Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017) - full transcript

♪ There's a girl, ♪

♪ In this harbor town ♪

♪ And she works, ♪

♪ Iaying whiskey down ♪

♪ They say Brandy, ♪

♪ Fetch another round ♪

♪ And she serves them
whiskey and wine ♪

Come on!
Slow down!

This way, my river lily!
Come on!

Where are you taking me?

Come on, come on.



Look. Look!

Oh, it's beautiful!

I was afraid it wouldn't take to the soil,

but it rooted quickly.

And soon, it'll be everywhere.

All across the universe.

Well, I don't know what
you're talking about

but I like the way you say it.

My heart is yours,

Meredith Quill.

I can't believe I fell in love with a spaceman.

Showtime, a-holes!

It will be here any minute.

Which will be its loss.



I thought your thing was a sword?

We've been hired to stop
an interdimensional beast

from feeding on those batteries,
and I'm gonna stop it with a sword?

It's just, swords were your
thing and guns were mine, but...

I guess we're both doing guns now.
I just didn't know that.

Drax, why aren't you wearing
one of Rocket's aero-rigs?

It hurts.

It hurts?

I have sensitive nipples.

My nipples hurt!
Oh, goodness me!

What about him?
What's he doing?

I'm finishing this so we can
listen to tunes while we work.

How is that a priority?

Blame Quill.
He's the one who loves music so much.

No, I actually agree with Drax on this.

That's hardly important right now.

Oh, okay. Sure, Quill.

No, seriously.

I side with Drax.

No, I understand that.
You're being very serious right now.

I can clearly see you winking.

Damn it. I'm using my left eye?

I am Groot.

They were not looking at you funny.

Well, that's intense.

Groot!

Groot, get out of the way!
You're gonna get hurt!

Hi.

No Groot! Spit it out! Spit it out!

Come on!

Disgusting!

The beast's hide is too thick
to be pierced from the outside.

I must cut through it from the inside.

No, no! Drax, wait a minute!

Drax!

What is he doing?

He said the skin is too thick to be
pierced from the outside, so he

That doesn't make any sense!
I tried telling him that!

Skin is the same level of thickness
from the inside as from the outside!

I realize that.

There is a cut on its neck.

Rocket, get it to look up.

Hey, you giant Sea-Monkey!
Up here!

Watch it, Quill!

Yes! I have single-handedly
vanquished the beast!

What?

What are they called again?

Anulax batteries.

Harbulary batteries.

That's nothing like what I just said.

But they're worth
thousands of units apiece

which is why the Sovereign
hired us to protect them.

Careful what you say around these folks.
They're easily offended.

The cost of transgression is death.

We thank you Guardians,

for putting your lives on the line.

We could not risk the lives
of our own Sovereign citizens.

Every citizen is born exactly
as designed by the community.

Impeccable, both physically and mentally.

We control the DNA of our progeny
germinating them in birthing pods.

I guess I prefer to make
people the old-fashioned way.

Perhaps...

Perhaps someday, you could give
me a history lesson

in the archaic ways of our ancestors.

For academic purposes.

I would be honored, yes.

In the name of research,

I think that could be pretty...

pretty repulsive.

I'm not into that kind of casual...

Oh, please.

Your people promised something
in exchange for our services.

Bring it and we shall gladly be on our way.

Family reunion.

I understand she is your sister.

She's worth no more to me than
the bounty due for her on Xandar.

Our soldiers apprehended her
attempting to steal the batteries.

Do with her as you please.

We thank you, High Priestess Ayesha.

What is your heritage, Mr. Quill?

My mother is from Earth.

And your father?

He ain't from Missouri.

That's all I know.

I see it within you.

An unorthodox genealogy.

A hybrid that seems particularly,

reckless.

You know,

they told me you people
were conceited douchebags,

but that isn't true at all.

Oh, shit.

I'm using my wrong eye again, aren't I?

I'm sorry. That...

That was meant to be behind your back.

Count yourself blessed
they didn't kill you.

You're telling me.

You wanna buy some batteries?

All right, let's get baldy to Xandar

and collect that bounty.

That stuff about my father.

Who does she think she is?

I know you're sensitive about that.

I'm not sensitive about it.
I just don't know who he is.

Sorry if it seemed like I was
flirting with the High Priestess.

I wasn't.

I don't care if you were.

Well, I feel like you do care.

That's why I'm apologizing.

So, sorry!

Gamora is not the one for you, Quill.

Damn shadow.

There are two types
of beings in the universe.

Those who dance,

and those who do not.

I first met my beloved at a war rally.

Oh, God.

Everyone in the village
flailed about, dancing.

Except one woman.

My Ovette.

I knew immediately
she was the one for me.

The most melodic song in
the world could be playing.

She wouldn't even tap her foot.

Wouldn't move a muscle.

One might assume she was dead.

That does sound pretty hot.

It would make my nether regions engorge.

Okay. I get it, yes.

I'm a dancer, Gamora is not.

You just need to find a woman
who is pathetic like you.

Ok?

I'm hungry.

Hand me some of that Yaro root.

No. It's not ripe yet

and I hate you.

You hate me?

You left me there while you
stole that stone for yourself.

And yet here you stand, a hero.

I will be free of these shackles
soon enough, and I will kill you.

I swear.

No.

You're gonna live out the rest
of your days in a prison on Xandar,

wishing you could.

This is weird. We've got a Sovereign
fleet approaching from the rear.

Why would they do that?

Probably because Rocket
stole some of their batteries.

Dude!

Right.

He didn't steal some of those.

I don't know why they're after us.
What a mystery this is.

What were you thinking?

Dude, they were really easy to steal!

That's your defense?
Come on!

You saw how that High
Priestess talked down to us.

Now I'm teaching her a lesson!

Oh, I didn't realize your
motivation was altruism.

It's really a shame the Sovereign
have mistaken your intentions

and they're trying to kill us.
Exactly!

I was being sarcastic!

Oh, no!
You're supposed to use a sarcastic voice!

Now I look foolish!

Can we put the bickering on hold until
after we survive this massive space battle?

More incoming!
Good!

I wanna kill some guys!

You're not killing anyone.

All those ships are remotely piloted.

Damn it!

What is the delay, Admiral?

High Priestess,

the batteries, they are
exceptionally combustible

and could destroy the entire fleet.

Our concern is their
slight against our people.

We hired them and they steal from us.

It is heresy of the highest order.

All command modules,

fire with the intent to kill.

What's the nearest habitable planet?

It's called Berhert.

How many jumps?
Only one.

But the access point is 47 clicks away.

And you have to go through
that quantum asteroid field.

Quill, to make it through that

you'd have to be the greatest
pilot in the universe.

Lucky for us.

I am.
I...

What are you doing?

I've been flying this rig
since I was 10 years old.

I was cybernetically engineered
to pilot a spacecraft.

You were cybernetically
engineered to be a douchebag!

Stop it.

Well, later on tonight you're
gonna be laying down in your bed

and there's gonna be something
squishy in your pillow case.

And you're gonna be like, what's this?

And it's gonna be because
I put a turd in there!

You put your turd in my bed,
I shave you.

Oh, it won't be my turd.

It will be Drax's.

I have famously huge turds.

We're about to die,
and this is what we're discussing?

Son of a...

Dude! Seriously!

Hey! Let me.

Idiots!

Well, that's what you get when Quill flies.

We still have a Sovereign craft behind us.

Our weapons are down.

20 clicks to the jump!

Hold on.

It's not ripe.

Come on, Zylak. You can do this.

Yes!

15 clicks to the jump!

Come on!

Keep going!

10 clicks!

Die, spaceship!

You suck, Zylak.

Typical.

Five clicks!

Son of a...

They went around the field!

Someone destroyed all our ships!

What?

Who?

One click!

What is that?

Who cares?
That's the jump point! Go! Go!

It's a guy.

Oh, my God.

He's still out there?

Groot, put your seatbelt on!

Prepare for a really bad landing!

That was awesome!

Yes!

Look at this!

Where is the other half of our ship?

My ship.

Either one of you could have
gotten us through that field

had you flown with what's between your
ears instead of what's between your legs!

If what's between my legs
had a hand on it

I guarantee I could have landed
this ship with it.

Peter, we almost died
because of your arrogance.

More like because he stole

the Anulax batteries!

They're called Harbulary batteries.

No, they're not!

Do you know why I did it, Star-Munch?

I'm not gonna answer to Star-Munch.

I did it because I wanted to!

Dick.

What are we even talking about this for?

We just had a little man save
us by blowing up 50 ships!

How little?

Well, I don't know, like this?

A little one-inch man saved us?

Well, if he got closer,
I'm sure he would be much larger.

That's how eyesight works,
you stupid raccoon.

Don't call me a raccoon!

I'm sorry. I took it too far.

I meant trash panda.

Is that better?

I don't know.

It's worse. It's so much worse.

You son of a...

Hey!

I've had it with you!
No! Back up!

Someone followed
you through the jump point.

Set me free, you'll need my help.

I'm not a fool, Nebula.

You are a fool if you deprive
yourself a hand in combat.

You'll attack me the moment I let you go.

No, I won't.

You'd think an evil supervillain
would learn how to properly lie.

I bet it's the one-inch man.

After all these years, I've found you.

And who the hell are you?

I figured my rugged good
looks would make that obvious.

My name is Ego,

and I'm your dad, Peter.

You know what they say.

You're out of luck until you've gone duck.

Yondu!

Come on down!

After going around years in circles

with this woman I end up marrying.

I said, Aleta, I love you, girl

but you're losing your mind!

Then again, she's always been that way.

I could never trust her. You know?

Stakar.

It's been some time.

It seems like this establishment
is the wrong kind of disreputable.

Sir!
Stakar!

There's a hundred Ravager factions.

You lost the business of 99
of them by serving one.

Please, sir.

Please! Please!
Get away from me.

You can go to hell then!

I don't give a damn what you think of me!

So what are you following us for?

Because you're gonna
listen to what I gotta say!

I don't gotta listen to nothing!

You betrayed the code!

Ravagers don't deal in kids.

I told you before!

I didn't know what was going on!

You didn't know because you didn't
want to know because it made you rich.

I demand a seat at the table!

I wear these flames, same as you.

You may dress like us,

but you'll never hear the Horns
of Freedom when you die, Yondu.

And the Colors of Ogord,

will never flash over your grave.

If you think,

I take pleasure,

in exiling you,

you're wrong.

You broke all our hearts.

Pathetic.

First, Quill betrays us

and Yondu just lets him go scot-free.

We followed him,

because he was the one

who wasn't afraid to do
what needed to be done.

Seems he's going soft.

If he's so soft, why are you whispering?

You know I'm right, Kraglin.

You best be very careful what
you say about our captain.

Who the hell is that?

Yondu Udonta.

I have a proposition for you.

I hired Yondu to pick you up

when your mother passed away.

But instead of returning you,

Yondu kept you.

I have no clue as to why.

Well, I'll tell you why.

Because I was a skinny little kid who
could squeeze into places adults couldn't.

It made it easier for thieving.

Well, I've been trying
to track you down ever since.

I thought Yondu was your father.

What?

We've been together this whole time you
thought Yondu was my actual blood relative?

You look exactly alike.

One's blue!

No, he's not my father!

Yondu was the guy who abducted me

kicked the crap out of me
so I could learn to fight

and kept me in terror
by threatening to eat me.

Eat you?
Yeah.

Oh, that son of a bitch.

How'd you locate us now?

Well, even where I reside, out
past the edge of what's known

we've heard tell about the
man they call Star-Lord.

What say we head out there right now?

Your associates are welcome.

Even that triangle-faced monkey there.

I promise you,

it's unlike any other place you've ever seen.

And there...

I can explain your very,

special heritage.

Finally get to be,

the father I've always wanted to be.

Excuse me.

I've gotta take a whiz.

I'm not buying it.

Let's go take a walk.

I am Mantis.

What are you doing?

Smiling.

I hear it is the thing
to do to make people like you.

Not if you do it like that.

I was raised alone on Ego's planet.

I do not understand
the intricacies of social interaction.

Can I pet your puppy?

It is adorable.

Yes.

That is called a practical joke!

I liked it very much!

I just made it up!

Give me a break!

After all this time, you're gonna show up,
and all of a sudden you wanna be my dad?

I hear you.

And by the way, this could be a trap.

Ok. The Kree purists,

the Ravagers they all want us dead.

I know, but...
But what?

What was that story you told
me about Zardu Hasselfrau?

Who?

He owned a magic boat?

David Hasselhoff?

Right.

Not a magic boat.

A talking car.

Why did he talk again?

To help him fight crime,
and to be supportive.

As a child, you would carry
his picture in your pocket

and you would tell all the other children

that he was your father,
but that he was out of town.

Shooting Knight Rider or
touring with his band in Germany.

I told you that when I was drunk.
Why are you bringing that up now?

I love that story.

I hate that story.

It's so sad!

As a kid, I used to see all the other
kids off playing catch with their dad.

I wanted that,

more than anything in the world!

That's my point, Peter.

What if this man is your Hasselhoff?

Listen.

If he ends up being evil,

we will just kill him.

You're leaving me with that fox?

He's not a fox.

Shoot her if she does anything suspicious.

Or if you feel like it.
Okay.

It'll be just a couple of days.

We'll be back before Rocket's
finished fixing the ship.

What if the Sovereign come?

There's no way for them
to know we're here. Let's go.

I'm uncertain about parting ways.

God, you're like an old woman.

Because I'm wise?

Why do you have so much luggage?

I don't want Groot playing with my things.

I hope Daddy isn't as big
of a dick as you, orphan boy.

What is your goal here?

To get everybody to hate you?

Because it's working.

Hey, can I ask you a personal question?

No one has ever asked
me a personal question.

Your antennae, what are they for?

Their purpose?

Yes. Quill and I have a bet.

Dude. You're not supposed to say that!

I say...

if you are about to go through
a doorway that is too low,

your antennae will feel this and
keep you from being decapitated.

Right.

And if it's anything other than you specifically
not being decapitated by a doorway,

I win.

They are not for feeling doorways.

I think,

they have something to do
with my empathic abilities.

What are those?

If I touch someone,

I can feel their feelings.

You read minds?
No.

Telepaths know thoughts.

Empaths feel feelings.

Emotions.

May I?

All right.

You feel love.

Yeah. I guess yeah,

I feel a general unselfish
love for just about everybody.

No!

Romantic, sexual love.

No, I don't.

For her!
No!

That is not...

Okay.

She just told everyone your
deepest, darkest secret!

Dude, come on.
I think you're overreacting a little bit!

You must be so embarrassed!

Do me! Do me! Do me!

I have never felt such humor!

So unbelievably uncool.

Oh, Quill.

Touch me, and the only thing
you're gonna feel is a broken jaw.

I can also alter emotions to some extent.

Yeah, like what?

If I touch someone who is sad,

I can ease them into
contentment for a short while.

I can make a stubborn person compliant.

But I mostly use it to help my master sleep.

He lies awake at night,

thinking about his progeny.

Do one of those on me.

Sleep.

I love this song.

There!

Ain't so tough now without
all your toys, are you?

Move!

Crap.

Hey there, rat!

How's it going, you blue idiot?

Not so bad.

We got ourselves a pretty
good little gig here.

This golden gal with quite a
high opinion of herself has

offered us a large sum,

to deliver you and your pals over
to her because she wants to kill y'all.

Your friend.

There's too many of them.

He needs my help.

If you care about him,

you need to get me out of these bonds.

They are going to kill him!

I tell you, it was pretty easy to find you.

I put a tracer on your ship back there
during the war over Xandar.

Give me your word you won't hurt Groot,

and I'll tell you where the batteries are.

Lucky for you, my word don't mean squat.

Otherwise, I'd actually hand you over.

Otherwise, you'd what?

We'll take them batteries.

They're worth what?

A quarter mill on the open market?

That Priestess offered us a million.

A quarter is only one third of that!

A quarter ain't a third.

A quarter is 25.

No.

We can't even buy a pair
of boots with 25 units.

Enough!

The point is, we ain't stupid enough to
help kill the Guardians of the Galaxy!

The whole dang Nova Corps would be on us.

That ain't right!

I just gotta say it this one time, Captain.

No matter how many times
Quill betrays you

you protect him like none of
the rest of us much matter!

Yeah!

I'm the one what sticks up for you!

Take it easy, Kraglin.

Damn straight, lad.

He's gone soft.

Suppose it's time for a change in leadership.

Put your damn guns down!

There must be some kind of
peaceful resolution to this, fellas.

Or even a violent one where
I'm standing over there.

Well, hello, boys.

It's not ripe.

Welcome everyone,

to my world.

You have your own planet?
Come on.

No larger than your Earth's Moon.

Humility.

I like it.

I, too, am extraordinarily humble.

You own a planet and can destroy
two dozen spaceships without a suit.

What are you exactly?

I'm what's called a Celestial, sweetheart.

A Celestial, like a god?

Small g, son.

At least on the days
I'm feeling humble as Drax.

I don't know where I came from exactly.

First thing I remember is flickering

adrift in the cosmos utterly

and entirely alone.

Over millions of years

I learned to control
the molecules around me.

I grew smarter and stronger.

And I continued building from there

layer by layer

the very planet you walk on now.

But I wanted more.

I desired,

meaning.

There must be some life
out there in the universe,

besides just me, I thought.

So, I set myself the task of finding it.

I created

what I imagined biological life to be like

down to the most minute detail.

Did you make a penis?

Dude!

What is wrong with you?

If he is a planet, how could
he make a baby with your mother?

He would smush her!

I don't need to hear how my parents.

Why?

My father would tell the story of
impregnating my mother every winter solstice.

That's disgusting.

It was beautiful.

You Earthers have hang-ups.

Yes Drax,

I got a penis.

Thank you!

It's not half bad.

I've also got pain receptors,
and a digestive system

and all the accompanying junk.

I wanted to experience,

what it truly meant to be human,

as I set out amongst the stars,

until I found,

what I sought.

Life.

I was not alone in the universe after all.

When did you meet my mother?

Not long after.

It was with Meredith that
I first experienced love.

I...

called her my river lily.

And from that love Peter,

you.

I have searched for you for so long.

And when I heard of a man from Earth,

who held an Infinity Stone
in his hand without dying,

I knew you must be the son
of the woman I loved.

If you loved her, why did you leave her?

This is mutiny!

This is mutiny!

This is mutiny!

Captain!

Help me! Please!

Captain!

You're the one what killed those men,

by leading them down the wrong path.

Because you're weak.

And stupid!

It's time for the Ravagers

to rise once again to glory,

with a new captain,

Taserface!

I'm sorry.

Your name is...

It's Taserface?

That's right.

Do you shoot tasers out of your face?

It's metaphorical!

Yeah!

For what?

For it is a name what strikes fear

into the hearts of anyone what hears it.

Okay.

Okay.

Whatever you say.

You shut up.

You're next.

Udonta,

I have waited a long time to do...

What?

I'm sorry. I am so sorry!

I just keep imagining you
waking up in the morning, sir

looking in the mirror and then in
all seriousness saying to yourself

You know what would be
a really kick-ass name?

Taserface!

That's how I hear you in my head!

What was your second choice?

Scrotum Hat?

New plan. We're killing you first.

Well, dying is certainly better
than having to live an entire life

as a moronic shitbag who
thinks Taserface is a cool name.

That's enough killing for today.

She's the daughter of Thanos.

I thought you were the
biggest sadist in the galaxy.

That was when Daddy was paying my bills.

The Priestess wants to kill the fox herself.

And he has bounties on his head
in at least 12 Kree provinces.

I assure you.

I am not as easy a mark as an
old man without his magic stick

or a talking woodland beast.

I want 10% of the take,

and a couple more things.

We got a whole box of hands

if that one don't work out.

It is fine.

You... think them Kree
is gonna execute the captain?

The Kree consider themselves merciful.

It will be painless.

Well, here it is.

It's the best ship we got.

Location of Ego's planet in the nav.

We'll wire you the 10% once we's paid.

What are you gonna do with your share?

As a child, my father
would have Gamora and me

battle one another in training.

Every time my sister prevailed

my father would replace a
piece of me with machinery,

claiming he wanted me to be her equal.

But she won,

again and again,

and again, never once refraining.

So after I murder my sister.

I will buy a warship,

with every conceivable instrument of death.

I will hunt my father like a dog,
and I will tear him apart slowly,

piece by piece,

until he knows some semblance,

of the profound and unceasing pain.

I know every single day.

Yeah.

I was talking about like, a pretty necklace.

Or a nice hat.

You know.

Something to make the other girls go...

that's nice!

Anyways,

happy trails.

My mother told everyone
my father was from the stars.

She had brain cancer, so everyone
thought she was delusional.

Peter.

Listen, I'd love to believe all of this,
I really would, but you left,

the most wonderful woman ever,

to die alone.

I didn't want to leave your mother, Peter.

If I don't return regularly to my planet

and the light within it

this form will wither and perish.

So why didn't you come back?
Why did you send Yondu?

A criminal, of all people,
to come and fetch me?

I loved your mother, Peter!

I couldn't stand to set foot on an Earth,

where she wasn't living!

You can't imagine what that's like!

I know exactly what that feels like!

I had to watch her die!

Over the millions,

and millions of years of my existence
I've made many mistakes, Peter.

But you're not one of them.

Please give me the chance to be
the father she would want me to be.

There's so much,

that I need to teach you about this planet,

and the light within.

They are a part of you, Peter.

What do you mean?

Give me your hands, son.

Here.

Hold them like that.

Now, close your eyes and concentrate.

Take your brain to the center of this planet.

Yes!

Yes!

It's... Yes.

Yes!
It was...

It's okay.

Just relax. Concentrate.

You can do it. Bring it back.

Yes!

Yes. Yes now...

shape it.

Feel that energy.

Yes.

You're home.

Peter.

How did you get to this weird,
dumb planet?

Ego found me in my larva state.

Orphaned on my homeworld.

He raised me by hand,
and kept me as his own.

So you're a pet?

I suppose.

People usually want cute pets.

Why would Ego want such a hideous one?

I am hideous?

You are horrifying to look at. Yes.

But that's a good thing.

When you're ugly, and someone loves you

you know they love you for who you are.

Beautiful people never know who to trust.

Well, then I'm certainly grateful to be ugly.

Those pools,

they remind me of a time,

when I took my daughter,

to the forgotten lakes of my homeworld.

She was like you.

Disgusting?

Innocent.

Drax?

There's something I must tell you.

What's going on?

This gross bug lady is my new friend.

I'm learning many things,
like I'm a pet and ugly.

You're not ugly. Drax!

What are you talking about?

Mantis,

can you show us where we'll be staying?

Why are there no other
beings on this planet?

The planet is Ego.

A dog would not invite a flea
to live on his back.

And you're not a flea?

I'm a flea with a purpose.

I help him sleep.

What were you about to say
to Drax before I walked out?

Nothing.

Your quarters are this way.

We deliver you to the Kree in the morning.

Neither one of you will
last much longer after that.

Okay, Taserface.

Hey, tell the other guys we said,

Hi, Taserface!

Hey what about this little plant?
Can I smash it with a rock?

No, Gef.

It's too adorable to kill.

Take it to the tailor.

No offense, but your
employees are a bunch of jerks.

I was a Kree battle slave for
20 years when Stakar freed me.

He offered me a place with the Ravagers.

He said all I needed
to do was adhere to the code.

But I was young,

and greedy, and stupid.

Like you stealing those batteries.

That was mostly Drax.

Me and Stakar and the other captains,

we weren't so different
from you and your friends.

The only family I ever had.

When I broke the code,

they exiled me.

This is what I deserve.

Slow down, drama queen.

You might deserve this, but I don't.

We gotta get outta here.

Where's Quill?

He went off with his old man.

Ego?
Yeah.

It's a day for dumb-ass names.

You're smiling.

And for a second, I got a warm feeling.

But then it was ruined by
those disgusting-ass teeth.

You like a professional asshole or what?

Pretty much a pro.

Why didn't you deliver Quill
to Ego like you promised?

He was skinny.

Could fit into places we couldn't.

Good for thieving.

I got an idea on how to get outta here.

But we're gonna need your little friend.

Mascot, mascot, mascot,

Little fellow's all worked up!
He needs a drink!

Look how cute it is when it's all riled up.

He's goddang precious!

Hey, twig!

Come here.

Come on.

Oh man.

What did they do to you?

Hey, you wanna help us get outta here?

There's something I need you
to get, and bring back to me.

In the captain's quarters,
there's a prototype fin,

the thing I wore on my head.

There's a drawer next to the bunk.

It's in that. It's red.

You got it?

That's my underwears.

Yeah, I was pretty sure he didn't
know what you were talkin' about.

You have to explain it more careful.

It's a prototype fin.

That's an orloni.

It's a fin, Groot.

You explain it this time.

All right.

That's Vorker's eye.

He takes it out when he sleeps.

Go. Look again.

But leave the eye here.

Why?

He's gonna wake up tomorrow

and he's not gonna know

where his eye is!

That's a desk.

We told you it was this big.

Tell me you guys have
a refrigerator somewhere,

with a bunch of severed human toes.

Okay. Then let's just
agree to never discuss this.

The drawer you wanna open
has this symbol on it.

Ok?

What? No!

He thinks you want him to wear it as a hat.

That's not what I said!

I am Groot.

He's relieved you don't want him to.

I am Groot.
He hates hats.

I am Groot.

On anyone, not just himself.

I am Groot.

One minute you think someone
has a weird-shaped head

the next minute it's just because you
realize part of that head is the hat.

That's why you don't like hats?

This is an important conversation right now?

That ain't it.

I didn't mean to do a mutiny.

They killed all my friends.

Get the third quadrant ready for release.

One more thing.

You got any clones
of Quill's old music on the ship?

He's got it!

Yondu's got the fin!

Go!

Down there!

You maniac.

The whole ship's gonna blow.

Not the whole ship.

Who is this?

I am sending you
the coordinates for Yondu's ship.

Release the quadrant!
Aye, Captain!

I only ask one thing.

That your High Priestess

tell him the name of the man
what sealed his fate.

Taserface!

Where to, Captain?

Ego.

No, boy!

It ain't healthy for a mammalian body
to hop more than 50 jumps at a time.

I know that.

We are about to do 700!

So I guess this could all be mine someday.

Rocket?

Rocket, are you there?

What are you doing, Peter?

Dance with me.

I'm not going to dance with you.

This is Sam Cooke,

one of the greatest Earth
singers of all time.

Drax thinks you're not a dancer.

If you ever tell anyone about this

I will kill you.

When are we gonna do something
about this unspoken thing between us?

What unspoken thing?

This...

Cheers, Sam and Diane,

a guy and a girl on a TV show,

who dig each other but never say it

because if they do
the ratings would go down

sort of thing.

There's no unspoken thing.

Well, it's a catch-22,
because if you said it,

then it would be spoken

and you would be a liar.
So, by not saying it,

you are telling the truth,

and admitting that there is.

No, that's not what I...

What we should be discussing right
now is something about this place.

It doesn't feel right.

What are you talking about?

You're the one who
wanted me to come here!

That girl Mantis she's afraid of something.

Why are you trying
to take this away from me?

I'm not trying.

He's my father. He's blood.

You have blood on Earth and you
never wanted to return there.

Again, you made me come here!

And Earth is the place where
my mother died in front of me.

No, it's because that place
is real, and this is a fantasy.

This is real!
I'm only half human, remember?

That's the half I'm worried about.

Oh, I get it.

You're jealous because I'm part-god,

and you like when I'm the weak one.

You were insufferable to begin with.

I haven't been able to reach Rocket.

I'm gonna go outside,
and I'm gonna try and get a signal.

You know what?
This is not Cheers after all!

This is whatever the show is
where one person is willing

to open themselves up to new possibility,

and the other person is a jerk.

Who doesn't trust anybody!

It's a show that doesn't exist.

That's why it would get zero ratings!

I don't know what Cheers is!

I finally found my family.
Don't you understand that?

I thought you already had.

Damn it.

Psychopath!

Are you kidding me?

I win.

I win. I bested you in combat.

No. I saved your life.

Well, you were stupid enough to let me live.

You let me live!

I don't need you always trying to beat me!

I'm not the one that just flew across
the universe just because I wanted to win.

Do not tell me what I want.

I don't need to tell you what you want!

It's obvious!

You were the one who wanted to win.

And I just wanted a sister!

You were all I had.

But you were the one
who needed to win.

Thanos pulled my eye from my head,

and my brain from my skull,

and my arm from my body,

because of you.

You all right, son?

I.

I saw your girl stomp off
a little earlier in quite a huff.

Yeah.

It's fortuitous you listening to this song.

You know...

Brandy?

By Looking Glass?

A favorite of your mom's.

Yes, yeah it was.

One of Earth's greatest
musical compositions.

Perhaps its very greatest.

Yeah. Yes.

You know, Peter, you and I we're...

we're the sailor in that song.

He came on a summer's day.

Bringing gifts from far away.

Like the child I put in your mother,

or the freedom you brought Gamora.

Brandy, you're a fine girl.

What a good wife you would be.

My life, my love.

My lady is the sea.

The sea calls the sailor back.

He loves the girl,

but that's not his place.

The sea calls upon him as
history calls upon great men.

And sometimes we are deprived
the pleasures of mortals.

Well, you may not be mortal, but me.

No, Peter.

Death will remain a stranger to both of us,

as long as the light burns within the planet.

I'm immortal?

Really?

Yes! As long as the light exists.

And I can use the light
to build cool things like...

how you made this whole planet?

It might take you a few
million years of practice

before you get really good at it.
But, yes!

What! This is...

Get ready for an 800-foot statue of Pac-Man
with Skeletor and Heather Locklear.

You can do anything you want.

I'm gonna make some weird shit.

But you know, Peter,
it is a tremendous responsibility.

Only we can remake the universe.

Only we can take the bridle of the cosmos

and lead it to where it needs to go.

How?

Come with me.

Drax, Drax. Drax!

Drax! We need to talk.

I'm sorry.

But I like a woman with
some meat on her bones.

What?

I tried to let you down easily by
telling you I found you disgusting.

No, that's not what I...

What are you doing?

I'm imagining being with you physically.

Drax. That's not.

I don't like you like that.

I don't even like the type of thing you are.

Hey! There's no need to get personal.

Listen!
Ego's gotten exactly what he wanted.

I should have told you earlier.

I'm stupid.

You are in danger.

What is that?

Now, you need to readjust
the way you process life.

Everything around us,

including the girl.

Everything is temporary.

We are forever.

Doesn't eternity get boring?

Not if you have a purpose Peter,

which is why you're here.

I told you how all those years ago

I had an unceasing impulse to find life.

But what I did not tell you was
how, when I finally did find it.

It was all so...

disappointing.

And that is when I came,

to a profound realization.

My innate desire to seek out other life,

was not so that I could walk among that life.

Peter.

I have found meaning.

I see it.

Eternity!

Oh, my God.

We need to get off this planet.

Oh, man.

Anyway, before I was so rudely interrupted.

At that time, I was a Federal Express man.

What the hell you doing, boy?

I could tell by how you talked about him

this Ego is bad news.

We're here to save Quill.

For what?

For honor?

For love?
No.

I don't care about those things.

I wanna save Quill so I can
prove I'm better than him!

I can lord this over him forever.

What are you laughing at me for?

You can fool yourself and everyone else,

but you can't fool me.

I know who you are.

You don't know anything about me, loser.

I know everything about you.

I know you play like you're
the meanest and the hardest

but actually you're the most scared of all.

Shut up!

I know you steal batteries you don't need,

and you push away anyone who's
willing to put up with you

because just a little bit of love

reminds you how big and empty
that hole inside you actually is.

I said shut up!

I know them scientists what made
you, never gave a rat's ass about you.

I'm serious, dude!

Just like my own damn
parents who sold me

their own little baby into slavery.

I know who you are, boy.

Because you're me.

What kind of a pair are we?

The kind that's about
to go fight a planet, I reckon.

All right, okay!

Good. Wait. Wait.

Fight a what?

Who are you people?

What is this place?

Gamora, let her go!

The bodies in the caverns.
Who are they?

You are scared.

I call it the Expansion.

It is my purpose,

now it is yours as well.

It's beautiful.

Over thousands of years,

I implanted thousands
of extensions of myself,

on thousands of worlds.

I need to fulfill life's one true purpose.

To grow and spread,

covering all that exists,

until everything is...

Me.

What did she do to me?

She already told me everything.

I only had one problem.

A single Celestial doesn't have
enough power for such an enterprise.

But two Celestials.

Well now,

that just might do.

The bodies,

are his children.

Out of all my labors,

the most beguiling was attempting to graft

my DNA with that of another species.

I hoped the result of such
a coupling would be enough

to power the Expansion.

I had Yondu deliver some of them to me.

It broke the Ravager code but,

I compensated him generously

and to ease his conscience,
I said I'd never hurt them.

I mean, that was true.
They never felt a thing.

But one after the other, they failed me.

Not one of them carried the Celestial genes.

Until you, Peter.

Out of all my spawn,

only you carried the connection to the light.

We need to find Peter now,
and get off this damn planet.

Ego will have won him to his side by now.

He has a way.

Then we just go.
No!

He's our friend.

All any of you do is yell at each other.

You are not friends.

You're right.

We're family.

We leave no one behind.

Except maybe you.

Oh, my God.

For the first time in my existence,

I am truly not alone!

What is it, son?

My friends.

You see,

that's the mortal in you, Peter.

Yes.

We are beyond such things.

Yes.

Now...
But my mother.

You said you loved my mother.

And that I did.

My river lily who knew all the words
to every song that came over the radio.

I returned to Earth to see her three times.

And I knew if I returned a fourth...

I'd never leave.

The Expansion,

the reason for my very
existence, would be over.

So, I did what I had to do.

But...

it broke my heart
to put that tumor in her head.

What?

Now, all right.

I know that sounds bad.

In the hell do you think you are?

You killed my mother!

I tried

so hard

to find the form

that best suited you,

and this is the thanks I get?

You really need to grow up.

I wanted to do this together

but I suppose you'll have to learn

by spending the next
thousand years as a battery!

Finally!

Rocket?

Keep that transmitter nearby,
so I can find you.

We're in an old piece of construction
equipment Yondu once used to slice

open the Bank of A'askavaria.

Ego's unhinged.

I know. Get ready,

Drop her, Kraglin.

No.

My life,

My love.

My lady is the sea.

Peter,

this is the sea.

Hey, there, jackass!

What is that thing?

Out of the way, dumber, smaller Groot!

I told you something didn't feel right.

I told you so.
Just what I need to hear right now.

Well, I came back, didn't I?

Because there's an unspoken thing.

There is no unspoken thing.

What are you doing?
You could've killed us all!

Thank you, Rocket?

We had it under control.

We did not.

That is only an extension of his true self.

He will be back soon.

What's Smurfette doing here?

Whatever I need to do
to get a damn ride home.

She tried to murder me!

I saved you, you stupid fox!

He's not a fox.

I am Groot.

I'm not a raboon, either.

I am Groot.

Raccoon. Whatever.

How do we kill a Celestial?

There's a center to him.

His brain, his soul, whatever it is.

Some sort of protective shell.

It's in the caverns below the surface.

Yondu?

Thrusters are out.

Guess I should be glad I was a skinny kid.

Otherwise, you'd have delivered me
to this maniac.

You still reckon that's the reason
I kept you around, you idiot?

That's what you told me, you old doofus.

Once I figured out what
happened to them other kids

I wasn't just gonna hand you over.

You said you were gonna eat me.

That was being funny!

Not to me!

You people have issues.

Of course I have issues.

That's my freaking father!

Thrusters are back up.

We should be going up!
We can't!

Ego wants to eradicate
the universe as we know it.

We have to kill him.

Rocket!

Got it!

So, we're saving the galaxy again?

I guess.

Awesome!

We're really gonna be able
to jack up our prices

if we're two-time galaxy savers.

I seriously can't believe
that's where your mind goes.

It was just a random thought,
man. I thought we were friends.

Of course, I care about the
planets, and the buildings

and all the animals on the planets.

And the people.

Meh.

The crabby puppy is so cute.
He makes me wanna die!

Pilots.

Release envoy units.

Our sensors detect the batteries
are below the surface of the planet.

Dive!

Captain?

Captain?

Tell me why Ego wants you here?

He needs my genetic connection
to the light to help destroy the universe.

He tried to teach me
how to control the power.

So, could you?

A little.

I made a ball.

A ball?

I thought as hard as I could.

It was all that I could come up with.

You thought?

You think when I make
this arrow fly I use my head?

There.

That's Ego's core.

That ore is thick, Rocket.

I got it covered.

We must hurry.

It will not take Ego long to find us.

Keep it steady.

We drill into the center, we kill him!

Hey, Captain?

What is it, Kraglin?

Hey, remember that Ayesha chick?

Yeah, why?

Oh, hell!

Why aren't you firing the lasers?

They blew out the generator.

I think I packed a small detonator.

A detonator is worthless without explosives.

Well, we got these.

Is that thing strong enough to kill Ego?

If it is, it'll cause a chain reaction

throughout his entire nervous system.

Meaning what?

The entire planet will explode.

We'll have to get out of here fast.

I rigged a timer.

Go!

He's coming.

Didn't you say you could make him sleep?

When he wants. He's too powerful.

I can't!

You don't have to believe in yourself

because I believe in you.

Sleep!

I never thought she'd be able to do it

with as weak and skinny
as she appears to be.

I don't know how long I can hold him.

The metal's too thick.

For the bomb to work,

we'd actually need to place it
on Ego's core.

And our fat butts ain't gonna
fit through those tiny holes.

Well...

That's a terrible idea.

Which is the only kind of idea we have left.

Unbelievable.

Rocket, do this. Rocket, do that.

What a day.

All right, first you flick
this switch, then this switch.

That activates it.

Then you push this button

which will give you five
minutes to get out of there.

Now, whatever you do

don't push this button

because that will set off the bomb
immediately and we'll all be dead.

Now, repeat back what I just said.

I am Groot.

I am Groot.
That's right.

I am Groot.
No!

No, that's the button that will kill everyone!

Try again.

I am Groot.

I am Groot.

I am Groot.

No! That's exactly what you just said!

How is that even possible?

Which button is the button
you're supposed to push?

Point to it.

No!

Hey, you're making him nervous!

Shut up and get me some tape!

Does anybody have any tape out there?

I wanna put some tape over the death button.

I don't have any tape.

Let me check.

Yo, Yondu?

Do you ha...

Do you have any tape?

Gamora?

Do you have any tape?

Tape!

Never mind.

Drax, do you have any tape?

Yes, Scotch tape would work.

Then why did you ask me
if Scotch tape would work,

if you don't have any?

Nobody has any tape!

Not a single person has tape?

Nope!

Did you ask Nebula?

Yes!

Are you sure?

I asked Yondu
and she was sitting next to him.

I knew you were lying!

You have priceless batteries
and an atomic bomb in your bag.

If anybody's gonna have tape, it's you!

That's exactly my point!
I have to do everything!

You are wasting a lot of time here!

We're all gonna die.

Rear thrusters are out again!

We're done for without that generator!

Guardians,

perhaps it will provide you solace

that your deaths are not without purpose.

They will serve as a warning

to all of those tempted with betraying us.

Don't screw with the Sovereign.

This is gonna hurt.

Promises, promises.

Hey!

No!

No! No! No!

We're gonna blow!

Peter! No!

What?

You look like Mary Poppins.

Is he cool?

Hell, yeah, he's cool.

I'm Mary Poppins, y'all!

Mantis, look out!

She's just unconscious.

How long until the bomb goes off?

In the unlikely event that
Groot doesn't kill us all

about six minutes.

Kraglin, we need the quadrant
for an extraction.

T-minus five minutes.

Aye, Captain.

Somebody's gotta be up
top when Kraglin arrives.

Drax, take Mantis.

My nipples!

Gamora!

Peter!

Get over it.

Come now, Peter.

I know this isn't what you want.

What kind of father would I
be to let you make this choice?

Yeah!

Soon Peter, we will be all there is.

So stop pissing me off!

We have to get up to the extraction point!

Go!

I told you.

I don't want to do this alone.

You cannot deny

the purpose the universe
has bestowed upon you.

Everyone, I need you to stay back!

What is that?

It doesn't need to be like this, Peter.

Why are you destroying our chance?

Stop pretending you aren't what you are.

One in billions.

Trillions. Even more.

What greater meaning can
life possibly have to offer?

I don't use my head to fly the arrow, boy!

I use my heart...

You shouldn't have killed my
mom, and squished my Walkman.

Groot? Groot If you can hear me, hurry up!

I'm not sure how long Quill
can keep him distracted!

Groot, hurry!

Yondu, we're about to blow!

Get to the ship!

Not without Quill!

You need to take care of the twig!

Not without you!

I ain't done nothing right
my whole damn life, rat.

You need to give me this.

A spacesuit and an aero-rig.

I only have one of each.

I am Groot.

What's that?

He says, welcome to the
frickin' Guardians of the Galaxy.

Only he didn't use fricking.

Bye, twig.

We're gonna need to have a real
discussion about your language.

Where's Peter?

Rocket, where is he?

Rocket.

Rocket, look at me!
Where is he?

No.

I'm not leaving without him.

I'm sorry.

I can only afford to lose one friend today.

Kraglin, go!

Wait.

Is Quill back?

Rocket, where's Quill?

Rocket, where's Quill?

Rocket!

Where's Quill?

Where's Quill?

No, we need to stop it.

We need to stop it.

Stop.

Stop. Listen. Listen to me!

You are a god.

If you kill me,

you'll be just like everybody else.

What's so wrong with that?

No!

He may have been your father boy,

but he wasn't your daddy.

I'm sorry I didn't do none of it right.

I'm damn lucky you're my boy.

What?

Yondu, what are you doing?

You can't.

Yondu!

No!

No!

No!

No!

Oh, no!

I told Gamora

how when I was a kid I used to pretend

David Hasselhoff was my dad.

He's a singer and actor from
Earth, really famous guy.

Earlier, it struck me.

Yondu didn't have a talking car,
but he did have a flying arrow.

He didn't have the beautiful
voice of an angel

but he did have the whistle of one.

Both Yondu and David Hasselhoff
went on kick-ass adventures

and hooked up with hot women,

and fought robots.

I guess David Hasselhoff did kind
of end up being my dad after all.

Only it was you, Yondu.

I had a pretty cool dad.

What I'm trying to say here is,

sometimes that thing you're
searching for your whole life,

it's right there by your side all along.

You don't even know it.

I am Groot.

He did call you twig.

Nebula,

I was a child like you.

I was concerned with staying alive
until the next day, every day.

And I never considered what
Thanos was doing to you.

I'm trying to make it right.

There are little girls like you

across the universe who are in danger.

You can stay with us and help them.

I will help them by killing Thanos.

I don't know if that's possible.

You will always be my sister.

Pete!

Captain found this for you in a junker shop.

Said you'd come back to the fold someday.

What is it?

It's called a Zune.

It's what everybody's
listening to on Earth nowadays.

It's got 300 songs on it.

300 songs?

Wait.

Rocket grabbed the pieces,
and reassembled them.

I think Yondu would want you to have it.

Thanks,

Captain.

They came.

What is it?

I sent word to Yondu's
old Ravager buddies,

and told them what he did.

It's a Ravager funeral.

Yeah!

Yeah!

He didn't let us down after all, Captain.

No, he did not, son.

He did not.

Fare thee well, old friend.

Yondu Udonta,

I will see you in the stars.

He didn't chase them away.

No.

Even though he yelled at them.

And was always mean.

And he stole batteries he didn't need.

Well, of course not.

What?

It's just...

some unspoken thing.

It's beautiful.

It is.

And so are you.

On the inside.

By LESAIGNEUR
Sync & corrections September 2017

You know, it's a shame

that it took the tragedy of losing
Yondu to bring us all together again.

But I think he'd be proud knowing
that we are back as a team.

I'm in.

Dope.

I miss you guys so much!

Hell, yes.

What say we steal some shit?

High Priestess,

the Council is waiting.

They are perturbed I've
wasted our resources.

When they see what I have
created here their wrath,

will dissipate.

It's a new type of birthing pod, ma'am?

That my child,

is the next step in our evolution.

More powerful,

more beautiful,

more capable of destroying
the Guardians of the Galaxy.

I think I shall call him,

Adam.

Dude.

Seriously?

You gotta clean up your room.
It's a complete mess.

I am Groot.

I am not boring. You're boring.

You know what's boring?

Sitting there,
playing that mind-numbing game.

What's boring is me tripping
over your vines every day!

I'm not boring!

I am Groot.

And now I know how Yondu felt.

In these times of hardship

just remember

We. Are. Groot.

Hey, fellas.

Hey wait, where are you going?

Hey you were supposed
to be my lift home.

How will I get out of here?

Hey, ah gee,

I've got so many more stories to tell.

Guys.

Oh gee.