Guardie e ladri (1951) - full transcript

Are you sure this coin..
Augustus's period?

Yes, very well, ok.
Very antica, Augustus.

- How much danaro for it?
- Oh no, I not sell.

- I not make speculation.
- But me wants to buy.

But I cannot, I already promise
to otro persones.

- But..
- Off limitis

- But moneta very interest me.
- Don't care, because

- I give this to other, understand?
- No possibile?

- No possibile.
- Ok, Goodbye.

- Hey, hold it.
- Well?

You pretend you're American,
you can't leave just like that!



You keep saying no, no..
so, I get tired and leave.

Come on,
it's ''no'' for practice

Alright, but as soon as you get
the money, don't run off with it

or they will notice.
- Leave it to me, leave..

be careful..

- This one looks good.
- To me too.

Come, let's get to work.

- Hey Ferdina'...
- Yes?

- Where do I place the coin?
- Same as usual, under the column.

Alright.

- Good day gentlemen!
- Good day.

Goodbye. Guida di Roma.
Auto recept week.

- Would you like to be guided?
- Ah, bene, bene, follow you.

As you can see this
is the foro romano.



Foro romano.
SPQR.

Here are all the tombs
and tombettes.

Tomb of.. I mean, Tito's arch.
Tito.. not Tito Tito, Tito Titus.

Septimius Severus, Poppea's Arch,
Titus Tatius, the kidnapper

of Fara Sabina. Julius Caesar's tomb,
Cristoforo Colombo's tomb.

Gentlemen, as you can see,
everything here has been damaged.

Damaged by the Avezzano earthquake.

And here we got all the ruins:
ancient ruins, new ruins.

See this ruin, Sir?
Where'd he put it..

Ancient stone rubble.. Gentlemen,
look.. Where is it? Ain't here..

Look at these stones!
This is Poppea's bathroom.

Poppea the fat!
Look, Via Appia.. Appianus..

What? Here? Yes?
Gentlemen, as you can see.. it's not here?

Colonna romana... colunnum.
- Oh, yes!

- Oh, look what I found. Mister!
- What is it?

This is an ancient coin:
a sesterce.

- Sesturnum!
- Oh..

- Magnificent, isn't it?
- Yes.

This coin goes
back to.. Augustus.

- Let me have look!
- It is Augustean.

Excuse me Sir, the
old coin trick for the foreigner

is an old one.
Don't trust him.

Excuse me, why don't
you mind your own business?

And who asked you anyway? Who
said I am selling this one?

I found it, I keep it.
Won't sell it.

Then let me see for a moment.
Will you?

I am professore.
Mi, professor, capiche?

- Professor archeologia and numismatica
- Archeology and asmatic

Ancient coin? Right..

Hey, I thought it was the usual
piece of junk, but it isn't!

It is an authentic coin from
the Claudius lmperator period.

The famous double roman sesterce.
Extremely rare..

And I thought it was
a sesterce, turns out it isn't.

- It's a double sesturnum!
- Si

- Well, will you sell if for 30,000 lire?
- Professor, don't make joke with me.

- For 30 dollars I buy.
- 30 dollars? Not possible.

- Say, what is it? What do you want?
- Look Sir, I too

have found an identical one.
Didn't think it was so valuable.

Identical? Hardly!
This is phoney.

What do you think, that sesterces
are all over the place?

- I found it over there!
- Look, pal.

This is our working grounds.
Understood? Play it cool.

- But it really is identical!
- Just leave, go away

and find another goon!

A similar occasion
doesn't happen everyday.

You see, if it were a
common one.. well, transias.

But honestly, this is a
Giolitti era coin.

- Claudius.
- Exactly, Claudio Giolitti.

Oh come on, speak no more.
When you found it me too was there.

- So what?
- So.. here's 50 dollars.

But are you sure this
is Claudius' period?

Well, it's not just me, also
the asmatics professor confirms.

- Ok, it's a deal.
- Then, goodbye.

Stay here.
So.. what shall we do?

- Want to see other antiquities?
- No. Don't got time.

- Me neither.
- It's late.

- It's late.
- We have a committee reunion.

- I'll be back tomorrow.
- Oh, very good.

- Will you be here tomorrow?.
- I'm always here. You'll find me.

- Arrivederci... Goodbye.
- Arrivederci.

- Good day.
- Leave it. Let's go.

- Excuse me, Sir..
- Yes?

I found this coin. Over there.

I got robbed! Where's that thief?

There you are. Stop!

Fermate! Stop! Police!

Take back your phoney coin! I'll bloody
get you, if it takes the rest of my life!

- Here I am.
- Did you make it?

I did, but it wasn't
easy to find them you know.

- Where are they now?.
- They're round the alley.

Well, let's see..

But they don't yet know
what this is about.

- Alright, we'll explain then.
- Let's go.

- Here we are, that's 'em.
- Uhm, what's this?

Wartime squadrons? Mate,
they are overly deteriorated.

- What'd he say?
- Nothing really.

This is all I could find,
what should I do?

Alright.. Well, boys.
Boys! Listen up.

Well.. hey!

- Oh.
- Watch it, or I'll smack your face.

Listen to me.

You will play the european kids.

What'd he say?

Wait a minute,
I will explain.

Listen.. there is a distribution,
in the nearby theater.

Gift packs,
stuff from America, alright?

You must pretend you are
our dear sons.

- And what do we get?
- Uhm.. a pack.

- Two packs or nothing.
- Two packs? Are you stupid?

It's alright, two packs..
only way.

- Did you hit your head?
- Why?

Well, packs are packs.

Yeah, but they won't do it
for less. Come on, two packs.

Now, it'll be like this..
you, you and you will be my sons.

- And you, will be his sons.
- You gave me the leftovers.

Yeah, well. Look, to enter you
must have an invitation.

- Hand it over.
- Sorry? I've got only one.

- Got it for myself.
- And what about me?

Don't care, work it out.
We'll meet in the theater, let's go.

Work it out?
Swell guy.

And that's supposed to be
my partner.

- What you looking at?
- Must I really be your son?

- Why, you don't like it?
- No, but.. kinda..

"Kinda"? You
little peasant!

Well, let's see..
what am I to you?

- Who ever saw you?
- I'd smack your face.

Right now we talked about it.
I am your father.

- Oh..
- Understood? Let's go.

Awfully nice father
we've got here.

- Sir!
- Bottoni, guard the entrance

Then you will be on service
on stage.

Yes Sir! I didn't get
the last two words.

- Service on stage.
- Understood.

Ticket, please.

Ticket, Please.

- Ticket.
- Left.

- The four of them are with me.
- Wait a moment.

- Ticket, please.
- Just a moment kids. No Rushing.

- Ticket, will you.
- Let's see..

- I asked for the ticket.
- Me?

- Did you give him the ticket?
- No, he didn't.

- No, he didn't.
- Why, it's him..

.. who gives you the ticket?
- Who else is supposed to?

- Am I supposed to?
- Well, yes.. I don't know.

You don't know! You
are supposed to give him the ticket..

- That's what I said.
- Then let's see it.

- Got it.
- You're wasting our time.

- Calmly.
- Calmly? Really.. we..

- Where is the ticket?
- You're asking me!?

- Well, it's just that I have it on me.
- Then search for it!

I had it..
Giacomi', give the ticket to daddy.

- I am Gigetto. He is Giacomino.
- Oh right, silly me..

Hard to tell twins apart.

- These two are twins?
- Aren't they?

- Twins.
- Well, let's get on with it.

- Giacomino, the ticket.
- What ticket?

What ticket?
The one I gave you this morning!

Are you nuts?
You gave me nothing.

Nuts? Children
these days got no respect.

- Right next to him: you're nuts..
- Come on, the ticket.

If you're nuts.. I can't tell.

I'll show you who's nuts!
Give me the ticket, got it?

- Dude, shove it.
- Did you see that, he mishandles me

puts his hands on me!
There's no reason anymore!

What world are we living in,
I don't know.

My dear Sir..
You're blocking the traffic.

- How dare you confront your father?
- Yeah.. right.

What, you doubt my paternity?
Did you hear that?

- Won't you do anything?
- My dear sir, you see..

you're blocking the traffic. Won't I do
anything? Want to be arrested?

- But what am I supposed to do?
- What are you on about?!

- No, what are you on about?
- Can we see this ticket

- or not?!
- I'll kill him!

You kill him? Then I have to
arrest you and.. the party's over.

- Come on, just get in.. Kill him!
- This time only.. Sorry.

- May God bestow you.
- Bestow what?

The ticket.

Before beginning the pack
distribution to the children

I feel in need to remember,
that for all this we must thank

the tireless work of
our generous president, Mr Lo Cuzzo.

I thank you in the name
of the committee.

And now begin
distribution of packs!

You too got the invitation
from the parish?

- No, my husband got it.
- Why, your husband..

Yes, he's there on stage. See?

- All yours?
- Yes, eight. All mine.

- Oh, Bravo.
- Please, Mr Lo Cuzzo.

A nice picture while you
donate packs to this honest worker,

father of eight sons. Photographer.
Shake hands.. Iike that.

Just a moment.
Must take another,

because that guard ruined it.

- Yeah. It's impossible.
- Wha.. oh, sorry.

- Yeah.. for you.
- Thanks.

Prego..

- Ah... ah... ah...
- He's not well! Medic!

- It's him!
- Who?

The thief, the foro thief!

Stop him!

- Mom, what's happening?
- I didn't see anything.

Stop! Ladro del foro. Stop!
Where are you going?

Hurry up, sergeant stubby.

What'd he say?
I don't understand him!

Where'd he go? He went
over there! Stop him. Al ladro!

Quick, there's a new bombs
demonstration. Let's go.

Guards! Stop! Aspetta!

- Come on, get in the car.
- Presto, presto.

Well, can you tell
me where we are going?

That place.. you know..
Acqua Acetosa.

- Eccolo. There he is.
- Yes, yes, yes, I see him.

- Listen, chauffeur..
- Yes?

If you hurry up..

.. You get a 500 lire tip.
- Alright!

Quick, there's a semaphore there.

- Playing hide and seek, are we?
- No.. I have stomach aches..

and sea sickness.. car sickness.

There he is! Due Macelli street.

- Shoot at the tires.
- Yes.. Er.. It's empty.

Go, go, go.

- Quick!
- Hey, I can't..

.. run over people, can I?

But.. can you tell me what he's done?

He.. He sold phoney coin at the roman
forum for 50 dollars.

- Oh, the usual..
- He's a thief.

- The usual piece of junk.
- To me!!

Yeah.. I get it.

- Be quick, they're coming!
- Who's coming?

- They.. them guys..
- Who?

- The protesta.. them.. the protesters.
- The protestants?

- Step on it, step on it!
- Step on what?!

You're slow..
I am insomniac.

- Why.. why'd you stop?
- Can't ya see it's blocked?

What do you mean it's blo..
Good heavens.

Wait for me, I'll be right back.

What's going on?

Halt!

Halt!

Halt!

- Hal..
- Come on, let's go.

- Look where'd he got us.
- Quick, I can't see him anymore.

- Go on.
- Go on where? He's not there.

- There he is! Let's catch him.
- Come on, take him. Stop him!

How am I supposed to catch
him if I don't stop him!?

- Quick. Stop!
- Where are you running, you ugly son of a..

Let's not fall
into vulgarity, shall we.

Will you just stop!

Hey guys. Stop him.

Stop!

Halt!

- Stop him Sergeant!
- Halt!

Get him! The one with the uniform,
get him!

What is this?

- Shoo!
- Come on!

Look, if he bites my leg,
what am I supposed to run with?

- Come on, you've got boots.
- Dude, don't bust my boots.

- Me, I'm not afraid..
- So what! Whistles)

.. will you stop?
- That's gonna do.

- Let's go.
- But he bites!

I say, let's get moving..
This way, come..

- He'll be calm soon.
- There, come on.

- Holy..
- The dog is clearly harmless. Let's go.

Good doggy!

Good doggy. Good, I say!

- Not so fast.
- Come on, let's go!

Wait a sec!

Hey, can't you see you're
falling? Stop.

- Quicker, Sergeant.
- Quicker my boots!

Hey, give me that bicycle!

- Get off. get off!
- No.

- You silly fool.
- He's there, catch!

Downhill too?

- Come on, almost there.
- Don't fall onto me.

- Stop.
- Go, go!

That scoundrel.. I'll throw him..

Don't stop now.

Halt!

You fool! Stop!

Where's he?! If
I ever catch him..

- Disappeared again.
- Where to?

Where'd he go?

- Where'd he go?
- What now?. He's gone.

- Disappeared.
- What you mean disappeared!?

What do I know.

What is he saying? I don't
understand him!

But he's not here! Do I have
to make a copy of him or what?

Thieves are like that.
He's got to be in the hay.

.. Get him off me,
please.. I'm dying of thirst.

- Let's go look for him.
- Can't take it anymore.

Sure, but come with us.

- Let me drink, will you?
- Come on, you left us on our own..

- What?
- Don't leave us alone, come here.

Wait.. Let me get the bucket.

- There! Help, help!
- Get him!

Come on, almost there!

What kind of place
did he get us into?

- Look where he's going.
- Where is this guy taking us.

- Come on, quicker.
- I'm sinking here. Mamma mia.

Stop! The guy's American,
think of what we'll look like!

Hold me. Hold me.

Stop him!

I'm from SlSAL, taking side bets.
Good luck, eh.

Let us pass!

Let us pass.

Let us..

- Why'd he whistle?
- I whistled!

Because I'll throw you
all in jail.

- Stop.
- Halt!

Where you going?!
Carry on your duty.

But he drank,
can't I drink too?

- Do your duty.
- You and your duty!

I won't do you a thing.
Stop. You're making things worse.

- Stop.. you'll pay for it.
- Come on, faster!

Faster!

I'm getting closer,
can't you hear?

Stop running, will you?

May you rot!

- Help! I fell.
- Then get up.

Lucky him he's resting.

Come on.
You can't fall now.

Train whistle.

- Ouch.
- Uhh..

- Speak up. What is it?
- Uuh.

Speak up.

- You're almost done for.
- Who says that?

Can't you see you're done for.

Me? It's you who's done for.

Pff

..me

You dirty rotter.

Let me catch my breath
then I shall reply.

- I'll flee again.
- That's not fair.

Now you've stopped, you're prisoner.
Come here.

Come here? You come here.
It's you who's supposed to arrest me.

Watch it, I'll shoot you.

- You can't.
- Why?

You can only shoot for legitimate
defense. And I'm not offending.

Then I'll shoot in the air
for intimidatory purposes.

Yeah, well. I don't
get intimidated and I don't move.

Then.. You surrender.

You've got to thank my liver.

The liver's not there,
that's the spleen.

I know, but it's the liver
that's troubling me.

You're not getting cured?

Tried many, but.. No use.

Say, did you try the
American injections?

- Which ones?
- Uhm.. I don't remember.

.. But they're really good.

I tried many..
The medic however told me

I've got to go to Chianciano..
But, you know, the money..

If you ran a little further
we'd get by foot to Chianciano.

What are you two guys doing?
Talking it over?

- Why don't you handcuff that swindler?
- Don't worry, he won't run anymore.

I'll kill you!
I'll kill you, to say the least.

Does it look nice, to come
and ruin my job?

- Good Sir.. Don't get worked up.
- Come on, pay up.

- Don't sweat it..
- Don't sweat it?

- Don't shout, my head hurts..
- Come on, pay for the ride.

- I am suffering, the liver hurts.
- Alright, I just want the money.

- What do you want?
- The ride, you know?.

- What ride?
- You owe me 1000 lire.

- Ask him.
- What has he to do with this?

- You took the ride.
- And he took me.

- Come on, pay him.
- But I don't have them.

- What do you mean?
- You come up with it.

- I'm supposed to pay?
- Search me. I don't have money.

Why do you even call
a taxi if you're broke?

You by car and me by foot?
Do I look like an idiot?

Alright, he's got no money.
Will you give it to me?

- You need to claim it at the trial..
- What claim, what trial?!

Don't insist. If the authority here
told you to make a claim..

What authority? It's me who
said that during the trial..

I just want the cash, which trial!?

Basta! This isn't time for discussion.
Hurry up and let's go.

Go where?
To the car, by foot?

- Exactly.
- Are you a fool?

- You're a fool!
- Let me speak..

- No, let me..
- It's me who's in charge here..

- Let me?!
- Are you kidding?

- He won't make it
- Yep.

- He's got a bad liver.
- Me? He, too, is rather..

Me, that's my own business.

This.. scoundrel refuses to follow you?

- Watch your mouth.
- Don't anger him

- Or he'll get a stroke.
- Why don't we..

Do I have to carry him or something?

I've never heard such a thing.
This is outrageous.

- Hey, hey. Don't be so rude.
- Why, what'd he say?

- Let me Sergeant, I am here..
- Well..

- Don't insult us.
- Why, did he offend me?

- Well, yes.
- Listen, let's do this.

- You go get the car.
- Yeah.

We wait. Here,
this osteria, this house.

- Alright.
- But who pays me then?

- Him. He's American.
- He's supposed to pay me?

- It's not me, is it.
- Hey, Mr. dude.. Wait..

- What a guy.
- Hey, what's with the confidence?

Come on, we go.

- On.
- Hey, let's get..

some manners, shall we?
I am a gentleman, you know?.

- They said you were supposed to pay.
- Go scram.

No, no, I mean the money.

- Good day.
- Good day.

A coffee and a bottle of water
from the springs.

- And you?
- Another coffee, please.

No, just one coffee.
And the water I told you.

- Why, you don't drink a coffee?
- No, it's you who doesn't.

- Me? Why, I pay it for myself.
- Right, now I let you get coffee.

Then I take you to the movies
and we go swinging in a cabaret, right?

- I believe you don't like me.
- Why, you want me to like you?

After you had me running
for a hundred Kilometers

..ln the ditches.. In the mud..
You even set the dog against me.

Was the dog mine?
Did he bite me? No.

- What does that mean?
- Means he likes me.

On the contrary, you don't like me.
But on the other side..

- The dog doesn't like you.
- Come on, really..

Don't touch the coffee. What are
these matters of likes and dislikes?

Don't forget I am the guard
and you the thief.

Thief, uh? Maybe you are hinting to
that insignificant coin affair..

- I'm hinting to everything.
- ..To that sort of junk..

- Junk, packs, everything.
- Which, after all, isn't an affair.

Well. A tiny affair.

Dear Sergeant, those
are people full of money.

- That guy.. He's American.
- Well, what's the matter with it?

No? It does matter. Because
I'm a swindler as you say.

But I can guarantee..
And I guarantee you, dear Sergeant

Upon my honour, that.. During
my life, in the worst of times..

- ..Of my existence.
- Off with that hand!

..I swear, I never conned
an italian. Never! Always foreigners.

- Modestly.
- Let of go the coffee.

- Yes, but still a thief you are.
- Thief..

- Thief!
- Oh!

You speak highly thanks to your
wage at the end of the month.

- Let's not get into that.
- They don't pay you, do they?

- What do you mean?
- Well, you don't get much..

- That's my own business! Don't..
- Dear commander..

- Commander what?
- You are not commander?

- Why should I be commander..
- Oh, blimey..

- They didn't make you a commander?
- Why should I be one?!

- But why, a man as big as you?
- What, the commanders go by weight?

Anyway, to me you are a commander.

Come on, stop trying
being witty. I'll..

Why do you treat me so?
Can't you see I'm a poor sod?

- Unemployed, jobless.
- Eh.

- I can't find a job because of my health.
- Yes, I know, the old story.

- You're ill? You've got sickness, what?
- Everything.

- Everything?
- Everything. Deforming artretism.

- Mh..
- The heart. The liver.

- Told you the liver ain't there.
- I know, but mine's displaced.

The kidneys.. And this is nothing.

I fear the medical visit,
what if they say ''Yes.

What you suspect is true.
Who would go home?

Who has the heart to see
my sons anymore, to kiss them.

Well, what is this suspicion then?

- Which is it?
- Yes.

- Which is it?
- Eh.

I'm terribly afraid..
of being tuberculoted!

- You dirty scumbag!
- The handkerchief..

The handkerchief, you!
Why is this happening to me?

- Be kind..
- Get your filthy hands off my face!

Alas, and this is nothing.

- What else, you've got 108 tumors too?
- No, the war memories..

- I've been through all of it.
- Yeah, we all fought in the war.

No, the war, I fought it
entirely.. For the enemy

I was a though nut..
The enemy remembers me.

- Yes. Right.
- He remembers..

- Don't touch my hands.
- He remembers me.. Colitis

- Too?
- Colitis. And, well, today..

Might have been the fright,
the chase, the movement.. Sergeant..

- What's happening?
- I'm not sure..Uhm..

- Sergeant.
- Well?

- Can I?
- Do what?

These tricks are
too old for me, dear you.

Why won't you trust a little?
Come with me. Behold.

- Real good fun!
- It's authentic colitis.

You'll do what you must
when we are in the police station.

Will I resist? Who knows..

Hey. Really, are you kidding
or are you for real?

- Really.. I am cold.
- Those hands, will you!

But how..?

- Where's the toilette?
- The what?

The toilette.

- Listen, I don't have to go to..
- I don't mean toilette..

Toilette, it's french.
The privy, the loo!

Oh. Over there.

Come on.

Go. Inside.

Inside.

Can't reach it.

- Can I?
- No.

- Can't go in?
- No.

Lately everything
is forbidden.

Forbidden to sound the horn!

Forbidden to use the bicycle
and cross the road.

Forbidden getting off the tram
from behind.

- Now this too is forbidden!?
- It's not. It's occupied.

Then I'll wait. Or
is that forbidden too?

It is not.

- Without snorting.
- Why, that's forbidden too?

- Oh, really, what do you want?
- Wanna go inside.

Yeah, that's where you're going.

If you keep snorting.

The car's outside.
Where's the thief?

He went in a moment..
A little colitis.

We are at his leisure now!?

He's a war invalid..
He doesn't have schedules..

- Look, it's my turn first.
- Oh, Damn it.

- Well, how long still?
- I don't know, Sir.

- I've got no time to lose.
- Me neither.

- I don't want.. He escape..
- Oh. Escaping from me?

Look..

Always chained.
I just need to pull.

Be calm.
Nobody ever escapes me.

Oh. How much more time
do you need?

Answer me!

- Pull the chain!
- Come on.

- Damn..
- Where'd he go!?

- He fled from here.
- Quick. Presto. Go.

- Uh?
- Get out from the window.

How do I get in there?
Let me through here.

How could you let this guy go.

I've never seen anything like this.

Mai visto cosa simile. I will protest
to your superiors, understood?

Free now?.

Yes, he got free a while ago.

Then why do you make me
wait outside?

Do you even understand
what's happened!?

Who do you think I am?
How dare you!?

I am an agent in uniform,
understand?

It takes a little respect. What
do you think I am doing here?

- What everybody does.
- That's it!

What!? Oh come on,
do what you must.

I invite you take
severe measures.

Certainly Mr. Lo Cuzzo.

Policemen are made
to catch thieves.

- Exactly.
- Not to let them escape.

- Yes, that's correct.
- The government pays them

- for keep the order public.
- Alright.

- And for defend society from adventurers.
- Exactly.

I demand your agent
is severely punished.

- Yes, we will see..
- I will take it to the high places.

- Oh, don't take the bother.
- Very high!

This thing doesn't end here.
Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Who the hell is this
thief that escaped you?

Thief? Inspector, that's
a poor sod, really..

A good for nothing,
a petty thief.

Come in.

Inspector, the taxi
driver's there.

- He wants to be received.
- He didn't leave yet?

- He said he wouldn't move.
- Alright, I get it, let him in.

- Come.
- Thanks.

May I? Good day,
Inspector.

- Oh. Well?
- Well what?

- Well, I say, what now?.
- What now?. Who? What?

What do you mean what?
My money!

- What money?
- It's more than 1000 lire.

- Why?
- All the road I covered.

- Then I should have a million.
- Let's be logical.

- Go on.
- I have a client.

- Yes.
- He runs off.

We run after him, you
catch him, he doesn't pay me anymore.

- Then you pay me.
- I do? I say you're a fool.

Forgive me, inspector.
Are you a fool?

Then the lnspector will.

- Now you're talking.
- Now you're talking!? I pay?

But, someone here will have to
pay me, inspector!

- Just a moment. Don't shout here.
- I'm not shouting.

- Now the lnspector..
- I'll expose the facts.

Silence for a moment.
Umberto, let's recap.

- We recap.
- Yes.

- A passer-by entered your taxi.
- No.. If you will, lnspector,

it was not a passer-by.
It was the thief. He went directly

for his car, and he stopped
right away.

He could be an accomplice as well.

- Accomplice!
- I was saying.. Shut up!

- Shut up. You too.
- Yes.

Let's see.

A passer-by entered your vehicle.

- Yes, sir.
- By the way..

Everything is regular? The license?

- Did you check the license?
- Yes, I did.

- Rear lights, indicators..
- Yes.

- Indicators too?
- Yes, everything.

- Everything, left and right?
- Everything was proper.

Everything alright. Good man.

You say, this passer-by..

At the end of the regular
ride, got off the vehicle,

- and disappeared.
- He ran off.

- Ran off.
- Yes, disappeared.

- Ergo, it's him who's supposed to pay.
- Exactly.

- He who?
- Ergo.

- Eh, the passer-by. The thief.
- The thief.

But he ran off,
how can he pay me?

- Find him then.
- Me? Am I a policeman by chance?

- It's you who has to find him.
- Exactly.

- We, we captured him.
- Yes, and you, you let him escape!

Hey, young man, enough compliments.
We do whatever we..

- None of your business.
- What'd I do?

Silence. Anyway, be assured.

- My agents will catch him again.
- Yeah.

- Which agents?
- Which? Him, or him..

Good day.

Hey, wait. What do you
mean ''good day''?

- Nothing. I said good day.
- No. Because ''good day''..

When you say ''good day'',
you've really got to mean, good day.

Everyone around here
is becoming so arrogant.

- Uhm, lnspector..
- Yes?

Well, I wouldn't want that what
happened hindered my promotion.

- No, no. Nothing to worry about.
- You promise me..

- It's in my hands. Don't worry.
- Well, I..

Don't worry.

Hello? Hello, it's me.
Yes, of course I was informed.

Yes, but he's always been..
a good agent..

- Yes. A good man.
- He's talking about me?

Yes, I get it, it is regrettable,
we agree.

Alright. Good day.

Who was it?

Dear Bottone, I'm afraid
you got yourself in a nice mess.

- Why, who was it?
- Eh, who was it.. Let's cross fingers.

But, forgive me..

Hello?

Yes your Excellency. Alright
your Excellency, yes Sir.

Yes Sir, your Excellency!
My regards.

Well?

Now His Excellency too?

Yeah, well, from this moment on
I have to..

- I must put you under arrest.
- Me?

- Yes.
- But what'd I do, Sir?

What do you mean,
you've done nothing?

- Me?
- Yes. You know.

Do you think it's proper
to let a thief run away?

Yeah, he ran away,
but I did catch him before that..

- Yes..
- As if..

- But he ran away.
- But I did catch him.

Dear Bottoni, you've
been here for 20 years.

10 years, whatever..

You should be aware of article 37
of the public safety regulation.

What, night-time disturbances?

- No, that's the 41st.
- No, the 41st is unauthorized billposting.

Don't be silly, you want
to teach me article 37?

- Well, I think..
- Let's have a look, I keep it here.

- Now, you listen.
- Alright.. but who was it?

Here it is, article 37, on
holidays closures.

- You know, the numbers..
- Don't you see everybody can be mistaken?

- Everybody can be mistaken.
- Someone runs away..

This, this one's about you.

Whenever a member of the police,

with no distinction of
rank and seniority,

lets an arrested individual run away:
see, that's you.

He shall undergo a trial.

- Who, the individual?
- No, clearly the agent.

- That'd be me.
- Yes.

Even if the defendant's
bona fide can be proven

the trial provides expulsion
as the minimum sentence. Got that?

Is it a new republic regulation?

No, but look, there's a possibility,
included in the regulation

that can help you out.
Listen to this.

If the incriminated agent..
That'd be you..

- Me, incriminated?
- Yes.

Maybe, wretched, if you knew
for how many kilometers I ran..

Can, on his own,

that is, without the help
of the police,

catch the runaway,

before, in the most absolute manner
a day prior to the trial,

the latter does not
take place. Is that clear?

Also, it is possible
to consider having the agent

return to service. Is it clear now?.

You have three months.

I'm going in for three months?

That's not it, I mean there are
three months before the process.

If you can catch the thief again, you see..

If my wife knew this,
she'd get a stroke.

Do what you must, don't
tell your wife, keep it secret.

- You're gifted for this kind of..
- Yeah, well..

- How do I manage?
- You've got to sort it out yourself.

- With your instinct..
- Which instinct, Sir..

I'm not a hound, am I?
I even got a cold

while chasing.. the instinct..

There is a chance,
you've got skill..

- So I've got three months to catch him.
- Or else..

- The trial.
- That's it.

- After 30 years..
- Nothing can be done about it..

Well, anyway. I thank
you, Sir.

- Good luck. What can I say?
- Yeah, thanks.

All I could do, you saw,
didn't you?

You can clearly understand..

I must catch
that one thief, no other?

- Why, do you want to catch me?
- No, but..

If I brought in two thieves..
big, new ones I mean.

Don't be silly, Bottoni, what do
other thieves have to do with this.

- Oh, there you are!
- Hi dad!

- Dad.
- Hey, are you a fool?

- Where have you been?
- Nevermind..

Don't sit here in the kitchen,
you'll get dirt everywhere.

- Look at yourself.
- Don't touch me.

- My back hurts.
- Mud everywhere..

- You've been in the country?
- Yeah, to catch frogs.

This morning I had even
polished your boots like new!

- You had.
- Like new!

Do you think I'm a dancer, me?

- Yeah, right.
- Come on.

- What's happened anyway?
- It's happened I'm hungry.

I must rush out, so
get the boots off.

- There's.. been a murder.
- A murder?

- Who'd they kill? Where? When?
- Like I can tell you.

I must investigate.
And shut that gramophone!

- Shut up!
- It's splitting my head apart.

Dad, it's an American record.

Yeah, the Americans, jolly
good people.

Well, the thief who ran out of the
theater, did you catch him?

- He's in jail already.
- Poor guy.

- Why, ''poor guy''?
- Well, I pity him.

And what about the guards,
you don't pity them?

- Guards don't go to prison, do they?
- Who knows?

- You're starting to get..
- Lorenzo!

Because I..

Let's look again over there.

- Did you check all of these?
- Yes.

These never have been in jail.

They're just suspects.

There he is!

There he is, that rascal-face.

Ferdinando Esposito di Gennaro,
residing in via Roseto 19.

Sorry, does Ferdinando Esposito live here?

- Yes.
- Is he home?

He's almost never home.

For instance now, we haven't
seen him for the last ten days.

- But his family is here, right?
- Yes.

Who's part of it?

Besides him, there's five
other people.

- His father, the wife..
- His wife?

The two kids and the brother.

- His brother?
- No, hers.

Oh, hers.

Uhm, sorry.. Does their window
look out to the street?

Sorry.. What are you, a cop?

Why, do I have a cop face?

- I wouldn't know.
- No, no. I am from Milan.

- Oh, you can tell.
- I represent a business from Milan

willing to give Esposito
an agency of sorts.

- Alright.
- So.. that window..

- Does it look out on the street?
- Yes, from this side, you see.

- That one on the second floor.
- I see.

Very well.

- Uhm, do you want me to tell him something?
- No, no, I'll do myself.

- Sorry?
- I will tell him.

Oh, right.

- Is that the brother-in-law?.
- No.

Oh, alright. Au revoir..

Goodbye.

- Good day, Sir.
- Good day.

- Please, sit down.
- I'm not in a hurry.

- It's free
- Uh?

- It's free.
- Ok.

- Coat?
- No, thank you, it's cold.

Do you mind? From here
I don't get a clear view.

No problem.

What shall we do?

- Your fingers are too cold.
- What shall we do?

- Let's have a shave.
- Not a haircut?

I said shave, if I wanted
to say haircut I'd say haircut.

I said haircut, because the
shaving looks fine as it is.

Yes, but since tomorrow
I won't have time

I get it done today, and..

I like it better here.

Softer.

Sorry, can you get to this
other side? It's better.

- Sir, will you turn please?
- Listen..

- Be patient, stay still.
- But why?

- Why?
- I mean, just to put on soap..

- You don't cover the entire face.
- Alright..

Just stretch that arm a little.
And don't put soap in my mouth!

- Libero! Libero!
- What is it?

- Where you going?
- I'm out playing in the field.

Always to that field.
Come back home!

- I'll be back, be right back.
- Where are you going?

I need to watch a football match..

- But what about the soap?
- I am a player..

A big fan, I've got
to see football matches.

But the soap..
And the beard!

That guy's crazy.

Throw.

- Come on.
- Run, run!

Can't you see you're..

Listen, Paolo..

- Go play with those boys.
- But dad, we're not going to school?

Forget the school.

Today it's better you learn to
play Nice, and tomorrow

- we'll talk about school.
- But I don't know them.

Doesn't matter, you'll make new friends.

See that boy, the one
with the turquoise striped shirt?

The one with the big nose.
Be his friend.

We won't say anything to mom.
Go, dad will look from here.

The big nosed one!
Go, go!

Come..

Now Paolo, you go over there

you take of the coat, the hat, the bag

and we'll reach you right away.

Well, this is my house.

I mean, it's the house
of people who work.

Hey, who's that?

Him? He is Libero.

- Now..
- Who, Libero?

Yes, he's a friend of Paolo.
Quite a good and fair boy.

- Never saw him.
- Yes, you see..

We never told you. An..
Intimate friend of mine.

This is Giovanna, my wife.

Go over there, I'll reach you
in a moment.. Dear Libero.

Where'd you find him,
all ruffled up..

If he's ruffled up,
means he'll comb his hair.

But why did you bring him here?

Because our son must be acquainted
with the lower classes boys.

- Why's that?
- Don't shout, he'll be embarassed.

Because lower class boys are smart,
they learn to live quickly.

- No, no, I really don't like him.
- He's a nice boy, I tell you.

- Nice, where?
- Nice, as in..

He's got wits. You see?

Paolo, Libero.. Where are you?

- What about this holster?
- What do I know?.

- Wasn't it in the drawer?
- Yes.

- And where'd the gun go!?
- Raise your hands!

- What?
- Up your hands I said.

- Where's the cash?
- Hey boy, are you for real?

Yes. Don't move or I'll shoot.

Did you see that? I could even hold
him by the neck and throw him to the ground.

What's up with this boy

messing around like this
in other people's houses?

With the gun even! Drop it,
or I smash your head.

- Don't scare him, don't..
- What do you mean no?

Poor thing, he was kidding..

Did you see that, the lower class boys?
I'll tell you, this thing..

So sudden..

I liked it.

Can I have a glass of water?

Get him of out my sight!
Go away.

- Yeah, go to the other room.
- Go away.

Let's go play.

Look at them, we got such a fright.

- Where'd you find him anyway?
- It's a friend of Paolo, I told you.

- That miserable..
- Miserable!

Is that a motherly way
of speaking, instead of ''poor boy''.

A friend of our son, without
a coat out there in the cold..

- Well?
- Let's buy him one.

Buy him? Not even Paolo does
have one for himself, are you a fool?

What's gotten into your head!?
I don't understand you anymore.

Look.

Look, Libero.. I think your father

will be worried, at home,
not seeing you.

- Dunno.
- What do you mean ''dunno''?

- He must be worried.
- No, he doesn't really worry.

But how.. I mean, he's home right?

- Dunno.
- What, he is not home?

No, he's out for business.

Alright, but he comes home,
sooner or later in the evening?

What do I know?. He's out
for business, that' what mom says.

Lorenzo, come here a moment.

- Ok, but take this.
- What's it?

It's for you, a gift.

I liked that joke of yours.

- Here.
- Come soon, please.

- Lorenzo.
- Say hi to mom and dad. Go..

- Thanks.
- Yes?

- Shh.
- Uh, What?

- Are you stupid?
- Shh. Come.

Good day.

This is my husband..
Mrs Esposito.

Wanted to thank us,
brought doughnuts too. Yes..

Please to meet you.. We didn't
want to bother you, just we are grateful

for how kind you have been
with my son.

- For the coat thing..
- Oh, well..

Now we've really got to get away..

Must be a family vice, then..

- Sorry?
- No, I mean, yesterday, your son too..

Oh, children.. But, we don't
want to disturb you.

No disturb at all. Come in,
you came all the way, stay a little.

- Very kind.
- It's nothing.

This is my father-in-law..
My husband's father.

- Pleased to meet you.
- Please to meet you. Carlo Esposito.

Fatherhood?

- The late Giuseppe, born in Caserta..
- Oh, he's dead, right.

- I'm sorry.
- Bice, you know already.

- Yes.
- Are you well, Mr Botto'?

Yes..

- This isn't your son, is he?
- No, he's my brother.

- What's your name?
- Alfredo.

- Family name?
- Tarantelli.

Tarantelli.. Good boy!

Will you excuse me, I have
to go now. Sorry Mr Bottoni.

Oh, but why?

- Good day.
- Good day.

These are my son and daughter,
Liliana and Paolo.

- Such nice boys.
- So so.

Are you lost or something?
Didn't you have to go?

Nevermind, I'll be in time anyway.

- Here's the liquor.
- Thank you Mrs.

Liliana, why don't you play
us something on the piano?

Lucky them, having all the fun.

- Well..
- While I'm stuck here, working.

Yes, I get the situation..

- How come your husband isn't here?
- Oh, he's out for business.

- Out of Rome?
- Practically, yes.

- Let's have a game, eh?
- No, thanks.

- Just like that.. to kill time.
- Yes, but..

My father-in-law enjoys it so..

- Yeah, to kill the time.
- Come on, come play.

- Come!
- At least you'll have some fun.

You're always there, working.

These days you've put
up such a long face.

- There, go play.
- Come, come.

- Have a seat.
- Thanks.

Let's up the stakes a little,
or it's no fun at all.

- Let's do a tenner to eleven.
- A tenner?

- Yes, 10 green.
- Oh, we're betting vegetables.

No, a green is 100 lire.

- Oh, that'd be.. No, it's too much.
- Alright, 200 lire then, 200.

- Two green.
- Two green.

They don't happen to be marked?

Marked! These are cards
kids play with.

I was just saying..
You know, touch wood.

- Do you like Chopin?
- Me? Never seen him.

The one I'm playing, it's Chopin.

Oh, the song..
Never heard it before.

- Really boring tho.
- But it's the nocturne!

Well, dunno, anyway..
Why don't you play me some samba?

I heard one last night,
at the Garibaldi, it was a bomb.

Went like this: she used to eat
sweets and chocolate, chica patata

Chica patata, she was beautiful but
always.. Yes, like that.. Chica patata..

- What is that?
- Chica patata.

- Chica Patata?
- Yes, chica patata.

- Oh, the children.
- Holy.

- What's this mess!?
- It was him.

- Did you see?
- Come on, just a couple of plates.

- A couple, three even!
- You scoundrel!

- Mrs, let it go.
- When your father comes home!

- When is he coming?
- I don't know, he's always travelling.

She twisted my arm!

Listen..

- You mustn't tell I'm an agent.
- Why?

Don't be loud. It's because
the department forbid it.

- We are secret agents.
- Secret!

- Secret.
- Like your secret gifts.

It was only a shirt and a couple
of knickers for a boy..

It's so cold outside. Giovanna,
where'd all your kindness disappear to?

Come on, look at my face.
It was not the wrong thing to do, was it?

- No.
- No.

- No, it was not the wrong thing.
- Exactly.

- After all, they're nice people.
- They are.

- Yes, they're good folks.
- You see?

- They're honest.
- Well, let's not exaggerate now.

- Hey, dad's back!
- Yes, dad is here!

Oh, yes.

Donata, I'll be back later.
Some friends are waiting for me.

Alright.

Is this how they take care of the house?
Look!

And they're not here, either.

Good for nothings.

- Hi dad!
- Hi dad!

Oh, Ferdinando.
You're back, at last.

- Oh, Ferdinando..
- You are back, at last.

May I know where you have been?

Is it even possible that a gentleman,
coming back home from work..

Work, I say, can't have the pleasure
of finding his own family where it should be.

Be patient, you've been away
for 20 days.

- We met a friend, dad.
- Yes, a friend.

He gave us this.

- A lot of stuff and..
- Silence!

Damn it!

How many times do I have to say
that there must always be someone home.

I might have the impelling
necessity to phone home

one moment, I have an
urgent need

urgent need, I say, of,
what do I know, underpants..

- But, Ferdinando..
- I know, I know.

Six days ago you sent Libero to me,
but you must understand, time goes by..

- Yes.. But you must know that..
- I don't know anything, anything.

But I do know that I'd like to
see the table set in the evening.

You're perfectly right,
but we had to go

pay a visit to Bottoni's.

- To whom?
- Bottoni, just to thank them.

Good! Excellent!
While the head of the family is out working..

- The family does orgies with bottoms!
- Bottoni is their name.

Silence.

Say, did someone ask for me
during my absence?

- Nobody.
- And where is your brother?

He's still out. He was very busy.

Busy with billiards?

- You're going out again?
- No.. it's cold.

Doesn't seem to me.

By the way, hows school?

- Dunno.
- Good.

Show me your exercise books.

My dear son, that's the way.
Let them hear it.

- When it's needed..
- Did you bring me cigars?

- No.
- No smoking today either..

Dear dad, it's gotten difficult
with the tobacconists..

People have opened their eyes..
Every eye is like a giant orb.

By God.

People have wised up,
and guess what, the Americans!

- The Americans!?
- The Americans, the Americans.

- And the guards.
- Guards too!?

I stumbled upon a real fat
one, with an enormous belly

who wouldn't let me breathe,
chased me like a hare.

- And you, you were passive?
- Passive? I tried everything.

I set a dog against him,
crossed mountains,

country, everything!
He wouldn't let of go of me.

He ran, along with his belly..

If you could have seen it.

And so, I thought it better
not to come home.

I slept under the arca.. The bridges.

- Bridge Margherita?
- Not Margherita.

- Bridge Mollo, you know?.
- Yes..

Bridge Milvio, it's mollifying, comfortable.

Now it's been 20 days and
I hope he's gone..

.. That madman, you see..
Oh, the boys.

- Here's the books.
- Alright.

- Here.
- Let's hear.

Not you, it's not necessary.
You're a good girl, he's the dunce.

I'll smack you, son of a..

- This is the homework for saturday.
- Go on.

I already begun.

Alright.. Essay: describe
your father's persona,

his job, his habits, his aspirations.

It goes: my father isn't exactly
what you'd call handsome.

- What do you mean?
- I remember once,

in a quarrel on the bus,
someone called him ''boat chin''.

- How..
- My father's job

is to stay out for long,
and to come back with cloth,

- clocks, umbrellas and sometimes tires.
- Just a moment.

My father, before leaving home

- always has a look at who's on the street.
- Wait..

Once in a while he calls because
he needs underwear. On sunday..

- A moment, please!
- Dad, what are you doing?

I rip it. I don't like it.

Essays must be written with fantasy,
understand?

Come up with something sentimental,
nice, pretty things.

Don't write real life happenings,
what does life have to do with it.

But the teacher said we
must be sincere.

Sincere in the spirit, that's what matters.
Not this foolishness.

Anyway, if you have to write it,
I'll dictate it.

- At least..
- Next.

Now, go wash your hands.
It's dinner time.

Well, go figure!

Is this the kind of essay you're
supposed to have kids do? Really!

When I was younger,
this wouldn't happen.

My father goes out, looks
at who's on the street.. Foo..

- Well, now you too?
- Oh, shut it..

You want the table set?
What about the money?

Do you realize that the past
month you haven't even sent a cent?

The butcher won't sell on credit anymore.

The baker isn't welcoming either.
I don't have the courage to go out anymore.

- How am I supposed to.. I'm tired!
- And what about me?

Do you think all this time
I've been out, having fun?

Think I've slept at the grand hotel?

If you knew where I slept.

Don't worry now though.
I've got a good deal.

Yeah, the usual deal.

This time it's with the swiss.

Yeah, the usual stuff.. You're out
all day

and you come up with nothing, while
we're here, having dinner with milk and coffee.

Do you still have some of those
doughnuts you brought?

Shh! Ferdinando mustn't know.
Go get your chair.

Uh, it's, cold, so cold..

Here. Don't say I'm good for nothing.

A bit of salami..
From Modena, exquisite.

Slow down dad..
There's others too.

You women.. You make me laugh.

It's easy, to get into deals..

.. But getting out, that's where
you might break a leg.

Getting out of them.
You might break a leg.

You don't know what's the cost
of feeding a family.

Good evening, Sir.

You see? He won't even say hi.
As if what he eats isn't on me.

Oh, let's not get into that again.
You know Alfredo is unemployed.

Oh, is he!
Then why doesn't he work with me?

What for? I want to work in an honest manner.

Oh, really.. Because that bread
you're eating, that's not dishonest, isn't it.

I must depend on society to feed me.

Please, not again.

Ferdinando, know what
you should do tomorrow?.

Bring some flowers to the Bottoni.

Flowers? Why, who died?

Well now, you only do bring flowers to dead people?

They've been very generous with us so

I'd like you to bring them flowers

to thank them for all
their kindness.

I've got other things to think of.

Oh, come on, be good. It is better
to cultivate friendships, make new relationships.

- I can go.
- Yeah, to neck.

Silence!

Who taught you such words?

Alright, means we'll
tie up these Buttons.

- Here you go. Good day.
- Good day.

- We're done.
- Thanks.

- Yes, Sir?
- Shaving.

Are you sure that this time
you want to shave?

Excuse me, a barber shop isn't this?

- That's what I say.
- No, I say it to you, not you...

I said it first,
shave me...

- Okay...
- Oh, thank goodness.

And do not touch the neck
with those cold hands!

If you don't feel like
doing a shaving, say it!

What am I here for, then?

You want a shaving?

- Do I have to tell you again?
- Ok. I will do it.

Oh yes, I will.

Keep soaping.

Please turn over here.

- Just put the hand underneath and..
- How can I, if you keep turning?

What, is this a work of art you're doing?

Excuse me..

- Who's there?
- Can I have the newspaper for a moment?

Suit yourself.

- What are you doing?
- Don't mind..

That's enough. Remember it's
seven shavings and two haircuts.

I'll pay next week.
I'm going now.

Mr Esposito, you
don't want to take the soap off?

- I'm leaving!
- Oh, you don't! This time you stay here.

Do you get it? You don't make
fun of me!

Why me?
Get your hands off me!

Stop! Pay me, or you
don't leave this place.

- Here's the money..
- Alright.. Alright.

What kind of stuff goes
on in here!

And don't ever come back
to my shop!

The towel!

Here's the towel!

Did you see a man with a soap
on his face?

- Yes, you.
- Just go..

Dear Saint Antonio..

Did you hear what my wife said?

I must bring flowers
to Mrs Bottoni.

The money, I don't have.

To get it, I'd have to sin.. Maybe steal.

You wouldn't like such a thing,
would you?

Do you see how many you've got?
Three, four nosegays.

What are all these flowers for?
You're a serious saint.

A man..

And I.. Well, it's about a woman.
A question of gallantry.

What do you say?
I can take one, can I?

Yes or no?

Eh?

Eh...

Silence means consent.

Can I?

I really can?
No offense, I mean, eh.

I knew it. Thank you Saint Antonio.

- Mrs Bottoni?
- Yes?

I am Mr Esposito.

Oh, what a pleasure! Ha ha!
Where'd you go? Come in, please.

You slammed the door in my face..

You know, had to remove the chain..
With all thieves running around..

You tell me!

What a nice surprise. I'm sorry,
you caught me in such a messy fashion..

My husband isn't home.
He went to a ceremony.

Well, I happened to walk by here
and I thought I'd bring some flowers.

- Thank you. So beautiful..
- They look real.

- Why, are they fake?
- No, I mean, they are real.

- Oh yes.. They're fresh.
- I picked them right now.

Can I offer you a glass of..

No, thank you Mrs. I was
just passing by, so no drinking.

- But..
- Do you have a phone?

Yes, the phone..

May I phone home?

- Oh certainly, go ahead.
- Thanks.

- Come. Here it is.
- Thanks.

- I phone my wife. With the phone.
- Suit yourself.

- I'll get the flowers some water.
- Thanks.

This is American pasta..
I really don't know how to..

Oh, don't worry.
We were given quite a lot.

I was passing by here
and I thought I could bring

a couple of packs of American
pasta to the lady.

You know, the less pasta we have home,
the better. I am large..

My wife too..

Thank you very much, I'll put it away.

- Oh, damn, the phone.
- The phone.

- Would you?
- Don't worry, I'll take it.

Hello?

Hell.. Excuse me, who are you?

Hello, who's there?

No, it is me who wants
to knows who's talking.

Oh well, just say who you are.

Sorry? Call the Mrs, please!

Excuse me, but why won't you tell
who you are? I don't know.. Here..

Hello?

Donata? Is that you? Who was that
male voice? A man in my house!?

Yes.. My husband.
Yes, it's Mr. Bottoni.

- Mr Bottoni?
- What? My husband is there?

- Mr Bottoni? Your husband?
- What is my husband doing in your home?

Wasn't he attending a ceremony?

That's what he said.

There's no ceremonies in my house,
though. Hello?

And why did Mr Bottoni
come to my house?

He brought pasta, flour, biscuits..

Biscuits, flour? He brought
biscuits and flour. Well, alright.

Oh, and he wants to greet you.

He wants to greet me? Just leave it,
don't bother.. No, no.. I mean, yes.

- Yes, let me speak to him.
- Here.

Hello.. Dear Esposito..

I, uhm.. Have the desire
to get to know you.

I stopped by your home,
in the hope that I could meet you.

Yes, me too. Very pleased
to meet you.

If you came here however, I could offer
you a very important deal.

Come here, we'll wait for you.
Me and your wife.

I can't, you know,
I came here just for a while.

I'm just passing by, as I said.

Well, then I'll get there..
I'll make a rush, get a bus,

a taxi, just say where you are
and I'll come right away.

No, no, no, I'm not stopping,
I won't stay, not even for a moment.

- Where? Tell me where you are.
- I'm at your home.

- There, which road, sorry?
- At your home.

- Where? My home!?
- Oh dear, your husband is dumb.

My home..

Look at the..

Well then.. Then..
I shall come to my home.. your home..

You won't find me.

As I said, I'm just passing by.

Uh.. No, call me my wife, please.

We must meet each other.

I have to make you
a proposal you can't even imagine.

It is deal involving quite a lot of money.
Quite a..

No, please. Call me my wife,
just for a moment, please.

Oh, it's nothing really,
just a thing between friends.

One goes bring flowers,
the other goes..

Call me your.. My wife!
You make me confused.

Forgive me..

Yes, right away. But we'll talk
again later because we

must be friends, meet each other..
It's absurd that we.. Sorry..

- We are so far, without..
- Hello? Hello?

- Who knows..
- Oh, I wanted to tell you

I won't be back for two or three days.

Because..

You know..

There is..

There's a creditor.

Oh..

Yes.

I see.

Send me Alfredo with the stuff,
you know?.

The usual stuff when I leave,
for two or three days out.

Business.

Yes, I'll send Alfredo. Be considerate,
it's cold, wrap yourself up..

- Watch out..
- Hello!?

What, who is it!?

Would you do me a favour,
Mr Esposito, since you're so kind..

Would you call me my wife
a moment on the phone?

You want your wife? Right away.
Your husband..

Yes, thank you.
Oh, sorry..

- Pardon me, Mrs..
- Hello?

- Well, I'll go.
- Wait, let me open the door.

Oh, don't bother, I'm familiar.

- Uh?
- Houses.. I know them.

- Thank you then. Goodbye.
- See you.

Listen, do me a favour,
entertain Mr Esposito there for a while.

But he's gone already!

What!? Stop him! Catch him!

Don't shout!
He's gone!

Hello!?

- He's gone.
- Well?

- Well? He's gone, understand?
- Yes, but what's so strange about it?

Nothing.. Just I'm talking to someone
and he's gone.. It's regretful.

Yes, but there'll be plenty
of occasions to meet each other.

- Oh, really..
- Really.

- He'll be back?
- Of course.

Would you mind if I stayed so I could
explain how to cook the spaghetti

because you need much.. Before,
at the phone, I heard

of Alfredo's pack.

Yes, I need to send Ferdinando a pack.

- I'll bring it.
- That is out of question.

- But why?
- I wouldn't allow that..

- But let me, Mrs.
- No..

- I would enjoy having a walk, with the pack.
- A man like you?

A man like me..
I'm not a packs' man?

- No, really..
- The boy brings it..

- No, look. Here's Alfredo.
- Good day, Mr Bottoni.

You must go straight away
to Ferdinando, to bring him a pack..

It's alright, I'll bring it.
I don't have anything to do, anyway.

- Just a moment.. Will you?
- Sure Mrs, sure.

- I'm busy mom, busy.
- I was talking to him.

Alright, alright!

- Good day, um..
- Yes?

- Nothing, I mean.. Good day.
- Good day.

- Did you see?
- Yes.

- Well, I shall get going Mrs.
- Why, I thought you'd stay and rest a little.

Arrest who? There's nobody
to be arrested here. Goodbye.

A man walking on the street

finds on the ground a wallet,
which contains 100000 lire.

The man of course,

having seen the address
inside the wallet,

- Goes to return it to the proprietor.
- Why's that?

Why!

Because when someone finds something,
if he is an honest person

he must return it to the proprietor.

Ok, but returning found
stuff brings bad luck.

- Who told you so, your father?
- Yes, my grampa says so too.

Telephone)
Oh, your granpa too.

So, your father and your grandfather
have got prejudices?

I don't know, I've never seen them.

- Hi dad!
- Liliana is that you?

- Oh.
- Yes.

Return it to the proprietor,
which gives in reward..

- Hi mom!
- Oh, what's up?

- Why, I love you.
- Hehe.

Say girl, where have
you been up until now?.

- To the cinema.
- Cinema.. What were they showing?

- Does it matter to you?
- Shut up, please.

- I asked you what they were showing.
- Heat the spaghetti.

- I don't remember right now.
- Heavens.

Make an effort to remember.
What was it?

Uhm.. A movie starring Nazzari.

Look girl, that guy, you'd better
get him out of your head

- Do you understand?
- Which guy?

Which guy could she fall for?

- You fell in love with Nazzari?
- What does Nazzari have to do with this!

It's that boy.. The one
with the undone shirt

Mrs Esposito's brother,
what's his name?

- Alfredo.
- Yes, Alfredo. Chico Patata.

- Chico Patata.
- Yes.

- Sure, go ahead and find out!
- Why, what did he do?

Nothing! It's not what he's done,
I just don't want here to see such people.

Speaking of which, what
were you doing in Esposito's house?

- Where you going?
- Without saying anything.

Yes, and close the door right away.
Tell me.

What were you doing in Esposito's home,
without saying anything to me?

What does this have to do with it,
I needed to speak to the husband.

- As if I didn't know you!
- Come here!

Luckily Mrs Donata is an honest person.

Don't go and show off your jealousy
like that, there's the boy over there..

That boy doesn't suit you.

Well, I do happen to like him,
he's smart and intelligent.

You can't be so picky either

or she'll end up like the girl upstairs,
30 years of age

- And nobody wants her anymore!
- What are you saying?

You make it sound like
they're getting married!

Say, do you know that boy?

- Yes. - What do you know?
The sister, do you know her?

- Yes.
- As if! You've seen her once.

- The brother-in-law, know him?
- Why, you do?

- Do you know his brother-in-law!?
- I know him. He's been here.

He brought flowers too,
which you never did!

Me, bringing you flowers?
We're not strangers.. That guy..

I know him better than you do!

Listen. He's from the opposite side.

He's from another race, you know?.
A race opposite to ours.

He hasn't got either a penny or a job,
he's a good for nothing.

He's looking for a job,
just he can't find it!

- Who told you such..
- He did.

Why, it mustn't be true? It's not like
he's the only one who can't find a job.

Instead, you could help him.

Why don't you offer him
that job, the one..

They were looking for a trustworthy person
to look after the warehouse.

Have you gone nuts?

- Do you really want to see me ruined?
- Why, can't he be a warehouseman?

- What?
- He's smart, young..

- What if the brother-in-law knew it?
- Well?

- Is it a shame, to be a warehouseman?
- Please dad, come on!

- Shut up, please.
- If Mr Esposito knew..

- He'd run here.
- He'd run to the warehouse, not here!

- No, he'd run here.
- Runs here, what for?

To thank you, of course.

Eh.

If we put him to work..
Let me think..

This is a mental thingy
I have to do..

- So you say, he'll come and thank us?
- Certainly.

Listen, you should hurry though..
You really should.

- Oh, yes.
- That way we can tell him sunday.

- They'll be so happy!
- Oh, please dad!

Shut up you, please
shut up.

Sunday what? What happens?
I don't get it.

Oh, I forgot to tell you.
They invited us for lunch.

- Who, the Esposito?
- Yes, all of us.

- At their home?
- At their home.

- The husband's there too?
- Of course.

No, I mean, did the wife tell you
his husband was there, did she?

Try to remember.

No, she didn't say that,
but of course he'll be there.

Of course not.. Because, you know..

- Where else?
- Let's see..

Sunday is the last day, get it?

- The last day!
- Last day of what?

Last day of.. Last day of the week!

- Oh, I didn't know that!
- I know, bet you didn't..

To me, Sunday is a..
It's an important day.

Then, we must go.

- So, did you understand?
- Yes.

- The train leaves at two.
- Alright.

Now you go home, you transform
and come pick me up.

- Alright.
- Listen..

Put up a nice act.

- They mustn't recognize you.
- Trust me.

I'll put up such an act, not
even my parents will recognize me!

- You'll see.
- Let's hope.

- Anyway. Time to go.
- I'm going.

Hi dad!

Hey Bice. Come here
and kiss daddy.

Why didn't you close the door?

What's happening?

Hey, you don't say hi to dad?

Mom! Dad's here.

Oh, so at last you have
decided to come back.

Decided.. As if it depended on me.

- You could have told us though.
- Told you..

- Yes.
- Oh, whatever has gotten into you?

What are you up to? What's going on?

- What's happened?
- Why?

Why! I am free to come back
to my home whenever I please.

- You are..
- Yes, my house!

I don't even recognize it.

The tires!
The tires, what about them?

Listen, let's not have an argument,
not today.

- Why, what's with today?
- We have guests for lunch!

Oh, really! Since when do
we invite people for lunch?

- Why, we have to return a favour.
- What favour?

- Is this fine?
- Yes, very fine.

But go and put on your jacket.

Look who's here, Molotov?

By the way, take off your hat,
tidy yourself up and shave yourself!

- God, look at yourself!
- Hey! Hey! Who's supposed to come?

President Truman!?

Cutlery is there,
no tablecloth though.

Nevermind, we'll just put on ours,
it's still clean anyway.

We only used it once.
It should be inside here.

- Here it is.
- This one's got a hole in the middle!

Nevermind, you go and cane
the chair meanwhile, hurry up.

- I wanted..
- Please, do me a favour..

You know, the pot in the bedroom..

The chamber pot?

Not that! The only flower-pot
we've got. Go and get it.

Here, take this, carry it over.
Don't break it, keep stirring.

- Would you listen!?
- Would you do me this favour, please!?

Go get the bread.

Oh, for goodness' sake!

Here Mr and Mrs Bottoni, you, grampa:
I'll be there, next to Liliana.

- Yeah, cuz you've got to neck.
- Don't be a fool

- And talk properly!
- Here's the pot.

Oh, at last. Bice? Bice, bring the flowers.

- There goes the hole.
- Well, now..

- Here.
- Would you please tell me..

Who are all these preparations for?

- For the guests.
- For the Bottonis.

- For whom?
- For the Bottonis..

Hell!

I'm fed up with these buttons.

Got it?

There.

What's the matter with you?

I'm tired of seeing these
Buttons all over the place.

- Why, what'd they do?
- I'm fed up!

What is this!? A poor man
comes home

for a short while, since I have
to leave for Naples in a few hours.

Wants to have a bite,

in peace, with his family.
No, not at all.

There's Bottonis.

Yes, the Bottonis.

Well, what's with them?
They are honest people.

People who aided me,
without interest.

It's the first time in my life

I find people who love me,
without any other purpose.

You instead, you're always out,
always distant.

- If i'm out, it's for business.
- Nice business you've got.

It's what provides you with food.

- Including you.
- I don't need it anymore.

Mr Bottoni found me a job.

Oh! Excellent.

Then this Bottone did really
become your benefactor.

Exactly, he gave us a lot,
and what do we have in return?

The turkey!

The turkey?

Good!

So we gave in to luxury?

Lucullian meals.

I work.. I take risks..

While you organize such meals without me.

We weren't expecting you.
Of course, there's a place for you too.

No, thank you. No need.

Have this lunch.
I don't necessarily want to be in it.

And anyway, I can see this house
can go on brilliantly, without me.

- They're here!
- They're coming!

Ferdinando! What are you doing..

What are you doing?

- Didn't I tell you I was leaving?
- Right now, when the Bottonis are coming?

I don't want to see them at all.

I'll go grab a bite at the pub.

Come on, wait!
We've got the turkey!

Dad, it would just
make me sick. Take.

Ferdinando..

- Oh! Good day, Mr Esposito.
- Good day.

My husband will be right here,
he's off to buy the newspaper.

- What's with him?
- Don't know..

Oh, so you would be Mr Bottoni.

- Yes. It is me.
- Such a louse you are.

- So I am the louse?
- Stop.

- Where you going, by the roofs?
- By the roofs.

I am familiar with them.
You wouldn't catch me.

- First though, I must tell you something.
- Say.

That poor family of mine

believes you're a friend.

That you help them out of kindness.

For magnanimity.

Sentimentalism.

- On the contrary..
- On the contrary, I am the criminal now?.

- Worse!
- I?

Yes.

You see, I am a thief, but
I suffer the consequences myself.

You committed a crime for which
no law condemns you.

It is however a despicable..
More despicable than theft.

- What'd I do?
- You stole from my house!

- I stole from your house?
- Yes.

You stole the respect, the trust
my family had for me.

Before I was a revered father,
respected..

Now that you appeared,
what am I anymore?

You see.. It's my job.

Slow down. You must do it, but
honestly, with fairness.

No sneaking into families,
like a snake.

Why, because when you
tied the chain to the flush

- That was proper, was it?
- Yes.

- It was fair?
- Clearly.

- Why?
- Because, my job.. Is being a robber.

If I don't run, what kind of robber am I?

Well, I'm a cop,
I must catch you then.

- Otherwise, what kind of cop am I?
- Exactly.

- Good day, Mr Esposito.
- Good day.

- Welcome back Mr Esposito.
- Thanks.

At last.

This time, dear Mr Esposito

it looks like it's over, doesn't it?

May I know why you're so
obsessed with me?

Not even if I were one of those
brigands who go assaulting banks.

Can't you see I'm a poor man.

- What did I do to you?
- To me? Nothing.

- But you do damage others.
- As if..

A great deal of damage!

Besides, dear Sergeant,
I have to do it.

Do you think it's easy,
providing for one's family.

Providing them a hot meal every day.

- Sending the kids to school.
- I know, I know.

Buy medicines when they're ill.

- Buy clothes.
- And right now it's nothing.

You'll see when they grow up,
especially them girls.

- You see, my Liliana..
- You see!

What does this mean?
You mustn't steal.

- Steal?
- Yes.

This, you call it stealing?
A few clocks I get now and then.

Effigies of Christ,
a few, lonely umbrellas..

A couple of gift packs..
You call it stealing.

If you send me to prison,
how will those four up there live?

Sergeant.. I'm not alone...

- I've got a family!
- Why, I don't have a family?

Why, my sons don't wear shoes?

I don't have a house, pay the rent?

The same things that
your family needs..

My family doesn't need?
It is my duty.

You.. You'd want me to let you escape?
- Eh.

Eh..

You know I can't?

That I must not, you do not know?.

If I don't bring you back
to the police offices..

After 30 years of service..

Always doing..

My duty..

The least that could happen,
is that I'll get thrown out.

- Really?
- Yes.

And if they throw me out, they're right!

You see.. Do you know why
I wear an uniform?

Because I must enforce law.

I have compassion of you, but

I must have you arrested.

Because if I don't catch you,

I become the accomplice
of a thief, you see?

You see those boys out there?

They're playing..

That game is like life.

Someone wins, someone loses.

It's not that I want to win..

But you.. You lost.

It's not fair though.

Dad! Dad!

- Dad, hey dad!
- Hey dad!

Come eat!

Renzo!

Bice! Come upstairs,
lunch's ready!

Ferdinando, you're still here?

- Come upstairs!
- You met each other!

Better this way, come up
or the pasta will be ruined.

Lorenzo, don't be late as usual.
Come here, quick!

Well.

First..

We eat.

- After you.
- Go on.

Thanks.

Let's not tell anything to anybody.

I never told anyone,
not even to my wife.

Me neither to my own.

Thanks.

What for?

- Here we are!
- Please, have a seat.

- It's ready Mr Bottoni.
- Thanks.

- Gimme a lot!
- Your dish please, Mr Bottoni.

No Mrs, serve the children first.

Oh, no.. I must serve
your husband first.

Why, the children first!

- I want a lot!
- Hey!

Don't start it.

Well, Alfredo. Hows life as
a warehouseman?

- Very well, Mrs.
- Good, you're a warehouseman?

- And what's in this warehouse?
- Lots of things..

- Tent cloth, oilskins..
- Is there any tire?

- Yeah, tires too.
- Holy! And where is it?

No, it's far.

Lorenzo, you're so rude!

Mr Esposito is just
being kindly interested.

Oh, I was just asking..
You know, you never can tell.

Exactly.. Exactly.

- Mr Bottoni, would you?
- Yes, thanks.

Go ahead before they're cold.

Feel free.

- Why so few?.
- Oh.. It's fine.

- So, where's the turkey!?
- I'll go fetch it!

- No! You're staying.
- Lorenzo! What kind of manners..

Are you maddening?

I didn't want him to stand up.

Thank you, very kind.

It's nothing.

Libero, open the door.

- Hey, watch my turkey.
- What are you saying, silly boy!

Well, I do know what grampa's capable of!

Good day son,
is your dad home?

Dad, there's that friend of yours,
dressed as a priest.

What?

- A friend dressed as priest?
- Exactly, a friend dressed as priest.

It's a priest dressed as friend..
I mean, a priest friend of mine.

Sit down.

I'll be right back. He must
have something to tell me.

- Yes, but..
- Please.

Oh, what a nice visit.
Is he your parish priest?

I don't think so Mrs.. Actually,
he's never come here.

I don't understand my husband,
you see, we had a civil wedding.

This, I don't like.
My daughter, when she'll get married

she will do so in church,
isn't it so, Lorenzo?

- Shut up!
- What do you mean shut up!

- I mean.. Yes, you're right.
- You see..

A priest's always a priest.

Excuse me a moment.

Lorenzo, what are you doing?

- Uhm, I thought he'd run off.
- Lorenzo! We're guests here!

- Hey, it's not like that..
- Lorenzo..

No, because..

- Who was it?
- Nothing.

Business with Vatican City.

But I cancelled it.

By the way, let's bring out the fruit,
I want to leave. What time is it?

Oh, it's early still.

This one's stopped.

- Oh, so many clocks..
- I coll..

- Collect them.
- It's early anyway..

Certainly.. Until midnight..

There's time, and many trains
before midnight.

I know, but you see..

Mr Lorenzo, I prefer
going right now to the station.

To the station..
I'd rather go now.

Because in the evening,
that place it..

- Put a great deal of sadness on me..
- You tell me..

Instead, going there now,
by day, with the sun..

When night, darkness comes..

One's already used to it, right?

Certainly travelling all the time,
it must be tiresome,

but you'll see Mr Esposito,

my husband will find you a steady job,
a regular place you won't have to leave.

He already did find one!

My! You're a saint.

- Then, why must you leave?
- I must bring to an end some deals.

Yes.. Napoli, Benevento,
Foggia, Caserta..

On the contrary..

By the way.. It'll take more than
usual, this time.

How long will you stay away?

How long will I stay away?

Well, I think.. three or four months.

- Only?
- Yes, you get suspended sentence.

- What?
- Because of the se.. the settlement.

What would you know about it?

We have a deal together.

Oh, I'm so happy.

- Am I not?
- Why, am I..

Do you think I find
it pleasurable to..

Why, you're partners and you quarrel?

You women don't understand,
these are matters...

- For men.
- That's it.

Wait.. Before leaving,
sign the children's school notes.

- Quick, go get them.
- Oh, yes..

Bring them to me.

Take.

- Wait, you're leaving the clocks home?
- With all the people travelling

you never know,
with all the thieves..

Bring on the notes!

8, 8, 7, 9..
Hey, hey. There's a 5 here, a 5..

- Five?
- Geography.

A five.. But, right after there's
another eight.

- Oh..
- Yeah but.. I'm satisfied with her.

- You?
- Here.

This one..

- My.. Eight! Howd it happen?
- And nine.

You know, now he does
his homework everyday with Paolo.

Does he? Good boy.

- Who's got a pen?
- Me.

- Thanks.
- It's nothing.

A little room, please.

Don't lean on my elbow,
else I can't write.

There it is.

Good boys.

Give a kiss to daddy.

Well, you too, come.

Excuse me..

May I?

Farewell, dad!

When I return, I'll bring you..

- Cigars, lots of them.
- Nice and dry ones, remember.

Leave that to me.
I'll pick them myself.

- Bye dad
- Bye.

Alfredo. You, I must
tell you something.

As you can see, I must leave.

You now have a job..
A real job.

Remember it,
times are difficult..

Should you put up a family,
one day or another..

See to it that your wife
is married to a working man.

Not to a..

You understand, don't you..

You, what do I have to tell you?

- Sorry.
- What for?

For everything.

Bye.

See you, Mrs Bottoni.

Mr Bottoni..
You'll accompany me, right?

I'd say.. Wouldn't it be better
to stay here until..

- Until eleven, for me too..
- Come on, didn't you hear

what Mr Esposito said?

He likes the station when the sun is
set, you heard, didn't you?

Yes. Yes, I heard.

Then..

Shall I accompany you
to the station?

No, Mrs, I will.

Have a nice and safe trip then!

Thanks..

It's strange..

- My husband today, he's so strange.
- Mine too.

Poor husbands..
They too have their own troubles.

- Shall we go by tram?
- No, let's have a walk.

I prefer..

This way, I shall breathe the last
fresh air before going in there.

You know..

I'd never been there before.

- No?
- No.

It's the first time.

I'm sorry then, that I must
be the first.

You know.. It's was bound to
happen, sooner or later.

What music is it?

I don't know.

Well, I guess it must be sad,
being closed into that tiny room..

In the dark.. Unable to leave..

Well, I do realize..

Do we want to go to the pub?
We'll stay there until eleven.

No. It would be worse.

Let's go.

Good bye!

- And don't forget the cigars!
- Bye dad!

- Wrap yourself up, it's cold.
- Goobye.. See you.

- Send a few postcards..
- Tuscan cigars, remember!

I'm not sure Alfredo will be able,
on his own, to provide for the whole family.

He will, or in case I'll hand him something,
don't worry..

- Thanks.
- It's nothing.

And if you could send my wife
a postcard from Napoli,

- Foggia, Caserta..
- Alright, you write the postcards..

I'll put them in an envelope
and I send them to the offices..

I've got a lot of colleagues,
in Napoli, Foggia..

- Don't worry about it.
- Thanks.

- You are so kind.
- Well..

What worries me though, is my
daughter, Bice..

The geography, it's a little..

Yes, I'll have Paolo
take care of that one.

- You'd need somebody..
- I told you Paolo will take care.

Listen..

I..

You..

You must understand me.. No,
look at me. Because..

- You see..
- Yes.

- I wouldn't want to..
- I got that.

- But I must.
- I understand.

- Please understand..
- I understand.

- Because..
- We agree.

We do agree.

Come on, let's go.

- No, wait..
- Come on, I do get it..

There.. Come on.

- But..
- Come on, let's go.

- No, you see.. I want to explain..
- Yes, yes. Let's go to the station.

- Come with me.
- But how.. Wait a minute..

- It's a matter of..
- Alright..

I wouldn't want you to be..
That you'd be angry..