Grumpy Christmas (2021) - full transcript

A family trip to the beach turns crazy when Servando and Alicia, Alma's willful aunt, start an over-the-top competition to control Christmas.


[birds chirping]


What the heck?
My cell gets no service here.

-What's he messing with?
-[Willy] I don't know.


Don't think it's gonna work.

Well, God damn it.

[instrumental surf rock version
of "Jingle Bells" playing]


[music continues]

Hi, I'm Fran, and I'm part of this lovely
San Miguel family, where the most--

-[Servando] Get out of the way!
-[Fran] Dad!

[Servando clears throat]
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.

My name is Servando Manuel Guadalupe
Villegas de la Garza.

And this is my family.

Right, so…

A few years ago,
I had to move in with Fran

because I was unfairly kicked out
of the retirement home where I lived.

I was a perfect angel.

They kicked you out
for hitting the nurse with your cane.

The point is, they kicked me out.

So I ended up living with my family,
this group of people,

with whom
I got along with perfectly, obviously.

[Fran] Whoa, no, no.
That's not what happened.

[Servando] Okay, with whom
I got along perfectly,

and who, after a while,
I learned to love everything about them.


Since then, some have left
and others have come to live with us.

That's how modern families are, you know.

Oh! And Bill and Memo adopted a kid.

But that's not the reason we are
stuck here with this broken-down bus.

You see, Fran and his wife Alma
have been fighting all the time.

[Fran] Hey, what's wrong with you, Dad?
You can't say that.

[Servando] Well, it's the truth.

So, now we're going to her aunt's house.

Alma wanted us all
to spend Christmas together.

So we're taking the trip out to the beach.

So this time,

I promise I will do whatever it takes

to make sure that my family has
the best Christmas ever, no matter what.

[instrumental surf rock version
of "Jingle Bells" continues]

[music ends]

[man] Okay. Ready to leave?

[Fran] Yeah.

Just one small thing.

Now what is wrong?

Uh, the A/C is not working.
So, it may get a little warm inside.

["Feliz Navidad" by El Vez playing]

♪ Feliz Navidad ♪

♪ Feliz Navidad ♪

♪ Feliz Navidad
Próspero año y felicidad ♪

♪ Feliz Navidad ♪

♪ Feliz Navidad ♪

♪ Feliz Navidad
Próspero año y felicidad ♪

♪ I wanna wish you a merry Christmas ♪

♪ I wanna wish you a merry Christmas ♪

♪ I wanna wish you a merry Christmas
From the bottom of my heart ♪

♪ Feliz Navidad ♪

♪ Feliz Navidad ♪

[song continues in background]

[Fran mutters]

[Memo] Dad. Dad, your bag.

You got room?

[man] Ah, welcome!

-[Willy] I want to go for a swim.
-[Memo] Me too.

[Fran] Hey! Hey, hey, hey! Everyone!

Hold on for a sec. Hold on.

As you know, Alma is with her aunt.

We have to make a good first impression.

Ms. Alicia is…

Well, she's very kind,
but she's also very traditional.

She really likes things to
go the way she planned, mm-hmm?

We are her guests,
so please behave yourselves.

Mind your manners,
and above all, do not swear around her.

All right, enough already,
I gotta take a piss.

[family members chuckle]

Family, how was your trip?

-Where's the bathroom?
-Hello, Servando. It's back there.

-[Servando] Ah.

-[Fran] Honey.

Hello, welcome.

[sudden intriguing music playing]

How nice to see you!
You always look so handsome.

-[Fran] Good to see you.
-[intriguing music continues]

So, let me introduce
my family from San Miguel.

This is Renato.
He's in med school and living with us.

[both] Nice to meet you.

This is Gala.

She studies permaculture.

-[Alicia] Of course.
-Nice to meet you.

-[Gala] Nice to meet you.
-[Alicia] Yes, a pleasure.

[intriguing music continues]

[Alma] That's Ed. He's retired.


Nice to meet you.

-And this is Bill.
-He's my papa.

-[Alma] And Memo.
-He's my other papa.

Oh, and who are you?

I'm Willy!

Nice to meet you, Willy.

[Fran] And this is…

Servando Manuel Guadalupe Villegas…

de la Garza.

At your service, madam.

Alicia Vidaurri.
Nice to meet you, Fernando.


Oh, Servando, with an S.

Okay. But Fernando's
such a nice name, isn't it?

[Willy laughing]

I thought there were more.

My wife, Gina, couldn't make it
because she's at home working.

Oh, that's too bad.

And René, my son,
is at art school in London.

And Gio and Orlando,
the musicians, are on tour.

Oh, what a pity I won't get to meet them.

Well, this is Cirila and Primitivo.

[Fran and Willy] Hi.

They can help you
with whatever you need while you are here.

[all greeting]

Well, then, follow me!
Come on! Let me give you a tour.

[Renato] Let's go!

[Alicia] So, here are the pools.

-[Servando] "Pools," as in multiple?
-Ah, yes, two, um…

There are bedrooms over there,
some will sleep over there--

So, do you live here alone?

[Alicia] Yes, sweetie.

How lonely.

-[Alicia laughing]

Yes, it's very true.

And there is how you get to the docks.

[Alma] Isn't it amazing
my aunt still has the sailboat?


-[phone ringing]
-Thank you for coming here.

I know lately there's been
distance between us,

but it's really important for me that--

-[message dings]

Fran, I met someone else and fell in love.

That's great, honey.

Francisco, you're not even listening!

Sorry, it's…

-the expo.
-Yes. Yes, I know, the expo.

But we agreed you would disconnect
when we were on vacation.

-[phone ringing]
-What time is it?

[automated voice]
It's time for couple's therapy!

[pages flipping]


Nothing, just Fran promised
to disconnect from work.

We just arrived,
and he keeps checking his phone.

It was important.

What's the point of you coming
if you aren't really here?

Hmm. You're right. l promise to disconnect
to pay more attention to you.

No, not to me, to both of us.

To us.

-[phone ringing]
-No, don't you dare answer.

-[ringing continues]

[toilet flushing]

[expectant music playing]

[music continues]

-That looks delicious.
-[overlapping chatter]

[Fran] Look!

-[Alma] This first.
-[Willy] Corn, and cheese, and…

[Memo] Sit up while you're eating.

Close your mouth, sir,
or you'll swallow a bug.


Everything looks delicious, Alicia.

[chuckles] Thank you, Servando.

Let us say thank you.

Thank you, Lord, for our daily bread.

[Willy] And for the rice
and the pork tacos.

[Bill] Shh!

And thank you
for giving me this time with Alma,

and being able to share this lovely time
with her and her family.

-[all] Amen.

-Bon appétit.
-[Bill] Tell me what you want.

-[Alicia] Salad first.
-[Willy] I'm also going to want--

[Alma] Here's the dressing.
I'll take some and pass it.

-[Willy] Can I have some more?
-[Alicia] Can we pass the salad?

Can you not sleep?

Would some tea help you?

No, thank you, Alicia.

I'm just gonna finish my cigarette
and go to bed.

Ah, you shouldn't smoke, Servando.
It's bad for you.

[chuckles] At my age, what isn't?


[Servando] Hey.

I noticed that your garden
is very beautiful.

Fran, my son, is a plant specialist.

No, no!

Please, don't you touch my garden!

Have a good night.

[somber music playing]

[upbeat music playing]

Just look at it. It's magnificent!

[Gina] Everything looks so lovely!

[Ed] Isn't it? It's so beautiful!


It is!

But there's one thing missing here.

[Gina] What's that?


Oh, Ed…

I know and I'm sorry I had to stay.

But Fran and Alma
really need this time together.

You know that.

Yeah, I know, I know.

But, still…

-[Alma] Auntie.
-[Alicia] Hmm?

Aren't you gonna say anything?

"Say anything?" About what?

"About what?"

My family.

Ah, about them!

Well, I don't really
have much to say about them.

They are just like you, fantastic.

-[Alma] Right? I told you.

But your father-in-law's
a bit of an odd one.

I knew it! I knew you didn't like him.

Oh, no, no, I do.

I mean, it's not that I don't like him.

He's just a bit… a little bit nosy.

What's up, Dad? Have you seen Alma?

I can never get these things to work.

Let me try, Dad.

[soft piano music playing]

Nice place, huh?


[Fran] And Alicia is nice,
isn't she? Yeah?

What's up? Do you not like her?


She's nice, I guess.


-But what?
-I don't know.

There's something weird about her.

I only have one favor, Auntie.

Please, don't start drama.

Behave yourself, Dad.

Don't start trouble for all of us.


You! Please, Auntie,
I know how much you love to start drama.

-Well, as long as he behaves.
-[both laughing]

-[Alicia] Oh, sweetie!
-I missed you.

I missed you too.

I'm a ninja mermaid!

Hi-ya! Hi-ya! Hi-ya!

To the water, dudes!

No! You can't go in yet.

And don't call us "dudes."

-[Willy] Hi-ya! Hi-ya! Hi-ya!
-[chuckles] You got it, bud!

You can be whatever you want.

Even a ninja mermaid.

Ugh, come on, Memo. You can't tell him
that he can be a ninja mermaid.

Why not? Which book says you can't?

You may be joking,

but Dr. Moonferman clearly states

that you can't establish these certain
gender concepts at such a young age

because he'll be confused.

-[Alicia] William!


[laughing] No, the boy. Come on, William.

Come on!

And who's that dude?


I was thinking
that you could help me collect

all the hay to use for the nativity scene.

-[Willy] Nativity?
-Yes, we'll dress up and take pictures.

And if you behave, you can be Baby Jesus.

-Come on, let's go.
-Where will the Christmas tree be?

Oh, no, sweetie, here at the beach,
we don't have Christmas trees.

Then where will
all my presents get left from Santa?

Well, I don't think
Santa Claus will bring them here.


-[sobbing dramatically]
-Oh, no, no. Don't cry, sweetie.

What the hell?

-[Memo] Hey, buddy, what happened?
-[Bill] What happened, sweetie?

[sobbing] Alicia just told me
there won't be a Christmas tree

and that Santa
won't bring me any presents.

No, no, no, I think
he just misunderstood me.

-[sobbing hysterically]
-I only said Santa probably, you know--

Bill, maybe now is a good time
to tell Willy that Santa doesn't exist.

[chuckling] So, you're fine with your son
being a karate dolphin?

Ninja mermaid.

But you don't want him
to believe in Santa Claus?

[Servando] What happened?

Nothing, just, you know,
your fellow mother-in-law, or whatever,

told my son there won't be
a Christmas tree

and that Santa Claus
won't be bringing him anything.

Plus, my husband is perfectly fine
with his son having a fish tail.

No, no, it's not that.
It's that he just asked me--

Hold on. What are you talking about?

Of course there will be a tree.

Of course Santa Claus will come here.

And there will be much more.

But I'm gonna need your help, okay?

I don't want you sitting around
while I do everything.

-[Willy] I'm a ninja mermaid!
-[loud crash]

[Memo] Hurry.


Oh, those kids!

[Alicia] No, no, I'm sorry,
but excuse me, Servando.

Did I hear you?

Did you just tell them you were going
to celebrate Christmas how you wanted?

In my house?

-[dramatic music playing]
-That's right.

And do you have a problem with that?

Why, yes, you know, actually, I do.

Who exactly gave you the authority
to do whatever you want?

You are a guest in my house.

My age,

centuries of tradition,

and the fact that in my family,
because that is my family,

our celebrations are done the right way.

And so that gives me the right to do
whatever I want, madam.

And just to be clear,

whenever I want something done,
it gets done.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I understand, but in this house…

And just to be very clear,

this is my house,

and things should be done
the way I say they should be done.



-Is that a warning?

Nice talk, eh?

[dramatic music climaxing]


I think I'm hungry.

I think I love you.


-What did you say? No!
-I mean…

Don't say that!

You can't!

If you're asking, the truth is--

It doesn't matter. We're just friends!
No, we're family!

No, we aren't family!

We only just met six months ago.

That's not important!
We all live in the same house.

And you know how it works,
we're all family.

This is a Greek tragedy.

-[Alma] Gala?

[Alma] It's me. Wanna go to the beach?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm coming.
I'm just getting my, uh, swimsuit.

Go get changed!

Gala, look me in the eyes
and tell me you don't feel anything.

No! Shh! Get dressed.

-[bittersweet music playing]
-[Gala] Ugh, stupid.

[wistful music playing]



-[tense music crescendos]
-Oh my!

Oh, Primitivo, you scared me!

You're going to kill me one of these days!
What in the world are you doing here?

You must forgive me, ma'am,

but Mr. Servando said
we're ready and we can start now.

Start what?

I don't know, he only said
we're ready and we can start now.


Okay. Let's go.

Let's go.

Everyone will take a piece of paper.

On that paper,

it will have the name
of the person you will give a gift to.

And don't tell anyone who it is.
It's a surprise.

I don't want Gala. I don't want Gala.

I don't want to get you either, okay?

[Ed clears throat]

Bit late for that.

Who've you got?

It's a surprise.

It's pretty obvious.

[clicks tongue]

Your secret's safe with me.

No, I don't want to switch. Thanks.

Hello, what are you all doing?

Uh, just waiting for you
to pick the names for the gift exchange.

Oh, no, no.

Thank you, but we'd rather not
participate in your traditions.

-[dramatic music plays]
-Well, that is your loss.

You would have gotten a present.

Well, the best present is good company…

and a sincere wish.


Then you'll tell Willy he has to play
with good company and a sincere wish.

-[Fran] Enough, Dad.
-[Alma] Relax, everything's fine.

Yeah, we can argue about this tonight.
Save your breath.

What's going on tonight?

Welcome, everyone, to argument night,
Christmas Beach edition!

Alicia is here, so, please,

be civilized, take turns, one at a time.

Who would like to start the game?

-I would--
-I want to say that--

-No, listen! Just listen!
-[all arguing]

-[all arguing loudly]
-[Fran] Uh, you… Hang on.

We haven't even really started yet,
and you guys are already arguing.

-[loudly] Hey!
-[Fran] Oh!

Alicia hates Christmas
and wants to ruin it for all of us.

This is escalating quickly.

Excuse me. That is not the case, sir.

I don't want to ruin Christmas for anyone.


Then why did you tell Willy
that there is no Santa Claus?

Wait a minute.

No. No, I didn't say that.
That was a misunderstanding.

What I said, and I repeat, sir,

is that I won't allow you to come
into my house, and give me orders,

and tell me how to do things!

Okay, let's calm down, everyone.

Why don't we all say
what we want for Christmas

and come to an agreement?

We can definitely work this out.

Hmm. Okay, fine.

[Servando grumbles loudly]

-Okay. Better.

[Alma] Let's start.

Fran, I don't know
what you want for Christmas,

but I want you
to leave that phone alone, please.

-That's all I want for Christmas.
-Okay. Let's change the subject.

I want codfish and romeritos for dinner.

[Fran] Codfish?

-No, I don't like codfish. It's too salty.
-Of course, yes--


Turkey? Stuffed turkey?
What kind of pizza?

-Why does it always have to be--
-But with a quinoa salad.

-And you, Auntie?
-Romeritos and fish.

-[Alma] I've never had that.
-[Alicia] Rice. Turkey can be an option.

-[Alma] Should we do a Christmas party?
-[all] Yes!

Christmas tree or not?

-[Bill] Yes.
-[Alma] Christmas tree?

-No, I don't.
-[Alma] Okay, by majority vote.

-[Renato] I vote yes, but a real one.
-No synthetic tree. I beg of you.

-[Bill] Trees are a classic.
-Really? You want a plastic tree?

[Alma] Other than a natural pine tree,
we're going to do a nativity scene.

-[Gala] Of course.
-And Willy will be Baby Jesus!

How cute!

And Servando will be the donkey.

Doing a nativity scene is ridiculous.

We aren't in Bethlehem.

Do you see any camels there on the beach?

[Alicia] Right.

Of course it makes more sense
for some old fat guy to fly a sleigh,

and pulled by
reindeer from the North Pole,

who then slides down chimneys,

and eats cookies,
and leaves all the presents right there.

[dramatic music playing]

Hang on, calm down.

So, we are going to have
a Christmas party.

Of course we're having a Christmas party,
very important.

Lastly, Aunt Alicia, Primitivo, and Cirila

will be participating
in the gift exchange. Right?

-Are we good?
-Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Everything's good,

but you left out
"bringing presents from Santa Claus."

Because the lady of the house
doesn't want him to come.


You'll have to forgive me,

but that old, fat man is coming.

I won't give up on that.

Well, neither will I then.

Then let's wait and see what happens.

Do whatever you have to do,

and I'll do what I have to do. Hmm!

[soft accordion music playing]

[mosquito buzzing]

[mosquito buzzing]

-[mosquito buzzing]
-[grumbles loudly]


-Or two more.
-Are you sure?

-Are there eggs?
-Right here.

More syrup.

-Here, have a strawberry, okay?
-[Bill] Let the kid…

[Alma] Wow, Willy!
You have a good appetite.

-I could say the same about you, sweetie.

Bloody hell!

[mischievous music playing]

Dad, what happened to you?

The mosquitoes ate me while I slept.

Did you leave the net open?

You did it!

Dad, Dad, calm down.
Don't blame her for the mosquitoes.

But she will pay.

She even took the sheets off the bed.

[Fran] Calm down, Dad.
Please, think about this.

Do you really think someone like Alicia,
who has treated us so nicely,

would go into your room in the night
just to open your mosquito net?

Hell yes! Of course she would do that.

-Okay, enough--
-This isn't the end, you'll see.

Round two.

[singing softly]

-[singing continues]
-[mischievous music playing]


Ahh! Ahh!

-[Alicia screaming]
-[mischievous music continues]

-[sighs contentedly]
-[mischievous music continues]

[parasol rustling]

[mischievous music continues]

Shh. Come here.

[Servando screaming]

[mischievous music continues]


[mischievous music crescendos]

[mischievous music continues]


[mischievous music stops]

-[Gala] Ma'am?
-[Alicia] Hmm?

[Gala] Why are you so mean to Servando?

I'm not mean.

But he's not gonna
give orders around here. This is my house.

No way.

Do you really hate Santa Claus
and all those traditions?

Well, no, of course I don't.

I'm not a crazy person.
Actually, I love them.

But Servando won't come here
and do as he pleases in my house. Ha.

[Gala] Alma…


[Alma] Hmm?

-Are you okay?
-Yeah. Yeah, I'm great.

It's a great view out there,
isn't it, honey?

It is. So lovely.

[Alicia] I can't find the thingy for this.

[Memo] It's here.

[Renato] What's up?

You doin' okay?

It's canceled.

-What's canceled?
-John Maine.

The artist for the expo, he canceled.

Two months.

Gina and I had been talking to him
for two months,

and a week before it starts,
he cancels. It's done.

And on top of that,
Alma is mad at me again,

because I'm always on my phone
working and whatnot.

Well, she's right about that.

Well, now with the cancellation,

you'll have more time
to spend with your wife.


But don't tell Alma
that the expo was canceled, okay?

If she thinks it's still on
and I'm prioritizing her,

I can win some points back.

Why is it that women are so weird?

Give them too much attention, that's bad.

If you don't give them enough, that's bad.

I can't figure them out.
It's like you can't either.

And Servando here is a lost cause.

Can you answer the question?
What do women want?

-To screw with us.

-[both laughing]
-Really. That's what they want.

To love and be loved,

just like us, just like everyone.

-Ah, come on!
-[Renato and Servando laughing]

-[Servando] Get real, man!
-He falls in love easily.

[Fran] Can't you see?

I'm trying to rack up points, you guys.

What is this?

Who are you waiting for?

The most beautiful woman in the world.

What did you do?

Wait, what?

Oh, I know you perfectly well.

I'm offended.

I can't believe this.

Can't I set up
a romantic date for my wife?

Can't I want to be with you alone
here on the beach?

Huh? And simply enjoy the here and now?

-You wound me.

Wounded, I tell you.

Okay, okay, okay.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

It's just…

you surprised me.

Thank you, my love.

-["Santa Baby" by Wolf Alice playing]
-♪ Santa, baby ♪

♪ Just slip a sable under the tree ♪

♪ For me ♪

♪ I've been an awful good girl ♪

♪ Santa, baby ♪

♪ So hurry down the chimney tonight ♪

♪ Santa, baby ♪

♪ A '54 convertible too, light blue ♪

♪ I'll wait up for you, dear ♪

♪ Santa, baby ♪

♪ So hurry down the chimney tonight ♪

♪ Think of all the fun I've missed ♪

♪ Think of all the fellas that I
Haven't kissed ♪

♪ Next year, I could be just as good ♪

♪ If you check off my Christmas list ♪

♪ Santa, baby ♪

♪ So hurry down the chimney tonight ♪

♪ Hurry down the chimney tonight ♪

♪ Hurry down the chimney tonight ♪

[bong bubbling]

Wouldn't you like to try?

Dirty old man.

[rock music playing]


Oh, I'm dying to see Gina.

What was that?

I don't know, some lady
named Gina is dying or something.

-And I don't think he'll see her again.

[Cirila] What?

[Alicia] Uh, no, to the right and up.

No, no, your other right.

This way. This way. Okay, that's better.
Up there, okay. That's good.

I also got confused.

-[Alicia] Oh, yeah.
-[Renato] Yes?

Could you please bring me
one of those sacks behind the fence?

-Sure, sure.
-[Alicia chuckling] Thank you.

I don't get it. Loathe Christmas.

-Please, calm down. Come on.



Can you come help me move the bed, please?


What's up?

Hello, you.

You're all sweaty.

I was carrying stuff.

-What? Where do you want the bed?
-Come on.

Hey! No, I'm not your toy.

[laughing] Of course you are.
You're my little Ken doll.

Hold on. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Gala, but no.

What are we?

Renato, this again?

Why are you so hung up on this?
Why do we have to label it?

-Because I like you.
-Come on.

And you don't.

-So you--

This is how it is?

This is how it is.

-This is how it is.
-This is how it is.

This is really how it is?

This is how it is, Gala.

[lively music playing]

[lively music continues]

-What are you doing here?

-You scared me to death!
-[Primitivo] You scared me too.

Is there something I can help you with?

Ms. Alicia doesn't like anyone touching
her gardening tools without permission.

-Oh, yeah?


-[Renato] Which one you want?
-[Fran] Gala, give me your eights.

[Fran] Come on.

All right, are you ready? Dinnertime!

-[Renato] Awesome!
-[Alma] Great, I'm starving.

So am I. Where's your father-in-law?

Don't worry about him, Alicia.
Dinner is served when you want.

[Alicia] Okay, he doesn't have to eat
if he doesn't want to.

-[Servando in distance] Family!
-What's happening?

[Servando in distance] Come here!

[Fran] Now what did my dad do? Let's go.

[Alicia] Let's go.

Weren't they having dinner?

It's a miracle! A Christmas miracle!

-Now what, Dad?
-[Willy] Wow!

You're gonna love it,
especially you, Willy.

[Alicia] Let's see.

With this,
we can now have a real Christmas!

You're gonna love it.

My tree.

-[all laughing]

-[Servando] What do you think?
-[Fran] Cool! Nice!

-My tree!
-It isn't pine, it isn't dead,

and it isn't synthetic.

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪

[all] ♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas-- ♪

[sobs hysterically] My tree!

[Alma] What's wrong, Auntie?

-You don't like it?
-[Alicia sobbing]

[Alma] What's wrong? Are you okay?

-Let's take her to her room.
-[Bill] Okay.

Come on.

[sobbing continues]

[melancholy music playing]

[Fran] Careful.

She planted that tree with her sister.

[melancholy music continues]

You really screwed up this time.

Oh, well. God damn it.

[Alma] Careful.

-Do you need anything else?
-[Gala] Should we call a doctor?

No, no, it's okay.

I'm good, I just… want to rest.

Let us know if you need anything, okay?

[melancholy music continues]



Alicia, are you awake?

[mischievous music playing]

[mischievous music continues]

You'll thank me later, my friend.



[intriguing music playing]

What are you doing here?

Oh, Alicia.

I was looking for you.

-I wanted to say--
-Get out of here!

But, I--

I said get out of here!

Uh, I'm sorry.

Get out! Get out!

[Alicia crying] Oh… just go.



When you got on the boat,
did you by chance happen to untie it?

Because either the beach
is moving away from us

or we're moving away from the beach.

[gasps] Oh my God. What have you done?

-What? I didn't do anything!
-[suspenseful music playing]

Do you have a phone with you
to call the kids?

Or some emergency flares?

-Like they do in the movies.
-No, I don't!

[Alicia breathing heavily]

Are you going to stand there breathing?

Do you not know how to drive this boat?

But it isn't a boat, it's a sailboat.

It's the same thing.

Why not drive us back to shore?

It's a sailboat.
There's no wind right now.

It would've been easy enough
to put a motor on it.

Well, it does have a motor,
but guess what, it doesn't work anymore!

And please be quiet for God's sake!
Just be quiet!

Crazy old man.

[Servando] Hmm.


Uh-uh. Don't touch that.

Can you hear? I told you not to touch it.

Relax already.

We're going to be here for a while.

[Spanish version
of "Strangers in the Night" playing]

Oh, no, no, no.
You can't smoke in here, please.

It's for your own good.

Don't you value your own life?


at my age it's more likely

that I'll be hit by lightning
than die from one cigarette.

It's a bomb ticking.

You know, life…

it starts slowly.


it will never be over.


But then everything speeds up…

and it seems like there isn't enough time.

And suddenly,

in one day,

just one instant…


["Strangers in the Night"
continues softly]

I have an aneurysm, Servando.


So, that explains the breathing.

[chuckles wryly]

It helps calm me down.

Homer once said--

The Greek philosopher?

The Mexican pothead.

Homer once said

that fear of death is worse than death

and that fear of living
is worse than dying.

["Strangers in the Night"
continues softly]

[Ed] Well, I guess that they should be
having a really good time by now.

Hey, have you seen my dad?
I can't find him.

Well, this could be interesting.

[happy music playing]

[Fran] Alma!

Come here, please!

[dramatic music playing]

[Primitivo] Should I call the Coast Guard?

Or leave them out there?

[Alicia laughing]

-[Servando] Yeah.

Can I ask you something?



Why are you so stubborn
about Christmas, huh?

It's just…

Many years ago,
when Fran and his siblings were young…


…we would always
celebrate Christmas together.

At our home.

And Fran's mother
always cooked the same thing.

Plums stuffed in turkey.

[Alicia] Mmm.

It was disgusting.


And I would dress up as Santa Claus.

I would come in
and give everyone presents.

Aw! That's so sweet, so very sweet.

-I hated all of it so much.

Yeah, I hate dressing up…

everything about Christmas.

But my wife made me do it.

And when she died,

I realized

that what I thought I hated so much…

were the best moments
I experienced in my life.

But my children
were no longer little kids.

And let's just say

I wasn't the best father.

[Alicia] Hmm.

Over there! That's them! Right there!

Here, that's them! That's them!

And now that I'm old…

I want to relive those moments.

Okay, but why now?

It's because

any day could be my last one.

Any Christmas

could be my last one.

And I would like to feel that again.

That peace.

That love.


Oh, it's stopped.


My heart stopped, Alicia.

[laughs] Oh!
You are so romantic with me, Servando.


-No, I'm serious.

Really? Oh, really?

Seriously? Oh, he's serious! No!

-[tense music playing]
-[Fran] Dad!

[Renato] Servando!

[Fran] Dad!

[Renato] Servando!

[tense music continues]

You'll be all right, Dad. Don't worry.

[Fran] Easy. Renato's going with you.

[Renato] I'm here, Dad.

[tense music continues]

-[Alicia] He'll be okay, won't he?
-Of course he will, Auntie.

-[siren wailing]
-[Alicia] God…

You're the family of Servando Villegas?

Yes, he's my dad.

And I have the test results.

He has something of a panic attack.

A panic attack?

Uh, apparently caused
by strong emotions or sometimes stress.

-Ah, I see.
-[Renato chuckles]

Yes, yeah.

I would like to keep him overnight
for observation.


But don't worry, he's fine.

Can we go see him?

Yes. Yes.

[knocking on door]

-[Fran] It's me, Dad.

[door opens]

How are you?

Shitty, but…

I could be worse.

The doctor wants to keep you overnight.
They want to make sure you're all right.

You really scared us, Dad.


I thought I was gonna die.

It was just a panic attack.

Of course I was panicked.

Being with a girl

after who knows how long it's been.

I'm going to go get something to drink.
Want something?

-A whiskey.
-[Renato chuckles]

Right away.

[door closes]

How are you, Dad?

I can't stop thinking about your mom.

It isn't any of your business, but…

I haven't been with anyone
since she passed away.

I'm sure that's why I got all panicked.

I'm sure.

And Servando was taken to hospital.

Wow! What a story.

Yeah. He's fine now. Just a panic attack.

Anyway, Gina, I was thinking,

now that the expo's been canceled,

there's really nothing
to keep you in the gallery.

Why don't you come and join us
for Christmas?

[Gina] I'd love to, but I can't.

And, actually, I need to talk to Fran.

I really miss you.

Hi, there, Gina.
I've been really busy today.

What's up?


Okay, I'll be back.

And you're leaving me here
with this idiot?

What the heck?

I'll be back for you tomorrow, okay?

Don't do anything stupid, Francisco.

These opportunities
only come around once in a lifetime, hmm?

Alma will understand.

Be careful.

Now you can get me that whiskey.

Right, after you called me an idiot?

[Servando grunts]

I don't get it.

I really don't know what happened,
but we're good again.

-That's good, yeah?

When you met Fran,
did you know he was the one right away?

Honestly, no.

I mean, uh, I liked him.
He was really nice, but…

no, we were friends first.

I get it.

I'll be right back.

Ed, do you still want
to switch names with me?

Well, I already
bought Renato his present, so…

Come on.

I'll think about it.

May I?

Come in, my love.

How are you doing?

I'm calmer now.

-I'm glad it was just a scare.


What's up with you two?


-[wistful music playing]
-It's fine. It isn't a bad thing.

Oh… nothing.

Even if there were…

-I can't.
-Why not?

Because of the aneurysm?

What, are you going to keep
using that excuse to be alone?

[wistful music continues]

Well, I just can't be in a relationship.

You know I could die at any moment.

Yeah, you could, I could,
any of us could die at any moment.

So what?

You won't give any relationship a chance?

Give this a chance. Do it for you.

[wistful music continues]

[Alma] Hmm?

-Fran, what's up?

If you needed clothes,
I could've taken them to the hospital.

Oh, no, no, it's…

Remember John Maine, the artist
who was going to inaugurate the expo?


-He canceled last week.

But guess who I'm about to get
in his place?

Dan Belmondo!

The Dan Belmondo, in our gallery,
can you believe it?

-Fran, I have to tell you something--
-We're in luck, really. This is amazing.

But what I have to tell you
is important, Fran.

[Fran] This will cover René's school.
I promise, Alma.

From one to ten, how mad would you be
if I went to San Miguel tomorrow?

[Alma] Oh, I get it.

All this time you've been romantic
was because your artist canceled.

Of course not.

We'll have an early dinner,
then the next day, I'll go to San Miguel.

It will be… two or three days, max.

I'll be back for New Year's Day,
I promise.

Well, I hope.

-That's about a seven, isn't it?

-That's a nine.
-[door opening]

[door slamming]

And that's a ten.

["Una Canción Muy Corta de Navidad"
by Bratty playing]

[song continues]

[suspenseful music playing]

[suspenseful music continues]

-"For Willy, from--"
-[Alicia] Willy!

What are you doing? Oh!

You're spying on the presents, Willy!
I saw you!



[Primitivo] Yes, ma'am?

Can you hide the presents
so no one can find them?

You know how kids are.

-Have no worries, ma'am.

Where's Francisco?

He said he'd be here.

I don't understand.

How can you have an
inauguration on December 25th?

Christmas is when the most people
visit galleries in San Miguel.

You know that, Alma.

I can't believe you don't value the effort
and sacrifice I'm making--


For you it's a sacrifice to spend time
with me and your family at Christmas?

I didn't say that.

You don't listen, Fran.

I've been trying to tell you
something important and you won't listen.

Alma, I love you.

I love you, but tomorrow morning,
I'm going to the expo.

If you've already made up your mind,
why don't you leave now?

-Guys, guys.


[door opens]

[door closes]

[Bill] We're here!

[Alicia] And I'm glad you are!

Hi, Alicia.

-[Alicia] The hospital did you well.

You look so much better.

[Servando] Thank you.

Well, I'm going up
to see if anyone needs anything right now.

Excuse me.

Yeah, I'm going to go up to the house too.

Then I'll head up as well.


I want to talk to you.

Excuse me, please, but…


I went too far,

I shouldn't have.

I hope that we can forget
what happened between us.

I thought you said
that being afraid to live was worse than

being afraid to die.

I did say that.

But I can't.

Well, then I wish
that I had never met you.


-[Servando] Where are you going?
-I'm going to San Miguel.

Damn it, Francisco! I thought I told you
not to do anything idiotic.

[Fran sighs]

I'll be back in a few days, hmm?

I'm coming with you.

What? But…

You have to be at the Christmas dinner
with everyone.

I wasn't asking you.

I don't have anything to do here.

I should leave out of respect for Alicia.

Then, hurry up. Come on, let's go.

What? They took the bus?

And that's not all.

I can't believe this!

It was Servando's idea. I know my father.

Where did they go?

San Miguel.

-[Gala] Alma!
-Let her be. Let her be.

She needs her space.

They could've taken me with them.

Yeah, but the point was to be together.

What I've learned in life
is that if you lose a tooth,

your smile will be ruined.

How poetic.

So are we not going to have Christmas?

Yes, of course we'll have Christmas!

-[Cirila] I'm happy we saved Christmas.

["Insulto" by Annapura playing]

[microwave dings]

["Insulto" continues faintly on radio]

Are you really going to eat that?

Well, of course
I'd rather be eating at the house.

-What can you do? No, no, no.

There are rosemary burritos
if you want, yeah?

Just kidding, Dad. Let's go.

[Alicia] Ah, you look so great!

Oh, this photo's gonna be precious!

-[Memo] Hey.

-Who are you supposed to be?
-I don't know. A wise man, I guess. You?

Balthazar, right?

Wasn't Alma going to be Maria?

Yes, but she isn't feeling well.

And so Gala is the Virgin.

[Renato chuckles]

Okay, everyone pose for the photo.

Oh, hey, guys,
what's going on with you people?

Why the long faces?

I say this with all due respect, ma'am,

but this just feels all wrong.

Yeah. I think he's right.

[Memo] Willy is going to get heatstroke.

Well, we won't do it if you don't want to.
Oh, well.

You know what?
Since no one brought me presents,

I don't think I wanna be Ninja Jesus.

See ya! Let me know when dinner's ready.

That kid.

[Bill] Hey, now.

[Memo] I'm sorry, honey…


["Las Panderatas" by Los Gatos Rockabilly
playing on radio]

-[channels switching]
-[static on radio]

[radio turns off]

When are we gonna eat?

[crickets chirping]

No matter what you do,
it won't taste better.

This is the worst Christmas dinner
I've ever eaten in my life.

I remember a Christmas dinner
that was much worse.

Do you remember
the year right after Mom passed?

Don't you remember?

You cooked.

Yeah, it was my very first time.

You burned the turkey.

I had to open it with a hammer.


Solovino didn't even eat it, did he?

No, but he tried.


I think the apple pie was worse, actually.

That damn pie was so bad.

I can't believe I mixed up
the salt and the sugar.

But I still ate it
to make sure you wouldn't feel so badly.

[Servando chuckles]

You know the best part of that Christmas?

Was it the peanuts we ended up eating?

[Fran] No.

Being together as a family.

It isn't so bad.

[Servando] Hmm.

What if we…

-Yes, son.
-Right, Dad?

Let's go back.

We have to go back, Dad.

[engine sputtering]

[engine sputters]

[Servando] I can't believe this!

Dad, hand me the tools.
They're back there somewhere.

[Servando grunts]

-[intriguing music playing]

-[Fran] What is it, Dad?
-Come here!


We gotta figure out
a way to get back somehow.

[intriguing music continues]

-[car approaching]
-[Fran] Please. Hey.

Hey! Hey, hey, hey!

Who thought to hide the presents there?

How should I know?

Here's another.

-[car approaching]
-[Fran] Please.

Sir! Hey, please! Over here!
Hey! Hey, hey, hey!

[Servando] Damn it!

Is no one nice enough to stop
and give two guys a ride on Christmas Eve?

No, Dad. These are different times.

[car approaching]

[Fran] Please! Please! Please!

[somber music playing]

-[Alicia] Perfect.
-[Memo] We brought everything up.

[Cirila] Is it fruit cake?

[Alicia] That's right.

-[Memo] I'm sure this will taste great.
-[Alicia] It's delicious.

Right there, sweetie, please.

[Memo] Put the rosemary potatoes
over here.

-[Alicia] I can put it here, honey.
-[Alma] Wherever you want.

The romeritos over there.

-Can you move this a little?
-[Renato] Right here?

[Alicia] That's it. Perfect.

[soft music playing]

[Alicia] Okay.

Let's give thanks.

Thank you, Lord, for our daily bread--

And for the cod and the rosemary potatoes.

[Memo chuckles]


[crying] I can't.
I can't do it, I'm sorry.

I don't feel well. I can't do this.

I can't.

May I say a few words then to you?

Well, then, tonight we come together
to give our thanks

for the opportunity
to be here celebrating,

and also for enjoying
this delicious meal here.

And although, since you arrived,
there have been some difficulties,

you also brought a new joy and a life

full of light and happiness

to this house.

Many thanks.

I would also like to thank you, ma'am,

for making Cirila and I
part of your family.

Thank you so much.

And I would also like to thank

all of you,

because you have shown us

that it doesn't really matter
how we celebrate Christmas,

whether there's turkey or romeritos,

it doesn't matter
if we have everything or nothing.

All that really matters
is that we're together,

celebrating with the people we love.

And that's…

well, what I'm thankful for tonight.

So, enjoy it all!

Merry Christmas!

-Merry Christmas.
-[Willy] Merry Christmas.

Look! Here comes another one, Francisco.

Forget about it, Dad.

Don't waste your time.
No one's stopping for us.

For you and me,
Christmas has been canceled.

-Are you going to the beach?
-[Servando] Yeah.

[man] Get in, I'll take you!

-[Servando] Thank you.
-[Fran] Thanks.

Thank you!


[Servando] Hurry up, Francisco!

Coming, Dad.

Let's go!

[engine revving]

I shouldn't have told him to leave.

Not at Christmas.

Oh, no…

I only wanted him to be here.

Oh, honey.

-[doorbell ringing]


Gina! How nice to see you.

Oh, I'm happy to see you too.
It's so nice. Where's Ed?

Over there. Come in.

[Gina] Ed! Where are you, honey? I'm here!

-Ah, merry Christmas!
-[Willy] Gina!

Gina? This is fantastic!

-[Memo] Gina, what a surprise!
-[Gala] Hello and welcome!

Gina, we missed you.

I couldn't miss this Christmas.

What about the expo?

It's all taken care of.

This is more important.

I mean, I'm sure Fran will understand.
Right, Fran?

-[Ed clears throat]

["Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)"
by Death Cab for Cutie playing]

♪ The snow's coming down ♪

♪ I'm watching it fall ♪

♪ Watching the people around ♪

♪ Baby, please come home ♪

♪ The church bells in town ♪

♪ They're ringing a song ♪

♪ What a happy sound… ♪

[Gala] Maybe I went too far with him.
What should I do?

[Memo] Go with how you feel.

[Gina] Okay, tell me what happened.

That kid, oh my, I swear.

I shouldn't have told him to leave.

At least not before telling him
I was pregnant.


You are pregnant?

[all] What?

You're pregnant!

What? You're pregnant?

-Oh, sweetie!
-[all exclaiming]

[Alicia] What a perfect Christmas present!

Hey! I wanna be the godmother.

-[Alicia] I can't believe it! Oh!

Congrats! I can't believe it!

Neither can I!

Finally, someone who will understand me.

Sweetie, we understand you.

Even if it doesn't seem like it.

And I want you to know
that you can be whatever you want to be.

You can always be whatever you want, okay?


[doorbell ringing]

-[Willy] I'll get it!
-[Alma] Fran!


-[Orlando] Huh?

-[Alma] Ah! Gio!

-[Orlando] Hey, merry Christmas!
-[Alma] Aw! Merry Christmas!

What a surprise! I can't believe it!

Our concert ended up getting canceled.
So, surprise, surprise! Here we are.

-That's great! Come in.
-[Gio] We arrived as a surprise! Hi!

[Willy] It's Baby Mary!

-[Gala] Gio!
-[Gio] Hey! How are you?

This is my Aunt Alicia.
This is Gio and Orlando.

Hi, very nice to meet you. Welcome.

Thank you.

Fran? He's not here?

And where is Servando?

♪ But it's Christmas day ♪

-♪ Baby, please come home ♪
-[radio turns off]

[man] Oh, and you can take the blanket,
I barely use it.

[Servando] Thanks!

-[Fran chuckles]
-[hopeful music playing]

[Fran] Be careful, Dad. That's it.

Thank you for everything,
you saved Christmas.


So you can always find the way back.

-[hopeful music continues]
-[engine starts]

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas.

-[hopeful music continues]
-[man] Let's go.

I have an idea.

Dad, these are the Christmas decorations.

-[Primitivo] Who's there?
-[Servando] My goodness!

What the hell is wrong with you?

You always show up
and scare people like a ghost.

You always show up
where you're not supposed to.

Sometimes people come in
and steal the tools, and I get in trouble.

How can I help you?

Well, now that you mention it…

[Orlando] What?

-You're going to have a baby?
-[laughs] Yes.

Oh, can I be the godmother?

No, no, too late. I called it.

[Gina] Too late.

-I'm going to be an uncle.
-I'm going to be an aunt.

-[Alma laughs]
-[Alicia] Hey, Willy.

What did you ask for
from Jesus and Santa Claus?


I only asked for the whole family
to be together for Christmas this year.

-[all] Aw!
-My child! You're such a sweetie!

It's snowing!

You know it doesn't snow at the bea--

It's snowing on the beach!

[gasps] Come here! It's snowing!

What's this?

[Alma] No, it can't be.

[Alicia] Hurry, hurry, hurry!

-[Gio] Oh, wow!
-[Willy] It's snowing!

[all exclaiming softly]

[happy music playing]

-[Ed exclaims]
-[Memo] It's snowing!

[motor humming]

-[all exclaim]
-[Alicia] Oh, wow, that Primitivo!

[all laughing]

[singing in distance]

Can you hear that? Wait, let me check.

[singing continues]


Um, you think you could
help me move the bed now?

[chuckles] Yeah.

[singing continues]

My family!

Is there any room
for these two not-so-holy pilgrims?

-[Willy] They came!
-[Alicia] You're here!

[Gina] Thank God you're back! Fran!

-Gina! Gio!
-[Gina] Servando!

Orlando! What are you doing here?

-[Gio] Hi!
-[Orlando chuckles]

Christmas is always better with family!

I'm glad you came back
with the presents, Servando.

Thank you.

I didn't just come back
because of the presents, Alicia.

Oh, no?


I realized there is still
so much of my life to experience

and share.

No fear.

No fear.

[happy music playing]

[all exclaiming]

[all cheering]


Forgive me.

No gallery, no artist,
nothing is more important than you.

I'm sorry.

Hey, Fran, can you name your baby "Willy"?

[whispers] Willy, Fran doesn't know yet!

Forgive me for not telling you before.

I didn't want you to learn this way.

Hang on.

I'm going to be a dad?


-Am I going to be a dad?

[repeating] I'm going to be a dad!

-I'm going to be a dad!
-[all cheering]

-I'll be a great-aunt!
-I'm going to be a grandpa!

-[Willy] Party!

[all] Hurrah!

-[all cheering]
-[Willy] Party!

[Spanish version
of "Underneath the Tree" playing]



-["Underneath the Tree" continues]


[Alma] It's perfect.

This is for Memo.

-["Underneath the Tree" continues]

Do I look good?

For me.

["Underneath the Tree" continues]

[all cheering]

[song continues]

[music stops]

[Alma exclaims softly]

-Oh no! Not again! I'll call--
-No, no, no!

Relax. Relax.

They will be fine.

[Alma sighs happily]

He took his Viagra.

-[both laugh]
-["Underneath the Tree" resumes playing]


[song continues]

[song continues]

[song continues]

[song ends]

[surf rock music playing]