Grilled (2006) - full transcript

♪ Well, after you've gone,
I'll still be around ♪

♪ Well, after you've gone,
I'll still be around ♪

'Maury, listen. I got a kid.
I gotta write some business.'

'Why? It's not my fault.'

'You're talking after the close,
Dave. You panicked.'

'You quit on lots of sits where
there's a deal sitting there.'

- 'Bullshit. Who?'
- 'Long list.'

'Crocker, Sergeant Saigon
with the shrapnel in his head.'

'The man was
a writeable deal.'

'Davey, Jesus. What's with you
this morning? You gotta relax.'

You should let me stimulate
your third eye point.



It'll energize you.

Put that away, alright?
I'm not your guinea pig.

You need to get your license

before we discuss
you sticking pins in me.

Needles.
Haa Jing Xan!

Still need a license.

How do I look?

- 'Good.'
- 'God, I miss her.'

Just-just keep your mind
on the day. That's all.

'What?'

'Aw, come on.'

'Hurry!'

Dolly. Dolly,
it's Daddy.

Daddy.



Shh.

'Let's go.
We're late.'

- I love you.
- Me too.

Me too, what?

I love you.
What do you think?

'Honk! Do you know
what "honk" means?'

- The Korean couple.
- What?

She was a nurse.
There you gave up.

- Like you don't give a shit.
- I give plenty of shit.

I don't get my tuition
paid by Monday

'I gotta sit out
the whole semester.'

- Says who?
- The Acupuncture University.

University?
It's a school.

What the hell you think
a university is?

To me, it suggests
a big campus

sororities, high jinks,
trees, that sort of thing.

Yeah.

Yours is on Reseda in between
the T.J. Maxx and a Costco.

Yeah, where's your
university?

I don't need one, man.
It's all in here.

- Can't take this shit anymore.
- Hey, let it play.

This isn't working.

Don't take it personally, man,
but I gotta make a living.

You want to
go it alone?

You can't do shit without these.
Here, take 'em.

No, I don't need your bullshit
leads. Keep your fucking leads.

Keep the book too,
I don't need that.

All I need is a credit
app and a contract.

'I learned this business
door-to-door, my friend.'

Cold canvassing. All I need
is my shoes and my mouth.

Pull over.
Just drop me off, right here.

Good, fine.

What are you doing?

- This is here.
- Here means the corner.

You ever drop off
a human being on earth?

- 'Okay, great.'
- 'No, here's fine. Okay?'

I'm gonna write
some business.

- Where you gonna go?
- It's a big world.

'Yeah, don't eat it.'

Asshole.

- Asshole.
- You!

Hi, I'm Dave Langer,
with Valley Food Service.

If any of your
neighbors told you about us

but we're here,
and what I'm trying to do

is give away 10 free chickens

with the price of
just one of our meat plans.

'Sir, the one monthly
amount includes everything.'

Okay, no chicken for you.

Mr. Simmons, hi. Maurice Burns,
I'm from Valley Food Service.

Yeah, come on in.

'Where do you live?'

I don't really feel that,
Sherman Oaks

but I don't think that has
anything--

Here's what I'm gonna do,
I'm gonna come to your house

'knock-knock.
You wanna buy some of my crap?'

- Wanna buy some of my shit?
- That's okay.

Sorry for wasting your time.
I apologize.

Have a good day, sir.
Go fuck yourself.

Why don't you cut your grass?

I'll bet you hate
to shop, Mr. Simmons.

I sure do.

Well, now
you won't have to.

Madden.

See, that's the best
NFL coach ever, right there.

He's good in the booth but seven
AFC Western Division titles.

- That's the man.
- What are you talking about?

Madden, that's..
How do you know him?

That's my mom.

Hi. Can you
recognize my "hi"?

'Is this Maurice?'

Yes, yes, this is
still Maurice.

So what's my favorite
redhead doing tonight?

'I don't know, Maurice.
I've never had red hair.'

This is Carol?

'This is Carolyn,
and all my hairs are brown.'

Yes. Hi. Jeez, yeah.
No, I remember.

Yeah, we went
to the movie, right?

We watched it at your place.
How are you?

'Do you care? Or we could just
hang up the phone right now.'

- If that's what you'd like.
- 'I would, yes.'

Then-then let's do that.

Hi, darling.
How are you?

Dad, did you forget
my birthday?

Of course not.
Did you think I would?

I didn't know.

- I never would.
- You know what I want?

I think I do.
You wanna tell me again?

- A swing and a slide.
- A swing and a slide.

Yep. Here's Mommy.

Don't disappoint
her, Dave.

It's bad of her
to think of you as a loser.

She doesn't think that.

She needs you to be solid.
Do you have any solid left?

Renee, I'm doing
my best.

If you can, just get
her something nice.

That would be our top
of the line model.

It's 550 bucks.

Wood really necessary
in a swinging device?

It's superior
for the child.

This particular model
is priced way down.

It's the last one
we have left.

Probably the last time
you'll get it at this low price.

- You kidding me, man?
- Excuse me?

Trying to pull
that shit on me?

- I'm sorry, sir?
- That's your impending event?

- My impending event?
- Your impending event, Glenn.

Make it big, man.

Grab an issue.
Talk about deforestation.

Trees are being chopped down
all over the world.

You're not gonna find
wood of this caliber

on kids' recreational
equipment..

'Hey.'

Hey.

How'd you do?

I got nothing.

Yeah, nothing.

I'm sorry about before.

Nah, forget it.
Water, bridge, under.

Under.

Hey, hey, look.

'Look at that.'

- Yeah, cute. Take it easy.
- Aha.

'She's too happy for you.'

How is everything?

- I have two ice teas now.
- You must be thirsty.

Kristy,
do you see what I do

so we can spend
some time alone together?

And the dish ran away
with the spoon.

It's been so hard
being apart like this.

I think we should see each other
more. That's what I think.

I think you're nuts.

So, you wanna help me
steal a swing set?

Not before
we try these.

Alright. It's all there
in the application.

You'll get a free delivery
and a freezer and 10 filets.

Take it.

I don't understand
why we need all this meat.

I'm sorry.
We went over this.

Andy likes filets.
You likes the rib eye.

'This whole order is customized
for the Wilson family.'

Sally's been on this
health kick lately.

- It's not a kick.
- Program, honey.

She's been eating healthy
and she wants to keep it up.

Eating healthy means
meat in the middle.

You make the meat the hub.

Let your other foods
fill in around it.

We were made to eat meat,
originally by God.

Our system works better
when we give it

what it was meant to have.

Don't you think
it's healthy to have

what God meant
for you to have?

- I guess so.
- I guess so, too.

Take it
for Sally's health.

Honey?

'Okay, great. Good.'

'We'll back with the freezer
first thing in the morning.'

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Everything ♪

♪ Everything
Everything gonna be alright ♪

I think we turned it
around yesterday.

I think we did.

♪ Yeah ♪

- 'Victory smells good.'
- 'Tastes good.'

- Mr. Wilson?
- No. I'm sorry.

You can't bring that in here.
Please move your truck.

What? No, we're not
taking delivery of this.

'No, no. You taste victory.
You smell success.'

- Shit. Fuck.
- No. No! Come on.

We should've stayed for tea
when she asked.

No fucking way. Hold it.

Yeah. Yeah.
We-we're okay.

Just wait right there.
We're gonna be okay.

Andy, Sally,
you'll love it.

It's a beaut.

'We changed our mind.'

No, no. It's okay.
We see this all the time.

Absolutely, you know
it's-it's-it's common

to feel a little overwhelmed
on a new purchase.

Sure. Sure.

Change is good!
You know that.

Knock back
if you think change is good.

Come on, Andy, Sally.
We had an agreement.

You going through leads
like water.

It's time to give it a break.
You boys need a rest.

What are you,
a psychiatrist?

You could use
some time in Ensenada.

Both of you probably, apart.

- You're a social director?
- No, it means, we're fired.

Is that the expression,
"Go to Ensenada?"

It's a slump, Dick. Okay,
everybody goes through' em.

Dick can't acknowledge
a simple string of bad luck?

The word doesn't exist.

If you believe in luck,
you're a schmuck.

'You used to kill, Maury.
What happened?'

- Things change, Dick.
- 'Forget it, Maury.'

Dick, it's me, alright.

'Just tell my kid, I loved her.
I'm gonna find a ledge.'

Don't be so fucking dramatic.
I'll give you something.

These are the best
I have today.

'There's a deal in here.
God damn it, maybe two.'

'If you don't write
any business with these'

then we gotta
say goodbye.

'I need closers
who close.'

Now come on,
you guys are pros.

Don't press
for Christ's sake.

'Go eat a good breakfast,
have an extra Danish.'

Then go write
some business.

Stay cool, boys.
It's gonna be a scorcher.

♪ Early in the morning
I can't do right ♪

♪ Had little fight
with my baby last night ♪

♪ And it's early
in the morning ♪

♪ Don't you know
it's early in the morning? ♪

♪ Early in the morning ♪

♪ I ain't got nothing new.
Nothing but the blue ♪

He could be here.
Perfect prospect.

A leaf from God.
I'm ready for him.

See, when I think
of that guy

something happens,
something kicks in.

'I know. I know.
You get very excited.'

Nice, very nice.

- Very good.
- Thank you.

- Bye.
- Bye.

'She's a very fast learner.'

I-I started teaching her
about three years ago.

Now she gives me lessons.
But not piano.

I'll tell you something
with our program

'you'll save a sizable portion
of your music teacher salary.'

It's the right thing to do,
Leon. Take it.

It's very attractive I must say.
Let me think about it.

- Go ahead.
- He wants to think about it.

Leon.

'Beethoven, do you think
he thought to himself.'

"Hey, should I write"

'No, he wrote it.'

'And thank God he did.'

It's the right thing
to do, Leon. Take it.

If I'm not gonna
be a great composer

at least
I can eat well.

Next year,
I'm gonna be out of here.

Even if you and that pretty lady
decide to tie the knot.

'We just make
a few adjustments.'

You too. We talk about
that a lot.

I should marry her,
shouldn't I?

When I look at her, I can tell
she just wants to be your wife.

Fellas, it's a sweet deal

but I think I should...
run it by Karen.

'When she moves in here
my fridge will be her fridge.'

'So, why don't you just leave
your card and we'll discuss it''

Take it.

Hold the pen!
You don't talk.

- Yeah. The next move is his.
- He's only got one move.

- He takes the pen.
- Takes the pen. I know.

Why didn't you give me
a signal or something?

I don't care.
Give me the finger.

- I shushed you. I--
- You can't shush me.

I'm locked in,
I'm not gonna hear that.

Touch my leg. That's all.

Jesus, Davey.
I gotta finish this semester.

Then six months of clinical.
I'm a doctor.

I-I know.

My father would have known
that then, wow.

He'd still be dead
but with a different expression

on his face.

He'll know.

'I don't think he ever
thought of a me as a man.'

You know, my father.

'I talk to him and I tell him,
"Be patient."'

'It's not over for me.'

If it's not over for me

then in a strange way
it's not over for him.

I'm out there.
I'm looking.

What are you
looking for?

A sign, something.
That God sees me.

Shit.

Where's the
other lead card?

You have them.

What, Davey?

- What's going on, Davey?
- 'Stop the car.'

Find the card!
Find the card that you lost!

Look at all these wrappers!
Told you not to eat this shit.

Yeah, just me!
I'm the only one who eats.

- It's all you.
- Bullshit.

We pull up to drive through
I order you just stare, right?

- It's not a religion with me.
- You fucking eat!

It's not like a carnival ride
with me, alright.

Give me the last card,
before you lose this one.

- I'm sorry.
- This is it. This is it, Davey.

- This is the last one.
- I'm sorry, alright.

This is the last card.
We gotta focus now.

- Alright, take it in.
- Alright.

Feels good. We're good.
Are you good?

I'm good.

You son of a bitch!
I'll punch your asshole!

I'm good.

I'll punch
your asshole?

Got confused. I wanted
to say, "I'll punch you"

and "You're an asshole."

Yeah.

We'll figure it out
on the way.

♪ My life, my life,
my life, my life ♪

♪ In the sunshine ♪

♪ Everybody loves
the sunshine ♪

♪ Sunshine ♪

♪ Everybody loves
the sunshine ♪

♪ Sunshine ♪

♪ Folks get down
in the sunshine ♪

God, please.
Don't make me beg.

'Just a minute.'

Hi.

Hi, I'm Maurice Burns.

I'm from Valley food service
and this is Dave Langer.

He works for me.

Yes, you're here.
Come in.

'Here.'

I'm on the telephone. A friend
of mine is having boy problems.

But, sit,
I'll be right back.

Salesmen.

Holy shit.

Nice twigs.
Clean.

God in heaven.

Put your dick in a bag
and have the bag buried.

This is a deal.
I smell it.

And as a point of information,
it smells very good.

I'm ready.
I'm ready.

- Be ready, man.
- I'm right here.

Shut the fuck up.
She can hear you.

- Let's sell some meat.
- Shut up.

- I've seen beautiful women.
- Yeah.

- You'd need a pretty big bag.
- Shut the fuck up!

So, we can cut your
steaks a half-inch thick

three-quarters of an inch
or a full. Which do you prefer?

I like variety.

I'm gonna start
your package

with a 10 pound
box of free filets.

The best. It's just our way
of saying that you're special.

- Don't you think?
- Which freezer do you have?

- Well, just the one in the--
- Above the refrigerator?

It's okay. We can put
a unit in the house.

Really?
What's a unit?

Excuse me.

Okay.
This is going good.

Yeah. Smooth.
Just don't rush.

You know where to rush to, okay?
I'm just saying I'm fine.

Suzy is freaking.

I mean, she-she
can't find the goldfish

and something is flipping
in her stomach.

I'm sorry, but I told her
that I have a doctor over

that he's a friend and that's
you. Please come with me.

Tell her, that's okay.
That it's nothing.

Come. Come.

Suzy, sweetie,
here he is.

Hello.
Hi, this is..

...Dr. Kissinger.

Can I help you?
Yeah.

Well, you know what,
I-I see a lot of that.

And that's nothing
to worry about.

'The rule we go by
in medicine is'

if it's a critter of any heft,
you gotta go in after it.

but if it's a fish, you
just let it float downstream.

'You can,
if you'd like.'

Hey, everything okay?

Come with me.

Hi. Could you please turn that
big heavy bottle over, Maurice?

- 'While, I have you.'
- You got it.

See, my nails make
everything impossible.

You like bubbles?

I adore them.

That was so easy for you.
You're so strong.

You workout?

No, I'm a strong guy.
I don't know, why?

It's good genes.

Well, my mother
was a strong woman.

Mine too.

You know, we should
be talking business here.

Yeah. Yeah.
Dave said no flirting.

But I don't know.
I think, he meant just me.

I mean, you can flirt
all you want. Go ahead.

See if you can
get my attention.

Come, show me your meat.

Your partner seems to think
it's the best in the nation.

It's true.

When you're all better you'll go
shopping for a new fish.

Okay? Good.

Now, just put your head down
and be calm and resty rest.

Okay.
Bye-bye.

So, of course to pass along
the savings to you

we deliver to you
in quantity.

- You buy whole side of beef--
- Will you bring it to me?

Myself personally?

Could you do me a favor and
just check it without the slide?

Yeah.
The same model without.

Could you hold on
one second please?

Hello, Suzanne.

I thought you were supposed
to be resting.

Yes, I'm right here.
I'm still here.

Okay, what I want you do
is calm down, okay?

Close your eyes and remember
there are so many things

to dream about.

An example would be
anything you like.

You like melon.

I need your initial there.
That's alright.

Okay.

I-I don't think
that's a good idea.

You gotta calm-calm down,
Suzanne. Suzanne!

You didn't sign it. Did you?

You gotta talk to her. I think
she's trying to kill herself.

- Again?
- I'm sorry.

I'm really not a doctor.
You just gotta talk to her.

She was about to sign
the fucking check.

What am I supposed to do?
I'm not a doctor.

Jesus!
Shit!

Suzanna, no, no. I'll be there.
Don't lock the door.

Suzy, no!

Suzy cut her wrist.

She says, it's not for attention
but I know, it is.

I mean, I have to go
and help her.

- We can meet later, right?
- We can't.

We should take you.
We'll drive.

Okay, alright, let's go.
We'll finish with this later.

- No, no, no. I shouldn't.
- He used to race.

Okay. Okay.
Let's go.

Close her in the car.

We could finish up the
paperwork now if you wanted.

Yeah.

Suzy. She's like a friend that
I've had since I moved here.

You know, we've got in trouble
so many times together.

She taught me all
the bad words in English.

Like you know, like fuck me,
and piece of shit.

and "motherfucker"
and "asshole."

and "cocksucker"
and "blow me."

- That's pretty good.
- Yeah.

It's good.

♪ Little lovely lady ♪

♪ Strolling slowly ♪

♪ Towards the sun ♪

- Suzy! Suzy!
- Hey, you guys. False alarm.

Totally false alarm.
I'm doing much better.

You brought company.
Come in.

'I'm so embarrassed.
I've been yelling.'

Did you guys
hear me yelling?

'I can fly off the handle,
I admit.'

Wait, wait!
Look, you guys!

'Look, look. Watch.'

Check it out, watch.

Ta-da.

'I didn't even take
one class of nursing.'

I could totally
be a nurse.

Hey, amiga, let me see.
What did you do?

Loridonna,
I didn't even bleed.

It's like...nothing.

Are you guys here
to kill me?

Hey, no, Suzy, no.

That's the good doctor.

'My God.'

Kissinger,
you, you.

That's me.

You.

- You look weird.
- Okay.

Do you think,
I did the right thing?

- 'Hey, Suzy, please.'
- 'I don't know.'

I think you drank a lot.
Don't you?

- No. I just--
- Yes.

'I had like
just a little drink.'

I can't believe
you came.

You're such a good friend
and you brought, yeah, people.

'We're in the
middle of this thing.'

Let's just get
out of here.

No, she'll calm her down
and then we'll sign her.

'I can't. I can't.'

Just go in there and occupy her
and send Loridonna to me.

- No way. No.
- What, tell me, why?

- Because this is business.
- Well, I know this is business.

'The doctor.
She wants the doctor.'

She wants the doctor.
Just, Dave. We're good.

I'll be
in the kitchen.

I think your friend has
everything under control.

Yeah.

Dave is very good
under pressure.

Look what I found.

You know what?
Maybe we should finish up here.

Maybe we should
have a drink.

We should probably finish up
with the paperwork we have.

Are you a business before
pleasure kind of guy?

Well, there are
a whole group of people

who think that
that's the way to go.

It's like I feel like, there's
like like, peaks and valleys.

There's always--
But that's everybody, you know?

That's-that's and that's life,
and I think that's God's plan.

- Peaks and valleys.
- Peaks and valleys.

Which is...
which is the bad part?

- The peak or the valley?
- I would go with the valley.

Only because it's lower
than the peak and you just

you know, in a whole state
you feel that way.

'Yeah, like you're just like,
out there alone.'

- 'Right.'
- 'You know what I mean?'

You're so in control.

'I like that.'

Turns me on.

You're such..

...a man.

Well, that's all an act.

Make-believe a lot.

I used to make-believe
all the time.

Are you making-believe now?

Just, you know...
no girl is tough.

We cheat.

That's why
you always win.

We should wrap up
the food business.

Yeah.

Yeah, we should do that.

We should..

...just speed
through the paperwork.

- Don't you think?
- We will, we will.

- You're so right.
- See?

You're totally right.

- It's like, be more solid!
- Yes, yes.

Be more solid!

You have to want
to help yourself.

And I do!
I wanna help myself.

You can because there's
a good you right inside.

You just gotta
get the old you out.

How? How do I get
the old me out of me?

You've gotta be a bully with it.
You can be a bully here.

- Just kick it out!
- Slam it!

- Kick it outta you!
- Kick it!

- Yeah, yeah.
- Right out!

It's not literal. It's not--
It's not literal, okay?

- It's kinda--
- Which way?

- No, it's just inside.
- But which me am I?

You're the good you.
You're the strong you, okay?

Yeah..

Um, here.

- Here we go, this here..
- Okay.

...this is the old you.

- Fuck you!
- Alright.

Back off!

You fucker!

- You tried so hard to bury me.
- Right.

- To bury every--
- I'm stronger than you.

- Much stronger than her.
- Stronger than you'll ever be.

- I'm gonna check on Maury.
- And you're so full of..

Wait!

I'm-I'm not. It's okay.
I'm not going anywhere.

- I can't do this without you.
- It's okay, I'm right here.

Tony, you're home.

I'll be right back.

My god.

- What?
- You know, I'll move.

He knows we weren't
doing anything, right?

I mean, he..

Can you please fucking
put that on?

What are the chances of you
and me just taking a shot?

Maybe none.

None, none?
Why so low?

I don't want
to tell you yet.

Hey, look.
Look, look, look.

If you got something going on,
then I'll just get out of here.

No, no, no.
That's not it.

But don't worry about it
right now.

That's okay.
Hey, don't stop.

'I can't see,
I'm not gonna look.'

I'm fucking blind.

'Okay, that's a great tune.'

Well, I'll tell you.
I gotta look now. Who is here?

Hola, Tony.

Loridonna, Loridonna,
Loridonna, Loridonna, Loridonna.

'What an absolute honor!
Don't get up.'

'Whatever you do,
please, stay as you were.'

What's going on?

- He's bleeding, are you gonna--
- 'It's typical.'

He's got two, three guns
in his pocket.

'It's okay.'

He's been.. That guy's been
shot or something.

It's typical

'Hey, friend, you wanna
give me a hand?'

Who? Who, me?

- 'Yeah, you.'
- Me?

'Yeah, you.'

- Yeah.
- 'Come on in.'

Hey, what's up?

- Woah, that's..
- Take that, take this, this.

- Yeah.
- Put it on.

Might wanna have this
looked at, yeah.

I'm looking at it.

What happened to you,
get attacked?

Nah, it's a scratch.

It's the other guy
who did the dying.

- Yeah, I know what you mean.
- 'No, you don't.'

It's a nice place you got here.
It's very cool.

Yeah, it's a fun pad.

She's a fucking knockout,
that Loridonna.

Yeah.
Yeah, I guess.

It's hard to believe
she's a guy.

- What do you mean?
- I mean she was a guy.

You can't tell though,
am I right?

No way.

That's what I hear.

No fucking way.

'Loridonna?'

Did you used to be a guy?

'Go on, tell him.'

A long time ago.

The magic of life.
You two work it out.

Wow.

Okay, no matter what he says,
just stay calm.

- 'We didn't do anything. We--'
- He's full of shit.

We didn't do anything
so we're fine, we're safe.

- Hey, Suze.
- Hey, Tony.

'Hiya, hiya.'

- Hi.
- Hi.

How you doing?

- God! No!
- I got you fucking my girl.

- Swear to God, no!
- You fucking my girl?

- I did nothing!
- Flirting or fucking?

What was it?
Which one?

- Tony, don't!
- Swear to God, I didn't!

'Was he fucking you?
That what you were..'

- No.
- Don't. No, please.

It's okay,
I'm just kidding around.

'I'm just kidding around.'

That was funny.

- Who's this guy?
- It's Loridonna, okay?

Loridonna's friend.
She brought him over here.

- Sure.
- Yeah.

- A friend?
- Yeah.

'Sit like a friend.
Go, on sit.'

- What was he doing to you?
- 'Nothing.'

What are you doing with
my girl in my house here?

Nothing.
We're just talking.

- Palm reading?
- No.

She spends every
fucking dollar I give her

right here on the palm.

That's great.

Is that your buddy
back in there?

In my compound?
Playing with Loridonna?

Yes, Maurice,
my associate.

And we know her through..
I know her through Maurice.

- He's a good guy though.
- Yeah, he was fine with me.

Who's Boris?

Who? I-I don't know.- '.'

I'm asking the questions.

Boris paying you?

I don't know Boris.

If you think I do I've given
you the wrong impression.

Okay.

'Okay.'

Okay.
Ha ha ha.

So what do you do?

What's your line of work?
What do you do?

Well,
I'm a counselor.

But my real passion is beef,
prime beef.

What? Are you kidding?
You have two jobs?

That's like better than having
one job. That's so great.

Hey.
Bark, bark.

- Tony, not in public.
- Bark, bark.

- Come on. God!
- Bark.

- You're a cattle man?
- Yeah. Dave Langer, hi.

- Hey, Dave, how you doing?
- Nice to see you.

How many head you got?
Or is it all corporations now?

- Fucking corpy bastards.
- More and more it is.

But we're more involved
with the gourmet end.

For folks who like
the finer cuts of beef.

The-the real good
dry-aged stuff.

If you aged a veal, Dave,
is it still a veal?

'Cause it's like gotta
grow up sometime'

and then
what does it become?

'It's kind of like
child actors.'

You know how they never
grow up, they're always--

Shut up.

- 'What?
- Just shut up.

So, is your stuff
the really good stuff?

Cause the Japanese stuff
is really excellent.

You know how they keep
their beef soft?

Cause I read that they pound on
them with their fists.

He's gotta pound the cow.
They pound it. Pound the cow.

Right, that's Kobe beef.

So you're a steak man,
medium rare.

- Rare.
- Rare, yeah, yeah.

- You? Yeah.
- Me too, same.

You know, that's how I knew,
because I can, I am the same.

- Well, are you hungry?
- I am hungry.

- Want a drink?
- I would--

Shut up,
of course you do.

- You want a drink, honey?
- A drink.

You want the whole bottle?

Just a drink,
please.

Come on, escape the asylum.
Try not to knock anything over.

Dave, I'll see you later.

Shouldn't do it, shouldn't do
it, but I'm gonna do it.

I hate to cheat, Dave.
See these puppies?

They should marinate
for about another-another day.

It's best just before it rots.
Hold on to that, will you?

See that? Marbling.

You know what that does?
That's very, very desirable.

That's a meat man's
best friend right there.

Yeah, this is a lot
like our beef.

I'd like
to tell you something.

Out to the 'que.

I'd like to see a little bit
more marbling in them..

...myself. Now we can vary
the thickness for you.

Yeah?

We can cut an inch,
inch and a half.

Restaurant cut,
which ever you prefer.

Now, Mr. Goldbluth,
he'd love that.

'He know's his stuff.'

- Is he a connoisseur?
- He loves to eat.

He's got food flown in from
all over the world, that guy.

- He got caviar from Russia.
- Sure.

He got these little fucking figs
from like Iran.

He's got these special
cakes from Paris.

- You know, France?
- Yeah, right, that's great.

A lot of the taste depends on
'how good you can cook.

We can help you
with that too.

We can provide recipes and we'll
take you along step by step.

If you..

I'm gonna let that slide,
what you just said.

Just don't forget about it.

I give the barbecue
cooking lessons around here.

You supply the meat,
I'll do the cooking.

I like that
you liked me.

I miss what we had.

What we had?
What did we have?

Maurice?

Can I kiss you again?

No.

Tell me.

Um..

What?

What's there?

- You want to see?
- No, no, no.

Just tell me, tell me.
Wait a minute.

Wait a minute,
don't say anything weird.

But there's nothing weird.

'They just made one thing
into another thing.'

They just made my outie
into an innie.

Like a belly button.

- Better.
- Okay.

Okay, I could see
how that could be.

Yeah.

And...you're happy with that?

Ecstatic.

So it's okay.

- What?
- About the kiss.

♪ A good man out there
now, baby ♪

♪ Is so very hard to find ♪

♪ Need someone to love ♪

Whoa! Check out that color
there. What color is that?

That's light red.
It's-it's labeled as pink

but don't,
don't be afraid of it.

I don't see pink anywhere.
That's a light red?

- Exactly.
- That's a very nice color.

- Isn't it pretty?
- They call it light red?

It's called pink, but it looks
light red when you see it.

- Let's drink to light red.
- Absolutely.

Listen. You ever have a call
for fire arms?

You ever need anything
like that?

Automatic weapons,
Uzis, AK-47s, M-16s

all the way up to rocket
launchers, baby bombers

down the other side. We deliver
anywhere in the world.

No limit. High multiples.

What's your, position?

Sales.

- No kidding?
- No kidding.

I think I'm, set,
right now.

Maury, we need guns?

Not offhand, no.
No, not really.

I'm gonna show you
something.

- Not offhand?
- Yeah.

- Each to his own.
- Right right.

- Loridonna, Loridonna.
- Yeah, thank you for that.

- Thank you.
- Loridonna.

- He's a killer and she's a guy.
- It's okay.

I'm through.
I quit.

Stop it.
Let's just close this.

Let me show you
a little smoking technique.

Let her ride.

'Called a little
smoking special technique.'

Goldbluth showed it to me.
Slam it down, slam it up.

That's great.

- That's a good move.
- That's super.

- Close what?
- Two boxes. Go get the book.

That is one gourmet technique
right there.

Are you...I don't like this guy.
Nothing is right here.

Let me tell you something.
He's solid. Now get the book.

Pull yourself together.

That's sweet.

You're giving me
the lessons now, look at this.

'Just gonna need some
information. From me to you.'

'Do you know that one time'

'he made me sit and watch this
educational film on taxidermy'

and then he asked me,
"How much do you think it costs"

'to clean and stuff
a 115 pound ape?'

'And I'm like, "What?!
That's how much I weigh."

'My God, no.'

'Should I get that?'

Si?

- Hey.
- Hello.

Shh, shh, shh.

'No noise.'

'Don't you fucking speak.'

Here we go, alright.

We're all filled out.

Okay,
everything looks great.

We're just gonna need you,
if you would.

Just, okay, right here.

Yeah.

- 'Oops.'
- 'Shit.'

- 'Well, that's okay.'
- Right there?

Yeah, that's fine. Just
press down harder right there.

- Harder than that?
- It should write.

- It's not working, I'm sorry.
- That's okay.

I'm sorry. I'm just
gonna get a paper towel.

God!

'Jesus! Son of a bitch!'

'How are you, Tony?
You're pain in the ass.'

'Fucking God!'

Okay, okay.
Go to Goldbluth.

Just go to him, okay?
All those fucking busted parts

those 1500 AK-47s,
he knows all about it.

- He's next. Don't worry
- Go to him, go to him.

'Cause he knows
all this shit, man.

I think it's better
to kill you.

God! God damn it!

- 'You mentioned that!'
- 'What a fucking day!'

You gotta go to him. Go to him.
He knows all about it.

No, it's gonna happen while
you're still warm. Don't worry.

But first,
this is from Boris.

Potty mouth.

God! No!

- Just relax. Relax!
- Hey! Hey, hey, hey!

'What did you do?'

'Relax. You know
what this is.'

- 'This is this.'
- 'You didn't do it.'

Everything's taken care of.
It's done.

- My God!
- 'Relax. Just relax.'

- 'You're a murderer.'
- We're professionals, lady.

- Everything is taken care of.
- A professional?

- What, are you kidding?
- 'Excuse me?'

'You were supposed to show up
at 12:00 outside'

'not in my house,
you asshole.'

Be nice.
Don't get nuts in here.

'It wasn't supposed
to go like this!'

- Suzy, what did you do?
- He's dead?

'Don't act like you don't know''

- 'I can't believe he's dead.'
- Right.

- 'You can't believe it?'
- What did you do?

- 'Don't be so dramatic.'
- No, por favor.

Lady, be quiet!

- Don't move, don't move.
- What the fuck!

- 'Put the gun down. Drop it!'
- 'Who is he?'

I'm serious. Tell him to put
the gun down. Put it down!

- Who the fuck are you?!
- Put the gun down!

'Fuck you! Who are you?'

'Don't move.
Tell him to drop it.'

- Just relax.
- No! Put it down.

'Tell him to put
the gun down.'

'Please. I don't wanna do this.
Put it down.'

- 'Put the gun down.'
- 'No. Drop it. Drop the gun.'

- 'Just take it fucking easy.'
- I'm counting to two.

No, no, no, don't count.
Don't start counting.

One.

You too. Hand me the gun
nice and slow.

Okay, Who's this?
Who are you?

You guys are gonna die,
you know that, right?

So enjoy your moment.

You shut the fuck up!

Jesus Christ.

What did you say,
you fat motherfucker.

Okay, alright.
Alright, Dave!

Let's call the cops.
Call the cops!

Good. Call the cops. You could
become witnesses against us.

'You can spend the rest of your
life living in a hovel.'

That's good, go ahead.
Go ahead, Charo. 9-1-1.

Something smells good.
Do you smell that?

'It's good. What is that?'

'I don't know, man,
but I'm hungry as all hell.'

- It's like beef or something.
- Phone down.

'Go sit down.'

- Maury, come here. Come here!
- 'What?'

- Get the fuck over here.
- 'What?'

I'm right here,
I'm right over here.

I see a hole.

- Are you insane?
- You saw it.

- I saw you see it.
- I don't wanna die.

You got something else? Because
I've got nothing. Come on.

You guys like meat?

You mean to eat?

Talking about the best
money can buy.

This is
the gourmet stuff.

'Here's how I wanna do things.'

I think you guys
are good guys.

Regular guys.

- With a job to do.
- With a job to do.

Not only do we not have
anything against you, frankly

'I gotta tell you,
we admire your..'

Professionalism.

So, so they knocked off Tony,
so what?

Tony, he was a prick.

I knew him for 20 minutes
and he was annoying me.

'He's very disrespectful.'

If I had any balls,
I would've shot him myself.

The only thing we owe to you
for that is gratitude.

Big time.
Thank you both.

You're welcome.

Appreciate it.

Alright. Well, how are we
gonna do this, then?

I don't know.

- I was thinking that--
- No, please.

- Shut your cakehole, please.
- Christ.

Just keep quiet.

Do you guys...
have any reason to kill us?

We got any reason?
No, I don't, no.

We got no reason
to kill you.

That's nice.

I mean, we have something
in common, right?

'Right.'

I'm Maurice.

My name is Bobby.

Bobby? Good.

- Bobby, this is Dave.
- 'How you doing, man?'

- Nice to see you.
- And Dave..

- I didn't..
- Irv. Irving.

- Irving.
- Yes.

It's unbelievable.
His father's name's Irving.

- No shit.
- He passed away recently.

I miss hearing his name.
Thank you for keeping it alive.

Sure.

And, you know,
my wife, my ex-wife

she lives on
Irving Boulevard.

She got the house.
It's a small world.

It is, how it all ties in.

We're all,
we're all in it.

I got a great respect
for you, Bobby.

I would like...very much just
to give you your gun back.

Well, Maurice, I would
very much like that...too.

Would you pledge to me

'man to man'

that we can just sit down
and eat together as friends?

We'll show you how
you can eat like kings

and then we'll all go
our separate ways.

Yeah, I think
we could do that.

- Yeah, I don't see..
- Is that a promise?

- Absolutely.
- Yeah.

A pledge...of honor?

Honor is very important.

Sinatra said that
it's everything.

It's everything
a man's worth, honor.

I think the honor system,
when instilled correctly

is...a good system.

So...let's do it that way,
strictly with honor.

Thank you for doing this.
You're a good pro.

Appreciate it.

Sorry about the fat thing.

Just going through
a lotta shit right now.

Yeah, it's-it's okay.

Well, you wanna eat?
Can we eat?

Coming right up.

Wait. Hold on,
just for one second.

Just please be quiet
for one second. Hey.

'Is it done?'

'Yep.'

- 'How's Suzy? Okay?'
- She's fine.

- 'Put her on.'
- Wants to know if you're okay.

Hi, honey, I'm great.

I told you it was
gonna be easy.

'Do what the guys
tell you to do.'

'Because if you don't stay
healthy, they don't get paid.'

- 'Now, I'll see you later.'
- Okay.

Tell him
how you fucked up.

Tell him about
Maury and the doctor.

- Hello?
- 'Are you bullshitting me?'

- No, it's-it's fine.
- Who's Maury and the doctor?

It's just two guys
that came out of the woodwork.

'Everything is under control.'

- Yeah, well, get rid of them.
- I can't do that now, Boris.

- 'Why not?'
- I made a promise.

I don't care. I don't want any
loose ends here. Understand?

Okay, everything
is under control.

You're not done.
I need you here.

'Goldbluth's having
the party for his kid.'

He's open, he's exposed,
it's getting late.

'Clean yourself up
and get over here.'

- What do you mean "clean?"
- Put on a tie. It's a party.

Okay, it's just my...Boris.

He said that
we gotta take 'em out.

- No! Stop!
- We gotta take them out!

- Come on, no! Come on, man!
- We went through this.

- Be quiet. Shut up.
- We got a promise together.

We're not doing it now.

We're gonna work out a deal.
Shut up.

- Hey, we have a thing.
- No, we don't.

Every time I break a deal
my life gets better

so sit the fuck down.

And shut up. Big mouth.

We'll just walk away.
You'll never see us again.

- Let us go right now.
- Okay, works for me.

- We're not gonna say anything.
- Your mother's name is what?

That sucks.

'Suzanne,
go to Loridonna's house.'

Yeah, I am.

Because you and Tony
had a fight.

- Like an alibi.
- That's right.

One, you and Tony
had a fight.

'Two, you were at
Lori's house all day.'

And three, you have no idea
where Tony is.

- It's one, two, three.
- Button my shoe.

Jesus.

Suzy, where's Tony?

I don't know.

What are you gonna
do with these guys?

Don't worry about them.
They're not going anywhere.

- 'Do you think they're gone?'
- 'I don't hear anything.'

'Alright, let's try. Move over''

'Tuck! Tuck in!
Tuck in!'

- 'That's all I got.'
- 'Tuck in! Tuck in!'

- 'Alright.'
- Kick that son of a bitch.

- 'Kick out.'
- 'It's out! It's out.'

- Go, just go.
- Alright, push me.

Push. Alright, I'm out.

Come on, gimme your hands.
I'll pull you out.

Ready, one, two..

Fuck! This ain't
happening, man.

- Go back in. I'll come around.
- Fuck me.

I'm... I'm stuck
in both directions. Stuck.

Alright, hold on.
I'll go around.

Just relax, relax.

- Get me out.
- 'I know. Shut up.'

- 'Maury, I don't like this.'
- I know, I know.

'What are you doing?'

I think
I threw up a little.

'I'm comin' around.'

'Maury, you can't
leave me in here! Maury!'

Aw, shit, I gotta find
something. I'll be right back.

- 'Get me out first.'
- I'll be right back.

'Maury, don't leave me alone.'

'I feel alone, Maury.
Am I?'

'Mr. Goldbluth has given us
a beautiful celebration.'

'With a bounty of food,
that is, as always'

an exquisite experience.

And I say, on the occasion
of Jerry becoming a man.

Thank you, Cookie Goldbluth.

Thank you for your generosity,
your hospitality

'and your good taste.'

You said that exactly
the way I told you to.

Well...now let us give
thanks to God.

'Who brought us all
together today.'

'As a boy becomes a man,
in his eyes.'

'And a son becomes a man
in the eyes of his father.'

'It's been said that
a boy becomes a man'

'when a man is needed.'

'But when is he needed?'

'During our service
this morning'

'Jerry read about a people'

who, fleeing a mighty army

'were faced with the prospect
of climbing'

'an impossible mountain.'

And God spoke.

And he said

"Make an alliance with me.

To climb this mountain
half way."

When those who survived
made it as far as they could.

'The hand of God reached down
from the heavens'

'and lifted them to the top.'

Yeah!

I saw him, Dave.
He was very beautiful.

Yeah? Who'd that be?

Goldbluth.
Perfect prospect, our guy.

Let's get the fuck
outta here, man.

We had enough fun
for one day, don't you think?

People in there
wanna kill us.

And him, they're puttin' a hit
on Goldbluth. Come on, let's go.

Ma-Maury, stop, okay?

There's psychotic
motherfuckers in there

trying to end our lives.
Be happy you're not dead.

Something brought us
to this moment.

To Goldbluth.
It's so clear, Davey.

Today was no accident.
Everything led us here.

This idea we have,
of the perfect prospect.

We made it up.
It's a fantasy.

Yeah, but I now know
what we were talking about.

It's like we were saying,
if somebody is up there

then He should create a guy
like this for us. And He did.

Everybody's always saying
they think they saw God.

"It's like I saw God."

But there's
a big difference from that

when you really see him.

What did you see?

I told you.

Let's go.

Wow,
he is beautiful.

'Look..'

Leon. What the hell's
he doin' here?'

Brought, like us.

Shit, come on.
Let's go around.

'Bobby, what year
is the Caddie?'

'What is it, Irv?'

It's an '89.

- '89, hope it's a big boy.'
- Yeah.

Yeah, it's a nice car.
Whoa. Excuse me.

You know, I don't work
for free, Boris.

This isn't my hobby,
you know what I mean?

If you want people walking
around saying "Boris this"

and "Boris that", you know,
you gotta make an offer.

- For money.
- Hey, hey, hey.

We'll take both these
cocksuckers out, Frankie.

Just relax and let me
work out the details?

We're gonna do 2 for 1.

Yeah, I'll decide
what they're worth.

Alright, alright, alright.

- 'What did you do?'
- 'I didn't do anything!'

You're supposed
to be taped.

- You saw me tape them up.
- I told you guys...

'No messy,
now find these assholes.'

Then you come back
for Goldbluth. I'm at the bar.

How come every time someone's
fucking up it's my fault?

Alright, we gotta talk fast.
You gotta close hard.

Fast and hard.

Hey, how ya doin'?

- Leon!
- Hey!

You guys! Hey, look,
who is that? You remember?

That your lovely
lady friend, Karen.

Used to be. Now, she is
my lovely fiancee, Karen.

- 'Hey, good for you.'
- Congratulations.

'No, next dance,
honey, next one.'

Are you a friend
of the Goldbluths?

I'm Jerry's
piano teacher, you?

We have a common friend
who wants us

to expose Mr. Goldbluth
to our high end.

Yeah, there's the man you should
talk to about fine foods.

Come on,
I'll introduce you.

These guys, for a living,
they're meat salesmen?

Yeah.

They knock
on peoples door and say

"Do you wanna
buy a fuckin' cheeseburger?"

That's a living?
That's a life?

Mr. Goldbluth, listen, I-I want
you to meet some people, here.

Gentlemen.
This is, Dave and--

- Maury, Maury.
- Maury. Dave and Maury.

- Hi.
- How are you? Beautiful party.

Tony said you have a great
appreciation for good tastes.

- He said we should connect.
- Yeah, where is Tony?

He'll be here.
He speaks very highly of you.

Said you taught him everything
he knew about barbecue.

Yeah, well.
What the hell does he know?

See ya.

No, really, he says you're
a real magician, you know?

We supply gourmet clients with
the finest beef in the world.

We think you
should have the best.

- Ha-ha. Is that right?
- Mr. Goldbluth, sir?

Yeah?

I already got the best.
You see, I get it from Omaha.

So you guys have
a good time, anyway, okay?

Hey, champ.

Gentlemen.

♪ The time has come ♪

♪ Turn down the light ♪

'You guys are almost
the same age.'

'Cindy, meet my son, Jerry.'

Hey, Jerry,
nice to meet you.

What the hell's
going on here?

Could you excuse us
real quick?

Dad, come here.

'Do you think I'm ready?'

Ha ha. Are you kiddin'?
You're gonna love it.

Jesus.

When I was you age I would've
given my right arm for this

set up like this.
My first time, I was ten.

I mean, you're like
old already.

Alright, look, you wait here
I'm gonna check the front.

'They'll kill him
when they get back.'

We gotta sell him now,
bring them in.

Harold, what is go--
What is going on? Where's Jerry?

- In the car.
- In the ca..

Faye, Faye, Faye, come here.
What's the matter with you?

The girl does parties,
you know, graduations

birthday parties?

'Harry.'

Wish I had a camera.

This could like
a happiness poster.

The one they-they sell
in the gift shops.

Thanks. You hear that?
It's obvious.

I'm getting
rid of that girl.

Let him just have a hand job.
Just...one time?

One time..

There, see.

Have another drink.

Who is tha..

Wow, you really keep her
off balance

keeps the flame alive,
Mr. Goldbluth?

Cookie.
Call me Cookie.

Let me ask you something,
when you do your grilling

you like your steaks cut an inch
or an inch and a half thick?

What, are you putting me on?
Two inches.

'These guys are gone,
they're long gone.'

You know what? I'm done.
I wanna go get Goldbluth.

And we'll call it
a night.

I'm talking about the best.

40 day, dry aged,
prime Kobe-Angus hybrid.

Superior animals.

- The best?
- On Earth...on Mars, I dunno.

I've never eaten there.
Hey, Maury.

But anything, say, within two,
three million miles

'of Sherman Oaks,
this is five star stuff.'

- 'Get the book.'
- What's the book?

'The one monthly amount
includes everything'

the filets, the T-bone,
the New York cuts

the London broil
and the magnificent rib eye.

All at a fraction of the price
you're spending now

flying in who knows what
from Omaha.

- Excuse me?
- Let me show you something.

I don't wanna get
into he-said-she-said

but this steer had problems
late in life.

In all probability.

Are you saying this is bad meat?
This is prime beef.

This is choice
labeled as prime.

We see this all the time.
No attention to quality.

Mr. Goldbluth...we can take you
to the top of the beef world.

The highest altitude
in gourmet dining.

Meat so soft, people don't
even bother to use their teeth.

The meat just seems to melt

as it makes contact
with your mouth.

Yeah.
You hear that?

You don't even have
to chew it.

I like it.

It was packed
full of meat like that.

It looked
like a giant gift basket.

Make a-a nice gift
for the uncles.

- That's a lovely gesture.
- Yeah..

You know what?

I'm strangely attracted
to the misty yellow color.

There's nothing
strange about that.

'Open the door!'

- Another door.
- Again, you motherfucker.

Fuck you, I ain't
doing that again.

'Let's go around this way.'

Seven freezers,
seven uncles.

I'm just gonna need to get
a little credit information

nothing to worry about.

- Boris.
- Nothing?

- How screwed are we now?
- Just a little bit.

But we've got everything under
control, we chased them inside.

- They're hiding in the kitchen.
- Good.

Now find Goldbluth
and get him in there too

because this is gonna be a
goodbye package.

We'll just bang
him with the other two.

'Two red, two blue
and...right now.'

Yeah, you know what? I'm gonna
need you to sign right here.

- Here, here and here.
- That's a lotta places.

Take it.

This is the best, right?

See, it's a matter
of personal preference.

- Davey!
- There's only one best.

'That's what always pissed me
off about "the best."

'I mean what is best?'

Is it best for me
or is it what's best for you?

You guys lied.

- You swore on Sinatra.
- Hey.

'Go! Get him!
Go, go, go!'

'Watch out.'

'Move! Move! Go!'

God damn it!

'Tear this
fucking door down.'

It's preference.
It's selling. It's selling.

'And knowing what to buy,
who to buy it from.'

For all I know,
you two guys could be shysters

who are trying to scam
the wrong motherfucker.

But you seem okay.

♪ h-h, yeah ♪

♪ h-h, yeah ♪

Mr. Goldbluth.

There's people in that party
that want to kill you.

There's a reason
why Tony isn't here.

Talk fast.

- Get outta here.
- We're movin' out.

- Come on, Mr. Goldbluth.
- Come on, move it, move it.

- Ralph.
- Yeah, boss.

- 21 grand.
- You got it.

Alright, fellas.

For your gifts.

Mr. Goldbluth..

...it was your friend,
Tony's.

I'll be expecting some freezers
in the next 10 days.

They're on their way.

Yeah, I want that joint cleaned
up like it never happened.

Never happened.

Dad!

Dad, you okay?

I'm always okay.
We were just celebrating.

'Dick.'

You look tired,
how you doing?

Jesus, by now I was expecting
a postcard from Ensenada.

- You get anything?
- We got anything?

I don't know,
let's check.

These count?

You know, why don't you
get Dick's opinion?

'Three, what do you
think of that?'

Before you answer,
how about four?

Of course, five is a number that
everybody is comfortable with.

Probably the hand,
somethin' to do with that.

- You wrote five?
- No.

Six. Of course if
I told you six, I'd be lying.

- 'Cause he's forgetting seven.
- Seven.

What the hell is this?

Seven. We wrote
some paper...seven.

You want me to spike
seven boxes?

No, no, on this one be leisurely
'cause this is gold.

We got cash.
21 grand.

'Minus our commission.'

What is this? There you
go. Come on, honey, jump on.

'Mom, look what
Daddy got me.'

- That's it, honey.
- Come on, come on. Ready?

- Yes, I am.
- We're gonna go up high.

Ain't she beautiful?

'Maury, don't burn my chicken.'

You're burning the chicken,
you idiot.

Here's what we do...
some of this.