Guys and Dolls (1955) - full transcript
All the hot gamblers are in town, and they're all depending on Nathan Detroit to set up this week's incarnation of "The Oldest Established Permanent Floating Crap Game in New York"; the only problem is, he needs $1000 to get the place. Throw in Sarah Brown, who's short on sinners at the mission she runs; Sky Masterson, who accepts Nathan's $1000 bet that he can't get Sarah Brown to go with him to Havana; Miss Adelaide, who wants Nathan to marry her; Police Lieutenant Brannigan, who always seems to appear at the wrong time; and the music/lyrics of Frank Loesser, and you've got quite a musical. Includes the songs: Fugue for Tinhorns, "Luck Be a Lady", "Sit Down, You're Rocking the Boat".
[CHATTERING]
[WOMAN WHISTLES]
[COINS TINKLING]
[CAR HORNS HONKING]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
[WHISTLE BLOWING]
[RACETRACK BUGLE BLARING]
[SINGING] I got the horse right here
The name is Paul Revere
And here's a guy that says
If the weather's clear
Can do, can do
This guy says the horse can do
If he says the horse can do
Can do, can do
I'm pickin' Valentine
'Cause on the morning line
The guy has got him figured at 5 to 9
But look at Epitaph
He wins it by a half
According to this here in the Telegraph
For Paul Revere I'll bite
I hear his foot's all right
Of course it all depends
If it rained last night
I know it's Valentine
The morning works look fine
You know, the jockey's brother
Is a friend of mine
And just a minute, boys
I got the feedbox noise
It says the great-grandfather
Was Equipoise
I tell you Paul Revere
Now this is no bum steer
It's from a handicapper
That's real sincere
I'm pickin' Valentine
'Cause on the morning line
The guy has got him figured at 5 to 9
So make it Epitaph
He wins it by a half
According to this here in the Telegraph
- Epitaph
- Valentine
Paul Revere
ALL:
I got the horse
Right here
[RACETRACK BUGLE BLARING]
[PEOPLE CHATTERING
AND CAR HORNS HONKING]
BAND [PLAYING AND SINGING]:
Follow the fold
And stray no more
Stray no more
Stray no more
Put down the bottle
And we'll say no more
- Follow, follow the fold
- Before you take another swallow
Follow the fold
And stray no more
Stray no more
Stray no more
Tear up your poker deck
And play no more
Follow, follow the fold
Friends, my name is Sarah Brown.
This is no place to make a speech
and I'm not gonna try.
You don't wanna be told
how unhappy you are.
You don't wanna be told
about the emptiness of your lives.
You who drink too much, you who gamble
at cards and dice and horse racing.
Let us help you not to lose
your hard-earned money...
...in gambling dens and bookie joints.
This doll has captured my attention.
Let us give you strength to stop
your drinking, to stop your gambling.
She has lost me.
Let us welcome you
to the Save-A-Soul Mission.
PITCHMAN: Come to me.
- Just around the corner.
- Open all day and all night.
- You're gonna call me a liar.
SARAH:
A special prayer meeting this Thursday.
PITCHMAN:
Because today I'm giving away...
...solid gold watches for one dollar each.
That's right, my friends.
A solid gold watch for one buck.
Remember, all that glitters is not gold.
More to be desired
are the judgments of heaven.
- Gold is not enough.
- You say it's not enough?
All right, today only,
I include a nailbrush with a solid ivory top.
And my friends, a built-in,
genuine magnetic compass, there you are.
Now, folks, how often when you brushing
your nails, you wonder where you're going...
...which way is north, east, south or west?
Which way are you going?
Down, down, down, or up to salvation?
Come to the mission and find out.
Absolutely free.
Absolutely free.
The nailbrush is absolutely free.
Now don't crowd, don't push.
There's plenty of room for everybody.
There's room for everybody
in the kingdom of heaven too.
PITCHMAN: Now, folks, I don't care
whether you buy it or not, because I'm...
Let's pack up.
Did you notice how this time
a lot of them stayed...
...till you were almost halfway
through your talk?
If we could only sell them
salvation for a buck...
...solid gold with an ivory top
and a built-in compass.
Sarah, you don't suppose by any chance
those watches could really be solid gold?
Uncle Arvide, don't you dare.
PITCHMAN:
A solid gold watch for one buck.
[BAND PLAYING]
BENNY:
Harry the Horse.
HARRY:
Benny Southstreet.
Since when do you yell out
the name of a person...
...in the open air which is full of police?
- It was a friendly impulse. I lost my head.
Well, if I do not like you so much,
this would now be a fact.
You know Nicely-Nicely Johnson,
of course?
- Yeah, of course. How goes everything?
- Nicely-nicely, thank you.
I have been waiting,
to hear from Nathan Detroit.
What will be the location
of his crap game?
We don't know yet.
Nathan's been looking around...
...but as you know,
he is very hard to please.
Confidentially, Harry,
the heat is on very hot around here...
...and it is making Nathan sweat.
Well, that's too bad because I would
dislike to take my trade elsewhere...
...but I am loaded and looking for action.
- I've just acquired 5000 fish.
- Five thousand?
If it can be told, where did you take on
this fine bundle of lettuce?
I have nothing to hide.
I collected the reward on my father.
It is an advantage
to have a successful father.
Nobody ever wanted my old man
for as much as 500.
I'm worried about Nathan.
Harry the Horse is not the only one.
There's a lot of loose money around now
and everybody's looking for some action.
[CASH REGISTER RINGING]
Nathan doesn't find a place...
NICELY:
Why, Lieutenant Brannigan.
Mr. Southstreet, it is Lieutenant Brannigan
of the New York City Police Department.
[MOUTHS]
Come here.
Have either of you seen
Nathan Detroit?
- Which Nathan Detroit is that?
- Your boss Nathan Detroit.
The Nathan Detroit
who runs a floating crap game.
- Floating crap game?
- On a boat?
A crap game that moves
to a different spot every night...
...so the police can't find it and break it up.
- Sounds like a very difficult thing to do.
- No, you should know.
Since it's your job to rustle up
the customers and tell them where it is.
Especially with a famous detective
like you putting on the heat.
And you can give
just that message to Detroit.
Tell him Brannigan says he's not going
to find a spot for his crap game...
...because everybody knows
Brannigan's put on the heat...
...and Brannigan's breathing down
everybody's neck.
Nathan, you're lucky.
You just missed Brannigan.
- I'm lucky, I just missed Brannigan.
- He left a message for you.
- He said to tell you...
- I am not going to find...
...a place for my crap game...
...because everybody in town knows
that Brannigan has turned on the heat...
...and that Brannigan is breathing down
everybody's neck.
That's what he said.
[SIGHS]
Have you tried all of the regular places?
Won't any of them take a chance,
seeing it's you?
Seeing it's me, no.
Except one, Joey Biltmore's garage.
Joey said he might take a chance,
for 1000 bucks.
- A thousand?
- In advance and in cash.
- He would not even take my marker.
- This I do not believe...
...that Joey Biltmore
will not take your marker.
You got no idea what a breath
this Brannigan has got.
After all, a marker's not just
a piece of paper saying:
"I owe you 1000,"
signed Nathan Detroit.
A marker is the one pledge
which a guy cannot welsh on. Never.
It's like not saluting the flag.
It does not seem possible.
Me without a livelihood.
Why, I've been running the crap game
since I was a juvenile delinquent.
But, Nathan, the situation is desperate.
- You have got to think of something.
- My only thought costs 1000 bucks.
I cannot even afford to think.
I'm broke. I'm so broke I couldn't even buy
a present for Adelaide today.
Is it her birthday?
It is mine and Adelaide's
14th anniversary.
We are engaged 14 years today.
Nathan, you must concentrate on a game.
The town is up to here with high players.
The Greek's in town.
- Brandy Bottle Bates!
- Scranton Slim!
I know. I know.
I could make a fortune,
but to make a fortune I need a fortune.
A thousand bucks.
Where do I get it?
[SINGING]
The Biltmore garage wants a grand
But we ain't got a grand on hand
And they now have a lock on the door
To the gym at Public School 84
There's the stockroom behind McClosky's Bar
But Mrs. McClosky ain't a good scout
And things bein' how they are
The back of the police station is out
So the Biltmore garage is the spot
But the 1000 bucks we ain't got
Why, it's good old reliable Nathan
ALL:
Nathan, Nathan, Nathan Detroit
If you're looking for action
He'll furnish the spot
Even when the heat is on
It's never too hot
Not for good old reliable Nathan
For it's always just a short walk
To the oldest established
Permanent floating crap game
In New York
There are well-heeled shooters
Everywhere, everywhere
There are well-heeled shooters everywhere
And an awful lot of lettuce
For the fella who can get us there
If we only had a lousy little grand
We could be a millionaire
Good old reliable Nathan
Nathan, Nathan, Nathan Detroit
If the size of your bundle
You want to increase
I'll arrange that you go broke
In quiet and peace
In a hide-out provided by Nathan
Where there are no neighbors to squawk
It's the oldest established
Permanent floating
[WHISPERING]
Crap game
[NORMAL VOICE]
In New York
Where's the action?
Where's the game?
Gotta have the game
Or we'll die from shame
It's the oldest established
Permanent floating crap game
In New York
Gentlemen, I am deeply touched
by your faith and loyalty.
Gentlemen, do not worry.
Nathan Detroit's crap game
will float again.
Nathan. Guess who's sitting in Mindy's
right now, eating a steak breakfast.
- Hitler.
- Wrong, Sky Masterson.
Sky Masterson's in town.
This should be the greatest crap game
of your career, Nathan.
- Where's it gonna be?
- City Hall, the mayor's office.
- What time?
- We will leave you know, Angie.
Sky Masterson, the highest player
of them all. What a spot I'm in.
- Does he bet higher than the Greek?
- Why do you think they call him Sky?
Once, with my own eyes,
I saw him bet 5000 bucks...
...that one raindrop would beat
another raindrop down the window.
Another time, he was sick
and would not take penicillin...
...because he bet his fever
would go to 104.
- Always makes crazy bets like that.
- Did he win?
Him and his crazy bets.
He got lucky, it went to 106.
So? So why don't I bet him?
Why don't I bet him
a thousand bucks on something?
Max, what's the matter, no Danish today?
It's a holiday in Denmark.
How do I know?
For all these years
you been bringing me Danish.
So we ain't got Danish today.
Today I'm bringing you cheesecake.
You want strudel instead,
I'll bring you strudel.
I don't like strudel.
So eat the cheesecake.
Live it up a little.
I do not understand you, Nathan.
Everybody's crazy
about Mindy's cheesecake and strudel.
They must sell thousands
of portions every day.
That's just it.
Everybody's on cheesecake and strudel.
Makes me feel like
I'm playing the favorite.
Playing the favorite.
Nicely, Benny, want you to go
into the kitchen and find out...
...exactly how many pieces of cheesecake
they sold yesterday.
Also how many pieces of strudel.
How much cheesecake?
How much strudel?
BENNY:
What do you wanna know for?
I'm investigating for the FBI. Go!
Brannigan, stop breathing down
my neck.
- Why, Nathan.
- Adelaide, doll.
Nathan, how could you think
I was Lieutenant Brannigan?
We don't even use the same perfume.
- I was kind of daydreaming, I guess.
- Aw.
I don't dream about detectives, Nathan,
even in the daytime.
Do you know what I dream about?
You.
And your career as a businessman
in a normal business.
And our career together
as a normal husband and wife.
[CHUCKLES]
[SNEEZES]
- Gesundheit.
- Thank you.
Your cold does not seem
to be getting any better.
Yeah, it comes and goes,
comes and goes.
It's just a chronic condition.
Even if it is, it sure hangs on.
Nathan...
...speaking of chronic conditions...
Happy anniversary.
Guess what's inside.
- A thousand bucks?
- Ah, I only wish it was.
Go on. Open it up.
"Mr. Nathan Detroit, general manager."
- General manager of what?
- Whatever you set your mind on, Nathan.
I have faith.
Adelaide, I...
I do not have a present for you.
Oh, I don't mind, Nathan,
if you don't give me a present.
It makes me feel like we were married.
Nathan, darling,
there isn't anything I couldn't do without.
Just as long as you don't start running
that crap game again.
Crap game?
Adelaide, didn't I promise you?
Twelve hundred cheesecake
and 1500 strudel.
What?
Yesterday Mindy sold 1200 cheesecake
and 1500 strudel.
More strudel than cheesecake.
- Are you sure of this information?
- Straight from the baker's mouth.
- Nathan, what is this all about?
- Statistics.
Things a businessman has to have
at his fingertips.
- Hey, any news yet?
- Not yet, Harry, I will leave you know.
I'm getting impatient, Detroit.
- And what was that about?
- His wife's having a baby.
- But why is he asking you?
- He's nervous. It's his first wife.
Look, Adelaide, I'm expecting a fellow
on important business conference.
Suddenly I get a suspicion
you are trying to get rid of me.
No, doll, no. It's just that
this fellow does big business.
- Supermarket?
- Super, super.
With him, business is business,
and dolls make him nervous.
And besides,
you're late for your rehearsal.
Nicely, you and Benny
take Adelaide to the Hot Box, in a cab.
- It's only a couple of blocks.
- The streets are covered with tourists...
...and I do not want you molested.
Nathan, darling, you are
the most thoughtful man that ever lived.
- But who's gonna pay for the cab?
- I am, of course.
NATHAN:
Sky Masterson.
- Detroit.
- Can I believe my eyes? Is it really you?
- How goes your percentage of life, Nathan?
- Not bad, not bad, and you?
- Healthy at the moment.
- Sit for a minute, relax, talk.
Or maybe you're in a hurry.
My daddy always said there's only
one time a man should be in a hurry.
When the cops
are coming up the stairs.
How about a cup of coffee?
- Maybe a piece of cheesecake?
- Thanks.
I'm pleased to hear
things go well with you, Nathan.
From communiqués
received in Las Vegas...
...we understood that Lieutenant Brannigan
was corking up the town.
Ah, who worries about Brannigan?
- How was Vegas?
- Paradise for two weeks.
For two weeks,
I gambled in green pastures.
The dice were my cousins...
...and the dolls were agreeable
with nice teeth and no last names.
You are sure I cannot offer you a piece
of cheesecake or maybe a piece of strudel?
No, thanks, I just ate.
- How long you gonna be in town?
- Only for tonight, tomorrow I fly to Havana.
Sky...
...don't think I am a pest,
but do yourself a favor.
Eat this last little bite of cheesecake.
- You will thank me.
- Honestly, I couldn't swallow a mouthful.
- How is Adelaide?
- Fine. Fine.
I suppose one of these days
you'll be getting married.
- We all gotta go sometime.
- But, Nathan, we can fight it.
The companionship of a doll
is a pleasant thing even for a period of time...
...running into months.
But for a close relationship that can
last us through all the years of our life...
...no doll can take the place of aces
back to back.
Still, you will admit that Mindy's cheesecake
is the greatest cheesecake alive.
Gladly.
Furthermore, I am quite partial
to Mindy's cheesecake.
And yet although you might disagree...
...many people prefer Mindy's strudel
to cheesecake. Do you disagree?
It is my understanding
that the Constitution of the United States...
...allows everybody the free choice
between cheesecake and strudel.
I would be interested to hear.
Offhand, would you say that Mindy sells
more cheesecake or more strudel?
Going strictly
by my own personal preference...
...I'd say more cheesecake than strudel.
For how much?
- What?
- For how much?
Why, Nathan.
I never knew you
to lay money on the line.
You always take your bite off the top.
A thousand bucks says that yesterday
Mindy's sold more strudel than cheesecake.
- Nathan, let me tell you a story.
- Have we got a bet?
On the day when I left home
to make my way in the world...
...my daddy took me to one side.
"Son," my daddy says to me...
..."I am sorry I am not able
to bankroll you to a very large start...
...but not having the necessary
lettuce to get you rolling...
...instead, I'm going to stake you
to some very valuable advice.
One of these days in your travels...
...a guy is going to show you
a brand-new deck of cards...
...on which the seal is not yet broken.
Then this guy is going to offer
to bet you...
...that he can make the jack of spades
jump out of this brand-new deck of cards...
...and squirt cider in your ear.
But, son, you do not accept this bet
because, as sure as you stand there...
...you're going to wind up
with an ear full of cider."
Now, Nathan, I do not suggest that you
have been clocking Mindy's cheesecake.
Would I do such a thing?
However, if you are really looking
for some action...
...I will bet you the same 1000 that
you cannot name the color tie you have on.
Have we got a bet?
No bet.
Polka dots.
In the whole world,
nobody but Nathan Detroit...
...could blow a thousand bucks
on polka dots.
- Hi, Sky.
- Nice to see you, Benny.
- How goes it, Sky?
- Healthy at the moment.
- And with you, Nicely?
- Nicely-nicely, thanks. Nathan?
What's the matter, Nathan?
You look sick.
A temporary disorder,
the cheesecake backed up on him.
Maybe that's why they told us
they sell more strudel than cheesecake.
NATHAN:
Oh.
Nathan, Adelaide gave us
a message for you.
Be sure and pick her up at the Hot Box
after the show, and don't be late.
NATHAN: Yes, dear. I mean, okay.
- Yes, dear?
This is husband talk if I ever heard it.
Nathan, you are trapped...
...because Adelaide is the kind of a doll
that is most difficult to unload.
I don't want to unload her. I love her.
A guy without a doll, well...
If a guy does not have a doll,
who would holler on him?
- A doll is a necessity.
- Like I told you...
...I am not putting the knock on dolls.
It's that they are something to have around...
...only when they come in handy,
like cough drops.
And the proof that I am right
is that dolls are available all over the place...
...as far as the eye can see.
[BAND PLAYING IN THE STREET]
Not dolls like Adelaide.
Nathan, nothing personal
and no offense...
...but figuring weight for age,
all dolls are the same.
- All dolls are the same, huh?
- As far as the eye can see.
Then it seems to me that the one place
a doll would come in handy...
...would be on a trip to Havana.
This being the case,
how come you ain't got one?
How come you are going alone,
without a doll?
A matter of choice.
I choose to travel alone,
but if I wish to take a doll to Havana...
...the supply is more
than Woolworth's has got beads.
- Not high-class dolls.
- There's only one class...
...indivisible and interchangeable.
A doll is a doll.
All dolls, any doll, you name her.
Any doll? Will you bet on that?
Will you bet a thousand bucks
that if I name a doll...
...you can take the same doll
to Havana with you tomorrow?
You've got yourself a bet.
[BAND PLAYING IN STREET]
I name her.
- Her?
- Sergeant Sarah Brown.
[BAND CONTINUES PLAYING]
Daddy, I got cider in my ear.
It is my fault, you know.
It's not the mission, it's me.
I can't do the job that has to be done.
I'm a failure.
I'd be doing the right thing
if I resigned and went back home to Boston.
Sarah...
...should you be able to bend
a solid gold watch?
- Of course not.
- That's what I thought.
Why do you want to go home?
Because there aren't any sinners
in Boston?
What have I accomplished here?
Surrounded by thousands
of depraved characters...
...and after months of hard work,
an empty mission.
Sarah, I'm ashamed of you.
Just because the riffraff of Broadway
didn't break down that door...
...the minute they heard
you were in charge of this mission.
These aren't small-town delinquents
who drink too much on Saturday night.
You're up against
the devil's first-string troops.
A whole army of devil's disciples.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- Do you take sinners here?
- At any time of the day or night, son.
Come right in and sit down.
- Cup of coffee and a doughnut?
- Just coffee, thanks.
I am not here
because I am poor and hungry.
Not for food, that is.
Blessed are they which do hunger
after righteousness. Is that it?
Hunger and thirst after righteousness.
Yes, sir. That's it.
My name's Arvide Abernathy.
The young lady at the desk
is Sergeant Sarah Brown.
To you, we're Brother Arvide
and Sister Sarah. Sit down, son.
- How do you do?
- Brother Sky. Hello, Sister Sarah.
- Is that your name? Sky?
- Sky Masterson.
What is it that troubles you,
Mr. Masterson?
- Brother Sky.
- Oh, Brother Sky.
- I gather you are not in need of money.
- I'm healthy at the moment. It can change.
Are only the unhappy poor welcome here?
What are you unhappy about, son?
Gambling.
Apparently you're a successful gambler.
Is it wrong to gamble, or only to lose?
I better come back for help
when I'm broke.
Please don't misunderstand.
It's just so unusual for a successful sinner
to be unhappy about sin.
Besides, my unhappiness came up
very suddenly. Maybe it'll go away again.
We can keep you unhappy, son.
Give us a chance.
You don't look like a gambler at heart.
What made you take it up in the first place?
Evil companions. Evil companions
who are always offering me sucker bets.
- Just what is a sucker bet?
- A bet that is reserved for suckers.
For a gambler to get sucked in
on such a bet is most humiliating.
But to lose it means that you are marked
for a very long time as a chump.
So you must go all out
to win such a bet.
Is that so terrible,
to be marked as a chump?
Among my people, being a chump
is like losing your citizenship.
Because a chump is an outsider, a yokel
who will buy anything with varnish on it.
- Like a solid gold watch for a dollar?
- This is a real chump.
Well, I think I'll get some rest
before we go out again.
Brother Sky, I'm glad you found us.
Now, you stay here and talk to Sister Sarah.
Whatever your problems are,
she'll have the answers.
- I hope so.
- I know so.
If there's one thing
Sister Sarah never fails in...
...it's solving other people's problems.
What did he mean by that?
The way he said it, how you never fail
in solving other people's problems.
Haven't we changed places,
Mr. Masterson?
- Brother Sky.
- Brother Sky, aren't we supposed...?
Why do you have trouble calling me
Brother Sky?
Brother Sky, aren't we supposed
to be discussing your problems?
It just struck me that maybe non-sinners
also have problems.
If you are sincerely interested
in giving up gambling, Mr... Brother Sky...
...reading these pamphlets will help you.
My daddy always said reading pamphlets
never made anybody give up anything.
Now, I had a more personal help
in mind.
Well, we're having a midnight
prayer meeting on Thursday.
Thursday is day after tomorrow.
Who's going to help me
between now and then?
Well, our doors are always open.
Come in any time.
You know what I think, Sister Sarah?
I think you not only don't wanna help me...
...but I think for some reason,
you're against me.
I'm afraid that is true.
I'm afraid I don't trust you, Mr. Masterson.
- Brother Sky.
- Mr. Masterson.
You don't believe I'm a sinner, do you?
I'm prepared to believe that you're
the biggest sinner I've ever met in my life.
But you don't believe I want to repent.
Is that it?
All of a sudden you want a cup of coffee.
Did it ever occur to you that some people
could be all repentance and no sin?
You know, I may start a chain of missions
that help your kind.
"Come, all ye repenters,
and let us bring a little sin into your life."
"There is no peace unto the wicked."
Proverbs. This is wrong.
Let's say it's a matter of opinion, shall we?
I made a statement of fact. It's wrong.
How dare you?
Even if this is not a church, it is a mission!
- How dare you blaspheme?
- How dare you misquote the Bible?
"No peace unto the wicked"
is not Proverbs.
- It's Isaiah.
- Of course it's Proverbs.
Isaiah.
Chapter 57, verse 20 or 21.
Would you like to bet on it?
Not money, just a nice sociable bet?
Isaiah?
Isaiah.
I imagine there is only one thing...
...that has been in as many different
hotel rooms as I have, the Gideon Bible.
Never tangle with me
on the Good Book.
I must have read it through
at least a dozen times.
Well, if all that was no help to you...
Who says it wasn't?
Once in one of my blackest moments...
...I came up with a three-horse parlay.
Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego.
- Mr. Masterson, why did you come in here?
- I told you, I'm an unhappy sinner.
- Excuse me, but you're a liar.
- Excuse me, but lying is not one of my sins.
I am not in the market
for a one-dollar solid gold watch.
All right. We'll lay it on the line.
From now on, we'll deal the hand open.
Could you say that in English?
I'm sure you've earned your stripes
courageously...
...in active combat against the devil.
- There's no need to be sarcastic.
But not on this particular battlefield
against the devil's first-line troops.
Because you can't get at the enemy.
Sergeant, this mission is laying an egg.
- You have no way of knowing.
- I've got lots of ways of knowing.
And you are stuck with a store
full of repentance and no customers.
And without sinners to repent,
what is repentance?
It doesn't exist.
So you're stuck with a store full of nothing.
- Now, do I give you a fair rundown?
- I wouldn't know. I've never had a rundown.
- Would you be open to a proposition?
- I've had those. No.
Don't flatter yourself. I'm talking business.
I am in a position to supply you...
...with the raw material you need
for your work, namely sinners.
- How?
- That's my work.
Now when is this big midnight meeting
of yours?
Thursday, day after tomorrow.
I guarantee to supply that meeting
with at least one dozen genuine sinners.
Whether they repent or not is up to you.
Thank you very much.
That seems to be a fair rundown.
- Now, if you will excuse me.
- Just a minute, Sister Sarah.
This is not a charity contribution I'm making.
This is a business transaction.
- Something you want for something I want.
- And what is that?
Have dinner with me tomorrow night.
Oh...
Why should that be something you want?
Well, maybe because I think
I'll be hungry tomorrow night.
Keep this. It's my marker.
- Your what?
- My marker. My IOU for at least one dozen...
...genuine sinners
delivered as described.
Now, I will pick you up here
tomorrow at noon.
- At noon to go to dinner?
- It takes time to get there.
We're going to eat at my favorite restaurant,
El Café Cabana.
- El Café Cabana, where's that?
- Havana.
- Havana, Cuba?
- Well, what other Havanas are there?
You wanna take me to dinner
in Havana, Cuba?
Well, they eat in Cuba, same as we do.
What do you take me for, Mr. Masterson?
A chump?
- Isaiah's on the other side.
- You get out of here.
What are they worth to you?
At least one dozen genuine sinners
ready for salvation.
What are they worth to you?
A chicken salad in the tearoom?
One last word, sergeant.
I don't want you to walk out of this room
thinking the reason you're upset...
...is because some black-hearted sinner
made improper advances...
It's none of your business what I think.
...to a virtuous young lady
with a shining white soul.
Any sinful thoughts
that may be present in this room...
...at this time come out of you, doll,
not me.
You're quite right.
I'm nothing but a repressed, neurotic girl...
I've read two whole books on this subject.
- Who is abnormally attracted to sin...
...and therefore abnormally afraid of it.
And you're not the first man
to try that approach, Mr. Masterson.
I am happy to know
that I am not the first man...
...who ever tried to approach
in any way at all.
- You're not even close.
- Oh, I imagine by now you've succeeded...
...in blocking all possible approaches,
haven't you?
Except for a few
that you wouldn't know about, I'm afraid.
Well, of course, I only know
the ones on the outskirts of society.
What are the approaches like
on the inskirts?
All paved with honorable intentions?
- I wonder what he'll be like.
- Who?
Oh, that upright, downright, forthright
square with his close-shaved chin up...
...who right now, somewhere, is marching
along the proper approach to proper you.
- What'll he be like?
- He will not be a gambler, for one thing.
I can name better than you can,
the things he won't be, but what will he be?
- How will you know when he gets to you?
- Don't worry. I'll know.
[SINGING]
For I've imagined every bit of him
From his strong moral fiber
To the wisdom in his head
To the homey aroma of his pipe
You have wished yourself
A small-town Galahad
The breakfast-eating, four-button type
And I shall meet him
When the time is ripe
I'll know
When my love comes along
I won't take a chance
For, oh
He'll be just what I need
Not some fly-by-night
Broadway romance
And you'll know at a glance
By the two pair of pants
I'll know
By his calm, steady voice
Those feet on the ground
I'll know
As I run to his arms
That at last I've come home
Safe and sound
And till then I shall wait
And till then I'll be strong
For I'll know
When my love
Comes along
Mine will come as a surprise to me
Mine I leave to chance and chemistry
- Chemistry?
- Yeah, chemistry.
Suddenly I'll know
When my love comes along
I'll know then and there
I'll know
At the sight of her face
How I care, how I care, how I care
And I'll stop
And I'll stare
And I'll know
Long before we can speak
I'll know in my heart
I'll know
And I won't ever ask
Am I right? Am I wise? Am I smart?
But I'll stop
And I'll stare
At that face
In the throng
Yes, I'll know
When my love
Comes along
[SKY CLEARS THROAT]
SKY:
Mm-hm.
Well, that makes it necessary
for me to drop back again.
Matthew 5:39.
Don't bother looking it up.
It's the bit about the other cheek.
I know, Joey.
But the thousand bucks is guaranteed.
What? It's a bet I cannot lose.
I bet Sky Masterson he could not take
a certain doll to Havana with him.
Not this doll. Not this doll.
[AUDIENCE CLAPPING]
And now for the grand finale
of our round-the-world revue...
...the Hot Box takes you out to the alley
with Miss Adelaide and her Alley Kittens.
[ALLEY KITTENS MEOWING]
["PET ME POPPA" PLAYING]
[MEOWING]
[CORKS POPPING]
ALL:
Meow!
Hello
[ALL PURRING]
Ow!
One meow, two meow
Three meow, scat
What's the initial of my pet tomcat?
Is it A, B, C, D, E, F, G?
Is it H or J or L, M, N, O, P?
Is it L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T?
No, it's you
You're the cat for me
Meow.
Uh-uh.
You know you've been mean to me
And you know when you're mean to me
How it always makes me wanna roam
And you know there's a danger
That some gentle stranger
Might pick me up
And make me feel at home
So pet me, Poppa
Poppa, pet me nice
Meow, meow.
Oh, pet me, Poppa
Poppa, melt the ice
And you know how
If you don't want me out roamin' the city
Talk to me pretty
Here, kitty kitty
And pet me, Poppa
Poppa, pet me nice
Oh, pet me, Poppa
Poppa, pet me good
Meow, meow.
Pet me, Poppa
Proper, like you should
And you know how
If you care to keep me home by the fire
Especially when it's time to retire
Then pet me, Poppa
Poppa, pet me good
Warm up my saucer of milk
And maybe I'll purr
[ALL PURRING]
Lay out my cushion of silk
Don't rumple my fur
[ALL HISSING]
- Just reach over and
- Pet me, Poppa
Poppa, melt the ice
If you don't want me out roamin' the city
Talk to me pretty
Here, kitty kitty
And pet me, Poppa
That's my good advice
Pet me, Poppa
Meow.
Pet me, Poppa
[ALL GROWL]
Pet me, Poppa
Poppa, pet me
That'll get me
Pet me, Poppa
Poppa, pet me nice
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
Look, Joey, I gotta hang up.
Can I at least tell the guys...
...that the game will be
at your garage tomorrow night?
Joey, I would gladly pay you in advance...
...but I will not get
the money until tomorrow.
I've got to have time
to spread the word around.
Joey, listen to...
Yes, Joey.
Drop dead, Joey. Yes, Joey.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
Oh, Nathan, darling. You got here early.
Oh, It's so thrilling
to find you waiting for me.
Just like we were married
and I was coming home from work.
You wouldn't make me stop working,
would you, Nathan?
That would be cruel.
A doll like you could earn
good money for another 10 years.
- Easy.
- Ah, sweet.
And you were reading my book too.
See? I told you
reading don't make people go blind.
It's very interesting, isn't it?
What is? Oh, the book. Yeah.
The doctor gave it to me.
He said he thought
it might help me get rid of my cold.
- With a book?
- The doctor thinks that my cold...
...might possibly be caused
by psychology.
- Ah. How does he know you got psychology?
- Nathan, everybody has got it.
And female psychology explains
why certain girls do certain kinds of things.
It's all in the book.
Must be some book.
Uh...
Would it, for instance,
tell you what kind of a doll...
...would go for a certain kind of a guy...
...which you wouldn't think
she would do so?
Nathan, no matter
how terrible a fella seems...
...you can never be sure
that some girl won't go for him.
Take us.
Get dressed. We'll go eat.
ADELAIDE:
Um...
Starting with next week, Nathan...
...I will be getting a raise in salary.
Where does it say
what different kind of dolls will do?
You're not even listening to me.
[ADELAIDE SNEEZES]
Gesundheit.
I will be making enough
so that we can finally get married.
- What do you think?
- Hmm?
Oh. Of course we'll get married.
Sooner or later.
Nathan, after 14 years,
it is already too late to be sooner.
And if it gets much later,
soon it will be too late even to be later.
[ADELAIDE SNEEZES]
Gesundheit.
Besides, Nathan, I don't know
what to do anymore about mother.
Mother? What about your mother?
Oh, Nathan, this is something
that I haven't told you before...
...but my mother, back in Rhode Island...
...she thinks that we are already married.
How could she think such a thing?
Maybe because I wrote her
that we were already married.
- That would make her think so.
- Nathan, in Rhode Island...
...people do not remain engaged for 14 years.
They get married.
So how come it's such a small state?
Furthermore, after about two years...
- After about two years, we...
- We got a divorce?
We had a baby.
- You wrote your mother we had a baby?
- I had to, Nathan.
Mother kept after me and after me
and finally I just ran out of excuses.
And what type baby was it?
It was a boy. I named it after you, Nathan.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Tell me, what has Nathan Junior
been doing all these years?
Well, right now he's in boarding school.
As a matter of fact, I wrote Mother
that he won the football game last Saturday.
I wish I had a bet on it.
But, Nathan...
...that isn't all.
You're not going to tell me
we also have got an Adelaide Junior?
All these years, Nathan.
Mother believes in big families.
And we had such an early start.
Just give me the grand total.
- Five.
- Adelaide.
How could you do such a thing
to a nice old broad like your mother?
Nathan, darling,
let's just us get married...
...and I'll handle everything else, okay?
- Okay, doll, when we're ready.
- Nathan, we are ready now.
We have been ready for 14 years.
All we need now is a license
and a blood test.
- Blood test?
- Don't worry, Nathan. You've got blood.
What a city.
First they close my crap game
and then they open my veins.
Nathan, you gave up the crap game.
Of course I did, doll.
And you know why? For you.
- Because I love you.
- Oh.
Can I borrow some earrings?
It is customary, Laverne,
to knock when entering...
...the private dressing room
of an engaged person.
As far as I'm concerned,
you are in here by yourself.
May I borrow some earrings?
- Diamonds or pearls?
- Diamonds.
In the top drawer of the trunk.
The big box.
Aren't they a little long, dear?
Remember, you've got a short neck.
He's a tall man.
You, I'm all dated up
with Society Max tomorrow night...
...and he breaks it
on account of your silly crap game.
Adelaide, look at me. I'm on my knees.
Oh, get up.
It reminds me of your crap game.
Adelaide, doll.
[ADELAIDE SNEEZES]
You're getting yourself upset
about nothing.
[SNEEZES]
It's a game I set up a long time ago.
I couldn't get out of it.
[SNEEZES]
Understand?
[SNEEZES]
Look, we love each other.
We're gonna get married.
We'll be happy.
Get out of my life, Nathan Detroit.
I knew you'd understand.
[ADELAIDE SNEEZES]
Gesundheit.
[SNORTING]
It says here:
[SINGING]
The average unmarried female
Basically insecure
Due to some long frustration
May react
With psychosomatic symptoms
Difficult to endure
Affecting the upper respiratory tract
In other words, just from waiting around
For that plain little band of gold
A person
[SNIFFS]
Can develop a cold
You can spray her wherever
You figure the streptococci lurk
You can give her a shot for whatever she's got
But it just won't work
If she's tired of getting that fisheye
From the hotel clerk
A person
[SNIFFS]
Can develop a cold
It says here:
The female remaining single
Constantly in suspense
Shows a neurotic tendency
See note
See note?
Note
Chronic organic syndromes
Toxic or hypertense
Involving the eye, the ear,
The nose and throat
In other words, just from wondering
Whether the wedding is on or off
A person
[COUGHS]
Can develop a cough
You can feed her all day with the vitamin A
And the Bromo fizz
But the medicine never gets anywhere near
Where the trouble is
If she's getting a kind of a name for herself
And the name ain't his
A person can develop a cough
And furthermore, just from stalling and stalling
And stalling the wedding trip
A person can develop la grippe
When they get on the train for Niagara
And she can hear church bells chime
The compartment is air-conditioned
And the mood sublime
Then they get off at Yonkers racetrack
For the 14th time
A person can develop la grippe
La grippe, la post-nasal drip
With the wheezes and the sneezes
And a sinus that's really a pip
[SNORTS]
[SNEEZES]
From a lack of community property
And a feeling she's getting too old
A person can develop
A bad, bad cold
[BAND PLAYING]
BAND & SKY [SINGING]:
Follow the fold and stray no more
Stray no more
Stray no more
Put down the bottle
And we'll say no more
[BAND STOPS SINGING]
[BAND PLAYING]
Nathan, if you had arrived
one minute earlier...
...you would have witnessed
Miss Sarah give Sky Masterson...
...a one hundred percent brush-off.
So the thousand for Joey Biltmore
is practically in your pocket.
- You should be jumping for joy.
- I'm jumping.
You got work to do,
arrangements to make.
A shave and a hot towel will fix you up.
For who should I have a shave?
For who should I have a hot towel?
Do you know what is at stake here?
Nathan Detroit's crap game.
Because of a doll. I cannot believe that
a number-one businessman like you...
...could let himself go and fall in love
with his own fiancé.
All right! So Adelaide is my weakness.
Can you not be tolerant
that I have got a weakness?
Especially since this weakness
is a sad condition...
...that guys are in all over the world? Look.
[SINGING]
What's playin' at the Roxy?
I'll tell you what's playin' at the Roxy
It's a picture about a Minnesota man
So in love with a Mississippi girl
That he sacrifices everything
And moves all the way to Biloxi
That's what's playin' at the Roxy
What's in the Daily News?
I'll tell you what's in the Daily News
Story about a guy
Who bought his wife a small ruby
With what otherwise
Would have been his union dues
That's what's in the Daily News
What's happenin' all over?
I'll tell you what's happenin' all over
Guys sitting home by a television set
Who used to be something of a rover
That's what's happening all over
Love is the thing that has licked them
And it looks like I'm just another victim
Yes, sir.
When you see a guy
Reach for stars in the sky
You can bet that he's doin' it
For some doll
When you spot a John
Waitin' out in the rain
Chances are he's insane
As only a John can be for a Jane
When you meet a gent
Payin' all kinds of rent
For a flat that could flatten the Taj Mahal
Call it sad, call it funny
But it's better than even money
That the guy's only doin' it
For some doll
When you see a Joe
Savin' half of his dough
You can bet there'll be mink in it
For some doll
When a bum buys wine
Like a bum can't afford
It's a cinch that the bum is under the thumb
Of some little broad
When you meet a mug
Lately out of the jug
And he's still liftin' platinum folderol
Call it hell, call it heaven
It's a probable 12 to 7
That the guy's only doin' it
For some doll
When you see a sport
And his cash has run short
You can bet he's been blowin' it
On some doll
When a guy wears tails
With the front gleaming white
Who the heck do you think he's ticklin' pink
On Saturday night?
When some lazy slob
Gets a good steady job
And he smells from Vitalis and Barbasol
Call it dumb, call it clever
Ah, but you can give odds forever
That the guy's only doin' it for some doll
Some doll, some doll
The guy's only doin' it
For some doll
Well, I think we finally managed
to shake off the prince of darkness.
You certainly did your best
to discourage him.
I certainly did.
CARTWRIGHT:
Arvide.
General Cartwright,
what a pleasant surprise.
- Sarah.
- We didn't know you were in town.
A flying visit.
Flew in from Boston early this morning.
Important luncheon meeting.
While waiting, thought I'd check
a few of our outposts informally.
I must say, Sarah, I was surprised
to find the mission unattended...
...in a neighborhood
as unsavory as this.
Why should you be surprised, general?
You've seen our records.
We don't seem to get anyone in here
even to rob the place.
Yes.
Well, now that you've brought it up...
...I must confess
I have come for a purpose.
- An unhappy one, I'm afraid.
SARAH: I know it doesn't look...
...as if we're accomplishing anything,
but in time, I know that...
CARTWRIGHT: Time, I'm afraid,
is what we can no longer afford.
My good friends...
...after careful deliberation...
...national headquarters has decided
to close this branch of the mission.
ARVIDE: Close the mission?
SARAH: No, general. Please.
Even if I haven't made a success of it,
there must be someone who will.
Sarah Brown, if you can't
attract sinners, nobody can.
There are so many calls on us, my dear.
So many other places
where our work is needed.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
How do you do?
I don't believe we've met, brother...
Brother Sky Masterson. Former sinner.
I am General Cartwright,
regional director of Save-A-Soul.
Why isn't his name
on the progress report?
What were you doing in there?
I was resting, Sister Sarah.
I was going to ask Brother Arvide if...
If he might let me carry the drum
when we go out again this afternoon.
General, on behalf of the former sinners
of the future...
...I would like to protest
the closing of this mission.
- General, I think I should explain to you...
- Sarah, this man has a right to be heard.
Continue, Brother Sky.
General...
...would you be open to a proposition?
The general is flying back to Boston
this afternoon.
She will not be available
for dinner tonight.
Sarah, what are you talking about?
- What have you got in mind, young man?
- Faith in Sister Sarah.
I ask you to give her 36 hours to show you
that she can make this mission pay off.
Saving souls should not be
referred to as paying off.
- Why 36 hours?
- Because he knows that our big meeting...
...thirty-six hours from now
will be a great success.
Uncle Arvide!
But how can you guarantee that,
Brother Sky?
Well, let's just say
I have a feeling about it.
"If sinners entice thee, consent thou not."
That's the wrong thought.
Sister Sarah,
where is yesterday's thought for today?
Top right-hand drawer.
Excuse me, general.
Before going to the expense
of a big meeting...
...I should think you'd require more than
just a feeling that it will be successful.
Oh, it's a very strong feeling, general.
Ah.
"There is no peace to the wicked."
Isaiah 57:21. That is correct.
General, my proposition is this.
Why don't you come
to the midnight meeting tomorrow night...
...and find out for yourself?
Well, if I thought there was a chance
of finding definite progress...
...and a sizable turnout...
What do you think, Sister Sarah?
Don't you honestly believe that this mission
could be saved within the next 36 hours?
General Cartwright...
...I am in a position
to guarantee you personally...
...at least one dozen genuine sinners.
Hallelujah!
- Hallelujah.
- Hallelujah.
Be sure you're wearing your carnation.
[MEN CHATTERING]
Remember, nobody gets in the crap game
without they got a red carnation.
- It's like a password. Nathan's orders.
- We got the flowers. Where is the action?
The minute Nathan arrives
we're gonna...
He has arrived. Is it all set?
Can I tell the customers
it's Joey Biltmore's...
Not till I put the thousand in Joey's hand.
And I haven't got it yet.
I sent Nicely to wait for Sky at his hotel.
The minute Sky gives him the money,
Nicely's gonna bring it back to me.
But they won't stick around much longer.
They're getting nervous.
I'm not nervous?
Well, Harry the Horse.
How is everything in Brooklyn? The same?
I hope, Detroit,
that you will not spoil our evening.
In as much as I happen to be entertaining
a very prominent guest tonight.
I would like you to meet
Big Jule from Chicago.
Big Jule, welcome to our fair city.
In which, as you know, the heat is on.
However, if you will be patient,
you will be provided with action.
What do you say, Big Jule?
Shall we stick around or shall we blow?
I come here to shoot crap.
Let's shoot crap.
- Order another milkshake and relax.
- Nathan.
Do not let the fact that Big Jule
drinks milk give you any wrong ideas.
Big Jule does not like to be displeased.
Why, Harry, did I give the impression
that I was being rude to a guest...
...with such a well-deserved reputation
as Big Jule?
Big Jule...
...I am sure that you did not misunderstand
my kidding remarks.
It's just that one look at your kindly face,
which is...
...so full of fun, good fellowship...
Could I have a swallow of your milk?
BRANNIGAN:
Well, well, well...
What have we here?
The jails must be empty tonight.
Can anybody be missing?
Harry the Horse...
...Liverlips Louie...
...Angie the Ox, Society Max...
And here is a face
for which I cannot supply a name.
May I ask where you come from?
- East Cicero, Illinois.
- And what is your occupation there?
I'm a scoutmaster.
Don't ever help my mother
across the street.
Such lovely red carnations.
Is it a funeral?
Did somebody die suddenly
that I don't know about yet?
What's on, Nathan? What brings
all these senior delinquents together?
They got lonely. How do I know?
And why are they all
wearing red carnations?
- They are also all wearing pants.
- You are up to no good, Detroit!
Is it a crime to wear flowers?
Is Mindy's suddenly a hideout for gangsters?
Lieutenant, I'll confess.
We're smuggling hot cheesecake into Canada.
This is all I need. It's complete.
Everybody in the whole world
who hates me is now here.
What's the use, Nathan?
Why try to keep it a secret?
- Bite your tongue, Benny.
- All right, Southstreet, let's have it.
What's this all about?
- It's a party, lieutenant.
- What kind of a party?
A dinner.
A bachelor dinner for Nathan Detroit.
He's getting married.
[SINGING]
For he's a jolly good fellow
For he's a jolly good fellow
Which nobody cannot deny
ADELAIDE:
Oh.
Nathan, darling. I'm so thrilled.
- Why didn't you tell me?
- It was gonna be a surprise wedding.
You certainly had me fooled, Detroit.
When is the happy occasion?
Well, it's gonna take a little time
to get the blood test and the license.
Gee, wouldn't it be wonderful
if we could get married tomorrow night?
I mean, right after the opening
of the new show at the Hot Box.
Adelaide, according to the laws
under which we live...
...it's gonna take a little time.
- You could elope.
- You are telling me to violate the law?
- It's legal to elope at your age.
And the great state of Maryland
will marry you right away, no blood test.
- Ain't that unhealthy?
- Nathan, the lieutenant has come up...
...with a romantic suggestion
of which I approve.
Elope, and for the trip
I will loan you my getaway car.
Uh, that is, my station wagon.
Oh, Nathan, darling, let's do it. Please.
Okay. Deal me in.
- Speech, Nathan.
- Speech.
MAN 1: Yeah, give us a little speech.
MAN 2: Yeah, speech.
[SINGING] Unaccustomed as I am
To getting married
I am taking this occasion here to say
That me and Adelaide
Are finally naming the day
Though she knows deep in her heart
I'm a phony and I'm a fake
She wants five children to start
Five's a difficult point to make
But
Adelaide, Adelaide
Ever-Iovin' Adelaide
Is takin' a chance on me
Takin' a chance
I'll be respectable and nice
Give up cards and dice
And go for shoes and rice
So, gentlemen, deal me out
Do not try to feel me out
I got no more evenings free
Since Adelaide, Adelaide
Ever-Iovin' Adelaide
Is takin' a chance
Talk about your long shots
Takin' a chance on me
Well, my congratulations too.
And I certainly hope
there's nothing in heredity.
It might seem unimportant to you
on the night before your wedding...
...but your blintzes are getting cold.
Who cares? As long as Nathan stays hot.
Look, don't forget to bring my purse
to the Hot Box.
Oh, Nathan, darling, I'm so excited.
I don't even wanna eat
and go back to work.
I've got so many things to do
before tomorrow night.
What about my mother?
I've got to write to her. What'll I say?
Send a telegram. Date it back 14 years.
[SINGING]
Adelaide
Adelaide
ALL:
Ever-Iovin' Adelaide
Is takin' a chance on me
Takin' a chance
I'll be respectable and nice
Give up the cards and dice
And go for shoes and rice
So, gentlemen, deal me out
Do not try to feel me out
- You got no more evenings free
- You may scratch me
- Since Adelaide
- Adelaide
Ever-Iovin' Adelaide
Is takin' a chance
Talk about your long shots
Takin' a chance
On me
Nathan, you are indeed
a most lucky fella.
She is a most beautiful doll indeed.
Do you agree, Big Jule?
- Tell me, how long do you know the doll?
- Fourteen years.
Let's shoot crap.
- Nathan! Something happened...
- You couldn't find Sky at the hotel?
Did you go to the mission?
He's been following them all day.
That's what I'm trying to tell you.
- He must be with the mission band right now.
- Nathan, wait!
[BAND PLAYING]
[MAN PLAYING GUITAR AND SINGING
"A WOMAN IN LOVE" IN SPANISH]
[PEOPLE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
This church is, for the most part,
Spanish baroque built of native limestone.
The original church
was built on this site in 1674...
...and reconstructed
between 1704 and 1724.
- It's almost impossible to believe.
- Well, that's not very old for a church.
Why, long before 1674,
there were missionaries...
What does it say about the moonlight?
- The moonlight?
- Mm-hm.
It's very bright, isn't it?
So bright, you can even read
your guidebook by it.
Now that you mention it...
- What does it say about the music?
- The music?
SKY:
Mm-hm.
[MAN CONTINUES PLAYING GUITAR
AND SINGING "A WOMAN IN LOVE" IN SPANISH]
It's a lovely tune.
Sister Sarah, let me read out
of Sky Masterson's guidebook about you.
You could be locked away in a room
with no sun, no moon...
...no laughter, no music, no love,
and you wouldn't care.
You could still be a missionary.
The cobblestones in this plaza
are approximately four centuries old.
They are the very cobblestones that were
put down by the Spanish colonists in 1519.
[MEN SINGING "A WOMAN IN LOVE"
IN SPANISH]
[WAITER SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
- What's your pleasure?
- Oh, drinking.
What's your pleasure?
Milk, please.
- Don't make a spectacle of yourself.
- Milk.
You are a United States citizen
in a foreign country.
Have you no pride in what the world
thinks about Americans?
Milk!
Milk.
[SKY & WAITER SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
What did you order?
Dulce de Leche.
"Dulce" is the Spanish word for "sweet."
- "De" means "of" and "leche" means "milk."
- Sweet of milk.
Don't they serve it plain?
Well, only in the mornings.
It has to do with the heat.
At night,
they put a kind of preservative in it.
That's interesting. What do they use?
- Uh, Bacardi.
- Bacardi?
SKY:
Mm-hm.
Doesn't that have alcohol in it?
Well, just enough to keep
the milk from turning sour.
[BAND PLAYING "A WOMAN IN LOVE"]
That's the same song we heard
being played near the church, isn't it?
Playing the tambourine has developed
in you an ear for music.
Mr. Masterson, you think
I'm an awful prude, don't you?
Are you?
Well, I wonder sometimes.
For instance,
supposing I wasn't in mission work.
SKY:
Mm-hm.
SARAH:
Mm.
This is a tasty milkshake.
Do you mind if I have another?
SKY:
Uh...
Supposing I was just any girl...
...do you think just any girl
would be a prude...
...if she refused to go to Havana
with a man she'd never met before?
Oh, I suppose not.
Would you like to try
some of my milkshake...
...while you're waiting for the next one?
I haven't touched it.
Just a sip.
Oh, thanks.
I don't know when I've been so thirsty.
Still, you do think I'm a prude,
don't you?
- I don't know what you are.
- Well, you must think I'm something.
Yeah, you're something all buttoned up.
All except one button.
Oh, isn't it awful?
It's a nervous habit, I guess. So silly.
Oh.
[SLURPING]
I'm sorry. I just wasn't thinking.
It's so delicious.
That Bacardi flavoring
certainly makes a difference, doesn't it?
Oh, yeah. Nine times out of 10.
You know, this would be a wonderful way
to get children to drink milk.
[BAND PLAYING "A WOMAN IN LOVE"]
A melody can have the same notes,
but suddenly it's a different song.
- Again, please?
- That song.
Before it was just romantic,
just silly slush.
Now it's playing inside of me,
all true and honest...
...as if my heart were beating the drum.
How much do you know about life?
- Only a little bit. Around the edges.
- Tell me about life.
- All about it?
- How to live.
Doing what you want, having
what you want, saying what you want.
- Being what you want.
- Nobody can. Nobody does.
If you could, you probably wouldn't want it.
Oh, but you're wrong, Brother Sky,
you're wrong.
- All right. You tell me about life.
- You don't believe I could, don't you?
I believe I could.
After all, it was you that came to me
for help, isn't that so?
Because you were unhappy.
What were you unhappy about, Sky?
- Well, I can't remember this minute.
- But you do remember that I failed you.
I was weighed in the balance
and found wanting.
- Daniel 5:27.
- For that I am truly sorry.
But I intend to make it up to you.
I intend to give you all the help
you will ever require.
You have given me
a great deal of help already.
You don't think I remember, don't you?
But I do.
Every word,
as if you were saying it now.
- What?
- About having a more...
...personal help in mind.
But I gave you
those silly old pamphlets...
...as if they could take the place
of a truly personal help.
[SLURPING]
How can a sinner hope to be saved
by maybe one hour of help or two...
...when for the rest of the 24
he must fight temptation alone?
- How indeed?
- It's been done with people...
...who drink too much, you know.
Help day and night, night and day.
- Anywhere, anytime.
- That's a full-time job.
Well, you're a full-time sinner.
Maybe a little time off
for good behavior?
Pal, you're not gonna
fight alone anymore.
What if it's against mission policies?
Private lessons in salvation?
Because I'm gonna be with you.
A one-woman mission
for the personal salvation of me?
Day and night, night and day.
- Sister Sarah, why would you want to?
- Whatever you do, wherever you go.
- Why, Sister Sarah? Why?
- I wanna be with you.
The world's full of souls
closer to salvation than mine.
Anytime, anywhere.
Easier to save
and much more worth saving.
You...
Please say something.
I've got to know what you're thinking.
I'm thinking...
...it's time you had your dinner.
[SINGING "A WOMAN IN LOVE" IN SPANISH]
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
[MAN AND WOMAN SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
[MEN SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
[MUSIC STOPS]
MAN 1: Ooh!
MAN 2: Oh!
[MEN SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
[WOMEN SCREAMING]
[BELL TOLLING]
[SARAH GASPS]
Still dizzy?
You won't believe me,
but with my head underwater...
...I actually heard bells ringing.
I'll believe you.
- Ask me how do I feel.
- How do you feel?
[SINGING]
Ask me now that we're cozy and clinging
Well, sir, all I can say is if I were a bell
I'd be ringing
From the moment we kissed tonight
That's the way I've just got to behave
Boy, if I were a lamp I'd light
And if I were a banner I'd wave
Ask me how do I feel
Little me with my quiet upbringing
Well, sir, all I can say
Is if I were a gate
I'd be swinging
And if I were a watch
I'd start poppin' my springs
Or if I were a bell
I'd go ding-dong-ding-dong-ding
Ask me how do I feel
From this chemistry lesson I'm learning
- Chemistry?
- Yeah, chemistry.
All I can say is if I were a bridge
I'd be burning
Yes, I knew my morale would crack
From the wonderful way that you looked
Boy, if I were a duck I'd quack
Or if I were a goose I'd be cooked
Ask me how do I feel
Ask me now that we're fondly caressing
Pal, if I were a salad
I know I'd be splashing my dressing
Ask me how to describe
This whole beautiful thing
Well, if I were a bell
I'd go ding-dong-ding-dong
Ding
[SARAH GIGGLES]
We just got time to catch
the last plane to New York.
People miss planes. It happens.
Yeah.
It also happens
that people win with loaded dice.
I know what I'm doing.
Do you, kid?
I don't.
Suddenly I'm playing
by a whole new book of rules.
You make me feel as if I were
a dishonest horse race or something.
Look, the bells rang. They really rang.
They weren't magical bells for lovers,
full of rum and music...
...on a make-believe island.
They rang to tell us what time it is.
Shall we synchronize our watches?
Sarah, I know the night time. I live in it.
It does funny things to you.
[SIGHS]
You must be trying to tell me
I'd hate myself in the morning.
I look as if I've been in a fight
or something.
You know, you're the most mixed up man
I've ever met in my life.
- Easily.
- All that nonsense about nighttime...
...and daytime and rule books and such.
Sarah.
You know why I brought you here
to Havana?
Because I made a bet that I could.
That's why I came to the mission,
to win a bet.
Why not? You're a gambler.
And, darling...
...you are also a chump.
We're blocks from the mission.
Come on, a little walk will do you good.
What time is it?
It's dawn any minute.
What makes the light
so strange and white?
Because only in Times Square...
...the dawn gets turned on
by an electrician.
[FOOTSTEPS]
- Listen.
- What?
Footsteps.
[FOOTSTEPS]
Now is the time you can hear footsteps
on Broadway.
Cup of coffee?
No.
Doughnut?
No.
[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]
[SKY CHUCKLES]
[SARAH HUMMING "A WOMAN IN LOVE"]
You remember that tune pretty well.
It keeps running through my heart.
It's got words, you know.
Something about amor, amor, I'll bet.
It's about you.
About you right now.
[SINGING]
Your eyes are the eyes
Of a woman in love
And, oh, how they give you away
Why try to deny
You're a woman in love
When I know very well
What I say
I say no moon in the sky
Ever lent such a glow
Some flame deep within
Made them shine
Those eyes are the eyes
Of a woman in love
And may they gaze
Evermore into mine
Tenderly gaze
Evermore
Into mine
And what about you?
It's got you too
Your eyes are the eyes
Of a man who's in love
That same flame deep within
Made them shine
Your eyes are the eyes
Of a man who's in love
Woman in love
And may they gaze
Evermore
Into mine
Crazily gaze
Evermore
Into mine
[DRUM POUNDING]
Uncle Arvide.
- Where have you been?
- Good morning, Sarah.
Morning, Brother Sky.
- Well, we took your advice.
- We've been out all night...
...on a crusade against the devil.
[POLICE SIRENS WAILING]
NICELY: Come on, fellas. Cheese it, the cops!
Everybody, let's go.
Come on, guys, let's get out of here.
[POLICE SIRENS WAILING]
- Nathan, what is this?
- Bingo!
Wait a minute. Where y'all going?
I'm out 10 G's.
[SIRENS WAILING]
It's no use.
They were tipped off.
I suppose you can explain all this,
Miss Brown?
Explain? Explain what?
I guess it was just a coincidence...
...that the mission was left
open and empty all night.
While everybody suddenly took off
on an all-night crusade.
But you yourself didn't go on the crusade
and you weren't here.
Now, maybe that's two coincidences.
Masterson, I had you in my big-time book.
Now I suppose I'll have to reclassify you
under shills and decoys.
You certainly do know the nighttime,
don't you?
And the funny things it does.
It certainly did them to me, didn't it?
You only have to answer one question.
It didn't do too much, though,
thanks to you, not me.
Just more than enough.
- Answer one question.
- Any question.
Am I now supposed to prove to you,
in any way...
...I had nothing to do...
- There isn't anything to prove.
Are you taking it for granted
I'm guilty as charged?
Everything that was to be proved,
has already been proved.
If I hadn't gone,
this would never have happened.
- You went with me to help the mission.
- Did I?
I can't remember that far back.
Oh, Sarah.
Is that really why I went with you?
To help the mission?
- Is that really why you took me?
- To win the bet. I told you.
Was that all of the bet, Sky,
to get me out of the way?
- What do you take me for?
- Or was there more? Much more?
Did you win the bet?
Did you truly win all of the bet?
What do you take yourself for?
- What kind of a doll are you?
- A daytime doll.
A mission doll.
HOST:
Thank you, thank you.
And now the feature attraction
of our all-new Four-D Follies...
...the Hot Box proudly presents
Miss Adelaide and her debutantes.
Excuse me.
[BAND PLAYING "TAKE BACK YOUR MINK"]
Nicely-nicely, thank you.
- I didn't ask you how you are.
- Don't.
What are you doing here?
Where's Nathan?
Nathan. That's what I'm doing here.
I'm supposed to bring Miss Adelaide
a message from him.
I wish Nathan would bring
his own messages.
["TAKE BACK YOUR MINK"
CONTINUES PLAYING]
[SINGING] He bought me the fur thing
Five winters ago
And the gown the following fall
Then the necklace, the bag
The hat and the shoes
Oh, what generous gifts I recall
Then last night in his apartment
He tried to remove them all
And I said as I ran down the hall
Take back your mink
Take back your pearls
What made you think
That I was one of those girls?
Take back the gown
The shoes and the hat
I may be down
But I'm not flat as all that
I thought that each expensive gift
You'd arranged
Was a token of your esteem
Now when I think
Of what you want in exchange
It all seems a horrible dream
So take back your mink
To from whence it came
And tell them to shorten the sleeves
For some other dame
Take back your mink
Take back your pearls
What made you think
That I was one of those girls?
I'm screaming take back the gown
Take back the hat
I may be down
But I'm not flat as all that
I thought that each expensive gift
You'd arranged
Was a token of your esteem
But when I think of what you want in exchange
It all seems a horrible dream
Take back your mink
Those old worn-out pelts
And go shorten the sleeves
For somebody else
Well, wouldn't you?
[AUDIENCE CLAPPING]
I cannot do it, Sky. I simply cannot bring
myself to tell Miss Adelaide...
...that Nathan is not going to elope
with her tonight.
And this time,
she is really counting on him.
Nathan is what he is.
She ought to know better.
I thought the game broke up last night.
Big Jule, being a large loser,
is most insistent that the game goes on.
So we find another place
and the game goes on.
- Where?
- It's too hard to describe.
I could take you there,
but I must deliver this message first.
I'll deliver it.
Meet me outside in five minutes.
If you're looking for action,
the boys are pretty tired, all except Big Jule.
No, I'm leaving town tonight, but I, uh...
I gave my marker to somebody
and I wanna make it good before I leave.
You know something, Sky?
Suddenly I'm embarrassed.
- I don't know which etiquette I should use.
- Etiquette?
Well, your being here tonight must have
something to do with the wedding.
I mean, Nathan must have sent you
as one of his seconds or something?
- Well, Nathan didn't exactly send me.
- Then I don't understand.
I'm supposed to give you
a message from him.
Oh. He's out there, isn't he? I mean,
Nathan's here tonight in the Hot Box?
No.
But tonight...
Sky, we're eloping tonight.
We're getting married tonight. In front
of all those people we talked about it.
- Oh, Sky, he's just got to be here.
- Well, he isn't.
Now, it seems that one of
Nathan's close relatives...
- His aunt in Pittsburgh?
- That's the one.
His floating aunt in Pittsburgh.
It's the crap game again.
Does it surprise you? You know Nathan.
- But he promised to change.
- Change, change.
Who do you love? Who do you wanna marry?
Nathan, or what you wanna make out of him?
I wanna marry and live normal like people.
I wanna have a normal home
with wallpaper and bookends.
Well, then, fall in love with people.
Not with gamblers.
[SOBBING]
Adelaide.
My daddy once told me...
...he says, "No matter who you get married to,
you wake up married to somebody else."
That's probably true,
and you take it the way the dice falls.
But a guy doesn't wanna feel
from the very beginning...
...that he's just like a piece of dress material
a woman is gonna cut up and sew...
...according to the way
they wear husbands this year.
It's easy for you to talk.
You're not in love with Nathan.
No, I'm not.
Wait till you fall in love
with somebody you shouldn't.
Wait till it happens to you.
[SOBBING]
Yeah.
Must be tough to take.
Sarah, I don't believe Sky Masterson
had any more to do...
...with what happened here
last night than I did.
That's why you buy
solid gold watches for a dollar.
Do you believe it?
- Whether he had anything to do with it or not...
- Do you believe it?
They used our mission last night
for their filthy crap game.
- But if Sky had nothing to do with it...
- Don't you understand?
All I could see was him
running down the street...
...away from the police
with the rest of that trash.
All I could see was that...
...he was one of them.
And I never saw till now
how much in love with him you are.
I'll get over it.
Why would anyone wanna get over
the one thing you hope for...
...from the minute you're born
and remember till the day you die?
- I'll get over it.
- Why?
Because it's the greatest reward...
...that woman or man
can have on this earth...
...to love and to be loved?
[FOOTSTEPS]
I just wanna remind you.
You hold my marker for 12
or more sinners by midnight tonight.
Forget about it.
I do not forget a marker.
Well, last night the mission was filled
with your friends. Let's say we're even.
[DOOR CLOSES]
If you don't make that marker good...
...I'm gonna buzz it all over town
you're a welsher.
Nicely, time is running out.
Where's the crap game?
Only about a 10-minute walk.
- Which way?
- This way.
Ride them!
ALL:
Ha!
[CHATTERING]
Wait a minute! Where y'all going?
- I come here to shoot crap.
- I had enough.
How many days we all been here?
As you can see, Big Jule, the boys
are slightly fatigued from weariness...
...having been shooting crap
for quite a while now, namely 24 hours.
I don't care who's tired.
I'm out 25 G's. Nobody leaves.
I am half dead.
If you do not shut up,
Big Jule will arrange the other half.
And since I've been cleaned out of cash...
...I announce that I will now play on credit.
[MEN GRUMBLING]
Big Jule, you cannot imagine
how exhausted they are.
Especially on a non-cash basis.
- Me, personally, I'm fresh as a daisy.
- Then I'll play with you.
But I am not a player.
I am merely the operator.
You been raking down out of every pot.
You must have by now quite a bundle.
Well, being I assume the risk,
is it not fair I should assume some dough?
Detroit, I'm gonna roll you, willy or nilly.
If I lose, I'll give you my marker.
And if I lose?
- You will give him cash.
- Let me hear from Big Jule.
You'll give me cash.
I heard.
Here's my marker. Put up your dough.
- Anything wrong?
- "IOU 1000." Signed "X."
How is it you can write "1000,"
but you cannot write your signature?
Oh, I was good in arithmetic,
but I stunk in English.
Here.
This will put you through Harvard.
I'm rolling the whole thousand.
And to change my luck...
...I'm going to use my own dice.
- Your own dice?
Yeah, I had them made
especially for me in Chicago.
I do not wish to seem petty,
but may I have a look at those dice?
Here.
But these dice ain't got no spots
on them. They're blank.
I had the spots removed for luck. But I
remember where the spots formerly were.
You are going to roll blank dice and
remember where the spots formally were?
Detroit...
...do you doubt my memory?
Big Jule, I have great trust in you.
BIG JULE:
Ha!
Five and a five, ten. My points, ten.
At least I got a chance.
He remembered a hard point.
Ha! Ten. I win. Six and a four.
- Which is the six and which is the four?
- Either way. I'm rolling the 2000.
Ha!
Seven. I win.
I could have sworn
he would've remembered that one.
Detroit...
...I'm gonna take it easy
with you this time.
I'm shooting a dollar.
I'll cover all of it.
Ha! How do you like that?
Snake eyes. I lose.
I won't even bother to pick it up.
Benny, pick it up.
Detroit, I'm gonna give you a chance
to get even. I'm rolling three G's.
Three G's? But that's my whole bankroll.
Three G's. Get it up.
Well, here we go.
Down memory lane.
Ha!
Lucky me, 11. I win.
I'm clean.
Seeing that I'm on a lucky streak...
...I will now roll the rest of you guys.
[MEN GRUMBLING]
NATHAN:
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
You have got to give me a chance
to get even.
I will now roll you with my dice.
- What you gonna use for money?
- I will give you my marker.
And against your marker
you want Big Jule to put up cash?
- Nathan, done it.
- Yeah, I done it.
- What kind of a deal is this, anyway?
- Take it easy, Nathan.
Him and his no-spot dice.
Somebody ought to knock
the spots off of him.
Hey, Nathan, do not make Big Jule
have to do something to you.
Detroit, I'm on my vacation.
Don't louse it up.
What could you do me?
Shoot me? Put me in cement?
At least I would know where I am.
Here I risk my neck
to set up this crap game.
I even promise to get married on account of it.
And where do I wind up?
Broke in a sewer. Believe me,
my tough friend from Chicago...
...there's nothing you could
do to me that would not cheer me up.
NICELY:
Here they are.
SKY:
And how is everybody down here?
I smell fresh blood. Looking for action?
Not at the moment. I just came underground
to talk to some of my friends.
BIG JULE:
We're ain't talking, we're shooting crap.
It'll only take a minute.
We're shooting crap.
Gentleman, I would like to talk to you
about Sarah Brown's mission...
...where you were so rudely
interrupted last night.
What kind of characters walk around
the sewers of New York? Who is this joker?
Like I told you, he is the guy who was
trying to take the mission doll to Havana.
Oh, him. I suggest you return the way
you came, back to your praying tomato.
Around here your presence
is slowing up the action.
If you were so eager for action...
...would you care to make a small wager
on a proposition?
- Pray tell, what's the proposition?
- An old one my daddy taught me.
Now am I right-handed or left-handed?
- Now how would I know a thing like that?
- Well, I will give you a clue.
HARRY:
Nathan, give me that gu...
Now to continue
with what I was talking about.
Tonight, in Miss Sarah Brown's mission,
they are holding a prayer meeting.
Now, I promised to supply
that meeting with some sinners.
When it comes to sinners...
...no sewer in the world
could provide such a congregation.
I would consider it
a very great personal favor.
I don't wanna spend
no time in no hallelujah joint.
If not as a favor to me,
a favor to yourselves.
I guarantee, the air in the mission
smells cleaner than it does down here.
Rusty Charlie?
Society Max?
If anybody else would go,
I would also go, Sky.
But you know me, I'd go anywhere.
Well, thanks, Nathan.
But just you alone is not enough.
Well, I tried.
NATHAN:
Uh, Sky...
About that Havana business.
I regret that I temporarily
do not have the 1000 to pay you.
I'm glad you reminded me, Nathan.
You won the bet.
But I thought you took
Miss Sarah to Havana.
You thought wrong.
Get on your feet, Big Jule.
I now have dough to roll you again.
- But this time with real dice.
- Nothing doing.
With honest dice, Big Jule
cannot make a pass to save his soul.
- What did you say?
- I only said with real dice...
...Big Jule cannot make
a pass to save his soul.
That's very interesting.
Then maybe with honest dice...
...I can make a pass to save his soul.
And yours and yours and yours.
[MEN MURMURING]
I'm gonna roll these dice.
One roll.
And on that roll I'm gonna
bet each of you $1000 against your soul.
[MEN MURMURING]
One thousand cash
against a marker for your soul.
If I win, all of you show up
at the mission tonight. Have I got a bet?
[MEN MURMURING]
Let me get this. Hold it. Let me get this.
If you lose, then you gotta
give us each a thousand bucks, huh?
But if you win, then we all gotta
show up at the mission doll's cabaret?
Save-A-Soul Mission, midnight tonight.
One meeting.
- If you lose, a thousand apiece?
- Thousand apiece.
- Well, that's okay by me.
- What have I got to lose?
[MEN MURMURING]
What's the delay, Sky?
You turning chicken?
You know better than that, Horse.
You've seen me roll for twice as much.
Only I got...
I got a lot more
than money riding on this one.
[SINGING]
They call you Lady Luck
But there is room for doubt
At times you have a very unladylike way
Of runnin' out
You're on this date with me
The pickings have been lush
And yet before this evening is over
You might give me the brush
You might forget your manners
You might refuse to stay
And so the best that I can do
Is pray
Luck, be a lady tonight
Luck, if you've ever been
A lady to begin with
Luck, be a lady tonight
Luck, let a gentleman see
How nice a dame you can be
I know the way you've treated
Other guys you've been with
Luck, be a lady with me
A lady doesn't leave her escort
It isn't fair, it isn't nice
A lady doesn't wander all over the room
And blow on some other guy's dice
So let's keep the party polite
Never get out of my sight
Stick with me, baby,
I'm the fella you came in with
Luck, be a lady
Luck, be a lady tonight
A lady wouldn't flirt with strangers
She'd have a heart, she'd have a soul
A lady wouldn't make
Little snake eyes at me
MAN: Snake eyes!
- When I've bet my life on this roll
- So let's keep the party polite
- Why don't he shoot?
- Never get out of my sight
- Come on! Quit stalling!
Stick with me, baby,
I'm the fella you came in with
- Be a lady
- Sky's turnin' yellow!
- Luck, be a lady
- What are you scared of?
- Luck, be a lady
- What's the matter? Roll the dice!
- Tonight
- Comin' out, comin' out
Comin' out, comin' out, comin' out right
ALL:
Ha!
I tell you, I don't wanna go there.
But, Big Jule, you give your marker.
And if you welsh, this will cause me
no little embarrassment.
I am sure you do not wanna
cause me embarrassment.
Well, if it ever gets back to Chicago
that I went to a prayer meeting...
...no decent person will talk to me.
ADELAIDE:
Uh!
- Adelaide.
- How clumsy of me.
So sorry. An awkward coincident.
Adelaide, listen. I sent Nicely
especially to explain about tonight.
If you knew what I'd been through.
Please, let us not have a vulgar scene.
After all, we're civilized people.
We do not have to conduct ourselves
like a slob.
Adelaide, what is this?
How can you be so upset...
...over one lousy elopement?
I am not upset.
I have succeeded in your not being able
to upset me no more.
I have got you completely out of my...
[SNEEZES]
- Gesundheit.
- System.
Oh, Nathan.
Adelaide, baby.
Don't do that to me.
I can't stand it when you cry.
Look, we'll get married, I promise you.
And we'll have what you always wanted.
A little white house with a green fence.
Just like the Whitney colors.
Oh, Nathan, if I could only believe you.
We could still make everything all right.
- We could elope right now.
- Adelaide, could we?
ADELAIDE:
Oh.
I almost forgot.
But right at this time I cannot.
Why not?
I'm gonna tell the truth,
but you will not believe me.
Nathan, why can't we elope?
I have to go to a prayer meeting.
That is the biggest and the most
unforgivable lie you have ever told me.
It's true. I promise you.
[SINGING] You promise me this
You promise me that
You promise me everything under the sun
But you give me a kiss
And you're grabbin' your hat
And you're off to the races again
- When I think of the time gone by
- Adelaide, Adelaide
- And I think of the way I try
- Adelaide
I could honestly die
Call a lawyer and sue me, sue me
What can you do me?
I love you
Give a holler and hate me, hate me
- Go ahead, hate me, I love you
- The best years of my life
I was a fool to give to you
All right, already, I'm just a no-goodnik
All right, already, it's true
So new
So sue me, sue me
What can you do me?
I love you
You gamble it here, you gamble it there
You gamble on everything, all except me
And I'm sick of you keepin' me up in the air
Till you're back in the money again
- When I think of the time gone by
- Adelaide, Adelaide
- And I think of the way I try
- Adelaide
I could honestly die
[SOBBING]
Serve a paper and sue me, sue me
What can you do me?
I love you
[SNEEZES]
Give a holler and hate me, hate me
- Go ahead, hate me, I love you
- When you wind up in jail
- Don't come to me to bail you out
- All right, already, so call a policeman
All right already, it's true
So new
So sue me, sue me
What can you do me?
I love you
You're at it again, you're running the game
I'm not gonna play second fiddle to that
I'm sick and I'm tired of starting a row
I'm telling you now that we're through
- When I think of the time gone by
- Adelaide, Adelaide
- And I think of the way I try
- Adelaide
I could honestly die
[SOBBING]
Sue me, sue me
Shoot bullets through me
I love you
[SNEEZES]
According to my wrist chronometer,
it's well past midnight.
It seems to me that if this big meeting
we're going to be as big as you'd hoped...
...by now, somebody...
- You're quite right, general.
ARVIDE: Sarah.
- Why keep up this silly pretending?
It's childish of us to think we could suddenly
make sinners appear for this big meeting...
...when we've failed
so miserably up to now.
And when I say "we," general,
I mean I've failed.
[MEN CHATTERING]
ARVIDE:
Welcome, brothers, welcome.
- Come in, come in.
SKY: Come on. Move in. Everybody in.
Hats off. Step along. You too, Big Jule.
Move it. Come on, kid.
Keep moving. Come on.
All right, is everybody accounted for?
- Where's Nathan Detroit?
- Present.
SKY:
All right.
Well, I made good my marker.
I would ask you to return it...
...but it would break up
your pretty set of thoughts for today.
When you get around to it...
...mark it "paid in full."
Won't you gentlemen sit down?
[MEN GRUMBLING]
Sit down. Do as you're told.
On behalf of General Cartwright,
Sergeant Sarah Brown and the rest of us...
The army has certainly changed.
In the next war,
I wanna be a Red Cross nurse.
[MEN LAUGHING]
Quiet, quiet!
I would like to remind you, gentlemen...
...that you are no longer
on your knees in a sewer...
...but sitting in a mission.
I trust that there will be
no further unpleasantness.
And now, since I depart
to move on to other places...
...I'm appointing Nathan Detroit
as my deputy.
Nathan, I hand you all their markers,
to be returned when they are made good.
And anybody who does not play out
this hand strictly...
...according to Hoyle
will answer to me personally.
And that means in person.
What a remarkable young man.
I will add nothing to what Sky said
except to say that there are many here...
...upon who, if they get out of line...
...I would squeal with pleasure.
Brother Arvide, your dice.
Gentlemen, our meeting tonight,
will be conducted...
...by the regional director
of the Save-A-Soul Mission...
...General Cartwright.
I have rarely attended a meeting
in any of our branches...
...which could boast
of so many evil-looking sinners.
Now surely your hearts must be heavy
with sins to which you want to confess.
Who will be the first to start the ball rolling
by giving testimony?
NATHAN:
Benny Southstreet, give testimony.
- I plead the fifth commandment.
- Come, brothers.
We know how difficult it is.
But if one will open your heart,
the others will follow.
Benny, this is an order.
Tell the people what a bum you are.
Well, I was always a bad guy.
I was even a bad gambler.
I would like to be a good guy
and a good gambler.
I thank you.
- Who will be next?
- Big Jule.
What's the pitch?
Tell the people all the terrible things
you done but ain't gonna do them no more.
And watch your language.
Well, I used to be bad
when I was a kid.
But ever since then I've gone straight...
...as I can prove by my record,
33 arrests and no convictions.
NATHAN: Horse.
- No!
- Harry the Horse.
BIG JULE: Go ahead, go ahead.
Well, when Sky was rolling us
against our souls...
I beg your pardon?
Sky Masterson, he rolled us a thousand bucks
against our souls. That's why we're here.
- I don't think I understand.
- I'll interpret for you, general.
He means
that they are here only because...
...Sky Masterson won them
in a dice game.
Then this whole meeting, in a way,
is the result of gambling.
Fire fought with fire.
Sergeant Sarah,
you are to be congratulated.
ARVIDE:
Congratulations, Sarah.
Thank you so much.
Hey, hey, hey!
I ain't finished my testimony yet.
So my sin is
that when Sky was rolling us...
...I wished that I could win the thousand
bucks instead of having to come here.
But now that I'm here, I still wish it.
Something very funny
has been happening to me.
Sitting here, I mean.
Like I've been remembering a dream.
Tell us, Nicely. Tell us in your own words.
NICELY:
Yeah, that's it, a dream.
[SINGING] I dreamed last night
I got on the boat to heaven
And by some chance
I had brought my dice along
And there I stood
And I hollered, "Someone fade me!"
But the passengers
They knew right from wrong
For the people all said sit down
Sit down, you're rockin' the boat
People all said sit down
Sit down, you're rockin' the boat
And the devil'll drag you under
By the sharp lapel of your checkered coat
Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down
Sit down, you're rockin' the boat
I sailed away
On that little boat to heaven
And by some chance
Found a bottle in my fist
And there I stood
Nicely passin' out the whiskey
But the passengers were bound to resist
For the people all said beware
You're on a heavenly trip
People all said beware
Beware, you'll scuttle the ship
And the devil'll drag you under
By the fancy tie round your wicked throat
Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down
Sit down, you're rockin' the boat
And as I laughed
At those passengers to heaven
[LAUGHING]
A great big wave came
And washed me overboard
And as I sank and I hollered
"Someone save me!"
That's the moment I woke up
- Thank the Lord
- Thank the Lord
Thank the Lord
And I said to myself sit down
Sit down, you're rockin' the boat
Said to myself sit down
Sit down, you're rockin' the boat
And the devil'll drag you under
With a soul so heavy you'd never float
Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down
Sit down, you're rockin' the boat
Sit down you're rockin', sit down, sit down
Sit down, you're rockin' the boat
- Sit down
- You're rockin'
The boat
Now, Brother Brannigan.
What can we do for you?
Maybe you would like to testify?
I'll do my testifying in court...
...where I will testify
that you ran a crap game...
...here, in the mission, last night.
A crap game? In the mission?
Miss Sarah, you were standing right there
when they ran out. You saw them.
Aren't these the men?
You must be mistaken, lieutenant.
I never saw these gentlemen before
in my life.
BIG JULE:
There's a right broad.
And now if you'll excuse us, lieutenant,
we'd like to go on with our meeting.
Tell me something.
Is my name Brannigan?
- When last seen.
- Thanks.
I was beginning to wonder.
On behalf of everybody concerned,
thanks, Miss Sarah.
Also at this time I would like
to personally make a confession.
General, we did shoot crap here
last night...
...but unbeknownst to anybody
connected with the mission.
And for this, we're all sorry.
Ain't we, boys?
- Ain't we, boys?
MEN: Oh, yes.
I'm really sorry.
I did another terrible thing.
I bet a certain guy that he could not take
a certain doll away with him...
...on a trip to Havana.
I know this I should not have done...
...although it did not do
no harm because...
- Well, I won the bet.
- You won the bet?
Sure, the guy told me
he did not take the doll away.
And for this I feel much better.
CARTWRIGHT: Gentlemen, we will now sing
number 244 in your songbook.
"Follow the Fold."
You will find it on page 27.
["FOLLOW THE FOLD" PLAYING]
ALL [SINGING]:
Follow the fold and stray no more
Stray no more
Stray no more
Put down the bottle
And we'll say no more
Follow, follow the fold
[CROWD CHEERING]
[CROWD CHEERING AND WHISTLING]
Brothers and sisters, as you all know,
traffic is heavy this time of night...
...so our ceremony will be brief.
Do you, Sarah Brown, take Sky Masterson
to be your lawful-wedded husband?
I do.
Do you, Sky Masterson, take Sarah Brown
to be your lawful-wedded wife?
I do.
Do you, Miss Adelaide, take Nathan Detroit
to be your lawful-wedded husband?
I do.
Do you, Nathan Detroit, take Miss Adelaide
to be your lawful-wedded wife?
[NATHAN SNEEZES]
- That means he does.
- He's gotta say it.
I do.
Then under the authority granted me
by the state of New York...
...county of New York, City of New York,
I hereby pronounce you men and wives.
[CROWD CHEERING AND WHISTLING]
[SIREN WAILING]
[English - US - SDH]
[WOMAN WHISTLES]
[COINS TINKLING]
[CAR HORNS HONKING]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
[WHISTLE BLOWING]
[RACETRACK BUGLE BLARING]
[SINGING] I got the horse right here
The name is Paul Revere
And here's a guy that says
If the weather's clear
Can do, can do
This guy says the horse can do
If he says the horse can do
Can do, can do
I'm pickin' Valentine
'Cause on the morning line
The guy has got him figured at 5 to 9
But look at Epitaph
He wins it by a half
According to this here in the Telegraph
For Paul Revere I'll bite
I hear his foot's all right
Of course it all depends
If it rained last night
I know it's Valentine
The morning works look fine
You know, the jockey's brother
Is a friend of mine
And just a minute, boys
I got the feedbox noise
It says the great-grandfather
Was Equipoise
I tell you Paul Revere
Now this is no bum steer
It's from a handicapper
That's real sincere
I'm pickin' Valentine
'Cause on the morning line
The guy has got him figured at 5 to 9
So make it Epitaph
He wins it by a half
According to this here in the Telegraph
- Epitaph
- Valentine
Paul Revere
ALL:
I got the horse
Right here
[RACETRACK BUGLE BLARING]
[PEOPLE CHATTERING
AND CAR HORNS HONKING]
BAND [PLAYING AND SINGING]:
Follow the fold
And stray no more
Stray no more
Stray no more
Put down the bottle
And we'll say no more
- Follow, follow the fold
- Before you take another swallow
Follow the fold
And stray no more
Stray no more
Stray no more
Tear up your poker deck
And play no more
Follow, follow the fold
Friends, my name is Sarah Brown.
This is no place to make a speech
and I'm not gonna try.
You don't wanna be told
how unhappy you are.
You don't wanna be told
about the emptiness of your lives.
You who drink too much, you who gamble
at cards and dice and horse racing.
Let us help you not to lose
your hard-earned money...
...in gambling dens and bookie joints.
This doll has captured my attention.
Let us give you strength to stop
your drinking, to stop your gambling.
She has lost me.
Let us welcome you
to the Save-A-Soul Mission.
PITCHMAN: Come to me.
- Just around the corner.
- Open all day and all night.
- You're gonna call me a liar.
SARAH:
A special prayer meeting this Thursday.
PITCHMAN:
Because today I'm giving away...
...solid gold watches for one dollar each.
That's right, my friends.
A solid gold watch for one buck.
Remember, all that glitters is not gold.
More to be desired
are the judgments of heaven.
- Gold is not enough.
- You say it's not enough?
All right, today only,
I include a nailbrush with a solid ivory top.
And my friends, a built-in,
genuine magnetic compass, there you are.
Now, folks, how often when you brushing
your nails, you wonder where you're going...
...which way is north, east, south or west?
Which way are you going?
Down, down, down, or up to salvation?
Come to the mission and find out.
Absolutely free.
Absolutely free.
The nailbrush is absolutely free.
Now don't crowd, don't push.
There's plenty of room for everybody.
There's room for everybody
in the kingdom of heaven too.
PITCHMAN: Now, folks, I don't care
whether you buy it or not, because I'm...
Let's pack up.
Did you notice how this time
a lot of them stayed...
...till you were almost halfway
through your talk?
If we could only sell them
salvation for a buck...
...solid gold with an ivory top
and a built-in compass.
Sarah, you don't suppose by any chance
those watches could really be solid gold?
Uncle Arvide, don't you dare.
PITCHMAN:
A solid gold watch for one buck.
[BAND PLAYING]
BENNY:
Harry the Horse.
HARRY:
Benny Southstreet.
Since when do you yell out
the name of a person...
...in the open air which is full of police?
- It was a friendly impulse. I lost my head.
Well, if I do not like you so much,
this would now be a fact.
You know Nicely-Nicely Johnson,
of course?
- Yeah, of course. How goes everything?
- Nicely-nicely, thank you.
I have been waiting,
to hear from Nathan Detroit.
What will be the location
of his crap game?
We don't know yet.
Nathan's been looking around...
...but as you know,
he is very hard to please.
Confidentially, Harry,
the heat is on very hot around here...
...and it is making Nathan sweat.
Well, that's too bad because I would
dislike to take my trade elsewhere...
...but I am loaded and looking for action.
- I've just acquired 5000 fish.
- Five thousand?
If it can be told, where did you take on
this fine bundle of lettuce?
I have nothing to hide.
I collected the reward on my father.
It is an advantage
to have a successful father.
Nobody ever wanted my old man
for as much as 500.
I'm worried about Nathan.
Harry the Horse is not the only one.
There's a lot of loose money around now
and everybody's looking for some action.
[CASH REGISTER RINGING]
Nathan doesn't find a place...
NICELY:
Why, Lieutenant Brannigan.
Mr. Southstreet, it is Lieutenant Brannigan
of the New York City Police Department.
[MOUTHS]
Come here.
Have either of you seen
Nathan Detroit?
- Which Nathan Detroit is that?
- Your boss Nathan Detroit.
The Nathan Detroit
who runs a floating crap game.
- Floating crap game?
- On a boat?
A crap game that moves
to a different spot every night...
...so the police can't find it and break it up.
- Sounds like a very difficult thing to do.
- No, you should know.
Since it's your job to rustle up
the customers and tell them where it is.
Especially with a famous detective
like you putting on the heat.
And you can give
just that message to Detroit.
Tell him Brannigan says he's not going
to find a spot for his crap game...
...because everybody knows
Brannigan's put on the heat...
...and Brannigan's breathing down
everybody's neck.
Nathan, you're lucky.
You just missed Brannigan.
- I'm lucky, I just missed Brannigan.
- He left a message for you.
- He said to tell you...
- I am not going to find...
...a place for my crap game...
...because everybody in town knows
that Brannigan has turned on the heat...
...and that Brannigan is breathing down
everybody's neck.
That's what he said.
[SIGHS]
Have you tried all of the regular places?
Won't any of them take a chance,
seeing it's you?
Seeing it's me, no.
Except one, Joey Biltmore's garage.
Joey said he might take a chance,
for 1000 bucks.
- A thousand?
- In advance and in cash.
- He would not even take my marker.
- This I do not believe...
...that Joey Biltmore
will not take your marker.
You got no idea what a breath
this Brannigan has got.
After all, a marker's not just
a piece of paper saying:
"I owe you 1000,"
signed Nathan Detroit.
A marker is the one pledge
which a guy cannot welsh on. Never.
It's like not saluting the flag.
It does not seem possible.
Me without a livelihood.
Why, I've been running the crap game
since I was a juvenile delinquent.
But, Nathan, the situation is desperate.
- You have got to think of something.
- My only thought costs 1000 bucks.
I cannot even afford to think.
I'm broke. I'm so broke I couldn't even buy
a present for Adelaide today.
Is it her birthday?
It is mine and Adelaide's
14th anniversary.
We are engaged 14 years today.
Nathan, you must concentrate on a game.
The town is up to here with high players.
The Greek's in town.
- Brandy Bottle Bates!
- Scranton Slim!
I know. I know.
I could make a fortune,
but to make a fortune I need a fortune.
A thousand bucks.
Where do I get it?
[SINGING]
The Biltmore garage wants a grand
But we ain't got a grand on hand
And they now have a lock on the door
To the gym at Public School 84
There's the stockroom behind McClosky's Bar
But Mrs. McClosky ain't a good scout
And things bein' how they are
The back of the police station is out
So the Biltmore garage is the spot
But the 1000 bucks we ain't got
Why, it's good old reliable Nathan
ALL:
Nathan, Nathan, Nathan Detroit
If you're looking for action
He'll furnish the spot
Even when the heat is on
It's never too hot
Not for good old reliable Nathan
For it's always just a short walk
To the oldest established
Permanent floating crap game
In New York
There are well-heeled shooters
Everywhere, everywhere
There are well-heeled shooters everywhere
And an awful lot of lettuce
For the fella who can get us there
If we only had a lousy little grand
We could be a millionaire
Good old reliable Nathan
Nathan, Nathan, Nathan Detroit
If the size of your bundle
You want to increase
I'll arrange that you go broke
In quiet and peace
In a hide-out provided by Nathan
Where there are no neighbors to squawk
It's the oldest established
Permanent floating
[WHISPERING]
Crap game
[NORMAL VOICE]
In New York
Where's the action?
Where's the game?
Gotta have the game
Or we'll die from shame
It's the oldest established
Permanent floating crap game
In New York
Gentlemen, I am deeply touched
by your faith and loyalty.
Gentlemen, do not worry.
Nathan Detroit's crap game
will float again.
Nathan. Guess who's sitting in Mindy's
right now, eating a steak breakfast.
- Hitler.
- Wrong, Sky Masterson.
Sky Masterson's in town.
This should be the greatest crap game
of your career, Nathan.
- Where's it gonna be?
- City Hall, the mayor's office.
- What time?
- We will leave you know, Angie.
Sky Masterson, the highest player
of them all. What a spot I'm in.
- Does he bet higher than the Greek?
- Why do you think they call him Sky?
Once, with my own eyes,
I saw him bet 5000 bucks...
...that one raindrop would beat
another raindrop down the window.
Another time, he was sick
and would not take penicillin...
...because he bet his fever
would go to 104.
- Always makes crazy bets like that.
- Did he win?
Him and his crazy bets.
He got lucky, it went to 106.
So? So why don't I bet him?
Why don't I bet him
a thousand bucks on something?
Max, what's the matter, no Danish today?
It's a holiday in Denmark.
How do I know?
For all these years
you been bringing me Danish.
So we ain't got Danish today.
Today I'm bringing you cheesecake.
You want strudel instead,
I'll bring you strudel.
I don't like strudel.
So eat the cheesecake.
Live it up a little.
I do not understand you, Nathan.
Everybody's crazy
about Mindy's cheesecake and strudel.
They must sell thousands
of portions every day.
That's just it.
Everybody's on cheesecake and strudel.
Makes me feel like
I'm playing the favorite.
Playing the favorite.
Nicely, Benny, want you to go
into the kitchen and find out...
...exactly how many pieces of cheesecake
they sold yesterday.
Also how many pieces of strudel.
How much cheesecake?
How much strudel?
BENNY:
What do you wanna know for?
I'm investigating for the FBI. Go!
Brannigan, stop breathing down
my neck.
- Why, Nathan.
- Adelaide, doll.
Nathan, how could you think
I was Lieutenant Brannigan?
We don't even use the same perfume.
- I was kind of daydreaming, I guess.
- Aw.
I don't dream about detectives, Nathan,
even in the daytime.
Do you know what I dream about?
You.
And your career as a businessman
in a normal business.
And our career together
as a normal husband and wife.
[CHUCKLES]
[SNEEZES]
- Gesundheit.
- Thank you.
Your cold does not seem
to be getting any better.
Yeah, it comes and goes,
comes and goes.
It's just a chronic condition.
Even if it is, it sure hangs on.
Nathan...
...speaking of chronic conditions...
Happy anniversary.
Guess what's inside.
- A thousand bucks?
- Ah, I only wish it was.
Go on. Open it up.
"Mr. Nathan Detroit, general manager."
- General manager of what?
- Whatever you set your mind on, Nathan.
I have faith.
Adelaide, I...
I do not have a present for you.
Oh, I don't mind, Nathan,
if you don't give me a present.
It makes me feel like we were married.
Nathan, darling,
there isn't anything I couldn't do without.
Just as long as you don't start running
that crap game again.
Crap game?
Adelaide, didn't I promise you?
Twelve hundred cheesecake
and 1500 strudel.
What?
Yesterday Mindy sold 1200 cheesecake
and 1500 strudel.
More strudel than cheesecake.
- Are you sure of this information?
- Straight from the baker's mouth.
- Nathan, what is this all about?
- Statistics.
Things a businessman has to have
at his fingertips.
- Hey, any news yet?
- Not yet, Harry, I will leave you know.
I'm getting impatient, Detroit.
- And what was that about?
- His wife's having a baby.
- But why is he asking you?
- He's nervous. It's his first wife.
Look, Adelaide, I'm expecting a fellow
on important business conference.
Suddenly I get a suspicion
you are trying to get rid of me.
No, doll, no. It's just that
this fellow does big business.
- Supermarket?
- Super, super.
With him, business is business,
and dolls make him nervous.
And besides,
you're late for your rehearsal.
Nicely, you and Benny
take Adelaide to the Hot Box, in a cab.
- It's only a couple of blocks.
- The streets are covered with tourists...
...and I do not want you molested.
Nathan, darling, you are
the most thoughtful man that ever lived.
- But who's gonna pay for the cab?
- I am, of course.
NATHAN:
Sky Masterson.
- Detroit.
- Can I believe my eyes? Is it really you?
- How goes your percentage of life, Nathan?
- Not bad, not bad, and you?
- Healthy at the moment.
- Sit for a minute, relax, talk.
Or maybe you're in a hurry.
My daddy always said there's only
one time a man should be in a hurry.
When the cops
are coming up the stairs.
How about a cup of coffee?
- Maybe a piece of cheesecake?
- Thanks.
I'm pleased to hear
things go well with you, Nathan.
From communiqués
received in Las Vegas...
...we understood that Lieutenant Brannigan
was corking up the town.
Ah, who worries about Brannigan?
- How was Vegas?
- Paradise for two weeks.
For two weeks,
I gambled in green pastures.
The dice were my cousins...
...and the dolls were agreeable
with nice teeth and no last names.
You are sure I cannot offer you a piece
of cheesecake or maybe a piece of strudel?
No, thanks, I just ate.
- How long you gonna be in town?
- Only for tonight, tomorrow I fly to Havana.
Sky...
...don't think I am a pest,
but do yourself a favor.
Eat this last little bite of cheesecake.
- You will thank me.
- Honestly, I couldn't swallow a mouthful.
- How is Adelaide?
- Fine. Fine.
I suppose one of these days
you'll be getting married.
- We all gotta go sometime.
- But, Nathan, we can fight it.
The companionship of a doll
is a pleasant thing even for a period of time...
...running into months.
But for a close relationship that can
last us through all the years of our life...
...no doll can take the place of aces
back to back.
Still, you will admit that Mindy's cheesecake
is the greatest cheesecake alive.
Gladly.
Furthermore, I am quite partial
to Mindy's cheesecake.
And yet although you might disagree...
...many people prefer Mindy's strudel
to cheesecake. Do you disagree?
It is my understanding
that the Constitution of the United States...
...allows everybody the free choice
between cheesecake and strudel.
I would be interested to hear.
Offhand, would you say that Mindy sells
more cheesecake or more strudel?
Going strictly
by my own personal preference...
...I'd say more cheesecake than strudel.
For how much?
- What?
- For how much?
Why, Nathan.
I never knew you
to lay money on the line.
You always take your bite off the top.
A thousand bucks says that yesterday
Mindy's sold more strudel than cheesecake.
- Nathan, let me tell you a story.
- Have we got a bet?
On the day when I left home
to make my way in the world...
...my daddy took me to one side.
"Son," my daddy says to me...
..."I am sorry I am not able
to bankroll you to a very large start...
...but not having the necessary
lettuce to get you rolling...
...instead, I'm going to stake you
to some very valuable advice.
One of these days in your travels...
...a guy is going to show you
a brand-new deck of cards...
...on which the seal is not yet broken.
Then this guy is going to offer
to bet you...
...that he can make the jack of spades
jump out of this brand-new deck of cards...
...and squirt cider in your ear.
But, son, you do not accept this bet
because, as sure as you stand there...
...you're going to wind up
with an ear full of cider."
Now, Nathan, I do not suggest that you
have been clocking Mindy's cheesecake.
Would I do such a thing?
However, if you are really looking
for some action...
...I will bet you the same 1000 that
you cannot name the color tie you have on.
Have we got a bet?
No bet.
Polka dots.
In the whole world,
nobody but Nathan Detroit...
...could blow a thousand bucks
on polka dots.
- Hi, Sky.
- Nice to see you, Benny.
- How goes it, Sky?
- Healthy at the moment.
- And with you, Nicely?
- Nicely-nicely, thanks. Nathan?
What's the matter, Nathan?
You look sick.
A temporary disorder,
the cheesecake backed up on him.
Maybe that's why they told us
they sell more strudel than cheesecake.
NATHAN:
Oh.
Nathan, Adelaide gave us
a message for you.
Be sure and pick her up at the Hot Box
after the show, and don't be late.
NATHAN: Yes, dear. I mean, okay.
- Yes, dear?
This is husband talk if I ever heard it.
Nathan, you are trapped...
...because Adelaide is the kind of a doll
that is most difficult to unload.
I don't want to unload her. I love her.
A guy without a doll, well...
If a guy does not have a doll,
who would holler on him?
- A doll is a necessity.
- Like I told you...
...I am not putting the knock on dolls.
It's that they are something to have around...
...only when they come in handy,
like cough drops.
And the proof that I am right
is that dolls are available all over the place...
...as far as the eye can see.
[BAND PLAYING IN THE STREET]
Not dolls like Adelaide.
Nathan, nothing personal
and no offense...
...but figuring weight for age,
all dolls are the same.
- All dolls are the same, huh?
- As far as the eye can see.
Then it seems to me that the one place
a doll would come in handy...
...would be on a trip to Havana.
This being the case,
how come you ain't got one?
How come you are going alone,
without a doll?
A matter of choice.
I choose to travel alone,
but if I wish to take a doll to Havana...
...the supply is more
than Woolworth's has got beads.
- Not high-class dolls.
- There's only one class...
...indivisible and interchangeable.
A doll is a doll.
All dolls, any doll, you name her.
Any doll? Will you bet on that?
Will you bet a thousand bucks
that if I name a doll...
...you can take the same doll
to Havana with you tomorrow?
You've got yourself a bet.
[BAND PLAYING IN STREET]
I name her.
- Her?
- Sergeant Sarah Brown.
[BAND CONTINUES PLAYING]
Daddy, I got cider in my ear.
It is my fault, you know.
It's not the mission, it's me.
I can't do the job that has to be done.
I'm a failure.
I'd be doing the right thing
if I resigned and went back home to Boston.
Sarah...
...should you be able to bend
a solid gold watch?
- Of course not.
- That's what I thought.
Why do you want to go home?
Because there aren't any sinners
in Boston?
What have I accomplished here?
Surrounded by thousands
of depraved characters...
...and after months of hard work,
an empty mission.
Sarah, I'm ashamed of you.
Just because the riffraff of Broadway
didn't break down that door...
...the minute they heard
you were in charge of this mission.
These aren't small-town delinquents
who drink too much on Saturday night.
You're up against
the devil's first-string troops.
A whole army of devil's disciples.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- Do you take sinners here?
- At any time of the day or night, son.
Come right in and sit down.
- Cup of coffee and a doughnut?
- Just coffee, thanks.
I am not here
because I am poor and hungry.
Not for food, that is.
Blessed are they which do hunger
after righteousness. Is that it?
Hunger and thirst after righteousness.
Yes, sir. That's it.
My name's Arvide Abernathy.
The young lady at the desk
is Sergeant Sarah Brown.
To you, we're Brother Arvide
and Sister Sarah. Sit down, son.
- How do you do?
- Brother Sky. Hello, Sister Sarah.
- Is that your name? Sky?
- Sky Masterson.
What is it that troubles you,
Mr. Masterson?
- Brother Sky.
- Oh, Brother Sky.
- I gather you are not in need of money.
- I'm healthy at the moment. It can change.
Are only the unhappy poor welcome here?
What are you unhappy about, son?
Gambling.
Apparently you're a successful gambler.
Is it wrong to gamble, or only to lose?
I better come back for help
when I'm broke.
Please don't misunderstand.
It's just so unusual for a successful sinner
to be unhappy about sin.
Besides, my unhappiness came up
very suddenly. Maybe it'll go away again.
We can keep you unhappy, son.
Give us a chance.
You don't look like a gambler at heart.
What made you take it up in the first place?
Evil companions. Evil companions
who are always offering me sucker bets.
- Just what is a sucker bet?
- A bet that is reserved for suckers.
For a gambler to get sucked in
on such a bet is most humiliating.
But to lose it means that you are marked
for a very long time as a chump.
So you must go all out
to win such a bet.
Is that so terrible,
to be marked as a chump?
Among my people, being a chump
is like losing your citizenship.
Because a chump is an outsider, a yokel
who will buy anything with varnish on it.
- Like a solid gold watch for a dollar?
- This is a real chump.
Well, I think I'll get some rest
before we go out again.
Brother Sky, I'm glad you found us.
Now, you stay here and talk to Sister Sarah.
Whatever your problems are,
she'll have the answers.
- I hope so.
- I know so.
If there's one thing
Sister Sarah never fails in...
...it's solving other people's problems.
What did he mean by that?
The way he said it, how you never fail
in solving other people's problems.
Haven't we changed places,
Mr. Masterson?
- Brother Sky.
- Brother Sky, aren't we supposed...?
Why do you have trouble calling me
Brother Sky?
Brother Sky, aren't we supposed
to be discussing your problems?
It just struck me that maybe non-sinners
also have problems.
If you are sincerely interested
in giving up gambling, Mr... Brother Sky...
...reading these pamphlets will help you.
My daddy always said reading pamphlets
never made anybody give up anything.
Now, I had a more personal help
in mind.
Well, we're having a midnight
prayer meeting on Thursday.
Thursday is day after tomorrow.
Who's going to help me
between now and then?
Well, our doors are always open.
Come in any time.
You know what I think, Sister Sarah?
I think you not only don't wanna help me...
...but I think for some reason,
you're against me.
I'm afraid that is true.
I'm afraid I don't trust you, Mr. Masterson.
- Brother Sky.
- Mr. Masterson.
You don't believe I'm a sinner, do you?
I'm prepared to believe that you're
the biggest sinner I've ever met in my life.
But you don't believe I want to repent.
Is that it?
All of a sudden you want a cup of coffee.
Did it ever occur to you that some people
could be all repentance and no sin?
You know, I may start a chain of missions
that help your kind.
"Come, all ye repenters,
and let us bring a little sin into your life."
"There is no peace unto the wicked."
Proverbs. This is wrong.
Let's say it's a matter of opinion, shall we?
I made a statement of fact. It's wrong.
How dare you?
Even if this is not a church, it is a mission!
- How dare you blaspheme?
- How dare you misquote the Bible?
"No peace unto the wicked"
is not Proverbs.
- It's Isaiah.
- Of course it's Proverbs.
Isaiah.
Chapter 57, verse 20 or 21.
Would you like to bet on it?
Not money, just a nice sociable bet?
Isaiah?
Isaiah.
I imagine there is only one thing...
...that has been in as many different
hotel rooms as I have, the Gideon Bible.
Never tangle with me
on the Good Book.
I must have read it through
at least a dozen times.
Well, if all that was no help to you...
Who says it wasn't?
Once in one of my blackest moments...
...I came up with a three-horse parlay.
Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego.
- Mr. Masterson, why did you come in here?
- I told you, I'm an unhappy sinner.
- Excuse me, but you're a liar.
- Excuse me, but lying is not one of my sins.
I am not in the market
for a one-dollar solid gold watch.
All right. We'll lay it on the line.
From now on, we'll deal the hand open.
Could you say that in English?
I'm sure you've earned your stripes
courageously...
...in active combat against the devil.
- There's no need to be sarcastic.
But not on this particular battlefield
against the devil's first-line troops.
Because you can't get at the enemy.
Sergeant, this mission is laying an egg.
- You have no way of knowing.
- I've got lots of ways of knowing.
And you are stuck with a store
full of repentance and no customers.
And without sinners to repent,
what is repentance?
It doesn't exist.
So you're stuck with a store full of nothing.
- Now, do I give you a fair rundown?
- I wouldn't know. I've never had a rundown.
- Would you be open to a proposition?
- I've had those. No.
Don't flatter yourself. I'm talking business.
I am in a position to supply you...
...with the raw material you need
for your work, namely sinners.
- How?
- That's my work.
Now when is this big midnight meeting
of yours?
Thursday, day after tomorrow.
I guarantee to supply that meeting
with at least one dozen genuine sinners.
Whether they repent or not is up to you.
Thank you very much.
That seems to be a fair rundown.
- Now, if you will excuse me.
- Just a minute, Sister Sarah.
This is not a charity contribution I'm making.
This is a business transaction.
- Something you want for something I want.
- And what is that?
Have dinner with me tomorrow night.
Oh...
Why should that be something you want?
Well, maybe because I think
I'll be hungry tomorrow night.
Keep this. It's my marker.
- Your what?
- My marker. My IOU for at least one dozen...
...genuine sinners
delivered as described.
Now, I will pick you up here
tomorrow at noon.
- At noon to go to dinner?
- It takes time to get there.
We're going to eat at my favorite restaurant,
El Café Cabana.
- El Café Cabana, where's that?
- Havana.
- Havana, Cuba?
- Well, what other Havanas are there?
You wanna take me to dinner
in Havana, Cuba?
Well, they eat in Cuba, same as we do.
What do you take me for, Mr. Masterson?
A chump?
- Isaiah's on the other side.
- You get out of here.
What are they worth to you?
At least one dozen genuine sinners
ready for salvation.
What are they worth to you?
A chicken salad in the tearoom?
One last word, sergeant.
I don't want you to walk out of this room
thinking the reason you're upset...
...is because some black-hearted sinner
made improper advances...
It's none of your business what I think.
...to a virtuous young lady
with a shining white soul.
Any sinful thoughts
that may be present in this room...
...at this time come out of you, doll,
not me.
You're quite right.
I'm nothing but a repressed, neurotic girl...
I've read two whole books on this subject.
- Who is abnormally attracted to sin...
...and therefore abnormally afraid of it.
And you're not the first man
to try that approach, Mr. Masterson.
I am happy to know
that I am not the first man...
...who ever tried to approach
in any way at all.
- You're not even close.
- Oh, I imagine by now you've succeeded...
...in blocking all possible approaches,
haven't you?
Except for a few
that you wouldn't know about, I'm afraid.
Well, of course, I only know
the ones on the outskirts of society.
What are the approaches like
on the inskirts?
All paved with honorable intentions?
- I wonder what he'll be like.
- Who?
Oh, that upright, downright, forthright
square with his close-shaved chin up...
...who right now, somewhere, is marching
along the proper approach to proper you.
- What'll he be like?
- He will not be a gambler, for one thing.
I can name better than you can,
the things he won't be, but what will he be?
- How will you know when he gets to you?
- Don't worry. I'll know.
[SINGING]
For I've imagined every bit of him
From his strong moral fiber
To the wisdom in his head
To the homey aroma of his pipe
You have wished yourself
A small-town Galahad
The breakfast-eating, four-button type
And I shall meet him
When the time is ripe
I'll know
When my love comes along
I won't take a chance
For, oh
He'll be just what I need
Not some fly-by-night
Broadway romance
And you'll know at a glance
By the two pair of pants
I'll know
By his calm, steady voice
Those feet on the ground
I'll know
As I run to his arms
That at last I've come home
Safe and sound
And till then I shall wait
And till then I'll be strong
For I'll know
When my love
Comes along
Mine will come as a surprise to me
Mine I leave to chance and chemistry
- Chemistry?
- Yeah, chemistry.
Suddenly I'll know
When my love comes along
I'll know then and there
I'll know
At the sight of her face
How I care, how I care, how I care
And I'll stop
And I'll stare
And I'll know
Long before we can speak
I'll know in my heart
I'll know
And I won't ever ask
Am I right? Am I wise? Am I smart?
But I'll stop
And I'll stare
At that face
In the throng
Yes, I'll know
When my love
Comes along
[SKY CLEARS THROAT]
SKY:
Mm-hm.
Well, that makes it necessary
for me to drop back again.
Matthew 5:39.
Don't bother looking it up.
It's the bit about the other cheek.
I know, Joey.
But the thousand bucks is guaranteed.
What? It's a bet I cannot lose.
I bet Sky Masterson he could not take
a certain doll to Havana with him.
Not this doll. Not this doll.
[AUDIENCE CLAPPING]
And now for the grand finale
of our round-the-world revue...
...the Hot Box takes you out to the alley
with Miss Adelaide and her Alley Kittens.
[ALLEY KITTENS MEOWING]
["PET ME POPPA" PLAYING]
[MEOWING]
[CORKS POPPING]
ALL:
Meow!
Hello
[ALL PURRING]
Ow!
One meow, two meow
Three meow, scat
What's the initial of my pet tomcat?
Is it A, B, C, D, E, F, G?
Is it H or J or L, M, N, O, P?
Is it L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T?
No, it's you
You're the cat for me
Meow.
Uh-uh.
You know you've been mean to me
And you know when you're mean to me
How it always makes me wanna roam
And you know there's a danger
That some gentle stranger
Might pick me up
And make me feel at home
So pet me, Poppa
Poppa, pet me nice
Meow, meow.
Oh, pet me, Poppa
Poppa, melt the ice
And you know how
If you don't want me out roamin' the city
Talk to me pretty
Here, kitty kitty
And pet me, Poppa
Poppa, pet me nice
Oh, pet me, Poppa
Poppa, pet me good
Meow, meow.
Pet me, Poppa
Proper, like you should
And you know how
If you care to keep me home by the fire
Especially when it's time to retire
Then pet me, Poppa
Poppa, pet me good
Warm up my saucer of milk
And maybe I'll purr
[ALL PURRING]
Lay out my cushion of silk
Don't rumple my fur
[ALL HISSING]
- Just reach over and
- Pet me, Poppa
Poppa, melt the ice
If you don't want me out roamin' the city
Talk to me pretty
Here, kitty kitty
And pet me, Poppa
That's my good advice
Pet me, Poppa
Meow.
Pet me, Poppa
[ALL GROWL]
Pet me, Poppa
Poppa, pet me
That'll get me
Pet me, Poppa
Poppa, pet me nice
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
Look, Joey, I gotta hang up.
Can I at least tell the guys...
...that the game will be
at your garage tomorrow night?
Joey, I would gladly pay you in advance...
...but I will not get
the money until tomorrow.
I've got to have time
to spread the word around.
Joey, listen to...
Yes, Joey.
Drop dead, Joey. Yes, Joey.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
Oh, Nathan, darling. You got here early.
Oh, It's so thrilling
to find you waiting for me.
Just like we were married
and I was coming home from work.
You wouldn't make me stop working,
would you, Nathan?
That would be cruel.
A doll like you could earn
good money for another 10 years.
- Easy.
- Ah, sweet.
And you were reading my book too.
See? I told you
reading don't make people go blind.
It's very interesting, isn't it?
What is? Oh, the book. Yeah.
The doctor gave it to me.
He said he thought
it might help me get rid of my cold.
- With a book?
- The doctor thinks that my cold...
...might possibly be caused
by psychology.
- Ah. How does he know you got psychology?
- Nathan, everybody has got it.
And female psychology explains
why certain girls do certain kinds of things.
It's all in the book.
Must be some book.
Uh...
Would it, for instance,
tell you what kind of a doll...
...would go for a certain kind of a guy...
...which you wouldn't think
she would do so?
Nathan, no matter
how terrible a fella seems...
...you can never be sure
that some girl won't go for him.
Take us.
Get dressed. We'll go eat.
ADELAIDE:
Um...
Starting with next week, Nathan...
...I will be getting a raise in salary.
Where does it say
what different kind of dolls will do?
You're not even listening to me.
[ADELAIDE SNEEZES]
Gesundheit.
I will be making enough
so that we can finally get married.
- What do you think?
- Hmm?
Oh. Of course we'll get married.
Sooner or later.
Nathan, after 14 years,
it is already too late to be sooner.
And if it gets much later,
soon it will be too late even to be later.
[ADELAIDE SNEEZES]
Gesundheit.
Besides, Nathan, I don't know
what to do anymore about mother.
Mother? What about your mother?
Oh, Nathan, this is something
that I haven't told you before...
...but my mother, back in Rhode Island...
...she thinks that we are already married.
How could she think such a thing?
Maybe because I wrote her
that we were already married.
- That would make her think so.
- Nathan, in Rhode Island...
...people do not remain engaged for 14 years.
They get married.
So how come it's such a small state?
Furthermore, after about two years...
- After about two years, we...
- We got a divorce?
We had a baby.
- You wrote your mother we had a baby?
- I had to, Nathan.
Mother kept after me and after me
and finally I just ran out of excuses.
And what type baby was it?
It was a boy. I named it after you, Nathan.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Tell me, what has Nathan Junior
been doing all these years?
Well, right now he's in boarding school.
As a matter of fact, I wrote Mother
that he won the football game last Saturday.
I wish I had a bet on it.
But, Nathan...
...that isn't all.
You're not going to tell me
we also have got an Adelaide Junior?
All these years, Nathan.
Mother believes in big families.
And we had such an early start.
Just give me the grand total.
- Five.
- Adelaide.
How could you do such a thing
to a nice old broad like your mother?
Nathan, darling,
let's just us get married...
...and I'll handle everything else, okay?
- Okay, doll, when we're ready.
- Nathan, we are ready now.
We have been ready for 14 years.
All we need now is a license
and a blood test.
- Blood test?
- Don't worry, Nathan. You've got blood.
What a city.
First they close my crap game
and then they open my veins.
Nathan, you gave up the crap game.
Of course I did, doll.
And you know why? For you.
- Because I love you.
- Oh.
Can I borrow some earrings?
It is customary, Laverne,
to knock when entering...
...the private dressing room
of an engaged person.
As far as I'm concerned,
you are in here by yourself.
May I borrow some earrings?
- Diamonds or pearls?
- Diamonds.
In the top drawer of the trunk.
The big box.
Aren't they a little long, dear?
Remember, you've got a short neck.
He's a tall man.
You, I'm all dated up
with Society Max tomorrow night...
...and he breaks it
on account of your silly crap game.
Adelaide, look at me. I'm on my knees.
Oh, get up.
It reminds me of your crap game.
Adelaide, doll.
[ADELAIDE SNEEZES]
You're getting yourself upset
about nothing.
[SNEEZES]
It's a game I set up a long time ago.
I couldn't get out of it.
[SNEEZES]
Understand?
[SNEEZES]
Look, we love each other.
We're gonna get married.
We'll be happy.
Get out of my life, Nathan Detroit.
I knew you'd understand.
[ADELAIDE SNEEZES]
Gesundheit.
[SNORTING]
It says here:
[SINGING]
The average unmarried female
Basically insecure
Due to some long frustration
May react
With psychosomatic symptoms
Difficult to endure
Affecting the upper respiratory tract
In other words, just from waiting around
For that plain little band of gold
A person
[SNIFFS]
Can develop a cold
You can spray her wherever
You figure the streptococci lurk
You can give her a shot for whatever she's got
But it just won't work
If she's tired of getting that fisheye
From the hotel clerk
A person
[SNIFFS]
Can develop a cold
It says here:
The female remaining single
Constantly in suspense
Shows a neurotic tendency
See note
See note?
Note
Chronic organic syndromes
Toxic or hypertense
Involving the eye, the ear,
The nose and throat
In other words, just from wondering
Whether the wedding is on or off
A person
[COUGHS]
Can develop a cough
You can feed her all day with the vitamin A
And the Bromo fizz
But the medicine never gets anywhere near
Where the trouble is
If she's getting a kind of a name for herself
And the name ain't his
A person can develop a cough
And furthermore, just from stalling and stalling
And stalling the wedding trip
A person can develop la grippe
When they get on the train for Niagara
And she can hear church bells chime
The compartment is air-conditioned
And the mood sublime
Then they get off at Yonkers racetrack
For the 14th time
A person can develop la grippe
La grippe, la post-nasal drip
With the wheezes and the sneezes
And a sinus that's really a pip
[SNORTS]
[SNEEZES]
From a lack of community property
And a feeling she's getting too old
A person can develop
A bad, bad cold
[BAND PLAYING]
BAND & SKY [SINGING]:
Follow the fold and stray no more
Stray no more
Stray no more
Put down the bottle
And we'll say no more
[BAND STOPS SINGING]
[BAND PLAYING]
Nathan, if you had arrived
one minute earlier...
...you would have witnessed
Miss Sarah give Sky Masterson...
...a one hundred percent brush-off.
So the thousand for Joey Biltmore
is practically in your pocket.
- You should be jumping for joy.
- I'm jumping.
You got work to do,
arrangements to make.
A shave and a hot towel will fix you up.
For who should I have a shave?
For who should I have a hot towel?
Do you know what is at stake here?
Nathan Detroit's crap game.
Because of a doll. I cannot believe that
a number-one businessman like you...
...could let himself go and fall in love
with his own fiancé.
All right! So Adelaide is my weakness.
Can you not be tolerant
that I have got a weakness?
Especially since this weakness
is a sad condition...
...that guys are in all over the world? Look.
[SINGING]
What's playin' at the Roxy?
I'll tell you what's playin' at the Roxy
It's a picture about a Minnesota man
So in love with a Mississippi girl
That he sacrifices everything
And moves all the way to Biloxi
That's what's playin' at the Roxy
What's in the Daily News?
I'll tell you what's in the Daily News
Story about a guy
Who bought his wife a small ruby
With what otherwise
Would have been his union dues
That's what's in the Daily News
What's happenin' all over?
I'll tell you what's happenin' all over
Guys sitting home by a television set
Who used to be something of a rover
That's what's happening all over
Love is the thing that has licked them
And it looks like I'm just another victim
Yes, sir.
When you see a guy
Reach for stars in the sky
You can bet that he's doin' it
For some doll
When you spot a John
Waitin' out in the rain
Chances are he's insane
As only a John can be for a Jane
When you meet a gent
Payin' all kinds of rent
For a flat that could flatten the Taj Mahal
Call it sad, call it funny
But it's better than even money
That the guy's only doin' it
For some doll
When you see a Joe
Savin' half of his dough
You can bet there'll be mink in it
For some doll
When a bum buys wine
Like a bum can't afford
It's a cinch that the bum is under the thumb
Of some little broad
When you meet a mug
Lately out of the jug
And he's still liftin' platinum folderol
Call it hell, call it heaven
It's a probable 12 to 7
That the guy's only doin' it
For some doll
When you see a sport
And his cash has run short
You can bet he's been blowin' it
On some doll
When a guy wears tails
With the front gleaming white
Who the heck do you think he's ticklin' pink
On Saturday night?
When some lazy slob
Gets a good steady job
And he smells from Vitalis and Barbasol
Call it dumb, call it clever
Ah, but you can give odds forever
That the guy's only doin' it for some doll
Some doll, some doll
The guy's only doin' it
For some doll
Well, I think we finally managed
to shake off the prince of darkness.
You certainly did your best
to discourage him.
I certainly did.
CARTWRIGHT:
Arvide.
General Cartwright,
what a pleasant surprise.
- Sarah.
- We didn't know you were in town.
A flying visit.
Flew in from Boston early this morning.
Important luncheon meeting.
While waiting, thought I'd check
a few of our outposts informally.
I must say, Sarah, I was surprised
to find the mission unattended...
...in a neighborhood
as unsavory as this.
Why should you be surprised, general?
You've seen our records.
We don't seem to get anyone in here
even to rob the place.
Yes.
Well, now that you've brought it up...
...I must confess
I have come for a purpose.
- An unhappy one, I'm afraid.
SARAH: I know it doesn't look...
...as if we're accomplishing anything,
but in time, I know that...
CARTWRIGHT: Time, I'm afraid,
is what we can no longer afford.
My good friends...
...after careful deliberation...
...national headquarters has decided
to close this branch of the mission.
ARVIDE: Close the mission?
SARAH: No, general. Please.
Even if I haven't made a success of it,
there must be someone who will.
Sarah Brown, if you can't
attract sinners, nobody can.
There are so many calls on us, my dear.
So many other places
where our work is needed.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
How do you do?
I don't believe we've met, brother...
Brother Sky Masterson. Former sinner.
I am General Cartwright,
regional director of Save-A-Soul.
Why isn't his name
on the progress report?
What were you doing in there?
I was resting, Sister Sarah.
I was going to ask Brother Arvide if...
If he might let me carry the drum
when we go out again this afternoon.
General, on behalf of the former sinners
of the future...
...I would like to protest
the closing of this mission.
- General, I think I should explain to you...
- Sarah, this man has a right to be heard.
Continue, Brother Sky.
General...
...would you be open to a proposition?
The general is flying back to Boston
this afternoon.
She will not be available
for dinner tonight.
Sarah, what are you talking about?
- What have you got in mind, young man?
- Faith in Sister Sarah.
I ask you to give her 36 hours to show you
that she can make this mission pay off.
Saving souls should not be
referred to as paying off.
- Why 36 hours?
- Because he knows that our big meeting...
...thirty-six hours from now
will be a great success.
Uncle Arvide!
But how can you guarantee that,
Brother Sky?
Well, let's just say
I have a feeling about it.
"If sinners entice thee, consent thou not."
That's the wrong thought.
Sister Sarah,
where is yesterday's thought for today?
Top right-hand drawer.
Excuse me, general.
Before going to the expense
of a big meeting...
...I should think you'd require more than
just a feeling that it will be successful.
Oh, it's a very strong feeling, general.
Ah.
"There is no peace to the wicked."
Isaiah 57:21. That is correct.
General, my proposition is this.
Why don't you come
to the midnight meeting tomorrow night...
...and find out for yourself?
Well, if I thought there was a chance
of finding definite progress...
...and a sizable turnout...
What do you think, Sister Sarah?
Don't you honestly believe that this mission
could be saved within the next 36 hours?
General Cartwright...
...I am in a position
to guarantee you personally...
...at least one dozen genuine sinners.
Hallelujah!
- Hallelujah.
- Hallelujah.
Be sure you're wearing your carnation.
[MEN CHATTERING]
Remember, nobody gets in the crap game
without they got a red carnation.
- It's like a password. Nathan's orders.
- We got the flowers. Where is the action?
The minute Nathan arrives
we're gonna...
He has arrived. Is it all set?
Can I tell the customers
it's Joey Biltmore's...
Not till I put the thousand in Joey's hand.
And I haven't got it yet.
I sent Nicely to wait for Sky at his hotel.
The minute Sky gives him the money,
Nicely's gonna bring it back to me.
But they won't stick around much longer.
They're getting nervous.
I'm not nervous?
Well, Harry the Horse.
How is everything in Brooklyn? The same?
I hope, Detroit,
that you will not spoil our evening.
In as much as I happen to be entertaining
a very prominent guest tonight.
I would like you to meet
Big Jule from Chicago.
Big Jule, welcome to our fair city.
In which, as you know, the heat is on.
However, if you will be patient,
you will be provided with action.
What do you say, Big Jule?
Shall we stick around or shall we blow?
I come here to shoot crap.
Let's shoot crap.
- Order another milkshake and relax.
- Nathan.
Do not let the fact that Big Jule
drinks milk give you any wrong ideas.
Big Jule does not like to be displeased.
Why, Harry, did I give the impression
that I was being rude to a guest...
...with such a well-deserved reputation
as Big Jule?
Big Jule...
...I am sure that you did not misunderstand
my kidding remarks.
It's just that one look at your kindly face,
which is...
...so full of fun, good fellowship...
Could I have a swallow of your milk?
BRANNIGAN:
Well, well, well...
What have we here?
The jails must be empty tonight.
Can anybody be missing?
Harry the Horse...
...Liverlips Louie...
...Angie the Ox, Society Max...
And here is a face
for which I cannot supply a name.
May I ask where you come from?
- East Cicero, Illinois.
- And what is your occupation there?
I'm a scoutmaster.
Don't ever help my mother
across the street.
Such lovely red carnations.
Is it a funeral?
Did somebody die suddenly
that I don't know about yet?
What's on, Nathan? What brings
all these senior delinquents together?
They got lonely. How do I know?
And why are they all
wearing red carnations?
- They are also all wearing pants.
- You are up to no good, Detroit!
Is it a crime to wear flowers?
Is Mindy's suddenly a hideout for gangsters?
Lieutenant, I'll confess.
We're smuggling hot cheesecake into Canada.
This is all I need. It's complete.
Everybody in the whole world
who hates me is now here.
What's the use, Nathan?
Why try to keep it a secret?
- Bite your tongue, Benny.
- All right, Southstreet, let's have it.
What's this all about?
- It's a party, lieutenant.
- What kind of a party?
A dinner.
A bachelor dinner for Nathan Detroit.
He's getting married.
[SINGING]
For he's a jolly good fellow
For he's a jolly good fellow
Which nobody cannot deny
ADELAIDE:
Oh.
Nathan, darling. I'm so thrilled.
- Why didn't you tell me?
- It was gonna be a surprise wedding.
You certainly had me fooled, Detroit.
When is the happy occasion?
Well, it's gonna take a little time
to get the blood test and the license.
Gee, wouldn't it be wonderful
if we could get married tomorrow night?
I mean, right after the opening
of the new show at the Hot Box.
Adelaide, according to the laws
under which we live...
...it's gonna take a little time.
- You could elope.
- You are telling me to violate the law?
- It's legal to elope at your age.
And the great state of Maryland
will marry you right away, no blood test.
- Ain't that unhealthy?
- Nathan, the lieutenant has come up...
...with a romantic suggestion
of which I approve.
Elope, and for the trip
I will loan you my getaway car.
Uh, that is, my station wagon.
Oh, Nathan, darling, let's do it. Please.
Okay. Deal me in.
- Speech, Nathan.
- Speech.
MAN 1: Yeah, give us a little speech.
MAN 2: Yeah, speech.
[SINGING] Unaccustomed as I am
To getting married
I am taking this occasion here to say
That me and Adelaide
Are finally naming the day
Though she knows deep in her heart
I'm a phony and I'm a fake
She wants five children to start
Five's a difficult point to make
But
Adelaide, Adelaide
Ever-Iovin' Adelaide
Is takin' a chance on me
Takin' a chance
I'll be respectable and nice
Give up cards and dice
And go for shoes and rice
So, gentlemen, deal me out
Do not try to feel me out
I got no more evenings free
Since Adelaide, Adelaide
Ever-Iovin' Adelaide
Is takin' a chance
Talk about your long shots
Takin' a chance on me
Well, my congratulations too.
And I certainly hope
there's nothing in heredity.
It might seem unimportant to you
on the night before your wedding...
...but your blintzes are getting cold.
Who cares? As long as Nathan stays hot.
Look, don't forget to bring my purse
to the Hot Box.
Oh, Nathan, darling, I'm so excited.
I don't even wanna eat
and go back to work.
I've got so many things to do
before tomorrow night.
What about my mother?
I've got to write to her. What'll I say?
Send a telegram. Date it back 14 years.
[SINGING]
Adelaide
Adelaide
ALL:
Ever-Iovin' Adelaide
Is takin' a chance on me
Takin' a chance
I'll be respectable and nice
Give up the cards and dice
And go for shoes and rice
So, gentlemen, deal me out
Do not try to feel me out
- You got no more evenings free
- You may scratch me
- Since Adelaide
- Adelaide
Ever-Iovin' Adelaide
Is takin' a chance
Talk about your long shots
Takin' a chance
On me
Nathan, you are indeed
a most lucky fella.
She is a most beautiful doll indeed.
Do you agree, Big Jule?
- Tell me, how long do you know the doll?
- Fourteen years.
Let's shoot crap.
- Nathan! Something happened...
- You couldn't find Sky at the hotel?
Did you go to the mission?
He's been following them all day.
That's what I'm trying to tell you.
- He must be with the mission band right now.
- Nathan, wait!
[BAND PLAYING]
[MAN PLAYING GUITAR AND SINGING
"A WOMAN IN LOVE" IN SPANISH]
[PEOPLE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
This church is, for the most part,
Spanish baroque built of native limestone.
The original church
was built on this site in 1674...
...and reconstructed
between 1704 and 1724.
- It's almost impossible to believe.
- Well, that's not very old for a church.
Why, long before 1674,
there were missionaries...
What does it say about the moonlight?
- The moonlight?
- Mm-hm.
It's very bright, isn't it?
So bright, you can even read
your guidebook by it.
Now that you mention it...
- What does it say about the music?
- The music?
SKY:
Mm-hm.
[MAN CONTINUES PLAYING GUITAR
AND SINGING "A WOMAN IN LOVE" IN SPANISH]
It's a lovely tune.
Sister Sarah, let me read out
of Sky Masterson's guidebook about you.
You could be locked away in a room
with no sun, no moon...
...no laughter, no music, no love,
and you wouldn't care.
You could still be a missionary.
The cobblestones in this plaza
are approximately four centuries old.
They are the very cobblestones that were
put down by the Spanish colonists in 1519.
[MEN SINGING "A WOMAN IN LOVE"
IN SPANISH]
[WAITER SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
- What's your pleasure?
- Oh, drinking.
What's your pleasure?
Milk, please.
- Don't make a spectacle of yourself.
- Milk.
You are a United States citizen
in a foreign country.
Have you no pride in what the world
thinks about Americans?
Milk!
Milk.
[SKY & WAITER SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
What did you order?
Dulce de Leche.
"Dulce" is the Spanish word for "sweet."
- "De" means "of" and "leche" means "milk."
- Sweet of milk.
Don't they serve it plain?
Well, only in the mornings.
It has to do with the heat.
At night,
they put a kind of preservative in it.
That's interesting. What do they use?
- Uh, Bacardi.
- Bacardi?
SKY:
Mm-hm.
Doesn't that have alcohol in it?
Well, just enough to keep
the milk from turning sour.
[BAND PLAYING "A WOMAN IN LOVE"]
That's the same song we heard
being played near the church, isn't it?
Playing the tambourine has developed
in you an ear for music.
Mr. Masterson, you think
I'm an awful prude, don't you?
Are you?
Well, I wonder sometimes.
For instance,
supposing I wasn't in mission work.
SKY:
Mm-hm.
SARAH:
Mm.
This is a tasty milkshake.
Do you mind if I have another?
SKY:
Uh...
Supposing I was just any girl...
...do you think just any girl
would be a prude...
...if she refused to go to Havana
with a man she'd never met before?
Oh, I suppose not.
Would you like to try
some of my milkshake...
...while you're waiting for the next one?
I haven't touched it.
Just a sip.
Oh, thanks.
I don't know when I've been so thirsty.
Still, you do think I'm a prude,
don't you?
- I don't know what you are.
- Well, you must think I'm something.
Yeah, you're something all buttoned up.
All except one button.
Oh, isn't it awful?
It's a nervous habit, I guess. So silly.
Oh.
[SLURPING]
I'm sorry. I just wasn't thinking.
It's so delicious.
That Bacardi flavoring
certainly makes a difference, doesn't it?
Oh, yeah. Nine times out of 10.
You know, this would be a wonderful way
to get children to drink milk.
[BAND PLAYING "A WOMAN IN LOVE"]
A melody can have the same notes,
but suddenly it's a different song.
- Again, please?
- That song.
Before it was just romantic,
just silly slush.
Now it's playing inside of me,
all true and honest...
...as if my heart were beating the drum.
How much do you know about life?
- Only a little bit. Around the edges.
- Tell me about life.
- All about it?
- How to live.
Doing what you want, having
what you want, saying what you want.
- Being what you want.
- Nobody can. Nobody does.
If you could, you probably wouldn't want it.
Oh, but you're wrong, Brother Sky,
you're wrong.
- All right. You tell me about life.
- You don't believe I could, don't you?
I believe I could.
After all, it was you that came to me
for help, isn't that so?
Because you were unhappy.
What were you unhappy about, Sky?
- Well, I can't remember this minute.
- But you do remember that I failed you.
I was weighed in the balance
and found wanting.
- Daniel 5:27.
- For that I am truly sorry.
But I intend to make it up to you.
I intend to give you all the help
you will ever require.
You have given me
a great deal of help already.
You don't think I remember, don't you?
But I do.
Every word,
as if you were saying it now.
- What?
- About having a more...
...personal help in mind.
But I gave you
those silly old pamphlets...
...as if they could take the place
of a truly personal help.
[SLURPING]
How can a sinner hope to be saved
by maybe one hour of help or two...
...when for the rest of the 24
he must fight temptation alone?
- How indeed?
- It's been done with people...
...who drink too much, you know.
Help day and night, night and day.
- Anywhere, anytime.
- That's a full-time job.
Well, you're a full-time sinner.
Maybe a little time off
for good behavior?
Pal, you're not gonna
fight alone anymore.
What if it's against mission policies?
Private lessons in salvation?
Because I'm gonna be with you.
A one-woman mission
for the personal salvation of me?
Day and night, night and day.
- Sister Sarah, why would you want to?
- Whatever you do, wherever you go.
- Why, Sister Sarah? Why?
- I wanna be with you.
The world's full of souls
closer to salvation than mine.
Anytime, anywhere.
Easier to save
and much more worth saving.
You...
Please say something.
I've got to know what you're thinking.
I'm thinking...
...it's time you had your dinner.
[SINGING "A WOMAN IN LOVE" IN SPANISH]
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
[MAN AND WOMAN SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
[MEN SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
[MUSIC STOPS]
MAN 1: Ooh!
MAN 2: Oh!
[MEN SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
[WOMEN SCREAMING]
[BELL TOLLING]
[SARAH GASPS]
Still dizzy?
You won't believe me,
but with my head underwater...
...I actually heard bells ringing.
I'll believe you.
- Ask me how do I feel.
- How do you feel?
[SINGING]
Ask me now that we're cozy and clinging
Well, sir, all I can say is if I were a bell
I'd be ringing
From the moment we kissed tonight
That's the way I've just got to behave
Boy, if I were a lamp I'd light
And if I were a banner I'd wave
Ask me how do I feel
Little me with my quiet upbringing
Well, sir, all I can say
Is if I were a gate
I'd be swinging
And if I were a watch
I'd start poppin' my springs
Or if I were a bell
I'd go ding-dong-ding-dong-ding
Ask me how do I feel
From this chemistry lesson I'm learning
- Chemistry?
- Yeah, chemistry.
All I can say is if I were a bridge
I'd be burning
Yes, I knew my morale would crack
From the wonderful way that you looked
Boy, if I were a duck I'd quack
Or if I were a goose I'd be cooked
Ask me how do I feel
Ask me now that we're fondly caressing
Pal, if I were a salad
I know I'd be splashing my dressing
Ask me how to describe
This whole beautiful thing
Well, if I were a bell
I'd go ding-dong-ding-dong
Ding
[SARAH GIGGLES]
We just got time to catch
the last plane to New York.
People miss planes. It happens.
Yeah.
It also happens
that people win with loaded dice.
I know what I'm doing.
Do you, kid?
I don't.
Suddenly I'm playing
by a whole new book of rules.
You make me feel as if I were
a dishonest horse race or something.
Look, the bells rang. They really rang.
They weren't magical bells for lovers,
full of rum and music...
...on a make-believe island.
They rang to tell us what time it is.
Shall we synchronize our watches?
Sarah, I know the night time. I live in it.
It does funny things to you.
[SIGHS]
You must be trying to tell me
I'd hate myself in the morning.
I look as if I've been in a fight
or something.
You know, you're the most mixed up man
I've ever met in my life.
- Easily.
- All that nonsense about nighttime...
...and daytime and rule books and such.
Sarah.
You know why I brought you here
to Havana?
Because I made a bet that I could.
That's why I came to the mission,
to win a bet.
Why not? You're a gambler.
And, darling...
...you are also a chump.
We're blocks from the mission.
Come on, a little walk will do you good.
What time is it?
It's dawn any minute.
What makes the light
so strange and white?
Because only in Times Square...
...the dawn gets turned on
by an electrician.
[FOOTSTEPS]
- Listen.
- What?
Footsteps.
[FOOTSTEPS]
Now is the time you can hear footsteps
on Broadway.
Cup of coffee?
No.
Doughnut?
No.
[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]
[SKY CHUCKLES]
[SARAH HUMMING "A WOMAN IN LOVE"]
You remember that tune pretty well.
It keeps running through my heart.
It's got words, you know.
Something about amor, amor, I'll bet.
It's about you.
About you right now.
[SINGING]
Your eyes are the eyes
Of a woman in love
And, oh, how they give you away
Why try to deny
You're a woman in love
When I know very well
What I say
I say no moon in the sky
Ever lent such a glow
Some flame deep within
Made them shine
Those eyes are the eyes
Of a woman in love
And may they gaze
Evermore into mine
Tenderly gaze
Evermore
Into mine
And what about you?
It's got you too
Your eyes are the eyes
Of a man who's in love
That same flame deep within
Made them shine
Your eyes are the eyes
Of a man who's in love
Woman in love
And may they gaze
Evermore
Into mine
Crazily gaze
Evermore
Into mine
[DRUM POUNDING]
Uncle Arvide.
- Where have you been?
- Good morning, Sarah.
Morning, Brother Sky.
- Well, we took your advice.
- We've been out all night...
...on a crusade against the devil.
[POLICE SIRENS WAILING]
NICELY: Come on, fellas. Cheese it, the cops!
Everybody, let's go.
Come on, guys, let's get out of here.
[POLICE SIRENS WAILING]
- Nathan, what is this?
- Bingo!
Wait a minute. Where y'all going?
I'm out 10 G's.
[SIRENS WAILING]
It's no use.
They were tipped off.
I suppose you can explain all this,
Miss Brown?
Explain? Explain what?
I guess it was just a coincidence...
...that the mission was left
open and empty all night.
While everybody suddenly took off
on an all-night crusade.
But you yourself didn't go on the crusade
and you weren't here.
Now, maybe that's two coincidences.
Masterson, I had you in my big-time book.
Now I suppose I'll have to reclassify you
under shills and decoys.
You certainly do know the nighttime,
don't you?
And the funny things it does.
It certainly did them to me, didn't it?
You only have to answer one question.
It didn't do too much, though,
thanks to you, not me.
Just more than enough.
- Answer one question.
- Any question.
Am I now supposed to prove to you,
in any way...
...I had nothing to do...
- There isn't anything to prove.
Are you taking it for granted
I'm guilty as charged?
Everything that was to be proved,
has already been proved.
If I hadn't gone,
this would never have happened.
- You went with me to help the mission.
- Did I?
I can't remember that far back.
Oh, Sarah.
Is that really why I went with you?
To help the mission?
- Is that really why you took me?
- To win the bet. I told you.
Was that all of the bet, Sky,
to get me out of the way?
- What do you take me for?
- Or was there more? Much more?
Did you win the bet?
Did you truly win all of the bet?
What do you take yourself for?
- What kind of a doll are you?
- A daytime doll.
A mission doll.
HOST:
Thank you, thank you.
And now the feature attraction
of our all-new Four-D Follies...
...the Hot Box proudly presents
Miss Adelaide and her debutantes.
Excuse me.
[BAND PLAYING "TAKE BACK YOUR MINK"]
Nicely-nicely, thank you.
- I didn't ask you how you are.
- Don't.
What are you doing here?
Where's Nathan?
Nathan. That's what I'm doing here.
I'm supposed to bring Miss Adelaide
a message from him.
I wish Nathan would bring
his own messages.
["TAKE BACK YOUR MINK"
CONTINUES PLAYING]
[SINGING] He bought me the fur thing
Five winters ago
And the gown the following fall
Then the necklace, the bag
The hat and the shoes
Oh, what generous gifts I recall
Then last night in his apartment
He tried to remove them all
And I said as I ran down the hall
Take back your mink
Take back your pearls
What made you think
That I was one of those girls?
Take back the gown
The shoes and the hat
I may be down
But I'm not flat as all that
I thought that each expensive gift
You'd arranged
Was a token of your esteem
Now when I think
Of what you want in exchange
It all seems a horrible dream
So take back your mink
To from whence it came
And tell them to shorten the sleeves
For some other dame
Take back your mink
Take back your pearls
What made you think
That I was one of those girls?
I'm screaming take back the gown
Take back the hat
I may be down
But I'm not flat as all that
I thought that each expensive gift
You'd arranged
Was a token of your esteem
But when I think of what you want in exchange
It all seems a horrible dream
Take back your mink
Those old worn-out pelts
And go shorten the sleeves
For somebody else
Well, wouldn't you?
[AUDIENCE CLAPPING]
I cannot do it, Sky. I simply cannot bring
myself to tell Miss Adelaide...
...that Nathan is not going to elope
with her tonight.
And this time,
she is really counting on him.
Nathan is what he is.
She ought to know better.
I thought the game broke up last night.
Big Jule, being a large loser,
is most insistent that the game goes on.
So we find another place
and the game goes on.
- Where?
- It's too hard to describe.
I could take you there,
but I must deliver this message first.
I'll deliver it.
Meet me outside in five minutes.
If you're looking for action,
the boys are pretty tired, all except Big Jule.
No, I'm leaving town tonight, but I, uh...
I gave my marker to somebody
and I wanna make it good before I leave.
You know something, Sky?
Suddenly I'm embarrassed.
- I don't know which etiquette I should use.
- Etiquette?
Well, your being here tonight must have
something to do with the wedding.
I mean, Nathan must have sent you
as one of his seconds or something?
- Well, Nathan didn't exactly send me.
- Then I don't understand.
I'm supposed to give you
a message from him.
Oh. He's out there, isn't he? I mean,
Nathan's here tonight in the Hot Box?
No.
But tonight...
Sky, we're eloping tonight.
We're getting married tonight. In front
of all those people we talked about it.
- Oh, Sky, he's just got to be here.
- Well, he isn't.
Now, it seems that one of
Nathan's close relatives...
- His aunt in Pittsburgh?
- That's the one.
His floating aunt in Pittsburgh.
It's the crap game again.
Does it surprise you? You know Nathan.
- But he promised to change.
- Change, change.
Who do you love? Who do you wanna marry?
Nathan, or what you wanna make out of him?
I wanna marry and live normal like people.
I wanna have a normal home
with wallpaper and bookends.
Well, then, fall in love with people.
Not with gamblers.
[SOBBING]
Adelaide.
My daddy once told me...
...he says, "No matter who you get married to,
you wake up married to somebody else."
That's probably true,
and you take it the way the dice falls.
But a guy doesn't wanna feel
from the very beginning...
...that he's just like a piece of dress material
a woman is gonna cut up and sew...
...according to the way
they wear husbands this year.
It's easy for you to talk.
You're not in love with Nathan.
No, I'm not.
Wait till you fall in love
with somebody you shouldn't.
Wait till it happens to you.
[SOBBING]
Yeah.
Must be tough to take.
Sarah, I don't believe Sky Masterson
had any more to do...
...with what happened here
last night than I did.
That's why you buy
solid gold watches for a dollar.
Do you believe it?
- Whether he had anything to do with it or not...
- Do you believe it?
They used our mission last night
for their filthy crap game.
- But if Sky had nothing to do with it...
- Don't you understand?
All I could see was him
running down the street...
...away from the police
with the rest of that trash.
All I could see was that...
...he was one of them.
And I never saw till now
how much in love with him you are.
I'll get over it.
Why would anyone wanna get over
the one thing you hope for...
...from the minute you're born
and remember till the day you die?
- I'll get over it.
- Why?
Because it's the greatest reward...
...that woman or man
can have on this earth...
...to love and to be loved?
[FOOTSTEPS]
I just wanna remind you.
You hold my marker for 12
or more sinners by midnight tonight.
Forget about it.
I do not forget a marker.
Well, last night the mission was filled
with your friends. Let's say we're even.
[DOOR CLOSES]
If you don't make that marker good...
...I'm gonna buzz it all over town
you're a welsher.
Nicely, time is running out.
Where's the crap game?
Only about a 10-minute walk.
- Which way?
- This way.
Ride them!
ALL:
Ha!
[CHATTERING]
Wait a minute! Where y'all going?
- I come here to shoot crap.
- I had enough.
How many days we all been here?
As you can see, Big Jule, the boys
are slightly fatigued from weariness...
...having been shooting crap
for quite a while now, namely 24 hours.
I don't care who's tired.
I'm out 25 G's. Nobody leaves.
I am half dead.
If you do not shut up,
Big Jule will arrange the other half.
And since I've been cleaned out of cash...
...I announce that I will now play on credit.
[MEN GRUMBLING]
Big Jule, you cannot imagine
how exhausted they are.
Especially on a non-cash basis.
- Me, personally, I'm fresh as a daisy.
- Then I'll play with you.
But I am not a player.
I am merely the operator.
You been raking down out of every pot.
You must have by now quite a bundle.
Well, being I assume the risk,
is it not fair I should assume some dough?
Detroit, I'm gonna roll you, willy or nilly.
If I lose, I'll give you my marker.
And if I lose?
- You will give him cash.
- Let me hear from Big Jule.
You'll give me cash.
I heard.
Here's my marker. Put up your dough.
- Anything wrong?
- "IOU 1000." Signed "X."
How is it you can write "1000,"
but you cannot write your signature?
Oh, I was good in arithmetic,
but I stunk in English.
Here.
This will put you through Harvard.
I'm rolling the whole thousand.
And to change my luck...
...I'm going to use my own dice.
- Your own dice?
Yeah, I had them made
especially for me in Chicago.
I do not wish to seem petty,
but may I have a look at those dice?
Here.
But these dice ain't got no spots
on them. They're blank.
I had the spots removed for luck. But I
remember where the spots formerly were.
You are going to roll blank dice and
remember where the spots formally were?
Detroit...
...do you doubt my memory?
Big Jule, I have great trust in you.
BIG JULE:
Ha!
Five and a five, ten. My points, ten.
At least I got a chance.
He remembered a hard point.
Ha! Ten. I win. Six and a four.
- Which is the six and which is the four?
- Either way. I'm rolling the 2000.
Ha!
Seven. I win.
I could have sworn
he would've remembered that one.
Detroit...
...I'm gonna take it easy
with you this time.
I'm shooting a dollar.
I'll cover all of it.
Ha! How do you like that?
Snake eyes. I lose.
I won't even bother to pick it up.
Benny, pick it up.
Detroit, I'm gonna give you a chance
to get even. I'm rolling three G's.
Three G's? But that's my whole bankroll.
Three G's. Get it up.
Well, here we go.
Down memory lane.
Ha!
Lucky me, 11. I win.
I'm clean.
Seeing that I'm on a lucky streak...
...I will now roll the rest of you guys.
[MEN GRUMBLING]
NATHAN:
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
You have got to give me a chance
to get even.
I will now roll you with my dice.
- What you gonna use for money?
- I will give you my marker.
And against your marker
you want Big Jule to put up cash?
- Nathan, done it.
- Yeah, I done it.
- What kind of a deal is this, anyway?
- Take it easy, Nathan.
Him and his no-spot dice.
Somebody ought to knock
the spots off of him.
Hey, Nathan, do not make Big Jule
have to do something to you.
Detroit, I'm on my vacation.
Don't louse it up.
What could you do me?
Shoot me? Put me in cement?
At least I would know where I am.
Here I risk my neck
to set up this crap game.
I even promise to get married on account of it.
And where do I wind up?
Broke in a sewer. Believe me,
my tough friend from Chicago...
...there's nothing you could
do to me that would not cheer me up.
NICELY:
Here they are.
SKY:
And how is everybody down here?
I smell fresh blood. Looking for action?
Not at the moment. I just came underground
to talk to some of my friends.
BIG JULE:
We're ain't talking, we're shooting crap.
It'll only take a minute.
We're shooting crap.
Gentleman, I would like to talk to you
about Sarah Brown's mission...
...where you were so rudely
interrupted last night.
What kind of characters walk around
the sewers of New York? Who is this joker?
Like I told you, he is the guy who was
trying to take the mission doll to Havana.
Oh, him. I suggest you return the way
you came, back to your praying tomato.
Around here your presence
is slowing up the action.
If you were so eager for action...
...would you care to make a small wager
on a proposition?
- Pray tell, what's the proposition?
- An old one my daddy taught me.
Now am I right-handed or left-handed?
- Now how would I know a thing like that?
- Well, I will give you a clue.
HARRY:
Nathan, give me that gu...
Now to continue
with what I was talking about.
Tonight, in Miss Sarah Brown's mission,
they are holding a prayer meeting.
Now, I promised to supply
that meeting with some sinners.
When it comes to sinners...
...no sewer in the world
could provide such a congregation.
I would consider it
a very great personal favor.
I don't wanna spend
no time in no hallelujah joint.
If not as a favor to me,
a favor to yourselves.
I guarantee, the air in the mission
smells cleaner than it does down here.
Rusty Charlie?
Society Max?
If anybody else would go,
I would also go, Sky.
But you know me, I'd go anywhere.
Well, thanks, Nathan.
But just you alone is not enough.
Well, I tried.
NATHAN:
Uh, Sky...
About that Havana business.
I regret that I temporarily
do not have the 1000 to pay you.
I'm glad you reminded me, Nathan.
You won the bet.
But I thought you took
Miss Sarah to Havana.
You thought wrong.
Get on your feet, Big Jule.
I now have dough to roll you again.
- But this time with real dice.
- Nothing doing.
With honest dice, Big Jule
cannot make a pass to save his soul.
- What did you say?
- I only said with real dice...
...Big Jule cannot make
a pass to save his soul.
That's very interesting.
Then maybe with honest dice...
...I can make a pass to save his soul.
And yours and yours and yours.
[MEN MURMURING]
I'm gonna roll these dice.
One roll.
And on that roll I'm gonna
bet each of you $1000 against your soul.
[MEN MURMURING]
One thousand cash
against a marker for your soul.
If I win, all of you show up
at the mission tonight. Have I got a bet?
[MEN MURMURING]
Let me get this. Hold it. Let me get this.
If you lose, then you gotta
give us each a thousand bucks, huh?
But if you win, then we all gotta
show up at the mission doll's cabaret?
Save-A-Soul Mission, midnight tonight.
One meeting.
- If you lose, a thousand apiece?
- Thousand apiece.
- Well, that's okay by me.
- What have I got to lose?
[MEN MURMURING]
What's the delay, Sky?
You turning chicken?
You know better than that, Horse.
You've seen me roll for twice as much.
Only I got...
I got a lot more
than money riding on this one.
[SINGING]
They call you Lady Luck
But there is room for doubt
At times you have a very unladylike way
Of runnin' out
You're on this date with me
The pickings have been lush
And yet before this evening is over
You might give me the brush
You might forget your manners
You might refuse to stay
And so the best that I can do
Is pray
Luck, be a lady tonight
Luck, if you've ever been
A lady to begin with
Luck, be a lady tonight
Luck, let a gentleman see
How nice a dame you can be
I know the way you've treated
Other guys you've been with
Luck, be a lady with me
A lady doesn't leave her escort
It isn't fair, it isn't nice
A lady doesn't wander all over the room
And blow on some other guy's dice
So let's keep the party polite
Never get out of my sight
Stick with me, baby,
I'm the fella you came in with
Luck, be a lady
Luck, be a lady tonight
A lady wouldn't flirt with strangers
She'd have a heart, she'd have a soul
A lady wouldn't make
Little snake eyes at me
MAN: Snake eyes!
- When I've bet my life on this roll
- So let's keep the party polite
- Why don't he shoot?
- Never get out of my sight
- Come on! Quit stalling!
Stick with me, baby,
I'm the fella you came in with
- Be a lady
- Sky's turnin' yellow!
- Luck, be a lady
- What are you scared of?
- Luck, be a lady
- What's the matter? Roll the dice!
- Tonight
- Comin' out, comin' out
Comin' out, comin' out, comin' out right
ALL:
Ha!
I tell you, I don't wanna go there.
But, Big Jule, you give your marker.
And if you welsh, this will cause me
no little embarrassment.
I am sure you do not wanna
cause me embarrassment.
Well, if it ever gets back to Chicago
that I went to a prayer meeting...
...no decent person will talk to me.
ADELAIDE:
Uh!
- Adelaide.
- How clumsy of me.
So sorry. An awkward coincident.
Adelaide, listen. I sent Nicely
especially to explain about tonight.
If you knew what I'd been through.
Please, let us not have a vulgar scene.
After all, we're civilized people.
We do not have to conduct ourselves
like a slob.
Adelaide, what is this?
How can you be so upset...
...over one lousy elopement?
I am not upset.
I have succeeded in your not being able
to upset me no more.
I have got you completely out of my...
[SNEEZES]
- Gesundheit.
- System.
Oh, Nathan.
Adelaide, baby.
Don't do that to me.
I can't stand it when you cry.
Look, we'll get married, I promise you.
And we'll have what you always wanted.
A little white house with a green fence.
Just like the Whitney colors.
Oh, Nathan, if I could only believe you.
We could still make everything all right.
- We could elope right now.
- Adelaide, could we?
ADELAIDE:
Oh.
I almost forgot.
But right at this time I cannot.
Why not?
I'm gonna tell the truth,
but you will not believe me.
Nathan, why can't we elope?
I have to go to a prayer meeting.
That is the biggest and the most
unforgivable lie you have ever told me.
It's true. I promise you.
[SINGING] You promise me this
You promise me that
You promise me everything under the sun
But you give me a kiss
And you're grabbin' your hat
And you're off to the races again
- When I think of the time gone by
- Adelaide, Adelaide
- And I think of the way I try
- Adelaide
I could honestly die
Call a lawyer and sue me, sue me
What can you do me?
I love you
Give a holler and hate me, hate me
- Go ahead, hate me, I love you
- The best years of my life
I was a fool to give to you
All right, already, I'm just a no-goodnik
All right, already, it's true
So new
So sue me, sue me
What can you do me?
I love you
You gamble it here, you gamble it there
You gamble on everything, all except me
And I'm sick of you keepin' me up in the air
Till you're back in the money again
- When I think of the time gone by
- Adelaide, Adelaide
- And I think of the way I try
- Adelaide
I could honestly die
[SOBBING]
Serve a paper and sue me, sue me
What can you do me?
I love you
[SNEEZES]
Give a holler and hate me, hate me
- Go ahead, hate me, I love you
- When you wind up in jail
- Don't come to me to bail you out
- All right, already, so call a policeman
All right already, it's true
So new
So sue me, sue me
What can you do me?
I love you
You're at it again, you're running the game
I'm not gonna play second fiddle to that
I'm sick and I'm tired of starting a row
I'm telling you now that we're through
- When I think of the time gone by
- Adelaide, Adelaide
- And I think of the way I try
- Adelaide
I could honestly die
[SOBBING]
Sue me, sue me
Shoot bullets through me
I love you
[SNEEZES]
According to my wrist chronometer,
it's well past midnight.
It seems to me that if this big meeting
we're going to be as big as you'd hoped...
...by now, somebody...
- You're quite right, general.
ARVIDE: Sarah.
- Why keep up this silly pretending?
It's childish of us to think we could suddenly
make sinners appear for this big meeting...
...when we've failed
so miserably up to now.
And when I say "we," general,
I mean I've failed.
[MEN CHATTERING]
ARVIDE:
Welcome, brothers, welcome.
- Come in, come in.
SKY: Come on. Move in. Everybody in.
Hats off. Step along. You too, Big Jule.
Move it. Come on, kid.
Keep moving. Come on.
All right, is everybody accounted for?
- Where's Nathan Detroit?
- Present.
SKY:
All right.
Well, I made good my marker.
I would ask you to return it...
...but it would break up
your pretty set of thoughts for today.
When you get around to it...
...mark it "paid in full."
Won't you gentlemen sit down?
[MEN GRUMBLING]
Sit down. Do as you're told.
On behalf of General Cartwright,
Sergeant Sarah Brown and the rest of us...
The army has certainly changed.
In the next war,
I wanna be a Red Cross nurse.
[MEN LAUGHING]
Quiet, quiet!
I would like to remind you, gentlemen...
...that you are no longer
on your knees in a sewer...
...but sitting in a mission.
I trust that there will be
no further unpleasantness.
And now, since I depart
to move on to other places...
...I'm appointing Nathan Detroit
as my deputy.
Nathan, I hand you all their markers,
to be returned when they are made good.
And anybody who does not play out
this hand strictly...
...according to Hoyle
will answer to me personally.
And that means in person.
What a remarkable young man.
I will add nothing to what Sky said
except to say that there are many here...
...upon who, if they get out of line...
...I would squeal with pleasure.
Brother Arvide, your dice.
Gentlemen, our meeting tonight,
will be conducted...
...by the regional director
of the Save-A-Soul Mission...
...General Cartwright.
I have rarely attended a meeting
in any of our branches...
...which could boast
of so many evil-looking sinners.
Now surely your hearts must be heavy
with sins to which you want to confess.
Who will be the first to start the ball rolling
by giving testimony?
NATHAN:
Benny Southstreet, give testimony.
- I plead the fifth commandment.
- Come, brothers.
We know how difficult it is.
But if one will open your heart,
the others will follow.
Benny, this is an order.
Tell the people what a bum you are.
Well, I was always a bad guy.
I was even a bad gambler.
I would like to be a good guy
and a good gambler.
I thank you.
- Who will be next?
- Big Jule.
What's the pitch?
Tell the people all the terrible things
you done but ain't gonna do them no more.
And watch your language.
Well, I used to be bad
when I was a kid.
But ever since then I've gone straight...
...as I can prove by my record,
33 arrests and no convictions.
NATHAN: Horse.
- No!
- Harry the Horse.
BIG JULE: Go ahead, go ahead.
Well, when Sky was rolling us
against our souls...
I beg your pardon?
Sky Masterson, he rolled us a thousand bucks
against our souls. That's why we're here.
- I don't think I understand.
- I'll interpret for you, general.
He means
that they are here only because...
...Sky Masterson won them
in a dice game.
Then this whole meeting, in a way,
is the result of gambling.
Fire fought with fire.
Sergeant Sarah,
you are to be congratulated.
ARVIDE:
Congratulations, Sarah.
Thank you so much.
Hey, hey, hey!
I ain't finished my testimony yet.
So my sin is
that when Sky was rolling us...
...I wished that I could win the thousand
bucks instead of having to come here.
But now that I'm here, I still wish it.
Something very funny
has been happening to me.
Sitting here, I mean.
Like I've been remembering a dream.
Tell us, Nicely. Tell us in your own words.
NICELY:
Yeah, that's it, a dream.
[SINGING] I dreamed last night
I got on the boat to heaven
And by some chance
I had brought my dice along
And there I stood
And I hollered, "Someone fade me!"
But the passengers
They knew right from wrong
For the people all said sit down
Sit down, you're rockin' the boat
People all said sit down
Sit down, you're rockin' the boat
And the devil'll drag you under
By the sharp lapel of your checkered coat
Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down
Sit down, you're rockin' the boat
I sailed away
On that little boat to heaven
And by some chance
Found a bottle in my fist
And there I stood
Nicely passin' out the whiskey
But the passengers were bound to resist
For the people all said beware
You're on a heavenly trip
People all said beware
Beware, you'll scuttle the ship
And the devil'll drag you under
By the fancy tie round your wicked throat
Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down
Sit down, you're rockin' the boat
And as I laughed
At those passengers to heaven
[LAUGHING]
A great big wave came
And washed me overboard
And as I sank and I hollered
"Someone save me!"
That's the moment I woke up
- Thank the Lord
- Thank the Lord
Thank the Lord
And I said to myself sit down
Sit down, you're rockin' the boat
Said to myself sit down
Sit down, you're rockin' the boat
And the devil'll drag you under
With a soul so heavy you'd never float
Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down
Sit down, you're rockin' the boat
Sit down you're rockin', sit down, sit down
Sit down, you're rockin' the boat
- Sit down
- You're rockin'
The boat
Now, Brother Brannigan.
What can we do for you?
Maybe you would like to testify?
I'll do my testifying in court...
...where I will testify
that you ran a crap game...
...here, in the mission, last night.
A crap game? In the mission?
Miss Sarah, you were standing right there
when they ran out. You saw them.
Aren't these the men?
You must be mistaken, lieutenant.
I never saw these gentlemen before
in my life.
BIG JULE:
There's a right broad.
And now if you'll excuse us, lieutenant,
we'd like to go on with our meeting.
Tell me something.
Is my name Brannigan?
- When last seen.
- Thanks.
I was beginning to wonder.
On behalf of everybody concerned,
thanks, Miss Sarah.
Also at this time I would like
to personally make a confession.
General, we did shoot crap here
last night...
...but unbeknownst to anybody
connected with the mission.
And for this, we're all sorry.
Ain't we, boys?
- Ain't we, boys?
MEN: Oh, yes.
I'm really sorry.
I did another terrible thing.
I bet a certain guy that he could not take
a certain doll away with him...
...on a trip to Havana.
I know this I should not have done...
...although it did not do
no harm because...
- Well, I won the bet.
- You won the bet?
Sure, the guy told me
he did not take the doll away.
And for this I feel much better.
CARTWRIGHT: Gentlemen, we will now sing
number 244 in your songbook.
"Follow the Fold."
You will find it on page 27.
["FOLLOW THE FOLD" PLAYING]
ALL [SINGING]:
Follow the fold and stray no more
Stray no more
Stray no more
Put down the bottle
And we'll say no more
Follow, follow the fold
[CROWD CHEERING]
[CROWD CHEERING AND WHISTLING]
Brothers and sisters, as you all know,
traffic is heavy this time of night...
...so our ceremony will be brief.
Do you, Sarah Brown, take Sky Masterson
to be your lawful-wedded husband?
I do.
Do you, Sky Masterson, take Sarah Brown
to be your lawful-wedded wife?
I do.
Do you, Miss Adelaide, take Nathan Detroit
to be your lawful-wedded husband?
I do.
Do you, Nathan Detroit, take Miss Adelaide
to be your lawful-wedded wife?
[NATHAN SNEEZES]
- That means he does.
- He's gotta say it.
I do.
Then under the authority granted me
by the state of New York...
...county of New York, City of New York,
I hereby pronounce you men and wives.
[CROWD CHEERING AND WHISTLING]
[SIREN WAILING]
[English - US - SDH]