Growing Op (2008) - full transcript

In an average American neighborhood, a family of four breaks all conformity making it difficult for their 18 year old son to fit in to society.

What the?

I, uh, I like your house!

It's roomy. It's very roomy.

Oh shit. Sorry!

Calm down, calm down.

#PLEASE KEEP OFF

THE GRASS#

#SOLD#

Hey Mom, Dad?

#GROWING OP#

Hey, hey bud!

These little Afghanis are loving

bat guano steeped with coffee,

So I'm going to move

them to a 18/6 cycle

Oh and don't forget to clone the Tasmanians,

they're going veg in a day or two

Dad, do we have to keep your bat

shit formula in the regular fridge?

Bud, it's just until harvest.

And for your information, that?s

primo guano imported from Malaysia.

One of these days, I'm gonna be tired

and I'm gonna drink it by accident!

Well, maybe you wouldn't

be so tired if you weren't

doing that whole

'gardening' thing on the side.

It's not a 'thing' Dad, it's my job. - The

suburban lawn is a nothing but a mutant

monoculture which bears

no resemblance to nature.

What is it? You need a raise in your

allowance? - I don't even spend what I have.

Quinn, there are a lot of kids your age

who would love to be in your situation

How do I know? I don't

know any other kids my age

Well try the internet It's a great way

for social exiles to find each other!

Alright my little baby,

I hope you're thirsty

Grow

Hi sweetie I?m just finishing up

my column, then we'll start.

Do you know where your sister is?

Home school There's no escape

Park it gently

Aristotle's conditions for change are

two opposed states of being

Such as X goes from being F

to being not F, or vice-versa.

Very insightful, Quinn. Yeah, I think that

just about does it for today, guys.

Mom, what, what's my grade?

Since when do you want a grade?

Yeah, Quinn Who needs grades?

Mom, you used to teach real school.

And I want to know what I'd get.

Well, the point of grades in real school

is unhealthy comparison

But if you want to compare,

here's a list of some more

exceptional people

who were home-educated.

Tennis Star Serena Williams.

Country singer Garth Brooks.

'Garth Brooks' Good God

- We're waiting to be impressed, Mom.

It's not to impress you.

It's to remind you that you're not alone.

Yeah well, misery loves company then.

Ok for tomorrow please identify and

sketch three cloud formations

And I suggest that you

get to it before supper

Class dismissed

So what's up your butt lately?

- Hope, you know, just leave me alone.

Why, are you gonna go masturbate?

Cause if that's what's up,

I'm cloud-sketching elsewhere.

Nothing's up Hope, except that I just turned

eighteen and I'm already a wanted criminal.

Yeah So?

No, I told you, I don't

want you guys selling to losers.

If you vouch for them,

fine, but if they stiff

us, they?re getting

their faces ripped off.

You too. Love ya, later. Bye.

I got altocirrus.

- NO WAY, I called altocirrus!

I'm already drawing the fucking convection

layers! I call below the troposphere.

Tough. She's all mine.

- Bring it, bring it.

Stop it. Hope I called that cloud

and that cloud called me back

I have stilettos.

- And I have altocirrus.

Jeez, Quinn. We could be

looking at this in a book.

Don't you ever feel like

you're missing something?

No bro, I hang out at that school

I see what those saps go through

Hope, I want to meet normal people

Quality people, who aren't

involved in the illegal drug trade

I'll try not to take that personally

- Jeez, is it wrong to be part of LIFE?

I mean ok, we're in

it but we're not in it!

All its because our parents.

Chill, man. We're not some crime op

with pit bulls and AKs

Mom and Dad are boutique dealers

Great. Maybe they'll give us all

'boutique' cells in prison.

Quinn, you want quality? There it is.

Dad's sweet new Mongolian hybrid.

Beautiful.

Yeah.

You fuckin brown-noser.

Are you done already?

It was easier in the country.

More space. Fewer distractions.

Hmm Like those police choppers

circling every other day?

I find that to be

pretty distracting, Diana

He needs a girlfriend.

- Then maybe he'd loosen up already.

Jeez, how did we ever bear

a kid that doesn't inhale?

Sure he's mine?

The only thing he knows about females

is from sexing our plants.

Maybe we should get him a hooker

Ahh, great idea

I don't want you to hurt yourself boys

but please be careful with that.

Marilla. They can handle that.

That's what we're paying them for.

I got it here.

Alright. Easy, easy.

Hi

- Hello

Uhm, I'm Quinn and I mow

some of the lawns around here.

How nice of you to offer

We're the Connors, from West Haven

Dr Charles Connors

And where do you live, Quinn?

- Oh just across the street.

Oh, I love the aubergine

trim around the windows

Charles, look!

- Marilla, we've discussed this.

We're not 'aubergine trim' people.

Hey, where do I put the good china.

Crystal.

Hi.

- Hi.

This is Quinn. He's offered to take

care of our grass. - Uh, your lawn.

Of course. - Crystal, the china

goes upstairs, as in, inside.

Hey um, d'you wanna

walk to school together tomorrow?

I still don't know where it is.

- Well.

Sure, okay.

Great I uh, I'll see you then.

I see your parents take

great pride in their property.

The only good weed is

a dead weed, I say.

Charles is fussy about appearances.

Burn them all, won't you?

Bag them and burn them to ash.

You know, my parents say

pretty much the same thing.

Welcome to the neighborhood

Thank you

Doctors, huh? From West Haven

I hear that in West Haven they

will flog you for chewing gum in public.

Well then, they'll keep to themselves.

That's good. - No, that's great

All these flamingo-worshipping

dolts keep to themselves

because that's all they

care about is themselves

They're not all dolts. - Most. You know,

you kids should be enjoying this.

There's almost no rebellion left.

- Not if I can help it, Dad!

I don't know what upsets me more, Missy

The fact that your street

sales are putting us at risk

or that your goods are

cut from my castoffs!

I wouldn't sell these to a frat house!

Quinn. You just guanoed

the same seedling twelve times.

Oh

Stop!

- You don't get it Hope. We clicked.

Bro, you're so deprived, you'd

probably click with a plush chair.

So what's the problem?

- Her parents are conservative types Hope.

They'll probably think we're a pack of new

age eco-lunatics, at best. - Well, we are

And when she goes to

school tomorrow, it's OVER

Some guy is gonna snap

her up in a nanosecond

Some quality guy who plays

sports and his family doesn't grow

dope or have bat shit cappuccino

in their fridge or a kid

sister running a CARTEL

from the back of her Jeep!

Some of those school boys are hot.

In a smelly-beast kinda way.

Yeah, you're screwed.

- You're a big help, Hope.

I don't get it. Are they related,

or are they dating?

They're related and they're dating

So she broke up with the other guy?

Mm Quinn, uh you better

put on some sunscreen

There's a bit of UV spillage

from the halide lamps

Uh how much is a bit dad?

Are we talking like a bit of cancer?

Less than sunlight. Well have to

re-fit the reflectors tomorrow.

You better put on a hat too??F??F

I just can't believe

people really live like this

Mom, The OC isn't a tragedy

- More like a horror movie

You don't wanna watch this

It's very toxic to you

Who's that?

It's probably just the new

neighbors from, oh SHIT!

Wood Sprites!

Wanna buy some cookies?

What is with these kids?

Take a goddamn hint already!

Well, the lights are on,

they think someone's home

Yeah but the plants in

here are in 12-hour light

phase. If we turn them off

it'll ruin their photosynthesis!

GO AWAY, PLEASE!

- Dad, they're just WOOD SPRITES!

Well, you look like big girls

Can't you read my sign?

Wel-come!

Well-thanks, but we're not interested

But everybody else on your street

is buying them. It's for a good cause

Ah So you're selling

conformity along with toxic

sugar treats? Well, did you

know that the Wood Sprites can

trace their insidious origins

back to Lord Baden-Powell, who

was not only a neo-facist, but

was also an infamous advocate of apartheid?

What? - Yeah Ask your mom.

And tell her that you'll just have

to peddle your little boxes

of bigotry elsewhere. Night- night!

Mom, what's apartheid?

Bryce, that was excessive

I know, but how can their

parents enroll them in a scam like that?

I mean, we don't sell poison to kids.

Why should they be allowed to sell it to us?

Uh, you know why I have

trouble making friends?

Look, if we're so freaked

out by Wood Sprites, how am I

supposed to ever connect

with people MY OWN SIZE!?

Wood Sprites are evil. They?re

a League of pint-sized little narcs.

I was a Wood Sprite

Yeah but you grew out of it

Quinn, no you gotta

leave some of the spurge

It gives the lawn natural character.

- It'll spread to the neighbors.

Hey, if a little character spread to the

neighbours that would be just fine.

Enjoy nine-to-five

hell, suckers

Spew as much CO into the

biosphere as you possibly can

Jeez, why is it that the smoke from that

thing is legal and ours isn't?

Hey, what's that smell?

New purifier.

Now the air from the house

goes through a state-of-the-art

re-odorizing filter

Mmmm Cherry blossoms

We still smell like skunk, Dad

If you're looking for it.

Think of it more as

Jerry Garcia's bubble bath

Great

Now be thankful bud. High

school is the nursery

for all of this

Hey Wanna walk to school together?

Sure I'll walk with you, but I,I

don't go to school. - You don't?

Oh, but I'm not stupid or anything

I am something but I, I don't,

I don't go to school, at school.

Really. - Well, it's just my

parents They don't believe

in they, they don't

want me institutionalized

Oh my God You're like!

OH NO I'm not like that I'm not

No, I don't mean institutionalized

as in 'mental' I mean, well sure,

sure I can act crazy sometimes but

who doesn't and I really just had a

bad case of the flu.

It was uh, oh it was the bird flu

- Oh I hear that's bad.

No, no, I'm better now

Crystal, I'm very healthy!

Well, you look healthy.

- Thanks. Thank you.

So do you.

I'm gonna get a ride with my dad.

Hey, I thought you weren't coming!

I think it's time I've

missed quite a few classes

Good because I'm totally

lost and late for my first

period. Do you know

where uhm B 241- is?

Sure It's, uh, it's that way

And then that way You hang a left

And there should be uh, stairs

Go right Right Go upstairs, right

Yeah that's a lot of stairs.

- Where is it, on the roof?

You really can't miss it.

- Okay, I?ll see ya later.

Okay.

What can I do for you Quinn?

Drop slip? Multiple F's?

I'd like to know how I, how I go about,

going to school here.

Great. Okay. We're talking next year?

No, actually I'd like to start today

Oh, did you just recently move here?

- A few months ago.

Okay, well. Let's see we need a

transcript from your former school,

birth certificate, health records and

your parents need to come in

- Do my parents have to?

Yes. They need to sign

your admission docu...

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. What are you doing?

I can't, this is a bad idea

Wa, wait Wait, wait

You get me health and birth records

I'll see if I can get you

in with an equivalency test

And my parents?

Most new kids get dragged

in here by their folks

Never had one come in on his own before

Must be a Halley's Comet year

Why are the police here?

Ah they're looking for drug sales. We've

had a real problem with that lately.

Mom?

- In the grow room.

I have a birth certificate, don't I?

Tell me you have some real

official PROOF that I exist!

Of course you exist, sweetie

And you don't need an official

document to say that you do

We're not North Korea!

I am not signing anything

No son of mine is going to high school!

I'm old enough to decide myself.

- Quinn, you have no idea how lucky you are.

You're getting a first rate

education from your mother

who is a certified teacher

- Mom, I love learning from you I do, but.

What more do you expect and why now?

- Because it's my LAST CHANCE!

I mean, I spend more time

talking to these damn PLANTS

than I do to people my own age!

- But Quinn, the cost

What those idiots are gonna

do to your mind. - Rote learning.

They'll teach you to

memorize, not understand

They will erode your innate

reasoning skills. - Exactly

Why would you ever want

to leave this healthy,

oxygen-rich learning environment

to go breathe recycled

farts all day in a concrete

coffin for your mind?

I don't know that sharing

a bedroom with Aunt Mary

and chain smoke is exactly

a healthy environment

Quinn, modern education

produces specialized workers

for a technical society

that is structured on an exploitative

labor model that hasn't evolved

since the Industrial Revolution.

Do you understand?

- Yes I understand but...

He understands

- Do you know most kids your age wouldn't

have a clue what we just said?

You're much too special

to be specialized

People go to high school, okay.

Decent people and I've met them.

Who are the 'decent people'?

Pol Pot went to high school

George Bush went to high school!

- YOU and MOM went to high school!

Your mom thinks that these

patio lanterns are better

for our cover than lawn gnomes

Personally I?m uh inclined to disagree

Yeah like the welcome mat?

Exactly

Alaskan Thunder Fuck

Most nuanced smoke this side of paradise

Too complex to be engineered

Can't be cloned.

My personal stash.

Quinn, we didn't move

here just for the anonymity

And, it wasn't just because we were made.

- What else is there?

I felt that it was the

ultimate test for all of us

to be able to live with them

but never have to be them

Because I was for awhile.

You were?

- In the eighties. Big money.

Junk bonds. Low interest. Everyone

was borrowing, acquiring.

It was all very persuasive

And even though your granddad

was the best grower in the

country,

I took a job in the market

Everyone my age was doing

it and getting rich legally

By the time everyone

realized that it was all based

on a false valuation of

the world's corporate worth

We lost everything.

So what happened?

- You were just born.

We lived in a van with leaky exhaust

Your mother would check

on you every two minutes

to make sure you were still breathing

I lost myself out there.

I followed.

Dad, I'm not following anybody.

Just know, that your mother

and I aren't middle-aged

criminals? taking our

children out for a thrill ride.

It's our freedom, bud.

It's our nature

Yours too

Whatever you do, don't risk that

Don't worry, Dad I won't

God I hate these lights

This is disgusting.

- Hope, a little privacy please.

Trust me I'm saving your life

Nerd. Nerd. Preppy scum.

Disaster.

- I bought this one special.

No. Quinn, wear this.

- No, I want to make a good impression.

Okay then well if anyone

asks, you're an only child!

Fine by me. Take this.

- Fuck off!

The books will be dry,

but you're going to ace the

sciences and I will help

with math as best I can

You look great. Like, the mall.

- Thanks mom

I made you a tahini and honey sandwich.

Mom. Mom. It's okay.

Oh, don't let them brain-wash you.

- I won't Mom.

You're the best teacher I

ever had and ever will have

So, uh I'll start on the enrollment

And, for now, you can use school facilities

to study for your equivalency exam.

Thank you, sir.

Mr Slack

You must sign the attendance sheet

If you do not sign the sheet,

you lose library privileges

Signing the sheet for

another student is prohibited

The sheet is located on my

desk under the plastic apple

Mr Kravitz you signed

the sheet you must be

here

Lenny Lenny Kravitz

Will you please identify yourself?

Then Fern goes 'Since you and Phil are just

friends, can I ask him to the prom?'

She's so dreaming.

- Well hello!

Did you see that porn she

wrote on his wall? Dirty slut.

I'm a COW on Facebook I don't need new

photos, I need a new face.

No worries! I know this doctor who

gives botox injections to minors.

Botullin Toxin A was actually first

used to treat cross-eyedness.

My mom, she calls it 'facade-omy'.

Facade' o-me?

Kravitz? Lenny Kravitz?

If someone signed in

for Mr Lenny Kravitz,

it's AGAINST THE RULES,

which clearly state

that no student may sign in for another!

GOD, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU KIDS!?

What's going on, is he okay?

Hey, they're trying to

give him a nervous breakdown

It's kinda their

project before graduation

So why are they trying to give him

a nervous breakdown? - Because he's there.

Just try to stay off their radar.

Speaking of radar, can you

tell me how to find B241.

Up your ass and take a left.

Psst! Hey.

Hey.

Uh, what are you doing?

We're germinating seeds and recording

the various effects. I'm eating them.

I know a bit about seeds I could help

Really? That would be great because

my lab partner is a total distraction.

Hey hall rat I know what

you're thinking man but,

that's not your cheese.

Whoa, whoa. You okay?

How's your first day going?

- Well, I think I could go to biology class.

Well no, for legal reasons, we can't

really do that until you're enrolled.

Once you pass the exam, we'll set you up.

By then, she'll be set up.

Crystal? Hey so where are you going?

Home.

- Yeah? Me too. Neighbour.

Well, you know what they say about the

boy next door. - Oh yeah? Well what's that?

He's usually a serial killer.

So what's your dark secret?

- Me? There's no secrets. Like none at all.

Damn. That is boring.

So, you like Teenage Head?

- I LOVE THAT BAND!

Ohh yeah, me too. - They're so cult, like

this hidden treasure I have all their music!

I've got the original vinyl

- Get out! Really?

Hey lab partner!

Hey, hop in I'll give you a ride home.

You guys don't know each other?

- Na.

Well, Phil Steadman, class

president, this is... - Quinn. Hi.

?Queen'?

- No. It's Quinn. Like the Mighty Quinn.

Checkerboard shirt with camo pants?

It?s such a cry for help

Hey Crys, will you

sign my chastity pledge?

No sex till prom party

I'm raising money for Unicef.

- You want a ride too, man?

Yo, Mansteed, this is the exec limo,

not a fuckin bookmobile. Not cool.

So what?s up with, you

know your sailor suit?

Nothing?s up I got

practice for the musical

But I still kick ass!

Hey, I just remembered.

I gotta go to the guidance

counselor to talk about

college interviews. I'll see ya

We'll be seeing you, Quinn.

Yeah. Cool.

Cool.

There's something fucking wrong about

the hot New Girl and the

loser New Guy hitting it off

They're completely ignoring our

social structure.

I KNOW who he is! He's that freaky

Boo Radley guy that mows our lawn!

You need a thing bro.

- What thing?

Jocks have sports Nerds

have mental superiority

And stoners have hot

knives and metal shop

Without a 'thing', you're

gonna be shunned by all

You've never even been inside Hope.

- With my network of sales agents,

I don't have to I have

a perfect perspective

On what? - High school, dick wad.

It's a jungle in there.

I'll protect you If I can

You're my little sister, Hope.

Little sister.

And you're like Bambi with a bazooka.

If you compromise me or the clan,

I'm cutting you loose Do you hear me?

Compromise you?

- To paraphrase Aristotle Quinn,

Don't fuck with my good life.

- Hope, there are COPS in that school

because someone,

god-only-knows-who-is selling

Cops shmops You're what scares me

Fine Fine Fine

I can handle this my own way

You are so meat.

Hey. - These are for you!

- Really? How sweet!

They're wild. Those are mums,

that?s purple butterfly

and those are daisies so you

don't have to pick the school's.

Hey you should know some

people are talking about you.

Talking about what? - Philip said he

saw you peeping in his window

But I said that was impossible

because you had the bird flu

Case of mistaken identity.

Right?

Right. Mistaken identity. That.

- I'm so relieved you're not a pervert!

Me too. Talk about dark secrets!

- I never trust gossip.

At my last school, there were

rumors I was a nymphomaniac.

How awful for you.

- Yeah.

Dude, you smell GOOD!

It smells like a big spliff

Hey man, are you holding or what?

Let's hold him up from his toes.

Shower's right through there. Unfortunately,

the school doesn't supply towels so

I'll air-dry, sir

It's more eco-friendly

It's more friendly

You just like wearing makeup.

And that sailor suit. HMS Pina-Fag.

They needed a baritone bitch.

Anyone have any extra pants?

Oh my God! Quinn?

- It's not how it looks!

Some guys stole my clothes.

I'm not a pervert or anything! Really.

Soooo, college interviews going well?

Crystal, would you excuse us?

- Yep. Definitely.

Kids around here are pretty devious

I wouldn't trust anyone with my gym gear.

- Thank you, sir.

Make sure you pass the test, Quinn

I wouldn't want to lose her either

I said family meeting ten minutes ago

I don't have time for a family meeting.

I've only got TWO days left to study.

There's always time for family

And, this is rather important

We've had another outbreak

of aphids on our crop

Oh no! Dad, you don't mean?

- Yes. I've had to release the ladybugs.

Last time they were

crawling everywhere for weeks

Quinn we don't use pesticides here.

And besides ladybugs are our FRIENDS.

They're magical

Friends On the social

scale of Embarrassment,

ladybugs are a TEN.

- Yes.

Why don't we just leave

the house for awhile?

That's a great idea We

let these guys get started

and you two can help me

collect bat guano at the park

Oh honey that's a great idea.

- Our shame goes to eleven.

When they're crawling in

my bed they're a little more than friends.

You'll never get em all I'm crashing at

my safe house til their cycle runs out

As if it isn't hard enough

trying to make friends,

real friends, now I gotta

deal with these ladybugs

Quinn, build your peeps one at a time.

And remember the first rule of sales.

Which is?

- 'Only flow to those you know'

Kids, time for Dark phase!

- I'm not done studying!

Quinn, you can't!

Those are Dad's prize

clones from Chiapas, Mexico

I don't care. Hasta la vista.

- It's your Mexican revolution.

G'night, you guys I love you!

- I love you too!

Hear that? They love you

What do you think you're doing?!

- I thought you might want company.

Look into my eyes, man!

I'm a teen psychopath! Can't you tell?

I've never seen one up close.

- Only thing that keeps those bullies off

of my back is that my brooding bitterness

might set me off on a shooting spree.

You won't really, though.

Will you?

Who knows. But if you sit with me,

you're be marked like me.

But it's just lunch, eating

If you can get her

you'll be marked like a fucking hero

...silver.

- Hey not too much off that stalk.

You just cut off a good bud, Bud!

So much to memorize. My eyes hurt.

Hey well don't forget

to feed the Mexicans.

If you can take five showers

a day you can water a few plants.

You know when I was your

age I had 20 plants to take care of.

What a tired curriculum

It's a recipe for mind control

Quinn, is it really worth it?

It's for me.

- It's for you?

Hey, I don't know if you've noticed,

but we're not exactly an open house here

Hi

It's the girl across the street

What are you doing here?

- Uhm, before I forget, here.

Thank you.

- Do you want to study together?

I mean, I know you're in catch-up mode,

and I'm trying to get my

grades up for college so.

Sure. Yeah, I'd love to

study, study, with you.

Can we do it at your place?

Ours is a real mess right now.

Yeah, I'll check with my parents

I'll grab my books.

- Okay.

Our house is not messy. If anyone

can operate a full-scale indoor farm

and a home and do better...

- The answer to your question, Mom, is Yes.

It's VERY worth it.

We'll call at intermission.

But we could be back at any time.

Don't worry, Dad Quinn

has a major test tomorrow

You have a major test tonight.

- Yes sir.

So, what chemistry are they

teaching you kids these days?

Actually sir, it's a bit obsolete

What does this note mean?

'Feed Mexicans'

Foster children. We have foster

children Little Mexicans.

And uhm, we, mail them food

How sweet Now kids I want

you to stay downstairs

because we're painting the upper floors

Yes The fumes are suffocating

They're nice.

Can you believe my

parents locked the liquor cabinet?

They're scared we'll get drunk and have sex

cause they haven't had any in years

None in years? Must be really tough

Anyway my parents don't

even like me drinking coffee,

even though they knock back like a

bottle of wine a night each. Yours?

Uh, they have, their vices

The coffee's good.

- I drink it to piss 'em off.

I'd even get suspended again just to see

them get excited about something.

You got suspended?

- From my last school.

It's kind of hard to

hide a joint in your kilt, you know?

I bet. - Anyway, my Dad's

like 'I'm not paying

for private school education anymore,

blah blah blah, so we moved.

Here?

Hey! You don't have any, do you?

Uhm, Any what?

- Any weed, you dork.

Oh, wh-what makes you

think I do, I would?

I dunno. You seem like a misfit.

- I do?

Yeah but, in a good way.

You know like. No one really knows you.

You're like a mystery man.

- Mystery's kinda my thing.

I could really use a hit right now

But I can't keep any because my anal parents

search my room every fuckin' day

Well I don't have any.

- It's probably a good thing.

It makes me totally horny. - I think, on

second thought, I might know someone.

They moved away

Hey! I bet Philip could hook us up.

- Philip?

He says he's connected

and I know he's this weird,

preppy A student and his dad's

this influential lawyer, he's

got the goods.

Not tonight okay?

What? You don't wanna have some fun?

I don't want your parents

to move you away again

Me neither

You're gonna ace it I know it

I just want you to know that

my palms don't always sweat this much

Okay

Good luck

Yeah, hi I need a strategy session

I ca, I can't do it

- Why not?

Sir, I've never had grades before.

I don't know how to memorize.

I'm gonna have to tell Crystal I failed

and my dad, he's probably gonna be happy.

Your dad would be happy you failed?

I wasted your time and I'm sorry.

- A kid comes to me without records.

Maybe he's got a

history he's not proud of

I don't see a kid who wastes time

I see someone who wants

to stand on his own

Or fall on his face. - No I see

someone who's ready for a test of life.

Of character Someone who's strong enough

to overcome whatever it is in

his past, make a fresh start

Let's take the shot, shall we?

Begin

Alright, listen up guys

If that weed whacker gets

enrolled here, he's gonne

be in my face everywhere

He's already working my prom date.

Options. - Well, your general

popularity makes you a shoo-in

for valedictorian, but

maintaining image, is so key.

Yeah well I better still be valedictorian,

or my dad's not gonna pay for law school.

So overt aggression is out.

- Damn!

I say rat-fuck him socially.

- His parents are soooo weird.

My kid sister is a Wood Sprite

and they scared her half to death.

My mom sees his mom at the mall

His mom shuts her eyes

and has some kinda seizure

every time she passes Baby Gap

Weird or what!

- Alright, alright. This is good.

Drop your pencil, Quinn

I hear rumours he's got

a sister who's a call girl

She talk about some guy named Aristotle

Must be her pimp

Good work people.

Now listen, let's get more.

What the?

GUYS DUDE!

The uh, the amount of

work you had to cover

in a short time was a lot

Maybe I just got caught in up trying to

graduate one more student.

Came up a little short

Of one HUNDRED, my young friend!

Attaboy! Woo! HOLA!

Way to go, Dumbass

Everything Aced the science

like the back of my hand, Mom!

Honey! We passed!

Oh well, I'm glad

somebody's having a good day

These Alaskan clones aren't

taking Too complex for me

We have a beautiful celebration

dinner planned for you tonight!

Sorry Mom I forgot to tell you I?m

invited to Crystal's place for dinner

Bud, your mom and I have

been working on this all day

Let's do it tomorrow okay?

Cool. Cool.

We should know better

Living things break ground

They flourish, flower,

only to be cut down

Quinn?

Oh, no no no no no

Dad what are you doing here?

What happened to the Mexicans?

I dunno. Maybe they picked

up irregularities in the,

you know, the PH levels or...

- When did this arrive?

We're invited. - Maybe you forgot to

put 'No Invitations' on the door.

It says that 'You and Your Parents are

cordially invited to dinner tomorrow'.

Dad you're kidding? - Well maybe

your mother and I would like to.

Since when? All you do

is make fun of everyone

who lives around us. You don't

even know what's black or white.

We are the bad guys dad.

I prefer to think of myself in shades

of gray, thank you very much.

How are you feeling Marilla?

I must have picked up

a touch of flu somewhere

I'm a tad nauseous

I?m famished I haven't had

too much appetite in the past few days.

I told you we should've postponed.

Perhaps we should go to the hospital.

Oh wow. The hospital. - Well there's

something 'wow' worthy about that?

Uh, no I've never, I've just

never been to a hospital before.

Not even when you had the Bird Flu?

- You had what?!

Don't do it Bryce

I figured it out He's troping

You introduce an artificial light source,

and everything bends to it

Well maybe we should bend with him

I won't let him be ashamed of us

Well, you're on your own

Quinn, when you were born, you

must've been in a hospital then

Mom, would you just let him eat?

- Oh no, actually, I was born at home.

Oh dear Was it an emergency?

So you were a, natural birth?

Natural child birth is reckless

There is no reason why the

process can't be made as safe

and pain-free as possible!

Dad delivers babies.

Dad would you just let him eat please?

Well I was so young at the time

no one asked me which one I preferred

And what do your parents do, Quinn?

Yes, what DO they do, besides breed

in a septic environment?

Would you PLEASE just let him eat

like a normal human being?

They, they have a uh,

they have a home-based

business

Well, it's too bad they couldn't join us

Yeah I know But they've

uh, they've had theatre

tickets for ages

Tell us more about them

So Mom, Quinn's uhm

planning on going to university.

Why don't you ask him about that?

Excuse me

So what are you planning

on studying at university?

I was thinking of

being guidance counselor

Or maybe a doctor

Oh no, no

Hey neighbor!

I brought dessert.

Creme brule

Interesting uhm texture

Kinda tingly.

- Tingly.

My wife sends her apologies,

she would have loved to

have joined us but she

was feeling a bit tired.

Did you enjoy the theatre?

- Oh, I plan to.

Didn't you see a show tonight?

Yes, of course We saw

a production of 'Hair'

I didn't know it was running.

It?s a little early for a show to get out?

It was a shortened production

They should have called it 'Hair-Cut'

Quinn tells us that your family

sponsors children in Mexico

We don't see them that much

because they don't visit

Such a long way

And I'm sure it's very difficult

for them to cross the border.

You could most definitely say that

So you're Crystal

My son has told me a lot about you

Really? Cuz he's told

me nothing about you

I'm sorry Sorry 'Hair-Cut'

Hair-cut

Suddenly struck me as funny

Never apologize for laughter Marilla.

It is the sweetest sound there is.

And your creme brule.

Is wonderful.

Well it's an old family recipe.

Were we going to the uh, hospital?

I don't think we decided.

- Are you sure?

That we didn't decide?

- Perhaps we should. - Decide?

No. Go to the hospital.

- Maybe you should go to the hospital.

How funny feet are!

I've always thought so, Marilla.

I can't decide though

Is it just my feet or is

everybody's feet funny Charles?

Do we have spiders?

- Spiders?

Don't you see the spider webs?

There's spiders up there!

Wait awhile. They'll go away.

- We have ladybugs. They're not going away

What about the spiders?

- Who cares?

I want you to look at my feet

and tell me they're lovely.

They're lovely.

I thought we were weird

My parents are SO loose for a change.

They must really like you.

We'll see ourselves out, goodnight.

- Well, everybody seems relaxed.

Misson accomplished.

- RELAXED? Was that relaxing for me?!

I used a mild sinsemilla.

Classy buzz. Subtle undertones.

Mild makes it alright, huh?

Bud, we could've thrown

some Afghani-Durban at em,

they'd be naked dancing right now!

Her mom is sick!

- Yeah, she is better now.

You know there's more poison in

grocery store pie than in our dessert!

Stop saying 'our' and 'we'!

I had NOTHING to fucking DO WITH THIS!

Whoa!

I'm so sorry Mr Dawson. - Mom and Dad,

don't usually go to bed this early.

Ah it's quite alright I'm sure they?re

going to sleep very well tonight.

Good night, Dad.

Good night Crystal.

It was a pleasure meeting you.

Good night

You okay?

Yeah

My parents have been on

the verge of divorce for

years Try living with

that kind of pressure

I can understand pressure

Hey, you wanna know a secret?

I had sex with a girl once.

- You like girls?

I wouldn't do it again, but you know

It was an honest thing

More honest than my parents ever had

Your turn

- For what?

Tell me something about

you I would never expect

You know something you've

never told anyone, just me.

What's the rush?

Shouldn't we take our time?

Well, I dunno after

grad, we may not see each

other again This could

be our only chance

I thought you liked me mysterious.

- Yeah, it was intriguing at first.

But you know, if we're gonna be close,

we should be able to talk

to each other about anything,

right?

What if there was something

about the boy next door?

I knew it! I knew it!

Please? What?

Tell me!

I, don't know if I can

If you trust me, I will trust you.

With everything.

Come with me to the prom

Then I'll tell you

It means that much to you to go with me?

Yeah

Did I, did I do something?

That's just it

Some things are worth waiting for

Notice to all students regarding

our recent ladybug infestation

There is no need for panic. These insects

are harmless, and proper measures are now

being taken to make

sure they're eradicated

The negative PH in the

control soil isn't balanced

for acidity transfer from air

Plus, the oxygen rating for

this room is lower than necessary

to support photosynthetic

food construction But with

the additions of nitrates or

dolyimetric or calcic

limestone, plus a half unit of 0,5 PH.

There you go

Hey. Since you're so good in biology man,

you must already know.

Know what?

- That I'm taking Crystal to Prom.

The best boy always takes the best girl

It's for the good of

the species. You dig?

I doubt that Darwin was referring to

the Riverview High prom.

For your own best interest

you gotta get out of my way.

Or you will get destroyed.

- How presidential of you.

See, around here man,

family means everything

And I happen to know that you're coming

from an entire family

of like, real strange-os

You want the whole school to find out?

Well, I doubt I'm the only one with

a mildly-dysfunctional.

Yeah yeah I bet you're

the only one whose Dad's

een seen collecting bat

shit from the parkette!

So you just gotta get lost again

Alright Quinn? Or you're

the one getting buried.

Maybe we shouldn't

I don't think I'm really welcome

Quinn, it's the last

party before grad week

Everyone is welcome!

Come on.

So what if I'm a bitch, right

I had a good teacher, right? My mom

Your mom is SO fucking my dad

Hello! Your dad is a total SKEEZE!

Once I caught him jerking

off watching Degrassi!

We're just having a Parent-Bash

We're going clock-wise,

which means you're next,

or is it that way? Yay! I'm

finally getting the SPINS!

I am SO going to throw up soon!

- You're happy about that?

DUH! So I can fit into

a smaller prom dress

God, you're lost!

Hey, Quinn it's your turn

Well, my dad's a pain at times.

But mostly, my parents are sorta cool.

No he can't be for real

Hey d'you wanna go get a drink?

Did I say something wrong? Cuz

No What you said took guts

Hey Quinn Come as you are, huh?

You first, mansteed.

- Dude, where are your manners?

I say, the prettiest

girl in school goes first

What is that?

Dude It's weed, man!

You don't smoke? What

fucked-up planet are you from?

No It's Jack Flash

Okay, what?

- A derivation, really.

A Bolivian strain crossed with Nepalese

Heavy on top, not peaky

Long-lasting, but a bumpy

comedown cut like this

Whoa, I dig it!

For a real high, check

out Afghani-Durban

The textures are sublime.

It's like inhaling silk.

Shit You're makin? that up!

Yeah It's just weed

This man knows his smoke!

- How do you know all that?

Just read about it somewhere

Do you know scientists have

found a receptor for THC on brain cells?

Humans and cannabis have evolved

together since the dawn of

time Which means society's

attempts to curb nature are not

only misguided but also futile?

Far-fuckin-out,

man!

I heard about that I

thought it was a rumour

I'll be right back

I get high just listening to him

Nice performance, DICKHEAD!

- I'm trying to make an impression.

As a weed expert?!

I can flow to my peeps because

of my financial hold on them

These jerks are NOT your peeps!

Hope, this toilet seat is wet

This can not be your thing bro.

I can't go to Juvie.

I would not look hot

in a lime-green jumpsuit

How come it can be your

thing but not my thing?

My 'thing' is never selling

direct to these drunken

dolts Quinn, they don't

even know my real name

It's not how I thought it'd be. - Will you

keep shut about the 'peaky comedown crap'

You sound like Dad.

- I do?

Here Better dry your ass, Mr Cool

Bend over!

- Hope.

Here I'll help you

D'you wanna go out looking

like you pissed yourself?

I got guests about to puke!

Whoever's banging in my bathroom I swear.

Hey, everyone! Check this out!

We were just talking.

- Yeah I should fuckin' hope so.

It's not that. She's my sister

- Hell I am. I'm not his sister

I didn't know you had a sister.

He's locked in the

bathroom with HIS SISTER?!

See? I TOLD you he was a perv!

It must run in the family too.

His dad abused some little Wood Sprites.

He's from a whole TRIBE of like FREAKS!

And his sister! His sister

even dresses like a call girl!

Fuck you.

- Oh, you wanna hear more? Huh?

How about mom and dad?

You all see Daddy-poo collecting bat shit.

From the parkette. - Listen to me blondie,

he might be a freak but he's no

pervert, and he's definitely my brother.

You preppy DICK!

Boys, we're going

I find out you have a sister

after she punches out my friend!

Your friend' has had it in for me

since the day I came to school!

Yeah and when did you

come to school, Quinn?

Came back, I mean. - It seems like

you've had the bird-flu for like ten years.

And how could you do people's gardening

when you're so sick you can't go to school?

Okay. Maybe I wasn't that sick.

Yeah well if you lied about that,

maybe you do peep in people's windows!

No Crystal I wanted to

see what a normal house

looked like inside

I thought you were different

You know that you weren't

full of the usual bullshit and lies.

But I guess you are.

Normally, we don't involve

parents in an incident

like this, a party off school grounds

But Quinn is new, and

I thought it'd be good

for us to meet. I understand

you have a daughter?

Tell me. What qualifies a person

to offer 'guidance' to young people?

Dad!

I'm curious if certification

from a college that's

most famous for its 'bitchin

keg parties' is enough

that a parent would turn over

the future of his child to a

limited athlete desperate

to relive his glory

among minds at the level as his own?

DAD! - 'Limited'?

- You said it, not me.

I'm very sorry sir, and I promise that

this will not happen again. Ever.

Hey! It's the Smoke!

- Smoke Man! Lookin yummy!

Thanks for dropping by.

What was that all about?

I get this home visitation

from Jocky Mc Jockerson

And then I find out that

you're The Smoke Man!

Look, I didn't mean to

but, it'kinda my thing now

Oh well you know you're 'thing'

going to get us into a whole lotta trouble.

Quinn how many times have I told you not

to have people over here unannounced?

Know what? He showed up on his own

because he actually gives a shit about me.

Oh, what are you implying? That I don't?

- I mean what the fuck do we have Dad?

Not the family business. We don't have

that in common. And not sports.

I mean we never even

play a game of catch

Oh, I'm sorry I didn't indoctrinate

you into all the macho bullshit.

You want me to go get some

father-son crossbows or something?

No, you know what's bullshit, Dad? YOU!

Because you couldn't hack the real world,

you not only screwed up your own

life but your kids' lives too!

Well, guess what? Not mine.

No. You know what? Not mine

Not anymore!

Whoa Hey Bud, if we get made over this,

we have to evacuate

this house immediately

There'll be no time for saying

goodbye to all your friends

Then I guess I'll wave

Lenny, Lenny, Lenny

Lenny, Lenny Kravitz?

Would you please identify yourself?!

Just ONCE, before the school year ends

What's that smell?

Is that a cigarette?

Is someone SMOKING?

That's a marijuana cigarette!

PUT IT OUT! FOR GOD'S SAKE, PUT IT OUT!

My wife smoked them!

She left me for some hairy, lead

singer in a Guess Who cover band!

I haven't been able to

listen to the radio since 1986!

I HATE YOU BURTON CUMMINGS!

WHERE IS IT?!

I can't take this!

I can't!

Sir?

I'm, I'm Lenny Kravitz.

It's so good to finally meet you.

Ah man.

Mrs Fern leaning over that jar.

Anyone got any extra pants?

Hey Smoke, just thought you should know

I'm getting D's!

Oh You need some tutoring?

Silly! D-Cups Silicone implants

It's a grad present from my Mom

So, got a prom date yet?

Hey Smoke, I thought you

were goin' with Crystal?

I'm going to the prom with Philip.

- You can't. He's an asshole!

You've never been honest with me

I don't even know who you are

Crystal, it's still me.

I'm just more normal now.

I don't know if there's

anything normal about this Quinn.

I thought it's what you wanted and

what your parents wanted.

Maybe it's what they want.

Just, look have a nice life, okay?

Crystal, don't! PLEASE

Maybe you should just stay away

WAIT!

If I'm totally honest with

you, will you change your mind?

I don't know

Then I'm going to show you

Everything

We're losing him

It?s just a crush It's the age

It'll pass, we know that

It'll blow over

None of this is worth

losing our children for

No high-minded principle

is worth losing one Quinn

Or one Hope. - Is it worth risking

everything that we've built, for what?

The girl next door?

For love

You and I have never

left each other behind

Crystal means a lot to him

I know how that feels

Then you finally know your son

Mom Dad?

Can we talk?

It's time we did.

- Come here baby.

Hey bud

I'm, trying not to hurt you.

- I've got one for you, too.

Oh Quinn, I picked this from the garden

and it'll compliment

her dress much nicer

Mom, maybe I should just wear Quinn's

- No, we can't have our little girl looking

anything but perfect

But he...

- It doesn't matter either way

As long you're beside me

Recording for posterity

It's going to be a wonderful night!

And if she's not home by 12,

that tux will look fine at your funeral.

Where are you taking me?

A promise is a promise,

right? Remember what you said

about the boy next door

having a dark secret

Well, I'm not a serial killer

Hello, Crystal It's so

great to finally meet you

Hi

We met at the party

Uh, what are?

Crystal, this is awkward

and we have a bit of

situation here

But we know that if Quinn trusts you,

then we trust you

We can trust you, right?

- Yeah.

Because, even though we

have no affiliation with

organized crime,we do have

ways to guarantee your silence.

Bryce!

- I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

He's kidding

Oh it's uhm really humid in here

You get used to having jeans cling

But we're very clean. - Yeah not like those

other grow ops that you read about.

Okay! Let's take some pictures

- Pictures. - Yeah Go on, inside.

Quinn do I have this in the right setting?

- Yeah just use the flash. - Okay got it.

Okay everybody, get a

little bit closer together

Crystal, did you know that Quinn was

breast-fed until he was five and a half?

No I wasn't.

- Yes you were.

Say 'my cheese'

- My cheese!

Okay, that's great. - Is there a bathroom

where I could go just to freshen up?

Through there First

door after the kitchen

Thanks

You think she's cool?

- I don't know yet.

Well, you said that she smokes a bit

so if she rats on us then it's tit for tat.

Dad, there's a difference between having the

occasional beer and living in a brewery.

I know what this means.

Thank you.

Is it okay if I get a drink?

This heat is making me really thirsty.

Great iced coffee, Mrs Dawson!

Oh shit

You're gonna want these.

Can he hear us?

Hey Driver Wanna threesome?

He can't hear us HOLY SHIT!

OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

That is SO huge!

- More mints?

How could you keep this from me?

Oh my God, now it all makes sense!

Is it okay?

You trust me this much?

I love you this much.

- Well would you?

If you ever found anything

this big out about me?

Of course. - Y'know, prom is going to be

pretty anti-climactic after this.

That's for sure

But we could do something

to make it a little more memorable.

Hello I?ll be adding you

to my exceptional persons list.

Yeah, right under Garth Brooks

Well done, sir

I gotta find Crystal

I gotta find a drink!

I haven't been to a high

school in twenty years

I wish I could've waited longer. - Don't

worry mom, I'll spare you this trauma.

Hi

I'm sorry.

- What for?

You're coming with me Quinn

- What's goin' on? What's going on?!

What's going?! Dad?

Please remain calm.

- Quinn. Just do what they say.

Dad! Mom!

Fascists! We shall overcome!

What's going on? That's

one of my students

Back off Police.

- Dad! Dad!

Police. - Let's see some ID.

- Here's some fuckin' ID

I'm sorry. Tell me something

about you I would never expect.

So I was wondering if you

wanted to study together?

See? I knew I was the best boy!

Happy graduation, Bud

We call it 'Corsage Cam'

Quinn, we'd like to help you continue

down the road you started.

Or we'll make sure you spend

the next five years in adult prison.

We don't need your statement.

But it'd be much better for

you if you'd tell us in your own words.

Yes, tell us how you put your

filthy hands all over my DAUGHTER!

Charlie!

She's not really his daughter

He goes undercover, he gets carried away

Where is she?

- That's not important now.

What's important is your future, Quinn

If you want to go to college,

we can help arrange that

Based on these arrangements

I can almost believe it

Building an air-tight case takes time,

and we had to make certain

the plants were in the house

But there's more to it than that.

We've been watching

you a long time, Quinn

Not just your dad, but you

Yes, this is one of the

major busts of the year

But I also saw it as a rescue operation

You belong in our family

I want to talk to Crystal.

Are you police?

I'm a grad student in criminology

They tapped me because I look young

I didn't know it would

be this hard.

Well I feel bad for you.

- Don't hate me It was my job.

Crystal. Is that your real name?

I feel like we're gonna be intimate

now, and before I give you my

'total honesty', maybe I should

know your fucking REAL NAME!

It is Crystal. - So are you the

good cop or the bad cop

or the 'let's make it

memorable in the limo' cop?

What happened, wasn't supposed to happen

I threw the corsage out

the window, remember?!

It seemed sexy at the time

I messed up. And I got

into a lot of trouble.

But I am not sorry

That makes one of us

I felt a real connection

to you and then,

I mean it just made everything else

so much more difficult you know?

I tried to quit and they

wouldn't let me because,

you know it was for your good

How could you play with me?

How could you.

I thought I was helping

to catch bad people

You know and then I met you

and your parents and you guys

were you were nothing

like what I expected

Then, I dunno, after all this,

I don't even know, I don't know

WHERE I belong

- I just

I know you did this

'cause you care about me

And I can't stop caring just

because I'm supposed to stop

I know

How's Mom?

- Mom's fine. She taught high school,

which, as we all know, is

much worse than any prison

Hope? They don't know

I suspect that Daddy's girl is probably

running a South American country by now.

I feel sorry for South America

So what happens now? - Well, your

Mom will get a couple of years.

As for me, well, you're

looking at the new Budman of Alcatraz.

They offered you a deal, huh? - Their whole

thing was a giant lie. There's nothing real.

No There is

What?

We're a family, Quinn.

Four generations.

A fucking force of nature.

And now you're gonna GIVE US UP!

No, Dad I won't.

- Yes you are. Yes You are.

No I won't do it!

- YES YOU ARE!

I hope that you learned to

memorize at that school of yours

because this is the end my friend

HEY HEY BUD! ONE MORE THING!

Catch

DAD! DAD!

Please identify your father.

That's my father.

And is that your mom beside him?

Thank you, Quinn

Thank you for the

courage of your testimony

You're an extraordinary young

man to have lived through this.

Order, order please

Hey

You didn't take the stand

They didn't need it

I didn't need it

So what are you doing here?

Shouldn't you be in school?

I dropped out of criminology

So uhm, my days are kind

of open at the moment

Are you going to university?

Yeah Like I'd ever tell you

I wish I knew what parts were real

You were

You really dropped criminology?

So, you've been de-criminalized

#SOME TIME LATER#

How long before they're out?

- Mom six months.

Lawyer says Dad'll serve

five years if he's good. Big IF.

Hey well uh, by my model

you'll be in seven figures

by then Not a bad pension

Getting them to retire

will be a whole other ball game. Door?

Thunder-fuck.

- She's still a first generation.

Wait till you see her kids

Wood Sprites.

Wanna buy some cookies?

Open the door!

You fuckin' brown-noser!

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.

Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.