Grown Ups (2010) - full transcript
After their high school basketball coach passes away, five good friends and former teammates reunite for a Fourth of July holiday weekend.
('Come Back' by J Geils Band)
Grown ups 2010
Subtitles by greeneagle5
when you left me
all alone
Double dribble
- Why? because I'm black
Yeah, that's what I thought
on my own
tell me and tell me, whatcha gonna do?
tell me pretty baby
because I'm still in love with you
come back (baby)
come back (won't you come back to me)
come back (baby)
come back
Ten seconds left
Come on! we need a basket
Play one
Play one
Kurt, Kurt, Kurt
Here
Bring it in
Banks open Lenny
Great hoop
His foot was on the line
First off, I'd like to thank
the Earnshaw family for...
Lending us their beautiful lake house
to help us celebrate our victory
Yeah! the Fernando five
is Dyn-o-mite!
You're drunk Dad
- Yeah
Hey, we're here to celebrate
the kids shots, not your shots
Anyway, I want to talk about
what you kids did this afternoon
You know, you played the game
just like I always asked you to
You left everything you had
out there on that court
So when the final buzzer went off
You were champions
I want you to promise me something
I want you to play life
just like you played that game today
So when that final buzzer of life goes off
You'll have no regrets
Here's to coach
You're my first champions
my first champions
Stick together
time to die!
I am the biggest agent in Hollywood
and you just pissed me off!
and now I'll pull Brad pitt from your movie
I'll pull Julia Roberts from your movie!
I don't care Sandy
That's right.
You better back down
Thank you
Have a good Fourth of July
all right, love you too
What's up boys?
Hey!
Greggy, Keithie
You guys ever hear of a game
called chutes and ladders?
Pretty awesome game
I used to play it when I was a kid
What it is, is...
they give you a spinner
and you spin.
If you land on a ladder
You get to climb up the ladder.
If you land on a chute
you got to slide down the chute
and start all over again
Yeah what happens?
The winner gets a training bra?
Yeah dad, that game
sounds like it sucks
No, I'm telling you.
This is like the greatest game.
Me and my buddies
would play it on a winter day.
We'd go down to the basement
and drink hot chocolate
I wouldn't mind a
hot chocolate right now
Hey Rita!
Rita!
Dude you gotta text her
She's doing laundry
Hey Dad, we went to
Spielbergs' house yesterday
They have a 150" TV
Could we get one of those?
You know what? When you
direct E.T. I'll get you one of those
Beg for mercy
What is the object here?
I don't get it
You're on a cruise ship
and...and you
chop peoples heads off with a chainsaw?
- Oh!, and you can drown them
Oh, you can drown them.
Okay, now I get it
Ahhhhh!!
Granny overboard!
Can somebody answer the phone?
Maybe I should get some
chamomile for my throat too.
Would you stop texting the Nanny!
Do you know how gross that is
for a kid to text his Nanny?
Just go walk down the hallway!
- Why? you text everybody!
I text people for my job!
So I can make money
to pay for your texting!
Okay, I got everything for you boys
- Who was that on the phone Rita?
I'm sorry Mr. Feder I don't know
Becky answered
Okay okay thanks for making the...
Oh my god Rita!
This isn't Godiva
What are you trying to poison me?
- Oh...umm
Good lord, go back to texting
I don't ever want to hear that out loud again
What the heck's
going on out here?
Oh my god
I didn't mean to
It was an accident
I don't care. Are you all right?
What the heck were you doing?
I was trying to use the navy
- The navy? what's the navy?
The navy in the car
to ask it a question
You mean the navigation system
Idiot
Shhh...
Keithie, relax
Some man called. He said your friend
Coach Buzzer went to heaven
I was trying to find heaven for you
on the navy station
so you could go visit him
yikes
Who's your friend Dad?
Coach Buzzer was someone
very special in Daddy's life
It's terrible
Ok... go drink some hot chocolate
with these guys
Are you sure you're okay?
Eric hon...
It's your Mom
Oh my god!
Eric!
Are you all right?
Oh my god!
Phoebe
Stay on the duck! Stay on the duck!
What is happening?
Oh hon!
Hello Mommy
Hey Mom
- hi Mom
Well, I'll see you there
All right
Hey, is something wrong?
Yeah, it will be all right
I'll talk to you about it later
Hey hey,
I made the pumpkin risotto
That we saw on the Rachel Ray
seasons of summer special
It's awful Momma
It tastes like road kill
Deanne, do you hear how they talk to me
Do you hear how?
You got to say something
All right kids, Now you know
your Father works very hard
at keeping this house clean
and putting three meals on
the table for us every day
- Hello?
And besides...
I brought us a pizza!
You know what...fine
have your pizza
Have your pizza
You broke my heart
You broke my heart!
Looks like it's his
time of the month again
Aww... God,
that's rough buddy
Who's making the funeral arrangements?
Oh his niece?
She must be devastated
Hey is she still hot do you know?
Don't make me lose my temper Marcus!
What...?
Hey, if I don't make it to the funeral
tell the police
It was Arlene from Applebee's
No, thanks for calling me
I'll see you later
bye
The coach is dead
His funeral is this Friday
I don't think I can
handle this alone
Can you come with me?
Of course... I'll postpone
my cataract surgery
You are my special lady
Now I'm going to transport you
to a world of serene relaxation
Yaa!...Ahh!
Ahh!...
Okay guys
let's try to act normal in there
What's wrong with your sunglasses?
I don't want any reason
For these guys to call me...
Hollywood!
Ha ha ha
Hey, look at that
Kurt McKenzie
and the whole McKenzie clan
- Hey, come here
Deanne, you look great
my wife's over there, go say hi
See that ass is still growing
You got a little Kardashian in there
Okay, you kind of turned into a little
Michael Vick thing...if he was bulimic
Hi Roxanne,
I don't know if you remember me?
I was at your wedding. I was the one
that was table dancing all night
Deanne... Mackenzie...
- Of course
Hi good to see you
- Hello
Oh my god, you're glowing, you look
so beautiful with your pregnancy
What the hell are you talking about?
I'm just playing
Oh my god! You should
see your face... you're like...
little Lenny Feder!
- Momma Ronzoni got big huh?
Look at this handsome hunk of prochute
And such a big success.
Come on, give Momma a kiss
Can I get a cheek in all that...
I got you, I got you
Poked in the eye by the hat
but I'm all right
How about the tale of your son-in-law here
He's a house husband now
My daughter's got to bust her hump
all day to pay the bills
While dummy here
stays home and cleans
I don't know how
you can talk to me like that
when you look like Idi Amin
with a propellor on your head
Oh, that's nice
Roxanne, this is my Mother
Hello Momma Ronzini
I am so pleased to meet you
I am little Lenny's wife
Ooh, whay a spicy quesadilla
you got yourself Lenny
Oh, yeah...she tastes great
Mmm...I bet.
I'm a gangster, what?
I'm a gangster, beeotch!
Whoa ho didn't I tell you
to turn the phone off there Greg?
Yeah, but it's my massage therapist
What? No no
No cell phones
Wait, no cell phones
then I'm out of here
Higgy!
Who's ready to get their funeral on?
I'm sorry, death makes me weird
What's up McKenzie?
You got those soft hands
still using Palmolive?
Hey, what's up Lenny?
Buddy, I thought you were going
to start working out
What does that mean?
Um... you're fat
- No!
Hey guys, this is good news
I've always wanted to represent you
You're the third Olsen twin?
Keep it down
So these are your kids?
And who's that girl
That's not a Nanny is it?
Uh... No, no
This is a...a
friend of ours from China
Oh yeah, No I've been on that website
- No, no, like an...
an exchange student
that my wife brought into the house
Oh your wife's into chicks?
Oh that's nice
Hollywood
- Hollywood, see he always lucks out
I always thought something like that...
Hey now!
- Ha ha, Lamonsoff!
Rolling up in a Caddy
- That's how we do it
Look at you
you're growing up on me man
you're a B cup now?
Hey nice ears
Do you get the NFL package on those?
nice Caddy
You sell lawn furniture and crack?
Come on! I'm the co-owner
of Branchford lawn furniture man
I'm the boss now baby
Oh, good for you there
- I'm glad you brought your Mother this time
Oh! that's a good one
Wow! It's like shaking hands with an Eagle
I'll see you later
Oh my god, It's Captain Caring
of the S.S. Melodrama
Oh, he's going to play this one big
Cue pain...
Hey...
- Hey
Hell of a circumstance, I know
- I know, it sucks. Great to see you
Well, Buzzer's up there
coaching heaven's team now
That's true
He's got wilt, pistol Peete
Dr. J
Yeah
Dr. J's alive still
Well, those type of guys
- Yeah, yeah
You look good though man
like uh...
If Elvis was an Oompa Loompa
he's right in front of me
Wow. I don't make jokes at funerals
because it's disrespectful
But if that's part of your healing process
I'm cool with it
- Aw... that's nice, thanks
Are you cool with a finger in you?
Whupoo!
Roxanne!
Remember?... Rob, the guy I always
tell you about? ... Rob
Of course! The kid who didn't hit
puberty until he was nineteen right?
That was our secret
And this must be your mother...
My wife
- I'm sorry
Hi, I'm Gloria.
Oh it's so nice to meet you
Your design line is so beautiful
Oh thank you, thank you
and I love your...scarves
She'll be tying me up with those later
He's not kidding
Oh grody!
Oh... the long, long tongues
See you in there
See you in there
right over there
Oh, oh, sit right here
sit right here
I'm going to go say hi to Lenny hon
- No, honey...
Oh hi Lenny!
How are you doing?
Oh, oh, oh, and I heard
through a little bird
that you guys rented the Earnshaw
lake house for us for the entire weekend
That's like a dream come true for us
We had to rent it for the whole weekend
but we don't get to stay the whole weekend
because we have to go to Milan tomorrow
for Roxanne's fashion show
Oh my god! That's a shame Oh, but
you're going to have so much fun in Milan
J. Lo and Marc Anthony
vacationed there last year
And it's right up the street from Lake Como
where George Clooney has a villa
You know, I read too many of those magazines
what can I say?
Come on, I'm sorry
- Sorry, I can't stop talking
Here we are backing away
ashamed...right?
Oh, and Tom Cruise got married there too
Thanks for letting me know
- What?
Well, I don't understand why you
had to rent it for the whole weekend
You pay for the whole weekend
because it's a holiday
and they won't
rent it to you for one night
So your friends are partying all weekend
while you're stuck in dreary old Milan
Well, that was nice of you
Well, it was nice of us
It's your money too isn't it?
Yeah. It's your money
It's his money
It's my money. Lets' put all
our cash in a pile and split it
That's a nice hat
It brings out the death in the room
I'm sorry, I'm nervous
It's the funeral, I get weird
There he is
Joe Hollywood
- Mr. Big Shot agent
Do you think he represents Hulk Hogan?
No way
Then he ain't that big is he?
By the way, if anyone asks,
Rita is an exchange student
I think I just sat on
your adding machine
Now I know what
happened to the fish tank
Coach Robert "The Buzzer" Fernando
was a caretaker by profession
What a wonderful word that is to
describe his devotion to his fellow man
he truly took care
When Robert knew that his time was short
He told me there was one specific man he
wanted to say a few words to memorialize him
So I'd like to ask Lenny Feder
to come up now
I'm sorry
I'm not prepared at all
I ... I'm
I feel very honored
that ... that
Coach asked me to do this but uh ...
I also feel terrible, because
I haven't seen the coach in so long
And um... he always wanted me to
come into town and see him and uh ...
I got caught up in
what I've been doing and
I regret it
I understand that the St. Mark's team
of 1978 was the only championship
team that the coach ever had
and uh ...
That's very impressive
I've got to say, judging from
the talent we had to offer
I mean, believe it or not
Robbie and Marcus were
actually shorter in back 1979
Yeah but those guys had a skill
that you never masterd
They knew how to pass the ball
Looks like somebody has to learn
how to pass the Kentucky Fried Chicken
I'm kidding
I'm kidding
We're saying goodbye to
a big part of our lives
All of us
You affected everybody in his room
and um ...
I hope we get to live our lives like you
Have no regrets
when life's final buzzer sounds
So uh, let's all bow
our heads in silence
Ave Maria...Gratia plena
They should have just
ended it right after you
This is insanity
-Yeah, five bucks, it takes him down on one knee
Oh you're on
- Ok
Maria
Gratia plena
Ave, ave dominus
dominus tecum.
Benedicta tu in mulieribus,
Ave Maria,
Oh grow up will you!
- Oh look at him now
Don't get so mad there Robbie
So how are we feeling about Rob's girl?
Are we happy for him?
Oh my god, the Saint Polly Grandma?
She seems all right
- She's pretty
You know. in a "me in a wig"
sort of way
When uh... Ben Franklin was
flying that kite, it had the key on it
That was to her apartment
You know what?
I've gotta say
he seems like he's in love you know
Well, he was in love
with the first three wives too
The cheater, the beater
and the eater
Yeah
You know, his problem is he's
always so overly in love so quick
and then one day he snaps
and then it get's ugly in a hurry
Coffee Mr. Feder?
Uh... No, no, no, no
I'm good, I'm good
I mean I thank you
That's cool of you to voluntarily
want to give me coffee
Just uh... you drink it you know
while you're studying inside the church
But you texted me
you want coffee
I texted you that I wanted
you to drink the coffe and study
So study
Your books in the church
Go ahead
All right Rita
Mommy, I want some milk
Oh sure angel, come here
Let's give you a little something
Slow down honey. Not such big gulps
You're going to get a tummy ache
Your son is so cute.
How old is he?
Oh he's uh...
forty-eight months
That's four
- Yeah
We meant to stop it last year
but um... he likes it so much
and we don't like to say no
Hey sweetheart
Could you use a fork please
- No, no, no, no, No!!
Looks like she didn't get the memo
('Last Child' by Aerosmith)
Yes sir, no sir, don't come close
To my home sweet home
Can't catch no dose
Of my hot tail poon tang sweetheart
Sweathog ready to make a silk purse
From a J. Paul Getty and his ear
with her face in a beer
Hey! let me get that spot
- Hey! gotta respect the Caddy
nice, you drove your piggy bank here
- Hey, come on
Hey, Rob's car is an
Oompa Loompa too
It's cute
It will do for one night
-Yeah? you can handle it?
Daddy, what is that machine doing?
- it's getting rid of the moths honey
Where is it taking them?
- Hell
Don't say that Higgins
- Oh I'm sorry not hell, Mexico
It's giving them electricity, so the
moths can fall asleep, electrically
It's electrocuting them?
No, no, no
- But Daddy, they're dying
It's killing them?
- No!
Daddy No!
No, no it's not okay?
Let me adjust it
They're all all right
I promise you, see?
Come on, look at this guy
Whee...
All right, it's still sleeping
- it's dead Dad
Ooh a porch swing. I know
what I'm doing this weekend
Now he's dead
Welcome back to
1978 everybody
I don't remember it this big
this is my kitchen.
This is it right now
- Oh please, enough with the kitchen
Lenny, thank you so much
It's unbelievable
Oh my god, an organ
Oh come on could you at least humour me?
- is this like an outward bound thing Dad?
It's like an episode of Lost
Hon, you might not want to bang on that
- But I like playing it like this
Okay so listen guys
who's getting what room?
Actually, I made a map
of who gets which room
I took the liberty of reserving the room
with the waterbed for Gloria and myself
Ooh...
You're going to do
the backstroke tonight
I want to go swimming with you guys tonight
- Oh honey, we're not really going swimming
What I meant was
Oh no, that's okay. She doesn't
need to know what you mean
I don't even know what you mean
- Oh, I know what she meant
Anyway, let's get back to the room
picking Rob, would you like
to take us on a tour perhaps?
Yeah, I'd love to show you a tour
Gloria was just trying to be clear
- I need someplace near a bathroom
Why does the Grandma get
to go swimming and I don't
Okay, here's the big daddy
The Master bedroom
You know what?
Lenny should have that
Oh no, no, no
Honey, honey
Come on, let the kids have it
It's a fun time for the
kids to be together
and they can do kid's things
Come on, come on, go share it
share the Master bedroom
Hey Dad
What's the big box
attached to the back of the TV?
Um... that's the rest of the TV
They didn't always have
flatscreens there sport
Wow! That is some
stone-age shiznit
Yeah that's whack
- I need a room with heat
It's summer, it's like 95 degrees in here
- There he goes again
I got bunyans
- You know I actually have a poultice I make
Using maze
- Just say corn, maze is corn everybody
Yeah but he says maze
because it sounds more mystical
Exactly
- Well I like the way he said it
Maze, maze
Maze
It's fantastic okay
- it's a-maze-ing
Just spread it on cloth
and moisten and heat it
and then I apply it
directly to the affected area
Oka, well
My affected area is pretty big
Ahhhhh!
Momma
I didn't know the
Elephant Man lived in your shoe
How in the world is anyone
supposed to get some sleep
knowing they's under the same roof
as "Tobe" Bryant over here
You're stepping over the line woman
So what's with that Labradoodle?
It sounds like Stephen Hawking or something
Well, Curly had his vocal chords clipped
A neighbor filed a complaint
so it was either clip the chords
or put Curly down
Wrong choice
- Come on, he's part of the family
Imagine when a burgler comes over
and hears that
he must run in terror
Wow, what's that turkey doing in the house?
By the way Lamonsoff
you son.
What's up with the boob thing
Is the kid a little old?
He's going to be rubbing
her boob with his beard soon
Yeah, he's going to get a milk moustache
on a real moustache.
that won't look right
That kid, when he's ten on his bike
The Mom's going to be in the basket
he's going to be like...
Why are they inside
right now anyways?
Why would they not
come out here and enjoy the lake
or do something in the woods
There wasn't a time of
day that I wasn't outside
We weren't, we were always out...
we were never in
I can't take it anymore
Oh, he's being a Dad, look at this
- He's going to do it?
All right, that's it
no more video games
No more cell phones
no more texting
Just from now on, while we're here
stay outside and play
What are we supposed to do?
Just play like normal kids
come on, move it
Where's Becky?
Hey Greg
When we were kids, your Dad
used to talk us into doing the craziest stuff
- That's right
I remember one time
We got our shower curtains
Put them in shopping carts
and went shopping cart sailing
Wait, how did you steer?
- Well, we didn't
How did you stop?
You just mashed into something
that was the fun part
And we used to shoot
bottle rockets at each other
You always go for the guys face
because you want to blind him
Okay that's a little much pal
- No I know...
kids, don't do that
You don't uh...
Erase, reboot
Look, look make a tree fort
I'll get you started
Rob lived in one of those for a year
- Why?
My Dad took away my rollerskates
- Uh oh, vietnam flashback
Wait a minute
Are you kidding me?
- What, what?
Rope on a tree baby!
- You know what that means
We get to hang ourselves?
Are you kidding me?
You see a rope and a lake
and that doesn't make
you want to go nuts?
It makes me like...
You know what?
Let me go!
Lammie...
Yeah baby
Dude!
Get up on the top rock
Yeah, yeah top rock
- You got to back it up
Back it up
- Go baby
Class is in session
Who wants to see a double flip?
Whoo!
Too high!
- Drop!
This was a mistake!
I can't let go
I'm too scared
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
That was awesome!
Oh God!, Oh God!
my leg snapped!
Oh my God!
I have a bone sticking out!
Oh God!
I need help!
It's a stick
I got ya
Very good!
Daddy look!
birdies hury
Oh my god
I'll go get a shoebox
Whoa, whoa, whoa
here you go
Hey did you really land on that bird, man?
I'm not sure? I...I did hear
a chirp, and then a "crunch" like noise
but uh...
that could have been anything
Hey Lenny, remember we used
to come in here in high school
late night after
we got wasted
What's wasted?
- nice one higgy
Wasted, kids is something...
that's happens when
you have a hankering
for ice cream
Ooh! I want to get wasted
I want to get totally wasted
I want to get wasted every single day of my life
I want to get chocolate wasted
- No you don't need to get wasted, it's okay
All right everybody, you know what?
Let me make this easy
17 burgers and
17 fries, okay?
And uh, that will be just for me
What are you guys having?
Lamonsoff!
Do me a favor, that's for everybody
and just put it on there
Oh you don't have to do that
I am not going to have any hamburgers
I'll take some meatloaf, some calzones,
put the marinara sauce on the side
with corn. Either on the cob
or whatever you got?
What are you going to the electric chair?
What?
- No he was just kidding Henry VIII
She's eating for two
Her and "Toebo" cop
But Momma, they do have
bunyan rings if you want some
That was good Lenny
- How about some drinks
Hey, I said I'm paying so...
take it easy with that okay?
I'm kidding everybody
We can drink all we want
I'll start it off
I'm going to have a coke and I know
Donna, she's going to want a Sprite
And uh...
Bean's good with milk obviously
I want cookies
Ooh, cookies and miLF
- miLF, oh Higgins thank you so much
Take it easy all right
Tuck it away Higgins
And I'll take a flat water...Voss
- What?
You know?...Voss.
well Fiji if you don't have Voss
You know, anything
you got is good
Yeah, we have out of the faucet
- like from the hose?
Tap water
- What country is that from?
Oh my god
just get the water
We're done talking about water
Tap water
I will get the Voss from the ba...
- Just sit down Rita, study the menu
the big test is coming
Hey now
I'm sorry?
What now?
He says they have the
best burger in town here
Really?
So since when did you
learn to speak Chinese?
Just a little something I picked up
watching a Chinese cooking show
That's great. Maybe you should
focus a little less on the talking
and a little more on the cooking
You got told
You got "toe"
He comes back!
- Mommy, can I have some of her milk?
There is...
Joe Hollywood
Who's that?
Dickie Bailey?
Oh my god
Hey, long time no see
How are you doing?
- You know that game had some bad calls
What game are we talking about?
The game.. what when we were kids?
30 years ago, that game?
That last shot...
your foot was on the line
Shouldn't have counted
Wow, I don't know?
I don't remember it quite like that
You got the rest
of the Fugly Five over there huh?
Yes.. yes, they are
the boys are here
Boys? they don't look like they could
make it up and down the court anymore
What about you?
Did you put on a few pounds?
From when I was 12?
Yes, I think so
You don't know how to
come at me do you?
Rematch!
I dare you
Wow
In basketball? you don't look
like you're in the greatest shape either
I could see having a
getting off the couch contest with you but...
Anytime, anywhere
I was just kidding
I really don't want to do that
And uh... hey! Next time you come to town
I'll have plenty of that Boss water for your kid
Wouldn't want him to go thirsty
All right, well uh... just for the record
It's Voss water by the way, with a V
Ooh
- Okay
It's going to be an
emotional day tomorrow boys
Spreading the Buzzer's ashes
- Oh my god
Well, the coach requested that we
scatter his remains on Mcintyre Island
I've got a beautiful ceremony planned
Lenny are you still going to be
able to do that tomorrow?
What time do you leave?
What are you talking about
- What do you mean leave?
I forgot to tell you fellahs, we've
got to to take off in the morning
You're leaving the lake house?
What are you talking about?
You can't leave
We got the ceremony tomorrow
Oh, Lenny's just playing everybody
Are you joking?
- He's not
Are you joking?
I want to be there. I mean...
we all want to be there
It's just, we've got to go to Milan
Milan what?
Italy
What's in Milan?
It's pretty cool
Roxanne's got her fall line coming out
Fashion week
Three nights at
the Four Season's baby
Eggs benedict by the pool
Playstation 3 in every room
and they show
boobies on italian TV
I'm going to italy
I meant no, no
I didn't tell you guys
we're probably going to go to italy
as a...
thanks for ruining the surprise
Lenny, it's not going
to be the same without you
Yeah, come on
Roxanne was cool enough to let us come
for tonight because this is a big deal for her
I mean, can't Roxanne go without you
and you could meet her...
We are seating me and my lady
we do everything together
Last year we had to Skype Becky's
school play from Milan
Roxanne...
I thought we were going to get wasted?
Sweetie, what was I supposed to do?
lie to them
It's not what you said
It's how you said it
I am not some insensitive
work crazy dragon-lady
and I'm not going to
let you depict me as one
We are skipping the dinner in Milan
Spreeeading the ashes!
And we are leaving
first thing Sunday morning
Lamonsoff! it's five in the morning
Can you kill the dog now?
I'm thinking about it
Go ahead, birdie coming through
everybody, birdie coming through
Good morning
take it right over to the table
How are we going?
something stinks in here
Gloria and I are making
breakfast for everybody
Using a dehydrator
Which never cooks anything
above 115 degrees
Those are pankakes?
They're ocean pankakes
They're grey, they look like you
cut them off an elephant's legs
I'm not eating that
It's good for you
- What is this?
What is this?
a scab?
It's dehydrated banana
- What happened to a normal banana?
You peel a banana and eat it
- The kids will love it, it's fun man
It doesn't go bad all day
you slice it up really thin
Oh, I see what you do with it
maybe you're right, this is good
Is that what they're meant for
- You could do that I guess you could
I'd rather be hit by
dehydrated fruit than a...
Processed...
Processed fruit
- I'm just kidding around
You think you're rich and you
can just slap people with dehydrated...
I don't think that, don't say that
Good morning...
Honey, how is the birdie?
Ooh La La
- Where did you get those shoes
- I know, I know, I'm over dressed
But sorry, I packed for Milan
not the lake
Made from acorns
- So dude, I'm not eating any of this
You got any normal food?
cereal...uh...
Would you like to make
your egg white frittata Mr Feder?
Oh, uh... is that what you're doing
in science class now?
Making frittata's?
- No, you know what?
We're okay.
You can go practice that in your room though
I know you got the big test coming
Yeah uh.. you know honey?
I think you're overwhelming Lenny
Here, I've got a present for you
Bacon
Knock yourself out
- Bacon! hey...
She gets it
- She gets it
Thank god she gets it
All right so...
Hey, what are you doing?
Cooking the bacon
- Not in here
That's dead animal flesh and
It's not going near the vegan food
Murderer!
- Fine
What do I do with it?
Oh I know...
I'm sorry buddy
Curly!
shame on you
That crazy dog
Must have got into some of
my leftover pasta pazul
Yeah Momma
I'm sure that's exactly what happened
It did!
We should get a dog
We should get a water buffalo
Whoo
Higgins! what are you doing?
Look, I don't wear pants at my house
I'm not wearing them at your house...sorry
That was a man's ass?
Yeah
How sweet is...
look at that
Ooh, ooh
That's it buddy
Okay, throw the rock
Skim it
Throw it at tree
Throw it at the lake
Throw it at your brother
Hit your head with it
Just do something
come on...
Greggie what are you doing?
dressed like that
You hanging out with
jiminy Crickey?
We were supposed to be
going to Milan, remember?
That's what I packed for
Come on, just cut those into shorts
we'll play some hoop later
Pass dude
You don't want revenge
for the last time I whooped you?
That was four
years ago homey
All I want is to fly to Milan
and have some fresh made gelato
Ouch
Wow! what would
your Father have done on that one?
That one would have been
a backhand to the side of the head
and possible bleeding from the ear
My Father would have
thrown me down the stairs
just for using the word "gelato"
Ah, you got the new Foreman
- Yeah
This is awesome
Hilliard was trying to
make me some
tofu grape nuts in there
Try it out
- You cleaned this thing right?
Yeah I cleaned this thing
Thanks alot
By the way,
Mcintyre Island ain't close
Eat as much as you can
We've got a big row ahead of us
These are kind of...
Come on man
What are you doing to me?
Seriously...
You don't want your breath
to smell like your grandmother's closet?
('Rock and Roll Never Forgets')
(by Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band)
So you're a little bit older and a lot less bolder
Than you used to be
So you used to shake 'em down
But now you stop and think about your dignity
So now sweet sixteens...
-Beautiful
You got to respect
going to Mcintyre Island though
haven't done that
since we were 12
Got my fist boob there
I know you did, Tracy Thornhill
- Tracy Thornhill
Absolutely, I remember that
- They were flat, but I was a fan
Higgins, is that all
you think about is chicks man?
Yeah relax
we've got daughters
That's all you guys think about too
The difference is, I can do something about it
That's not tr...all right that's true
- You want to know what I fantasize about?
Yeah
Candy bars
No, I had a bad blood sugar
test at my last checkup
and Sally cut me off
You're a grown-ass man
How do you deal with that?
Oh, I've got my own hidden stash
I'm not stupid
Of course...
Seriously, I've got it all
I've got Reese's, Butterfingers, Three
Musketeers. I hide them under my clothes
In the bottom of the hamper
It's great because
the smell of my sweat socks
masks the chocolte smell
And the looks of your underwear
masks the chocolate stains
Hang on guys I gotta make a sissy
- No, no, we're almost there
I gotta make a sissy!
- Oh come on! you made three already
It must just be oozing out at this point
- Shut up, I'm trying to concentrate
It's taking a piss
not the S.A.T's
Are you peeing or...
Is a diesel truck turning off
What the hell is that?
listen to hamper bottom
I think he's sending
a message in Morse code
Getting old...stop
Can't pee...stop
Reeks like asparagus...stop
even though I didn't even have any...
The good news is these girls
are going to say hi to it
Ewww!
-That is so gross looking
They don't all look like that ladies
You'd think that 300 pounds...
Oww! Come on!
('Lay it on the Line' by Triumph)
I'm tired of playin foolish games
sick mix tape
you made Robbie
Oh yeah
Hey guys, I uh...
I brought something too
- Get out of here
It's the net
Yeah
Championship game
- Let me see that
Thought the coach should have it
Robbie, you got to put
this on the urn buddy
Your foot was on the line
Oh, Bailey
What do you think the coach would
have said if he heard about that trash talker?
He'd kick our ass
for not kicking his ass
Yeah
- Why don't we do it the old school way
have Eric beat
his ass for us
We should!
- No, no, no
I've got about eight
seconds of fighting
total, left in my life
And I'm saving that
in case I get mugged or...
you know?
Someone cuts in front of me
at Burger king or something
That's my hair at the bottom
We can't delay it anymore guys
- He just bit his chicken...all right
Are we going?
- We're doing it
Let's do it
You know I...
I think the coach
is here with us
I think he's proud
to be here with us
in ash form
- right here on this island
Where we hid from our parents
and...
right now where we're hiding
from our wives and children
Goodbye to you
Friend
wise advice giver
Buzzer noise maker
Rob, come on
I really messed up my marriages
all of them
It was my fault man
I just couldn't hang on
You know,
my own daughters
I don't even hardly know them
The Buzzer would be ashamed of me
- No he wouldn't
Come on man
- Come on
You have plenty of time to patch
things up with your daughters man
You just...
call them when you get back
Actually, they're going to
be here in about 20 minutes
Wait, what?
I could use a piece of chicken
- No, no, no don't
Finish the bucket actually
- Actually I'm still going to eat it
This is pretty sick
but I'm hungry
('Escape (The Pi?a Colada Song)')
(by Rupert Holmes)
if you like pina coladas
Getting caught in the rain
if you're not into yoga
if you have half a brain
if you like making love at midnight
in the dunes of the cape
piece of crap car!
What?
Hey Dad...
Me?
What?
How do you get that...?
from that
95 percent of that's
got to be from the Mother
and I am low-balling
How is that possible?
Oh no, the Elvis hairs are going up
her nose. She doesn't know what to do
Is this your car?
My old man lent me this turd
Because he doesn't care
if I break down in the middle of nowhere
and get eaten by a bear or something
Your old man?
- Yeah, my boyfriend
47 years old
You know I wish
I liked guys my own age
But I'm just chasing
the Dad that ran out on me
Hoochie Mama
What does that mean?
I don't know
but it feels right
I hope that car never gets fixed
I don't think it will
I took the spark plugs out
nice
We're all looking at the same time
let's at least...take shifts
Yeah good idea
- Lamonsoff, you and me look at the tree
McKenzie, we're going to
look at her butt for a little bit okay?
Okay, all right
- All right, good plan
...and shift
Shift
Shift
Shift
...and shift
What are we doing?
- Wait, are we all looking at the tree right now?
Yeah, let's go back to the ass
Hey Jasmine, this is Gloria
Gloria, this is Jasmine
Oh, hi
Oh look, here comes Grandma
going right in to the rescue
Let me take a look
Oh, honey...
You've blown your gasket
if you like pina coladas
Getting caught in the rain
if you're not into yoga
if you have half a brain
if you like making love at midnight
I'm good, I'm all good
- Wow
That was rough...
You guys thought seeing
them at the car was gross
you should have heard
that waterbed action last night
Sounded like two grizzlies
fighting over a salmon
-Aww...
there was a lot happening
At least he's getting something
I've been shut out ever since
Deanne found out she was pregnant
Oh yeah, that will happen
Can you have sex when they're pregnant?
or does that hurt the baby
No, McKenzie can because the baby
thinks he's getting a Tootsie Roll
Snickers...Snickers
- Oh, a little bigger
I got lucky on
St Patty's day but uh...
she was half asleep
And by half asleep I mean
she was asleep, yeah she was out
- You're allowed to do that?
She was fine with it
Robbie!
Hey, how did it go with the daughter
Awkward...
I guess the first 20 years of a kid's life
is more important than I realized
It's always the kids who pay
- kids pay
They pay
- They pay
They always pay
- They pay with maze
It's good hanging with you guys
- No, no, stop
I'm glad my family turmoil
can provide entertainment for you guys
Let's cheer him up, how did we cheer
Robbie up in the old days
a little arrow roulette
whoa, whoa, arrow roulette
- Did we really do that?
single stupidest thing we ever did
- it was the craziest
- Moronic
Assenine
I can't believe we're doing this
How do we always let Lenny
talk us into the stupidest stuff?
Remember the rules, whoever stays
in the circle the longest, wins
- What?!
Whoever stays the longest
- We gotta stand here?
And a one... And a two...
Why are we doing this?!
Go!
('Walk All Over You' by AC/DC)
I don't see it, I don't see it
- Where is it?!
I lost it in the sun!
- I lose!
Out of my way I'm running high
Take your chance with me and I'll give it a try
Ain't no woman in the world I know
'Cause I ain't looking for (an overflow?)
Oh baby I ain't got much
Resistance to your touch
Take off the high heels, let down your hair
Paradise ain't far from there
I wanna walk all over you
I am the champion!
I beat all you panzies!
Ahh...Haa!!!
Whoraaa!!!
Come on, come on
- You're moving! ahh...! you're shaking...
You're complaining about your hammy
I've got an arrow in my foot!
Oww!!
Easy, easy...
What's going on?
Rob got attacked by an indian!
Yeah, but he got away!
What?
- He got attcked by an indian?
Daddy, what happened?
Amber!
I'm glad you got here
This is my daughter Amber everybody
if you like pina coladas
- You've got another one
- Dude, high five
I'm not high fiving, my wife's coming
Oh my God!
Oh my God!
You made me look at that!
Ahh!!
This is killing me!
Bridget come down here
Daddy's hurt
Yes I like pina coladas
You got another one?
- Yeah
Hey...
Hey...
Now I get it
- Now that makes sense
Shut up!
Foot...arrow...why?
I think we've got to
pull it the rest of the way through
Oh let me get it!
- No, I'll get it
It was my idea
I said it first!!
Hey!
We're going to be all right here
All we need is a poultice
with some maze...
Oh shut up!!
That poultice shit doesn't work
It never worked!
Are you insane?!
Get some alcohol on this Bitch!
You should know about that!
You were born during the prohibition
...And there's the snap
That was bigger than I thought
It was going to be...wow
- Snap, Crackle and Pop
Excuse me, Princess Rita
Are you just going to sit there
or are you going to help me?
No, Mr. Feder said that
I must study for the big final
- What final?
- You tell me! He just keeps handing me books
Oh for... never mind. Did you
pack the adapters for italy?
Yes, I did in L.A.
Great, and just wipe your hands, I need
you to organize all those papers in here
Very neatly, okay
They can not be ruined
Hello, hi...
This is Roxanne Feder
I just want to make sure...
Mommy! Mommy!
It came out!, it came out!
Not now honey
I'm on the phone okay
My tooth, it fell out!
That's great honey
just put it under the pillow
and I'll put a dollar
in there later okay?
What?
Becky, I am on the phone
I'll put the dollar under...
Why would you?
There's no Tooth Fairy?
I can't believe I just did that
Oh Lenny, you should
have seen her little face
I don't know what's wrong with me?
I mean, I try so hard
and I can't seem to
get anything right
You made a mistake
parents make mistakes
Remember the time I told Greg
babies come from Mommy's poop?
and he kept looking in the toilet
for a baby brother
- That's not funny
I'm just saying
Can you hear me now? ...okay
I just feel...
What about now?...
Can you hear me?
I feel like I ruined her childhood
- She was going to find out eventually
Eventually, but not today
Can you hear me now?
This is so cool, are you there?
Hey! Didn't I say no cell phones?
I thought we had a deal!
What's up Dad?
That was cup phones?
- Yeah, Charlotte taught us
Cool huh?
hey check out Becky's
Look Dad, I have cup waiting
I've got to call you back
I'm on with Spongebob
Was that a turkey?
Yo Andre, can you hear me?
Where's the player?
can you hear me?
Oh yeah
The best thing about these
is we can leave the cup in the shower
and listen to Jasmine
clean herself tomorrow morning
What!!
Oh my God!
May I borrow this?
Attention troopers...
There's been a request
from the phone company
would you please
install cup phones
in every adult bedroom
right away!
Thank you
here we go!... move it, move it
I said move it, move it
Oh...
Yes, I have always
been the Tooth Fairy
No...Bean's Mommy is the
Tooth Fairy for his family
I just cover our family
Do not tell Bean...okay?
Becky, I love you so so so so much okay?
I'm sorry sweetheart
- Okay come on, you're costing me a fortune
Let's go, this is going
to be a high cup bill
(Gloria) Can I still put maze
on your arrow wound?
What the hell is that?
Is that Gloria laughing?
She's still here after he
had to snap on her like that?
She forgave him right away
You are my special lady
And you are my one footed
maze covered lover
Okay come on
We've got to go to sleep
We're going to Milan tomorrow right?
...long flight
Wow...
- Let's get our rest
(Bean) Somebody kill that turkey!
Is that getting me horny?
Yes...
Do you promise you'll
still feed her after we leave?
I promise
- Mommy, that's my milk
Bean, we have to learn how to share
even with birds
But he's going to drink you dry!
('Time to Fly' by REO Speedwagon)
I've been around for you
Been up and down for you
I got a third time
Donna, you want to try?
- Sure
But, I stink at sports
- That's all right, here
I've swallowed my pride for you
- Hold it like this
Down low and throw it
and let the rock do the magic
nice!
- I did it!
Good job Donna
Do you know how to
skip rocks Mrs. Feder?
Are you kidding me?
I am the best at this
Give me that
Now watch me
and we can't relive it
Well I make you...
- Oh!!...
Oh my God baby
are you okay?
Yeah Mom, I'm just glad
to see you having some fun
I'll take your luggage
to the car Mr. Feder
It's not my luggage
that's your textbooks
and that's nice of you
to take your own stuff down
in your ca...
come on, why are you...
Oh come on man, already?
You're leaving?
Yes I've got to go
- You need any help getting to the airport
Lenny, we've got a little problem
- What, what happened?
I forgot how to skip a rock
Now, I think it's going to take
a couple of days to figure it out
So... I think we better stay
Are you kidding me?
- For reals Mom! we're not leaving?
No, I don't need to see a bunch of starving
models walking around in my clothes
Yeah, why would you want to see models
when you can see this?
See...
You couldn't get that in Milan
You...you, what do you want
to do today?...anything
I don't know, you tell me
What was your favourite thing to do
when you were 12
and it was sunny out?
Ooh..well I can't do that
Maybe...go to a water park
- Then what are we waiting for?
Seriously?
Let's load up the car people
- Water park!
I'm not taking my shirt off!
- I'm not taking my shirt off either
Oww!...oh...oh
Whoo Hoo!
You're wasting it
Sorry
It's all right
It's actually not that bad
('Just Can't Wait' by J. Geils Band)
I have to go number two
- Okay, hang on
- Yeah
Hey Dad
Hey, where have you guys been?
Well, we didn't bring our swimsuits
so Marcus went to
take us to buy some
We got them at a store
called Naughty and nice
Marcus said...
It was the only one that was open
The only place open...for bathing suits?
In the summer
We got my bathing suit at Stop N' Shop
That's uh...I like that one
- Let's hit the waterslide!
I just can't wait
I just can't wait
I just can't wait
What a beautiful day
It's a girls day
Oh boy...
Are we really doing bathing suits?
Oh come on girls, we don't
know these people. Who cares?
Yeah you're right, who cares?
I've been working all summer
on this six pack
How you feel about that?
Uhh...
Baby got front!
Go Dee...go Dee...
- Uh huh
Come on Sally it's your turn
Take it off
Oh no, I have a bit of a chill actually
Gloria, how about you?
I don't own a bathing suit...
but I like to go nude
No, no, no...
Hey, somebody likes what he sees
('Ready for Love' by Bad Company)
I'm ready for love
Oh baby, I'm ready for love
I'm ready for love
Oh baby, I'm ready for love
Daddy, this line's not even moving
- I know
I want Mommy's milk
I know you do son
He wants Mommy's milk
Give him some Mommy's milk
No, no, no...
- Mommy's milk, mommy's milk, mommy's
Dammit, no more Mommy's milk okay
You want milk
you're drinking regular milk
Hey, hey, here kid...
-Hey!
Don't give me the guff right now kid
Here's a buck, run along...run along
Here, drink milk
straight out of the carton
I don't know if Mommy will want me to
All right just drink it okay!
Just like Daddy does, let me show you okay
Okay
I'm just like Daddy!
There we go
- See that? no more booby milk
Yay! more for us!
So ladies... how do we get
Mr. Banana Hammock
to come over here where
we can get a better look at him
Okay, well there's two big
advantages to breast feeding
and I'm going to put mine to work
- Sally, wow!
- That's it girl
Work that umbrella pole baby
Sally! Oh my God!
- Oh, it's definitely working
- You're good at that
- Oh my God, he likes it!
All right doing the back door shuffle
Cut the line, go, go, go
Don't get hurt
Dad?
Are we allowed to go through here?
Absolutely not
but we're doing it anyways
Your cool Dad found this
back in the day
Go up the ladder
- Hey, it's dark in there
maybe you should hold my hand...
I'm scared
Hey, hey, hey come here...
Don't fall for that crap
you stay away from him
What are you talking about?
He's gay isn't he?
No, he just seems gay
He's a genius
All righty... who's next?
Now's a great time...
Charlotte, you're up first
Who's next?
Let's go
Is he coming this way?
- He's coming this way
He's coming towards us right now
This is good. Now, whatever
you do, don't fart
Hey what's up ladies?
So... you are from around these parts eh?
Yeah, I'm from Saskatchatoon!
That's up in Canada eh?
You American ladies, you've been
up to Saskatchatoon eh?
Hose teasers
Everything was on steroids
except for the voice
('Just Got Back' by Cheap Trick)
Well just got back
Been gone too long
Wasn't my idea, didn't pull the trigger
Oh oh oh I I I I'm just so glad
I'm just so glad to be back home, yeah
I just got back
Been a long long time
Wasn't my idea, didn't point the finger
Oh oh oh I I I I'm just so glad
I'm just so glad to go home
Hey, weren't you guys just here?
No, I think you have us
confused with some other people
I don't think so because
you're two of the hottest chicks
I've ever seen in my life
Hey!
What?
These are my daughters
- right...uh uh
Her definitely...because she's Fugly
just like you
Hey!
Now who's next?
Ahh!!!
My god, is it a dream?
I just got back
Been a long long time
Wasn't my idea, didn't point the finger
Oh oh oh I I I I'm just so glad
I'm just so glad to go home
Dad, come on, hurry up!
I want to go to Power Splunge
One second sweetie, we're going on
all the rides today, we're doing them all
We're going to have fun
- Are you making a sissy?
- No I'm not
You know they put a
chemical in the pool
that turns urine blue
No, no they're old wives tales sweetie
It's an old wives tale
Oh my God!
You're humiliating me!
I just got back
I been asleep too long
Wasn't my idea what the doctor figured
Oh oh oh I I I I'm just so glad
I'm just so glad, I'm just so glad,
can I get a picture?
- A little further, a little further
I don't know about this one Dad
It's kind of steep
Yeah, yeah, it's a little
steeper than I remember
Okay let's go to another ride
- I don't like it either, yeah come on
Good thing the kid chickened out
so you don't have to go, right Feder?
Why don't you hire somebody
to do it for you Mr. ritchie rich?
Hey Wiley
what's up man?
Step aside chumps
let me get this on
Hasta la vista
Chicken shiznit
Yeah!!
Go kid!
Whoo!!
That was good, that was very nice
- All right, now I want some of this
Look at this
Atta boy
- What happened there?
- Atta boy!
- Backwards huh?
Yeah!!
You're up Hollywood
I'm up?...All right
I don't know how you
follow up backwards?
Just pay attention to the dismount would you
Oh ho! Looks like second
place again Bailey huh...?
Do you believe this guy?
Second place?
Second place...
Go down the hanging by your feet
- Show these idiots
- By my feet?
- Yeah
Is that safe?
What do you care? you're an animal...
You're an animal!!
-Yeah!
- I'm an animal!!
Whoohahooa!
Why don't you do it?
- I got kids
Yeah Wiley!!
Wiley, Wiley
You don't need to do this
Wiley, Wiley, Wiley!
I'm an animal!!!
I'm an animal!!!
Yeah!!
I can't get my foot out!!
Ahhhh!!!!
That's how you do it boys
Go Becky
- You can do this
Good there you go
- Yay! give me a five
Roxanne, look at him...
It's like he totally forgot about me
Typical man...
they take all you can give
and then they trade
you in for some cow
Yeah, but I don't know what
I'm supposed to do with these now
I do
See that buddy
that's the old bank shot
pick a spot...
aim for it
Oh yeah, your Dad
will go 50 for 50 with these
Really? because on the wii
the bank shot never works
Yeah, well you should "wii" turn it
and get a "wii" fund
Okay, Tim Duncan's had about
a hundred game winners with that bad boy
Honey, are you watching me?
Oh baby!
that was hot
Come here for a minute
let me show you
What you got to do is...
see the box up there?
The top right corner of it?
Hello?
Focus boy, focus
get off of that
Lamonsoff!
Focus
Oh my God!
What a perv
He's totally checking me out
He wans't...Lady...I don't know
All right, come on
Go ahead
Follow through, keep the hand up
Are you kidding me?
...Respect
See how good you can be
when you wear normal people clothes
- Hey Momma
- Hey baby
How come you're not
out there playing basketball?
- You know I got...
- You got bunyans, I know, where's Kurt?
Are you scared, what's wrong?
Ooh...somebody's in trouble
not looking good
All right, I did everybody's first shot
for them, now you do the second one
Come on now!
Nobody's doing shots
we got kids there dummy
Got to wake up in the morning
All right we're going
to bizz beers instead
Who's got beers?
Check 'em off
- I'm going to go with one tonight
- Yeah, I'll stick with coffee
- I'm having this many
- Cheers
I'm just having Metamucil tonight
What's wrong with you guys?
We used to come up here and...
party man!...get wasted
You losers
Don't worry, you'll
grow up one day higgy
You just need to meet the right girl
Oh, my older sister would be perfect for you
What?
She's legally blind but
she can see shapes
Anyways, Roxanne?
How did you and Lenny meet?
Good question
How did this blob of crap...?
No offense
Meet this lola senorita
Oh, he came into the department store
where I was working, I helped him
He wanted me to try this skirt on
Oh, the old try on the skirt trick
I got ya, very sneaky sis
- Yeah he did trick me. Because afterwards
he made me try on a bra
and hey, I was just trying to help
Okay, okay, I did like him a little
It was, it was a good day
Oh God!
Oh my water, my water's breaking!
The baby's coming!
- Oh dear God
Are you serious?
- Oh! yeah...
I got you, I got you
I got you
I'm just playing
('Sentimental Lady' by Bob Welch)
Oh my god it's...
Do you know this song?
Oh, this song is the best
This song is the best
You are here and warm
Oh this song gets me so horny
- You know I was thinking that
but now, not so much
I'd like to claim credit for that
Because that's all part of
my get some nookie playlist
Get the ladies on the dance floor
And I got my lady right here
Come on honey
- Aw...
- That was a good move
- Good m...all right, let's do this
I know how much you love to dance
Well, you know me...
I'm a regular Shavadoo
And all of the things that I said that I wanted
Come rushing by in my head when I'm with you
14 joys and a will to be merry
And all of the things that we say are very
Sentimental gentle wind
Look at you...
all sexy
Deanne?
You should change your name to Deyonce
Oh, God...
Yeah so now he thinks I'm sexy huh?
Can I just enjoy a dance
with my fine ass wife
Yes, to the whitest song ever...yes
This is the whitest song ever
You know Lenny?
You were right about bringing us here
This place is pretty special
- it is, right?
Nothing's going on here
and I love it
Roxanne, I have made out with about
25 different girls in this very spot
and I want you to be number 26
- As long as I'm the last one
- Oh, that's a guarantee
I'm horny too
- What are you doing?
- Oww!
Lamonsoff, what are you doing up?
That day was crazy
Sally...she just attacked me,
like never before, it was insane
I just did the same thing with my woman
Really?
Wow
Hey, where's Saskatchatoon?
Yeah!
I don't know?
- What am I?
- A hose teaser
Look at this
- What am I?
- A hose teaser!
- And where are you from?
- Saskatchatoon!
What the...
What are we going to do with Higgins?
You know what? This is really
pissing me off, because...
You know what?...you can't be passed
out drunk, single with no responsibility
and not pay for it
You should have to be hurt for that
Sweetheart?
You fell asleep on the couch again
You know you're supposed
to go to your room
Marcus, the bird is all better
Marcus...
He want's to talk to you
Marcus, you're going to be the
best lifeguard at the whole pool
Hold your breath honey
Hold your breath honey
Who's that?
Oh, it's Mommy's boyfriend
the one who dresses you
He's crying...he's crying
- Momma?
- it's all right...it's all right
It's okay baby
- it's okay precious
Okay, I'm going to take you upstairs sweetie
going to put your pj's on
It's not right what you did
You can't just sleep anywhere
you know that
You go to your room...you go to your room
This isn't a closet...this is your bedroom
Okay? You could...It's also your
bathroom, you can make a pee pee
I'm making a pee pee
Happy Fourth of July everyone
It's the birdies independence day too
so keep your fingers crossed honey
- Yay!
- Bye birdie
('Monday Morning' by Fleetwood Mac)
Monday morning you sure look fine
That's so sexy...what did you say?
Oh, I think she said...
That's great
You know, these guys at the store
were talking so much smack
about this basketball rematch
that was supposed to go on
Well, I'm glad we're getting these uniforms ready
Oww...No more drinking
Did you really sleep
in the closet you drunk?
I think so
No...
Oww!
- Oh God!
- Higgins!
Oh, I had the...sexiest dream
about a little blonde girl though
yi..ya
I think it was a dream
- Oh come on...
- That's sick!
You know, these devilled eggs would really
be good if you had some marinara sauce
Oh, it's Lenny's phone...Hello?
All right, here we go...
Oh! that's a three
That's one, two, three...ladder!
- Oh come on
Ladder!
- No
- Oh that's it
- The rich keep getting richer
Schniggly is here, so come on Robbie,
tell the...tell the man what's going on
He doesn't care
- Tell him
Gloria and I are thinking about
having a baby together
How great is that?
- Isn't that nice?
Wow...that's great
You know the good news is
she can't get any more stretch marks
Wow...boy, that's a good one
Th..the good thing also, is that...
Gloria and the kid can share diapers
Wow
Man you see, that's just ugly
He doesn't get it
He's not in a commited relationship
He doesn't get it, you know
he can't because he can't stay
in a commited relationship
I'm trying
Oh look...he's just mad
because...
all the girls I go out with are
70 to 80 years younger than his wife
- You can't stop him...you can't
- like the last one I was with
So she's blonde, she's tall
super hot...not your type
me and blondie start going at it
and you know, we're shaking the bed
- Shaking the bed?
I don't know...I just know wetting the bed
- Shaking the bed...
And right at the good part, you know?
This picture behind, right on the wall...falls
and goes...
hits her in the forehead
She cut her head?
It cuts her!
I didn't slow down
I just throw her two aspirins
she yaps on 'em like a frisbee dog
Hey boys!
I am tired...Marcus! your snoring
kept me up all night long
You're a dead man!
- Oh wow!
- That's my baby girl!
- I thought you were my friend?!
- Leave me alone, drink your maze
- You're going to pay this time!
- No...!
Bad turtle!
- You evil pig!
- Oww...Lenny!
Robbie, Robbie!
- You're a psyco!
- Get off man!
- Jesus guys...
Calm down!
Buddy...buddy
What's the problem?
Ahh...!!
- Ahh!...Oh...Oh
- Arrow foot, come here you baby...whee!
Come on!
Why are you fighting?
Good to see midget wrestling again though
I got to say
How could you do that?
That's my daughter!
- Do what?!
- Shake the bed with her!
You think I would do that to you?!
Out of any of us? yeah...
You'd be the one to do that
I mean you did sleep with Stimpson's Mother
I didn't even know that guy!
It was your friend!
I barely knew him!
She grabbed my wiener...
I told you guys!
That's his daughter, it's different!
Me and him?
Okay, maybe I flirted with him
but that was just to get your attention
- Well what about his snoring?
- I heard it too
Ahh!!
Oh no!...twice?
We heard it from three rooms away
All right then, he's off the hook
You know Marcus wouldn't
be with your daughter. I..I mean not that she's...
You know what I'm saying
Well, what happened to your head?
When I was changing into my pj's
I got the feeling that some
perv was looking through my window
So I went to go close the shade and
I tripped and hit my head
Yeah dude...that's your daughter.
I'd never be with her, you're my best friend man
And Jasmine would never be
with me because I'm me
Sorry I don't have my whole
life together like Lenny
Oh, together like Lenny...please
I answered your phone you pichacorta
It was your assistant
I asked him if he cancelled the
flight to Milan and he said he did...
Before we even came here!
He said that?
Why would he say that?
- I mean...
- So he just made that up huh?
I'm not saying he made it up... I think
in his head he believes it's true
Don't you agent me Lenny!
Stop trying to handle everybody and everything
and start taking a little
responsibility for once!
I'll take responsibility
Okay, you're right
I thought it would be better for our family
to be here with normal people
instead of going to Milan
We're normal?
I was scared to tell you
It was easier for me to keep it a secret
You peel back any marriage there are secrets
mine is...I...I love you
I love you very much
Roxanne, I just...I...our kids are
becoming nutty, snotty, spoiled
I...I...we got a Nanny, we got...
- So she is a Nanny
- No, no, no. she's not a Nanny
- Of course she's a Nanny!
When does the lying stop?
It stops right after this
She's more of an au pair okay?
not really a Nanny
Lenny
All right that's it, the lying stops now
I won't lie to you ever again, I swear to God
I love you
Men lie!
They can't help themselves
Kurt sure as hell lies!
What do I lie about
"Toe" J. simpson
Oh please...the Nanny?
- What about the Nanny?
- You have a thing for her!
- I do not have a thing for the Nanny
I'm a married man...period
But did I enjoy having a nice conversation
with a woman that wasn't going
"where's this?" and "did you pick up that"
- Yeah
- Well you could have nice conversations with me
When?
You're always working
and when you come home
your just...you're tired all the time
You barely even touch me
or look at me
He sounds like an old woman!
Deanne, you should have married
Umberto Denuzzio like I told you
- Yeah and you know if
I'd have stayed with him
you'd be the one that's
pregnant right now Momma!
You're probably right sweetheart
I'll just butt out
Thank you!
Look maybe I do take you for granted
and I'm sorry
How's about I take you out
every Thursday night for date night?
No, Thursday's Grey's Anatomy but...
any other night would be beautiful
As long as we're all being honest
I think I should be honest too
Um...
I'm actually not a part owner
of the lawn furniture store
I don't even work there anymore
I got laid off in April
But I rented a Caddy and
I acted like...you know, a big shot
because I didn't want you guys to know
Lamonsoff, you don't have to
hide anything from us
I'm sorry
Yeah, since we're getting
things off our chest here
I've got a confession to make
I'm wearing a toup
No shit
I have a confession to make
I'm really...a man
- No
- I said that
I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding
I'm really a little hurt that
so many of you believed it
- No, no, no we were just saying...
- Seriously, you're very womanly
Nevertheless, I know it's not my place
but uh... well after all,
I am older than anyone here
Hell yeah you are!
Well, despite the joking and the razzing
I see a lot of love here
And with love, comes hostility
like uh...Rob, when he snapped at me
the other day. That was scary
And you all thought that I was so calm
But inside...inside I was saying
Gloria Noonan, do not call him
a bug eyed sociopath
with a little man complex
Do not say that his hair
makes him look like a dirty Q-tip
I like that
Or that he resembles
an elder...gay...Jonas brother
They get it...
they get the point about where you're going
Or a midget Phillipino Fonzie
I didn't say any of those things
That's my favorite one
Hey...!
life can be difficult sometimes
It gets bumpy
What with family, and kids...and things
not going exactly like you planned
But that's what makes it interesting
In life, the first act...alway's exciting
The second act...
that's where the depth comes in
- Why didn't you ever tell us that she gets it?
- Yeah you were really holding out
That's what I've been trying to tell you guys
Group hug!
('Do I' by J. Geils Band)
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Oh do I love you with all my heart
I do, I do now, yes I do
Do I want you to stay by my side
I do, I do now, yes I do
- Okay, it's in position
- I don't know man, this seems crazy
- it will be fun! Come on...
I spent all morning blowing that thing up
- You should be all right
- Should be?!
- Yeah!
- Oh...
Are you ready?
Go!!
- Ahh...!!
-Whoah!
Let's do that again!
It's not a favor...
It's like a great investment for me man
A car detailer, there's non around
It's going to be a gold mine
I don't want to take your money, I dont...
You're not taking my money
you're making me more
- I want in okay?
I know the owner of the Celtics
and I can get us that account
Those guys all drive Bentley's and Ferrari's
- How do you know
the owner of the Celtics?
Hey, I'm the leader of his
Daughter's GIrl Scout troop
Now if he wants to make sure
she gets her cookie biz bash
He will give us that account
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do
You ready to have some fun?
Yeah, hit it!
Okay...
It's not going you gotta get it in...high
Whoo!!
You really want to do this Bailey?
My five against your five
Oh boy, look at this
I see the boys stayed in shape huh?
- Robidoe, good to see you
- Lenny...
If you're looking at me...I don't know?
Look fella's, we just want to eat some watermelon
and relax, if youre all right with that?
Oh no, it's not all right, you're not
going to weasel out of this one Feder
Wiley snuck out of intensive care
to see you finally get some justice
Yo! you best be getting the ball in, Feder!
Hey Wiley...
Was the field goal good?
Yeah, first time I ever heard that one
Okay, sorry man
Oh, do you want me to
get something off the top shelf?
heard that one a lot too
Seriously though Dickie
let us just hang out with our families all right?
we want to relax
Yeah, they're afraid of us!
that's what it is
We're afraid you might eat the ball
before we even start the game
Same old Higgins, he can
talk the talk, but he can't...
- I forget the rest
- Boo Ya!
We got Rob here with the bad foot
You can't do it right buddy?
I think if the Buzzer was here...
He'd want me to try
I think he'd want us all to try
Was that william Shatner?
All right, let's do this then
it's on!
Game to 21
Whoo!!
Hey, hey...come on
- Whoo Hoo!!
('Everyone's a Winner' by Hot Chocolate)
Guys,...look!
Ahh...!
Never could believe the things you do to me
I never could believe the way you are
Every day I bless the day
That you got through to me
'Cause baby I believe that you're a star
Well, well well if it isn't
the other black guy who grew up here
No, no, no...in this town, I'm the black guy
and you're the other black guy
No man, in this town I'm the black guy
When white people see me coming
in their store, they get scared
When white people see me coming
in their store they run, okay?
- Wow...
- Yeah, these are my white people...
go get your own white people
- You're crazy
Lucky shot
Defence...defence...defence
In your face!
Hey guys...Motion 78
Baby, it's amazing just how wonderful it is
How the things we like to do are just the same
Everyone's a winner baby that's true
Making love to you is such a thrill
Everyone's a winner, baby, that's no lie
You never fail to satisfy (satisfy)
Show me what you got
Say what..?
Hey "Y"...where's "M.C.A"?
Oh...he he
What the hell is that?
Sounds like owls having sex
- Robidoe, heads up!
- Ahh...!
Boo Ya!
You made me spill my freaking beer!
Honey, why does everything
always have to be about you?
Why do you always
have to be such a dink?
I can't do this anymore
I can't even breathe
I haven't felt my legs since the second quarter
Hey, do you want to fake injuries?
- You got it
Ohh!!
Oh, my God...I'm out of this game
- Oh!...I can't go on
- I got a slippery disc...oh it just slipped out
- Oh, hon...
I'm done, I'm done
This is ridiculous, somebody's
going to have a heart attack
What are you doing?
That's it?
- Darth Vader, let's go...sit down
Ooh is that a cannoli fron Vergillio's?
Did you seriously just
take your daughter's cannoli?
from Vergillio's, leave me alone
Love tough Daddy!
What do you say we bring my
son and your son into this?
Done!
- Greggie
- Me?...uh...
Come on baby, you can do this!
Hey Bailey?
And hey, somebody fill up that jug with
some Boss water, for the Hollywood kid
It's Voss, with a "V"
- Ooh Hoo...
Hey, would you mind if I touched your belly?
I love babies
I love to feel them kick
Yeah, go ahead
- Oh, thank you
That's not my baby, that's my boob
Oh, I like to feel of those too
- Hey!
Hey, no harm done
All right, 16 to 16
- Half court two on two...let's go
Hey, keep your feet
off the line this time please
- All right
- 19 - 16, let's go
Oh yes! it's raining threes on Hollywood
Your foot was on the line!
your foot was on the line!
It ain't raining threes...It's drizzling twos
It's all right, it's all right...good shot
That wasn't a three, his foot was on the line!
Next basket wins, let's go
Pump it Lenny!
Bank's open Dad!
He never misses that shot
Down goes Hollywood, down goes Hollywood
Down goes Hollywood!
Sorry Dad, we'll crush the next year
I'll work on my left when we get back to L.A.
That's my boy, come here
I love you
('Better Things' by The Kinks)
Here's wishing you the bluest sky
And hoping something better comes tomorrow
Hey Lenny, I thought you
never missed a bank shot
Yeah, well I just thought the Bailey's needed
to learn how to win every once in a while
and the Feder's needed to learn how to lose
- That was nice
- Yeah
Here's hoping all the days ahead
Won't be as bitter as the ones behind you
Lenny, hey man...I know you're bummed
about losing the game for us today
And you're drunk?
No!...Yes
Hey man, there's one thing
they'll never beat us at
What's this?
- Arrow roulette baby!
- Yeah, yeah
We are good at that
- All right everybody!
- What are you doing?
- Last one to stay in wins!
- No, no, no!!
Start running kids!
I hope tomorrow you'll find better things
I know tomorrow you'll find better things
I hope tomorrow you'll find better things
- A little help here, take me with you
Seriously?...you're going to leave me?
No...!
Ahh...! Haoww!!
We win again!
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 0.9.5.2
Deback fixed all the capital "I"s
and some spelling errors