

or "Hello, Douglas Benson".

But... if you had gone,

then this Douglas Benson - you -
wouldn't know who I was.

So it didn't work, then?

- What?
- Your portal?

Wrong. It worked beautifully.

I spent some time with my mum.

I looked for you
in the other dimension

and then I came back.

Did you see me?

The normal me?

I don't want another Candice.

That's why I came back.

For you.

Arrrrr!

Would anyone care to take
this black spot to Blind Pew?

Arrrrr!

Good that you've all retained
a sense of humour

in my absence.

Now, we're due in the hall.

I trust you're all ready
to astound your parents

with your skills
in public speaking.

I know. I'm excited too.

I thought it was next week!

Well, off you go!

That's it.

Quick sticks!

I'm glad you're back,
Miss Bamford.

Ha! Me too.

You got your eye fixed!

Well, the operation was arranged
some 18 months ago.

There's a very long
waiting list.

So it wasn't my idea?

Go on, girl.

We've got some parents
to impress.

Are you ready
with your presentation?

Funny you should ask.

Ah.

Parents and friends,
sit back and enjoy

as the students of 7B present
Life As An Alphabet.

Hello.

A is for 'Albany'.

The town of Albany
was established in 1826.

It has a population
of over 33,145,

making it the state's
sixth largest population centre.

♪ My cousin and I
wanted to go

♪ But the wind came up,
started to blow, blow, blow...

I'm Candice Phee...

..and I'm presenting
the letter H.

Some people say 'haitch',

but if you look it up
in the dictionary,

you'll see there's no 'haitch'
in the letter 'aitch'.

I was going to present
H for 'happiness'.

You see, I worried my family
had forgotten how to be happy.

Happiness seems to have
emigrated to another place

and left no forwarding address.

I thought I could bring it back,

but I realise it's not something
that you can give,

like gel pens.

Hmm.

It's inside of people,

and they need to find it
and grow it themselves.

And it takes time.

But that doesn't mean I can't
keep trying to plant the seed.

So, anyway, I came up with
something else for you.

Well, for my parents.

If you could kindly
give me a moment.

Huh!

Not going anywhere
in a hurry.

♪ Baby, when I met you,
there was peace unknown

♪ I set out to get you
with a fine toothcomb

♪ I was soft inside

♪ There was something going on

♪ You do something to me
that I can't explain

♪ Hold me closer
and I feel no pain

♪ Every beat of my heart

♪ We got something going on

♪ Tender love is blind

♪ It requires a dedication

♪ All this love we feel
needs no conversation

♪ We ride it together, uh-huh

♪ Making love
with each other, uh-huh

♪ Islands in the stream

♪ That is what we are

♪ No-one in between

♪ How can we be wrong?

♪ Sail away with me

♪ To another world

♪ And we rely on each other

♪ Uh-huh

♪ From one lover to another,
uh-huh... ♪

Oh!

Somebody grab that horse!

Hey! Horse!

- Can you get after him?
- Come back!

H is also for 'horse'?

It is.

My life isn't
very interesting,

and you did say
we had to be entertaining.

I did.

I'm going to get right onto
cleaning that up.

Give me a H is for 'hug',
Candice Phee!

Oh.

Ooh!

- Whoo!
- There she is!

- You were amazing!
- You were so good.

Rich Uncle Brian!

Oh, you did such a beautiful
piece, sweetheart.

- Well done.
- Thank you!

- Dinner tonight, Brian?
- Yes! I'll cook.

Wonderful.

I'm really sorry, everyone,

but Miss Bamford said
no more speeches for today.

It was really great.
You were awesome, Candice Phee.

Whoo!

Ohh!

Where is she, Candice?

Dad showed me where to look.

She's there, Mum.

Sky is there.

Mm-hm.

Phee national dish coming up!

Sausages, eggs and chips!

Hmm?

Man the pump!

Mwah!

Look at this!

Cheers, folks. Here's to it.
I mean, happy new year.

- Happy new year! Whoo!
- It is the new year, but...

Rich Uncle Brian comes over
all the time now.

He's invested
in Dad's new company,

and even Douglas Benson
is going to get a cut.

Dad is making bad jokes again,

and Mum isn't in her bedroom
nearly as much.

Once I caught her looking
at a book about Nashville.

Families are fragile, but mine
did not die when Sky did.

Maybe it won't be happiness
all the time, but we'll be OK.